FIFA unveil a new grift and why Mbappe is jealous of Joe Willock | Extra shot

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1:09Are all batteries the same? That's like asking if all soccer players are the same. Take Messi, the most decorated player ever. Is there any other player who has achieved that? No, just him. Now take Duracell. Is there any other battery with power boost ingredients inside? No, just Duracell. Remember, goats only trust goats because they're built different. And Messi only trusts Duracell. Welcome back to Extra Shot, the podcast about the funniest stories in sport. This week, on the show today, Infantino unveils FIFA's latest grift. The Argentine fan who showed up at his own funeral. And Ravel Morrison tears it up in Dubai with Jonjo Shelby.

1:58My name is Jack Hello Zach Hi Jack Hello JP Buongiorno boys Buongiorno We're down the bloody pub aren't we What are we like It's a Wednesday morning Wednesday Get the pints in Yeah Maybe at some point Just enjoy my tea at the moment It's 10.30am So we're at Watson's General Telegraph Pub In East Arlitch Lovely gaff It's a lovely pub Yeah It's actually It's my local It is You're here every week I'm here most weeks I noticed Dan the manager Didn't recognise you we uh you know it's been it's been a couple of weeks since i was last year but no it's a great pub great food great beer yeah huge fan the jenny tell as you and your mates no doubt call it yeah um yeah we're doing a uh patreon pop-up show here later so we told told all our all our patreon subscribers that we'd be here and we've got about yeah 30 40 odd coming we'll see yeah see how many of them okay i'm confident they show up yeah that's like one percent of them that's quite good yeah yeah i should do a quick shout out to lane pubs who are a fantastic 52 site pub group with some incredible beers on tap just happened to be your client as well we talked about the menu yeah we have fantastic yeah they do really good food very nice sunday rice burgers so we're gonna be we're gonna be here i think we should do more of these this is fun yeah yeah i'm having fun that's what you guys know uh actually the the patreon party is not the only major world event that took place this week obviously there was a a ceasefire in the middle east good news for everyone wasn't expecting this podcast has developed we're going in a different direction um but i say on monday a lot of the world leaders flew into to sharm el-sheikh for a peace summit and you know all the big hitters were there donald trump erdogan president sisi king abdullah ii of jordan and big representation from the the international scene as well the un secretary general the head of the arab league the european council president and of course fifa president jenny infantino which i to be fair i i'm not sure what Gianni Infantino's got to say about the reconstruction of Gaza City.

4:18But what is he there as, is he there as Trump's mate kind of thing? I have no idea. I'm just imagining like the head of the Palestinian Authority stuck in a chat with Infantino. He's banging on about dynamic pricing. He's like, hey, look, I'm trying to sort out humanitarian aid for two million people. Yeah, I don't care about automatic offsides. But yeah, I don't know. Kind of seems like the primary reason for him being there was to continue shoving his head as far up Donald Trump's arsehole as he possibly could. So he's been telling anyone who listened this week that Donald should get the Nobel Peace Prize.

4:49He's not far off picking up the golf balls on the course for Donald, is he? I'm sure he would. But he's also just like, he just wants to be at any big event, doesn't he? He's got a bit of that, like, Ronaldinho, in a different respect, a bit like that. He always pops up. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, but with Infantino, with Ronaldinho, it was all quite like, I don't know, he was just there for the photo ops, whereas with Infantino, there seems to be some sort of like ulterior a world stage power motive. It's Salt Bay. Yeah. I'm surprised he wasn't there sprinkling on a peace deal just over the contract signing.

5:22Actually, also who was there was Sheikh Mansour, the Man City owner, who, to be fair, does actually have a bit more of a claim. He's also the vice president of the UAE and they've been pretty involved in brokering the peace deal. Much like in Bantino. He wasn't there fighting his 115 charges. but he was photographed at some point shaking hands with Donald Trump and as they were shaking hands Trump couldn't resist just saying he was like a lot of cash a lot of cash he's a good man we've got a clip of it here a lot of cash a lot of cash a lot of cash a lot of cash a lot of cash kind of drags him towards him as well doesn't he that's quite just say what you see it's just power play yeah it's like he's it's like he just doesn't he just says the first thing that comes into his head i wonder if he did the same thing for everyone he met there so shaking hands with infantino said bald very bald no hair his head is shiny he meets macaroni's a french baguettes very french he's from france doesn't isn't trump sort of involved in this this like fictional rumor about Macron that his wife is actually a man have you followed any of that what did Trump accuse him of that a lot of those guys around Trump I don't know if he's been saying it are like into this theory that Macron's wife is she's a lot older than him yeah she is a lot older but I mean doesn't mean she's a man there is some very good photos on the internet where she does look quite like a man I mean it's like Pete's a gate style conspiracy theory but I just can imagine Trump blurting that out married to a man quite weird Jake Mantour, I guess, yeah, he is actually just a major political player.

