What’s on Yaya Toure’s camera roll?

0:00Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, Calci. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors.

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1:09This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required compatibility and availability varies 18 plus. Welcome back to the Upshot, the show about the funniest stories in sport this week. On the show today, Bernie Eccleston caught smuggling guns again.

1:44Jim Ratcliffe threatens to burn his enemy's house down. And what hideous things are on Yaya Toure's camera roll. Spoiler alert, they are very hideous. They are quite hideous, yeah. My name is Jack. Hello, Zach. Hello, Jack. Hello, JP. Hello, fellas. How we doing? Fabulous. Weird not to say bonjourno when it's Champions League week. True. We're joining hands with our European friends this week. We are. You could have gone for some more exotic languages because there's a pretty fruity teams in this year's Champions League, aren't there? How's your Azerbaijani? Not that great, lads. I only know bonjourno.

2:18How do you say bonjourno in Azerbaijan? You only speak Spanish.

2:25But yeah, Champions League back tonight. Can't wait. So many teams in it this year. Some pretty unfamiliar clubs in there. Among them, Viking Stavenger, the Norwegian side, who I didn't realise they've got joint managers. That's very Scandi. Isn't they Roy Hodgson's old outfit? Yes. I think you're right. I mean, joint managers is quite village, isn't it? I think it's quite Scandi. It's very consensual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there one dominating the other? Surely one's got top and the bottom. Well, actually, funny you mentioned that because the way they ended up becoming joint managers is actually quite broke back mountain.

3:06So it was back in 2020, both of them were assistant coaches underneath this other manager who left. And the two of them were the leading candidates to get the top job. And, you know, it was a bit tense, you know, who's going to get the gig. Or was it tense? But they decided that rather than compete with each other for this job, The two of them went away to Jensen's cabin, one of the two, had frozen pizza and discussed their ambitions and came to the decision that, why don't we do this together? Came together. They came together. Let's do everything together.

3:44Yeah, just one weekend in a cabin. Amazing what that can do. The club were like, yeah, sure. So then apparently the CEO had lined up interviews with both of them for the job. And he said, they just showed up together. It was their idea. Wow. Which, imagine them coming in and being like, got something a bit off pace. I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but there's something we need to talk to you about. Can we look at pictures of them and see if they look like a compatible couple? They actually, so they - Who's top, who's bottom? Yeah, that's what I want to know. They won the league last year and they went back to the cabin.

4:23there's a picture which one's Morton okay so you've got otter on the left bit of hair he's not a bear but he's top yeah and then oh yeah I'd say the guy on the right I would say is top the guy on the right is a bit twinkly isn't he no he's the angry one I think the guy on the left is actually what's known as a wolf in the community which is sort of bear like bit skinnier and quite like they sort of use you for a shag do you know what I mean they're a bit sort of out for themselves can't trust a wolf yeah whereas a bear is cuddly yeah you're not going to bring a wolf home to meet your mum sort of vibes he's a wolf right I don't know what his game is because they've been managers for how long they've been managers together for six years now so that's sweet congrats fruitful relationship it seems to be going well for them it's a bit of budget for the Champions League yeah yeah you're damaging the brand a bit lads but yeah no it's going well they won the league last year And I think they're feeling even more hopeful for this season because they have just signed the striker, Eric Bottheim.

5:26Botters. Botters. Big Botters. Which that name might sound familiar to you because Eric makes up one third of the teenage rap group Flo Kings that Erling Haaland was a part of. So the two of them and this one other guy, they're all mates from the Norway under 18 team. and they released only one song, sadly. Kygo Jairo is called. It's filmed in a children's playground somewhere. It's 28 million views, which... Not bad. As a one-hit wonder, it's pretty good. Not bad for your first upload. Yeah. That's down to their flows, I presume. I think so. What are we doing wrong? This is a clip. Is that Eric?

6:10That's... That's Erling.

