Maeby Funke Maybe Wearing Maebe: Tuesday, March 11th, 2025

30:54I think you could have more than one tight end. Look how many Travis has. Yeah, it's true. It's true. And then they also have Christian, of course. Yeah, of course. But Christian's kind of been a blessing and a curse because he's so amazing. But he was injured this last season and the 49ers went nowhere. He's like too good compared to the other players. Yeah, but that happens with any team. That would be like if Tom Brady got injured. Like they're probably treated with Tom Miller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So where do you think Kyle's going to go? I would love for him to come to New York. He's from New York.

31:21I feel like he could. And Lord knows the Jets could use like something. I don't think he should go to the Jets. I think he should go to the Chiefs. And that way Taylor and Chris Sink could just be friends. Yeah. I think maybe he will go to the Texans. Maybe they're acquiring. Oh, they're like an acquisitional year. Yeah. Yeah, this is so rising point. What's it called? Running point. This is so draft day. Oh, so draft day. The best day of the year. I do really wonder where he's going to go. I don't know anything about like the landscape of teams. So I don't know who needs a fullback, but send off in the comments.

31:55I saw someone say the Steelers. I'll eavesdrop on Zach's show tonight. I'll let you know what they say. You're going to listen to Colin Cowherd? I will eavesdrop. I will not actively listen. But hopefully, I don't know why he watches like Colin Cowherd more than Mike and. Molly? Mike and Mike. Mike and Mike is the show. PTI. Maybe he watches PTI earlier in the day and I'm not around for it. Because that's like his number one. And I will never understand. Colin Cowherd is now his number one. I will never understand how there's like a successful sports show called Pardon the Interruption. And then also Pardon My Take.

32:28Also Mike and Mike are different than PTI. Because it's Tony. Tony and Mike. And then I think there's another show called Mike and Mike that we don't watch. And then there's Big Cat. I know Big Cat. And then there's Jackson Claude. There's never not been. There always will be. You know we are Tony and Mike. Maybe that's why I like when he watches that one. I'm totally Tony, right? No, no, I'm so Tony. Oh, you're so Tony? I don't even know who, I literally don't even know what these people look like. Tony won't even get on an airplane. So the other one goes to the Super Bowl and stuff and does everything, and Tony will not get on an airplane.

33:05Oh, you're Tony. Tony's like the agoraphobic host. And he's like older, and he's just like sat giving his opinions. And the other ones are kind of like the correspondent liaisoning. Yeah, like you would probably recognize him. He's like, you would not recognize Tony because Tony doesn't go nowhere. Well, they better watch their backs because Jackson Clodder definitely like emerging as leading voices in the sports world. It's true. I wonder though, I'm just going to like head over to ESPN quickly. Like if other trades happened yesterday and we only know about these two because they affect us. No, I don't think yesterday was like a trade day, but you're right.

33:37We're definitely like in the season. headline of ESPN 2025 NFL free agency winners and losers 49ers Jaguars Patriots okay so this was happening all over okay so now you know that look out cool look out that's the thing about sports like I don't know how people have shows are completely dedicated to sports because like it does get boring like the fun part's over like Kyle was traded like what literally what else is How do people do an hour long show? They do like predictions too, you know, when like. And I guess they cover multiple leagues. Yeah, but like, you know, red carpet, like at the pre-show when they're really desperate, they're like, I think Jennifer Aniston's going to wear this dress I saw on the runway.

34:20It's like, this is a complete waste of time. You realize that? Yeah. I spoke to Jennifer Stylist and she wouldn't tell me what she was wearing. Okay, so why the fuck are you sharing? She said, look out. That's so Xana Roberts Rossi. But that's also what they do on these sports shows. like a game's coming up and they talk about what they think will happen like what they analyze previous games too truly are you ready for our next story yeah one that you're really passionate about because you sent it to me on multiple channels hoping that i did i wanted to make sure you didn't miss it because i have a special place in my heart for neo um if you've ever seen him sing the national anthem you know that nobody else should ever sing it again like people are It was like, Whitney Houston's, Whitney Houston's is the best.

