Gianni Infantino’s new power grab

28 Jul 2026 · 48 min · 21 chapters

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In short

The episode is a comedic sports-news roundup mixing World Cup fallout with odd scandals and “villains.” It opens with sponsor reads, then discusses Gianni Infantino being tipped for UN secretary-general, framing it as a “power grab” and criticizing his World Cup messaging as basic and self-serving. Notable examples include Infantino’s Instagram-style defense of the tournament and the broader pattern of FIFA leaders moving into supranational roles (Sepp Blatter’s alleged pervy lobbying history is mocked). Other segments cover: Christian Volpato allegedly testing positive for cocaine after speeding twice in Sydney; René Higuita’s home being seized over alleged links to Pablo Escobar money; and Aziz Ringo Abdul, Idi Amin’s grandson, embracing Amin’s legacy while boxing at the Commonwealth Games.

Guests

none—hosts Jack and JP (with their dog Pickles) discuss listener-submitted stories.

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

Tap a time to open that second in VO

Holiday Tales and Celebrity Sightings

0:00 to 0:16

Hosts share vacation stories and celebrity encounters.

“Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused.”

Holiday Tales and Celebrity Sightings

1:38 to 2:26

Hosts share vacation stories and celebrity encounters.

Erling Haaland's Adventures

2:26 to 4:50

Discussion about Erling Haaland's summer escapades and celebrity culture.

“Jade was like you really thought you were going to get shot in there didn't you?”

Fabio Capello's Holiday Antics

4:50 to 7:40

A story about a lookalike of Fabio Capello causing mischief on holiday.

“So I know, I know, Fabio Capello is 80 and widely regarded as a miserable bastard on these shores due to his England stint.”

Gianni Infantino's New Role?

7:40 to 11:40

Hosts discuss Gianni Infantino's potential new position and his controversies.

“Sophie, who sent the story in, by the way, said that when he popped up at the World Cup, they were like, that's definitely him.”

Sepp Blatter's Historical Context

11:40 to 14:00

Exploration of Sepp Blatter's past affiliations and questionable remarks.

“Basically, tights obviously came in in the sort of 60s, I guess.”

Perviness in Football Governance

14:00 to 16:40

Discussion on the inappropriate behaviors and corruption in football governance.

“Yeah, and obviously you've got all the briefcases of cash, the Rolexes, the escort sent to delegates rooms.”

Enzo's Controversial Celebration

16:40 to 17:20

Conversation about Enzo's ear celebration during a match and its implications.

“it'll be sort of training ground I get it but don't replace Enzo with Hendo I like it it's patriotic the king approves of it I was more into John Stones but he's going to win to Milan so is that happening?”

Christian Volpato's Legal Troubles

17:20 to 18:30

The incident involving Australian player Christian Volpato testing positive for cocaine.

“Unfortunately, there's a small minority that also get done for cocaine, but we haven't had one like this before.”

Speeding and Drug Use in Sports

18:30 to 23:20

Analysis of the implications of drug use and speeding among athletes.

“But apparently Christian was doing 109 kilometers an hour in a 60 zone by an infamous fish market in Sydney.”
Show all 21 chapters

Infamous Athletes and Family Legacies

24:15 to 28:00

Conversation about athletes with infamous relatives, focusing on Aziz Ringo Abdul.

“And that is super heavyweight boxer Aziz Ringo Abdul, who is the grandson of Idi Amin, the bloodthirsty Ugandan dictator.”

Muhammad Ali and Idi Amin's Encounter

28:00 to 29:22

Learn about an intriguing story involving Muhammad Ali and Idi Amin's tense meeting over cash and boxing.

“He used to send her Like love letters And shit Really?”

Idi Amin's Unusual Personality

29:22 to 31:30

Explore the bizarre personality traits and quirks of Idi Amin, from love letters to unique habits.

“Hitler, famous dog lover, actually as well.”

Rene Higuita's Drug-Related Scandal

31:38 to 32:45

Delve into Rene Higuita's scandal involving Pablo Escobar's cartel and his unexpected arrests.

“So last week I talked about how we're in the market for really dodgy merch.”

Higuita's Controversial History

32:45 to 35:42

Discover the complicated backstory of Higuita's connections to crime and his football career.

“Has Escobar gone up to him and gone, look, I've done these two fellas.”

Kazuyoshi Miura: The Oldest Player

35:42 to 37:41

Learn about Kazuyoshi Miura, the world's oldest professional footballer still scoring goals at 59.

“He always denied that he was friends with Pablo Escobar.”

The Curse of County Mayo

37:41 to 39:58

Uncover the story of County Mayo's 75-year championship curse and its recent lift.

“I've been drinking a fucking litre of olive oil a day.”

Irish Superstitions and Their Impact

39:58 to 42:00

Explore the superstitions in Ireland that influenced the County Mayo football team's fate.

“who was just an unused sub on the day, passed away in 2023.”

Endrick's Controversial Relationship

42:00 to 44:35

Discussion about Endrick's personal life and relationship controversies.

“I quite long for living in those times where everything was just so mysterious.”

Celebratory Trophy Mishap

44:35 to 46:58

A humorous recount of a rugby team celebrating and losing their trophy.

“everyone's you know erling harland's dancing for the phone zombies capello's mind sweeping wines and the Leucat, who are the winners of the French fourth tier rugby, they were celebrating on a boat this weekend.”

Celebratory Trophy Mishap

47:00 to 47:34

A humorous recount of a rugby team celebrating and losing their trophy.

“Ancient forest spirits nip at his heels.”
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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking storm. Storm, good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense?