7:08Yeah. But I mean, him and Infantino meeting at the summit, it's like, oh, I saw you at the European Club Association dinner last week. I quite rate how Infantino has just taken on the Sol Bay role of just like, I'm just going to be everywhere. Yeah, he's Trump's mascot, basically. Actually, while we're on the subject of FIFA, we spoke before about the World Cup tickets and how it's just a complete racket. but I didn't realize quite how egregious it actually is. So the Guardian did a really good article basically running through it this week. And remember at the start when the tickets were first announced, FIFA made this big deal about there being$60 tickets available.

7:49They called it the most inclusive World Cup ever. And they've now released a map of the stadium which shows where the different price categories are. The green tickets are the$60 tickets. That is a fucking joke. It doesn't even have a number. So just explain. If you're listening to this, we're looking at a map of the stadium. Honestly, there is a tiny corner. I reckon it's probably two rows of seats in one corner of the stadium. In the four corners, but you almost can't see it on the map. Those tickets are gone in seconds. So that's like 100 seats. It's probably 100. That's category four when you see category four.

8:27That's category four. Yeah, they've got a category four. and have they released pricing for what the category one tickets are? Oh, like thousands. Really? Yeah. Yeah, so we're looking at a comparison between Qatar and the US World Cup. So a group match in Qatar started at$11, went up to$220. This time it starts at$100, goes up to$575. The final starts at$2 ,000 and goes up to$6 ,000. Semi's cheapest ticket is$500, goes up to$3 ,000. Pure American capitalism. Yeah. I thought it was quite cheap, looking at that. Yeah. It's because no one wanted to go. I always like those guys. it's gonna be a cheap trip for us yeah we'll see but also they're all on dynamic pricing as well so that's like that's the starting price so they're gonna get way more expensive than that anyway i think i'm gonna go to the cape verde games it's the answer yeah yeah yeah um and fifa's also introduced their own resale platform as well so at previous world cups uh resale was capped at the face value of the ticket which is that's fair that's how it should be uh but fifa have done away with that rule now and you can charge whatever you want on the FIFA official resale site and then FIFA takes a 15 % commission from the seller and then another 15 % commission from the buyer.

9:41So tickets for the final went on sale last week to people who won this lottery thing. The cheapest final ticket which was$2 ,000,$2 ,030 the following day was being resold for $25 ,000. And bear in mind, from that sale, FIFA would then get 30 % cut of the price. So they make another$7 ,500 off it. Again, having already sold the ticket once for $2 ,000. It's actually like... Their ticket town. They said that this resale platform of their thing was to clamp down on ticket town. It's like, you haven't clamped down on it, you just brought it in-house. You are the town. And those tickets can be resold as many times as they want.

10:22So FIFA is basically now selling each ticket for the World Cup multiple times. That is a fucking joke. Unbelievable. Haven't Mexico said that there needs to be a cap on the tickets? So Mexico, so this is the situation in the US. The Mexican government has been tighter on it and they are capping resale at the face value of the tickets, which is how it should be. So go to games in Mexico and not the US. Fucking joke. But actually, even more evidence of what fucking cowboys FIFA are, I didn't realize that a few years ago they got in on the NFT craze as well. So they were selling these NFTs of like Pele lifting the trophy or Maradona hand of God, things like that.

