Trump Bans Reporters from White House | with Queen Latifah, Dave Franco, Ethan Simmons-Patterson | Monday, September 21

0:05From Studio 16, Rock and Roller, Severn, the heart of New York City, is the Tonight News starring Jimmy Fallon. Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests, Queen Latifah, Dave Franco, comedian Ethan Simmons-Patterson, and featuring the legendary Ruth's coach. 23, 43. And now, here he is, Jimmy Fallon.

0:57Oh, come on. Thank you very much. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show. This is it. You made it. Hey, guys, this is fun. Tonight's entire audience is made up of reporters banned from the White House. So, welcome. Thanks for making it. You're welcome here. Thank you very much. Guys, it's a very exciting time to be in New York City because the U.N. General Assembly is now in session. Yeah, we've got all the world leaders in town, so what better day to have our lead guest, Queen Latifah, is here tonight. Come on. That's perfect.

1:41That's right. The U.N. General Assembly is underway. It's a special week where traffic on Fifth Avenue feels like the Strait of Hormuz. Meanwhile, Trump just arrived in New York City for the General Assembly, and earlier tonight, he met with Mayor Zoran Mamdani. Yep. One is a far-right Republican, the other is a Democratic Socialist, so their meeting was a fun little preview of what your Thanksgiving will be like.

2:09Go. Mamdani said the meeting focused on issues affecting New York City. For Mamdani, that meant the cost of living, and for Trump, that meant adding his name to the Empire State Building.

2:23While everyone's talking about this over the weekend, Trump banned reporters from CNN, MS Now, and Politico from the White House. In a related story, Melania just applied to be a reporter for CNN, MS Now, and Politico.

2:44Yep, Trump banned all three outlets, and I thought this was odd. He even dressed like Alan Cumming to tell him, You're banished from my castle. Some more news from Washington. Trump just announced that his 250-foot triumphal arch will also serve as a top-grade military complex with drones, snipers, and ammunition. He's like, don't worry, I'm just building a Death Star in the middle of a traffic circle. It's all good.

3:12Well, everybody's talking about AI right now, and Trump just said that he thinks that we should give it a new name, like extreme intelligence or supreme intelligence. Extreme intelligence and supreme intelligence. So he's basically naming it after stuff on the Taco Bell menu, which is... Let's call it Baja Blast Intelligence. Well, switching gears, did you guys hear about this? A man was arrested for allegedly pepper-spraying a moviegoer for using his cell phone during the movie. Some call him a hero. Others condemn him. Here with more is a man who pepper-sprays people at movies. Hey there, Jimmy.

3:51Yeah. I'm gonna tell you this. I am definitely in agreement with this man. If you light up your phone, after the movie starts, you're getting some pepper right in the eye. Squirt, squirt, squirt. Isn't that a little harsh, Dick? No! And if you're taking a phone call, you're getting more. Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Couldn't you ask him to stop? This is how I ask. I go, excuse me, squirt. And if you kick in my seat, you're going to get three squirts. Squirt, squirt, squirt. If your feet are up beside my head, I'm going to hit you in the feet. Squirt, squirt. And in the eyes, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt.

4:33About six squirts. Now, what if it was an accident? Man, there ain't no accidents at the movies, Jimmy. You slurping on an empty soda, an empty soda! You're getting seven of these. Stop slurping on that empty shrink. It's over. Yeah, yeah, it's more... Okay, that's seven. You're... I'm sorry, though. I... People have to eat and drink. Okay, yeah, but it ain't all just about eating and drinking, you know? You trying to save a whole row with jackets? I'm squirting the jackets. Yuck it! Yuck it! Yuck it, yuck it, yuck it, yuck it, yuck it, yuck it, yuck it! When your friends get there, guess what I'm gonna say to them?

5:20I'm gonna say, welcome to the movie. Oh, that's nice. Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Hey, excuse me. What is the worst offense that you've ever seen? Spoilers. Oh. Man, you know what I'm saying? I went into Superman knowing nothing. Didn't even know his sister had a dog. She has a dog? Uh-oh. Well, nobody's above the law. Squirt, squirt, squirt! Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, come on. A man who pepper sprays people, everybody. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Pepper spray himself. And finally, a nearly 430-foot Slim Jim just broke the world record for longest meat snack.

6:04Oh, please, just buy a Ferrari. All right, we have a great show. Give it up for the Roots!

6:21Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Roots! Hey, everyone. It's time to play the game Who Said It? Here we go.

