Toast Herstory: Guaraunty (Original Airdate December 4th, 2020)

0:00Good morning, Millennials. Welcome back to the morning toast. Happy Friday, Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday. Yay! Everyone, congratulations. A huge mazel tov on making it to the end of the week without losing your mind. Yes. And I just have so many personal updates to share that I'm just going to jump right into them. Please do. Because in so many ways, I'm a different person than I was on the show yesterday. I hear that completely. And in no order of importance, three major things happened in my life yesterday. One, I moved. It has just been such an exciting, treacherous experience, but made less treacherous with the most wonderful moving company, Roadway.

0:38Okay, by the way, I use them for my move two years ago. We use them for our studio move. Like everyone in our family uses them. They are true. And by the way, I've had the same movers every time. They're like the nicest guys. It is the best company. It's the best company. It's the best moving experience. I feel like I used to dread moving so much, but they really make it as pleasant as humanly possible. They do it all. They've even given me a discount code to share with the toasters. It's Jackie10. If you want to get 5 % off long distance moves or 10 % off local moves, head to Roadway, have a link in my stories.

1:07use code Jackie 10 and get some money off your next move and start moving and grooving. Start moving and grooving. You moving like into this palatial, you know, palace in the sky has really got me. I've inspired you. All bent out of shape. And there actually is a identical unit in your building. Like how many, like four floors up. Yeah. And I'm actually. I think you should take it. I'm actually really thinking about it. I just love my building so much. I know. I love my building. And if you moved into my building, like one, Theo and Bruno, best friends. I know. They would never spend a day apart.

1:37I know. like that's that's big you gotta it's like you gotta it's like you gotta do it for your kids you know yeah you have to do it for the kids too like you and I could be like podcasting all the time like just running up and down and like creating content no I know three like Ben and Zach could be playing Monopoly all day long yeah and then like I'm I really I dread being alone it's like one of my biggest fears which is why like I'm a homebody and therefore Ben has to be a homebody but like a building body if you but not only that like if you lived in my building or I lived in your building like Ben could go do whatever he want and then like we could just like watch tv together no i know i really think you should at least look at the unit yeah no i um it's so funny like buildings in new york are so snotty i actually reached out yesterday like after you sent me the link and i'm like hey look i'd like to come see the apartment and they were like before they're like well are you qualified for x x and x and i'm like um yeah i think so like chill like they're so it's like so like something about my name maybe doesn't give off like good vibes wow they're like well we can't let you into the apartment unless we know that you have x and i'm I'm like, I keep fucking nasty snot.

2:33Yeah, I got it, bitch. Oh, God. It's so fucking rude. It's not off to a good foot. No, no, it's like, I'm taking it personal. Wow, okay. Why else are you a different person? Well. You've successfully moved and your apartment is so nice. I've successfully moved. I still have so much like unpacking and organizing to do. My apartment is so nice, but it has significantly less closet space. Like for my personal wardrobe, I think half. Like I'm not even joking. And so I am being like relentless about just donations and cleaning out my closet. Like I literally have removed like so many iconic pieces that I never thought I would get rid of just because like of the memories.

3:10Like if you saw some of the things, you would know exactly what it's from and you would be like, wow, you're really going to do that. That's crazy. Crazy. So this weekend will be very transformative as I continue to build out the space. Second thing, I'm going to save the best for last. Second thing, I finally set up my new phone. And it really has just, it's put a new, like when you set up a new phone, like you feel like a new person. Okay. So like remember back in the day when you would like get a new BlackBerry and like you had a new pin and everyone was adding you on PBM and you just felt like you woke up every morning with so many notifications more than usual because like everyone was just like adding you and like redoing all the things and you felt like so popular and special.

3:46Oh no. I feel like that's not what it is for me, but I'm so glad you had that experience. for me it's like I feel like your phone is so much a part of like your habit in your daily life and I got a phone that's a new size so now with this bigger phone I feel like the way I'm holding it like I feel like a new person like I feel like I'm watching someone else you know so it's just like on my new phone last night setting it up just like feelings there's that new phone vibe that's just inexplicable I couldn't agree more but apparently there's this new update you know it used to be you got a new phone you have to download all your apps make a new background I was like you know what when I get my new phone right now my background was Theo and I was like I'll update my background to like Bruno or something like that.

