Kevin Pietersen: f*ck i’m good, just ask me (with Fin Taylor) | Part two

8:05Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, she does. I love how they're all in Matrix. Yeah. Matrix era, isn't it? Yeah. Do you think they've got the phone? You want the phone if you're doing Matrix. She looks like a scary South African woman, actually. She does. She looks like she's got something like... She's obviously what? KP?

8:19Fin Taylor:Yeah, and he's like, yeah. Mama. He likes being barked at. Pop Stars was 2001, I should admit. so actually this is this is later so Liberty X it's flagging the franchise is flagging yeah they've actually had their fame by 2005 they've peaked they've just released Song for Lovers with Reverend Run from Run DMC wow which I actually think is a bit of a banger god this is a it's a bit soft for Reverend Run this is a nostalgia overload yeah I'm loving it do you remember this song I don't you might when you hear it it's uplifting

8:48Fin Taylor:it's got a bit of a gospel oh yeah

8:50Kevin Pietersen:yeah no I don't I don't know this one does Kevin Pearson in like the gospel vibes. I kind of imagine that's not...

8:57Fin Taylor:Not my favourite Liberty X song.

8:59Kevin Pietersen:No. You don't remember this? I don't know this song.

9:02Fin Taylor:Song for love. I mean, there's no point singing it. You don't know it.

9:05Kevin Pietersen:Oh, well, you're singing it. Oh, now I get it. Oh, yeah. I remember when you sang it.

9:10Fin Taylor:Yeah, I just... Yeah, I think we've heard enough. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it was quite a big song. Their debut album sold a million copies.

9:17Kevin Pietersen:Crazy. Crazy. Again, like... This is when there was a mainstream. There's no mainstream anymore. Yeah. So that first album was pre-Crazy Frog, so standards weren't so high at the time. Like nowadays, the only mainstream thing is Strictly. Yeah. And even that's not getting...

9:31Fin Taylor:What's the guy who always wins Christmas? Lad, baby. I've never heard the song.

9:34Kevin Pietersen:Exactly. That's what I mean, is that no one knows anything, and yet everything's massive. It's all fragmented. It's all niche. It's atomized, right? But this is where there is a tabloid culture, a cricket star is fucking a pop star, and everyone knows who both of them are. Take me back. I know. Even if you don't know who either of them, what they're famous for, you know who they are.

9:51Fin Taylor:That doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, you're right. We're all just watching the war in the evenings, listening to Crazy Frog. What war?

9:57Kevin Pietersen:I don't know. I've not heard about a war. I'm living in my own reality.

10:02Fin Taylor:Anyway, so Kevin, basically, he gets friendly with Jessica. Christ, we've only got to 2006. This is insane. They get set up by Jessica's manager. They get married very quickly. And Kevin claims that he was a fan of her music before they met.

10:14Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, whatever.

10:15Fin Taylor:Much like Shane Warne was a fan of Shabley before he walked into that wine bar. Darren Goff was his best man. Didn't even know they were mates.

10:22Kevin Pietersen:no they were mates because he kind of strikes me as a guy he's goth at nottinghamshire maybe no he's like Yorkshire and Essex oh is he okay fair enough

10:30Fin Taylor:but I guess they played one day as to get they got a similar vibe yeah yeah yeah they're pints guys but I sort of thought Darren Gough I don't know Kevin Peason just seems like a guy whose friendships are a bit weird you know the Piers Morgan we'll come on to that so anyway he's a big name by this point he's married England go to Australia to defend the ashes yeah and the Australian public are baying for fucking blood this is going to be the last series ever for the likes of Shane Warne a couple of others as well big names so there's a real like we must avenge what happened and we must send off these guys

11:00Kevin Pietersen:that amazing Australian pace attack this is the end this is the last home summer Glenn McGrath Brett Lee and Shane Warne

11:09Fin Taylor:actually and Shane Warne yeah so it's the end of an era and they want to go out on a high and they see KP as the big target so they really target him the Aussies label him the Ego or Fig Jam which stands for fuck I'm good just ask me I like that yeah and actually they come up with a trick which is they persuade Shane Warne to completely blank Kevin on the pitch which apparently sends him completely mental he's like screaming at him really yeah that passed me by

11:32Kevin Pietersen:I guess if you're shagging buddies yeah well they're like best mates and then suddenly Warne's just like blanking him it's not it's like blood well it's cum brothers I guess isn't it cum brothers I think he did that at boarding school yeah right okay that's something else

11:45Fin Taylor:anyway he can't bear that to be fair he actually ends up having a great series he's England's best batsman but England lose 5-0. Which we always do in Australia. Yeah, it's a whitewash. It's a complete fucking shit show. And then it's the start of a new England era.