11:05And unsurprisingly, these absolutely tanked when NFTs did. and FIFA then decided to repackage these things as right to buy tokens, which would, in their words, one day give you permission to purchase an actual match ticket. One day. One day. Permission. And they, so some suckers still bought these tokens and FIFA then announced this week that these tokens actually only make you eligible to buy category one or category two tickets, which you probably have to sell an organ to afford anyway um and the top tier of these tokens which was right to final right to buy a final ticket cost 999 and gave you the right to buy a ticket to the final if your team got to the final if they get to the final otherwise otherwise you're just left with like a jpeg or a gif of mape dancing surely you can refund it if you don't get to the final no no this is like you're buying the token so that you have the right you have the permission well yeah you have a chance yeah yeah can we so and a final ticket is like two grand two grand it's category one category one so the tickets like can you go back to that what was the ticket for a no other tab no the reddit one so you spend 990 000 to get a right to final token which means you then have the right to buy a ticket for $4 ,000.

12:35If your team makes the fine. If your team makes the fine.

12:41It's, yeah. I mean, you kind of have to laugh. Yeah. Otherwise you cry. It's so brazen. Yeah. I think my favourite is if you're listening and not watching the YouTube version here, do click on the link of the stadium app to see how thin the green slices are for category four. It's a sliver. It's incredible. Yeah. It's like they're just taking the piss. But do you think that the lower cap matches and the ones that aren't as popular, they'll actually end up being a lot cheaper? Because it's dynamic. Because it's dynamic, right? Yeah, but probably certainly any England. You've been drinking the Kool-Aid.

13:09I kind of understand the theory. And you know, they're spreading the game. The England tickets are going to go up on dynamic. Oh, mate, yeah, they're going to be nuts. There'll be loads of England fans. We may just have to go to the Cape Verde. Yeah, we're going to one Cape Verde's dead rubber at the end. Can't wait. Yeah. I should actually give a shout out to Brian Armand Graham, who wrote a really good article about all that FIFA stuff in The Guardian. There is a word for that, and it is fucking bent. Say it again. Not Brian. For that Guardian pont. No, for what FIFA are doing. Breaking out of that dystopian FIFA hellscape for a second, there was a fun moment this week when Cape Verde qualified.

13:52So there, this cluster of islands off the coast of Africa, second smallest country ever to qualify after Iceland. Wow. One of their stars is a guy called Pico Lopez, who's the captain of Shamrock Rovers and possibly the most Irish Saudi guy you've ever heard. Got a clip of him talking here. We knew we had a chance of making history and we did this. It's hard to put into words. It's been a dream of ours for so long. Any child starting out playing football, they want to play in the World Cup. And when we got this group together, we really felt we could achieve this and I think off the back of our performance in the AFCON we gained some confidence That's how people in Cape Verde sound Was it his dream when he was growing up?

14:35Has he played for them for a long time? So he played since 2019 he's born in Dublin What part of Cape Verde is that? His dad's from Cape Verde and apparently a few years ago the Cape Verde FA were basically looking for players with Cape Verde heritage and they managed to track him down and sent him a message on LinkedIn which was weird, you'd think you'd contact him through his club or something but it's just a DM on LinkedIn. Good to connect.

15:14But he, they sent him a message in Portuguese and he ignored it for nine months because he thought it was a scam. he was like a scam yeah eventually they did get through to him though and he's been a stalwart for them ever since that's fucking amazing a LinkedIn fairy tale it's not very often we say that Jake Humphrey must be loving that oh yeah didn't they didn't they win the group as well yeah they won their group so Cameroon are in their group yeah Giants and yeah they've won the group they've been pretty good for a while they were good at AFCON they got to the quarterfinals the last AFCON as well so I'm hoping Faroe Islands can still qualify Faroe Islands are smashing it as well Are they smaller than these lot?

