Lamine Yamal and Ibiza Final Boss collide | Extra shot

7:47The United Strand:Yeah, there was a lot of my table, everyone sort of just like looking. Glazed. Who's done their 10 minutes with him?

7:59Lamine Yamal:I feel like United fans are a bit fucking chirpy for my liking. Too much, too much. Some of my mates is what United are now claiming they've got the best front three in the league, which is Matthias Cunha, Brian Mbwemo, and... Sesko. Benjamin Sesko who scored 12 goals last season in the Bundesliga his stats are good though to be fair oh right his top scoring season 16 for a small team yeah maybe he's good we've been here before do you remember when Gary Neville was like I honestly think Liverpool would swap their midfield for United when it was like Mason Mount Christian Eriksen I forget who else they live in their own little world they're deluded

8:36The United Strand:I saw there was a fan a United fan group who'd planned to do a protest for their first game of the season I don't know come to their seats late or something against the owners and they've called it off because the new signings and you see they opened a new training centre has created a good atmosphere I bet yeah it's just you know this whole thing

8:58Lamine Yamal:of like oh we need to rework the culture we don't like our ownership model it's like you just want to buy expensive players and win games yeah suddenly we like

9:07Mauro Icardi:the ownership model I'll give it two bad results and it'll go sour again first bit it'll be annoying I'm waiting if it goes well.

9:14Lamine Yamal:I actually think they'll start well and then sort of Christmas time. Diver off. Yeah. Fingers crossed.

9:21The United Strand:Are Kunio and Mbwemo that good? They were good at their clubs. They were quite good at their clubs.

9:25Mauro Icardi:A different level of pressure though, isn't it? United just comes with a different level of baggage.

9:30Lamine Yamal:A lot of people are good at their clubs until they get to United.

9:32Mauro Icardi:Yeah. The poison enters the veins. They've already been talking about Mbwemo being a bit chunky. Really? Yeah. There was one photo of Mbwemo that the preseason friendly is where he did look apparently he's comfy because of distress I mean that's just powerful he doesn't look like a oh someone's blown it up you've been had he does look like a late Rooney there

10:00The United Strand:best front three in the league anyway one man who will really be praying for a turnaround in United's fortunes is the United Strand who we've talked about him before He's the guy who is refusing to cut his hair until United win five games in a row. It's been nearly a year now since he started doing this. It was October, wasn't it? October last season. But yeah, his hair's sort of, he started out Peter Sutcliffe, it was sort of Fellaini-esque for a while and it's getting bigger now. But I'm delighted to say that after the ad break, we are getting United Strand on the phone. Fuck! to let us know how it's going.

10:43The United Strand:He must be fucking hot. Yeah, this is a tough season.

10:47Mauro Icardi:Unless he's getting long enough that he can put it in some sort of like buffy ponytail. He's tried a few.

10:52Lamine Yamal:So for people who are not familiar, it's very curly. So it doesn't grow down like straight long hair. It grows like up and out. Yeah.

10:59Mauro Icardi:He must be fucking hot.

11:00Lamine Yamal:It's like he's wearing a beef eater's hat. Like Fellaini? Yeah, but more. There's more hair than that. Valderrama? Well, yeah, Valderrama had sort of looser corkscrew curls, I think. Tight. Yeah. always reminds have you ever seen the pic of Valderrama with it straightened no it's like really like golden like luscious straight blonde hair and then like the bearded face and for some reason it just always makes me feel like I'm having a dream and we're looking at it now makes me feel like I'm having a dream where I'm like getting a blowjob and it's like this lovely blonde hair and then the head lifts up and he's just like hola chico it's Valderrama's mustachioed grin he's like a lion yeah he's gorgeous lovely Sorry anyway So we're getting him on After the break Yeah we've got Viral sensation Jesus

11:44The United Strand:Go Quite Breakfast TV Join us Join us after the break When we are speaking to United Strand A man whose hair Is growing longer I love Every time United lose Actually speaking of Iconic hair This Ibiza final boss guy Can't have missed him He's sort of The meme of the summer Sort of the British Hawk tour I think

12:07Mauro Icardi:Because it was just

12:08Lamine Yamal:One video of him

12:08Mauro Icardi:On a dance floor It was just Yeah at five to eight and he was just like shuffling along and all of a sudden

12:13Lamine Yamal:but he's got like a sort of like medieval bowl haircut bowl cut and then like proper white turkey teeth massive gold chain great beard as well yeah a nice little goatee beard and just like a committed to the dance floor look on his face I fucking love him especially because at the beginning it felt like everyone was taking the piss a bit but he's owned it

12:30The United Strand:he's properly he's actually smashed it yeah I saw I was reading about him apparently he came back home briefly he's from he's from Newcastle yeah came home briefly for a fresh trim and then flew back to Ibiza on a private jet and he's doing nightclub appearances there now. Yeah, apparently he's getting paid 40k a day. Really?

12:48Lamine Yamal:And he's staying in like a either 5 or 10 million euro villa.

12:53Mauro Icardi:Yeah. Who's bankrolling it? Apparently there's a apparently someone on the island who runs a load of the nightclubs is bankrolling it. Oh yeah.

12:59Lamine Yamal:I thought it was maybe just like a billionaire

13:00Mauro Icardi:who just loves it

13:01Lamine Yamal:and is just like I'm going to put that guy on my private jet.

13:04The United Strand:He's also doing adverts for EasyJet. I mean, they're package holidays to him

13:10Mauro Icardi:it's him on a sun lounger you know making the most out the opportunity I sent you one this morning apparently Halfords have released a helmet with his hair yeah

13:19Lamine Yamal:says boss holidays to Ibiza I'm genuinely pleased for him I thought he was only ever going to be Geordie or Welsh was my guess maybe Essex yeah

13:30Mauro Icardi:he's released some music he's got a collab with a DJ yeah I saw him with

13:35Lamine Yamal:Solomon the DJ

13:36Mauro Icardi:yeah so that's his plus one night and usually he invites the biggest DJ on the planet with him back to back and he invited the final boss who was vaping with him.

13:48The United Strand:I told you.

13:50Mauro Icardi:Which DJ? Carneo Beats is the guy he's done. If you're like DJ you're a bit like

13:56Lamine Yamal:I'm into music that's why I'm doing this.

13:58Mauro Icardi:Just fucking do it.

14:00The United Strand:But he's I mean surely he's invited him. Yeah. For DJ.

14:03Mauro Icardi:I mean how long do you reckon it can go on for? You'd be surprised. I don't know.

