Session 114: Thomas Doherty

29:35And then I came out of college and I did a play in the fringe. And that's why I was working in Tiger Lily because I couldn't really afford to live in London. And Edinburgh in London are about an hour away on a flight. So I used to work during the day Get on a plane On my days off And fly down to London And just stay on my friends' sofas For two days And like Just do like Meet casting directors And try and fit in auditions And try and make it work But I didn't I really didn't have This isn't some like Annoying story But I really didn't have That much money And had amazing parents Who were like You gotta figure it out They would always Would have given me Whatever I needed But Good parenting there Thanks mum and dad Oh that's great You do seem like you're from a good family Yeah they're great But I'd get the night bus back up to Edinburgh Which was like 10 hours or something And I would get off the night bus I got showered and stuff and then go to work again Wow So I really put in a graph to try and make this work And then Disney happened So that definitely changed my life How old were you when Disney happened?

30:3920 So two years, two years of hard work And you got to send it No not even, like six months Okay, wow And then when did the Gossip Girl reboot happen? Oh, and then I did a bunch of jobs in between. And then after COVID, during COVID. Actually, we were meant to go and then COVID happened in 2020. And how pumped were you when you found out you got Gossip Girl? I was excited. I was told it would be more kind of... Because I wasn't that keen at the time to do Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl. but I was told it'd be more kind of euphoria kind of sprinkled into it. Why weren't you keen to do Gossip Girl at the time?

31:22Again, at 24, finding my feet comparing how my career should be what I should be, how I should be seen all that ego stuff. What did you think, now that you're past it what did you think, this is how I should be seen and this is what my career should be? What did you think? I think, what do I think I should have been? No, what did you think at the time? Oh, at the time. I mean, you always compare yourself to other actors that are doing, which is the worst thing you can possibly do. But I mean, you look at amazing actors like Chalamet or whoever else was kicking around then. And they're doing really these amazing films that are going to award seasons and stuff.

32:06And so then your ego flares up and you're insecure and you're like, oh no, I want to be cool. and I want to do all this cool stuff. It was an incredible job, incredible opportunity. I met incredible people. I've got best friends to this day. Have you met Eli? I have met him. Yeah. I met him at Tenets at the Trees in Los Angeles. Just the best guy. Yeah. He is so lovely. Oh, just the best. So he is the one you're so close with? Yeah, I was just staying with him and his girlfriend right now. Okay, so you feel, moral of the story, do you find yourself, you're like, Like, for the past five years since Gossip Girl, like, you were reaching for this thing, and you were comparing yourself, and you finally feel like you're at this stage where you're, like, maybe just happy?

32:53All of that stuff was definitely symptomatic of a much deeper thing of I wasn't able to validate myself. Ultimately, is kind of what I see that now. And so the best or the worst place, depends where you are in the journey of validation is Hollywood you know because you're getting all this validation you have this opportunity to get all that external validation and no matter how much I got no matter how much I tried it was never it was never filling me so what was the moment that you let go of that I didn't have a choice what do you mean I just wasn't myself I like completely lost myself. And it's a kind of weird thing to say when you're like, well, how could you lose something that you don't know?

33:47You know? I think I grew up in all my energy. I was very hypervigilant to my surroundings and what was going on outside. So I never really, like, properly developed a sense of Thomas. You know? And I was always very kind of out there and theatrical and very performative. and that all kind of just carried through um and so I think maybe a year ago I had a point where uh it became crystal clear what I what it was I was trying to do I was trying to fill this void inside of me with other people and no matter how hard you try you will never and so then I stopped doing that and took a took a beat and sat through some pain you know it's you can't run away from it and I tried it all with everything fame money and like none of it it just makes everything worse and I got to a point where I was like this is my only way out and luckily I love acting so much so I can always go back to that.

