Jack Grealish on the sesh in Dubai | Extra shot

21:51Jack Grealish:And he became just a fanatical Man United fan. and in 1999 he was watching the Champions League final against Bayern. United obviously were trailing in that match and he promised everyone sat around him that if they came back then he would legally change his name to Man United. Wow, that's amazing. Obviously like most people you'd wake up the next day and be like oh yeah, come on, I'm not going to do that. But he resolved that he would do this. So he then embarked on this 15-year legal battle to change his name to Man United and went through literally 15 years it took him to do it. So the club were blocking it on trademarks?

22:28Jack Grealish:Yeah, it was like copyright grounds. So at one point a local judge agreed to change his first name to Manchester but refused to change his surname to United because, yeah, copyright. And apparently his friends kept on calling him City then. That was really good. So you can't just change your name to a trademark? No, apparently not. I don't know if Man United themselves clamped down on it. Because there are some countries where they won't let you use certain names. So maybe it's that far as well. I think they were potentially also worried that he was going to start claiming... Yeah. It's his name.

23:04Jack Grealish:It's like his trademark. He's going to start flogging stuff, which he said he never would have done. But anyway, he kept on going through these various courts trying to change it. And in 2011, this film crew picked up on him and his story and brought him to Old Trafford to meet Dimitar Berbatov, who's a Bulgarian striker who's playing for them at the time. and around that time Marin decided for some reason to tattoo the Man United club crest onto his forehead looking at it Geopichu is just taking up the full forehead yeah it says something what does it say something name oh I think it basically says my name is yeah I think it says my name is in Bulgarian my name is in the Man United logo which yeah didn't need the my name is no we can tell you like Man United you've got it tattooed on your forehead so that was shortly after meeting Berbatov was it it was around the same time do we think he had his idea maybe tell you what you should do right get weird with it yeah prove it yeah I think I think that would be quite off putting for Berbatov if you meet the guy and it's like oh my god it's like when you meet like a weird ultra fan who's gonna like it's a bit Stan slim shading it's less disconcerting than someone having a picture of your face though isn't it and a lot of people do a tattoo of your yeah yeah it's like it's your club yeah I suppose also fair play to him because he was a fan in the 70s they were quite shit then weren't they yeah yeah and they are again but yeah even after tattooing the badge onto his forehead he still had no luck in changing his name until 2014 when he had the brainwave to convert to the Bulgarian Orthodox Church, who then agreed to baptise him under a new name of Manchester United Zradkov Levitchov.

25:02Jack Grealish:So he's got to keep the old name? He's got to keep, yeah, I think he keeps the surname, but he's baptised under Manchester United now. So he did manage it in the end. Genius. Sort of bad timing because he managed it in 2014. Never saw them win another league title. and yeah sadly died of a heart attack last week actually his his sister-in-law came out when he died with her own theory before that she said Manchester United was his whole life, he was very emotional and after a defeat he would be very low from the period when United started to decline, he himself fell apart it's possible that it killed him she's literally blaming Amarim going through at the back which is the last thing Ruben needs He's already been accused of tanking Kobi Maynou's career.

25:50Jack Grealish:And now he's literally killing off our fans. I think it's a reach. Sad. So he walked so United Strand could run. Yeah. If Frank is wondering what to do when the five wins come, now he knows. There you go. Would you rather have a Newcastle crest tattooed on your head or is it Ottomendi's golden age of TV? Oh, yeah. Full back. Yeah, Nicholas Ottomendi was like, what's he got on his back tattoo? It's like his whole back is covered. I think it's like Peaky Blinders and... It's like Breaking Bad, isn't it? And Prison Breaks, innit? Oh, that's it. It's like loads of different good TV programmes. I guess it's just shit he's watched.

26:32Jack Grealish:Yeah, yeah. It's bizarre. Can you imagine now if somebody had got that done in the 80s and it was just like... Then it's like Father Ted. Monty Pfeith It ain't half hot mum Yeah well this is Mash Someone will Google Father Ted tattoo There'll be someone Someone's got Hyacinth bouquet On their back Yeah there you go The other thing with face Or like very prominent tattoos Is like over time They go sort of dark green Don't they And they sort of Stretch I guess your forehead Maybe doesn't stretch that much But a Manny Night That Manny Nighter badge To be fair It might look like the The green and gold You know the like The 1958 anti-glazer thing Their scarves are green Tattoos just go dark green in the end Don't they?

