Toast Herstory: HemRata, Jeese and Zelener (Original Air Date March 27th, 2023)

0:00Good morning, Millennials. welcome back to the toast happy monday sigh gasp eek it's all right it's all right you want to know why why turdy lou because we are on our way to friday at least we've you know gotten the ball rolling we're on our way just like mason ramsey taught us yeah no it's a great monday i'm happy to be back with my girl claudia we didn't really catch up that much this weekend so i kind of like want to know what's going on with you how's turdy what's new with turdy how's theo theo's doing well um turdy's okay what's wrong turdy well turdy you know had an incident oh goodness me turdy you know has been talking a lot about how she wants to try physical therapy she has turdy went i went on friday after the show and i so wish i went on thursday just so i could have told the story on the podcast on Friday when it was fresh but quite possibly the most humiliating thing happened to me at physical therapy like I haven't recovered since Friday I don't know how you could please tell them Turdy what happened to you well it just started out where like the physical therapist was like a really handsome guy which I just feel like is wrong um like I don't like it's just it's it's a power imbalance you know he was so handsome and it just I felt uncomfortable to be honest and the most embarrassing thing so I get there and I'm like so excited because like I really and he was able to he asked me like a bunch of questions first sat me down and he was really able to diagnose me I think I have a slipped disc and it's something that like stretches and you know weekly sessions for a few weeks really should be able it's very common so it had nothing to do with my boobs I thought like he was like no your boobs will really give you like upper back pain and I have like lower to middle back pain um so I felt good I was getting diagnosed and then he was like all right put the gown on and we'll do some stretches and like this machine I was like I was so excited and he said I was like wow a gown I wasn't expecting that he was like just leave your bra on I was like damn okay and I was thinking I'm like there's no way he didn't also want me to leave my undies on like I'm not going to be bare vagina on this table like this is physical therapy not like a spa even still at the spa I keep my undies on but like not everyone does you know it is optional it's optional I was just like he definitely meant like just leave your undergarments on not just my bra yeah he just probably doesn't know how like women's tings work yeah yeah so I was like you know what I'm gonna do something crazy I'm gonna leave my undies on because there's no way there's no way so I come back he comes back in the room and I'm in my gown with my bra and undies and he's like oh oh I'm sorry you could have left your pants on I was like but you said just my bra and I guess he meant like we're doing my back so like why would my bottoms be even and I should have like thought that way but I was just listening like I was following the rules and I was like oh I could have left my pants on thank god I didn't take my underwear off and he was like do you want me to leave so you can put your pants back on I was like please like thank you and the the session went on without a hitch but like my my dignity was just destroyed stripped from you much like your pants and he did a really good job of not making me feel weird but like I'm so like I'm already like a self-aware person um and this was just like my first time meeting and honestly it was it was humiliating yeah I can't even offer you words of support that's like an unburden yourself that i'm doing here on this monday that we just kind of have to sit with i know and there's no unning this burden um i can't make you feel better because it's such a crazy story stop no i know it's so bad like it was humiliating um and i really i really did try to not let it like mar my whole experience is that the right word mar yeah because it was so fabulous you know i got a diagnosis which made me feel so good i got a sickening massage and i got stretches and i've been doing them at home every day i have to do them today i've been really good like i am committed to fixing my back problem and it was such a it was a gorgeous place and it was a wonderful experience but i i'm blinded by you can leave your pants on i felt like a predator like yeah you're like peewee herman at the movies yeah it's like put your pants on oh my god it was it was humiliating it was it was horrible and he really he really was such a nice guy and he didn't make me feel bad and then he was like i hope you like country music because that's what we play and i was like i was like this this is such a great experience i wish i didn't ruin it yeah but it's okay we're gonna get through it this is part of life it's just important for everyone to know like before you judge me like this is my first time ever doing physical therapy I was shocked to even see a gown yeah you've only ever put a gown on like at the doctor where it's a full body thing like when you see a gown you take your clothes off right because like I really I could have just laid there in my bra and pants no bra and pants like I don't know if I needed a gown whatever it was just no but he's like that's how private he was no that's how courteous this man was such a gentleman and instead we had turdius taking her pants off yeah i'm i am going back tomorrow and i do think i'm gonna say sir you are far too handsome to be my physical therapist give me the ugliest guy you got no because there won't be anyone who can work with you and you're stuck with a guy who you took your pants off for and now you're calling him far too handsome i know i'm afraid predator strikes again i feel i'm afraid he's gonna hear this um no i i think i need to go with a lady i think i'm but you know what like me and me and this guy like we made really great progress like i am gonna stick with it you know what i've already on the first day embarrassed myself to the nth degree like how much worse could it really get history i think it's fine it's fine just stop like talking about people's looks and stop taking your clothes off unless expressly directed you want me to stop being me no be taking your clothes off is not a part of no it was so uncharacteristic but i was really i was like you know what i've never done physical therapy this is how they do it i'm gonna dive in and really give it my all when in i gave i gave a little too much of my all and i was wearing these like ugly and like it was just it was bad do you see your underwear yes full coverage i mean do you know me it was a little too full coverage it was like a blanket That's good.