35:02And it is, but Neo's is a very, very close second. And he doesn't make news a lot. And when he does, you better sit down and listen. He made news yesterday because he has a special place in his heart for his four girlfriends. Multiple, yeah. He introduced his four girlfriends from his polyamorous relationship yesterday. Neo is not ashamed of his polyamorous lifestyle. Taking to Instagram over the weekend, he introduced fans to the four women he's currently in a relationship, urging critics to say something nice or move on with their lives. since the world is so intrigued he said i guess i should introduce my loves properly ladies and gents i present my pyramid and he tagged them all on instagram like lab being a really supportive boyfriend if that's the right word i don't know um let me tell you i didn't expect this from neo does it change like how you feel about his national anthem no no does it change just like how i think of him in general yes does it change like the place in your heart that he was holding a little honestly like this is really crazy and it sounds like he was going to be exposed because he was like since everybody wants to be knowing like here it is like he releases information begrudgingly like with a gun to his head yeah or like people were like i saw him with her and i saw him with her so they thought like they had something and he was like well you don't he was getting a reputation as like a philanderer meanwhile he said jokes on you yeah now i don't know anyone polyamorous i've never met anyone polyamorous so i don't know how it works but i've obviously come across sister wives and you love sister wives okay i wouldn't say i love sister eyes but yes i know the sister eyes and i did watch and honestly i think that they are a testament to why polygamy should never be a thing.

36:54They were the most toxic group of people. I believe half the marriages are now over. Once that Robin entered, oh, it was over. Like Robin was the beginning of the end, you know? I don't know who the Robin is of this particular group, I'm sure. Maybe we'll get a reality show. We need TLC to pick up cameras. Yeah, we do. If this is gonna happen and, you know, we're not allowed to say something unkind or else we have to move on. Well, I think we could say unkind things. Well, he said say something nice or move on. Oh, you're saying because Neo told us. Because Neo said that. And I'm trying. I haven't said anything not nice.

37:29But anyways, just saying. If this is going to happen and it's out there, and we should get a show. Start rolling. Yeah, it would be a great show. I don't know how this works. Now, I'm obviously thinking about it like if I had four husbands. Hmm, that's an interesting way to think about it. It sounds like a lot of cleaning and a lot of just chores. But what if you had a husband who was a designated cleaner? Kind of awesome. Oh, that's nice to kind of enter a polyamorous relationship where everybody serves a purpose. Like one is the maid. One is the chef. One is the butler. Oh, you know what? I mean, I guess it's just a staff.

38:07And the one that you really love and you just want to hang out with until everyone else is making that happen. But that's the Robin effect. And that's when it becomes so toxic. And then when you start having children with multiple partners, it really gets complicated. So polyamory is all fun and games until we're reproducing, honestly. I don't judge, but like I do a little. It's complicated, you know, and I don't envy. But you don't hear about sister husbands. Like you only hear about sister wives. It's true. And I need to start seeing more women in male dominated fields like polyamory and polygamy.

38:44But I feel like you sometimes hear of women who like they wouldn't call it sister husbands, brother husbands, but like they're spinning a web. Yeah, but you're saying like a throuple, but it's always multiple women. Yeah. Because I'm thinking about like I sometimes end up on like strange TikToks of like my husband's girlfriend and it's always my husband's girlfriend. Like there's no my husband. It's not my wife's boyfriend. Yeah. or like it's like my wife's girlfriend like from ruby frankie correct that happens so i mean it's not for me different strokes for different folks i have never been with multiple partners in my life and this is really crazy but i did like how he really got up on his platform and supported all of his women tagging their instagrams and like where to follow them rising tides raise all sides.

39:41It could start like a little bit of like a kind of a business empire. Yeah. If they've got that entrepreneurial spirit. That's one reason to do it. Yeah, we'll see what happens. You know? I do know. What more can you say? Are you ready for our next story? Yeah. A little lurd and vis traving. Nope. Lurd and vis spotting or lured and traversing i think they're all bad yeah me too i think we should get to the story yeah taylor swift and travis kelsey were spotted in park city utah keeping a low profile on a dinner date after reconnecting on their romantic getaway so lure and this have not been spotted in a while we knew they were on a vacation but really weren't spotted at all but they have just been seen in Utah getting into a car after a dinner date in Park City.

