Has Matt Le Tissier finally lost his mind?

8:37Matt Le Tissier:yeah

8:40Jack Grealish:actually speaking of conspiracy heads you see David Icke popped up to congratulate Coventry on that promotion

8:45Matt Le Tissier:of course

8:46Jack Grealish:tweeted saying fantastic to see my old club Coventry City promoted to the Premier League because obviously David he famously played for Coventry's youth team oh yeah oh yeah he had to he was forced to retire young with arthritis sure that's what our reptilian overlords wanted to think

9:04Clive Tyldesley:vaccinated? have you ever been on our David Icke episode on YouTube and read the comments? you're getting slated the Icke kids have come out

9:15Jack Grealish:a lot of them are just like

9:17Clive Tyldesley:and now fast forward four years and everything David Icke predicted is true hang on he said Merlin was going to ride in on a fucking asteroid they're really good comments I recommend we get absolutely gunned yeah rightly so

9:32Jack Grealish:David he wasn't the only one congratulating Coventry though he was in some pretty esteemed company actually Richard Keyes popped up as well I didn't realise he's a big Coventry fan I did not know that yeah he flew over from Qatar to watch them lift the trophy and documented the entire journey step by step in very Alan Partridge fashion so when he when he lands in the UK he while he's still on the runway he's taking a picture out the window and he tweeted landed thank you Qatar Airways airline of the year 2026 there are many reasons for that one is punctuality next stop CBS a reader thank you Richard

10:07Clive Tyldesley:that is so much really

10:09Matt Le Tissier:really appreciate that

10:11Clive Tyldesley:so he's he's a cov oh yeah so yeah big cov surprised he hasn't claimed credit for the promotion in some ways I think he has

10:17Jack Grealish:if you read his blog I'm sure there's something in there Stephen Bunting as well he popped up he's in the dressing room celebrating with the players at full time in his darts show in his darts I I I'm with the theory that Stephen Bunting has to wear his dark shirt at all times otherwise are you recognising him? yeah good point he's getting quite famous yeah I've been to quite a few commentary games and I'd say about 30 to 40 % of the fan base could be Stephen Bunting

10:48Jack Grealish:sometimes you've got to

10:49Matt Le Tissier:wear your uniform mate

10:50Jack Grealish:yeah did you see last season when Burnley got promoted Natasha Bedingfield was in their dressing room she sang one of her hits

11:00Clive Tyldesley:one of her songs was like their sort of anthem

11:02Jack Grealish:what song was it?

11:04Clive Tyldesley:probably unwritten no way yeah that's the one these words

11:07Matt Le Tissier:name another Natasha I don't know but they're both absolute tunes but I can't imagine football fans oh my god it is it's unwritten

11:36Matt Le Tissier:That is great. She's having it.

11:45Jack Grealish:Not sure if she's going to be back at Tough more this week.

11:48Clive Tyldesley:She's not from Burnley. I don't know.

11:51Jack Grealish:I don't know.

11:52Clive Tyldesley:It's quite a great life being a pop star like that, that you just randomly get pulled into these moments. You know how Sophie Ellis Baxter was sort of like, has been, and then Saltburn made Murder on the Dancefloor like a massive hit, and charted again. And now she does like massive festivals. That's a fucking tune that as well. She was doing like Wigan Pride before that, and now she's back.

12:11Matt Le Tissier:I mean, The Enemy have made, they've got that We'll Live and Die in These Town tune, haven't they? It's gone fucking mad again. Coventry. They're from Coventry, aren't they? Yeah, big Cov ads. Tee Keys was, I saw he did a video of him pumping it in his kitchen. Really? Quite a depressing tune.

12:25Jack Grealish:Yeah.

12:27Matt Le Tissier:while we're talking about upshot favourites did anyone see Jack Grealish out and about in Manchester this weekend? he was loving the sauna over the weekend I think so, after the winter we've had it is quite easy to get carried away on a day like that you know, sort of wake up, get down to spoons have a breakfast, have a beer but he was spotted slumped and asleep in a chair at a Manchester rooftop bar which is having a quick look at the photos here

12:50Jack Grealish:this looks like daytime he's gone too hard too early isn't it Jack?

12:55Matt Le Tissier:Too much sun. That is, that is, it's an unfortunate look. Wasn't it like 4.30? 5.30. 5.30 PM. 5.30.

13:03Clive Tyldesley:I can't remember the last time I was passed out in a bar at 5.30.

13:07Matt Le Tissier:Also put some sunglasses on, put a hat on, like get a VIP area. Yeah, you're too famous for that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That'll be me and Manchester this weekend, won't it? Yeah. Oh, you got your stag this weekend. I'm going to be a stag dude. You've only just recovered from Benidorm. I'm literally, I don't think I could do it. Well,

13:22Clive Tyldesley:what, Actually, you don't know the plan. I actually do know the plan.

13:25Matt Le Tissier:I asked to get added to the WhatsApp group yesterday, and my mate said, we're not adding you to the WhatsApp group until you do 10 star jumps singing EastEnders theme tune on video. What the fuck would I want? Just add me to the fucking group. We can do that now. We've got cameras.

13:40Clive Tyldesley:I know a few details, and I've asked for some pics and vids because I can't. Sadly, I'm on holiday. I can't make it.

13:45Matt Le Tissier:I'm sharing with a Patreon. Yeah, I think we do post them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some good stuff planned. Fuck's sake.

13:52Clive Tyldesley:So Greenwich.

13:53Jack Grealish:You're going to be looking pretty much like that at 5.30. Maybe in a baby suit, though.

13:56Clive Tyldesley:I'm probably not as nice a bar. Yeah.

14:03Matt Le Tissier:So he's battered, obviously. He's battered. He is out injured. We should confirm that he is out injured. So he is allowed to let his hair down, which appears he has done. We're not sure whether he tuned into Everton West Ham by the looks of things. What was that, a three o 'clock kickoff? Three o 'clock, he ain't making that. is he?

14:21Clive Tyldesley:Well, to be fair, he might have been watching it. True.

14:25Jack Grealish:He saw Callum Wilson's late winner and had to drown his sorrows. Yeah.

14:30Matt Le Tissier:It does things to you. I'm not a betting man, but I reckon he had to catch the highlights on Sunday morning watching Match of the Day and that's in a bacon sandwich.

14:39Clive Tyldesley:So what is he, do you reckon he's on the beach as they say? Because he's injured, he's out for the season. Yeah, he's done. He's going to be at O Beach soon. Yeah. Yeah. Is he eating Everton? that's over he's back to city

14:53Matt Le Tissier:I don't I don't know I don't know

14:55Jack Grealish:they loved him at Everton he's doing pretty well I see Serie A in his future Jack Grealish at Napoli that is so good

15:02Matt Le Tissier:I'd like to see him do a nice move like that but I could see him also maybe just caking it and going to Saudi doing something like that

15:09Jack Grealish:he also just loves England he just loves

15:13Clive Tyldesley:can't do that in Saudi

15:15Matt Le Tissier:Jack's got one of these he loves a beer garden

15:17Clive Tyldesley:although he quite likes Dubai doesn't he

15:19Matt Le Tissier:true true yeah maybe not at the minute uh speaking of greelish and boozy benders i saw a thing from katie price's ex-husband uh last week uh saying that they'd been out on holiday with a few mates and apparently they've been out doing karaoke and after you know the night's done everyone gets back to the house and some people want to go to bed and some people want to crack on apparently uh katie very much wanted to crack on. Of course she did. Her ex-fella went to bed. He wakes up about 5, 6 a.m. to go and get a glass of water or whatever and apparently Katie is on her own downstairs texting with both Jack Grealish and Carl Walker.

