Toast Herstory: Sharks Don't Speak English (Original Airdate July 16, 2021)

22:36So delicious. So delicious. But you know what? Mark Wahlberg like is Fergalicious. So I feel like that makes this whole thing okay. Yeah, no. He's definitely Fergalicious. But he was struggling with things that were delicious. You're his witness. And he'd be riding around the block just to watch what I got. To taste. tasty tasty for galicious death for galicious death and you don't know that rap like gain weight when you don't want to like yeah but like imagine just like oh i wish my life was involved with like me having to gain weight to make like 30 million dollars in a movie like i'm sorry these celebrities are getting more and more out of touch okay probably but it's like jimmy fallon asked you know yeah and that's on jimmy fallon like they go on these shows to talk about what they've been up to and like that's what he's been up to yeah i do feel like i haven't really heard a lot about Jimmy Fallon do you know what I mean I feel like he was like interfaces for a while I feel like I go out of my way not to hear about Jimmy Fallon like I saw a headline about move away like yeah you have like this thing on the jimmies like I fucking can't if you had to rank the jimmies to me they're both really bad I would say including James Corden James Corden is probably my favorite because of like carpool karaoke and he's given us a lot I would say the little Jimmy Kimmel no Fallon?

23:55The shorter one. That's smaller. How many Jimmy's are there? Jimmy Fallon? Jimmy Kimmel? I think Jimmy Kimmel is like You don't know who Jimmy Kimmel is? Is the bigger one. No. Jimmy Fallon is taller. Okay. Jimmy Kimmel is not the one I'm talking about. It's the bigger one. Wait. And so which Jimmy? Is there another Jimmy? Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. Andy's friend. I was going to say that's the smaller one. I would argue he's bigger he's taller okay Jimmy Fallon height oh six foot okay I guess that's pretty tall let's find Jimmy Kimmel's height well I think he's like 5 '9 Jimmy Kimmel height 6 '1 so I was right no he's not so it's literally what does it say 6 '1 yo Jimmy Kimmel is not 6 '1 but on a different side it says 5 '11 you just can't get straight answers okay whatever so if If you had to rank best to worst.

24:54Okay. I really don't like them all. I would say I like Fallon more than Kimmel. Of course. If I had to say. Yeah. And you like James Corden better than both of them. Yes. But also because like I guess James Corden is around a lot and like in your face. The Gen Z generation hates Jimmy Fallon. Like no. Fuck. James Corden. Really? Yes. They despise him. Like they were there were so much outrage that he was on the Friends reunion. and like they just think he's so annoying and honestly I like him you do like him yeah I just lost all my stories like trying to find the jimmies okay that's why I fucking hate the jimmies unbelievable my stories are back okay good well I got them I they didn't just pop the boys are back the boys are back probably the worst song from high school musical but the most is that when they're in the junkyard yeah atrocious and then they're like kids kids the campers oh my god so bad horrible anyways in a little space news of the week you guys know jeff bezos is going to space and his flight will include the youngest and the oldest humans to go to space i just feel like he's overcompensating for the fact that richard branson got there first he's like well i'm gonna break some world records like 100 and i can understand why like you know he made all these strides to go to space and he's not even going to be like the first billionaire private like bought a ticket to go to space no now you're like a loser copier so i understand his need to like one up and do something for the guinness book of world records sure but i don't think that this is it no it's not even impressive not not to be rude like could he bring a dog to space love that idea you know also like he's just giving me like major luann de la steps like early real housewives of new york vibes like constantly one upping like her fancy friends this is just like i feel like he should just take the loss you know like him overcompensating for getting their second with these losery attempts it's kind of making the whole thing more losery and it's like if you really want to go to space like that should be enough for you like do it for yourself don't do it for other people so true if that doesn't fulfill you going to space on its own whether you're first second third but by the way you're second don't think that you're first don't get it twisted then like really what's the point of how much money you spend and all of this no you're so right that's actually one of the key takeaways from my best-selling book girl with no job the crazy beautiful life of an instagram third sponsor it's like doing things for yourself not for like the perception of others.