4:23Wow, that's so rude. But with the new phone update, your whole phone, even the way you organize your apps, transfers to your new phone. Fabulous. Your background screen transfers. Fabulous. So Theo lives to see another day. And I love having Theo as my background screen because he's my number one. And he always will be like that number one guy. Speaking of old photos, I saw my friend Jason last night, who's like one of my oldest friends from high school. And that's why I couldn't watch Southern Charm because like I had a couple drinks. and Jason has literally, his camera roll goes back to 2010.

4:54Whoa. How crazy is that? So that's like my last two years of high school. We went to college together too. So like I literally spent the entire night last night, like in 2011. It was crazy. That is crazy. Because I guess he had an iPhone in high school. I had a Blackberry, I don't remember. But like I don't know how much fucking, how much his storage plan is per year because like it's a crazy amount of photos. But it was really like traveling back in time. How many photos do you have on your phone? 55 ,000. How many do I have? It's insane. It's insane. I have so many screenshots just from like running all.

5:1966 ,000. Wow. Yeah. Just from like running all, you know, our businesses, like in our Instagram accounts. Every time I take a photo, like I take 20 and I don't really delete the old ones because you just never know when you're going to need it. Yeah. So that's that. And then the third piece of news, personal news that I think might be the biggest out of them all. This should have been a Fast Five story. It's like such big news. It's such big news. I know it really should have, but no one wrote it up, unfortunately. I have changed my Instagram handle from Jackie O Problems to Jackie Oshrey. Now, let's talk about the genesis.

5:53I would love to. How did we get started? Who is Jackie O Problems? What is Jackie O Problems? What are your problems? Okay, so I started Jackie O Problems in 2011. I think I started on Twitter, and that was my handle since 2011. And then it was my Instagram handle, Snapchat, you know, anywhere I went, so did me and my problems. and it started as like a play on obviously like white girl problems and all those problems. Right. There was a trend on Twitter like in the early 2000s where you would make like tall girl problems and it was just like the problems that tall girls face and you were doing Jackie O problems.

6:24Because they were like problems that were specific to me and it made a lot of sense at the time and I never really like thought much about it in the past few years but every time I would realize that that's my Instagram handle like I would kind of cringe. Cringe. It's because it's like an old school internet trend yeah it's like first of all it completely dates me like it's like hi I've been on the internet since 2010 like when and like I've been here for 10 years and it's not like in fashion anymore no and it's also not what you post like that's at the end of the day like you don't post your problems no but also it's like if it was an old joke that people were still like doing maybe I would have kept it but it's it's not in anymore yeah so when I would take the time to like think about the fact that that was my handle like I was just like I don't want this to be my handle anymore and it would probably happen like once a year where I realized like oh my god so and you would try to secure other handles and I would try to secure other handles so I literally this time last year it was Thanksgiving I messaged there's someone has the handle at Jackie O which is my dream handle and it belongs to a girl and I had messaged her and we were communicating a little bit but it just didn't work out in terms of me getting it from her well she just she tried to haggle you no she I mean she just expected a price that I just wasn't willing to pay for an internet handle like I do have my limit yes I know it was insane like and so I had to let that dream go and then you know a calendar year passed and I realized again that my handle is Jackie O problems and I was like okay it is time I need to think of something else and I was like maybe it should just be Jackie Oshry like I like her she's a nice girl and so I went to change it but apparently if you're like a public figure and you have a lot of followers you can't change your handle on your own you need to get like a contact at Instagram so I went about getting a contact at Instagram and they said they would work on it and then yesterday I guess they worked on it and my handle was Jackie Asher.

8:06Well they didn't even ask you like are you sure? No yeah it just flipped the switch and I was just like obviously on the most transitional day period and I feel so good about it. I know there are some people who are just like averse to change and like they're you know they love it's a big they're always going to be against it like no or like just any sort of rebrand it takes a while to get used to but you guys I'm telling you this is for the best. It's the right decision. I can feel all of the better vibes that are going to come from this new handle and I'm actually someone I love change like I but all the time like even moving apartments like I'm I really embrace change and so I'm just so excited about this this change I really am I'm excited for you we congratulate you here at the morning toast good luck on this new journey and no looking back no looking back and I obviously like I didn't share with anyone like you know what I was when I was thinking about it because I don't like to talk about things until they're done otherwise I feel like I'm gonna jinx them like my Instagram handle would have like you know disappeared no my Instagram contact sorry would have you know stopped working at the company or something totally because that's something that would happen to us and then I would have been stuck with Jackie O problems and you guys would have known how much I hated it oh my god totally um okay well I'm so glad I have a brand new co-host it's like you have a brand new co-host and I feel like that's where why I'm wearing like all white you're pure you're like getting baptized getting baptized on um i'm free on the sunshine network i'm free of all my problems and i just want to say like even though i've dropped the problems like it doesn't mean i don't have problems anymore nobody has more problems than you nobody has more problems than me someone was like i'm gonna manifest having less problems by putting the name problems in my name and then taking it out you know you are literally significantly less problematic today than you were yesterday and we absolutely love to see that we love to see growth.

