Argentina turns on Gary Neville: a semi final special

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1:01America's number one sports picks app. Welcome back to the Upshot, sponsored by Injury Lawyers for you. On the show today, naked England fans cartwheeling through Benidorm. Argentina, turn on Gary Neville. And the Falklands is, sorry, Lee Andrews is back in the slammer. My name is Jack, and I didn't say that. Hello, Zach. Hello, hello, Jack. Hello, hola. Hola Hola senor Hola fellas Hola Here we are Semi final week Shitting ourselves Having discussions about sovereignty of an island I don't know It does just get dug up every time doesn't it Yeah Argentina is still clearly a very sensitive subject Yeah still More so than here I was wondering how many of the England players could Know what the Falklands are Yeah do you reckon they have like a little history lesson I think some of the more educated ones maybe like your Anthony Gordons probably do but are being told what like an exoset missile is and like sailing of the task force to goose creed that'll be a waste of their time can I just say trying to win a semi-final I mean it is the biggest of fixtures for an England fan big time very excited the fact you told me about them playing in dark blue just makes me really like oh fuck are they?

2:24which they wore 98 and Maradona 86 as well it was a lighter shade but it was the single block colour just adds to the tension don't worry this podcast will get more interesting

2:38Norway game that was fun wasn't it? we'll come on to the Argentina stuff which we just yeah did you watch it JP? did you manage to claw yourself away from Lewis Capaldi? I watched the whole thing I was gutted I didn't see my boy Lewis but I did watch the whole thing I'm back in the England set up You did. Yeah, that's, it's good. It's good to have you back. We missed you. I don't know. We lost it, obviously. Well, England fans, they were treated to a virtuoso performance, weren't they? Big time. From one man who conjured up a moment of magic to single-handedly drag the nation into the semifinals.

3:14That's right. Yuri Geller has done it again. 30 years on from claiming credit for David Seaman's penalty save at Euro 96 uh Yuri who's this you know he's this the self-proclaimed psychic he announced that it was him and not a deflection off the spider cam that diverted the ball into England's possession before Jude Belliam's equaliser so he kind of eased the spider cam he was the he was the the spider cam yeah right I think Norway would still consider that not a goal yeah yeah yeah Yeah. He, yeah. It was celestial. Celestial, really. So if anyone's not familiar, Yurigela's the one who claims to be able to, to bend spoons, move objects with his mind.

3:59He once claimed that he would been, he'd been sent to earth by extraterrestrials from a spaceship, 53 ,000 light years away. Which is, is pretty far. Yeah. It's nearly as far as the Falkland Islands are from Britain. I'm so surprised people are still buying his bullshit. Yeah. he still has it whoa whoa whoa I mean when when you know when he's coming out to bat for England like that in a huge World Cup quarterfinal I don't think we can question do you remember the year 96-1 the ball does move on the video yeah so he was so Yuri he was actually hovering in a helicopter above the stadium and Gary McAllister who was taking the penalty said that he did he saw the penalty he saw the ball move and on the spot on the spot It does wobble.

4:47Yeah, and that caused him to sort of scuff his kick and Seaman managed to save it. And then 30 years later, here he is deflecting Norway's goal kicks into the path of England. So he was asked about it, Yuri. And he said, of course I did it. Come on, are you kidding me? I was awake all night. I knew that England had to win and I used all my supernatural powers. The ball has sensors, but sensors cannot pick up paranormal powers. It's amazing, but it worked again. Where's he been? for the last 30 years. Yeah. Yeah. He's come out now the Ghanaian Witch Doctor has put a curse on Harry Kane and apparently he's now put a curse on the Ghanaian Witch Doctor and then he claimed on TalkSport the other week that the Ghanaian Witch Doctor had sent them a voodoo doll with loads of pins in it.