0:34There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+. Wasn't that delicious? So good. Your bill, ladies? I got it. No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted first. Oh, don't be silly. You don't be silly. People with the Wells Fargo ActiveCash credit card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2 % cash rewards on purchases. Okay, rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. No! The Wells Fargo Active Cash Credit Card. Visit wellsfargo.com slash activecash. Terms apply. Welcome back to the Upshot, the show about the funniest stories in sport.

1:14This week on the show today, Gianni Amfantino's new power grab. World Cup stars cocaine arrest. And Idi Amin returns to haunt England. and we are of course sponsored by injury lawyers for you welcome back to the pod hello my name's jack hello jp buongiorno jack buongiorno just the two of us just the two and a half because your dog's here oh pickles pickles is standing it's pickles getting nunny rubs this week instead of zach yeah exactly yeah i think she's a bit more professional than zach anyway yeah she tells a better story yeah true uh zach is at a jazz festival it's that time of year it's what he does he sways in the long grass glass of red wine in hand yeah yeah very much you can really picture him with his eyes closed can't you just swaying with a little smile on his face uh how was your holiday banging mate banging how fresh how were eiffel 65 are they are they better live i did hear rumors that i was at harry styles at madison square gardens yeah yeah well which pop act were you following uh to confirm i was in greece with my missus watching ozone sing dragostar dente that's a tune actually was it nice?

2:25yeah lovely mate I did get recognised on the beach didn't quite go as I'd hoped though so I went over to go and get a couple of sunbeds and the fella was like I really recognise you you're from the television I was like fucking hell we made it to Greece and he goes Love Island! Love Island! Jade was like you really thought you were going to get shot in there didn't you? I was like fuck's sake you have got that look yeah red as fuck on the beach love island fucker do you reckon that is his line to every English bloke? no no no I think he generally thought I was love island tackle you know like how you go to like a market somewhere and they'll start being like Rodney you plonker is it the new yeah I was hoping but I think he's a shotter a closet shotter tell you who's having a very good holiday Erling Haaland oh he always is he's rounding about I saw him he was doing the Viking row at Donnarumma's wedding leading it in his black tie that is a party trick now Yeah, it looked pretty fun, actually.

3:21And then he was in Saint-Tropez at one of those god-awful beach club restaurants with And Me, the DJ. Oh, yeah. Behind the decks in his Viking hat. One third of Klein music, god-awful crowd. Oh, yeah, they're the absolute cunts, aren't they? Yeah. Well, they're not the cunts, their crowds are. Yeah. And actually, look at this. So, Erling Haaland looks like he's having a pretty good time, but then it pans to the crowd, and they're just stationary, every single person with a phone in the air. Just zombies. I mean, how can that be fun? Just zero vibe. But like, if Pan's now looking at it, no one's moving.

3:58They're just zombies. That looks dead. Shame, because Erling looks like he's having a good time. Yeah. He's got lovely hair as well. He always looks like he's having a good time, to be fair. Yeah, I think he is. He's a good vibe. Yeah. Unlike that crowd. They're actually playing in London this weekend. If you fancy it. I'd rather... I'd rather shit on my hands and clap. I would. But like, Kindy Music, they're the ones as well famous for their gigs when it pans to the crowd everyone's just filming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famously they're trying to get phones banned at their gigs as well now because it's so bad.

4:27I think they're trying very hard by the looks of things. They're getting paid. It does also seeing Carlin in a club does remind me, you know that video of him when he's 18 getting kicked out of a club? In Norway, I think. It's a good video because it's just, he really looks like any teenager just getting shoved out by the bouncers. It's really good. We can all relate. There it is, yeah. They're just shoved out. doesn't need it he's just being just being surrounded by bouncers who are just sort of manhandling him and then look they properly push him I feel like he was quite mouthy back he's still a bit mouthy but he was just a bit aggy yeah but I love that and now he's just fun he's just a fucking normal person though isn't he kind of he's also really weird he's great yeah I love him he's great tell you who that crowd in San Tropez could have used to inject a bit of excitement Fabio Capello you weren't expecting that name were you?

5:19No. So I know, I know, Fabio Capello is 80 and widely regarded as a miserable bastard on these shores due to his England stint. But we had a DM from Sophie who just before the World Cup was on an all-inclusive holiday in Crete with her family, all of them. And in the resort, they kept seeing this bloke who looked just like Fabio Capello and he was getting up to no good. so apparently this bloke and I'm pretty sure it is Fabio Capello by the way, we'll get on to that he was like on his way to the buffet for a meal and he was just mind sweeping drinks off people's tables just nicking glasses of wine and necking them what the fuck?

6:01So apparently she said we saw he went past this table, just took this girl's glass of wine, necked it and the girl came back to her table from the buffet and was like, where the fuck's my wine? Did you say it was an all inclusive as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fab, quite right there He's doing that for shits and gigs then, isn't he? yeah I reckon apparently another point his wife turned her back and he just necked a whole glass of wine cheap frills so I reckon maybe he's on orders to behave so he has to just get them in whenever he can find a drink I've got a pic of him there I'm pretty sure that's him fucking hell is he either Capello or Andy Burnham because of the specs but I look so those specs that he's wearing are the same as the ones he was wearing really recently he was at the World Cup yeah yeah yeah so look those are the same specs god it does look like him doesn't it And if we look at the next one, I'm pretty sure it's the same watch.

6:47Holy hell. Yeah. He looks good for 80, by the way. Big time. It's all that wine, isn't it? Yeah. It's that Mediterranean thing. Loads of olive oil and wine. Blue zone. But also, the pick of him in the resort, he does, the shirt he's wearing, I think is quite Fabio Capello. Yeah, very Fabio Capello vibe. Although I don't think Fabio Capello would wear a side bag. Is it a side bag or is it a camera or binoculars? He just looks a bit dodgy, that fella, doesn't he? You say it's not Fabio Capello. I'm pretty sure it's not. Really? I think it's not. If you look, he has a proper widow's peak. Yeah. And I think he's a different nose.

