Naggy B*tch Wife with Andrew Schulz on The Toast: Monday, March 31st, 2025

26:02Saks Fifth Avenue is where the girlies and the swirlies are shopping for the pardiest wears. Saks makes it so easy to shop for all facets of my life. Of course, women's wear, clothing, accessories, you got to stay on trend. They also have adorable things for kids. I can get some nice things for my husband. You know, we do this show every day and we want to show up. We want to look nice. We want to wear something new. We want to wear something on trend. And Saks keeps us current. at Saks I found inspiration for wedding dresses I have gotten so many amazing wedding guest dresses on Saks I'll sort by their dresses long dresses midi dresses and they just have everything and make it so easy to shop because I know you're busy ladies and you don't have endless amounts of time so we want to be smart with how we're shopping we want the pargiest things that are on offer and we're going to get all of that at Saks.com so I am doing a little bit of a spring wardrobe refresh now and I am doing that at sax.com they make it so easy to shop they do amazing edits so like I can just trust their editors who probably have better style than me and just get the cutest new things for the season so shop sax.com sax.com is your one-stop shop for clothing accessories beautiful things timeless things classic things on trend things they really have it all they run the gamut of everything that you could be looking for while still making the most of your time and your money.

27:33Sax.com. Shop it. So speaking of our spouses, Jackie and I, it actually happened really naturally. We found ourselves like spending a lot of time being like naggy bitchy wives, but we hated that like we weren't. Sometimes you're just being right and you sound like a naggy bitch wife, but like that's what it takes to be a wife sometimes. Okay, I'm so glad you asked. So it'd be terrible because it inspired, the paper towels, it inspired like this segment we do on our a show called Naggy Bitch Wife, where people will write in and be like, am I justified or am I just being a naggy bitch wife? And so for me, I'm very clean, I love to clean, I love a clean house, my husband is getting better.

28:05But we were cooking dinner and then we were cleaning up. And so he sprays the surface cleaner on the counter. And he wipes the surface cleaner off with a dish rag, not a paper towel, which I thought was just dumb behavior. And I'm like, you should switch. But then, there are certain dishes you have to hand dry. So to hand dry a dish, he'll use a paper towel. Like he's using them inversely. Inversely, yeah. And it got me so mad because I'm like, first of all, it's such a waste. And second of all, like it's just dumb. Do better. And I was like, am I being a naggy bitch wife? Yeah. That one I actually feel like.

28:37We were split. 100%. I feel like if he's cleaning, he's cleaning. Take the win. The bar is in hell. Yeah. Do you remember what his apartment looked like before you guys moved in? Remember that? We've been together since we were like 11. There was one place. Yeah. Do you remember what his room looked like at his parents' house? Yeah, filthy. And it's better, of course, but it's been 11 years. We're not pacing the way we should. Okay, you know, this is a good example of like with gender roles. I hate this. What are we supposed to do? But still, we both do these things that we say we're doing for one another because it sounds noble.

29:12Like I'll find myself doing like I provide, I protect my wife. Like as if guys are trying to punch my wife in the head of the bar. Like when has that ever happened? Yes, I would, I think. Hypothetically. Depending on the size. You're not logging a lot of hours protecting. But I protect and I provide as if I wouldn't work if I wasn't married. I was a comedian before I was married. But here's the thing. You guys would be like, I keep this place clean for my family. All day, every day. Make a home. I make a home. You guys are doing it whether we're there or not. You're not doing it for us. Just like we're not providing for you.

29:46Rebuttal, though. There is more to clean when you live in my house. A hundred percent. But here's the thing. we would be fine with it being dirty. You're the only ones that are upset with it being dirty. That doesn't make it right that you want to live in a barn. It's not right. It's not right. It's not right. But it is what it is. Yeah, like you're really doing it for you. You're doing it for you and you're saying you do it for me. Just like when I go work, I'm like, I'm doing this for you. It's like, no, I love what I do for a living. Like, what are you talking about? Shut up. This is why we wanted to ask you because we do a lot of like advice stuff on our show.

30:12We've had a couple like confounding ones. Yes, yes, yes. I love this. A male opinion because these are jackie's. I have one too that I want to ask you about. Okay, okay, okay. So there's this thing that a lot of people have obviously talked about. I'm sure you guys talk about maybe ics. Is that like? Yeah, we're not a fan of culture. Anti-icculture. Oh, we're on the same page here. People have gotten so carried away. It's like, don't you want to meet with men who cheat with them, but not who wear like their shirts on top. It's so stupid. So here's my theory on it, okay? And we were talking to some of the girls in our office about this.

30:44It will take a couple steps to get there. Some you might disagree with, But just let me get there. I think it will make sense. So a lot of times a guy, a guy in a relationship, I think one of our biggest fears is being with someone that we actually don't like. So we like avoid, what is it called? When you like say you're in a relationship with each other? Monogamy. Commitment. Sure. Yeah. I don't even know the word. God gets married. That's actually a good reason for avoiding commitment because you're scared that like it will be the wrong one. Scared it's the wrong person. Yeah. And we don't want to be with it.

