508 - Overboard in Iran, Savannah Guthrie, & ICE Electric Gloves

24:26What would you say? Oh, I think that it's so important to put yourself first. And, you know, as we age, sometimes we have health issues that we're concerned about or want to get ahead of. And that was certainly my case. And stop it. Pause it. Pause it. Savannah. She's out of breath when she says, yeah, Savannah, I'm going to explode. I was told by a doctor recently that I was going to explode and create a dangerous situation for people near me when that happened, that I was going to explode. so even though people feel seen by me and i really appreciate that the fact of the matter is this i am going to explode so with or without your support and the support of my fans i have chosen to not explode.

25:26If I can help it, I've chosen to not explode. And Savannah's like, a lot of people might feel that that explosion represented them. A lot of people would feel seen if you exploded. Don't you think so? So let's just finish this up here. Savannah Guthrie. Me, like I've lived my life a lot for more uh more over other people than myself and i think if it works for them whatever it is whether it's weight training or not watching a movie that might scare them before they go to bed like something simple like all of those things isn't it's everything for me how i consume everything is what's important but also like you have to live your own life and i have to do that for myself yeah okay well yeah i mean it's it's an obvious hand first of all she's so she's so like befuddled by the question she starts seeing nonsense she's like well if you can weight training or watching a movie at night that won't scare you or it it's so wild um it's really interesting and good for chrissy metz by the way and and shame on savannah guthrie a little bit and and i know savannah Guthrie just went through a horrible thing that she may or may not have been involved in.

26:41So I don't know. I'm sure she didn't do it. I'm not accusing Savannah Guthrie of kidnapping her own mother. What I will say is that what an odd question. Well, people might get mad at you for this. And of course, some psychos might get mad at her. But what is this? What is explanation

26:59Tim Dillon:does she owe anybody? Savannah, if we're going to start with the explanations, your family has it. I'd like an explanation from your family before you chastise this fat bitch for losing a couple of pounds. What the fuck went on with your mother, by the way? Why the hell can't we get a goddamn answer about that? Your chast... Because Savannah Guthrie's like, by the way, I don't know that you owe these people an explanation, but here's the deal. You being fat has helped me so much. When my mother was kidnapped by probably members of my own family, let's be honest, I would look at you and go, well, she's fat and I'm not.

27:38And if fat people get thin, then I have to develop a personality. But I put a picture of you on my refrigerator every morning that we hadn't heard from my mother and she was expiring in the trunk of a car. I looked at you and I said, at least I'm not this fat bitch. So if you get thin, who's going to be that fat bitch for me? Chrissy Metz is like, um, well, that's, that's a good question. That's so sweet. That's a good question, and that's so sweet. Thank you. And I'm sorry about what happened to your mother. I think that maybe if I lose weight and you're unable to use me as a photo to make yourself feel better, there'll be someone else that might just feel more comfortable being overweight.

28:26Savannah Guthrie goes, right. Thank you. Well, there you have it, folks. Chrissy Metz and a friend of the show, Savannah Guthrie, of course. You know, we don't want to people are going to get mad at that. But what did I what did I do? I'm just saying it's a little crazy. It's a wild question to ask, you know, and be like, hey, so you decided not to be fat, huh? Why? Ice is now planning to implement electric shock gloves as a means of de-escalation. And here's what I'll say to Ice. I do think there's a chance that That People That these electric shock gloves Like people are going to get the wrong idea About this I really I got to be honest with you I don't know what their intentions are But this electric shock gloves Which I guess means you shock people with gloves Is what I imagine they are They're just gloves And you grab someone And you shock them You know, people are going to get the wrong idea about that.

29:29They really are. Rightly or wrongly, humane devices that deliver jolt of pain will be used by ICE agents. So now this is from the Telegraph in the UK. ICE agents will now be using electric shock gloves to be humane. So at some point, there was a meeting where they said, you got to stop shooting these protesters in the face. And somebody went, what about electric shock gloves? And everyone went, now we're talking. Now we're talking. What if we could, what if I turn my paws, my mitts, my hands into little electric chairs? And they went, that's a good idea. So ICE plans to spend, now by the way, this is a complete false choice.