40:40Yeah, I don't know where I think we like all just sort of assume they were on vacation. I don't know where I thought they were, but it wasn't Utah. Although it does make sense because when you think about like this time of year. And then they went to Utah. I think they did the sand and then the snow. Oh, well, when you think about this time of year, like where do cool people go? Like they go to like Aspen, but it's so sceny and it's so small. Like they wouldn't be able to really hide away there. and Utah is kind of famous for its like ability. You could really go and hide there. Like it's so big.

41:07It's so vast. It's not really sceny, but it's the same pargy vibes like Aspen, cold, cocoa. Yeah. Do you think they ski? I don't think that they do. Like Taylor, first of all, is like her body's insured for like$11 million. You know, it's not. Yeah. It's not a smart business move and Travis cannot be getting injured in the off season. That's like the dumbest thing you could do as an athlete. I don't feel like professional athletes ski for a number of reasons. I actually feel like they're not built for it. And it's a liability. I actually cannot imagine him on skis. A tennis player could ski. Like that agility, hand-eye coordination.

41:41But big, tall. That's not what I meant when I said professional athlete. No, I know. But we're talking about basketball players, football players, hockey. They definitely do not ski. No. Tennis players do. Because it's girly. No, it's not really girly. You need to be really coordinated. and actually when you're that big you're not really capable of extreme coordination no and you have to be very nimble light on your feet meanwhile his job is to be heavy on his feet yeah no so i don't know what the hell they do in utah they definitely go snowmobiling cute they probably just like cuddle up and like yeah yeah so that's really cute and and this is like the first time i feel like every time they leave a restaurant no matter where they are it's like thousands of people outside but the video of them leaving like it's literally the worst video ever they're just like running into a white Range Rover so it can be done if they want to live like a low profile kind of life but I think that's also just Park City I don't know they have Sundance there like it's it can be fabulous no no I didn't I didn't say it wasn't fabulous whatsoever I just think it's like low-key and not everyone's up your butt and you could just it's more private.

42:49Yeah. So we're happy to see them back in the States. Yeah, we vacation in Park City too. Where do you think they were before? Like someone's island. Yeah, because all the places that like people, like everybody goes to St. Barts this time of year. They were not in St. Barts. It's the same as Aspen. Like it's so small, it's so sceny, you would know if they were there. It's like teaming with people. Yeah, they definitely go to someone's island, like a Richard Branson type of thing. Yeah. Well, welcome back. Hopefully you don't get traded. It's trade season. Bon voyage. are you ready for our next story does that mean it's number three no it's number four oh I really thought it was oh it's number four yeah I'm ready it's actually a really crazy story if my iPad will reload um it's like people that I ordinarily wouldn't care about but they did something really crazy because Lauren Graham from um yeah got Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore girls from Gilmore Girls.

43:44Did you just have a stroke? No, no, no. I was just trying to think of Gilmore Girls and also my fucking ad on page six will let me see the story, bitches. She is from Gilmore Girls, but like to me, she's from the pacifier. She let it slip the father of Mae Whitman's baby. Mae Whitman is her parenthood co-star and she had a baby and she hasn't said who the baby daddy is. And Lauren Gilmore was on Armchair Expert and is prattling on about Mae and her baby daddy who is a famous person and their plans oh yikes so lauren graham identified carlos valdez as the father of may's six-month-old son on armchair expert she played may's mom on parenthood for six seasons and she was attempting to recall the last time that they saw each other so she said they're in new york now carlos her baby daddy is on broadway in hadestown which i feel happy to plug because he's fantastic in it.

44:37Oh, not her thinking. She's doing them a favor. Carlos Valgas. Say it again. So they're in New York for the next while and then she got this job in Ireland. So she's in Ireland with the baby. Like, are you crazy? Why is she talking about somebody else's family schedule? Are you crazy? Now, this is obviously not done with bad intent, you know, because she loves this person. But seriously, Mae Whitman is definitely so mad. For some people, I guess like if you're following Parenthood or if you like have followed Mae Whitman, which I haven't, but people do. Like they really like her. This is kind of like a Mindy Kaling.

