2195 - Discover How to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs and Unlock Your True Potential with Lefkoe Institute's Shelly Lefkoe

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1:05With us right now, Shelly Lefkoe. Shelly, you are the co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute. You are found on the web at lefkoeinstitute.com. To our friend that's listening, you want to click in the show notes where you have a direct link, Shelly, to your website so you can follow along. Shelly, thank you for joining us. Oh, it's my pleasure. I'm thrilled to be here. And everybody should leave a five-star review on the podcast because this is a great podcast. I love it. Well, thank you. Only if I've earned it. Only if I've earned it. Well, Shelly, before we get going, talking about the work that you have in the world, that you do in the world, what are you doing when no one else is looking?

1:46Like, what kind of things are you into? Hobbies, fun things, music, movies, TV shows, you know, anything that, yeah, that you're really geeking out on lately? So I listened to one of your podcasts and I think we have a shared passion. So my passion, besides making a difference in the world is pickleball. It's fun. It's really addictive. Tell me when you got into it and why you love it. I got into it. It's interesting for my entire life, Josh, I went to the gym six days a week. It was like a religion. And when COVID came, of course I couldn't go to the gym. So I started hiking with friends. And one day somebody told me about pickleball makes me cry.

2:30And it just changed my life. I either play in the morning, I play at night. I play on weekends for hours. My friends think I disappeared. I love it. I lost my husband nine years ago and my beloved. And this just keeps me sane. It keeps me happy. I run a business. And at the end of the day, you know, after listening to what I listened to all day to go play, it's just, it's social, it's learning it's your brain your body is engaged you're outside most of the time it's heaven i love it yeah and it's such a social you know it's friendly it's uh you know and what i love is just it's just so accessible you know it's like you can pick up a racket and you'll be amazed how quickly you can volley back and forth so there's not this big learning curve yeah there are some rules and those rules can sometimes get a little nerdy, but I promise someone who's not currently playing, you could pick it up.

3:35Oh yeah. Shelly, I want to talk about the work that you do with Lefkoe Institute. Tell me about your impact in the world, what you do. Well, about 35, well, first of all, if everybody listening, think, just think about something. If you're an entrepreneur, think about a place where you're stuck. Either you're procrastinating or you can't delegate or you have a fear of public speaking, or you don't have a good work-life balance. That's what I do is I help people quickly and permanently eliminate the negative beliefs that cause those patterns. And 35 years ago, my late husband was on a plane and looking at why is it that we know what to do and don't do it?

4:25We all know if we exercise and eat healthily, we'll live better and have better lives. And yet we don't do it. We don't make time for fun, things like pickleball, because we're working all the time. We know it's not good for us. We know we shouldn't do it, but we do it all the time. We also know that there are things that we shouldn't do that we do. And we're smart. We know. We know we shouldn't yell at people. We know, you know, we should delegate. We know. And yet we don't do it. And he was journaling and he downloaded this process. And 35 years ago when nobody was talking about beliefs, people used to say, beliefs?

5:09You mean like religious beliefs? They didn't even know what I was talking about. Now, everybody's talking about beliefs. So he came home and he worked with a friend of ours who said that she wanted to be in a relationship but wasn't and couldn't find anybody. and he said, well, what do you believe? And she started spouting these beliefs, Josh, like men are selfish and men only want, you know, they only care about themselves and marriage is suffocating and you have to give up your freedom. And so he picked one belief and he eliminated it with her. And I always say spirit smacked me in the head and said, this is what you're here to do.

5:54I am on this planet to do this work. So for 35 years, I've been helping people eliminate these beliefs so that they can have the lives that they dream of. You know, Shelley, I wonder how many of these beliefs are conscious versus they take maybe some degree of deconstruction or, you know, someone asking really good questions to get to maybe something that we're not necessarily aware of. Yeah, for sure. Most beliefs are unconscious. We don't even know that we have them. I wrote a book called Hitting the Wall for Entrepreneurs, Eliminate the Beliefs that Sabotage Your Business and Your Life. And I talk about the importance of watering all the plants.

6:47So if you had plants, you would never just water one because the rest would die. And yet a lot of us as entrepreneurs just work on our businesses to the detriment of the rest of our lives. And we don't know that we have a belief. I'm not good enough. And what makes me good enough is achieving things. Because when you were a kid, you got criticized by your parents or they made faces or you didn't do well in sports or whatever it was. And you concluded, I'm not good enough. And then one day when you're a little older, you get acknowledged for goals and grades and achievements. And you say, aha, I guess what makes me good enough or what makes me important are my achievements.

