Jermaine Jenas hits Hooters | Extra shot

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1:34On the show today, Jermaine Genas is on the beers at Hooters, Gabby Logan subjects her son to sex chat, and Jamie Vardy's foul-mouthed Italian lessons. My name is Jack. Hello, Zach. Hi, Jack. How are you doing? I'm fantastic. How are you? Good. Good. Hi, JP. Hello, boys. Hello. How are we? Well, it's been a huge week, hasn't it? Ballon d 'Or week. Biggest week of the year. That and the Oscars for me. Yeah. Did you slip your tuxedo on on, was it Monday night? Monday night, I think. Something like that. I had my tuxedo on since last Friday. I was so excited. In preparation for the biggest day of the year.

2:12Usman Dembele won it. I'm pleased for him. Yeah. I think no one really fucking cares about the Ballon d 'Or. It was a big year for sour grapes once again, though. I don't know what's happened since Real Madrid boycotted last year. It's just open season on sour grapes. Got a bit bitter. So Luminium Al's dad, did you see? He said, I won't say theft, but this is moral damage done to a human being for his son not winning. He came second, by the way. I mean, he's 18. He's got his whole career to win it again. I think he's going to be all right. I think that's about right as well, him coming second.

2:45I mean, there or thereabouts, it's a fucking arbitrary bullshit award. Moral damage. So that was nice to see. Yeah. Real Madrid boycotted again, I saw. What happened there? I think they're now just saying, we will not attend it ever again. Because of Vinicius Junior? Yeah. Although, to be fair, they had no chance of anyone winning it this year. They were there every year when Ronaldo was picking them up. Exactly. it's funny you mentioned that because Ronaldo I don't think he was nominated at all this year because obviously his best days are behind him and he then said when asked about it he said I no longer believe in individual awards I know what happens behind the scenes convenient that.

3:27Don't remember you saying that the six times you were front row picking up the gong. Bitter. Do you think he's just like proper sour grapes because Messi won more than him and now he's never going to get to. Yeah and just sour grapes because he's not winning it. Because he's like 40 now I saw the first ever Ballon d 'Or was won by Stanley Matthews when he was 43. There's still time. He was classed, Stanley Matthews. What year was that? That was like 56 or something like that. It was Europeans only then, wasn't it? Stanley. I've got to say that the whole thing lost a bit of credibility for me when you see that someone messaged that it was Becky Judge on Instagram asking why he hadn't voted for Lewandowski a few years ago.

4:07Is this real? and I'm trying to work out whether it's real or not it's a screenshot of an Instagram conversation with this judge Grigory Ruzvaladze and they ask why did you not pick Lewandowski and he replies with a screenshot of his FIFA Ultimate card with 78 pace circled and he says he is not fast enough and he doesn't do skills in real life also he goes also he hasn't won anything with Germany he also says it isn't not fast enough which doesn't make me feel like it's a joke yeah I don't know So he is a genuine journalist, this guy. I don't know whether this screenshot has been knocked up. Yeah, you'd think he would have come out and denied it, which I don't think he has.

4:48And I saw it was reported in the Uzbek press. Uzbekistan's paper of record. Also, do you remember last year there was that Argentine judge who got banned from the voting because the previous year he'd voted just for Argentine players? It's just like this whole award is basically Eurovision. vision for football. Yeah, it is. You just vote for your mates. It literally is. Well, I am still pleased with Dembele because he had that disastrous time at Barcelona. Wasn't it like five years? Yeah, he was there for six seasons, I think, but he was injured for the first five. And they paid a hundred million for him, which at the time was like, I think, possibly second biggest ever transfer fee.

5:31And that was a disaster. Apparently, I read that he, in the sixth season, at the start of it, he stood up in the dressing room before the first game and was like, guys, I just want everyone to know this season's going to be different. I'm going to make it work this season. And everyone was like cheering and clapping. And then he goes, and also, I want to be captain. And the room just went completely silent. I think he was joking. Did he then roll back? I thought that was a joke. I was just going to see how that goes down. I didn't mean it. He's also a history buff. I saw a quote from him saying, he said, Man after your own heart.

