Ashley Cole: girls allowed | Part one (with George Cooper)

14:26Ashley Cole:plants him kind of plants on the knee and then rakes down didn't even get yellow he did actually get banned later but United win 2-0 Van Nistelrooy scores it's the end of the invincible run

14:40George Cooper:I think there was I think Arsenal might have been denied a penalty and then Rooney dived as well to get a penalty so it was like they won under really they shouldn't have won that game but it was like a very sort of badly tempered

14:52Ashley Cole:yeah just how we like it and the ill temper continued in the tunnel a massive scrap breaks out during which alex ferguson famously gets hit in the face by a slice of pizza so there's like a buffet out out there and at some point people start throwing food here's how ashley cohl describes it he describes it well he said this slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit fergie straight in the mush the slap echoed down the tunnel and everything stopped the fighting the yelling everything all eyes turned and all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off that famous puce face and roll down his nice black suit that's fantastic puce face is a great wonderful bit of prose there you know he would have been fucking scarlet in the face then he said we all went back to the dressing room and fell about laughing seriously it was the funniest thing i've ever seen to see this guy a legend of the game splatted like that i almost wet myself yeah That must have been great.

15:52Ashley Cole:I love the idea of everyone just stopping when the pizza hits. So the papers are lapping this up in the aftermath and they report that the same mystery player also threw pea soup, water and sandwiches at Fergie. And it becomes known as, I always knew this game as Pizzagate, but in recent years, people have gone more for the Battle of the Buffet.

16:11George Cooper:Yeah. Pizzagate's got some certain QAnon connotations nowadays.

16:16Ashley Cole:A bit more serious. This one did actually happen. Yeah.

16:20George Cooper:But yeah, it's a famous moment. Yeah. In the book, Ashley says that that moment really like took the sting out of the situation, which is quite funny. Because they've lost. I guess they will. Yeah. And he says, he also says like, I won't grasp out who it was, but he wasn't English and he wasn't French. So that should narrow it down. Trying to think like who in there, like who in that awesome. I've got the answer.

16:44Ashley Cole:But first, someone else has put forward as the culprit by the tabloids. None other. than Ashley Cole. So The Sun, a few days later, published a story under the headline, Revenge, a dish best served cold. And they accuse Ashley Cole. They basically say it was him. They also say, The Sun can reveal that moments after the pizza was thrown, Fergie considers calling the police.

17:10Ashley Cole:You've embarrassed yourself there, mate.

17:13George Cooper:Could you imagine if you were receiving that call from...

17:16Ashley Cole:That would end up on... What is Alex Ferguson? that'll end up on you know you know every now and again the police like release compilations of like people it's like do not call the police for non-emergencies i'm in among that is alex hello officer i've just been hit by a piece of pizza all right calm down sir calm down

17:37George Cooper:where are you i've got i've got a fellow he reckons he's alex fergus have you ever um have you ever had to phone the police or like i'm slightly embarrassed admitting this but like phone the police and then they tell you that like this isn't an emergency sounds like you have i have yeah um basically i was i was on the i was on the bus top deck of a bus in um i was driving through like hounslow and then um basically there was this like um uh scaffolding and this building work happening and then like you know that sort of like mesh

18:11Ashley Cole:that is like a dust mesh kind of thing yeah yeah and um i was sat at the traffic lights and sort

18:16George Cooper:like something caught my eye out so i just turned my head i saw this like builder like full building gear hard hat just like fucking wanking and like i've never been so offended him i was like that is fucking rank and i was like obviously it's like indecent so i was just like i was like i don't know what possessed me to phone the police but i was just like he can't get away with that like there are kids around anyways i phoned the police and i'm like you know like they pick up and you're me like this probably isn't uh yeah yeah i was like it sounds weird but like i've just i've seen this sort of like build it's probably not an emergency but i've just seen this builder like wanking in public and like whatever and then like she was like oh yeah if it's not an emergency you need to phone 101 but like the signal was really bad so i was like on the line to her face like yeah sorry hang on you keep cutting out there yeah were you still on the top deck of the bus at this point.