6:19i'm pretty sure norway did a version of this for the world cup so it did dj remixed it yeah so this the uh the song that they the the beat that they spit their bars over is by someone called kygo i think is a norwegian dj artist yeah and they'd like theirs is obviously quite a shit quality version but Kygo then cleaned it up re-released it again with their their bars their bars on top what are the lyrics do you want to hear to hear a translation so these are Eric Eric Bottheim bars I've been making a song and I earned a thousand millions by the way I've also been buying a gas grill if you're wondering I've also been to the store I've been shopping a lot because I have a lot of cash feels like Louis Perou's bars doesn't it

7:11Harlan then comes in boys can you stop talking bullshit now it did get so cosy talk about world crisis I think it's much more important pretty poignant which sick no he's pretty socially conscious which crisis does he mean Eric Eric Bottheim is banging on about his Charles Bentley premium gas burner and Erling he just wants to discuss the big stuff he's thinking about the big stuff Middle East crisis world news damage that gas burner is doing exactly exactly yeah I was a bit sad that they didn't get drawn against City. The Flo Kings reunion on the pitch would have been good. Man United, they're coming up against Sabah FK, the Azerbaijani champions, who were only founded in 2017.

7:54Again, don't love that. Yeah. It was a bit red ball. Yeah. But fair play to them. They came through four qualifying rounds to get there, led by their Lithuanian manager, Valdas Dambrauskas, who had a pretty unorthodox journey to the top. So back in 2002, he was an engineering student and he went on the Lithuanian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and ended up winning 4 ,000 litres, which is about 750 quid. I think he got to the first checkpoint and maybe a few questions beyond that. And then took the money. Apparently, I read somewhere that 4 ,000 litres at that time was six months wages.

8:36Oh, so it's good money. Right. So it's like getting to the four grand, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Decent. And anyway, he used the winnings to buy a flight to London and pay for his first month's rent while he enrolled in a coaching course here. That's awesome. Yeah, and then he ended up, you know, he's managed all over since then. Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus. Slumdog millionaire sort of vibe. Let's make a film about that. JP, didn't you say you found the question? I went on a bit of a rampage last night, and I think I found the question he went on. Yeah, go on. So it was, in which country are the most daily newspapers published?

9:18What were the four options? Are you not giving the chance? I've got them. So option A, India. Option B, China. Option C, America. or option D, Russia? I'm going to go America. Do you have any live phones? Can I phone a friend? I call my mum. I would also go US, I think. Big newspaper culture. Yeah, it is. I mean, China's got the highest population, but... Yeah, I still think... I'll go China just to be different. you are both incorrect India the correct answer is India they've got over 4 ,000 dailies love it yeah so you learn a lot on this podcast so that was the one where he couldn't answer and he took the money yeah or I would have taken the money yeah quite a challenging question I think yeah that is hard 4 ,000 litres did he get it wrong yeah I think he was below that bracket so you fall to where you were like the lowest one right so he's playing United now he's playing yeah they've got a pretty mad draw of the bag Man United Barcelona Arsenal as well.

10:26And then Viking, Eric Botthimes Viking, which to be honest, Viking against Sabah FK. Call me a, call me a purist, but I don't think that should be a championship game. I think that'll be a 5.45 PM kick. I don't like it. Nailed on. I don't like it. Elsewhere, there's a familiar face in the dugout for Slovan Bratislava. Mr. Yaya Torre. His manager. His manager there. I've got to say, Yaya Torre wasn't one that I had down as manager. Definitely not. Really. Can't imagine him being very inspirational. Especially after one story in particular that we heard about him. And we told this story at our live show, but I thought it was about time we shared it more widely.

11:09It's too good not to share. Yeah. So you guys probably heard the story about Yayotoro being kicked off Soccer Aid a few years back. So he was playing for the rest of the World XI and not entirely sure he really got the vibe of Soccer Aid. You know, it's a charity game. But Yaya in a WhatsApp group with the players posted a video of a naked woman in a bath to begin with. And he then offered to hire 19 escorts for his teammates the night before the match. It's one per player. This was particularly bad because this was the first year that Soccer Aid had mixed teams. You know, that kind of thing. It might have flowed with Paddy McGinnis and Chunks, but didn't go down quite so well with Jill Scott and Judy Murray.

12:00Anyway, apparently there was radio silence in the group until Yaya was silently removed and booted off the team. But we've spoken to somebody in the know and it turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg because Yaya Toure was already on seriously thin ice after something he'd posted in the Soccer Aid WhatsApp group the previous year. So in Yaya's defense, it was a bit more of a laddie vibe in the group that time around, you know, a few photos of big busted women going around, the sort of thing that Richard Keyes and Andy Gray had fire across to each other. But even by those standards, Yaya went slightly too far when he sent in a video.

