Raheem Sterling’s 9am balloon arrest

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0:30thousand jp-dophile hearts around the nation yeah a lot of sobbing nonces yeah mainly in ireland it seems he yeah he does i don't know i don't know why we don't get the same sort of fanatic yeah fandom but yeah if there are admirers i don't want to probably don't want to know why actually yeah yeah but have you noticed the irish particularly have a glad eye for jp i mean he's got got irish roots hasn't he so maybe that's it yeah i think that's it you've got an Irish passport. Any horny Irish men or women. JP's taken now. I would say it's mainly a gay guy thing. There are no women in the audience.

1:09Well, yeah, there's been less, there's sort of a smaller sample pool of women. Well, yeah, if our female fan base are listening, Sheila, do you fancy Zach as well as JP? It's the question on everyone's question. Please do get in touch if you do or if you don't. Either way. Right, yeah. Yeah. So no, JP, just us. Should we get into it? Let's do it. So Raheem Sterling, you know, in his prime, he would strike fear into defenders. He had these jinking runs left and right, mazy, unpredictable. And you know, Raheem might not do that much on the pitch anymore, but as motorists on the M3 can testify, he is still a menacing sight weaving around on the roads.

1:55so Rahim was arrested at 9am on Thursday morning after crashing his Lamborghini on into the barriers on the motorway in Hampshire so apparently it was a pretty nasty crash hit into the barriers flew four feet into the air and spun 180 degrees so he ended up facing into the traffic uh police obviously arrived on the scene and arrested Rahim so they released a statement saying he'd been arrested on suspicion of drug driving, dangerous driving, possession, possession of a class C drug and failing to provide a specimen. So not normal driving offense. Wasn't just a, just a bit of careless, careless, uh, driving on the motorway.

2:3955 and the 54. Exactly. Um, so obviously, so they say he was in possession of a class C drug, which see the mind begins to wander just to read out a list of the classy drugs under the current guidance anabolic steroids benzos so that's like valium sleeping and anxiety meds yeah xanax stuff like that cat which is that it's like a leaf that I think it's popular in Somalia yeah the pirates if it was cat I wouldn't let him off because it's so exciting It's just like a stimulant, right? Yeah, it's like speed. But it's like a tree bark or something to plant. And you chew it. Yeah. And it's mega, mega addictive.

3:24Yeah. Speedy. And that's when the Somali pirates nick a shit. They need something to keep them going. Yeah, yeah, literally. They're just absolutely charging on cat. Yeah. Cat. Cat. That's so exotic that were it to be cat, I'd almost be telling you. Let him off. Let him off. Chewing on. Where's he got that?

3:44Could have been that. That could also have been nitrous oxide, laughing gas, or piperazines. Piperazines? Piperazines. B-Z. B-Z-P. I've got to say, I'm not really familiar with it. That's some flavicular shit, isn't it? Yeah. We jack. I bet you that's like something. I think it's like often, I think if you get like a dodgy ecstasy pill, I think that's what it is. Oh, really? I think it's like a bit of a weird, like, it releases a veterinary dewormer. Eventually, it's a dewormer. That's what he's doing it for. Raheem certainly had tapeworms. That was... It's just high on... He had a dodgy batch of cats, actually.

4:28Need a dewormer. That way it's scooting all over the road, is it? You just couldn't sit still. So fidgety.

4:42Itchy bum. All kinds of exotic parasites come in in those cat shipments. so that's what you give your cat i think it's what you give your cat if it's got a tapeworm why is that a classy substance is it got it gets you high as well it does have recreation it's used as a recreational drug apparently it's similar similar to like mdma uh now that's scraping the barrel if you've run out of cat but you break into a vet and they've run out of cat so you just go on the deworming pills that's sunday glastonbury everything's run out and Someone offers you some fucking deworming tablets. Fine, go on then.

5:18Might do something. Oh, yes. It's a stimulant vibe. Yeah. Hey, close to MDMA. Yeah. Interesting you knew that. So, okay. Those are the poisons. So a few options. Those are the poisons. I feel like there's a couple we can probably rule out, but we don't need to say what those are. I think that should be obvious. So he was arrested in possession of one of those drugs. dash cam footage then emerged from a car that had been traveling behind rahim on the on the on the motorway before the crash which we can have a look at it shows him he's swerving across the road between the lanes almost crashes into the central reservation at one point in the video it appears that somebody inside the car who looks like they're sat in the driver's seat is holding a balloon yeah holding it up yeah they're holding a balloon it's near their head um obviously he that car is properly weaving and they're not indicating they're not indicating they're swerving across all three lanes of the motorway almost crash into the into the barrier the central reservation 9am it's 9am on a Thursday morning people are trying to get to work rush hour yeah it's what do you do if someone's driving like that do you because I feel like if you overtake and get out of the way they might might pop up again Just stay as far.