27:16Yeah I guess so Maybe the red will remain Makes a think Would you rather change your name to your team Or have the crest on your face I think name Definitely name What does he do for work? Do you know? I don't know actually I got a feeling there was a bit saying he was Unemployed yeah double check I feel like it was not a public

27:44Jack Grealish:facing role for that construction construction worker oh he's a construction worker yeah I guess okay yeah back office I've never worked on a construction site but it feels like people will take the piss out of you for minor indiscretions yeah let alone having Man United tattoos on your forehead yeah it's brave yeah it's brave say what you want about him but he was a very brave man In its first 30 years On the BBC The biggest scandal To ever hit MasterChef Was the way Lloyd Grossman Pronounces the word spicy But How does he say spicy? He goes Have you never heard Lloyd Grossman speak? No, I don't think so Can you get a clip I only really know Lloyd Grossman from The Source I want to see a clip Of Lloyd Grossman speaking I want to hear you Doing an impression It's like spicy Have you never seen Through the Keyhole?

28:35No Who lives in a house Like this?

28:38Jack Grealish:to be honest I wasn't sure whether Lloyd Grossman until recently was a sort of Ronald McDonald like the Dolmio man Lloyd Grossman's actually a composite of a number of historical figures folk characters from the era well here we are in South London which is commonly known as the Garden of England it really is lovely that is an annoying voice a vast ancestral acreage is presided over by the fattest the meanest and the ugliest black rabbit in all of England who really lords it over here. He lives in incredible luxury. Look at this magnificent William and Mary hutch. Yeah, told you. William and Mary.

29:19Is he a bit Philadelphia? He's from Boston, but I think he's lived in England. He's got a landed gentry wife and I think it's kind of merged with like posh.

29:28Jack Grealish:Okay, that's a funny act. Difficult to put your finger on it. All this was just to get him to talk. This is all so I can talk about a completely unrelated story that is new. Because in recent years, MasterChef has been rocked by controversy, as we know, mainly around Greg Wallace. Won't get into that. But, you know, with the whole Greg thing going down, you can't blame the producers of the Argentine edition of MasterChef for getting a bit jealous and wanting to sprinkle in some drama of their own. And so MasterChef Argentina has turned to friend of the pod, Wanda Icardi. Come on. So as all good shotters know, she is the ex-wife of Mauro Icardi.

30:10And yeah, they've had a ludicrous saga of domestic drama, which I won't get into now. We did an episode on it. But she's the presenter of MasterChef Argentina.

30:21Jack Grealish:Yeah, they've sort of cut out the slow decline from respected to presenter to scandalous character by just going for somebody who's already got their own ready-made scandals. Somebody who's already been accused of human trafficking. Tell me what about her though. She is, yeah, stardust, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. It works. Ratings are up. And, you know, obviously Wanda brings a lot of viewers with her, but then naturally the producers were like, how can we make this even more spicy? And so they've signed up her ex-husband, Maxi Lopez, the Argentine striker. He used to play for Barcelona and Sampdoria.

30:59So if you're not familiar with this aspect of the story, Maxi Lopez was married to Wanda and they had kids. until Maxi befriended his teammate, Mauro Icardi, another Argentina player. And they got so close that they brought Mauro on holiday with them, with the couple. And I'd forgotten that bit of it. Yeah, not long after that holiday, Wanda left Maxi for Mauro Icardi, his teammate, and began this absolutely mental relationship. So now they have been reunited on screen for the first time on MasterChef. Everyone was like tuning in, very excited about this, how it would go down. and you know Wanda was typically kind to him ahead of his cookery debut he's obviously like a bit the world's biggest soccer tournament has arrived and you can trade the entire tournament on Kalshi on Kalshi you can trade every match from the opening stage all the way to the final on Kalshi you're trading against peers in a live market meaning there's no house and as the probability changes you can buy in and out of your position for a limited time download the Kalshi app and use code cup 26 to get 10 when you trade 10.

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33:41And you know, they do like a few interviews before he walks in. Yeah. And they had Wanda telling the camera, if Maxi loses, I don't know what I can take from him. I already have the kids in the house. So brutal. the kid is a real sore point because um maro akadi who stole maxi's wife got the kids names tattooed on his arm yeah um so it's like a bit yeah feels like punching down doesn't it it does but i think maxi's on board it's hard to imagine on english tv like mary berry dishing out that jibes at paul hollywood or something how is your wife she left you yet she has left me i forgot about that um and then so finally maxie comes on and everyone's like and uh and then him and wonder start talking and there's a bit of bance so she she says to him do you know how to cook at all or do you still eat frozen food and then he replied i got married once and everything was

34:36Jack Grealish:frozen which apparently so is he is he trying to say everything that she cooked was frozen as well so he has later clarified that he meant she served a lot of frozen food because she couldn't cook but to me it came across like frozen heart yeah exactly it was a cold environment i think it works on both levels to be honest but yeah uh but yeah um but anyway on the show it was no fish fingers and potato waffles from max he's upped his game so he unveiled his first dish which he called wanders pork shoulder um so and then he said again it sounds maybe like he's calling her a pig or something. Yes.

