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Podcast Summary: The Twenty Minute VC (20VC) Featuring Simon Sinek
Episode Overview In this episode of "The Twenty Minute VC," host Harry Stebbings interviews Simon Sinek, a renowned author and speaker, known for his influential works on leadership and motivation. The conversation delves into themes of trust, identity, effective communication, and the importance of understanding one's "why" in both personal and professional contexts.
Key Themes and Discussions
- The Makings of Simon Sinek
- Childhood Influence: Sinek discusses how his upbringing, living on four continents, shaped his resourcefulness and adaptability.
- Career Beginnings: He reflects on the pivotal moments that led to his rise, particularly his TED Talk on the concept of "WHY."
- Identity
- Self-Definition: Sinek emphasizes defining oneself by who you are rather than what you do. He challenges the notion of identifying through professional achievements.
- Finding Identity: He advises those struggling with self-identity to seek feedback from close friends to uncover their inherent value.
- Trust
- Foundation of Relationships: Sinek argues that trust is built on the truth and is essential for meaningful relationships.
- Trust Dynamics: He discusses how trust can be gained or lost over time, using personal experiences to illustrate the importance of honesty.
- Creating Safe Spaces
- Encouraging Vulnerability: Sinek highlights the importance of creating environments where individuals feel safe to express themselves without judgment.
- Common Mistakes: He identifies pitfalls in building trust and safe spaces in both personal and professional relationships.
- Listening
- Art of Listening: Effective listening goes beyond hearing words; it involves making others feel understood and valued.
- Avoiding Solution Mode: Sinek discusses the tendency to jump to solutions instead of simply listening and providing emotional support.
- Feedback and Communication
- Effective Feedback: Sinek stresses the need for constructive feedback tailored to the recipient’s preferences.
- Communication Dynamics: He emphasizes the necessity of mutual understanding in communication, especially in leadership roles.
- Leadership Insights
- Leadership Philosophy: He shares his belief that great leaders are responsible for the growth of those around them.
- Adapting Leadership Styles: Sinek acknowledges the need for adaptability in leadership, particularly during stressful situations.
- Human Skills vs. Hard Skills
- Importance of Human Skills: He criticizes the label "soft skills," advocating for the recognition of human skills as essential for effective leadership.
- Future Goals: Sinek aims to develop resources that enhance human skills through his company, The Optimism Company.
Key Takeaways
- Start with Why: Understanding your core motivations and values is crucial for personal satisfaction and effective communication.
- Trust and Vulnerability: Building trust requires vulnerability and a commitment to honesty in relationships.
- Active Listening: True listening involves empathy and validating others’ feelings, critical for fostering strong connections.
- Feedback Matters: Tailoring feedback to individual preferences can significantly enhance communication and teamwork.
- Leadership Responsibility: Effective leaders are those who prioritize the growth and well-being of their team members.
Conclusion Simon Sinek's insights in this episode provide valuable perspectives on leadership, personal identity, and the importance of communication and trust in relationships. His emphasis on the human aspect of leadership resonates with those looking to not only succeed in their careers but also foster meaningful connections in their lives.
For more insights from Simon Sinek, explore his books and talks, including "Start with WHY," "Leaders Eat Last," and "The Infinite Game."
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Great leaders never say to their team, prove to me why I should trust you. It's the opposite. Great leaders have to earn the trust from their teams. Listening is the art of making other people feel heard. Great leadership is the awesome responsibility to see those around you rise. Now I have been a Simon Sinek fan for many years, having fallen in love with his seminal YouTube talk on why. Now with over 62 million views, and then I absolutely loved his more recent video, Millennials in the workplace, which got 80 million views in seven days. These, Simon's also the best selling order of some incredible books including Global Besseller, Start with Why, Leaders Eat Last, and then the Infinite Game, all incredible reads, and I want to say thank you to Asafoan for making the intro stay, without wish this episode would not have been possible.
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3:11Simon, this is such a joy to do. I've been a long time admire of your work, so thank you so much for joining me first. My pleasure, thanks for having me. I always believe that parent shapers in ways that we maybe didn't expect. When you Do you think about yours? What do you think you're running towards? And what do you think you're running from, Simon? Well, I mean, I had a pretty amazing childhood. I mean, I got to live on four continents by the age of 10 years old. My sister and I, even though we're very different personalities, were incredibly close because of the way we grew up, because we kept getting uprooted and moving schools and moving friends, but we always had each other.
3:44And again, even though we're pretty different personalities, we're both very comfortable being in new places. We're both very comfortable sort of figuring stuff out, pretty resourceful, because That's how we grew up. So when you say what you're running towards running from, based on my childhood, it's made me comfortable in the unfamiliar. When things are not moving from me, I'm very comfortable changing course because to me being resourceful is fun. It's not a panic. It's more like a puzzle. I'm very grateful to my childhood for that. We say what I'm running from because we kept moving a lot.
4:16You know, I don't have childhood roots. I don't have a childhood home that I grew up in. The first home that I grew up and I was 10 years old. And I think because the lifestyle that I've led, even for my career, I travel a lot. And staying home became the best thing in the world. So I think the one thing that I guess I'm running from is the constant of rooting. I actually really like having a home base now. I spoke to ASAP before the show here in Sheson. And he said, you need to ask Simon, what do you want to be when you grow up? Pitcher's his strange question. But I thought I'd roll with it given he made the intro.
4:48What's the answer? I mean, as a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut and I went to space camp in Huntsville, Alabama at the age of 13. I liked the idea and then being an aeronautical engineer, but that sort of didn't lengthen very long. But somebody asked me once, why did you want to be an astronaut, which I never really thought about? And if I think, you know, if I go back and thought, the reason I wanted to be an astronaut is I wanted to be able to go to a place and have a perspective. I wanted a perspective of the world that most people don't have. And then I wanted to come down and tell people what I saw so they could be struck with the same wonder that I got to have.
5:20And then I sort of smiled when I gave the ads and realized, I am an astronaut, you know, I try and see the world from a different perspective. And I try and report back what I see with the hope that people will see the perspective that I see as well, help them see the world in a new way. If you apply like another white at that, why do you want to inspire people with wonder or an or on a thing that they haven't seen? Is it because you love to delight people? Is it because you love to educate people? Like, I think it's just ingrained. I believe in sharing. I think it's selfish not to share. There are people who, when they find something magical, they want to hoard it and hide it.