6:05Exactly. We've got a lot in common. He said, I like seeing what the dictators did. Mobutu, the German guy, Stalin, all of that. I love it. The German guy. Lewandowski. Also on the red carpet, speaking of German guys, Lothar Matthias, the German legend. He's 64. He brought along his 26-year-old girlfriend. Wow. He's been married and divorced five times. He's a strange looking man, actually, isn't he? How long do we reckon this one's lasting? I don't know. 12 months. Yeah, that's quite the age gap. But also he used to be a bit of a heartthrob. But to me, he now looks quite like Florida steroids and crypto.

6:41His neck is the same width as his head. Yeah, he's got that like veiny tanned look. Actually, speaking of crypto bros, I was in Ibiza this weekend for a stag do. And I was on the dance floor and there was this really tall fella. And he was sort of like showing his mates this thing on his phone. And they're all like, whoa, what? And then he was like circling the dance floor, going up to good looking girls and just like holding his phone in front of them. What's he doing? And then we saw what was on his phone and it was his crypto wallet. Which, by the way, said it had 41 million dollars in it. Fuck.

7:18Yeah. So I don't know if he was, if he'd knocked that up at home. But I think he's literally going up to girls, not saying a word, just holding that and just basically being like, What? You want to fuck me? I mean, I probably would. What? Yeah. I slipped my hand in his pocket I'm waiting you off mate If he's got 41 million pounds Worth of Bitcoin I'll nosh him off There and then Does it work? That's what I was wondering I didn't see any girls A lot of money Yeah it does I mean I don't know But like going around in a club With a screenshot of that That's literally Like something that we would use As a joke example In a story of like A wanker crypto bro I feel like VIP I beefers like that right Yeah It's definitely They're all just like So fucking I mean what a cunt I didn't see any girl even really like sort of smile at him apart from me I gave him the eye Jack's like rubbing his hair joke right home with him because I think you'd you'd look at that and be like that's fake and that guy's going to kidnap me I don't feel mental though don't know if that's Lothar's trick I don't think he needs it isn't there loads of ways you can quickly like withdraw shit out of wallets and shit like that yeah that's what we were saying you're going to get followed and fucking kidnapped me If he's rife with that sort of crime, he would sort of abroir on himself.

8:36So we've had some shocking news coming out of Old Trafford this week, Zach. More shocking news. More shocking news. I thought it might be Jim Ratcliffe having another cabinet reshuffle, but it turns out it's much worse than that. So Frank Illitt, a.k.a. the United Strand, has been done over by a United fan at the Chelsea match. if you if you don't know Frank Frank is currently growing his hair out until United win five in a row friend of the pod we were chatting to him and he's a lovely bloke he's a really lovely bloke and for people that don't know his hair has sort of grown out not like a a normal sort of hair growth it's grown out like a well like an afro really isn't it called a bifro bifro from the white guy yeah we've got a video over here we're gonna have a quick look and it is shocking footage for everyone so just to pre-warn you

9:41Oh

10:05What the hell is wrong with that guy? So he's trying to pull his hair. Yeah. He's trying to pull it out. Yeah, he's had a really good grab. And it's just like, it looks like it's half time from the looks of things. United are just enjoying their, what's soon to be their second win of the season. And poor Frank's just been spotted. And apparently he's not proper United. That's what he's saying. He's not a proper United fan. Yeah. So is this guy basically saying you're making us look bad because you're drawing attention to us being shit. But I'd argue, like, given the last 352 days and the fact he now looks like a microphone, he's committed quite a lot of time to United.