14:07The United Strand:How long can you but actually ever the one to capitalise on five minutes of fame I saw Bonnie Blue popped up in the comments on one of his posts just with the eyes emoji that would be the worst if I was his agent

14:18Lamine Yamal:I would say not yet I'm not saying never I'm not even saying not next year but not yet we've got Easy Jack getting in touch

14:28Mauro Icardi:do not engage with Bonnie Blue

14:30Lamine Yamal:because that is that's your like proper sellout moment isn't it you're cashing in your chips and you're done yeah

14:37The United Strand:that's sort of what Bevo, that other guy, the one that screened we're a podcast who I'm obsessed with.

14:42Lamine Yamal:There'll be a time where that is maybe the right move for us. Sorry, I'm still speaking as his agent, not us.

14:49The United Strand:You've got a deal going with him. I saw he threw a big party the other day. So he was saying he's been put up in this fancy villa and threw this big party, which was attended by none other than one of the dwarves from Lamedia Mao's 18th birthday party. two favourite stories of the summer colliding and not only that but the guy was dressed up as the Ibiza final he's got the haircut he's got the haircut the chain he's got the Halford's helmet on that's what he's done yeah

15:20Lamine Yamal:he's got the beard as well

15:22Mauro Icardi:it's incredible

15:22Lamine Yamal:that's amazing

15:23Mauro Icardi:and it's just them and a load of

15:25Lamine Yamal:bikini clad women I guess is what you'd call

15:28Mauro Icardi:fully living his best life isn't he which

15:31Lamine Yamal:both both yeah that's amazing see this this is the villa where someone's just putting them up and he's just having like, apparently night after night he's hosting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's got to be a money spinner or something.

15:42Mauro Icardi:I've been seeing like loads of DJs that I like just go heading over to the final boss's villa for the afters.

15:48Lamine Yamal:Oh look, we're looking at a picture of them. So what's the name? Juan Alberto Duasso. Yeah, that's the guy he's done the tune with. One of five dwarfs at Yamal's birthday bash, dressed up like him. Has he drawn the beard off with pen? I think he has to mark him. Maybe not.

16:01Mauro Icardi:No, I think he has.

16:02Lamine Yamal:That's really well done. Are we expecting to see the haircut a lot more now? Yeah, I mean, it's that sort of thing that gets haircuts viral. I'm only happy for everyone in this story so far. I did read that his missus is left behind back home and she's going to dump him.

16:17Mauro Icardi:I think the Daily Mail have already done an expose on his dad, which is a bit... Is it bad? I think so. What sort of bad? I didn't really read it, but I just think, let the lad have his moment. Yeah. Don't go in on his dad. It's not his fault.

16:30Lamine Yamal:Yeah. This is what happens. I do think Netflix, Doc, following him around. Yeah. Imagine if there was a Hawk 2 or one that then had the whole crypto scam shit. I feel like Jack spent a lot of time thinking about this. I was thinking about the media business. No, but don't you like this guy at the moment? I just want to watch. We're all watching the sort of very 2020s journey you get when you're a viral star. But we haven't really seen a behind the scenes on that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting quicker.

16:54Mauro Icardi:I did see his meme coin has crashed.

16:56Lamine Yamal:Has he got a meme coin already? For fuck's sake. Boss coin.

17:01Mauro Icardi:Yeah, it's a final boss. Has it crashed already? I don't know, it went up like 120 % and yesterday it just tanked.

17:09Lamine Yamal:How's he already got a meme coin? Oh yeah, it's been like three weeks.

17:12The United Strand:So is there like a whole sort of cottage industry that's like waiting to roll into action when a new meme pops up? That's a really good idea for a company. Roll off the crypto coin.

17:23Lamine Yamal:Yeah, we'll get you like public appearances, we'll do you a meme coin. Bonnie Blue will be ready for you in a year.

17:29The United Strand:It's just the Netflix doc. It's actually a really good idea. It's sort of the opposite of crisis management.

17:33Lamine Yamal:Yeah. opportunistic yeah alright well hopefully he's going to keep popping up I feel like he will yeah both of them all the characters in that story now I'm sure this is top of everyone's mind 300 days to go today and to the World Cup come on

17:50Mauro Icardi:we are planning to be there yeah Jade was trying to put some dates in for the wedding the other day and it was all June and I was like sorry that ain't happening

17:57The United Strand:for your wedding yeah you're not getting married

18:00Mauro Icardi:then it's going to be

18:02Lamine Yamal:a Christmas wedding do we need to get memories yeah

18:06Mauro Icardi:fly to Vegas or something

18:07The United Strand:yeah do you find Trazy Day and Roswell maybe yeah

18:10Lamine Yamal:because we are because we are going to be there yeah we're currently I'm currently very keen on the format is we'll go to some games we'll do you know extra shot on all the coverage but otherwise we're like out in weird America maybe doing some YouTube videos or something yeah we know yeah at Roswell inspecting alien corpses and Graceland we can do an Elvis special I think it'd be quite fun upshot American road trip yeah so if anyone wants to sponsor us for that get in touch it ain't cheap getting out of there especially during the World Cup the World Cup's been designed to be as annoying as possible for fans as well it's a lot of travel anyway no one is really giving the USA much of a hope of winning the tournament I had a look with the bookies they're 50 to 1 which actually they've got them ahead of Mexico Croatia who semi-finalists Morocco Japan pan.

19:02Lamine Yamal:USA ahead of all of them. But, you know, I think no one's seriously considering them. There's no real home advantage, is there? Maybe a little bit, but I don't think it's going to happen. Although, before you write them off, NFL legend Tom Brady has had a eureka moment. An idea that will change everything and catapult America into contenders. So, Tom Brady's been getting quite into football these days. He's got that little stake in Birmingham. I'm not convinced he's super knowledgeable.

19:33Mauro Icardi:I've seen him knocking about.

19:34Lamine Yamal:He's doing a lot of interviews and docs and stuff. And last week, he was giving an interview where he unveiled his one simple tweak, which will instantly transform America into a soccer superpower.

19:47Mauro Icardi:It's an amazing sport. It's a global sport. It's the biggest sport in the world. We need a young phenom like a Yamin Lamal, a young Lionel Messi to take over.

19:55Lamine Yamal:So, yeah, pretty simple.

19:56Mauro Icardi:I love how Americans just keep it so simple. Yeah. I believe we will win.

20:02Lamine Yamal:But sometimes the solution is just staring you right in the face It's so simple Why does England not do that? We just need a young phenom Just like a Pelé I guess the previous generations of American coaches Will be kicking themselves Instead of having Brad Friedel and Landon Donovan Why didn't we just get Buffon and Pelé Just our own version Has Freddie Adu got a grandson yet? Freddie Adu, do you remember though When he was like 13 They were like this is going to be America's like Ronaldo or whatever.

20:33The United Strand:I mean, Pulisic is coming up, obviously. Yeah, obviously.

20:36Lamine Yamal:The world's greatest player. Yeah, well, does Tom Brady not subscribe to the view that most Americans have that Christian Pulisic is the next Messi?

20:42The United Strand:He's one of the top soccer players in the world.