34:58That's always been very, that's been really stable. It's been a stability for me. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to just go back into that and have this as my friend and just work through things and be able to develop this sense of self and self-acceptance and self-love and try and meet all that shame face on. Because it all just leads to one thing. You know, you try and avoid this shame by doing this shameful thing. and then by because of that you're like ashamed and then you want to escape that shame and then you ultimately end up you know so it's like it's just a downward spiral you went through these like wax and waning periods of like you'd have a project and you get attention and then you wouldn't and then you wouldn't and then you wouldn't and i think was that hard for you um is that what you were trying to say or did i misread it entirely no No, I mean, that's definitely an aspect of it.

35:53It's kind of, again, the inability to, and I'm not trying to preach. Don't take my word. No, this is your truth. This is your truth. But yeah, it all boiled up to relatively recently to this clarity that I had of, this is the only way. It is the only way to be able to self-regulate and self-validate. That's it. and you were surrounded by such lovely people that you worked with that didn't share that mindset, that went to work as, like, this is my job. As you were saying at the very beginning of the show, you were like, these people didn't have an ego. They really loved acting. You weren't around people that also, like, they were all...

36:42Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You were on a healthy set. I was on a very, very healthy set, yeah. I mean, Dan doesn't take... He would never survive, you know, on one of his sets. Because he's such a beautiful human, and everything, the culture on the set is derived from a showrunner. And so the culture on the set is just amazing, and they've all worked together for so long. But I think, no, everything truly happens for a reason. Oh, I know. I do, do believe that. I mean, and I've not lost anyone that is close to me in my life. Apart from my grandmother when I was like 15. How old was she?

37:29That one. 90. 90. Yeah. Probably like similar vibe. Of? Like, I'm good. Okay, yeah, yeah. Like ready, yeah. Right? Yeah, very religious as well. So she's going up to see the big man. Oh, do you believe in that? I believe in. Like a higher power? Yeah. But I also believe that we are that power. I don't think there's any moment of separation apart from when it's our brain, our ego. I think that's the only separation universally. What is an ego? What is that? I never understood that. I took Freud in high school. I didn't get it.

38:13I didn't. You should be telling me the ego and the super ego and all that stuff. I don't know. I love Eckhart Tolle. Do you know Eckhart Tolle? He did The Power of Now. He talks about the ego as this false sense of self. So it doesn't even necessarily, everyone equates the word ego with like, I'm amazing in this Broadway show that I'm doing. But it's more like false. That's why I have this tattooed here. What does that say? It's backwards, so I'm so excited for you to try. Okay.

38:51Mind if I Oh okay So okay Let me see I see a W What Mind if I move the necklace Okay Who is This Who is Who is Who is this I A what Yeah so like I guess it's kind of like come from This idea to challenge this egoic self. Or egoic. Like what Thomas is. What I believe Thomas is. So it's like a challenging question. There's no punctuation on it. It's very open-ended. People that aren't from America are so smart. It's like painful. I'm not smart. I'm not smart. Clearly. No, no, no. This is just like interest. This is like been so close. While you are talking to me, Like I feel like I'm Each word you say I have to like quickly dictionary it In my head So I can piece the sentence together Do you know what I mean?

39:55No I didn't think I was using the big words Do you know what I mean? Yeah

40:05Dictionary it Do you understand? Yeah I'm following Ultimately it's just like I was very I was just growing up and I had a lot of insecurities and a complete inability to self-validate. Yes. And being around, and I've been up and down so, so, so many times. And honestly, turning 30 does something. Well, you know, you just finished your Saturn return. That's right. Do you know what that is? I do know what that is, yeah. Yeah. People were saying that when I was in the trenches. Oh, it's true. Yeah. She's going through hers right now. Really? What's happening with you? take the mic you're gonna get attacked yeah take the mic like in the beginning stages so i'm not quite sure what the lesson is yet that i'm it needed to learn what was the lesson you thought you learned in your saturn return you can only only you can make you only you can be happy and i always thought i needed something to be happy right and then i realized oh you can actually just like be happy which was a brand new concept to me i feel like in this world like in the western world it's always like you're always made to feel ugly or your clothes are your style's bad but if you buy this product then you're going to be happy then that's going to complete you and then after time it's like you buy a new pair of shoes and then you're so pumped and hyped on them for a week and then you'll do it again and it's five days and then eventually it gets down to like 10 minutes.