31:11And it's easier to get out of something that's like not solid. Exactly. Right? Like some people even ghost their way out of that. Right? Yeah. Right. Like you would never ghost your boyfriend or girlfriend. Right. But ghost their person. If it's a loose commitment. Interesting. I never thought of it that way. So whereas, and this is what some of the girls in the office said, a woman's greatest fear is being alone. There's so much familial pressure. And yes, we live in a new day where women have jobs and can do all these different things. But we don't want to. We are who we are. We don't want to.

31:40And this like learning to like, hey, I don't want to be alone. So a lot of times women because of this pressure to be with somebody to not be alone Will end up dating guys. They don't like and when you don't like somebody Everything about them is an ick Wearing a shirt that's untucked isn't it when you love someone as I'm sure you guys love your husbands everything It's cute. I do something weird. It's like oh, that's so cute because you love them and you know this about Exactly we might have some issues over here we gotta be real leaving your toenails on the nightstand like that's it Emma listen to what she just said Emma's my wife because I know she's going to listen to this toenails on the nightstand is a normal thing we all do you do that too my wife was dying laughing from the shower she looks at the door of the bathrooms open she sees me organizing my toenails on the nightstand and she's dying laughing in the shower as I'm putting together a nice little pile it actually makes me feel better because Jackie's husband doesn't do that.

32:39So I was like, oh my God, is my husband especially disgusting? You don't want to see his feet. He actually doesn't have toenails. That's the only reason he doesn't do it, because he's done it too much. And so do you collect them, and then do you dispose of them, and you leave them for your wife to clean up? No, I put them under the carpet or something. I throw them behind the bed. When we moved apartments, I threw them behind the headboard, and then when we moved apartments, my wife sent me a picture of what the floor under the bed looked like. This is so good for you. It makes you feel better.

33:06It's not so bad. Yeah, it's just like my special. We all go through it. No, no, no. No, but yeah. Okay. So this is so the take on the culture is this thing that a lot of girls are with guys they don't like. They think it's that they have these ics. They just don't like that dude and everything about them. Yes. Repulsed by. Yeah. That's a really good take. I like for us. We're just like all this stuff. Like these aren't deal breakers. It's like it's nothing. You can get out about anything. And also it doesn't mean you should break up with someone. No. So it's just like counting all the ways this person is like.

33:35You don't like it. It's so mean. That's just you're not going to like them. You're not going to like them. This is not for you. Yeah. It's done. And you're going to be miserable no matter what. Yeah. If you're worried if he lifts his shoulders in the rain. I saw that one. And I was like. Actually I got to feel that. Stop it. No I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. Okay. So you guys go. Give me the. Jackie's naggy bitch wife. I actually think. Naggy bitch wife. Yeah. I actually think that. This is actually not me being the naggy bitch wife. But I was wondering if I was wrong in this situation. Because I was having like a disagreement with my husband.

34:01We didn't reach our. And we never like take each other's husband's side. Like I always have Jackie's back. But in this particular, yeah. And this one she like wasn't agreeing with me. I didn't see what you were seeing. When I'm in the car with my husband and our kids were like, you know, doing a weekend outing. And if I go into the console to get like a piece of gum or hand sanitizer. She's in the passenger seat. I'm in the passenger seat. She's driving. Yeah. And if I take out the hand sanitizer, I'll use it. And then I put it away and I shut the console. And he goes, were you going to offer me some?

34:28and I'm like, can't you just ask when you see I'm using it if you would like some? If it's gum? Both. You gotta offer. That's what I said. If it's hand sanitizer, it's actually like a little micromanaging. If it's hand sanitizer. Let's be real, Jackie. You don't even like hand sanitizer. It's always gum. Yeah, it's gum. No, I have a hand sanitizer that I like. It's a spray. It's peppermint. And you do have to sanitize a lot like with the kids. I might have just changed a dirty diaper. It's totally gum. Or we just came from the zoo. Yeah. I think that like pulling out gum in a car is a kind of pulling out gum in like a classroom.

35:02You have to have for everybody. I just feel like if you want some just ask. Don't wait till I put it away. So this what I think is this is probably pricking a bigger not issue. I'm not like. Yeah. Where he just like wants me to be like you want. I think he wants. I think he might want a little more attention and he want a little more consideration. And this is an example of him not being considered. now I think this happens probably a lot of times when couples have kids is all the concern your care goes to your child and you want to be like not mothered but like it's thought of we want to be mothered and honestly every guy even if we're not aware of it we do want that attention but another thing we do also and something I know is even with my wife is like I'm so excited to see my daughter like anytime I FaceTime my wife I'm doing it to see my daughter and I remember I called her once and she picked up she's like oh I'm just coming from the home from the gym I'm not with Shiloh and I felt so bad because her her reaction was he doesn't even want to talk to me he just wants to talk to the kid and it really made me go okay I need to really be putting in time to make sure she knows how I do feel about her I haven't changed the way I feel about her but I need to make sure that she doesn't ever forget that the feelings I had before are only amplified now with the baby but as you guys know it's when you have a baby it's so exciting Jackie is that how you feel When I call you I'm always just like Where are the kids Yeah Like I know when she's calling When it's just like Not for me at all I actually like Don't even pick up those times If I'm not like with them Or if they're not available to talk Or if they're like doing something Where I don't want them on the phone Yeah But no I don't feel that way Because we talk all day Yeah Like we Because I feel the love You know Got it So what's the last thing Your wife nagged you about We're going to tell you If she's being a naggy bitch wife Or if she was justified In bothering you about it But it really is interesting Like sharing our opinions Because like Both sides are human here you know yeah it's crazy that women are like shocked like men are human like when you think about it like people write in the craziest stuff like this one girl was like saying how her husband just like pees like he'll pee in the sink all the time bathroom like like the toilet's free the toilet's free and like somebody just like pee in the sink why and he's like is that am i asking if that was like a toenail thing like to all guys do that no that's not a toenail thing And we were like, your wife is, your husband's an alcoholic and he needs to really figure that out.