6:43That's good. Yeah. They were like high-waisted black granny panties. You didn't moon him. I didn't moon him. Oh, no. Imagine if I was wearing like a G-string. Like, hey, boys. Yeah. So that happened to be on Friday. And like my whole weekend was just kind of a blur of humiliation. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Ben was out of town, though. So I really needed to busy myself. Because if I had just like stewed on that and been alone, it would have been horrible. So I made myself busy. I saw my friends. I had a nice weekend. you know went out on Friday and Saturday night she's a social girl she has she makes social calls what'd you do I went out to dinner yeah I went to Carbone your favorite on Friday just like a low-key dinner you know um and then I went out on Saturday to Boom Boom Room which I haven't been to in forever just you know saw the sights and I got home late oh I fell I fell but you know what it wasn't like an embarrassing fall you know the fall is really what started our entire Unburden yourself segment I fell in front of Mary Kate and Ashley actually I don't know which one it was it was just one I think Mary Kate uh so if you have been here for a while you know that that's what started you know the Monday unburdening segment um and I fell again on Saturday night but it wasn't humiliating because I was with Taylor and Taylor and like I can't embarrass myself in front of them like they're family like I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest and this stranger on the street helped me up and he was actually really nice and I wasn't humiliated like I can't explain it there was nothing about like I genuinely fell it wasn't like I was so drunk like I tripped I was wearing big shoes like things happen I fell I'm a human shoot me for sure and I'm not worried about you being humiliated or anything like I'm worried about your health if you keep falling like you're gonna hurt yourself I know but like do you see the shoes I wear I wear the biggest tallest platforms and I'm this tiny little girl who like has no upper body strength I have no strength anywhere like that's why you're doing physical therapy so you can balance out for your heels a hundred percent but like I have no core so I don't have like that the core is what keeps you centered yeah my core is jelly yeah so it's no wonder I'm tripping all over this town be careful attorney Lou I know and I did like I hit the deck like I went like hands knees down on the concrete but I didn't hurt myself or my ego like I can't explain how some falls are just different no I understand I'm not embarrassed for you I'm just like now like you're falling a lot yeah no I have no center of gravity I love to have cocktails and I wear big shoes I think that's a recipe for disaster agreed and so far you've been blessed that you haven't you know hobbled into the toast on crutches on a Monday morning no on a Monday morning I'm gonna come in with a boot it's in my future I know it I'm so reckless I don't like look before I cross the street there's curbs and we're in the city bumpity bumpity and I was in the West Village those roads haven't been paved since their early 20s.

9:31Yeah. So I'm merely a victim of circumstance, honestly. It's a lot of things. Yeah. Including your own choices. Jesus, you're such a teacher sometimes. I don't think teachers go that hard. No, they should. The kids need it. They should, but that's really for the parents to do. Yeah, no, you're such a parent. I was actually thinking this morning while I was listening to Luke Holmes' new album. Which I'm obsessed beyond. Which is called Getting Older, right? Yeah. And it's like a part of this dual album. Really growing up is the first part. And this is getting older. There's a song growing up and getting older.