19:10George Cooper:Yeah, but the thing is because it's emergency services, they can't hang up on you. You have to hang up on them. So I dragged that for like for so long.

19:18Ashley Cole:Is that not an emergency?

19:19George Cooper:I don't know. It's a bit of a grey area.

19:21Ashley Cole:Was he behind the dust film? Behind the dust film, yeah.

19:26George Cooper:So he probably thought he was hidden. It was only the fact that I was at eye level. Do you think he thought

19:30Ashley Cole:it was opaque?

19:31George Cooper:I don't know what he was going to be. Still a weird mess. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's important but is it urgent from the police's perspective? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. um yeah just left it in the end oh yeah did you call uh the 101 at that point i was like oh just made a citizen's arrest

19:48Ashley Cole:i was digging the bell like wrapping on the dust sheet oh sorry yeah i need a hard hat uh well yeah like uh like your police call that fell on fergus complaint fell on deaf ears but the culprit was eventually outed and you're right he wasn't english or french and it wasn't wasn't a Swedish player either. It was a Spaniard. It was Cesc Fabregas who threw the slice. So apparently he was standing near Ashley and threw it. But basically the son, I think the son basically thought of the revenge, a dish best served cold headline. And we're like, that's just saying it's a good headline. So they made the story up, which won't be the last time that the son concocted a ludicrous tale of Ashley Cole.

20:34Ashley Cole:Come on to that.

20:35George Cooper:I can see why he thought it was, why they thought it was Ashley. To your point earlier, he's got a sort of mischief about him. He's cheeky. Yeah, he's cheeky. Is that basically if you're like, he's quite small. How tall is Ashley Cole?

20:44Ashley Cole:Like five, eight, I would guess.

20:46George Cooper:Slightest felt.

20:47Ashley Cole:He's small. He's got, he's quite good looking. He's got a sort of grin and a sense of humour. Those, I found that those kids at school often got blamed by the teacher. When there's a melee,

20:55George Cooper:they often get picked out.

20:57Ashley Cole:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheeky chappy. Yeah.

20:59George Cooper:Is that if they weren't the instigator, they would definitely like five foot nine. Five foot nine. Fuel on the flames. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

21:06Ashley Cole:Anyway, wrongly blamed. Meanwhile, though, it's Euro 2004 coming up, and Ashley Coles is the star left back. I'm trying to think who it would have been if it wasn't him for England. Doesn't bear thinking about it. Danny Mills? Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, he stars for England, that Euros. Everyone always says that was the tournament that this generation probably should have won, but they famously get knocked out by Portugal in the court finals. Ashley completely shut out Ronaldo in that game. I've got a little compilation clip here, which I will link to.

21:36George Cooper:Yeah, famously had him in his back pocket, didn't he?

21:37Ashley Cole:Yeah. I don't normally watch defending compilations, but it is impressive.

21:46Ashley Cole:Great tackle. That was so good.

21:49George Cooper:In the box, yeah. It's like perfectly timed.

21:54George Cooper:I remember this game so clearly. Oh, he clears off the line. I was in tears. Yeah, same. Hang on, is this Rooney red? No. I think that was 2006. Rooney gets injured in this, doesn't he? Yeah, Metatarsal. wouldn't it? I think.

22:09Ashley Cole:But this is the tournament. Rooney was incredible. Yeah, this was his breakout.

22:12George Cooper:Rooney's breakout.

22:15Ashley Cole:Zizou. Zizou. Yeah, and Cole. Cole's absolutely class. A lot of people argue that around this time, he's the best left back in the world. I mean, Roberto Carlos is obviously knocking around, but arguably Ashley Cole is the better defender.

22:30George Cooper:Yeah. Yeah, best left back England they've ever had. I think it's hard to argue with. and definitely won the best of all time.

22:38Ashley Cole:Best Premier League left. Leighton Baines for me.