37:18Yeah. Interesting. Claudia always jumps to your husband's gay. Yeah. But what was the one? Oh, the guy. Why is being in a sink gay? There's a kind of gay glory hole about it. I don't know. Or like the girl who. He just wants, because there's a mirror in front of the sink. The guy was like, he really didn't want to show her his butthole. And I was like, oh, because it's like stretched out because he's, because he's gay. Wait a minute. Why would she want to see his butthole? For some reason she wanted to see his butthole. Like a sexual thing? No, it was like either medical. Anytime it's ever come up, he's like so crazy about it.

37:50Like sometimes you have to see your partner's butthole. I showed my wife my butthole and my wife's father my butthole within like the first few weeks of dating. Is he a doctor? What were the circumstances? I had a hemorrhoid. Oh. That'll do it. I had a brutal hemorrhoid and it was just not healing and I didn't know what doctor to go to. Is your wife's dad a doctor? No, he's just a plumber. But I figured he'd know about that. I honestly feel like maybe he's had one. He's a gyno. No, he's a gyno. Oh! So she basically said, she's like, listen, my doctor is a gynecologist and in pregnancy, this happens a lot with women.

38:18Like, you know, there's a lot of pushing. True, true. So he would be able to diagnose it if you want. And I was like, yeah, sure. So I went to the bathroom and took a picture and we sent it over. Wow. That was the first interaction You took a picture of your own butthole? Yeah. That was the first interaction I had with her father. That is so funny. No, no. Well, I like stability. Were you at all four? I'm just curious. I think I went like this It's probably not a very good picture. No, no, it wasn't flattering his hair all over it. Yeah, I didn't shave. I didn't make sure my booty all looked good for her dad.

38:49Well, do you think the guy who doesn't want to show his butthole, what's that about? I think he's just a normal human being, and I think his wife is a freak. Some things call for it, like an enema. She's going to stick something in there. There's no reason. Did she do the enemas? Like, why is she? Sometimes you need your partner to give you an enema. Wait, all right. Yeah. Tell me about that experience. What is that like? Oh, I can tell you. I've given Ben an enema one time. What? Yeah, he was really sick. Did you write this question? No, no. I'm not weird. Like Jackie's very weird like about body parts.

39:19Don't do this. Don't do this. I'm not like I'm not really. I'm not icky. No like things don't gross me out. Proceeds to say the weirdest thing ever. No, no. Like she's not shy. Sensitive. Yes, I understand what you're saying. I don't know. Like a butthole is just a butthole. I don't know. Like I didn't think much of it. Yeah. And he was really sick and I was like wanting, you know, I'm also like kind of freaky. Like I like popping pimples. like I'd like that's a normal girl thing yeah so I don't know the butthole was just like let's see what's going on and I gave him an edema and he felt so much better and honestly he felt like a hero what'd you put in there what type of it's the fleet brand and it's just that like it's saline solution just saline because they do coffee enemas oh yeah oh no this is like if you really want to know you squeeze it up yeah and then you have to wait seven minutes so he's got to hold it in and you get like the worst it feels like you have the runs but you have to wait the seven minutes yeah and seven minutes are kind of like hellish but then after that it just flows He was just loving life.

40:11And he was really grateful. And I kind of saved his life. And I think that's maybe one of the reasons he wanted to marry me. Wait, this is before you guys are married? Oh, yeah. It was really early, too. Oh, you've got to marry that girl. Yeah, 100%. Because she knows too much. Yeah, 100%. You've got to marry her killer. It's a girl that shot something in your asshole. You can't walk around the street. All that to say, sometimes you need to see your partner's asshole. Yes, that's fair. That's fair. I mean, you and I have done that. So we know for a fact it works. Did your wife's dad deliver your baby?

40:35No. No, no. Didn't. and we got it delivered here up in, was it Presbyterian? Yeah, he's out there on the West Coast. Okay. Yeah. And what was it? What is it? 68th Street or something like that? 71st Presbyterian. It's phenomenal, by the way. I don't know if anybody's planning on having a kid, but like, I mean, just it's an amazing facility. Like amazing. Like you can get private rooms and stuff like that. And for as stressful as that experience is to walk in there and, you know, not have to deal with the other people that were also going through it. It was incredible. Nice. I'm glad you had a nice experience.

