The Snooper and The Judge: Friday, May 2nd, 2025

0:20I sound amazing. Welcome back to the Toast and happy Friday. Friday's. Friday. Friday. Yay that it's Friday. Yes. Another conclusion to a pargelicious, definicious week, actually. Kind of not to be dampering the mood. Kind of coming to an end on one of the last few weeks of toasty realness before maternity leave. Wow. Oh, not to dampen the mood, though. Well, I have been wanting to bring up sort of the elephant in the room, right? I am taking maternity leave. I don't know if I've mentioned. I'm kind of with child. And we've been making lots of plans. And I feel like I want to talk about it more.

1:08I feel like it's this thing we're all circling the drain on. But I want to assure the listeners of the fabulous plans we have for them. It's true. I was just going to sort of like drop you into fabulosity eyes wide shut. but we could go into it eyes wide open. Sure. Well, I think everybody knows that the month of June is going to be like a fabulous time. Jackie Owen friends is what we're calling it. I'm Jenna Bush Hager. I'll be talking to my friends. Influencers, podcasters, reality stars. She's got some really fabby people lined up. She's going to be in New York and Florida with people. So I'm not worried, but I think a lot of people are like, okay, well, July and August, the toast is off.

1:44Like where are my girls at? And actually we've kind of, we've kind of nailed it. Like you're going to be okay. Ready? We're always right here for you. Yeah, we like to be dramatic. We're really not going anywhere. So July and August. We will still be putting out more content than the average podcast. Yes. So July and August, you will be getting two episodes a week. One of the episodes is going to be the best five, you know, your usual toasty episodes on Patreon. Yes. Because this is a place of business. And then your second episode of the week, we did this a little while ago and people really seem to love it.

2:16But it's a series we're calling Toasterstory, a rewatch, re-releasing of some of our most iconic episodes. I know we have a lot of new listeners. And actually, there was a TikTok going around. I meant to send it to you of a girl being like, I have seen the TikToks. I want to join the toast. But I'm scared. Do I just jump in? Do I have to start somewhere? And people were like, just start. You'll figure it out. But there is so much lore. There's so many jokes. So over the summer, every week, we are going to be re-releasing iconic episodes. We did that most recently with our Robert Flats episode because that's like people's favorite moment from the toast.

2:48And a lot of people don't know it. A lot of our jokes come from these iconic physical therapy moments. So every week we will also be re-releasing on the regular App Store. Not App Store. Patriot. App Store. App. Podcast app. Podcast app. Stitcher too. And Stitcher. And Stitcher, of course. Iconic episodes that made the toast what it earns, you know? The toast. Made the toast what it earns. It's true. So the summer is going to be really fun. And I'm excited. You'll be fed. I'm excited to do weekly pop culture episodes because they're literally going to be five hours long. I know. And then we could have just like broken it up every hour and at least one every day.

3:23But sure. We could have. And I'm excited for maternity leave. So maternity leave and like Jackie Owen Friends officially starts right after Memorial Day. Tuesday after Memorial Day, I'll be in New York with guest co-host. We've got some great people lined up. And then I have people in Florida. And it's really shaping up to be a part of you month. I'm very excited to put on my Diane Sawyer pants. And, you know, I feel conflicted because, like, every time I see it in our chat, like, oh, so-and-so confirmed. I'm, like, obviously happy for the business, you know? I'm sad for me. Like, these are going to be great episodes that I'm not a part of.

3:54You know how much that kills me. Yeah, but you could just maybe watch them. Maybe enjoy them. And you get to, like, you'll be able to, like, backdoor submit questions if you have some for the person. Yeah, yeah. If there's something that you wanted to know. So I just wanted to assure everyone, like, we are taking this matter very seriously. And it's going to be a great couple of weeks and months. And then Labor Day, we're back like usual, girly, swirly energy. Remote podcast, the usual. The usual. That's what it'll be. I'm very excited. You know, I love change. I love switching it up. I do. I love switching it up.