22:40George Cooper:Also, like, he, at this time, he had an absolute blinder of a tournament because, like, obviously contract negotiations were ongoing and, like, he was basically just like, I'm going to prove Arsenal wrong. My favourite insight in this entire book came at this period. Do you want me to... Oh, yeah. I thought you highlighted some. Yeah. So, basically, David Seaman was also going through contract negotiations at the time. And I don't know why, but this bit just really made me laugh. Actually, it was the 2002 World Cup, so I stand corrected. But anyway, I'll read it anyway, because it's funny. He says, Seaman, the greatest keeper in Arsenal's history, was a true legend and a brilliant servant to the club.

23:20George Cooper:And everyone but the board, it looked to me, wanted him to finish his career at the club. During that World Cup, we played a lot on the computers and Seaman was particularly addicted to a fishing game. Which I just thought was hilarious. Mr. D would be sat there talking away while Seaman played and I wondered to myself, who is it listening to whom? Both probably. Imagine David Seaman with his like, Boney Talents for Stars just playing this like, Carpo 4. Hardest catch.

23:50Ashley Cole:Fishing game. He's a big fisher, wasn't he? Yeah, but he's like, I've only ever seen a fishing game in like an arcade. Do you think this was, maybe that's what it was. Do you think this was what the FA decided to put on because there was the previous, was it like 96 or something when Gaza went fishing with Damon Seaman and then he'd like taken some sleeping pills before and ended up falling out of the boat or something this was their this was their compromise like look David you can't go you can't go fishing after what happened last time but we've got you super bass wars has just come out

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26:00Ashley Cole:Anyway, in 2004, so as I said, one of the, probably the best left back in the world in the conversation. He's named in the UEFA team of the year. And it's not just UEFA president, Lennart Johansson, who's drooling over Ashley. It's certainly not because Ashley Cole has caught the eye of none other than Cheryl Tweedy. So this is the summer of 2004. Cheryl's riding high with Girls Aloud and she's all over the mags. And the two of them are both living at a place called Princess Park Manor. So it's actually a former Victorian mental asylum that had latterly been converted into these luxury flats. Screaming Mary still stalks the halls.

26:43Ashley Cole:Screaming Ashley and Jermaine. It basically sounded great. It was basically like uni halls for noughties pop royalty. Sick. You had girls allowed there. McFly as well Atomic Kitten Sugar Babes Busted all living on this complex at the same time at the same yeah there was then later on later on like JLS and Simon Cowell's got some sort of deal yeah is it like a sort of X Factor probably yeah halfway house but in amongst them are none other than our protagonist Ashley Cole and his best friend Jermaine Pennant and according to Ashley he he'd seen Cheryl about the place a bit walking by she'd caught his eye but the first time he plucked up the courage to speak to her was when he was playing tennis with Jermaine so he said I started I started chatting to Cheryl through the fence surrounding the court sweat was pouring off me but she just played it cool we spoke and laughed and I had this weird sense that she was right for me sounds like quite a quite a sweet moment it's one nice nice story to tell the grandkids.

27:55Ashley Cole:Cheryl remembers it slightly differently. So according to her, she was walking past Ashley's window one day when he leant out and shouted, hey, hot lips, nice ass. Reader, I married him. Yeah, so two slightly different takes, but either way. Both beautiful. Both beautiful moments and they do hit it off. Apparently Cheryl actually rebuffed Ashley to begin with, but then she went to see a psychic and the psychic convinced her that she should give this relationship a go you know that creepy cat called you the other day I think he might be the one so the psychic told her there's a footballer in your circle the signs are good, you'll be married by the time you're 24 which she was I think I think she was good psychic although the psychic didn't pick up in the crystal ball that Ashley actually already had a girlfriend at that point.

28:55Ashley Cole:Jermaine Pennant tells this story about Ashley having Cheryl over one time when his girlfriend at the time showed up at the flat and they'd locked the door from the inside and she was just banging on the door. I think she'd basically clocked that Ashley was in there. Did she live in Princess Park Manor as well? Probably. I don't know if it was her flat or... I don't know if they lived together in this flat or she lived nearby, but she'd got in anyway and Ashley and Cheryl are just shitting themselves on the sofa. Does Cheryl know? I think if she didn't know before then she certainly did. I don't know what you're talking about.