10:42I mean, considering how miserable the vibe has been around United, I feel like United's strand has brought a bit of gallows humour to it, at least. Yeah. And I saw he done a little post on his Instagram, and I can't believe he's had to do this, but explaining that he's been a United fan since he was five years old. He got an old shirt up with a rip in it. I don't think anyone's questioning his loyalty. Unwritten rules of playground fighting, you don't grab people's hair, especially if you've got none on the way back. Do you know what I mean? So anyway, Frank told a reporter afterwards, it was a bit weird if I'm honest.

11:22I thought he was joking, but then he started yanking my hair and calling me an attention-seeking cunt. right which is just a bit much that's the first time I've heard of United fans hating him yeah yeah like looking around the other people around him it looks like quite a nice vibe everyone's smiling he's smiling to begin with and then this absolute bastard just goes for him I'll do what I want no you won't yeah it's like he said that the majority of the comments that day were really positive everyone was giving him high five and then there was a couple of people that were shouting him out and then obviously he's got done at half time yeah to be fair it looks like a lot of people stood up for him there.

11:58Yeah. Credit, credit to them. For me, it's like, like that is someone's uncle. Do you know what I mean? And I imagine waking up on a Sunday morning, you're going for a quick scroll on Instagram and then finding out your uncle Kevin's been done for GBH doing the United Stranding. Do you know what I mean? Oh fuck. Yeah. I mean, he looks pretty cokey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hardcore. There's some bulging eyes. Yeah. Fuck. So Frank's, Frank's all right. Frank's all right. He's actually He's done a statement On Instagram Being like I'm fine It was just a bit Shocking Like If it gets like that And he's getting abused You probably won't want to go Yeah it's a shame You can't be Can't be hounded off It's quite funny If the next post He's just got a shaved head Done with his shit He's absolutely flying His Instagram's massive Yeah He was on He was on BBC Breakfast Was he?

12:49Yeah And CNN Fucking hell It's made it to America Upshot BBC Breakfast CNN Yeah, all the big media outlets. Some Uzbek site. Yeah, that is actually really horrible for Paul Frank. Yeah, Paul Frank. We're thinking of you. Moving on to another legend of the game. We've spoken before on this podcast about Jamie Vardy's summer move to Serie A. So he joined Cremonese last month. They've just been promoted to Serie A. And, you know, it's a really romantic move. I really respect it from Jamie because I'm sure he could have just cashed in and moved to some gated compound in Riyadh to play Fortnite with Ivan Toni.

13:31Although no skills vodka there, to be fair.

13:37But instead, he's gone off for this Italian swan song in Lombardi where I can really picture Jamie in a piazza, sipping a double espresso, cigarillo in his hand, zipping off on his Vespa. Lambert and Butler. Yeah. And it seems like the fans have really taken him to heart already. I think we looked before at this clip of all the crowds greeting him when he got off the plane. One fan unveiled a tattoo of Jamie's face on his arm. Jesus. That was before he'd even played. That was like as he got off the plane. But it's been going well on the pitch for Coronese. They're unbeaten so far. Sixth in the table, which for a promoted side is really good.

14:20They beat AC Milan at the San Siro. Decent. Is he scored? No. So he came off the bench at the weekend to make his debut in a nil-nil draw. Apparently there were 13 dedicated photographers trained on Rebecca Vardy in the stands during the game. Which I bet she absolutely loved. What, is it just for her own content or to send to papers? I guess. I don't know if they've got wags on that level there at Cremonese. Yeah, well, I guess Paps are quite big in Italy, aren't they? Yeah. Italian word. Also, she seems like the sort to tip him off. She's just in the stands with her Italian crime novels.