30:13You can have a secure border. You don't need a paramilitary group of psychopaths that you've recruited from a backyard wrestling event, um, who are completely untrained, who are running around, who are grabbing grandmothers and people at, um, you know, a high school graduation. You don't need to have these shock troops running through the streets. You can have a secure border. You can have a process. You can have all of this stuff. People that have committed heinous crimes can leave. Uh, and, and you will need people to

30:44Tim Dillon:get people that have committed crimes, obviously, if they've done something really bad. Um, but what You just don't need this group. This group has done a lot of damage to the cause of actually having a secure border because people don't want this. They don't want to be associated with this. They don't want people being grabbed with electric shock gloves, which I shouldn't have to say. I shouldn't have to say that. I shouldn't have to be like, you know, people don't love the electric shock gloves that ICE will be using. The gloves can deliver up to 380 volts of electricity. A standard U.S. power outlet is 120 volts.

31:24So I plan to spend up to$20 million to buy the generated low-output voltage emitter. Whose idea, by the way,

31:34Tim Dillon:who thought up electric shock gloves? That's a crazy invention. That's a really wild invention to just go, So, well, yeah, what if you needed to grab someone and then shock them humanely? Because that's the way these guys talk. In Silicon Valley, they'll be sitting there and they'll be like, well, you know, law enforcement has expressed a need to de-escalate situations humanely. And we thought, what about a glove that emitted a kind of a, you know, just a reasonable voltage, a reasonable charge? The DHS said in a statement to the BBC ICE is constantly assessing the needs of our officers in the field To ensure they have the tools and equipment necessary Compliant Technologies LLC, which makes the gloves Told the BBC it was unable to comment on the sale A no-bid purchase contract could be published as early as Friday The glove devices are activated by pushing a button to deliver shocks And can deliver up to 30 pulses per second They also feature built-in microprocessors to keep a record of activation.

32:47By the way, the name Compliant Technologies is fucking crazy. Compliant Technologies states on its website that they do not cause injury and are used by many agencies. A user manual on the company's website recommends avoiding use on the elderly, small children, pregnant women, and the severely handicapped. You know what? Compliant Technologies, how about this? No.

33:08Tim Dillon:No! If I want to shock a child or a handicapped person with your gloves, I will. Can we read that again? Go up again because that's unbelievable. So here's the avoiding use on the elderly, small children, pregnant women, and the severely handicapped. Compliant technologies shock gloves. Don't use them on the kids. Don't use them on a pregnant woman Don't use them on the elderly As well as that an additional officer Should be present to restrain the subject While the gloves are being used So you gotta have somebody there To make sure that you're doing this properly The last thing you want Is to be grabbing someone With These gloves These shock gloves And for someone to think you're doing the wrong thing Truly You need someone there You don't want Because again People will get the wrong idea If you are just grabbing someone And shocking them With your hands Like I guess Edward Scissorhands Well he had scissors That movie Powder That movie Powder We may or may not deploy them So wait a minute Hold on Unlike a taser Which has barbs and breaks the skin and delivers a shock of up to 50 ,000 volts, overriding the central nervous system.

34:38The gloves deliver a sharp localized shock to convince the subject to comply using pain deterrence, said Lieutenant Butch Galleon,

34:48Tim Dillon:a Donkey Kong villain. Lieutenant Butch Galleon, an administrator at Hawkins County Jail in Tennessee. We may or may not deploy them. It just depends on how they act. When you push the button to turn them on, there's a light that displays. The inmates understand that light. And often just seeing that light brings compliance. The shocks can only be delivered when they contact skin, allowing an officer to touch a subject's clothing and then move to the skin, particularly the wrist or the elbow. If they begin to fight, if they become combative, then you can apply the gloves to an area and the skin.

35:21You know, I just, here's what I'm, listen, I always, I believe that we should have law enforcement and that they should be able to detain people and arrest people that have done the wrong thing. I don't know if moving in this direction is the right way to go. I will say that. I don't know if moving in the shock glove direction is the right way to go. I know that there are people that feel like that is a good move and it is the future. I just don't know. I don't know that it feels great to have people delivering localized electric shocks. Because here's what it is. The cops are no longer trained.

