Joey Barton back behind bars | Extra shot

27:20and he refused their side of the story is that he tried to bribe them right and it's just become this massive thing oh you think he's completely team harry yeah big time yeah I mean I can see from his side of the story if you're already like if that's happened to his sister he's pretty yeah fucking horrible pretty flustered anyway yeah yeah I mean team harry justice I think just you've got to stay away from Greece you stay away from Greece yeah I would just simply never go again if United draw aka Athens just say your hammy's gone and say it at home yeah actually speaking of trips abroad you're off to Benidorm this week aren't you JP the gold cup weren't sharp about it I am fucking buzzing I am fucking buzzing Cheltenham well Benidorm is the home of horse racing Jack so it's quite important that I go out there so what I've seen that trip when I've seen videos of it it's like there's like bookies big screens and then there's like 2 ,000 leather skinned pensioners you want to up that 2 ,000 to nearly 10 ,000 horse fans are going out there.

28:20And it's not just pensioners? No. Horse fans. Bloody love them. You're a big horse fan? Yeah, why not? Go on, you nags. I'm going for the lash, the gash, and the banter. I'm absolutely buzzing. So what is it? Stag? Stag do. Who's the stag? Shout out my mate Jimmo. You've literally been talking about it. Jimmo sounds like the sort of guy who would have his stag do it. They would chow and embrace it in Benadol. We couldn't afford chow and that's why we're going to Benadol, mate. I only brought it up because you've literally been talking about this like you're going to like the fucking moon. I'm on the ground at one of the most major sports events.

28:55It's going to be an absolute... I'll do some content for you. You sent us the itinerary for this dag. You're going to see Sticky Vicky as well? Well, no, lads. Sticky Vicky's dead. Juicy Lucy, her daughter, has taken a... What is it? It's a ping pong show. Magic from the... Magic from the vajayjay. yeah yeah yeah they shoot stuff out shoot what i'm not sure mate ping pong balls you're gonna come back looking like you've you've been on the somme the things you've seen in benedict uh i'm not i'm not entirely sure what the show entails but it's his it's it's vicky's daughter that has now taken the taken over juicy lucy family business i presume it's stuff being shot out of so do you think so so so her daughter has taken over so presumably there was some point where mum was teaching daughter.

29:50Oh yeah. The tricks of the tricks of the trade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quite a weird thing to be teaching. You pass on your skill set to your children. Handing it down from generation. What skill set are you going to be passing on?

30:02Not really. Born broken. Yeah, born broken. Alright, we'll do some vids while you're out there. I will do. I'll have to ask, what is your plan for cheap data to share the vids? Oh fuck, I don't know. What should I do? I've got the answer, JP. Saley. Saley's a new eSIM service app brought to you by the creators of NordVPN. You download it once. It's an app. And then you get cheap data for 200 countries, including Spain. You only have to download it once. Only have to download it once. Cheapest, easiest way to use your phone abroad. Fuck. Yeah. I'll be telling you all the lads. Yeah, I'll get Juicy Lucy on all the lads.

30:38Saley should consider sort of sponsoring a leg or something. One of Juicy Lucy's legs, just a tap. Yeah. maybe we'll shoot shoot out ping pong balls with the same logo SIM cards

30:53well it's an e-sip actually so there's no good point yeah what do you do mobile phones I'm sure she can and not get 3310

31:02well yeah yeah you're gonna want Sali yeah and best of all you can get a 15 % discount if you're an Upshot listener and you get no VPN free as well which again if you're gonna while you're out there you might wanna watch a game yeah I'm going to bang this in the WhatsApp group for the lads. Please do. So yeah, just go to the app store and download Saley. That's S-A-I-L-Y. Use code UPSHOT at the checkout. 15 % off. I'll put the details again in the episode description. Nice. Otherwise you can just read them off Juicy Lucy's thigh.