16:00Matt Le Tissier:Keeping her options open there. Is there a WhatsApp group? Is she doing both separately? I think separate. Is she aware that they were both probably playing for the same team then? There's a little thing

16:11Clive Tyldesley:called competitive tension.

16:12Matt Le Tissier:It's key to closing a deal. just talking to Kyle

16:16Clive Tyldesley:actually Jack

16:17Matt Le Tissier:how long ago was that? a couple of years obviously they broke up now so he's obviously dishing out a load of dirt on her which ex-husband is this? the most recent one right I can't remember them all yeah yeah yeah she's had a few I think

16:32Clive Tyldesley:I didn't realise Katie Price is still sort of mixing it with footballers big time to be fair her new husband's about to buy Chelsea exactly yeah she knows the sector well which we should probably summarise that in brief because we haven't told it on the pod. We just said it in a couple of live shows.

16:46Jack Grealish:We did it. I added it to the last couple of live shows. Two live shows. In case, for anyone who wasn't at the live shows, God, I thought I'd put this story to bed.

16:59Clive Tyldesley:Zach, one more time for old's sake. Old's sake.

17:02Jack Grealish:Sorry, Zach's probably a bit bored. Chelsea Burns are having a bad time at the moment, aren't they? No, I think just in brief. No, in brief. Very much in brief. Katie Price's new husband, Lee Andrews, said that he's going to buy Chelsea recently. Yeah. He said that he's made a bid for 2 billion, I think. And he's hoping to close it out. Look at our new chairman. Here we go. Can't tell you all the workings in the past of my wealth, but definitely the money is there. Which sounds legit. Structuring a deal. And, you know, there are a few signs that he might not be the straight shooter that he claims to be.

17:34So he like,

17:35Jack Grealish:there was this proposal. He proposed to Katie Price after two days, uh, proposing this like swaggy hotel spelled out. will you marry me Katie in rose petals which is a bit cheesy but kind of sweet but it turns out he'd actually proposed to another woman in identical fashion four months earlier literally literally the exact same

17:56Clive Tyldesley:we're looking at a picture of it it's the same room if it ain't broke don't fix it rose petals yeah

18:00Jack Grealish:yeah yeah if it's working but yeah there's quite a few instances where he's been caught out being a bit of a scumbag yeah just well I mean exhibit A He's the big scumbag. Didn't two of his exes say he was a swindler? Yeah, he said he was a swindler, a narcissistic scammer, is the other one. He can't leave Dubai at the moment because he's accused of forging his ex-wife's signature to access our money. He, like, what other lies do you have?

18:29Clive Tyldesley:He claims to have a PhD from Cambridge, be a, like, trustee of the Prince's Trust, an advisor to the Labour Party, and that he can speak every known language ever. All of them. Yeah. All the languages. All them. And then he's got this flying car business.

18:48Jack Grealish:Well, so he claims that he's the CEO of this company, Aura Sustainable Vehicles, that was dissolved two years ago. But that hasn't stopped him from using AI to knock up pictures of the launch event for a flying car.

19:01Clive Tyldesley:We're looking at a peg of it.

19:02Jack Grealish:Tended by Elon Musk and Kim Kardashian.

19:04Clive Tyldesley:Yeah.

19:05Jack Grealish:Got a peg of it here.

19:06Clive Tyldesley:We're going to link to. Our new chairman. Yeah. It's a flying car. And now he says he's buying Chelsea. Oh, yeah. He says he's got two bill. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's do it.

19:18Jack Grealish:Don't hold your breath.

19:19Matt Le Tissier:Blueco out.

19:21Jack Grealish:This episode is brought to you by Ferrero. Soccer's biggest stage is approaching, and Ferrero is making it easy to go all in. Pick any two Ferrero brands from Kinder Bueno to Ferrero Rocher, and you could win the$1 million grand prize, plus an exciting range of daily and weekly prizes. Don't miss your shot. Official rules apply. Learn more at GoAllInAndWin.com. Yeah.

19:48Clive Tyldesley:Now, Sean Osborne, the model, has been dating David Hay, the ex-boxer, for six years. So Sean's endured a lot in that time, you know. David's lust for three-way relationships, his endless PR disasters, his sexual appetite, which is so big that he compared himself to a lion that's going to bang you and eat you. so you know when Sian turned on ITV the other week and saw her boyfriend talking about her and I'm a celeb she's not expecting David to be quoting Lord Byron but even by those standards David Hay absolutely outdid himself when he described Sian as having the personality of a proper ugly bird what have you guys seen this it's a little bit old but it's very good

20:34Jack Grealish:she sounds like she's drop dead gorgeous

20:36Matt Le Tissier:she's lovely She's got the personality of a proper ugly bird. You can't say that, David. No, she has. She's got a... You can't say that. No, she has, honestly. What do you mean by that? What does that even mean? Most ugly girls realise they're not pretty enough to... They've got to have a personality to banter and to tell jokes and shit so people overlook the fact that they're not aesthetically amazing straight away. It's called ugly duckling syndrome. You get them when girls are ugly, when they start off, and then they make... No, and then they get pretty as they get older, but they've still got the personality of when they're ugly.

21:18Matt Le Tissier:Oh, dear God. Honestly, does he know he's on National Telly, and his missus is obviously going to fucking hear that?

21:23Clive Tyldesley:He actually carries on for a while. I don't know if we need to hear it. What I love about it as well is, he's been set up to just say something really nice. I don't know who that is, but she literally goes, she sounds drop dead gorgeous all you gotta do is be like she is and she's so great she's absolutely mean instead he's like yeah I'll tell you what we need to get this off my chest however can I just say David Hay did not explain that very well but I do think there is a grain of truth to that concept which is that some people who are basically really good really good looking from a really early age are a bit fucking dull because they've never had to like develop any sort of like patter

22:02Matt Le Tissier:yeah

22:03Clive Tyldesley:and sense of humour because people are just really fucking nice to them because they're fit.

22:07Matt Le Tissier:Yeah.

22:08Clive Tyldesley:I'm not saying, I'm not fully buying into his point of like ugly birds and all that shit, but I do think it's true that you meet some quite bland people who've just always been fit. Yeah, no, I get that. Because they just sort of...

22:18Jack Grealish:Yeah, in some cases, you're probably right. And also just like... Sort of, yeah. Also just like, sort of dicks as well. Just like people who are extremely good looking who are just a bit like, they used to just...

22:34Clive Tyldesley:yeah are we talking this into why i hate good looking people because i do i don't even find them fit um yeah but i think he um he's put it really badly and i would never have the guts to say it on fucking i'm a celeb in front of like yeah from the pussycat dolls who probably was fit from an early age she's not getting it at all which kind of proves his point yeah but I do think that concept has some truth to it yeah it applies to both sides I think yeah

23:03Jack Grealish:he's he's not he's not put it into words in the best way yeah the way he's put it I see a point that he's in but it's also like it's true in some ways in some way but that is also like

23:17Clive Tyldesley:it's a sweeping statement yeah and also I would never say my missus has the personality for proper don't fucking insult her on Well, I think she will come on to her reaction. I think she sees it as a compliment. But anyway, David has now been doubling down in the press because obviously this is, you know, gristle for the meal of the red tops and daytime TV. So he's been doing the rounds. He told The Sun, if you've got 10 supermodels who've been stunning since they were little, everyone's like, whatever you want. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Then you get 10 busted up ugly chicks and they've had to work for everything.

