Today I feel… horny: Infantino’s secret mistress

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0:32Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calsheet.com slash regulatory. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18+.

1:04Welcome back to the Upshot, the show about the funniest stories in sport. This week on the show today, Gianni Infantino's secret mistress. The crime boss busted on the paddle court. And why is Ange Bostecogli wandering around in his boxers? Good question. And we are, of course, sponsored by Injury Lawyers for you. My name is Jack. Hello, Zach. Hi, Jack. And hello, JP. Buongiorno, fuckers. Full house. Full house. What a treat. We're back. We're back. Back from our various live music experiences. Zach's been swaying in the bluegrass. Sure have, yeah. I've been raving to minimal at Houghton. And I have been a...

1:47You've been... Wilderness. I'm not in a fucking wilderness, all right? I just want to clear that one thing up. I'm so offended by the suggestion I was at Wilderness Festival. I saw a picture of you with David Cameron. David and Samantha you're drinking Rode in that yurt in the Verve Clico tent no I was at a festival in Poland called Garbage which you were now decided to name after being very coy about it for the last couple of years I thought I was someone I wasn't Zach, I thought I was cool putting my place this year because you were concerned that there'd be too many people would start going to the festival that was why you were keeping it under wraps that makes me sound like such a cunt why did you not know that then I just thought I thought people would think I was weird thought you wouldn't like me if I said it I think we all know the real reason cats out of the bag and tickets are sold out for next year your festival in Poland has been named yeah you had a naked party at the festival I did I was dancing naked in the rain it felt very primal oh nice but the only problem with dancing naked is a lot of everyone sort of when they're done with the rainy bit wants to be under the small covered area so i just had a lot of cocks pressed against me and everyone can see your pilly willy yeah well they can't see it because it's so pilly but yeah so you're occasionally blowing on it to try and get some warm air on just let me down just a big bush i think a boner would still be worse i think a boner gets you kicked out because it's not a sex party yeah although some people didn't there is a fine line with those things isn't there some people were treading um speaking of sex parties speaking of sex parties oh nice yeah Yeah, Gianni Infantino, who I know that we've been giving him quite a lot of airtime on this podcast recently, which apologies if you're getting sick of the sight of his annoying little face.

3:35But I think in this case, I think people will forgive us for giving him one more mention because Gianni Infantino has been embroiled in a sex scandal. After the last sort of year of his premiership at FIFA, I didn't think there was anything that he could do that could surprise us, but he has now managed to attract a lover, which is beyond me, really. That was not anything that I saw coming. So in case you missed this story, the sleuths at the Daily Telegraph revealed on Saturday that while Jenny Infantino was General Secretary at UEFA in 2011, he had a secret workplace mistress. so she was a sort of junior colleague she was working in an administrative role at uefa uh but while this affair with infantina was allegedly going on she got on a got herself a nice promotion to a management position she was given a 25 grand pay rise tidy uh should say infantina was married with four kids so and her boss and her boss um so according to the paper this this was going on for of around 2011 until that year the woman left uefa very abruptly uh and she was also paid off 150 grand uh just for all her hard work for all her hard work you know it's just a sort of leaving gift 150k doesn't feel enough to sleep with that guy no what is your price i mean it's got to be a milli a bill seven figures to fuck yeah you would to fuck the hood from thunderbirds I want a mil I mean 150 grand I think I'd pay 150 grand if I had slept with Jenny and Fantina I'd pay 150 grand for it not to come out you don't have to to give me hush money I will I will pay you to keep I'll give you the pay rise back to take this to your grave