20:45Lamine Yamal:Maybe ever. Anyway, if they do track down Freddie Adu's grandson, they probably don't need to pump him with human growth hormones to turn him into the next Messi. Because, in fact, the Yanks might have a World Cup hero in waiting after all. none other than Mr. Heung-Min Son who of course has joined LAFC 20 million dollars

21:07Mauro Icardi:yeah I saw that

21:08Lamine Yamal:I read that that's the biggest transfer fee in the MLS ever because normally they get them on a free don't they yeah yeah so you know quite weird to see him leave Spurs I think you know I thought he'd be around for a bit longer

21:19Mauro Icardi:yeah I mean he's rejoined his old pal Hugo Lloris hasn't he and they famously had that fallout

21:24Lamine Yamal:oh yeah on the dog

21:26Mauro Icardi:I thought it was quite staged the hug when they saw each other again you know

21:30Lamine Yamal:I didn't see the hug. The falling out of the docks

21:32Mauro Icardi:is quite good, actually.

21:33Lamine Yamal:Yeah. They're probably being held back from each other. I didn't even see that. That's decent.

21:36Mauro Icardi:But, I mean, it must be good promotion

21:39Lamine Yamal:for the league. For LAFC, you're now, like, big in Korea. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. You're breaking America.

21:45The United Strand:LA also has the biggest Korean population outside of Korea.

21:49Lamine Yamal:They do. Korea Town. That's that, man. In LA. And Korea Town's local politician, the councillor, is none other than Representative Heather Hutt. And as she represents the district of Koreatown. She was the obvious big name to be invited to come and cut the ribbon at Son's unveiling. And, you know, she naturally gave a speech where she addressed Son directly. And this is what she said to him.

22:14Mauro Icardi:To bring the right person and no pressure, but when we, you know what I'm going to say, right? But when a World Cup comes, we're expecting a win here in Los Angeles for the USA aren't we everybody there you go and so we are here to support you to get that done so welcome I bought something because my grandma taught me don't go somewhere without bringing a gift

22:44Lamine Yamal:so yeah she she thought someone was American or she's not familiar with how the World Cup works yes you can have Koreans playing she's probably been chatting to Tom Brady

22:52The United Strand:yeah she's like so we've got a son Messi plays for Miami so we've got him

22:56Mauro Icardi:Bring David Beckham back

22:58The United Strand:Just sign Lavinia Mao All alone The pieces are starting

23:03Lamine Yamal:To fall together In the jigsaw Of this win Yeah I think She thinks the format Is that you can have International It's like the World Series Yeah yeah yeah You can have like A Japanese pitcher Maybe she got confused

23:13Mauro Icardi:With the Club World Cup Or something I don't know

23:14Lamine Yamal:Yeah to be fair It's pretty fucking confusing If you're relatively new to it Yeah yeah yeah And suddenly America's hosting All these tournaments

23:20Mauro Icardi:I mean it's not that confusing

23:21Lamine Yamal:I mean you know The difference between A country and a fucking

23:23Mauro Icardi:Domestic team

23:24Lamine Yamal:American sport is very club base it's like international stuff it's not really outside the Olympics true it's not really

23:30The United Strand:yeah must be overwhelming

23:32Mauro Icardi:for him over there at the moment she seemed quite nervous as well I thought poor Heather it was a big deal do you reckon Suns sitting there going what the fuck have I decided he nodded along

23:39Lamine Yamal:and smiled but that's he's just so fucking like nice isn't he anyway did you see his his farewell game in Korea so his last ever game for Spurs was against Newcastle played a friendly in Seoul and it was all like suitably tearful at the end like Sonny bidding farewell because I guess Spurs are the number one team in Korea. Obviously Ulf San second thanks to Jesse Lingard. But anyway, it was all really nice doing his farewells and then this seven foot two UFC star called Troy Hongman, which is a great name for a UFC star. He just scooped Son up and cradled him like a baby. It's a really good video.

24:18Lamine Yamal:I'll link to it. It just makes him look so small. Fucking hell, he looks like it. And Son's just like giggling in his arms. he looks like he's he looks like Jaws yeah he does a bit it's the way Sonny's like giggling

24:33The United Strand:yeah looks like he's carrying over the threshold of their marital home Son's not not a small guy either I don't think

24:39Lamine Yamal:no yeah I mean that guy's six foot plus yeah it's just like could you please is there any way you could hold me that's more demeaning like literally scooped up

24:49Mauro Icardi:it looks like it's one of Son's entourage is quite nervous in that yeah breaking it up

24:54Lamine Yamal:don't injure him mate you've got 20 million the world cup's coming up can't let down 300 million Americans Tom Brady did you see he also popped up a week or two ago having a go at Wayne Rooney so they've done a doc about the season Birmingham went down from the championship which I think was the first season that the American owners came in and obviously Tom Brady owns like 3 % and they put him in the doc loads to get Americans to watch it and way Rooney's the manager and there's this scene where Rooney's at his desk and he's meeting Tom Brady for the first time and Rooney's like oh yeah let's let's sit down after training I'll talk you through what I'm up to and Brady's like I just want to say thank you for all your hard work that you guys are doing like really nice respectful and then it cuts the next scene Brady's in his car talking to his assistant and he just goes I'm a little concerned about our coach's work ethic you two-faced

25:48The United Strand:bitch

25:50Lamine Yamal:yeah literally saying one thing to his face and the opposite

25:52Mauro Icardi:I can't imagine Rooney working his tits off though can you I've got to say he strikes me as that type to cheat on his own work yeah

26:00The United Strand:I did watch the clip where Tom Brady was talking to Rooney and he did he did see him a bit he was sort of like yeah so yeah I guess we can probably show you what we've been working on later if you're interested but he's not

26:12Lamine Yamal:Rooney on camera is not a man who's going to be which is awkward because he's about to start match of the day but I mean

26:18Mauro Icardi:he's not super like I can't imagine Rooney like putting together a powerpoint presentation for the strategy of the season

26:24Lamine Yamal:yeah you know yeah and I guess Tom Brady is like someone you should respect and learn from in some ways

26:33The United Strand:I don't know do you think Rooney whipped out his old tiny cock team talk some of the stuff I've been working on I'm sort of worried about his work ethic he just keeps his only real strategy seems to talk about his tiny cock. Let's go to curry and karaoke. It's time to see where he's coming from. So moving on, DJ Carey, who's not a DJ, is considered one of the greatest hurlers ever to play the game. He's a five-time All-Ireland champion with Kilkenny, nine-time All-Star Award winner, twice named hurler of the year, who's once described as the Maradona of hurling. Sounds it, wow. But since retiring in 2006, things haven't really been plain sailing for DJ.

