Mourinho’s meltdown, Diego Costa bullying kids and JJ Gabriel’s mental dad

0:00Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.

0:32Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory. Welcome back to the Upshot. On the show today, Marino's meltdown. Diego Costa tormenting children. And English football has a new bastard genius. And we are sponsored by Injury Lawyers for you. Hello, Zach. Hello, JP. Hello, Jack. Buongiorno, fellas. Buongiorno. Guys, I can't start this podcast without talking about the Andros Townsend video. the video the video I don't think we've ever had anything sent in this much the eagle handle last week was a lot yeah this was brutal though this is it's Huan Minabe levels yeah so if you haven't seen it Andros Townsend is in Thailand where he's playing and he was warming up for a match when he got run over by the groundsman who's in some sort of steamroller I'll link to the clip in case you haven't seen it should say that he absolutely crunches him oh the steamroller bears a striking resemblance to Fred Flintstone's flinter bill.

1:32It's a serious steamroller. So are they flattening the pitch is what it's for? Do they not do that the day before or even you know an hour before? Just look where you're going if you're going to do it. Yeah he is okay I should say. Yeah those things are usually fucking heavy isn't they? It's like a leg break. Yeah but he played he plays for PT Prushwap. You guys will know them. Up the Wasps. They're known as the Killer Wasps. it must be all that raw meat he's eating that's why his bones are so tough yeah it is good it's like the brian johnson thing it's like you can you can measure your erections stare into the sun and eat chicken's feet and then one day you just get flattened by fred flintstone during a warm-up i was gonna say drecking the bloke uh driving that was staring into the sun and just did everything you told me yeah i've got no retina anymore it's also quite good i'd say and just been quite a good sport about it he said he said it was a hit job by Big Food it's quite funny but he also did the day before post a really smug Insta which was him like on the beach and eating really nice Thai food basically saying look how good Thailand is and he wrote on it what the fuck is stoke away which like yeah it does drizzle a bit in the potteries but I don't think Aaron Cresswell has ever been squashed by Barney Rubble the mad one in the cavemobile which is Barney's car To be honest I've been to Stoke And quite a lot of the people up there Look like they could be at the fridge

3:07There's a few Wilmers out there Wilmers a babe She doesn't get mentioned much In the hot cartoon character discussion The goat Does she? The goat Wilmer As in the goat of fit cartoon characters Jack Tree in China It's a goat Yeah Yeah Yeah I mean she is pretty hot Yeah You're more of a Betty guy Yeah Betty Boop Stone Age Babes Get our minds out the gutter guys To be honest I'd lost track of Andro Sam's own career completely I thought that he was just Sort of Shouting at Clouds Stage really Rather than still I thought he was commentating After the World Cup I didn't realise he was still playing.

3:53Well, you think Turkey, don't you? You think glue factory. Clearly, his career is on the app. Now he's on the raw beef diet. Well, exactly. Now, when Jose Mourinho returned to Real Madrid this summer, I think everyone was really wondering how long is it going to take before Jose reverts to the vicious, finger-pointing bastard that we all know and love? And I'm glad to say that we now have our answer. Seven games. so Real Madrid they lost the derby against Atletico on Sunday night and Jose delivered a classic Jose meltdown blamed the results squarely on the ref so he said the referee didn't have experience to officiate derby he's 41 years old he's a mediocre referee he had only handled small time matches congratulations to the refereeing committee on this appointment good accent really good thank you is 41 too old to ref a derby maybe but that's just why refs get on get quite old don't they yeah we all do exactly what is it like 50 plus to do a derby or something like that well yeah Jose definitely wasn't impressed he also pulled out a printed page showing two Atletico fouls that weren't given as red cards like it which is classic classic Jose really if it is any consolation though to the Real players it's nice to see that for them Jose is still at the stage of blaming external factors rather than turning on his own players, which will come.

5:26We're in September now. I would estimate about December, mid-December, is when he's going to start throwing somebody under the bus. And my money, if you think about this, my money's on Arda Gula. I think he's sufficiently baby-faced to be easily crushed. It's quite an easy target. He's a skillful player. Yeah, he tends to pick on the really young, the weak player. He's not going in for Vinicius Junior, is he? He's going to go in for... They're having a real love in, aren't they? Yeah. Honeymoon period. I think that's what Vinny needed after the summer, wasn't it? Because he was considering leaving.

