2030 – Understanding Fear: Strategies for Personal and Professional Development with Rhonda Britten

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1:05With us right now, it is Rhonda Britton. Rhonda, it's so great to have you here. You are a master coach, keynote speaker, well-known author, very well-established, Emmy Award winner, over 1 ,600, or I'm sorry, 600 episodes of reality TV, which we'll talk about just a little bit. And you are the founder and CEO of the Fearless Living Institute. It's all true. It's all true, Josh, all true. Yes, yes. Your last thing I was gonna share Or is it your website, fearlessliving.org? Talk about a life well-lived. Rhonda, it's great to have you. Thank you, thank you. I'm so excited to be here because, you know, the number one thing that any company, any individual, any team lead, any manager, any CEO deals with, if they want to improve their business, grow their business, make maximum impact, is fear, period, end of story.

1:58Yeah, yeah. And fear comes from so many places. I think a lot of it might come from our just unconsciously that's still kind of there. It's amazing how much, Rhonda, even if we're talking about folks in their 40s, 50s, and beyond, but how much programming is still held over from our earliest formative years. That sometimes feels frustrating. Why am I still trying to seek my dad's approval or something? Well, you're on the right track there because it's part of our neurobiology. So fear is wired into us. There's no getting rid of it. What it really becomes about is the old cliche of know thyself.

2:41Know thyself is know thyself. It's because it's the only way we can master fear. And most people just think of fear as, oh, I'm procrastinating. Oh my God, I'm not getting this done. What's my problem? Oh my God, I can't. But they're really caught in what I call the wheel of fear. So most people are actually working on the quote unquote wrong thing. They're working on the symptoms of fear rather than the fear itself. And so what I help people do, organizations, teams, individuals, understand what their fear really is, because most people are dead wrong about that. If you ask somebody what their fear is, they usually go, well, I'm afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, or I'm, you know, and the generic one that most people give in some way is the fear of not being good enough.

3:26And so I like to say the fear of not being good enough is like the generic wheel of fear, but we all have an individualized one. Yours is going to be different than mine. Mine's going to be different than yours, except they all work the same. So we want to actually understand our neurobiology. We don't want to fight the fear. We actually want to master the fear. And what's the difference between fighting and mastering the fear? Well, fighting is like, I've got to, I've got to slay the fear. I've got to get rid of the fear. I want to have no fear. It's like, there's no such thing unless you have a lobotomy.

3:59Okay. Because the way our brain works, the way that we are wired in, you know, in our body and brain is by the time we are seven years old, we have developed what I call the wheel of fear. And that works unconsciously. As you said earlier, you know, it's an unconscious operation that we're not even aware of. And what we do is we spend our time beating ourselves up for our behavior. We end up beating ourselves up for our lack of motivation. We beat ourselves up for our procrastination, for our anxiety, our overwhelm. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Well, that's not really helpful, not really helpful at all.

4:34Instead, we want to go, okay, those are symptoms of fear. So anxiety, complaining, comparing. I give this big quiz when I give a keynote of, do you deny yourself, isolate, pretend, hide, settle, compare, manipulate, defend, judge, complain, procrastinate, worry, struggle, blame, control, get bitter, resentful, irritated, feel guilty, perfectionistic, overwhelmed, self-pity, annoyed, ignored, et cetera. And all of those are actually symptoms of fear. They are not actually the problem. So most people, when they're, and I'm talking about the greatest personal development junkies in the world, they're actually working on fixing the symptom rather than uncovering and uprooting the actual issue.

5:19Yeah. So how does one get to that next level? So, you know, I know in psychology, often we talk about like, you know, primary and secondary emotions, right? And anger is actually a secondary. I think most people will say anger is actually a representation. That's a secondary emotion. What's underneath is far more interesting. Well, how do we get to what's underneath? Well, you know, this is where, again, I want to go back to know thyself. It's willingness to tell yourself the truth. Most of us do not have a relationship with ourselves so that we actually uncover what's really true. We stay at the surface level, even for those of us who read the self-help books and do all the personal development.

5:55We're really, it's scary fear, scary to tell ourselves the God awful truth, right? The real truth about what's holding us back, the real truth about what's really, what we're really thinking about because we're so focused on strategies. We're so focused on tips. We're so focused on techniques. They keep us busy and distracted. So it's really about saying, okay, wait a minute. What if this isn't about me? What if there's nothing wrong with me? That's what I like to tell my clients, you know, in teams and organizations is like, what if there's nothing wrong with you? What if there's nothing wrong with your team per se?