27:18The United Strand:So he had this series of failed business ventures that left him with nearly 10 million euros in debt. It was written down eventually by the banks. But, you know, in this situation, I think most people would sort of take stock and live a more humble lifestyle, slowly pay off your debts. DJ though took a slightly different route And decided to defraud his loyalist friends and fans So he pled guilty in court last month to fraud After tricking more than a dozen of his acquaintances Into believing that he had cancer So that he could swindle them out of thousands of euros To pay for the treatment It's pretty dark So no cancer There was no cancer He was unwell But no cancer unwell and skinned he basically told them that he'd uh been diagnosed with this incurable brain tumor um and that he was undergoing treatment at this clinic in the u.s uh and you know it's quite a rare form of cancer and very expensive treatment so he was relying on the goodwill of these these friends and fans uh to help pay for his treatment and there were several different different victims of this.

28:35The United Strand:There was a former hurler, someone he knew from his playing days, a golf course designer, and Dennis O 'Brien as well. He's this billionaire businessman who was once the richest man in Ireland. And this scam, it was going on for a long time from 2014 till 2022. Jesus. Which, you know, that's a long old time to be keeping up that life. It really is. And, you know, you think, How's he going to string them along? Fortunately, DJ had the smart idea of providing photographic evidence of his treatment to keep people updated. So in court, they were shown this photo that DJ had sent to some of the people he was defrauding.

29:21The United Strand:And it shows him laying in a bed with a tube up his nose, tape holding it down. Looks like it could be a hospital bed.

29:33The United Strand:until you look slightly closer at the picture and it becomes clear that this is in fact an iPhone cable. It's been stuck up his nose and taped on with masking tape. It's a charger cable.

29:45Lamine Yamal:It's a charger. It's an iPhone. Quite obviously as well, I would say. There's so much to unpack here. But mainly that is just an iPhone charger.

29:53The United Strand:He hasn't even disguised it well. You can see the bottom part of the cable coming out.

29:58Mauro Icardi:The iPhone cable. and that just looks like regular sellotape. Yeah, it's just a bit of masking tape

30:03Lamine Yamal:without a proper plaster.

30:05Mauro Icardi:At least put some scrubs on or something and don't smile. It's good brain surgery.

30:13Lamine Yamal:He's literally just lying in bed. He's like, oh, what shall I use? Just ripped his iPhone charger out the wall next to him, shoved up his nose. Everyone knows what an iPhone charger looks like. We all use them all the time. You can see the outline.

30:25Mauro Icardi:He looks like he's just slightly gritty.

30:27Lamine Yamal:Yeah. that's incredible I'm okay now is that the only evidence he ever provided I

30:32The United Strand:that's the only one that's come out in the smoking yeah yeah that's fucking yeah so he he got rumbled in 2023 and arrested for fraud and for forgery one of the ways that he got caught was his wife or ex-wife basically received a call from one of the people that he was defrauding who I think I think owned like a car dealership or something. And he'd lent DJ this, this car and the idea that he was paying off in installments, but he'd missed the payments a couple of times. And this guy got in touch with his, his wife or ex-wife to basically like, just, you know, he owes me some money. So he called her up and was sort of like, like, I hate to do this because I know that DJ is obviously sick with cancer at the moment.

31:25The United Strand:She was like, what? Sick with cancer

31:29Lamine Yamal:What are you on about? I was like his husband for years As long as I've known him He's on the golf course I was with him this morning

31:39Mauro Icardi:Hey Chicago Class it up with Crocs You know back to school is coming in fast So why wait to find your new fave footwear Step into a local Crocs store And step into your new look Try it Style it Make it yours because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Croc store today. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist.

32:23Mauro Icardi:The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook.

32:40The United Strand:Pros, find the right flooring for the job in Lowe's newly redesigned flooring showroom. Shop our expanded assortment of trusted brands and get up to 35 % off style selections. Stain Master and Stain Master Pet Protect special order carpet. And while you're here, save$100 on a DeWalt 20V Max 6Ah 2-pack of batteries. Now just$179. Get more of what you need faster and save more where it counts from the ground up. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid to 826 while supplies last. Selection barriers by location. I can't believe you're fine. And what, this guy lent him his car? He'd been, yeah, I think he'd been sending him money as well, but he'd also given him a car that he was like paying.

33:17Lamine Yamal:Also, I lent him my iPhone charger. six weeks ago have you seen it got it back

33:23The United Strand:it was covered in bogeys it's horrible

33:28The United Strand:but yeah he was he was arrested in 2023 and more than a dozen people came came forward at his trial to say that they've been sending him money Jesus I'm getting that back

33:40Lamine Yamal:presumably

33:40The United Strand:I suspect he hasn't got got a lot

33:43Lamine Yamal:so is he going in so he

33:45The United Strand:so it finally actually came to trial last month and he pled guilty so he's going to be sentenced later this year.

33:52Mauro Icardi:Isn't it always quite a weird ruling with that because they have actually just given him the money. He's not necessarily stolen it. Yeah, but it's fraud. If you lie to get it. Right. Don't get any ideas. Ow.

34:06Lamine Yamal:I'm feeling a bit weird. Yeah. That's wild.

34:09The United Strand:It's pretty mad.

34:11Lamine Yamal:Yeah. There's that documentary, and there's a Netflix one about that girl. It's called Apple Cider Vinegar. I haven't actually watched it. I haven't watched it. Belle Gibson, she did it. Really? in Australia it's meant to be good

34:21Mauro Icardi:yeah it's amazing how long he kept that up for brazen

34:23Lamine Yamal:must be exhausting yeah

34:25The United Strand:yeah

34:26Lamine Yamal:yeah

34:26The United Strand:also he's like one of the most high profile hurling players yeah you kind of go

34:31Mauro Icardi:if you're that high profile I'm probably not going to get away with this but he obviously

34:34Lamine Yamal:although do put more effort into your fake nose yeah we'll link to the picture it might be the image of this episode if you've heard it's so good it is an excellent picture

34:43The United Strand:actually thanks to James O'Donoghue for sending that story in

34:48Lamine Yamal:good find good one yeah yeah thanks a lot james uh speaking of concealing what you're up to i know a very good tool for that nord vpn i'm sure they'll be very happy to be aligned with that scam uh but yeah if you're worried about who's monitoring your online browsing nord vpn is a good solution to that have you been you guys been looking at anything weird on the internet no never not at all next question looking at weird stuff with the internet is

35:12The United Strand:pretty much my job description. Yeah, true.

35:16Lamine Yamal:Yeah, I find quite often because Zach sits with his back to like nothing, to a wall. There's a reason for that. We're in like a shared office space, whereas my computer obviously faces the entire room so people can just see whatever I'm looking at, which, you know, often is just, you know, hard-hitting journalism, cracking cases. Sometimes it is Frank Lampard and Rio Ferdinand's sex tape from Iron Appet about 15 years ago.

35:40The United Strand:Juan Bernabe, the Lazio Eagle.