6:05Yeah, needs his belly rubbed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, while Jose's going into another meltdown, it's good that you can always rely on Real Madrid TV, the club's official channel to offer you know a more measured a more nuanced take on things so they said after the game the only thing missing now is for La Liga to allow Real Madrid's rivals to play the match against us with guns yep communicate official which I was looking at the stats of the game and I thought I was just better like they had 61 % possession 18 shots Real Madrid had 8 and they won 2-1. They had guns as well. They also had guns, which, yeah.

6:50Fucking sore losers, didn't they? Yeah. It was quite a bad-tempered game, to be fair. Yeah. Dean Housen got sent off for Real Madrid for fouling Giuliano Simeone, Diego Simeone, the manager's son, which I find it quite annoying that Simeone Jr. turns out to be actually quite good because I did enjoy this narrative of, you know, sort of kids' football team where dad is the coach, keeps picking his shit son up front every week. But yeah. He's actually quite good. Yeah, he does seem to be quite good. I do still think though there must be quite a weird dynamic in the dressing room. Does he call him dad?

7:28That's what I want to know. Daddy. Yeah. You know, sometimes the manager gives you instructions to give to a player. Is he like, my dad said you need to move to the bathroom? Your dad? My dad said you're dropped from today. Daddy says. Daddy said you're on the bench today. I feel like there has to be that dynamic to some extent. You've got to acknowledge it. It actually sounds like back when he was younger, the Atletico players used to make sure that he wasn't pampered too much by Diego. So Diego Godin, the former defender, he left in 2019, bit of a legend at Atletico. He said that Giuliano used to come into the dressing room when he was a kid.

8:09This is a quote from Diego Godin. Giuliano would come into the dressing room and Diego Costa would throw him in the jacuzzi, put him in the cold bath. Disaster. He'd start crying. Dad, dad, they beat me up. And Cholo would say, but you like it. And he'd come back. He was kamikaze. You love it, Daniel. That sort of proves the point. Yeah. It would be Diego Costa, wouldn't it? Yeah. You can't really imagine Diego Costa finding some child. Dunking him in the cold bath. So Diego Goddard left Asletico in 2019. So it was at least seven years ago that this happened, which would make Giuliano at most 16.

8:46A child. Diego Costa was out there in 2010. But again, a bit like Mourinho, Diego Costa picks on the frail in the week, doesn't he? He finds the week. Do you remember that? There's that story about, I think in his early days, I can't remember, he was playing for a club in Spain and he used to have these parties where he would have hardcore porn on the screen and he would play the volume, like loud music levels, but just porn. and he had this really elderly next door neighbor who obviously did not enjoy it. And she used to like come around and complain and he used to always be like, what's the matter?

9:19Don't you like making love? He's just an absolute shit. And also do you remember he got COVID and then coughed in a reporter's face as a joke. He is a bit of a twisted biscuit, isn't he? He's just fucking mental. Anyway, it hardened Simeone up. I feel like Simeone probably would have quite liked it going around to Diego Costa's house as well. actually talking to young guns JJ Gabriel had you we're a little bit late on this had you heard of him until last week not a scooby but he sounds like a bit of a bad egg doesn't he you didn't watch Man United under 18s versus Sabah no I missed it unfortunately I think he scored too I hadn't heard of him until last week but then obviously he asked Man United to rip up his contract he's 15 but anyway obviously all the coverage since and the rumours we've heard it is now clear that we are dealing with a generational talent so not JJ he's too young to judge I'd say but his dad Joe O 'Kirrell might be the pushiest parent in Britain so JJ was born Joseph Junior Andreo O 'Kirrell but his dad changed his surname to Gabriel to make him more brandable oh my god yeah brandable 15 year olds that's the world we live in now the absolute pit yeah so he's already got one eye on like being on the FIFA cover yeah being a TikTok star with a big Nike deal.

10:42They also call him Kid Messi, partly because he's so good, but I also think his dad might have cooked that one up. Oh, look, it's Kid Messi over there, isn't it? Is that a normal kid something? Is that normal? Yeah. His dad, Joe, he did play football. He's got a couple of caps for Ireland. I think he played for Arsenal. Yeah, and he's a bit of a travelabout. He's been at a journeyman, 16 clubs in 10 years or something. I think he would tell you he played for Arsenal. I think he was on the book. I think he got a game, didn't he? No, he played for Republic of Ireland. But yeah, pretty much non-league journeyman.