5:53If they figure something out, they don't want to tell anybody because they believe that it gives them some sort of upper hand or some sort of advantage in life or work. And I like sharing. If I see something I want to share with people, I'll have to discover something I want to tell people about it. And I think everybody should do the same. Sharing your feelings with your loved ones, sharing your ideas with the people you work with. You know, there's an entire section of the bookshop called Self Help and there's no section of the bookshop called Help Others. We've overdone it on taking and hoarding and being self -involved and I think our society could do a little more balance, a little more giving to manage all the taking.
6:25You've had so much wisdom over the years and one thing that kind of struck me when I was kind of thinking about this conversation was, was there a catalytic moment in the rise of Simon Sennag? Was it the TED Talk in 2008 -2009? What was that when actually the science in it brand really became so, so long ago. Like so many things, there's not an answer to that question. That's let's like asking me when you started working out, when was the moment you got into shape? There's a process that you follow and you find yourself in shape. It's an evolution, it's not a switch. And so the same is for my career, you know, I committed myself to a process that I believed in and still believe in desperately, one is starting with why.
7:03I believe desperately that if both in your own mentality and the way you to hawk and communicate. You start with what you believe, rather than what you do. And the second thing is the law of diffusion of innovations, which is all populations shift across the standard deviation of the bell curve. If you have high performers, you have low performers, and you have an average, always, always, always, regardless of the size of the population. And the law of diffusion tells us that the early adopters are more likely to take a risk and try something new. And you need to get a critical mass of those 15 to 18 % in order to create a tipping point.
7:33Because the majority won't try something until someone else has tried it first. And most people when they're trying to build a brand or spread a technology or share an idea, whatever they're trying to do, they aim all of their effort at the majority because that's where the market is, except that's completely wrong. Because the market is cynical and practical, they want to know, what do I get? Will I get my money back if it goes wrong? They're constantly sort of pushing for more, where the early adopters will spend more money, more energy, more effort to be a part of something that reflects their beliefs.
7:58And once I learned that, and I started talking about what I believed, I started talking about why the people who I preferred to work with and chose to work with, were the ones who shared my beliefs. They said things like, you're onto something. I don't think it's perfect, but I think you're onto something special. Even though they could pay me very little money, I would work with them. In the early days, I was living hand -to -fist. I didn't have a dollar. Or, for example, because I started with why they would say, there's somebody you need to meet, who I know will believe what you believe, or believes what you believe.
8:22And I said, yes, to those introductions, where the ones that they said, there's somebody you should meet, I mean, any whatever. It was always financially driven. I sort of would be a little more cynical. I remember a real life example of a guy who called me up very, very early on and remember again, I was living hand to fist. And the guy said to me, I remember the exact phone call, he said, I got your number from whoever. He said, I've heard you're good at your work. Convince me why I should hire you. And I said, don't. Because anybody who says convince me why I should dot, dot, dot has just told me that they're not an early adopter.
8:51That's not a position of curiosity. That's a position of self to me. And so I would turn down business from people who set and the majority and focus exclusively on the early adopters and that's what made my career and my brand grow. Because I didn't spend any money on marketing. What would an early adopter say instead of sell me why I should hide? No, I mean it's like I said they show with curiosity. Like I've heard about you, your ideas are really interesting. I'd love to learn more. You're onto something, it's not perfect, but I think you're really onto something. Like the early adopters sound really curious.
9:20I've listened to what for many years. When you think about why and the importance of why. Yeah. Ever wrong why. Yeah, a lot of people demonize people for. I just want to make as much money as possible. Yeah, especially in our industry and in technology, that seems to be the wrong thing. We should have impact with our technology. We should save the planet, save whatever it is. Is there ever a wrong why? So a why is not a goal. A why is not an outcome. Making money is an output. Like money is a result. Profit comes at the end of the equation, not at the beginning of it. A why is an input? It's a motivation and a drive.
9:51And so the question I would ask is, why do you want to make money? Do you want to just roll around and it on your bed like Scrooge McDuck and throw money in the air? Is that what you want to do? Every night you want to sit and count the pennies in the bank account? Is that what you want to get your hits from? There's a reason why. And the reason why people who are driven solely to make money are sometimes vilified is because it is largely a selfish pursuit. It's usually some sort of score or some sort of validation or some sort of selfish desire to live a certain lifestyle. I also equally don't believe in we're doing this to have an impact and change the world.
10:23That doesn't mean anything either. My wise to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. That's why I get out of bed in the morning. And I have a vision of the world that does not yet exist. I imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and the day fulfilled by the work that they do. And I will do anything and everything I can to help build that world. So I believe leaders, for example, one of the best ways we can build that world. That's why I've chosen to celebrate, support, and find the leaders that I believe are more likely to build a world that I want to live in.
10:52I think we've overemphasized, I said this before, I think we've overemphasized rugged individualism. But the problem is, is we are social animals and we live in community. We live, we have neighbors and we have teams and we have families and we have friends and we live in community. And to be driven by selfish pursuit can be in its extreme destructive to society, destructive to community. Because it leaves other people feeling alienated or left out or stepped on or ignored. There's no problem with making money. But money as a pursuit, as a motivation, it'll run out. Because what'll start to happen is your identity will become wrapped up in that score.
11:27So if you lose a lot of money, does that mean you have no value? If somebody else makes more money than you, does this mean that you're less valuable than they are? Yeah. I had a tax bill not long ago and it was horrifying. And yeah, I felt a lot less of a person. I always identified as bluntly the rich one in my family or the rich one in my friend group. and suddenly I was halved and I felt significantly less valuable. So I mean, I've never attached my identity to my bank account. If you look at any blurb that I've given on the back of a book, for example, my identity is not even connected to the work that I do.
12:01It says, Optimist and Author, is what it says. So if I stop writing books and I no longer write books, I'm still an Optimist. This was my question, which is like, you said before I define myself by who I am and not what I do. Yeah, funny idea, the opposite, because I've only ever known who I am by what I do. You know, I saw it at 17. Yeah. This is me. I've never traveled. Sure. It's that wrong of me. I mean, right or wrong, there's no judgment as to what's right or wrong. But you're more likely to find a lifetime of self -love and security and confidence and strength of identity when you're able to define your value based on what you give to people, not what you take.
12:40That's just sort of how the human animal works. It's Mother Nature's attempt to get us to look after each other and take care of ourselves and take care of each other. So is it wrong? No, you can live your life however you want. I have no judgment how you live your life. But all things come at a cost. There's nothing for free in this world, nothing. There's a cost for the money you make. If that cost is worth it to you, then better up. If that cost at some point becomes not worth it, and the cost is too high to your sense of self -worth or confidence or then maybe reevaluate the strategy. When you say, you know, who I am, I think a lot of young people don't actually know who they are.
