Kevin Keegan: a series of unfortunate events

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1:33Kevin Keegan:Visit www.miclobaltra.com slash superior access slash FIFA World Cup 26 for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. The name Kevin Keegan should conjure images of glittering European nights. Maisie Dribbles And Ballon d 'Or Wins But for most people Football's unluckiest icon Is remembered for four words I will love it He was beaten up by drug dealers Discovered Father Christmas' lifeless corpse And got shot in the face with a bow and arrow From undercover gigolos To getting banged up in Serbia This is his story Welcome back to The Upshot I'm Jack, hello Zach Hi Jack, how are we doing?

2:12Perfect Just the two of us. It's just the two of us today. Keeping it simple. You don't need a guest for an icon. He's quite intimate. He's very... He's playing footsie with me under the table. Could do, yeah. Could do. Well, shall we? Yeah, let's get into it. Yeah. So Kevin was born in Doncaster in 1951. Grows up opposite this co-op funeral services place. And he plays a lot of football. They'd always use the mortuary doors as a goal, which must have been nice for the grieving relatives. Just some kids banging the ball against him. Or if you're trying to like carefully embalm someone. Yeah. Yeah.

2:46He was, he was good mates with the mortuary owner's son. He was a few years older than him. And he'd often bring Kevin in to take a look at the bodies. And one time this kid comes out running over to Kevin. It's like, Kevin, Kevin, father Christmas is dead. And Kevin's like, what? He's sort of at the age where he's like on the cusp of being sure whether or not father Christmas is alive. He's about six years old. And they go in and, And sure enough, he recalls it in his book. He says, I went over to see for myself. Sure enough, there was the big fellow in one of the coffins with a long white beard.

3:20He looked very much like Father Christmas. My mum had taken to see me. Christmas was only a few weeks away. Christmas was only a few. So you'd be worried. Yeah. I just love the image of a few weeks ago he'd be down the shopping centre with his mum outside BHS. Sat on his knee. Sat on his knee. And now he's naked in front of me with rigor mortis. It was actually really traumatic. How old was he? I think he was six or seven around that age. I mean, if you believe in Father Christmas, which you would at that age, then it's one of the most horrifying things you can see. Yeah. And then Christmas is approaching it, so I just don't know what's going to happen now.

3:58He must have then had a bit of a shock on Christmas Day, I guess. Maybe that's when the illusion ended. But he's dead. What do you mean, Kevin? Yeah, that wasn't his only unfortunate childhood incident. so he's down the park one day with some mates and one of them has got possibly for christmas a bow and arrow and they fire the arrow up into the sky and they're all sort of like a kevin's looking up loses it in the sky and this arrow comes plummeting down and hits him in the face just an inch below his right eye um and like if it'd been an inch higher yeah would have lost your eye been blinded we'd never know the Kevin Keegan we did.

4:38And it ends up leaving this black scar under his right eye for 20 years. It's where the arrow had snapped off under his skin. It's quite cool. Yeah, it's all very Bayo tapestry, really. Yeah, it's quite cool to have a little bit of arrow in you. Yeah. That is probably the one rule if someone fires a bar and arrow into the sky is don't look up. Don't lose it. Don't fire a bar and arrow straight into the sky. Child upon an arrow. Getting one of those ones with the rubber sucker on the end. Yeah, there's lots of moments through the story that that accident could have been avoided. All part of the legend.

5:18Anyway, when he's not firing around dangerous weapons, Kevin's playing football, and he's set on becoming a professional from a very young age. And when he's 15, his dad manages to line up a trial with Doncaster Rovers, the local side. and that's a massive deal for Kevin. He supports them. He's down there every Saturday watching their matches and his dad had just basically bumped into a scout in a pub and told him about Kevin. Unfortunately, his dad was pretty pissed at the time and got the timings of this trial wrong. So Kevin arrives the next day down at the Doncaster Stadium and they tell him that the trial was about six hours earlier and it was in another location.