41:07Yeah, yeah. So they just said if I shot it out on seven podcasts, we're going to have fun for free. That's nice. We're having to have facilitated that for you. Yes, please. Yeah. Let them know. We really loved the special. It was just really so, it was a different. Maggie, I was thinking what was the one. Oh, yeah. Yes. What is the last thing your wife bothered you about? Like household chore-wise, you know? Chore-wise? She's not, she doesn't really bother me about that. She's like very great about the chore-wise. Here's something that I think is good. is good is a, but I think I would agree with this one.

41:38Okay. A self-aware King. Well, it's, she's, it's like finding, we had a conversation about like, what is the bare minimum amount of time that you, undivided time that you want from me with me and you and the baby and just me and you a week where no resentment can build up, right? Where you don't feel like important and valued. What's the bare minimum? and then let's exceed it. But let's just find the floor where you know you'll feel valued, important, and a priority. Because I think it's very easy, like in entertainment, as you guys know, it's very easy to be like, oh, I got this thing. Or there's another opportunity.

42:17There's always another thing. And like, for example, with Shiloh, the goal is I'm with her every single morning and I'm back by six o 'clock and I'm there until she goes to sleep. And it's like, everything's got to end at 5.45, so I can be back by six or 5.30, whatever. Is that you telling us? Okay, we'll get you out of here. No, no. Oh, true. Shiloh, sorry. Unless, for example, I'm with her longer during the day. Right. But I don't want to lose a chunk. So if I have this many hours. But you still got to apply that to wifey. And so I don't think she was nagging. I think it was like her going, listen, I don't ever bother you about work.

42:48Have you ever once heard me bother you about work? 100%. But if you're home and I see you on your phone or doing something like that, that's going to make me feel – it's actually going to just make me feel like you don't want to be with me or you don't value the time with me. And I know that that's not the case, but that's kind of what it feels like. Yeah. And honestly, feelings are what matter. We could say all we want about like, well, here's the data definition. It's like, okay, great. This is what it fucking feels like. I'm still upset. Exactly. Yeah. So, and, and it just made me go, oh, wow.

43:15If I won, she doesn't ever bitch about work. So why don't we find out the amount of time where she really feels fulfilled? Yeah. Right. And then we're just valued. And then if we go over it, it's even more. and I know if it's under it, I know what that sentiment is. It's not just like this ambient resentment. It's like, she's frustrated, feels rejected. So I don't think that's, I don't think, I think it's pretty reasonable. Yeah. And at the end of the day from your POV, how nice it is to hear, like, I just want to be, like spend more time with you. Nobody ever says that to me. Like, that sounds so nice.

43:46Like, you're amazing. You're funny. We have a good time together. Like, I don't think that, first of all, that's not naggy at all. And second of all, it has to feel good for you. Yes. 100%. So what do you guys do? So we schedule it. It's like day night, two date nights a week. Two date nights a week? Well, it depends. If I'm doing stand-up, I'm on the road, that kind of stuff, we usually do Tuesdays. When I'm not, now that it's over and we're not on tour, we do two date nights a week. And then I think come summer, summer will be a little different. Like we'll be out east. So it's like, okay, from this time to this time, I'm doing all activities with her and Shiloh.

44:21So we're either going to the Children's Museum or whatever the hell it is. And that's every single day. no meetings nothing during that time like obviously it's emergency call me but we're not scheduling any podcasts or anything during that time and then um two date nights and then like a night out maybe with like friends or something like that and then after that seems like a lot of time it is a lot of time but like after that if i'm saying hey i'm gonna go hang out with the boys or we're gonna go out do this it's it's not this you're choosing to do that over time with her exactly which it can come across like that if there isn't like an understanding this could all backfire in six months and i come back on here and go guys don't do that that's a But at least we're trying to find things that make each other feel good.

44:57That seems like a common denominator of what people say is like really date night, time for yourselves. And like enjoying time, of course, with your family, but then also with each other. What have you guys, like, well, you've had two kids. So like what have you learned is helpful. We're really bad about like date nights and stuff. But I will say that whenever we do it, like it's extra, extra special for us. Because also like I also don't, we don't go out separately either. Like we're just kind of home and we'll just like, I guess hanging out at home counts as time. He does. Because it's not like he's going, I guess he actually plays his pickup basketball.

45:27He does it like once a month. No, no, no. He's been like more. But it's important. He cut his eyebrow last time. It's important that we have those things we do. Yes. It makes us, and that's the thing that like, I think sometimes women don't realize, like we are much better at home and much better to be around. When you get out. Yeah, no, and I love that for him. What's your thing? My husband golfs. Paddle. Not pickleball, but paddle. Paddle. Paddle, yeah. And I love that. And I just like, it's exercise I get out I can have some time by myself like I can have my time to just kind of think about shit are you good every time I play I feel so stupid I'm like chasing this ball around a box like yes I'm not good but like I'm I take lessons I'm so obsessed oh wow like I'm trying to get good I'm really good I really want to get good but it's just having a thing to get better at yeah I agree a healthy habit healthy habit I'm not out and I tell her my wife my boy Jason also tells his wife it's like listen you guys want us to play paddle on vacation because then we're not going to be out late drinking right if we have a game in the morning.