5:34Oh, really? It's a TalkSport one? Yeah. So they're fucked. Wow. But like, where was Uri Geller when Sterling should have squared it to Kane? Yeah. I mean, he does after that spider cam thing he does now have more assists than Maduake at this World Cup so I'm team Yuri I think he's been sort of fishing around in football for a while though he's always always popping up he claimed to have helped Reading avoid relegation by getting the club supporters to look into his eyes and say win Reading win nice and simple which yeah he does like to keep it simple doesn't he waded in to to try and help Exeter City at one point as well placed energy infused crystals behind the goals at their ground before a crucial end of season game to try and help them win they lost 5-1 doesn't work every time no no but you know you gotta try apparently there's the 1966 final World Cup ball in the museum in Manchester and there's a single signature on it it's obviously one of the most important pieces of memorabilia in football history really and Uri Geller claims that the signature is his.

6:50He's like, how the fuck have you got hold of that football? He's like, I can't tell you, I can't tell you. Clearly it's not yours. He just makes up his guy as long as he's done. This is what I mean, people are still buying his shit. Yeah. I'm buying this week, we believe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, despite the interference of meddling extraterrestrials, Erling Haaland was actually pretty magnanimous in defeat he said that he's going to be supporting England now he's also being very pally with Bellium during the game and then again at full time which is more than can be said for his battle axe dad so after the game Alfie Harlan tweeted well done Bellium well done referee for some reason that was in reply to a Fabrizio Romano tweet about the game which he's an absolute shit out isn't he yeah as is Roy Keane who couldn't resist reviving his feud with Harlan Senior so on Stick to Football Roy said we'll even remember the game he always seems to be drinking alcohol at these matches the dad to be fair I watched the full bit and Gary Neville was really trying to get Roy Keane to comment on him really and he kept referring to him as the dad like he wasn't the guy He's famously Assaulted on a football pitch What's his name?

8:17Amanda To be fair to Roy Alfie was up in the stands Giving the middle finger To Jeff Spence And it is a bad look To sour grapes like that Yeah He's a bit pathetic He reminds me of like The wanker dad When you played Sixer side football When you were little Do you know what I mean? You know the one Who was always just a bit of a Yeah I mean I get why he's annoyed did you see Posh Spice in the stand slightly less animated than Alfie Hartland this is a great photo if you haven't seen this photo it's an amazing pic of David Beckham Posh Spice I think that's their parents that's Romeo Beckham and I mean they look like they're about to topple over the balcony onto the pitch they're so excited apart from Posh Spice who's looking the opposite direction completely blank she's pondering autumn winter 2027 I mean it is just one still so I think it's possible she just hasn't realised really bad still you're not watching the game she's looking the wrong direction Kieran Maguire was saying it looks like she's just thinking did I leave the gas on?

9:25actually similar expression pulled by the England squad in the build up to the game when they had a visit from their usual cheerleader Ed Sheeran came and did a private gig let me see this I'm on my way Driving at night See down those country lanes Singing to Tiny Dancers I miss the way you make me feel And it's real when we watch the sunset Over the castle on the hill That'll pump them up I'm well up for the RGs now. Yeah. Fuck's sake. To be fair, it looks pretty hot though. Yeah. They couldn't look less bothered. Yeah. I guess he said that's the third tournament that he's done at, which like, maybe the first time is, oh, that's quite cool.

10:23But I like, yeah. But what we expect is them to be standing up with a lighter. Yeah. They are just going to be kind of like swaying. Good to have some motion would be nice. I think he's bonded with them less than they've bonded with him. Slightly different vibe in what we believe to be Benidorm where a naked England fan was spotted crowd surfing. We've seen the clip. Yeah. It's phenomenal. It's a lot. There's at one point she's doing a cartwheel. Yes. In the crowd. Well, first of all, she's like, there's a drummer next to her and she's kind of like pumping the crowd up. She's naked. She's naked.

