The first sex scandal of the Premier League season

0:00Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.

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1:05Timberland Pro knows that NASCAR starts long before the green flag waves. Because behind every race are the doers. The people who show up to the track early and stay long after the race ends. And that's who Timberland Pro is built for. Durable, comfortable, and professional. These boots perform as hard as you do. On the job and often. real work, real people, real craft. Visit TimberlandPro.com and discover products that help workers perform at their best. Welcome back to The Upshot, the show about the funniest stories in sport this goddamn week. On the show today, the Premier League gets its first sex scandal of the season.

1:45Richard Keeds wades into the Middle East crisis and Egypt's manager is hospitalized by a fight between his two wives. it's a zinger of an app and we are of course sponsored by Injury Lawyers for you, those god damn advocates who will sort you right out my name is Jack hello JP, bonjourno Jacko bonjourno, still no Zach, still jazz festival season my friend has he got one more this weekend? I think we've moved into the blue grass period of the summer it's a biggie this week, he's swinging with a red wine, enjoying himself Zach's not here, but the Prem is back. Big time, baby. Good to have it back.

2:28We were starting to worry how much Aussie rules content is there out there. Arsenal looking a bit cocky. Yeah. Obviously, they look decent. I learned that Mikel Arteta has changed the name of Arsenal's club dog from win to one. Poor dog. So people might remember, to inspire Arsenal to win the league and not choke, they got this Labrador and called it win. but yeah now job done one they should have changed it to winner because at least it sounds similar and also isn't winner a dog food win a lot yeah one is not great but I was thinking you could change your dog Pickles name to Pickled and also you get quite confused because I also call my dog Pickles it just needs to have one fucking name and I was then thinking if I got really on the roids and hit the gym I could be jacked oh nice well you eat enough fuel so that's a free ad you've just given away thanks very much mate um elsewhere in the prem obviously your boys Chelsea got off to a winning start last night Cole Palmer is back baby won the big derby big time uh people actually brought Falklands flags to Craven Cottage for when Enzo came on I've never seen Fulham fans this aggy about anything but I kind of rate it I've never seen a Falklands flag it's quite good it's a Union Jack and a sheep because that's literally all there is on the Falklands wow Enzo's gonna get it all season isn't he apparently he looked quite shocked by the abuse yeah so even if he goes to city it's not gonna stop no they were doing so they started with wanker wanker which I always think wouldn't affect me it's too generic yeah yeah yeah but then it got into like it needs to be high specific yeah I would have gone for you let your country down because obviously you got sent off yeah what did they sing something about the Falklands Yaz you were there our producer Yaz what were they Enzo Fernandez the Falklands are ours the Falklands are ours Enzo Fernandes the Falklands are ours right original anyway I feel like we've done enough Enzo Fernandes recently there's some other Schadenfreude United and Tottenham meanwhile are back in the muck it's I don't know I just thought things were going to be different this time I'm sure their fans did it's not been a great start has it Harry Maguire was caught marking his own teammate just holding him back at a corner and then they lost to Hull Premier League new boys who mocked the United fans with what's got to be the campus chant stroke dance combo in football.

5:00Around. Around. Around. Just about the last kick of the game are leaving Manchester United 2-0. Have they been doing this for a long time? Yeah, they always do it to be fair. But they are chanting you're getting more by the Tigers more by the Tigers. That's really cheesy. Which I quite like but then the dance is a dance isn't it? It's a hand dance. Yeah. Is sort of a roow tiger. That's sort of something you'd maybe see in like the NFL or something like that. It's quite sweet. I quite like it. It's a divine opinion. But obviously when you're losing 2-0 to, you know, the likes of Olly McBurney, it's probably quite brutal.

5:34And then the classic happened. The stadium announcer announced that the train back to Manchester was cancelled. You're going home in a taxi. Although it was a 12.30 kickoff, so. Yeah, you've got to sort yourselves out, boys. But yeah, rough, rough old time for the United fans. So it's been a tough old start to the season for Borough and they just lost 2-1 away at Blackburn. And there was a lovely young girl in the crowd holding up a cardboard sign. We're just having a look at it here. It reads, Isaac from Borough, I am pregnant, BRFC. She's looking very, very chirpy. She's brought a mate with her as well.

6:16Who's loving it. Yeah. In my mind, I like to think, you know, these two star-crossed football fans had a night of passion at the home fixture last year. And she's maybe didn't get his number and decided to let him know. I think that's basically what's happened, isn't it? There and then. It's not exactly Montagues and Capulets, but isn't it basically exactly what's happened? That they, Blackburn hosted Borough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like to think like they just carry on with this now. so maybe they do the gender reveal at the return fixture in March. You know, red balloons if it's a boy, blue balloons if it's a girl.