10:05And for me, like growing up was such an album that really spoke to me. And I realized like of these two albums, like I am growing up and you are getting older. Because there's a lot of songs about like parenthood. Yes. And for the first part of, it feels like Luke wrote the song when he was like thinking about having kids. The first album. And then the second album was like once he had the kids, you know? Yeah. No, I really, really relate to this album. there's a couple songs that just speak right to my heart it's such a good album his last album was so good too and like so good I still wasn't done listening to it but for me I'm loving this I was listening to it all week and I actually think I'm gonna get in the car today and just sit in the driveway and listen to it some more do you think like you agree with my call that like we are the two sides of this album yes I do like Luke probably like wrote it with us in mind you were i posted that song take me with you take you with me to my story because it was like my favorite and most emotional song and then you were like oh my god yeah made me cry not to put you on the spot i did and then i was thinking like i'm not ashamed of my emotions i was like oh what part of this made turdy lou cry because i'm like i know why i'm crying because we're taking rolled everywhere with us it was for rolled okay because i didn't know if i was like is she relating to it like as the kid part of it is like you know no I actually didn't relate to that part like when I was a kid I didn't really want to go places with my parents I was like let me go bitch like let me be on my own I'm an adult yeah yeah you know yeah I don't really like I relate to the parent part of that song where it's like I just want to take you with me everywhere no that's us like we're always thinking like how can we take Harry with us yeah we're not doing anything if we can't take him no yeah like Harry like whenever we plan something like Harry coming like first of all increases the budget you know it increases like the time it increases everything yeah but we're all constantly like how can we accommodate yeah like or but it's just like how could we be somewhere without him like why are we there is it worth it no no so I'm loving this album it's a masterpiece and I also listened a lot to Morgan Wallen's new album we have a lot of new music and we have a new music story Kelly Clarkson so we're just kind of it's that time of year where everyone's gearing up for summer so like the releases are starting because like everybody wants to have like the song or the album of the summer um and that takes a while so this is summer summer summer um so it's that time of year where we're getting really good music and we're just I'm loving it yeah me too I'm a little overwhelmed but now that I have a car I have a wonderful vessel in which to listen to all this new music so I'm feeling less whelmed less whelmed that's good I'm glad the Tesla is underwhelming you yeah no it's been good Tesla makes it so easy to listen on Spotify except I didn't realize I have to pay for a premium subscription to my Tesla it's like ten dollars a month if I want Spotify right there on my screen in addition to other things not just for Spotify it's like a million things karaoke you know there's car karaoke in the Tesla okay that does sound like something that should be like an additional bonus but Spotify is like a basic human right I know well I could listen you could listen to the radio you could try Sears could you plug in like your phone and then for free there's like no plugs I don't know how to plug in my phone this car is turned I also have not been to Florida to see your Tesla I am coming this week oh PSA I'm coming to Florida Thursday um there is no show Friday Jackie and I have like a business thing woman tings we're like a business woman thing so there's no show Friday apologies and then I haven't made my plans yet but I hope to still be in Florida by Monday so we could just do the show together together harmoniously uh I'm feeling like it might be acrimoniously why do you feel such a way turdy blue I don't know I'm just feeling like that might be the the vibe sounds like you want it to be the vibe yeah I mean a little drama a little fight never hurt nobody I mean people are always asking it does okay I wanted to share this now that enough time has passed people are always asking like how do you and Jackie do the show like if you're like sisters and you're fighting like what is what happens to the show and we really like don't fight as sisters or as business partners but like what was it last week maybe two weeks ago during the show like jackie and i like maybe like we just like woke up on the wrong side of the bed we were we were just like talking about a story it was like the law roach story we just like started fighting in the story yeah no it was like neither of us would back down from the point from the point and that we couldn't pivot out of it no and like i i definitely ended up being wrong but like you would not let it go I didn't realize I was being that way like so we fought literally on the show versus impact like impact of course what I was saying I didn't realize I was like harming you you were just like like dog with a bone that's what I had said during the fight and so we literally fought on the show we cut it out obviously and then we continued to do the show and like for the first maybe minute it was weird only if you knew like maybe you would even notice it um but then by the time the show was over like we ended up with such a great show we were so funny it really healed us we didn't even really talk about it we were both like sorry move on so that's the only like honestly memory i can think of in the last maybe three years where people have asked like what if you and jackie fight and i don't have a point of reference now i do yeah we just got like stuck in the mud on that that's exactly what it was we were just like digging on this stupid fucking story we got stuck we got stuck it happens to the best creatives but then the toast healed us as the toast does because by the end of the show i mean i think i speak for both of us like i didn't even care anymore like it was like whatever the show that was over the show was great yeah yeah and it was like it wasn't a fight worth continuing it's not like either one of us felt so hurt we needed to talk about it no no no and now we can talk about it and now we've said it and now we have so that's a little toast fun fact for you a little bts yeah it was an acrimonious day twas that turned harmonious harmonious because the toast is a harmonizing brand just like me when i listen to luke combs not true but sure turdy just wait till you're in the car with me like i'm hitting these notes luke is crying jackie is singing because luke combs has a low voice and you have a high voice jackie is singing the same note but in a higher octave and she thinks that is harmony.

16:16Luke and I harmonize. I'm not getting into this again. I'm not getting into this again. No, like we were driving all weekend listening to Luke Combs and like I was in the, I actually drove a lot this weekend considering Zach was in the car with me. There was only one outing where he drove and like your girl was just like hitting these notes, harmonizing. Let me ask you a question. When you and Zach are going out somewhere together, do you take your mom car, you know, your Harry safe Kia or do you take your Tesla? So they're both mom cars really. Yeah, but like one of them is an SUV. No, no, no.

16:45they both are they're the same size so it's like we kind of need to switch one of them which isn't gonna happen you need to get like a convertible or a one car that's really big because kind of both of ours are like if we have guests or something it's a little small for um mid-size yeah so does your back row of tesla have captain seats or three seats right so that's good and then is there a back back row no okay but zax has captain seats and a back back row so right they're both kind of can see the same amount of people just depends on the vibe no that other car zach's car is like the mom's suv not the way zach zach is like that's his mobile office he's got literally like desktop computers in there he has a folding table in there he has a fridge he's literally he could live out of the car yeah no you'll first of all i think you have the wrong impression of tesla that it's a car.

17:39When we were in Lauren Elizabeth's Tesla in LA, is it the same one? I don't remember what kind she had. Okay, I have to see it. And I can't wait to drive it. I know, you have to see it. I'm excited for you to drive it. But most of the time when we, in the last few weeks, like when we're doing a family outing, we take the Tesla just because it's more fun. But Zach will drive it sometimes too. But yesterday we took the Kia. We needed the extra seat. Just depends really. Got it. Yeah. Bryce is comfortable in both vehicles he makes himself at home low-key like having a baby's like low-key annoying with the cars like that car seat is fucking huge yeah and then in one like nobody wants to sit in the middle seat next to the car seat the car seat's like on your lap for sure but you get to like play with Harry of course of course of course but then there's also like the car seat um what's it called the if you if it's your permanent car you install like a car seat base Right.

18:30And that way the car seat just clicks in. It's great. But then that makes that seat unusable even when there's no baby. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Like, these kids, my God, they just need to learn how to drive already. No. No. Get their own car. That's my job. Oh, that's true. You did just learn how to drive. Yeah. So it's been a fun adventure. That's great. And you know what else is great? The wealth of stories we have. I mean, after the show on Friday, you know, Reese Witherspoon, strategic queen dropping in on Friday afternoon, like divorce. Then there was Selena's new man. Like actually a lot came out.