35:43Lamine Yamal:Just a hard cock on screen.

35:46Mauro Icardi:Basically some smut for the Patreon.

35:48Lamine Yamal:Also Jack, our video producer, he sits next to me so we're in full view and he's got like big screens to end it on. When we were doing the Juan Bernabe Eagle Handler Cock we were just like going frame by frame, like getting it right. Just this prosthetic dick.

36:01The United Strand:It's the people working on like renewable energy.

36:04Mauro Icardi:I was going to say, isn't there some like really serious jobs on the floor? Everyone else, yeah.

36:07Lamine Yamal:I've never had any like complaints about it.

36:09Mauro Icardi:Yeah, they probably think you're some sort of like free spirit rock star.

36:12Lamine Yamal:Or just a fucking creep.

36:14Mauro Icardi:Weirdo.

36:15Lamine Yamal:Just trying to make it a weird environment in the office. But yeah, obviously we are able to, while the people in the office can see what I'm up to, other bad actors online are not able to. And that is because I use NordVPN, which allows you to switch your location to wherever you want. So you can stream all your favorite shows and content whenever you are, which is pretty perfect for the new football season. you'll be in Greece next week JP you can yeah I can go for the whatever whoever's got the rights in Greece is that how it works I don't know but you can do it with NordVPN it doesn't matter anymore presumably the inverse works yeah all the sporting events that aren't available in your region you can watch with NordVPN so yeah apparently very popular at the moment I can imagine and the good people at NordVPN are offering Upshot listeners an exclusive discount so if you've been thinking about getting a VPN for a while now's the time go to nordvpn.com forward slash upshot uh and that link will give you an extra four months on your two-year plan and there's no risk because there's a 30-day money-back guarantee i actually by the way apparently this is a really good way to get glastonbury tickets and oasis yeah i've done it before and you want to be basically not in the uk which seems ridiculous but apparently it's a really like you want to be in like the most random you know turks and Caicos Islands or whatever.

37:39Lamine Yamal:Yeah. What's that island where it's only an uncontacted tribe? North Sentinel Island. Presumably they support it. Do they show 3pm kickoffs? Anyway, I think if you go for one of those random locations and then for like Glastonbury or Oasis or... Any other popular sporting event. Whatever event you're trying to do. Apparently it's a good way. So yeah, I've stuck a link in the podcast episode description box. Get downloading. Get downloading and browse freely without anyone watching.

38:08Mauro Icardi:I'll be grabbing one for next week boys

38:10Lamine Yamal:Have you ever had the thing of Like People discovering porn history on your computer I'm always Always incognito Yeah

38:22The United Strand:That's not happened to me I don't think

38:24Lamine Yamal:At least it's never been mentioned I think when I was like 10 or 11 And I was like first discovering You know that you could look at Tits on the internet Is this going to make the edit? Maybe not My mum was just like what's this in the history. It's just like, sex.com, boobs, sex. Did she, she confronted you? Yeah, and I was like, I think we've been hacked. Yeah, I think she went for it. I think we've been the victim of a link jacking. Someone's hijacked our cookies, mum. We need no VPN.

38:58Lamine Yamal:Right, at the start of the show, we mentioned that we were going to have a very special interview with a true modern legend, the man who is suffering through Man United's dark era very painfully. And I'm delighted to welcome him on the show now. Joining us is Mr. Frank Eilert, a.k.a. the United Strand. Hello, Frank.

39:20Mauro Icardi:Hello, how are you?

39:21Lamine Yamal:Very well, thanks. So obviously our YouTube viewers will see you now, so they're getting the full impact. But we've been talking for a while about your pledge to not cut your hair till United win five games in a row.

39:36Mauro Icardi:Yeah.

39:36Lamine Yamal:When did you start?

39:38Mauro Icardi:So I started on the 5th of October last year.

39:41Lamine Yamal:So we're coming up for a year. Wow. The anniversary is coming up. And what was the inspiration for doing it?

39:48Mauro Icardi:I just thought it would be a funny thing to do. It's obviously been a tough time for Man United fans recently, and I just wanted to spread some humour and positivity at that moment, which I think I've done, but I didn't realise it would go on for quite as long as it has.

40:04Lamine Yamal:Yeah, how long were you, because when did United last win five in a row?

40:08Mauro Icardi:So it was January, like over January and February 2024. So yeah, when I started in October 2024, when you take out the summer months, it wasn't actually that long ago. Yeah, looking at it now, it's quite a lot more.

40:25The United Strand:I bet you're enjoying this hot weather.

40:28Mauro Icardi:Oh God, I'm actually living in Spain at the moment. Oh really? Okay. Even worse is literally, it's been such a bad summer.

40:36Lamine Yamal:How hot are we talking?

40:38Mauro Icardi:Well, like 30, 35 most of the time. Wow.

40:43Lamine Yamal:So again, for the benefit of podcast lessons, so Frank, you've got quite curly hair naturally. So I think if it was straight and it grew down more, I mean, it would still be hot, but this is hotter, right?

40:52Mauro Icardi:Yeah, no, for sure. Like you can see here is coming over my face and I'm dissolving into it. have you ever had it this long previously i i did have long hair when i was younger but yeah this is the longest it's been in quite a lot of years frank can you tie it up or anything or is it is it i can yeah i have been using a headband sometimes um but yeah obviously most of the time especially for videos and things people want to see the the full impact yeah i mean that is the full impact and what's the uh what's the care like on it are you shampooing that is there some sort of special conditioner. Yeah, a lot of shampoo.

41:29Mauro Icardi:I need to, you know, I need a sponsor, please. Get in touch with Jim Ratcliffe. Expensive challenge.

41:37Lamine Yamal:All I can offer you is Manscaped. Yeah. Sort of relevant, but... We can have the rest of you hairless. Because we said when we first sort of came across your... Instagram's the place where we follow you. You're on TikTok as well?

41:50Mauro Icardi:Yeah, I am now on others. I started on Instagram and then, yeah, on YouTube and TikTok now. but yeah I started on just Instagram to start with.

41:59Lamine Yamal:And the username is at the United Strand.

42:02Mauro Icardi:Yes.

42:03Lamine Yamal:And when we first came across you we compared it the look was kind of like the Yorkshire Ripper at the time. Because you have some facial hair that kind of matched. Whereas now you've fortunately left Peter Sutcliffe behind and it's sort of Kevin Keegan maybe longer.

42:19Mauro Icardi:Yeah.

42:19Lamine Yamal:Do you get people coming up to you and comparing it to other?