7:21No, the nose is the same. No, he's got a real squash nose and real wide. That looks more... It's a very, very close lookalike. I think it's Fabio Capello. But it's not our Fabio. Anyone who's watching the video version, pass your verdict in the comments, please. Is it former England manager Fabio Capello mind-sweeping drinks at an all-inclusive inquiry? Sophie, who sent the story in, by the way, said that when he popped up at the World Cup, they were like, that's definitely him. Really? Yeah. Wow. I suppose I should have done a bit of journalism and contacted Chapello's representatives to ask if he was at Club Med.

7:52Yeah. I'll find out if anyone has more info. If you've spotted an England manager mind sweeping or maybe you've seen Harland Raven is nuts off, we want to hear from you. So you can contact me directly 24 hours a day, seven days a week on the Upshot hotline. The number, we'll put it on the screen with a QR code, but it is 07354 079 834. And there is a prize for more England managers mind sweeping. Big time. You can find Glenn Hoddle in Santee. Actually, JP, someone also sent in a pic of Richard Keyes at your spot. I'd recognize that garden and those Mediterranean tiles anywhere. It's like instant roof gardens, yeah.

8:40Yeah, that's the rooftop right there. So he's been dressed in... He's looking quite boo-hoo man, I would say. Actually, those are probably quite expensive clothes, but he's dressed like a sort of 28-year-old. 28-year-old and your wife dresses you. Because his wife is about 28. She's in her 30s, I think. That definitely screams if his wife has dressed him. I reckon that's probably quite expensive clobber, isn't it? His wife has dragged him to Zara, basically. Do you reckon that Zara? I think that's like Issey Miyake or something. or Percival something like that not heard of that but it sounds expensive he's got sort of Jarvis Cocker glasses on and then a sort of co-ord open shirt and trousers sounds like he's making a comeback he's captioned it cool as a cucumber he looks like he's about to come out of Casa Amor and just fuck shit up in the main house well that is sort of Kensington Roof Gardens mate it's sort of Richard Keyes actually fuck his own marriage up

9:35right did you see Gianni Infantino know i sort of thought we wouldn't be talking about him now world cup's done there's a couple of world cup villains in this episode actually i thought we wouldn't be talking about firstly infantino he's been tipped to become secretary general of the un by trump fucking hell presumably trump has quite a a lot of influence over this yeah uh so yeah i mean i guess it's a classic you scratch my back and boy has he been scratching trump's back well i mean if he does take that at still fuck off out of FIFA. That's what I was thinking. How much does UN Secretary General affect my life?

10:09Yeah. Whereas FIFA affects it way more. Every four years. I guess UN Secretary General is one of those. It doesn't affect your life for ages and then it really does. It really fucking does. Proper comes home. I don't know. I think in a way I'd sort of prefer him out of football in some like supranational politics. Yeah, yeah. Go and chuck him in the UN. Yeah. Have it. It'd be fucking great. Yeah. It does blow my mind that a man with all the charisma of some tepid gruel it just keeps getting these promotions surely the UN as well yeah I mean he did come out this week and launch a scathing review on all of the news outlets that have been going on yeah I've actually got a quote from it here so he did a big insta post sort of addressing the haters about the World Cup here are a couple of bits to all of you who missed watching kids, babies grandparents and parents come together for the beautiful game sorry that you were so consumed by hate and criticism that you missed it all and then uh to those spending their time and energy hating us please take a moment to reflect meditate pray or watch a football match and truly observe the faces the eyes the emotions he lives in la la land yeah but he's he's he's the unstable person the most unstable person you know warning about like got all the toxic friends out of my life and I'm embracing positivity it's quite be kind isn't it very Passag he's fundamentally just quite basic is my conclusion yeah he just likes his bottomless brunches in Dubai he likes his little social network yeah selfie with a celeb yeah and just like hates haters bit of a social climber yeah yeah I kind of there's something what is he growing on you oh I said this during the Infantino episode I'm trying really hard it's almost endearing what a fucking wanker he is you've changed your fucking tune yeah i just want him on the un security council yeah let's get sharpish and actually giving gianni the un gig would not be the first time a fifa president was handed the reins to one of the world's most powerful supranational bodies because back in 1971 set blatter former fifa president was elected president of the world society of friends of suspenders which is it's Basically, it's an international union of pervs who lobby women to wear stockings and suspenders rather than tights.

12:31Fuck off. Basically, tights obviously came in in the sort of 60s, I guess. And his fellow members were livid about this because they preferred the suspender. Something a bit sexier. Something a bit north of the knee. So they actually formed this organisation. 160 members, all of the male. You'll be surprised to hear. Is this real? Yeah, this is a real society. Sorry, yeah. you're waiting for the this is real so yeah these 160 dirty gits led by Sepp Blatter I don't exactly know what campaigning they did but they basically were trying to lobby women to go back to suspenders holy fuck yeah that's disgusting yeah unfortunately the relentless march of the pantyhose was too much for even Sepp Blatter to stop but he did actually continue his keen interest in women's clothing when he got the FIFA gig so in 2004 he was asked how can we grow the audience for women's football?

13:27And he replied, let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Fucking hell. And if he's like, I don't know, top of my head, just spitballing. Maybe at halftime they change into the nude and then some of them kiss each other. I don't know. It's just an idea. I mean, none of this age as well, but I can't imagine it being onside back then either. like yeah but like i think the 70s was quite a big era for just like people forming like bodies you know there was the pedo one oh yeah what were they called information exchange just exchanging information pie yeah pie all we're exchanging is information about how to my last children and i feel like this is sort of the same thing it's like everyone had to make a fucking club with a card oh god it's disgusting and his was it's such a specific form of perviness as well.