6:53Anyway, Football Away Days, the Twitter account, has been talking about it and it says, Isaac the Middlesbrough friend, I think there's something you need to hear from your last away day at Blackburn. And this account called AtReds94772 has said, It's not me, man, I just fingered her.

7:17his name is Isaac his name is Isaac and it's spelled double S because she spelled Isaac double S on the side yeah so

7:28we'll see how this one unfolds it's not looking good for him no not at all I also read that there is a I can't fully get my head around this but there's like a Borough super fan called Yusuf who travels from London for every game Borough has like adopted club but apparently he's got the nickname Isaac fuck and he's uh he's he's denying it's him because it's quite an unusual spelling of isaac as well yeah we'll see how this one unfolds but yeah so the the net the return leg i checked is march nice so yeah yeah she'll be well depending on how far along she is now because she could she could be giving birth bring the baby yeah yeah i'm hoping hoping more developments from that So the championship's got its first sex scandal.

8:13Are we calling that a sex scandal? Big time. Certainly something. But it's not the only sex scandal this season because we're only a few days in and the Premier League has its first dirty dog drama, JP. And that is coming from Leeds United director, Jed York, who, despite sounding like a died-in-the-wool Yorkshireman, he's an American fella. He also owns a stake of Rangers. So he's a big player. Busy boy. He's been very busy. He got banged up in Ohio over the weekend for brassing in a trailer park. So he contacted a woman through a prostitution website and agreed to pay 140 US dollars, 100 pounds, in exchange for sexual activity.

8:55Wow. We're looking at his mugshot here. They did him. They've actually done him so dirty because they've made him stand in front of a... A height. A height measure. A ruler, I guess. A giant ruler, which has him clocking in, I would say, 5 '9". Yeah, just above. A wisp of hair taking him above the 5 '8 line in his orange jumpsuit. He looks like he's taking it quite well. Yeah, I mean, how else do you play it? So he's, by the way, he's like the son of a billionaire family. They own the 49ers, the NFL team. He's the CEO of the 49ers. What the hell? San Francisco 49ers. And then he's also on the board at Leeds.

9:31But yeah, I don't know how he actually got caught here. Is this a classic American police sting? Yeah, do you think he's doing the dirty in the trailer park or have they like followed him? Well, what do you think? They're just driving past traffic stop. If the trailer is a rock and don't come knocking. It's not Jed York, is it? I think they, in America, they actually, the police seem to have the time to do this. They'll like pose. They'll entrap you. They'll pose as someone online, drug dealer, prostitute. Addict, yeah. And then they'll get you down there and you put your hands out and the cuffs go on.

10:05Jesus. He was also convicted of possessing criminal tools, which makes it sound like he had a miniature pickaxe and like, you know, like when they have a fishing rod to get the guards keys in prison. A crate of TNT and a fake moustache. But I think the criminal tool is just his phone. Yeah. He's just been using it to order brasses. Yeah. It's kind of something a bit, charming is the wrong word, but quaint about like this billionaire who's like, you know, he's on the board of Leeds, he's flying to Rangers, he's got the 49ers. just like, you know, going on a local website and going to a trailer park.

10:42Yeah, you'd think maybe we'd like, maybe do something a bit more classier than that, but... I guess our knowledge of trailer parks purely comes from 8 Mile. Yeah, yeah. Big time. Can't tell you much about it, to be honest. Anyway, this all went down in East Palestine, Ohio. Interesting. Yeah. I have seen people do worse in East Palestine. They punished him with one day in the slammer. Really? Quite like that. No fine? Yeah, there was a fine. Yeah. And it was more than$140. It was about$700. You can afford it. But is that a thing here that you can just get a day? Day and a night? Yeah, just a little slap on the wrist in a day.

11:21Yeah, when I got nicked at Evan, I had a night in the slammer. Yeah, but that was police sales. This was prison. He got conviction. Jesus. Yeah. Feels like quite a lot just for a night. It's a bit like, you know, the Gary Neville. It'd be quite fun for just a night, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, could you sell tickets for that? one night one spice pipe one shower you have to do the shower just one one meal time shared room yeah it's the Gary Neville mini retirement thing isn't it all I like to do is have one mini conviction I would probably do one night in proper prison it'd be quite good just they would eat you alive yeah they would mate they'd eat both alive mate that's why we're going in but yeah there he is just a Premier League owner in the slammer I wonder if we'll we'll have Jeff Bezos hitting up the Merseyside brothels.