15:54Yeah, they would be the smallest country ever by far. They're like less than 100 ,000. I think it's 75 ,000. But I think they need someone like either Croatia or Czechia to lose to Gibraltar, which... Yeah. But they can still go through 50 ,000, yeah. Because they haven't even got a professional league, Cape Verde, have they? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, they do. I think there's only like eight teams or something. Really? Yeah. Eight islands, eight teams. You're an expert on Cape Verde. maybe not professional maybe it's not professional don't know yeah speaking of international football actually do you see the French players are still doing their catwalk thing when they arrive for international duty you know their training face Claire Fontaine they all turn up in these ludicrous Chris Lee trendy outfits got a picture here of Eduardo Camaviga who I think he looks like you aren't going to like a job interview I said you aren't going to a funeral yeah it's like sort of like knitted woolen cardi and then like sort of baggy trousers and then a handbag it's kind of professional it is a bit like a memorial yeah not funeral yeah it's big aunt energy do you remember ibrahim canate's one yeah what the hell is this looks like he's rubbing a bank he had a hood a green hood that was completely zipped up over his face and then he's in some sort of trendy suit it's just got a bit much now yeah can you imagine if england were doing that like jared bowen Adam Wharton's turning up in like full Louis Vuitton some like Balenciaga tent over Cole Palmer I can actually imagine that I mean, Calvin Phillips wore those the Cornish pasty shoes a few years back and Calvert-Lewin has worn some pretty fancy stuff he'd be all over that but neither of them I don't know turning up for England duty like that I think you'd get you'd get rinsed rightly so but the French everyone in France loves it yeah, I mean I guess it is the like high fashion capitals yeah Yeah, yeah.

17:42It's kind of fun. It's kind of, it's like, I know that the angle that the press would have here is like, their head's not at the game. Yeah, yeah. I think you're more about their shoes. Anyway, not all of the France squad crave attention. So Kylian Mbappe's mum was speaking this week at an event about her son's life and what it's like being the mother of a superstar. She's quite involved. She's like his agent and yeah, quite switched on lady. But she said of Kylian's life, he has no life off the pitch. he can't even walk down the street anymore it saddens me and then she said she said he's even been driving around ring roads in a Peugeot 206 just to see what it's like like real life yeah just to get a bit of taste of normality that is real like grass is always greener though yeah you can have all the success you want you think what you want is to be killing Mbappe but then all you'll crave is just like doing laps of PC world car park looking for a space there's nothing more normal than a Peugeot 206.

18:38On a ring road as well in traffic. It's very Alan Partridge actually as a description of what you want to do. Where do you think he got his Peugeot 206 from? Did he just borrow it? Walk into a local garage and just auto-trader. Yeah, he just gets one especially for that. It's sort of like the French car I guess. I love that idea that he actually I mean you can definitely understand that thing that like celebs crave a bit of normality, but the ring road in a 206. The Alan Partridge side of it also reminded me of an old Judy Murray interview where she was asked, if you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?

19:17And she said, the Volkswagen Scirocco. Sorry, the spirit of the question, Judy. Anything you can bring back. Dodos.

19:30Anyway, if Killian grows tired of the 206, is mere 90 brake horsepower. There is a supercar going cheap. Michael Antonio's Ferrari is for sale on eBay for a paltry 45 grand. Admittedly, the item does show some signs of cosmetic wear because it's missing the roof, most of the bonnet, and the chassis is quite mangled. You remember, we're looking at pictures, you remember Antonio had that fucking bad car crash last year. How did he not die? He's lucky to be alive. and the car from the crash is now for sale on eBay. Are they saying that it's his car? As in it's like... Not on the listing, which I think is a mistake.

20:07I think you're going to get more interest. 20 % more. Although what sort of like nightcrawler character is like, ooh, the car Antonio nearly died in. How much are they asking for it? 45 grand. Yeah, let's look at the listing again. So, I mean, the car, I've looked at it for a few angles. Most of the roof's gone. Most of the front's gone. Right. Bye. So 45 grand they won. I guess what's happened is, to be quite Alan Partridge about this, it was an insurance write-off and it's been sold to a scrap dealer who's now selling it on an eBay. Yeah, but 45 grand for that. Are they selling it, is that for parts?

20:38Yeah. Or is it, do you think there's some like diehard West Ham fan who wants to put it in a music? Is it a bit like, this was the car that Archduke French Ferdinand which that shot in. It was nearly shot in in this case. Yeah, it's like next to Jeff Hurst's like sweaty socks from the World Cup. I guess there's still quite a lot of valuable parts in a Ferrari that's missing. Maybe like the back alloys or the badge I think there is some engine it doesn't look like it from this out how much does that car cost new oh probably a couple of hundred yeah but you'd probably say that's worth like 10 grand you can't really use it for anything I mean I'm no expert morbid memorabilia your old man would probably yeah yeah yeah an old man's bid on it or nearest offer yeah it's a nice bit of sporting memorabilia how much is a Ferrari yeah oh 250 grand 250 grand new sometimes 300 he's probably got the top model yeah Probably two thirds of it is fine.