4:29I think it's going to be so great. Coombs afresh. I know how you feel like Not in terms of loving change But like I feel like now I understand It's like hard when people love Something without you you know what I mean Yeah I'm not looking forward to it I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of balance of like We miss Claudia Yeah but see when people say we miss Claudia Like it's so nice right But it also makes you feel a little bit bad So like I don't I don't maybe don't say it Oh okay You know? Because I'm like, well, maybe I should be back at the toast. I understand. But no, you have to do what's best for you.

5:04You have to listen to your body. And you need to, like, give yourself space to embark on this new chapter. Like, it's really one of, if not, it is the biggest thing that you will do as a human being. In this life. A thousand percent. So, like, a couple weeks of Glockless Toast. While we chit-chat with some other people. Give some people some shine. Oh, you know that kills me, too. I know. Okay, I shouldn't have said it. Giving other people my platform. Yeah, like, you're a spotlight. built that we like yeah we literally have like bled power with the electricity and like we are like powering windmills i'm on the bicycle yeah yeah no i know sorry i shouldn't have said it like that yeah um i have to tell you a funny story maybe they too could shine their light on us well wouldn't that be nice i have to tell you i was uh out to dinner last night and i did you know i walked and on my way there you know celebrity things i ran into a couple of toasters and i ran into this toaster leaving the grocery store she literally was just walking out with true fruit like that was she didn't even have a bag she just like bought the true fruit and i was like oh true fruit sounds so good right now she was with her boyfriend she was like do you want it you can have it and honestly the sealed bag brand new i was going to dinner so like it wouldn't make it home on like frozen you know but did you take one out of the bag i didn't because it wasn't opened yet but like it was one of those decisions that you have to make in a split second even your preferred flavor yes it was dark chocolate raspberry dark chocolate raspberry speaking of true food they followed me on instagram yesterday so obviously like something's going on at true fruit hq maybe the girl worked for true fruit that i met maybe or we're just so like embedded with true fruit i love true fruit i have i've been down on my true fruit game Well, the thing is, and I was just having this conversation with a friend, I'm running out of time.

6:52I only have so much time left to like continue eating whatever I want. And while I love true fruit 1000%, it's definitely like an indulgence for when you're dieting. It's like if I could have anything in the world, which I'm eating anything I want these days, like I'm not picking up the true fruit. Right about dipping dots. But what's so amazing about it is that like you can pick it up when you're being quote unquote healthy and it's fabulous. It's a very good option. but these days no I'm not picking it up in the freezer but it's just not it's not no I think that's fair yeah so it reminded me and I was like in that moment I'm like do I take this poor girl's bag of true fruit and like munch on it on my way to dinner I was so hungry and her boyfriend was like really take it they really wanted me to have it I almost felt bad turning it down yeah but ultimately I didn't you know you should have opened the bag and took one and then continue on your way.

7:44So like ruined her snack, like putting my dirty hands in it? She could have plucked it. Yeah, she could have. But then I'd wait to eat from her hand. She was at the grocery store like holding that cart. No. No, and then like her bag is open on the way home. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't make a difference actually. But yeah. It wasn't a perfect situation. I understand. But I did. Shout out to that toaster. Shout out to the generosity. And if you've ever seen me in the street, feel free to offer me food. You know? No. Don't. Don't take food from the street, Claudia. I actually, yeah. I do have a policy.

8:11Do better. Not to eat. Street off the floor. Street off the floor. I'm having a really hard talking day, you know? Yeah, terse. Yeah, like I can't pronounce things. Even though like you could have said, I meant it like that. We are the terse. And we are. I did try to play it off like I meant it. Did you not? You did a good job. But I was already ready there. I'm having a really hard like pronunciation and sentence forming kind of day. So it'll be an interesting podcast episode. It will be. I have been reading for the last 24 hours straight the Lucy scorebook. and it's so adorable like it's totally like Lucy did not flop like it's okay the elk of like you should read it so far it's just like really cute I like the characters there's funny banter I've chuckled a couple times like that's what you want out of it's Lucy Lish your romance novel I'm recording with the girls today and I'm excited to like break down the novel in a book club format because in an analytical way there's not that like much there there but I think it will be fun I think it will be funny and speaking of books did you see me in the press um is that that bitch miley who had a lot to say about me in the press the other day yeah did you see me in the press yeah jackie's hosting what are you doing exactly not hosting i'm part of a judging panel for a story contest the novelry is running a story contest with a hundred thousand dollar prize this isn't like an ad or anything and they selected 10 celebrity judges who are like who We're involved in the literary space.