6:34All right, here's how it works. I'm going to show you a real quote, and it's up to you to decide who said it. And tonight, we're looking at quotes that could either have been said by President Trump or a cartoon character. Go on. All right, let's take a look at our first quote. This quote is, It's happening. We have the magic wand. I feel like he could say it. Yeah, I think that's... It's happening. We have the magic wand. I think it's Trump. Tariq? Trump. Trump. It's Trump, right? Yep. All right, let's see who said it. It's happening. We have the magic wand. We have it. We have the magic wand.

7:15We got it. It's happening. Here's our next quote. This one is, I just had a hot dog, and it was very good. Oh.

7:26I don't think he would admit. It's got to be Trump. It's got to be Trump? I think so. Tariq? Mmm. Oh. Yeah, I think so. I think it's a trick. I'm going to go cartoon. I think it's Trump. Let's take a look. Who was it? I just had a hot dog. It was very good.

7:44I just had a hot dog. It was very good. He changes his... He's changing his voice all the time. I just had a hot dog. Chill out, man. Chill out. All right. Here's the next quote. It's, I want to be a whale psychiatrist. Oh. That's a tough... That's crazy enough. That's crazy enough. It's crazy enough. You guys think it's Trump? Why? Why would he say that? But yes. The impossible is possible. What's the concept? What circumstance would he ever say that? I want to be a whale. As it pertains to, like, to tuna. Like, that means tuna? Well, no, or maybe because, like, whales are so... They're canning tuna.

8:32The dolphins get in there. I don't think the whale's mine. You wonder what's going on in the whale's head? I want to be a whale psychiatrist. Like, I think he's good. I don't know, man. Nah. It has four syllables. Never heard you do that before. It has four syllables. There's no way he said that. Oh, man. Too many syllables. Too many syllables. Could have been on the cognitive test. All right, we think it's Trump. Who said it? I want to be a whale psychiatrist.

9:02Serious. Dead serious. He just wants to be. Very serious. All right, let's do one more. The quote is, -"Eggs, eggs, eggs." Oh. It's definitely Trump. Definitely Trump. Because he lowered them, right? Yeah, lowered the price of eggs. They were high, and now they're low again. Now they're high again. They're high again? I think so. I think they're back to... Are they back to normal? Egg prices, yeah. What's your favorite egg? Do you get the... My favorite egg that I get? Yeah. Mmm. I'd say the extra-large egg. Ah, I don't do extra-large. I go for the real small, petite egg. You love the little quail eggs, right?

9:39Yeah. I'd say I do. I make a tiny little omelet. Tiny little omelet. Yeah, and I live in a dollhouse, and it's fun. You want to be a whale psychiatrist. Do you like Eggland's Best? Is that... No. I like the company that makes the true blue, like the blue egg. Yeah, I like that, too. Is it something called, like, North Something Farms or something? Something, man. I don't know the name of it, but those eggs are blue, boy. Like, woo, they're good. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You don't even get what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the egg that comes with a feather in it.

10:10Oh, my goodness. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? A little feather in the cap. Yeah, dude, come on. That's the jam right there. Yeah, I love that. That's what I'm talking about these days. All right, I think it was... Egg-citing.

10:25I'm sorry. No, you're not. I'm not. All right. Everyone think this is Trump? Yeah. You guys think it's a cartoon? Cartoon. Here we go. Let's see who said it. Eggs, eggs, eggs. What? I'm hearing we have another clip. Egg-cellent. Can we see it? Eggs, eggs, eggs. Everybody wins. That's all the time we have for Who Said It? Stick around. Be right back with more tonight's show.

10:58Beats up a message. I just heard it's a... Ha! We did it. We're gonna say... Our first guest is a Grammy and Emmy-winning artist who you can see on season 30 of The Voice, which continues its three-night premiere tomorrow and Wednesday at 8 p.m. on NBC and the next day on Peacock. Please welcome Queen Latifah!

11:34Welcome back! You're looking fantastic. Man, oh, man, they love you so much. They gave you a standing O before you even came out. They love you! Thank you, everybody. You look fantastic. Always good to see you, bud. Yeah, it looks gorgeous. We have a lot to get into. I want to say that you've been kind of trending the last couple weeks because the movie you did, Joyful Noise with the great Dolly Parton. Yeah. It's been really popping up on everyone. People are re-watching it and re-loving it. I'm glad. It's a good movie. Kiki's in it. I mean, it was... It was... It was, like, unbelievable to work with Dolly Parton.