19:05We have a lot to discuss. And I'm ready. We should. We could. Yeah. We will. I think we will. Yeah. The Fast Five stories that you need to know. Today's episode of Toast Herstory is brought to you by Tubby Todd, a bath and body brand for sensitive skinned little ones and the parents who care for them. Trusted by over a million families, we are so excited to be partnering with Tubby Todd. Our code, TubbyTodd, the toast 15. You can use it at tubbytodd.com and you'll get 15 % off your first order. It's for new customers only. So Tubby Todd is a bath and body care company. They've been trusted by over a million families.

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20:17T-U-B-B-Y-T-O-D-D.com. The code is TubbyToddTheToast15. It'll get you 15 % off your first order. It is for new customers only. If you're looking to make bath time, skincare easier, safer, and more fun, it can be really overwhelming to find good products for your little ones. And TubbyTodd is a pargelicious, definicious brand. And get 15 % off with our code tubby todd the toast to 15 our first story the story that's on everybody's lips is that harry styles and amrata were on each other's lips this weekend they were spotted making out in tokyo hot and heavy and everyone is really really shook about it so he's in tokyo for his love on tour tour yep he was doing he's all over asia he's everywhere who knows what brings her there she just happened to be there too it looked like they were at some sort of small gathering of friends yeah um and it looked like someone else at the party was the one who took the video like this is not paparazzi yeah it was definitely boots on the ground it was boots on the ground and it was you know it was passionate make out yeah we are now getting all different angles videos photos they were definitely making out there's no you know way around that it was definitely them and they were definitely making out and people are shook I mean I think whenever Harry is tied to a new person, people are automatically going to hate it because so many of his fans feel so territorial and everybody feels like it should be them.

21:38And I totally relate to that sentiment. Here are my thoughts. I thought she was dating that guy, Eric Andre, because literally a month ago on Valentine's Day, they were naked on Instagram together. So I'm just confused about that. Two, you know, one thing about me is.

21:56How do I put this delicately? I'm not like an M-Rod, a super fan. I feel like every time we talk about her every time we talk about her like I say that like I feel like her brand which is very like sexy feminist is so like not my vibe whatsoever so I acknowledge that I'm definitely biased so therefore I'm not here for this pairing um I also feel like it's a little soon you know Harry just got out of a really long term like it was a long relationship that Olivia thing like it's a little soon yeah I mean a little soon for For a makeout? No. Yeah. So I am not, that's not who I would choose for him knowing that he is, you know, like the second most eligible bachelor after Jason Sudeikis.

22:39Sudeikis. But I kind of ship, I think like they're so both eligible. They're so good looking. They're so single. Why not? They're pretty similar in age. You know, it's definitely a more age appropriate relationship than the last time. I mean, this one is like a little bit more obvious. With Olivia Wilde, I think we were all like, what? But I also don't think that they're going to start dating. I think maybe the fact that these videos went viral will make them like go out again. But they were just making out like, I don't think they're together. Emrata has been like bopping around dating. She's single.

23:12She's with Eric Andre. She was with Pete Davidson. She was rumored to be with Brad Pitt. Like, I think she's just seeing what's out there. And fortunately for us, this was caught on camera, but we were never meant to know about this. very true as well even though it does make me feel like it's a little more serious if she's in Tokyo like why would she be there if not for him it's not like she's filming a big movie in Tokyo you know I feel like celebrities to like fly someone out to your show to the hookup it's like not okay for sure Tokyo I know it's not you know North Carolina it's Tokyo that's what like a 19 hour flight yeah that's not that's not a that's not a flying out just to see that's not no maybe she was in a neighboring country and they linked up she's literally sean mendez i'm a couple hundred miles from japan tonight i was just thinking what's that song there's a song about this it's such a good yeah like lost in japan or something you got plans tonight i just said that i got a couple hundred miles from japan from japan and i oh my god we'll be looking for someone to hold your hand tonight this is that good song literally that could be what happened that's very true I don't know for me and I feel like I say this every time like it's always like who's Pete Davidson gonna date next and we were like you know guessing and then it was Emrata so obvious like I don't know I like when it's obvious though sometimes I don't know I just wish Harry would like it surprise me you know date someone ugly date someone chubby okay but he was couldn't have been more surprising with Olivia Wilde and you weren't happy about that yeah maybe I'm just like a woman hater that's kind of what I'm feeling I feel like you're feeling the way a lot of fans are feeling which is like it's never going to be good enough unless it's you like the way you just said like someone chubby yeah someone who's a podcaster like I feel like unless it's you you're not gonna be happy no that's but like let me really say like with my full body how like I'm really not interested not that anyone's asking I'm like not interested in dating Harry Styles like first of all like I am happily married lest we forget yeah right to like germane to the convo Like I'm not available.

25:21Like I'm really not available. And to be honest, like, yeah, Harry Styles is so handsome. Like if I could choose any celebrity to like hypothetically fuck, like he wouldn't even be in my top 10. No, I know. And I don't think it's that like in practice all these fans like really want Harry to show up on their door and ask him out, though a lot of them do. I think it's more like this just territorialness where. Like this possession. Yeah, it's like you're always going to have this block up about who he dates because like this piece of you is just jealous. It doesn't mean that you're seriously hoping that you become his next girlfriend, but like you just can't be happy for him.

25:56Yeah. And you can't see him with someone else. Although like I do really like there are parts of me, like all of me actually, like I ship him and Kendall. Like I think they're perfect for each other. Like I don't think I would be feeling that way this way if Kendall was the girl in Tokyo. Yeah. They are literally so similar. I know. Which is why it's just like this block that you have. You know, I'm not saying anything I say like makes sense. No, no. Because really on its face, like these are two very suited people who are suited for one another. It's also just so crazy to think how like Emily Ratajkowski for most, like the entirety of her fame has been tied down.