6:03Brilliant. Didn't even get the location. No. So, yeah, seemed at that point that the dream was over for him. And after leaving school, he goes and gets a job at the Brassworks, making door handles, that sort of thing. Does carry on playing Sunday League, though, and eventually is spotted by scouts for fourth tier Scunthorpe who take him on. Yeah. So he could have, he must have thought at one point that he was just never going to get a football career because his dad was pissed. Yeah. I forgot. I also love the idea that you can get scouted just because your dad catches your question in the pub.

6:39It's honestly, he's great. Yeah, he's brilliant. To be fair, he was. Anyway, he's so excited about this opportunity at Scunthorpe that he signs a contract for a lower wage than at the Brassworks. Football doesn't pay that much at this point. And Scunthorpe are a ramshackle side in the fourth division. In the training ground, the goals have no nets. They practice in training five a side just on a car park. Five a side in a car park. Mortuary doors for goals. Even for fourth tier, that seems. Yeah, I quite like that football was like this. I mean, the players drive the minibuster games. There's no driver.

7:13Still, Kevin's like a key player and he's dazzling on the pitch because he's this sort of amazing dribbler. He can shoot. He's a sort of creative attacking midfielder. He can do it all, basically, an attack. And pretty quickly, he catches the eye of Bill Shankly, who's managing Liverpool. He was just in the Sagebury's car park. Pick up a few bits. Who's this kid? Just going to pay my last respects to Father Christmas. Yeah, Bill Shankly's in town. He sees him, or his scouts do, and he joins Liverpool. So this is the great Liverpool side. And they snap Kevin up. They pay 33 grand for him. It's quite a decent transfer fee, even at the time.

7:52It's 1971. He gets 50 quid a week wages, which I looked up. So in today's money, that's 30 grand a year. So for football, I guess football back then just didn't pay like it did. Yeah, I mean, I guess at that point, he's come from the fourth tier as well. They had no idea that he'd go on to be a star. He's happy with it. So obviously, signing from a fourth tier side, you're not expecting to walk straight into the first team. But Kevin, he does really well in preseason. And for the opening game of the 71-72 season, Bill Shankly throws him straight into the starting 11. And boy, does he take his chance.

8:27Scores 12 minutes into his debut. and from that point on he just becomes an instant superstar nobody could really have seen it coming but he's a first team regular within a couple of seasons he's he's won the league the uefa cup and he's a nailed on starter for england as well pretty much immediately he also became a corporate shill so he put his face to boots he's had his own range of pajamas pirelli slippers Pajamas? Yeah, I don't know what they were. I guess the kids want footballer pajamas. Yeah, is it just little Kevin Keegan's palmed face all over? Yeah, it just loads of them. Yeah. What else did you do?

9:06Radios. There's the Kevin Keegan goal ice lolly, which we've got a picture of here. That's sick. Yeah, so an ice lolly that melts and then the stick inside the ice cream is a little miniature of Kevin Keegan. Oh, it's like a plastic stick. Yeah. It's pretty cool. We're looking at an advert for it now, which says, when the lollies finished, the game's just starting. Oh, yeah. It's a very vintage 70s advert. There's loads of text on it. It's like a newspaper article with his signature. And then there's a little like cut out section where you fill in your name and address and they'll send you a lolly.

9:41That's great. That's just not going to travel well in the post to get a lolly. He also does the Green Cross Code adverts. You know, this was like basically teaching kids to cross the road safely. We've got a clip of it here.

9:59Oh, great outfit. He's a kid bouncing. Hey, what do you think you're playing at? Come here. Let's just save the child from being on over. That's no way to cross the road, is it? Come over here, I'll show you a safe place to cross. Now here, there's no park cars to block your view. Nothing coming? Sure? Off you go. Straight across, mind. Now keep your eyes open. is part of the Green Cross Code. Take it from me. Keep your eyes open. Be safe. He's got such a serious face in this ad, but I mean, it's a serious topic. He's wearing a very cool outfit, though. He's in like a checked blazer, black polo neck with a necklace over it and then flares.