11:58Kevin Pietersen:It is, because in 2008 England hire Peter Moores, new coach. And Peter Moores is quite disciplinarian. He's all about the hard training. And it's a bit of a shock to the system, to these England players who are used to bend us at Downing Street. And it's sort of, it's kind of different to the whole culture of cricket, really. So So England are playing this series against New Zealand and the players are doing their endurance training pre-match and the Kiwi players are just stood around at the edge of the boundary, drinking beers, smoking, laughing at them. The old Kiwis. Yeah. So it's during the series, Paul Collingwood gets banned because England are basically taking too long over their overs and KP takes over as England captain.

12:49Kevin Pietersen:It's actually not the only time that Collie gets into a bit of trouble in New Zealand. I've heard some stories about Collie. Yeah, we've got a few stories, which I think we're going to save for the Patreon. His adventures down under. A little bit spicy for the main pod. Anyway, so KP's captaincy starts pretty well. They beat South Africa 4-0 in a Wonder International series. But from there, it very quickly starts to go downhill. so in 2008 England fly over to the West Indies to take part in the Stanford Super Series so Stanford Super Series it was a series of 2020 matches that were cooked up by this American Antiguan billionaire financier called Alan Stanford so he basically had this big plan to revolutionise cricket, pump loads of money into it, make it flashy.

13:42Kevin Pietersen:Sorry, it's just quite funny that the different ends of the billionaire financier spectrum, where you've got Alan Stanford doing 2020 in the Caribbean and then you've got Epstein running a sex island. It's like you either do one of two ways, don't you? Well, actually, I think... I mean, yeah, we'll see. I'm going to revolutionise cricket. I'm running a sex island, but yeah, you do you. Whatever, mate. I've got a feeling Alan Stanford might have. I reckon he was a frequenter. I mean, that's probably possible. But I mean, he's... Possible rivals. He's fucking his daydots. Yeah, he's... They end up in similar circumstances, him and Epstein.

14:15Kevin Pietersen:Oh, really? I'll come on to it. So anyway, he's got this big idea, wants to revolutionise cricket and plans this Stanford Super Series. And the finale of it is a one-off match, winner-takes-all between England and a West Indies XI, which he calls the Stanford Superstars. You don't remember this? I don't know. again so i sort of it's um yeah i was mainly just about tests i'm all about tests i never really i've really never really got got into all the short form stuff but this was a big scandal yeah so so he he does it makes a big deal out of promoting this whole series is this the first 2020 yeah it's early right okay yeah and the prize for this one-off match between england and the stanford superstars is 20 million dollars wow uh and all of that cash is going to go straight to the players so the winning team get everything the losers get nothing yeah um and to promote the match he lands a helicopter on the pitch at lords no it's no it's in antigua oh right he's promoting this match by by landing this helicopter on the pitch at lords brings out this treasure chest filled with 20 million dollars in cash at lords which fucking hell at lords that it's not the vibe really no no the members are pretty horrified by it they're all in their yellow and red striped.

15:32Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, you're not doing your top button up again. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Jonathan Agnew, the commentator, Humes, it's just not cricket. It's everything that cricket isn't. I agree.

15:44Fin Taylor:I agree. That's right. Yeah. This is the first time cricketers have been offered this kind of money. Yeah. So everyone's just like, well, yeah, but it's$20 million.

15:52Kevin Pietersen:I guess it's similar. I mean, it's not in that golf is always rich, but it's similar to the Saudis and golf where it's just this new level. Yeah. Yeah. and it's yeah also for Christmas

16:02Fin Taylor:it's like you live quite an ordinary life and then suddenly someone's like you can win a million dollars

16:05Kevin Pietersen:yeah you're basically like it's a well paid job and then you run a pup that's still your life yeah they've got 500 grand each the winners the players it's crazy so is KP what's he saying KP's I mean you can probably guess KP is all over this yeah he loves it and he flies England over to Antigua he's captain she's captain yeah and he flies the team over it's slightly different vibe to most cricket tours um so alan stanford the the billionaire decides that he's gonna have access to all areas so he's just like swanning in and out of the dressing rooms really big bollocks vibes um during uh a match during the match uh the tv cameras cut to him and he's up in the stands with the players wives and girlfriends all around him they're like bouncing on bouncing on his knee giggling we've got a clip of it how old is this guy he's like he's sort of