13:15And a lot of old people don't know who they are. And a lot of comments that I haven't asked to in this conversation. You've got thousands of comments. And a lot of people ask a simple question, or do I do it if I don't know who I really am? Yeah, talk to your friends. You can go through a simple little exercise, which is find a friend who loves you and you love them. somebody who at three o 'clock in the morning you would take their call and you know that they would take yours. Do not do this with family, do not do this with a girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse. Those relationships are too close.
13:41Do this with a best friend and ask them the simple question. Why are we friends? And they're going to look like you're crazy because you're asking them to put into words a feeling which is very hard for human beings to do. They're going to probably say, I don't know why are you asking me this. And then you stop asking why and you start asking what? Because it elicits rational, rational answers and you say, come on, come on. What specifically is it about me that I know that you would be there for me no matter what and they'll him and Han You can't help them and you can't let anybody else help them You have to let them sort of struggle through the process and they'll start describing you I don't know you're smart you're funny.
14:15I trust you and you have to play devil's advocate great That's the definition of a friend you have that with lots of people what specifically is it about me that I know you would be there for me No matter what and again, they're gonna go through this a few rounds and eventually they'll give up eventually Usually they'll give up and say, look, I don't know. All I know is, and this is what my friend said to me, all I know is Simon, I don't need to have to talk to you. I can just sit in a room and I feel inspired by you. And I got goosebumps because I had an emotional reaction to something that they said about the value I have in their lives.
14:45And if you do this with multiple friends, they will say similar if not the exact same thing because the thing you give to the world, your why, is the value you have in other people's lives. So the way that you find out your why, the way you find out your value is by asking the people who value you. To go on the pursuit by yourself and go sit on a mountain, you don't have objectivity of yourself. But other people who love you and care about you, with all your warts and everything, they can tell you why they want you in their life. And that is your value. That is your way. It's the space you fill in their lives, which is why we're not friends with everyone.
15:16What if you don't like it? What if you don't like what you hear back? It doesn't exist, because if you have an emotional reaction to what they say, if you get goosebumps or you will up, what they're telling you is who you are, you may not always be acting as you should and acting as who you are. You may not be living your why, but deep down inside when you are at your natural best, this is how you're showing up. And so it's not a question whether you like it or not, it is who you are. And what you'll find is it's quite beautiful and empowering because you get to discover the reason people love you.
15:44Does who you are change? No. No. Where are why is fully formed by our mid to late tears? So this is a tradition because I speak to many people about relationships as well. And And I think you always want to wait until you're 14 until you get married because you don't know who you are when you're young. And when you're 40, you know who you are and you've got a lot more grounding in your life, personality. And I'm like, well, why not if you don't change? Actually, that's irrelevant. And two, I kind of think we're always changing. Just because you hit 40, it doesn't mean you're not going to change.
16:13Yeah. Personality's like, whatever that is. Yeah. How do you feel about that statement of wait until you're 40 until you get married because then you know who you are? I think any kind of dogma is unhealthy. people telling us when we should and shouldn't do something based on their experience, not ours. Guidance is helpful, advice is helpful, but the fact of the matter is our why the core of who you are is done, it's set. The question is, are you living to that core? Are you in balance? Are you saying and doing the things you actually believe? Are you operating based on your values? You know, when I talk about why, how and what, it's all three pieces of matters.
16:44Not just knowing your why, it's also how do you operate and what are you doing that those three pieces need to be completely in balance. And so of course you're in constant improvement and of course you're learning how to be more self -aware and make other people feel heard and be a better communicator and learn how to deal with conflict better and learn how to have difficult conversations and learn how to not be reactive and have a temper and all of these things of course you should be in constant improvement. There's no such thing as a perfect person but the fundamental of who you are at the core of your personality, the core of your identity, the core of the value you give to the world is completely fixed.
17:14which is why when you make money the end -all be all your old friends who knew you back when we'll say it's like I don't even know who you are anymore. You've changed. It's like I don't know who you are anymore. It's because you become distracted by something else other than being your best version of yourself. So, no, your why is fixed. Of course you sometimes can ignore it and you can live outside of balance of it. So it's not about finding out who you are. It's really going back to basics is really what it is. It's become going back to basics. Trust is just the foundation and pillar of any relationship, really.
17:41Do you start relationships with full trust and it's there to be lost or actually incremental and it's there to be gained over time? You can't start with deep meaning from day one that doesn't exist and that would be if you just even think evolutionarily that would be really dangerous. But I do believe in starting with a basic level of trust and I know this from leaders, you know great leaders never say to their team, proved me why I should trust you. It's the opposite. Great leaders have to earn the trust from their teams because the leaders are supposed to be the provider and protector for the team, right?
18:12So the team has to know, can we trust this person they're gonna look after us? They're gonna stab us in the back for their own promotion. I trust very quickly and obviously I've been burned a couple times but I'd rather be burned a couple times and trust too quickly than trust too slowly and mess it up and never earn trust because that's pretty lonely. Coming in with a little bit of like, I'd like to trust this person being a little bit hopeful about it. Trust is like a dance. I mean, it gets deeper and deeper and deeper, the more vulnerable and the more open you become on someone. To getting burned, change your minds that I've been burned before too and it really made me a little more visceral in how I am with trust.
18:43And I don't trust people, period, until they prove something and then it's like, but I used to be a little more trusting. Well, think about that, right? You said, I don't trust people until they prove. That means you're always, you're showing up with like a checklist and you're evaluating them like they're a scientific study. Well, people can feel that. And so they're not gonna put their walls down either. What you're communicating is I don't trust you, which means they're not gonna trust you back. You'll have a hard time earning trust if you don't trust people. It's not a one -way street. Trust is a two -way street.
19:10If you show up distant and cold and untrustworthy for whatever you've been burned in the past, well, you're going to have a really hard time getting trust back also. So you think you're protecting yourself in the great ironies you're putting yourself on a little box, a very lonely little box. You know, that's what happens when you build walls around yourself to protect yourself. You end up in a little dungeon, a little prison. So, you know, yes, I've been burned and yes, I got cynical. And yes, I had to learn to break those walls back down again. And yes, I got burned and it went back up and I learned to pull them back down again.