6:25And again, I'm not talking about, they don't know how to do a task. I'm not talking about, they don't know how to, you know, fail a project, but I'm just saying that most of us look at ourselves and think, what is wrong with me? Well, there's nothing really wrong with you. It's just fear. And we don't have a relationship with fear. We weren't taught about fear. We don't understand it's part of our neurobiology. And so what most people do, Josh, is when they're trying to solve a problem in the present moment, so in the present moment, trying to solve that problem, I'm going to master it. I'm going to figure it out.

6:56You know, whether it's about me personally, whether it's about my team, whether it's about my company, what we do is the brain automatically, the body and brain automatically go in the past to find a solution to the present problem. So just think about this. I'm in the present, trying to solve a problem to create a different future. And my body and brain automatically go to the past because fear, bottom line, end of story has one job and one job only. And that is safety. It's all about safety. The problem is, is that each one of us has different safety levels on different tasks. So even, even, even feelings like you brought up earlier.

7:31One of the things that neuroscientists are understanding is the bigger your vocabulary around your feelings, the more you can distinguish feelings, the actually more highly emotionally intelligent you are. But most of us don't actually even work with our feelings. So in the world of fearless living and the world around Britain, feelings are just energy. They're not good. They're not bad. They're just energy. So once you start working with your feelings based on energy, it doesn't have the baggage. It doesn't have the history. It doesn't have the stories. It doesn't have all the stuff that go along with it, that keep you stuck in that never-ending cycle of what is wrong with me?

8:08Why can't, and this, you know, we know this one, why can't we get over this? Why are we doing this again? Right? Well, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just understanding how you operate from a personalized and individualized and unique place because all of us are, have a different, like what I say, it's a wheel of fear. Yours is different than mine. Mine's different than yours, but they all operate the same. Would this be, and I know you're an author of many books, would fearless living for someone who's just been listening to what you were just saying right there, would fearless living be a good next place to go if someone's like, oh, I really want to learn more about that?

8:40Yes. Fearless living. Actually, I take you through the whole process of what fear is, how to identify your fear. And you actually take you through the process of actually coming up and identifying your own personal wheel of fear. And more importantly, the wheel of freedom, which is how you move forward, right? So my clients, what they learn is they can identify their wheel of fear. They can identify their wheel of freedom. And so when they're stuck in a situation, so anytime stuck, frustrated again, however you describe that place, right? Oh, I'm procrastinated again. I'm overwhelmed again. I'm anxious again.

9:10Whatever you, just how you describe it. In that moment, you stop and go, okay, I'm on my wheel of fear. Stop, stop, right? And I'm going to now hop on my wheel of freedom. And I give you a point by point, step-by-step way to do that so that you can actually have awareness, choice, make decisions from your wheel of freedom rather than your wheel of fear. And for those of you who are thinking to yourself, I'm not afraid, I'm not scared. I thought that too. Most of my life, I grew up in upper Michigan in the middle of nowhere. I'm finished. We don't feel, we have no fear, right? So the fact that I'm working with fear now is hysterical because I never, ever, ever said I'm afraid or I'm scared.

9:53And most of us who are iAchievers don't. Is it true that you're from the UPN or Finnish? Because I'm from the UPN and Finnish. You are kidding me, Josh. I was born in Hancock. I am from Hancock. I went to Hancock High School. Oh my gosh. So yeah, that's where my mom was born and raised. My grandma's still up there. She owns the health food store up there. So I go to the health food store every time I'm there because that's where I get all my stuff. So you know, my grandma. Oh, I have probably met your grandma. Yeah. Yeah. Because I go up there every summer. Oh my God. Yeah. I go up there every summer.

10:35And of course, fall is the best. We all know that. Oh, gorgeous. Gorgeous. Did you go to Houghton High School? I did. So, so after I was born, then we relocated around the, you know, around the Great Lakes region. But we spent our I spent my summers up there. So we just we probably stayed in Lake Superior on Hancock Beach. And now they got the Houghton Beach now. Yeah, there was no Houghton Beach. It was just Hancock Beach. And you've been to Copper Harbor many a time. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, we'll talk more another time about that. Oh, my God, because we all know that we never had a McDonald's there.