17:06Kevin Pietersen:he couldn't really look more sleazy that's Matt Pryor's wife on his knee isn't it oh my god look at him he's having the time of his life I mean this is what you get I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't wish I was doing a similar thing at that age yeah I mean it looks fun it looks class it will cost you 20 million dollars yeah but you know but they're like all the wives are like giggling he's got around three of them I guess but then to be fair to them like you know if this is the first time cricketers are minted this is the first time you get cricket wags yeah exactly they're learning they're excited with the money they're learning these new ropes like oh we just thought we had a bit of an idiot village cricket husband and now we're fucking footballers wives

17:44Fin Taylor:with financiers yeah and you have to say he does look like the archetype of a con man yeah

17:50Kevin Pietersen:he's like he's like an evil guy in a film in the 90s yeah moustache big fat American businessman but anyway so that happens and apparently it flashed up on the big screen during the match so the players are out there and they just look up at the screen and there's their wife just like getting giggling with her arm bent over the balcony Matt Pryor the wicketkeeper was especially pissed off because his wife was like his wife who was pregnant was just bouncing pregnant wife on the knee pregnant wife bouncing up and down on this guy's knee yeah and Pryor's not got the most robust mental health has he so was they

18:25Fin Taylor:putting that on the screen again it's like it's just crazy yeah absolutely crazy and I hate Matt Pryor so

18:32Kevin Pietersen:yeah so unfortunately for England maybe they had a few distractions because it doesn't go to plan and the Stanford Superstars smashed them by 10 wickets fuck so it's basically West Indies isn't it West Indies are quite good West Indies 11 West Indies is towards the end of their kind of yeah but the team's been picked by Alan just a random guy he's sort of living out his dream and you know he's got the money for it but anyway England lose it but they're not too concerned because the English cricket board have signed a five year deal with Alan Stanford to do this every year so like we've missed out on the 20 million this year but we'll be back next year sadly for them though it never happens because the following year the FBI expose Alan Stanford as the mastermind of an$8 billion Ponzi scheme.

19:23Kevin Pietersen:What? I had no idea. He's Bernie Madoff, basically. This is 2008 crash. Yeah. No way. So he'd basically been duping these quite ordinary investors, just like ordinary people, into pumping their money into his financial group. Apparently there's still loads of people in Antigua who he owes money to.

19:44Fin Taylor:I'm not sure the West Indian players ever get paid. Maybe I've got that wrong. I don't know. But he stiffed loads of people in Antigua. Because he basically turned up in Antigua and almost took over, you know? Yeah. And then, a bit like the Sandbank Free guy. Yeah, yeah. And then, now, he's just left loads of people fucked.

20:01Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, so the FBI basically announced, put out this arrest warrant for him. And he tries to flee the US, where he lives, on a private jet, but he's apprehended and they confiscate his passport. And he's currently serving a 110-year jail term. Love an American sentence. And he's not bouncing. Prego checks in his knee there. No, I don't think so. He's bouncing some big boys in his knee. Big boys with some gold teeth, I reckon. He actually got beaten up pretty badly as soon as he got into jail. Really? Maybe probably some... England fan. Matt Breyer fan. The Barmy Army. Barmy Army were in there. Yeah.

20:42Kevin Pietersen:Apparently the prosecutors wanted 230 years. They go hard in America. At that point, what is the point in... It's quite fun though, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose. Anyway, back in the stuffy world of Test cricket, KP's captaincy is going not too well. So England get thrashed 5-0 in a series against India. And after that, he has this big public falling out with Peter Moore as the coach and resigns as captain. Well, he actually issues an ultimatum to the ECB. Me or him. Me or him. And they go both. They go both. That wasn't one of the options. in his book he denies that he makes a big deal out of like I never gave the ultimatum I just said that I'm resigning as captain which in a way is an ultimatum because he was he's always apparently very annoying called him the woodpecker he's just yeah he's not too much of a fan of his successor either Andy Flower takes over and his first act is to make Andrew Strauss the captain instead of KP which KP really holds against Andy Flower.

21:50Kevin Pietersen:He's really bitter about it up until today, it seems like. Even though it was clearly one of the best decisions he could make. So that year, 2009, KP goes over to the IPL. He joins the Royal Challengers Bangalore. They pay one and a half million for him. And a lot of KP's teammates who are playing county cricket think that he's a bit of a mercenary. So obviously now a lot more players do that but he was kind of one of the first. In England. Yeah. So yeah, he's not too popular with his teammates but for England to be fair he's still doing the business. So 2010 England win the T20 World Cup and KP's named player of the tournament.

22:36Fin Taylor:This is sort of the peak.