29:34Ashley Cole:Ashley does break it off with his girlfriend eventually and goes public with Cheryl at which point the tabloids go absolutely crazy for this new power couple. Look at a picture of them in their early days. Very attractive couple. He's wearing a waistcoat. Waistcoat and unbuttoned shirt. It's quite in now, actually, isn't it? It's quite Russell Brand, though, isn't it? Chuck a bit of jewellery on there. That kind of area. So the papers describe them as the new Posh and Becks. This is 2004, so Beckham's gone over to Madrid, and they need a new couple to hound, to destroy the private life on, really make their existence out of misery.

30:18Ashley Cole:And they did. And they do. Um, actually for his part, he doesn't seem too phased by the comparison to Posh and Bex. He says, we don't really know what it means. Um, and for all the hype, he insists that actually behind closed doors, him and Cheryl are just a normal couple. So he says within the four walls of our home, we're just an ordinary couple. Me slouching around in shorts and a t-shirt, Cheryl pottering about without makeup in her tracksuit and pink fluffy slippers. as both of us clearing the shit off the wooden floor left by our dogs, Buster and Coco. He's got a sense of humour. Domestic bliss.

30:57Ashley Cole:That's a nice pick of them. That's a nice pick of them as well. That could just be a couple at sort of uni or, you know what I mean? Yeah.

31:02George Cooper:He's just come back from Thailand, got some tattoos. Live, laugh, love.

31:08Ashley Cole:Adopted a street dog that he found there. There's something so innocent about that era of Ashley Cole and Cheryl, isn't there? I mean in a way yes yeah there's like there's some pretty filthy stuff too yeah I guess the threesomes with Jermaine Pennant aren't exactly innocent era but I don't know I just think that naughty era like even using the internet was like that it was just like yeah it was like videos of cats on eBomb's world yeah yeah yeah I remember playing that wasn't even online Buggedum Buggedum do you ever play that game Buggedum I think it came preloaded on Mac computers and you were a little bug and you run around.

31:46Ashley Cole:You never do the ski one on Windows, which is different generations, aren't we? Well, these days it's different on the internet. Why you need no VPN? Because then you can access content not available in your area. Maybe Bugdom. Maybe Bugdom is available. If you are in a geography where Bugdom is illegal, then I recommend no VPN for that. Or sports matches, cheap flights. We've talked about that before. Change your location to another place. Look up your flights. I think shopping as well. yeah it's great get one and our link for NordVPN gets you four months extra and a 30 day money back guaranteed no brainer no brainer just nordvpn.com forward slash upshot link is in the show notes so while they're living this domestic bliss in Princess Park Manor Ashley does have to endure a bit of banter from his teammates about the relationship apparently especially bad was Mr.

32:41Ashley Cole:Dennis Bergkamp so Ashley Ashley says I'd be in the treatment room with him and he'd be lying back reading a copy of FHM and loaded and suddenly he'd start going mmm mmm mmm mmm look at this woman here and of course it was Cheryl then he'd look at me, act all surprised and say oh sorry Ash, I didn't see you there you can really picture that just doing it hundreds times being like yes mate, I get it that's about as good a sense of humour as I imagine Dennis Burkamp gets. Yeah. I mean, I think you're going to put up with that in a dressing room, right? I'd be loving it. She was the pin-up, wasn't she?

33:22Ashley Cole:There was a three-year period where there was just like lads mag obsession. Yeah. Yeah.

33:27George Cooper:She would have won FHM's World Sexiest Women Club at least once. At least once.

33:31Ashley Cole:Should we check that? What year are we in? Sorry. You know I like looking at the FHM list. Any excuse? 2004. FHM UK 100 Sexiest Women, please, Jack.

