Can You Reverse an Unhealthy Childhood? Iron 101 & Fibre Myths

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0:33Hello and welcome to The Wellness Scoop, your weekly dose of health and wellness inspiration with the two of us. We're your hosts, I'm Ella Mills. And I'm Rhianna Lambert and today is our fantastic extra scoop where we get to discuss all of your recommendations, what we've been doing recently and take your listener questions. So let's go. Rhianna, what's coming up on today's show? Okay, today we've got Can You Rebuild Trust With Your Body? the truth about fiber powders does resistant starch really work and we actually touched on monday about iron levels so how can you increase these naturally is it possible to reverse the effects of an unhealthy childhood diet and how do you embrace introversion in an extroverted world and you know why is good enough sometimes good enough i love that one okay i'm really excited for today there's so much good stuff to talk about re have you got any recommendations for us I do I do first of all trigger points back on tv now where what's trigger point itv oh sorry do I live under a rock is this embarrassing a little bit okay I'm coming out from my rock yeah but you wouldn't it's not conducive for me right now in pregnancy but it's just something you you binge watch okay it's awful because it's about the bomb squad diffusing these highly gripping situations that are happening in central London Lana is the main character the actress is incredible I can't remember her name Vicky McClure thank you Will and she just won I think she just won an NTA as well she she's honestly phenomenal everybody it's you and Matt should watch Trigger Point that's perfect because we need a new show because we have just finished The Gentleman oh it's yeah I've finished it I'm going to because you so many of our listeners recommended it it's funny we've got Julie in Christchurch wrote in said feel a bit scared about this recommendation as i think this podcast might be too wholesome crying emoji but the gentleman on netflix is brilliant bad language and about drugs and a bit violent but funny and such good watch julie i'm so with you it is not it's a guy richie series it's not my normal cup of tea did you watch season one no oh my gosh so season one felt to me kind of like i've missed this you see yeah it's funny i was saying this to my sister-in-law um yesterday it's so funny these days because so often it feels like what really culturally catches on now is more shows than movies yes and obviously you have your big franchises your marvels and things like that but actually so often what really catches on culturally as i said is shows so then you end up with these shows which are so enormous they've got tens hundreds of millions of people that watch them the people in them are so famous but then if you've never seen that show you don't know who they are you haven't got a clue who they are yeah and do you know i'll say this once i had this hilarious conversation it was literally like do you know that scene in um notting hill when spike's talking to julia roberts oh i love and it's like saying like how hard it is to be an actress i sat next to this girl and my brother's girlfriend at the time was trying to be an actress and it was so hard at this point for her in her career and it was just awful and it looked really difficult and money was so bad all the rest of it and so i was talking to this girl and she was you know saying she was an actress and i was kind of saying that how hard it is and my my brother's girlfriend who's living with us she's doing it her sister was like mega famous like the mega star of one of the biggest shows ever it was so funny anyway and like her brother-in-law as well and I was and I had no idea because I'd never watched this show it was so famous and then my friend this was at hand was like you didn't realise did you and I was like no I'm such a moron anyways it's so weird how these things get so big but if you don't watch them like me crawling out from my trigger point rock but guys the gentleman it is I have to say series two we watched episode 6 and 7 together and it's funny I was texting with my dad and his husband this morning and they were like I think that's the best TV I've seen in like years.

4:25Isn't it like Peaky Blinders? I've never seen that. Because I've never seen that it doesn't appeal to me everyone loves Peaky Blinders. It's kind of like absurd but the budgets are amazing so like cinematically it's incredible and like the costumes and the locations and the Duke's house and it's just I don't think I've been so stressed this year as watching episode 7. I honestly I think you're stressed watching The Gentleman bring on Trigger Point Ella is all I can say you know when people say I'm on the edge of my seat I don't think I've ever actually been on the edge of my seat before you are now episode 7 I was like we got to the end it was so late and I was like let's watch the next one I was like no I actually think I'm going to die I can't take it I love it when a show is like that you're like no I need to turn it off because it's too much I'm just going to watch it tomorrow but god it's good okay and we have one more recommendation actually on TV from Lindsay who said I want to recommend the TV show The Assembly have you seen it?

