Toast Herstory: I Want My Dinner Now (Original Airdate June 8th, 2022)

0:01Good morning, millennials. Welcome back to the morning toast. Happy hump day. You made it to the middle of the week. Congratulations. celebrate by humping someone you love. Jackie, get over here. Might I suggest Bryce and Dyson? That's always a good suggestion. I'm never going to turn down an opportunity to hump Bryce or Dyson. No, no, no, no. Happy hump day. Can't believe it's only Wednesday yet here we are. No, it's better. You know what it is? It's better than Tuesday and it's definitely better than Monday. 100 % now, starting now, we'll be cruising down through the end of the week. It's like downhill, you know?

0:34The week is a hill. It's an incline. And Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is the journey up. Wednesday on down. Yeah, and you know what's cool about Wednesdays, even though obviously it's not ideal. It's not the best day of the week. You're allowed to start having hope, and that can really fuel you through a long work day. Yeah, and everybody hates Wednesdays, you know, so it's not like we're complaining. Do people hate Wednesdays? Yeah, because it's like the hump day. I don't hate Wednesdays at all. I'm like, oh my god, okay, now it's like we can start looking forward to the weekend. Like on Monday and Tuesday, the weekend is so far out of my mind.

1:05Tuesday is really a nice day. I think Tuesday's worse. Tuesday never hurt anybody. I disagree. Monday, of course, is extremely nefarious. Problematic. Monday needs to be canceled. And I know a lot of people give flack on Monday, but I think a lot of that energy should be reserved for Tuesday. Tuesday's arguably worse. We've already been through a whole Monday and you feel like you deserve for it to be like Thursday, but then it's just Tuesday. No, but Tuesday you've been eased into the week. It's not as stark as the Monday. you know whatever you had waiting for you on Monday you accomplished and Tuesday you can you can look anew and on Tuesday you're ready for the week.

1:39No no I totally disagree. But then on Wednesday you're like it's still the week? No on Wednesday I'm like there is a glimmer of hope like I can see this tiniest bit of light out of this tunnel. On Tuesday I'm still very much in the tunnel you know what I mean? Okay fine and then Thursday's just gorgeous. Friday is spectacular. You know what I'm gonna have another hot take. Oh you can't be negative all negative all the time. bitch I wasn't you let me say what I was gonna say I think Thursdays are incredible the truckers for Thursday are here I think Thursdays are incredible and like I kind of feel like sometimes Friday is like a little bit of a letdown like it's kind of anticlimactic no it's like I like Thursday because we're so close to the weekend we have it to look forward to and then Friday it's it's almost like it's already here and you need to start appreciating like I don't like when something is here I like when it's almost here yeah I mean I have like a an adoration for Friday days obviously because I'm human but also because like growing up on Fridays in school we would always get out super early because it was Shabbat and we went to a Jewish school.

2:37We used to get out of school at 5 p.m. Yeah on regular days. Fridays we got out at like 3. No in like the nice time of the year like 12 30 1 30. When it would get dark really early. So some of my fondest memories are like just being done with the week and having like a nice window to nap before Shabbat dinner and like just the weekend could come and that's like for so long been my attachment to Fridays but I don't really have that experience with Fridays anymore. No. So I kind of am loving Thursdays. Okay. Do your thing. Thursdays are the new Friday, especially if you are your own businesswoman and you can cancel work on Friday.

3:06And it's summer Fridays. Summer Fridays. And we also can't ever, like we never cancel a show that wasn't planned to be canceled unless we have the no-no virus. Ooh. Don't bring it back. Like we talk such a big game, like yeah, we work when we want to, when we don't, when we don't. We are a slave to the schedule. We're, yeah, we're, we try and keep it really tight and like I know it seems like maybe we take off a lot of time, but we try our hardest. It always has to be like planned in advance, ask for PTO, like unless it's the no-no virus. That's really the only time we ever abruptly canceled a show.

3:32And honestly, I really don't want to go down that road talking about the no-no virus because over the weekend. No, no. No, no. Over the weekend, me and Ben were with you and a couple of your friends and we were telling them about the no-no virus because Ben had caught the no-no virus at your friend Rebecca's birthday party. And so we gave him like the whole rundown. And honestly, I feel fatigued and traumatized from that conversation. I can't talk about it. No, I don't. I have no desire. You're free from desire? Free from desire. So it's Wednesday, which means we're going to be hilarious, obviously.