12:10What was she like for you? Do you have a story? She was so cool. She's so cool. She's fun. She's as cool as you actually think she is, as she look. Yeah. I mean, she made me chicken and dumplings. Like... Did she really? She made me chicken and dumplings. She was cool. My dad, my family, they all clicked it up. And she would make these fudge things and bring them to work. I was like, how do you work 12 hours? Yes. And then go home and make chicken and dumplings. You're not talking about chicken tenders, you know, out the bag in the fridge. Like, you got to cut that up and make it and put your love into it.

12:40And it has to taste good. And it did. Yeah, Dolly, come on. So, thank you, Dolly. Yeah. But she was super cool. I remember you came on our show. She wrote a mad song. She was super talented. She would, like... Like, she wrote five songs right off the rip, and then she would write, like, every day. She told me she wrote it like a song a day. She would just do it. Is that right? So she was very inspirational. Like, wow, you can create like that is pretty awesome. Uh, congratulations on some giant news here. You've gotten so many awards, and I'm so proud of you. You deserve it. But in your career, this is a giant one here.

13:11You're getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yo. What are you talking about?

13:21I mean... I mean... Come on! I mean... The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! You got it! You got it! You got it! Come on, now! What? What? What? What is that? I'll give you another standing over. No. That wasn't even, like, real to me. Right. That wasn't even, like, a real thing to be able to achieve when I was a young rapper starting out. Like, no. It took them time to evolve, you know what I mean? To kind of open it up, you know? When you get that call, you're like, holy moly. Like, forever. This is it. I was not expecting that call. It came out of nowhere. Have you ever been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

13:59Yeah, I went to... Because a tribe called Quest got inducted. My brothers. So I had to go, can I kick it? I had to do... I had to do can I kick it? Yes. Yes, you can. I was so nervous. I was like, this is major. I got to do a great job for them. Now you clearly did. I mean, oh, my God, that's massive. Yeah, so that was a... That's a big deal. And then to go in with, like, Celia Cruz, that's like, I grew up listening to Celia. That's my Saturday. You know, in Newark, New Jersey, Salsa is playing out the window, out somebody's window on a Saturday. You know, so I grew up listening to her. And then the Wu, you know, I'm going in with Wu-Tang.

14:36Yes, come on. You know what I mean? Billy Idol? Billy Idol? Are you kidding me? And then, of course, my girl... Sade. You and Sade in the same year? Come on, Sade. What? What? What? There is a date. My hero, MC Lyte? Like, what? Oh, my goodness. Come on now. It just gets better and better. Well, it's well-deserved. You totally deserve it for what you've done to music. And it's just amazing. Everything. Thank you. You know, I always... There's a rumor out there, by the way, that we might be hearing some new Queen Latifah music. I think it's way above. Look at Ray's face, you know? I mean, I've had the good fortune of being able to work with a couple people over there.

15:17in your Amazing Roots crew. Yeah. And Ray is one of them. We've been sitting on some music for a while that we just got to get out. Yes! It's time, you know? It's time! I'm a coach on The Voice. I got to put music out. It's time. You are a coach on The Voice. By the way, I can't think of a better person to do this. Have you ever thought of doing it when you watch the show and you're like, I could do that probably? Definitely. I mean, definitely, because I've been a fan of the show. You know, a lot of people may not know, but I used to have a management company, my partner, Shaquem. We managed, you know, at one point, 11 gold and platinum artists back in the 90s.

15:53And from Naughty By Nature to Faith to Monica, Outkast, like, so many artists. And often we had to create images, you know? Like, Monica was 12 when I heard her. So it was like we had to create an image for her. But to get back to the voice, just to hear the sound of hearing an artist come into your office and, like, sing something, and you're like, wow, you got it. You know what I mean? That's it right there. It just brings it back to... It's a full circle moment. So I just want to be there to make sure that these artists are able to share their gift with the world. And get heard. Yeah. Now, every...

16:28We had Riley on the show a couple weeks ago, and he said that everyone's nervous about you. Riley don't fight fair. Yeah. Riley don't fight fair. I'm sure y 'all saw it tonight. Yeah. He got this kind of twinkle thing. Yeah, he does. He's charming. That country, he knows. Yeah, it's like, he's a charming dude. Yeah, absolutely. But he said anytime you turn your chair around, everyone's like, immediately wants to go with you. Team Queen Latifah. I mean, of course you want to go with Team Queen. Yeah. What are we talking about? What are we even talking about? Why are we having this discussion? Yes.