31:38Beautiful. Now, if you're a cricket fan, you will no doubt be familiar with Cricket Unfiltered. It's Australia's longest running cricket podcast, absolute institution, been going since 2013, hosted by the much-loved Andrew Meners-Menscal. And, you know, he's been hosting it with various people down the years, but this year, Cricket Unfiltered's producers were on the hunt for a new co-host for Meners, someone who knew the game inside out. And that was when somebody put forward the name of Stu McGill, the former Australia bowler who, by all rights, he should have been one of the greatest spin bowlers of all time.

32:19But unfortunately for Stu, he had the misfortune of his career aligning with the late great Shane Warne, which meant that he only saw a fraction of the action that he should have done really. But still, you know, Stu had played at the highest level and he could offer Cricket Unfiltered listeners some unrivaled insights to life at the top of the game. And sure, he had a bit of a rap sheet. So we've talked about this before. Stu narrowly avoided jail last year after taking part in a 660 grand cocaine deal that went badly wrong, mostly for him. So just to recap it. So after hanging up his cricket whites, Stu got pretty big into coke to the point where he was spending about$800 a week on it.

33:08Nice habit. And at some point around 2021, Stu decided to introduce his dealer to his brother-in-law, who just happened to be a pretty big fish in the Sydney Coke game. So the three of them met in this underground car park and struck a deal where Stu's dealer would buy 660 grams worth of Coke off Stu's brother-in-law. A nice deal for all involved. but when they meet to hand over the cash this bloke gives Stu's brother-in-law a vacuum sealed bag with cut up bits of A4 paper with a few$50 notes on the outside oh my god what did he think he weren't going to check it? what's the long term plan there?

33:52well you'll be surprised to hear that this did not go down too well with Stu's brother-in-law which culminated in Stu being abducted at gunpoint in Sydney by three masked men holy fuck they took out on him they took it out on him he was sort of he was sort of the middle middle man to the dealer right so he got bundled into the back of this car driven 60 kilometers to this remote property where the kidnappers threw him into a moldy shack it sounds like it's from a film it really is some sort of like Aussie soap opera type film it's like crystal meth soap stars anyway they threw him in the shack stripped him naked and beat him until he blacked out.

34:36They then threatened to cut off his fingers if he didn't hand over 150 grand. Sorry, and he's married to the guy's sister. He's really regretting that introduction. This is what you do to your family. Was it worth that 1 % cut? Probably not. I don't think so. Jogan even got the cut, he just got a bit freaky. Didn't get the cut and got his fingers chopped off. Did they chop his fingers off? No, they didn't chop his fingers off. As a spin bowler. That'd be harsh. no so they held him for a little while eventually dumped him by the side of the road and he had to hitch a lift home we actually naked I don't know if they gave his clothes back right I'm not sure about that that's very can you imagine driving through the outback and there's a naked bloke naked bloke we actually had a letter recently from from a listener who said apparently the kidnappers had released him after an hour because he was so annoying he is quite annoying yeah the listeners of cricket unfiltered kid probably can cut i don't know if that's true i don't know if if they if that is true then they were very efficient kidnappers driving 60 kilometers beat him up beat him unconscious trying to cut his fingers yeah it's a busy hour an hour but you know i wouldn't put it past them um anyway obviously this was a terrifying ordeal for for stew um But then as part of the investigation, the police uncovered his role in setting up this deal.

36:05So he was sort of complicit. And it went to court last year. And Stu, he was spared a jail term, but was slapped with a 495-hour community service order, as well as some rehab stuff that he had to do. but then in between his time repainting Sydney Harbour Bridge and litter picking on Bondi Beach Stu decided that he'd do a bit of podding and bag the gig as Mena's new co-host on Cricket Unfiltered so there were a few nervous glances around the producer's studio because clearly judging by his track record he had a bit of a volatile temperament uh but you know they they gave him the job anyway as part you know benefit the doubt get stoop back on the back on the straight and narrow he made his debut on the 28th of january and the first four episodes the first three episodes passed off very smoothly getting on well until their fourth episode when menas his co-host made the fatal error of bringing up an incident involving Candice Warner, who's the wife of David Warner, this Aussie cricket legend.

