The footballer who took LSD before matches (with Charlie Milner)

33:41More cock art. That might be more erotic. I think the cat's always because it could actually be quite sexy. Quite hot. Yeah. Elephant is not sexy. No. Elephant's fucking rancid. Swinging its trunk. I can really... Yeah. I also like that he was banned repeatedly for doing that, which implies that they did keep letting him back in. You can imagine the conversations he's having with the bouncer on the door. No more elephants. Like Robin, I've told you before, you could come in, but you've got... You've got to promise me no elephant you're not going to do the elephant again are you robert no sir of course not

34:17straight in barely on the dance again 10th ban of the fucking month yeah back to back to churchills for him yeah get away with that sort of thing but didn't he live above like a fucking grandpa like something sad yeah we're coming on to coming on to that actually so um in his second season at reading robin becomes good mates with Eamon Dunphy, who, another footballer, he's a Millwall legend, actually came through the Man United Academy with George Best. He's big in Ireland because he's on TV. He's on TV a lot there now. I've not heard of this guy. He's really funny. Yeah. Still now. He's on Irish TV.

34:52He's like one of the big parties there. Everyone always says he's constantly pissed. I don't know if it's true. He's very funny. He looks like he probably is. We could do an episode. Irish listeners will know him well. Yeah. Apparently the two of them, they get on like a house on fire. They're always doing drugs on the backseat of the bus after games. Just the cramp twins. Just living it. Yeah. And so Reading's manager, Charlie Hurley, you might think that, why is he tolerating this kind of thing? But he loves Robin and he sees a lot of potential in him. Yeah. But he is beginning to try and rein in his extracurricular activities.

35:24So he gets Robin to agree to not drink for 48 hours before matches. Right. Which Robin agrees to and just takes LSD instead. I mean, it's fair. It's like how if you're Muslim, you can't get pissed. Just do drugs. Yeah. The workaround. No. Makes sense. So he's doing acid, what, the night before the game? I guess, yeah. He's not sort of like playing while fucked. He's tripping through the pre-match team meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Just hoping, just thinking, it's going to wear off soon. Checking his watch. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a terrible choice of drug. For a football match? Yeah. I mean, there's not many good ones, but doing acid.

36:00I've got a friend who did acid and then she permanently for about four years had the faint image of the TFL logo. Like, and everything, like right now, I'd be looking at you and I'd just see a kind of a small TFL hologram. The most boring side effects. That's so good how boring it is. I guess you'd rather that than like a kind of terrifying monster. Yeah, you would. It's not too scary. But having something that mundane is incredible. Transport for London. Pete Doherty said when he first did ACID, they said, do it somewhere where you feel familiar. So he did it at QPR Stadium. And was like, big mistake.

36:35yeah that'd be fucking horrific I don't know if it was if he broke in or if it was during a game but I don't think you want to be around a crowd no being in a fucking crowd he'd be so stimulated and scared did he are we about to hear he scored a hat trick or something Robin saw the fucking TFL logo I'm sure he did yeah he just saw the TFL logo this is a fucking nightmare can't even see me elephant anymore

36:58Charlie Hurley the manager's next effort to try and cower up his excess is to move Robin into the flat above Reading's retired groundsman who you've got a feel for really like this poor poor bloke he's worked his whole career looking after the pitch looking forward to a quiet retirement got a fucking pension got his pension and then Robin Friday moves into the flat above him and is just banging LSD just like blaring out heavy metal yeah because he knows Robin so he knows what's coming yeah yeah yeah but it's like heartbreak like it's basically like an old man trying to sleep at an afters it's like this heartbreaking thing imagine him there like please banging on the ceiling with the bruise please make it stop you know it's like must have been awful yeah do you think Robin gives a shit or even acknowledges him I don't think he even realises it Robin's so young he's like early 20s yeah you're a bit of a cunt at that age about that kind of thing aren't you yeah definitely he also probably thinks that he lives downstairs from lives upstairs from like a pink elephant yeah he's pretty on board with all these kind of things score more with the college branded Venmo debit card and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash.

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39:30So good, so good, so good. Introducing the new Chicken Bacon Ranch Street Chalupas at Taco Bell. You can't get just one because they come in twos. One for you and one to share with a friend who loves Taco Bell and slow-roasted chicken, bacon, and avocado ranch as much as you do. Or just eat both of them because nobody really loves slow-roasted chicken, bacon, and avocado ranch like you do. Go ahead. I won't tell. The new Chicken Bacon Ranch Street Chalupas at Taco Bell. Get two today at participating U.S. Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last. And yeah, the manager, he's constantly having to bail Robin out of various scrapes that he gets into.