9:39A lot of authors like Carly Fortune. Very cool. And then like literary influencers like myself and Emma Roberts, Oshamammet. Ten judges. We will be judging the story contest and awarding someone$100 ,000 for their story. So it's like kind of a big deal. There's never been a prize money this big in the story writing sphere. That's honestly to be seen for your passions must be an amazing feeling. No, it is. It's like I'm so excited to read all the stories and to share my thoughts and get together with my fellow judges. And I just wanted to shout it out because, like, if you're an aspiring writer girly, submit.

10:15Is it over? No, no, no. You can still submit? We're judging in October. Like, it just started. They just announced it. That's why I was in the press yesterday. I can use$100 ,000. Maybe I'll submit a story. So the platform's called The Novelry. It's actually a website where you can, like, take writing classes. and they are the ones running the contest. So if you like are a writer, get in there. Carol Radswell. The Novelry. That's cool. Like I feel like reading is obviously a passion of yours. It's a part of your online persona. So to be seen and sort of selected for something you're not like, we're known mostly for pop culture, right?

10:54So to be seen for your secondary interest, it must be an amazing feeling. And like I was selected because of being an influential reader, but also being an author myself, The Camper and The Counselor. I'm the only children's book author on the panel. So I really feel excited about that. So she checks a box. For sure. Oh, my God. It's just lots, lots happening here, you know. Like exciting things. Jack's coming to New York soon. I am. We're going to be doing Toast New York episodes together. That's why like May is just going to be such a fun month, like different every day. Like I feel like April was very steady.

11:30We were here. We were sat. Jackson Claude. Right. May every day will be different. And I personally, you know what? I take it back. Oh, speaking of a May day, it's my husband's birthday. Oh, you know what? That was on my list of things to talk about. So shout out to my husband for being born. Is your Rose your husband today? My Rose is my husband today and every day, but especially today. It's a bigger rose. So we're going to have a really fun weekend celebrating. I feel like this Friday feels less like a part of the week and more like a part of the weekend. So I'm just like thinking about like how we're going to celebrate the things we're going to do.

12:07We have some fun plans. I actually like my gift is being installed today for him. I'm really excited. It's a cold plunge. Oh. Cold plunge. You mean the cold plunge you got a year ago? It's been in my garage because I like didn't know how to install it. So the setup is the gift? Yeah, like that he will have now a cold plunge that is activated. Because he knows that there's a cold plunge in the garage. He does. Okay. And that was like meant to be the gift for him. I got him a cold plunge. But now for his birthday this year, I'm setting. We're installing it. Next year, we're going to put water in it.

12:40No, I got him like seriously a state of the art cold plunge from Stone Home. Where are you going to put it? In my backyard. Like. Obviously. Like in what area you mean? Not the living room? Yeah, like in what area? Yeah. You know, like tucked away has to be somewhere where there is water line and electricity. So that like. And shade. Do you need shade? You don't need shade. And also all areas of the backyard get shade at a different point of the day. So if you want. But it could be nice to be in the sun while you're in the cold plunge. It actually could be really nice. Yeah. But does it make the water warm?

13:12No. And not if you like get in right at the right. There's like a temperature. It's state of the art, coach. Well, my husband will be at your house all the time. I think like everybody's gonna be coming to my house to use my cold plunge I think so too That's exciting And I might plunge a little You should I like to say fuck Okay literally Miranda Cosgrove I might plunge The way I so relate to her in that moment Like so many times I'll say something and I really feel like Miranda Cosgrove Cosgrove I like to say fuck I see you're also having a bit of like a challenging day when it comes to sentence forming.