45:12Like who's the baby? And I guess, I don't know if we were meant to never know or just like not know for a little while. But this is really bad. How do you apologize to somebody like for this? I don't know. But this is really crazy. Like I feel obviously terrible for Mae because this is not what she wanted. I feel bad for the pit that Lauren Graham is going to have when she realizes. Actually, in this situation, I know she's the villain, but I actually feel worse for her. Because as you said, it wasn't done with bad intent, but it's just like it's mindlessness, you know? I mean, what do you think?

45:47You go on a podcast, you just start like rambling on about someone else's life. So random. And it's like she's an older woman. So like older people just like slip things out, you know? Yeah, unless it was like May. So you can't like yell at her. unless like everyone knew who may was with and she just hadn't shared it yet but it wasn't like top secret like because they are together so you could spot them together or something you know maybe it's like not the biggest deal it's just something that we didn't know yet but again i'm not following it closely but this is not how you ever want it to come out somebody who watched like two seasons of gilmore girls and my biggest takeaway was that lorelei was the fucking worst this is such lorelei behavior like oh sorry like what like i don't know like i'm a single mom like I don't know like she's just like so um like rattled and like eat like just always like fucking shit up yeah and I feel like I felt even bad like repeating the name when I was I know I know because it's not our responsibility and our expert is a bigger podcast than this one so like more people correct there but like Carlos Valdez could go on to win an Oscar now and like I'll never feel comfortable saying his name because like I know I'm not supposed to and Carlos Valdez could actually come up and like kiss me on the street and i still wouldn't know who he is well he was may's co-star in up here in 2023 again i know very little about may whitman i just like know her face and may whitman is from duff okay yeah but and then who's the girl i know it's not her but like they have a yeah yeah bailey madison what'd you said oh bailey madison oh no i know Bali.

47:24Yeah, she's like the kid from Grown Ups. They have the same face. No, to me, the girl from Arrested Development, maybe Funke. Oh. Oh, that's her name in the show. That's her name in the show. She's Tobias' and Lindsay's daughter, maybe, which is why I confuse her with Mae Whitman. Understood. And then, do you also confuse her with Molly, maybe? Never. There's only one. My sweater today is maybe, just so everyone knows. she's so cute maybe funke that is like the most niche reference i literally had no idea what you're talking about up until you said i just i do feel really justified for why i confuse them because may and maybe are similar and maybe funke is played by alia shockin just so you know maybe funke like i can't but then also may whitman who's that she's in this show she plays and Jackie, Mae Whitman is who we're talking about.

48:21That's who this story is about. Are you okay? So I was right. She is from a press development. She plays Anne. Like George Michael's little girlfriend. Oh, she doesn't play Mae B. She doesn't play Mae B. Okay, okay. Okay, I'm telling you, this is very confusing. Remember George Michael's little girlfriend, Anne, who everyone hates? Yes, of course. Oh, that's Mae Whitman. That's Mae Whitman. She's kind of had an illustrious career. She has. Oh, my God. That's really all very confusing. I'm glad we parsed that out. I feel better. So important to parse, my friends. Before we parse the rest of the show, let me let you know that today's episode is brought to you by ASPCA Pet Health Insurance and their pet health insurance program.

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50:16This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Today's episode is also brought to you by Fatty15. We're excited to share with you guys C15 from Fatty15, the first essential fatty acid to be discovered in more than 90 years. It's an incredible scientific breakthrough to support our long-term health and wellness. and you guessed it, aging and longevity. So the co-founder discovered the benefits of C15 while working in the Navy.

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51:19So it's a science-backed, award-winning, vegan, patented 100 % Pure 15 supplement. It's vegan-friendly. It is free of flavors, fillers, allergens, or preservatives. And it has three times more cellular benefits than omega-3 or fish oils. So Fatty 15 is on a mission to optimize your C15 levels by helping you live longer. You can get an additional 15 % off their 90-day subscription starter kit when you go to fatty15.com slash toast and use our code toast at checkout that's f-a-t-t-1-5.com slash toast our code is toast again that's fatty15.com slash toast our code is t-o-a-s-t and that'll get you 15 off their 90-day subscription starter kit to start living healthier and longer thank you you're welcome our fifth and final story is potentially the loser-iest news we've ever reported on oh my god i knew like literally category of news that i live for losers do you know what the story is No.

