460 - Tim Dillon Joins CBS, Mazel!

0:00If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Hi, I'm Sean Evans from Hot Ones, and I want to tell you about YouTube Premium. It has offline downloads, so you can watch without Wi-Fi. Background play, so you can lock your phone and it still plays, baby. Oh, and it is completely ad-free. Yes, I said it, ad-free. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the CBS Evening News. My name is Tim Dillon. I want to first start by thanking Barry Weiss for giving me the opportunity to sit here with you at the iconic CBS News Desk and deliver the news.

0:45CBS is a great American institution. I also want to speak directly to people who feel that there may be some changes is coming at CBS or that the network isn't going to be recognizable. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here at CBS, we have a journalistic commitment to integrity, giving you both sides or all sides of every issue that matters to you. Barry is committed to delivering fearless, unbiased journalism And she is incredibly aware of what a shill you people think she is But she is not She is not a shill And nor am I I want to thank the Ellison family I want to thank Paramount I want to thank everybody who invested severely in me and Barry and the whole team at the Free Press.

1:52The investments made were intense. They were severe. And I want to thank everyone who took hundreds of millions, if not billions of dollars, to make sure that you are getting fearless, unbiased news coverage from a team that's only agenda is the truth. Our only agenda is the truth. That is the biggest thing that we are trying to do here. We are not trying to come on here and spin and say, hey, hey, you anti-Semite pigs, eat your slop. We're not trying to say that. We're trying to say the world is very big. And there's a lot of people that have a lot of opinions that need to be corrected. And here at CBS News, we are going to devote every waking minute of our day to correcting all of you very nicely.

3:03You're barely going to notice it's happening. You're barely going to notice we're there. So for Tim Dillon and...

3:14Tim Dillon:The thing about the beard, which makes it so difficult, is that it really does. I have sensitive skin and it's very hard to speak in this beard. We got this, what is this, a Hasidic Jew costume at Spirit Halloween? A rabbi. This is a rabbi costume at Spirit Halloween to, of course, by the way, it's a happy day. It's a great day. We're celebrating this day. It's a national holiday. It's, I believe, the day that the Free Press, Barry Weiss's blog, was bought for$1 trillion. It is now valued at what PetroChina is valued at. And she will be taking over CBS News. So the oldest and most vulnerable members of our society will be getting news directly from Barry Weiss, who's a friend of mine who I like.

4:01Tim Dillon:I tend to like these types. I really do. And I enjoy her, and I wish her well, and I'm wishing her the best. I know that it seems like we're poking fun here, and we are a little bit, because let's be honest, CBS is about to just become God only knows. I mean, it's going to be, number one, it's tranny TV. So all they're going to talk about is gender goblinism. And then they're going to talk about Israel. Most likely, that's what it's going to oscillate. It's going to oscillate between somebody on the girls' swim team has a cock, which is their big issue. And then also, hey, how good of a job is Netanyahu doing?

4:42Tim Dillon:Good or great? What say you? You know, so you're going to have all of those debates, you know, how best to kill a Palestinian. How does it is it? Should it be quick? We don't know. So you're going to have all of that at CBS News. CBS News. Very interesting that the establishment is now, you know, Barry Wise was somebody who was like way outside the mainstream. She worked at the New York Times and then left, right? Because like they went super woke and she was like persona non grata and she then launched her own thing and she's very independent in the sense that she wasn't linked to, you know, Viacom or, you know, AP Associated Press or any of these conglomerates, these big media companies.

5:32Tim Dillon:So she started the free press, but she had a lot of backing. She had a lot of financiers come in that backed her very early on with a lot of money that pumped her up. And she created the Free Press. Again, full disclosure, I've done events with them. They've paid me very well one time. And I've done events with them, and I enjoy her. And I think she's charming and smart. Is Barry Weiss interested in an unbiased look at the Middle East?

6:07Tim Dillon:I don't know Maybe not Perhaps not And I think that maybe that's what's bothering the staffers at CBS Because CBS is an old Now you remember who watches CBS People that watch CBS Their entire night is getting from the kitchen to the chair The entire night of an average viewer of CBS Is getting from the kitchen to the chair They make a plan to get from the kitchen to the chair. They walk into the kitchen. They're in the kitchen. They find some type of food that they believe their system can still handle after all of these years. They eat a little bit of that food, and then they migrate. It's migration.