12:06Now he's on the Liverpool cap table. That's, that's Wayne Rooney's old haunts. Yeah. Now, horny owners and Harry Maguire's cock ups are not the only nostalgic hugs keeping us warm amid the early autumn breeze because Richard Keyes and Andy Gray are back, baby. The boys are back in town. They tried to shut their shit down, but they cannot be caged. And so they were in Qatar for 13 years. Really? That long? didn't it? It flew by, didn't it? And they've, do you remember they said earlier in the year, we're coming back to the UK and we've got a surprise and everyone was like, podcast? Well, it's a podcast.

12:46It's called Keys and Grey Unleashed. Premiered last Monday. They did a special launch show in front of Tower Bridge. We're looking at them here. That photo's absolutely tragic, isn't it? Yeah, it's Le Pond du Tour, I think it's Le Pond du Tour, which is like a sort of 90s cafe. bar. This is not the spot I'd choose, but... That'd be you and Zach in 30 years. Tricking I'm keys or grey. I think I'm grey. The rate the hair's moving. But yeah, so they're right in front of Tower Bridge. Quite a nice backdrop in the shadow of the Tower of London, which is fitting, really, considering the treachery that knocked them off their perch in the first place.

13:27I'm sure they'd like to stick a few sky execs in the tower and shout off with their heads. Off with their bras, if you're Andy. Big time. Out with your thrapeze! But yeah, the pod is really partridge. It literally begins, Richard Keyes has a rant about the modern teacup being too hard to hold or something, I don't know. And then they talk about moving to Qatar. Keyes is opening a bottle of champagne the whole time and they're talking about moving to Qatar. I got a clip of that. Oh, you'd been before. I didn't know what to expect. No, I knew exactly what to expect. I didn't. and when we got there we arrived on the Saturday night and on the Sunday Ramadan started and you and I had no idea what was going on no that was a shock well Ramadan so I knew exactly what to expect but I've never heard of Ramadan that was a shock it's just opening the bottle of champagne yeah he opens it like a sort of like a waiter but like he does it so the cork makes no noise yeah and also So he's like trying to be quite swaggy about it.

14:33Yeah. You know, he's not looking at the cork. He's just doing it as he speaks. He opens it sort of how I imagine they open it in like first class. Yeah. It's like don't want any noise, holding it underneath with the napkin. Anyway, it goes on. This is a nice section. I'm very grateful to have been received in the manner that we were, not just by Qataris, but by the region. It's a misunderstood region. If Donald Trump had perhaps spoken to either you or me in advance of his catastrophic illegal... Maybe he would have thought twice. Maybe, yeah. I love that part of the world. I'm sure you do, mate.

15:09You've been paid for the last 13 years. The Trump thing felt serious to me. In his head, he could definitely get a call from Donald. Neither of them were like, maybe he should have actually consulted us on the fucking Middle East. Needless to say, he has the last laugh by having a dig at the Red Knapps, as always. It's quite an interesting story he teases here. I'm often asked by people you don't have a great deal of time for the Redknaps do you? And the answer is no. Why is that then? Well I can't tell you No we don't want you to tell it right now. No we don't want you to tell it now. But I can offer you the Harry tried to have us put in jail.

15:51Really? That bad? You know that bad? I know that bad. You were there. Prompting you. So you're acting? Yes.

16:02you know full well i thought it was quite good and i think malice was there malice i don't think there was malice i think there was a lack of care a lack of thought yeah um that could have ended up quite genuinely could have ended up with you and i in jail and he didn't give a toss he's a selfish that's one for the future that's one for the few he's as selfish as his son though i spent 18 months driving around the country oh it's god you mean yeah that's also one so no i don't but i i do hold that grudge do we know what happened no because they keep doing they do this several times in this episode they never tell the fucking stories they're like there's a story there yeah they just tease it because they also say at one point that they when they first went to qatar they bumped into ned kelly who's a bit of a friend of the shot because he's the, he was the man United security chief who he, he did this like tell all book where he talked about going to this swingers club and watching Eric Cantona have a threesome on a rotating sex podium.