11:05She's naked. Yeah. And then she jumps and crowd surfs into the crowd and then they cartwheel her. She like flips fully over. Yeah. I mean, she's, for me, a hero of the World Cup. It's going to take a lot of Drew Bellingham and Harry Kane goals in this semifinal to top that. We're trying to work out where it was, but pretty sure it's Benidorm due to the architecture and the street signs. Yeah. Not 100%. It's definitely abroad. Can't really show the clip because it's full frontal. and this is a family podcast. Yeah, you get banned. Yeah. I wouldn't have put it past Alfie Harland to do that though, if Norway had one.

11:45Sadly not. We got angry Alfie. Yeah. And actually speaking of angry Norseman, it was great to finally get revenge for the Lindisfarne raids on Saturday night, wasn't it? Because I for one have spent the past 1 ,353 years sort of regretting that we hadn't gone for a more defensive setup for our Northumbrian monasteries. We always knew how dangerous the Vikings could be on the transition. And frankly, it was, it was naive defending from us. But you know, we've, we finally banished the ghosts of Lindisfar now. And I tell you what, the Viking King Ivar the Boneless would have been turning in his watery grave at the site of what Norway fans were doing in Miami.

12:33their rowing celebration because the Vikings did not row across the Atlantic. And Ivar was not the only one who's angry about that because one Norwegian fan has been on a mission to correct the historical inaccuracy. So he popped up on Sky Sports News this week explaining why this is not historically factual. I just find it really stupid. That's the thing I thought when they came up with it. that it was stupid and annoying and I didn't want to do it. A song that they released together with the rowing, they said they were going to row across the Atlantic and that's why I've been so annoyed about it.

13:17The Vikings rowed up rivers and things like that, but across the Atlantic they sailed. I wanted to show that I didn't appreciate it and I think I got the message across. I will be supporting them comfortably from my chair at home no rowing whatsoever not rowing not rowing anywhere does not crack a smile once he's also got a pair of rows behind a pair of oars behind him has he so he's a row that's probably what really great is they're doing my thing he's not factually correct I think my favourite bit is when he concedes they did row but only up rivers not across the Atlantic apparently this has caused quite a furore in Scandinavia because apparently it was Swedish Vikings who used to row so the ones that you know originate in modern day sweden they traveled through the inland waterways of eastern europe in the baltics uh by boat and you know they go up these quite narrow rivers so rowing was often required to to maneuver their way up whereas norwegian vikings navigated the atlantic ocean headed over to iceland greenland north america and they relied almost exclusively on sails and see well there'll be no fucking rowing in New York will there no they could navigate their way back home now did you guys get sucked into a gloaty loof yeah I mean I was over the fucking moon I hated that row we hated it before we knew it was historically an actual row yeah but now I know that now I know that I'm particularly angry I'm absolutely I'm not sure a sailing celebration would have been as good to be fair yeah or like pulling a rope kind of would have been quite good yeah yeah you know just tightening the jib yeah hoisting the mainsail drinking a Pimms we'll do it at Cows Week boys don't worry

15:10obviously it is England Argentina on Wednesday huge old game bit of jingoism in the air as discussed at the top the odd reference to Goose Green overheard in the pub the odd the odd ugly moment to be fair I say the British press are a lot more restrained than they were at Euro 96 when, besides Yuri Geller saving us, it was... We're looking at a front page from the Daily Mirror on the eve of England semi-file against Germany where the headline was Achtung Surrender. And then a line I did quite enjoy underneath it. For you, Fritz, the Euro 96 is over. What the hell? Which is pretty funny. I love the Z.

15:55Yeah, and then actually if you look on the right, and by the way this was written by Piers Morgan as the editor and even says by the editor it says Mirror declares football war on Germany and then I think he recreated you know is it the King's Speech where he's like I inform you we are at war with Germany rewrote that to be about like Stuart Pearce and Gazza and shit it's creative that's all I'm saying we've come a long way yeah I was a bit disappointed not to see some more like heinous tabloids getting it wrong but they probably had their fill on that the 90s is not that long ago. Yeah. I mean, have you ever seen the headlines from the Falklands?