5:14Season one can be found on iPlayer and season two on ITVX. It features a group of neurodivergent, autistic and learning disabled interviews questioning celebrities. It's so heartwarming and good for the soul. And it'll make you both laugh and cry. It's completely grounding. It's a great antidote to the crazy world we're in right now. And a brilliant reminder of how empathy and inclusion enrich our collective well-being. In a world that feels overwhelming, seeing people connect through conversation and music so authentically. Completely restores your faith in humanity. And opens your mind to how wonderfully diverse we all are.

5:44Well, that's my oxytocin inducing show. Thank you so much. That is on my birth list. Recently watching Assembly, yeah, I'm going to labor. Yeah. Thank you very much, everyone. We have one more recommendation here. We have a recipe rec. We have a recipe rec, okay, for some chickpea chocolate chip cookies. So we will put the rec in the show notes for you guys, because I'm not going to read out like a third of a cup of nut butter. But this comes from Margaret in Connecticut in America. and she said that she's learned so much about this idea of what can I add on mindset and this treat she's been making her children who are four and two are obsessed and it contains beans it contains chickpeas um she'd seen recipes for dessert hummus for ages but then she saw someone freeze into little bites things that look a little bit more like a frozen cookie or brownie and she's been making them freezing them in mini muffin tins and she said her kids and her husband all love them and no idea they're packed with fiber because they're using chickpeas nut butter oat flour plus maple syrup, vanilla and chocolate chips.

6:40And then she also does a brownie version, which is black beans, nut butter, maple, cocoa powder, vanilla and chocolate chips. And as she said, such a win because nut butter and beans means that they're so nutritious and they only take a few minutes to make. So I'm going to put those right now before I forget, thanks to Margaret, in the show notes. And she blitzes them up, freezes them in mini muffin cases and you have little delish bites that are full of goodness for you. Well, fantastic. Thank you so much, Margaret.

7:11so our first question today is from suzy and she said as a 71 year old woman trying to stay youthful and healthy i love your show for all the helpful balanced information thank you suzy she said i'm really confused by the fiber powders that are popping up recently and i want to know whether they are useful or just a fad item and can we achieve enough fiber from diet adjustments okay so we talked about facilium facilium never know how to say it last week and there is so many of these powders there are so many of these powders around at the moment it's unbelievable i have to say we actually spoke about it a few months ago we weren't necessarily that hot on it but i was recommended and have been using it a little bit for one of the girls in smoothies this isn't like paid for but i use a powder called myota because one of the girls struggles a bit with their digestion a bit of constipation and i find with her i can just it's completely tasteless so we can put a little bit in smoothies a few times a week and it it really really helps and i have to say having been a little bit down and you don't need it i think as an adult if you've got control over your diet etc etc the powders where you'll have more to say but like they don't have as much benefit obviously as like actually having all of that fiber together all of the different plant points the diversity the different vitamins and different minerals but in this case you're at school there's loads going on trying to make sure you get that fiber every day isn't as easy she gets pretty close but i find if she doesn't have enough she gets constipated quite easily and it really really helps us and i think you've given us an example of where supplements have a place and that's really helpful to our listeners because you know there is a place for these things but i think if you are like you've just said as an adult that's capable of making a nice cheer puddings.

8:56Honestly, I swear, cheer puddings are the best thing for regularity. If you can get those in every day, it makes such a difference. Or add some facilium husk, have your porridge in the morning, your overnight oats. You know, I really genuinely think that by making changes to your diet, it is enough. You do not need fibre supplements as an adult. Remember, bowel movements, two to three times a week is normal. Some people, two to three times a day. and it can vary on the length of your colon. So some of us have longer intestinal tracts than others. So they'll have longer transit times. And another little hack, which is also good for sleep and melatonin, potentially as well as fiber, is two kiwis a day because that's around four to five grams.