37:22So back in 2007, Candice Warner had infamously shagged Sonny Bill Williams in a pub toilet. And this was like a famous story at the time in Australia. Everyone knew about it. And for years afterwards, fans had taunted David Warner about it. Some fans would turn up to Australian matches with Sonny Bill Williams masks on. stuff like that and anyway menas basically mentioned this in passing saying that he thought it was pretty low and pretty unacceptable that south africa fans during a tour in 2018 had still been bringing up this incident to taunt david warner fair point to make i think but it didn't go down too well with stew mcgill got a clip here i do think the sexist treatment of candace warner from the South African crowds went way over the line.

38:14Going in with Sonny Bill William Maas to try and taunt Warner is low. That is low behaviour. It's targeting his wife, which I think is pretty poor. And I think, yeah, they can go pretty low. Well, I think it's pretty low talking about it, for starters, so I think, you know, you didn't need to go into details there. I think that's shit. You're a fucking idiot. You shouldn't go into details about things like this because you're doing exactly the same as the crowd, okay? No, no, you are. Because they were taunting you. Listen to me now. Yeah, yeah. You've raised exactly the same issues. Yeah. You're saying the same thing that they did, and that is shit.

38:50So we're not going to talk about that anymore. If we're going to talk about issues to do with one particular player, we can say that they've talked about personal issues relating to that player. That's an issue. No, no. No, no, that's fair. No, I'm right, mate. No, that's fair. Yeah, it is fair. But I just wanted to draw the example of what they were. And what I want you to do right this minute, because otherwise this is going to be a very, very short-lived relationship. You need to respect players and their families a lot more than you do at the moment. I do respect them. I mean, he wasn't even fucking saying anything.

39:25Listen, she's a friend of mine as well. I feel sorry for her. Listen, I feel sorry for you because you're obviously so pigheaded. Because you do not realise that you said exactly the same thing as the South African crowd. I didn't bring anything up. Exactly the same. I didn't bring anything up. You did. I didn't go into detail. You are a one. Continue. Next topic. All right, next topic. Fair enough. You can tell he's like a bit stalled. All right, now moving to the Bangladesh tour. And if you cut that out, it's the last time I ever worked again. I won't cut it out. I'll leave it in. But I just think you're missing my mind.

40:00Move on. You're missing what I'm trying to say. Because I think. Move on. Move on. Warnersome. Move on. Warnersome Grace. Warnersome Grace. Listen, you muppet. When I say move on, I'm not talking. I'm not saying keep talking about something. Move on. It's my show as well. I can keep talking. Go on, keep talking. I will keep talking. It's your show, yeah. You're fucking right. I want to move on to the Bangladesh stuff. Good. All right. That's a good blow up. They've announced, Australia announced they'll be going to Bangladesh up to the north for three tests. You look really upset. I am upset with you.

40:36Move on. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Not that, just why you're upset. You're a joke, mate. Move on. Move on. Well, you seem very irritable. Yeah, mate. Look, I may jump across the mic in any second. Fucking hell. Fuck. So Australia are going up north to Bangladesh for three, for two test matches. Actually, you know what? That's it for this episode. Thanks for joining us. Yep, absolutely. Thanks for joining us. that is unreal you wait for the day that happens at Upshot Town we've come close a few times JP

41:19I mean it is like that is an unbelievable head loss I think I've ever seen something like that on air he wasn't even fucking saying he was making a point the point that he was trying to make so basically the next episode that came out Stu McGill was nowhere to be seen it was basically it was a monologue from Benadol Stu's not available this week due to unforeseen circumstances he's on holiday yeah it's gone Benadol so he he actually he actually explained in the next episode that McGill had carried on off camera he said so the show ends he goes off some more yells at me calls me the C word storms out the door Menos then calls McGill a fucking idiot muppet and a ticking time bomb fucking hell it's his show I mean he at one point he's like I'm gonna hit you yeah that bit was like seriously threatening you know when Menos is like trying to move on he just keeps going move on what do you want me to do couple of times you literally hear Menos' voice yes fair enough I mean that was really intimidating I'd be fucking shitting it as well I think he handles himself quite well Menos yeah yeah in the circumstances it's just so good because man has just asked the question he's waiting for the student and it's like what do I think I think you're a fucking dick mate quite a cokey rant yeah that guy's fucking unhinged if you had any sort of concerns about should you reckon Steve McGill is the right man for the job and then you see this he's like so is he saying he's friends with her as well so he's clearly close to home he's been through some stuff so he's like sick of people's personal lives being brought I guess so yeah I mean I've got to say that digging up salacious gossip about people's personal lives on a podcast is pretty much as low as you can see.