52:09I mean, you know the story, but I don't know if you know that this is the one. James Kennedy is apologizing for posting a photo with the Tate brothers. He says, I condemn their beliefs. So in the last few days. But do you? James Kennedy posted a photo with Andrew and Tristan Tate. I think. Who are like, I honestly don't know a lot about them, but they're like highly controversial. Like awful people. They're like toxic man, like rape is cool. Like they're really fucking crazy. They're like Romanian. It's just absurd. Like, you could look into them, but I'm sure most people have heard of them. They're not, you know, non-controversial people.

52:46And let's be real. The Tate brothers, nobody knows the other brother. It's Andrew Tate and his brother. Yeah, but Tristan is the one clapping back at James. This saga is seriously. I don't know. What event were they at? I don't know where they were. Something in Vegas. James posted a photo of him and both brothers and said, like, this is a Bitcoin. Something like that. Okay? It must be like some reference from their losery ass online persona that I don't know. And he got his ass eaten to him. Like people were like, are you fucking kidding me? Of course he did. So much backlash. So he immediately put out an apology saying, I regret posting a photo with the Tate brothers at an event last night.

53:20I was unfamiliar with their content and the allegations against them. I only knew them as podcasters who had posted a viral clip about Vanderpump. He said, I have since educated myself and condemned their beliefs. I am sorry to all that I offended. Okay. So when that was the end of it, I was like, listen, you need to do better. But like you're seriously like James. I don't know what we're looking for when it comes to like James Kennedy. Like these aren't like the smartest people. I was like, OK, you know what? Like I could see that being the reality. Sure. Go off King. But then. But then Tristan, the brother, the loser brother, sounded to James, claiming that James, quote, begged and kissed my ass for 30 minutes straight and called me a hero.

53:59He knew exactly who I was and what content he made. um then he said that james is just a pussy who can't handle handle dms from woke r words fuck this guy he said okay i just want to say like this is so funny it is the definition of loser on loser crime and if that is the case like i bet james kennedy like never thought like his little internet drama was going to make it back to the tape brothers and they would be able to like directly refute his you know sequence of events and this is so embarrassing for everyone but like really for James this is so embarrassing for James I a part of me feels like maybe what Tristan said like isn't true and he's just saying that to like really embarrass James because like we don't we won't know and maybe I'm not to give James the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't love the Tate brothers but I just feel like that's such a funny like mean like thing to do to someone who's now like wanted to take a picture with you and even if he had just seen podcast clips of Vanderpump whatever like oh now you're gonna diss me oh I'll fucking drag you and say this about you We have no way to know if that's true or not.

55:04So it's just like he made James look seriously so stupid. Whether it's true or not true, like James is a loser. It's taking the L. And the funny thing is like I don't know who to believe, right? I also don't care. Right, no, I don't care. This is so low stakes. Like loser is going to lose and you just love to watch them like slinging mud at one another. Like I bet in no universe did James Kennedy think that like this Bravo corner. Because it wasn't like widespread backlash. like ariana maddox unfollowed him it was very contained within the bravo universe um and i bet he never thought like it would make its way even i'm in the bravo universe i didn't see it until tristan responded and then it became a story of like the whole story the photo the apology and the response hysterical hysterical stuff if james was holding out hope to get on the valley or vanderpump reboot it's not gonna happen yeah i think he's pissed off absolutely everyone with this entire trajectory yeah from start to finish like pissed off people who dislike the tate brothers and now also pissed off people who like the tate brothers so that includes everyone the tate brothers themselves

56:18so loser a um all right let's dive into dear toasters our weekly advice segment where jackson i try to help out the swirlies in need um and they are in need so if you're ever thinking like oh I'm in a pickle I need to get advice for my two favorite swirlies you actually can every Tuesday we take three submissions and if you want to write us in go to deartosters at gmail.com that is the email that you can write to or head over to our website thetoastpodcast.com there's a little submission box they're both totally anonymous okay are you ready kids I'm ready I lost my uh are you okay ready yeah which one was this