26:39You know, she's been married for so long. And so imagine if she wasn't like how many, you know, eligible men she could have dated. like that's commitment I think she's making up for lost time yes she definitely is so can you blame her I just want to go on the record that I am here for this couple I don't think it'll turn serious but if it were to like I'd kind of love that like photos of them being styling and walking in the streets like wait by the way I totally forgot before the show we were talking about stories um do we have a story about Gwyneth Paltrow's trial no we don't I know she's going viral though she is like let's just talk about it for two seconds because I have so many thoughts you don't have to add it as a story just like a separate anecdote obviously this clip went viral of the opposing counsel asking her about taylor swift because taylor swift really kind of invented the whole thing of counter suing for a dollar where it's like you're making a point it's not about money it's about justice and then she was asked do you know taylor swift are you friends with taylor swift it was so irrelevant and it really i know we're all like joking about this it's such a gross misuse of our justice system it's an abuse of people's time this whole thing is a circus it's a farce and like everyone is sitting there like everyone online it's like you know Gwyneth Paltrow because she's been sitting there getting cross-examined like with a smile on her face because this is so stupid she didn't do anything wrong and everyone's like not Gwyneth Paltrow being so patronizing really I would be too like this whole trial is a farce it's a circus and like yeah it's funny in the pop culture haha like at the end of the day like this is a an abuse of the judicial system it's abuse of the judge's time the jury's time like this is so stupid it's not fucking real literally nothing happened and it's moronic moronic but i mean how can you say that with certainty that nothing happened that she did not do this because look at what the council is spending their time on do you know taylor swift are you friends with taylor swift when was the last time you spoke to taylor swift how the fuck every day like where people sue for nonsense i know but we're all like eating it up and I feel like it's really highlighting like how this is we're such a what's the word I'm looking for

28:51with an l litigious litigious country you know everyone just sees everything that happens to them as an opportunity to sue yeah well that's for sure but I do think it's part of you know being an American is having the right to sue someone if you have been wrong but also having the right to defend yourself and like letting it play out if Gwyneth is being wronged in this situation like the justice system will prevail in her favor and for this guy like if he really was attacked by Gwyneth then then he'll have his justice too like that's really what the judicial system is for I know it's like a waste of everyone's time but that is what like in any case like there's someone who's blatantly wrong and blatantly right but we have to sit there and we have to talk about it and get to the bottom of it I really hope like nobody's buying what this you know victim quote is saying i'm so and yes i'm definitely biased i love gwyneth yeah um but like i don't know how anyone could like watch this trial and be like yeah like justice for this guy like well what i'm seeing and his daughter's on the stand like making jokes like literally auditioning for snl like it's moronic yikes what i'm seeing though no people this quote of gwyneth has been going viral because the prosecutor asked, like, did you suffer at all?

30:13I want to get the exact quote. Like, did you suffer from this incident? Like, I know you had planned like an expensive trip in Park City. Right. What was the exact question? She was asked about the losses that she had suffered from the crash. And Gwen said, well, we lost half a day of skiing. so yes facts because it was so insignificant like people are like mocking her over her response though like you know any slight inconvenience to your life well we lost half a day of skiing no because that's how minimal this whole situation was like nothing happened you know yeah actually i saw a quote from gwyneth that from her point of view like the man came from behind her he collided into her and his two skis went between her skis so it like uh her legs like her legs spread and thank god she's so flexible i know but she said she at first she thought it was like a sexual assault you know what i mean because if you don't know what's happening and all of a sudden something's coming from behind and forcing your legs apart like that's pretty scary yeah i just it's so dumb and she's handling herself with the utmost grace because i could never but that's you know that's what the courts are for and yes people take advantage yeah but it's also for the courts to you know instill that people don't take advantage and it could gwyneth could have countersued for three hundred thousand dollars too you know what i mean right right to punish him but she's not trying to punish him she's just trying to clear her name clear her name it would have been easier for her because the judge capped it at three hundred thousand to just pay it and not she's spending more on legal fees honestly yeah but your name is your name dirty lou right right so she has to go through this circus just to clear her name yes but having the opportunity to clear your name is what makes this country great i agree so you just gotta trust the process dirty lou even though i know it can be harrowing your favorite thing to do 100 are you ready for our next okay so overall let's move on from harry and emirata overall it's fine it's not like the most original creative idea it's fine at least it's age appropriate yeah I think it's a little cute just oh I'm I'm so not where you are it's just like you know they're so good looking what's bad yeah are you ready for our next story yes definitely one ship builds another crumbles Reese Witherspoon another sinks another sinks Reese Witherspoon and her ex-husband husband Jim Toth are divorcing after 12 years of marriage.

32:53Reese and her husband are calling it quits. The star announced the difficult news on her Instagram on Friday. She said, We have some personal news to share. It is with a great deal of care and consideration that we have made the difficult decision to divorce. The actress detailed that despite their split, they have enjoyed so many wonderful years together and are moving forward with deep love, kindness, and mutual respect for everything they've created together. Their biggest priority is their 10-year-old son, Tennessee, as well as their entire family as they navigate this next chapter. That's a nice name.