4:00It also means we have Dear Toasters, our advice segment. So that'll be at the end of the show. And we've got a couple stories to tell you about. Some legal news. Some more Disney news. Claudia picked four out of the five. And you guys can guess which ones are which. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be fun. Totally. Also, since it's Wednesday, I'm being reminded of two things. One, last week when we were doing Dear Toasters, I don't know if I was just like verklempt or overwhelmed, but we had three submissions and I only read two of them. That's really funny. I have no idea why. And then yesterday's episode, you called me and you were like, wait, did you realize that when we were talking about the Saint and Pete Davidson story, we went off on a tangent and literally never recapped the story.

4:41We never even discussed what they did, who they were, what you need to know. We just saw the word Cheesecake Factory and we went down a rabbit hole. And we never came back to it because I was like, you know, writing a little caption like we talk about boom boom and boom so I went to look at the stories and I was like what did we say about Pete and Saint nothing no we talked about my internship California Pizza Kitchen yeah and Cheesecake Factory yeah we are nothing if not professional you just never know where the show is going to take you and like okay Pete and Saint went to Walmart now you know no and you really can't throw Cheesecake Factory into a story without expecting people to you know go off on tangents harp and larp harp and larp a hundred percent That's what we did.

5:17We're the Harpers and the Larpers. We are. Harpen, Larpin, Harpen, Larpin. Harpen, Larpin, Harpen, Larpin. Harpen, Larpin. Harpen, Larpin. Harpen, Larpin. So what's new with you? I started a new book last night. Well. I finished my book on the plaza. I told you guys yesterday, but then there were a bunch of pictures in the back, so I had to tap through to actually get the credit for having read it. I rated it 3.5. I don't think it could have ever been any better than that, but now I have all this useless information about the plaza. So if you want to know anything about the Plaza, come and ask me and I've probably already forgotten.

5:48Then I started this book called The Lost Summers of Newport. It's by three authors, a trifecta. One of them is Beatrice Williams, who is a historical fiction writer who I've never read, but she's like a Kristen Hanna. And I don't know why I've never read one of her books, so I'm excited. And it's about like Gilded Age, Summers in Newport, very much like the show. So I've heard good things and that's just my scene. That's my scene. You're such a Newport girl. 1899 Newport is my scene. That's where I'm at. Looking for me? Catch me? Looking for me? It's 1889 and I'm in Newport. Right. And now I want to go back to Newport and do like a historical tour.

6:25Well, no. I'll go with you. You would like it. And now that you've watched Gilded Age, you don't think? No, for sure. But like when we went to Newport last time, we did like wineries, bars. Like that's very much, I think, like the energy I will be bringing if we do go to Newport. Of course. But we could do one day where we look at the houses like you did in second grade. I have been to the houses in Rhode Island. second grade but like she couldn't have cared um also we do need to go back to newport because the last time we went to newport was the situation with the extremely hasty flush yes and we have to eradicate that memory from our brains entirely yeah and if you don't know we're talking about because you're new from tick tock go look at our episode the extremely hasty flush it happens in the beginning and it's a really traumatizing moment and it's a teachable moment for everyone who's ever going to use a rest stop in connecticut because they do all these high-tech rest stops They're really gorgeous and congratulations to everyone in Connecticut, but they got really aggressive with their flushers.

7:14Also, it's a podcast only episode, so don't go looking for it on YouTube. Good advice. Yeah, I feel like, you know, every, I feel like, you know, a lot of creators and YouTube personalities and influencers are tied to a cause. You know, they are a cause driven platform. And I really feel like we should be championing the cause of no automatic toilets at rest stops. No, you don't know what you're going to find when you start. That's a can of worms you don't want to open. No, I think I'm going to open it. No, you don't want toilet bowls that are full. No, what's so annoying, that's true. That's very true.

7:50But what's so annoying is that automatic flush means it's a renovated bathroom. And it's like, why can't we have renovated bathrooms just with regular flushes? It's like, I don't want to give up the new, clean, renovated bathroom. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I guess they could just be like a little less hasty is what I would say. There should be like a 10 second timer. Just in case you drop your keys. Totally. Traumatizing. To the rental Jaguar. Stop. Like I literally can't. To the Jaguar that you rented. You splurged and you were like what could go wrong? Find you two girls who will walk into a rental car.