7:35And now it's like a heroin addiction. It's like the beach ball, I'm not good enough, has to stay underwater because nobody wants to walk around feeling not good enough. That's why our beliefs are mostly unconscious. So as long as you're achieving things, that ball stays underwater, but it's driven. I had a client who called me and he said, Shelley, I'm on the cover of business publications. I'm worth$10 million. When is it going to be enough? I don't know my kids. My second wife's ready to divorce me. I have health issues. He said, but all I do is work. And then those were his, the beliefs also are, you know, the most common beliefs that entrepreneurs have.

8:23Even though we've read every business book that tells us that we can't be successful unless we fail, most entrepreneurs and most people have the belief mistakes and failures are bad. And if I make a mistake or fail, I'll be rejected. And so that makes us procrastinate. That keeps us from posting those videos. That keeps us from getting on that stage and being out there. So these are the beliefs that underlie. And in my book, I talk about all the different patterns that entrepreneurs have and the beliefs that are responsible for them. Yeah. And by the way, I should point out, Shelley, that your book has praise from Jim Quick, who is a bestselling author of the book Limitless.

9:14J.J. Virgin should be a name most folks will know. Again, very popular author, Mark Hyman. and so they have something good to say about you, Shelly. What the transformation that you are hoping to make, so let's kind of turn toward here we are in 2025. You know, there are a lot of cultural things going on. We have the advent of, or let's say, the popularization of AI that I think is, you know, that is becoming a part of many of our lives in a way like never before. there's a lot of things going on right now. A lot of noise. Yeah. Tell me about your state of the union for where we are right now and why it is such an important time for a message like yours.

10:04Oh my God. How do you like that question? That was awesome. Nobody's ever asked me that and I love it. Oh my God. I think, I know with every fiber of my being, Josh, that it is all beliefs, that you look at what would cause people to kill each other in Gaza and Israel because they have beliefs that, you know, that Jews hate us and Arabs hate us. And, you know, if we don't kill them, they're going to kill us. And there's all kinds of beliefs, the political system. There are beliefs that this is the way it should be done, and this is the way, and when you have a belief, it's like a box. Nothing gets in.

10:54You can't hear anything inconsistent with your belief, because a belief is a statement about reality that you hold as the truth. So if you think something is the truth, you're not going to listen to anything, because it's, you have the truth. What are you going to tell me if I know what's true? So everything, you know, my late husband used to want to, you know, figure out how can we have world peace. And if I could work with a lot of these people who are at the highest levels, I believe we could have world peace without a question. And I also think that parenting is the most important. I know a lot of entrepreneurs are parents.

11:46And if you instill positive beliefs in your children, like violence is not an option, don't hit, don't yell. You will not, you will raise a generation of kids who won't grow up to think that war is an answer. Because if violence is just not tolerable, then their beliefs will be we have to work things out. So I think what's going on in the world is just a function of beliefs. Yeah. Your book, Hitting the Wall, is available on Amazon, everywhere. It's a bestseller. It's been, it is, again, as I mentioned, it's got huge praise. It's got a 4.9 rating with a ton of positive reviews on Amazon. So I'd highly recommend it.

12:39But Shelly, I'm curious about how you work with individuals today, or do you coach? Do you speak? Tell me about the work beyond the books? Yeah, I do. I do all of it. I work with mastermind groups, with entrepreneurs who are in mastermind groups. I speak to them and I can do it on Zoom. I do it in person. But the one-on-one work, and I'm going to give your audience a free gift at the end so they can actually experience the process that I do. But people come to me and they tell me what their issue is. And then we discover the beliefs. We illuminate them. We eliminate them so that people could have the lives that they dream of.

13:24We also train people. We train therapists and coaches to do our work because I say I'm a results girl. You know, I think people spend a lot of time with a lot of blah, blah, blah. And like you said, Josh, there's a lot of noise out there. Yeah. These beliefs are sabotaging us. You know, one of the most common beliefs people have is what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. And that was the belief that changed my life. So I would walk away from people with this voice in my head going, oh, did I ask Josh about his, his, you know, his pickleball game last night? Or did I ask how his wife is, or, you know, was I wearing the right thing?

14:08And it was just this constant voice. You know that voice in your head, everyone that talks to you all day long? Those are your beliefs talking to you. And so when we get rid of those beliefs, the voice gets quiet. And when I got rid of the belief, what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. Then I was able to be my authentic self. And now if I'm okay, my focus is off me. It's on you. I want to make a difference in the world. I want people to live free, juicy, joyful lives. And that's what this process does. Shelly, maybe, I don't know what your answer would be on this one, but I'm curious if someone says, listen, I have this belief and I wish I didn't have it anymore.