9:37So the chia seed, flax seed, raspberries are one of the highest fiber fruits if you're partial to a frozen raspberry or a raspberry. Love those. Keep the skin on your apples and pears. Load up on those nuts and we're good to go. Yeah, exactly. so I think with those powders it's a very like needs must I think that they genuinely if you're really really struggling to get enough fiber in I think that they can be interesting but if it says it has seven grams in that is great but it's not going to give you the same diversity that you're going to get if you've had a mixture you know those little packs where you have like sunflower seeds pumpkin seeds lentils Linwood's do the most amazing with CoQ10 as well and actually if you listen back to Monday's episode we did discuss the importance of gut health for a variety of reasons but that is what you need to feed your bugs you need the food supplement powder is not going to do it the next question we've got is from Jane and she said hi Ella and Rhea I'm loving the show keep it up I wanted to ask some tips on increasing iron intake on a vegan diet for pregnancy and or how to make taking ferrous sulfate easier on the digestive system we mentioned this didn't we on Monday that sometimes iron supplements can make your stomach a bit tricky.

10:44I'm pregnant my second child my iron levels at 12 week already on the low side and they want to put me on ferrous sulfate. I was put on it my final trimester in my last pregnancy but I really struggled with constipation and piles as a result. Obviously I want to do what's best for my baby and myself. Any advice to supercharge my iron intake or reduce the effects of the iron tablets? I would go to your GP and ask for a different type of iron if you are experiencing it negatively first of all. I can definitely say you have to take it. Well, you have to, but it's highly recommended when you give birth, you know, blood loss, all sorts of reasons.

11:20It's important that your iron stores are as stable as they possibly can be. And they're naturally low because we have 50 % more blood volume pumping around your body, the amount of fluid loss. But, you know, I'm, for instance, on 300 milligrams of ferrous by glycinate at the moment, which is actually a better absorbed one and I've had thankfully zero issues with bowel movements but I do eat my cheer puddings and my flax things and keep everything going every day but I think it's really important we discuss the amounts and the targets and the fact that you know the milligrams written on an iron prep are not necessarily the amount that's found in the elemental iron so you know please don't compare doses and switch without speaking to your team your health professional team equally everyone's got a different level for anemia some people always be naturally anemic and iron deficient their whole lives and they will eat red meat and they are not vegetarian and they're not pregnant and it's just something that some people are more predisposed to than others but I really would suggest remember hemoglobin isn't the whole story that when you look at blood results the threshold has now increased so you know what used to define iron deficiency in pregnancy is not the same anymore the number has increased so please please please ask for additional help just to skim over there's so much i could say on this but the world health organization honestly updated its guidance here in 2024 with new international data and pregnancy initially wasn't taken into account in the way it is now yeah and in terms of upping plant-based iron which i'm sure there are lots of people curious to do it's really lentils chickpeas beans tofu tempeh edamame nuts and seeds so really a lot of that plant-based protein to be honest particularly pumpkin and sesame seeds and then remember tahini is made of ground down sesame seeds and it's actually one of those things that's i think when you start using it really really easy to use because like tahini dressings are absolutely delicious and the kind of thing you can drizzle over kind of any lunch you're making for example obviously also you can up the amount of tahini you're putting in a hummus or a buttercream dip for example so that's really nice even just sesame seeds delicious sprinkled over salad and then your whole grains um fortified breakfast cereals and then leafy greens but you know you're gonna you do need to eat lots of leafy greens in that sense people obviously also talk a lot about spinach for iron but actually spinach not necessarily as good as people often say right re absolutely the oxalates and all sorts of different things that can lead to a different absorption with some leafy greens.

13:58I actually don't classify spinach as a really great source of iron for plant-based eaters. And you're actually better off having some dried apricots, believe it or not, than you are some spinach. So definitely just think about the timing of your drinks, of your meals. And please, please ask your doctor to change the type of iron supplements you're on if you feel struggling. Because, oh, you know, I'm nine months in and I'm on iron tablets and I just cannot wait for the day I can stop taking them. So I know how you feel. Swallowing them is like, okay, our next question comes all the way from Las Vegas, which I love.

14:30I've always wanted to go there from Denise, who says, thanks for my favorite podcast. I'm confused about resistant starch. I'm trying to cut back my carbohydrate intake. I love my rice, bread and potatoes and herd. If you refrigerate or freeze at least overnight, it cuts the carb count on these kinds of food. Is this a myth or better for a lower carb diet? Bit of truth wrapped up in a myth. Oh, I like that. Okay. Unravel. Oh, unravel the quagmire for us. OK, here we go. So when we cook starchy foods like rice and potatoes, then you allow them to cool some of their starch. Some of it undergoes a process called retrogradation, which is when the molecules of starch rearrange into a structure that's hard to break down.