6:36Actually, but he said, the dash cam footage came from a driving instructor who was on the motorway and his, the Daily Mail, I think it was, that spoke to him. They had a quote from him being like, as a driving instructor, I need to drop well back from the vehicle. Leave two to three chevrons between me and the car. I think more than two chevrons when he's driving like that. Yeah. A good four to six chevrons, I think. Treat it as icy conditions. Yeah. Yeah. So, a balloon. There's not much more we can say about that. There are active criminal proceedings because he's been arrested. But what is visible in the video is that somebody in the car, on the driver's side, is holding a balloon.

7:18Assuming it's a British car. Yeah. Could have been on the way to a children's birthday party. It's true. He was nearby Thorpe Park. Oh, right. Yeah. Haven't actually checked out his kids' birthday parties, but he could have been running late for that. hence the deworming pills

7:38you know all sorts of guys around in those nurseries yeah but no he could have just been running behind on the decorations as to get them ready what the clip doesn't show is 30 seconds later he makes an incredible giraffe with that balloon

7:59yeah a birthday to remember yeah sure do you think if you did get pulled over with a balloon in the car just hypothetically yeah could you quickly knock up a dog that's the most basic balloon animal isn't it is it yeah and it's the officer i think i'd i'd struggle maybe a snake or it was actually easy as a sword because it just needs the one little tie can you do that i mean with a long balloon i'd back myself with a bit of practice i don't know if i'd do it behind the wheel

8:30but yeah so what we know is he was arrested for refusing to give a specimen the scene as well yeah possession of and possession of a class C dragon suspicion of suspicion of not charged yet drug driving he hasn't been charged so there's a limit I feel like you and I are quite big Raheem Sterling fans so we're hoping for the not charged balloon animal balloon animal and a crate of deworming pills yeah that was it that was it he just popped by the vet maybe it was his maybe it was his dog's birthday that would explain it all but no I mean I was always a big Raheem Sterling fan and I thought he seemed like a decent enough chap I feel like this is going to be if I mean we don't know what's going to happen but these allegations even the allegation in the video provided he was the one driving that's hard to come back from it's hard to come back from he's leaving he's because he's been at final He's been at Feyenoord for the last six months, but didn't really work out.

9:30I don't think he played much. What's the deal? Because he's only 31. Has he just like lost his pace? Yeah. I mean, I think it's one of those that he played so much football. I mean, that's what everyone says. He played so much football at a young age that he's kind of burnt out. Fernando Torres. But like, I mean, he's, yeah, he's not been great for the last couple of years, but he had such a good career. And like, even if he retires now, it's like he had, he was amazing for England and Man City. Yeah. And you have to say from that video, like you mentioned, he's still weaving on the roads, but he's also the change of acceleration that was such a trademark for him.

10:01That is intact. It's great to see that he's able to, to, to, to reapply those skillsets. Some works of life. Now, have you seen the texts from the Southampton Spygate scandal? Browse. They've all come out now and they are amazing. It's very, very, very incriminating on Southampton's part. So obviously the backstory to this is that Southampton got kicked out of the playoffs when they were caught, one of their interns was caught spying on their semi-final opponent Middlesbrough's training sessions. They appealed against that decision, but the appeal was rejected and details of the investigation have now been published.

10:41I didn't realise that Southampton had hired Lord Panic for their appeal. The one that's trying to get Man City off the 115 charges. And they had the banner saying panic on the streets of london which is both a genius banner and also why are you doing a banner about your fucking barista yeah so is he a football i mean i was like hold on is he just now specialize in football clubs that are accused of cheating trying to get them off but i had a look at his wikipedia and she says that he practices primarily in public law and human rights uae always a good client yeah yeah human human rights and getting the Abu Dhabi group off cooking the books.

11:23And now Southampton. And now Southampton. Brian Panic. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't work out, sadly, even despite... Oh, so that's it. Despite Panic's best efforts, the appeal was thrown out, partly because of some very incriminating WhatsApps. So, basically, a key part of Southampton's defence had been that the intern was acting alone. You know, he was a bit of a lone wolf, a rogue operator. One bad apple. that was not backed up by the text. So it included one where he'd been, he was spying on Oxford United, another game earlier in the season. He'd been sent to spy on that, sent over videos or whatever he'd found and received a response that read, you legend, manager loved it.

