Gianni Infantino: today I feel gay (part two)

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1:02This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18+. Welcome back to the Upshot sponsored by Injury Lawyers for You. We are talking our second most favorite lawyer, Gianni Infantino, who at the end of part...

1:38Sorry, fourth favorite because there's, what was it, Victor... Oh, Victor Leon. And there's another one whose name I forget. The three lion-hearted lawyers. Yeah, the three lions. The three lions. They fuck you. All right, so Gianni's number four. Fourth. Yeah. is Gianni Infantino, who at the end of part one had been causing all sorts of problems. He'd been in Qatar where he'd made his iconic today I feel gay, disabled, migrant worker speech. And yeah, that all went swimmingly after that. But it's all about to get far more ridiculous because Gianni's farcical is he taking the piss era is about to begin.

2:18And he kicks it off with an election. Gianni Infantino was re-elected unopposed for a third term as FIFA president in 2023. He's already announced that he's running for a fourth term in 2027, which is against the FIFA constitution. The rule is you can only have three, but Gianni's found a loophole. He argues that his first term does not count because he served three years instead of the normal four. Because Sepp Blatter had to step down. Yeah, so he took over. did Sepp Blatter not step down after four days yeah but he stayed on to oversee the process which you know he's a good man that's pretty good of him he had a trip to the Caribbean planned that was important yeah so he'll have done what 15 years if he gets elected your most classic dictator thing is just being like I will just change the rules and I'll do another term have another year fine if you must so with Sepp Blatter stepping down I can see if you're stepping down like, and you're like, yeah, we'll pass over.

3:19We'll do the transition. But if you've been forced out due to corruption, do you still get to that? I'll just stick around. I'll choose the next person. He actually tried to go back on his, so he resigned. Like he was elected. He resigned four days later. And then a couple of weeks after that, he told press that he hadn't actually resigned. And he was clearly putting the feelers out. Let's just say it doesn't count now and then we'll discuss it later. Yeah. Yeah, sadly. That's proper thrashing around, isn't it? Four days. Love it. So yeah, Infantino is running again in 2027. And you'd have to say he's probably going to win.

3:57Probably going to be unopposed. Yeah. I guess there's just so much. He has obviously increased FIFA's revenues by like a mad amount. Yeah. And a bloody good job in a difficult position. I mean, he is actually really popular, isn't he? with like delegates in country, like smaller countries that don't have, he's very popular. They have like made a lot of money. Like if you're president of like Curaçao FA, you're going to love him. Cause like there was no way Curaçao was qualifying for the last world cup. Yeah. Cause he's made it bigger. There's more money flowing to everyone anyway. Yeah. So that's basically his power, right?

4:30Cause it's, there's 210 nations. So like, you know, the sort of old guard of Europe and South America, they don't actually count for that much. Yeah. Anyway, back to the last election where Infantino got his third term in 2023. Afterwards, he opened a rare news conference with a rebuke for the waiting reporters. He said, I don't understand why some of you are so mean. Why? Why? I don't get it. So he actually... So that's the real Infantino slipping through there. Yeah, that's the boy who got his mum to do the laundry and just the quiet nerd and just wants to be liked. I think that is his commanding like principle which wants to be liked.