16:30Well, let's not get into that. yeah. The gotcha. Yeah. And stick it up your junta is the other one. That's quite good though. It's witty. As fellow journalists, I appreciate that. And you know, in a referendum they voted for English sovereignty. Still, though, doesn't mean that the Argentines are happy with our press because there have been a few pundits who are possibly getting a bit overconfident, I would say, so obviously all of them have been asked score predictions and the consensus seems to be an England win which always makes me nervous bookies have got England at about 55 % probability 55-45 okay I think it's more 50-50 but anyway Troy Deeney went a bit further he said we're going to thrash him fuck's sake Troy don't do that although I mean like the active surrender that was before the Germany game in 96 that's a very bold front page to go with before the game.

17:27Maybe after if you're feeling a bit fully yourself. I think the Foreign Office did apologise to Germany for the front page. For the Z. Yeah. They apologised to the sausage munching board.

17:45Before we continue, I've got a podcast recommendation for you. The Football Ramble is the most entertaining football podcast out there, except for the upshot obviously and for me it's the best way to follow the on pitch action at the world cup this summer just like the upshot they're not afraid to call Gianni Infantino what he really is so if you're looking for a new podcast to guide you through this world cup look no further than the football ramble with brand new episodes every single day through the tournament just search football ramble wherever you get your podcasts um Gary Neville said I don't see any way we won't score at least two goals.

18:22That is quite brutal. All of this just adds unnecessary pressure. Just fucking learn from our mistakes. I don't see any way we're going to concede less than two goals to be honest. That feels like a punchy punchy forecast. Yeah. At which point the people of Argentina have had enough. Pipo Gorocito who's the manager of Argentine side San Lorenzo he sent a voice note to ESPN in anger. They've got their own JP in his gossip line. Really? They copied us. Yeah, they copied us. And he said, am I doing the accent? Yeah, please. Tell this Gary Neville guy that all he knew how to do was play fullback. He was a complete clod.

19:00C-L-O-D. Which I have to say, great word. I think that was a good response. Argentine newspaper Ole said, England is downplaying us. Respect the pecking order, which is a bit, what is that? As in we're above you because we've won more World Cups? Yeah, didn't they? Yeah. They have won more World Cups. They have. if I don't get that. They are above us at the back of the game. Leo Messi. I mean, yeah. They're also raiding champions and won the last two Copa Americas as well. I think, I think Who do fucking support? How would you say it? I think the smugness of respect the pecking order is pretty, Yeah.

19:36Then they said, and this is harder to argue with, there is a sense of triumphalism among the England press and former players who downplay the Argentine powerhouse. Yuck. And then they say, all while their star, Bellingham, and their manager, Tuchel are feuding in public they're not they had a bit of back and forth but I just think that's all Tommy Tuchel I thought that was about this thing that I just want to address because people keep asking me why we never covered it this theory that Tuchel stole Bellingham's girlfriend that was Alexander Trent's girlfriend isn't it because it's Iris Law but that's also not true for the people who keep asking why we haven't covered it we only say the true bits about Tommy Tuchel this is a podcast of record and then fans at the, so the Argentine League, the lower tiers are going on at the moment I think, or there's friendlies, because there was a game featuring the second tier side Godoy Cruz who, they've struck an early blow in the mind games.

20:31They have unfurled some flags they nicked from England fans at I think the 2014 World Cup. So they're holding up, you know like, it's an England cross and it says, they've nicked a South Croydon flag. Got your flag! Dad! It says Big Ali Bird, who's presumably a mate of yours. Yeah. South Croydon. And then what's it say in the corner? Sao Paulo 2014, yeah. Cape Sound 2012. The Cornwall Hits Squad. You know what they are, those England flags. So they've sort of unfurled them, you know, quite pleased with themselves, a bit of a scalp, which I guess it kind of is. Although it does remind me of the time that West Ham played Sparta Prague.