40:15Has to bail him out of prison for dodging train fares. But he's still delivering on the pitch and Reading get promoted that season to the third division. The cracks are starting to appear in squad harmony. so at the end of the season this local farmer had promised the squad all the meat from a cow as their reward for promotion weird prize and it is yeah but he'd even the entire rump will be yours see that cow yeah well he actually invites he invites the squad down to his farm to pick out the cow that they want to slaughter I mean that's how much football's changed yeah now you get 500 grand now you're gonna have a cow yeah we're going to Hackney City Farm so what does everyone get their cut everyone gets because some cuts Well, yeah, so the players, they're all looking forward to buzzing down to collect their prime cuts of rump steak and sirloin.

41:07And by the time when they actually come to collect it, all that's left is carrier bags filled with lowest quality mints and this just boiling beef. Boiling beef? What is boiling beef? It's like the worst bit. It's like make a stew with it. It's the offal, I think, is all that's left. Like the kind of organs. Or just a really tough bit that you would just do a stew with. Right. anyway it turns out the managers got there first and nicked all the good cuts he's basically taking the whole cat out he's left a few fucking hoofs it's unheard of as well the manager bailing him out that's like what Pep bailing out fucking De Bruyne I guess you've got one phone call and you're calling up the gaffer yeah well maybe only number he can remember or do they just call the gaffer for you yeah maybe I reckon he's a regular in the sales.

41:56Back then it's more, you know, like the kind of father-son element of like managers where like, I guess Alex Ferguson is the only one I can think of where it's like he's basically like literally dead. Yeah, his dad. Is that now, is there any of that nowadays, do you think? Yeah, I think it's a little bit but way less, isn't it? Yeah, like a respect for the manager but like it doesn't feel like you want to make him proud almost back then and like... Whereas now he's like, it's transactional, isn't it? Yeah. It's way more professional now I think they're like... But then it's like, yeah, because they were, you know, they were like proper scrapes with managers.

42:25He's bailing him out of fucking prison. Yeah. Nowadays, it's, yeah. It feels much more like actually like a family style relationship. Yeah, I think in the film, Charlie, the manager, is like a key sort of character. Really? Oh, there is no film. I'm just saying if we made one. Right. Which we should. Which we will. He would be the sort of, that would be one of the key dynamics. Definitely, yeah. Because Robin loves the manager, sort of, doesn't he? Well, he just loves going around for dinner because he's got a prime fillet steak. you left me the fucking awful it's not all bad though because Robin also gets a promotion bonus and spends that summer just caning it Ibiza yeah well he's actually he booked a holiday to Gibraltar such a shit choice of holiday my darling whatever you might say about Gibraltar Robin is looking forward to that holiday he can't wait and so is his new fiance Lisa who's they've booked to go away together but then on the day of the flight robin decides that he doesn't much fancy go with liza and he'd actually much prefer to go with his flatmate sid so he just empties liza's suitcase fills it up with sid's stuff and they leg it liza and sid's girlfriend give chase and catch up with them eventually at the airport uh sid sid recalls it later he said they were shouting and screaming they were shouting and screaming at us we just got through customs robin shouted we'll send you a ticket tomorrow we never did what they just fucked off for like a month.

43:50You can't fucking do that. Sid as well. Yeah, Sid. I'm going with Sid. He will, Sid will lead you astray. Yeah. That's fucking, even that's unheard of. That's like some fucking, what's that? It kind of reminds me of like Love Actually for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite sort of slapstick. Yeah. You could see the two of them with like rolling pins in the airport. Emptying out the suitcase. That's why he stepped too far. It's just that thing of those blokes in that era of like the missus is livid but I'm going to do it anyway yeah like also apparently she used to meet him she used to meet the team bus coming back on away trips to like catch him before he tried to go out so he started getting the bus to stop like a mile earlier and he would just fuck off so she wasn't wouldn't catch him he permanently lived in the dog out yeah exactly it's dog life yeah yeah there's a charm to that i don't i have no partner what is it you don't want to be i walk alone no no one wants me but like i imagine like actually being in i did have one i had a lady once and i still love her and she um being in the doghouse actually if it's the right form of doghouse it's lovely there's like there's a charm to the there's definitely something in the there's an area of doghouse where it's like i'm in doghouse is that real doghouse or is that just oh you no there is if it's a bit real but you can kind of work your way out of it if you like done something fucked then obviously doghouse it's better when they're angry than upset obviously yes angry is definitely better than upset yeah i mean are you ever in the doghouse?