14:59But yeah, apparently they're really throwing themselves into the Italian culture. So according to the Upshorts man in Lombardi, Jamie and Rebecca have both been taking Italian lessons. And Jamie, I'm glad to report, is proving a bit of a whiz. So the source said, the whole family is having italian lessons and jamie is already au fait with some of the more colorful words vaffanculo is his current favorite he actually knows most swear words in most languages he's quite the polymath i've got to say that i never expected to hear the words jamie and polymath in the same sentence vaffanculo is fuck off but i like he knows most swear words in most languages he's currently revising the Swahili for chat shit get banged which in Italian in case you're wondering is chatare merda falsi scopare oh no is it that's good so I'm sure I'm sure he knows that word off by heart as you reminded me of when Micah Richards joined Fiorentina and Balotelli he asked Balotelli how he should greet his manager on the first day and Balotelli told him I just say Testa de Cazzo, which of course means dickhead.

16:17He's actually doing more than Carlos Tevez though. Do you remember he always refused to learn English while he was at Man United and Man City? Apparently because his uncle, who was a promising footballer for River Plate, had been called up to fight in the Falklands War and then never made his debut, never made it as a footballer and ended up an alcoholic. And Tevez refused to learn English as a result of that. So it was a brave stand. It was a brave stand, which I always just assumed he was a mouth-breathing simpleton. It was a complex. A Gandhi-esque silent protest. Quite happy to pay football here and get paid.

16:53Yeah, exactly. Live in Manchester for seven years. Did he not learn a single... I mean, maybe he'd learned a few words. Because Wayne Rooney famously says when Tevez joined, he was really excited because obviously they were going to play together. He really rated him as a player. and it was really one day he agreed to take him to training and he was like really excited to finally get to have like half an hour chat with him and he said I got in the car with him and just got absolutely nothing back just grunts yeah so disappointing I wouldn't say Rooney's a linguist at heart either no he's quite chatty though yeah true yeah alright lad yeah it's like oh sorry I'm just making a peaceful protest about to be by the easy day he's like fuck Statcher yeah

17:37it's the only thing he knows how to say it.

17:43Rune's like, who? Malavinas.

17:50Actually, last translator thing, have you seen that clip of Ange Postacoglu? It's when he's managing in Japan and he's having a go at the ref and his translator comes over to translate his rant, basically. And the translator ends up getting sent off. Such a good video as well. what goes through his mind in those situations. Me? Me? That is quite literally shooting the messenger. Does the ref think he's like the assistant? I don't know. Maybe that's it. You literally see Ange saying it at the ref and then the translator saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do see Ange like, go fucking go on.

18:33Now, 18 months ago, Jermaine Genis was interviewing Sir Michael Palin on the One Show sofa and he was ready to step into Gary Lineker's shoes as Match of the Day host. I think everyone knew he was the front runner. But after he was caught firing out horny texts to the makeup artists on the One Show, his afternoons are looking a little bit different at the moment. So these days, Jermaine is discussing XG and wildcard strategy in the windowless railway arches in Vauxhall at fantasy football conferences. So basically he's launched a fantasy football podcast with our old friend Jermaine Pennant, a pair of them doing a pod.

19:15It's called Wild Cards. It's quite a good name because they're both a bit wild. And they were the star guests at this fantasy football fest the other week where they came and talked. Is fantasy football fest like Comic Con? Do people dress up as their favourite? No, no. Yeah, dress up as like Chris Basham. Yeah. Yeah. Magnus Carlson. Harland. Yeah. It is described as being like Comic-Con for FPL, though. That's how the people go there. They actually look like quite a lovely bunch of people. Do you know what I mean? All very nice and sweet. Yeah. Till the two Jermains were on. Were they like the star guests?

19:50Yeah, they were. Wow. So they came and did a bit of a Q &A, talked about their podcast, did a few selfies. And Pennant was asked, so why did you start a pod? And he was like, oh, we've actually been playing for years. were in the same like group who play WhatsApp group. And then he said, there was just so much savage banter in our WhatsApp group. We had to turn it into a pod.