33:41George Cooper:Are you going Cheryl Tweedy? I think she's odds on favourite Yeah

33:45Ashley Cole:I think she's got to be It's probably Louise Rednatt Louise Rednatt Yeah she used to dominate it Didn't she She won Here we go Oh okay Oh no that's That's 95 We've got every year here 2004

33:56George Cooper:Who compiled this Wikipedia entry

33:59Ashley Cole:Britney Spears 2004 Britney Spears 2005 Cheryl Tweedy's up to me too Oh yeah okay 2005 Kelly Brook wins it I mean fair Cheryl Tweedy Angelina Jolie Michelle Ryan Alicia Cuthbert Britney Spears, Abby Titmuss, Sarah Harding. Girls are allowed to just dominating. I remember the... Hang on, who's nine and ten? Sorry. Jordan? Beyonce? Charlotte Church. How old was Charlotte Church? Yeah, she was...

34:22George Cooper:Of age.

34:24Ashley Cole:Cheryl Cole's there or thereabouts.

34:26George Cooper:2009, that was the first time she won it. She went two years running. She did back-to-back. Mate. That is inspired. Back-to-back is huge.

34:34Ashley Cole:For any Arsenal fans listening, a bit of inspiration there. They have many years of nearly getting there and not doing it,

34:39George Cooper:and then back-to-back. have you guys ever done a back-to-back have you won anything back to the kids who didn't you didn't you and most improved player back-to-back two years in a row i remain to this day the only person in the history of my school ever to do that

34:57Ashley Cole:the trajectory is unbelievable we've never seen anything like it

35:02George Cooper:best not to think about the starting point

35:05Ashley Cole:let's just say he's improved a lot

35:08George Cooper:I always remember like Because obviously that That is the like Lad who's got a good effort Cleaning up the cones at the end We want to give him something But he's shit at football I remember like the second time And like I got called out I just remember sat in my chair And just being awful You've improved a lot Yeah I don't know 13, 14, 15 I mean you should see how good I am now Fucking hell Yeah

35:32Ashley Cole:El Gato Yeah So aside from Ashley getting a bit of ribbing from his Arsenal teammates, there were a few other issues beginning to surface. So January 2005, four months after Ashley and Cheryl first went public, he's pictured leaving a nightclub with who else than Jermaine Pennant and two mystery blondes. So actually, he manages to downplay it at the start. He says, there are only two babes in my life, Cheryl and the Aston Martin. Surely a publicist has come out with that or something. It's too cheesy. although it does turn out later that there might have been a little bit more than meets the eye there but in the meantime there was another scandal just around the corner yeah so as you mentioned George after Euro 2004 Arsenal were very keen to tie down one of their star players and Ashley has always maintained that he verbally agreed a new deal with the club which would see them put him on 60 grand a week remember that figure but anyway nothing's signed yet and in january 2005 the news of the world dropped a bombshell when they reveal that ashley cole has been secretly meeting with jose marino which would count as an illegal approach so basically this waiter at a london hotel says that he saw ashley marino and a number of agents having this clandestine get together and it creates a huge scandal known as the tapping up scandal you would think if you're planning a clandestine meeting don't do it in the lobby of like a busy london hotel where would you do it car park car park underground car park you know in like gangster films so like the fbi guy and tony soprano will

37:16George Cooper:like park their cars next to each other and talk through the windows yeah i'll do that sort of like uh abandoned sort of dockyard yeah yeah yeah yeah uh also just like what what part of it is illegal if you're going for like another if you go for a job interview when you're in a job that's not like illegal yeah they're like talking about it as if like what you're just talking to a prospective employer while you're in employment like at what point does that it does seem like

37:40Ashley Cole:slightly different rules apply to footballers like we've talked before about getting fined two weeks wages for like like showing up late for training i have the meaning to talk to you about the coffee machine was a bit untidy so i'm i'm finding you a week's wages Yeah, it's just like any other... Can you imagine any other industry where that would be... That would be like an employment tribunal. Also, sometimes it's for, like, being out late on Friday night. It is weird. But also, the other thing about the tapping up is it was a massive scandal then, but I swear now it's just, like, completely legit.

38:11George Cooper:Yeah, exactly.

38:12Ashley Cole:I don't know. It's, like, commonplace. I don't know what the deal is, but at the time, it was against FA rules. Ashley says it was all a big misunderstanding. So he says that he was just at the hotel to meet this agent, Pini Zahavi. And according to Ashley, they had a meeting, it finished. And then Mourinho walked into the room because he was meeting Pini Zahavi afterwards. So it was just like doctor's waiting room. And you know, you bump into Jose Mourinho, you're going to exchange pleasantries for 10 minutes. You're going to talk, you know, the sort of outline skeleton of a contract.