45:13I try not to be. What was your, like, have you had any, like, recent notable doghouses? No, I've been very good, actually. I guess you're, it's like, must be baby stuff. Yeah, when you, yeah, as a parent, I feel bad. Yeah, I'm trying to think. If you go to the World Cup. My wife's very relaxed as well. Right. So it's hard to get in the doghouse. You have to really work to. Yeah, I'm trying to think, what? Do you think he cares about the doghouse? No, not at all. Robin doesn't give a shit. No. He doesn't, It doesn't really bother Liz. Is he aware of the concept? He's just like, it's lying. Everything's doghouse.

45:40Yeah. I'm going with Sid. Me and Sid are going to Gibraltar. Sid. What's Sid saying about this? Thanks for this. I've never left the UK. This is fucking brilliant. If you leave yours, I'll leave mine. And what, they're in Gibraltar for just like, it's like a month, isn't it? They get like a month off in the summer. I don't know if they're there for the whole trip. I reckon they'd both get over the Spanish border, get up to some capers there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And despite what you might think is a bit of a red flag, Lisa still goes ahead and marries Robin. Good for her. And their wedding sounds mental.

46:17For some reason, Southern Television have filmed it. That's an MTV sort of wedding. Yeah, for like... Royal wedding. Yeah, yeah. For like a fourth division footballer. It's on TV. But he's got a rep as a party guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if maybe it's like sort of a local... He's popular with the Reading fans, so it's going to be a hit among them. And the TV cameras definitely get what they came for because Friday turns up, he's wearing this open-necked tiger-skin patterned shirt, brown velvet suit, snake-skin boots. Wow. I wish we could see it. There's no footage, sadly. That's one next archives trip.

46:53Yeah. I can try and get that. I can imagine he looks fucking, he looks the business. Oh, yeah. Big time. And he gets out of the car, sits down the steps of the church and rolls a joint. there's 200 guests at this wedding apparently before before the ceremony everyone's just milling around outside the church blazing it up his wife recalls the vicar was laughing because he thought what a happy congregation that's lovely yeah fortunately unfortunately the good vibes don't last on innocent vicar this is how I imagine your wedding to be Charlie yeah I hope so but I don't want there to be I don't want any hard drugs at my wedding for the service right it wouldn't be this That's before God.

47:35That's consecrated. I can picture you. And then it really, really, really just ends. I can picture you sort of in that outfit. Yeah. Marrying a child. Yeah, I hope to be in something slightly more fruity than fucking like a tux. How do people even get married now? It's so far away from... You just wear a suit. Really? Yeah. Is there any rules? You can't get married in jeans, can you? I think you can, yeah. You can wear whatever you want. Maybe not in church. Yeah. The guests, it's sort of a weird guest list. There's a mix of Robin and Lisa's hippie mates, Robin's East End gangster pals, and then their family is just the sort of dotty old aunt.

48:11Someone, possibly Robin, decides to spike the rum punch with LSD. So everyone from these East End gangsters to grandma. Nanny Pat. That's quite crazy. That's quite aggressive. It is. And also like you could kill, I feel like people could actually go mad. Yeah. Especially if you're like an old man. if you just like love run punch you're going to be you're going to lose your mind yeah I get the feeling Robin isn't somebody who thinks a lot about consequences apparently she couldn't she couldn't say I do or something because she was so oh really yeah the biggest chatting to her she's like I guess she'd probably just be like she's so delighted yeah she's just euphoric she's not looking for it yeah so what she just couldn't speak she couldn't say I do that's fantastic she's got a pass yeah just nod for I do the wedding does start to descend into just drug-fueled chaos guests end up fighting each other lobbing chairs around also just stealing the couple's wedding presents apparently they his wife said she came back came at the end of the night to look go through the presents there was just nothing left one of the gifts was a large quantity of cannabis which Robin did manage to get hold of before his mates thank god he found that Is that like everyone clubbed together and just bought them a big bag of weed?

49:33Fuck everything else. Where is the bag? Yeah. Apparently during the wedding, he was just sitting there, just rolling joints, giving them out to all his elderly aunts and uncles. It sounds like pretty joyous. Yeah. Yeah. I think a good time was had by all. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it must've done. Yeah. A few people bugging out in the corner. Sure. Yeah. Not everyone's going to come. Where are we? To Aunty Pat. Why am I in a church? Aunty Pat said to spend the next 48 hours staring at the sea. Yeah. I don't do. Who am I? Yeah. Crazy. By the end, all these old women had tucked their dresses into their knickers and were jumping around on the lawn.