11:15But he knows a brandable star. You've been listening to his PR marketing team, I think. I just caught him on the Jake Humphrey podcast. He's just interesting, that stuff. But there's also all these rumours going around about his really demanding behaviour. So apparently he's burned bridges with a lot of academies before United. So JJ's 15. He's already played for Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham and Man United academies, which to me is a bit of a red flag. They're not good enough for him. It's more Kid Enelka than Kid Messi. Is that not a mad amount of clubs for a 15-year-old? Yeah. How are you burning through them that quickly?

11:49There's some suggestions online that he criticizes JJ's teammates and that he might even be operating some burner accounts. I can't verify that, so it'd be unfair to say that's true. There was also a post going around on Instagram that said, when JJ was eight or nine years old, his dad Joe turned up to a tournament where JJ was playing and took him off the pitch and drove him home because the coach hadn't given him the number 10 shirt. Which is so good. Fucking spoiled brat. Again, unverified in fairness to him. But what is definitely true, last week after asking Man United to leave, both Joe and JJ deleted all posts and mentions of Man United from their Twitter and Instagram accounts.

12:28I think daddy probably did that for him. Yeah, I think he runs his account. Big time. But it's like fucking lame. I hate this deleting photos of a club and then like following other ones on Instagram it's just petty shit isn't it like for a 15 year old to be doing this already it feels like they're sort of cosplaying as a as a like top footballer yeah but is it him or is it his dad I think his dad's pulling the strings he is kind of it's sort of Bugsy Malone football isn't it it's like kids kids pretend to be out Michael Carrick as well has got enough shit on his plate without like having to meet with a teenager to discuss his vision for the project.

13:04I was like, mate, fuck off. He also, by the way, on the Instagram thing, he then started following Real Madrid, their academy and 16 of their players. Yeah, I was going to say, he feels like a Real Madrid player, doesn't he? Well, he's really good mates with Ronaldo's son because they were in the same, they're in the same, he's also, well, his dad's account. Him and Kai Rooney, they're all in it. I don't know if he's mates with Kai, but apparently him and Ronaldo Jr. are really tight. Makes sense. So maybe he's getting some advice there. Yeah. I quite like it, to be honest. It's so ridiculous.

13:34I also saw a report, because there's all these like press leaks about this. And one of them said that JJ is concerned about the club's decline since Sir Alex Ferguson left. He was three when Sir Alex Ferguson left. He's got a lot on his plate. Those dinosaur nuggets in the canteen have just gone so downhill. Also, he joined in 2022. So I don't think you've got a claim to be complaining about the decline of United. Yeah. He's been there for four years. I'm worried about Thomas the Tank Engine and Man United. Yeah. There was also another one. This will make you feel really old. He said his idol is Laminia Mal, who's 17.

14:07Makes me feel really old. But yeah, he's off. I think he's out already. And there's talk of Chelsea, so you might get him. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. Put him on like a 20-year contract. Yeah. 10 mil a year. 100 mil for him. Dodd Bowley's leaving gift. Who's going the other way in the deal. It is mental that we're now at the stage where there's transfer gossip on 15-year-old academy players. Game's gone. I guess it's more like fodder for the sort of United or MS story that we all love. Apparently, actually, they're looking at a surprise £100 million move for Brooklyn Beckham to replace him.