21:11I think it was Europa League of Conference. Yeah. Away. and Sparta's Ultras were like really gunning for a fight because obviously West Ham sort of like, you know, thanks to Green Street and stuff, seen like the ultimate hooligan club, the ICF and all that. And Sparta's Ultras were jubilant when they got hold of a flag that they'd stolen during a street scrap, which they portrayed as a battle. They then posted a photo of themselves with it, these Sparta Ultras with, they're all in balaclavas, giving it the middle finger and they've got this, got a hold of this West Ham fan flag, which they're holding upside down.

21:46Pretty chuff of themselves. Quite a scary image. Although on closer inspection, it turns out the flag belonged to a small brigade of English lit students from Durham University. Known as the Durham Cockneys. We're now looking at a picture of them holding it in Prague before they all got beaten up and mugged. And my favourite bit of the Durham Cockneys flag, it says, don't let your degree get in the way of your education. they were only there for a nice time they got absolutely fucking filled in yeah they nicked it off them in the in the bogs at the Franz Kafka Museum it's really good that is so good yeah they look like they look like lovely poor buggers lovely little lovely group but yeah I mean I think that this game is pretty 50-50 despite what the bookies are saying gonna need another big performance from Yuri Geller to keep messy out.

22:43But fortunately, we might have some more celestial forces on our side because Chinese England fans have been heading to a local temple to ask the goddess Pusar to bring it home for Tommy's boys. Every little helps. So there's a video there. They've been taking printouts with pictures of the England team on to the temple to ask for blessings. So it says, fighting back with magic bless England bless the three meow three lions so apparently England's nickname in China is the three meows as like instead of three lions so I think they've heard the three lions nickname and they call them the three meow apparently there's a pet store called three meow and I don't know if the logo's similar but I think that's why it called on three meows on a shirt they have some great have you seen that someone's made a three lines on the shirt I really I've seen it three lines of coke on a badge I've seen it proper but the Chinese Chinese fans they have some great nicknames for teams I think we've mentioned some of them before that Chelsea are nicknamed Ruble Legion because of Abramovich or big bus team because of Mourinho used to park the bus Arsenal were called Forthaholics Man United you lift because they often inflate the transfer price of players that they bid for, but then don't sign.

24:14That's like one of the Durham Cockneys jokes. Psychological warfare, that. Yeah. And Man City are called detergent because there's a Chinese detergent that's called Blue Moon. And then Man United fans call them little cousin sister. Which I like. Which is very good. Might start calling Argentina fans little cousin sister. Yeah. so so China has a big China supporting England can we say that a third of the world's population supporting England at least some of them oh yeah do you know how like Bangladesh and maybe India as well are like really Brazil and Argentina yeah like I think I think I read that there are more Argentina fans in Bangladesh now than maybe in Argentina wow yeah it's such a big country but China can't really argue with that yeah I take China I love it yeah get them in Asian century baby yeah three meow who's the goddess Pusar what religion is that she's not the one cartwheeling through Benador yeah China's quite Buddhist isn't it oh yeah is it Buddhist yeah yeah the Chinese Buddhist compassion and mercy compassion and mercy gonna need a bit of that Troy Deeney's gonna need a bit of that yeah give it to us Pusar I thought Pusar was the one cartwheeling sorry that's a disgraceful joke sorry just coming back to the Benidorm thing there's no chance that that is Sticky Vicky no no I know what she looks like that's not Sticky Vicky and is Sticky Vicky's daughter also now Sticky Vicky Juicy Lucy's taken over from Sticky Vicky Sticky Vicky passed away and it's not Juicy Lucy either it's not Juicy Lucy passed away you leave some notes at the temple of Juicy Lucy please bring it home for england please i've asked for some good luck for me actually speaking of cats zach do you want to do you want to tell us about your favorite video of the week because i i've been getting quite a lot of stick for this about a video funny video which which i've shared on my instagram story this week uh i think this is a great video and i thought i I need to share it with other people.