35:14So there is some innuendo here. So he said she used to like pork shoulder. Now she's more into hamburgers. Is that like steak at home? No, so basically there's a, there's like a running joke in Argentina because she used the word hamburger as a sexual innuendo in the past. Oh yeah. So she said it's like a regular gag in Argentine, like trashy celeb world. Hamburgers basically means sex for her. So he's, he's riffing quite, quite successfully. Don't know if pork shoulder is meant to be a dig.

35:44Jack Grealish:it's not a reference to his manhood is it no I don't think she used to like the pork shoulder she's gone off gone off the old pork shoulder yeah I thought it was a reference to Riccardi like you know she used to have steak at home pork shoulder at home maybe it's meant to be a bit like that as well yeah I feel like you have to be quite ingrained in the story to know what he's talking about must be multiple viewers just like what the fuck is going on I think in Argentina this is this drama is their Wagatha Christie is how I would describe it yeah but even then like the grandmas that tune in to MasterChef, maybe.

36:15Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, it works on both levels, I think. But it's good to see they've sort of patched it up. So it was kind of quite friendly. There were bits where she pops up and is like, it's your ex-wife here. And they're like, ah, ha, ha. It's all quite nice. Because it was, as I said, it got quite ugly. So obviously she took the kids in the house. Apparently the house was like a major legal dispute in Argentina for a long time. Right. Not the kids, weirdly. and then do you remember when Wanda then split up from Mario Icardi because he cheated on her Maxi Lopez popped up online and just tweeted do you believe in karma?

36:48pretty good but yeah on the show he actually said they've like properly buried the hatchet and he's like forgiven Icardi as well and he's like good terms with him because Icardi and Wanda aren't good terms yeah they're not at all they're having some mental accusations of each other at the moment but yeah you know this being the Icardi drama it still threw up some more mental scandal. So mid-show, Maxie suddenly had to leave and fly back to England. He lives in England. I didn't realize that. Had to fly back because he's doing up the house at the moment. And while he was away doing MasterChef, a can of paint exploded.

37:25His pregnant wife was so terrified she made him fly straight back.

37:29Jack Grealish:Was this like mid-recorded? He's left his pork shoulder in the oven. His carne asada is just burned. So he had to... He basically... his wife's heavily pregnant. She was freaked out by the fumes. So he had to fly back to London to look after her. And MasterChef said, if you're not back by Tuesday, you're out. They've kicked him off. Jesus. Cutthroat. And they're replacing him with Wanda's sister. Sorry, do you think that she is the real ratings draw here, isn't it? This is their whole family drama. Did she get on with her sister? Yeah, I think, I don't know, I was kind of looking into it. It doesn't look like too much juice.

38:05I was hoping for more. Shame. Um, Yeah, apparently there was also Wanda in the build-up for the show. She also made a dig at Mario Carde. Apparently he's got a sex tape, which I haven't heard about. And the running joke in Argentina is that his knob looks small. And apparently she makes some joke in one of the ads promoting this about peanuts. Being like, I don't like peanuts, which apparently is a joke about small cock. People read it into that too. Look guys, you need to have a basic grasp of Argentine food innuendos to enjoy this podcast. hamburgers and peanuts yeah wow so yeah again quite hard to see that happening on Bake Off yeah although yeah although Prue Leaf did once drown a bag of kittens so she did what?

38:54yeah I feel like she released a memoir like fairly recently where she just had a throwaway story about when she was a kid drowning a bag of kittens And then everyone was like Sorry what? A bag of them A bag of them Why?

39:09Jack Grealish:Yeah Her mum told her to maybe But why? Well the memoir Were there too many I think there was too many kittens There had been a litter And then Kindest thing to do Yeah Drown them in a bag The memoir's called I'll try anything once So Including drowning kittens Yeah yeah Yeah Kick a dog Kick a duck up my arse I'll try Drown a bag of kittens anything we'll try anything once don't knock it until you've tried it yeah so I think it was I don't know part of growing up in sort of rural South Africa maybe but what is it just like they're pests kind of things I don't have much more info I just know she drowned the bag of kids I like the way that she just dropped that into autobiography just like yeah you can be too honest can't you yeah especially out of context it sounds worse well I'm not sure what context actually speaking of the celebrity spin-offs of popular TV shows.