15:10Our gut bugs love to eat, and that's called resistant starch. And that's the bit that's really miraculous because it reaches the lower parts of the colon and more gut bugs because it's not fully digested in the small intestine. It's amazing. It can be fermented by our gut microbes. So there is an element of truth in that. We do have loads of data on humans, which I love. In fact, one study showed that white rice that was cooked and then cooled for 24 hours. Also, everybody, please, if you're listening, remember there's a risk of food poisoning from reheating rice and not doing it correctly. least just be careful um they're reheating that rice found that um it then contained 1.65 grams of resistant starch per 100 grams compared to the initial 0.64 in the original rice so this starch is wonderful for those that are perhaps pre-diabetic looking at blood glucose levels because it lowers the blood sugar response um resistant starch is so beneficial for such a variety of reasons but here we go and I feel like this is quite an American way of phrasing things actually cut the carb count because I know on labels in America you display things slightly differently of carbohydrates I'm pretty sure um so you know you haven't magically removed the carbs and I think they often say net quantity on an American food packet please do let me know anyone listening and I don't often have to write about American food labels so I'm dealing with so much of the chaos in europe but it's really interesting but cooling down converts some of that starch into resistant starch it doesn't mean your rice is now low carb can i be honest though as well in terms of like resistant starch being good for our gut health yeah like big you know thumbs up for a potato salad love but to me this salad exactly and bread out the freezer it feels like a faffy way to eat though in terms of like things i could do to improve my gut health right deliberately do every day would be a faff whereas i just automatically freeze bread now and get it out for a potato salad like yeah when i reuse potatoes i was like if i've cooked too many like i did some crispy roast ones last night but i had parboiled too many yeah so i've got some parboiled ones in the fridge left and i'm like yay when i go i know there's a little booze yeah um but you don't want to deliberately wait 24 hours right no i agree there's an animal of life that comes into play there but it's a fascinating bit of research and i think if what you're trying to do you know carbohydrate is incredibly important for our energy for our well-being you don't want to kind of just cut them out if you are trying to kind of look at your overall diet what you really want to be doing as we would always say is looking at like a more whole grain version for example so you've got higher fiber anyway within it or you're looking at having more beans and pulses where you have a lovely mix of carbohydrate and fiber together in white rice just it's such a win to add a few pulses or something along the side

18:06I'm of the belief that fall clothes are the best clothes so anytime I go shopping for new clothes I'm looking for corduroys I'm looking for jackets to layer with I'm looking for cozy sweaters but those things also kind of take up a lot of space in the closet so if I want to get new items in there this is the time of year where I have to reassess and get rid of the things that I'm no longer wearing. And that's where Vinted comes in because they've made it so easy for me to clear out my closet and earn money while I do that so I can stock up on the fall faves that I'm really looking forward to wearing.

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19:54greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. We've talked about the way meditation app a few times now because we're obsessed and I've just looked at my stats and I'm on over 3 ,800 minutes of meditation with them so far this year. I've actually done it almost every single day for six months now, normally 20 minutes a day. And I cannot tell you the difference it's made to my life. I just feel this amazing sense of inner calm, even when life is chaotic. And I don't think I've ever had that before. I feel less reactive, more grounded and just more peaceful in myself. It's become one of the most important, unmissable parts of my day.

20:28It really is. And now you finally got me onto it too. And I started using it because I wanted something to help me unwind at the end of the day. So I've actually been doing the meditations before bed when I'm finding it hard to switch off and it's really helping me get to sleep. So it's become a nice way to shut down at the end of the day. Yeah. And you guys seem to be loving it too, because as a community, you've now done over a quarter of a million minutes of meditation on the way, which is just incredible. And I think you're loving what I love and reloves, which is how simple it is. You don't choose between hundreds of meditation and keep scrolling.