36:14Many of them aren't physically fit. Let's be honest. A lot of them look like that woman on the Today Show. And they're out there and they can't handle when the suspect fights back. So we have to give them like, you know, crazy gadgets. This is like Inspector Gadget. You know, just gadgets. Grab the shot gloves, and I'm heading out with my shot gloves. And I understand that people get wild out there. People resist arrest and do some gnarly stuff. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. It's destroying athlete, creator, and YouTube Maxer. YouTube Premium enhances how I use YouTube with awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite training videos before I hit the gym.

36:59so no Wi-Fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day. Plus, I get ad-free videos, background play, and so much more. YouTube Premium, it's like YouTube got some extra gains. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there.

37:33You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. So try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. That's a mouthful. Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads, so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi. because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad-free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there.

38:05You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Try it now for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Hi, I'm Sean Evans from Hot Ones, and I want to tell you about YouTube Premium. It has offline downloads, so you can watch without Wi-Fi. Background play, so you can lock your phone and it still plays, baby. Oh, and it is completely ad-free. Yes, I said it, ad-free. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime.

38:46Tim Dillon:But let's watch some of this. Let's give everyone a fair hearing. Let's watch some of this. Tonight, facing criticism over use of force and some arrests, ICE says it has a new tool for officers dealing with noncompliant suspects, spending$20 million to purchase thousands of devices known as the glove, which shock people who do not comply with officers. These demonstration videos released by the manufacturer. A senior DHS official. Can you do that again? Please do that again. Do that again.

39:28A senior DHS official. So that's what's going to be going on. That's the sound you're going to hear when you're eating a muffin in the morning and having coffee. You're just going to hear. Let's watch that one more time. These demonstration videos released by the manufacturer. A senior DHS official tells NBC News officers will be able to turn on the gloves, also known as zap gloves, at the touch of a button. Emitting a shock, they say won't leave a mark or hurt the person after they are released. Saying it allows officers to avoid using firearms and is better than pepper spray, which can impact bystanders.

40:15In a statement to NBC News, DHS says every decision is made with careful consideration and appropriately reviewed to ensure any technology ICE utilizes is consistent with all applicable law enforcement policies and standards. Well, there you have it, folks. That is, you know, again, I'm skeptical if this is the right direction to move into as a country. I don't think it is. I don't think, you know, we were able to, you know, detain people and restrain people for years and years and years without this technology. I don't know what has happened that would make this technology necessary. And if you don't think this will be used on you or someone you know, eventually you're crazy.

40:57I mean, this is not going to be simply for people that have committed crimes.

41:01Tim Dillon:All of this stuff, the Flock cameras, all of it is coming. It's not coming to just make you safe. They don't care if you're safe. Again, all of it is coming to build a surveillance grid that is like nothing else that has ever existed in history. Listen to me now. Nothing in history will be, you will not be able to find a comp, a comparable in history for the level of surveillance that they're going to employ. At the cellular level here, they're going to monitor your hopes and dreams, everything you type into Google, all of your text messages, every email, every phone call. your physical location with your phone camera.

41:54They're going to have flock cameras and license plate readers and facial recognition, biometric eye scans. They're going to have all of these things.

42:02Tim Dillon:You'll be in a web of surveillance unlike any that has existed in history. And all of that is designed because what is coming is going to be very disruptive. And they know that. They're aware that what is coming is going to be very disruptive. It has to probably do with the eventual disruptions to the economy with AI. It could be a major war. It could be a climate event. Whatever they think is coming, or it could be all three. Whatever they think is coming, they are building this surveillance grid so that when it comes, they are able to address the disruptions in society that this will cause. This is going to cause significant fissures in society.

42:52There's no way that this is all being done.

42:56Tim Dillon:And by the way, at a breakneck pace, this is happening quick. They want this stuff happening quick. There's already 1 ,000 flat cameras in New York. There's already, I found out what it was a week ago. Here's the thing. This is the way technology will work now. You'll find out what something was a week ago, and then it'll just be being used. It'll be being used. How many flat cameras are in NYC? Let's see if we can get that up. Maybe I'm overreacting, but let's see what's going on here. It's probably more than I would like. I would like none. Oh, okay, there's zero right now. Well, that's good, but hold on.