40:05Jack Grealish:Have you guys been watching Traitors? Yeah, but I've only done two, so no spoilers. No spoilers, no spoilers. Tom Daly is on it, along with my best mate, Joe Marler as well. Oh yeah, you and Joe Marler pals. Yeah, me and Joe Marler, best mates. We've been texting him. We texted once on Instagram. Did he reply? He replied. I don't think he did. No, he's a fan of the pod. He doesn't matter who texts to, he's probably listening. Messages were exchanged. Yeah, he's probably listening right now. Hi Joe Hi Joe Good luck Joe He's quite good on it actually Yeah Joe He comes across really well I think he's I mean he's a lovely guy He's one of the great props In the last 10 years But yeah Tom Daly Is on it too Great bod Yeah Don't know why I'm surprised about that But you know when they They always cut to A scene of them In their room Yeah Like doing something Related to them And he's just in the shower Yeah Showing off his Olympic tat To be fair We've all seen his His bod Yeah you two would just be podding would you if yeah what would we do just there with a mic on would you be doing drowning a bag of kittens yeah oh that'd be pru leaves cut away yeah just submerging them in the bulk she'd actually be a good she'd be just filling up the sink

41:27she'd be good on it pru leave yeah yeah i feel like tom daly was quite a good pick for it as well yeah he's got this real like well Pooleaf could do this because he had his sort of um he's sort of like oh people see my knitting and they think I'm innocent but

41:39Jack Grealish:they can be used to kill that was his his his quote his intro bit was I'd like them to think of me as this wholesome guy that sits in the corner knitting actually those knitting needles can be used for something far more sinister I'd like them to think of me as a wholesome old lady who bakes but actually I will kill kittens no friend of the animal kingdom a dishwasher can be used for something far more soon. Yeah, he wanted to be a traitor, didn't he? Yeah, he did. I always find it so lame when people are like, no, I want to be a faithful. Yeah. But anyway, Tom revealing that menacing streak might have shocked some viewers at home, but it will have come as no surprise to restaurant staff who've had the misfortune of serving Tom and his husband, Dustin Lance Black.

42:28Jack Grealish:So there was this story a few years ago in Pop Bitch the gossip newsletter, which came from some disgruntled restaurant staff. So I'll just read it out. When told by a waiter that they would need to move their child's high chair because it was blocking a walkway, Tom and Dustin somehow managed to quickly turn the conversation around to their combined net worth and whether or not the waiter fancied keeping his job. Wow. That's mental. That's just... Do we believe that? I mean... I've never seen the words net worth used in real life. They only Google autocomplete When you type someone's name Yeah Well it's Yeah it's the You know It's your Jake Humphries Of the world And he's in But would he talk about net worth Do you not think he No do you know what he'd say He'd say your network Is your network And he'd be right What does Dustin Lance Black do again He's an actor Yeah Don't know that much about him Yeah Sorry it's the suggestion that The guy was like Can you move your high chair And they were like no And we are worth A combined Yeah 40 million dollars Yeah And if you want to keep your job Do you fancy keeping your job Yeah that feels too mental do you think it's good yeah I mean if it's true do you think when he got twats there's nothing more cuntish than being rude to wait when he got voted when he gets when or if he gets voted off on traitors I am and have always been a wanker I am 100 % worth 30 million shit so is he a bit of a shit I can kind of see that yeah I mean yeah do you not think I don't yeah he was yeah he's coming out with some takes on on celebrity traitors what kind of takes just like if anyone does anything slightly wrong he's like he's giving them the eyes yeah I felt like he was being a bit cruel mean is probably the word to Nico the YouTuber yeah I don't want to give him any spoilers him and Charlotte Church were conniving yeah so Tom Daley what I would say as well is Child Star he was famous at 14 does strange things to a person's brain that's what a bronze in a big medical tissue he's got a gold doesn't he I think he got maybe he got a gold in the synchronised he no don't try undermine it yeah if you want to count my team gold I think last time he got a gold wins one fucking podcast in the world listen to him ooh I'm mates with Joe Marler embarrassing mate he's a gold medal Joe Marler won the premiership title yeah who are they Charlotte Church child star she's coming across nice yeah it was a bit of a sporting connection yeah well she was married to Gavin Henson the rugby player I think a Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson episode would be quite good he was trying to be rugby's Beckham so he was like doing really dumb haircuts basically and she was mega famous that'll fill 20 minutes right there he'll do the haircuts there's some quite funny stuff I think it could work someone suggested it a while ago can I just say Teddy just looked up and Tom Daly has won one Olympic gold medal in the synchronised that's still a gold medal you were trying to say that I was wrong I was laughing at the fact that you were suggesting because it was synchronized and there for a team thing.

45:30No, I'm still impressed.

45:32Jack Grealish:In a way, synchronized is even more impressive because it's synchronized. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's quite a toughie. Yeah. But anyway, just want to assassinate Tom Daly's character, Zach. National treasure Tom Daly. I think he's a twat. I kind of... First of all, you really, really push for this story to be included in the podcast. Me and Jack were correct and we think he seems like a lovely boat. No, I kind of believe, I believe the Pop Bitch story. but maybe because I want to. Yeah. You should probably... No, I'm sure he's... I think he seems nice enough. I can see him being rude to a waiter.