42:23Mauro Icardi:Yeah. Kevin Keegan, Fellaini. David Luiz a tree a microphone

42:34Lamine Yamal:so obviously United have made some signings there's a bit of optimism around yes when do you think you're going to be cutting your hair when are United going to win five in a row

42:44Mauro Icardi:so I mean obviously I am a Man United fan and obviously every summer you know the optimism comes again so you know I do kind of feel like if they won against Arsenal in the first game of the season I just have this weird feeling that you know it's kind of like some jammy victory that no one expects if that happens then there's I think Burnley and Fulham the next games and there's also going to be a Carabao Cup second round game because of how low we finished um I think it should be announced tonight or tomorrow or something um so yeah it there's a little bit you know of hope around there but i think in november and december there's a yeah there's like a run of games that look

43:34The United Strand:a bit more promising was that as soon as the fixture list came out were you scanning down

43:40Mauro Icardi:the relegation yeah i had it in my calendar ready that's great i suppose that do you actually want it to happen or of course i mean the thing is is that it's been really nice to you know i feel like i've built quite a positive community in the football space and stuff and yeah making people laugh and everything and it's been really nice but of course i want man united to get back to winning ways yeah i mean i am happy to sacrifice myself if it means like four wins one draw every five games forever. Are you going to be a big guy in that? We'll probably win everything still.

44:14Lamine Yamal:Because then what will you do online? Say it happens. I don't think it's going to happen this season personally, but say it does happen. Obviously, you'll cut. How short will you shave?

44:25Mauro Icardi:Yeah, I think I've got to go for just a buzz cut to start with. Well, then start the clock again. I don't know. I mean, I'll see. I guess it depends when it happens as well. But yeah, I'll have to see. I've got a couple of ideas for maybe a slightly different type of challenge or maybe if people want to see me run it again, then I'll do it. But yeah, I mean, either way, I'm kind of planning to make some, you know, just football content in general. There seems, like I said, there seems to be this positive community around football. And yeah, so I think that it would be good to continue.

45:03The United Strand:When you finally do get to shave it off, you should send it in a bag to Carrington to stick it in the United Museum.

45:11Mauro Icardi:Yeah, up the staircase to Carrington.

45:14Lamine Yamal:You could sell it online. You probably could. Yeah, that'd be for your Patreon members, a strand each. We should actually congratulate Frank as well, because you declared pre-season friendlies don't count, which was, you could have counted them. Fair play.

45:30Mauro Icardi:I mean, it wouldn't have made a difference, to be fair. Yeah.

45:34Lamine Yamal:all right well frank thanks so much really enjoying the challenge you're doing and as we said people can follow you at the united strand you've got about 250 000 followers on instagram i think it's it's really 200 000 i think yeah yeah it's really snowballed much like your barnet um mate thanks a lot it was really great to chat good luck with it thank you very much keep it up frank yeah keep up check it in bye mate that was that was lovely wasn't it he's a lovely fella

46:00Mauro Icardi:What a legend Very nice guy I do secretly hope he goes another season though Like Yeah It's pretty fucking big now Yeah Definitely I want it to go on forever And I think he probably Like he's getting a career out of this That's what I mean Another season I could see him hitting a million followers But 35 degree heat every day That's a bit much

46:19Lamine Yamal:Yeah

46:19The United Strand:Did he think that it was going to come to this when it started? No I actually believe him that he didn't Yeah

46:24Lamine Yamal:We will keep you posted on him He's probably getting out of the realm of resembling any celebrities pretty soon I can't think of anyone with longer hair. Yeah, it's exciting to see how it unfolds.

46:35Mauro Icardi:So we have been blessed over the years with dozens of professional footballers that have led the way in terms of free thinking. Can I shift your minds back to David Icke hunting shapeshifting lizards? The legend that is Matt Letizia warning of an imminent communist takeover. Our old England boss, Glenn Hoddle, and his now infamous faith healer. But I am pleased to report there is a new sheriff in town, ladies and gentlemen, and that is none other than former Liverpool midfielder, Kevin Stewart. Liverpool legend. Legend. Absolute legend. Why did we forget him? So you may remember, or may not, that Kevin played about 20 games for Liverpool before he was used as the mateweight in the deal to sign Andy Robertson from Hull.

47:25Mauro Icardi:Oh, right. So he went the other way. Yeah. And he had an okay career, played for a few championship clubs. And obviously, I think he got one international cap for Jamaica. But, you know, as you do, when you retire, you look for a new hobby. And Kevin has retired and he has now become an Instagram life coach slash guru. Love it. So he is helping people across the internet now achieve their goals. and we've done a bit of a dig into him and it's safe to say he's got some pretty fruity ideas. So we're going to play you a quick clip. People got hay fever and shit. How you got hay fever?

48:05Lamine Yamal:Are you allergic to the earth, the town that you're from? Fucking kind of crazy when you think about it. You're not supposed to get ill. But we accept it as a reality. Oh, you know, we just get ill. Oh yeah, we just get illnesses. We just have colds five times a year. That's how it is. No, yeah, my kids had it so I got it. It's bullshit. You're not supposed to have it. Being ill is a frequency. Whenever someone got ill or my kids got ill, I used to start feeling the sensation of getting ill. And I don't get it because it's contagious. I get it because I lowered myself to get it. That's how it works.

48:29Lamine Yamal:What? How are you going to be allergic to the earth?

48:33The United Strand:Yeah.

48:34Lamine Yamal:Now. So he doesn't believe in hay fever.

48:36Mauro Icardi:Well, that one hit hard for me because every single month from the, yeah, from May until September, I wake up with streaming eyes, a runny nose. You did lower yourself to an earth frequency. It's a state of mind. I'm like, why me? And now I just know that I'm allergic to the planet that I come from.

48:50The United Strand:yeah you know yeah all your frequency you're weak weak up here yeah i didn't catch my kids yeah i lowered myself to their so so he basically thinks that any illnesses illnesses aren't real

49:05Lamine Yamal:yeah it's like uh it's like you attract positive energy if you if you put yourself in a positive active mindset and you attack negative so you'll get hay fever if you're sort of you know you're not doing the things and sticking to your plan. Yeah. Hay fever. Yeah.

49:22Mauro Icardi:I've increased my frequency this morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling the first time in years I've actually been able to breathe through my nose.

49:27Lamine Yamal:Yeah. Well, so what I like in the videos, I think he's got a t-shirt around his neck or like a towel, but it looks like he's wearing like a sort of halter neck dress. Yeah. You know, those ones that just like cover the boobs. Yeah.

49:39The United Strand:He could be getting ready for Burning Man at any minute.

49:41Lamine Yamal:Yeah.

49:42The United Strand:I'd try to introduce him to DJ Kerry. with his iPhone

49:47Lamine Yamal:I'm so sick I'm so sick you need to hire your frequency bro plug that thing in I also like there's a comment from someone being like hey fever's real what are you talking about and he just goes bro hey basically being like when did you ever see hey anyway

50:04Mauro Icardi:he's getting quite a lot of stick in the comments but he's actually owning it which I quite like so fair to him

50:09Lamine Yamal:yeah he's going for them isn't that there is a footballer Dimitri Mitchell or someone was was going for him in the comments. Demetri Mitchell's massive on Instagram. Well, they're obviously keeping an eye on him and he's getting slated a little bit.