43:07That's just beyond the pale. Especially old gossip. Yeah, just move on. Move on.

43:16Anyway. So is that it for Stuart? No, so you'd think after that there's no way back. But they actually did another episode together a few days ago. God, that must have been Frosty, no? It was. So McGill, he does apologize-ish for the meltdown, but he's doing it in the most barbed way possible. He's basically saying that, he repeats his point that Menas were bringing it up as like salacious clickbait, which I just don't think he was. I think he was, the point that he was actually trying to make, because he makes it on the next one, next episode, is that Cricket Australia is not like putting enough protection in place for their players when they go away on tour.

43:58And like, he used the David Warner thing as an example of like what they have to put up with when they're away on like trips. Why are you bringing it up? I think you're a fucking dick, mate. Why are you saying that? Move on. Look, I'm just trying to bring it up as a point. Move on. I'm just trying to... Move on. I don't think you... If you listen to the point... Move on. If you listen to the point check that I'm trying to make... Zach, this is going to be a very short-lived relationship if you don't move on. I'm about to come over there across this microphone right that's the end of the episode alright alright I'm moving on alright alright now speak okay can you let me move on because I've actually got a point about Jamie O 'Hara on TalkSport and it's I actually think it's quite similar oh really no there was actually Jamie did you see Jamie O 'Hara's meltdown on TalkSport so this was after the Spurs Atletico Madrid game the capitulation from from Spurs and Jamie O 'Hara was getting very very distressed on TalkSport afterwards I mean got a couple of clips of it now he ends up walking out of the studio amazing Cundey's been going in at him for like two weeks about Spurs yeah he's been saying to dare is to poo it is a joke three at the back three at the back four in midfield you're getting overrun Atletico Madrid away you've got Kingsky he's always 22 years old I've got my name I've got a mask on that he's not good enough to be in goal in a Champions League match.

45:25You play him against Barnsley. That's when you play Kinkski. Well, next season he will be. You can't play a kid.

45:37It makes it better that Cundey's a massive Chelsea fan. For people watching this, Jason Cundey, who's Jamie Harris co-host, is wearing a weird, like, I don't really know. It's like a clown mask. How he's got that made up, I do not know. It's a great line. Yeah. Next season you will be. Yeah, it's really good. And then it gets worse. And then, yeah, we've got another clip here. Stick with this guy. We are gone. This club is gone. And then at the end of the season... Who knows? But hold on a second, mate. At the end of the season... So you change a manager and your fortunes are going to change? No, no, I'm not saying they're going to change, but it can't get any worse.

46:11It can't get any worse in this manager. We joined the second half today. Oh, Jay, shut up. Honestly. I don't know what you want. Stop going on about the second half. You can't keep going on about it. Like, seriously, mate. Seriously, shut up You can't keep talking about the second half I withdrew the second half, mate Honestly I'll try not to swear You can't keep saying that, mate You can't keep saying that You're a professional pundit You can't keep saying that I did draw the second half

46:43Oh,

46:48that is class Oh, is it Ange? Oh, yeah, Ange. Who's flogging their masks? I'm trying to be professional here. I'm going to sweat. I'm going to sweat. That was great. He's walked off. Yeah, great. There's nothing better than a walk off. Move on. Move on. I think podcasts and stuff do need more fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's walked out again. Today is to poo, look. I mean factually they drew the second half that's actually a really good way of winding up Spurs fans it's like almost defending it yeah that's great so hang on Stu McGill is back on that pundit Stu McGill is back on cricket on Philton I mean I'm sceptical about how long he's going to last if I'm honest it would be great if that was just a full on fight yeah but yeah big week for pundit fools like fallouts Yeah.