5:12Yeah. Really relate to this guy. I know you open the episode like it's great. Everyone hates this guy. Apart from me. We can go in guilt-free, attack him and you've just been really fawning over. Show up in my new watch. Yeah, I'm actually hosting the 2040 World Cup in the Isle of Wight. Yeah. he just doesn't get why they're being so horrible to him no yeah his second slash third term has been very similar to the first he started with some rule changes some of them a bit dodgy his third term has been very similar to his first he started with some quite dodgy rule changes that gave him a bit more latitude on awarding World Cups and then in 2024 it was time to announce the hosts for the 2030 and 2034 tournaments traditionally this is this has been a vote um it's been in person it's been like quite a fraught weekend a lot of horse trading a lot of backroom meetings and deals everyone's sweating over the final result before a moment of jubilation this time it was a bit different um gianni and fantino just announced the hosts and instead of a vote he asked all the delegates who are joining via zoom to clap if they approved and he had them all on a video wall behind him just clapping like obedient seals transparent yeah fair and transparent process so there was no no vote it was just no so this is the world cup by the way that determined that 2030 is going to be on three continents it's going to have opening games in South America and then it's going to be hosted by Spain Portugal and Morocco and that's just so they can award it to a Middle Eastern country that is to spread football around the world sorry and save migrant workers from dying in the sea because you're not going to die in the Mediterranean when you could nip to Morocco one day and Portugal the next for a game yeah it's pretty clever It does also have this extra benefit, which, you know, the World Cup is on a rotating basis between continents, but because this one has done South America, Europe, and Africa, it's Asia's turn again, which means that the 2034 World Cup could be held in a little-known kingdom by the name of Saudi Arabia.

7:20Perfect. Right. Yeah. Footballing giants, really. Got a clip. Got a clip here of the delegates approving it. This is embarrassing for them on their little Zoom. So instead of a vote, he actually called it this. It's an acclamation. Yeah. And it's people clapping on Zoom. I was trying to find the English FA there to see if they were clapping away. Happy seals. Yeah. That's pathetic. Obviously, Saudi Arabia did run unopposed, but I quite enjoyed that he still did the theatre of the name out of the envelope. Like, who's it going to be? Also, didn't they run unopposed because, was it Australia were trying to bid and they just kept moving the deadline forward?

7:56So they didn't have time. They announced it and I think they gave them either a week or a month. Yeah. And Australia were like, well that is obviously not enough time to plan a fucking World Cup bid they're like well I guess it's going to have to be Saudi Arabia then I mean Saudi Arabia are at every World Cup and like they beat Argentina last time they've got more of a claim than Qatar I would say but we have done the Petro State thing for a bit yeah also presumably they're still going to have to build a load of new stadiums yeah yeah which will create a lot of jobs yeah across the continent that's what it will do uh so yeah so he's now that's sort of safely ensured he sorted all the world cups for his like that's his legacy really isn't it because he won't be president hopefully by the time yeah never say never i'm personally not a fan of these multi-country hosting i mean the 2030 one's taking the piss yeah i mean it's mad if you're from uruguay do you want that just like one game no you want a whole tournament yeah like one game's just like cool tough because it's Saudi Arabia.

8:59At least that's one country.

9:03One kingdom. You know what I mean? The best World Cups are like France 98, Brazil, Italy, South Africa, Russia, Qatar. But these multi-country ones, it dilutes it a bit. All right, anyway, he's ensured his legacy and then he's safe to cozy up to the rich and powerful for the remainder of that year. So Infantino, this is sort of his most glamorous outing that I've seen. He pops up in Mumbai in 2024 at the ultimate high society wedding. So this is the wedding of the Ambani families, one of their sons. The Ambani's the richest family in Asia. Right. Big, big swinging dicks. And it's a who's who of global celebs.

9:42Bieber and Rihanna perform. Kim Kardashian and Tony Blair are there. Not together. Kim Kardashian, I actually read. So she never - Sheree was shocked. Sheree was there too, actually. Yeah, the real glamour. Kim Kardashian was there. she'd never met the happy couple, but they had the same jeweler. And the jeweler put in a word and was like, do you want to, do you want to come to this wedding? And she was like, yeah. So she just came on a whim with her sister, Chloe. Wow. That's so weird. Inviting people you've never met to your wedding. But it's also going, I've been to weddings where I know loads of people and I don't want to be there.

10:18Yeah. Going to a wedding where you know not, but it's a sort of celeb fest. Do you think it was on Kim's table? Yeah. It's like, fucking hell. It's Tony Blair. Tony Blair's goes, got nothing in common. Cherie was chewing my ear off. If you were given the choice though, Kim Kardashian could come to your wedding. Just pure novelty value. You doing it? Is she getting the rounds in? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she is. I mean, it'd be quite a fun gimmick. It'd be a gimmick. But do you want your wedding to be a gimmick? I guess. Some people get like a photo booth or some people get Kim Kardashian. Kim and Khloe come here.