13:52Why? What did I say? There's just been a couple of sentences. You've had trouble forming. I didn't want to call it out. But now it's like, I kind of feel like we're on the same wavelength today. Maybe you're having like sympathy brain fog. Sympathy pangs. Maybe. Yeah. But I think I kind of like slayed my articulation. Okay. I'll be the judge of that. Of course you will. And I'll be the judge of the novelry. 100 grand baby. Oh, we can't talk to her now. She's like a judge, you know? A celebrity judge. You got it. Do you have your gavel? Like you're a judge. No, I am a judge. Like. I think your gavel might be here at my studio.

14:26It is. But I will be a kind and judicious judge. I do believe we should dive in because we have stories. We also have Queenie and Weenie of the Week, which is my favorite day of the week. Congratulations to the New York Knicks for winning the game last night. Unfortunately, that means they're progressing to the next round. And like now I'm gonna have to spend the next couple of weeks like trying to convince my husband to stay home. And then I'm gonna have to be like, oh, yeah, Carl Anthony Towns, it's Jordan Woods. Like, I don't know if you guys want to hear that story five more times. We're all good on it.

14:55However, what could be an interesting development? Like, is there a world in which the Knicks are in the finals and you're giving birth and your husband has to choose? Yeah, I guess. Oh, choose. No. No, but I guess I guess. What if he got like courtside tickets to the seventh game of the finals, Knicks championships, and you're going into labor? And the Knicks asked him to put on a jersey and get in the game. He still wouldn't be allowed to go. He would have to choose. I thought you were going to say, is there a world in which like we're in the hospital and the game is on? Yeah, it's so parchy.

15:32That's like we watched the Super Bowl. Harry was born on Sunday. When Harry was born. Exactly. It was a tiny TV, but it worked. I mean, if the Knicks are still in, and they're about to play the Celtics. Like, sorry, they're out in three games. Like, four. Is there a world in which in, like, a couple of weeks they're still in? It would be miraculous, yes? But it's possible. Yeah. So he might be feeling conflicted. Do I watch the birth of my son? Right, son. Or, you know, me and the Brunson boys. Ben has, like, this group chat. It's called the Brunson boys. Is there a Brunson in it? it's about Jalen Brunson.

16:07Oh, he's not in it. No, he's like the theme. Okay. It's a thematic title. And whenever something's happening, he's like, I gotta tell the Brunson boys. I'm like, okay, gay boys. So long, gay boys. No, and they're like in the chat like, OMG, these refs suck. I'm like, you guys are some of the biggest losers I've ever met in my life. But it's all in good fun, you know? Hold on, a little nomination for Weaning of the Week, the Brunson boys. honestly they are worthy even though i think we should be encouraging like male chats about fun you know harmless topics yeah agreed as opposed to like foursomes if i ever like snoop through ben's phone which like i definitely do like every now and then um yeah that's interesting i didn't know that about you mostly not like looking for anything salacious mostly because like i just like to see how my husband talks do you know what i mean like how he's representing himself to the world.

17:03Yes. And I would say every single like Ben's snooping on Ben's own is so uninteresting because none of these numbers are saved. They're all like random distributors. It's all spritz stuff. So it's low key boring. But then when I see a familiar name, I'll like, look, it's not interesting. But I just like to know what he's like forward facing. I know my Ben on the inside, but how does he act to other people? And you're OK with what you see? Yeah, it's mostly boring, like business. Does he know that you snoop? Probably. Yeah, no, I'm not ashamed of it. We have no secrets. Like, I feel like it's mostly when I'm on his computer.

17:42Let me just see what's going on. Yeah. It's not snooping. I can't explain it. Snooping has like a. Check-in. A subtext. I just like to know what my husband's getting into. Yeah, check-in. Like, he's such an anomaly to me. He is not an anomaly, that man. He wears his heart on his sleeve. It's true. But how does he – what does he wear on his sleeve to other people? Yeah. You know? Yeah. I do. Maybe we'll cut that out. No, I'm kidding. Nah. He won't wear it. No, I have nothing to hide. Like seriously, he has nothing to hide. Okay. But to be clear, like he can't go through my phone. No. There's girly stuff.