5:38yeah they also apparently paid her 45 grand tuition fees for an MBA at a business school that's quite a fee for that's quite traditional fee for corruption isn't it yeah quite a set bladder and then so she left UAE for 2011 did this MBA business school and then got another job at a major football like organisation where Infantino allegedly used his connections to get her position do we know which one? no we don't know no we don't know the telegraph probably do we should shout them out fair play they've really fucking gone for it they've done his bins here I mean I'm guessing the source is at UEFA but yeah yeah I mean UEFA clearly they want him gone yeah slightly less corrupt organisation doing his bins to get him out yeah yeah yeah does any part of you like this is gonna be a hard sell but like you know sort of like he's humanised a bit by this one everyone else started to really like this guy you started to get a bit of a soft spot for him yeah I just think like you know 20 cafes are cool you know maybe just 20 % of the world cup rights we could sell 15 yeah he does in my head he was very asexual up to this point yeah he's not someone that I like to picture in that in that in that way or just just like looming over you forehead just gleaming with a bit of sweat oh god yeah do you think he I think he's hairless all over, I reckon.

7:16Ooh. I reckon he's got a bit of a hairy chest and a hairy bush. Snail trail. Yeah. I think I've seen him topless and he has a snail trail. Isn't he sometimes on sort of yachts? I don't know. Yeah. Or a hairy back. I can imagine him having a hairy back. Yeah. I mean, he's got strong eyebrows. Yeah. That's just his wife. Most of the hair on his body is on his eyebrows. Yeah. It's the opposite of my body, actually. We can't find him topless. I must have dreamt that. I was going to say when he was his receptionist at the Naked Tea Party yeah so he's denied this we should say we should say Infantino has strongly denied this FIFA has also come out they put a statement saying that they believe that this story coming out now is in their words a concerted and ongoing effort by some to undermine FIFA and its president is that a denial?

8:10well you could be saying that true but i mean it is it is definitely an attempt to undermine yeah no shit yeah uh i yeah i mean the interesting thing is that it's well we don't we don't know the source but they said that they've spoken to colleagues of this woman at uefa at the time who've sort of given them this story essentially they the story says that they're choosing not to name her yeah I think rightly started yeah yeah do you think she signed an NDA at the time or something like that surely I mean yeah it shows what they're worth sorry I was just thinking with my employer hat on there so I saw the way Telegraph said it they've said allegedly and called her a lover in inverted commas which I don't think really changes the spirit of it but he's denied it yeah he has denied it I mean if this gets proven surely that is the final straw for his job at FIFA as well do you think it's sorry Pickles just having a little little shake shakedown for those listening that's JP's dog JP's dog Pickles I think he's already cooked isn't he everyone's just it's just it's just a question of getting UEFA and the Asian Federation and the North American one just in a room together to discuss how they're gonna who's stabbing first yeah I guess yeah when's the election January March maybe I think I think yeah some point next year yeah I mean we'll see it's like we won't get into the whole FIFA politics again but yeah so UEFA are now considering opening a full investigation they've said into his whole reign there so he was he was working there for 16 years in total started out as a lowly sort of he was working in the legal department but a fairly low position and gradually worked his way up and now they're He's supposedly launching an investigation into his entire time there to see if there are other counts of corruption.

10:14I think there's probably going to be a few more skeletons in that closet. Yeah, it is quite funny that now that UEFA have turned on him, they're just like, all right, we're going through emails. That's probably going to be Pandora's box for them as well, though. Yeah. It's not going to be the only person who comes out of that. No, I mean, no one's coming out alive. Yeah, that's a good thing. He was there under the presidency of Michel Platini who was forced to resign after taking bribes. Allegedly. Allegedly. Well, he was, he was forced to resign. He received a payment of 2 million Swiss francs and got forced out.

10:49But apparently actually it was, it was Michel Platini was the one who confronted Infantino about this affair. which and then the pair of them together agreed that paying off the woman was the best solution for it which is actually quite generous of of platini because he's been on the wrong end of that sort of thing himself because jimbo we talked about before back in the 80s when he was a player for france uh his wife had an affair with his central midfield partner jean-francois Lario and you know they were playing together at this point and carried on doing so for France for the next Euros Lario says that after that affair came out they never exchanged a word ever again despite playing alongside each other you wouldn't really want to play with him would you if someone had been doing your misses yeah no it'd be a tough one he's a bloody good he's bloody good at tracking back his first touch it's just the distribution beautiful it's just he's like a metronome in the field and I don't think the team would really function in the same way and it worked they put their differences aside Platini scored nine goals in that next Euros and France won it fuck 84 what have we learned so what have we learned professional let your colleagues bang your wife if they're good at their job let them do what they want fucking hell football's grubby isn't it it's the blaze because it's like the FA had its grubby spell, I guess, with like Sven and his boss both sleeping with the same secretary.