23:50Clive Tyldesley:They've got to get the shit jobs. They've got to work their way up, do all the crap that pretty girls don't have to do. Now, put them all in the dark and have a conversation with the ugly ten. Their personalities will be, on average, in my opinion, significantly better.

24:07Jack Grealish:Why do they have to get the shit jobs? Also, why are they all in the dark? Busted up. Because you're ugly doesn't mean you have to get a shit job. They might be really intelligent. Busted up fucking mingers.

24:20Matt Le Tissier:Lentings.

24:22Clive Tyldesley:And then he carries on. I'm saying my girlfriend has the personality of an ugly bird, which sounds harsh when you say it, but it's just how it is. It's the truth and people don't like the truth.

24:32Matt Le Tissier:Fucking hell.

24:32Clive Tyldesley:My favourite bit there is where he starts to sound a bit like a sort of Stanford University psychology experiment designer when he's like, put them in the dark room. Now, obviously, coronation doesn't equal causation. To make this a fair test, they need to be proper fucking mingers.

24:53Clive Tyldesley:I still think he's kind of right. yeah he's just a bit OTT I would apply it to just the good looking people in general yeah that like elite class of good looking people from an early age yeah yeah we can tell there's a yeah

25:07Jack Grealish:there's a

25:08Clive Tyldesley:because we're not

25:09Jack Grealish:bitter at all about that no fuck those people so Sean I think we've spent too much time on looks backseat yeah

25:17Clive Tyldesley:there's some yeah there's some incel resentment building in me that makes that theory very attractive to me I've been red pilled so Sean his girlfriend is actually defending him she said i consider it a compliment a big one i'm fluent in david by now and my family find it hilarious yeah i think compliments might be hard to come by from david i think she's she'll take what she can get given that he was advertising on raya the dating app for a third member of their relationship wonder what her family make of that fucking hell yeah like they are they are a couple but they're a thruple well they're they always have a third member yeah yeah i don't know she does say she was like look i i was like teased at school i was a sort of like lanky weirdo and then i grew into my looks and became a model so he is right that i grew up as an ugly duck right

26:04Matt Le Tissier:he's just got a very peculiar way of describing it i think he's basically saying you yeah you

26:08Clive Tyldesley:have a great personality and you're attracted yeah it's because you're an ugly kid it is rare yeah yeah yeah he could have he probably could have put it better but i mean that's sort of david Hayes thing. He's got a habit of these interviews going a bit different to maybe he intended. Most famously, when he fought Audley Harrison, do you remember him? Olympic hero. And ahead of the fight, David said that the fight will be as one-sided as a gang rape. Fucking hell. Which then led to this incredible exchange when he was asked to apologize for it. I was saying a couple of days ago how one-sided this fight is going to be.

26:45Clive Tyldesley:I said some things I'll upset a few people. You know, I said this fight's going to be as one-sided as a gang rate. You know, upset a lot of people, but it's going to be so one-sided. It couldn't be any more one-sided than a boxing match can be. He's not going to land any of his shots. I'm going to land all of mine, and he's going to be left unconscious on the floor.

27:01Matt Le Tissier:You're sorry you said that, though, aren't you? Listen, wait until you see the fight. When you see the fight...

27:05Jack Grealish:I mean about the comments that you made.

27:07Matt Le Tissier:You're embarrassed, aren't you? No, I'm not embarrassed by it, no. I'm not embarrassed by it. I want people to tune in to see the most devastating knockout they've ever seen in their life. Yeah, but you could have used a different phrase, couldn't you?

27:18Clive Tyldesley:I could have used, I'm the beating, I'm going to, you know, it's going to be as one-sided as a gang beating. It's going to be one-sided.

27:25Matt Le Tissier:Better, David, better. That's the harshest possible thing I could think of in life.

27:30Clive Tyldesley:You see, I've always admired you, and I really have, but I really thought that was very disrespectful.

27:34Matt Le Tissier:Yeah, probably, yeah. I said it's going to be as one-sided. He's an absolute. As one-sided. I wasn't saying I'm going to gang rape him. I wasn't condoning him. I said it was going to be as one-sided. This fight is going to be that one-sided. He's an absolute PR nightmare.

27:49Clive Tyldesley:There we go. That's good. When he goes, he goes, I didn't say I was going to gang rape him. No one said he was the same. And also at the beginning when she goes, you're going to apologize. He goes, wait till you see the fight. She's saying you're going to apologize for saying you're going to beat Audley Harrison.

28:09Jack Grealish:because you think people after seeing the fight actually you know what you're right David that was like a good break

28:16Clive Tyldesley:he actually nailed it the cuts to Audley Harrison who's just looking so unimpressed you can imagine his manager off off screen just like shaking his head after that the Guardian headline was David Hayes says he cannot apologise for every stupid thing I say and he said if I apologise for every stupid or ignorant thing I said I wouldn't have time for anything else during the day

28:41Jack Grealish:I think that's the smartest thing that's come out of David Hayes I kind of like him

28:45Clive Tyldesley:I can tell it's just different isn't it I mean I wouldn't never mind let's move on as you're staying on boxing the fight of the century is coming up in June Tommy Fury versus Eddie Hall former world's strongest man so weird we talked about it last week my favourite bit being when Eddie Hall said that he once agreed to shit on a man's chest for 10k and you guys said you do that for yeah I'd go five

29:12Jack Grealish:yeah

29:13Clive Tyldesley:you were quite high weren't you I think you said you do it for a hundred quid I wouldn't do it for a hundred I'd do it for like a grand

29:20Matt Le Tissier:I'd do it for

29:22Jack Grealish:yeah a grand I think one grand

29:25Matt Le Tissier:a grand shit on someone's chest

29:28Jack Grealish:it's pretty easy really anyway

29:32Clive Tyldesley:we'll get on to that that'll be the new Patreon tier coming soon but what I didn't realise is There's actually an even bigger name on the undercard of this fight, and that is Ibiza final boss, Jack Kane. Fucking hell, he's clutching straws, isn't he? You forgot about him, didn't you? We'd all forgotten about him. He's been hiding out in Dubai, combing that barnet, whitening those teeth. Got a peg of him here. He does just look like a Lego man, doesn't he? He looks unreal. I just see Lego.

29:59Jack Grealish:There are so many straight lines.

30:03Clive Tyldesley:Very symmetrical, isn't he? I still like him. He hasn't done like, he could have sort of done a crypto scam and shit. He hasn't.

30:09Matt Le Tissier:Yeah. What has he been doing?

30:10Clive Tyldesley:He's back in Ibiza. He's promoing some nights and he's promoing a personalized number plate company. Of course. I saw him with one that said final boss or something similar. Yeah. And I Googled what's he up to. And you know, the like AI summary is it said, Ibiza final boss is transitioning from viral dancing to influencer boxing. Pretty spot on. So it captures our entire age, doesn't it? you know like in a thousand years when they uncover like the equivalent of like cave paintings they partook in viral dancing rituals they're gonna see that guy and he's gonna be in like textbooks it's like the big celebrity but wait until you hear who he's fighting dapper laughs do you remember him fucking joke just about yeah yeah so you you might remember me he was the bloke who got cancelled in about fucking 2013 for making rape jokes.