26:31I thought you'd been like, hacked or something. Like, I was having my little Saturday morning scroll on my phone and a video of a cat in an England shirt dancing to Three Lions came up. Just to be clear, it is artificially... It is not artificially generated. I was just hoping to see Zachary Sweeney Lynch underneath the comments. Like, this is brilliant. I think this is a quality video. We'll link to it.

27:05So it's not just free lives on a shirt. It's the baseline version. And two feather cat is doing the right dance. I will never hear another bad word said about AI after this. I've finally found what use it is to mankind. If this is what they can do, they can have my job. They can do what they want. Take it. Take the lot. I think this is quality. It is proper slop. Proper slop. Your parents send you. Absolute boomer. I enjoy it. I'm saying the more I watch it, the more I start to enjoy it. tell you what, Jack, when you've watched it a hundred times, it still keeps getting better. You do love an animal based one.

27:47Like there was a story yesterday you were reading out about. This is, can we actually get it up? There was a dog that was taken up, Ben Nevis, and ate some, presumably like weed brownies that somebody had left out and had to get stretched off. Can you zoom in on the dog's face? Dog rescued.

28:13That's not, I mean, I do feel bad for the dog, but obviously it depends on how stoned you are though. Because if he's like proper stoned, it'd probably be quite nice. But if you're like paranoid stoned, then it'd be awful. I think he looks pretty paranoid. Apparently his leg stopped working. You'd be all right, Lucky. Don't worry, boy. You don't want that when you're halfway up Ben Nevis as well, do you? He tied him two stones to come down. Let's get Mountain Rescue up to go again. Excuse me, mate. My dog's just done a bong. Can you imagine having to make that call? Presumably also quite baked yourself.

28:59999 what's your imagine sorry man that's just my dog just ate these brownies I think he's he doesn't look good so where are you I'm like do you know Ben Nevis is that like airlift I don't know if it's like Red Mute 5 doesn't it poor dog oh god his expression you have the munchies though when you want to get back down Tokyo name is Tokyo Tokyo the Labrador Speaking of aging beasts You see Neymar's stuck around in America Doesn't surprise me He could use an airlift down Actually he was So he spotted knocking around Riding dirty on a mobility scooter Around Universal Studios Florida The theme park Weird Home to Minion Land Got a clip of him Here he is Why has he got a mobility scooter?

29:52Yeah I mean apparently it was really hot there He's got the sort of You know the big wide brim hat but how does he get a mobility scooter? I guess that's quite a good way to keep undercover. Do you know what I mean? Like you're not expecting Neymar to be in like an old lady's mobility scooter but once you do get recognised. It's now a negative that you're on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting away quick are you? I think he's got the one my granny had that's just hair or tortoise mode. Big time. Switch back and forth. He appears to be in tortoise mode I would say. I mean which is considerate because he's in a crowded space.

30:19Yeah. So it's home to Minion Land which I imagine is his bag. Yeah. The Despicable Minion Museum. But to be fair, also, there's a Simpsons land, and there's Diagon Alley for the potheads. Yeah, I was going to say Harry Potter World, right? Yeah, for the potheads. That's where Jade wants to go on our honeymoon. It looks decent, but it looks very busy. Is he by himself? He looks like he's by himself. Just knocking around. Just checking out Minion Land. Yeah, what a weird thing to do on your own. Expressionless. Going on the Butterbears in Diagon Alley. Yeah. He then headed to Vegas for the World Series of Poker.

30:54where he was knocked out on day one. Not been a good month for him. I think there's no shame in that. Last year he went quite deep in the tournament, but this time it was a bit more like the tournament he had in the football. No tears in Vegas. He was just subbed on for the last round. Yeah. The final river. Being an absolute shitbag. Yeah. I do wonder how you come down from the highs of the tournament. You know, like Vizinha, for example, I'd say Vizinha was the breakout star. Definitely. We didn't really have the like James Rodriguez kind of maybe Balogun you would say. Maybe. Yeah. That Swiss guy.