46:05Jack Grealish:Yeah. Okay. I don't know the net worth thing. That feels mental. Is it... Yeah. It's possible that they then start talking loudly about their net worth. I mean, there's no... There's no context in which talking about your net worth is justifiable. Yeah. Meeting with your financial advisor, mate. How many monthly listeners does your podcast get, mate? If you want to keep your job. I've got to say still, though, that Traitors has got nothing on Milf Manor. Yeah, I still haven't watched it. That is the pinnacle of reality TV. Unbelievable. Can you explain the premise? So I think we've talked about it before, but if you missed watching this show, it was a dating show that was on US TV where mums who, they say that they're into dating younger men and they get sent to this island and they think it's going to be Love Island style, you know, with these younger men.

46:53Jack Grealish:and then the big reveal is when they meet the male love interests and they are their sons so the whole show is like the sons and the mums like hooking up with each other while in front of their in front of their own mums they have to do stuff like in front of it's like a it's a game show yeah there's some really do stuff yeah well it's like the love island thing except some of them are related there's like really horrible bits where like the boys are uh sort of blindfolded and then all like and then the mums have to like touch their abs it's it's really touching their own son's abs yeah it's deeply uncomfortable oh there's like yeah incest yeah well hang on i would say the sort of son and mums who would go on a program like that probably have quite an unhealthy relationship oh yeah yeah there's some awful people on it yeah it's brilliant that sounds great the worst bit is the have you seen the bit where they have to identify whose underwear is whose and it's the suns going through and the worst bit is actually when the suns get it right that's definitely my mum's no yeah there's one woman on it in particular who is yeah unspeakably crass sounds like a must watch what's it on?

48:07I mean there's one sort of mum son duo that come off as like as likeable as you can be for signing up for a program like that and they are I think Mexican and they're speaking to each other in Spanish and the really unlikable lady starts kicking off that they're speaking in another language it's really horrible sounds like creative brilliant how do you watch that it's on some weird shout out to my mate Jake actually he downloaded it and got it for me on a drive torrented it

48:36Jack Grealish:on NordVPN perhaps no ads this week no apparently was it you that was telling me that series 2 because they sort of had to mix the format up a little bit even better season 2 the mums come in as normal the young lads come in and they're not related to any of them but then bam another car pulls up it's all their dads so it's the boys' dads it's the boys competed against their dads to pull the mums proper edipus shit love it actually on the subject of spunky young lads that was funny there's a story going around that Lamina Mao will no longer sign autographs for fans he's apparently signed this like exclusive deal with a merch website so he will only sell signed things through their site and won't even sign stuff for people at the training ground anymore oh because they want to corner or monopolise his like signed shirts he made 30 million last year apparently according to Forbes another net worth yeah I mean I think you need that kind of entrepreneurial drive when you're spending as much as he is on hiring dwarves for his party.

49:50Jack Grealish:So he won't do autographs. That's quite grim. Game's gone, isn't it? In light of the FIFA ticket stuff we were talking about last week, it's sort of another depressing bit of commercialism. Although then again, who the fuck gets autographs anymore? I guess if it's merch... I mean, you see quite a lot of collectors, really. Yeah, but that's the problem, isn't it? They bought it on themselves, to be honest. When I was a reporter at the Evening Standard, that we used to you do like film premieres and stuff and it would literally be the same group of 10 people at every one and they're just flogging on eBay they're getting like Meryl Streep to sign like 10 different things and then just flogging it yeah it's the same with the there was that video of Pep from there last year or earlier this year oh we've actually got the clip don't come again I want to decide you again I know your faces go to the school and prepare yourself guys you are age you are young you are old you are young guys you don't be here waste your time you want to live your life doing this or honestly No You wanted the rest of your life Doing this?

50:44No I used to be a chef Let's continue to do it Prepare better Prepare better Prepare better Fucking hell What are your dreams? Tell me What are you dreams? What are you dreams Let's practice Fucking hell You're a chef Prepare better Prepare better I could be a chef Working a split shift Or you could just sign The shirt for me I could make 500 pounds Exactly. I don't need a lecture. I'm getting put on the spot about what my dreams are. Fuck off, mate.

51:17Jack Grealish:I wonder if Laminia Mal's going to do a sort of package deal where you get a signed shirt and you get a 700 quid dinner with his mum. At which point, I'm in. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, it's quite grim, but not refusing to sign shit, I think. Even though those guys are sort of just a little weird industry. There must be plenty of people who do just want like a programme autographed. Yeah. When I was younger, that was like, that's what you did if you yeah did you get any good ones when you're autographed yeah uh a blue peter presenter i once got to sign my drawing of robocop i think i've still got it vincent i'll tell you about my copy of uh the rhyme of the ancient mariner that's so excited by so i'm all the full of blows like it was the full of his last game of the season and i went to like car park afterwards to get them to sign stuff and i had my like english GCSE exam the next day.