19:36But I tried very hard not to keep reinforcing the walls every time things went a little sideways or things got a little uncomfortable. I got burned a couple times because, as I said, excessive protection oneself ended up in a cell. I've spoken to many friends before where maybe faithfulness has not been in their marriage and they go, how can I have a trust in them again? How do you feel about the ability to rebuild trust in relationships in marriage is once lost? and what you've seen in that over the years through your work around that. I think if somebody's cheating, it's usually a sign that there's something missing in their relationship, right?
20:10And sometimes it's repairable and sometimes it's not. Cheese missing their relationship around themselves. I mean, all of the above, right? But that sounds like an opportunity for communication. Now it hurts when someone cheats, obviously. There are different ways in which people cheat some which are unforgivable, some of which are forgivable. It's not just the cheating, it's the lying and the deceiving and you know, that goes with it. And if the relationship is broken and somebody seeks solace from someone else, that's an evaluation for the relationship you have and whether it's worth clinging onto.
20:39Usually when that happens, it's a sign that there's been a total breakdown in communication, obviously a total breakdown in trust. That doesn't mean that the relationship should or shouldn't survive. That's for the couple to decide. But I believe it's a red flag that means that we should probably evaluate what's happened or maybe it's too late. You know, people who usually stray from the relationship is because they're feeling something in themselves or in their relationship that they're not telling their partner about. And that's really selfish because relationships should be an active co -creation.
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21:05My girlfriend and I, we sort of have this, it sounds pretty aggressive but it's actually very loving. Neither of us has the right to make decisions unilaterally about the relationship because it's our relationship, not my relationship. It's not her relationship. It's our relationship. So you can't just make a unilateral decision about what the relationship should or shouldn't be without talking to the person. To make it in business terms, let's say you have a 50 -50 business partner and they just made a decision about somebody they're going to sell to or buy from without ever talking to you. That business partnership's not going to work because somebody's making a unilateral decision for the business without talking to the business partner.
21:37Now, they may know what you're going to say and they may agree with them and it may be a perfectly legitimate decision but it's the feeling of being left out of that decision that will fundamentally break the business relationship. But the way trust comes into play the way is that you trust her to make the best decision. You trust her to know what's right for you as a partnership. You cannot scale in a lot of cases, especially in business, if you require the partnership, you have to delegate two different people within a partnership. I think you're talking about delegation, which is different than partnership, right?
22:07Delegation, sure, if you have a division of labor, but good partnerships, they're constantly, constantly, constantly talking, constantly checking you with each other, constantly saying, I'm thinking about doing this, what do you think? Good intentions have nothing to do with this. Even in relationships, people have good intentions with some of the decisions they're making. Or worse, sometimes they're trying to solve a problem because they have basing whatever on an assumption, they're basing whatever their actions are and their decisions are based on an assumption they have of what the situation is, what the other person is thinking, without ever talking to that person.
22:33And that's what I'm talking about. Like in a business relationship, if you just assumed what your partner wants to do, but you don't actually know, do you know this 100 % to be the case? The answer is, I don't. Well then maybe you should go find out. How do you decide the decisions that can be made in an actually versus not you know actually? Like, I mean, it's like in a relationship. relationship. You'll find that out in the relationships. You'll find out that maybe your partner says, from now on, you make all decisions about restaurants. I just don't care. You're the foodie. I like eating. Right?
23:04And that's fine. That came from communication. And my point is it's not about that you can't make decisions by yourself. My point is that there's communication before any of these decisions are made. And if there's a piece of communication that says I want you to do this, and the same is in business partnerships, right? Look, I don't really care about hiring. You're like a genius at guessing personalities and understanding personalities. I mean, it when it comes to it. So you can make all the hiring decisions. I'll agree with everybody you hire. Great. The point is you had a communication versus you unilaterally just doing all the hiring and just walking to the office one day.
23:32Be like, I hired three more people and they'd be like, what? Even if they know that you're a skill and you'd be like, what? I'm so much better than this that you are. Why would I show you? The question is, how do they feel? Do they feel left out and included? And if you have communication about the partnership and what the delegation then you've communicated. The only thing I'm advocating for is openness and honesty and communication. What are the reasons people aren't? Is it not fear most of the time? Fear of the response. In which case you're always says, not selfish, it's on the other person.
23:58Yeah, I'm not creating that environment where they can say, actually, you made me feel really uncomfortable when you do that. Because they're scared of why it's your fault anyway. You did this. It's fear shows up in personal relationships and professional relationships that we make decisions reasons because we're afraid of what the other person will think or feel. We're afraid of hurting their feelings. We're afraid of what they'll say to us. We're afraid of it going wrong. We're afraid of this. We're afraid of that. You're right. And fear is a very, very common and terrible motivator for decision making.
24:23And we're all guilty of it all the time. You know, having uncomfortable conversations and being uncomfortable is not fun for anybody. It's uncomfortable. It skews younger, younger generations really work hard to avoid being uncomfortable and having uncomfortable conversations that are incredibly confrontation avoidant, you know, which is why you see things like ghosting so common. You know, when relationships break up, we've been dating for six months. I don't really like you anymore, and I want to break up, but it's so uncomfortable to break up with you. I'll just ghost you. It's because it's easier for me, even though it's really, really, caustic and destructive for you.
24:55But I'm not thinking about you, am I? I'm thinking about me. I'd rather you have a big fight and put some closure on it, you know? Why is this generation more avoidant and prior generations? I mean, there's a million reasons, you know, some of it was parenting. The parents of this generation are much more cuddling. parents tell you that. It's partially we can't ignore the impact of social media and we're constantly comparing ourselves to other people. The way we seek validation, the identity we have of ourselves comes from keeping score, how many likes do I have, how many followers do I have? Should we get participation medals?
25:23No, no, it's a bad idea. And there is actually evidence of that that it actually backfires because the people who do earn first or second medals, their accomplishment is devalued. And the people who come in last and get a medal, it makes them feel worse. because they know they didn't earn it. There's actually good evidence on that that that actually doesn't work. Is there ever a good reason to tell a white lie? Well, that's it. So it's a pretty inquiries. It's like trust is built on telling the truth and not telling people what they want to hear. Darling, I love tonight's dinner that you cook.
25:52Yeah, okay. So human beings do lie. Everybody's a liar. Everybody tells lies. And we do it well intentioned sometimes because we don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. Somebody gives you a new tie for your birthday, a jersey for your birthday. It's the ugliest thing you've ever seen and they say, what do you think? And you go, oh my god, I love it. Which is a complete lie, but you don't want to hurt their feelings, right? I personally don't believe there's ever a reason to tell a wide lie. Because if you tell one, you start telling more. And if you can get away with one, you can get away with more.