27:16And I feel like that's something Jeff Bezos could actually really use from my book. Yeah. And he could get it on Amazon really easily. Prime. Comes in a day. Yeah. I'm sure for him. Kindle is automatic download. I'm sure for him like in a minute. Yeah. He could download it on his Kindle on his way to space. Great read, you know, for his journey. Space read. Right. It's like you could take a book into, there's so many things that you could do. You know, you're 100 % right. If we're going to break a record, like let's do a cool one. This is honestly not inspiring at all. But he's taking an 18 year old and an 82 year old.

27:44and that's what he wants you to know and that's what he thinks is going to set him apart. I just have to say, and I don't want to jinx anything, I'm not trying to be like a bad omen, but like all this like billionaire, like having fun in space, spending money, it's all fun and games till something goes wrong. You know, like we're not just like, you know, taking a rollercoaster ride. Like we're actually doing something incredibly dangerous. A hundred percent, which reminds me of Jessica Simpson's book. Which is... When like she was in school and they were watching the space take off. I forget what the name of the flight was.

28:12We weren't alive. The one that crashed. And like they played it in all the schools. It was like such a big deal. The Challenger. She was like seven years old. And they never took off. The whole thing just exploded. No, they took off and it exploded. Okay. So and they all like were watching it. Yeah, and like all these kids were like a generation of kids traumatized from watching like a live killing. Yeah. So I'm just saying like we're all joking about it, but it's actually very dangerous. And NASA, even the world's leading space researchers, even though you had made a mistake a couple years ago with the Challenger.

28:47So, like, it's not that crazy. It's a dangerous job. I think that's what Jeff wants you to think, too. Like, Jeff Bezos, brave. I'm not going to lie. When I think of Jeff Bezos, a lot of adjectives come up. And brave is not on that list. I think of smart, greedy, bald. Like, I think of a lot of things. Brave? No. I think of newspaper in the morning. That's what I think of. I think of, I want to get drunk with you. Not too drunk, just a little tipsy. Yeah. That's what I think of. And I want to read the newspaper with you. So sick. That's really what I think of, honestly. I hope he brings the newspaper to space.

29:20To be honest, I really don't think Jeff Bezos has ever fully recovered reputation-wise from his skin. No, here's what's crazy. I think that he has recovered reputation-wise 100%. Like, nobody even references it anymore. I do. he's still with her even though it's like the brother who leaked the messages but for me like that's all I think about and it's I guess because he like decides what people think about he's put it out of their minds so true like can't be like controlled I can't be tamed yeah like that I'm still thinking about it but I can't really good point I can't believe that everybody's moved on in the way that they have and not every article starts with Jeff Bezos who once said I want to wake up with you and read the newspaper like no by the way you're 100 % right but I can believe that people have forgotten about it for the exact reason you just mentioned.

30:05Like he owns the Washington Post. He's like one of the most powerful people in our country. Like, of course, we're no longer thinking about it. He doesn't want us to. He put a chip in us. Like you're 100 % right. So that's my thoughts. But at the Morning Toast, we're here to remind you like those things happened. You know what? You know what I think I'll do today? I think I'll repost those text messages on our Instagram. Never forget. Hashtag never forget. And probably my favorite time to ever be alive was when his text messages came out and there was like a challenge in the toaster community when girls were sending word for word what he was like, these creepy kind of like lame attempts at romance.

30:41Yeah, romantic. Text messages to their like fiancés or girlfriends or husbands. And the responses were so funny. That was like my favorite time to be alive. Yeah. And now I have nothing to live for because everyone's forgotten. Everyone's forgotten, but... Not us. You can't run away from it, Jeff. Like you can go to space, but we'll never forget. Just like, who did you say? You said Jason Momoa was Zoe. No, remember what you said? Remember what you said? That Jason Momoa, that Zoe Kravitz is Jason Momoa's stepdaughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's wrong with me? Yeah, remember when you said that? Now it's like, I don't know where I was going with this.

31:23Maybe just move on. Okay, I'll move on until you can get your footing back. It's not going to happen, so. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? Only if it's the final story.

