1801 – Climbing Life’s Mountains with Eric Recker

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0:58with us right now it is dentist coach speaker author and recovering triathlete it's eric recker eric you are the owner of win the now you are found on the web at eric recker.com eric thank you so much for joining us josh thanks for having me it's great to be here yes absolutely well i I mean, that's quite a bill of goods you got there. Maybe I'll let you describe your impact in the world today. Yeah, so I can give the short version. It'll take about three hours. So I'll go ahead and just hop right into that. Everybody will want to still listen that long. But all right, buckle up, buckle up. Exactly.

1:35You know, so basically long story of growing up with some bullying that happened and wasn't allowed to play recess kickball of all things in the early 80s in Iowa. Recess kickball was life. And so when you're told that you're not good enough to play, you start to make some deals with yourselves. You either believe that you're that bad or you do what I did. And I made a pact as a second grader on the sidelines of that field. I said, I'm going to be so freaking good at everything that I ever do that nobody's ever not going to pick me. So basically what that led to is a life of overcompensating. So I had to be the best at everything I did.

2:17I had to be the best in high school. I had to be the best in college. I had to be the best in dental school. I had to be the best dentist and get advanced degrees. I started dabbling in and running. And then I went all the way through marathon. That wasn't good enough. Triathlon all the way through Ironman. That wasn't good enough. Mountain climbing, all of that stuff. until I finally realized through three serious rounds of burnout that I was chasing the approval of these bullies from the playground. And I suspect that I'm not the only one who has a story somewhat along those lines. I'm like, look at what the listeners didn't see.

2:59I looked over both of my shoulders immediately when you said that. We are birds of a feather, my friend. Yeah. And so it's okay if you're in the back of the room right now, it's okay to raise your hand and say, oh, dang, that's maybe what I've been doing. And so the burnout and all of that going through that, what I realized is, hey, I've been on this journey for a reason, and I want to help other people on their journey. So that's where I'm at right now. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I got to ask you, because, you know, I think that that's, I think something that a lot of us, not all of us, but a lot of us maybe struggle with is, you know, because maybe we're high, you know, we're driven people.

3:42And for some reason, that's a good thing to be driven. But when we look at it, you know, to what end? What are we trying to accomplish here? Or are we trying to prove something? Are we trying to be liked by everybody? Can you maybe talk a little bit more about kind of that dynamic of, you know, whether it's approval seeking, or, you know, we just want to show off those bullies from second grade. What's going on in our brain there? And what can we do to disrupt that? Yeah. So we have a world that rewards achievement like crazy. We're told to push, push, push, keep going, the next promotion, the next step up, the next accomplishment, all of that kind of stuff.

4:25And I found out on the top of a mountain in Colorado, on top of Mount Princeton, I was hiking out there. I was going to do a big bike race in a few days. And so why not climb a 14 or before you do that, right? So I was standing out there surveying creation, looking at it, just being overwhelmed by it. And it was yet another mountain. And I got to the top of that mountain. I was already thinking about the next one. So the thought that really hit me is if we don't know why we're climbing the mountain, we're not going to find the answer at the top. And there I was at the top searching for that answer that I still couldn't find.

5:02So the bike race I was going to do in a couple of days was the Leadville 100 mountain bike race. So that's a hundred miles all above 9 ,300 feet. And so I knew then that that race was going to go great. It was going to go really well. I was going to cross the finish line. I was going to be totally fine, but I also knew it wasn't going to mean anything because I didn't know why I was doing all this. I was just doing it because I felt I needed to keep doing it. I would never celebrate the finish line. I would just keep going, keep going, keep going and pushing. And I had to figure out how to find some fulfillment in some of this or else I was going to die chasing this thing that I was never going to find.

5:43Wow. All right. So how do we get to a place where we no longer have to keep chasing that? Yeah. So one of the things I love to talk about is what I call win the now. So that is the mindset of presence. So in all of this, I found myself like maybe you have before, Josh, either stuck in the past. So I'm just living my life in the past or I'm worried about the future. And part of my worry about the future was worrying about training for the next event because I'd get done with one. I'd sign up for the next one. I'd get done with a class or an advanced degree, what's next, what's next, what's next.