26:22And eventually those little white lies start to compound and they become bigger white lies. I think there are ways you learn to tell the truth. And I don't believe in brutal honesty. Honestly, never has to be mean or mean -spirited, right? My rule is I don't lie, right? So for example, if the food is kind of bland in a restaurant, too salty, I don't know, what doesn't matter. I'm not necessarily going to make a stink out of him. I'm not going to call the waiter and be like, let me tell you that this, right? But if the waiter comes over and goes, how is the food? Everybody looks at him and goes, yeah, it's good, it's fine, yeah, good, good, good.
26:52We all just told a lie at the table. My rule is if he asks, I'm going to tell him. So how is the food? If I'm honest, it's a little too salty for me. You asked. And so if you're enjoying the food that your girlfriend made for you and she doesn't ask, well then enjoy it. You don't have to, unless she wants to hear it. But if she says, what do you think of the food? You don't have to be mean about it. Hey, you can find something you like. Oh my God, I'm so grateful that you make me dinner. I'm the luckiest person alive that you spent all this time in energy to make me dinner. And it's that you did that that makes me feel loved.
27:21Which is a true statement. Or if I'm honest, I liked yesterday's better. The author of the pivot. It's being honest and it's not being brutal. Do I look Fatemays jeans? I like the other jeans better. As opposed to yeah, you look fat in those jeans That's just mean -spirited both are honest, but one is mean So take a look at the time now So you know the time now and we know the date and for the next 48 hours You may not tell a single lie zero you will find it unbelievably difficult You will learn just the amount of lies we tell over the course of 48 hours little white lies How's your food? Yeah, it's good.
27:53It's fine. It's a little challenge for the next 48 hours Do you have to check yourself? What do you mean? When you started, like, I'm never gonna tell a lie. I'm always, if I lost any... It's hard, it's very, very, very hard. And do you slip back into it? Of course, of course, I'm a human being who doesn't want to be, you know, I don't want to hurt people's feelings, and sometimes I don't know how to do it, and sometimes I'd like, overdo it on the evasiveness, you know, because I'm trying not to... Yeah, for sure. It's a work of constant progress, because I'm a human being. But do this test, I've done it, by the way.
28:20I mean, it is 40 seconds. You cannot tell a lie. Absolutely zero. Again, doesn't mean you have to be mean, but you cannot tell a single life of 48 hours. But give it a try, you'll see how difficult it is. I'm gonna try it. That's what I'm like speaking. The alternative is like receiving and listening. What does great listening mean? There's different types of listening. Yeah, so active listening is not about hearing the words spoken. Like sometimes we're watching television and somebody's trying to talk to us. Like, you're not listening to me and you repeat back everything you heard. You say, see, I am listening to you.
28:48No, you heard the words. Listening is making the other person feel heard. So the fact that you were watching television, even though you were taking in the words that were spoken, the other person didn't feel Heard because you weren't looking them in the eye and paying them and being present while they were talking to you So listening is the art of making other people feel heard Validating the things they're saying repeating back to them what you heard saying it back to them in a different way Let me make sure that I hear this right and saying it back to them as you heard it not just parroting back the language Looking them in the eye not looking at your phone not being distracted by the things around the room and at the end they will say thank you for being present, thank you for listening, thank you for hearing, I really appreciate it.
29:24You haven't listened until somebody else has said that you've done so. Listening requires at least two people, which means it's social. You don't get to determine that you have listened because it's a social interaction. For the same reason you don't get to determine whether you were clearer or whatever you said into somebody else as I understand, it's the same thing. When we think about listening, a lot of times people go to like problem solving, I've got you Simon, I've got you and this is what we should do. How do you think about that switch from listening to problem solving? I've heard you say, you know, when you've had fans that struggle, you just say, go on.
29:55Can you help me understand? Because I like to solve problems. I'm like, great. So I'm in one, two, three. What do you advise people who like to do problem solving? And what might be more beneficial? Well, what you like might not be what is necessary in that moment. You're making it about you. And if somebody says to you, if somebody comes to you and says, I'm struggling, it really isn't about you. It's about them. So it doesn't matter if you like problem solving. they're asking for a safe space to feel heard. If they ask, what do you think I should do, then by all means, or you can say, can I offer some suggestions or do you want me to just hold space?
30:27You don't get to determine that. It's not that offering solutions is never the right answer. It's that this is what back to listening is it's a practice. You have to get good at it. And it's a work of constant improvement of learning the subtleties and the nuances. You know what I mean? We're social animals and it's not always so easy to understand what people need in the time. How do you know what they need in time? I actually say this now to I was like, what's the plan? I was like, my mother who I go and walks on and I'm like, I don't need problems or I don't need solutions. Just listen to me.
30:53Yeah. Or I need sympathy. Just tell me I'm great. Right. So in those cases, because your mum is giving you the wrong thing that you're looking for, you spoke up and told her what you need. And hopefully she was able to do that. Now are you doing that for your friends? Because you just said you like to give solutions and you like to be da da da da da da da da da. But what if they say I just need to talk? I just need you to listen. I don't find many people tell you what they need. they kind of expect you to interpret. I mean, you know, I think we all live with the fantasy that other people can read our mind.
31:20Yeah. So if somebody isn't being clear about what their needs are, then default to a holding space. Let them get to the point of saying, what do you think? Default to just being a container for whatever they're going through. Or ask permission. Is this good timing for me to tell you what I think you should do next? Or do you want to say that for another conversation? Can we say that for another conversation? Yeah, absolutely. Ask. If you're not sure, ask. And this goes right back to the conversation we're just having about partnership, whether it's professional partnerships or personal partnerships.
31:47Don't make assumptions. If you cannot be crystal clear, if you cannot be 100 % sure that what you think is actually true, then be curious, investigate, ask. People will tell you if you ask. People will tell you if you ask if they are in an environment of safety. I mean, we're talking about friends here, so I'm assuming that there's a degree of friendship and trust. Sure, but like a lot of relationships don't have an environment of safety, where they feel, oh gosh, I should know Axe about his job. Oh gosh, she's going to get annoyed if I ask him who's Simon again or who's Paul or who's Sarah. And so my question to you is, what come one day to create environments of safety, personal or professional?