8:24A budget rental car and be like give us the nicest car you have. And they actually had a Jaguar. And it was so fun to drive it. I hate that I can't even reminisce on that weekend. Like we had so much fun. Oh, I, they're two separate events for me. You weren't driving. Because when I was reading the book, I forgot about the flush. You weren't driving. You weren't the one who dropped the keys. And you weren't also the one who secretly like thought she had COVID. I woke up that morning like with such a painful feeling in my throat. And we were driving everyone back. So I'm like, I'm going to drive so fast.

8:52Get everyone. I don't want to. I had the window open. I was like, I totally have COVID. We all had colds when we got home from that. Remember we like. I didn't have COVID. but like and you know when you like during that time every time you woke up like hungover you're like oh my god I have COVID. Yeah but even if you had it then we were all in such close quarters the whole time like we were on the same team. No I just like had anxiety and I'm like I don't want anyone to know that like I'm not feeling well so let me just book it. We were making incredible time. It is like a five-hour drive and I was going 90 miles an hour.

9:17We were gonna make it back in two and a half hours like dead ass. We stopped for one motherfucking second and literally the whole day was derailed. This grandma. We had to wait in the parking lot, wait for a local taxi, wait for the AAA. It was horrible. Yeah. I'm glad we relived that. Yeah but there are two separate things to me and also just be glad that it was Claudia who dropped the keys because if it was anybody else Claudia would have murdered them. Okay so murder. That was murder on the freeway. That was the general consensus of the group like we're annoyed at you but thank god it was you because like you would be so much more annoyed at us and while I can definitely see how someone would think that of me.

9:53You would never forgive whoever it was. I really actually don't agree. You know I think I would be relieved that it wasn't me and I think like I mean I had nowhere to go if I was like in a rush like to make an appointment or something I think I would have been just as helpful in calling the taxi and everything. I'm a doer you know I do. I don't think I would have been as scary as everyone thought I was going to be and it actually kind of hurt my feelings that everyone thought I was going to be so like scary. Good I'm glad that it resonated with you because that's how scary you would have been but I wouldn't have I'm telling you no Claudia no I like I'm telling you I probably would have thought it was funny if it was on someone else's like for me the rental car was under my name right my license my credit card and it was a fucking Jaguar that we had to leave in the middle of Connecticut so like if it was on someone else's ass I don't think I would have been so stressed you know okay I really believe that just know that he's health and no I know I am knowing myself that She also probably would have not waited with the team and called an Uber and left.

10:52Oh, no. That's really what you think of me? I never would do that. I'm a girl's girl. Okay. The only thing that was like, thank God. There were so many thank gods. One, that it was Claudia and no one else. Two. The car was open. The car was open. Imagine if all of our stuff was locked in there. We would have had to wait with the car, wait for it to get open. But thankfully, we were able to get our stuff. And like leave the car and Budget came and picked it up. Honestly, shout out to Budget. Yeah. I was waiting like months later to get a charge,$100 ,000 for the Jaguar you left in Connecticut. Just wait until you like go to buy a house and your credit score is in the tubes and you're like, what happened?

11:23And they're like, you never returned the Jaguar. That's true. But I do check my credit quite often. So I think I would know. Oh my God. I did get like a big charge from them, like for the AAA. It's like$2 ,500. Yeah, that seems fair. But that's not the price of a Jaguar. Sounds like the end of the redheads. That seems fair. Every time we rate the book. That's funny. We do the average of all of our ratings. So it's fair. Yeah. And snitch every single time. That seems fair. That seems fair. You know what? Math is fair. That's the thing about math. It's a magic number. Okay. Instead of going down this triggering.

11:55Yeah. Re-traumatizing. Trip down memory lane. Let's get into the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast. Today's episode of Toast History is brought to you by Clean Simple Eats. We have found our newest protein powder obsession and it's Clean Simple Eats. We love them because their protein powder is always grass-fed with no seed oils or artificial ingredients. It's third-party tested. It's non-GMO and gluten-free. Each serving has 20 grams of protein. It's really creamy and smooth. Great to use in a smoothie, bake it into a recipe. There's a million different ways to use protein powder these days.