22:38Kevin Pietersen:This is when you get into England's like the best they've been at cricket ever. Yeah, this is the best England have ever been and Kevin Peaton's at the peak of his powers. Yeah, he's matured slightly on the field I mean there's a lot of agginess off it yeah we get to but yeah he's now he's probably the complete batsman at this point this is

22:55Fin Taylor:he's in like his four year absolute purple

22:57Kevin Pietersen:this is like Ronaldo who was still tripping over in the odd step over at Man United now he's at Real Madrid and he's just this machine this is Peterson and the England team is just this purring machine

23:06Fin Taylor:yeah he's brilliant and you see they're all absolutely brilliant and to be fair Andy Flower is running a slightly miserable regime like there's England are the best team in the world yeah England are the best team in the world but there's like a slightly joyless efficiency to them. However,

23:20Kevin Pietersen:Southgate's England, really. But they've got massive personalities. That's the thing that Southgate's England didn't really.

23:26Fin Taylor:Well, anyway, KP's one of the stars of that. I mean, he's one of the best players in that team still. Yeah, yeah. And they're all fucking brilliant. And they win the Ashes down under the first time in 25 years. Yeah. This is the absolute pain.

23:37Kevin Pietersen:And this is where they, I know this is before Mitchell Johnson's revenge.

23:41Fin Taylor:Yeah, he does have that one game where he fucking destroys them. But otherwise, he's getting laughed at. Yeah. he will get his revenge under the surface though it is all starting to crack particularly for Kevin so he says on this tour he actually spends a lot of time on his own he has no interest in training he never really does but he's like particularly lonely figure and he says that there's this cabal forms led by Matt Pryor and his best mates who are Graham Swan Stuart Broad Jimmy Anderson it's the bowlers in the wicket key the boys

24:11Kevin Pietersen:has Matt Pryor been better ever since he saw his pregnant wife bouncing up and down and he's just since then he's just become bitter and twisted at the

24:18Fin Taylor:world but they're more like they are yeah they're the lads they're the boys they're the beerie lads they're like rugby team on tour yeah they're like fucking cracking up at their gags they're like yeah putting their balls on your face when you're asleep on the coach and it's like you're either part of it or you're you can

24:32Kevin Pietersen:fuck off yeah and

24:34Fin Taylor:kevin's not part of it he finds matt prior particularly really annoying prior has given himself this nickname big cheese and he refers to himself in the third person constantly he actually shortens it just to cheese she's our Cheese got some runs yesterday. I mean, that is annoying,

24:49Kevin Pietersen:but it is also quite funny.

24:50Fin Taylor:Yeah, so apparently it's constant. Kevin finds it quite great.

24:53Kevin Pietersen:Cheese is funny. Big Cheese is...

24:56Fin Taylor:Yeah.

24:57Kevin Pietersen:It's a bit like, Big Cheese isn't the name you can give yourself.

24:59Fin Taylor:I find him lame, so I don't like it. Anyway, so Kevin nicknames the Friends, Swan, Broad, and Anderson as the Little Baby Cheeses. He's got you there. He's got you there. The Baby Bells. The Baby Bells, yeah. Well, I think your Little Baby Cheeses, how do you like this? it's a sort of online Twitter comeback isn't it no likes so he's not really getting on with them he thinks they're bullies apparently they'll scream at people if they make a mistake in the field which I mean it is elite sport but you've got these two you've got them one group Kevin doesn't really like them and he's also falling out with Andy Flower as well so he never really gets on with Andy Flower he absolutely hates him in fact so in his book he mentions him 270 times in 450 pages wow so more than every other page he says Andy Flower contagiously sour infectiously dour he could walk into a room and suck all the joy out of it in five seconds mood hoover he's a poet yeah that's decent I mean I don't think yeah it's like Sudoku isn't it yeah he never gets on with him he just fucking hates him and I do get that so I think what you what you got here is a lot of slightly unlikable characters not getting on I don't think anyone's that yeah that's my issue but at the time love them and they're playing great cricket but it really comes to a head with Andy Flower when Kevin pulls out of the World Cup after that Ashes.

26:14Fin Taylor:So he had an amazing Ashes. Everyone worships that team. He then gets a hernia, pulls out of the World Cup. Andy Flower questions his work ethic. And Kevin kind of makes things worse when he goes back to London and he's spotted out with Nicholas Bentner and James Corden. Wow. That's real. Meeting you at the gates of hell. Wow.

26:31Kevin Pietersen:Where in James Corden's trajectory are we now? Is this Gavin and Stacey or is this Saturday Night Live or whatever the show is? Gavin and Stacey, I think. No, it's pre-carport karaoke, isn't it? Yeah.