6:23And I missed out on the one thing that we're guaranteed. And that is what's right in front of us. So what win the now says is how do we get ourselves into the present moment? How do we actually live this life that's right in front of us? And so first we define what now looks like. So for us in this time that we're talking together now looks like an amazing conversation for us. It looks like tremendous value being added for anyone who's listening. I would like to think we're gonna provide some hope for people who are discouraged. So that's what a win looks like in this now. I have a few other meetings the rest of the day.

7:04I suspect you do too, Josh. People probably do. But when you're off to those next meetings, just thinking in your mind during this timeframe, During this now, what does a win look like? And how can we chase after those wins? And guess what? We're also going to lose in some of the now moments of our lives. But instead of letting this drag us down like it used to always do with me, I would come home at the end of the day. My wife would say, how was your day? I'd say, well, this happened. So I reduced the whole day to one thing that happened. So now I try to look at those losses instead of bringing them home and telling my wife That's why my day was terrible.

7:43Instead, looking at it, what did I learn from that loss? And once I learned something from that loss, guess what? It's not a loss anymore. It may still sting, but I learned something. So now it's a win. And so I look at my life completely different. So I do, I talk about things like find a recentering phrase. When you feel yourself stuck in the past, worried about the future, I sometimes just have to say to myself, I am here, right here, right now. Sometimes I have to say that a lot, but it's all about bringing ourselves back to the current moment so we can live in the now. Yeah, I wonder, too, if there is someone listening who maybe does this thing where you replay old conversations, you kind of rehearse future conversations.

8:31So in that sense, like we're focused on the past. We're nervous or worried or anxious about the future. And any thoughts on that? Oh, yeah. So my wife is one of those people. And she will wake up in the middle of the night with the shoulds. Right. I should have said this. I should not have said that. All of those kinds of things. So I and we're trying to work through that. It's a tough thing because I think a lot of people do that. But I think the more when those things happen, instead of being bogged down by the shoulds, instead we say, OK, what can I learn from that? If I don't like how I handle that, What can I learn from it?

9:14So when I'm in that situation again, how can I handle it differently instead of just mourning that and letting it be like an anchor that drags behind you? Your book is, I've got it pulled up right here. I'm going to snag the Kindle book right now. It's called The False Sense of Urgency and How to Hashtag Win the Now. Who needs to be reading this book aside from Josh? So only people who have ever struggled with being worried about the pastor, stuck in the past or worried about the future. So only those people. Oh, okay. All right. Good. With the false sense of urgency, which the false sense of urgency, it's a background app that runs constantly in the back of our head.

9:57That app that says, you know, we have apps that run in the background on our phone that we'd love to get shut off. This one runs in the back of our brain, typically the brains of high achievers. A lot of the people who are listening to this podcast and it says on repeat, you're not good enough. You didn't do enough. You can't sit still. This moment has to be productive. And it badgers you with all those types of things. So in COVID, the false sense of urgency told me, you have to listen to every webinar. You can't rest. You have to keep going. You have to be ready because when your office opens back up, you got to be ready to go 100 miles an hour.

10:37And so I really struggled with that, but I was able to name it. And by naming it, I was able to take some steps to kind of push it back or silence it temporarily. You can't delete that app. I really wish you could, but there are some things we can do to manage it. Yeah. I know for me, one of the biggest, you know, one of the most helpful things that has been a good coping skill for me is, you know, if there's something that, you know, especially if it pops into my brain more than a couple of times. What I've learned is that the act of writing that down. So I opened up a note app, right? And I just like, okay, listen, on this topic, my brain keeps wanting to think about this.

11:18And so when I note it and I note everything about that concern or topic or what I'm going to need to say or whatever, but I note it fully, then if it does come up again in my brain, that's great. I already got that. I already got it done. There's nothing more I need to think about around that topic. That has been really valuable for me. Yeah. And that is huge. I think it's really dangerous. The more thoughts that we let play around in our head, the more it's just a jumbled mess. We lose processing power when we have too many things bouncing around in our head. The act of writing it on paper or getting it in a note app so it doesn't have to run around in our head.