9:51We love it. So I'm really excited and make sure to follow me at Jackie Oshry. Woo. Um, so I do believe that it might be time. Wow. You're just going to rush me right in, huh? No, I mean like to be honest, like we've been talking about you for a while. Like it's hard for me. I knew today I was going to fight, fight, fight. No, it's hard. Like I just think, I think it's time to move on. Do you have anything that you want to share? No, I did absolutely nothing yesterday except be like a disgusting piece of shit and like not wash my hair. But you went out to dinner. Yes, I did. I hit the town and the town hit me back.

10:19I had three margaritas at dinner and it was nice. So my friend Jason, which was also really nice. And yeah, I wish I had more to report on. I just don't. Life is so uninteresting for me. Do you wish you had a life changing Instagram handle change? No, I wish that like, no, everyone around me is like, Olivia is a mom. She has a new apartment. You have a new apartment. You have a new dog. Mara has a new dog. And the new dog and the new handle and the new phone. And like Ben's parents just moved. Like everyone has all these like exciting life updates and I'm just like still the same disgusting piece of shit I was six months ago.

10:47So I'm like jealous of everyone's like metaphor metamorphoses. Yeah. I'm just not currently experiencing one. I'm still in my cocoon. Maybe you should get a new phone. I don't need one. Like, my phone works very well, and it's the 11. Like, something about getting the 11, getting the 12 when you have the 11 seems so wasteful to me. Yeah, that's me. Like, I'll get the 13. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you're on odd phones. Oh, that's true. Maybe I should get on evens. I just feel like that's what Apple wants you to do, and, like, I won't give in to them. No, I totally agree with that, but it's also based on, like, two-year plans.

11:17Like, they come out with a new phone every year. you have a two-year plan means that you're missing one of every phone yeah every other phone right which you should that makes sense and it's like when apple like okay they decided this year like they're done with usbs like no i'm not getting rid of my usb i'm buying a janky ass converter on amazon and i'm still using it like i refuse to give into apple and their fucking corporate supremacy like it's insane it's insane what if you got a haircut like a crazy haircut i won't get a haircut but i actually am in need i'm in need of like a chop just like a fresh two to three inch trim that would make me feel good I saw a photo of myself yesterday that made me realize like I need a haircut I feel like as someone who used to have short hair it's like I just I rebel in all of my hair growth but like it's too long now no you're getting to the Woodstock stage I am and it's I've been there I actually was stuck in the Woodstock stage for so long thinking that it was like so cool and now I look back and I look so dirty like someone should have given me a bath like so sick um because I'm into long hair but there is a point where long hair becomes like circus freak and the line is very thin so you got to be careful I saw a picture of myself yesterday plus like with my white outfit like I look like it could be Nicole yeah a hundred percent and they haven't let you out of your bunker in six years that's why your hair is so long yeah exactly okay I'm trying to think of other things that you could do to like revitalize no I'm just like really set on moving I would I love that and I and I love your apartment so much and I understand why you've been so um resistant yeah trying to hold back a sneeze sorry you're trying to cry because you love my apartment so much I do and it's been so good to you no no the thing is is like I would and I feel like maybe this is like a bad way to live your life because at the end of the day like I really do like my apartment and there obviously there are things I don't like about it compared to others right and so like I feel like moving just to like keep up with other people is like a really bad omen like and a bad way to live your life yeah when it's like you're happy with where you're at and why can't you just accept that?