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13:28Our first story, a little legal news. Todd and Julie Chrisley have been found guilty of bank fraud and tax evasion. Reality stars Todd and Julie Chrisley were found guilty of bank fraud and tax evasion, TMZ reported on Tuesday. According to a court clerk for the Northern District of Georgia, the couple's accountant, Peter Tatino, was also found guilty on a series of related charges, including aiding and abetting the filing of false tax returns. A sentencing date has yet to be scheduled, and the stars are currently free on bond. Todd's attorney told TMZ they plan to appeal the jury's decision, saying we are disappointed in the verdict.

14:04They were initially indicted in August 2019, and a new indictment was filed in February of this year. Prosecutors allege that the duo submitted fake documents to banks when applying for loans, and that Julie also submitted false credit reports and bank statements when trying to rent a house in California. I mean, I love when they're like, we're going to appeal it, the verdict isn't true. Like, this isn't like a murder. He said, she said, did she, didn't she? Like, there's literally a paper trail, whether you paid your taxes or not did you evade them so I just feel like that's like such a lame response like you don't just get found guilty on tax evasion no one's ever been framed for tax evasion like you either paid your taxes or you did it so that is the first thought I have and the second thought I have is like obviously I'm not surprised by this I think like if you've been at all familiar with the Chrisleys over the years it's very unclear what they do for a living really yeah like and especially in the early seasons they had this big house and Todd was like this big like real estate is like what people say they do when they don't have a job right of course they're very successful people ambiguous you could be at any different like level of real estate right you could be a agent renting apartments you could be the biggest developer in new york city mogul right so it's just like this vague it kind of gives the vibe like when someone says like i'm an entrepreneur like what does that mean yeah yeah no it leaves a lot open for interpretation it requires follow-up questions yeah so in the first couple seasons like they came on the show and like I remember Todd was like I've made my money I want to make the next big uh department store in Atlanta and obviously never came to fruition but they were always like living this extravagant life and it wasn't clear what they did for a living Julie was like a stay-at-home mom and Todd was like kind of like retired it was really bizarre I've never really watched an entire episode of the show so if you had asked me to like tell you who they are and what they do like I kind of thought he was a preacher honestly I totally see that he gives like preacher vibes because I feel like he's always like preaching to his family.

15:54Yeah, no, and I think he's definitely a man of the Lord. And it's like Chrisley knows best. What does he know? What God knows because he's a preacher. That's literally the best call you've ever made. But no, he's not a preacher, but he does preach quite a bit. So it's always felt like they were living beyond their means in a confusing way. And then there was like a period where they downsized, which is never good on reality TV. Like they're always like, well, the kids are in college. Like, no, it's always a little like, what's going on? So they moved to like this smaller house. It was still really nice, but like much smaller.

16:25And they've always just been confusing about their finances. So this does not surprise me in the least. Yeah, it'll be interesting to see what kind of sentencing they get. And also the verdict comes just weeks after Todd's ex-business partner, Mark Braddock, claimed that the reality star cheated on Julie with him and that they paid off a blackmailer to keep the alleged gay affair a secret. So there's a lot. It's layered. It's layered like most things. okay I mean aside from that still is not canceled that's so crazy aside from that gay affair thing it is really sad to see like another reality star fall into like this trope of tax evasion like it's becoming like standard for like people who become famous like kind of overnight make money it's like it's giving Mike Sorrentino yeah well there's two things one I think a lot of reality stars or people who become famous really quickly don't know how or that they have to pay the amount of taxes that they do and that's like Mike's situation I mean I don't know I think Mike's was nefarious oh really I think it was like more intentional than that but I think that happens a lot I don't think you necessarily go to jail for that but then there's also like intentional fraud which seems to be what this is Joe Giudice yeah yeah well as much as it pains me because you know I hate the IRS like Like, you can't fuck with them.

17:45No, you've got to pay your taxes. You've got to pay your taxes. I've thought about not doing it many times. Like, one of these days, like, I'm just going to stop. But today is not that day. And then we'll be reading about you. I know, but, like, finally people will be talking about me. Is it worth it? If they let me go to, like, one of those nice prisons. No. No. Sorry, no. No. Not for you. No. So, wishing them, you know, best of luck in your sentencing. I feel like this isn't the type of case where you get, like, a plea deal. because there's like nothing to no one to rat out. Well, maybe like restitution could help.