14:23Yeah, and obviously you've got all the briefcases of cash, the Rolexes, the escort sent to delegates rooms. Supporting John Terry. Did he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in a way it was weird to not have the pervy bit of the bingo card ticked off. You might as well get it all done. Yeah, yeah. I'd never seen him as a perv but now I can't really unsee it. Well, I think he's the king of the perv as well as looks and things. If you're starting a governing body,

14:50it sort of makes you top of the cards have done it it's so good um actually one other world cup villain i spotted enzo is um he's doing doing some pods complaining he's basically saying he said i've been getting death threats which he probably has and that's obviously not i haven't said anything this week uh that's obviously not right but he said chelsea have said to him they're considering selling him because uh because of his celebration which he's saying they told him it was disrespectful to the British monarchy. Surely they didn't fucking say that. What, the ear thing? Yeah. What's that got to do with the monarchy?

15:29Is he saying he's a devil there? Sorry, I don't understand what the devil thing was. No, he's just doing the ears. Oh, is he? Yeah. I think he was doing it to his own fans being like, dial up the noise sort of thing. Right, I thought he was doing something to do with devils. Devils? Like he's a devil, maybe? Surely you've seen people do the ear celebration. Yeah, but usually you just do one, don't you? Yeah, he did too. It was a weird way of doing it. Yeah. Look, it was the most punchable face anyone's ever made, the pocket lips. but people need to calm the fuck down. But anyway, he also said like, I'm considering not going back because they're going to boo me.

15:55It's like, well, yeah, they are. I think every single Premier League club will boo him, including Chelsea. Yeah. I hope he goes. I just love the idea that King Charles was watching the semi-final and when Enzo did that, he just spat out his fucking goose liver pate. Get me Topoli's number now. Spat out his sherry. You better sell that cunt right now. You can forget about the Royal Seal. Enzo goes tonight yeah and can you buy Jordan Henderson and Danny Welbeck that's a turnout for the books Jesus Christ we're like wheeling in the OAPs I sort of get it yeah but not that old like there's a bracket we need to hit I think it's quite smart yeah I get it Henderson again it's card tricks isn't it it'll be sort of training ground I get it but don't replace Enzo with Hendo I like it it's patriotic the king approves of it I was more into John Stones but he's going to win to Milan so is that happening?

16:52I think that's happening apparently Vinny Jr is going to Arsenal I saw that there's no way that'll happen they would be very good if they got before we continue I've got a podcast recommendation for you the Football Ramble is the most entertaining football podcast out there except for the Upshot obviously and for me it's the best way to follow the on-pitch action at the World Cup this summer just like the Upshot they're not afraid to call Gianni Infantino what he really is so if you're looking for a new podcast to guide you through this world cup look no further than the football ramble with brand new episodes every single day through the tournament just search football ramble wherever you get your podcasts vinnie yeah talking of world cup villains australian world cup star christian volpato has allegedly tested positive for cocaine after being caught speeding in sydney last week and you know plenty of footballers get get done for speeding and get pulled over.

17:47Unfortunately, there's a small minority that also get done for cocaine, but we haven't had one like this before. So Volpato was stopped for speeding, not once, but twice, on the same night, in the same spot. So was he just doing laps? We think he was probably doing laps. So the first time he got caught, he got a bit of slap on the wrist and he obviously did a drug test and it came up negative. but the second time which was just two hours later he recorded a positive for cocaine so he got done for speeding got away with it and then was like i'm gonna do a bump of gear and carry on speeding i mean if you've robbed the bank and you've got away with it you don't go back to the bank that night do you yeah while on gear as well certainly don't be on drugs when you're doing it so can you just test someone for drugs there and then i think maybe a blood test i don't know whether it came up in urine.

18:42But apparently Christian was doing 109 kilometers an hour in a 60 zone by an infamous fish market in Sydney. Apparently a lot of people go there to like drag race and stuff. Oh, because it's a big space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And want to pick up as well. Yeah, get drugs, speed, hookers. Sounds like he's just literally some random guy's offered him something. He's like, fuck it. Or he's been watching too much GTA. My gut feel is if you're doing that kind of speed and you're willing to get caught twice, it must be really good coke. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, top draw Australian bag. I reckon he was on it the first time and they just didn't...

19:21But surely you've got a career to think about. Like, don't go back to the scene. I mean, doing gear alone or doing the speeding alone is pretty mental. They fucking love it in Australia, though, don't they? Yeah, they've got a long history of coke-y sports people. Oh, actually, yeah, that's quite a lot of, like, cricketers and shit. Cricketers. Mark Bosnich. I mean, the man alone. Good point. I swear we did an episode of him. He was doing something like nine grams. He was trying to get his girlfriend to give up coke. So he said, for every line you do, I'll do two. And he just ended up with an even worse coke addiction.

19:54Was that like to say like, oh, I don't know what you're doing as much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Surely a ticker is going out. I mean, I think it was pretty bad at one point. He got really fucking bad. He was like losing his mind. Yeah. But they love it. But isn't it really, I've never been to Australia, but isn't it really expensive? Coke. Well, a friend of a friend went over not too long ago and he said it's still like$300 a gram. Is that what? It's like a hundred and something pounds. But it's like an island, isn't it? Quite hard to ship over. Not blaming them. There's a business there somewhere down there.

20:26It feels like there is. There's a gap in the market. Maybe I'm thinking they love Coke because the ones you meet here and in other countries, in Europe they're always like, have you got any faggot Coke? But I think that's why they come over, isn't it? So you can get some cheap pub grub. what's Volpato's story? Is he any good? I think he's played like three times in the World Cup. He plays for Roma and he's only recently gone over to the Socceroos. So he was over there doing like a big PR push to try and raise his profile. Well, he's succeeded. Certainly raised his profile, mate. He's done a good job.