11:07Yeah, I should say, you share what I would consider many Finns to have very blessed genetics. I suspect, you know, one thing that I think that is well known among Finns is they, they tend to maintain youth. Oh my God. I went to lunch with a new friend yesterday. I sat down and the first thing she said to me is you've got no wrinkles. And I'm like, sorry, I don't know. Yeah, but I'm a hundred, I'm a hundred percent finished. Oh my gosh. Yep. Well, my, my mom married a mutt, so I'm only half. Okay, so you got a little bit of stuff. Yeah. So, hey, so I want to ask you about this, Rhonda, because I think one thing that I've been thinking about this.

11:48I'm sorry, I'm still backing that. We're from the exact same place. All right, it's crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, small world. You know, the thing that has brought me comfort from time to time is when I feel burdened with my worry or concern or anxiety or depressed, sadness, whatever the thing is, is I tend to think that that's only a me problem when in fact everyone's got their own stuff you're and and you know the language i use for myself is josh you're not that special oh yeah that but that hurts sometimes doesn't it i mean the first time you say that to yourself it's like a sword going in your heart right like oh what do you mean i'm not that special i've been on tv right Right.

12:34Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly. So, but that's building an empathy, right? That's building and compassion. And one of the first, you know, I have three daily practices that I ask all clients to follow the, and, and the third one is actually compassion because you and I both know how difficult it is when you are trying to build something, grow something, you know, you're, you're, you know, the, the, the fire's at your back, right. And, and the wind isn't there, the fire is, and you're like, Oh my God, I got to get going. I got to get going. I got to get going. I got to get going. Compassion is the first thing we drop.

13:03So I introduce a word to my clients. I always say, get prepared because it's going to feel like a swear word to you. And it's the word gentle. You know, as we achieve our greatest accomplishments, the more gentle we are and the more compassionate we are with ourselves, the more successful and the more integrated and the more embodied it will be. Instead of it being a one-off, instead of it being like, oh, I hope I get to keep it instead of it being like tenuous, right? We want to keep it so it's integrated, embodied, aware. So the more gentle we are, the more compassionate, again, gentle is not for wimps.

13:38It's actually a very courageous, very fearless act. So the more that we can bring in, and this also, I'm going to skip for a second. This also includes like team leads, if you're a manager, a CEO, et cetera. One of the things that I find is when I go and work with a company, you know, they're just irritated with their employees or their team, but why aren't they working faster? Why aren't they working better? I mean, I'm telling them what to do. I don't understand what's going on, right? And I understand that I have been there myself. And what we forget when we're on a mission is we forget that there's actually human beings working for us, right?

14:13And they have their own issues, right? They have, you know, I had a nephew you've gone to the hospital recently, right? I had an employee had to get COVID, right? Like I have to work within all of these human, in the human terms. So we want to actually enlarge our heart. It's not small, it's enlarging our heart, enlarging our compassion, enlarging our genitals, enlarging that actually makes us more fearless. I also have to get your take on the impact of social media on how this either exasperates our feelings of not being enough or, you know, our own where we say, well, I'm not like the other people because the other people don't seem to have the same kind of problems or fears that I have.

15:01And so therefore, again, there's something wrong with me. Yes. Well, competition, right? Competition is the devil itself, right? And, you know, our whole economic, you know, ecosystem is on some level based on competition, right? We're always looking at stock prices. We're always looking at who's doing what, what they, what do they create? So we're constantly looking over our shoulder. So that level of competing and comparing is actually defeating and deflating for so many people. And I know sometimes, I know somebody right now is listening to us going, well, it excites me. I love competition and comparing.

15:39It's like, wow, right? Well, that may be true in one or two areas of your life, but I doubt it's true in all areas of your life. Because I can imagine that you are married and you have kids and you are competing with your kids or you're comparing with your partner and you are competing. That's not actually healthy and nobody actually wants that at home. So, you know, you got to be able to put those in the silos that they belong and actually look at it through a lens that really empowers you. So, yes, social media, for the most part, has not supported us. I mean, every study says so. You know, there's no there's no study out there that says social more social media would be good for us.

16:14No, every study says that social media disempowers us, which is why we have social media teams. Right. Which is why we have other people doing it for us. So we don't have to get on. I mean, I, of course, probably like you, we have social media teams. And do I get on? Sure, I get on. But I attempt to not get on almost every day because I know I could get sucked in. Right. What's that person doing? what book are they writing? What's going on over there? It's like, no. People ask me when I was first starting out in 1995, I've been doing this for almost 30 years, is that how did you become successful so quickly?