12:12He then, he also sent another text to a colleague who was asking about this mission. And he said, I didn't really have an option and wasn't providing an opportunity to say no. I was an intern and was doing what I was told, which, yeah, that's good for him. It's great. It's good for him. Yeah. And yeah, it basically turns out that the whole thing was meticulously planned, premeditated by Southampton. So later in the season, they'd wanted to go and spy on Ipswich. It was like the penultimate game of the season. I think they were both battling for second place, massive game. and Ipswich in the run up to that game were training at Eastleigh.

12:51Near Southampton. Yeah, it's like a non-league team. They were using their ground for some reason. And Southampton gave their analyst an Eastleigh kit and dispatched them to the training ground. Gave him a fake alibi of what his job would be at Eastleigh. Massage a masseuse or something. Gave him the tracksuit. Gave him like the training tracksuit. and sent him to film their session. It's like proper spy stuff. They also gave him a Mont Blanc pen with a poison dart in it as well. Then, obviously, Middlesbrough, the most famous example of it, where this intern definitely did not act alone. So before he was dispatched to Middlesbrough, they'd shown him drone footage of the training ground and shown him exactly where he should stand to film it.

13:41Just behind this tree. they booked him flights at a hotel nearby um obviously he wasn't that subtle about it and ended up being spotted the famous photo of him hiding behind the tree just filming iconic Middlesbrough staff spotted him four of them chased after him and while he was running he like quickly fired off the videos to his Southampton colleagues little Benny Hill yeah um the Middlesbrough staff did catch up with him and then like force him to delete it but he'd already sent them he'd already sent it yeah so is that why because he also could have done the thing you know you delete them but they're still in your recently deleted because you remember me on the way to dublin i think you you had darts in your hand luggage and they took them off you and i took a picture and i got bollocks by police because you're not allowed to do that the security and then recently deleted have you got them then?

14:35still got them I mean they're not particularly interesting me getting getting my bag getting you ticking off Gatwick yeah so yeah they got him to delete the photos and he then basically yeah he left went to a went to a golf club nearby changed his clothes in the toilets the golf club was owned by Steve Gibson the owner of Middlesbrough which is quite quite a nice touch and And he then, he was then headed back down to Southampton. And on his way, he started panicking. So he was like, fuck, what if Middlesbrough work out? It was me that was there. So he deleted his LinkedIn because that would obviously have pictures of him, didn't want them to put two and two together.

15:18And there was then a text exchange between analysts at Southampton where they realized that basically Tonda Ecker, the Middlesbrough manager, sorry, Southampton manager, had won manager of the month. and this intern was in the picture with him on their Instagram. So they were like, get that off social media. They delete the photo. And they're just like, okay, please don't let Middlesbrough put two and two together about who it was spying, which obviously they do. I mean, even if they hadn't seen the manager of the month photo, obviously that guy is spying for, who else is he going to be spying for?

15:50I mean, I think when they made him delete the photo, he was just like, oh, I was just, he was just like passing by the golf course, just like wanted to send it to my mate. or whatever. I mean, he's about 19. So yeah. Anyway, the whole thing is very incriminating and basically throws cold water on Southampton's claim that it was, he was, this intern was acting alone. Yeah. And shows that actually the orders had come from Tonda Eka, the manager. Yeah. So surely they knew these texts would be like demanded in evidence, right? So like, why bother denying it? Or did they? I don't know. they appealed I mean what's Lord Panic thinking when he sees the evidence he's like yeah yeah or is he has he got a human rights angle on this the intern maybe I mean he could go back to Panic actually I'm sure I've been exploited by my employer I actually think Lord Panic tends to act for the other side in human rights abuse I'm a human rights lawyer I didn't say which side I work on strictly defence yeah that's just a joke I'm sure sure he works on important stuff.

17:02I sort of assumed that Todd Eckert would be sacked after this. Yeah, because he was commissioning the spying, basically. He certainly knew about it. Yeah. But yeah, it seems like Southampton are sticking with him. It's quite funny he had the intern in the manager of the month photo, because you think he's like, look, as usual, it's such an important part of my turnaround. Yeah. Southampton suddenly went on that amazing run of form as soon as he took over. give the intern management he has been given a full time job the intern the intern I think they owe that to him I think yeah Lord Panic insisted but yeah Eckert he released an eight minute video addressing Southampton fans apologising for it basically his defence is that he thought it was fine because he'd managed before in Germany and Italy and he was like everyone does it there yeah so I thought you know it's fine let it see him doing 180 miles an hour down the M3.