21:02You just do one after the next. You follow the path, each one led by the same person, the founder, Henry. Exactly. You just literally open the app, press play and do the next one. And I think it's the whole simplicity, which is a huge part of why I've actually managed to stick with this every single day. yeah so if you haven't tried it yet and you've been wanting to get into meditation to help you with overwhelmed sleep or just finding a slice of peace and calm in the day you get a 30-day free trial with us you just go to thewayapp.com forward slash wellness scoop yes that's thewayapp.com forward slash wellness scoop

21:41our next is from Imogen from London and she said Ella I'd love to hear more about how you embrace introversion in an extroverted world and find the balance between socializing and recharging. I also recognize myself as a bit of a lazy perfectionist, all or nothing person. And any more insight here would be fantastic. Do you know what, Imjin? I've never heard the expression lazy perfectionist before, but nothing is more me. I am the ultimate lazy perfectionist. This morning, we hadn't actually booked the room for our podcast session, but Ella's so good at dates and knowing things for others like you mentioned that one time you're like guys we haven't booked the room it's like five in the morning yeah I didn't want to stress Ria out she's really pregnant so I was like I'm not going to tell her until I like slightly got this in hand but I didn't want to email anyone at 5am so I just like sat on it yeah I don't know yeah whereas my response would have been just email it's so funny isn't it you're right but I thought it was a really interesting question.

22:43I am a complete introvert. Like I would probably become a hermit if I didn't have to. Silent retreat. Exactly, silent retreat. And so I think, and it's interesting, I had this whole conversation with my daughter who's seven on Saturday about this because we went to a birthday party of her sister's friend. Such a sweet birthday party. But it was in this like soft play in this farm. It was absolutely gorgeous party, but it was very very very loud at one point it was incredibly noisy incredibly busy and my seven-year-old found it very very overwhelming and she clearly was a bit deer in headlights and so I said to her okay well let's leave the party as in like my husband was there with my other daughter and it was her friend so it wasn't rude just for her and I was like you know there's a little cafe next door let's go sit there and we went and we sat she had a hot chocolate had a cup of tea and we had a really nice chat and I was like it's okay because this is what I wish I'm and I'm not I'm not trying to baby you younger but I wish someone had said to me like my youngest is like that yeah it's okay to not be someone that loves it when it's really noisy and that loves it when there's loads and loads of people and it's funny because we got there first because my we were actually surprising as a friend from the old school surprising the daughters you know they were coming and you know she just loved it when there's just a few children and then when it's really loud and overwhelming she really doesn't like it and I just said to us like I wish someone had said to me like this is really normal and it's really okay and you've got to kind of completely embrace being yourself and if yourself is that you love just being with a couple of people I said you know look there's times where like you have to put your preferences to the side and you've just got to get on with it and it's rude if you don't um or you'll hold yourself back and you'll hold your life back but actually in these sorts of instances like right now you can make a choice and that's okay and it's okay to want to be by yourself and it's okay to like you know at school she'll often like take herself off and just sit in the cozy corner and read a book and I was like you shouldn't be embarrassed it's actually so normal and so many more people feel like this than actually say it and it's funny on Monday obviously we had that amazing listener feedback about GLP-1s and pressures and I think this is completely different but it's almost the same which is that you feel pressured to like go to the party or like you know love going on holiday with loads and loads of other people or go on this big friends weekend and like actually do you know can I be that's like really not the kind of thing I like to do you know we spend so many of our weekends just the four of us so quietly and that is my dream but you go online you see people with all these friend groups and they do this they do that and it makes you feel different so I think it is that confidence to like be really comfortable in yourself and your own choices and don't have to be one or the other and we discussed um last year on the wellness scoop a new phrase called ultravert but I guess you could kind of describe it as being an ambivert being able to dip in between the two and I think as long as we have these conversations that you had that lovely conversation and you discussed that you said it's okay it's only when work um if you look at it as a job I think you can decompartmentalize gark and belly speech today and you can separate work you or performance you or whatever angle you have to separate to help you cope and function but that skill comes into adulthood as we're older I mean for children That's really, really difficult.