21:30So maybe that's a good price. As soon as he's driven that off the forecourt. Cars with a bit of history do carry a bit of weight in the market. I should say, obviously we know, but Mikhail made a full recovery, fortunately. Hasn't he been dropped by West Ham though? Yes. They didn't renew his contract. I'm not sure the car will be making a full recovery. I personally, I would like the other car he crashed as memorabilia. So what we talked before about on Christmas Day, 2019, he crushed his Lamborghini into someone's front wall while they were sitting down for Christmas lunch and he climbed out the roof dressed as a snowman.

22:04He was in a full snowman outfit looking at him now. That's the one you want. Yeah. Starting to think he's not the most careful driver. I didn't know about that. He skidded off. I actually think there were witnesses he wasn't going that quick. Right. He skidded. You could see out by that carrot nose. He did 24 hours later he set up the winner for West Ham in a racing day fixture. Adrenaline still pumping. yeah finally one more car trouble story did you see joe willock he ran out of petrol on a on his port in his porsche on a roundabout last week so he was um bapé could only dream of that sort of regular life oh how the other half live uh yeah it was last thursday there was this video of him which we can watch of him stuck on a roundabout like literally on it and he's got a jerry can of petrol pouring it into the Porsche.

22:52He's 300 yards from a petrol station. I think he went to get petrol. Get yourself a jerry can. Yeah. And someone does literally yell at him, like, you're nearly there. And he's like, I fucking hope so. Can you fuck off? Yeah. I did actually see a good hoax news story doing the rounds off the back of it, which I briefly, briefly fell for, which was that Willock had to be rescued from York maze after getting trapped in there for six hours. Is that a Lion King themed maze? That's what your maze... That's Mufasa in it. I think it's Britain's biggest maze. Is it? George, who we work with, described it as a corn labyrinth.

23:26Good variation on the term maze. Anyway, if Kylian Mbappe is looking for a little bit more privacy, he doesn't have to endure the 206, his spluttering 1.1-litre engine. It's getting very partridge, isn't it? He could use NordVPN, because NordVPN lets you switch to any location you want. Presumably, that does include a ring road on the outskirts of Marseille. And NordVPN also lets you stream all your favorite shows and content wherever you are. I actually used it recently. Oh, yeah? What's the Ryder Cup from Greece? Did your missus put a privacy lock on the internet so you couldn't get on the...

24:06Yeah, I can't. I don't know about you, but I refuse to take a personal photo and send it in to access 18 plus websites. Isn't that what you have to do? It's really weird, yeah. I don't know. Someone else told me about it. I was talking to my mate about it the other day and he was like, yeah, I just did it. So there's one way you can connect it to your email inbox and it'll read your emails and judge whether you're over 18. I'm not fucking doing that. The other one's like a face ID for the website. So you have to go like that. Also, face ID. I don't know. That is going to get hacked inevitably and there is going to be this trance of photos of blokes who are just about to have a wank release.

24:40The please can I have a wank trance. Yeah, really serious face when you really need one as well. So you're like, get me in. I'm holding up their passport. I've been like, come on! I haven't got long! Do you need a wank? I'm actually not sure we're allowed to use that as justification for NordVPN. But anyway, on an unrelated point, I used NordVPN to show that I was in a different location so that I could watch the Ryder Cup. And that's all I watched. That's all I watched on a family holiday. Family holiday is not the place for that sort of behaviour. Anyway, NordVPN, the good people at NordVPN are offering a discount for Upshot listeners.

25:15if you go to nordvpn.com forward slash upshot you get an extra four months free and a 30-day guarantee nordvpn.com forward slash upshot i'll stick the link in the description box nice all right moving on so when a 22 year old fan of argentine side club atletico san martin turned up in his hometown after a five-day bender he was looking forward to a few days in bed sipping yerba mate, ordering an empanadas on a burritos. But as he turned onto his street, everything was eerily quiet. He knocked at his mum's door, but there was no answer. So he let himself in and began to realise that something was amiss.

26:00So he walked into the kitchen table covered with photographs of him, bunches of lilies, few bowls of cocktail sausages and cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and then he heard the sound of church bells ringing from up the street and looked out the window to see a few stragglers from a procession of figures dressed in black heading up to the churchyard and slowly it dawned on him what happened and he ran up the road and burst through the doors of the church into his own funeral out of a fucking film it really is Apparently he just like burst through the door. I'm alive. Don't do it. Don't do it.