57:01okay ready ready hey are you ready ready hey jackson turny my p-jump husband has decided to get braces he had the initial consultation and the orthodontist gave him two options real braces or invisalign real braces are slightly more expensive they will get his teeth almost 100 straight and they will be on for 18 months invisalign or cheaper they will get his teeth about 80 % straight and they'll be on for 12 months. Much to my dismay, he wants to go with the more effective option and get a full metal mouth. Obviously, I'm leaning towards Invisalign. His justification is that he's married, he has no one to impress, and he doesn't really care what people say or think.

57:39My justification is that he's married to me, he has me to impress, and all I care about is what people say and think. To add to all of this, we are very social people. His sister's getting married next year. We both have jobs that require a lot of face time with clients outside the office. Now, if I really take a step back, I do admire how confident he is, but like, can't we show the world our secure sense of self in a different way? Am I being vain, naggy bitch, or am I totally justified in pushing him towards Invisalign? Help. P.S. I'm an OG listener, like first ever episode with the block desks.

58:07I love you guys so much. Okay. So many conflicting things here, like actual hypocrisy. I just want to say, because on the one hand, I'm like, oh, go off King. I'm married. I have no one to impress. Like, I love that for you, that you want to look dopey and you don't care. But then why does it matter so much too, if you fix them 90 % versus 80%. What's wrong with 80 %? It's 80 or 100. I just want to say I'm so with this girl. I'm sorry. I'm so with this girl too. First of all, this line is cheaper. It's shorter and we'll fix your teeth 80%. What man needs perfectly straight teeth? Who needs perfect anything?

58:3580 % teeth is good. Like what's, do you see George Washington's teeth? Like what's with the perfection? So for him to be like brazen enough to walk around with braces on calls and it's socializing for 18 months, but not brazen enough to walk around with 80 % teeth as opposed to 90%. It's actually an amazing point. Contradictory. Of course he needs to do in this line. How could you look at your husband with the braces? No, I'm sorry. And I thought that people did the metal braces because they were cheaper. I thought they were cheaper and quicker. And it's a short amount of time. But like, which I kind of get like, oh, let's just get it over with.

59:12Yes, of course. It'll be six hard months. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that's whenever I saw like an adult with full metal braces I thought it was like the more economical and the more effective option this is giving like a braces fetish okay it's like his teeth are probably also fine and he just wants braces but I do want to say to this girl he's actually like a middle schooler who's like wants their teeth to be bad because they want braces because they go to school before I push you towards Invisalign even though you're already there I also need you to know Invisalign is not a perfect experience like watching your partner slip them out of their mouth like between meals is one of the most disgusting things on the planet like having seen like a grown-ass adult take out their invisalign it's actually one of the most traumatizing things on the planet so just be ready for that it's obviously not nearly as bad as metal mouth full brace face but just know it's not perfect either no but like you guys can come up with solves like maybe he knows that when he's doing that like you'll go wash your hands like you don't have to see it maybe you're setting the table maybe he does it in the bathroom like there are ways around it but it sounds like he wants braces and it's becoming less of a dental issue and more of a mental issue.

1:00:16I love that. Less dental, more mental. Maybe he needs to see a therapist, not a dentist. Okay, this one's actually serious, so we need to change our vibes. Oh, hold on. Hello, ladies. This is a long one, so buckle up. Ten years ago, I had a sibling go to prison for sleeping with someone underage. He was a teacher. I was still in high school at the time. For about two years after that, I still supported him and I attempted to maintain a relationship. Well, some more family drama went down about eight years ago and I officially cut ties with him. Since then, I've graduated college, I've gotten engaged and married.

1:00:52My parents, who have been divorced for 20 years, keep pushing me to forgive him and try to have a relationship again with him. He recently had a baby and for the last year, I've considered not forgetting but willing to try and have a relationship with him for the sake of everyone. My problem is I'm really going back on my morals if I form a relationship with him and honestly, is it even worth it? But the strain on my family is really starting to take a toll on me. And frankly, I feel like an outsider because my family is all happy-go-luckly around him. And I always get the you should give him another chance comment.