18:17Yeah, but I don't know like how much money they've got. I don't know either. We shall see. Best of luck. We shall see. Best of luck. Next story, a little casting news. The role that a million girls will kill for is going to Julia Garner. She has been offered the Madonna role in the universal biopic of The Star. Inventing Anna actress, Julia Garner has been offered the role of Madonna in a forthcoming biopic about the pop icon. Sources familiar with the project told Variety. She has emerged the favorite from over a dozen candidates, one insider added, and has for months been speculated as a frontrunner for the part.

18:51A performance Madonna will shepherd herself as director. Gardner's team is considering and expected to accept the offer, said another source. So the offer is out. It is not confirmed, signed, sealed, and delivered. I mean, this is just reminding me of, like, years ago when we were talking about the casting for Elvis. Like, it's the role a million girls wanted. and they kind of went with like the not super obvious choice with Austin Butler and with Julia Garner now people are obviously like using her hair as like the thing in like all the pictures because yeah in the pictures they do a side by side it's pretty it's pretty good yeah like her curly blonde natural hair like is really similar to the look Madonna had when she became like an icon so I see it visually um I'm not like a huge Madonna girl and I'm not a huge Julia Garner girl so I have to say I probably won't see this movie yeah I agree also some of the other names that had been floated yeah were Florence Pugh I don't see it Euphoria star Alexa Demi oh the only thing is they don't really look alike well you can make anyone look like anyone Odessa Young Bebe Rexha and Skye Ferreira but I remember reading on Dumois once that Liz Gillies was up for the role and now I can't get past that because she would be amazing amazing actress and amazing singer and like do these girlies sing I don't know that's such a good call and it's kind of ruining this movie for me because now I'm just like what could have been yeah should have been Liz yeah I was also thinking um and I don't know what like age they're looking for but um what's her name Lily James she was so good in Pam and Tommy like irrecognizable like I just see her as like this Downton Abbey Cinderella like Princess Royal vibe but in Pam and Tommy she was like so transformative she like wasn't even herself so I really could see her doing this well yeah but I mean it's Julia Gardner so we should stop like LARPing as it being anyone else but would it be an episode of the morning toast if we weren't live action role-playing no and I agree this doesn't like do that much for me but I'm sure it'll be good she's a really good actress yeah she's very good as Anna Delvey yeah she was very good as Anna Delvey because like I literally hated her yeah you know I still haven't seen it really going to see it well like the fanfare is over Yeah, no, I successfully, because I had just given birth.

21:05So I successfully was able to escape. But like if you are ever looking for something, like it was good. And it was like really interesting because I feel like even though we all became like invested in the storm, we all read the Vanity Fair article at the time. Like the ins and outs of like how she actually did it. Like how do you almost convince the biggest bank in the world, like literally a fortress, I think it was called Fortress, to give you money. Like the way in which she did it was actually kind of interesting to find out like exactly how. You can learn some tips. Yeah, if you're a fraudster in the making, con woman wannabe, like definitely check it out.

21:37Yeah, but I would also imagine, like one, I'm sure this sort of series inspires plenty of con men and women, but it also alerts other people like this is what people do. Also, my only problem with inventing Anna is like they took it way too far. Like when it was over, like the article came out, Anna was wearing yada yada yada. It should have been over, but like the journalist like just had to go to Germany and meet her family. Like, stop. It was like classic, like annoying journalist, you know? Yeah, classic. Classic. Are you ready for our next story? I think that I am. And just like that, season two storyline will include Samantha's character.

22:14The Sex and the City spinoff series in Just Like That will welcome back the show's beloved Samantha Jones, albeit virtually. The HBO Max series, which was renewed for season two, stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Zia Nixon and Kristen Davis, and a much buzzed about absence from the original series star Kim Cattrall. But fret not, showrunner Michael Patrick King revealed to Variety the show's storyline will feature the dearly missed PR guru. King, who previously said the door wasn't open for her return, was asked if fans can expect to see Samantha's character creep into the storyline of the upcoming season.