46:22You gotta get up for a paddle. Your knee hurts. This is beneficial to everybody here. Yeah. But yeah, now she gets it. She's like, listen, I don't want you to go do this thing that takes fucking two and a half hours, three hours, but I do recognize that after you do that, you're just down to do whatever the family wants to do. Right. You want to go to brunch? All right, let's fucking, let's hit Sadell's. Let's go shopping. If I like have a great paddle game and win, like I want to buy her something. I was in a great mood. I want to buy her shit. What was the last thing you bought your wife? A stupid jacket at Chanel that we should return immediately.

46:51But I was feeling good. I was feeling good. Of course, big Netflix special is number one on Netflix I saw. Everybody's talking about him. He's family, man. He's getting booked on The Toast. This was the coolest thing. This was the coolest thing. Today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by Minky Couture. And the thing about Minky Couture is once you go Minky, you can never go back because Minky Couture blankets are so soft and luxurious. It feels like cuddling with a cloud, with a Claudia. I can't always cuddle with my cloud, Claudia. so that's why I cuddle with my Mickey Couture blankies.

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50:35No I was in Steinhardt Steinhardt is the easy one to get into it but it's a focus on education education yeah but you guys were around each other at the same time I graduated in 2016 I'm 30 you're 30 she's 30 oh you were literally there with Timmy Chalamet all three of you guys was there I think at the same time I like had gotten a boyfriend my husband yeah a freshman year like I didn't talk to anyone I was like I have a boyfriend get away from me you told Timmy Shalom you said get away from me no the girls too I was like I was like I couldn't believe I had a boyfriend I couldn't believe there was somebody he wanted to hang out with me I was like I did not make one friend in college like actually I did one so you locked in you were isolated yeah no and we got married like we got engaged like a month after college ended like that was it was just a means to an end he knew he had to like she needed to graduate in order to get engaged and then and then you just locked in so if I missed your wife that was more on me no no no but anyway so she went there and then she went back got her MBA and then she was she was working for a while and uh and then while she was working she was also doing this thing called blistered peppers where she would like do uh reviews for restaurants but also like uh do her own cooking and put out these recipes and everything it was really cool and um she's she's stopped it but she she loves cooking and like she's a great cook yeah she's fantastic she's fantastic and really just loves just food in general and um so for her 30th i made one of those books but i made a cooking book based on all her recipes that's so cute so like she had like a website with all them but like i actually got the picture printed and like bound and that's like here's this cookbook with all your stuff and then the last page is like but my favorite recipe you've ever made is.

52:15Shiloh. That's so cute. We love a homemade gift. You also got the Chanel jacket. You know what I realized? She was like, this is nice, but I'm cold. Can we go to Chanel? No, no, no. It's a little chilly in here. I can't read this book with this AC blasting on my neck. What is this? No, no. But what I realized with my wife, though, maybe it's her love language, is like that means so much more to her. Now, she likes a nice thing. Don't get me wrong. She likes jewelry. She likes nothing. She can hold space for two shoes. She can hold space for multiple things. Dude, the coolest thing about Ariana Grande was her calling that interview insufferable.

52:50It was. Right? Like, it was awkward. And then she went out and she was like, guys, I know, it's so awkward. And then immediately like, oh, you're cool, you're self-aware. Yeah, yeah. That's nice to see. It's nice to see. Anyway. But yeah, she just loves those thoughtful kind of gifts. So now my focus is like on that, which is a money saver. Yeah, I don't think that should be your focus. A little bit of both balance. A little bit of both. What did the jacket look like? I don't know how to get it up for you, but it looks like... Like a winter coat or like a blazer? No, like that kind of blazer one that has the Chanel buttons.

53:24The buttons, the classic ones. Oh, cute. Very nicely done. No, it's a nice jacket. Nice. It's kind of up to waist length. I can imagine it. What color? It looks like the Palestinian flag. Oh. Oh, okay. It actually is the print from Chanel that they've been doing forever. it's just that white the tweed no no it's the black and white oh the houndstooth yeah yeah yeah oh looks like a keffiyeh that's really funny that's the keffiyeh oh okay that's really funny I was joking with her and I was like oh interesting they're getting so political over here that's really funny Coco wow Coco wow well we know you do have to get back to your kid and we really appreciate your time we respect Shiloh's time so we can't recommend the special enough it's available on Netflix I saw it you know topping the charts congratulations oh thanks it's called Life Make sure to follow Andrew on Instagram and you have a podcast too.

54:15Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do a few pods. So you can check those out. You do. You host a couple. Yeah. Yeah. So I do one with Charlamagne the God. And then I do one with my buddy Akash and my buddy Alex and my buddy Mark. And that's called flagrant. So you have a lot of friends. Flagrant. We're hanging. That's the one. We're hanging. We're hanging. That's the one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. us yes of course everybody knows the toast i wonder what did you guys i feel like you guys are all friends you got all the girlies you definitely got all the new york girlies so like i asked my wife because i was talking about i was like oh yeah you know these girls are we're talking about the special they said some really beautiful things and they and i wanted her listen because you guys you said that hey i really honored her and it feels like everybody loved her and i yeah i was like you're gonna see right you're gonna see this is what people think so you should and she's like yeah yeah of course yeah I know the toast like everybody knows so I feel like you've got the New York girlies we have like a chip on our shoulders I don't know if you could tell why what do you think we're just kind of outsiders yeah we are I feel like you all hang out you guys all go on each other's podcasts and it makes sense but you're like away why yeah no and we're different like we get why everyone hates us we're not like on the circuit no we get it we're not we're not mad we don't feel like it's personal we just feel like we kind of like are missing out the next time you guys all get together with like the male comedy podcast crew you guys need to come We need to come.