52:09Jack Grealish:So the only thing I had in my bag that they could sign was a copy of Samuel Taylor College's Rhyming the Ancient Mariner. So, yeah, somewhere at home I've got a copy of Rhyming the Ancient Mariner signed by Chris Baird and David Duff. Possibly the only copy. That is one of the kinds. Rare collectors, aren't you? Because it was just like, what have I got on me? Yeah, I remember being about, I was probably like four maybe, and my dad taking me to a County cricket match At Somerset And Walking along He was like Son look at that You see that Was there a commentator Called like Bumblebee or something Is that Cricket Yeah David Lloyd Bumble Yeah Bumble Yeah He was like Look at that George It's Bumble And he just sent me off To get Obviously I didn't have A fucking clue who he was Can I have your autograph please Yeah It's basically the equivalent Of my dad being like Can you Yeah It's for my son It's for my daughter Her name's George Can you make it out To me though Yeah there's something A bit sweeter about autographs But maybe that's just Rose tinted glasses They're obviously A shitter version of Selfies are way better Yeah that's the problem isn't it But would you Would you hang a selfie Up on the wall It's a bit sad Whereas a signed Like shirt I mean I wouldn't hang One of those up either But I would hang A copy of the Rime of the Ancient Man Yeah I'll try To dig it out actually You're not putting a selfie On your wall That's something quite Tragic about that isn't it In a way that like A signed football shirt Although that's less tragic than I think people who go to Madame Tussauds.

53:36Yeah. That's still bathroom. One get a picture with a waxwork. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand. You're right, me neither. Have you ever been? No. No.

53:43Jack Grealish:Back off, that's Rodrigo Muniz's favourite day out. Oh, Rodrigo, you met Lady Gaga? No. And Princess Diana. Yeah, you're right. It is weird because it's like, I guess you're enjoying how similar it looks to them. Yeah. It's like a lookalike. Yeah. Which again, I also don't understand. I think. No disrespect. I think when they're shit They're quite funny Like you know the David Brent one I think part of what makes him so funny Is he's really shit David Brent waxed one No no no lookalike Actor Yeah that one's quite interesting Because he's sort of Lost himself Yeah he's now living the David Brent Life on the road thing There's some quite really like Poignant interviews Where someone will just be like Can you remember what your own laugh is like And he just goes No

54:32Actually Yeah genuinely We tried to get him for a stag I went on recently But it's so expensive Yeah he's like blown up Even just like meet and greet At the airport It's like 400 quid Yeah Really wow What are you doing I do think it would be fun You look like a TV character I like Meet and greet at the airport So is that in In England As in Does he have to go through security No no no Before you go He just comes and sees you off Can you remember

55:07Speaking of mega celebs Did you see the sumo wrestlers in London? Who didn't? Can't have missed them They were seeing all the sites They went to Buckingham Palace, Big Ben And they browsed the handbags at TK Maxx There were some pics of them I also saw them looking at Paddington Bear toys at TK Maxx Which made more sense to me than handbags actually Yeah You know, you want to get a gift for your Yeah They properly got around There's that great pic of them all on line bikes Yeah no wonder they're in such shit I wouldn't have wanted to get on that one the next day so their hotel got through 70 kilos of rice a day, London's food wholesalers ran out of noodles and the Royal Albert Hall had to reinforce the toilet seats and the chairs because they're so god damn heavy, so they're 25 stone, I was looking like they're like roughly our height but just double the weight, do you think two of you could beat one of them?

56:00Absolutely not Yeah I was going to say this Unless you do that thing Where one of us Lies down On their knees And knocks them on Everyone pushes them over We can maybe take them like that Yeah I think I'd struggle To topple them Yeah That is your best bet They probably squash The guy on his knees Oh almost Well they do that to People in the audience right If you went You had to sign A sort of waiver If you were in the front row Because there's no Barrier or anything There's just a good chance They can fall on you

56:26Jack Grealish:Because it's quite sloped Actually the edge of the ring Isn't it I saw it yeah it looked mad I really wanted to go yeah tickets were going for a grand on the day yeah we'll have to catch it in 30 years instead yeah that was the first time since 1991 they've been in London they said on the commentary that the the final fight of the day there's a special referee who's like the best one and he carries this ceremonial sword and apparently that's because back in the day if he made a bad refereeing call he would have to commit Harry Keery just disembowel himself wow god Howard Webb are you watching?

57:02PGMOL Stick that in your pipe We're actually We're going to do A day in the life of a sumo wrestler Zach and I For a YouTube video We've committed now I'm excited So we're going to Yeah, we're going to Wake up at 5am Train for hours With a professional sumo coach We found And then we're going to Consume around 10 ,000 calories How And six pints.

57:29Jack Grealish:Yeah, because they drink six pints with lunch, apparently. Yeah, and then we're going to fight. 10 ,000 calories. 10 to 20 is what they do. How much is that quantity-wise? How many kilos of rice? That old male needs 2 ,500 calories a day. So this is five times the... I think it's a range. Four times. What we're thinking is we'll both try and consume as many as possible and the loser will have some sort of forfeit during the actual fight. He'll have... Yeah. We're fighting. We're going to fight as well. Yeah, we're going to fight at the end. Take a jack down and put this on record. Shit out of you, mate.