31:01Clive Tyldesley:David Hay. That wasn't a joke, mate. Analogy. So yeah, Dapper Laughs. I've always thought he's one of the biggest cunts going. He actually said that he'd retired the character but he seems to have brought it back. I looked him up. He's got nearly a million followers on Insta. He's massive.

31:19Jack Grealish:Just for his own... He does stand up now.

31:23Clive Tyldesley:A bit of mental health stuff. A bit of addiction stuff.

31:25Jack Grealish:I didn't realise it was a character. I'm not I think when he retired the character, that was him just distancing. We just draw a line under all that shit.

31:36Clive Tyldesley:The character is you, pal. Yeah, that wasn't me, it was the character. But yeah, I was like, what's his stand-up like? This is the first clip I clicked on, on his Insta.

31:44Matt Le Tissier:You guys. George's Day. Sorry? St George's Day.

31:47Clive Tyldesley:It is St George's Day. It is. Do you know what? How about we make some noise for St George's Day? The only day of the year you can wave a flag and not get called a fucking racist.

32:03Jack Grealish:We want our country back.

32:07Clive Tyldesley:I love that. So yeah, it's sort of reform comedy, I guess. I love the voice that goes, George is happy. Yeah, just screamed it from the back. But yeah, so he's, I don't know how he's still a sort of figure in public. Yeah. kind of interesting to see I'm normally all for these guys coming back but I just find him such a Berlin

32:29Matt Le Tissier:yeah

32:31Clive Tyldesley:didn't realise as well that he's like he does these like geezer crime comedies you know this genre of like sort of sub lock stock like remakes of that of like sort of yeah like the factory rise of the foot soldier that stuff but you know like I guess you'd call it straight to DVD stuff but now obviously it's I don't know where you watch it

32:49Matt Le Tissier:mate there's some classics in there

32:50Clive Tyldesley:he's in loads of them yeah here's a trailer for one of them which is called called A Gangster's Kiss, 2024 British gangster film.

32:59Matt Le Tissier:Fugitive film productions. Love, a celebrity. The Mafia at Frank Sinatra. The Crays at Barbara Windsor. And South London at me.

33:09Clive Tyldesley:Yeah, come and sit over here. What's his favourite? Fucking hell. I'm not a bit off at a point of film.

33:14Matt Le Tissier:It's a gangster film. It's not going to be a novel comedy, is it? I want it to be realistic. That's him. He just wants to come out his head at me for a little bit. On the left.

33:21Clive Tyldesley:See what it's really like out there.

33:23Jack Grealish:So long as we get involved. Yeah, Michelle Collins.

33:25Clive Tyldesley:That's a Kenz, isn't it? Jesus. What's this? Yeah, it's probably good enough. There's a good comment on it. It says, this reminds me very much of a trailer I made in A-level media studies. I got a C and that was generous. The comments ain't positive. I didn't realise there's this whole fucking world of these films. Just like gangster film by numbers. Yeah. That's got Martin Kemp. Yeah, that's just

33:48Jack Grealish:a pretty good line-up.

33:50Matt Le Tissier:But like, Football Factory's a classic. Rise of the Foot Soldier, classic. like that I actually see this

33:55Clive Tyldesley:in your future

33:56Matt Le Tissier:being in these don't you is this all I've got to dream of now isn't that basically

33:59Clive Tyldesley:your dream

34:00Matt Le Tissier:yeah pretty much or a bit of Misfits boxing maybe you'd fight the you'd fight the Willstone Raider I'd take a cameo in that film any day

34:08Clive Tyldesley:yeah

34:09Matt Le Tissier:sort of like Danny Dyer does slightly better ones yeah yeah you want to be a bit more elevated than that I think but I'd still take the cameo Damma Laughs has done three I looked at them better than sitting on this sofa with YouTube probably a good one

34:23Jack Grealish:When the casting directly comes, JP, you can't do it.

34:25Clive Tyldesley:Mate, I'll introduce you to my contacts in HBO. Now, of course, there is a bigger fight coming, an actual fight. Supposedly, Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua is finally happening in the autumn. Really? Yeah, so one of them's got to win a fight soon. I think it's AJ. Sorry, I shouldn't know that. No, he's got one coming, yeah. Yeah, he's got to win that, I think, for it to happen. And then otherwise, they're just crossing the T's and dotting the I's on the contracts. And then finally, the fight everyone always wanted is on. but there is one more stumbling block because apparently it all hinges on the whims of Saudi boxing supremo Turkey al-Al-Sheikh familiar with this guy?

35:02Clive Tyldesley:he basically controls boxing now I didn't realise he's sort of the most powerful man in boxing and I think he funds the fight it's supposed to be at Wembley but he's still going to fund it and as you'd expect from a Saudi sheikh who controls a sport he rules it like an absolute toddler so Sky's Andy Scott said this week there are a number of stumbling blocks to the fight between Fury and Joshua I don't know if they're pulling my leg but Turkey Alshake has stipulated that Dua Lipa must perform at the fight or it won't happen why? I think he just wants to just a big fan yeah so I think he literally just is saying if Dua Lipa's not playing then you can forget about it which is quite it's quite day 208 of posting about Dua Lipa until she notices me isn't it?

35:50Clive Tyldesley:actually I'd like to just make clear now that I too will not finance the fight between Joshua and Fury unless Dua Lipa performs for me

35:56Jack Grealish:until Dua Lipa comes on this podcast

36:00Clive Tyldesley:Turkey's actually a grim fuck I was looking him up there's an amazing athletic article about him I'll link to it so apparently there's a whole wing of a Saudi prison nicknamed after him because he imprisoned so many people for posting critiques of him on social media posting critiques of Dua Lipa

36:15Jack Grealish:not having that not a big fan of him

36:18Clive Tyldesley:You get banged up if you just slag him off on social media in Saudi. Lovely bloke. Yeah, lovely. He actually, so you know when Khashoggi got murdered, there was one guy who sort of oversaw it, who was, I'm not going to say scapegoated, but he was kind of publicly by the Saudis, was named as the guy responsible to make it look like they were doing something about it. And this guy, Turkey, wrote and recorded a song defending him. And I was like, so Turkey...

36:40Jack Grealish:Is Dua Lipa going to perform that rendition on... I've just written this

36:46Clive Tyldesley:I've just written this Do it Surely she's a bit above Doing the Fury AJ fight

36:51Jack Grealish:I'm bad for the brand Do you think No That's like She's the biggest British pop star Yeah This fight is a bit crusty Isn't it

36:59Matt Le Tissier:This isn't for a belt Is it

37:00Jack Grealish:I mean it's still Yeah but they're still The two biggest British boxers Of the last decade I just don't think She's above boxing She's too big mate She's way too big Too big for boxing

37:09Clive Tyldesley:Yeah Like Taylor Swift Wouldn't do a boxing fight Would she Yeah

37:12Jack Grealish:Do you think if she was doing dapper laughs against Ibeza final boss I'd agree this has got some prestige it's going to be a lot of eyes

37:23Clive Tyldesley:he's going to be performing at that Turkey also he's one of the most powerful men in Saudi and he got there because he was working in the Saudi government and when MBS, now the ruler of Saudi was a boy, they got really close playing League of Legends together, they really bonded over that and apparently Turkey's a massive gamer but he's known for throwing these massive tantrums. And during COVID, he organized this charity FIFA match against the owner of Al Masser. So he played as Almeria, the Spanish team, which he owns. And apparently his opponent scored twice really early on. And he just responded by throwing his controller at the TV and breaking it.