50:21The United Strand:Well, they weren't former teammates or anything. Yeah, I don't know.

50:24Lamine Yamal:They're both sort of like youth players at the same time. Yeah, Demetri Mitchell, who's the late in Orient left back, but he was in the United Academy. He said, getting cancer must be a frequency and dementia as well. Haha, Kev, give me a good joke, you know. Yeah, pretty good. I like how these, you know how like, you mentioned a few of these sort of like well-known kind of conspiracy theorist footballers, but like a lot of them are basically just pushing back on the shit that you're like your mum tells you you know like Marcus Llorente the Atletico Madrid guy he's really anti sun cream yeah and this guy's like basically anti like having to take hay fever tablets and stuff it's just like bro I've been eating my crust for years my hair still ain't curly I ate an apple a day and it did not keep the doctor away explain that you ever think about like so many bags of carrots but I still can't see the dogs bullshit you ever think why they want you to brush your teeth before bed so they can introduce the tooth fairy and get you hooked on fiat currency instead of Bitcoin.

51:21Lamine Yamal:Wow. Some mad shit.

51:23Mauro Icardi:So he doesn't believe in cults? Not at all. And yeah, I just, he's doing quite a lot of live coaching, quite a lot of like mentality stuff.

51:32The United Strand:Just. I think we should introduce him to your idea that earthquakes are caused by aliens flicking the earth. I think that's right. We're Andrew. bro this is going to be my Instagram

51:44Lamine Yamal:I'm trying by you

51:46The United Strand:because yeah once again once again we've got we're laughing at someone for some very fruity ideas and as it's happened in the past I think the conversation is going to slightly move on and Jack's going to be like yeah but I mean obviously flu how do you explain rain

52:03Mauro Icardi:as Jack's rapping the podcast studio in tinfoil

52:07Lamine Yamal:some fruity ideas are obviously right you know that's how scientific progress works. But you think back pain is a frequency as well? No, I don't think it's a frequency. No. I think back pain can be a stress. Can be caused by stress. Slightly more PG than what you were telling us. Some of those frequencies are coming from beings outside our understanding. We can perceive them, but we can never really.

52:31Mauro Icardi:Well, maybe you should have a chat with Kev. Yeah, I might get a quick coaching course.

52:34Lamine Yamal:So does he coach people through having colds or what? I think it's a mentality thing,

52:38Mauro Icardi:which I kind of get. Just some of it's a bit off-piste.

52:40The United Strand:yeah I can I can kind of see that if you're if you're run down you're stressed you're not happy then you're gonna your immune system is gonna be lower yeah that's that's potentially true yeah I don't think

52:51Lamine Yamal:that's what he's saying though is it he's saying that germ germ theory is bollocks I get that it's your state of mind that's causing the illness

52:57Mauro Icardi:but hay fever is hay fever at the end of the day really isn't it

53:00Lamine Yamal:yeah yeah I'm not allergic to the

53:02Mauro Icardi:well I suppose I am allergic to the planet yeah if you want to look at it like that but

53:06Lamine Yamal:well I think it's total bullshit

53:08The United Strand:is the frequencies thing yeah He doesn't really explain what the frequencies are. My wife sometimes talks about frequencies and I just probably zone out. How do I turn them up? Just turn it up. Why did I think of that before? Idiot. Can you turn mine up?

53:28Lamine Yamal:That already? Yeah, nice one. I like that.

53:33Mauro Icardi:Thanks to Anton for sending that in.

53:36The United Strand:Actually, speaking of fruity points of view. I've got another story for you about a sporting legend in a bit of Bother with the Law. So Warren Tredria had a very distinguished Aussie rules football career representing Port Adelaide. And after retiring in 2010, he became a fixture of sports coverage on Channel 9, the Australian broadcaster. And so, you know, he's been in the public eye in Australia for decades, really, until 2021, when Channel 9 sacked him after he refused to get the COVID vaccine and also started spouting some pretty exotic theories about COVID on local radio station. So he took them to court for unfair dismissal as a result of that.

54:30The United Strand:He said that he wasn't an anti-vaxxer and he told the court that he was in fact a dedicated journalist who uncovered exclusive stories and sure some of those exclusive stories were about 5g masks but a bit like you 5g masks and frequencies and that sort of thing um he unfortunately lost the case against channel 9 and was ordered to pay their legal fees which amounted to about 200 000 australian dollars that money i'm sorry to report was not forthcoming and he appeared back in court six weeks ago basically with the case he was saying that he's unable to pay these legal costs because he doesn't believe in australian legal tender which you know you've got to try it the australian dollar could be made out of him it could be yeah yeah he'll be surprised to hear he's representing himself in court.

55:27Lamine Yamal:Okay, good.

55:29The United Strand:Why is it always representing themselves in these scenarios? I think if you go into a lawyer's office, like, so, alright, first point of my case, don't accept currency. They're like, yeah. You do, I am going to get my phone. Are you settling my invoice? So, at the opening of, these sort of opening remarks of his hearing, he said, I answer to the name Warren Tredea of South Australia. Private man, my yes be yes, my no be no. I am not an entity, legal person, citizen, resident, or any form of creature of statute. So yeah, he's quite a free character. So he sort of doesn't recognise state sovereignty.

56:10The United Strand:He doesn't recognise the Australian state, really. He's a libertarian. Yeah, so him appearing in court, he's not under their jurisdiction, really. he also said I believe only gold or silver coins in common circulation can pay a debt but he then went on to claim that there's basically there's not enough gold or silver in circulation in Australia in coins to pay the fee to Channel 9 and he also then said that in fact the debt had already been written off because he'd given Channel 9 an IOU which promised them precious metals

56:50Lamine Yamal:fair enough which as soon as I dig them out of this mine I've built on my land yeah

56:55The United Strand:we're good to go I've written you an IA exactly sounds to me like he's found some obscure constitutional law from like the 1700s that says that an IOU could pass this payment

57:06Lamine Yamal:where are these precious metals he's like this is the thing he's like there is some buried treasure in the South Pacific as soon as I retrieve it that money is yours yeah

57:15The United Strand:and then the fact that he thinks that Channel 9 are just going to accept this. Oh, no. He's scribbled on the back of a fag packet. He's got some gems he found at the beach that he'll pay your debt off

57:28Lamine Yamal:with that. Do you think he's pulling a fast one here or is he actually just believes his bullshit? I think he's kicking the can down the road. I think he's drunk the Kool-Aid so much he thinks this is like real.