47:45Now dropping down the pyramid a bit to Sunday League. You know, in Sunday League, it's pretty normal for a few unfamiliar faces to rock up and make up the numbers at the last minute. So when a fella called Adam ran out for Michelover FC in the East Midlands Veterans League, nothing unusual about that. Still, though, his teammates couldn't help noticing there were a few giggles on the sidelines every time Adam got a touch. and there was something eerily familiar about the club's new striker. But it wasn't until his teammates got into the showers and Adam unfurled his enormous nine and a half inch knob that the penny finally dropped.

48:26A star ringer was better known as porn star Kieran Lee. I was going to say he's the face of Brazzers. He's the groin of Brazzers. Yeah. Wow. So we met him. We met him. We went to the porn conference. in Las Vegas. We met him on set. Why didn't you bring me? We met him. People will Google him if you're listening. I will flash up a pic now for video version, but he's quite a familiar face. Well, his manhood or his face? His face as well, but I would like to say, so we were in Dortmund in Germany for the Euro semi-final and a few guys, you know, you sort of meet fans and you're all in a big group.

49:05Few of them recognized him. I just like to place on record that I did not recognize him. Right. Jack was straight over. but you've bashed over to a seat. You've bashed on a scene with him before. And yeah, I know that guy from somewhere. Viewpoint. Yeah. He, he's a big football fan. Yeah. And big, big porn star. Didn't know the upshot. We did check. So we got a pick. Yeah. We got a pick with him. He might have known us. I don't really know. There was a, there was a chant. Wasn't there? Was there not like a, he's got a big dick. Shags when he wants or something like that. I can't remember. But yeah, he's, he's a handy footballer as well.

49:38He's Kieran. Yeah. He's actually, he's been playing for Mikkel overall season he scored like I think 5 and 10 nice yeah I think he actually like possibly could have been a pro footballer but obviously man of many talents when Brazzers come calling probably makes more money I mean definitely makes more money doing that than lower league football I heard his knob was insured for a million dollars yeah yeah imagine that apparently it doesn't cover loss it only covers damage where the fuck have I put it theft and damage third party and fire only

50:12yeah browsers insured it that's amazing yeah i think it was a bit of a publicity stunt because it was when bex got his foot insured his right foot and they were like what can we insure golden balls i was reading about how um kieran got into porn so he was on a lad's holiday in ibiza and they all got hammered and his mates took a picture of his knob and uploaded it to a swingers website and he was 18 and he said like suddenly i was getting all these messages from blokes being like do you want to bang my missus? And then eventually one guy messaged him and was like, look, I'm setting up a porn website.

50:43You want to drag my wife, but on camera and I'll pay you. And he was like, yeah, go on then. So he brazzers? No. So he meets up, meets up, it definitely wasn't brazzers. He meets up at a dogging spot opposite of McDonald's in Derby and shags this guy's wife in the back of a Ford Mondeo. It's a long way from brazzers. Anyway, so it's kind of romantic like the origin story. It's a bit like Beatles and Hamburg. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, he's like, this is good. The money's quite good. So he quits his job as a project manager at Network Rail. Oh, what? That must have been hard to leave. And for the next three years, five days a week, he's with this couple.

51:21Different kind of railing. With this couple? One of them shagging for porn. Doing porn. I think it is mainly with her, mainly in the Ford Mondeo. It's quite a specialist. Wow. I think there are probably some rare copies out there. Vinyl Shops. You start with a niche and then you grow out. There's riches in niches. Anyway, then he, Brazzers, he did freelance for a bit where he was doing 60 scenes a month at one point. 60 a month. Anyway, then Brazzers got in touch and he's been with them since 2005. Real company man. He's loyal. I love that. Yeah. That's like what, he's done two decades. Two decades at Brazzers.