38:42George Cooper:Yeah.

38:43Ashley Cole:Anyway,

38:44George Cooper:he says that they just chat for 10 minutes and then left, which I kind of buy it. Yeah. There's a really funny line in this um in the book i'll paraphrase it but it's basically just like you know jose marini was there and i just shouted to be rude like not to acknowledge him and say hello he's like it's a bit like when you're a married man and you find yourself in the hotel room with a beautiful woman you're not just going to get up and leave immediately what have you put that analogy from why are you in the room with her yeah it's like makes more talk i feel like he's

39:14Ashley Cole:preempting having to do another climb down and defend it that's all a big misunderstanding this is just what i do sorry who finds themselves in a hotel room with a random beautiful woman i know yeah that's incredible yeah cheryl read his book bit of a warning sign um yeah well anyway he probably should have got his story straight with marino because a day later marino flat out denies ever meeting ashley cole he says i've never met the boy i have no time to meet players i couldn't have met Ashley Cole. I was in Milan with Adriano on Thursday. But yeah, it's a great alibi that. Yeah. I think Adriano is probably like, cheers mate.

39:50Ashley Cole:Now I'm in cheer. Um, yeah, it doesn't work. The alibi doesn't work and it does not go down well with the Arsenal faithful. They are raging. So in his next game against Man United, they boo him. He's absolutely livid about it. He's a, he's supported Arsenal all his life. You know, he's, he's delivered a lot of silverware for them. Um, he can't believe this is happening to him and actually it gets worse. So all season they start chanting Judas, Traitor, and Chelsea Rent Boy. They're really dialing it up. He actually says the best reception he got all year was when they played at Stamford Bridge and the Chelsea fans were saying, there's only one Ashley Cole.

40:25Ashley Cole:So yeah, it's not good. And the FA charge him. 75 grand fine in the end. For what? For having a coffee with Maria? Yeah, a succulent coffee.

40:34George Cooper:Yeah, I don't exactly know. I guess it is against the rules. Ironically, that's one of his preferred week's wages.

40:43Ashley Cole:Yeah, I guess he has a lot of money. Anyway, despite all that, he does keep the faith of Arsene Wenger and his teammates who, they basically buy the misunderstanding explanation. And he carries on playing. He's like, guys, I've got no intention of leaving the club. I'm staying. And they have a good season. They win the FA Cup final. He actually is one of the heroes in the shootout. Scores. So they lift a trophy. It's pretty impressive being able to sort of block out the noise and carry on. Yeah. Yeah. him. Yeah, we've got a picture of him. He is, having scored the penalty, he is cupping his ears.

41:15Ashley Cole:Is that aimed at the United fans or his own ones? Definitely his own. So that's his third FA Cup win. So he's won five trophies at Arsenal. Pretty amazing. I mean, he's still, what is it? He's 25 at this point? Yeah. Young. But those, actually 24. But the celebrations are just getting started, aren't they? They are, because that summer, Ashley proposes to Cheryl on holiday in Dubai. And it's a real, it's a footballer, footballer proposal, Dubai. He's planned everything out. It's going to be the perfect moment. They're out on a desert safari. It's going to be quiet, romantic, sand dunes, sunset, champagne, just the two of them and a camel.

41:57Ashley Cole:Unfortunately, he arrives there and there's six more camels, loads of people and kids running around screaming. It's like a group tour. It's just like, yeah, it's sort of a, it's a beauty, it's a tourist, it's a tourist spot. He's basically gone to the desert equivalent of Times Square to do his proposal. Was he also thinking that he was just going to ride into the fucking Sahara on a camel without a kite? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Presumably he knew there was going to be somebody with them. But yeah. To make matters worse, Cheryl was extremely concerned about the camel's welfare. So he said she was going on and on about how our cute camel was suffering.

