2161 - The Joy Formula: 12 Steps to True Fulfillment with Keren Eldad

0:05Hey there, thoughtful listener. Are you looking for introductions to partners, investors, influencers, influencers, influencers, and clients? Well, I've had private conversations with over 2 ,000 leaders asking them where their best business comes from. I've got a free video you can watch with no opt-in required where I'll share the exact steps necessary to be 100 % inbound in your industry over the next six to eight months with no spam, no ads, and no sales. What I teach has worked for me for over 15 years and has helped me create eight figures in revenue for my own companies. Just head to upmyinfluence.com and watch my free class on how to create endless high ticket sales appointments.

0:51Also, don't forget, the thoughtful entrepreneur is always looking for great guests. Go to upmyinfluence.com and click on podcast. I'd love to have you.

1:05With us right now, it's Karen Eldad. Karen, you're a professional speaker and coach. You are also the author of the book, Gilded, Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Constant Pursuit of More. What a great message, Karen. Thank you for joining us. It's such a pleasure, Josh. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Well, Karen, tell us a bit about your work. And before we're going to get into that, before we do that, though, I want to know, like, what are you enjoying currently in your personal life, entertainment-wise, or if it's music, TV, hobbies? What are you into lately?

1:43I'm so delighted to answer this question because the last period for the last few months has been rather heavy, I think, geopolitically. So I have completely turned the other cheek, and I've been only looking at things that really please and delight me. And we're talking TV shows like Nobody Wants This and Running Point. so easy fluffy fun and i'm like binge watching these kinds of shows it's really it's wonderful and you know i have to tell you josh it's had an incredible impact on my mood and i believe it's also had a great impact on my business that great mood has been really conducive to an upbeat engagement with my totally yeah oh absolutely you know just on that point too um you know So there's so much money and control to be had by getting people divided and fighting and squabbling and creating social media does a masterful job of creating anxiety and then offering the only panacea to that anxiety.

2:42I am with you 100%. In fact, I just pulled this up. Nobody wants this. It's got 94 on Rotten Tomatoes, Kirsten Bell and Adam Brody. Yeah. Okay. I need to add this to the list. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's not going to add anything to your life other than sheer entertainment and fun. And you will be in a better mood and people will like you way more at dinner parties and at work. I love it. I love it. Who doesn't want that? Well, Karen, not Kirsten, we'll talk to Kirsten Bell a little bit later. She's coming up next. But Karen, tell me about the work that you do. And particularly, we need to talk about Gilded, breaking free from the cage of ambition, perfectionism, and the relentless pursuit of more.

3:27What is going on right now? Why does the world need this book? Well, the work I do is the work I need. Most coaches are really teaching what was essential for their souls and what was the graduation of their souls. I'm an executive coach and professional speaker, and I work with high achievers. High achievers are inherently going to be trapped in cages of their own making. And those cages for entrepreneurs who, by the way, all of us started our businesses for more freedom, we find ourselves very quickly, particularly when we become quite successful, in yet another cage. And the cage is more glamorous, more golden, more gilded.

4:01And we realize that not only is it a cage, but that not all that glitters is gold. So you're entrapped by your own ambition. You're entrapped by your own relentless pursuit of more. You're entrapped by your own perfectionism. It's never good enough. It's not just never enough. and by the overwhelm that comes with this. Gilded has been my love letter to all of my clients. It's a 12-step program, that's right, informed by the other 12-step program, Alcoholics Anonymous. I wanted to originally call it Workaholics Anonymous. That was taken, and I ended up with Gilded because I really wanted to make the point that if you do find yourself at the apotheosis of all your dreams and it doesn't feel good to you, it should feel good to you, and we're going to get you to the feel good era.

4:48That's what I do. I absolutely love this. And, and I, and I listen, I've, I've done a few interviews in my time and talking with folks that have, you know, achieved and achieved and achieved. And, you know, I think so many of them come to the realization that, you know what, I'm no more happy than I am today than I was earlier today. So I may as well have just enjoyed the journey a lot better and just decided that I'm not going to put off my joy and happiness until X, Y, and Z happens. I choose happiness today. It was interesting. I was just interviewing someone and she asked me, said, what is, you know, because she's, I think she's kind of like a retirement planner or coach or something like that.