38:01Clive Tyldesley:Got a video of it. It was on a live stream. Fucking hell, mate. TV's gone over.

38:15Matt Le Tissier:And everybody leaves. Nutter. Oh my God. Proper. Older brothers.

38:22Jack Grealish:Yeah, that's real like 13-year-old sleepover.

38:24Matt Le Tissier:I can imagine a tantrum if Dua says no. Yeah.

38:27Clive Tyldesley:But there is some like mental story, I wasn't going to talk about it, with some Egyptian singer who he like, he like, I think he wanted, he started saying he was going to marry her and stuff, and then she accused him of like a soul. And after that, she like, suddenly, took down all her videos off YouTube, apologised and just went silent for two years. So the suggestion is that she was like threatened. So it's quite a scary fuck.

38:51Jack Grealish:Yeah.

38:52Clive Tyldesley:Yeah. But yeah, he's running a big boxing company with our old pal Dana White. Wow. Oh, wow. Probably why Dana's not that scared. The active shooter. He knows scary. He's working with one.

39:08Jack Grealish:No, we spoke a couple of weeks ago about Man United YouTuber Mark Goldbridge being bought out by Gary Neville. Gary paid more than a million for his two YouTube channels, which feels like quite a big step in the march of the football YouTubers into the mainstream. It seems like fans these days, they've got a bit of a preference for this slightly more vibrant, colourful coverage, a bit more emotional. And we wondered whether Gary had been drawn in, maybe by Mark Goldbridge's porn star analogy about why it didn't work out for Ruben Amarim at Man United. Or maybe it was the time that he interrupted coverage of Man United against Crystal Palace to address the online trolls who'd been suggesting he had something of the nonce about him.

39:58Jack Grealish:A clip of that.

40:00Matt Le Tissier:I've had people saying that I've been nonce in kids and all sorts, 3-0 to Palace. But the point is, I don't give a shit about any of that because the bottom line is, it's 3-0 to Palace and we're fucking shit. The internet's cruel.

40:21Jack Grealish:It certainly is. And, you know, whatever it was, that caught Gary Neville's eye. and it seems like Mark Goldbridge might be rubbing off on some of the more traditional broadcasters. So Clive Tilsley, the legendary commentator, he was on the It's There podcast last week and decided to go on a quite strange tangent about whether commentary was better than sex.

40:46Clive Tyldesley:The analogy I draw is that if you were to ask somebody privately, not on a podcast for everybody to listen to, what is the best sex you've ever had the answer would probably involve the office print room or some bushes or the back seat of a car with somebody you probably shouldn't have been with

41:11Matt Le Tissier:and my question is do you want all your sex to be like that or would you really prefer to have most of your love life in the company of somebody that you dearly love and trust. Does he think like, because he's on a podcast, he's like let off the leash. I don't know. He can say what he wants. I mean,

41:31Jack Grealish:I never had Clive down as a saucy minx, but it sounds like he's been around the block a few times.

41:37Matt Le Tissier:He's a dirty dog. Dirty dog.

41:39Clive Tyldesley:It's like, you know, the best sex would probably be with Shelley from accounts in the printing room. Karen in the bushes.

41:45Matt Le Tissier:Karen in the bushes.

41:46Clive Tyldesley:Probably with my friend Mark's wife. always thought yeah what is the analogy there so he's saying

41:56Jack Grealish:so he I don't entirely understand it because the clip doesn't play the earlier bit of the question but he's I don't know if they're asking they're asking a question about like what's better commentary or sex and he's a sex on the backseat of a car probably

42:11Clive Tyldesley:yeah I think he's saying

42:12Matt Le Tissier:sometimes it's really up

42:14Clive Tyldesley:I think he's saying you don't always want commentary to be like Aguero Oh, right. Precious for tires. You need it to be like a familiar, consistent thing with the odd orgasm. Yeah. But the odd orgasm in a strange place. Yeah. And if you can also shag someone who isn't your wife on the backseat of a car, then do it. That's better. You've got quite a wife.

42:36Jack Grealish:Sometimes you just need, you just need the mundane every day. Just like missionary, midweek missionary to really enjoy. It's like when you cheat on your wife at the weekends.

42:47Clive Tyldesley:and how much better it is. I love where he goes, because if I wasn't on a podcast, I'd say we are on a podcast. You're fucking live, mate.

43:00Clive Tyldesley:Yeah, that's nice to see Clive Tilsey's in Naughty. I know. Did you have him down as one? I did not. No. I mean, it sounds like he's up there with John Motsod and Des Lider. I think he's up there with Des. I don't think he's no Grotty Motti.

43:14Jack Grealish:No, he's not a Grotty Motti.

43:15Clive Tyldesley:During our live shows, we have a bit where people text in gossip and some pretty heinous John Motson stuff came in that I'll probably save for Patreon at some point.

43:24Matt Le Tissier:Get the dirt out on him. Goty, Moty.

43:26Clive Tyldesley:Clive, actually, if you're listening and you fancy watching someone else make the beast with two backs, I've got a little tip for you. Nord VPN, baby, which lets you change your location, meaning you can access content not available in your region. We're just doing porn adverts. That's not porn adverts. content available in your region. Actually, speaking of that, I've got an idea for Clive Tilsley because I personally would still like to watch football with him commentating. I know he gets the odd gig on ITV, but I would like him. So, you know, why doesn't he do like Goldbridge style, do a live stream, could probably charge for it, Patreon style, where you have the football on, you mute it, and then you have Clive Tilsley commentating.

44:07Clive Tyldesley:That'd be insane. Talking about nobbing, nobbing it. Somebody shouldn't.

44:11Matt Le Tissier:Or should we just recruit him on here?

44:14Clive Tyldesley:if he's going to start talking like that more then I can see him fitting in I think you have him, maybe he needs to be like on an island offshore like a pirate radio station in the 70s, you know that oil rig coming to land direct

44:26Jack Grealish:I don't know the thing is Clive Tilsley would get up to an oil rig don't let him know the problem don't mention islands to Clive Tilsley

44:34Clive Tyldesley:well somewhere I shouldn't be I'll be the boat that rocked favourite style you say but yeah I think anyway Clive you might need to make use of NordVPN then because you want to change your location to another country apparently it's also really good for booking flights I think I've mentioned this before

44:50Matt Le Tissier:yeah I'd imagine flights and festival tickets oh yeah because loads of people were talking to someone about they were saying yeah if you VPN and say you're in like Amsterdam or Australia or someone quite far away it's easier to get in for like Glastonbury and Oasis

45:03Jack Grealish:I think it yeah it was yeah was it Oasis or even like World Cup tickets or no no World Cup's a draw yeah welcome to draw a lot of stuff

45:12Clive Tyldesley:that we have to buy it live and yeah apparently booking flights if you change it to like India I think then it can be cheaper

45:17Matt Le Tissier:yeah

45:18Clive Tyldesley:probably also quite handy if you're in Saudi and you want to critique Turkey Al Sheikh because it stops people snooping on you they don't know where you are so probably quite crucial in Saudi and to all our Saudi listeners we've got an exclusive discount which is you get an extra four months on the two year plan so just go to nordvpn.com forward slash upshot and you get a 30 day money back I guarantee. And I'll put that all in the description as well. So you can just click through if you're watching Clive. Yeah. Which I'm sure you are. It's always self-annoyed.