12:27Yeah. It's just endless. Got some more similar stuff coming actually later in the episode. Going back to Infantino's affair, I was trying to imagine what his chat up lines are like. Today I feel unfaithful. I feel erect. Today I feel horny. Yeah. today I feel CD boss actually there's an Epstein link to this fucking FIFA drama as well of course there is so obviously the whole Infantinio wanted to sell a 20 % stake in like the World Cup rights and they were being advised by JP Morgan and one of the bankers at JP Morgan is advising them turns out was Cozy with Jeffrey Epstein chuck that in the mix Mary Erdos so several years after his conviction for being a nonce she was still sending Epstein happy birthday messages and doing work for him.

13:23It was a professional relationship. Keep your chin up, Jeffrey. Actually, speaking of getting caught with your trousers down, the new FIFA game is coming out soon. When I say FIFA, I mean the artist formerly known as FIFA is now FC 27. Yeah. EA sports game. And the demo is out already. And for some reason in the game, Ange Postacoglu is only depicted in his pants. Fuck off. And nothing else. Got a clip there. So you know the managers get shown quite a lot in the game now, like in career mode. And he's just topless, just a pair of boxer shorts at all times. So yeah, you just see him like he's meeting Erling Haaland here as like his manager.

14:01And there is just a pair of red boxers. I'm sorry, I've never seen Ange naked, but I can almost guarantee that is a glow up. Yeah. He's shredded. Because I would say Ange is what's known in the gay community as a bear, right? Yeah, big time. Absolute dictionary definition. But borderline big bear, you know? Yeah. Whereas what's he here? I would say that's more of a twunk. Is that an otter? Because otters are hairy still, aren't they? That's closer to me, I'd say. Yeah, because a twunk is quite hairless, aren't they? Yeah, like Zach's twink, I'm twunk. I'm a circuit queen. Circuit queen, yeah. What's twink?

14:34Twink's like the really feminine, like, throw about. I could see you as a power bottom, maybe. Actually, I'd say out of the three of us, JP's the most power bottom. Yeah. Okay. I'm twunky. twunk yeah anyway i'd say and like he could be more wolf maybe yeah i think he's a bear normally but not there so have he ain't done this to just like go viral i don't know i mean like i don't know what's going on in the world is it is it is it a glitch a glitch in the game glitch in the matrix yeah it's a glitch in the matrix which happens to depict one person as semi-nude at all times. It's like a bad dream for Ange Foster Coglu.

15:21Yeah, but he's managing Al Nassar now, isn't he? Yeah. I'm not sure he wouldn't go down that well over there. Yeah, I'm not sure he should turn up for a first day of work. No. Dressed like that. I think I might be questioned. Now, obviously we've all been recoiling in horror at the mental image of Gianni Infantino contorted in the throes of sexual ecstasy. but if you're the wily blazers at the south korean fa this whole story was actually a very good opportunity to bury some quite bad news of their own so hours after the infantino secret mistress story broke on the telegraph the south korea fa issued a little bit of an apology for providing quote sexual services to foreign referees during qualifiers for the 2014 world cup and 2012 olympics everyone is at it what so sending brass system or something yeah so so there's a big investigation from the korean broadcaster jtbc and they found that basically the fa had been funding and organizing multiple massage parlor trips for refs visiting the country between 2012 2011 and 2012 so the question is were they bribes or were they just like part of the sort of hotel package oh right like oh yeah we're tired after the flight maybe yeah something like that.