25:55But I would say most people would look at successful people in the world and assume they're extroverted because in order to get to that point, you have to do perhaps a degree of public speaking or you have to be a certain way. But those people, most of them, Ella included, I also, and I'd say ambivert between the two, even though I used to be a singer. I'm sure it's why I completely burnt out because I think it was I found it so exhausting always almost like performing you know kind of like being quote-unquote deliciousiella and you're like this sort of shiny version of yourself to some extent and you're always like yay and you know you bump into people and they're like we take a picture and you're like you'd love to and actually I'm just ah yeah because it's overwhelming people want to take a picture with you it's um which is it's a lovely thing I don't mean it in a mean way so grateful but as someone that likes that quiet and like you know my natural space is not in front of a large group of people and i completely relate you know sometimes it's like you know you're going to a wedding or a social event and you know you've got an hour or two hours of small talk is what i call it and i struggle with that yeah me too that that to me is oh my god it's hell it is hell don't invite me to your drinks party guys i would rather sing to a whole room full of a thousand people for sure than mingle the mingle in a room no no me too no is it i would way rather get up yeah get up and say something people and then leave for sure rather than do the bit so i think we all have strengths and weaknesses yeah and i think it's just about being really honest about who you are and being able to find a way to be really really comfortable with that and i think that's something that it's just more about like honest conversation it's funny like i find myself when I get overwhelmed I am the worst person my husband's always turning me off for it like I'll just leave things unread for weeks and weeks and weeks I'm terrible like I'll just have so many unreplied to messages and what's up I wish I could be like that you see I think that's a skill whereas I have to have a clear inbox every day still he's like how because I was like I really want to make some new friends where we've moved to and he was like you'll never make friends if you can't reply to people's words do you know what there is nothing worse than being ghosted I will just say no it's awful but when I get overwhelmed I just can't I know I know and it's funny but I used to just be like yeah hey and kind of pretend nothing had happened and this morning on the train I replied because I was really overwhelmed while we're moving house and I got very slack on things and I was really honest I was like I'm so sorry we've been moving I have been completely overwhelmed and as a result like I'm completely behind on my life equally your friends messages were so nice of like oh I totally get it and it was just another interesting example that when we're honest honest about things people generally really like receptive to it you have to tell people how you feel yeah so it's like you know what it's not really my cup of tea there it's okay yeah that's a very long time i think that's okay i think it's a great answer fern's very good at saying that cotton she's like you won't see me out at your event please don't take offense i'm just not that type of person and she's quite upfront about it and it's quite inspiring so our next question is from sophie i'm a huge fan of the podcast from day one i feel like i learned a huge amount from you guys so thank you and she feels more confident about her decisions with food.

29:05But she's gone from wasting money on green powders and supplements to getting joy out of counting plants, Ella, every week. She said, your podcast has especially been helpful to me in the last year as I welcomed her by beautiful baby girl in December. And recently, while other mums I know have been understandably very nervous about weaning, she's had fun with it, introducing her little girl to the world of plants. She's been pureeing butter beans in week one well done anyway while I feel informed she said and educated to make good decisions for my daughter in the back of my mind I am very concerned that growing up I had a very poor diet and while I now hit my 30 plants a week and I find great joy and there's a lot of joy here which I'm loving and she eats a varied diet she said this was not the case in her childhood can I reverse the damage from a UPF childhood diet it's such a great question I mean again like my mum I'm sure wouldn't mind me saying this like we you know she was amazing the most amazing mum tried her like absolute best but we just didn't have these conversations and we ate a lot of like rice and passata and like piti filou yogurts and it wasn't like a lack of trying it's just the conversations were vanilla piti filou yogurts oh I remember them we talked about the Mr Kiplings like fondant fancies the other day remember I'm Battenberg and you're Kipling my brother was battenberg and my sister yeah i was fond and fancy but yeah we've all been there it's i think that was a really normal diet for most of us growing up like it wasn't our parents doing the wrong thing i just think the conversation was so different as they said like you know my mom was like oh my gosh rice krispies like so healthy and i think it's amazing the world looks so different now but i bet most of us had quite a similar diet in that sense you know who speaks about this publicly is joe wicks you know and that i think that's why he's so passionate about campaigning for dietary change.

30:53And, you know, I know a lot of people have a lot to say about it. But at the end of the day, he is a really good example of how you can be a healthy adult and how you can change your outlook. Look, I just want to say that whilst we do build an amazing foundation for health in the first 1000 days, which is from womb to the age of two, I'd say that's the most important growth sphere of childhood you know what somebody ate when they were seven isn't necessarily going to undo the good work you can put in now at any age remember the article on monday where we went through the different decades and the health you know eating in your 30s 40s 50s 60s and you can build on your gut microbiome anytime for example so and studies show that it changes in seven days as little as seven days to two weeks all you have to do is eat a better diet so i would say it's not too late at all to make changes.