50:08This is awesome. Sounds like a great wedding. It's getting quite... English garden party. Did you ever watch Calendar Girls? You know, where all the old ladies make a naked calendar. It's got that like sort of cheeky British... For sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The vicar was just watching on astonished. These guys are having the best time ever. Holding his tea. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Straight from the wedding, uh robin and lisa head off to amsterdam for their honeymoon where else they go robin's got his pockets is stuffed full of drugs and he decides to bang a load of speed before the flight as well that sounds horrible just to keep doing yeah he just just has it has a lot of why do you want to be on speed on a plane yeah that's about the worst place you could be well he does start to get a bit of paranoia uh when they land at shippel airport airport and robin decides to to stuff all his dope in his mouth unfortunately he forgets that he's also got chewing gum in and Lisa Lisa said later we spent the night my wedding night trying to separate dope from the chewing gum god just like I always dreamed as a little girl I can actually really picture that scene we'll go out for dinner in a bit yeah there's Wrigley's all over my weed that's important yeah why do you need to bring weed to Amsterdam exactly I was wondering that Coles to Newcastle yeah or speed speed and weed on your wedding I guess it could be fun yeah you need one to balance out the other does he sort of need it yeah I think he probably does absolutely need it given he's been on methadrone since he was like 14 so unsurprisingly considering what he gets up to in his spare time Robbins' form on the pitch collapses really he's just he's caning drugs missing training all the time he gets gets subbed off on a during a 4-0 defeat to Mansfield and the local paper says that Robbins had a stinker and he certainly does because when he's subbed off he goes straight to the opposition dressing room and shits in the bath iconic what a fucking response yeah I like the idea of this you know what happened in the match that yeah why they deserve that yeah the rage the rage you must feel to shit in someone else's bath yeah and it's like as soon as he sees his number called he knows where he's going what he's doing yeah I'm shitting in your bath do you think he needed a shit and asked to be subbed so you could go and shit in the bath I don't know in the bath maybe a bit of both when you smash as many drugs as he does you do lose control of some of your faculties you're only quite a good pooer but you could have gone you can go at any opportunity yeah yeah I bet do we think it was a filled bath or because I think empty baths are almost worse I'm imagining it completely empty and it's actually like there's like flaky bits of the bath yeah that's worse it's really disgusting yeah rusty bath yeah poo in a rusty bath is grim we can agree on that if you take one thing from this episode let it be that don't poo in a rusty bath I remember actually when my brother was little and he was probably like three or four and he had a friend around and I could hear them in our bathroom like they were just like giggling and just like kind of sounded like they were up to something and I like crept up and looked around the bathroom door and his friend had his trousers around his ankles which was perched on the edge of the bath just shitting where?

53:34in the bath? in our bath with water? no no it was just empty Robin Friday he just bro that's insane just shut in there was it your brother or his mate? it was my brother's mate my brother was egging him on it was egging him on I mean you would be laughing yeah you'd be pissing himself I've still I've got to quite see it into my memory just with a turn what did you say? You crack on. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, just shut the door and pretend you haven't seen it. Yeah, friendship is beautiful. Yeah, I did, I've got to admit that I did sort of realise what was going on and let them continue.

54:06Let them break it up. You can't stop them doing that. Too weird to get in there and be like this kind of weird referee. Yeah. It started now. Yeah, yeah. Let it happen. It's like nature. So, yeah, by this point, Robin Friday, he's fallen out of the club. They're getting a bit tired of his antics, shitting in places. smashing drugs not turning up to training he also fell out of them because he was asking for a pay rise which judging by his off-field antics he probably hadn't earned but he demands to leave and Reading agree yeah they sort of think he's peaked don't they because he's got all this shit going on if your guy's pooing in the bath he's peaked yeah that's when you know surely yeah if you wait long enough for him to poo in the bath he's too late no however he still gets interest from some big clubs Arsenal, Liverpool and Man City are all interested till they run a cursory background check and then they run a fucking mile.

55:01So instead, instead it's second tier Cardiff. And we should say second tier is a lot closer to the first tier back then than it is now. Like it's, it's a big club, 30 grand transfer fee. That's, that's not nothing. And you know, he's, he's happy he's got his moves. So naturally he goes out to celebrate the night before, night before the contract signing, goes out on the piss in London, wakes up fucking hungover and it's like, oh God, I've got to go to Wales. Yeah. So off he goes to Paddington and, you know, Robin Friday doesn't buy train tickets. Fuming as well. I bet he's absolutely livid. Yeah, Wales, fucking train.