5:33Imagine what your dream life is going to be like in 10 years. I'm like, what's it going to be like? And I'm like, pretty much like it is right now. I don't anticipate any major changes, right? And that's been like, I've really prioritized it. And is it possible that I've missed out on sales or money or something like that? Because I haven't killed myself? Yeah, probably. But I'm okay with that. My bills are paid. I'm enjoying life. And I'm trying to enjoy my best life. Okay, so there's kind of my kind of thing. I've been thinking about those thoughts. Karen, can you take that and take that into some, some great territory that I know that you've thought a great deal on?

6:07Yeah, I have. And I want to say you're enviable. Your position is enviable. And so is mine. And unfortunately for most people, they can't just get there. In other words, you can't just choose to be happy now and choose to enjoy your life now. What they're going to have to go through first is the breaking up with the addiction. Workaholism is an addiction. It's not recognized by the American Association of Psychology. However, it is an addiction. It's a form of numbing. It's a form of numbing outside of what we really do need to acknowledge. So the first thing that we need to understand is we're really, really vibing at a fight or flight level.

6:40And we're really, really addicted to a fight or flight level. And unless that goes away, unless you truly understand that your targets have been off, and that your obsessive work patterns are not serving you anymore, which will usually come through trauma, through significant overwhelm, most of my clients, they show up exhausted, or something has happened. That's usually the catalyst where they're like, you're right. This is pointless. This is not working for me anymore. They have to reach that point because that's the only way they'll start to address the patterns that got them into this addictive cycle in the first place.

7:14And only once they go through the process will they make the choice to be happy. It sounds like the most logical choice in the world. Why wouldn't you have fun now? Right? Well, most people associate fun, believe it or not, as Gay Hendricks said in his wonderful book, The Big Leap, with an enormous strife, with loss, so they won't let themselves have happiness now. If you had happiness now, if you enjoyed your life right now, you would be leaving sales on the table. And guess what, Josh? For a lot of people, that's a sacrifice they're not willing to make. So this is where we really do need to engage with your psyche for a little bit of time until we convince you lovingly, like a great trial lawyer, that you're doing it wrong and this isn't going to lead to the happiness that you want.

8:00Does that make sense? Yeah. Where do you think, and by the way, I think that what we're talking about is absolutely very much pronounced in American culture. You know, my sister who lives in France, you know, it's like, and even we were talking about this, like when you start talking with somebody and you, you know, in America, you know, a very early question that we'll often ask each other is, Hey, nice to meet you. What do you do? Yeah. And it's really kind of unusual in other parts of the world. They're like, um, you mean, are you talking about my job? Well, I guess we could talk about my job, but you know, who I am is like who I am.

8:47And, you know, I've got a family and I do this and I'm, you know, I'm Josh. I beg to differ. I grew up all over the world and I coach people all over the world. And while it may be uncouth in some cultures, such as the French culture, to just immediately ask, what do you do? In my culture, I'm from Israel. It's not only the, what do you do, but how much did you pay for your house? So it's an extraordinary degree of vulgarity that is very common. And the point is, it's not really about that. The problem is that the idea of work hard in order to succeed is pervasive. It's not that it defines you.

9:28It's that the belief that hard work will set you free, forgive me for borrowing a phrase from the Nazis, is really, really pervasive. It's a belief that a lot of us have bought across societies. I coach companies and people from Jeddah to Sydney, and they all have this belief. There is a linear path to success. There are benchmarks that must be hit and we all must hit them to be good and to have a good quote unquote life. And unfortunately, once you buy into that premise, you are inadvertently buying away from joy. You're buying away from just allowing yourself to be Josh because you're awesome.