26:40This genuinely happened. Cucumber sandwiches. Cucumber sandwiches. Cucumber sandwiches. I was creative license. Argentine delicacy. But he did shout I'm alive. So he shouted I'm alive. So basically what happened is he'd been on this big bender in Alderetes, which is north of Cordoba where he lived. And he'd been gone for like days just boozing with his mates. and had no idea that back in his hometown, his death had been reported. It turned out that another guy who looked a bit like him had been run over and killed by a sugar cane truck. And his mom had wrongly identified the body as him. Fuck.

27:20And they'd held a funeral for him. Fuck. So he'd then come back, burst into the church. Obviously, his relatives are beside themselves. And yeah. Fuck. So then obviously, their detention center, Who's in the coffin? Another guy Another guy, yeah Who's that more surreal for? The relatives or him? I think him Especially because you're on a comedown After a five day band Am I dead? Touching yourself Is this what happens? I feel like I've been hit by a sugar cane truck

28:01well at least his mum was over the moon yeah i mean r.i.p to the oh yeah the other guy tragic um who's was our guy called we don't have a name actually no we don't have his name he sounds like the sort of bloke who would get hit by a sugarcane truck yeah i'm on a five-day bender i kind of rate he didn't have his phone on him for the bender as well yeah just like went out you can see why they thought it was it. How long before you'd be like, it's not a ghost? I guess when he says, I'm alive. Yeah. Once you see him eating a cucumber sandwich. That is proper. To open the doors and go, I'm alive. It's making me think he's on purpose.

28:35Maybe. I've always wanted in a wedding, you know, the bit where it goes, and if anyone knows of any lawful reason why they should not be married, for someone to burst in big, like, stop. Shrek style. Yeah. Does that have an intro? Oh, yeah. Does that have an intro? Yeah. I'd like to see that, but I'd probably even more like to see someone walk in during a funeral yeah actually on the on the subject of funerals george who we work with was telling story he was at a funeral last year and someone was it was an aunt or someone got up to read a poem and you know got they've got this poem ready it was like this this this poem means a lot to me it always really makes me think of so and so his funeral it was and goes to read it and you could see that she's reading off the order of service for another funeral that she went to the week before you could see is it like another name on the back of the thing you could see the face of the other guy who's been already been at really touching everyone's just saying that meant a lot to him he loved this poem do you often leak stories from funerals George actually similar this is his niche where wedding a really good bit of wedding gossip we've done a few we've talked a few times about Brooklyn Beckham's wedding just like a bit of a shit show like before the he was obviously meant to have the first dance but Victoria Beckham's friend did a speech and introduced a first dance of mother and son and he just did his first dance with his mum but anyway apparently when Brooklyn got up to do a speech he stood up pulled out his phone he was going to read it off it and he just goes oh fuck I forgot to charge my phone come on mate so Brooklyn Beckham mum you forgot to charge my phone and you haven't topped it up yeah I mean I don't know the exact details of how that went down but I heard it from someone who knows somebody when really good so it is back to square one for South Yorkshire boxing legend Dave Allen so Dave was fighting on the weekend he put his intercontinental heavyweight title on the line so he's a pretty serious contender he fought Fraser Clarke not that long ago our pal Fraser but he was fighting against Russia's Arsene Bek Mahmoudov on Saturday night for this title absolutely nuts it did go it went the full 12 rounds, which a lot of people weren't expecting.

30:49Then you get absolutely punished. He took a bit of a punishment. It was a unanimous decision, but he didn't get knocked out. And I think considering his pessimism in the pre-fight press conference, that was quite a good result. So before the fight, they asked him how you're feeling about it. And he said, I'm shitting myself, to be honest. Yeah, really shitting myself, actually. I kind of rate how honest he is. They told him that they were like, we've had a look at the bookies odds and your opponent is evens to win. And he was like, you're joking. You should be 10 to 1 on. And then he goes way off Facing him down then he goes I'm dreading it.

31:21I'm shitting myself. I hope he's not fucking massive To be fair he is so Makhmadov is six foot six and his method of training His core is to get his mates to take a sledgehammer to his abs. I've got a video of it here