55:31We're going to fucking Wales. Wales? What is Wales? Yeah, never heard of it. Anyway, naturally, he's not buying a ticket. Never does. So he tries to dodge a fare on the train and on this occasion he's caught. He can't talk his way out of it or impersonate a policeman. And so when he gets off at Cardiff, he's arrested at the station by the transport police and the police ring his new manager and say, we've got your new signing here. Can you, can you come and bail? Can you come and take him? Hey boy, yo, gaffer, we got your new signing. Can you come and bail him out? So the new gaffer who hasn't even signed this player yet, his first meeting with the player is bailing him out of fucking jail.

56:13Yeah, what a start that is. For dodging a train ticket. Obviously, Friday stinks of booze as well. And so once he's bailed him out, it takes him straight to the stadium and signs the contract. but that's kind of the same as that kind of father you know it's like your emergency contact almost it's like it's the manager which I do think is quite it kind of sounds like as he bails him out he just goes are you my new daddy then yeah exactly lend us a fiver to be fair that instant loyalty is repaid because on his debut against Fulham Robin Friday scores two and they win so you're getting the yin and the yang straight away you can't really be mad at him but if he's doing yeah well that's the thing He does also squeeze the great Bobby Moore's bollocks in that match.

56:54Anyway, after the game, the manager is so over the moon with this rough diamond he signed that he phones Robin's old manager at Reading, Charlie Hurley, to thank him for letting him join, at which point Charlie replies, Jimmy, you've only had him four days. Give it a few months. Yeah, true. Because he knows. He's been through the Robin Friday infatuation. Yeah. Immediately you'd be like, this guy is a fucking... I did have to bail him out on the way to... But then that is part of the charm. He goes and then scores a fucking double. It's a beautiful thing. You know that kind of ball squeezing thing that he does?

57:28That sort of physical intimidation where it's like this terrifying kind of like... He was like kissing defenders and shit, wasn't he? The slightly homoerotic aggression. Like this kind of like... Almost like gay soldier who doesn't understand consent that's like... Is dying to win. It's like that's a fucking horrific... If you're a defender, you'd be like, can we not do? Let's have a little dance. Shall we princess? It's quite prison. Yeah, it is. Learned a few things in there. Apparently though, his teammates pretty quickly are like, this guy's taking the piss. So after a game, he doesn't even shower.

58:04He just grabs a bottle of martini from the dressing room and just goes straight out with his stuff in a carrier bag. But he stinks. They say he doesn't train. Never see him at training. Sometimes he doesn't show up for matches because he's too hungover or still out. and you know the teammates are getting quite annoyed with this and they're even more frustrated when one day he does show up for training and ends up punching a teammate in the face the bloke's in a neck brace for two weeks he must have fucking lampton neck brace proper like rock back head why did he punch him don't know just because he loves he just loves it do you need a reason when you're on brother yeah true apparently he's just up in London all the time he's never in Cardiff he's just out partying in London never buys a train ticket he's got this trick to dodge the fare where he pretends to be a ticket inspector and goes and bangs on the toilet door when someone's in there at which point he persuades the person to slide their ticket under the door to show him and he just naps the ticket and legs it that's genius that is really fucking good can you imagine tickets please it's bad enough having to have a shit on a train and then having to deal with the ticket inspector while you'd be like can you just wait get me on the way back fuck off or something's getting thrown about you take it alright fine and finally you get out there and you're like he's fucking nicked my ticket He's done it again.

59:16Yeah. But he loves like, it's such a mad like, again, the impersonation thing where it's like, I'm going to be, pretends to be like, he's like pretending to be kind of middle ground members of authority or like sort of a copper or like a ticket inspector. Yeah. Is that just because it's quite fun? I think so, yeah. It'd be like, it kind of in charge, I guess. Or just save money. It's very entrepreneurial. It's quite 60s and 70s, I think. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That summer, after his first season at Cardiff, he just spends the whole thing partying. Although I say partying, apparently his drug of choice at this point is an opiate called Diconal, known as Dykes on the street.

59:58It's not exactly like Infernos. It's kind of like scary partying. Yeah, it's like... I'm in a fucking squat. Yeah, in a squat. Sat down. Don't recognise anyone except a few cracky fellas. You are, Dykes! You are! Yeah, Dykes, they're on. Pink pills. so apparently they're quite strong alternatives to morphine basically it's not really like it's not really glamorous George Best style like cocktail bars but they did all the rock stars did have their heroin phase didn't they? Keith Richards, Jimi Hendrix they all I think doing but then there's a kind of I guess it's the same anywhere but in America it feels a bit more kind of glamour where this is just like in some fucking shithole in West London.