14:55It's not helpful. It's something that I picked up, you know, maybe it was from my parents, you know, they instilled a, you know, a very unhelpful belief and I just can't shake it. How do they, how do we get clear of that? Okay. So the, this is not going to be as powerful as when you do it, but here's why our beliefs stay with us. I've worked with five Harvard PhDs who all had the belief I'm stupid. I work with very high level CEOs of big companies, and they all have the belief, I'm not good enough, or I don't have what it takes. What? This guy came to me, he said, Chelly, I have 4 ,000 employees, and I'm terrified every time I walk on the stage to talk to them, right?

15:44So our beliefs get formed. You come into this world, you don't know if you're smart or not, good enough or not, important or not. You don't know if life is hard or easy. You don't know if money is scarce and hard to get or it flows to you with abundance. And we come into this family, and whether it's a mom and dad or two moms or a single parent or whatever it is, every child alive asks the question, why? Why can't I live up to my parents' expectations? Why are they always disappointed in me? Well, I guess I'm not good enough. And here's the juice. This is the secret, you guys. It is as if we could see our beliefs in the world.

16:39It is as when I ask a client, doesn't it seem like you saw I'm not good enough? They say, I did every day of my life. Now you can see your father criticize you. I had a client whose father, one of the Harvard PhDs, every time he made a mistake, his father used to smack him on the back of the head and say, genius. So he concluded, I'm stupid. Harvard PhD didn't get rid of that belief. and I did because when he went back and we do a whole bunch of steps and then I say, doesn't it seem like you saw I'm stupid? He said, I did. What he saw was his father hitting him on the back of the head and calling him genius.

17:32You cannot see a belief. A belief doesn't have a color, shape, or location. So let me explain quickly what I mean by that. Let's assume you and I, everybody listening, you and I are talking, and you think Josh doesn't like you. And he walks by, and he doesn't say hello. And you turn to me and say, see, Shelly, I told you he doesn't like me. See? It is as if you could see Josh doesn't like me. But all you saw was Josh walk by and not say hello. You cannot see he doesn't like me. Now, it is impossible to not believe something you think you saw. So if somebody said to you, Shelly's a blonde, You'd say, no, she's not.

18:24She's a redhead. Nope, she's a blonde. I'm telling you, I just saw her. She's a redhead. You cannot not believe something you think you saw. That's why our beliefs stay with us through 20 years of therapy. And when you get, when I work with sexual abuse victims and survivors, and they get, I never saw I'm damaged goods. I just saw someone do something to me that I didn't want them to do. That's what I saw. I saw my father incest me. I saw somebody rape me. That's what I saw. But I, and the only reason the things that happen to us, the things that happen to us don't traumatize us. They're over the second after they happen.

19:16They have no impact on your life. What impacts your life is what you conclude about what happens to you. Yeah. And that can be changed. Yeah. Shelly, your website is lefcoeinstitute.com. I know you've got some resources. You mentioned something earlier. Obviously, you can access your books through there. You have courses on the Lefkoe Method training, the Lefkoe Freedom course to stop suffering. I like that the one course is all about eliminating beliefs. I am of the opinion that if we could just eliminate some unhelpful beliefs, I think life gets a lot easier. We upgrade. But where would you recommend folks go and click on?

20:04So I have a free gift for you and it's called the belief elimination kit. So if you go to it, you can eliminate a belief for free and experience the process. And we have the three most common beliefs that people have. And you can also get a mastery mindset call with me, which I'm going to make available to the first 20 people who take advantage of this. So if you go to Instagram and you go to at Shelly Lefkoe, S-H-E-L-L-Y-L-E-F as in Frank, K-O-E, you can DM me Breakthrough25 and we will send you the free elimination, free belief elimination kit and you can sign up for a Mastery Mindset call with me.

21:02Shelly Lefkoe, again, the founder of the Lefkoe Institute, your website, lefkoeinstitute.com. Thank you so much, Shelly, for joining us. Oh, it was my pleasure. Thanks for having me.

21:19Thanks for listening to the Thoughtful Entrepreneur Show. If you are a thoughtful business owner or professional who would like to be on this daily program, please visit upmyinfluence.com and click on podcast. We believe that every person has a message that can positively impact the world. We love our community who listens and shares our program every day. Together, we are empowering one another as thoughtful leaders. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this program, if you're looking for introductions to partners, investors, influencers, and clients, I have had private conversations with over 2 ,000 leaders asking them where their best business comes from.

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