10:35Yeah. But also, all he actually teaches that boy is don't cross near park cars, good advice, and then keep your eyes open. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Let's take that. I feel like it was a big deal back then, though, Green Cross Code. Yeah, there was a more recent one with a hedgehog cartoon. do you remember that one yeah yeah I think it's quite a good idea to have celebs teaching yeah also back then half the people driving are like drunk don't have a licence speeding whereas now they've just cut the speed limit yeah yeah yeah the onus was on children to avoid being maimed at that point it is victim blaming it's quite a dangerous world Kevin Keegan if you get hit by a car it is your fault yeah learn the fucking Green Cross Code you idiot trying to get to the pub.

11:21Well, speaking of getting to the pub, apparently George Best used to do the adverts. And in fact, all of these, like being the face of various brands, everything went to George Best. But by the 70s, he became quite unreliable. Yeah. I certainly don't want his advice on road safety. I'm fine with him still doing that one about bras. Do you remember on the George Best episode, we watched that one and it's like, George Best is in a cocktail bar and sees this woman and then the voiceover is like 90 % of women found that they looked much prettier when they wore these bras and George Best gives her like a wink a leer it's basically like George Best will fuck you if you wear a bra

12:05I'm fine with him continuing through that that's the kind of advert made for George Best let Kevin Keegan do the road safety ones that's more ice lollies and road safety Keegan pyjamas bras and pints of best bitter for George Best but yeah Keegan starts taking over all of these these sort of gigs from best he even takes over his column in the Daily Express which I imagine was coming in and just like slurred just like scribbled on the back of a back of a betting are they actually writing those or are they phone call with a journalist and then they sort of put it in your words yeah either way I think yeah but George Best was coming across pretty intelligible.

12:49Apparently, this Daily Express column pays Kevin more than Liverpool do. But I think that's basically the game back then, hence why he does so much shilling. Yeah. It's because the money's all from sponsorship, the money from wages is shit, which is weird. Yeah. Bill Shankly, his manager, starts to think that Kevin's taking it a little bit too far. At some point, drags him in and is like, you lad need to remember you're a footballer. Stop doing all this shite. and after that Kevin decides that I can't say yes to everything but when Hummel the sports brand boot manufacturer come in with a three thousand pound offer to wear a white pair of boots obviously that that perks up his attention but you know he's quite wary of Shankly's warning to him so he decides to sound out the Liverpool captain Tommy Smith and Tommy's known as a bit of a hard bastard.

13:43He's known as the Anfield Iron. So when Kevin comes up to him, Tommy sort of turned his nose off a bit, asks him how much he's getting paid and takes a look at those white boots and says to Kevin, they're not for you. You're going to look like a right prat if you're not careful. So Kevin decides to decline Hummel's offer and turns up to the next game wearing his run-of-the-mill black boots uh at which point tommy trots out wearing all white hummel boots and winks at keegan and says can't turn down 1500 quid at this stage of my career lad bastard that's great i love that he's getting half the money yeah it doesn't matter he probably went to them and said i'll do it for half yeah yeah because also white boots were like pretty unusual then right yeah like it was seen as really that's sort of the the pink fluorescent Yeah, yeah.

14:37Probably even more like frowned upon. Yeah. That's excellent. Anyway, on the pitch, thanks to Tommy's dazzling white boots and Kevin's magic, Liverpool are continuing to dominate in English football. And in 1974, Kevin scores twice in the FA Cup final. They beat Newcastle. So he's... Oh, we've got a goal we can watch. Highway, Liverpool showing the party pieces. He wasn't outside. Smith! Oh, this is tapping. Tapping from two yards. And Newcastle were undressed. Good positioning. They were absolutely stripped naked. They were absolutely stripped naked. Highway to Smith. He goes, Newcastle were undressed, and then doubles down and goes, they were absolutely stripped naked.

15:24I've never heard that. Was that a football term? Bent them over there.