45:50Matt Le Tissier:Yeah.

45:52Jack Grealish:I mean, it's such an iconic voice. It's good to hear him talk about going a bit off topic.

45:56Matt Le Tissier:And find out what he's been up to.

45:58Jack Grealish:I wonder what he did at the weekend.

46:00Clive Tyldesley:He said, no. Maybe I want him like commentating on like porn. Yeah. In football commentary style. Again, one for your Patreon, Clive. Yeah. Do you think it's true that, I've been thinking about this commentators have become a bit more like relaxed a bit less autistic like him and John clearly John Motson though like probably the most sort of like neurodivergent seeming commentator especially if you read what I read at the live show yeah like him and Clive Teals and stuff that like 90s era are a bit more like sort of like like anorak-y football thing and I think they make for better commentators than the normies they've got now yeah like Derek Ray it's now

46:35Jack Grealish:it's all very it's very conversational

46:37Matt Le Tissier:Ali McCoy's design like very conversational and if he's not a commentator he's a what you want is you want

46:43Jack Grealish:Clive Tilsley and Ali McCoy that's the dream combo yeah there you get a bit a bit of both you get the like you get the anorak-y the details the like eloquence but then you also get the like a passion yeah

46:55Clive Tyldesley:I want Martin Tyler and Andy Gray I think yeah Andy Gray is very good get him on the Patreon

47:00Matt Le Tissier:not a good boy but he's not

47:03Clive Tyldesley:now staying on broadcasters actually as the man who charted the rise of Andy Murray sports reporter Keridine Idesan is one of BBC Scotland's most beloved stars. You know, he's up there with Hazel Irvine and Kirsty Wark. But like so many other cherished BBC names before him, Keridine is now engulfed by scandal. What's he done? After accusations that he stole food from the BBC canteen. Oh, Keridine, what? Stop the press. It's the big story of the week. So the 56-year-old has been accused of enjoying items, including soup, from the BBC cafeteria without paying. Yeah, he's been nicking soup. He's a thief.

47:46Clive Tyldesley:Yeah, he's been nicking soup, which is quite tricky. Because what, are you sort of waddling off with a hot bowl in your hand? You're not tipping it in your pocket. Or you're covering it with something.

47:54Jack Grealish:How is he doing that? Is it just like you slip past the tills?

47:59Clive Tyldesley:So apparently the canteen is often unmanned at BBC Towers in Scotland. Shock. So what you're supposed to do is go and find someone, but apparently it's a simple dine and dash. You sit down and eat and then you fuck off. Yeah. Which is good.

48:13Jack Grealish:And there was me feeling bad about not paying my license fee.

48:16Matt Le Tissier:Stealing from you.

48:18Clive Tyldesley:Oh no, you're not paying it. He's not stealing from you.

48:21Matt Le Tissier:I do one. I do one. I would not pay for it if no one was there. Do you think, yeah,

48:25Clive Tyldesley:I was thinking, is that stealing? I mean, it is.

48:28Matt Le Tissier:It's not the worst crime. I mean, if there's no one sat at the desk. I bet it's subsidized as well. I bet it's like 50p and he's still not paying it.

48:34Clive Tyldesley:But apparently he's done it a few times is the accusation. Oh, okay.

48:37Jack Grealish:he's prolific yeah

48:38Clive Tyldesley:I mean it is it is stealing but it doesn't feel as bad if he did that in Pratt he'd also be stealing

48:44Jack Grealish:yeah I gotta admit I used to do the same thing at my uni canteen because it was just it was like

48:49Matt Le Tissier:you're fucking nutter

48:50Jack Grealish:yeah fucking mental

48:52Clive Tyldesley:we used to do it at Pratt in sick form because you go in take the sandwich sit down and eat it oh and just walk out

48:58Matt Le Tissier:I didn't realise I was sitting with two criminals

49:00Jack Grealish:I feel quite bad about it Pratt stealing since you've really Pratt's gone under since then yeah put a big dent but I mean that is stealing

49:07Clive Tyldesley:it is why the social contract is falling apart ask some people also what I didn't know is taking the soup among Catholics is a derogatory term it means selling out it refers to Catholics who converted to Protestantism in the potato famine to is potato famine the correct way of describing it? in the potato famine in exchange because then you'd get food from Protestant missionaries so it means selling out in Scotland and Ireland in some parts it means selling out So are they saying

49:37Matt Le Tissier:He's selling out Or have you just Deep dived into this It's not selling out

49:41Jack Grealish:They starved people And then gave them soup

49:43Clive Tyldesley:If they converted Yeah No I think it's just I think the missionaries I don't know Oh maybe Yeah that's it That's pretty

49:49Matt Le Tissier:I'm fucking starving Have some soup And convert Yeah

49:52Clive Tyldesley:That is low I feel like Of all the things He could have nicked A soup Is not A succulent soup

49:58Matt Le Tissier:You're going for the turkey sandwich Or something

50:00Clive Tyldesley:Have you ever seen that Meme I can imagine you haven't A succulent Chinese dinner one No This video of this guy in Australia. You've never seen this. He gets arrested for doing a dine and dash from a buffet.

50:14Matt Le Tissier:You just assured me that I could speak. Both the TV cameras are not doing anything. I'm under arrest. I'm under what?

50:25Matt Le Tissier:Gentlemen, this is Democracy Manifest. Have a look at the headlock here. See that chap over there? Get your hand off my penis! This is the bloke who got me on the penis before.

50:39Clive Tyldesley:Get some cups. Why did you do this to me? Pop in the car. Get some cups. For what reason? What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir. Oh, yes. That's so good. He died recently. Yeah. That's fucking great. He's considered like an Australian national hero now, isn't he? So good. so maybe if Kerrideen just leans into it like that then maybe he'll have the same status but yeah could be one more scandal sorry could be one scandal too many for BBC yeah first saffle tip him over this one

51:15Jack Grealish:so did you see it's farewell to Karen Brady first lady of West Ham stepped down last week after 16 years as vice chair fair play big old big old stint she's been in football for ages as well she was 23 when David Sullivan, the porn baron, made her managing director of Birmingham City. But she, I hadn't realised that she'd actually convinced David to buy Birmingham City in the first place.

51:44Clive Tyldesley:She already worked for his...