13:07Why can't that be enough? I am shallow and vain and now I technically have the worst apartment in the family. Except for Margo. That was a rhetorical question. Oh, oh, oh. Because I'm the one here advocating for you to move. Yeah. Just to have like a little bit of spice in your life. No, I know. Like it's like that TikTok sound. Like let me add a little bit of spice. Like that's literally what I need. My life is just like so vanilla right now. I understand. Well, at least you know that if you move you can use roadway. You can use code Jackie10 for 10 % off local moves, five percent off long distance all right let's dive right in okay wow go for it now you're done do what you gotta do now you're good and ready it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite at your morning toast today's episode of the toast is brought to you by wayfair summer is brought to you by wayfair this season because wayfair is the one-stop shop for the pardiest outdoor furniture there's just something about a beautiful outdoor space that's so satisfying.

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16:06So another amazing part about Warby Parker is the affordability. Glasses start at$95 and include prescription lenses with anti-reflective, scratch-resistant coatings. many warby parker locations offer comprehensive eye exams starting at 85 so you can just get it all done from soup to nuts you get free shipping and free 30-day returns warby parker has over 270 locations to help you find your next pair of glasses you can also head over to warbyparker.com toast right now to try on any pair virtually that's warbyparker.com toast warbyparker.com slash toast they have completely revolutionized the glasses game and it's so much fun for to see Zach at all of these different pairs that he loves and gets to have so much fun trying them on really like see himself in them and make the best decision for his face and his eyes okay first story Cardi B says she's too shy to ask male rappers to collaborate this is like such a relatable story no I read this and I was like oh my god like that would that's me as a rapper like I'm so like shy especially around boys like I feel like I haven't changed at all since high school and like I feel this to my soul totally Cardi B may known for her brazen lyrics but the rapper insists she's actually actually so shy that she can't bring herself to ask male rappers to collaborate with her Cardi B revealed in a new Billboard interview she said quote the thing is I'm shy and really shy to reach out to male artists to be honest with you that's why a lot of collabs that I want I haven't got yet because I'm scared to reach out I always get a little starstruck I'll be thinking I'm corny even though I'm funny oh that is so cute I mean I feel like in Hollywood a lot of collaborations happen like through people's teams like she could have her team reach out that's the point in having a team you know yeah but maybe if it's like a really big artist like it means so much more artist to artist 100 that I agree with as well so this is a predicament and one in which I'm surprised we haven't heard about from like other people in music because like I don't know It would literally be us as rappers.

18:08Like. Shy. Shy. Like, oh, I don't know. Like, you want to sing with me? Like, it's awkward to ask too. And I kind of, I feel like maybe Cardi B doesn't feel this way. But like, I hate asking people for like stuff because I hate like coming off desperate. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, I just hate. So there's so many elements to why you would be shy. Also, when you're asking people for stuff. And I even kind of feel this way about. This is what like kind of Taylor Swift was saying about like wanting to work with Bonnie there. but like never thinking that she could like well you just think someone's gonna say no so you're like better not ask because they're gonna say no well that's like everyone's like fear of rejection always yeah yeah because that's like I feel like these sort of insecurities like are all stemmed from like high school and those are they like never leave you like fear of rejection like nervous talking to boys like they never leave you for sure but like not everyone suffers from these insecurities you know because some people are just like so brazen I know and part of me is like jealous of people who are just like so sure of themselves and so like secure in who they are who like can just do whatever they want and then part of me is also like calm down yeah no I feel like in instances like that it's like I'm jealous of the person who is sure about themselves and like you know asks for what they want but then in other elements of life like you see that person in a different scenario like at a restaurant and it's like oh no oh there is nothing more frightening than a person who is so sure of themselves in a restaurant oh my god I whenever I'm at a restaurant and I hear the way people talk, like it makes me want to vomit.

19:34Like it's so sick. Certain restaurants just like have the worst customers. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, so I feel like that person is definitely getting great collabs, but like, do you want to be around them at any other time? No, especially a restaurant. Right. Absolutely not. Right. That's a really good point. Thanks. So Cardi, I hope some like pop, like the biggest rappers, male rappers in the game, like hear this interview and reach out to her and they're like, I would love to work with you. If you think about it, I don't know that many collabs Cardi B has with male artists, especially rappers.

20:06Like she did Maroon 5. They're not in the rap scene. And I don't know any other male artists that she's collaborated with. No, but she's collabed with like a lot of females. Right. And I guess it's because she just feels more comfortable asking. Which I actually think is very cool of Cardi B, like for being a female rapper who lifts up other female rappers. Right, and I think that this sort of, what she would consider like a hindrance of not being able to ask male rappers, it actually winds up being even more beautiful because she probably gravitates towards female rappers and the content that they create together is amazing.