14:44Still time to make it up. Yeah, it's all a bit strange. Actually, talking of rebrands, talking of brandable, Liam Rossini has had quite a good glow up, I think. So where did you think Liam Rossini was now? Did you know? I knew he was at Paris oh you did I thought he was in Sweden doing his badges but I guess that's because of Graham Potter no he's in yeah Liam Rossini is at Paris FC which is actually a cool job isn't it because they're the like upstarts in Ligue 1 Louis Vuitton yeah they're they're backed by the Louis Vuitton owner the family who's the richest guy in the world isn't he sometimes and Red Bull and sometimes depending on how their autumn range is on spring summer was an absolute car crash but he's got that job and I think that's quite fun because you're like they're obviously challenging PSG and it's Paris and all that shit and he seems to have changed quite a lot with the job because at Chelsea he was briefcase wanker basically wasn't he meek, diligent sort of guy who calls getting sacked a really great learning opportunity but yeah he's on a mad one now so they were playing Strasbourg on the weekend Paris FC which is Liam's old club and owned by Chelsea so a lot of history and after they won they beat them he went and gave it absolutely large to their fans yeah got a little clip which I'll link to he's definitely walking around with his chest out now straight up to them where was that Liam Brasile at Chelsea yeah I mean he did have much to say it's quite good it sparks a scuffle with the other players and he's just yelling at them don't make a scene it's like man you are making a scene yeah but I like it he's got quite cocky yeah maybe he's just thinking like fuck it I'm just going to have a go at being an arrogant fuck the Premier League jobs do sort of crush the spirit of these guys a bit sometimes and then you see them elsewhere and they're like fun you sort of see this with like people who or even just go on holiday and sort of reinvent themselves like people are quite sort of quiet and meek at home and then get a couple of Australians down on holiday and then chucking plastic furniture at the cafe you French cat what do you reckon Rossini has gone to Magaloo for the weekend and sorted himself out I mean he's gone to Paris for the weekend yeah I don't know bitch do you know what I mean like yeah I've seen you at jazz festivals he's just like come on come on who fucking wants it you with the horn put your merlot down yeah yeah I mean we're all guilty I should say in his events they were chanting abuse about his family the Strasbourg fans so he's definitely in his rights to go and give it large to them he was saying that there was a pocket of the fan base that never wanted him to do well so I assume it's probably but I'm all for this shit yeah like Adebayor running to the other end and knee sliding it's great bit of passion it is bit of like theatre on the pitch and you yeah you have to pretend you don't I also was looking up Graham Potter he obviously is Sweden manager but I saw he he posted just an innocent picture of him himself doing Pilates on Insta and some twat commented hopefully you're better at Pilates than you are a football manager and he replied I'll try not to do Pilates in a dysfunctional place and I'll be okay he means Chelsea obviously clearly quite like that that he's just or he could be talking about West Ham West Ham doesn't have to be Chelsea both quite dysfunctional yeah exactly yeah I took it as Chelsea but yeah could be both could be Ostersund yeah anyway we'll have some more on Chelsea's dysfunctional workplace because we're going to go inside Todd Bowley's shambolic Chelsea rain later on the show.

18:32We've also got some high rocks athletes doing dirty protests in China and JP, you have finally got your hands on some nonce art. Been deep in negotiations this week. Yeah. I'm pretty worried you're going to try and hang it up in the office. It's not the sort of thing I want to be seen with. Yeah. You've been after this for a while. I have. Yeah. More on that later. But first, today is a very sad day, isn't it guys? because today is our last Injury Lawyers for You ad. Next week, it's back to pube trimmers and dick pills. I'm going to miss those lion-hearted lawyers who fight for you, don't they?

19:08They really will. I'm going to really miss them. Yeah, I'm going to miss all this beautiful merchandise. Look at that. Look at that water bottle. We've only got one pad left because they're so good. That screams no win, no fee. Yeah. The quality of that paper, absolutely insane. I wish you just said, it's been an absolute pleasure. you know turning employees against their bosses students against teachers fathers versus sons solicitors against struggling local businesses with scant time to observe health and safety practices but for one more time if you have had an accident that wasn't your fault we could really use you just getting a bit litigious now get a bit suey get a bit suey fill in that form because we would like a renewal and we haven't got one yet and they are no win no fee there's no reason not to not to try exactly anyone really if you've gone round to your mum's for dinner and cut your stubbed your toe maybe on a chair that was left out it was worth a worth a suing sue that bitch yeah you didn't like you didn't like the beef wellington that she cooked get on the form fill it in yeah you fall off a ladder at work and got severe spinal pain good pick up the phone and call injury lawyers for you have you had a savage bite from your neighbour's XL bully that's left you too terrified to leave the house.