58:02The trash talk's begun. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually not. I'm dreading it. It's going to be horrible. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm most dreading the training on no food because the training's fucking hard, but the eating's going to be pretty grim as well. Yeah. Six pints. Six pints.

58:19Jack Grealish:Six pints with 10 ,000 calories. Yeah, it'll be good. I guess beer has quite a lot of calories, isn't it? About 200. Yeah, you're getting a thousand right there. They're basically Wagyu cows, right? They just sit there eating calories, drinking beer, getting massages. Foie gras ducks. We could just get us funnels. We talked before about there's an English wonder kid in sumo, Nicholas Tarasenko. He's 15 years old. You've been slipping into his DMs. I have been sliding into his DMs this week. Quite persistent. And he has told me that I need permission from his stable masters. to talk to him. Because I wanted to get him on the pod.

58:59I thought it'd be good, but he's 15, so you need, obviously we were going to get parental permission, but the stable masters are like, they're really controlled about what they can do on social media. Yeah, that was his excuse. Yeah, no talking to weird old beardy weirdies back in England. Yeah, you downloaded TikTok just to talk to him. I would say he's politely rebuffing me at the moment, but I'm still trying because I think it'd be good to have him in the video. I would say you're not taking that for an answer. I don't. Yeah, but he's he's living a pretty mental life in this Japanese stable.

59:30So he moved there. So he has to, besides the stuff I described that we're going to do, he has to basically cook for all the others while still wearing his loincloth, which apparently is quite painful. Right. And then his other quite difficult duty is at the end of the day, he has to hang up all the loincloths, which are never washed. Wow. He has to hang them in the sun.

59:49Jack Grealish:Should we say whoever loses our fight has to hang the other one suede loincloth out? Perfect. Yeah, that's a good idea. but yeah we're going to try and get Nick involved in the video or on the pod or you know if he just wants to meet up if he wants to go bowling maybe no it does mean no one man who wouldn't approve of the sumo diet is legendary Italian ref Pierluigi Colina you remember Pierluigi Colina bald head buggy eyes only does that mean no that's how we all remember him wasn't he on the cover of FIFA famously no he was Pro Evo Pro Evo 3 he's the only ref to feature on the cover of a video game he was on 3 over 4 as well yeah back to back Pro Evo 3 it was just him on the cover you'll never sing that Pro Evo 4 was him and I can't remember who it was Ronaldinho most famous referee ever I guess if he was on Pro Evo he was on the cover but they probably didn't have the rights to his name Peter Colander so Pierre Luigi he retired from reffing in 2005 bar the odd appearance at Soccer Aid he actually got stretched off once while reffing soccer aid.

1:00:56Jack Grealish:But then in 2010, he was appointed as UEFA's chief refereeing officer. So his role was basically to raise refereeing standards. And for him, that involved implementing a rigorous fitness training regime and introducing these, what described as extreme and humiliating weight tests for professional referees. So the Swedish ref, Jonas Eriksson, released a book recently and had some pretty damning things to say about Kalina's regime. So he talks about going away to this pre-season training camp in Ljubljana, along with a group of other elite referees. So I'll just read an extract from his book. When we entered the large cold conference room, the management urged us to undress to our underwear.

1:01:44Jack Grealish:We looked at each other, but no one reacted or dared to say a thing. We slowly took off our clothes. there we stood in a long row in just our underwear colina observed us from top to bottom with an ice cold gaze silent and observant we stepped onto the scale one by one i sucked my stomach in straightened my back and held my breath as if it would make any difference one of the instructors loudly announced ericsson sweden 96.2 kilos i felt how colina paused looked at me and scanned my nearly naked body. Wow. So it sounds like a freaking concentration camp. Did he need to do that in front of the other referee?

1:02:29Is that the idea? Shame is the key.

1:02:31Jack Grealish:Yeah, I guess so. So after that, they got their bellies measured with medical pliers still in front of the whole group. It's getting very concentration camp. Yeah, in front of the whole group. They then read out their body fat percentage. No, I know six kilos is a fair whack. Is he tall? I'm sorry. Can't you sound just like Pia Luigi I think he's you know got poor that man's halfway to sumo

1:02:56I think yeah yeah I mean it's it's quite a bit I guess

1:03:00Jack Grealish:it's pretty humiliating to the front of you or your colleagues he said he described the test as he said I mostly felt disgust anger and humiliation but did it make him want to be a better referee he did say that he was never in better shape ah there you go so there you go you need the whip sometimes Yeah, it can't all be carrot. It's got you into this mess. There was actually another, he mentions in the book, that Kalina tells them this story when they're away at this training camp about a referee who'd been spotted in a restaurant eating carbonara and oysters. So then they thought that this was some like Stasi-esque operation where they were being monitored, where they go out to eat at restaurants.