17:02Very Eric. So, and then they say like, and Neb was there brokering a deal for someone to buy man United. And then they're like, that's the story, but we won't tell it. Do you think all of this is coming along as they build up and it's working? Yeah. I want it. I'm in, I'm subscribed. But I, the retin out thing, I know he hates Jamie because he thinks that Jamie stitched him up on the smash it thing oh really yeah he basically thinks Redknapp started he says Redknapp introduced him to the expression smash it and that Redknapp was a shagger and he just got caught on camera at the wrong moment it's not Jamie Redknapp's fault though is it exactly I don't think Jamie Redknapp taught him the expression get your throppies out for the lads but anyway but I don't know what the Harry Jail thing's about yeah we'll have to that's why we're subscribed yeah and we will be keeping everyone abreast of it he also said at one point he said i'm only in four group chats and one of them is called four smug men he's just he's very watchable yeah uh anyway we will keep watching it and just filleting it for the best bits for everyone now there's there's a bit of a back to school feeling at the moment isn't there holidays are over chill in the air returning to the miserable reality came back to discover i've got three points on my license how on earth have you done that you drive like a grandmother it was actually for going too slow i was doing five in a 20 caused a hazard you thread the wheel everywhere you go jb i did 48 in a 40 like a jesus wow i'm no better than wesley for farna um and i've got three points so doing balloons that was another no balloons that was a nasty surprise my washing machine's doing that thing where it leaves the orange shit on your clothes yeah we get that yeah it's all just like back to reality but it could be worse, I could have had a holiday like Egypt manager Hossam Hassan, who he'd had a great summer.

18:53Hossam. He's an Egypt football legend. And as manager, took them to the World Cup knockouts for the first time ever. Obviously, they went out to Argentina in a painful way, but it was a narrow loss. They came back with their heads held high. And I think, you know, he'd earned himself a nice relaxing holiday. So off he went to Porto Marina on Egypt's stunning Mediterranean coast. took his wives, both of them. He's got two wives. Now, unfortunately, not all holidays are relaxing. Sometimes the weather's hit and miss. Sometimes the airline loses your luggage. And sometimes your two wives end up having a fistfight in the hotel cafe.

19:33And unfortunately, that's what happened to Hossam's harim. So according to local press, he fainted from stress while trying to break up a fight between his two wives several relatives and security personnel had to step in to break it up we've got a picture of my favourite bit where you will see one wife strangling the other from behind it's like Vince McMahon with a lead pipe I was about to say, it's like Cribbler Crossface

20:02yeah Hossam was probably feeling a bit Chris Benoit after drama like this it looks like it's a night out though rather than a cafe I think it's sort of it's a good question it looks evening time doesn't it yeah you can imagine him just getting smashed and just absolutely kicking off I don't know yeah I don't know if there's even booze and juice so the wives are Hawaida Al Gabawi and Dan Adam who doesn't play fullback for Burnley but sounds like she should wait which one's the older one and which one Hawaida is the older one at the back and strangling Dan Adam and Dan Adam is the centre back who's looking forward to earning his 12th cap for Scotland.

20:43So you say Hawaii has got the ascendancy there. Big time. Yeah. I think Dan's close to tapping out. Dan Adam is a nickname. She's got a longer name that makes a bit more sense, but she goes by Dan Adam. Anyway, these two women, they ended up with cuts and bruises. Hossam fainted, as I said. Luckily, no one suffered any major injuries and Hossam was well enough that he could, the minute he got back in Cairo, divorce Hawaii. No way. Yeah, he's chucked her. So she, we've now got a picture of them not in a fight scene we're looking at. Or Sam in the middle. That's a fantastic photo. Hawaida on the left, Dan Adam on the right.

21:18Yeah. Overlapping as always. So he got rid of the old motor. Yeah, so Hawaida was his wife of 40 years. Dan, 10 years. Fair enough. And they got on previously. Other family holidays. Not sure, yeah. Everyone had a great time at Club Med. Yeah. Just didn't work this time. The room layout. He's got kids. We're both. Jesus what I really like is so after all of this he announced the divorce but then his representatives released a statement accusing the press of misreporting it and you think he's going to be like there was no fight apparently he just said I didn't faint I was fine I was fucking faint I'm not personally I've got two wives you're allowed four in Egypt really?

22:01still to this day? well I think a lot of countries it's a wow it's a ting what a juggle yeah it sounds like hell yeah As he's proven. A lot of problems. Four would be an absolute nightmare. It's like any group of four people, normally one of you's in a bad mood at any given time. Why draw the line at four as well? Yeah. Very arbitrary. Is it just logistical? Yeah. Just the housing stock does not exist to have bigger harems. Is it harem? Is that an insensitive term? I feel like it's on the harem spectrum. Because is a harem like when you literally have like 30... Yeah. concubines it's like cult vibes isn't it yeah what is a harim Jack's googling oh it's a household reserved for the wives concubines female relatives and servants where male strangers are forbidden right so you just keep all your wives there or yeah yeah but it's kind of come to just mean the coterie of women right yeah anyway he's got about 170 caps for Egypt so I guess fair fucks anyway Egyptian football is mental so I was then sort of having a bit of a walk down memory lane of funny Egyptian football stories.