26:39Fin Taylor:So they're just out in like, I don't know, crazy Larry's China White one of those bougie yeah and Andy Klaas livid he calls Kevin out in the press and so it's really getting quite ugly

26:51Kevin Pietersen:and then

26:52Fin Taylor:in 2012 it finally boils over so England are playing South Africa at home and they're playing well but then this Twitter account pops up called KP Genius

27:04Kevin Pietersen:so it's basically

27:06Fin Taylor:it's taking the piss out of Kevin Peterson it's quite a hit and miss some of it's very funny some of it's like it doesn't really land and to be fair at first Kevin is finding it funny. He's retweeting it. But then it basically leaks out that the guy running it has shared the password with some of Kevin's teammates and that they've been doing tweets. So the rumored trio of culprits are Stuart Broad, Tim Bresnan and Graham Swan.

27:28Kevin Pietersen:Yeah.

27:28Fin Taylor:It's the old, it's the big cheese, the little big cheeses, the boys, the rugby lads. And Kevin claims that his pal Piers Morgan did some sleuth work and proved once and for all it was them. they always deny it I wonder how

27:42Kevin Pietersen:how does Piers Morgan do sleuth work again how is that

27:45Fin Taylor:well you need to access a private messaging medium that's it yeah

27:50Kevin Pietersen:I've got an idea I've got that Kevin I'll get that for you yeah I'll sort of bit of sleuth work yeah he didn't do it in a Rebecca Vardy Colleen Rooney no I think it was a drip drip

28:00Fin Taylor:rather than one big impact he should have done that I think it's generally considered that Stuart Broad definitely was involved because it's his best mate running it

28:07Kevin Pietersen:have you not seen the interviews where he's asked about it and he's denying it whilst he's laughing. He's smirking. He's smirking so much going, no, I've got nothing to do with it. Yeah.

28:15Fin Taylor:So he's, it's getting to Kevin a lot. He's really upset about it. And then they go out and play South Africa in the second test. He scores arguably his greatest hundred of all against South Africa. Just this like brutal knock against the best bowler in the world, Dale Staines. Real angry innings.

28:31Kevin Pietersen:Is this a double hundred or is it?

28:32Fin Taylor:No, it's like a 180, I think. I mean, nearly. It's one of his great hundreds. But so he scores that and everyone's like, wow, what a player. Then he goes and gives the weirdest press conference where he basically says, yeah, it's not easy being me in this team. And everyone's like, well, what the fuck's he on about? All these rumors in the press that like Kevin Peterson's fallen out with his teammates. And then the bombshell drops. News leaks to the press that during the series, Kevin Peterson has been texting the South Africa team, advising them on how to get his captain, Andrew Strauss, out.

29:03Fin Taylor:And he also refers to Strauss as a deuce, which apparently roughly in Afrikaans means dumb cunt. Right.

29:09Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, I didn't know what, I never knew what a deuce meant.

29:11Fin Taylor:Apparently it means box, literally, but it's dumb. Dumb cunt. You're a deuce. Yeah, fucking deuce. It also turns out that after the first match, which they lost, he went, that night, he went out boozing with the South Africa players in Fulham in a wine bar. Yeah. That is where they would head, isn't it? Yeah, I think Warnie's at the back, sort of making a right old mess. So he's basically being accused of being a traitor. Turncoat, yeah. And he hates his teammates. He thinks that they betrayed him with his Twitter account. and they drop Kevin Peterson. He's basically sacked from the England team.

29:43Fin Taylor:Andrew Strauss retires the next match. I don't know if it has a consequence, but it all casts a big shadow over...

29:48Kevin Pietersen:No, I think it's his last ever... It's going to be his last ever game. Yeah, he plays one more game.

29:52Fin Taylor:I think it's like he was probably going to retire soon anyway, but it certainly casts a big shadow over it and ruins it.

29:57Kevin Pietersen:So what's the public opinion on... Is everyone on KP's side in this?

30:05Kevin Pietersen:The fake Twitter account thing hadn't come out. no yeah it had it had yeah okay so i think i everyone's confused because i worshiped him he just scored like one of the most exciting innings but then you're like it's not easy being me

30:19Fin Taylor:thinking about like what's what and then you hear about the strauss thing you're like you

30:21Kevin Pietersen:fucking can't yeah you deuce he's just he is just so unlikable uh when he's if you if you take him apart out of the actual when he's batting he's so unlikable yeah and that's the problem it's like you compare it to Stokes and you know, who another like flawed individual, but you, you love him because you feel like for all these flaws, he's got this moral core that Peterson, you never felt. You felt he was this ego driven money, unlikable kind of bully almost. Yeah. Victim bully. Yeah. Yeah. And with, and with that came these amazing hundreds. And yet, you know, with Stokes, there's just a sort of good guy mythology baked into all his stuff.