20:12Which, you know, I thought Jermaine Junius might've learned his lesson with savage banter on WhatsApp. But it got me wondering what kind of savage banter. So I was looking into it and actually last Christmas, their fantasy football group held a Christmas drinks. And obviously they went to Hooters. Where else? was this before or after he got done this was about four months after a scandal maybe stay away from Hooters for a bit mate well I guess at this point he's not got that much to lose just embrace it such a quick heel turn though going from literally with Attenborough on the one show talking to people about growing giant marrows and then it's like right get me down Hooters doing our league drinks now we're doing a podcast spilling the savage banter I saw a picture of them actually out the Hooters thing and they've got a cardboard cutout of the stalker from Baby Reindeer with them.

21:05There they are. I think that might be one of the forfeits. You have to carry it around with you for the day. Yeah, I think so. Pennant had to get the drinks in as his forfeit. This is very uni banter, isn't it? It's very uni banter. Savage banter. So do you think that FPL podcast has a Baby Reindeer-esque follower who's obsessed? Oh yeah, possibly. That's quite possible. And Jermaine's texting her as well. Yeah. but they do actually have forfeits every week on their pod for who gets the fewest points between the two of them. So last week it was Genis, who, as a big Spurs fan, had to sing North London forever.

21:42Savage. No, bruv, no. Why don't we start doing shit like that? In an Arsenal scarf as well. I did notice he skipped out the line about the brasses from the brothel. Probably fitting. Cut's deep. Is there a clip of him singing it? Yeah, there is. He just does the chorus. Okay. North London and he's literally like no I'd actually say I mean I'm not doing FPL this year so a lot of it went over my head but they're quite good talkers really yeah they're pretty good on it I'm deep in so I can't do it can't do it it's just too much football in your life I mean it just takes too much time yeah I've done it before I've done it before and I'll get two weeks in and then I'll spend like an hour on it so I just can't be you can't be doing that you've got better things to be doing I used to love it I've won like amazing season yeah I won last year I won my league really yeah yeah yeah I'm not doing well I'm not doing well what was the I didn't know what do I get I think forfeit no no no forfeit if I won there's no forfeit no but like what was the forfeit for the loser nothing no savage banter no savage banter what's the point in the forfeit yeah I always thought genius when he was on the one show and stuff I thought he was a bit of like a wetter quite like tame and clean but I guess that's because I guess you're on the one show so you've got to come across like that like the Holly Willoughby but I didn't realise he's actually quite lads lads lads I mean obviously we found that out properly and I guess the gloves are off now he's kicked out the BBC Fantasy Football League Has he broke up with his missus?

23:09I don't know They're still together I think they're still together I do remember do you remember after it all went down that he'd been sending out these texts and stuff and he had to do one of those interviews where you're like really apologetic and they were like how's your wife doing and goes ah she's absolutely raging like she's just had to do an FPL forfeet He's like dog house.

23:32Absolutely raging. Yeah. Actually, speaking of the BBC League, last season, quite like sort of couple of months into the season, it emerged that Hugh Edwards was still in the league. His team's called Hugh Ventus, which is good. I mean, just for that. Yeah. But apparently someone was just like, what the fuck is Hugh Edwards doing in there? He quietly withdrew off. Oh, boy. Don't know about that. Mostly young players in his team. Wonder kids.

24:12There's a certain criteria he likes to stick to. Captain Josh King again.

24:22Again.

24:28no cliches too much too much don't mock it Teddy that's what I call savage banter

24:44don't want to know what the forfeits are in his league fancy football is a wild world though so the Pennant Gina story I read in the Dispatch newsletter So shout out to them. They did a great long read on the conference and like the world of FPL. Their website is dispatch-media.com. And they've also got an article at the moment about the Derbyshire Triangle, which is this one tiny area of Derbyshire where Lily Phillips, Bonnie Blue, and like I think quite a lot of other OnlyFans stars are all from. What the fuck? Yeah, they're from like right down the road from each other. What the hell? Yeah, it's a good one.