31:47We need a triangle because when I hit that last note, I just want to ding the triangle. Order it from Jeff Bezos' blog. Okay, our fifth and final... No, and we'll get like a little hook and we'll hang it right here. Yeah, and it's just like... Or maybe we need like a... What's it called on the drums? A timbre? Timble? No, no, but for this particular song, the sound we're emulating is a triangle. I actually feel like... What's it called? Cymbal. No? Yeah. Yeah, where it's... Like, I think that is actually more of the vibe I'm personally going for musically. Okay, that's fine for you, but I want a triangle.

32:22Can you order two triangles? Thanks. Thanks. That's exciting, you guys. The toast is moving on up. We're becoming a musical show. We always were. Yeah. But we used to be acapella, and now we're going to have instruments. Yeah, we're going acoustic. Are you ready for - My legs are hairy. I really need to use my Athena Club razor. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? Can you guys see it? No, they can't. Can you see it? Because my legs have been so hairy all week. This is actually like chutzpah level. No, they can't see it. I've already conducted this experiment on the show. Can you see my hair from your purview?

32:53No. Okay. No, I don't think so. Are you ready for our fifth and final story? Oh, it's so controversial. Shark advocates are calling for a rebranding of violent attacks as interactions. So they want them to be called, instead of shark attacks, they want them to be called shark interactions. Marine experts and advocates in Australia are urging the public to refrain from using the word attack in reference to sharks, declaring that the majestic predatory fish has been unfairly stigmatized as a deliberate killer. Instead, officials have suggested that violent run-ins with sharks be dubbed with more neutral words, such as interactions.

33:31Others have suggested swapping the word with the terms negative encounter, incident, or simply bites. The University of Sydney language researcher Christopher Pepin-Neps said shark attack is a lie. He argued that a majority of what people call attacks are merely nips and minor injuries from smaller sharks. like honestly stories like this make me not want to like live in this world anymore like for real like are you fucking serious like you're worried about the shark's feelings like no offense sharks doesn't watch the news no and like no offense like sharks don't have feelings and they don't really care about like your sharks don't speak english okay sharks don't speak english totally and like i just can't believe that they're like actually really smart people who have dedicated their entire lives to like professor to academia and and this is what they came up with like no wonder we haven't cured cancer yet everyone's focused on the dumbest shit of all time like the linguistics of sharkhood like i i honestly can't and it's really upsetting like i know we're joking but like it's really upsetting no do you know what i'm saying like this is really upsetting because this is what we were we've gotten to as a society minutiae of how we refer to shark attacks and i'm sorry we don't attack sharks they attack us it's an attack it's an attack so i'm just like disgusted like i really am especially coming off of being at comedy seller last night where like everyone was saying the craziest shit and i'm like really and now i'm back in the real world where it's like shark interaction it's a shark interaction literally like how did we get here like i don't know upsetting and it also like it you worry about okay say you know what shark enthusiasts go ahead like then what's next no of course it's not about the sharks even though it kind of is like it's just about it's not about the sharks honestly it's about the people because the sharks don't care no and it's like if only the sharks knew that like there were these losers advocating literally and you know what justice for anyone who's ever been bitten by a shark this is so insensitive to them yeah and i'm just really sick and i reject this i reject i reject no Shark attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, attack.

35:43Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack. Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack. Shark attack, shark attack. That's what I'm going to do. What are you going to do? Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack. What was that? Oh, it was a shark attack. Attack. What are you going to do about that, huh? Professor? Christopher? What are you going to do? Oh, attack. Attack, attack, attack, attack. Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack. What was that? Christopher? Shark attack. you're reminding me of that shark from finding nemo which one you know the one fish are friends not food yeah um and i feel like honestly that movie was actually detrimental and and was one of the reasons that got us here it's like look the shark is nice it's not based on a real story no shark ever said fish are friend not food because they eat fish because they don't speak english that as well so i just feel like it's kind of been this like subliminal messaging teaching our kids like normalizing normalizing sharks and it's like they are a deadly predator no ellen animated feature film is going to change that right shark attack shark attack and honestly like you can't negotiate with a shark no you can't and i wouldn't suggest it and also and i just really can't stress this enough as you as you said so poignantly poignantly sharks don't speak english also like when i said like what comes next i'll tell you what it would be they would make them change the name of Shark Tank.