17:01I want to hear when you have your pitch. When the chair's spin around and it's time for you to pitch, everyone's got their new thing now. So I just sang a song for you. You turn around, and then what's the pitch? Why should I be team queen? Okay, first of all... You feel me? First of all... I'm gonna dress up for the occasion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lighting directors are gonna hit me with some amazing angelic light that makes you just wanna come to me. Thank you, lighting directors. Um, and usually I'll probably turn first for you anyway, because I heard it first, because I know it. Wow! And they're followers.

17:38And then I probably would have to bribe you with one of these a little bit so that you can be down. Hey, what is this? Yeah. Don't you want to be on? Don't you want to be in one? Team Queen, we're on Team Queen. Come on. I choose Team Queen Latifah. Team Queen. Let me just throw that over the show real quick. Woo! The one and only, the best to ever do it, Queen Latifah! Season premiere of The Voice continues tomorrow, Wednesday at 8 p.m. on NBC, the next day on Peacock. We're doing something fun after the break. Stick around, everybody!

18:35Our next guest is an Emmy-nominated actor who stars in the new movie Forgotten Island, which hits theaters this Friday. Please welcome Dave Franco!

18:53Dave Franco, one of our favorites. Thank you for coming back to the show. Always, always. How is your wife, Alison Brie? The best. So good. We love her so much. Me too. Have you been married... 10 years have you been married? Coming up. Coming up on 10. Together with 15. I know. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you. And what is the next decade? What happens in the next decade? Oh, man. I wouldn't be surprised if we moved to the middle of the woods and fell asleep every night under a mountain of kittens. Wow. We're basically trying to model our lives after Kevin Bacon and Kira Sedgwick. Who isn't?

19:29Exactly. They live on a farm. They're surrounded by animals. They seem to really love each other. And let's be honest, they're hot. Yes, they are. They're keeping it tight. They are, by the way. They're the greatest. So, yeah, you want to pull a Kevin Bacon and Keira Sedgwick. That's the life goal. That is the way to do it. Yeah. The first movie that you actually had a role in, it was a little film called Superbad. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, that was... Yeah. 20 years ago. Crazy. Do you remember auditioning for it? I do, I do. The first role that I initially auditioned for was the douchebag who loogies on Jonah Hill's shirt.

20:05Do you remember that guy? So they were like, all right, that's not quite right for you, but we have this other douchebag character who takes P.E. soccer way too seriously. And Jonah has a line in that movie where he says to me, why don't you go piss yourself again? And this line has followed me for 20 years. And I'm realizing, is this my legacy? Yes, yes. Am I pissed boy for the rest of my life? Is that the clip that's playing at my in-memoriam? That's correct, yes. You go to Yankee Stadium, that's when people yell to you guys. Yeah, but what a great relationship. Now you're best friends with Seth and Jonah.

20:39I met all those guys back then. To this day. Exactly. And you crushed it in the studio. Thank you, man. But man, oh man, you were unbelievable. Appreciate that. And you're great in this new film, Forgotten Island. By the way, you're great in animated films. I'm having so much fun. Hoppers. Yeah, I'm so lucky. I got to work with Pixar and DreamWorks this year, and they gifted me these incredibly fun characters. The last time you were here, it was a horror movie. That's right, together. Yes. Yes, yes. Which was great. And my character in Hopper's is kind of in a horror movie. It's this, like, evil butterfly who transforms into an evil, like, human robot and the character is so unhinged that I kept checking in with the director and I was like, is what I'm doing gonna scare the kids?

21:24That's a good... Yeah, and ultimately, the animators were the ones who took it a step too far, where at one point they actually animated my character doing the backwards walk from The Exorcist, and everyone realized, like, oh, an homage to the scariest movie of all time is probably where we should draw the line in a Pixar film. And so The Exorcist walk didn't make the final cut, but I reached out to the director and I was like, do you have that footage? Could I see that? Straightening! That is too scary! So they showed that at an early test screening and realized, yeah, the kids are scared, but the adults are equally terrified.

22:04Get that out of the movie. Everybody get it out of the movie. Thank you for bringing that. We always appreciate it. This one, Forgotten Island, super funny, by the way. And well done. This is DreamWorks. DreamWorks, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, my character in this one, I play a were-dog, which is like... A were-dog, yeah. Yeah, he's like a were-wolf, but the dog version. Aww. And on this press tour, people keep asking, like, are you similar to your character? And I've been thinking about it, and I'm like, okay, this is like an angst... The character's like an angsty guy from the 90s who has a puka shell necklace.