15:30It's like he just kept making it more and more. Yeah, I guess. They'd be just strip searched. We've been bent over and chained the arsehole. Giving them an absolute fucking rogering there. Yeah, I mean, it's a tap-in, so it's hard to really say much about. He scored twice, though, in that game. He did. And after that high, you know, the FA Cup's the biggest prize in English football at the time. But after that high, Kevin is unfortunately about to experience some crushing lows. so he basically has a very bad summer in 1974 which kicks off when he's on international duty with england it's a week after that fa cup final so yeah he's still buzzing from that and england go away they're playing bulgaria and yugoslavia away you know this is mid 70s that's quite like daunting places to go um but it's a bit of a jolly they've got a caretaker manager everyone's sort of boozing on the trip and having played Bulgaria they are flying to Belgrade for the Yugoslavian match and it's a rowdy flight all the England lads are getting on the booze a stewardess later accuses one of the players of goosing her which I had to look up I've never heard that term before yeah so apparently it means you poke someone in the bum because I guess it's like a goose's beak maybe like a peck oh yeah yeah I think just like a poke on the buttock cheek can't be doing that to stewardesses No, they can't.

16:53But actually, Kevin's got nothing to do with it. So he, I mean, Kevin's a pretty well-behaved bloke, right? He was at the front of the plane fast asleep. It was all the rowdy lot behind him who were getting up to no good. Anyway, because he was at the front of the plane, he's the first off going through security. And they land in Belgrade. Kevin's carrying two carrier bags filled with Bulgarian pottery that he's bought for his mum. So that's his vibe. He's a lovely lad. He's a sweet man. That's his vibe on the flight, while the others are goosing stewardesses. Anyway, he's pretty knackered. He sits down at a baggage reclaim, wait for his teammates.

17:27And next off the plane through security is teammate Alec Lindsay, who's wanked. And he runs through and sees the baggage reclaim belt and jumps on it, starts jumping up and down on it as it goes round. I'll let Kevin pick up the story from here. He says in his book, it was all completely harmless until one of the airport guards grabbed Alec and threw him against a wall. Suddenly, I was grabbed from behind and lifted violently off the floor. My carrier bag split open and the pottery smashed on the floor. Oh, not the pottery. His ornate Bulgarian teapot. I'm just picturing him looking at being like, oh, fuck it.

18:10Oh, poor old Mama Keegan's not going to get her. A serving dish. Yeah, from Veliko Tarnovo. Yeah. And it gets worse for poor Kevin because he's then dragged into a back room and they beat the shit out of him, these Yugoslavian police officers. They actually make him kneel down in a pose that he describes as like a prisoner of war. I think it's like hands on the head. Yeah. That's not a place where you want to get arrested. Yugoslavia. No, yeah, exactly. Cold War. Tito's Yugoslavia. And also being made to kneel. It feels like you're about to be like executed or something. Executed, yeah. Pretty terrifying.

18:46And the police then charge him. so they charge him with assaulting the stewardess which he was not doing he was asleep and assaulting a security guard in the sort of melee after the pottery smashed and he's there like in custody in this airport he's crying I'm not sure I blame him he's still hung up on the pottery what am I going to get me ma do you guys sell any pottery in the airport anyway so he's there he's terrified he's like going in the slammer and eventually an FA secretary arrives and it's like you know that's that's like an England footballer that's not just some random rowdy fan and after a bit of haggling and via a translator they agreed to let him go so I think they basically thought that the England players were just like hooligans yeah I mean sounds like they were but it's bad luck doesn't end there so a few weeks after this international trip it's the charity shield and obviously Liverpool are FA Cup winners so they're playing in it and they're playing against Leeds United this is dirty dirty Leeds you know horrible defenders they'll take lumps out of you and early on in the game off the ball a Leeds defender just lamps Keegan just literally punches him in the face yeah and the ref does see it and the ref runs over he's going to give him a yellow which is a sign of the times I love that I love that that used to just be a yellow for punching someone in the face but actually he stopped at the last minute because Kevin Keegan begs the ref not to book the bloke he says come on ref it's a charity match so I mean he couldn't be being nicer about this He's just saved the guy who hit him from getting booked.

20:18And the opponent then thanks him when play restarts by flying in on him with a two-footed tackle, at which point even a man as patient as Kevin Keegan snaps and he swings around, goes to punch him, but connects with the face of the wrong Leeds player. He smacks Billy Bremner in the face. I think he's Leeds captain. He's a fierce... He's a big name. Not a bloke you want to smack. And Bremner promptly smacks him back in the face and both Kevin Keegan and Billy Bremner are sent off. That's not very charity, is it? No, it's the first time a red card's been shown in a club fixture at Wembley, ever.