42:36Ashley Cole:That was nostrils must be hurting. that was too hot for him. She said when we climbed on the camel, it made a groaning noise, so it must be fed up. What if it's too heavy for him, Ashley? What about his feet? And eventually Ashley snaps. Babe, it's a camel. Is there any chance of you shutting up? Which isn't quite the romantic vibe that he'd been picturing. And apparently after that, Cheryl just goes silent for the rest of the ride, blanking him. fortunately she does eventually cheer up by the time he pops the question bursts into tears and says yes he did it to get out of the doghouse

43:16George Cooper:there's no ring

43:19Ashley Cole:yeah so she says yes

43:21George Cooper:just like the psychic predicted

43:23Ashley Cole:but there was one story that not even the greatest charlatan could have imagined and that is the one that is about to break in the tabloids regarding Ashley Cole basically this bizarre and i should emphasize totally untrue rumor begins circulating about ashley cole in the online forums uh the rumor claims that ashley had a gay threesome with another footballer believed to be jermaine pennant but we never know and legend makes sense and legendary garage dj master steps you guys will of course be familiar with this work quite a random one. Anyway, it should have just remained as some bullshit rumor that was on some random forums.

44:04Ashley Cole:Some Arsenal forum. Yeah. Until the scummy journos at the News of the World pounced on it and they decide to splash the news of a, quote, homosexual orgy between two premiership footballers and a pal in the music industry. So they don't name them. They stop short of that. But they do start drip feeding the ludicrous details of this alleged liaison, including the lurid claim that the trio shoved a Nokia 3310 set to vibrate up each other's bums. Which I do think, I remember being a schoolboy in this era and like, the concept of vibrating phones up bums was in circulation.

44:43George Cooper:Do you remember that? Yeah. It's up there with the sort of like playground rumours of like Marilyn Manson getting some rift removes. Yeah. People having stomachs pumped.

44:54Ashley Cole:Yeah. It's in that category. it's not front page for national newspaper that is like the size of a Nokia 3310 can you imagine trying to get that up your bum I reckon you could yeah which model is that again yeah absolutely design classic it's not one of those that's like a brick and a breadstick that would be troublesome it's quite thin for the phones of the time I couldn't get that good phone I had that phone you could I like it

45:22George Cooper:Patreon members can see us

45:27Ashley Cole:dial the number to make it vibrate live stream is that the idea I also love how the newspaper says set to vibrate then one of you has got to get his phone out call it it's going to voicemail anyway can you imagine him sticking it up there and then realising it was on loud just get up there she's like chirpy

45:53George Cooper:get it out run out of credit let me just top let me just top up

45:59Ashley Cole:anyway they can't resist dropping hints after that the papers um so when ashley proposes to cheryl the son taunt cole by by suggesting that he is the unnamed footballer from this threesome story so their headline of ashley's proposal is ashley's got a good taste in rings and then the story says it looked like he was waiting for a ring as he held his phone it must have been set to vibrate because there's a picture of him with the phone. So they're literally, I mean, I don't even know if Ashley Cole's aware of the rumor at the time. Just a bit confused, but they're obviously, it's a little. So was this, this was post.

46:36Ashley Cole:So News of the World had done the initial anonymous story and then when they did the proposal story. And now the son are doing these little clues, which you would only get if you knew that he was the person they were talking about. So it's a little wink, a little in joke.

46:49George Cooper:A bit like you guys with the whole Tuchel thing, isn't it? A lot of disgusting tabloids. What, a rumour?

46:59Ashley Cole:How dare they? Well, yeah, and the tabloids do end up making a crucial error. They go too far. You'll be shocked to learn. So weeks later, the News of the World publish another story describing an unnamed star's perverted orgies. And to illustrate this one, they use pixelated photos of Ashley Cole and DJ Master Steps. But they didn't pixelate them quite enough. And instantly loads of people on the internet are like, that's Ashley Cole, that's Master Steps. You can clearly see. And so suddenly the internet is just awash with speculation that they are the two figures in this story. And at this point, Ashley Cole becomes aware of it and goes absolutely ballistic.