37:07No doubt. They would make them change the name because it's offensive to sharks. I'm surprised we haven't gotten there yet in this twisted society. But if this if this goes through that's what's next. It's not gonna go through. You want to know why? Because we reject it. Yeah. Shark attack, shark attack, shark attack, attack. We need Kevin O 'Leary back on the show just to discuss this. A hundred percent. So anyways if you do find yourself like at a dinner party or a wedding this weekend like I do feel like this is a good topic of conversation. you can get to know a lot about someone based on what they what their opinion is on their story 100 and honestly if you just feel like starting shit at like a family barbecue just stand up and say shark attack shark attack shark attack yeah um we have a little tv recap because love island was on last night and we both caught up all right love island i have to say on wednesday night's episode at the very end when cinco chose trina i had a feeling he was going to but part of me was like when he was actually saying it he seemed so sad I'm like oh I think maybe he's actually gonna pick Cash.

38:05Me too. I was devastated like I really was and it's very possible that he was meant to be with Trina and they have like a better connection but I just don't like how the whole thing unraveled and when they were all sitting at that all girls brunch and basically Cash was just trying to like I don't even know if that's true like he went for Trina because she didn't open up she was just trying to like rationalize what was going on and I thought Trina was like being rude like basically saying like interrupting her and being like I find that offensive because you're basically saying like I'm his second choice when like she really was not saying that at all and I just I know she was saying it a little bit well you know what she should because literally what Trina did Trina was being a Jezebel I don't think so like this is the name of the game I think these two girls are friends I think it's painful for both of them and you don't need to put one down in order she didn't even mention Trina no but like that's what she was doing no she wasn't And I also feel like I totally understand why Cash is upset, but I feel like everything that she says kind of is, or is saying like about the situation, like I'm not upset.

39:05Like then she'll say like, I put up walls with Cinco, but then she'll also say like, I was like, but then we see her and she's like fully intimate. I'm just like, but how do you really feel? Cause I feel like she's just like wanting to say the right things because she knows that like, that's the show, like that this, you know, you have to be open and everybody gets to meet everyone. but it's like I'm having a hard time getting at how she really feels about it. That's actually a good point. She does contradict herself a little bit. But not for any like malevolent reason other than I just think she really is trying to be rational and not emotional.

39:37But it's like you can be emotional. It's Love Island. Love is emotional. Yeah, she definitely is like has her guard up on what she wants to reveal and how she wants to be perceived. because honestly now that he chose Trina she doesn't really have any other prospects she's spoken to no one no but then Isaiah just popped up and all of a sudden there's a connection there which I really like because I like Amy and Jeremy together me too um I think she likes him his bad kissing and all I know there's just like something so illusory about Jeremy I know I just feel like whenever we see his conversations with the woman that he's into like they're not showing us anything of interest.

40:15Substantial, yeah. But then it's like, he has such a good friendship with Cash and like you see him like around the house and it's like, okay, there must be more to this man. Because everyone really likes him and like they all like respect him and they say he's like the nicest guy in the house. So if he was such a dud, that wouldn't be the case. Yeah, but he's giving off duddy vibes. A hundred percent. And I like Shannon and Josh once again. Yes, me too. Honestly, I feel like I'm on the roller coaster with Shannon. Like I hate Josh, but also like they're clearly OTP. No, but also like when he came back from that date, he was doing the most it was actually the perfect exercise for him and in being able to prove to Shannon that he's 100 like he did everything so right like above and beyond right like leaving kissing her coming back kissing her like didn't really give uh Florina any he said she was like beautiful and stuff but yeah didn't really give her any hope yeah my worry with Josh like if I was Shannon is like on the weeks where the boys are in charge like he can be a dick and then on the week where like Shannon is in charge he's like a kiss ass but it's actually been the opposite yes that's true because he I don't think he realized that the first recoupling was going to be the girls because he wouldn't have on that morning kissed Amy no was it yeah Amy I think you know who the recoupling is going to be based on who if there's more boys and girls I know but it was like the first week I honestly don't think he know he realized I really don't wow that would that would actually be kind of sweet if he didn't realize because that means he's not just thinking about sticking around he's just sort of going with how he feels I just don't understand why they don't just commit to each other because then like when she was like I'm going to talk to Isaiah Like they get in trouble when they agree to like be open with other people, but then they get jealous.