41:38And you use that mechanism of escapism and false dopamine. You wear it out. Then you're just left with your shit. And then you just got to look at it. You just got to go through it. Or you can continue to escape. I knew that I saw the mechanisms that I was, what I was doing. I was so crystal clear on inability to validate myself. I had all these insecurities. And so I just, I didn't have a, I didn't, I don't, I believe I didn't have a choice. But I'm so grateful for everything that's happened. Okay, that's really beautiful. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. With me. With you. I can't believe I just did that.

42:23So do you never get, so my issue that I find is that like, I want to be happy for happiness sake. But I get so worried that something, have you ever heard the song Happy and Sad by Casey Musgraves? No. You should listen to it I love Follow Your Arrow though You do? I love that Isn't that such a good song? It's a riff She's amazing She's so good Have you heard anything else by her? No Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god I'm not a big my country music guy It doesn't matter No She crosses it Like it really Oh my god She is like so incredible Like her album Golden Hour Is one of like It's probably one of the best country albums I've ever heard of In my albums I've ever heard of my entire life Her wordplay and the way she's able to describe these really universal feelings that are so difficult to describe by just kind of like describing them as they are is like so unique.

43:20Like she has this song called Happy and Sad and it's like about that feeling when you're really happy and you can't like let yourself be happy because you're so scared and you're so on the defense. um, of something bad happening. So she's, the song is about the like anxieties of finding joy and being happy. And I just think that there is like nobody else like that really is able to tap into such you, like those like real human like experiences like she has. Like, I think she's like so, so, so incredible. Okay. I'm going to listen to it. Was it golden? Golden hour. One of the best albums of the last 20 years.

44:06And then also she has a song called Merry Go Round, which is also really incredible. It's probably one of my favorite songs by her. And the wordplay on Merry Go Round is like really is sick. It's like sickening. Like you'll listen to it. And you know when you listen to rap music and you kind of like make a stank face? Yeah. Like when you listen to Merry Go Round. Show me yours. Like, you know, you know what I mean? I love Kacey Musgraves.

44:34does anyone here listen to casey musgraves how accurate was that description of happy and sad okay i'm gonna listen to it is the best like when and it really makes me feel so seen because that is my issue with happiness it's like i know i can be happy and i always try to like like everyone today was like you were in such a good mood and i keep saying like just i know but just wait because it can't last because it's based on it's based on your mood is based on this guy So that means that you're at the mercy of external forces So you're never like really I have a really, really good friend, Josiah And he is a bit older And he doesn't look for happiness He just looks for peace And I think if you start looking for contentment and peace It's like the paradox of life You search for happiness, you can't find it You stop searching, happiness is there I'm really into paradoxes of life right now What's another paradox of life?

45:36Okay I'm not that into paradoxes of life Evidently But there's a Can someone look up paradoxes of life? There's like major ones It's like when you stop looking for something Then it comes to you I felt like Joe Rogan there That was cool Can you look up Is that what he does? Can you look up Jamie Yeah Jamie that's it More failures can lead to greater success Yeah That's a paradox. Slowing down can help you speed up in the long run. The harder you push for something, the harder it will feel to achieve. What do you mean? The harder you push for something, the harder it will feel to achieve. What does that mean?