16:37You know, it's like, they booked you a table at the restaurant. Yeah. There's a cab coming to pick you up and you just go straight from after the restaurant and you go into the, to the massage parlor and give you a handjob and then we'll take you, take you back to the hotel. It'll be an Uber. I don't think this is like Hot Stones and acupuncture vibes. But it's bed, it's bed and board and blowjobs. Right. It's a B &B &B. That's genius. Or, or, is it a bribe because for the seven matches in question, South Korea were unbeaten. I mean, there have been example, like I remember there was a, I can't remember which ref it was who was saying that they like often receive these gifts from Yeah, wasn't there one at Real Madrid or something?

17:20I think it was Real Madrid. Yeah. He was talking about different clubs that like you turn up and then, you know, they'd give you like a Mont Blanc pen or like, yeah. Mont Blanc pen versus a brass is quite different though. Do you know what I mean? It is. What are you going for? Yeah, I'll take the pen. The pens hold their value. Whereas a blowjob declines in value quite dramatically towards the end.

17:46Especially now. And I can't also help noticing with this story who South Korea knocked out at the 2012 Olympics, which is, of course, Team GB. Stuart Pearce's boys. The travesty. We've been fucking robbed. I always said Tom Cleverley was on side for that goal. Always said. Yeah, so it was, I'm sure everyone remembers the game. You know where you were. One all at the London Stadium. After extra time, went to penalties. I was at the Millennium Stadium. The disgrace of Cardiff. England drew one all in extra time. It went to penalties. Daniel Sturridge had the vital kick saved, which meant that South Korea went through.

18:27The referee on the day was a Mr. Wilmar Rodan. Now, I was just, I just wanted to check whether Wilmar Rodin had made any trips to see if he was a wrong one to South Korea during the period in question and to be fair to him 12, so we know this 12 referees and match coordinators received these sexual favours and they hailed from the following countries, Japan UAE, Iran, Bahrain and Uzbekistan, quite horny countries quite horny countries I would argue puts Wilmar in the clear though because he's Colombian so that was a fair result just a just a tough result for just yeah steven caulker at the back i don't even remember watching it yeah that's it's such a funny squad isn't it yeah it's all the like under 21s and then what was it ryan giggs craig bellamy and michael richards yeah giggs he scored yeah he did a pen aaron ramsey scored a pen in normal time um this episode is brought to you by google chrome you think you know a browser but gemini and chrome That's new.

19:31It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18+. Anyway, don't worry because the South Korean FA has now clarified that, quote, inappropriate conduct of this kind, or the use of corporate cards for such purposes is absolutely not currently taking place. But we are sorry this happened.

20:07Yeah, can't say anything about the future. Who knows what might happen down the line? But currently... We're all good. Do you mean right now? Clean as a whistle. Haven't had a Revolut alert in the last hour. But you know, this actually all came out because South Korea is having this meltdown about their World Cup exit. And they're still having the meltdown. Jesus. So we talked about how the manager is getting most of the heat and he was being banned from barbecue restaurants in Korea. People were putting signs up. And basically there's been a big like hoo-ha about how he was appointed. Hong Myung Bo is his name.

20:43Because basically he got the job. This is the second time he got the job and they'd been doing a month long search. They'd had like big name foreign applicants. And then they had a brief meeting with Hong and were just like, fuck it, you're in. and such is the hysteria in South Korea at the moment that the police are investigating his appointment about whether it was improper and they raided the FA and this is where they found the evidence of the referee brasses yeah the brasses so what they've just got the receipts knocking about from 2012 or whatever it was one hour with candies yeah do recommend getting a shredder if you're working there or UEFA for that matter but it's like all of these federations are just yeah it's around the same time isn't it surely just sacked the manager you know he's failed twice now I think he sacked him already yeah but again he got sacked last time they had a bad exit in 2014 World Cup and then him and his coaches were seen with bottles of liquor and quote dancing with local women I didn't realise South Korea was so brazenly horny what up gangbang style