10:53Yeah, in like traditional Indian wedding dress. It would be quite a fun end statement. It might overtape the day a bit. Maybe she could come for an hour and then leave again. That would be quite good. Because everyone will be filming and stuff. Well, anyway, our boy Gianni, he's there too. Presumably he's cozying up to Kim. I've actually got a picture of him dancing at the wedding, a video. He's having it. He's on stage, actually. Hang on. There's people in the crowd and there's people on stage. He's with the singer. It's not one of the seven languages he speaks. because he's doing that thing where you sort of try and sing along but don't know the words.

11:30It sort of looks like the final scene in a musical when the whole cast comes back on for like a touch. Oh. No one's really dancing in time to each other. Oh, that guy's hugging him and they're having it. He's sort of the main focus at that moment. Yeah. I guess it's is it quite a flex to have him there? Yeah. Is it quite I don't know if it's quite the same as like Kim Kardashian here Rihanna and then Infantino It's not quite everyone's sort of milling around doing their own thing. It's confusing I'd say once when the singer like embraced infantino and pushed him forward the phones did go down.

12:05Yeah Do you think he got the invite Before that like he was the most glamorous person we've been able to get his infantino Fucking hell Kim K said yes Johnny Do you want to come for a drink after the service? You bumped down to even in guests or maybe because they're multi-day weddings maybe he's yeah shrie blair one day infantino another building up day five isn't it yeah yeah um he gets an invite to another hot ticket in january 2025 when he is a guest at trump's inauguration i was going to say coronation it sort of did feel like a coronation uh he's in the crowd just laughing maniacally as the president let slip his plans to annex the Gulf of Mexico we are going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and we will restore the name he's loving it Gianni's cracking up he's cracking up it's Dr.

13:08Evil stuff Mexico are also hosting the World Cup what the fuck he's like proper slapping his fine I guess he would say, oh, Trump was joking. Yeah. He did it though, didn't he? No, no. He'd like to. He has started naming it. Oh, right. I don't think that's the same. No, but he said rename it. He said rename it. He has done that. He is just the weird uncle at the wedding, isn't he? Infantino. Yeah. Yeah. Would you have Gianni at your wedding? Do you know what? I probably would. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. He can bring the wife. I didn't mean it like that. What the fuck does that mean? in a weird way I just meant like he needs someone to talk to because he's not that chatty I'd be worrying about him all day yeah speech would be good yeah he's sort of got that vibe of like the weird uncle at the wedding who's like a bit awkward when you're sat next to him at the meal but then later on he's just like caning it really pissed on the dance floor having it yeah do you think he was really like pissed up in that clip I don't know did he get on it I kind of think he doesn't look like that sort no he's always quite composed anyway once he got all the all the parties out of the way it was time for Gianni's latest brainchild the expanded club world cup um which was sort of the tournament nobody really asked for but you know Gianni he'd committed to it he'd promised all these federations around the world that he'd do it and he was going to make a make a good show of it so to build excitement in in the tournament build-up he unveiled they did like a panini sticker album as like they do for the world cups and Gianni decided to unveil a shiny sticker of himself for the World Cup album.

14:51Look at a picture of him. He's giving himself a title as well that says the emblem. The emblem. Is that what he calls himself? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, very straight. I don't think, are there any kids in the playground looking for their, trying to collect their shiny and fresh shiny yarny? Rare commodity that. Yeah. Wow. He did later try and say that it was a joke, but I'm not sure. Take that back out, actually. That was just a joke. As he's like texting people at Pinini under the table, like pulp them quickly. Just going off in the factory. How quick can you get rid of 10 ,000 shiny and Fattino? So actually they're now super rare.