1:01:17I'm not willing to cut out my parents, so any advice would be great. P.S. My husband's family knows that I have a sibling that I don't talk to, but they do not know why. So go back. He had a relationship with an underage person. He was a teacher. And he went to jail for it. Yeah. But did she say jail? Yeah, prison, yeah. So even two years after that, like, she maintained a relationship with him. She was, like, a young girl in high school. But then other family drama she went down, she said, and now she can't. And then she stopped talking to him. But even right after he went to prison, like, she was able to talk to him.

1:01:54So something else happened that we don't know. I'm sorry, I can't weigh in on this. I don't know enough. But you know what? I know what I recommend. And Kathy Griffin went on the Skinny Confidential podcast a million years ago. And I saw a clip from it. She was talking about she had a brother who was a pedophile. And like how hard that was for her. Like he was like a full-blown pedophile. It was like a big family secret. And, you know, her parents like were very like not forgiving but like open and wanting to help. And she was like very against it. And then he ended up taking his own life. It's a really crazy story.

1:02:28and I think there's probably a lesson there like how she dealt with it because she's coming from like a moral standpoint too. She's like, yeah, well, he's my brother but I don't care, like you're a pedophile. Yeah. And he was like married at the time. I would listen to that podcast episode. That's my piece of advice. But it's not even apples to apples. No, of course not. But like if you have someone in your family who is a criminal, right? And there are different crimes. Like if I had someone in my family who was like a financial criminal, I wouldn't be upset. I would say, help me. But like there are different crimes, right?

1:02:59want to do my taxes like so i think that you're not the only person who's ever had a family member who's done something bad sometimes you can forgive sometimes you can't so or not even forgive but just like move forward in a cordial way while never being as close as you could potentially be i don't know i just want to say like if you never want to talk to your brother again like that's fine too like it's nice that your family's like all like rehabilitating him and stuff but like that's not your job and if you don't want to talk to him ever again like I support you too but the thing is the reason that she doesn't want to talk to him again is not even because of what he did because she spoke to him after so it's about no she said no I'm going back on my morals if I form a relationship with him no go back to the beginning we I visited him and spoke to him for two years but then family drama happened and now we don't speak what's that yes yes but I think what she was saying was like she was in high school and so she had a brother who did something wrong and she still like was his friend and then maybe two years later she had some sort of reckoning with this drama and now she has like takes a moral stance against it okay well you gotta trust your gut and go with your scruples but I to be honest I don't I don't know him I couldn't yeah I recommend Kathy Griffin like he's bad don't talk you know but like family it's it's very complicated I would listen to Kathy Griffin but this girl doesn't even have an inkling like she's decided she doesn't want to have a relationship with it but it's like how does she navigate her family she now feels like an outsider which is wrong because the benefiles should feel like an outsider yeah not you that sucks um our third and final is such a departure i should have done that last that one last because like we just need to rejigger this one's so different okay i'm ready jackson claude help i married into a family that thinks farts are funny.

1:04:48My mother-in-law farts around me somewhat regularly and it makes everyone in my husband's family laugh. Not me. It makes me sad and I literally can't find what they think is funny. What do I do? I don't want to seem like a giant bitch, not laugh at her farts, but I wasn't raised in a barn. How do you think I should handle this situation? I'm writing to you as I'm sitting next to my husband who's farting hot fire gas, cracking himself up. Please help. P.S. I just showed him this plea for help and he laughed, got up to go to bed, loudly farted, and then left himself back to the bedroom. Chivalry is dead.

1:05:27Oh my God. I just want to say I am you in this situation so I can really empathize because if - No, but your in-laws don't fart in front of you. In the sense that if I was in your situation, I would feel the way you do. I'm not fart friendly. I just want to say I'm fart friendly and I would feel if my mother-in-law farted in front of me. I'm sorry. I don't care who you are. Cultural reset. I'm actually very comfortable. Like Ben farts in front of me. I fart in front of Ben. Like I don't care. But like that's a marriage. That's a sacred space. So like that story you told at the end is actually quite funny.