21:49makes a lot of sense now yeah makes a lot of sense apparently prostitution's illegal there so they call brothels kiss rooms and it's like this thing oh we're just kissing yeah I suppose it's like massage parlors here yeah yeah we've got the stories we tell ourselves kiss room kiss room does make it quite sweet quite sweet coming for kisses not on the cheeks yeah or the lips probably anyway well now The words Dubai paddle tournament conjure up images of some of the worst cunts on the planet. So hats off to Ian Dennis for outdoing the usual rabble of crypto scammers, lifestyle influences and real estate shysters when he popped up at the Asia Pacific paddle tour.

22:43that is because Ian is a trusted lieutenant in the Kinnahun cartel Kinnahun cartel they're one of the most feared criminal organisations in the world responsible for drug trafficking, arm smuggling money laundering estimated to control a third of Europe's cocaine trade he got earnings running into the billions and we'll actually come back to them later you must remember to thank him oh big time he's responsible for half of the good pub grub in the UK we've all got our heroes anyway so Ian he's been on the run since 2016 he was living in Spain at the time but him and some other senior cartel members fled to the UAE then because this deadly war broke out with a rival Irish drug gang I think 18 people or something were killed over a little period anyway so he went over to Dubai managed to keep a relatively low profile for himself over there nobody was exactly sure about his whereabouts until he popped up on the promotional poster for a paddle tournament in Dubai here he is on the tournament looks like he's got great form yeah that man's got a lot of time on his hands plays a lot of paddle indoor court I noticed first price thousand thousand dollars I mean it's a pretty small fry for him really Get out of bed for that.

24:09So he's the only one on the poster? He's the only one on the poster, yeah. Star Blair. He's the poster boy for the tournament. And anyway, so Bellingcat, you know, the investigative, open source investigative journalists, they clocked him on his poster. They'd been looking for him for a while and pieced it together. And then they watched him on the live stream of the tournament, fist bumping a guy called Steven Jameson, who's another convicted drug trafficker, Scottish guy. Anyway, they were getting pretty into it and he did well. He got to the final. He was playing doubles, got to the final, ended up losing.

24:52Obviously, he's not an idiot. He did enter under a pseudonym. Although I think he could have been a bit more creative because he went for Ian Thomas, which you could do better than that. Ian, come on. Surely just do something different. I presume he didn't sign off the graphic of him playing paddle before it was released. I mean, it's not particularly wise. No. I'd actually judge it. He might have been following in the footsteps of his boss at the cartel, who's also pretty loose online. So Christopher, Christy Kinahan goes by. He's sort of the kingpin of this cartel. 69 years old. Also been living in the UAE for quite some time.

25:35uh he was tracked down by bellingcat after leaving google reviews on restaurants and pubs that he'd been to um so he also had a very unimaginative pseudonym of christopher vincent which come on just like give yourself a new first name as well um and over about seven or eight year periods he posted hundreds of reviews thousands of photographs of various different like irish pubs around the place and restaurants, business and conference centers that he'd been to. Some of them are quite sort of like girly brunch spots. Yeah, it's sort of like matcha breakfast. Matcha to die for. And some of the pictures that he posted, you could see him in the reflection.

26:21Surely if you're going all that way to remain undercover, just fucking don't post reviews. He's one of the most wanted men in the world. He has a 15 million pound reward outfit from the FBI. He clearly likes flying closer to the sun. He's just on there, just like banging up these reviews. And also, because he was also, he was living in the UAE, but he was traveling a lot. But, you know, you'd think you want to, he was going around having meetings about like selling arms to Hezbollah, stuff like that. But he was also just reviewing the places he was at. So he went to this restaurant in South Africa.