15:30Yeah. If anyone's got one. Yeah. He also had his own name engraved on the club world cup trophy twice. The engraving reads the pinnacle of all club competitions inspired by FIFA President Gianni Infantino. The tournament, first stage in 2025, eclipses any precedent. Then he's, it's his signature as well, isn't it? And his signature, yeah. Oh, he wants to be Jules Ramey, I've just realised. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Infantino trophy. Yeah. I like, it sort of reminds me of, you know that dictator we talked about in Zaire Mobutu and he changed his name to be like, he who walks with fire. It was like, really long.

16:09This one's a bit like that. And it eclipses any other. Yeah. The emblem. President Gianni. Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. This episode is brought to you by Google Health. Stop chasing someone else's definition of health. What matters is what's healthy for you. Google Health offers a new kind of coach, built with Gemini for effortless tracking, sleep insights, and holistic coaching tailored to you.

16:44Visit googlestore.com to learn more and start a new relationship with your health. Requires Google account, Google Health app, internet, and Google Health premium subscription. Features subject to change. Availability and results vary. Not intended for medical purposes. Works independently of Gemini apps. Check responses for accuracy. Hey, it's Bill from the Bill Simmons podcast. FIFA World Cup 26 fans, listen up. Is the official beer sponsor of the FIFA World Cup 26? Michelob Ultra is giving away$1 million worth of FIFA World Cup 26 tickets and prizes. Enter now at michelobultra.com slash superior access slash FIFA World Cup 26.

17:16Michelob Ultra FIFA World Cup 26 superior access, no purchase necessary. Open US Residence 21 Plus begins on December 1st, 2025, ends on July 31st, 2026, multiple entry periods. Visit www.micelobultra.com slash superior access slash FIFA World Cup 26 for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. Do you know? So yeah, he's bigging it up, but I wouldn't say it really catches on with the broadcasters. So ITV bid a grand total of zero pounds to show the competition. Luckily, though, for Gianni, just when things were looking a little bit desperate, the Saudi Arabian-backed streamers DAZN tabled a slightly higher offer of one billion pounds.

17:57Just about gazumped ITV. Just about, yeah. I was going to say 200 pounds. Yeah. Billions, all right. Just a billion, billion, billion. This is a problem with blind auctions. Shit. I thought they were good at haggling, the Saudis. Did BBC put an offer in? No, I think they flat out turned it down. I thought Channel 5 would have a crack. We'll give Gianni a blue Peter badge. It would have been good if it had ended up on like Bravo or like some really random UK conquest challenge. Yeah. no but games in between reruns of bullseye yeah last of the summer wine yeah but no he was bailed out by the by the Saudis by by DAZN and then seven days later on a totally unrelated note the 2034 World Cup was awarded to Saudi Arabia that's fantastic seven days later after that deal did you yeah is that right yeah that's incredible wow yeah Yeah.

19:01So that was the TV rights sorted. But ticket sales were not so easy to sort out. It was piss poor, really, on the sales front. So in the week of Chelsea's semifinal against Fluminense, the prices crashed by 97%. So they were initially trying to flog them for$474. But on the week of the game, you could pick them up for$13. That's great. Seems like the World Cup This time the strategy Has been more just like Let the tickets go unsold Yeah So his whole thing on this Was it's like dynamic pricing Right And he was like Yeah it's great See like you get cheap tickets That's why we're going to do it At the World Cup And then all of a sudden Kind of works I was looking at the resale platform On FIFA though And the minimum for a game This week is$600 Yeah Outrageous Did you guys watch Any of the Club World Cup I didn't watch a single million No And I don't think I ever will I noticed because I think you did a reel at the time like just say about this and then saying that it was, you know, the tournament no one wanted and there was quite a lot of angry sort of Fluminense fans presumably saying typical Eurocentric.

20:10Yeah, if your club's playing it and they hadn't normally, then I'm sure it's great. But yeah, ticket sales, not good. And Jaddy wasn't the only one who was fretting about the empty seats actually because Kylian Mbappe, if you remember, he scored this injury time bicycle kick goal against Dortmund and shared a picture of the goal on his Instagram and used AI to add in some fake fans, make it look like a packed stadium. Yeah. It looks quite fake. Zoom in on the ones in the back rows. Oh yeah, they're just like cutouts. It's like a wrestling game. Yeah, it's a bit like Sergeant Peppers. Yeah. Or collage.