31:03Fin Taylor:I'd agree with that. I guess you've literally just seen the best and worst of him in one week. So everyone's confused, to say the least. England boot him out and they're like, sorry, you're not playing for England. You're going to be trying to get your own captain out. However, while they can't live with him, they can't live without him either. And pretty soon he is recalled. Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions.

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32:18Fin Taylor:This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Admittedly, he's put on the naughty step for a bit. So he has to sign a contract saying, I'm going to be a good boy. No more of that. he has to do face-to-face individual apology meetings with the whole team god I would love to have been in some of those yeah are they like lining up one by one outside yeah it's all like headmasters yeah but I think for like Stuart Broad and Matt Prior it must be fucking funny yeah they must love that yeah

33:08Kevin Pietersen:anyways are they just like live tweeting the KPG

33:11Fin Taylor:keep the account going yeah but it's called his reintegration it kind of works for a bit following summer they win the Ashes at home he celebrates by pissing on the oval wicket after the game with Stuart Broad and Jimmy Anderson. So there's a bit of a like, oh, you guys are friends again. Little boys together. But it does not last long because then they play back-to-back Ashes. They go straight to Australia for the return. Well, that winter? Yeah, that winter. Back-to-back Ashes series. And once again, he's cutting this lonely figure. His victim complex is not helped by the fact that they give him a silver cap for his 100th game and they've spelled his name wrong.

33:46Fin Taylor:Kevin Peter Peterson.

33:48Kevin Pietersen:Did they spell his middle name wrong as well?

33:50Fin Taylor:They put an I in it. So he's feeling unloved and England get absolutely smashed. It all falls apart on the pitch. 5-0, several careers are ended.

34:01Kevin Pietersen:This is the Johnson revenge.

34:02Fin Taylor:Yeah, this is Mitchell Johnson. He's been laughed at for years and he just tears through.

34:06Kevin Pietersen:There is nothing more terrifying than him with the tash charging. There's YouTube compilations of him charging in and I'm scared watching it.

34:14Fin Taylor:Bouncy pitches, 90 miles an hour, revenge mission. I actually don't think I've seen a series of cricket where one bowler dominates. Yeah, absolutely.

34:22Kevin Pietersen:He's an absolute racehorse.

34:23Fin Taylor:And he ends Jonathan Trott's career, Matt Pryor's career, Graham Swan's career and Kevin Peterson's career. KP was actually England's best batsman in that series, numbers wise. But he sort of pissed off his teammates again. So apparently he was like refusing to train, arguing with the captain. There was a rumor that he squared up to the captain, Alistair Kirk. And then also there was this story that when he got out, he was whistling as he walked off. Just being like, I don't give a fuck.

34:47Kevin Pietersen:It's Cameron whistling after Brexit. It's exactly that. Yeah. I forgot about that Was he whistling a Liberty X song? He's whistling Song for Lovers Crazy Frog It's a catchy song Probably Crazy Frog

35:00Fin Taylor:And then he and Matt Perrier have this like public spat where they're just like tweeting about each other saying like you're a fucking twat you stabbed the captain in the back no you did Piers Morgan wades in Not like him Yeah I mean I was actually Team KP so basically England it all falls apart England like we're gonna do this big review and the conclusion is Kevin Peter will not play for England again that's it you're gone and I was Team KP. I thought it was a complete joke. It was like this Puritans who just want like a, you know, gentlemanly game. They don't like having feathers ruffled by someone exciting.

35:29Fin Taylor:Yeah. And it's just like, make space for someone that good. Now I've read his book. Yeah. I've switched sides. Yeah. Get rid of that cunt now. He should never have played for England. Yeah. Pierce Morgan played a good game. I mean, it weird, it kicked off this like culture war. Yeah. Do you remember, you were either a roundhead or a cavalier. you're either team KP

35:51Kevin Pietersen:I see I never because this was in my sort of dark period so I would wear the scandal but I just remember thinking I remember thinking partly because I just I'm a broad loyalist I just love everything Stuart Broad does I sort of am like he's a bit of a cunt and you know he's a brilliant cricketer he's a bit of a cunt and so I'm like ah yeah fair enough he's a troublemaker Broad? No sorry Peterson absolutely not

36:15Fin Taylor:I kind of think that whole England team and I mean this in a kind way you've got to be like a bit of a cunt in some ways to like be like that.

36:22Kevin Pietersen:Well, that's what they show in the documentary, The Edge. They talk about basically just how it ruined all of them. Like all of them mentally are still fucked from those three years. Yeah, it was wild.