20:57Now I should say he did provide another urine sample and a blood test afterwards that has come back negative. So this may blow over. Does it go through you quite quickly? I think so it's a few days isn't it but again if it does go full Mark Bosnich will keep you posted yeah speed awareness course at the minimum yeah he's lost his license oh has he yeah well speeding twice on the same night what I'm going speaking of the Australian team did you see that it was actually during the World Cup that moment there was a British newsreader was reading out the result who knocked Australia out I can't remember it was on pens wasn't it And she was saying, basically, she starts describing the shootout and she thinks Socceroos is actually the name of a player who's missed three penalties.

21:47And listen to how she pronounces it. I've got a clip. It took Australia more than 40 minutes to equalise through an Egypt-owned goal. No goals in extra time, took it to penalties. But then Sakiros missed two spot kicks. Sakiros. See that Greek striker. Easy mistake to make. Yeah. yeah not knocking it much like speeding twice in one night yeah that seems so brazen yeah I was thinking like out of all the drugs surely cocaine makes you drive better you're like more switched on I'm not saying it's good no I think it would probably give you a poor like assessment of risk ah yeah you want to you want to take more risk it's quite a key part of driving isn't it yeah hence the reason why he was going need for speed in a fish market yeah right got it

22:35I tell you what there's fuck all sport on at the moment have you noticed that we do a tv guide in our newsletter and it's like dry dry as an hands can commonwealth gang god zach goes away for one week he will be spitting out his quinoa at the jazz festival hearing that his tempeh and freaky buddha bowl

23:05sorry sorry I think I know the answer to this then, but have you been glued to the Commonwealth Games? I refuse to watch it if it's not on the BBC. They've got highlights on Channel 5 every night. I've not seen any, I have to admit. Who the fuck has TNT? I don't watch it on there. I only have it for the Commonwealth Games every four years. I just need to see the Falkland Islands in the archery. But there's some quite funny random cameos. Did you see Maddie McCann's brother and sister in the swimming? What the fuck? Yeah. Are they good? I think they're decent. Yeah, the parents are there watching.

23:38I presume the news are only talking about the fact that they're Madeleine McCann's brother and sister rather than their performance. Yeah, yeah. The twins. I kind of remember them from the Manny McCann case. It's a shame that this is supposed to be like all about their career and their performance, but they're probably just talking about... Yeah, everyone's just like, yeah. I mean, I can think of some quite unkind jokes, but I'm not going to make them about the parents watching. Sort of made the joke without making it now. Nipped out for tapas at one point, I should. Yeah.

24:07we'll see if that makes the final version. But actually, there is another athlete in the games with an even more infamous relative. And that is super heavyweight boxer Aziz Ringo Abdul, who is the grandson of Idi Amin, the bloodthirsty Ugandan dictator. Wasn't the nicest of blokes, was he? No, not a sweetheart, it must be said. We will come on some of his redeeming features because there is one. But also Ringo, you know, you hear he's Idi Amin's grandson and you think maybe he's one of those guys who's sort of like distancing himself from the legacy. Is he sort of putting 10 quid in the victim's fund and kind of, you know, just being quite apologetic.

24:46No, no, no. Ringo is all in on the Idi Amin thing. So he uses the nickname Last King of Scotland. Really? Yeah. And he told the press this week, my grandfather's achievements inspired me. I am so proud of him. A lion must resemble a lion. It is what it is. I am a real warrior. I am the son of the sun oof so he's drank granddaddy's kool-aid but he just loves him yeah just rates him like he talks quite quite colourfully about how great his granddad was I think he largely means Iddy's boxing career because I forgot that Iddy I mean was a boxing was a boxer he held the Ugandan light heavyweight title for nine years legitimately like actually yeah this is before he was because he was a soldier and then he sort of came up through and became commander of the army and then he did his coup but yeah he legitimately held it although after like the end of he lost the title to this bloke called peter sasera waggy and then after he became president he organized a rematch in which he delivered a stage knockout of peter while dressed in a suit and tie so i think at that point it did get quite illegitimate yeah i suppose poor peter was worried about his life so yeah yeah you let him knock you out you're going down in the third zone yeah given that he's been known to eat human meat genuinely quite succulent um but yeah he uh yeah i feel a bit sorry for ringo so i mean grandson his his opponent tomorrow night is england's damar thomas yeah he's really highly rated i think yeah i think he probably should win is is the general view but you know if you first fight in the commonwealth games you're probably thinking i'll get some fucking tomato can from the isle of man right not the grandson of a cannibal dictator killed 500 000 people might put you off a bit yeah yeah but um i mean what i was gonna say is i was sort of looking up his boxing connection so he was a boxer but then he also had a role in the rumble in the jungle we talked about this on our muhammad ali episode so um muhammad ali when they were doing the rumble in the jungle he had to go around various african dictators just like shaking the tin raising money for for the prize purse and first he goes to see mabutu in zaire who agreed to host it.