12:03And then if it keeps coming up, guess what? Deal with it. Do something about it. Write everything you can about it. Take 10 minutes and say, okay, what's going on with this? Let's dive into this a little bit deeper. But once you get it out of your head, just like you did, Josh, you can revisit it at a time when it's more convenient. So I love that. That's a great strategy. I've heard of another strategy too that I've implemented. It's called worry time, right? So if you've got, you know that like you've got some things that you're concerned with or upset about, you just say, you know what? From 3.30 to 4 today, that is my worry time.

12:40And I'm going to take that 30 minutes and I'm just going to put all my notes. I'm going to worry. I'm going to spend 30 minutes doing nothing but worrying solid. But in the moment right now, yeah, yeah, I already have it scheduled. I'm going to get to that. Don't worry. I got, don't worry, brain. We got plenty of time set aside. You could do all the worrying you want. And it's kind of funny as a little psychological trick, but that is also, and then usually when I get to that three 30 to four, I'm like, I usually kind of get done with everything I need to think about or write down or whatever.

13:10It doesn't take a whole lot of time, but it's, that's also been kind of, if the brain, cause I think, you know, the way that our brains operating, right? It's kind of a protection mechanism. It is for sure. You're exactly right. And I love that thought about the worry time. I've also heard it called a brain dump. So you take a time and you just write down every single thing that's in your mind, everything. And then you pick three things that are the most important of that list that you've written down. And then you devise a plan to go after those three things. And I just think some of those things that we can do to make our brain less cluttered.

13:46We know the data on organization of our desk and our office and all of those kinds of things, but it's the same about our brain. The more crap that gets to run around in there, the more cluttered our brain is and the less functional it is. So I love those strategies. Eric, how do people work with you? What does that look like? Yeah. So I like to work with people who are in a similar boat that I have been in. So they're high achievers. They're maybe trying to, maybe they've been climbing the mountain most of their career and they're not sure what mountain they're climbing. Not sure where they're supposed to get to.

14:21They're not sure what their enough is. Where is it where I get to find contentment in all of this? So what we do is we work together to try to figure out a road where you can live in the present and where you can feel good about your plan so that you can put the pedal down and go and find some fulfillment in it. So that's one of the things that I do working with people on my coaching. The other thing I love to do is do workshops for leaders. I'm leading a retreat to Park City, Utah, coming up in a couple months with some business owners. And we're just going to take two and a half days and we're going to get very real about what's going on in life, how we can find some work-life balance, how we can work on our inflow and outflow of energy, and how we can have a plan going forward for sustainability.

15:09So those are a couple of things that I love to do with people. I'm in the business of hope. I want people who work with me to walk away with hope and a plan that there's going to be good days ahead. Yeah. Your website is ericrecker.com. That's E-R-I-C. Rekker is R-E-C-K-E-R. To our friend that's listening to the podcast app right now, just click on the little show notes, click around, find where we've got the summary for this episode. Got a direct link, Eric, to your website. We've mentioned the book. I've already got it. It's on my Kindle right now. I'm going to read it. My Kindle app, I should say.

15:45I'm really looking forward to it because this is a topic that I've been thinking a lot because, again, what we want to avoid is burnout. And that is an inevitable conclusion to living in the kind of worry that we're talking about, right? It is. It is. And so that's one thing that I have offered on my website that's free to listeners. So it's called a five-day knockback burnout challenge. Because the statistics say 70 % of us have struggled with burnout. I suspect the other 30 % might be lying. Lying, right. Or they're not going to get off the couch enough to the point where they ever would get burned out.

16:24So what this is, is it's just a way to dive into it a little bit. No obligation. It's a series of emails with some things that you can do to help push back the hold that burnout might have on your life. So, and if you get through that, find some value in it. I'd love to have a conversation, but it's a thing that I want to offer to people because I would have loved to have something like that years ago before burnout got to the point of just palpitations, chest pain, panic attacks, all that kind of stuff. I just don't want other people to go through that. Yeah, right. Well, listen, I got opted.

17:02You got at least one because I'm opted in on that as well. Eric, listen, this has been a really, really great conversation. Again, your website, ericrecker.com. Click on where it says coaching and under there, that's where you'll find the five-day knockback burnout challenge. Of course, the book, which you can get on Amazon, it's also linked from your website. It's The False Sense of Urgency and How to Win the Now. Dr. Eric Recker, DDS, again, speaker, coach, author. It's been a joy having a great conversation. Josh, thanks for having me. It's been a great way to spend the day.

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