31:49I love that. That's really so nice because also I think that's nice listening if you have got a seven-year-old who's like I don't want to eat broccoli. There's hope in the future they might suddenly like broccoli but broccoli is not the end of the world everybody. There's lots of other wonderful fruit and veg. Okay that is another lovely question. Our last one today is from Natalie. She said I just listened to Monday's episode and I wonder if you might consider bringing an expert on to talk about this. I feel like as parents we set incredibly high standards for ourselves and at the same time it seems to be getting harder and harder for everyone to actually be present.

32:21I'd love to hear an expert's perspective on what's actually attainable. How can we be present with our children in a good enough way without feeling like we have to be perfect? It often seems that striving for perfection just leaves us feeling stressed which can make it even harder to truly be there for our kids. I mean I think that's really normal. I definitely feel like that sometimes this balance between like trying to get the kids to do the right thing like brush their hair before school clean their teeth you know eat a proper breakfast and also not being the world's biggest nag and i mean i have the perfect expert for you so dr martha dioros colado she is the author of how to be grown up she's the most incredible psychologist and she loves the idea of something called imperfect modeling how cool is that let's love it have a listen Martha hi I'm Dr.

33:09Martha I'm a clinical psychologist a mother of two and the best-selling author of how to be the grown-up I think this question is one that many parents will relate to I think the strive for perfection is not something that you should be trying as a parent in fact science tells us so your children do not need you to be perfect The whole idea around good enough parenting actually comes from science. And good enough comes from the fact that as long as you parent attuned to your children's needs, meeting what they need or what they have to have in that moment between 30 and 50 % of the time, that's good enough.

33:54so yeah you've got a good 70 to 50 percent leeway of getting things wrong and we've actually got science on parents who get things right all the time or who know what their kids needs are before their kids even express them and what the findings show is that children don't do that well when it comes to resilience or when it comes to emotional health or when it comes to expressing their needs and their wants. So we don't want perfect. We want good enough. And that means messing up sometimes. That means getting it wrong. That means sometimes not being present with your child. Your child wants you to play or your child needs you in this one minute and you're just not present.

34:40Maybe you're on your phone, but maybe also you're busy. You're cooking dinner. You're talking to a friend. You're doing whatever it is that you're doing in that moment. you know your mind and your body are also allowed to exist around your children and so I think it's really important to be mindful about being intentionally present around your children when it makes sense and learning to just accept that you're not going to be all the time so for me the healthiest bit is to name it when you've missed something or you haven't met your child's need or you've just not been present and they needed you, name it and say, I'm sorry, you needed me and I was busy or you needed me and I was not paying attention.

35:26I'm really sorry and I'm here now. That's good enough. And when you mess up, repair. Apologize when you get it wrong. And if you can't be present all the time, just make sure that you have intentionally booked out a few minutes. Often play is a really helpful way of showing your child that you care, that you want to be with them, but you can also involve them in spending time with you doing chores, whether it's cooking, putting the laundry away, I don't know, hanging around you. It's all kids want. And when you protect that time, just make sure you put your phone away and you avoid as many other distractions as you can.

36:06That is good enough. And if you're doing that most of the time or 30 to 50 % of the time, I want you to remind yourself that you are a good enough parent. Amazing. Thank you guys so much for all of your questions this week. Oh, we love this. And we will be back on Monday. So many big headlines to talk about. We're going to do that vitamin D yes or no from all the very confusing headlines about that as well in the transaction we'll delve into the manosphere no not manosphere manopause so loads and loads to talk about we can't wait to see you then and we do love hearing from you hello at wellness hyphen scoop.com oh and do you know what we should ask because we never do it and we should is if you love our podcast and you've listened from day one if you could just hit that button what is it follow is that what it is a follow button now on spotify and on Apple because I don't think because loads of podcasts ask people to do that.

36:59It really helps us. It just means it will be there for you ready to listen to. That's all. Always be free to listen to just, yeah, it'll pop up for you more quickly. Or if you want to like it or like give it a five star, maybe even leave a review. It makes all the difference for other people finding us. So thank you guys. Amazing. Have a lovely weekend. Bye.

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