20:49So there are other ways to inflate the tendencies. But despite all of that, after the tournament, Gianni declared it the most successful club competition in the world. Yeah. He'll never sing that. Obviously, since last summer, his main focus has been the World Cup, or more accurately, sucking up to Trump in advance of it. So he opened an office in Trump Tower. Yep. Good spot. That's where I'd be. He also joined Donald Trump at the Sharm El Sheikh Peace Summit as the world's power brokers tried to save the Middle East peace process and broke a peace between Israel and Palestine. Today I feel, Palestinian.

21:29He didn't go for today I feel, IDF. Surprisingly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what was he doing? And also I was wondering what he was actually doing there. Like, obviously he's got the invite by sort of sucking up to these guys, but like, what's his role? Yeah. Yeah. It'd be quite fun if he didn't talk and then Trump's like, Gianni, go and get us some pieces, mate. It's like really shoving him around. Will Palestine and Israel consider a peace deal if my mum does all of the laundry. All of it. All of the laundry. He actually has one more crack at the peace process later. We'll come on to that. It's very funny.

22:05But this Sharm El Sheikh Peace Summit was a busy week for him because it was the same week that FIFA unveiled their new ticketing system for the World Cup, including a special resale platform that will give an opportunity to more fans than ever to attend the matches. FIFA, you know, they're enabling this and taking the touts out of the game. It's only right that they charge a 30 % admin fee. Yeah, of course. So yeah, this is the absolute, this is where the shakedown really started to get out of control. Because there's no limit on what people can resell tickets for, right? So they just sold out instantly at the cost price and then for ridiculous sums.

22:40Yeah, went straight to the resale platform. So they sort of, they saw that people hated the Viagogos, the Stubhubs, and they thought, we could do that ourselves. And they're doing a good job, as I said. to 600 starting price previously was there any resale platform uh it was capped at resale yeah so i did it yeah i think there was but it was capped at face value so you can make a face value one and yeah they've got rid of that pesky pesky rubbish uh a week later they were facing criminal charges in switzerland over their right to buy tokens so basically a few years earlier fifa had tried to jump on the nft craze of course by flogging these jpegs of iconic world cup moments for extortionate amounts.

23:21Presumably you bought some. Oh, I piled in, mate. Looking for a three second clip of Pele holding the trophy. Comes the right place. What's your big... Well, I'm HODL policy and I don't sell. I'm not paper hands, I'm diamond hands. So I'm holding on for dear life. Remind me what your clone to fame in the NFT world is. I am the proud owner of the first NFT to depict a woman, which is a playing card showing the Mona Lisa. don't ask me why it's a playing card it's not one of these ones like the Mona Lisa with the tits out I mean it might as well but it's like a playing card with an easel on it and the Mona Lisa's on it is she depicted as a bored ape yeah yeah she's a bored ape she's got laser eyes she's saying 6 '7 and 4 '20 she's got a spliff in her mouth she's holding the world cup yeah that one's tanked in value a bit I've actually lost access to my wallet as well if that ever goes up in value I'm going to be like that guy trying to get into the landfill site.

24:21The Welsh bloke, yeah. Yeah. I think he's given up the search, hasn't he? Yeah, and I've given up hoping for my Mona Lisa. Yeah. It wasn't even a unique thing that were like, I think there were about 200 of the ones with the Mona Lisa. Jesus Christ. Anyway, didn't get my hands on Pelé lifting the trophy. That is a man making all the business decisions for listing up shots hours. Actually, speaking of business decisions, just a quick hydration break while we shout out our sponsor, Injury Lawyers For You. I love these guys. Yeah. I mean, I like lawyers like Gianni Amfantino, but I really like these lawyers because they are the personal injury lawyers who fight for you.