51:45Jack Grealish:So she worked for LBC selling adverts and she had approached, I think she was 18 or something at the time, and she'd approached David Sullivan, who owned the Daily Sport and another paper, to be like, you should get adverts on LBC. And he was so impressed with her that they i don't know if he hired her straight away but she anyway they they knew each other and she uh she basically saw an advert for bohemian city in the newspaper to like saw bohemian city was for sale and went to david and was like you should buy this and put me in charge that's a fucking hell of a promotion yeah yeah yeah she's 23 years old i like that she was like mad i was selling

52:21Clive Tyldesley:adverts but i want to sell dildos and porn bags and run a football club fair play fair play yeah

52:29Jack Grealish:Yeah. And, you know, this was, this was the 90s. 23 year old in a high position in a, in a football club. It wasn't really, uh, common at the time. And she did have to put up with quite a bit of sexism, including on her first match day when she went onto the team bus to meet the Burmese squad. And one of the players shouted out, I could see your tits in that top. Fucking hell. Uh, she had a very good response. She said, well, don't worry. When I sell you to crew, you won't be able to see them from there. and she sold him sold him a few weeks later quality quality it was great not all the Birmingham stars were quite so lewd though because she ended up hooking up with their star striker Paul Pesquisilido Canadian guy which I think initially like the her fellow board members were a bit like don't fuck you Jack the striker

53:19Matt Le Tissier:it's not really it's not really a done thing

53:21Jack Grealish:in the boardroom but she went for it anyway and they they got married had two kids they're still together now nice nice story didn't stop her selling him though it's business baby twice she just sold him twice you're going crew yeah where did he go right love

53:39Matt Le Tissier:dinner's on the table but and you're off yeah yeah

53:43Clive Tyldesley:didn't you go to like Wimbledon or somewhere yeah

53:46Jack Grealish:I don't know if that was before or after yeah anyway Karen ended up moving on to West Ham in 2010 when David Sullivan became the joint chairman there so a pair of them they've stuck together really seemed like quite a fruitful working relationship although according to a story from Pop Bitch it was maybe not the most professional relationship on David's side so there was a story in Pop Bitch that David was once well known in the football world for having a huge painting of Karen naked hung in his basement office that is fucking bizarre

54:17Clive Tyldesley:I like this in the basement dingy dungeon also this is this is David Sullivan dildo brothers you know what's his basement office like horrid I imagine what are you telling me

54:28Jack Grealish:he's a horrible bloke yeah the dildo brother yeah when she when she came in at West Ham she ruffled a few feathers because she also had a sun column on the go at the time where she was pretty honest about the players including striker Benny McCarthy so she said rather than the super scorer we hoped for we acquired a super size a player devoted to filling his belly more than filling the net as time went by he grew bigger and bigger and although he made an effort to slim down he passed the waistline of no return surely just have a lot of him was he still playing for them I think he I think she just sold him at that point but still quite pretty harsh he replied by calling her the devil with tits

55:16so yeah

55:17Jack Grealish:she's was at West Ham a long, long time yeah did a decent job obviously she oversaw the move to the Olympic Stadium which has tarnished her rep among West Ham I think they're alright with the

55:30Matt Le Tissier:stadium now though

55:33Clive Tyldesley:also she Barry Fry was the Birmingham manager for a bit you know that guy he's like a sort of manager chairman figure proper old school Wheeler dealer we should do an episode on him at some point and he really clashes with her when they're at Birmingham there's a great line in the book when he introduces her as a character he just goes Karen made millions for David Sullivan in his sex empire I think she's hardcore but he really clashes with her doesn't he

55:55Jack Grealish:yeah I think he calls her a bimbo at the start and then he does admit that

55:59Clive Tyldesley:she's actually pretty good

56:00Jack Grealish:yeah she outmanoeuvres him entirely and she was on The Apprentice

56:03Clive Tyldesley:as well yeah I remember that she was is she quite good on it I'm a Claude Littner man myself yeah she's not on it anymore though is she

56:10Jack Grealish:I don't know no I'm not sure the peak apprentice when I applied for it

56:14Clive Tyldesley:when I was on it when I was on it got knocked out on the qualifiers

56:17Matt Le Tissier:that could have been me you were in the final round weren't you final round didn't make the Ikea table fell out of a guy from Leeds I think he was from

56:24Clive Tyldesley:you would Karen Brady would have had you on toast to be fair

56:27Matt Le Tissier:me and Karen would have got on you reckon yeah

56:29Jack Grealish:you and Claude Claude Littner I'd love to see JP versus Claude Littner

56:33Clive Tyldesley:maybe we could still arrange that versus Alan Sugar

56:36Jack Grealish:yeah I was actually thinking

56:36Clive Tyldesley:we should do an Alan Sugar episode because he own Tottenham for 10 class

56:39Jack Grealish:yeah that would be fun

56:40Clive Tyldesley:he's definitely going to write you a letter yeah he's pretty litigious we have to play it carefully now to tell you who's having a rough old time at the moment is Volta Marda the Newcastle striker 69 million quid hasn't scored since December. He's been shit. Yeah, but he's being played out of position. He was really good when they played in position. But anyway, that's one possible explanation for his massive dip in form. The other is that he's been spending far too long down Newcastle's Cozy Joe's karaoke bar because Nick was on German TV the other week belting out Chandelier by Sear, the 2014 hit, in front of a vocal coach for this.

57:18Clive Tyldesley:I'm not exactly sure what this program is, but they had him singing. And, you know, to be absolutely fair to Nick, his voice is diabolical.

57:52Matt Le Tissier:that was really good stick to banging him in mate I mean I rate that he's going for it

57:58Jack Grealish:he's trying to hit the nose no half measures I think get him to do the song before Dapper laughs against Ibiza by the boss about the right level it's about the right level

58:09Clive Tyldesley:it is definitely endearing that he's just up for doing something making a fool I don't know what that program is I think it's where you like train a celebrity to like try and master a skill really quick

58:18Matt Le Tissier:okay but he's got some way to go

58:20Clive Tyldesley:I don't know how it pans out. Actually, talking of proper experts, you see the fellow who ran the marathon in under two hours. Two world records, right? Sebastian Saway. Yeah, well, so Saway ran it in, this is mental for people who run. His kilometre splits were two minutes 50 per kilometre for a whole marathon. He did it at 21.7 kilometres an hour. How long do you think you can run at that speed for?

58:43Matt Le Tissier:Less than a kilometre. Less than a minute for me.

58:45Jack Grealish:I saw a guy, Instagram clip of a guy trying to do it on the treadmill. And he's a guy like, like, fit, like pretty fit, like a runner. And he managed 40 seconds. Yeah.

58:55Clive Tyldesley:I think I can do 30 seconds at 20 probably. Yeah. Yeah.

58:59Matt Le Tissier:You are really fast at running these days. More of a sort of long distance. Yeah.

59:04Clive Tyldesley:Hair and the tortoise, Sebastian. Let's do a hundred miles. But yeah, obviously spare a thought for the Ethiopian fellow who came second. Yomath Kajelcha, who ran under two hours, became second. And now no one gives a fuck. He's only 11 seconds behind him.

59:17Jack Grealish:If he'd run under two hours at any time in human history, he would have been like an Ethiopian national hero. But he did it 11 seconds too late. Apparently it was his debut competitive marathon. Yeah, I saw that.

59:32Clive Tyldesley:It's mental. What's he been doing?

59:35Matt Le Tissier:The shoes he ran in sold out online in less than a minute. I was going to say, because there was a third,

59:40Clive Tyldesley:all the top three ran world records. So what's going on there?

59:43Matt Le Tissier:Yeah, two all Adidas, and they sold out in less than a minute. And they're one-time usage. They were like$500. You can only wear them once. Really? But apparently it gives you that like...

59:53Jack Grealish:I saw what was quite funny is that Nike have spent the past decade pumping money into trying to break the two-hour thing. They had a whole camp. I can't remember what it's called. It's like two under... They have a name for this project that they pumped money into. They paid... What's his name? Elliot Kipchoge? They gave him like a salary to like try and break this record. pumped so much money into doing these shoes and then Adidas just did it.