1:00:44Yeah, so that summer's sort of Robin Friday's lost summer. He shows up for pre-season training two months late. I guess we're in like September or something. I was looking, there's a book where a lot of these stories come from by Paolo Hewitt and by Guigzi, the guitarist from Oasis. He co-wrote it. But anyway, it's quite like a chaotic book. It's quite hard to fully follow everything. But I was trying to work out. Because everyone's on gear. Yeah, everyone's on fucking dikes. but anyway two months late apparently and he tells his teammates that he the reason he's been away is he had dysentery which i mean given the shitting in the opponent's bath is plausible yeah and he's lost two stone from the smack i guess so everyone believes him because they're like clearly you've been fucking ill yeah yeah you look fucked robin absolute ghost but it actually comes out years later there was another explanation for why he was back so late he'd been banged up back in jail in Pentonville slammer where he had been thrown for once again impersonating a policeman he loves it he fucking loves it it's great what is that that's a consistent theme it was a fetish you mean it's almost like a king I think it's just because he also says that he hates police but then he wants to be one what's the ultimate way to get back at them oh wait no I think it's did you yeah this is the reason he's doing it this time is he's made a fake police ID card and was standing in Piccadilly Circus confiscating drugs off people.

1:02:08It's the tickets, please. Yeah, it's the tickets, please, all over again. Drugs, please. Dokeys, please. Opiate, please. You want to even methadone? So yeah, he's basically just like, spots people up to no good. Is that what police do? Undercover police? They just take your drugs off you on the spot. Yeah, off you go. Stick it in my pocket, mate. You're probably wondering how did he get caught while eventually he tried doing it to an undercover policeman who arrested him. An actual undercover policeman. So does that mean the undercover policeman was doing drugs. Yeah, I probably not. Read the room.

1:02:39I reckon he'd look normal and Rob would just say like, he might have some. Because don't you always, undercover police are quite easy to spot, I think. I remember being at a - Super dry hoodie. Yeah, Normie, I remember being at a music festival in the Isle of Wight, like, I was probably 20 and there was some blokes who were in like, rugby shirts and then like, just cut like, very obvious jeans, out of fashion jeans. Yeah, and everyone was like, having it large in there, just in the middle like this. Yeah, and we did see them, bust someone they were undercover police but it's like you're too obvious I had that in um in Outlook you know Outlook first from Croatia there's like everyone's like fucking 18 and from England and there's like some 40 year old Croatian guy just there like yeah like you're you're definitely after us yeah reflective reflective mirror sunglasses yeah yeah this is so good well anyway he was busted and they they chucked him in Pentonville for two months damn um anyway they throw him straight into the team even though he's two months late addicted to smack and has just been in jail they're like well fuck it you are really good and it's brighton big game away game it's a nice away trip brighton yeah beach they're staying in a lovely seafront hotel uh which robin slightly spoils when he rips the tv off the wall in his hotel room and nicks it they still pick him for the match what's he done that for just just sell it yeah i think we're in the stage of like need stuff for cash yeah scratching uh in the game itself he does slightly lose his head.

1:04:03He gets into a fight with Mark Lawrenson who's marking him. It's hard to imagine Mark Lawrenson being like aggressive, but he was... You can imagine getting in a fight. I think he's probably quite annoying. Yeah, he's annoying. Yeah. Where do you think you're going? Yeah. He's a do-good accompany man, isn't he? Hey, that hurt. To be fair... You've got to pay for that. Robin overreacts a little bit. He kicks him in the face during some scuffle. He's sent off and he marches straight to the Brighton dressing room. and takes a shit in Mark Lawrenson's kit badge. You've done it now. It must be getting to the point where if you see Robin Friday walking off with a certain look on his face, you're like, he's going to get a shit in the opposition jersey.

1:04:44In the kit bag as well. In his kit bag. Mark Lawrenson's... It's all over my key. Ah, my wallet.

1:04:54I'm picturing a hairbrush that's got loads of shit in it. That is quite heartbreaking. Yeah, he's got a little locket with a picture of his wife in. Yeah, yeah. covered in shit now smeared in shit Trudy and then Robin goes to his own dressing room gets all his teammates clothes and chucks them in the bath no shit but then he storms out the ground yeah shit pooing he didn't poo in that bath didn't poo in that bath but his teammates then have to end up borrowing Brighton's training kit for the journey home so spare a thought for whoever got Mark Lawrenson's kit fuck he doesn't give just handing out the bags he does not care at all no well this is quite a strength this is the end he only ever plays one more game for Cardiff and then he tells the manager I'm retiring he's 25 and he's just hung up his boots but I guess his body is probably like 50 at this point yeah I mean he's got other bigger fish to fry really bigger rocks to fry I guess so yeah he it's also weird because his career is like because didn't he basically leave when he did a shit in Reading yeah I like his book ended by pooing in a bath.