51:58Wow. Yeah. You get gold-plated pension for that, presumably. Love that. But yeah, he reckons he's done six and a half thousand scenes of porn. fucking hell relentless that is that is a lot although he said he said at home with my wife I'm pathetic in bed I'm a two minute wonder I suppose after that amount of shagging can you be arsed to put in effort with your wife it's a bit of a busman's holiday isn't it yeah the last thing you want to see at the end of the day it's like coming home from being here all day and they're coming home and make a podcast how is a podcast hun yeah but he's sort of implying that he like do you know what I mean I thought presuming as a porn star you can kind of control that.

52:36Yeah. Or maybe you just lose control when you're not at work. Yeah. He said also a couple more football connections. He's really good mates with Vinnie Jones. That doesn't surprise me. He said when he moved to America, Vinnie and his wife really looked after me. I bet they did. Vinnie and his wife. Yeah. Let's also look into that one. He's also a massive, massive Derby County fan. So he said, I watch every game. I drive the crew on set mad. I even got them to shoot out of sequence back to front the other day while we were playing Leicester. Wow. what was he money shot first yeah and then what like and then what it's like the preamble later once I've seen once I've seen us visit to the walkers stadium then I'll I'll do the bit when I walk him as the repair man or could he only get off to the site of Hamza Chowdhury patrolling midfield can't come without seeing Patrick Agumay

53:31I read that he has it on on set like on his phone really while he's plugging away. Go on, lads. One eye. Go on, lads. Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. I'd like to see the expression on some like peroxide blonde Las Vegas porn star with like enormous fake tears. Just having to watch the Rams. There's a Ram joke in there somewhere. Funny he's from Derby though. Derby's the porn capital of the UK. So I have to shout out Dispatch, the newsletter, which they made the observation. I'll link to this. of the OnlyFans triangle. I'll link to their article where basically there's this tiny bit of Derby shit where Bonnie Blue, Lily Phillips and someone else are from, but he's fucking from there as well.

54:13Wow. So no longer a triangle. Yeah. Or a square. Presumably bigger. Yeah. But that's apparently the hotspot for porn. And he said he's, sorry, I've gone very deep on Kieran Lee. You've got the other way around. You've got the other massive porn. Yeah, normally the other way around. But he said he's going to come back to the UK. You know how British porn is? Nothing to be proud about. No. our finest export quite sort of meat and potatoes he wants to come back and sort of introduce the glossy like miami vibe that they've got in america like a proper industry right which i think he should do nobbing's coming home yeah i think he should do that have you ever seen you know um every now and again porn hub does the like publishes like the top categories in each place.

55:01I haven't seen that, no. The top one for five years running in the world most searched terms hentai. Really? Cartoon. Cartoon. It's like the anime one which I've It's always so weird. It's so strange. I'm genuinely asking people watching hentai porn are you are you actually getting off on it? Because I thought it was like jokes. I thought it was like funny. Because it's always like Zach? I mean it's always saying I can honestly say that I've never it's always Simpson yeah yeah never it's always like Simpson do you know what I mean it's like it's like Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons shanging like you know the girl with one eye from Futurama it's like her shanging Ralph Wiggum that'd be pretty hot yeah she's hot she is that little one eye sorry move on hentai what's number two number one in the UK is bilf is it that's classic if it ain't broke don't fix it it's just sex it's real sort of boomer stuff there's some timeless quality to that hentai's a bit real they're um you know how porn suddenly a while ago became all about like there were just like loads of step sibling stuff step stuff do you guys know what I'm talking about I don't know what you're talking about.

56:25Yeah, me neither. Should we move on? Move on. What, they're banning it? Yeah, they're making it illegal in the UK. Right. When's the ban coming in? It's probably a good time for a NordVPN ad, actually, isn't it? Cut. They do know they're not really step-siblings, right? Yeah. Yes, it is. I think they get that, mate. You said her head wasn't stuck in the washing machine either. She's really got one eye.