26:53This is his review. We watched a stunning sunset while having drinks and discussing some business. Food was delicious. The company was equally good. the only slight downside was that the service didn't quite match the cuisine could you be a bit nervous if you got one star I know yeah um place shut down a week later my other favourite one there's maybe they I think at some point Bellingcat or whichever police were following him sort of clocked this was Christopher Vincent um and Christopher Vincent was Christy Kinahan and they realised at some point he posted a review of this I think it was like an Irish pub or something on the Costa del Sol where they knew that the place like Three Doors Down was owned by the head of the rival gang that they'd been at war at.

27:41And he'd like, he had reviewed the like Place a Few Doors Down. What negative review? One star won't come back. Five star review probably. But they were like, he'd written on the thing like, like had lunch here with three guests and they were like, I know you were probably beating the thing. thing so the other guy is that a bit of a like getting off on catch me if you can yeah yeah yeah but the thing is the reviews are just very normal yeah it's just both google reviews and paddle yeah it's like i suppose if you live that kind of life maybe you're craving just a little bit of normality yeah i mean that's the thing about people who play paddle a lot is they fucking tell you don't we fucking know it just go and play tennis I mean it is good yeah but it turns out all of that sort of loose behaviour online has finally caught up with the Kinnehan it's been a bad week for them because Daniel Kinnehan Christie's son and I think he's now sort of the de facto leader of the cartel he's sort of taken over from his dad he was finally extradited to Dublin this week so they've been after him for years trying to get him get him extradited finally done it daniel we've talked about before he was he was a very serious boxing promoter around mtk global um who arranged like really big fights he was mates with tyson fury um he'd actually he survived an assassination attempt at a boxing weigh-in one time and then he posted about it on pinterest yeah great event would recommend didn't he get caught at an event on tv UFC I think it was someone spotted him in Dubai in the crowd yeah again like front row doing TikTok he was at some kind of MMA event in the Middle East yeah but yeah anyway so he's he's standing trial now and I don't think it looks good judging by he's got he's got a pretty extensive rap sheet so I think he's going to be spending quite some time inside but on the plus side service at Dublin Jail is fantastic you have to try the hand sanitizer cocktails honestly they're five stars to die for they're authentic they're they're the best I've had outside Pensonville only thing that lets it down is the service the guards are slow if I could be really critical the spice vape was a little bit hot

30:19this will be our last podcast then guys we're getting whacked this week

30:26yeah talking of being on the run from local authorities Man United legend Nicky Butt is in a spot above her with Manchester Council this week so he was speaking on the good the bad in the football podcast. And Nicky had apparently been doing a bit of a spring clean of his house. He'd missed a couple of runs to the binman. So he had a couple of smelly bags outside. And he thought, do you know what? I'll head down to the local dump and get rid of all of this tat. So according to Nicky, he drove up to the reception at the tip and the geezer flagged him down and said, sorry, sir, is there any chance we can have a look around in the car because your windows are tinted and we need to have a quick look at what you're bringing in.

31:09and the guy went round the car, came back round to Nicky's window and said, extremely sorry, sir, but you're not going to be able to come in today because the seats in your car are down. And that unfortunately means your car is deemed a commercial vehicle. What? Seems like a fucking mental rule, doesn't it? That is. Like, if you're going to the tip, you want your car to be full of shit. And one of the ways you do that is put your seats down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I feel like this is sort of local council behavior at its finest, just people being jobs worth, or maybe the geezer was a city fan, and he's thought, fuck it, I'll do over Nicky.

31:47But anyway, at this point, you've only got a couple of options really, haven't you? Either you take it on the chin, head home in your smelly car with your tail between your legs, maybe you head out that night for a midnight drive and fly tip the fuck out of a field in Chester. or do you take matters into your own hands and it looks to me like nicky has gone option free and full-on grand theft auto in this tip so uh he said on the podcast so i've sped up the ramp and i see this bull getting up trying to chase me up the hill he's got his walkie talkie out i've got up to top throwing all the bags out and he's going mad at me so just sped part He's gone through a barrier, maybe.