10:03I have a family. I like cats. I'm interested and nobody wants this. In other words, that's pretty much it. we have not oriented ourselves in any society, almost any society that I know of and that I work with around this understanding of what makes for success. And that's what Gilded hopes to redefine. Gilded hopes to show you that while that may be pervasive, and even if it's not culturally accepted to talk about, you have bought into this premise of what is a golden life, and you have inadvertently purchased a life that is just covered in gold. It's not real. And hopefully, if you understand that your life, and you can within yourself admit that your life doesn't feel as good as it looks, you're going to chase that rabbit down the hole.

10:49You're going to read the book. You're going to look for other materials that help set you free. Yeah. The website is breakfreewithgilded.com, where you can get the book anywhere. And thank you, by the way, for producing an audiobook along with it. So for my fellow audiobook fans, you can get it there on hardcover and Kindle. But again, the website is breakfreewithgilded.com. Can you tell me, Karen, about the work that you do with organizations? Are you primarily a speaker? Are you consulting in any way as well? No, I'm coaching them. So yes, I do come in as a speaker occasionally, but I work with companies like Estee Lauder, like Nike, like JP Morgan, do not only take them through leadership seminars, three-hour seminars where we're either working on your communication or your planning, but then to coach executives and management-level superstars fully.

11:45And the way I do that is with groups of 10, so we can still give people enough individual one-on-one coaching, get really, really well to know them and to do this confidentially, and then also in a group so that they can also have executive or leadership coaching in a format that is didactic. In other words, it's teaching them. And that's how I work with the organizations. Yeah. Is there, do you get people, well, wait a minute, if Karen comes in, the people aren't going to be as productive and we can't squeeze as much out of them or something like that. Actually, we get a different one, which is if Karen comes in, they're going to want to leave because they're going to start really feeling themselves and people really start feeling themselves, start looking for freedom.

12:25Now, that is completely a side effect of coaching. I 100 % embrace that. That is true. However, the people who will stay will be truly, remarkably engaged. They will be the best of themselves. They will be far better managers. They will fire better communicators. And as a result, we'll also be much more productive. Yeah. What do those engagements look like, Karen? They look like one-on-one sessions with me, just like this, where you're speaking to me for an hour after an hour of self-study. Now, here's the deal. Working with me doesn't feel like working with a therapist. It feels like working with a really friendly trial lawyer.

13:04Who is, my job is to basically slam you to the wall and show you that the way you're thinking is not going to produce the results you want. And for that, we really need to undo a lot of patterning. But by the middle of the program, most people have really learned a new system for thinking. They're feeling so different. and it produces remarkable results. So it works. Yeah, and listen, I think a lot of these messages are just delivered oftentimes from our very formative years. I know for me, growing up poor working class in the Midwest, my dad is just the hardest working guy I knew. And he fostered me this idea is that if you just work harder, then you can kind of get ahead in life kind of thing.

13:52You know, it's like I can outwork anyone. And so, you know, some of those ideas are helpful. Like it absolutely made me who I am. And some of those ideas, you know, probably not super helpful. I completely. In terms of Josh's overall well-being and where I initially in my earlier, you know, days, I'd say where I derived my happiness or that I will, you know, sacrifice now so that I can have happiness later or something like that. As someone who's married to a Midwesterner, good old American boy, I completely understand that. And I totally agree with you. They are very, those beliefs and those values are very, very useful to a point.

14:33Until especially when you're growing your own business, for example. I don't know if you've read it. It's a remarkable book. It's called 10X is Easier Than 2X by Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy. Really, the premise is actually to really scale that super hard work ethic starts to actually work against you. So you always have to consider, am I being run by the thought or am I running the thought? In other words, is the value so imprinted on me that I can't default to anything with real reason and with real questioning of whether it's serving me? Or am I using this very great value that I inherited from my dad in a way that is still serving me?