12:46It showed a bloke in a village somewhere fucking a chicken.

13:01is it one of those ones you just leave for a little bit and then maybe an emoji after about 20 minutes silence yeah just just there was there was silence in the group until apparently one of the other one of the other people in the group popped up and broke the silence by saying sorry yaya as a vegan i object to this which personally i think is missing the point like i do i eat meat but that doesn't mean that i'm just like you know eat them fuck them it's all the same to me

13:33i think if you're vegan you're particularly precious though yeah yeah um so yeah that is the sort of thing that is knocking about on uh yaya tori's camera roll yeah it appears yeah and everything else like it yeah i mean if that's what he says sharing in the yeah in the soccer road what's that group with a group of celebrities what's the slovan bratoslava pretty much pick me up lads what's the stuff he can't share wow yeah so uh i love that he was on thin ice after that and still just they still invited him He did say about the escorts thing that it was a joke. I for one do not believe him. I was only fucking about.

14:16That is what you would say. Obviously, I don't want to get these 19 escorts. Who are they playing? Slovak and Bratislava? Ooh, good question. That's Slovakia, right? Yeah. Yeah. Playing PSG tomorrow night, and obviously the cockerel is the symbol of French football. They've got it on the shirt. It might get, yeah, you're quite excited. In a way, that's quite a good G up for the Slovak lads, isn't it? Like, this is what we're going to do to celebrate.

14:44It's motivational. Get that root. Before the season even kicks off, soccer fans are already making predictions. Who wins the league? Who qualifies for Europe? And who's lifting the trophy at season's end? On Calci, America's number one prediction market platform, you're trading against peers in a live market, meaning there's no house. And as the probability changes, you can buy in and out of your position. For a limited time, download the CalShee app and use code CUP26 to get$10 when you trade 10. K-A-L-S-H-I, CalShee. Trade the beautiful game. 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply.

15:15Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calshee.com slash regulatory. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web. like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome.

15:46Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Stuff. Yeah. Now, foreign cash is flooding into English football, and all the buyers seem to have worked out the key trick to getting some free publicity, which is get a famous shareholder.

16:33Seen it with Wrexham. Liverpool have got Jeff Bezos. Swansea have got Snoop Dogg. I saw that. Haven't Norwich got Hugh Jackman coming in? Yeah, Wolverine. I feel like they are getting shitter. And next in line is none other than Mr. Alexandre Pato, friend of the shot, Brazilian star, formerly of Chelsea and AC Milan. He is part of a group buying League Two side Northampton town. Are they just picking names out of a hat at this point? What was it, Pato, Northampton? Does Pato know where Northampton is? I think, to be fair, they're probably thinking this can be like Brazil's Welcome to Wrexham. It's not quite as glam.

17:10But to be fair to Pato, he's not just a meat puppet like Snoop Dogg, because Pato is used to pressing the flesh with the ultra-wealthy. So when he was at AC Milan, he went out with Barbara Berlusconi, daughter of Silvio, who was... Nice bloke. I mean, Italian premier and club president. Silvio was making all the calls there. Barbara's his daughter. I was thinking it's hard to think of a weirder father-in-law who's also your boss than Silvio Berlusconi. Yeah. Because I bet he's got some weird like, you know, in sort of meet the parents style like loyalty tests. Yeah. Where he's like, if you want to date my daughter, you have to shag that stripper who's wearing a Barack Obama mask.

17:49Cameras in the bedroom type vibes. Although on the plus side, there's almost nothing you could do to horrify him. Yeah. So, yeah. But I think he's horrifying you. I think like when you ask for her hand in marriage, he's like, you have to ask me while I'm getting a blowy. And you have to look at me in the eye. And also Gaddafi is sitting with us he's also getting a blowy and i want you to do it as well go on just touch it um to be fair barbara was actually on the ac milan board she was vice president she was like making decisions and stuff she was i noted from the timeline she was she was photographed canoodling with pato outside his house that's how the world found out they were dating and three weeks later she was voted onto the board onto the board yeah good way to go up the ladder but like it was a They went out for two years, said they loved each other, and then Silvio sold Pato to Corinthians and made her CEO.