20:53So it's a big... What's that? It was, yeah. I was there. It's a big deal. Yeah. And it's particularly a big deal because both players take their shirt off as they walk off, which is considered quite indecent. Yeah. It's not the dumb thing. And the FA Blazers end up fining him 500 quid and banning him for 11 matches. For the punch, presumably. I think it's more for the punch than the show. What about the first punch? Was that just fine? I think that was dealt with at the time, wasn't it? Yeah. No yellow. It's he and Bremner who... I don't know why his punch is considered a red. Yeah. I don't know.

21:28But apparently on the disciplinary committee was Matt Busby, who's... I don't know if he was... I don't think he was managing United at the time, but he was probably a director. And United were obviously rivals with Liverpool and Leeds. And Busby was just like, yeah we should push for the maximum possible penalty so 11 matches there is one upside to this 11 match ban though because kevin's got three months off or whatever um and it means he can finally make an honest woman of his girlfriend the lovely gene who he's been dating for a few years they've been engaged for a while having met on the waltzers at doncaster fair that's very keegan yeah that is a charming way how do so on the waltzers as in like were they on different waltzes are they because you know how the waltzes sort of you're going the waltz thing that way what is the one that spins around you're like i love the waltzes actually can we actually check waltzes waltzes are the ones that spin around as you're going up and down and in a circle those ones that's actually my favorite fairground ride i can't see what that is you know that one oh that's the little things it's like a t yeah yeah i think that's another name for it so it's the teacups but made to feel a bit more sort of supercharged yeah because if you said you met on the teacups is a bit pathetic isn't it so how do you meet on that do you get put in the same one maybe that or you're sort of eyeing each other as your teacups go around yeah you're spinning and you're occasionally making eye contact it's quite an impressive place to chat someone up actually yeah also because you get quite dizzy it's kind of sick I reckon they were locked in the same pod maybe that's it yeah anyway it's a it's such a romantic sort of mid 20th century place to meet and yeah they tie the knot Kevin really scrubs up for the occasion he slips in to a specially made white leather suit which we're looking at now a white leather suit mercifully for him it's quite baggy so the trousers are flared obviously but yeah that's leather that is getting sweaty apparently it squeaks every time it moves as well I feel like Kevin at the time was like a fashion icon he's very trendy isn't he yeah for the day I mean she's wearing a nice traditional wedding dress she looks lovely Yeah.

23:33And a leather wedding suit. I've never heard of it. Also, is it leather or is it like PVC? I don't know. Either way, it's going to be hot. That is going to be sticky underneath. It doesn't look like a very warm day in Doncaster, to be fair. It looks quite drizzly. Yeah. But yeah, look at them. Happy couple. It looks sort of like an Elvis impersonator. Yeah, I mean, any white suit that's flared. I kind of think, I actually think the suit's quite cool if it wasn't made of leather. Yeah. Yeah. It's not practical. Back on the pitch. Kevin and Liverpool are dominating. They win the title two more times.

24:06He wins the European Cup, which is actually his farewell. That's his last ever game for Liverpool. It's a great way to go out. But it is Kevin Keegan and misfortune is never far away. So when he's invited on a BBC game show, superstars to sort of compete in a decathlon against another footballer, it doesn't go very well. He has a very nasty bike accident. They're doing like a bike race basically and he crashes into this bloke, falls off. it's all caught on television apparently it's considered one of the most iconic moments of 70s TV two channels that's two channel syndrome if ever I've seen it Kevin Keegan falling off a bike I mean the clip's quite funny I've watched it and also imagine like Mo Salah competing in a decathlon on TV against the Anderlecht captain which is who it was it's quite funny particularly also interesting detail is that he was then driving home down the M1 with Gene his wife when he suddenly went into shock like they said it was delayed shock from the incident and he had to like pull over the car and he passed out delayed shock it's one of those medical conditions you don't hear of anymore probably like an actual I think he just had concussion yeah exactly he does make a full recovery fortunately and that summer 1977 he makes a shock move when Bundesliga side Hamburger SV snap him up for 500 grand it's a British record it's double the German record it's huge money and salary wise it is as well he was on 22k at Liverpool he's now on 122k which that is mega money for the time he's comfortably the highest paid player in Bundesliga history which is actually especially surprising because Hamburg hadn't finished higher than 6th for two decades in the Bundesliga so they weren't even one of the top sides so what are they sort of Tottenham-y kind of sleeping giant yeah maybe Everton Tottenham type type side um that huge salary doesn't make him particularly popular with his teammates who are on much lower salaries also he doesn't do himself any favors when he rocks up with what's considered a silly new haircut uh the infamous perm uh which i didn't realize that he sort of started this trend what the perm the perm the perm man for men it was like it was like a popular women's haircut but Kevin was one of the first or one of the first footballers anyway to do it really.