43:37Wasn't there an Upper West Side thing, flat camera? Well, they're coming. I imagine they're coming. There was like a flock camera story out of New York City. What is this? This is a map of all the flock cameras. They just said there was no flock cameras. Maybe this is what they're going to put in?

44:03I don't know what's going on, but the flock cameras are coming. I thought, because by the way, people are destroying them, so people are seeing them all over the place.

44:15people are going and destroying these

44:19Tim Dillon:because people do not like them. But they are coming, and this is the way technology is going to work. You'll hear about this shock glove, and then all of a sudden, somebody will shock glove you. You'll be like, what the fuck? That's how quick it's going to be now. How can I check the location of Flock? I mean, look at that. Put that up right there. That is a map, I believe, of

44:47this is the reported locations of cameras in your neighborhood.

44:54Now the flat cameras are supposedly going to only be used again if someone shoots somebody and they'll only be used for public safety and everything like that. Don't worry about it. They're not going to be used for any other reason. Just like everything else we've been told. All of these things are coming, obviously, because there's some level of preparation happening for some event or multiple events. And I'm not even saying people have an exact idea of what they are, but they have some scenarios drawn up that will require this level of surveillance, this level of control for sure. Look at that.

45:39I thought that was places where they had the Taco Bell lettuce I'm kidding And by the way, let's support Taco Bell I really want to support Taco Bell right now They got a lot of bad press But Taco Bell is the one fast food restaurant That we still like We still like it It warms our hearts Yeah, yeah, yeah If you're from the South, it's Chick-fil-A for you. Whatever.

46:11Tim Dillon:Taco Bell's the nostalgia. You're out with your buddies. You're all high. You're 17. You go through Taco Bell. You get the best food you can get in the world. When you're high and you're a teenager, Taco Bell is the greatest food in the world. And how lucky that there's one in the next town over. And it's amazing. And, you know, I've talked about this. I did an episode many years ago called Fat Girl with the Clean Car. Because one of my friends was a fatty boom batty, but she would never eat in front of us. She always had an immaculate car, very clean. And then one day we just noticed on the dashboard was a perfectly diced Taco Bell tomato.

46:56A perfectly diced tomato that had come out of a... And I didn't even mention it, but she had gotten it all. She'd gotten it all out, except for one perfectly diced tomato that could have fallen out of a chalupa, a gordita. It was there, and it was just a... But again, clean car, always smelled great, always smelled like a cupcake. They do that icing scent. But Taco Bell to me is a part of my childhood. And yes, can you get up RIP the lettuce that did kill the man, the 47-year-old man who did shit himself to death? Bring that up because that is unfortunate. And we want to also, if we're going to defend Taco Bell, let's also kind of memorialize this man who gave his life for Taco Bell.

47:54Tim Dillon:Oh, wait. Now they're saying no deaths have reported? So it's fake. I heard a guy died. I heard someone died. I heard a 47-year-old guy died from this cyclospora thing. Is this complete fraud? Wow, it's fraud. I don't even believe this was real, this thing. By the way, I told nine people I had it to get out of things because it was just an excuse. Don't ever waste an excuse that's public. if something is public just say I've got that parasite lettuce thing I think if something is public never waste an excuse okay yeah so two people have died in Michigan let's watch this because we do want to mourn the dead who gave their lives come on here it is being blamed on at least two deaths now the illness is not typically deadly however these two people who died had underlying health conditions and they came down with the food borne parasite.

48:55Caroline Elliott with the update tonight. The infamous explosive diarrhea parasite has now turned deadly in Michigan after the state reported the first two deaths linked to the outbreak. In the arms of the angel, please keep going. Leave the immunocompromised or individuals that have some really bad reactions to that. According to the Michigan Department of Health and human services, both patients had quote significant underlying health conditions and died after getting the food born. You had a soft taco. And you shed yourself to death. And if it doesn't go away, they should definitely seek medical attention.