18:37By the way, I've got rid of your fella, but your CEO swings a roundabout. So, okay, nothing, I mean, it's a bit exotic, nothing particularly unusual about that, but it turns out that Pato has a bit of a type. So after Barbara, who's obviously living back in Brazil now, he dated the daughter of Salim Matar, who is an ultra right-wing Brazilian car rental billionaire. And then in 2019, he married Rebecca Abravanel, who's a TV host and daughter of the late billionaire media mogul, Silvio Santos. Got a picture of him. You'd have to say more than a touch of the Berlusconi about him. There's not a crease on that face, is there?

19:18So he's terrifying. He looks like a waxwork. He's had so much plastic surgery. He looks like a Thunderbirds character. Or the Brazilian Andrew Lloyd Webber.

19:30Andros Lloyd Webber. He's had so much. Yeah, Andrea. He's had so much plastic surgery, he just doesn't look like a human anymore. His lips. I feel like it'd take him a while to blink. It makes you look quite like a fish, doesn't it? Yeah. The lips. It looks like a trout. But he's a billionaire media mogul called Silvio. That is really... He's got some daddy issues, isn't it? Yeah. yeah or he's just a gold digger is this yeah but why he's got a lot of powerful men's daughters yeah but I looked so Pato's made a hundred million off divorces no like off he was married briefly but it's off career earnings because he played in China for a bit do you remember that I do remember he's got a vodka brand he's got his own burger chain that's big in Brazil I remember the burgers the Pato burgers oh they are Pato's and patty Pato and bun I would have called it you should be in branding but I also the guy the Silvio the dad was also considered a massive perv like known for his wandering hands he's actually the Brazilian Bernasconi you mean that guy that guy that guy is considered a massive perv he'd never have thought I can't that's that's not me for six that it's just like so weird that he's got the money he doesn't need it but he's if you ask Pato what his type is he'd say I've just got a thing for rubber faced right wing billionaires with wandering hands called Silvio I was looking into Pato's name because Pato is not his nickname like a lot of Brazilian players and he's from a town called Pato Branco, White Duck but I think he's just called after his town which if English players imagine if a player was just called Barnsley Scunthorpe Scunthorpe, he's Grinstead but in the you know in the like sexy or frumpy Brazilian name thing we always talk about right kevin or like ronaldo where does alexandra pato fit because duck he's almost frumpy and how come he gets a first name none of the other like ronaldo edilson surely alexander is his first name though no yeah but you normally you're just you're just right you just yeah you're just yeah i think they just make it up yeah as they go along yeah yeah alexander's quite a good name if you've got a sort of like rich fascist dad it's quite a preppy name to bring him home with yeah which if you say this is dark maybe he won't I haven't quite got the same ring daddy had opening the checkbook for that anyway good news for Northampton fans big time Juan the Cobblers although if I'm Northampton chairman Kelvin Thomas I'm just just going to keep an eye on him in the director's box how's Kelvin looking has he had his had he work done yeah let's have a look at him he made his money in internet radio which I didn't know anyone had fuck knows I'm trying Kelvin daughter my advice to you kelvin if you want yeah to secure pato's bag you need a bit of work done so go down to turkey get your hair done you look way too normal yeah get a bit more sort of yeah nip and tuck yeah we need a bit more mogul about yeah get a bit more right wing yeah internet radio though it's media now actually speaking of uh billionaire owners we were chatting last week about big jim ratters yeah the man united owner and his crackdown on ticket touts um you know he barred this six-year-old kid from buying tickets for Man United games after accusing him of flogging them outside Old Trafford.

22:56But we had a message from Tristan who pointed out a story about Jim Ratcliffe that we've missed. So basically Jim has been in this long-running feud with Sir Ben Ainsley, the four-time Olympic gold medalist, greatest British sailor ever. And basically Ainsley owns this sailing team called Athena Racing, which received a load of funding from Jim Ratcliffe's Ineos Sport, the sport wing of his company. Got about 174 million from him and they used it to build this top of the range racing yacht to compete in the America's Cup, which is like the most prestigious race in sailing. And his team reached the final in 2024 against the Holders New Zealand.