22:35And I was thinking, like, was I ever an angsty guy in the 90s with a puka shell necklace? And... And, uh, bank. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So not... Right, right. But then I thought further, and I was like, okay, with the character, though, underneath it all, he's just, like, a really sweet, sensitive guy who just wants companionship. And so I was like, okay, underneath the angst in the puka shell necklace, was I ever just like a sweet, sensitive guy who wanted companionship? This is the mix. That's... This is the mix, the secret mix. That's a vibe, Jimmy. That is a vibe. You know what that vibe... With the puka shell necklace.

23:15You know what that vibe is saying? What's that? People Magazine's sexiest cat dad of 2025. That's what I'm talking about, bud! You don't have to tell me. Come on, we know that. My highest honor in life. We know that. Your character has a lot of energy in the movie, and is super fun to watch. Was it tough to keep that energy throughout the whole film? Yeah, I mean, I treat these recording sessions like they're an Olympic event. Like, I am coming in, and I know that I'm not leaving until I literally lose my voice. Yes. And I am sweating. I am beat right by the end. That's what a professional does.

23:46Dave Franco, that's what he does. Yeah, yeah. It's what... It's what my buddy O'Shea Jackson Jr. your legs to call going full Franco. Going full Franco, yeah. You went for it. It is set in the 90s in the Philippines. It's a beautiful film. What made you want to do this? Oh, man, so many things. I mean, first off, this is the first big budget studio film that focuses on Filipino culture, which in and of itself, that is massive. But then on top of it, it's so good. This movie is like, it's laugh out loud funny. It's so touching. It's visually stunning. And like, I saw I saw the final version for the first time last week at DreamWorks.

24:25They had this whole theater, and it was just me in there. And I cried, like, eight times. I was a puddle by the end of this thing. And part of it is, like, because the film is emotional, but another part is, like, I feel just so honored to be a small part of this beautiful film. I'm telling you guys, this one's really special, and you will not regret checking it out. Dave Franco, everybody. Forgotten Island is in theaters this Friday. More Tonight Show after the break. Stick around.

25:05Our next guest can be seen at Club Hancher in Iowa City, Iowa, November 19th, making his Tonight Show debut. Please welcome the very funny Ethan Simmons Patterson.

25:22I'm living in my life. Yes, thank you, thank you. Welcome, welcome to New York if you're visiting. Yeah, I love New York, man. New York, I live here. It's one of those places where you can see something truly disgusting. Truly disgusting. And then the longer you look at it, the more beautiful it'll become. Yeah, I was on the train. There was this homeless guy on the train. He was drinking a gallon of milk. Tearing down, room temperature, gallon of milk. Yeah. Not really breathing in between either. Just letting the milk kind of dribble from the sides of his mouth, and I could not stop watching.

25:57I was locked in. I was like, I got to watch him finish. It almost became majestic after a while. I was like, it's like watching a deer drink from the river. It was cool, you know? And then after a while, he could tell I was looking at him, so he took the gallon of milk away from his mouth, looked at me, and was like, huh, could you use some cookies? Yeah. Made my day, dude. Made my day. You guys like that? It was one of those things where it was just like, wow. It went from being disgusting to touching my heart. And that's why I love New York City. Yeah, it's fun. I like living here. Ever since I moved to New York, I've become a lot more liberal.

26:32Just a little liberal snowflake, doing a little liberal snowflake stuff. Yeah, doing stuff like recycling. You guys doing that? You recycling? Yeah, yeah. Recycling. Yeah, segregate the trash, baby. That's all you're doing, just getting real racist with the trash. I don't know what part of the brain that is where we're like, Like, our plastic and our paper shall never touch. But it's a strange part. But I like it. My favorite way to recycle, I love taking my reusable tote bag to the grocery store. Yeah. Love a reusable tote bag. Yes. We like a reusable tote. Love a reusable tote. I like it. Makes me feel like an educated white woman walking through the streets.

27:07Get a little Carrie Bradshaw action. It's fun. Yeah. I like my tote bag so much, sometimes I get them all together at home, put them in the bed, get in the bed naked, roll around a little bit. I'm just like, oh, I'm saving the world It's fun It's a fun time Problem with the tote bag is I forget them 90 % of the time Yeah I get to the grocery store I'm at the grocery store I'm like, damn, I forgot the tote bag again I'm in line, the cashier, he challenges me He's like, what you gonna do? You gonna take another bag and ruin the world? Or you gonna carry these items out loose? And I'm like, alright, I'll carry the items out loose And I carry the items out loose Feel good about myself for just a second And then I realized I'm just a black dude with a bunch of loose items outside a grocery store, just stumbling down the street like da-da-da-da-da.