41:47Like, why don't you just agree not to be open? Because it's too early and they're really there to meet more people. So it's like, if there's going to be someone who comes in, who's better suited for them, then they should, they should be able to discover that because they're there to meet the person that's best for them. I know, but don't they also want to win? And the long couples win. So I would just like find someone who wants to. It's not necessarily the long couples win because if they just cut, became in a couple now and that was it, there was nothing really more from them. They wouldn't win.

42:11because nobody really likes either of them yet. Like they are not boring. They haven't like had to choose each other over other people like with Stripe. It's a lot. It's a lot more than that. And still like right now watching it, I don't know. I don't know which couple is even a front runner for winning. Well, they're all so messy. Like I feel like Will and Kira, but they are boring. You're right. And I like don't like them. I like hate them both. No, I just get, I just think something is going to happen. She's a lot. And he appears to be into her overwhelming, kind of smothering nature. But that does get old in a house for weeks, you know?

42:51Yeah, and what if someone comes in who catches his eye and his mind? Just right now, he hasn't met anyone who he likes more than Kira. So that makes it really easy. You know who I think he's actually really well suited for? Amy. They had a little. They had something and they never explored it because he decided to stay with Kira. Yeah, but that could come back around. Right, because they both speak Spanish. They're vegan. They're vegan. They're both just kind of weirdly intellectual in a metaphysical sense. Yeah, he's always doing yoga. She wants to preserve the planet for her future children.

43:23I think that actually they're a perfect match because I think him and Kira is a very physical relationship. And I think that definitely will fizzle out. I don't think they're going to ride it out together. I don't think it's sustainable. Yeah. It's too much too soon. it's overwhelming like they are never not together like they sleep together they make up they do yoga together they breakfast together they sit on the pool together like it's a lot yeah just human nature like to be with the same person for so long yeah so um i'm just like loving i know i keep saying this like being a part of something even though i gotta download the app and like start voting because like all three girls going on a date with korey was twisted it didn't make sense because because they all said who they wanted they all came in in the first episode and we when did people vote because we were watching the episode when we met them and then later no No, at the end of...

44:07We got introduced to them and then they said vote. And it said go vote at the end of like an episode from the end of last week. Okay, but I really like Corey and Florina. Me too, of course. I think that actually if they can like... That's a couple where it's like, okay, we see what they have in common and they've explored other people. They're really... And if they got together and then continue to build, like that's a couple that could win. Yeah, no, I think they're a good couple too. And of course I was happy for Corey because he's like had literally nothing going on. Nothing. But all three girls getting the date like made no sense and it wasn't even a date.

44:35it was literally them sitting in the corner of the house i thought they were gonna leave no it was really silly but then they got their actual dates which sucks for cory because they were like i'm not taking cory on a romantic date because we've already spent time with him and so they took people that they just wanted to talk to that they hadn't gotten a chance to yet yeah the house is so nice like sick every time they pan i'm like i would love to go on vacation here like it's so bright and colorful the slide looks very dangerous every all the houses like they do a really good job with the neon signs and like the bright colors the big heart also the females like just looks and glam and outfits are just so on point you want to know why because I think like I think they spend most of their days like sitting in that makeup room because they really don't swim that much or like do anything they like work out in the morning and then they like gossip and they always gossip in the room so if that was me I'd be sitting in the air conditioning flat ironing my hair the entire day no it really is like camp I think in the morning they do the workouts and I do think they that they swim but they probably can't wear their mics while they're swimming so there's nothing that interesting and then I think it's like shower hour and then they all let's talk about shower they all step out and they do their like slow-mo and like they walk to they each get a glass of wine and it's just like must be the most fun camp i agree as well but let's talk about shower hour do the boys and girls have separate showers because it always looks like they're in the same room not at the same time i think that they do because it's cbs and the house is huge yeah why would there be one bathroom but they probably just look like are the same exact layout because i always see them like in the same shower as the boys but then it's also multiple heads in the shower there's no doors right so they're just you know looking at each other something that happened a few weeks ago like no actually like maybe at the beginning of this week when Cinco was like starting to have feelings for Trina again he was talking to the guys and they were in the shower and he was not in the shower and he opened the door and stuck his head in to talk to them there was two guys in the shower so he was like looking at two penises being like uh I don't know what to do like cash is like you know I'm having second thoughts or whatever and I'm like did you just stick your head into the shower yes he did and if i had to guess i would say would be because maybe he thought the audio wouldn't get picked up oh yeah and they do not let go of those microphones they sleep with them like i know oh and i never i didn't really understand why every time they wake up they put on sunglasses it's because they're under production lighting when they've just been asleep yeah no the room gets so bright from being pitch black yeah Awful.