26:59That's where the Rumble in the Jungle was. I think we've talked about Mobutu before. Terrifying man, but quite good guy. He's an absolute vibes man. Yeah, we're looking at a picture of him in, how to describe the shirt, sort of wavy, colourful shirt. It's an element of sort of like, Africana, I'd call it. And then a, you know those hats that like soldiers, but also like cabin crew wear? Like air hostess in the 70s. I've got one. But his is leopard print. Yeah, it's pretty. Have you got one? I have, yeah. I'll borrow it. it's a fucking look Richard Keyes if you're listening that should be your next look yeah yeah yeah sack off the Zara two piece son get yourself a Mabutu JP JP's just we were just having a look at my Glastonbury outfit for last year largely inspired by him Lepo Primbero you look just like Mabutu anyway so Mabutu agreed to to host it and then Muhammad Ali went to Libya met Gaddafi who chucked in 10 million dollars fucking hell which he never gets any credit for by the way and then chuck the guy a bite 10 mil come on good guy anyway then finally muhammad ali has to go to uganda uh where the vibes are a little bit less friendly he goes to meet idiamine in his terrifying lair and he's like look can i have can i have some donations to the nation of islam can we have something for the prize money maybe a loan and a baron idiamine pulls out a briefcase containing 500 grand in cash and says you can have the money if you fight me right now i'm gonna have at least like uh probably not gonna do that at which point idiy amin pulls out a gun points at him and goes now what do you say muhammad ali and apparently there's a long silence then he just cracks up i feel like muhammad ali is one of those guys that could diffuse that situation yeah i mean surely he's not getting like cut up and eaten but still apparently he made his excuses and left really Probably quite scary Wasn't Iddy I mean The dictator Who used to chirps Queen Elizabeth Really?

28:58He used to send her Like love letters And shit Really? Yeah What did they say? Surely he hated her He used to send her Like really inappropriate letters Like can you come over For my birthday party And shit like that Let's do night off thrones Surely he hates Yeah there you go Oh whoa I'm actually He's actually a sports figure Right? He was a boxer And organised a lot Of boxing stuff I think that qualifies For an old gold I think we should do An episode An old gold episode On him one Tuesday, two parts. Idi Amin, boxing's favourite son. I did actually, while I was researching his boxing connections, I came across this post from NBS Television, which is Uganda's leading TV channel, and it said despite all his flaws, many who lived during Idi Amin's time speak highly of his love for sports.

29:42Hitler, famous dog lover, actually as well. Yeah, those flaws include eating political opponents. He said it was very salty human meat. really yeah he said i've eaten human meat it's not as salty as leopard meat but it's very salty do you think that's dependent on the person's diet or do you think that's just in general you think you would be quite i i think i'm quite um what do you think you taste i'm quite sweet you tasted like an acai bowl no no zach tastes like a fucking acai bowl like lentils lettuce and lentils i reckon i taste of huell actually yeah you're just protein powder yeah you'd be like those I'm chemically what are those fish they found in the North Sea that have loads of coke in them yeah that's you that's what you taste of I'm like a cokey tuna yeah yeah cokey tuna actually if you've been kidnapped imprisoned cooked and eaten then you might have grounds for compensation that would probably constitute an accident that wasn't your fault big time it would happen at work you know if you're a sort of political dissident yeah and if so if you have been harassed by Idi Amin may I recommend injury lawyers for you it might be a bit late to bring a claim against him he's been dead for a while they are pretty good they are if anyone could get a claim against the Amin estate I think injury lawyers for you it's IJ for you they're the injury lawyers who fight for you and it's no win no fee exactly it's worth a punt yeah it's worth a go isn't it but do only fill in the form if you've got an actual accident yeah yeah they don't want time wasters who are making jokes about being eaten by dictators but they've got on their website they've got a list of all the stuff that you could possibly sue for.

31:21So just pick one.

31:25I'd do the job probably. Anyway, so I'll put in the show notes the injury lawyers who fight for you. They're really good. Really good. We've got the mug. We've got pens. Actually, speaking of merch, we drawn people's attention to our Anthony Gordon plate. The People's Prince. Shout out to Tim. So last week I talked about how we're in the market for really dodgy merch. And Tim, who's a mate, told me about his friend who bought this. Anthony Gordon. It's basically a Princess Diana plate, but it's agey if you can't see it. Anthony Gordon, the people's prince. He looks rather sweet. Anthony Gordon looks like a pub landlord from the 1970s.

32:04Do you think? I think he's a bit boyish for that. No. Especially in this, people's prince. But yeah, it's an absolutely charming bit of crockery. Yeah. No food should be consumed from the plate. No, no. It should stay here. If we just keep the weird merch coming, because I'm really enjoying that sort of thing. Yeah. And also, if you've had an accident that wasn't your fault, injury law is for you. Got another cokey scandal. It's a lot of drugs today, isn't it? Well, I guess the World Cup's finished everyone's board, didn't they? Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's another cocaine-adjacent scandal. So, do you remember Rene Higuita, the Colombian keeper?

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32:38Scorpion kick at Wembley. Bushy hair, very flamboyant. Nicknamed El Loco, the crazy one in Colombia. although in Colombia his reputation is a bit less cuddly than it is here and last week a court ordered the seizure of his home which is in Medellin, former drug capital of the world there was a 12 year investigation into him and it concluded that his house was bought using money from Pablo Escobar's cartel what are they like borrowed in the money or something? I'll explain so basically he bought the house in 1992 a year before Escobar was killed in Medellin in a shootout of police and it's a slightly complicated story but basically the house was first bought by these two drug lord brothers it was sort of a front and escobar later had them both murdered in jail sort of just an that's his vibe normal week anyway after that the house ended up in the possession of colombia goalkeeper rene higuiti he's playing for colombia at this point he's like a big name how the fuck is that well he always said it is a pure and simple coincidence i don't think this one was advertised on the open market but you know, maybe he's just got really good contacts in the estate agency.

33:47Yeah. Which I can imagine was quite cokey. Has Escobar gone up to him and gone, look, I've done these two fellas. Can you move into this? Well, he did already have a quite a cozy relationship with the cartel. So back in 93, he actually got jailed after helping broker the release of a girl who was kidnapped by Escobar. So early 90s, this is after Pablo Escobar's pomp. He's now on the run. The situation's turned on him. I actually heard that while he was on the run he once burned a million dollars in cash to keep his daughter warm he's a good dad he's caring surely just go and buy some firelighters I think it was like they're in the middle of nowhere all they had was cash so it's like burn it he was making a million I think a million a week at one point class anyway he's then quite broke on account of burning a million dollars not a long term thinker is Pablo so he decides he needs like some quick cash so he kidnaps the daughter of a rival drug boss, which, you know, considering how considerate he is about his own daughter, I think it's a bit...