18:01What? But on the Autobahn it's okay. It's fine. What, you mean I'm not allowed to cheat on my wife? In Italy? I'm sorry, I thought this was a free country. Yeah. But then again, do you remember when we first talked about this story, our instinctive reaction was, if it's not against the rules, then, you know, don't have a public training ground. I was kind of defending it. Yeah. And then I realised it was very against the rules. It was against the rules because of the Bielsa case. I think when Bielsa was caught doing it, there were no rules on it. So it was sort of a gray area. But then after that, I mean, that was such a high profile case.

18:39Yeah, that's the mad thing. Somebody, even if Tonda Ecker hadn't realized that when he arrived and had like sort of said it to all the Southampton stuff, you'd think someone would be like, oh no, you can't do that here. Yeah, because even the intern clearly knows it because of his text to his friend. Yeah, yeah. He's the only one who's like trying to pull that out. but no I'm looking forward to next season when the Southampton fans were so smug about it like dressing up as bushes and with binoculars and stuff at their second leg I think stick with it lean into the gag yeah yeah maybe they should I think now other fans are going to do it every yeah time do you predict they'll do really badly next season and he'll be gone by Christmas Tondra Ecker I I do yeah I kind of feel like the momentum's been taken out it's going to be really funny if they're just suddenly shit yeah yeah yeah the um the messages where they're just like manager loved it really remind me of you know in the news of the world phone hacking they were always like no it was just one rogue reporter and then in the end they had they found an email from the editor just going do his phone so routine probably says that five times a day yeah well we'll see how they do next season now amir khan he's about as smart as a sack of wet mints but the thing I've always found insane is Amir has always retained this uncanny gift with the opposite sex he's a good looking and you know he's a very successful sportsman well anyway I think unfortunately those womanizing gifts might finally be on the wane possibly due to 20 years of getting pummeled in the head because some new court filings have revealed the texts that Amir Khan was sending to this model trying to get her to send nudes.

20:26And yeah, it's not exactly the work of Byron and Shelley. So this woman, she's a bridal model. You saw her on Insta, like what he saw. Does he, because he got married not that long ago, right? Yeah, and he also owns a wedding venue. That's it. So maybe he is. A shit wedding venue. I think it's now shut down. Yeah. I mean, look, maybe he's just a hopeless romantic. I'll let you be the judge when you see the text. so he opened the conversation with you look good on g-string on g-string yeah and then he did um he asked her for naked photos she sent one back just of her like midriff with clothes on and he just replied too much clothes real caveman stuff that we make fuck now take clothes off yeah that's the text of a man using his other hand one-handed isn't it that's a left-handed text so actually this sexting thing actually happened a few years back but it's now the subject of a new court case because this woman went on a podcast and accused Amir Khan and his wife Fahyal of threatening the woman he sent nudes to and this other woman who he slept with why is his wife threatening because one of the accusations was that Fahyal and his wife sent the woman a voice note in which she threatened to slit her throat.

21:49And she also said, I'm the biggest Asian, all right? And girls like you look up to me. Oh my God. She said, she's alleged to have said some other quite mental shit as well by this person on a podcast. But Fahyal denies ever making these threats. And so she and her husband, Amir Khan, are now suing the woman who said it for libel. Oh, okay. So they're not denying, I don't think they're denying that Amir Khan sent these sex, to modern nudes. They're just denying that afterwards they threatened. Apparently there's another accusation that Amir offered the woman 20 grand. And then when she turned it down or another woman, he said something like, I know people in your hometown.

22:27That's the allegation, which the Khans deny. But they're basically saying we didn't threaten them and they claim it's cost them their BBC show. I think it's called At Home With The Khans, which did get canceled not long after. But I really enjoyed this quote from Amir Khan's wife. she said the whole world is aware of Amir's track record his reputation precedes him why would you as a single woman want to engage in a conversation with him at all be it rich you're married to him why would you want to be married to him it's just like look everyone knows his gun why would you talk to him um yeah so but like is this so so basically they're they're suing her for libel for they're saying that she'd made up these allegations.

23:11Yeah, they're saying we didn't make these threats. We never made these threats. Yeah, yeah. Supposedly there's a voice recording. It's going to court. So they're going to fight it out over that. But it's about the threats. No one's denying that Amir Khan. Sent the nudes. Yeah, yeah. Not sent the nudes, but demanded the nudes. He also, one of the messages describes his marriage as a business arrangement. It does sound like quite a transactional marriage because after he got outed for the sex, which he sent a few years ago, he apologized to his wife by nipping to Mercedes Bolton and buying her a G-Wagon.