1:00:20Matt Le Tissier:Yeah. That's great. They did do a world record, but it wasn't... It wasn't under two. It wasn't under... Well, I think it might... Yeah.

1:00:31Clive Tyldesley:So it didn't count. So was it not allowed? It wasn't allowed. Yeah, it was staged. The thing is, now that's gone, like, the next world record marathon is not going to... It's not the same, like, symbolic thing. No, no, no. It's a round number, like, two hours. It's one of the big records. We've got some training to do, lads. Yeah, it's mad. Why did three run so fast in one race? Good conditions. Was it good? Yeah, good conditions. Jack, our expert, is... Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. F1's doing it. Yeah, they pushed each other. Oh, man, on the ground. I'm going to have the goods. Now, F1's back this weekend.

1:01:03Clive Tyldesley:It's been a long hiatus because of the war. Snooze. But, yeah, it's back on. We did an episode this week on the naughty 90s, back when it was fun. And I just wanted to read out this comment about it. It was great. because we talked about Jacques Villeneuve, the Canadian world champion who had a big rivalry with Schumacher and went out with Natalie Imbruglia.

1:01:21Jack Grealish:In our episode, we say he was famously a boring fuck. Yeah, famous boring fuck.

1:01:26Clive Tyldesley:And someone, Nick Oguna wrote in the YouTube comments, I went to uni with Natalie Imbruglia's sister. At her 21st, Natalie and Jacques Villeneuve showed up. He sat in the corner the whole night and kept asking if there was a media center he could use. We were in a function room of a pub. That's so good. there's something so sort of like MBA student about is that a media centre that's fucking funny good episode actually really enjoyed doing that one just a lot of silly scandal and now I've got a treat for the fans out there who didn't come to the London or Dublin live shows we just finished the tour it was great fun probably you got a favourite bit?

1:02:06Clive Tyldesley:probably the bloke Harry biting the head off the fish someone in Manchester someone bit the head off the fish

1:02:12Jack Grealish:on stage which was uh i think he doesn't want us to post the clip does no we won't we won't but it was unhinged one of the most unhinged things did you ask him yeah no he texted me the next day

1:02:24Clive Tyldesley:saying you can talk about it but please don't share that crap around it's pretty graphic

1:02:29Jack Grealish:crowd the crowd like share a picture of the um the fish the fish the the aftermath yeah what was

1:02:35Clive Tyldesley:left the crowd really goaded him into it the manchester crowd were wild yeah manchester and dublin yeah most well but great crowds everywhere we told a lot of stories in the shows that we can't tell on the pod because they're too spicy but we did also talk about some absolute upshot favorites including in the london and dublin shows we talked about the great juan bernabe got a huge shout the name the lazio eagle hand i'm wearing his custom have you taken it off what this t-shirt well i only i only got it made uh just in time for the london show i don't think anyone in the crowd noticed it, which was gutting.

1:03:09Clive Tyldesley:It's what you're doing, just wearing it

1:03:11Matt Le Tissier:every day until you get some attention.

1:03:13Clive Tyldesley:Until he performs at my boxing match, yeah. Well, anyway, if people don't remember him, he's the Lazio Eagle handler, Sackf having the prosthetic penis surgery that gives him an instant hard-on whenever he pushes a button. And for the show, I managed to get him to do a video message, and I thought I'd play it for everyone, so we can all enjoy it.

1:03:31Matt Le Tissier:I think this is the highlight of your year so far, isn't it?

1:03:34Clive Tyldesley:Good morning, fellas. I am Juan Bernabeu I love England I'm sending a bit of half to all the upshot fans with my golden eagle Tizona to convey my strength and wish you all the best in your life and that you never get up be strong look at the kettle on him if you're just listening to the audio

1:03:59Matt Le Tissier:that noise is he's got his eagle with him yeah and he's wearing one of the biggest gold watches and rings I've ever seen

1:04:04Jack Grealish:Great sunglasses as well. He's really put the effort into that video. What a man.

1:04:09Clive Tyldesley:Yeah, the only way to contact him is through OnlyFans. You can't, there's no other route, so I had to subscribe. Is that why you've been on your phone loads? Yeah, I've been busy. I've got to get my$20 money's worth. It's pretty graphic out there, I can tell you that. And then actually I panicked. So basically he said he was going to send it on the day of the Dublin show and it got to the show start and he hadn't sent, got to about an hour before the show and he hadn't sent it. so I tipped him another$20 and the video came in during the interval which is amazing so we had it in the second half a big rush yeah it was great we've been chatting quite a lot now he's actually a really nice guy he emailed me that he wants to do a giveaway where he gives a free OnlyFans subscription to one lucky shotter so we're thinking it might be

1:04:54Jack Grealish:we need to run some kind of competition we're thinking that we're going to have the gossip line going

1:04:59Clive Tyldesley:the WhatsApp gossip line going soon and the best bit of gossip gets a subscription

1:05:04Jack Grealish:to Juan Benamme's OnlyFans that is a serious prize

1:05:08Matt Le Tissier:it would be quite cool to bring him on the next tour and just have the eagle knocking about with us

1:05:11Jack Grealish:yeah I don't know if I want to stay on a holiday in with him for two and a half weeks

1:05:16Clive Tyldesley:just driving around the UK and having food security yeah

1:05:24Jack Grealish:now finally it was a mad finish in the National League I'm sure people have possibly seen it by now but crazy finish so Rochdale and York went into the final day separated by two points at the top of the table there was only one automatic promotion spot so York could do with a draw Rochdale had to win it to go up and in the 95th minute Rochdale scored to make it 1-0 thought they'd won it one promotion insane moment huge pitch invasion and eventually when players like they managed to clear the fans off the ref started again and York equalised in the 113th minute to snatch the title. Mad, mad moment.

1:06:07Jack Grealish:One thing I hadn't seen was that apparently during the Rochdale pitch invasion, the first one, a fan emptied a dead loved one's ashes into the centre circle of the pitch. We've got a clip of it here. It's quite hard to spot, but the guy in red, red t-shirt by the line. There, can you see he's emptying a bag?

1:06:31Clive Tyldesley:so what was that that's like

1:06:33Matt Le Tissier:that's his dad's ashes on the pitch and then they ended up drawing yeah

1:06:37Clive Tyldesley:and not going up yeah not going up that was mental do you think you go back and get them I don't know I don't know it's done now isn't it you're not going back and getting them fuck so funny

1:06:48Matt Le Tissier:apparently the year last year they got 103 points were top of the league and something similar happened and that's why it was so Rochdale again I don't know if it was against Rochdale but it was definitely York so it was like

1:06:59Clive Tyldesley:proper tense okay bad yeah finish what a finish yeah um all right i think that's all we got all we got time for isn't it thanks guys thanks everyone uh remember if you want extra shot every week just a rundown of the funniest stories in in sport this week then join our patreon patreon dot com forward slash upshot towers but we will see you regardless we'll see everyone on tuesday we've got a special on roman abramovich it's a good one that is a really good one there's a lot

1:07:26Jack Grealish:of like early life stuff that I'd never heard. He had an absolutely insane life. Yeah, it's mental. And then we get into Chelsea. So we'll see you then.

1:07:34Clive Tyldesley:Thanks a lot.

1:07:35Jack Grealish:Cheers. As always.

1:07:36Clive Tyldesley:Thanks a lot.