15:12Am I able to adapt it, to use it sometimes and to not use it sometimes? As a person with parents who are very, very hardworking to very earnest people, I've learned to only use their value system when it's really useful for me and to break free from it when I want to go a little bit farther. I like it. Take the fish, leave the bones. Amen. Exactly. Thanks, mom and dad. You guys rock. Yes, yes. And my God, doing the best that they could based on what they knew and had back then as well. So seriously, God bless them for that. And I am so grateful. Hey, Karen, you also have a podcast. We're on a podcast right now, so it's the easiest thing in the world for our friend who's listening to us right now to go ahead and find your podcast and hit subscribe.

15:56Can you tell me just a little bit about the Coached podcast? Yes, the Coached podcast is something I started as a tribute to my favorite TV show of all time. Again, we're back with television, and that's Frasier. Frasier was a call-in show for those who remember the show from 20 years ago. and I really love the idea and it's where people call in really talk about their challenge that they're experiencing and I give them a really long coaching based answer um it's my hope that if some one of the topics piques your interest or answers a question or reflects a question that you're asking right now that it serves you yeah and and so Karen if you would maybe just kind of give kind of a final call to ask first of all go get gilded I'm gonna buy it right now because I I'll send it to you.

16:41Yes. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. So I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to read it because I absolutely love the message. And I find that among the highest achievers that I know, they all believe this already. And it's usually I find the struggling earlier stage entrepreneurs that are trying to figure out this balance. And they've been sold a bill of goods that, you know, if you just hustle harder, then you'll get what you want. And I find that, again, it is it's truly among the top leaders. I know they've worked very, very smart. They really lean into relationships. It's, you know, just, you know, it's really just, you know, networking and building key relationships, acting in service in your industry.

17:23And that stuff may not feel as fast and effective at the very beginning. But I promise you, it's a sustainable path. Yeah, you said a mouthful right there. I want all my clients to listen to what you just said, because I say it all the time. That is gold. And that's where you should put all of your effort. Well, if I can just underline that, we've done about 2 ,200 interviews here. That is a very, very consistent pattern. Yeah, it's right. Karen, your website, and please give everyone kind of their next calls to action, because I know not only do you have opportunities to obviously get your book and subscribe to your podcast, but you have a lot of resources available as well.

18:04Yeah, absolutely. Well, if you want a lot of free resources and some more exploration, go to www.kareneldad.com. And my name is spelled with two E's, not a Karen, a Karen. And also follow me on Instagram on at CoachKaren. It's really useful because I always share tips, tidbits, and additional free stuff, which I think is so useful for entrepreneurs that at the very least you won't feel alone, which for me as an entrepreneur, and I know that you feel this way too, Josh, is so critical. We're not alone. We are all in this together and we are always ready to collaborate. I love it. The book is Gilded, Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More.

18:48It just came out. It has got stellar ratings. It's available on Kindle, hardcover, and audiobook on Amazon. The website, breakfreewithgilded.com. And of course, Karen, your website, coachkaren.com. And that's K-E-R-E-N. To our friend that's listening, just click in your show notes and you'll find exactly where we've got that linked up. Karen, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, Josh. Thanks so much.

19:19Thanks for listening to the Thoughtful Entrepreneur Show. If you are a thoughtful business owner or professional who would like to be on this daily program, please visit upmyinfluence.com and click on podcast. We believe that every person has a message that can positively impact the world. We love our community who listens and shares our program every day. Together, we are empowering one another as thoughtful leaders. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this program, if you're looking for introductions to partners, investors, influencers, and clients, I have had private conversations with over 2 ,000 leaders asking them where their best business comes from.

20:00I've got a free video that you can watch right now with no opt-in or email required where I'm going to share the exact steps necessary to be 100 % inbound in your industry over the next six to eight months with no spam, no ads, and no sales. What I teach has worked for me for more than 15 years and has helped me create eight figures in revenue for my own companies. Just head to upmyinfluence.com and watch my free class on how to create endless high ticket sales appointments. Make sure to hit subscribe so that tomorrow morning, that's right, seven days a week, you are going to be inspired and motivated to succeed.

20:42I promise to bring positivity and inspiration to you for around 15 minutes every single day. Thanks for listening and thank you for being a part of the Thoughtful Entrepreneur Movement.