49:38Michigan is the hardest hit among the 45 states reporting cases, with more than 11 ,000 total and as of late July, nearly 200 hospitalizations. Federal health officials linked the outbreak to lettuce imported from Mexico that served at Taco Bell locations around the country. And since then, some producers have seen. All right, get it out of here.

49:58Tim Dillon:Get it out of here. R.I.P. to the people. The last thing they heard was that crunch.

50:09Tim Dillon:That Taco Bell crunch. Can you get that up? Can you just get the Taco Bell crunch sound? because that's the last thing they heard. And what a beautiful way to go out, by the way.

50:28Tim Dillon:I don't know if you'll be able to get the crunch, but what a beautiful way to go out. That was their final act. Their final act was to go through a Taco Bell. There it is. Oh, that's kind of an RIP. That's for whom the bell tolls. Let's go. Last thing they heard. There it is. One more time. R.I.P. Okay, give it to me again. One more time. And by the way, if I was at their funeral, I would say, and now for a moment of silence. That's right. That was the last thing, and that's sad. It is very sad, but it is a good way to go. You drive through. You get a nice treat. You eat, and I hope it was a good one.

51:16See, that's the thing. You don't want some Taco Bells. It's just you get it. You go, what the hell were you guys doing back there? Because sometimes the beans are on the outside of the thing. Like sometimes the Taco Bell goop that's supposed to stay in it is leaking out and it's on the outside. It looks like shit, shit colored. So you go, just keep it in. It's got to be in. You don't want to see the inside. Just want to eat it and kind of stare. I hope it was a good. I hope after that they said, this was a tasty, nice one. That's the best you can hope. I hope after they had that final, you know, burrito, you know, perhaps a burrito supreme or something.

51:55I hope they went that with a Crunchwrap Supreme. I hope they said, God, that was a good one. Because then, unfortunately, and not to be indelicate about it, but after that they did shit themselves to death.

52:10I'm not trying to be indelicate. but that's literally what happened. And now Taco Bell's trying to rebrand now because a couple of people shit themselves to death. So Taco Bell now is like, all right,

52:23Tim Dillon:let's bring some oldies back. Because they go to the CEO, they go, listen, this thing's getting out of control. A lot of people getting sick. And he's like, any deaths? Because they don't care about anything, right? Other than death. Death is a bad one. They don't care how sick you got. As long as you're not dead, number one, One, the press isn't that bad for them. Number two, you're still a customer. So they went to the CEO and they go, hey, we got two deaths from this. And he goes, all right, bring back the Enchirito. Bring back, let's get the Quesarito back for a couple of days. Let's go old school.

52:58Tim Dillon:Let's read this Taco Bell story. I know I'm late to this story, folks, but I don't care. Taco Bell has completed the removal of affected Taylor Farms lettuce from our restaurants based on ongoing conversations with public health officials and out of abundance of caution, talk about work swiftly to voluntarily remove the product. Good for them. Good for them. And listen, we extend our greatest, our sympathies to the families of the two people. But by the way, what would you rather? Jump off an aircraft carrier in the ocean like some cock or die like a man with a crunch wrap wrapper in the front of your car?

53:38Tim Dillon:You know that's how they found these people. They found them in their cars with a Crunchwrap wrapper on the front seat in their own shit. They found them in a pool of their own shit with a Crunchwrap wrapper in the front seat. Listen, some people say not a dignified way to go, but who cares? It's not about the body. It's about the soul. Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi.

54:15Because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Try it now for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Hi, I'm Sean Evans from Hot Ones, and I want to tell you about YouTube Premium. It has offline downloads, so you can watch without Wi-Fi. Background play, so you can lock your phone, and it still plays, baby. Oh, and it is completely ad-free. Yes, I said it, ad-free. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium.

54:56Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime.

55:03Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad-free, I get background play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Try it now for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Hi, I'm Sean Evans from Hot Ones, and I want to tell you about YouTube Premium.

55:39It has offline downloads, so you can watch without Wi-Fi. Background play, so you can lock your phone, and it still plays, baby. Oh, and it is completely ad-free. Yes, I said it, ad-free. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel any time.