33:22Yeah. You know why this is tough? Because it's a celebrity businessman beau relationship that didn't stand the test of time. I mean, and it was a successful relationship. They got married. They were together for 12 years, which in Hollywood is very long. So I wouldn't consider this a failure. But it's always tough to see, you know, the businessman beau, celeb, starlet, duo go down. Agreed. Though I don't think that this is a knock in the businessman beau category because when I think of a businessman, Bo, I want someone who's out of the industry. Right, he's a businessman, Bo. He's an agent. He's still in Hollywood.

33:57And to me, yes, he's in the business of Hollywood. It's better than dating a fellow actor, but still not what I would have chosen. So I don't feel responsible for this. I don't feel responsible either. And I find, I think, you know, the proceedings, she's so rich now. And they built that company, Hello Sunshine. That was just valued at a billion dollars. They built it during. She built it during the marriage. I have to assume he was a part of it. He's a businessman. And they were married. So I wonder what this means. Yeah. But it's not like when they got married. She was like some. Nobody. Nobody with no success.

34:31Like I'm sure everything is extremely tied up. And spelled out. Yeah. One of my favorite things about Reese Witherspoon. Is the way she's just kind of navigated. Maintaining her status as America's sweetheart. And nobody seems to remember that video. when she got pulled over, I think she was drunk driving and she was like screaming at the cop like, do you know who I am? I'm America's sweetheart. That's one of my favorite moments in pop culture history and I love that nobody talks about it because she's a queen and she's totally about past it and she like built this sickening business and she really is like, with her it's like the cream rises.

35:03She's so talented. You know, a million starlets tried and start businesses. Not all of them become billion dollar companies backed by BlackRock, you know? Yeah. And she's really just done something so unique like with the books. Like she's really, she just kills it. I think it followed a really natural progression and that's always how the best things happen. And now so many people try to emulate Hello Sunshine. But I think when she started a book club, like she just really liked to read. And then she read so many great books that she was like, I'd really like to see this as a movie. And then she's like, hey, I'm a movie person.

35:30Why not me? And, you know, that's how the best things happen. It's when you're trying so hard to do something. She worn it in. That's when it's bogus. Yeah. So she'll still be rich, of course. I just do wonder, you know. celebs they're all tight-knit you know they get their pre-nups post-nups they do all that but California where a lot of people get married is a community property state that means you know half to everyone yeah well I hope that they can settle things nicely harmoniously and not acrimoniously no no um and also you know she's now on the market add her to our list like who do we see Reese Witherspoon with?

36:12I mean part of me you know always will stand her and Ryan Phillippe. I think you know that was just it was a moment in time. They have two children together you know they're both so good looking. Would it hurt to try again? I don't know. I don't know. I don't get good vibes from the two of them. I do feel like they were definitely like young and it was fast and they were you know hot and heavy until they weren't. Do you think she'll go like older or younger? This might be the time in her life where she goes younger. I mean she literally could have the experience that she played in Nancy Myers' daughter's film Home Again where she dates a 12 year old but I don't like that for her.

36:48Now I think Reese is like really confident in her age and her maturity and I think she'll want someone who validates that like someone on her level. I really I don't see her dating someone younger. I really don't. But I feel like her being with Jim was like making that choice you know like. Yeah true like she was going into the business world more like she's really in a serious relationship Like I think whatever she does next will be divergent from that. Not saying she's going to go younger, but she, I don't know that, that it's going to be what you're saying. It's interesting. You know, you always like, then just choose the opposite of what you've had.

37:26Right. Just as like a knee jerk reaction. Might be with like a backup dancer after this. Right. Very Casper smart. Yeah. No, that's a good point. It's also just hard when you're such a powerful woman. A lot, a lot of people can't handle that. right but that's why i think a lot of powerful women for a number of reasons but one of them being this they go younger because yeah young guys they're not in competition with you like so true and there's already like a college right there's already a power imbalance because of the age yeah like so what's a little you know what's a couple billion it's not competitive whatsoever such a good point so there it is makes you think and because they can right no and it's fun like who no offense who wants a saggy ball sack when you can have a fresh one like i get it i get it yeah isn't that why you go younger you know perky tits versus saggy tits perky balls versus saggy balls like i get it um a few reasons but yes aesthetics yes right like conventionally saggy balls are not as appetizing as perky balls thank you thank you for continuing to say saggy balls who wants a wrinkly scrotum when you could have a you know a big fleshy one I get it I'm human too I get it I get it yeah but I think also after 12 years of marriage with a businessman who's like you know probably smart and has opinions it's like I don't want you to challenge me anymore shut the fuck up yeah no I don't I just need someone beautiful I just need someone beautiful yeah yeah so I wouldn't be shocked either if that's kind of like a rebound relationship for her just to feel something different i get it yeah but you know they were kind of a staple in the industry so for sure and they were very like low-key to the point where you almost forgot she was married yeah but like then all these articles are coming out that this was like you know no surprise to hollywood insiders they've been living but why haven't they told us they've been living separate lives for a while right everyone loves to be like oh i knew yeah totally that's everyone's favorite thing i called it yeah like no i've literally known this for years insiders knew like shut up shut up are you ready for our next story yes but it appears as though you're not now i am some new relationship news potentially oh this is weird selena gomez and zayn malik spark romance rumors after alleged new york city dinner date selena and zane sparked relationship rumors after the two singers were allegedly spotted on what appeared to be a romantic date night in new york city a hostess at a celebrity loved manhattan restaurant witnessed selena and zane locking lips while grabbing dinner together on thursday night clarissa garcia claimed in a tiktok video that has since gone viral she told page six clarissa garcia is definitely also fired come monday morning yeah but But I feel like, I mean, now she's in page six.