6:47Tim Dillon:It's like a refugee coming from Cuba to Florida, except they're just trying to get to their chair in their living room. and then they turn on the CBS Evening News, okay? Again, the median age of a primetime viewer of CBS is 67.8, almost 68 years old. But by the way, that's the median. So we know that there's far older as well. And the people that are watching CBS are elderly people who are, they kind of don't know what's going on. Let's be honest. So I think maybe they're trying to bring in Barry to like make it young and hip. They're trying to like, she's going to like jazz it up and make it like younger and hipper and like cooler and whatever.

7:34Tim Dillon:And then also provide the old people the content they want, you know, which is, you know, predominantly fear-based and misleading. And as long as the content remains fear-based and misleading, it will be good content. and they will eat it up until they go on that final pilgrimage to wherever. But we congrats to Barry. A great gig. CBS is an old clunker of a car. Nobody who's young respects it. Nobody's getting their news anymore from cable that is under 40. Nobody is reading these papers anymore half the time. I read them because I have this dumb show. most people are getting their news directly now from a person who's being bombed.

8:26Tim Dillon:That's who the news is now. The news is directly from someone who's literally being bombed at the moment. Like, there is no more article about the bombing. Someone whose family just got incinerated in a fire is on a phone telling you what happened. Hey, please help me. Help me. So there's not a ton of editorializing to be done now. We're just getting it directly from the horse's mouth. Like the people that are being skinned alive in their homes, burnt to death, heads exploding, in a kind of a hurricane of fire in an inferno, skin melting, eye sockets out. Those are the people that are now on the phone telling you what your government is funding.

9:16Tim Dillon:Okay? Okay, so that's, I got to get rid of this because it's even, it's kind of bothering my neck even. And I feel like, I feel like with the beard, it feels anti-Semitic, but it's not. It's actually, by the way, here's what's funny about this whole thing. Truly, this is actually funny. It's actually funny. There's nothing less anti-Semitic than this, than what I'm doing. Stacking two bagels to represent the Twin Towers, having managed to have its wine, and dressing in this costume is actually the least anti-Semitic thing anyone has ever done. And that's what's funny about the world is you see it and immediately go, oh my God, that's offensive and crazy.

9:59Tim Dillon:But this is the type of thing the free press should be defending, right? We hope the free press is defending this and sharing this clip. We imagine the free press will be sharing this clip, yes, yes or yes. rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings one of my favorite things about rocket money is that it can track subscriptions it has the ability to cancel unwanted ones with the app with a few taps giving users an easy way to stop paying for things they don't use i'm telling you automatic transaction categorization across accounts plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns you can set budgets and goals get personalized insights and regular reports and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances.

10:47The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com slash T-I-M. That's rocketmoney.com slash T-I-M. Rocketmoney.com slash T-I-M. Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst.

11:21I get ad-free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Try it now for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Hi, I'm Sean Evans from Hot Ones. And I want to tell you about YouTube Premium. It has offline downloads, so you can watch without Wi-Fi. Background play, so you can lock your phone and it still plays, baby. Oh, and it is completely ad-free. Yes, I said it, ad-free. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime.

12:05Tim Dillon:But the news now has gone from like a guy and he'd be sitting at a desk and he'd be a good looking guy like David Muir. Get up the picture of David Muir because he's a hottie. And he's not purely white. There's something else going on. And you kind of imagine him at a bar and he's having a glass of scotch and then a woman walks in, maybe like a Catherine Zeta-Jones back in the day, not now, I know she's older now. And David Muir is at a bar and he's that type of guy that you imagine nailing like a Hollywood A-lister. He's just a good looking guy and he has that face that seems like he cares. And then that guy would get on the news and he would go, the continued conflict in the Middle East has been incredibly deadly and unfortunate.

12:56And the people in their houses would go, yeah, yeah, well, that sucks. That's tough. You know, that's a sad thing.

13:04Tim Dillon:And now, but you removed. You're kind of removed from it because you don't really know what's going on. And then they'd show like a few, they'd show some bombs. It'd be some lights. There'd be some things going on and off. And you'd go, yeah, that's bad. And then he'd go, the terrorism that is being, you know, like the terrorist. And they would say that word a lot. They would be like the terrorism and the terror. And then you go, right, right, right. Terrorist, yeah, got to root them out, get them, smoke them out of their hole. Remember all the George W. Bush? gotta smoke them out of their hole get them got them good get them root them out bush was the first one after this whole thing happened he goes they're gonna have to do some things not be too nice george w bush came out was like yep i'm no fan of terrors and he's like they're gonna have to go into these places and it's not because guerrilla warfare and listen some of that is understandable inevitable we get it it is not nice you know guerrilla warfare warfare in cities is not pretty.