20:25Good. Pick up the phone and call injury lawyers for you. Has a backstreet surgeon accidentally removed the wrong kidney? Good. Pick up the phone and call injury lawyers for you. The link is in the show notes. Is it a phone number? I think it's a link actually. It's a link. Good. Click on it and fill it out. Ring them. Sue them. Please. And mention us when you do. In court. Yeah. obviously they handle more ordinary accidents than that anything that wasn't your fault yeah just just do it well just stage something do you know what I mean really do that thing you know you just cycle into a moving car and then yeah oh yeah but no it has been an absolute pleasure favourite sponsor ever I think yeah I'll drink to that cheers cheers for that cheers for that cool glass of injury lois for you oh yeah oh mmm tastes like payout Tastes like winning.

21:23Renewal. Liam Rossini, he might think nothing of winding up the mild-mannered people of Alsace, but I would like to have seen him pull the same tricks at the den on Saturday. So it was Millwall-West Ham, first Dockers derby in 14 years. Proper. Proper derby. It's a thriller as well on the pitch. Millwall went 2-0 up, West Ham came back to 2-2. Great game. And then 90th minute, Millwall threw on goal one-on-one. West Ham defender took him out from behind, just took the red car basically. It's good stuff. Obviously though, that was all just a sideshow for the real reason that everyone was watching the game.

22:03And naturally we dispatched the upshot towers, perhaps down to capture the scenes of bloodshed, not seen since the famous Battle of Gallywall Road. You were there, weren't you, JP? I wish, mate. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, it seems like the once feared ICF firm have been gentrified by Stratford's vegan poke bowls because they took quite a different approach to facing down the Millwall lot this weekend. So according to this video that's doing the rounds, the two groups of fans, West Ham Millwall, had arranged to meet up for a fight outside this pub, West Ham pub, on Friday night. and then someone tipped off the police who turned up and arrested the Millwall fans you've got a clip of them clip of it here um fucking hell so grass grasses yeah I don't know what Elijah Wood would have had to say to that and Leo if you ever got caught up in like football hooliganism this is a move that I would imagine yeah we should call them yeah I'll be calling I've got a plan lads I'll be calling injury lawyers for you that is proper Green Street yeah you know run not when you're with us you call the police and hide why in Green Street does he have like an Australian accent you know he's like you know run you stand your grand and fight he ain't no journo great film though yeah yeah it's not quite the once proud definitely not no I mean I still the idea of meeting up, like arranging to meet up as a fight, I kind of feel like it's all quite, it's a bit try hard, isn't it?

23:52Because like if they've got each other's numbers to arrange where you're meeting up, you're clearly on the right terms. I see you at Galley Wall Road. And do give my love to Kath as well. Are we still doing a roast this weekend? Yeah, but you have to, otherwise you just spend the whole time walking around and not finding a fight. That's how they used to do it. They used to arrange a fight, close to have a fight. Do you think it was actually as cool then as it looks with rose-tinted glasses through the prism of, like, Football Factory and Green Street? I've lived it, Jack. All right. Do you know what I mean?

24:22Or was it actually really tragic then? No, I don't think... I think it was, like... Also, is it the same blokes now, but they're just older, and that's why they just called the police? Yeah, a bit older, a bit slower. I don't know. I reckon there is, like, there is a young generation who wanna... They aspire to that, but... Yeah. Get the TikToks, call the old Bill. Get out. Yeah, yeah. You're getting the old badge in next time you go down to Craven Cottage. The Chelsea Fulham Derby. What are the Fulham firm called? The choir.

24:57The Victoria Sponge Brigade. Yeah. I mean, I'm acting as if I would instantly call the police. They're here, they're here, they're here. I just run. Yeah. Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10.

25:33K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory. Talking about the old bill ruining a good time, we spoke last week about a shipment of Erling Haaland cocaine that had been seized on its way to Europe. And it's a bit of a shame, really, because I was looking forward to trying a bit of Erling Haaland chop at the weekend. And you're laughing now, but if these drugs busts continue, it means that prices are going to skyrocket before the end of the year lads you know if you're worried about your heating bills i'd be worried about the price of the price of cocaine at the minute the homer's straits has been closed yeah the impact on the global markets the russian pipeline and blocked uh and it looks like the old bill were on a bit of a streak at the minute so security forces in libya have seized a hundred thousand ecstasy tablets last week i didn't personally think that the Libyans were into their round ones but you had them down as more puff yeah they were definitely puff rather than sniff so these pills were seized in Tripoli in an unmarked Renault van but these weren't normal pills these were one of a kind special edition Colonel Gaddafi pingers oh they're quite intricate yeah that is a proper press it's like a bust of him yeah like they've got the sort of that's actually really they've really nailed the hair which i would have thought would be quite hard yeah and they've actually quite got the sort of texture of his face yeah what about like weathered yeah yeah um we're just having a look at colonel gaddafi now and two beige gaddafis please yeah uh they've got him pretty much spot on there so is that is that like rebel forces loyal to gaddafi yeah right that are also what i presume there's quite good money in in slinging slinging dingus round round triply But do you think pro or anti-Gaddafi are more into pills?