36:33Fin Taylor:Yeah. But I mean, Kevin Peterson responds by releasing one of the most bitter books. Partridge-esque. It is Partridge. I had the last laugh. Needless to say, I had the last laugh. He constantly is like, am I bitter? Well, I now play IPL, Caribbean Premier League. I play for Surrey I'm married to a pop star Piers Morgan is my mate on Twitter it's like mate

36:55Kevin Pietersen:isn't there a section where he's just going through and talking about how many friends he's got yeah his mates he's like I'm still mates with this guy if I was a cock they wouldn't still be friends with me we're still friends he goes people say I'm not it's his birthday party

37:08Fin Taylor:yeah because people say that everyone I play with hates me 2004 I shared a room with Ashley Giles still a mate still friends still mates so it's childish the book is incredible You will not read something more bitter and partridge-esque. It's fantastic.

37:22Kevin Pietersen:So he was only 33 when they said that. 33. He could have played three more years. Yeah, easily. He becomes this gun for hire at this point. Yeah. Mercenary. But this is when the IPL is really kicking off. Yeah.

37:30Fin Taylor:So it's kind of, financially, it's probably good for him. He does pop up at Lords occasionally. He plays in this MCCV rest of the world, just like, you know, bicentenary. Nice game. Yeah. And it's live on Sky Sports and Andrew Strauss is commentating and he thinks it's gone to an ad break and he just goes, yeah, KP's a cunt. Yeah. which is so good because Andrew Strasse has done such a good job of rising above it all and being like oh no hard feelings yeah and then the polite boy

37:54Kevin Pietersen:at the top of the order

37:54Fin Taylor:yeah and then just in one swoop it was fantastic

37:57Kevin Pietersen:what was the moment where this is to go back this is fuck what's he called Ron Atkinson yeah you must have talked about that I just suddenly I just remember because I'm a Chelsea fan I just suddenly remember that happening yeah he makes the most racist comment imaginable yeah yeah

38:13Fin Taylor:we've talked about about that so he thinks it's gone to an outbreak and it has in the UK but not in the Middle East so people in the Middle East see him versus SIE in like the most hateful way the worst thing you could do yeah but then the best bit about it is that Ron Atkinson who's obviously his career is over after that he then tries to repair it he gets commissioned for a documentary where he tracks down the origin of the n-words no and he goes back to like what's Middle East Africa where is this I want you to see it now it's in the archives we need to we've been playing through a deep dive and he's like well originally the term didn't mean a racist thing it meant like i don't know tradesman or i literally don't know i was using it in the original and it's like him interviewing and he's like so what you're saying is it's not really a racist word originally it's actually quite supportive yeah yeah and the guy's like well i'm just sort of putting words in my mouth but yeah originally i'm not sure how you didn't say it in a very supportive way

39:02Kevin Pietersen:lazy was that i know yeah the world is so part of me things have changed and i've been left behind there was no ill intentions

39:10Fin Taylor:it doesn't work for him but yeah always good when someone gets caught KP is a cunt

39:15Kevin Pietersen:can you trace the word can you go back to South Africa and you're like yeah no we think he's a cunt as well

39:22Fin Taylor:he's a deuce but you know who needs Strauss when you've got Piers Morgan he's also mates with John Terry so when John Terry joins Twitter Kevin Peterson welcomes him have you seen this exchange? no Kevin Peterson says a warm welcome to a captain who would have laughed his head off at how poor Man United are. Welcome, John Terry. And then someone goes, make sure your wife doesn't follow him. And John Terry replies, you're safe, David. Just see your wife on your account. Pig emoji.

39:49Kevin Pietersen:Captain leader legend. I wish sports people still had no filter on Twitter. Like this. Pig.

39:56Fin Taylor:Pig emoji. Christ. It's just like the bell ends all unite. There's something to be said for just like open villains. Kind clubs, yeah. these days KP he's a sort of fairly unpopular commentator people complain about him a lot he's pretty annoying he commentates like it's IPL it's like wow calm down this is a five day game he does his rhino conservation

40:20Kevin Pietersen:he's always doing those batting masterclasses on sky when it's raining he always gets in the nets with the sky team

40:25Fin Taylor:it's a shame I thought he'd be kind of good in this era you know Shane was an amazing commentator

40:30Kevin Pietersen:yeah I don't like just commentary generally I don't like the weight direction it's gone it's bland it's all bad it's all bad even the neville carriga pseudo intellectual bullshit like mika richards no thank you i'm i miss hansom i miss that dour like dry analysis uh everything's crap yeah like and for cricket it's like insanely posh blokes

40:52Fin Taylor:talking more about the birds flying over the grounds well it's like a it's like a