14:03Tim Dillon:The Pentagon's planning, by the way, if you read what the Pentagon's planning, they're planning to have it here. And it's not nice. And they're planning actually to have it here. The Pentagon for many, many years has been looking at what happens when the population just gets a little too excited. But you would have a guy like David Muir and he'd be out there and there'd be this filter and you would be understanding what's happening in a geopolitical context, right? A geopolitical context. Like you'd be understanding like, um, that there are, uh, things that are, uh, beyond our understanding that can't really be, uh, you know, fleshed out fully here.

14:47Tim Dillon:We're just going to use words that give you the idea that, uh, it's, it's, it's, uh, terrible and unfortunate and it's a prolonged that's one of the pro law it's a prolonged conflict it's a terrorism and extremism radical extremism radical terrorism extremism prolonged conflict conflicts terrorism civilians sadly death you know and all of these things and it just kind and again you're 70 you're watching you're watching the news you know what i mean the pills kicking in and you're coming back and forth. There's a piece of pie that's lodged in your esophagus. It isn't going down. It's breaking down in the lower range of your esophagus.

15:32Tim Dillon:So you're breathing through the pie and you're going.

15:41Tim Dillon:And then intermittently, David Muir is coming in in explaining Gaza to you, and that was the news. Now the news is your daughter comes home because nobody used to care about anything, by the way. Kids didn't care about anything, ever. No one cared about anything. I was a child. No one really cared. Nobody was engaged. 16-year-old girls were not screaming about colonialism in 1997. That's not what was going on. But now how you get the news is your daughter comes in and she's really upset about something she saw on TikTok. And then she goes, look at this. And then she hands you the phone. And then you're watching, there's a girl on TikTok and she's like standing on a mound of rubble.

16:34Okay. And she's going, my family was burned. They were burned alive. Can you come get me? My family was burned. And then you have to explain to your daughter, you got to go, honey, there's always people being burned alive in our world. What do you mean? Honey, you're so lucky. That's why I tell you to never complain about anything. You're so lucky to get on a bus in our little Pacific Northwest suburb with our crisp air and our alpine lakes, and you're so lucky to get on a bus and go to a school and have your biggest problem be that Sarah doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. I tell you, friendships, they change.

17:28People grow apart, and then sometimes they reconnect later on. Remember when we had that talk? You're so lucky that that's your biggest problem because there's many people your age that are being burned alive right now in their homes. They're being burned alive in their homes and they're watching their parents burn. And the thing about fire is that you scream while you're being burned, honey. This is something that people don't realize, but actually while you're engulfed in flames, you are still screaming and you can still hear it. and it's a terrible way to die, to be burned alive while you still scream.

18:09And that's happening all over the world all the time. And honey, why is it happening?

18:15Tim Dillon:Why can't it stop? Why are we funding it? Why don't you care? Hey, hey, calm down. The world is very complicated and very big. It's a big world. The world is very big. And in a big, complicated world where there's lots of different people, some of them are going to burn each other alive. Some of them are going to cook each other in pots. And there's just not much we can do about it. But what I'd like you to do is stop getting so upset about it. And then they go, this is why they had to ban TikTok. They don't care about your kid's mental health, by the way. They don't. All they give them is poison little waffle bites.

18:59I mean, that's all children are given from the time in this country. They're three until they hit puberty, which they're now hitting at like 10, by the way. Like kids are going through puberty. Women are fully pregnant at 12 years old, smoking cigs on welfare. And it's because they're eating these little waffle, these little waffle bites and little pancake crisps and all kinds of weird fruity dinner. And, you know, what they really are is little tranny bites because it does change, you know, and people become trans from the breakfast cereal. They have, you know, the thing with the, you know, Count Chocula and then the Smacks, that frog, all of these things.

19:40So these kids are poisoned with little, you know, French toast, you know, hot fudge sundae, little, you know, they'll put like a little, like some type of like little mini cake and then that becomes a cereal. like a, you know, right. Right. Common sweeteners may be accelerating puberty in kids. Yeah, whatever. It's not a science show. I'm not going to go into the whole thing here. But my point is that all of these sugar cereals drive your kids insane. They spike their insulin. They crash. And by the way, anyone who's genuinely trans, you know, we obviously love and support you. Look at me. I'm literally identifying as a rabbi right now.