23:45It's a best of 13 races format. It's a huge deal in sailing. It takes place once every three or four years, this race. And on the day of the first race, two of Ratcliffe's underlings, Jean-Claude Blanc, who's the CEO of Ineos Sport, and Rob Nevin, who's one of the directors at Man United, turned up at Ben Ainslie's office in Barcelona and demanded that they hand over all the team's assets, all their intellectual property to Ineos. The main part of this was that they wanted this fuck off expensive boat that they'd spent 180 mil building. But bear in mind, Ben Ainsley and his team are doing the race that day.

24:29Like in a few hours, they've got to be on the boat. And suddenly these Ratcliffe's underlings are shaking them down in the office. He refuses. at that point uh ratcliffe's ratcliffe boys basically threatened to destroy the team so he says that they they tell him they're going to pull all the funding for athena racing if ainsley doesn't hand over all the assets so rob nevin this man united director told ainsley we have a fraser in eos scorched earth it means that if you don't give jim what he wants he will burn your house down. That's pretty pretty sinister. He then told him the only instance in which Sir Jim has backed down from a dispute was one concerning the state of the People's Republic of China.

25:19Why would you do it on the day of the race though? He's not great at the old morale boosting. He does have a funny way of really lowering morale. Fucking huge race today lads but by the way we want the boat back tomorrow. It's my boat. Yeah. But anyway, fair play to Ben Ainsley because he carried on refusing to do this. Went off, did the race against New Zealand. They ended up losing 7-2 overall. But winning two races was considered a decent return. It was actually the first time that Britain had won a race since 1924 against the USA. We've never won it, have we? 100 years of hurt. 100 years of hurt.

25:59They'd been at a slight disadvantage that year because unlike the US boat, the British boat had been kitted out with full accommodations for all the crew, including a bathtub in the captain's cabinet. Baller. I like the idea of them shaving millimetres off this carbon fibre hull of the boat. The captain's just like, no, bathtub stays. That for me is non-negotiable. I need my salt bath, mate. I need a four-poster bath.

26:32surely they have an agreement before you give someone 200 million yeah so so going back to 2024 and this dispute it continued rolling on after the race basically the dispute centered on the fact that Ainsley Ben Ainsley had understood that the money Ineos was giving his team was for sponsorship so Ineos's logo was plastered all over the boat all over the brand but Jim Ratcliffe was under the impression that the money meant that he owned the team and the assets the boat uh obviously this caused this is the sort of thing that you have a contract yeah surely there is a contract you need to iron this out how could that be that big a misunderstanding ratcliffe's not the type for a bit of light sponsorship though i feel like he's like he's pretty heavy-handed yeah i want to own it just say i get the boat yeah yeah yeah what are you gonna do with the boat anyway I don't know this is that's what part of so it's it's all rolling into a into a big lawsuit at the moment um and part of what Ben Enzi's saying is like you know what do you want this boat for you just vindictively sink it yeah I would quite right set it on fire that's basically what he said he's gonna do where's your boat now yeah but anyway so a few months after the the race in 2024 they announced that Athena Racing and Ineos were parting ways.

27:57Ainsley still refusing to hand over the boat. But shortly after that, Ainsley was at his office in Northamptonshire when some more of Ratcliffe's cronies turned up at the office. Again, they were demanding that they hand over the assets of the company, which he refused to do. Ratcliffe's minions then chained and padlocked the office doors from the outside, put up no entry signs were they in there? they were in there Ben Ainsley and his CFO had to escape through a fire exit that's great but actually to be honest I think Ainsley will be thanking his lucky stars that his sinister billionaire backer is only tooled up with padlocks and chains unlike the 95 year old former F1 supremo Bernie Eccleston who was detained this week for illegally carrying a shotgun on his private jet.

28:52Love it. I can't imagine Bernie Eccleston being able to carry a shotgun physically. Oh, mate, he's got a lot of pep in his steps, Bernie. He's got a kid, didn't he? Like five years ago. Yeah, he's got a six-year-old kid. Yeah, he's like one of the oldest dads in history. What the fuck? Yeah, it's pretty weird. Yeah. His kid's called Ace, which I think is what you name your kid when you've been hanging around in F1 for too long. He's actually naming it Ineos. And it's not clear who's getting custody at this point. Jim Ratcliffe thought that meant he owned the kit. So hang on, he's got a shooter on him.