32:22Yeah. But people aren't afraid to ask those questions. So you just said it. You're aware because you've been in those positions of what it feels like to be on that side. So relate to it. If you're working with somebody who's supposed to know something, but maybe they don't, they're lying, hiding and faking books, they don't want to be found out. Then especially if you're in the position of leadership, you know, say, hey, listen, I've been in your position before where I said that I knew everything that I didn't and I pretended I had answers that I didn't because I wanted to do right by my friend, I wanted to do right by my boss, whatever it was.
32:51And let me tell you, it got me nowhere. I had to learn the hard way that when I just wasn't honest about what was wrong or what it was missing or what I didn't know, it eventually caught up with me. So even though it's uncomfortable, even though it's going to be difficult and even though you probably don't want to do it, what I really hope is it, if you don't know something, just asked me and I can tell you the answer and that's much easier. I had somebody who worked for me years ago who couldn't because her whole identity was based on her work. So if she did bad work or she screwed up on something, it was like her identity would come shattering down.
33:23So she made a mistake she would never admit it to the point of lying to me and I would like be able to look at something but like this doesn't make sense and she would like come up something crazy excuse about whatever it was and as a person just saying yeah I'm sorry I screwed that up. I would say to you and I are gonna have fights more because when I can see that something doesn't add up and I'm gonna Hummel you with questions until you just honest with me or you can just tell me what happened or that you screwed up or something's wrong And I actually won't care and I'll help you put it right or I'll just give you another chance or it doesn't matter like it took a Bunch of iterations and I had to say that a bunch of times I said hey by the way if you lied to me I'm gonna pummel you but if you're honest with me and it's a script where you missed something out Then you just tell me I actually won't mind and then one time many times later she went Sorry, I completely screwed that up.
34:07I'm like, all right, don't worry about it. Just, you know, let me know when you redo the document and give it back to me. No problem. She didn't get in trouble. And so it took a few times, but I stuck with it, and, you know, just sort of kept reminding her that if she takes the risk to tell me she screwed up, it's gonna go better. It's gonna go really well. But as a good leader, you have to create that environment, which means when somebody screws up, it has to go well. You can't just screaming and yelling people, because at some point they're gonna stop telling you the truth. Do you know why I'm creating an environment of acceptability of it not going well?
34:32People say, oh, well, that is screwed up, But he was fine. So I mean, you know, and hopefully he don't hit the numbers. He's gonna be fine. Like how do you know create an environment? No, no, we're talking about mistakes. And when you say hitting the numbers, I mean, do you scream in yellow people when they miss their numbers? Depends on the reason. What's the reason? When do you scream at people for missing numbers? If it's, oh, I didn't think about that. I actually didn't bother doing it. So you're not screaming even for missing their numbers. You're screaming at them for being negligent or irresponsible?
35:01Yes, that's the layer deeper to the why they didn't hit. And so when you scream at them, I wouldn't scream at people's funeralist, okay? But I would get annoyed. You get annoyed, okay? So when you get annoyed at something, what result are you hoping from that? I'm hoping that they actually go shit. I should have done this. I should have been more proactive. And next time I'm going to be on top of it. And what if there's something underlying that you don't know about? What if there's a mum's and hospital with cancer? Then I hope that I've created an environment where they can tell me also. But if you're getting annoyed at people when they're missing, the number is versus saying is everything okay.
35:32Well, you can absolutely have a relationship by the people tell you that their mother's in hospital, but also say, so I'm really annoyed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I absolutely have that with people. But the Y is really important, you know, as I said, if it's like, and then you buy it, or, I don't know. You're conflating a bunch of different circumstances here. You're conflating somebody who has checked out versus somebody who is conscientious. Well, someone who didn't go the extra mile, didn't think proactively, didn't think strategically, didn't think creatively. Yeah, it's frustrating and the other thing is that we have to concern ourselves with I think is more important It is what kind of reaction gets the best result of other people So some people if you're hard on them you're gonna have the opposite result They're gonna shut down and you'll never get what you want and it's gonna get worse and worse and worse Because their personalities maybe need a little more tender love to help them or some people they just when you roll tender with them They completely lose respect for you and don't even get and stop caring So it's up to you not to give one size fits all but to learn the kind of feedback that people thrive So like for me if I screwed up on something just tell me I'm good with it like give me the blunt I'm cool with it.
36:36You don't have to give me a compliment sandwich You know tell me the good thing I did and when people start doing that to me like stop tell me tell me what you want fixed Like it's fine. I'm okay, you know But that's how I like to receive feedback people I work with on my team don't like receiving feedback the way I like to receive it. And so if I keep giving the feedback the way I like to receive it, it may not have the result that I want just because it works for me. It doesn't mean it works for them. And so I've had to learn how other people like to receive feedback so that they can hear the thing and then work with it.
37:08And so one size doesn't fit all. If you know for sure that those folks in your team like to receive feedback the way you're giving it, then keep going. Then that seems no problem to me. But what if they don't? Then it's going to become self -fulfilling and the performance is going to continue to decline and you're going to get more frustrated and you see how this movie plays out. When you think about your own leadership style, you know, leading people today, what has changed most, which elements have changed most? I've gotten much better at delegating when I'm under stress, I micromanage, and I still sometimes have the bad habit of doing that.
37:38When I'm under stress, or if I don't understand something, I ask a lot of questions, and sometimes it's taken as or sometimes it come across as, that I don't believe someone or trust them because I'm asking so many questions. and the reality is, as I just don't understand, or there's stress, I go into sort of like investigative mode. So I've had to learn to be aware of that. Also, I'm much better at not micromanaging that when I ask somebody to get something done, I just assume that it's done. So learning to let go, I'm a reactor, so bad news comes in, I sort of like, get really frustrated really quickly and then it goes away and I'm rational and normal.
38:09And so I've just had to learn to temper that as well, because other people don't know that I'm a reactor sometimes. If they know I'm a reactor, they'll ignore me for the first three minutes. Well, I vent for a second or two and then I'm fine. What do you still suck at it's a leader? Well, where are you most likely to improve as it needs? Well, like I said, I'm a reactor So if I get news immediately or like I said I go into interrogation mode And sometimes I don't give context for the interrogation. So where I need to get better is I need to say okay I don't understand this is what I don't understand So I'm gonna ask a bunch of questions to get at it.
38:35Don't take it personally to me trying to understand Right need to say to that beginning not at the end after Interrogation after the interrogation, right? So I need to be better at that at setting context and providing so so people know What's happening? Before we do a quick fight, can all the lessons discussed and ideas discussed? Can they be applied to parenting? When you have a child that is in their more formative years in physical and mental development, there are very volatile situations. How do you think about parenting effectively today and can leadership principles be applied to being a great father?