20:34Yeah, like it's just been more beneficial for her. And she's now, at least, I don't know if she did it on purpose. To me, she is known as like a female rapper who lifts up other female rappers when I feel like for a while, when like Nicki Minaj was like the reigning queen of rap, female rap, it wasn't like that at all. It was like very competitive. And that's why like her and Cardi like butted heads so much. And now I feel like Cardi's like setting a new standard for like the new wave of young Megan Thee Stallions, like young female artists. Yeah. We love to see it. We do. Wow. Speaking of big music news though.

21:03BMN? BMN. Ooh. Let me take a sip of my Diet Coke. Yep. That's kind of big to swallow. Radio Disney is shutting. Oh! Devastating. Radio Disney is shutting down amid a restructuring. Disney is shuttering its Radio Disney division among the ongoing restructuring at the media giant, Radio Disney, and Radio Disney Country will both stop broadcasting in the first quarter of 2021, run resulting in layoffs for 36 full and part-time employees that cuts deep that cuts deep i didn't forgot about radio disney country feels like personal this feels like the last day of camp like yeah because you want to know why i feel like when i think of what was most influential to me as like a young burgeoning woman i always i think the disney channel was so integral in you know the monster that i became yeah and i feel like we really grew up in the golden age of disney but I feel like every you know older person feels like they grew up in the golden age but I actually I think that this is proof actually that we did grow up in the golden age of Disney Channel yeah the Hannah Montana that's a Raven even Stevens era yes and I think that that is objectively the golden age of Disney I think Disney is still very cool and they have a lot like you know Descendants I absolutely love Doran Stan but it's it's not Hannah Montana it's not comparable it's not wizards of waverly place no it's not even stevens movie model model uh double take all those movies decom smart house like lizzie mcguire movie high school musical and you want to know how you know that it's not those things because descendants 3 wasn't in theaters high school musical right was lizzie mcguire movie was hannah montana movie was right that's true like they really elevated out of their own bubble and like it was really world domination or maybe someone at the theater saw descendants 3 like was ready to put it in theaters and then was like oh no this is so bad this was Was it terrible?

22:43It was the worst of the franchise, which never happens on the third. No. But that's what we got because the second was so good. Yeah. So good. It was an interesting dynamic between the three films. So good. So good. Yeah. So I just feel like as much as I sound like an old person being like, oh, I grew up in the golden age of Disney Channel. I feel like Radio Disney is shutting down right now is just further proof that I'm actually not just an old person. Like, it's 100 % true. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's really a sad story. End of an era for sure. end of an era for sure but at the same time i i actually from a business perspective i see what is radio disney beneficial for now like yes disney has good programming with like decent music but the disney genre in terms of music when we were kids was like a full-blown genre they needed their own station yes they don't need it now but it's a sign of the times like the way that people are listening to music is different i think radio in general is suffering different yeah so i feel like they could have pivoted to some sort of like streaming successful streaming situation um but i do think it's got become a little irrelevant yeah it's just like for every person like over the age of 21 like today's a sad day we are mourning the loss of radio disney i think everyone can think of a memory in their childhood where they're like sitting in the back of the car like maybe in a car seat just like jamming out to something on radio disney and everyone can like recall what station it was like in their local area you know in their region yeah devastating devastating for the whole Disney family.

24:09It really is. So we'll miss you. Yeah. I miss you. I miss your smile. And I still shed a tear every once in a while. And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go. And I need you to know. Wow. I miss you. Sha la la la la I miss you Literally can't remember a person's name when they tell it to me five seconds before, but I can remember a song I haven't heard since I was in the seventh grade and that's on being, on having your priorities in order Like literally haven't heard that song Can't even remember the last time I heard it, but could sing it in my sleep Didn't even like wince at one of the words Totally No, and that's like not even Hannah's most popular song, like that was like a really random Hannah song No, honestly, it was like a bad Hannah song.