23:41So that's the exchange rate for asking for nudes. Okay, I think I'd probably take that. Well, you think that's a decent deal? Yeah. I guess if you're married to Ami Akarni you've priced it in. He said at the time he gave an interview and he said I am willing to go to therapy to stop me sending texts to women who aren't my wife. Really makes it sound like he has no part in that. Do you stop doing it? you don't need therapy it sounds like the end of this road is just literally a lobotomy where they remove the bit of his brain in a way he kind of acts like that just the bit of his brain that makes him do it but so you say he's this whole case is this just like this has gone so far now that amir has to like follow through on the case like he's been caught out he's been caught out demanding nudes from this woman his wife is obviously pissed off and he's now just had to be like, we should sue her.

24:35I'm angry as well. I'm as angry as you are. I'm as angry as you, honestly. He's the guy from the meme. You know, the old bloke who's subscribed to loads of porn and his wife gets the bill and he denies it and they end up like suing the satellite company claiming they never bought it. You know, the famous photo, can we get it up, Jack? Where it's like them holding up the bill in front of their TV being like, we never signed up to television X. You can see him just like side eyes.

25:08I'll link to it for people who are just listening, but that's the look of a man who's lie has got big on him. Now I've got BBC news round. It's like, it's too late to come clean now, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, Khan's just doing the celeb version of that, isn't it? Yeah. Let's take her all the way to high court. Well, that's what's happening. anyway G-wagons and too much clothes aren't Amir Khan's only empty displays of affection so a few years ago he met Alex Ferguson his hero and he tweeted a picture of them and he captioned it lovely to meet Sir Alex Ferguson best known for managing Manchester United from 1986 to 2013 he's widely regarded as one of the greatest football managers of all time which is it's factual quite factual but it's nice until you realise it is a direct quote from Alex Ferguson's Wikipedia.

26:03The first paragraph of Alex Ferguson's Wikipedia. Just cut and paste that. Yeah. Just great to meet Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson. Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson, CBE. Born 1941 in Gauvin, Glasgow. Just interesting that stuff about him doing the treble in 99, isn't it? Yeah. That's got to be one of the least sincere. Yeah. Which is a bit of a theme for Amikov, but I kind of think it's not his fault. I mean, judging by the sex that he was sending, I don't think he could have penned anything more heartfelt to Sir Alex. So maybe that is just a safe bet. JP's father-in-law used to promote for Amir Khan's boxing fights like when he was young.

26:43Oh, yeah. And he said he was like the nicest, he was like such a lovely, like really dedicated guy. That's what happens when you get punched in the head repeatedly for 20 years. I mean, maybe he is nice, he just has this one problem. Yeah. Which, he's willing to have someone to address. just stop him. He just needs one of those like chastity belts and then he'll be fine. He's actually not the only champion accused of sticking his knob where the sun don't shine. Judd Trump, world snooker number one, had a very nasty incident over the weekend. Poor fella. Someone posted a video on his Instagram story of a man masturbating.

27:23Oh, that is, that is, I hate it when that happens. Yeah. Yeah. So Judd, Judd quickly fired out an update insisting, you guessed it, he'd been hacked. Of course he has, yeah. He said, I'm trying to regain control of the account, which sort of makes it sound like one of those like Steven Seagal 90s action movies where they're like, you know, the criminals have taken over the plane and we're trying to regain control. Also, you've clearly got control because you're posting this update. But immediately after. Yeah. Very unfortunate for him. There's been a bit of speculation, a bit of sleuthing on the Upshot subreddit.

27:55I just want to credit Meath77 who suggested that the man in the video is wearing Judd's watch I mean if you are going to sneak into somebody's hotel room and frame them for masturbating in bed by posting video but you've got to go whole hog slip the watch on I hate it when people do that it is annoying actually I got quite forensic on the watch it's quite weird it's got like a really small face is that just beside the beside the corner. To be fair, if I was doing a wanking video, I would get the smallest watch. I'd get some like tiny coins made. A tiny two pound coin and just have it on the table next to it.

28:39A tiny matchbox. Just do it and do it in one of those like doll's house with everything miniature. So I'm not sold on the watch thing. But Meath also wrote, if I was Columbo confronting Judd, I'd be about to leave, but stop and say, just one more thing. I noticed you gripped your penis with the left hand. Aren't you famously left-handed? Which, good bit of intel. Eagle-eyed. But I looked it up. Judd Trump, he does play with his left hand, but he's actually a natural righty. Okay. So where does that leave us? Well, do you think you masturbate and play snooker or pool with the same hand? Is it like...