56:55But I was chatting to George we worked with about this and he was saying that there was a guy online trying to defend it, saying the only reason they introduced the step thing is because they need some justification for the plot line of why these people are just at home together. Oh, right. It's an easy one. Yeah, because porn never allows holes in the plot. It's always mortar-type plots. I just can't take this seriously. It would never happen in real life. I'll suspend disbelief. Or Ralph Wiggums.

57:26I tell you one fellow who will be fuming at the news of the incest ban Hulk the Brazilian striker not a cartoon yes he's got he's got some good he loves that shit him and the fucking him and Wonder Woman him and Marge Simpson have got a whole catalogue together Marge Simpson I think is the most popular not that I watch hentai porn I don't I think it's fucking weird Marge is number one don't you find she often comes up yeah you do see it shrek as well shrek the wife from shrek comes up quite a lot yeah what was shrek doing there you don't see much of the donkey no i bet i bet there is donkey the donkey and the dragon i bet there is yeah we're gonna get people sending us weird hentai what about finding nemo i've never seen that yeah quite great doing it with fishes yeah I don't think you see much Disney full stop do you it's more like I've seen some Mickey Mouse stuff who's he Mickey Mickey and Minnie Mickey and Minnie did you see like Daffy Duck and stuff Snow White and the Seven Dwarves yeah that'd probably be quite there's a market for that

58:41Aristocats I don't know how Fantasia would work yeah just those like little mushrooms and hammers. Yeah, it would be a mad one. Sorry, Hulk, because he... What did he do? He married... So, for those of you that don't know, Hulk married his ex-wife's niece. Yeah. Which is your niece, by the way. Yeah. I always have this debate with people in the comments. Yeah, yeah. He married his niece. So he's both husband and uncle now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They've been together like four years, but they actually got married in January 2025, I read. I said it's all formal. Oh, yeah. And they've got a son called Ian.

59:16which I just find so funny that's with the other one I think that's with his ex-wife he has a son called Ian it's all a bit dodgy but he is still playing football and he's playing his trade over in Brazil for Atletico Monero and by all accounts they are having a shit season so they're 17th in the Brazilian league massively struggling on form and there was one positive and that was the fact that they made it to the Campanato Monero final against Cruzario. So that's what, like state cup? Yeah. It is a big deal there, I think. Yeah, like an FA Cup style trophy. And I always think that it's always good to have a veteran like Hulk in your ranks just in case anything kicks off.

1:00:02You know, you can protect the younger lads just in case they get any shoves. And by all accounts, the final was a pretty boring game. Not much happened. Cruzario went up 1-0 in the 60th minute and it looked like they were taking home the win with pretty much no drama or talking points until the 89th minute. I'm going to show you a clip here. Keepers fouled him. Keepers fouled the striker. He's like rugby tackle. What's the keeper doing to him? The MMA. Oh, there we go. Oh, fucking hell. They're all flying in. Proper ball. So we're talking like 22-man brawl here. The substitutes have come on. Back from stuff.

1:00:49You can see that guy who's like doing boxing. Yeah. Stunts. I will try and highlight. The other keeper. The keeper's run the length of the pitch. They're actually throwing punches.

1:01:05Commentators loving it.

1:01:09Wow, this is one of the biggest balls I've ever seen Everyone's involved That's Oh yeah Fucking hell

1:01:25Oh Yeah, that's Hulk That's Hulk Fucking hell, that bloke's kicking out Hulk's landed the biggest punch though Hulk looks like he is having the time of his life. What's that? He's going after him. Can we hear the guy from behind as well, didn't he? Sucker punch. It's proper. There's at least one guy you see run on trying to split it up, who then like a minute later is just kicking someone. Fuck it. So yeah, Hulk was on the prowl. Hulk smash. and to be honest with you it looks like he's in his element there pretty calm the Brazilian FA have gone absolutely ham on this and there was a total of 23 red cards that's such a good graphic so it was all the players and like a sub or two all the players plus a sub got sent off all of them at the same time so 90 plus 17 apparently there's going to be some really lengthy bands put in yeah including whole covers Including Hulk, of course.