34:46Makes me think he's not a completely empathetic character. He's not a nice guy. Anyway, he kidnapped her, held her for ransom for 300 grand, and the drug baron, the girl's dad, approached Rene Higuita and asked if he would deliver the ransom cash to Escobar's henchmen because he's sort of... He knows all these people, but he's in the middle and he's kind of... Famous. Clean. Yeah, I don't know why the famous thing helps, but I guess he's trusty. Trustworthy. he's not going to do a runner yeah is he because he's got clay in the libertadores next week anyway he did it and the dad gave him 64 grand when the girl was released as a sort of commission 20 tip nicely yeah um unfortunately for higita when he did do the handover it was in quite a busy neighborhood and obviously he's very famous so all the local kids were like what's renee higita doing brokering and ransom it's like seeing jordan pickford like you know i mean outside a house with a briefcase of cash it's mental um and so the story of what happened quickly got out and higita got arrested for profiting off a kidnapping spent seven months in the nick he did get released without charge in the end missed the 94 world cup over it really yeah surely he doesn't need the cash this is all just pressure from you probably do need the cash and And also it's like, you're not going to fuck with these lads, are you?

36:03He always denied that he was friends with Pablo Escobar. And he said he'd just done it as an act of kindness to broker the kidnap. Although it turns out he did visit Escobar in jail one year earlier and thank himself. Thank him for turning himself in. And for the house. Yeah. And also here's a mobile phone. I've smuggled in my bum. Here's a shank. He might need it. I also learned about René Higuiti. he scored 41 goals in his career really mostly free kicks great fucking good goalkeeper wasn't he there was that other keeper Chiliver Paraguayan who used to take the pens and free kicks was he free kicks as well yeah and I also think those guys used to wear tracksuit bottoms a lot yeah with the socks tucked into the trousers do you know who also used to do that Chelsea backup keeper Dimitri Kari yes fucking hell that brings it back yeah and actually speaking of unusual achievements this week the world's oldest professional footballer age 59 scored in the Japanese third tier Chelsea will probably be signing him this week bit of experience Kazuyoshi Miura mad so it's mental okay so he's Japan's second highest goalscorer ever he started playing in 1986 last played for Japan in 2000 he's the same age as Gaza that is absolutely fucking mental four years older than Shira so it's like Gaza still playing for like Burton Albion here he is he looks I mean he looks really good for his age why is it always Japan with these when the old players the ones who play on really old they're always Japanese good lifestyle blue zone yeah isn't the blue zone thing bullshit is it yeah it turns out that because you know it's like blue zones they're like so weird like some of the diets seem like they're not good for you but they kind of are and they're like oh it's probably all the gardening they do but it turns out the one thing all the blue zones have in common is poor record keeping oh really and financial incentives to lie about your age like you get you get more like pension if you're older.

37:59I've been drinking a fucking litre of olive oil a day. Yeah, it's bollocks. It's bollocks. But he does look great. 59. Moving away from drug barons, Jack, let me take you back to Ireland in 1951. And back then, the Emerald Isle was a deeply superstitious and religious place. You know, dancing was frowned upon. Missing church got you a slapped ass or maybe a fingered ass, depending on the priest. I really thought this was going to be the cleaner story. It's probably true. Should I do that again? No, no, that was great.

38:41And failing to salute a magpie meant a lifetime of sorrow. So when County Mayo's championship winning team were celebrating back-to-back all-island titles, they weren't expecting a run-in with a local priest. so according to witnesses at the time after the match the players were partying on the team brus you know singing and passing around drinks and causing a bit of a stir in this local village and unfortunately at the time at the same time there was a funeral procession going on and they failed to respect the event so apparently the priest was furious and put a curse on the team and sieved, Damnation be upon every one of ye.

39:24As long as ye shall live, County Mayo will never win an all-island. To curse them. I thought you were going to say put a finger in their bum when you said put a finger. You probably did as well. He did that after. They're a bit old. Sorry. So they were cursed, weren't they? They were cursed. And yeah, I'm not a superstitious man, but it looked like it must have worked because for the next 75 years, Mayo didn't win despite reaching the final 11 times. So this was cracking on for quite a while. And the last survivor member, a chap called Mick Loftus, who was just an unused sub on the day, passed away in 2023.

40:05And the curse was, of course, lifted. So they didn't win in 24. They didn't win in 2025. They waited a couple of years, but I'm pleased to say they finally won the title on Saturday. their opponents Kerry got a good rollicking and County Mayo is absolutely popping off what sport is this by the way? no idea is it Gaelic football? it's Gaelic football yeah there was one wow there was one picture here of a fan crying at the final whistle he looks like he's absolutely lost it I think so we were talking I think last week while you were away about people crying like when England got knocked out of the World Cup I think that's massive overreaction to cry.

40:51But I think him crying is legit. 75 years of her. And I bet it's like, oh, my father never got to see it kind of thing. You know what I mean? And also, I don't know, I feel like it's more legit when you're Irish, isn't it? You're more sort of... There's more of a romance to the tears, I think. I mean, he looks like a curse has been lifted, that fella. It'd be quite funny if they then went and celebrated accidentally near a funeral procession. Oh, for that's sake. Be careful. got to be careful what you celebrate fingering about a man a curse that is one of the great sporting curses though isn't it big time surely what I don't get is right so dancing was frowned upon and like fairies were believed in as these sort of like evil things yeah you couldn't if you disrupted one of those sort of round circles that you get in farming I can't remember exactly why you have them but apparently that's where the fairies used to go oh yeah yeah and they were considered sort of evil and stuff but like if dancing was considered the work of Satan then surely a priest who can curse people should be first in the fucking stocks.