1:06:03It's the signature. The calling card. That'll be his last fixture. He's done the poo again. Of course we know the traditional signs. Something to remember. We had a good run. Mark Lawrenson, it's hard to think of a funnier person. Mark Lawrenson is covered in poo. I mean, that's quite like a worthy sacrifice though. What, if I'm shitting on anyone, I'm pooing on Mark Lawrenson. Yeah. Loro. Yeah. He's just got a face for it. If I'm pooing on a footballer, it's Mark Lawrenson. I'll die on that hill. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think anyone at Match of the Day ever did that to Mark? Did Alan Hansen also do that when he stole his line on Match of the Day?

1:06:36I'm sure they're constantly putting on Mark in Match of the Day. Yeah, just in the green room. Again, Mark. Mark, need toilet. Anyway, with the pesky business of football all over, Robin can get back to what he does best. And he's back in London, back in the squats. And he actually gets arrested just a month after his football career ends for selling opiates in Piccadilly Circus Station for a quid. These would be more dykes, I would have thought. More dykes. So it's just openly dealing now. Is Piccadilly Circus... I assume if you buy drugs there now, it would be a bag of oregano, right? Probably, yeah.

1:07:13But back then, it's a bit more swinging, isn't it? Yeah. It's a bit more like... Yeah, it's all happening. Do you know what I mean? You've got to know Soho is like the place to be. Yeah, people have got fur coats. Now it's like flash mobs and guys with glow-in-the-dark de-avelos. Yeah, selfie sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like those little kind of, those drone things that like fly down. Yeah, exactly. It's hard to imagine. You're not getting anything good. You're not going to see like, is that second tier footballer Robin Friday selling pound coin dikes? What a time to be alive. Yeah. What is the equivalent of that though?

1:07:42It's like finding, who are you finding now selling like, I guess it's like, again, Aaron Cresswell. It's like Aaron Cresswell's just like selling K in fucking like Manchester Piccadilly. Yeah. Yeah, maybe in, yeah, who's, who would you, Who's the most druggie footballer now? Obviously, the mind goes to Grealish, but he's balloons. I don't know. Do you know what is balloons? Yeah. With a big cracker thing. Because there's that video of him, like, cunted chatting to the fans, but I don't think he's on anything like... No. I just don't think they can get away with anything. Laughing Gas is the one they have.

1:08:15Other than that, yeah. Yeah. They're not doing anything else. When they won the title, he stayed up for, like, 24 hours, which... Did he? Yeah, I think so. He had to get a wheelchair In the airport To the plane Or they offered him a wheelchair I think he was being like Carried through the airport In some photos He's got quite like Sort of ketamine footwork Do you know what I mean? Yeah There's a Bambi on ice quality Yeah But yeah It just wouldn't fucking happen now Would any Professional football Not in a public place No Shame That's what they took from us Yeah Yeah Footballers on gear Bring them back Selling smack I mean he's taking it pretty far I'm sure like A lot of footballers got on it but this is taking a piss.

1:08:54You can't be selling opiates for a quid in picture. Yeah. What are you doing? It's quid quite a lot then? It's like a fiver, isn't it? Probably, yeah. He doesn't make quite enough to keep himself going though because he also goes back to work as an asphalter and a decorator. Moves back with his parents and acts. It was fun to move back with the parents. Yeah. I think it's probably the best place for him. Yeah. Surely that's kind of wake up call. I'm living at my mum's and I'm selling opiates. He's just dykey. How old am I? Is he 25? 25. Exactly. It's still time for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So actually 3 ,000 Cardiff fans signed a petition to get him to come out of retirement and come back to the club.

1:09:32Right. And the manager hears about this petition, calls Friday, tells him about it. It's like, look, the fans want you back. It's quite a lot of people. It's like, yeah. Also, it's not change.org. You've got to like physically get penalty. Yeah, they really want him back. And he tells him, look, Robert, if you just settle down for three or four years, kick the dikes, you could play for England. you can do this go cold turkey yeah and Friday replies by asking the manager how old are you and do you want a dyke yeah are you three three for the price of two just for you and a quid for the train yeah and so he asked the manager how old are you and the manager tells him and Robin replies look I'm half your age and I've lived twice your life which is probably true you will live to half the age Yeah, some people view it like that, I guess.