39:07The simple answer is yes. There's a lot of overlap. You know, you're responsible for another human being. Well, great leadership is the awesome and responsibility to see those around you rise. Well, that's kind of what a great parent is, right? You want to teach them confidence, you want to teach them skills. Sometimes it's correct to intervene, and sometimes it's correct to let them fall off the bicycle scrape their knee and pick it up and try again. Sometimes getting hurt and falling off the bicycle and scraping your knees is okay. So there is a lot of overlap. What do you think doesn't apply?
39:33Well, I can tell you one thing that there's research that's been done on this, which is, you know, we don't get everything from our parents. You know, you have a brother and a sister, you have two siblings. You know, same parents raised similarly in the same household and they grew up to be entirely completely like they're going completely different paths I know two siblings one became a world -tame is ballerine and the other one went to jail I mean you couldn't get more opposite paths from two siblings But there is one thing the research shows that across all cultures every child learns from their parents Which is how you treat yourself and how you treat others that comes from the parents teaching our kids to share Teaching our kids to listen teaching our kids to take care of their friends when their friends are struggling That's about the greatest thing you can ever give a child.
40:13And by the way, that's the greatest thing you can never give a team to worry about how your teammates are doing. And it's not about your bonus or are you hitting your numbers or are you helping your teammates hit their numbers and get their bonuses. And that when you come to work and everybody's worried about and concerned about each other, the whole team rises. The numbers end up doing a lot better than everybody looking out just for themselves, which goes right back to the original question as, so what if I'm just motivated by money? Well, then it's only about you and your bonus. And sometimes it's the expense of the team.
40:39I'd love to do a quick fan, so I'm sure. Okay, so what single piece of content has had the most impact on you? I can't say what shaped most of my thinking, but what single piece of content has had the most impact on me? Star Wars. When you try and do things by yourself, it doesn't work. When you work as a team, it works. You know, in a small group of people working together with common cause, come together as friends, looking after each other, risking their lives to save each other. You can take on the whole empire. What if you change your mind on in the last 12 months? I love this idea of in the last 12 months when you're an entrepreneur, right?
41:10When you start a business you believe desperately in your vision and what you're doing You have to because going up by yourself is completely stupid and the first people you hire are your mates Who also believe desperately in what you're doing and belief becomes currency like we're a team of believers and as the Organization starts to grow belief in the cause becomes the currency by which we judge others But the problem is that at some point if you achieve any kind of real scale that actually can cloud and blind Your vision of other people on the team. So for example You might have someone on the team who's a negative Nelly All they do is talk about all the problems all they do is talk about all the things that aren't working and you accuse them of being Non -believers and you push them out of the organization and you marginalize them or you're like, oh I don't have a meeting with them again.
41:53I got all they do is talk about the negative things now the standard of belief has become dangerous because now what you're doing is now you're creating an echo chamber around yourself and now you're only surrounding yourself with people who believe and see the world the way you see it and the reality is there's different kinds of dissenters. There are negative dissenters or destructive dissenters. So a negative dissenter is somebody who all they do is point out all the problems but then they stand on the sidelines and just talk about all the problems. There's destructive dissenters which is they're actually like sabotaging to prove the point.
42:22Those people you have to get out of an organization. Absolutely. We've all worked with people who all they do is complain and never roll up their sleeves. Get those people out. But there are people who are productive to centers. They have a natural inclination and dare I call it a gift for seeing all the things that are wrong, all the problems and all the cracks. And all they do is talk about all the things that are wrong and all the cracks. And if you live in that echo chamber, you're going to be too quick to label them negative, nelly, and want to push them out of the organization because they don't believe all, you know, they don't just see the positive.
42:49But the reality is they roll up their sleeves every night and they stay there till the end and they're super trying to fix the problem as well and they're part of the team and they are some of the most valuable people in the team. And so entrepreneurs make this mistake over and over and over again as you start to have some sort of scale, you push the people out who are showing you the things that aren't working in your own company and are willing to stick around and fix. It's a super weird one. I've literally washed every interview of yours and listened to many times some of your talks that are online.
43:16What have you not talked about before or never been asked that you wish you had been? I mean there's an infinite things I've never talked about and I don't think I wish to be asked anything. You know, when I show up for something, it's not about me. You know, I always say to any interview that I give, ask me the questions that your audience needs to hear. Like you know your audience better than I do. You, I hope, are here to serve them. Well, ask me the things you think they need to hear. Some of those things I've been asked before and some of those things I haven't. And so I have no agenda. I'm not here to sell my stuff or promote my book or all that crap that a lot of people show up in these things for.
43:51They come in to talk about themselves and push their products. No, no, I come with a giver's heart. You ask me the questions you think they need to hear, and some of those I've been asked before and some of those I haven't. Wayshlead is my students by a D. A lot of the leaders who inspire me are not household names, so Bob Chapman, I wrote about extensively in leaders he last. He's remarkable, and a dear, dear, dear friend and mentor. He didn't start off that way. He started off as a guy I wanted to write about, and he's become a dear friend and mentor. I've written about Laurie Robinson, and Johnny Brava, Ron Bruder, these are people who I look up to tremendously.
44:22What does success mean to you? Success is for me, contributing to something bigger than myself. I think of it always in terms of momentum rather than absolutes. A lot of people have absolute definition of success, achieving this number of clicks, likes, dollars, whatever, reaching a certain level of something, something very finite. I'm more inspired by momentum. And my go -to is all of the founders of the Women's Suffrage Movement in the United States had died of natural causes before the first woman voted. That's amazing to me. Now, did they die depressed? No. Would they have liked to live to see the first woman vote, of course?
44:56But you think they died, you know, with the feeling of failure? No. They died with the belief that they had started something that took on so much momentum that other people had taken their cause and made it their own. And they died with absolute confidence that at some point it would work. To that other people take up the torch is what it's all about. You know, he founded the Optimism Company on Optimist. What do you say to yourself when you're just down? Sometimes there's no reason, but you're just down. Yeah, it's okay. You know, I think we make a big mistake, you know, there's much conversation these days about mental health.