55:26We just want to meet everything. I think you guys got to pop on flagrant and just like, we got to talk to the naggy bitch wife segment. This is a great idea. Be like, they're cool. They're funny. They're beautiful. They're thin. Like Claudia did the 5K. Like she really tried. I did the 5K. Yes. And by the way, nobody spoke to me when I was there. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. What if we let you guys help us with our naggy bitch wife problems? I feel like we could really come together. Yeah. Because you guys might agree on some of the nagginess. Yeah. And we have tried to enter your crew.

55:56I ran a fucking 5K with Tom and Bert. Oh, wow. I didn't even talk to Tom when I was there. No. He didn't even say hello to me, okay? This is not good. And Bert only said hi to me because I was with Josh Peck. Wow. I'm telling you, we are outsiders because everybody sees us as such. Well, I think we just don't know what's... I don't think there's any malintent. Do you have the chart-topping comedy podcast? Is there a chat without us? No. Like Joe, Theo, Matt and Shane. Tim. Tim is nice to us. We like Tim a lot. Tim is great. He's canceled us twice. Have you had Tim on us twice? We've meant to. We've been scheduled to a couple times, and it just didn't work out.

56:29But we know his hearts. By the way, he invites us to stuff, which is really nice. It didn't work out because he canceled twice. We were ready both times. Tim's a busy guy. Of course. He's meeting with spies and shit. We love him. No, he's so funny. Tim is so... He is one of the best people. Yeah, he's the only one who's made an effort to be our friend. Which really means a lot. I mean, I'm telling you, in terms of talking into a microphone and staring at a camera. Talent. Few people in history are as funny. And he can do it with nobody else in the room. It's so crazy to listen to his solo episodes.

57:00We rely on each other so much. Dude, same. All the pods I do is the more people in the room the better. Yeah. And it's funny, when I go on his pod, I almost feel bad because I'm like, I know everybody just wants to listen to Tim. And I find myself on the pod even going, why don't you just tell me about the things and I'll just listen. I'll just watch it live. I'm here for this too. That's really funny. I'm going to do that next time I go on. I'm going to do a disclaimer to the audience. I'm like, guys, I just want to let you know, I just want to listen as well. Yeah. Yeah. Just like attending a live taping.

57:31Exactly. I'll just be here in case he needs to take a sip of water. Well, the next time the crew gets together, just suggest inviting those two chubby Jewish girls. Why about, why the crew? Why? I mean, when you guys are in New York, why don't we all just hang? Come by the studio. We got to do something. Of course. We just want to be included. Yes, you are included. The thing is, we want to be invited. We're not going to come, but we want to be invited. Tim invites us he's gonna stop inviting us Tim has invited us to so many barbecues you wanna not go that's actually we just want to be thought of we just want to know we're thought of nothing feels better than being included yes yes but and then not attending well we're tired exactly no that is the best yeah being invited and then like those people that win the Oscar but don't even go yeah is there anything better than that yeah just let the crew know we're available for bookings and we're open and we're so proud of what everyone's doing and we're cheering them on and we love the commute like we really do we love what we do we're so inspired by them like seriously everyone's really funny and they're crushing it and they get amazing and you know we don't want to say that like we're not invited because we're women but we're like literally i know that's what everyone wants us to say we won't say it because i actually don't think but it does beg the question i just think like you guys all know each other from the past and like from the comedy from the road we had like i think it's been like a year since we had a woman on the podcast or something like that and And there were like the three girls on the office came for an episode where we were discussing and they were on.

58:49And like in that moment, we're like, guys, we broke our streak. It was like 52 straight weeks without a woman on the pod. But yeah, we need to do a little bit more. Things happen. We need more women on the pod. Or just like in the group chat. Like the big ones are males, you know? Yeah. I'm going to start a group chat with you guys and nobody from the podcast circuit. But I'm going to say that it is. Yeah. I'm going to be like, guys. Are you ashamed of us? You're on with Theo. You're on with Shane. You're on with Rogan. And it's really just going to be like my mom, my cousin. The girls in your office.

59:21Yeah, yeah. That's like what happened to us. Except I have an app where I can look up phone numbers. So I would know that you were lying. Oh, you're like a snoop. A freak. Yeah. It's a good thing to add. Even like just as a lay person. Like, oh, who's texting me? I forgot their number. Someone from high school. It's called Mr. Number. You don't have to say who's this. Then you can find out. And all of our information is available. You have to pay for it. It's$25 a month. But yeah. I bet you my name won't come up. I bet you my mom comes up. Search it. Oh, so a lot of times that happens, but I recognize people based on their last name.