56:03Tim Dillon:Millions of men ditching the workforce data shows. Good for them. Work sucks. So apparently a lot of men have had enough with working. Good. Let's make this a little bigger. Because here's the deal. I think millions of men are ditching the workforce and experts are sounding the alarm. Here's the thing, folks, with these jobs. You know, they're not fun anymore. The Bureau of Labor Statistics breakdown found that 44 million of the 132 million eligible men older than 15 were not in the labor force last month. So that's about 33 % of men are not in the labor force. That's 9 million more out of work men than in 2012, where 29 % were not in the workforce.

56:52So now it's up to 33%. The number of men opting not to work jumped by 891 ,000 over the preceding 12 months alone And as the economy sheds manufacturing and finance jobs Yeah, the American economy has gradually moved away from some of the industries That historically provided good jobs to men without college degrees Meanwhile, much of the recent employment growth has occurred in areas such as healthcare and education Where women make up a much larger share of the workforce Mr. Boulier cited research showing that men who stay home in their 30s to play video games or seek social media fame find it progressively harder to return to traditional work and are more likely to end up incarcerated.

57:36Well, that's negative.

57:39Tim Dillon:That's a little negative, Mr. Boulier.

57:45Tim Dillon:I don't think the guys playing video games are trying to get social media fame, need negativity from that goon. Shut up. Support people. Support people in your life. If someone tells you they're going to be famous, support them no matter what. No matter what it does to their life, support them. They're going to be an influencer and talk about cupcakes. You support them. They're going to flick their bean on OnlyFans. You support them. They're going to be a gamer. They're going to be Mr. Beast. you support them. Damn right. You support them. You don't tell them they got to get a nine to five job at a fucking bank.

58:25Tim Dillon:You tell them you support whatever crap they're doing on the internet. That's our, that's the, that's the message. You have to be positive. When your drug addicted child wanders up from the basement and tells you they got things going on in crypto, you say, good for you, son. You don't tell them to go to college like some fucking loser. You say, I'm proud of you, and one day you'll be living in Miami with, what's his name, Clavick? And you go, Clavicular, dad. You're going to be living with Clavicular soon. You're my son. You're my son. You're going to be living in Miami with Clavicular. I got a job like a fucking cuck, and your mother walked all over me, okay?

59:10Tim Dillon:She ruined my life. I slaved away for you and your mother To pay for this house How lucky I would have been To grow up at a time when I knew That I could be like go to Miami And be like clavicular You should support your children I'm telling you I know people think I'm kidding I'm not you should support your children They don't need to hear That they need an internship Let them loose Let them loose on the internet I'm telling you You go, hey, we're getting views We're catfishing pedophiles And then hitting them with sticks Good for you, son And then you tell your friends You go, my son's putting his ass on the internet He's catching pedophiles And they're filming him down at the park And this kid's making some real money now These are the new jobs Just go with it What are they going to be lawyers?

1:00:12Tim Dillon:That's retarded No one even knows what that is I'm going to be a lawyer Shut up Go catfish a pedophile at the park Put your pussy on the street Get into fucking Forex trading Start talking about currencies Get into fucking crypto Get into AI weird shit Start using AI to build apps that no one cares about That's another big thing now It doesn't matter. There's a whole new group of jobs. And it does us nothing, by the way, to think of like that people are going to go back to the old world. Be a gamer. Do pranks. Do pranks on people. Do pranks on people. Why do you need, what are you going to be, a doctor?

1:00:58Tim Dillon:Do pranks. Do pranks. Collapse in the middle of a grocery store. Pretend you're dead. Start foaming at the mouth Put Alka-Seltzer in your mouth Start foaming Twitching in a grocery store And film people's reactions These are the new jobs now The jobs are not going to be in things we understand Be an IRL streamer Walk around Miami And just film yourself Humping food delivery robots It's what it is now These are the new jobs Good for you, son. This is my boy. Now, what do you do, son? The other day, he filmed a fight where a guy died. And he got 3 million views. And then the cops also are, they're taking all of that.