46:17Okay, I'll equate it to auditioning. That's what I was trying. Okay, go. Really want a job. Yeah. need a job and you go into the room with the casting directors they will smell it off you instantly the desperation and they don't want that whereas you always hear these stories about people being like yeah i didn't like want to do it but like i pulled up to the audition and i got the job because there's that elements not there that like okay and people can feel that with broadway i had no idea it was gonna happen but like it kind of happened by like chance ashley park was supposed to be in the play and i think something happened and she she couldn't do it anymore so it's actually part i know actually yeah she's lovely i've never met her she's really i've heard she is so lovely yeah she's nice but that's how that play came to me and it's been the best like one of the best experiences of my life but it's not something i like went out and sought after so desperately yeah and that's the that's the whole thing about surrender and honestly as disenfranchising as the world is right now and how just apathetic everyone is like the files coming out and just there is something the silver lining that i can take from it is that there was always like some part of me that felt like i was had control but now like all of this stuff coming out you're like oh my god i have zilch like i have no control so then you're like well what do what can you control and i can control so you want to rebuild no one will be able to take a choice away from you and so you can still cultivate what you want to feel like you can control how you react to things and respond to things and how you like share your love with your immediate circle and stuff in life um which goes in with kind of fundamental religious and spiritual teachings of surrendering and it's almost like you surrender to the thing that's greater than you which is also you and that the universe has always got your back or god's always got you covered and the minute your ego gets involved that's what happened with me as well your ego your i try to like control things and like make things work but it's never going to happening because i can't do that and i fucked it up so you have to surrender to something much greater than yourself universe god life whatever however you see it and then something happens and there's just this ease to life and then when the ease you start getting a little bit successful your ease and then the ego jumps back in and fucks it all up that's what i found i was but it's so moved but it's really terrifying because you're so right you have to like go through the hard stuff and then like kind of reacclimate into the peace and into the that and then but your ego will always be there it'll always be there and you just have to learn how to deal with it yeah and that's yeah you have to stay vigilant and meditation is really helpful for that are you finding with paradise and the success of paradise your ego jumping back in at times?

49:28No, not at all, actually. Okay. Because I've kind of done the dance enough that I knew what I was going to come into. And so I allow myself to spike, be proud of myself and all the rest of it during the premiere. And just to enjoy the moment and kind of take a pause to see where I am and what I've achieved. Now, that's a whole other conversation of what I've achieved. I chop it up to Good fortune, luck And the people around me And the experiences that I've been fortunate enough to have in life Which I've lived to another experience Which has led to this So I can't even really take Credit for that anymore Not to sound like a martyr No, I got it But I think with I knew what I was getting into And you can't attach yourself to anything either What do you mean you can't attach yourself to anything?

50:24So for example, Paradise is coming out, the premiere comes out, everyone's taking a picture of you. Actually, you're human, you'll get like a dopamine hit. Duh. You're serotonin. Yeah. And then it's inevitably going to come down. And then I let it come down. And then I kind of move on from that aspect of it and then go back to the acting. Whereas if the premiere comes out, I attach to that feeling. Oh, I'm starting to feel a lull, but I don't want to feel a lull. I want to get back up there and then it's released and then you attach to that two weeks something else is going to replace it some other show is going to come out and then you're just going to be disappointed and then you're going to be like fuck I want to get that feeling again so you go after that feeling again and by going after that feeling again all I'll do is compromise authenticity with my work and with who I am to get this almost hit of a drug And then you're in the weeds And then you start doing this And you start going down And then you get to a point In a month or in a year Or in five years or ten years Where you're like oh I'm not myself again Because I compromised all of this stuff For ego fulfillment Which is never fulfilled And the whole nature of the ego Much smarter people Can speak on this But the rudimentary of what I think it is is the ego's whole process system is to survive.

51:55Like an organism? Kind of, yeah. Like its own thing, its own entity. Wow. So your ego is not your friend? I don't know. Like, would people say it's your friend? I think some people, yeah. Like Andrew Tate, right? Oh, okay. So like bad people would say it's your friend. Yeah. Yeah. Like these guys are like, I'll do anything. They'll never do therapy. Right. Are you in therapy? I am, yeah. How is? It's good boy or girl girl. Okay, always girl. Yeah. Yeah. I think I need a guy therapist weirdly enough I always try to become the girl's friend Okay, okay, that's interesting. I always can see that I always try to become that yeah But if it was a guy it has to be an ugly guy then cuz you're just trying I wasn't gonna say it but yeah Like I used to have this doctor he was so hot and I saw him on hinge once and I literally was like, do I like him or not?