32:29Yeah, he's gone right up the ramp, chucked all the bags out, got rid of everything and the blokes reported him. Have that. So Nicky has been banned from the local tip. Which is real middle-life crisis stuff, isn't it? Your dad's banned from the tip.

32:48And this has caused quite a stir online. So much so that Greater Manchester City Council have released a groveling statement to try and get Nicky Butt's business back. Surely just fuck him off. They said, we would like to apologise and reassure Nicky that he is still very welcome to use any of the 19 Greater Manchester Recycling Centres across the region. Are they suggesting he can use the other ones, but not that one? Yeah, I think he's fell out of that, geezer. Off you go. I'm team Nicky here. Yeah, I think that's a ridiculous rule. Yeah, I mean, I had a bit of time on my own yesterday. Apparently the rule is if your seats have been removed, then it is deemed a commercial vehicle.

33:25apparently he only had his seats down. So they were wrong. It looks that way. I am team Nicky here by the way. Justice for Nicky. Also I feel like that tip operator had a bit of a lucky escape because Nicky doesn't take too kindly to his interactions with authority because it was his birthday party at Soho Farmhouse last year and he was caught pissing on the wall of the farmyard and the security guard came over to tell him he couldn't do that and he headbutted him, broke his nose. Guy came back in covered in blood and Nicky Butt got kicked out of his own birthday party. So this guy's actually got off lightly.

34:05He's got off lightly. Which again is quite midlife crisis. Kicked out of your own birthday party. Yeah. Yeah. So is Nicky Butt quite a frightening character? Brave, brave man at the tip. Yeah, didn't have him down for that, but apparently so. What do you reckon he was binning? He said a couple of smelly bags because he'd been missed by the Bindman a couple of weeks ago. Oh, so he'd already been wronged by Greater Manchester Council. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's fully fallen out of them here. That's Burnham's Britain, isn't it? Actually, if you've been accidentally buried under a mound of Nicky Buss, moth-eating furniture and soggy mattresses, you could actually really hurt yourself.

34:46You could slip or trip. Or indeed, if you've been head-butted by him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would, you know, if you're at work and you get head-butted by him, that would probably count as an accident that wasn't your fault, I think. I think that's a solid case. Yeah. I feel like injury lawyers for you would actually rep Nicky against the Jobsworth council guy, maybe. Yeah, they always end up on the right side of history. Yeah. That's what I think I'll say about them. So I think they might work with him on that basis because he could have hurt himself. Speeding up to the tip. Yeah. What if he'd slipped on the little ramp thing and fallen in that dumpster?

35:18Exactly. Kind of makes me think, you know, there's that story. I think it is true that that girl fell in one of the bogs at Glastonbury. The big, not the long drops, when it's the big tank of shit. Yeah, but didn't she lose her wedding ring? I heard she was just swimming in it, just breast-stroking. I mean, I'm calling injury thorns for you. I suppose if you're in, you're in. You might as well make the most of it. What, head under? Just don't blow any bubbles. Quick handstand. Didn't you have a, you were basically doing that this week, weren't you? What, Halton? No, in Cornwall. Oh yeah, so we got out for a little afternoon swim the first day we got there and there's this bit it was so picturesque so idyllic and I went out for a swim and there was just no one knocking about I was diving under blowing bubbles and then this Cornish guy was like waving at me and I thought he was just waving to say hello and he was like excuse me mate you do know that's where the sewage comes out don't you I was like it's actually an orange warning he was like there's shit there mate you can see it I was like get me fucking out of here when you came back in I was like JP you got a nice tan yeah this is just shit just Ecoli glow well I know who I'm going to call if there are any problems we might get a discount deal yeah true as you said injury lawyers for you if you've had an accident that wasn't your fault get in touch I'll put their details in the episode description alright now we've reached the stage of pre-season where teams are really trying to get themselves in shape you know they've stopped playing friendlies against the Malaysian All-Stars XI and they're beginning to properly test themselves against real opponents.