18:21There's girly stuff. Yeah. Super girly. Especially these days there's like pictures of my toilet paper. Like no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We are not the same. Well, speaking of your toilet paper, let's get into the Fast Five stories that you need to know. And the Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by the new Huggies Snug and Dry. They are luxuriously soft and ultra dry. So how soft are we talking? We're talking unbelievably soft. We're talking irresistibly soft. It's greased lightning. your baby deserves a diaper that is so gentle on their tushy baby's bottom is just one of the most like important things on earth and we must protect them and i think huggies really understands that so the huggies snug and dry diapers help you experience unexpected softness and up to 100 % leak protection of the huggies snug and dry diapers um jackie can you just share a little bit of an anecdote of how surprised you were when you experienced the softness of the huggies snug and dry diapers so yes the softness is impeccable you only want to be putting the softest things on baby's bottom so it is important you don't want scratchy you don't want thin like you want they're so sensitive indulgent they are sensitive and and they're just they're coming from the comfort of the womb right so right you can't just now hit them with a with a scratchy old diaper no you want the best plushies what we say cozy we love cozy and the huggies diapers are cozy there's something worse than your kids saying, my tushy hurts.

19:49Oh my God. It's like, seriously, burn the diapers. Right. Well, not Huggies Snug and Dry. More parents are choosing the new Huggies Snug and Dry softness versus the leading premium diapers. So check out the new Huggies Snug and Dry. Huggies, we got you, baby. Today's episode is also brought to you by Vivrell. So the first of its kind, luxury accessories, members only club. They provide members access to borrow designer handbags, jewelry, watches, and diamonds. So when you become a Vivrell member, you can treat yourself to their closet and treat it like your own. You can borrow anything within your tier.

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21:37So head to V-I-V-R-E-L-L-E.com. Use our code toast for 30 % off four months of membership. Today's episode is also brought to you by Carraway. So Carraway's non-toxic cookware is really bringing peace of mind to swirlies around the nation. When you're cooking for your family, you're cooking for yourself, it's important to know what's going on. What's the underlying issue here? And Carraway is so worth the investment. It's non-toxic cookware. Over a lifetime, a person consumes at least the equivalent of the height of the Eiffel Tower in microplastics. 97 % of Americans have PFAs, toxic chemicals, from their nonstick cookware in their blood.

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22:47Plus, when you visit carawayhome.com slash toasty10, you can take an additional 10 % off your next purchase. Great time to use our code with Mother's Day coming up. This is a really nice gift. The deal is exclusive for Toast listeners, so visit carawayhome.com slash toasty10 and use our code toasty10 at checkout. Caraway, it's non-toxic cookware. It is, of course, made modern. Thank you, Maid Turden. You're welcome. our first story we've got a lot of music news today actually because it's new music friday and kelly clarkson dropped a new song i don't know if you heard it i did i saw her exclusively releasing it on her sirius xm show which i didn't even know she had a sirius xm show this woman works so fucking hard so there's a lot of news here she released a song called where have you been and i listened to it this morning as i was getting ready this is of course pargelish but i'm listening to the lyrics and i'm like oh kelly has a new man kelly's fallen in love this song is about like where have you been this magical person this perfect person well i was I'm stuck in a prison of my own making with my horrible ex-husband.

23:40Turns out it's actually about Meryl Streep and Martin Short. So she revealed on her Sirius XM show that we didn't know that she had that the song was inspired by the two iconic actors who both star in Only Murders in the Building. She said, I wrote this song. This is, I've rarely done something like this, but I was watching Only Murders in the Building. It's Martin Short's face. He says to Meryl Streep's character in the show, where have you been? He's like - Oh, they're characters. I thought their off-screen romance inspired this song. I think it's a little bit of both because she said he's like he's in awe.

24:09And I was like, has there been has anyone written a song? Because the song is happy because it's like you found something that you thought was almost basically a unicorn and did not exist. She said, I hope you dig it. Kelly, we're digging it for sure. However, I did hope that it meant like personal love for you. But she's, you know, she's going the Carrie Underwood storyteller Taylor Swift folklore route. I'm writing about things that I see out in the world. And you're writing about like fictional stories, books, movies, etc. So I like it, too. I also love Martin Short and Meryl Streep's off-screen romance.