1:10:24He has lived, to be fair. Yeah, he's had a good time. Has he lived? Hard and dumb. I mean, he's lived hard. Has he lived smart, though? I don't know. Yeah, it's... He's lived hard and dumb, really. He's the opposite of the Brian Johnston extension guy. I'd rather be him than Brian Johnston. Yeah, me too. That guy's a freak. Yeah. It doesn't look fun. I'm glad he exists. It's fun to watch. I'm the healthiest person in the entire world. No, you're not, mate. You sort of... He is our generation's Robin Friday, isn't he? sort of the like taking what we are to the extreme yeah true in the opposite direction yeah do you think Robin Friday would have been in the enhanced games if he lived in that era what getting steroids yeah probably that'd be a good sign he'll do it as long as it's like a powder because they should they should do it in enhanced games but just with recreational drugs yeah yeah football with recreational drugs yeah they'd always be hugging in the middle I fucking love you I hate I hate all this football stuff what's your favourite colour

1:11:24we don't need winners we're all winners I need to call my dad more

1:11:36Robin actually does nearly make a comeback he goes and trains with Brentford in 1978 but doesn't last he bins it off really and after that it does get quite sad he dies in 1990 from a heroin overdose. Right. That last decade is best not to dwell on. Yeah. How old was he when he died then? 38? Fuck. 32 he was born. He's 38. 38. It's really, I reckon that last decade is incredibly grim. Yeah. How are you dealing with that in the film? I think surely that's like a quick two minute, just like black and white, sad, just him like floating around bins. It does lack around bins. I think he's spending a lot of time in the bin zone.

1:12:17Yeah. Or do you just end it with shitting in the kit bag. Was it pooing? A lot of open dedication. Mark Lawrenson's kit bag. Pooing Mark Lawrenson. And then the credits roll. Yeah, that's beautiful. And he lives happily ever after. That's a happy ending, if ever I heard one. Yeah. He winks to the camera, closes the door. Mark Lawrenson. Oh, and then he winks to the camera. Fades to grey. Mark Lawrenson as himself. Yeah. He does leave a hell of a legacy. So in 1999, Friday was named by Reading as the player of the millennium for them, which is slightly misleading that's insane they've only existed for 100 years but yeah wait what is a millennium thousand years the player of the thousand years football's only been going for I mean that's more impressive though fuck it let him have it yeah the Super Furry Animals the Welsh rock band they release a single in his honour called The Man Don't Give a Fuck it's got him on the cover giving it the V sign what's that song like should we stick it on maybe we end on that fade out that's nice to yeah but yeah he's widely considered the most rock and roll footballer for good reason.

1:13:18Definitely. He must be. Pooing, pondering each other's balls, fucking doing laps. Didn't he do like laps of honor every time he scored? He did like a lap of honor. There was a game where he scored a hat trick and did a lap of honor each time. And then he got sent off. Yeah. Impersonating coppers, robbing graves. Yeah, that's meant... You can't really... I mean, there's not really anything he didn't do. No. I think it lacks the like, oh, he was shagging Marianne Faithful. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. The George Best thing. People weren't trying to shag him, I guess. It's a bit forced with George Best.

1:13:46It's a bit like it became his identity. But he's a bit more ratchet than George Best. Yeah, it's more drugs than booze and shaggy. Yeah, like people don't want to fuck him because he's literally doing heroin in like a bed seat. Yeah, he doesn't want to, he has no libido. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He will just fuck for drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Have we made it sound more fun than it is? I don't think so. I think he had a fucking good time. I think he had a banger. Until the last decade. Yeah, I think it was. The last 12 years. Best not to think about that. But apparently the impersonating thing as well,

1:14:15filed for divorce and he was just like, no, we're not, we're not getting divorced and she was like a stripper or something and he went, he like, in order to, in order to chat to her, he bust into the sort of strip club dressed as a lady and then she like turned around and was like, that, that's a strange looking woman and it was fucking Robin's eyes and like, he's impersonating like, he's doing the elephant, so that's definitely, he's like impersonating policemen, ticket inspectors and strippers. I like that he's got a skill. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's not very good at it, it's a toy, policeman's hat he got away with the train stuff didn't he largely yeah a couple of visits to the old clink yeah he's a he's a fucking rock star what a man Charlie thanks a lot thank you very much check out Charlie's podcasts so Andrew and Charlie investigate Andrew and Charlie investigate Finn vs.

1:14:59History and Boys Gone Wild yeah thanks lads fantastic pleasure do check him out and we'll have you on again we'll have to think of someone I'd love to yeah yeah any nutters like this yeah well they don't get much more nuts but I'm sure you'll find them yeah alright thanks a lot please share the episode with your friend if you enjoyed that and we will leave you with the sound of Welsh rockers, super furry animals singing the Man Don't Give a Fuck.