47:44Ashley Cole:He issues a public denial, but that just leads to more horrendous headlines. We're looking at a copy of the Daily Star. from the time, with the headline, Ashley Cole, I'm not a rear gunner.

47:55George Cooper:Fucking hell.

47:56Ashley Cole:Couple of other things I just want to point out about this copy of the Daily Star is, in the top right, the smiling face of Gary Glitter. It says, Glitter free in two years.

48:04George Cooper:Fucking hell.

48:05Ashley Cole:And then, so this one, it says, England ace, I'll sue anyone who says it. But then, it says, basically, there's a picture of a woman in a bikini, and it says, Palette, wooden you. So is... Is her name Palette? Yeah, I was thinking, is that Norena Palette? but I think her name is spelled differently, isn't it? Because it's a pun on like a palette. On a wooden palette. Yeah, wouldn't you? National newspaper. On the left-hand side, joke about a footballer being gay. On the right-hand side, would ya? On the top, nonce. Darius Litter. For me, that's the holy trinity. You've got nonces, you've got footballers being called gay, and you've got a woman, would ya?

48:44Ashley Cole:That is peak Daily Star. Yeah. 30p for all that. anyway in the end Ashley Cole does sue and so does Master Steps and the news of the world end up issuing a gushing apology and paying out a hundred grand to each of them a hundred grand doesn't actually seem like that much although I was kind of thinking now could you sue for someone calling you gay because like I mean I feel like if somebody published a story he's married if somebody suggested in a national newspaper that I shove mobile phones up my ass and set them to vibrate I think I probably would sue and I'd hope to get more than 100 grand.

49:18Ashley Cole:Yeah. I mean, Ashley Cole, he's on, well, famously not 60 grand a week, but quite a lot. It's not a massive amount for him. Maybe Master Steps. I don't know how much he commands a fabric.

49:31George Cooper:What are Master Steps tunes? Has he got any? Has he got any famous ones?

49:36Ashley Cole:Yeah.

49:37George Cooper:The thing is about the rumor is that obviously it's bollocks, but like the fact that Master Steps is so random that like, you know, sometimes those rumors are so random that you're like, they're too weird to make up kind of thing yeah i think they were maybe they were obviously they're not true but like whoever started that rumors got four do you think jimmy pennant's like

49:54Ashley Cole:i wish you had named me because i could have got 100 um do you think they just found a picture of ashley cole and dj master steps and just put two and two together yeah they're like they're friends and it says it says it's a power of the music industry yeah i've i'm not sure but it's it's a disaster for them it's an absolute mental move but you know what the red tops are like hell hath no fury like a Murdoch paper scorned and humiliated and now the grubby hacks at News International want revenge on Ashley Cole and they won't stop until they get it and on that bum shell we have reached the end of part one so Ashley Cole has successfully batted off claims that he shoves mobile phones up his arse but there are plenty more damaging revelations to come the storm clouds are gathering.

50:44Ashley Cole:Join us in part two when Ashley walks out on Arsenal. He cackles at Svengoren Eriksson's sex tape, vomits on his mistress and shoots work experience kids with an air rifle. There's a lot of action in part two. It's going to be a banger. I can't wait. George will be here. We'll have the book. We will actually dive into the events of leaving Chelsea, but it will be sandwiched in between some absolutely ludicrous scandals. So join us next week to hear all about that or if you can't wait to hear about it, mainly about Sven's sex tape, I imagine, that would have piqued my interest, then you can listen to it instantly.

51:21Ashley Cole:It is ready and waiting on the Upshot's Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Upshot Towers. You can join there for just£3 a month. It's ready and waiting along with our live stream attempts to get a Nokia 3310 into Zach on 5 for 8. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. Yeah, it's going to be a goodie. Join us for that. Otherwise, we'll see you next week. Thanks a lot, George. Thank you, yeah. Cheers. Thanks, Zach. Thanks, Jack. Thank you.

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52:32George Cooper:It's news like you've never heard before. The only newsroom with a panic button. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and gasp in horror as the show spirals completely out of control. It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable. Lunatic in the newsroom. Listen today.