20:21But, you know, I think, you know, there's a lot of like, hey, a little social contagion. I want to be cool too, which is fine. And not for every, it's more the women that are doing that, the women, the trans women. The dudes who want to be women are kind of more legit. And then also like some of the women who want to be men are clearly legit, but I just say, hey, everyone, let's not do the hormones early. Let's just wait a little bit until we're totally sure, totally certain, and then you do you. I don't care. It doesn't matter. But we don't care about your kids' mental health. we would not feed them the food we do if we cared about their mental health.

20:58We never would do that. We wouldn't, you know, the diet of everything they get, really, in this country, the pressure that's put on them, all these kids that have to get into Ivy League schools, some of them kill themselves. There was a school in LA, Harvard-Westlake. These kids were under so much pressure to get into top colleges that they, I believe they hung themselves or one of them might have shot themselves. I'm just saying how terrible it is the pressure that is put on children in this country to excel now the opposite of that is my fat useless parents putting no pressure on me to do anything also not good by the way footnote but I'm just saying we don't care about the kids health the reason that we wanted to ban TikTok had nothing to do with bullying and it had nothing to do with mental health it was the fact that kids were starting to look at the world and go why is this like this why are we why is this happening why is everybody getting killed And then parents had to have these really uncomfortable conversations with their children about the fact that, hey, it's just part of the game.

21:58It's part of the game. It's part of the game. So then they had to ban TikTok, which didn't work. But they did try.

22:07Tim Dillon:And who knows? It may soon work. We don't know. But I'm telling you right now, you had two tragic years at LA's most elite private school. at Harvard-Westlake, four students, two alumni, and one parent have all taken their own lives. And that's very sad. All right. I don't want to read the article, but I am, I'm not lying to you. It's true. And a lot of these people are taking their own lives because they're under pressure to succeed and to excel. And we do that to children, whether it's in sports, whether it's in academics. So we're not a country that prioritizes anybody's mental health. Nobody's, Not adults.

22:44Tim Dillon:Not adults. Not adults. We don't prioritize anybody's mental health. We don't. We never have. We don't. So anytime somebody goes actually we got to start thinking about the mental health. There's another agenda. It's easy to see. There's actually another agenda. Does this come across as antisemitic with the curls? I'm only wondering with the curls because this is how the costume came at Spirit Halloween. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending, helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. One of my favorite things about Rocket Money is that it can track subscriptions.

23:22It has the ability to cancel unwanted ones with the app with a few taps, giving users an easy way to stop paying for things they don't use. I'm telling you, automatic transaction categorization across accounts plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. You can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.

23:56Join rocketmoney.com slash GIM. That's rocketmoney.com slash GIM. Rocketmoney.com slash GIM. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. it's destroying athlete creator and youtube maxer youtube premium enhances how i use youtube with awesome features like offline downloads so i can download my favorite training videos before i hit the gym so no wi-fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day plus i get ad-free videos background play and so much more youtube premium it's like youtube got some extra gains try youtube premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Hey, what's up, guys?

24:33It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. So try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. That's a mouthful.

25:02Tim Dillon:But my point is this. If we had TikTok during the Iraq war, kids would have been going nuts. You know, people were flipped out during the Iraq war and they were only watching that heavily edited cable news. We had the internet, but you weren't, you know, there were documentaries made, but you weren't getting that live up to the minute, live feed of what was going on in the world, right? Now you are confronted with every horror. So there is no more news. Here's my point. This is the point. There's always a point. Actually, there is. There's no more news. The news doesn't exist. The news doesn't really exist anymore.

25:45Everything is pretty accessible now. You can watch the speeches being given by a lot of the people that are making news. You can watch a war zone on your phone. Does it look like they're avoiding civilian casualties? You know what I mean? All of this is very accessible to you

26:13Tim Dillon:and you can see it and go, huh, there is no news. doesn't really matter what Barry Weiss does with CBS doesn't really matter these institutions are done we are getting it direct from the source now we're getting it directly from the regions of the world that it is happening that doesn't mean we're not subject to misinformation and AI and eventually deep fakes and all of that obviously we are but you have more information now raw information in your hand than you've ever had before. Children that are growing up right now are never going to go back to watching the CBS evening news. They're never going to go back to watching the CBS evening news.