27:41More big on the rave scene? I think pro. He was quite... They want to get off their shops. Also, he ain't got a lot of else... I guess he did probably throw some good parties in there. Yeah. Big time. Quite P-diddy style. Yeah. Depends what you're into. Yeah. I see him as... Well, now I do because I've seen his face in a pinger. Yeah. You know when you've properly made it when you've had your face imprinted onto a pig. Do you know what I mean? Donald Trump's were quite big a couple of summers ago. Oh, really? Gaddafi's is quite... Any blue Burnham's knocking around? I guess they'd be red Burnham's.

28:19Green Zaks.

28:24Anyway, I was looking forward to double dropping a Gaddafi at Glaston next year. Still time. But alas, I don't think it's happening. Can you just buy a press and make them? You can buy a press, but obviously it's quite hard to actually make the pills. Someone sent in a really funny video last week after we talked about pill presses, didn't we, recently? Yeah. Of these, Vice interviewing these two kids who are in their parents' upstairs bedroom, so they have to be really quiet doing it. Pressing hundreds of thousands of pills. Complete morons. Just spilling MD everywhere, but they're pressing. It is good.

28:53I'll link to it. Always check pill report if you're taking pills, guys. Especially if it's got Colonel Gaddafi's fucking face on it. Could be Novichok. JP, you've got some even more illicit, inappropriate goods. in your hands, haven't you? Yeah, there's no doubt about it, Jack. The hotline is a weird place at times. This last week alone, I've been offered to become the face of a micro-dosing mushroom company. I've seen Raheem Sterling off his face on laughing gas, and a dog walker wants to go on a sesh with me. But sometimes, a message comes through that stops you in your tracks. So, for those of you that don't know, I used to be a porn broker back in the day, and I ended up with£100 ,000 worth of Rolf Harris art when he got done financing.

29:39And we never thought the guy would come and collect them, but about two weeks after Rolf got done, he came and got him and picked up the works. And I haven't seen any Rolf Harris works since that fiasco ended. You know, I've pushed it to the back of my brain. I don't think about it too much anymore. And on Tuesday afternoon, I received a message from Marcus and I was stunned. so Marcus said hey JP have found some original Rolfs that you might be interested in they are authenticated by an auctioneer and would go nicely next to the Quincy prom shirt right on our wall yeah yeah thanks Marcus brackets a friend owns these not me of course Marcus you can own a pair of Rolfs you know it's fine don't worry about it so me and Marcus have a bit of back and forth and I ask him you know what the situation was and what happened.

30:31And he says, so five, six years ago, I was shagging an auctioneer and someone dropped all these original Rolfs at her work. So he's just dispensed with the friend now. I got them. I paid£100 ,000 for them. Yeah, I got it out of them. They couldn't sell them, so they were going to burn them. And I thought this was a crime against art. Not the only crime that Rolf committed. Quite mild, actually, in the scheme of things. so I got them and I said look mate can you send them through because I want to authenticate it there's a self portrait we're not getting a Rolf Harris portrait so we've got one which is a self portrait of Rolf I believe it's a watercolour and then one of a woman topless I hope over the age of 16 I hope it's a woman both watercolours now back in the day these things would go 50 to 100 grand these were top works now you'd be lucky to get 20 quid for them people paying 50 grand for a self portrait even without the non-sing thing he was just like a telly vet he was a legend and singer he was really coming up there was a lot of his work on the secondary market so these works have gone to shit tell you what's also unfortunate is his signature's very clear yeah yeah yeah well I said that you're gonna sign him as well so Jamie's been whispering about this to me all week and he's been like will you just have them up in the office I was like no I think a fucking paedophile's painting up in the office yeah but look I've pulled on my pawnbroker pants this week I couldn't resist it and I've done a deal you're getting them I'm getting them for an undisclosed sum because I believe the market's now bottomed out it can't get much worse you've got to be greedy when others are fearful that's the opportunity well so you're going long Rolf bye bye bye we're long on Rolf we're long Rolf to the moon yeah I'm going to pick him up from Dulwich next week and I'm thinking obviously you're not going to let me have them I don't want them anywhere near me I don't hate my mother-in-law that much to give them to her for Christmas so I'm thinking I'm going to eBay them and the proceeds start with 99p start price and the proceeds go to charity do you reckon you'll get 99p?