25:06A bad song. There were so many good ones. Like, I could literally do a full in-depth, like, Patreon episode on the discography of Hannah Montana. A hundred percent. Because she really went through so many phases. And I feel like the one that I loved the most was definitely, like, Hannah Montana Forever. She was making such good music. Smooth talking. So rocking. He's got everything that a girl's wanting. Guitar cutie. He plays it groovy. like that song was so good and that era where she was like going between like Jake and Jesse like she cut her hair yes she did she did cut her hair and she moved out of the Malibu beach house into like a Malibu ranch house with a horse and that was an iconic that was an iconic season yeah and Lily moved in with her which was like a little question which was just kind of like moochie and it's like where were Lily's parents like I know they were okay with like Lily living with um Miley but like that's just like an insane thing to do like leave your home and like live with your friend in high school like if we're talking about real kids in high school yeah no totally we should do a whole Patreon episode about it in the new year because we have like so many episodes to do this month like I mean I would love to get my home I'm oh so many people are asking for a home tour I'm obviously going to do a home tour on Patreon hopefully this month maybe next month like because I need I want it to be like stunning for you guys um we need to do a holiday gift guide I have like so many gift ideas that I would love to share with the group really I don't have any ideas.

26:28Like, I feel like I'm the worst gift giver. No, but like, think of the things in your life that you cherish and value most. Theo. Okay, I'll get everyone dogs. Right. And then also like end of year roundup, best of, worst of. EOY roundup. You'd love to see an EOY roundup. We really do. Today's episode of The Toast is also brought to you by Clean Simple Eats Protein. Clean Simple Eats is the newest protein powder obsession. They are the cleanest and best tasting protein powder. It's called Clean Simple Eats. and everyone is all about them right now because they're always made grass-fed with no seed oils or artificial ingredients.

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28:17Okay, next story is some delicious news. Mariah Carey launches her own cookie brand. This is interesting. I didn't see this. This is so interesting. Christmas queen Mariah Carey has whipped up her own cookie brand just in time for the holidays. Mariah's Cookies is set to launch on Friday, December 4th. That's today. Online offering boxes of a dozen or half a dozen cookies in 30 major American markets. For the holiday season, the delivery only brand is selling a holiday hits box, which includes gingerbread, white chocolate cranberry, and pumpkin varieties. Other assortments include chocolatey treats box, the pumpkin box, and the gingerbread brocks, according to a news release.

28:53Once the Yuletide season wraps, Carrie plans to offer other varieties. Other varieties? I'm like really struggling. No, I... This is like, they're using such big words for a story about cookies. Yeah, like chill. Relax. The baked goods will be available to order via delivery apps including grubhub doordash postmates uber east and seamless so this is like a real project for mariah carey and it's very interesting celebrities do different things all the time they create makeup lines skincare lines they do movies music like i've actually don't i can't recall in recent history when a celebrity went into like the food space there's one celebrity cookie line that if you think hard enough you'll get the girl scouts no celebrity cookies and the celebrities if i give you one clue you'll get it okay tell me Victoria's Secret Fashion Show what Victoria I don't think of cookies when I think of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show no that's exactly why what is it Carly Kloss's cookies she has a cookie company you don't remember this they did a Victoria's Secret I'm sorry is the queen of doing things that are off brand making a line of cookies and then her other thing no her like cookies were like healthy cookies and at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show they like went around backstage like asking all the models like what they're eating before the show and everyone's like Carly's cookies oh god and as they're like literally throwing up because they're so nasty like oh my that's so funny no i didn't know that um i just feel like this is an interesting move and not one i expected from like queen mariah carey sounds so delicious i literally am going to order some cookies well that's where you and i disagree because i fundamentally have a problem with cookies that are just like beyond the regular like chocolate chip sugar snickerdoodle like there's four or five major like cookie categories in terms of flavors and i just feel when people go like off the rails and it's like pumpkin duty like cookies like relax like cookies are fine the way that they are and like people inventing like new silly like carrot cookies like let's not collectively let's just not cookies are good cookie okay i'll accept that as a category even though i don't particularly like it's like that's literally snickerdoodle yeah very confusing but we're gonna just call gingerbread for the holidays sure sure sure white chocolate cranberry like so unnecessary so so do not okay here ready i'm about to make a royal decree keep fruits and vegetables out of desserts the two are not meant to be to get there okay and i just want to say on that note keep them out of desserts and they're also not desserts fruit carry cake dessert carry cake fruit is not a dessert here ye i agree if i come over for dinner and you're like and i got some fruit for dessert i'm leaving i'm out the door like i find them to be so hurtful and so disrespectful like no and it's like i totally get it people you're putting out like fresh plates for dessert and i'm like oh like she's she made a cake right no and i get people who want to be healthy and maybe where this is where you just don't have dessert like let's stop reinventing yes because it's disrespectful to the the whole dessert community like to put out a carrot cake or a white cranberry cookie delicious disgusting so we're gonna disagree like on some of the finer points.