57:37The United Strand:It's a bit of both, isn't it? It's funny because we looked at a picture of him and you kind of expect him to be some sort of like dreadlocks, hippie, like it's like, yeah, I'm dropping out of society type thing. He looks like the most dull like middle-aged bald man in a seat but he's like

57:55Lamine Yamal:those those Magna Carta guys during Covid do you remember them? no there'd be like Covid obviously they shut the shops and some woman would like open her ice cream stand and the police would come and shut it and they'd start like reading a passage from the Magna Carta it's like I make no contracts basically being like I reject the state just like loophole kind of worked yeah it was good too I enjoyed them I enjoyed those guys a lot I wonder what they're up to now

58:20The United Strand:I feel like he should do this Warren Tredere guy should do what the you know those people in the 70s who got an offshore rig in the North Sea and declared it independent they had like their own currency their own flag

58:37Lamine Yamal:their own football team

58:39The United Strand:they had a football team

58:40Lamine Yamal:there's just like an oil drilling platform that wasn't being used anymore is it recognised? presumably not I think it might be I've got a feeling he's still there No, his son, no, he died.

58:49Mauro Icardi:His son's taken it over. And does he live there? I don't think so. It's like in the fucking North Sea. It's just a platform. Yeah.

58:54Lamine Yamal:I think you can maybe visit, but why would you? They issue passports.

58:57The United Strand:I didn't realise there was... At some point, because it was a pirate radio station to begin with, and apparently I was on their Wikipedia, and there was some sort of battle, sea battle, between a rival pirate radio station. They were trying to hijack it.

59:11Lamine Yamal:Well, they like raided it. Yeah, I think so. There's a big part of me that's like, this is fucking cool. all these people who are living outside society, but also is basically just divorced dad having a midlife crisis. My friend, I'm actually going to his wedding this weekend in East Grinstead, and you know, East Grinstead's quite fruity, isn't it? It's a psychology headquarter. Yeah, you're fruity. I'll explain your plunging neckline, JP. Who's wedding? My mate. All right, okay. And his dad, I think in the 70s, maybe inspired by Sealand, they declared, their village declared independence from the UK.

59:42Lamine Yamal:They set up checkpoint roadblocks and wore like camo. That sounds like very, very Scrinsted. Yeah, just like the milkman to just try to get through and they're just like, can I see your papers, please? This is a border. I'm going to need to stamp your passport.

59:55The United Strand:Who was living in the village? Just him. Was it just like

59:59Lamine Yamal:a nice like old lady? Elderly couple. Unfortunately, you are no longer a British citizen, madam.

1:00:06Mauro Icardi:It's fucking, it's Scrinsted is fucking mental. Yeah, it's probably, it's sort of... So, Pipit, Vice did a documentary on it. It was called The Twin Peaks of the UK. Perfectly put. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going for a wedding there this weekend. Yeah, there's the Mormons, there's the Scientology, there's a massive Christian community. There's people declaring independence. Yeah. You'll fit right in, actually. I do rate that. We've lost Jack to Scientology over the weekend. It's given everything away.

1:00:33The United Strand:It's moved in with Kevin Stewart. He's no longer with Liz.

1:00:36Lamine Yamal:Kevin Stewart's made me a plan to achieve my goals. I'm on a higher frequency now, baby. That would make quite a good Patreon, like Sealand and other people like that, people declaring independence. I've actually got another story of someone who would thrive off grid. If Hollywood script writers have taught us anything, it's that people love a villain origin story. You know, Joker, Cruella, there's that Angelina Jolie one that I can never pronounce, Maleficent. And that's great because I have just found out that the Upshot's favourite anti-hero, Mauro Icardi, has a sinister backstory of his own.

1:01:15Lamine Yamal:So back in his youth, before he was torching his own furniture and stealing his teammate's wife and getting accused of human trafficking, Mauro Icardi was at Barcelona's academy, La Masia, where he shared a room with Sergi Gomez. And Gomez has done an interview recently, looking back on those times and recalling Icardi's very interesting habits when they first met. So he said, one day Icardi said to me, Sergi, come with me to the park next door. he had a homemade slingshot that he just made we went to the park and he pointed to a very tall pine tree and said see up there he grabbed a rock stretched the rubber band and boom he brought down a pigeon from a height of 20 or 30 meters we went back to La Masia he plucked its feathers lit a bonfire and ate it in front of me I remember thinking what awaits me with this guy I really rate that

1:02:10The United Strand:yeah it's very off grid Yeah, it's like he would thrive off-grid. I like the idea of when you picture La Masia, it's this hotbed of the most advanced training techniques. They're just drilling football philosophy into these kids. And in fact, it's just Mauro Cardi killing birds with rocks and roasting them on open fire. A bin fire with a stray cat being slowly rotated over it.

1:02:37Lamine Yamal:I mean, you've got to practice for a long time to get that good at that. I think apparently in Argentina as a youth in a lot of areas it's quite common where to get some extra food.

1:02:46Mauro Icardi:Right.

1:02:46Lamine Yamal:We could have used him

1:02:47Mauro Icardi:on a fucking fishing trip. What, to get the birds

1:02:49Lamine Yamal:that were pooing on your tent? Yeah, actually. There was a lovely kingfisher we kept pointing out. Marrow would have just

1:02:55The United Strand:taken that down.

1:02:57Lamine Yamal:Yeah. I love that. Making his own slingshot. Sergei Gomez actually did add, he said, I'm very fond of Marrow, which sounds a bit like Stockholm Syndrome. Likeable character-ish. There's probably worse people to room with.

1:03:11The United Strand:Yeah, I mean, Mauro did end up stealing the wife of one of his varsity. Oh yeah, good point.

1:03:17Lamine Yamal:Yeah.

1:03:18The United Strand:It starts with a pigeon.

1:03:19Lamine Yamal:Yeah. All right, I think that's all we've got time for today. We are about to go over to Patreon where we, to greet the new Premier League season, we have dived in to, we've gone 20 years back in time to 2005 to review that year in Sporting Scandal because it was a bumper year. A golden one. Yeah. I mean, we've kind of, in the past, we did a recent Kevin Peter that touched on the ashes a bit.

1:03:41The United Strand:We've talked about some stories in the past, but there's a whole load of news. There's lots of stuff we've never talked about before. Gaza stint managing Kettering Town. The time Vladimir Putin stole a Super Bowl ring. There's quite a lot of sex scandals as well. Yeah.

1:03:56Mauro Icardi:2005 popped. Yeah.

1:03:58Lamine Yamal:Tasteless gags on Sky Sports. We all remember 2005. So it's a nice trip down memory lane and nostalgia littered with sporting scandal. so you can listen to that on the Patreon episode right now go to patreon.com forward slash upshot towers if you're not a member already otherwise thanks a lot for listening see you next time, cheers JP

1:04:18Mauro Icardi:thank you very much, pleasure as always thanks Art

1:04:21Lamine Yamal:thank you

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