1:01:52They're confiscating it as evidence. I'm proud of my son. My son's an IRL streamer. I'm proud of my son. You have to be proud. my daughter does OnlyFans and I'm proud of her you have to start saying these things you can't fight this you have to start saying my daughter has a really good she's got a great business on OnlyFans and I'm proud of her and you tell your friends this because she does fetish there's a lot of people you're going to go listen we never thought she was that great looking to be honest me and her mother were kind of shocked when she told us how well she was doing on OnlyFans, but then she told us she was doing fetish, and I mean weird shit.

1:02:38Things that you wouldn't even think are sexual. You're going to have to tell this to your friends at a lunch. Things you wouldn't even think are sexual. Things with eggs and stuff. I'm telling you, it's weird. I don't understand it. Then the mother comes in and she goes, I don't even understand what's sexual about what she's doing. she does different fetishes and people will message her and they will ask her to do different things she will do most of them some of the ones that she won't do are because she felt that her own safety was

1:03:15compromised by them but we're very proud of her, she's got a really good business she's always had and then your friends are not going to blink at this anymore your friends are going to go she's always had a good head on her shoulders your daughters always had a good head on her shoulders and then one of your friends might go I don't want to make it awkward but I subscribed to her I actually subscribed to the channel and what she did yesterday was she just she took her high heel shoe and she just crushed a roach very slowly and I'm telling you right now I don't know why but I I I just couldn't I just I came I pleasured myself and these are no longer going to be strange conversations and your wife's going to go you might as well, you spent the money and you're not going to mind that your friend has confessed that he has pleasured himself to your daughter you're going to say well she's got a good business, doesn't she Frank?

1:04:15you're going to go you know she's got a real personality on there she's got a real personality on there and she'll do a lot of interesting things, my daughter. She'll do a lot of interesting things. That's what it's going to be, folks. You can keep trying to get people back into the firehouse or whatever, but no one's going to want to put out fires in this country. People are just going to watch things burn.

1:04:37Tim Dillon:So there is no... You're not going to get people into these jobs. Just encourage what they want to do. If your son walks up and goes, I got to get really hot and move to Miami and become rich or I'm going to jump off the balcony and kill myself. You know what you say to him? I agree with you. Son, I agree. Son, years ago I would tell you to go to college and get a good job and then you'd get a house, but what the fuck? You can't do it. What is that going to do? College, good job. I mean, what is this, 2004? Follow your passion, son. Go and catfish a pedophile in the park. Put it on camera and really try to build something.

1:05:23You know, you've always looked younger than you are. Utilize that. Catfish pedophiles. These are the new jobs. People can be mad at it. People don't have to like it, but these are 100 % fully the new jobs in our society, in our ecosystem. And if you're a loving parent, you're going to have to start realizing that and encouraging your children to do these jobs. You're going to have to encourage your children to do these jobs. And a lot of people are going to disagree with me and go, no, we actually want our kids to go the more traditional route. Yeah, sure. So they what? Jump off the aircraft carrier into the ocean?

1:06:09What you need is to encourage your children. Encourage them. If your daughter I'm starting an OnlyFans Your son's like We're just walking around You know Finding dead bodies And playing with them On camera You go Good son I wish I am You're so lucky You're so lucky I used to go to an office Every day And then have to go To your parent teacher conference But you get to go to Miami And And And And basically watch And film people Kill each other outside of a club. Son, I mean, that's the life. You're down there with your boys. You're watching someone get killed. Somebody gets brained on the street and you're watching it.

1:06:54That's the life, isn't it? You know? And your mother will be resentful. She'll be like, if only I knew about, if only we had OnlyFans, I wouldn't have to work at the rec center. I could have just put an egg in my pussy like my daughter. She put an egg in her pussy Now she's a millionaire That's what's coming Embrace it Truly Embrace it Don't Don't fight it Because at the end of the day You're only fighting what's inevitable These are your children You want them to be happy You want them to be happy. And the only way they're going to be happy is if they're moguls or whores. Everyone in our society can only be happy if they're a mogul or a whore.

1:08:01So when you tuck them in at night, you know they're 32, they still live with you. tuck him in you go you're my little whore you're my little mogul and you're my little whore and I believe in you you're gonna be the biggest whore of them all I am aren't I daddy yes you are you're gonna be the biggest whore of them all that's what you have to do love your children good night Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features like offline downloads so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst.

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