1:02:35And I was thinking that must be the world record for number of players sent off in a match. It's a Brazilian record, but it ain't a world record. So in 2011, a team called Claypole played Victoriano Arenas in the Argentinian Serie A D. And I apologize to Jack, because I've probably butchered the pronunciation of those. I have no idea how you pronounce it. Claypole. It's spelled Claypole. Claypole. And the story is, so there's no rivalries between these two clubs and they've played each other loads before. But a winger from Claypole gets sent off in the first half for an altercation with a defender.

1:03:13And he gets sent off with another player, not that defender, goes off, has a shower, gets into normal clothes, has a bite to eat apparently, and then goes and joins the home fans in the stands. I like that. And as the second half kicks off, it all starts heating up. So like the fans are rattling the cages on the side of the stands. Like the players are going in on each other and the ref just trying to keep it all like sort of civil. About a minute before the game's over, the defender who sent him off then crunches one of his players. And apparently this player in the stands just fucking loses it.

1:03:48So he runs down the stands, jumps the fence, screams onto the pitch and sucker punches this defender and knocks him on the floor, which then causes like absolute mayhem with all the players. and apparently there's a 40 man bust up in the middle of the pitch. This guy has to hide in a locker room before the police come to nick him. 32 red cards in total. All the players, substitutes and the medic got sent off. Love it. Wow. I think that's lazy refereeing though. She's just been like, do them all. Yeah. Everyone got fucking sent off and I don't think that can probably be beaten, can it? No. I think that is it.

1:04:23That is a full house. You've done the medic. Who's left? Nutritionist? Nutritionist. Kitman? Kitman, maybe. The videographer guy. they're like social media intern fuck it mate get off early bath for you mate okay so they didn't quite match up to that no decent effort from Hulk very decent effort to be fair you'd want him in a fight he's a big lad I always remember he kicks it very hard yeah he'd be like I think he'd be your number one to have on your team yeah what football hard man yeah football nah right now I don't know him well enough I mean I've not seen his pun yeah maybe take Vinnie Jones yeah I think he was there's a bit of a sense that he was a bit of a like soft boy Roy Keane yeah doesn't quite doesn't quite back it up I don't know I have no fucking idea I'm not going to dish it out on that front we were talking about Brendan Rodgers the other day on Patreon about how he's he's basically David Brent of football and right on cue Keenan Dewsbury Hall popped up with a great story about at Leicester when Brendan organised a mandatory pool tournament for all players and Keenan said everyone had to join in I was young at the time.

1:05:31I wasn't a first team player, but I was drawn to play against Brendan in the first round. Obviously you're like, shit, you know, Brendan's quite intense. How do I play? And he said, I said to the lads, do I try my hardest? Cause Brendan was going, I'm really good at pool. And I know, and all the lads thought he fancied himself to win the whole thing. Quite a few people watching and I, I beat him three nil and you could tell he was raging. A week later, I got sent out on loan to Blackpool. Fair enough. Don't beat the Gafford pool. There's a Neil Warnock story like that, isn't there? Where he, he gets them all to go bowling and he's like, you know, bowling's a bit fun, isn't it?

1:06:03Let's all put 20 quid in a hat. Winner takes all. They do it. And then as soon as all the money's in the hat, he pulls out his own glove and bowling ball and just smashes them. Throws like a 200. I can imagine him having his own bowling ball. that's great. He goes a bit. Yeah. Anyway, more Brendan Rogers. Fair is always welcome. Yeah. I like that. All right. I think that's all we got time for. I'll send you on your way to Juicy Lucy. yes I'm ready lads with your salient e-sim safely installed yeah I'll get that downloaded are there any other like mad bits on the stack happening we're watching Liam Gallagher tonight tonight tomorrow night sorry tribute act yeah tribute act hopefully and yeah I'll keep you posted if I win any races yeah hopefully we'll have some vids please yeah alright well thanks a lot and if you want to get extra shot every week you have to join Patreon patreon.com forward slash Upshot Towers we'll no doubt be hearing about Benidorm next week yes if I come back if you want to if you want to hear about all that and lots more then see you there but yeah thanks a lot as always see you next time see ya bye