45:24And I don't like the term mental health, because it sounds like a standard, that if you don't have total health, you are unhealthy, which is not true and not fair. I believe in mental fitness, which is something you're constantly working on. If you are a normal human being, you will have a range of emotions. Some of them will feel good and some of them will not feel good. That makes you human. I would be worried about anybody who gets stuck in any of those. If you're only feeling sad, then yes, there's probably an intervention that's required of some sorts. But if all you do is have euphoria and you have no negative emotions, that's equally as unhealthy.
45:55So if I have a down day, if I'm just sad, then I just label it. I'm sad today. And people are like, how are you feeling? I'm like, I'm sad today. Do you know why? I don't. I'm just sad today. It's okay. A good human being has a range of emotions and I hope to feel all of them. How do you detach yourself from the numbers, from the book sales, from the shares, from the likes? As you said, you're wise who impact on the noble and sharing. When a video doesn't hit like it could do it, like others have done, when a book doesn't hit like it could do it, others have done. Well, when it does, how do you detach yourself from tying happiness and emotion to likes?
46:26Well, I haven't defined myself by those things, right? Am I disappointed? Of course, I'm disappointed, especially if I put a lot of work into something. But it's on to the next. I'm not hanging my whole life and identity onto one thing. I do many things and the joke is is like depending on where the metrics are like I can look at one metric and be like I'm a king and I can look at a different metric be like I'm a failure Right or especially if you make it relative like if I look at one metric relative to somebody else It would be like I'm boss. Mm -hmm. If I look at one metric relative to somebody else It would be like I'm a freaking loser.
46:55So you know what a Teddy Roosevelt say comparison is the thief of joy I've learned that I can have worthy rivals that I can find what other people are doing that's better than me so that I can learn from them. But I've practiced very hard comparing my success to me, that from the metrics that I've determined that are important to me, to grow relative to my metrics, not other people's metrics. Because you're never going to be the smartest, you're never going to be the prettiest, you're never going to be the most successful, you're never going to be the richest. And for people who come up to me like, well actually Simon, our company actually is the biggest.
47:24I always say, for now, nothing lasts, nothing. Well actually I hold more gold medals than it look, For now, for now, like it's all temporary. Every record gets broken at some point. E -scared of death. I'm a scared of death. I mean, horrified of dying. I mean, I'm scared of death in the same sense as I think anybody else's. I mean, I'm not. I don't get thrills. I'm, you know, staring at me. But like, I like, I see when someone says about death, I'm like, I'm actually terrified. I mean, I'm scared of death. I like living. I kind of enjoy it, you know? But the way you said that it was this very acceptance of finite.
47:57I accept mortality like I hate to break it to you, but this doesn't end well. Like, I don't know how to put it to, but you're gonna die, right? So if you can accept that is the case, the question is how do you ensure that your ideas will live on through your work and through the people who've been through your life? That people will say of you, I am who I am today and I'm a bit of a version of myself because you were my friend. Do you live your life that one day people would say that? But do you build your business so that people say, you know, whether I stayed there for a short term or a long term, I am a better version of myself because I worked at this company.
48:31That's the path that I've chosen for myself anyway. Final one for you. When you think about the optimism company, when you think about 10 years out, what do you want to build? I hate the term soft skills. Everybody talks about hard skills and soft skills. I hate the term soft skills. There's nothing soft about them and hard and softer opposites. And these things are not opposite skills. They're complementary skills. I believe in human skills. You know, hard skills that skills you need to learn to do your job, obviously, and I need you to excel at that. And human skills, the skills you need to learn to be a better human being.
48:59And when you learn skills of being a better human being, like how to listen actively, how to have empathy, how to have a difficult conversation, how to have an effective confrontation, how to give or receive feedback, it turns out it's good for business and it's good for relationships. And so I want somebody to excel at hard skills and human skills. And so we're building the optimism company to be the go -to place for anybody who's looking to improve their human skills. And so, when you ask me what does the optimism company look like in 10 years, I can say with great pride that we are having a positive contribution, a positive impact in the lives of people who have improved their human skills because of the stuff that we've been offering.
49:34Simon, I can't thank you enough for doing this. I can't thank you much for putting up with me. It's been a huge pleasure. No, it's a real honor. Thanks for having me, and I really appreciate it. Thanks so much. You're a star, my friend. Thank you. Again, I want to say a huge thank you to Simon for being so incredible. But if you want to see the full video you can check us out on YouTube by searching for 20VC, that's 20VC. But before we leave you today, this episode is brought to you by Tegas, the go -to research destination for bold investing. Tegas Curace, expert in -size analysis and financial data to give you powerful perspective for your investment decisions.
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From the publisher
Simon Sinek is an optimist and author, as we discuss in the show today. Simon is best known for his TED Talk on the concept of WHY (62M views), and his video on millennials in the workplace (80M views in 7 days). Simon is also a bestselling author including global bestseller Start with WHY, Leaders Eat Last and The Infinite Game. In addition, Simon is the founder of The Optimism Company, a leadership learning and development company, and he publishes other inspiring thinkers and doers through his publishing partnership with Penguin Random House called Optimism Press.
In Today's Discussion with Simon Sinek We Discuss:
1. The Makings of Simon Sinek:
- In what ways does Simon believe that his parents and upbringing shaped who he is today?
- What does Simon want to be when he grows up?
- What was the catalytic moment to the "Simon Sinek brand"? When was that big break moment?
2. Identity:
- Simon has said before, "I define myself by who I am and not what I do". Is it wrong to define yourself by what you do?
- What do you do if you do not know who you are? What do you do if you do not like the answers to who you are?
- Is it possible to change who you are? What does that process look like?
- What is Simon's biggest advice to those looking to find a greater sense of self and identity?
3. Trust:
- Does Simon start relationships with inherent trust and it is there to be lost or no trust and it is there to be gained over time?
- When has someone broken Simon's trust? How did it impact how he approaches trust today?
- In the case of cheating in a relationship, does Simon believe it is possible to regain trust over time?
- Simon has said before, "trust is built on telling the truth". Does it ever make sense or is even right to tell a little white lie in a relationship?
4. Creating Safe Spaces:
- How can we create safe spaces for our partners to be their full selves?
- Does this differ professionally and personally?
- What are the biggest mistakes people make in building safe spaces?
5. Listening:
- What does great listening in a relationship mean? How can we do it better?
- Often people jump from listening to solution mode, is that wrong?
- Why does Simon have a rule of “no crying alone”. What does it do and how is it productive? When was the last time Simon cried?
6. Simon Sinek: AMA:
- What is success to you?
- Can one be “successful” and unhappy?
- What is the difference between happiness and joy?