59:47Okay, I'm not going to ask you for your phone number. Just type your phone number in. Yep. And this is an app I pay$25 a year for. I mean, get a plug for this. Like, you're giving them huge. No, it's the best app. Okay. I don't want to show the camera. Yeah, yeah. Good call. It says, Andrew Schultz. Look. Oh, wait a minute. I thought that was saved on your thing. Why would I have your phone number? Oh, wow. That's right. I guess we hadn't texted. No. Holy shit. Yeah. It should say my mom's name. Or you should get your number privated because you're like a celebrity now. How do I do that? Have you had to change your phone number at all since maybe a big...

1:00:19Dude, my phone number's gotten leaked. And like, honestly, when people change their number, I think they're being drama queens. Yeah. Because my phone number got leaked and maybe just no one gives a fuck about me. But like for an hour, it was nonstop. It like blew up. It was... And then after that, it was like... Was it fans? Who was calling you? Yeah, it's just people were watching the pod or something like that. And then after like a day or two, it just goes back. and I'm like, a day or two of dealing with that is way better than having to text everybody. I have a new phone. It just seems like just such a big deal.

1:00:50So I still get messages from... So now that I have your number, I'll start the chat and you can add Joe. I'm going to add Joe. I'm going to add Tim. I'm going to add Theo. Bert and Tom. Tom. Bert and Tom, definitely. Big fan of Tom. I read his book. Shout out Tom. Tom's a great guy. Yeah, Jackie did read Tom's book. I don't think you read mine. Yeah, I don't think so either. Well, I'm going to have a talk with him. book you should get it for what's your favorite children's book the one she wrote yes of course the one that i wrote but i actually have like really strong opinions that's your favorite the one you wrote yeah no it's so good it's so good like dr seuss could never that was a kathy hilton moment it's amazing it's amazing it's the best one okay what is the name of it what is it called the camper and the counselor okay and it's about like a summer summer camp and it's about a young girl so i think shiloh will really love it i'm a huge fan of children's books i love you forever Oh my gosh.

1:01:37Can't stop crying. It's unbelievable. You know what's a piece of shit? Rainbow fish. Oh yeah. Why? Communist Manifesto. Have you read it recently? No. It's all about giving away all of your personal shine and possessions to be like everyone else. And everybody was so jealous. And he had to give them away. Why? In order to be accepted by the group. So the dancing giraffe one is the opposite of that. Okay. What's the story? Like a giraffe something. But it's essentially like this giraffe. Everybody comes down to the watering hole and dances or whatever like that and like he didn't really know how to do it He was dancing weird.

1:02:10I forget exactly who it was but His weird dancing is actually in the end just the way that he reacts to the music and the people really love him And it's about individual spirit Your differences are what make you great Yeah, it's like American propaganda Rainbow fish was the opposite Giraffes can't dance Giraffes can't dance It's not that you can't dance. It's like you dance different and that's awesome that you dance different and you should like embrace and love that. That's not what rainbow fish is. Take another look. That sucks. I don't like the... Take a second look. It's really actually bad for kids.

1:02:39You gotta be careful of the shit that they ingest. Oh yeah. For sure. Do you know Llama Llama? Of course. Is that bad? Don't tell me that. No, no. I like Llama Llama. I think that the mom... Llama Llama red pajama. I could call CPS on the mom. She's extremely neglectful. The kid's having a fucking breakdown upstairs and then you're gabbing on the phone doing the dishes. Having said that, like the kid is definitely annoying. But like what if the kid was actually having an issue and Mama Llama is like just being, you know, a deadbeat downstairs. Have you seen the people that these killjoys that try to say I love you forever is weird when the mom brings the ladder?

1:03:06It's like, it's a fucking cartoon, you idiots. Right. Like we know the mom is being. Right, that she's not really gonna do that when like he's holding the mom. Like, of course it's not like actually happening, it's a book. You guys, I actually feel like I'm the person you're talking about. Oh, come on. I love the book, but like, what is that bitch doing with the ladder? Like, it was really crazy. And then when like the little. I would get a ladder. When he's like carrying his mom. What that woman is doing is what we all feel we want to do. I don't think she's actually doing it, of course. But it is jarring to see the illustration.

1:03:36The idea is I love you so much. I miss you so much. And literally, if we've heard out our kids were being bullied at school, we would drive in a car to the school, find that fucking kid. Like, you have insane thoughts what you would do in protecting your kids. So the latter doesn't seem like a lot. It's nothing. This is like a beautiful act of kindness and love for your child. I agree, I agree. But when you turn that last page. I know. It's really beautiful. We won't spoil it. Go take 30 seconds of your day and read one of the best books. The second best children's book ever. The Camper and the Counselor.

1:04:10I'll reach out to your team. I'll send a copy for Shiloh. Signed copy. Dearest Shiloh. She will love it. Oh, I love it. I love it. Can't wait to see you in the group chat. Yes. Send one to Tom Segura. Of course. He will love it. I'm going to send it to Tom. He will love it. I'm going to make sure. He got a couple. They got a couple kids. Oh, yeah, they do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we really appreciate your time. Thank you guys so much for chopping up. Now it's over. I need you guys next time you're in the city. I know that you're here. I'll come. We're available. We come up. We hang out. We might. I know you'll cancel, but it will be okay.