24:38So the fact that Kelly is probably aware of it just brings me joy. However, not however, sorry. Additionally. Great. I don't know if you're aware. You know how there's the gayler conspiracy theories like Taylor Swift is gay? Yes. Outside of the K-lore? Yeah, it's all a part of the Karlie Kloss era. But who was another female lover of hers? According to the Gaylor stans Diana Agron That fiddle player Who worked on Taylor Swift's original tour And then got fired If you're into Gaylor, which I am not There's a lot of material to work with Now there is a movement Within the stand-up of Kelly Clarkson Of Gelly Where they think Kelly might be a lesbian With whom?

25:30No one It's all based on this one performance she gave it's we're working no wait sorry I'm not a part of it they are working with like really minimal material but I saw them investigating this song as well so now that Kelly's being up front with what it's actually about I guess that kind of dispels the Gelly rumors yeah but they'll latch on to something else yeah and I would just say like I would love that for Kelly yeah I would have loved this to be about like Kelly's personal life but then I just also that's so revealing and she's in a private era of her life but I hope that one day she has this feeling now I know that we spoke previously about Kelly reports that Kelly wanted to leave New York and thus you know probably leaving her show I didn't realize like how deep her roots were here she also records a Sirius XM show in studio now she could do that anywhere yeah every like Nashville has plenty of radio shows but she does have like deep roots here it's gonna make it hard for her yeah yeah we'll see we'll see what she does I think the show is probably the hardest thing to move and then also not a story but today um speaking of kelly rascal flats backstreet boys rascal flats song came out today did you listen they did what hurts oh i didn't uh claudia my ears were bleeding the first verse is they made it like backstreet boys style the first verse is sung by bsb and like seriously i was in pain thankfully on the second verse gary's angelic voice comes in to save the song and it actually sounds kind of nice like gary's voice with their beats because they use like pop synth a little bit yeah but they ruin the song they're trying so hard and we thought Jonas Brothers and Rascal Flatts is too many cooks in the kitchen this is eight cooks in the kitchen I just want to say I didn't think that we did no before I Dare You came out we're like that just sounds like a lot of people on a song right I think I Dare You is one of the best songs ever like no before it came out we were we were expressing concerns six people on a song that's a lot of people on a song this is eight people on a song yeah but rascal flats only one of them sings so that's it's not eight it's like six the other one does like background but they play instruments the other two yeah but whatever still yeah i'm shocked to hear that i'm not that upset because of all like the the re-release songs the collab with the backstreet boys and what hurts the most like are two things i don't particularly care about so ruin it go sure have your fun ruined a fave like fast cars and freedom correct so i'm okay but i'm shocked to hear you say that and i'm devastated no so far the album it's not just like a shoe-in every song has really been different and um some are not hitting for me but some the best is blake shelton mayberry is the best one yeah some are changing my life so it's mixed bag now back to kelly clarkson i need her team to produce a music video starring Martin Short and Meryl Streep.

28:22That would be extremely cute. That would be cute. And also, And I feel like, This bodes well for KC7? KCA? It does. It does. New album coming soon, hopefully. I think this is the first single and it sounds beautiful. And like, she's, her voice is more insane than ever. The songs, I like the beat. And how about as a society, let's not sleep on Kelly Clarkson's music, you know? Right. You're waiting for old, you're waiting for new albums. You didn't listen to the old albums. You've got music waiting for you. as the albums are actively being released, you know? Yeah, but also some of you. I've been guilty of it myself.

28:55I was a little late to chemistry. I'm completely acknowledging my part in this. Could go into her catalog and you'd be hearing it for the first time. There you go. You got Kelly Clarkson new music. I just feel like she's always getting like slept on and it's like we're always having Kelly's renaissance. What if we just like, what if we just appreciated Kelly in the time that she was in? Not me. No, not you. Not me. are you ready for our next to write some more music news we're so musical i guess it's also friday but actually ed sheeran made a lot of news this week because he was posting photos didn't make news you know on the toast but i noticed it he i saw the picture of him and taylor yeah the jam and the note he started posting all these throwback photos from his old phone he like started an account ed's old phone or whatever and like shared all these pictures that he found from back in the day you could like you could even tell from the way the photos were taken like it was a moment in time.