52:47And like, it took me like 20 minutes. Honestly, it took me an entire day to be like, I can't like him. Do you remember that, Louise? You probably did it. It's like when you're in high school and like the geography teacher's like, oh, she's so hot or he's so hot. Did you ever have a thing with a teacher in college? No. But it's like when you're in high school and everyone's like, oh yeah, your geography teacher's really hot. But she's not actually hot. It's more the idea that she's a teacher. It's like, your doctor probably wasn't actually that hot. Be honest. Yeah. Okay, do you want to do the tell me what's wrongs?

53:20Yeah. I was traveling back to my boyfriend's city and the flight got delayed. When I told him the arrival was at 4 a.m., he refused to stay up for me and open the door because he needed to sleep. His solution was to just get a long breakfast or nap at the airport. Is this normal? Wait. No. What? No, that is kind of crazy. That's crazy. At first, I was like, oh. How old is she? I don't know, but at first, I was like, okay, he didn't want to come get you at the airport at 4 a.m., like, that's fine. But if he locked the door and didn't want you to come in and go get a long breakfast. There's someone else in the apartment.

53:56That is, oh, you think? Yeah. So my first instinct, obviously, is to be, like, break up with him. And I mean that, actually. You know what? I'm going to say that. That's horrible. Well, there's so many factors, though, isn't there? Like, how old are you? How long have you been together for? Or if it's north of, like, five months and you're north of 18. So would north be less than five months or more than five months? You're fucking joking. Do you know what? I'm not. No. So north is more than. More than, yeah. Okay.

54:33You know, I graduated cum laude. I don't fucking believe that. Yeah. Yeah, so I think all these facts. So I think if you're older than 18, if you've been dating more than five months, that's just awful. Yeah, that's awful. That's really mean. That must be sad. And you're traveling to go see your boyfriend. Oh, is that what she's saying? Yes. You got to pull up for sure. My boyfriend's mom follows me on Instagram and watches every single story within seconds. I once replied, interesting, to a bikini pic. Sure, we were high school sweethearts, but we're almost finished with college. It's weird. Do I block her or is that worse?

55:11Yeah, so you can't block her. Do you think that if the mother or father-in-law is, like, really difficult, that that should end a relationship? It depends. It depends how intrusive they are in the relationship. In this situation. In this situation, you're commenting. She's, like, responding, interesting, to her bikini pic. I'd be like, fuck you. That's so passive-aggressive. You're so passive-aggressive. I'd think I'd double down. Just to piss her off more. Yeah. I don't think end the relationship, but I think. No, you don't think end the relationship. Definitely talk to your partner about it.

55:45And you can get feisty with the mom. Be like, if she's going to come for me, I'm going to come for her right back. Yeah, what would you say? Interesting. I'd be like, I know, I look good, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or I'd respond like, you like? I'd be like, whatever. Yeah. And then like, if the boyfriend breaks up with me because the mom is crazy, then that's not my problem. Yeah, that's also kind of dark as well. I'm 29 and I've been with my boyfriend for nine years we own a house together and for some reason I had a feeling he would propose but it hasn't happened yet he's been talking a lot about next steps and for him that would be kids I've mentioned marriage a few times lately and found that he hasn't even considered ring shopping do you think that's a me problem the fact that I would like to be married first or do you think that's really that's reasonable before kids personally for me I think it's reasonable before kids however there are a lot of people in this world that do not believe in the institution of marriage yeah yeah no for sure i mean i think if you're like raising a child to have that financial security structure agreed supporting the child i think you do it for the child even if you don't want to i think it's good for a child to have that what i will say is i don't think it's like um with bad intent that he's saying he doesn't want to get married i don't think he doesn't i don't think he's not considering marriage because he doesn't want to marry you if he's talking about wanting to have kids with you.