1:03:41Jack Grealish:And apparently when they'd be on European away trips or whatever, and before they'd like you know there's a bit of a bit of a jolly like they'd go out for dinner have a beer or whatever and then after that everyone was just terrified even if they just went out with like their assistants it was all just like salads and there's like a you wait for there could be like someone in the restaurant oh monitoring them wow it's literally a reign of terror yeah it sounds quite sort of ussr like and it's the implication that if you don't get fit you won't get the big game yeah so that was he said he said that because they obviously everyone was like this is humiliating having to do this but they were too afraid to speak up because they knew that if they did they wouldn't get the big games wow isn't this the era where that Graham Pohl showed like three yellow cards to one player we have a bit more focus on the actual referee but god did he look good in his shorts yeah he was too slender svelte figure Kalina was quite fit though wasn't he yeah he's tall as well I do also think this is so what is this sort of mid-naughties this no no no this was 2010 he was in position from 2010 to 2018.

1:04:46It's quite sort of fat shaming was legit. People thought that is a good way to make it. But you know that do you ever see snippets on social media of that TV show? Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. We got it up. You know the one I mean?

1:04:57Jack Grealish:Super size, so super skinny. Is it that one? I'm off to meet a rat pair of fat shaming. It's so good. I'm in Telford, Shropshire and I'm about to meet one of the fattest families I've met in my life. I'm here in the Peak District and about to meet two right massive fattest siblings who are at the peak of their porkiness. I'm gonna be meeting some right beach blubber bellies. I'm in Luton Bedfordshire and about to meet three right jelly belly jumbos. I'm in London town, the nation's capital, home to Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, the London Eye, and four gigantic girls. These girls have got backstage passes to Porkyville.

1:05:34These fatties haven't seen their feet for years. I'm about to meet a family of Essex fatties. I'm about to meet a right pair of podgy parents. I used to be a fatty myself. Mr. and Mrs. Massive Fatty. What?

1:05:49Jack Grealish:Mr. and Mrs. Massive Fatty. Oh my God. I mean, it's cruel, but obviously it's quite funny out of context, but I can't believe that was... But it's kind of the Kalina way. Yeah. It wasn't that long ago, was it? Similar era. Wild. Things have changed. I'm off to meet a couple of right fatty referees.

1:06:11Jelly belly jumbos. Sean Azariksen hasn't seen his feet he's never seen his knob alright well that is that is a wild story from the world of referees I've never heard anything bad about Kalina before I thought he was just sort of a look scary but a bit of a gentleman but turns out he's a little bit more severe a reign of terror yeah wow alright well I think that's all we've got time for this week we are asking you guys our listeners and viewers for something this week we're going to do a Patreon special on listeners' wildest stories. Because we've met a few people recently who have had some truly insane things happen in their lives.

1:06:48So if anything mad has happened in your life, you've got any just like really funny tales, we'd like to hear them. We'll probably sprinkle in a few of our own. Humiliating.

1:06:56Jack Grealish:If you are a humongous fatty.

1:07:01Yeah, I'd like to hear them. I'm trying to think of any examples, but you know. In the vein of...

1:07:05Jack Grealish:Don't want to spill them, yeah. In the vein of Zach being scouted by Crystal Palace's women's team or, you know, me daggering in Jamaica or Wilder, to be honest. Getting locked out naked in the street. That sort of caper. Give us yours and then we're going to do a Patreon special on them depending on how good they are. Some of them are going to be mental, I'm sure. So yeah, send them in. Anyway, we're going over to Patreon right now because we have done a special on the life of Colonel Sanders, the KFC... Supremo. Yeah, the KFC... The king of KFC, the man who invented it. Mental life. Didn't realise he was still living out of his car, age 65.

1:07:38it all happened for him very late but in the meantime he shot some competitors shagged his waitresses there are brawls in courtrooms there's people plunging down gorges drunkenly delivering babies while mounted on a mule it's fucking mental his life's not

1:07:53Jack Grealish:I also only realised that he was a real person recently much like Lloyd Grossman he's more of an idea yeah no Colonel Sons is a real person so we've done it like one of our Tuesday episodes about sports figures we've done a lot of these recently We've done Ozzy Osbourne, Oasis, the Lotto Lout. We're doing more of these sort of mad pop culture figures. Same style as the Tuesday episodes. So if you want to come and listen to that, patreon.com forward slash Upshot Towers. Otherwise, see you next time. See you next Tuesday, where we are getting into the story of Silvio Berlusconi, up there with the biggest wrong-uns we've ever talked about.

1:08:30We'll see you then. Cheers, George. Cheers. Cheers, Zach. Thanks a lot. See you next time.

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