40:56Kevin Pietersen:literary thing cricket commentary or it should be was it was you know with blowers and uh and like Test match special I mean I still watch it and have TMS on still

41:07Fin Taylor:yeah Sky's particularly bland it's like listening to management consultants yeah it is and they're all dressed like that yeah that's the vibe they want it's about like the establishment of the culture yeah in the team the winning mentality and the leadership group

41:18Kevin Pietersen:and they can't they can't stop shadow batting for whatever they're talking about you just gotta you know it's just like

41:23Fin Taylor:fucking get off yourself but yes KP's welcomed into it quite a funny moment recently apparently KP tried to join Sunningdale which is like a very exclusive golf club and he was blackballed before he even got his application in, they just put word out via a backchannel. They're like, you're not welcome. Wow. Have they got a picture of him?

41:40Kevin Pietersen:On the door. Behind the desk.

41:43Fin Taylor:So, I mean, that's the story of Kevin Peter Peterson. How do you... I mean, we've kind of alluded to our views. Finn, how do you sort of... Has your opinion changed of him hearing that story?

41:57Kevin Pietersen:No, I mean, he's a product of his time, isn't he? I wonder how he'd fare now. in this era where the tabloids aren't quite, they don't ruin people in the same way. Did he get ruined by the tabloids? No, but you know what I mean? Like that culture of like fame and tabloid fame. I kind of feel like he enjoyed that now. Yeah, but I'm wondering if he was around now. You know, you look at Prince Harry then and look at him now. Would we now have a really sanctimonious Ken Peterson? We kind of do with the rhinos. Right, or is that what he's into? He's into rhino conversation. Conservation, yeah. I don't know if it has changed my opinion of him really I always sort of like I said at the start one of England's greats who you're actually quite happy to see get stumped yeah because he's a bit

42:42Fin Taylor:he's just a cunt arsehole genius arsehole genius can't live with them can't live without them it's the perfect description arsehole genius yeah I should credit Simon Barnes the sports writer wrote an amazing article in the first line is Kevin Peterson is your classic arsehole genius yeah but here's that thing he's a cunt but he's our cunt but like oh you're still a cunt

42:57Kevin Pietersen:yeah also you're not really our cunt but then you go onto YouTube typing Kevin Peterson highlights and we haven't even talked about him inventing the switch hit or any of the sport he's done what he does for the sport is there are some of the best highlights and also all of England's great moments since Peterson could not exist in a world without Peterson like Stokes' heading leanings would not have happened the things Stokes does are only possible because Peterson

43:27Fin Taylor:yeah and a lot of cricketers Have you ever watched some of those classic highlights, you know, like where Geoffrey Boycott is like, he's treating him like a club bowler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are amazing. I think that's probably all there is to...

43:38Kevin Pietersen:Yeah, I mean, that's a big sesh. A very talented wanker. Yeah, a deep dive.

43:44Fin Taylor:That was a five-dayer. That was a five-dayer, that was.

43:47Kevin Pietersen:Well, Finn, thanks a lot. What a pleasure. Loved it. Absolutely loved it.

43:50Fin Taylor:Come on again for another... I would love to, yeah. Another glimpse of Ian Botham's cock. Please. People can follow you at Finn Taylor Comedy, yes Finvers' history

43:59Kevin Pietersen:yeah we're going on tour in the autumn and there's still we're going to add another London date because that one's sold out but there's still tickets left for Leeds Birmingham and Newcastle lovely thanks a lot

44:10Fin Taylor:thanks Zach cheers Jack and if you want some more saucy cricketing tales we will be covering Paul Collingwood's adventures down under

44:18Kevin Pietersen:and having been told by someone who played cricket with him on my Newcastle tour date what he did I can verify that it's pretty juicy stuff yeah it's worth three quid

44:25Fin Taylor:down under in every sense of the phrase so yeah patreon.com slash upshot towers otherwise thanks a lot for listening see you soon

44:40Fin Taylor:this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

45:04Kevin Pietersen:Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.

45:10Fin Taylor:Hello, and welcome to Libero, the podcast about football, the most important of the least important things. I'm Rory Smith, and I'm one of seven of the country's leading football journalists who gather together twice a week to discuss all of the issues facing the game. It's an enormous summer of football and we'll be on the ground in the United States, Mexico and Canada to follow all of the teams, all of the characters and all of the stories from the biggest sporting event the world has ever seen. Will England end, is it 60 years of hurt? Can Neymar inspire Brazil to victory? Just where has Lionel Messi been?

45:42Fin Taylor:We'll be discussing all of that and more. Search Libero wherever you get your podcasts.