22:46A bold and clear-cut yes was his answer. He remained tight-lipped about his plans for the show, telling the outlet, it's also new right now. One of my big rules is don't tell things until they are real okay completely aside when you got my lunch order yesterday at my house what the fuck was there a soup I'm just remembering that I ordered a soup and I never got it okay um first of all what I something about this story made me think of soup okay so second of all um Zach was the one who opened the bag and passed me your wrap so I could put it on a plate for you got it so you would have to ask that because I didn't even get I didn't even open the bag and get my lunch I like wasn't okay got it maybe it's in the fridge but I just remember like I was looking forward to that soup and then I don't know where it went okay thanks um I don't know I have no information for you I'm drunk um and back to the story I feel like this is a big nothing burger okay because he said will her character be like some part of the plot yes her character was part of the plot in the first season Carrie was texting with Samantha while she was in Paris yeah like when they said virtually again like maybe Carrie's on a zoom with Samantha but we don't see Samantha and maybe they get like some Kim Cattrall impersonator to have a voiceover.

23:55Right. Anything to cut out the only person who's worth watching on the show. 100%. The only other way I can see them doing this is them recasting Samantha, which I think would be like literally the worst idea of all time because Samantha was a great character for sure, but she was really made exceptional by Kim Cattrall. It's not just a role that anyone could play. Totally. It's like Moira, you know? No, that would be insane. That would be so stupid. I hope they don't do that. But like, so Ben was in LA last week and on his way home, he flew United and they have, and just like that. And he started to watch it and he came home and like, he had so many thoughts.

24:29He's like, so what episode, like, when does Samantha come back? He's like, I'm not going to finish it. Just like, tell me. I'm like, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's like, not on the show. Heartbroken. He was like, what? Like, he obviously doesn't keep up with pop culture. I know that like the Kim Cattrall, Sarah Jessica Parker drama is like a thing. So he was absolutely devastated. He said it was the worst show he's ever seen in his life. Like, cringey, so try-hard. Spoiler alert. He couldn't get over that they killed Big. Like, imagine, like, not caring so little about pop culture that not knowing a year later that Big dies.

25:01Yeah. Like, could never be me. No. Never. No, it's crazy that they, like, brought back the show just to kill Big. Yeah, and Samantha. Like... Yeah, the two more likable characters. And I have to say, I remember recapping it. Like I did actually really enjoy the show, but it was like a hate watching thing. And I don't think like if I had to, you know, give a critical analysis of the show, what I say it was very good, but I did enjoy it. Well, I mean, they would, they should bring Samantha back and they still won't and they'll just tease shit like this. And that's annoying for the fans. But I don't think Samantha's return is their choice.

25:37I think it's Samantha's choice. I think now it's both, you know, cause she's also like trash them and it's really Sarah Jessica Parker's show. and I don't know if she would have her back. Yeah. I'm just glad to be like extracrated from this situation because I don't watch and so I have no horse in this race. Yeah, no, me neither. And honestly, I don't even know if I would want Kim Cattrall back because it would be so awkward between them. I don't think that they could recapture the magic that the four of them had back in the day. But it was awkward back in the day too when you listened to stories.

26:04Yes, but it wasn't as bad as it is now. Of course, of course. And I think everyone would just be watching being like, these people hate each other. Yeah, and it's hard to watch movies with people who hate each other. Kissing Booth 2. Jacob Elordi and Joey King. Yeah. Literally, I think half of their scenes were filmed in like a split screen because they refused to be in the same room. Talk about no chemistry. No, you can't date if you're going to ruin the franchise. 100%. Like either do it or don't. In your contract, it should be like, are you mature enough to, if you fall in love with this person, be able to work with them again?

26:33No, the contract should be like, are you planning on dating your co-star? Yes. Okay, I will only fork over the salary if you plan to date them up until this franchise is over. Are you open to dating your co-star? Yes. Are you open to, if you break up, still being an adult and being able to work with them? Yeah. Yes. I have to say, like, not that I know anything about the situation, but from the kissing booth too, I do feel like it was Jacob Elordi who, like, couldn't stand Joey King. I don't know if he was hurt, but I think the vibe that I got, which is based on absolutely nothing, is that he was the one who, like, made it awkward.