40:23Her TikTok went viral. Probably not worth losing your job, but it's worth a shot. You know? It like isn't worth a shot because people who like make videos like this, they definitely have a moment. It's a flash in the pan. They don't really start careers as digital influencers after this. Like, it's the one video. Nobody's, oh, let me follow that girl who one time saw something, you know? Yeah, but maybe if she has something, this could have just been like a little boost. And now she has, you know, her big thing. and we're all gonna be able to see it i don't know she could have just sent it to dumois but actually i probably wouldn't have believed it she said no one noticed them except for the hostess it was pretty public but no one really cares about famous people in new york did they say what restaurant they did that's also not true say what restaurant and that is not true i totally agree not true they didn't say the restaurant they blurted out they walked in hand in hand making out and she seated them i don't know this is like one girl's account and she also said like nobody cared and i'm just telling you if selena gomez and saint malik walked into a restaurant no matter how cool it was people care also like pics or it didn't happen yeah okay but let's let's play let's assume that this is they went to dinner do you want to take the making out at face value too sure let's say they're dating let's just say I can't help but wonder what this means for Taylor Swift like that's really where my that's what you were saying please explain why you're well Taylor Swift's best friends in this world for many years these aren't like fake celebrity friendships like they're real Selena Gomez and Gigi Hadid Gigi Hadid is obviously you know very tightly linked to Zayn Malik they have a child together um what does that mean for Taylor Swift you know but also So, you know, that also means that Selena has like some inside scoop from Taylor about Gigi and Zayn.

42:12And like, let's me not forget Zayn like smacked Yolanda Hadid and threw down the stairs with the elder abuse. Like, I can't imagine hearing that firsthand and being like, yeah, that's someone I want to date. Yeah, like, let me bring my grand to go meet my new boyfriend so he could, you know, give her the old one, two. Yeah. I just, I feel like we don't talk enough about how Zayn Malik was accused of elder abuse. No, no, no. he was accused and the thing to me is like shortly thereafter like him and gg broke up for good they have not been like spotted there's no going back like it's true yeah it's true it has to be and yolanda that was a wild it's not like so and so said like right there were papers yeah that's why we know about it yeah and then like gg did not go back like it's true yeah I'm in agreement um so yes not really like what you want to hear about a potential boyfriend I feel like and I'm sure Salida has even more details about it from Taylor yeah I feel like Taylor has always told the line about a few of her friendships conflict a little bit yeah um you know because Gigi's such good friends with Kendall and she's such good friends with taylor and obviously there's bad blood oh yeah cringe and um she's done a good job i feel like even when she hangs out with gg or selena they don't hang out together so no yeah she'll toe the line she'll be fine plus she's busy and is probably not paying attention to all of this and i also that i don't believe it that i feel is her saving grace like she doesn't have a responsibility to like you know gg or selena right now because she has a responsibility to her millions of fans like she's out here doing the most three-hour shows you know twice a week yeah she can't be bothered she's traveling she's she can't be bothered to be bogged down with petty gossip by the time her tour is over we won't even remember that this was a story yeah so true great call and you don't believe it not at not at face value no you know I just need a little bit more than one person's account no and like maybe they walked into a restaurant together um I don't think they were making out I don't think that they were making out and nobody cared and nobody took a picture nobody saw them um again just like with my chain smokers call like I think they might have been working on something like maybe she's working on something with a lot of different people has an album coming out like they got dinner after studio time I don't think actually I wanted to tell you um last week I forget where I was but I met a toaster who was just delightful and she was like by the way I was at the bowling alley next to Drew and Selena like I was the one who like took those photos that went viral and they were making out the whole time they were they were and she was like it was like the craziest thing that ever happened to me I was like oh my god yes queen and she didn't have a photo of them making out she did and it didn't make it to the airwaves I don't know why it didn't make it to the airwaves you see the photo I uh did not you have to question everything but I do no I know but I don't think a toaster would lie to me like for real no I don't think so either but like that's an account I believe you know but I don't know this girl but now I know the Selena the the Drew witness I don't know this witness I don't know turdy Lou and sir didn't happen literally you want to know why you want to know why I feel like these two situations are different because when the Drew and Selena thing happened the person who took the photos didn't like try to get famous off of it they just like put the photos out and like TMZ got them like the whole story being centered around one woman It makes me feel like it's very possible this is like a stunt.