46:53Yeah. I think the only thing I couldn't envision myself being a part of is the sleeping arrangements. Like having to sleep with. Like of course being in bathing suits. Yeah. But having to sleep with a stranger. And not only that. In a room with 15 other people. It's actually very unsettling. Like what if you fart? Like you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm sure there's a lot of farting. Yeah. Like I haven't slept with a stranger since I was like in college. Well camp. Yeah I guess. But like in camp you're only with girls. And like you're all just like yeah farting. And like you're shaving your legs.

47:19Like you're like all gross together. But like with boys, like you wouldn't do that. Yeah. That's the part that like also I felt that way about Too Hot to Handle. And the Too Hot to Handle beds are very small. I think they're full size mattresses. Where I think as in Love Island, they're all queen size. Yeah, no, it seems like pretty like a good setup. And I'm sure they got comfortable. Like maybe at first it's weird, but I think they're like comfortable now. I'm sure when they go home, they like miss all their camp friends. That's how I used to feel at camp. Like it missed the, you know, the loudness of the bunk.

47:47and then you get back to your home and it's like so silent. So quiet. I think as a child I went through like many and many depression after camp. Like I took it really hard. I think most, that's a sign of a good summer. A hundred percent. Now I crave the winters. And that is our show. That is our show. So for next week, let's talk about it. I have lined up a couple guests. A couple premium guests I'm really excited to watch. The schedule is not set yet. So I will be posting at some point over the weekend the entire schedule for next week. I'm really hoping to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in studio with fabulous co-hosts.

48:21And then you and I can catch up Thursday, Friday with some podcast only transatlantic continental transcontinental content. So stay tuned. I will keep you abreast, but I'm just working on some last minute logistics. I've got two out of three of the co-hosts booked looking to host one more, but I'll keep you abreast as always. But we'll be in studio on Monday. So just stay with us. Yeah, I'm so excited to watch. I'm excited for my trip. I'm going to miss you guys, but I'm really excited. I'm excited to get away. You know, I always come back with so, with a whole new energy, joie de vivre, stories to tell.

48:55And I really, I think that I need that. You know, it's like this, in this heat of July and like, it's time for me to go. And it's time for us to go into our weekends and for you to go back to work or to start drinking. I don't know. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Morning Toast, the millennial morning show where we deliver the past five stories that you, yes, you need to know before you wake up Monday through Friday. Before you wake up and take a bite at it. No. Before you. This is what the problem we address, right? Thank you so much for listening to The Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the past five stories every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

49:23So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found. So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Radio, iHeartRadio, CastBox, all the places. So wherever you listen to podcasts, find us, Morning Toast, leave a five-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are. Now that we know that a lot of people still listen because all of you guys left the matcha emoji today. I think shark emoji today. Oh, for sure. Shark emoji on our Instagram. This is like a secret little society.

49:44I'm so excited. Thank you. I can't believe how many people commented on our Instagram. No, it was so fun to watch. Love you guys. We have to wrap it up so people don't think there's something happening. Love you guys. Have a great day. We'll see you on Monday. Shark emoji. Enjoy your weekend. Bye. Shark attack. Bye.