1:05:59The in-laws? No. If I may say I am coming at this from someone who is not fart friendly. So I empathize with you. And if I were in your situation, I would feel the way you do. But looking at the big picture, like they're having fun. you know yeah and like you're not they're sitting there laughing it's like so harmless the only issue i see potentially arising is that like your children will inherit this and you know do this with their half of their family and like they'll be these people and like good luck getting married yeah that's unfortunate well he got married to her so yeah but their spouses won't ever hear their mother-in-law fart because you won't do it so that's better yeah like do you really want to be like a wet blanket because if you want it to be you could tell your husband like in a really serious way like this needs to stop when you go to your in-laws this is their family tradition like i know you literally if you say anything you look so juvenile like you can't say anything so like at least find the joy in it like they're having fun and also now it's like you don't have to be scared of your mother-in-law like you heard her fart like that takes the pressure off I mean that's just like a really crazy thing to do No it's so crazy But it's like not in a nefarious It's not crazy nefarious It's crazy joyful Joyful joyful Lord we enjoy At least they're like Fun loving people It's crazy smelly and it's crazy immature It's wild But it's not crazy bad Yeah I mean of all the things like your mother-in-law Could do and say in front of you it's really not a big deal.

1:07:34It's better than the in-laws who massage each other. Correct. Crazy creepy. Crazy creepy. You know those like grids that it's like lawful good, lawful neutral, lawful bad. Like I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll show you because this is how I'm this is how I'm uh measuring these in-law behaviors. Lawful good grid if I may. Like never heard of us. yeah like i have to find an example this one is of characters from marvel so that wouldn't be good for you but you might be able to understand it if i send you this it's a harry potter one but oh don't send me anything i don't have any devices today my phone's in the other room wait should i bring it up we can't communicate if you if you really care that much then yes may i present it to the class okay can you god this is so stupid

1:08:30i've never seen this before we'll talk never seen but i do think that now we should categorize your toasters as these things so yeah this is life isn't perfect you're gonna have to put up with random things so if this is something you're putting up with like you're fine this is chaotic neutral oh i like that right it's chaotic neutral yeah chaotic neutral farts go away they don't leave like lasting damage well it could get a little smelly that's a little that's the chaos in the neutral right but the neutrality is that the smell goes away and they're having fun and they're good joyful people if everything else is fine which i assume like if you didn't write in that your mother-in-law wasn't also like a huge bitch like you're fine also how can your husband fart on command oh so what are these people eating like obviously farting is super healthy and natural but like you shouldn't be able to a do it on command and be like you can't get together for dinner without farting yeah but no i'm worried about their gastrointestinal maybe when there's a meal where like everyone has a chili for dinner then they just like sit around and fart and laugh tough but it's not every meal right like if i really were looking for like major concerns here my concern would be like the diets and gastrointestinal issues of your in-laws my concern was how did your husband perfectly comedically time that fart on his way out the door maybe it was just like god was with him in that moment you know or he has real issues he might have like ibs i'm laughing at him laughing when i read this email for the first time i was cracking up oh see like you're missing out on the fun yeah no and like i'm having fun and i'm not even a part of his family yeah thank you to everyone who wrote into dear toasters as always just like a fad journey to be on a joy except for the brother oh yeah and what makes you think we would be an expert in that like i think when you're in that type of situation like you literally have nowhere else to turn sometimes it says take an outsider yeah and i did check for an update from our twirlies excuse me with the husbands who were sending nude photos of them and nothing okay so we figured that because i know that when there is an update like you will share so you just brought that up so you're saying i don't have to keep bringing it up you don't have to keep bringing it up and like ruining the day and the end of the show i just want to let you guys know i am checking we know okay i feel like the audience is so lazy if you got an update you wouldn't even wait till tuesday to share it you would share it when you got it i would but i really only check on monday nights.

1:11:08That's our show, you guys. I have to blow my nose, so I'm not doing this whole long rigmarole. Okay. Love ya. Love ya. Bye.