24:59They'll look after you. Have we had any personal injuries in this episode? Have you maybe been injured building infrastructure for a World Cup stadium? I think if you were working on a brand new super city in Saudi Arabia, building a World Cup venue and you had an accident at work, you're going to need a fucking good lawyer out there. And possibly some personal protection as well. I personally think you'd be mad to sue those guys, given their usual legal process. It's no win, no feeder. Let me tell you now, it will be no win. I mean, these guys are good. If anyone's going to help you, though, it'd be the good guys that are in the lawyers for you.

25:43If only Khashoggi had had injury lawyers for you. have you been lured into an embassy and then dismembered you may have a claim check their compensation calendar there's there's a compensation calendar on the website injury lawyers for you there you guys they are all jokes aside they are the personal injury lawyers who fight for you and they'll be great but i'd keep it to the legal jurisdiction of england and wales yep or uk yeah show notes details in the show notes if you have reached british waters though. Once we're in British waters.

26:22Ben, I wonder if they have got involved in any of that. I'll ask him. All right. Andrew, last year. Seamless. That's the end of the hydration break. Where were we? Sorry, we haven't finished explaining the NFT. Got a sidetrack there, but basically, yeah, so FIFA had got on the NFT craze. They'd flogged all these extortionate NFTs showing like Pele holding the trophy. Probably that like physio who chloroformed himself bobby moore um and then unsurprisingly the nfts tanked when it all tanked and so gianni quietly repackaged them as right to buy tokens which would give you the right to one day buy an actual ticket for the world cup in 2026 quite smart uh but a few months out from the world cup fifa fifa finally unveiled the details of these right to buy tokens and they They said, yeah, they will only give you the right to buy a category one or two ticket, which are fucking expensive.

27:18Two grand tickets. So that was quite a big scandal. And I think in Switzerland, they then opened criminal proceedings saying it was fraud. Anyway, that scandal was still small fry compared to what Gianni was up to the following month when he announced the creation of the FIFA Peace Prize. this is awarded to individuals who help unite people in peace through unwavering social commitment and special actions and the winner of the inaugural prize is president donald j trump all right they do the envelope thing again i think they did yeah they do the zoom acclamations clap along yeah clap along if you know the winner yeah uh yeah so obviously trump was really fucked off that he hadn't won the nobel peace prize yeah what was he winning that for ceasefire in gaza No he claims he stopped like Eight wars doesn't he I can't remember what The one he was like I should get it for Is the ceasefire in Gaza He since I think that was after No I swear There was a brief one Stop it in time for the Nobel Peace Prize He's since been given The actual peace prize By the real winner right The Venezuelan opposition leader She was like I'm going to curry some favour here and went and gave it to him.

28:34But I don't think that's how the Nobel Peace Prize works. No, do you think she just scribbled her name out? Yeah. Wrote Trump. Gianni Infantino's got one of those pens because he held it for the Club World Cup. So he just lent it to him. Yeah, so he gave this prize to Trump, who was not embarrassed at all about receiving this. It's a fucking participation medal, basically. Yeah, it is. How are you not embarrassed? Are they going to do it at the next World Cup? How often is the... It'd be funny if they just never did it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They almost certainly won't, will they? Yeah. Sorry, no, like, Al Thani will get one.

29:05And then never again. He also, when he gave him the award, tried to start another excruciating chant. Love his commitment. One, two, three, and then I want the Americans only to chant USA, USA, USA until I tell you to stop, okay? Only the Americans. Right? So one, two, three. USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! Good, good, good. That's pretty good. We make this theater vibrate as a football stadium. Now the Canadians. Are you ready, Canadians? Canada, Canada, Canada, right? The same, huh? Are you ready? One, two, three.

29:53Good, good, good. Excellent. And now our Mexican friends. 1, 2, 3 Mexico, Mexico Vamos 1, 2, 3 Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico It does remind me of when David Brent does motivational speaking I've been GNA Amphantino You've been the best Don't stop it, let it run Yeah, it's You know when you sometimes go to an event And they want to like get some crowd stuff And you're just like Fuck off, mate Yeah I mean, that one did go better than the last one. Yeah, in his defence. He played it a bit safer. There was one good moment at the draw, actually, as they named all the fixtures of the World Cup.