32:46I reckon there's a few wrong-uns in the Patreon that would probably are there any people selling them online? what charity do you get with the money? animals probably we'll go animal what Ralph would have wanted is he dead he is dead he's dead yeah he's brown bread he's proper brown bread so you can separate the art from the artist yeah you're gonna have to ish yeah you could try it's a bit like you can enjoy Michael Jackson music now yeah would you hang a picture of him in your house a lot of people do exactly yeah but I mean it's it's it's Roald Farris I'd say I'm sure the art justifies it I'm trying to make something good out of the situation so I'm thinking sell them and then we can give the money to a charity okay yeah what's the we we're in this together what happens what happens if they don't sell they're not gonna be just we're just gonna have them knock it around I'm not having a self portrait of Rob Harris or a picture of a topless woman signed by Rob Harris it couldn't be worse bits of art as well yeah because I've had a look at some of his art some of his art is actually alright pretty good right I thought it was gonna be like landscapes and stuff Do you want one for the flat?

33:58I mean, please. I mean, Caroline probably doesn't know who Ralph Aaron is. Exactly. Exactly, that's fine. Just tell her. She'll love it. He's great. Who is that old man in the living room? No, don't worry about it. Do not Google it. Didn't you say there's some online? Like people already selling for like mad sums. Someone's got one on eBay at the minute for like 1 ,800 quid. But I guess anyone can ask for 1 ,800 quid. This isn't investment advice, but these are going to go on for 99p. So why don't we turn them into NFTs where like we can sell like a thousand of them. Lit. You can have it as the screensaver on your phone.

34:35The portrait, self-portrait. Now, you know, maybe you've got some non-salt sitting at home or maybe you've got a piece of sports memorabilia you want to get rid of. It looks like I'm getting back into porn broken here. So I want to hear from you. You can hit us up on the JP hotline. obviously funny stories from sport is preferable yeah that is what the hotline's for is for sending funny sports stories this was a one off but if you do have other shit let me know you can whatsapp me 24 hours a day 7 days a week the number is 07354079834 and we'll put a QR code up on screen serious offers only 99p or nearest offer actually speaking of spunking your cash on worthless tat.

35:23Todd Bowley's Chelsea Raiders over. He sold his stake in the club this week. It's a real shame, I think, to be honest, because Todd, he's given us some great entertainment down the years and he's also greatly swelled the pension pot of some seriously over-the-hill footballers. Most famously, Raheem Sterling, who he gave a five-year contract to on 325 grand a week. I think he's still dining out on that, isn't he? I'm pretty sure. I think they only cancelled it this year. Yeah. um anyway in honor of todd i thought we'd relive some of his finest moments thank you it's amazing to think that chelsea fans were actually kind of excited when he first arrived in 2022 like it was clearly mega rich and owned this baseball team in the u.s he was promising to you know teach english football the american way propel the wealth to new levels but very quickly it became clear that he knew absolutely nothing about football.

36:20So it was a good moment during pre-season when he had a recruitment meeting about potential signings with Thomas Tuchel, who was the manager then and his backroom staff as well. And, you know, Todd Bowley was keen to make a good impression, hands on, you know, show that he's not this clueless yank that the press were portraying him as and he came into Thomas Tuchel with his proposed starting lineup for Chelsea the next season and you know Thomas was mildly annoyed about the omission of goalkeeper Benjamin Mendy and the selection of a 37 year old Cristiano Ronaldo up front but there was a more concerning detail the proposed starting lineup contains 12 players in a rare 4-4-3 formation hard to play against Can't you just add one more?