45:45Or, you know, like, because now we're all talking about Clarissa or whatever her name was. Yeah. That makes me a little suspicious. Well, Clarissa is not the hostess. Sorry. Clarissa's friend is the hostess and texted Clarissa. So now we're two degrees of separation. That's even more broken. It's telephone. Yeah. And the text messages from Clarissa go, are you ready for, no, from hostess go, are you ready for this? I'm screaming. Clarissa what I'm scared what happened Hostess tell me how Selena Gomez and Zane just walked Into restaurant that's blurred out Hand in hand making out and I Seated them Clarissa ha ha Shut the fuck up hostess Girl everyone's out here feeling bad for Selena meanwhile she's with Gigi's baby zaddy Okay so Now I didn't realize that that is Another layer of so this Clarissa don't even work at the restaurant hostess just said whatever she wanted and she gets to keep her job right unless somebody at the restaurant can make you know the connection between clarissa and potential hostess can't because this didn't happen so every big restaurant is like we're gg and we're zane and selena here not us not us every hostess is safe not clarissa sending every vip restaurant in this town into a tizzy yeah but there's nothing i don't think this is true interesting okay well i need to wait and see if the more stuff happens yeah same i'm gonna need more than clarissa's text messages yeah agreed today's episode of toast history is also brought to you by quince with summer in full swing we feel that familiar urge to refresh our closets but we're trying not to waste money on pieces that will only wear once or just for one season and that's where quince comes in as you guys know Quince is a longtime partner of the show.

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48:35Go to quince.com slash toast for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash toast to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash toast. Next story. Kelly Clarkson's divorce album is forthcoming. It will cover the good, the bad, and the ugly. Kelly announced on Sunday that she's coming out with a new album called Chemistry. The talk show host explained in an Instagram video that she came up with the title after her acrimonious divorce from her ex-husband, Brandon Blackstock. I feel like we are so like on the cutting edge and like really have made the word acrimonious, like have this revolution.

49:16Yeah. This renaissance. We love to do that for words. We do. Acrimonious, wench, nefarious. True. The list goes on. I was, I'll start a list on my phone. She said, I was trying to find a word that really described the whole thing because I didn't want everybody to think I was just coming out with some just like, I'm angry, I'm sad, like just one or two emotions, you know. This album is definitely the arc of an entire relationship and a whole relationship shouldn't be just brought down to one thing. So there's, you know, the good, the bad, and the ugly kind of thing going on in it. She said, chemistry can be really amazing, a sexy, cool, fun thing, but it can also be very bad for you.

49:55So she thought it would be the perfect title for the all-encompassing record. I mean, respectful queen. This man has literally, you know, robbed her blind, tried to strip her of everything, and she still remains like such a peaceful, respectful co-parent. Even in the music, she's not making a divorce album. It's really, probably will be more of like a tragedy yeah well I think one like he's the father of her children and so you just want to be respectful because they will be hearing this one day but two I think there's a lot of truth in the statement that it's not just like angry sad bad like it's a whole range of emotions you know it's grief and it's loss and it's you know I'm sure some of it is extremely bittersweet and even when you're fighting with someone I know he like you know squatted in the Montana house and there was all this drama but like you loved this person once they were married for uh 10 years since 2013 yeah so almost 10 years like there's a lot of history there and I think that it is reductive to just be angry and that's not true to the human experience no it's a very mature take she's a mature queen so why would you expect anything less like she's not putting out a diss track a diss album what do what do we think like there's obviously going to be like a lead single called chemistry so what do we think the song chemistry is going to be like sound like it's going to be like uh you know kelly's iconic sound top but yeah the lyrics are going to be kind of country where they kind of switch up at the end like all these good things about chemistry but then it was like the chemistry that undid them but like give me a melody oh this is really your specialty you do the music chemistry is like a hard word music I'll do the lyrics you're literally uh Drew Barrymore I am Hugh Grant 100 %

51:50chemistry you don't think it's chemistry I think it's gonna be upbeat where it like builds and builds and builds and like the chorus is like upbeat and fun and then it ends with like a zinger line where it's like yeah like the music cuts yeah like yeah yeah like we like i don't even want to go there but i could hear it in my head what's the song i made up for selena how did it go oh my god i could have better than a fight not myself i'm not alone too much to dance with your heart yeah but when i get lonely i get lonely in the dark so good so i think it's gonna be pop anthem but then it's like a one-two punch you know what i'm excited about i feel like our generation and like the culture has an entirely new respect for kelly clarkson in the last few years i feel like her brand has like really taken off with the show and um her karaoke cover is her kelly okey i feel like there's a whole new audience of people who are looking forward to this and so I feel like in the past a lot of the music she released has gone underappreciated I really feel that way and I think it's disgusting and I think like that this is going to be really big for her she's partnering um not partnering she's pairing this with her Vegas residency which was right when COVID started we had tickets um she had to cancel it obviously and now they are rescheduled for this summer yes I saw that too She has a 10-date Vegas residency in the works.

53:25So that's really exciting. I don't think I'll be able to make it. So I'm just like kind of devastated about that. But I'm hoping that she will do a chemistry tour. Yeah. And bring it on down here to me. But this is her first traditional album since 2017. Like the fans are ready. It's been six years. And I've never pressured Kelly into releasing new music. No, because she's really been killing it in all other aspects of her career. And like, honestly, I don't want this album for a few months because like I've got Luke Combs, I've got Morgan Wallen, I've got Mimi Webb. Like I'm booked in busy Kelly right now.

53:59She said it's coming sooner than y 'all think. But she didn't drop a date, which for me feels like it'll be at least May. Yeah, I need time for sure. Yeah. Her also, her titling at Chemistry like was giving me like Ed Sheeran vibes now that we broke down his. Oh, another subject in school. Another subject in school because we don't know where he goes from here. He's done all the math symbols. He had said in an interview recently, he was asked, he says he has another, you know, symbolic thing up his sleeve. He could do the exponent sign, you know, the little carrot top. Yeah. I don't know what he would call it, but something about like multiple, exponential.