23:09We talked before about when Mark Clattenburg went there to be ref's chief. And he was like managing all the refs and Zamalek, which were a big club, they got a really tough refereeing call. And the owner of Zamalek, who's a mad bastard, Mortad Mansour, he spread a rumor that Mark Clattenburg was secretly having an affair with a man, which - Didn't go down well. Mark Clattenburg is married and that shit ain't kosher in Egypt. Not at all, is it? And I think - And Klats had to flee the country within like 24 hours. Good little tidbit, that. Klats was also, he was on Under the Cosh, the pod, great pod, last summer.

23:46He was talking about all the gifts teams give refs. You were allowed a certain level of gift. So he said, Barcelona in the refs dressing room, there was always a little tablet with some shirts and little things. Bayern Munich would give you a Mont Blanc pen. Real Madrid would give you the best hotel. But then some clubs would go too far, he said. I had a situation in Azerbaijan where they offered me a female after the match Azerbaijan, South Korea that kind of vibe that's real South Korean it's endemic always the refs but he anyway Mark insists he turns it down a true professional yeah that's probably why Mansoor accused him before the season even kicks off soccer fans are already making predictions who wins the league who qualifies for Europe and who's lifting the trophy at season's end on Calci America's number one prediction market platform you're trading against peers in a live market meaning there's no house.

24:33And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calci.com slash regulatory. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser. But Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.

25:13Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. Have no fear. Chosen Foods is here to defend your favorite foods from the forces of seedy oils and sketchy ingredients. with cooking oils, salad dressings, and mayo, all powered by the good fats from 100 % pure avocado oil and simple, delicious ingredients. Chosen foods. Albanian side Dinamo Tirana reached the Europa Conference League playoffs this week. Quite a big deal, and if you were playing for Dinamo, you'd probably think maybe in a couple of weeks, you'll get a little cash bonus from the chairman.

25:53I don't think they were thinking the president of the football club would walk into the locker room with a bag full of cash and start chucking it at the players. We're just going to have a quick look at this video from Ardy and Bardi, the chairman now. He's buzzing. Is that a sack of cash? In he comes with a sack. Oh, yeah. Out comes the cash.

26:24Alex, class.

26:30I do think I do think like swag 10 out of 10, but the execution of the cash being thrown is like two out of 10. There's not really much. There's like two stacks. Yeah. Look, he moves like Conor McGregor. Yeah. I was going to say he's got like swag, like Conor McGregor, almost like ape like. Yeah. Is it making it rain if you just drop two stacks? Yeah. I was going to say you've got to chuck it in the air make it rain if you want it proper swag yeah very balkan yeah i felt because do you remember that guy ronnie brunswick the owner in suriname i want to say he's vice president of suriname and owns a club and after they had like a regional champions league fixture and he went to the away dressing room and just pulled out stacks and was just peeling them off and handing them out like a sort of like crime boss grandfather yeah it was he had he executed better yeah yeah yeah you've got to be proper swaggy if you're going to do that it does remind me a little bit of the Romanian football club owner in the 90s they just won the league I think I can't remember what club it was and he came on the pitch with his lion it's got a scarf on it's got a scarf and there's a really good video they try and interview the lion after he's finished

27:42oh my god and over to you the mic presumably sedated up to his eyeballs looks a bit she's had free value in the poor fucker looks a bit overwhelmed doesn't it yeah we need a Balkan football special episode don't we big time there's madness in them hills cricket your fave I can see the retention graph dropping on YouTube just from that one word England are playing Pakistan at Lords this week heavy favourites they smashed them in the first game obviously their former captain Ben Stokes won't be there and he's been busy reminding them what they've been missing. He's playing for Durham. Playing well, isn't he?

28:22Yeah, mate, he's pulling up trees. He took seven wickets, scored two half centuries in the last game. But crucially, he also showed that he's still capable of doing what he does best, which is getting in trouble on a shit night out in Derby. So Durham, they smashed Derbyshire and Stokes and his teammates, they went out to Molly Malone's Irish Tavern. Of course. Which looks all right. He can't help himself, can he? No, I mean, we'll get on to the wise. But he was not on his own. He was joined by Brydon Kass, the fast bowler, who was in the England squad to play Pakistan this week. Unfortunately, Brydon ended up being handcuffed by police, which was caught on video.