41:51I don't get it. What are the rules? Yeah, apparently you had to give a nod if you ever saw, or a salute, if you ever saw a magpie on its own. Yeah. Very, very bad luck. I quite long for living in those times where everything was just so mysterious. And like you didn't know what was real and what wasn't. Yeah, yeah. Well, you got the club before it. What, my dressing gown? Yeah, this could be a sort of Fryer tuck. Yeah, I could be a very pious monk. I would not have celebrated at the funeral. So were they basically just like having beers, sort of driving past? Yeah, they're just having a good time, getting back to Mayo.

42:25I mean, they won the old island. I don't think you can blame them. Fucking devil priestess. We must have some fans in County Mayo. We do. We are big in Ireland. Whenever I say we're big in Ireland on the pod, people comment being like, no, it's just people using VPN so they can watch porn. But we did a show in Ireland and they were fucking great. Yeah, they were great. Stick that in your pipe. Yeah. We're big in Ireland. Big in Ireland. Right. Update on our boy, Endric. Remember him? So he's the 19-year-old wonder kid, Brazilian. He's on Real Madrid's books, but he was playing in France somewhere alone.

42:56Do you remember he's the one with the wife who, he says, I'll do whatever God tells my wife to do. He believes that his wife can hear the voice of God. She's the one who bans him from having a girlfriend in GTA. They have to say, I love you at all times. He's fucked it up. Anyway, they're having a baby and he's calling it. Kendrick Endrick and Kendrick I quite like it I like it Not even Kendrick Jr Yeah I think rhyming Rhyming names is quite good Yeah Endrick and Kendrick Yeah What other names Could you do that for My mum used to have a mate Called Patricia Fisher And I always thought That was a really good Rhyming name Yeah Isn't Gary Neville's Neville Neville Neville Neville I suppose that is a rhyme But also I didn't realise About Endrick So he He's 19 She's 25 And they met When he was 17 Feels like It's a bit of entrapment Going on here or something he was 17 she's 23 it's a bit fucking weird yeah so they met in a shopping mall and she claimed she didn't know he was a footballer she thought he was just a guy he played for Palmeiras at the time bollocks he's my Brazilian team bollocks she's tracked him down and they were married within a year she's got him by the ball and now having a kid she's banned him from booze and drugs and girlfriends in GTA you can't even play GTA in your downtime yeah we're looking at pictures of them here very sad life she looks older than him but he's basically like your mate who gets just like into a very intense relationship with someone who just takes him away from all the friends with a toxic woman yeah free endrick that's what i'm saying hashtag free endrick yeah we'll be we'll be keeping people abreast of that uh got a nice little clip here which i will link to for people listening so end of the season summer holidays everyone's you know erling harland's dancing for the phone zombies capello's mind sweeping wines and the Leucat, who are the winners of the French fourth tier rugby, they were celebrating on a boat this weekend.

44:48Looks like a right laugh and they had the trophy. It's like a shield and one of their players jumped into the water and unfortunately has let go of the shield. I would actually say he chucks it. He definitely has chucked it. It just sank. I'm watching a video I'll link to it. It's gone. It's just sunk down in Davy Jones' locker. Just lost the trophy. He tries to dive in right at the last minute to try and get it. You ain't getting that, are you? i would say they don't seem that arsed that that's gone down real quick it's a fucking metal trophy that's great i'd like to see more of that with trophies a spokesman for the club said the trophy was carried away by the currents you missed the main bit you missed the main bit if anyone's diving in that i don't know where that is in france but yeah try and find it it's probably worth a bit.

45:37On Patreon this week, if you're not a member already, patreon.com forward slash Upshot Towers, we have got a special on Paul Sykes, who is essentially, imagine like your town mental bloke, but this guy took it to extreme. So he's the maddest bloke in Wakefield, became a professional boxer, sort of a Charles Bronson figure, spent a lot of his life inside, but still had time to get out. He punched a shark at one point. Charles Bronson named him as one of the toughest blokes he's ever met. yeah if Bronson's giving you that yeah Charlie's pretty tough yeah you know where you're at pretty fucking tough Charlie listens to the pod doesn't he does he yeah apparently I've told this so many times but apparently he listens to the pod because of that boxing gym we filmed in long story but yeah he's gonna turn up at your front door Charlie if you're listening I really hope you get out soon yeah alright so yeah we've got that on Patreon otherwise we'll see you next week for Extra Shot I'm actually away so it's you and Zach ooh yeah also the hats we've got ten hats left fucking hell might as well grab one just to make just let us get to our round number 10 left we'll be collector's items in a few years yeah the link is in the show notes to get the hats this is not investment advice Injury Lawyers viewers are not for profit marketing consortium operating as a claims management firm these hats make all zanel fishes always read the label thanks a lot see you next time cheers JP pleasure as always and we are of course sponsored by Injury Lawyers for you

47:05A snarl in the woods. Ancient forest spirits nip at his heels. He can outrun a force of nature on foot. He needs an instant power machine built for the wild. The only escape is in. The Toyota BZ Woodland. Off-road handling. All-electric power. Leave evil in the dust. John Cho stars in Camping. Face to wild. Test drive Toyota's new all-electric family at your local dealer. Toyota. Let's go places.

From the publisher

On the show today:

- Gianni Infantino’s next power grab

- World Cup star’s cocaine arrest

- Idi Amin returns to haunt England

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If you’ve had an accident that wasn’t your fault, contact InjuryLawyers4U on 0330 127 8437 or visit https://www.injurylawyers4u.co.uk/?utm_source=theupshot&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=theupshot_sponsorship

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Haaland thrown out - https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/football/12100593/erling-haaland-nightclub-thrown-out-video/ 

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