27:55Some cop stops me like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm trying to save the world. What are you doing? This is for Greta Thunberg, dog. Yeah, it's fun, man. I like it. I like it a lot. I like New York. I'm getting older, maturing in New York, which has been a lot of fun. Doing stuff I never thought I'd do, like going to the doctor. You guys doing that? Yeah, yeah, you could just go. I didn't know that. I didn't know you could just go. I thought you had to be, like, sick or, like, in an ambulance or bleeding actively. No, you could just pull up. Fully healthy. Yeah. Show them a body part. You're like, here's my elbow.

28:29They're like, whoa, let's take a look. They're really excited. I go once a week, man. It's fun. It is a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Problem with the doctor is, like, I got to get more mature with how I go. Ladies, I'm trying to take a page out of your book. The way y 'all go is dope. y 'all got somebody looks at everything then if you need special care for your lady parts you got a gynecologist you need that you need a specialist for special things i don't have that second step yet no i got one guy that looks at everything and then at the end of the appointment i gotta get kind of weird yeah he walks in he's like yo everything looks good i'm like that's great glad everything looks good uh what if we look at one more thing you know and then he's just like what are you talking about i was like what if we just pop the top real quick take a little peek under the hood, you know?

29:17Nothing crazy. And he's just like, what are you saying? I'm like, just look at my penis, man. And he's just like, ah! Because he's a doctor. He went to med school. He doesn't want to do it, but he does it because I pay him. And then it just becomes me yelling at another man to look at my penis. We might as well be on the subway at this point. It's very unprofessional. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it. Oh, it's nice. Yeah. I like it though. I like it. I realized I stopped going to a lot of places in health care just because of the way I was being treated. Like one place, the dentist. Yeah. If you're a dentist in here tonight, I just want to say one thing to you.

29:53And I want to make sure you hear it because I just want you to know I mean it. I hate you. Yeah. Y 'all are mean people, man. I don't know what they teach dentists in dental school, but y 'all are mean. All they do is roast you to your face about your terrible teeth and then charge you thousands of dollars. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. I've had gap teeth my entire life. I went to my dentist. I was like, hey, man, realistically, how much should I be flossing? He goes, you think you need the floss? I was like, what? He was like, you got big gap teeth, man. You could drive a bus through those teeth. And I was like, do you want to fight?

30:26What is happening? We could just fight. We don't have to do this. And then I go to leave, and he's like, by the way, that's$5 ,000. It's terrible. If you want to feel good about yourself in the healthcare sector, you want your self-esteem to get boosted, go to the eye doctor. Yeah, the eye doctor. They're just happy to see you, man. You pull up, they're like, whoa, you found us? It's great. It's amazing. The tests are easy, too. It's like they made the test up that day. They're very fun. They show you those lines, you know? They start with that one line. They're like, can you see this line? You're like, that big-ass line?

30:57Yeah, I can see that line. You're like, can you see that line? They're like, whoa, that's impressive. I didn't think you'd be able to see that line. That's pretty cool. Show you that second line, slightly smaller. They're like, what about this line? You're like, yeah, I can see that line, too. They're like, oh, a reader. Okay, all right. Somebody's eating their carrots. I like that. Then they show you that little itty bitty line, the tiny line they got to get you to the disclaimer for. They're like, all right, so we normally don't even show people this line. Don't feel bad if you can't see this line.

31:22All right. But you saw lines before. I was like, maybe he can see this one. So can you see it? And you're like, yeah, actually, I can see that line, too. They're like, what the hell? You can see that line. I worked here 25 years. I don't know anybody that can see that line. Calls in the secretary. He's like, yo, he can read the line. We can finally understand what it means. He takes off his lab coat. He's like, you're the doctor now, man. My name's Ethan. You guys have been a lot of fun. Thank you so much.

31:49Time to save the world. Time to save the world, man. Ethan Simmons Patterson. Catch him at Club Hancher in Iowa City, November 19th. We'll be right back, everybody. That was fantastic. We'll do it. I'm gonna turn the whole party down.

32:15Killed it. Killed it. My thanks to Queen Latifah, Dave Franco, Ethan Simmons Patterson! Ethan! And the Roots right there from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Good night, everybody! Thank you!

32:42Thanks for listening to The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. Don't forget to subscribe to get the latest episodes weekday mornings wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon weeknights on NBC and streaming on Peacock.