31:30Oh Mazza. The one who's not going to Newcastle now. He's going to Villa. Oh right. Maybe the young lad from Mexico got a lot of publicity. Yeah. But I would still say Vazinho was sort of the cult hero. Yeah. By miles. But quite a big thing to come down from. He played an extra time against Argentina. He's got 30 million Instagram followers and now he's a 40 year old free agent. He doesn't have a contract anymore. He's going to Miami. is he is he really that's a massive rumor yeah to Miami that would be great linking up with Messi who's their current keeper I don't know but you'd just get him in for the PR wouldn't you yeah that would actually be great their entire club is just about building you can see the Netflix documentary already I think everyone's a winner in that yeah much like the recent news coming out of the marine biology world which is that a rare newly discovered species of sea slug has been named after Fazzinia we're looking at a picture of it Aldisa Vozini commonly known as Vozini sea slug nice that looks fucking random it looks like a bit of sushi I would say so it's red it looks like if you know your sushi category is nigiri where it's a bed of rice and then the thin slice so that's what 30 million Instagram followers gets you get your own slug yeah I was hoping for the Adidas deal but I was just going just name a slug after you specifically a Dorid Nudibranch which is a marine gastropod mollusk of course as you guys know discovered in the Caribbean last month near Havana and the biologist who found it is Spanish and he said he went for the name after the Spain game where Virginia had obviously shot Spain out and they were wearing red shirts so he thought perfect nice good timing I was thinking it was going to be one of those sea slugs you know that looks like a dig which I picked you know they say if you pick it up it'll my dick no my dick oh no I've seen that they did that on Jackass don't they yeah yeah I did it on holiday and it literally did and it's it's a lot of jizz what do you mean I picked it up picked one up what I masturbated it no you don't have to work it you just hold it oh yeah when you're as hot as me it simply looked at me but the Vizinha one doesn't look like it does that I reckon right yeah soon find out yeah when I told you I was sending you a picture of Vazenia's sea slug you were expecting something a bit different Jack's off to the Caribbean on the next holiday I know where I'm going it's quite a cool thing to see if you're diving I guess anyway I didn't realise what do you think if Glenn Hoddle thinks you have to do in your past life to come back as one of those sea slugs as a Vazenia as a Vazenia I didn't realise it's not his real name Vazenia his real name is Josimar Jose and Vazinha means little granny or grandmother and he got the name so he was raised by his grandparents his parents were in the military so his grandparents raised him and when like the older boys in the neighbourhood would rough him up he'd run home yelling granny which is Vazinha and so they started taunting him with it and it became his name fucking hell so it stuck yeah kind of sweet and also kind of like cool that's what the bullies called me yeah I mean he's had the last laugh yeah where are they now they're coming back to sea slugs they're coming back to sea slugs sure that makes me like him more yeah and this is not made up the biologist who discovered him has also named a mollusk after Caelan Navas which is a goalkeeper thing and it turns out Caelan Navas' real name actually translates to little specky twat I don't know where John's worse so can I just clarify he did name a mollusk after Caelan Navas nothing but it's only goalkeepers for some reason same biologist yeah Yeah, he just loves keepers.

35:19And slugs. Meanwhile, some good news for Ronaldo. Bad news for the rest of us. Portugal have hired his old Alnassar manager, Jorge Jesus. Oh, God. Who, yeah, that does raise the god-awful prospect of another international tournament with Ronaldo. I think he's going to try and hit 1 ,000 career goals, isn't he? But do you need to play for Portugal to do that? He plays for Alnassar. There's like two generations of Portuguese strikers who haven't had a sniff of a game because of that. And to be fair, for a while, that was the right call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's true. But like... I mean, he just looks so slow.