26:31And then obviously loads of English men. It really catches on. You've got Graham Sounazes, people like that. It really catches on in English football. I've always found it a hard haircut to understand the appeal of having. I mean, it's hard to judge fashions. Yeah, I think it looks good on him there. He suits it, but he's a good looking man. I think he can pull off quite a lot. That's a beautiful kit the Hamburg have got there as well. Yeah, with Hitachi, their sponsor. yeah perms are kind of back though aren't they for young lads yeah so we hear they are aren't they yeah I mean like if you see a bloke of about 18 to 20 they're all rocking them different to the Keegan one yeah a bit more like styled Freddie who works works upstairs he's sort of he's got a bit of work is that a natural perm though has he got a perm yeah I think he uses curl cream he's got curly he gets his hair cut once a week did you know that Freddie gets a haircut yeah because he's got that thing he's got the Michael Richard I think the curl is natural, but you know how the style with the perm now is you have like it.

27:27It's on top and then it's like kind of shaved at the side. He gets that tidied up once a week. Yeah, apparently they went around to their like family's house one time and their uncle just took one look at Freddie and was like, Ah, you got one of them. You got that alpaca haircut. Probably not as soft. Alpaca haircut. It is the alpaca cut, isn't it? that was really good anyway Kevin's Kevin's is a lot more sort of flowing and luscious than that but it doesn't take off with his new colleagues it does actually I mean it kicks off the trend in England but not in Germany to begin with and his teammates they're just not a fan of him in general really the big the transfer fee the silly haircut and apparently they don't even pass him in training to begin with and a delegation of his teammates even confront the manager to try and force him out.

28:25Seems harsh. He's got a new trim. They really don't like him. Surely they recognise that he's fucking good. Yeah. So apparently they, because Hamburg signed him, it meant they had to move on this other guy who was a real club legend. He'd won European cups in the past. He was really popular in the dressing room. So they didn't like him for that reason as well. And all of that adds together to mean that, to begin with, Kevin is... pretty miserable in Germany. He struggles with the language as well. The lowest point comes in a friendly against VFB Lubeck, a German side, where he loses his rag with a defender and in just the 10th minute, he decks him.

29:06This is a friendly as well. So like... He punches people quite a lot for such a nice man. Yeah. I think if you're getting a lot of shit from defenders back then, you kind of have to. Yeah, I think his temper was just running high. He was in a stressful situation. His teammates were being mean to him. and obviously sent off in the 10th minute and storms off the pitch and he can't even bother to stick around to see his bastard teammates again after the final whistle and jumps in a taxi straight home. Unfortunately, his girlfriend isn't expecting him home until much later and she's out so he ends up just sat on the doorstep for a couple of hours in the freezing cold until she gets home.

29:44The German FA then slap him with an eight-match ban because of the punch and worse still because of the etiquette in Germany the following day he has to drive all the way back to Lübeck and apologise to the town what's it like the entire town yeah apparently so yeah what was that that was the rule back then apparently so in Germany I wonder when that stopped I don't know I'd love to see it yeah bring it back yeah I don't know where this apology took place if they did it like the town square yeah in the stocks yeah there is one positive though for Kevin because in his absence, Hamburg's results start to slip and his teammates begin to realize how important he is and what a good player he is for the team.