1:04:37No, if we actually have something set, we're very professional. But when it's like a social thing. Yeah. Especially when you can't drink. What's the point? Yeah. Oh, you can't drink. I'm pregnant. And then you can't drink. I'm not a big drinker. Really? What's your vice? Oh, these days? Sourdough. Sourdough. What about a drug or something like that? Not these days. Because I can't be impaired whatsoever when I need to wake up and be a mom. And I can't make my life any harder than it already is by having a migraine or being dehydrated. Very logical. What about you? Are you a big drinker? No. No, not really a big drinker.

1:05:13I have a question for you. And then we'll let you go. I don't really do it. I don't like weed or anything. Weed makes me sad. I like the social aspect. Weed makes you so panicky. You get anxiety. I don't smoke pot because I'll take myself to the hospital. I'm like, this can't be the thing everybody's smoking. What's going on? I hate weed. Who are these people that get relaxed when they do it? Some people look at, I'm so productive. What? That's bullshit. Bullshit. What are you saying? My question for you, because I feel like we're at a similar stage in our lives, same with Claudia, where you're having children, you want to be present for them.

1:05:43It's different for women because we have to take time off and do things. But do you find that right now you're maybe doing less or saying no to more stuff? Professionally? 100 % Like do you feel like Early fatherhood Has affected your career 100 % Yeah Okay so men It doesn't look that way As an outsider I don't think Like this press run I went on Was like insane But in terms of You know But I baked that into What this was gonna be I don't think it's Negatively impacted my career In terms of like Oh there aren't Opportunities that I can do But I think to be honest It's like made everything better I think We both say that That's why we love This particular job Like being content creators And podcasters like I have found our you know our numbers went up when I announced that I was pregnant you get more brand opportunities like there's not people can relate to you not a lot of jobs where you can say that you have more to say you think more and you feel more and so net net it's really good for our world but yes like opportunities there are less things I can do and you have to take time off yeah but most people can't say that like when they got pregnant at their job they got more opportunity like and I that's how I felt right but I was just curious for you in the same industry mostly but different And you fatherhood who also like wants to be home if you feel the same.

1:06:53I probably, what I would say is that like I'm not turning down a huge opportunity. Because I have that privilege being the dad, not the mom. Yeah. Where like she's not relying on me for sustenance for the first year. Yeah. But I don't put as much time into work. Yeah. I have to be really smart about the time I put to work. Which makes you more effective. it also forces you at least for me what I hope is like to hire effectively so back in the day I would just be like I'm gonna do it all I don't do it all I have people way more talented than me helping me with everything I don't want to like take away credit from them but like I'll stay 14 hours I'll edit this thing with you then I'll go write that thing and I'll do this like you can't do it anymore you need to delegate and then you need to do what all these professional shows do which is you start building out teams and different responsibilities it's time Claudia like no for real I do the same thing that you guys are going through is the exact same thing.

1:07:49But what you realize is once you do that, and I'm not saying we've done that, but once you do do that, you can grow 100x. Yeah, it will make you better. That thing that you had to do because you were slipping made you better. Yeah, because you have people more talented than you taking responsibility for these different parts of your business. If this podcast, if I hire somebody to run this podcast and that's their baby and they're thinking about every second of every day, I'm thinking about my baby every second of every day. If that's their baby, imagine how big that could go yeah we got to be smart with who we hire obviously but like what if we get those people that are as dedicated us but even more talented hard to find but it should be if it was easy yeah everyone would have it so true but you got to find those diamonds in the rough and then all of a sudden you see these things grow like i've seen just from people that i've hired like this kid who's doing my social with me shifty and we're editing clips like the amount that i can just off load to him the amount of like days that saves me.

1:08:45What if I could do that with every aspect? Even with Dove everything that he's done. Like the amount of like incoming calls, offers that people agents, producers that he's talking to before it even gets to me. That's nice. Yeah. If I was doing it I wouldn't have any time with Shiloh I wouldn't have any time with anything. How many more of those people is it possible to find and then grow and now having a kid and limiting our time actually made us grow 50x. Right. Because it made us be smart instead of like bare knuckling everything. Right, strategic. Doing everything. Yeah. That's a really good lesson for us, Claudia.

1:09:22Yeah. And everything that we learned today, I feel like we need to... Just like jot it down. Remember that, yeah. Yeah, we'd love to like say we're gonna do stuff and don't. Practical application of policy. I love that. That's what you guys do. That's the Kamala thing. That's what she said a lot. What did she say? Jackie was actually extremely taken in with this one thing Kamala Harris said on the Call Her Daddy podcast. She was talking about, and she said it like this, practical application of policy. She's really big on that. And so we don't really know what it means, but sometimes you just gotta practically apply the policy, you know?

1:09:50And we find ourselves like not doing that, but we really need to. But we gotta make an effort to practically, what is it, PAP? Practical application of policy. Oh, PAUP. PAUP. It doesn't roll off the tongue. PRAP. Skip the O. Yeah, PRAP, yeah. Okay, we're gonna get it. We're gonna get it. Now we are officially letting you go this time. Unless there's anything else you wanted to talk about. Get your paps, guys. Yes, get your paps. You gotta get your paps. Thank you so much for being here, guys. Thank you for listening. We will see you tomorrow. Love ya. Bye. Bye.