16:47I said, I put my blinders on, my blinders on, and I didn't look at what anyone else is doing. And when I'm having a bad day, Josh, when I'm having a bad week, when I'm caught up in my stuff, many times it's because I turned and looked behind my back, looked over my shoulder and was looking at what somebody else was doing. And it started, you know, eating away at my confidence, eating away that comparing mindset. So we want to leave that behind. And again, I know that's fueled for so many people and they think it's a good thing, but I dare say, what is the cost on you emotionally? What's the cost on you psychologically?

17:22What's the cost on your family and friends? So think about that, not just from a level of, oh, it excites me for business, but what is it doing to your personal life? Rhonda, this has been just such a great conversation and I want more. So, and I suspect that our friend who's listening also wants more. You're the author of many books. You have a lot of resources. You produce a lot of great content. Would you mind sharing, you know, obviously we, there's your podcast as well. So to our friend that's listening, you can just search for master coach mindset and find that hit subscribe, start binge listening.

17:58But Rhonda, I know you've got so much that kind of people who are interested in this topic, where do they go from here? They go to fearlessliving.org. And I would love to just drop a little freebie for your listeners. And it is actually one of my most risk requested classes because it is about curing procrastination because most of us think that's the problem, right? Like if I could just quit being procrastinator, I'll be so much better, right? So go ahead and go to fearlessliving.org, fearlessliving.org, forward slash risk, R-I-S-K. and then put your name and email in. You'll get access to a very quick three 15-minute videos, 45 minutes total, bunch of worksheets.

18:36Learn how to do the exercise, Streckers Can Die. It is going to shift your way of taking action. And if you have been sitting on a project, if you're wondering, why am I not doing this? I promise you, Streckers Can Die is gonna give you the answer. And at the very end of that third video, I talk a little bit about the Wheel of Fear. So you're gonna get a little bit more dive into what that is. And of course, go and read fearlessliving.fearlessliving, my book, if you want to find out about the Wheel of Fear. And of course, if you really want to work with me, come on over and join Fearless U, which I teach in there twice a month.

19:08And so you're going to get a big dose of Rhonda, a big dose of my courses, a big dose of my community, and get Fearlessed up. Rhonda, one last thing, you know, because we do have a lot of business owners that are listening to this. obviously there's application for ourselves as leaders, but you also work with organizations or leadership teams. And what is that? Well, what I do depends on the, obviously the company, but sometimes I go into just do a keynote, right. And inspire and support and build other times I go in, like I went in a blue shield of America, California, and I wasn't there for two years.

19:41And not only did I work with the CEO team, but I also worked with the teams across the board and actually created an accountability, a whole process, a survey, a quiz, and really built accountability and this mindset of fearlessness inside that corporation. I went in there on a regular basis and did workshops. And like I said, I had one-on-ones with the C-suite. So I can do anything but do a amazing keynote, which by the way, guaranteed, standing ovation, guaranteed, like you your team will be like yes they will that trust me and they will blow their mind when they think of it fear because this is the thing that happens josh when they start realizing it's fear they have to quit blaming their manager and quit blaming their you know their team lead they have to quit blaming their other co-workers because you have to take responsibility for your fear so yeah whether it's a keynote whether it's coming in and doing a one time i went into a company and did a mission work they wanted to be like my team my company needs to be like all together and we're all scattered and we're not aligned.

20:45Well, I went in and did vision work. And I actually, what I did is I tied the personal visions of each, each person working for the company to the company's vision. And all of a sudden everything changed for every single person there. The whole like room was open mouth. So what I do is I obviously talk to the, talk to the people who want to hire me, help them figure out their biggest problem and create a personalized, unique, individualized program because that's what my superpower is. Love it. Rhonda Britton, again, master coach, keynote speaker, author. We didn't even talk about all your TV work that you've done over the decades.

21:18So good. My goodness, what a resume and so many lives that you've had the opportunity to impact in a positive way. Your website, fearlessliving.org. And if you go to fearlessliving.org forward slash risk, risk uh then you can get uh the uh the free gift and so uh and again that's the stretch risk and dive video course that you can get absolutely free rhonda to to from one fin to another half fin to a full fin what one fin to another one you peer one youper to another one hancock houghton person to another we are from the exact same location yeah yeah yeah well rhonda it's been great thank you so much for the conversation thanks josh be fearless

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