31:51What are her other categories? Of this decree. No, those, oh, there's other one that's a pumpkin varieties cookie. Sick, disgusting. Pumpkin is so disgusting and we all need to collectively. Okay, and I have something else to say about pumpkin. I never knew this, but pumpkin pie is disgusting. Have you had it recently? Do you think that I have ever put a morsel of pumpkin related product in my mouth? No, because I am a woman of taste. Pumpkin pie, the filling tastes like someone ate pumpkin chewed it and spit it out into a pie crust that's literally what it tastes like and i'm not nearly as picky as you yeah that's true no it's like at the end of the day stop normalizing fruits and vegetables in our desserts okay even though i'll make some exceptions apple pie i'm okay with that blueberry pie please be okay with it i'm okay with that too but i just i'm gonna sneak carrot cake in there carrot cake is delicious i understand no carrot cake is it's honestly the cornerstone of my argument so like you can't can't you go like elsewhere with your heart you can't you cannot take carrot cake okay so my entire argument is gonna crumble like carrot cake if you take carrot cake out so I have to include okay so this is where we agree to disagree yeah and you know what if we're as long as we're disagreeing like I don't mind like a little piece of fruit after my ice cream cake you know like what yeah like sometimes at a restaurant like one of my favorite restaurants in the city like whenever people are like where should I go to dinner I always say Gemma I think it's like the best Italian food.

33:13And I never really get dessert there, even though people love their tiramisu. I'm not crazy about tiramisu. But they do have fresh strawberries and whipped cream. And after like a big heavy bowl of pasta, it is quite refreshing. Like I hear it. You know, I see it. I kind of like it. I can't believe that you did that to me. But it's important to note eating fruit just like is unacceptable. It's like you have to you can only eat fruit when you're really full you know something else to say about fruit what and it's like there are a few times in my life when I do happen to eat fruit and the occasion calls for fruit maybe like a summer's afternoon stop putting different fruits in the same bowl I agree I agree fruit is criminal I agree and the juices oh it's so sick sick sick sick sickening no not sickening sick also last night Zach and I order dinner.

34:07I mean, it's such a long, hard day from the move. So I was just like, get the cookies. Okay. Have you ever had the quarter pounder cookies from the Smith? I don't ever eat at the Smith. We ordered the Smith. I fundamentally disagree with their whole message. Oh, okay. I can't. I can't. As a chain, I just. We ordered the Smith and we got these big, the quarter pounder cookies. They're three massive cookies. And we just sat in our new living room on the couch. We heated them up and just had warm cookies. That's so nice. And it was so nice. That does sound really nice. I'm actually like this conversation is making me so hungry.

34:37Okay, we'll wrap it up. Are you ready for our next story? Sure. It is some sad royal news. SRN. Soil news? Soil SRN. What is it? Queen Elizabeth's dorgie Vulcan dies just two weeks after the death of William and Kate's dog. Oh, no. Queen Elizabeth has said goodbye to one of her loving companions. Theo, cover your ears. The 94-year-old monarch's dog Vulcan died at Windsor Castle. Do you ever like sleep weird on your neck and like you literally can't move your neck? I mean every day. How is Theo not crippled? Like if you're watching on YouTube. This is like the eighth wonder of the universe. He sleeps like that every day on the show and it's like your neck.

35:15You know who else sleeps like this when given the chance? Bruno Sweets. Bruno Sweets. Maybe it's a Cavalier thing. Maybe they don't have like a spine. No. Maybe they're spineless. Like Bronwyn season one. No maybe like I don't know they just like the blood draining to their face or something. You know, it's like, if I laid that long, like, in that position for that long, I would die because all the blood would rush to my head. Totally. Sorry to make to interrupt you. Vulcan was a dorgie, which is a mix between a corgi and a dachshund. Vulcan's death leaves the queen with just one dog, another dorgie named Candy.

35:47Cute. That's a terrible name for a dog. Great name for a stripper. I mean, these dogs really had prominence in the season of The Crown. And I just, my heart goes out to her because she loves her dogs. Yeah, I think one of the most interesting things about the crown, I mean, about the queen that I learned from the crown was like how important like just like dog life and dog culture is to the queen and the monarchy in general. Like part of being a royal is like taking care of dogs. Yeah. And that honestly, I feel like the crown makes being a royal look like really unenjoyable and unpleasant. But I would become a royal just to have like a gaggle of cavaliers.