57:04Well, that's that way I was confused. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think maybe this is a larger conversation of like, hey, do you like not want to do marriage as a whole? And like that, having that conversation, and if you cannot get on the same page with that, then maybe you do have to go your separate ways if marriage is so important to you. But if he's more important to you as a person, then maybe you can work through it. I think look up and research the impacts studies. I'm sure there's loads of studies about kids being raised with two parents. Oh, you want to convince him. Versus kids that are in a marriage.

57:45Okay. So look up a study. And so just whatever's best for the child. If you're going to bring a child into the world, everything needs to be about the child. Every child should be a narcissist. What? Every child should be a narcissist I.e. only think about themselves Only develop themselves Because that's when you like Then you know who you are And then you like go into the world Okay Love that energy So I think whatever is best for the child Love that energy Basically my roommate keeps Oh my god Basically my roommate keeps getting handjobs from his boyfriend Every time we do a movie night hangout etc And pretend we don't notice Like full eye contact We start again That really fucking toot me away there.

58:27Basically, my roommate keeps getting handjobs from his boyfriend every time we do a movie night, hang out, etc. And pretend we don't notice. Like, full eye contact and talking to us like it's literally not happening. One time he asked me to pass him his water during it. How do I address this? That is so crazy. Look at me. Look at me. That is so crazy. I would be like, hey, by the way, like, this is so weird. Like, everybody thinks it's weird. And, like, I'd be like, what you guys do. No, I would be like, I need to talk to you. Like, not only do I think, like, I don't mean to embarrass you because, like, I don't know if you know this.

59:06But, like, we all know that you're getting a handjob while we all hang out. And, like, it is just, like, super confusing. And, like, I understand that, like, you might be so in love with each other and so obsessed with each other. And, like, I love that for you. But, like, for us, like, I don't want to see that period. It's weird. it makes me feel weird and like you need to stop and if you can't stop then we cannot hang out as a group anymore period yeah that was great advice that was really good advice yeah nothing more to add on that what's late night what what's late night late night oh it was when i went on seth myers is that what that is yeah that's so cool man i know you should be so proud of yourself thomas you really should thank you i didn't really feel it in the moment i couldn't feel it but then like my parents were texting me and their friends were texting them and i was getting a bunch attacks from like everyone being like that's so cool yeah dude even i saw i was like what the fuck this is awesome oh thomas thank you that's so but it doesn't feel when you're doing it in the moment it doesn't feel like it's very hard to like rationalize that like it's this is correct so it's like imposter syndrome i guess it's imposter syndrome yeah yeah and i don't mean to say that i feel like sometimes saying like i have imposter syndrome like it can toe the line of being very pick me but like i really did actually no you're riddled with imposter syndrome oh you think so oh absolutely okay cool yeah i had imposter syndrome so much as well i think it's because i started my career on an app that isn't considered like traditional so when i do something of a traditional talent nature i feel very like this doesn't feel right even though i want this and i want this to happen and i want it to feel right it doesn't feel right because I came up on an app that isn't in that field.

1:00:51So the merging of those two, which is happening right now, it just makes me feel weird. It makes me very happy. It's what I've always wanted. But I do feel like, oh my god, am I supposed to be here? Yeah, I can get that 100%. I mean, you're a very nation. You've developed and created something very unique. I mean, I can look at chat shows and see how other actors are and how they conduct themselves, of words you're definitely trailblazing oh what yeah for sure dude it's unbelievable you were on that show you want to hang out wednesday after the show yeah you want to like just go get high do something yeah let's do it yeah oh my god you are the best has anyone ever like told you that no you are the best my grand does and then she tells me i'm going to hell in the same sentence love her i would love her disorganized attachment because all my all of what'd you say sorry but disorganized attachment because of oh i i the attachment theories jenny alex was trying to explain to me the attachment theories the other day like like anxious attachment like all that stuff and i'm very i'm gonna like look into it because i'm very interested it's really really interesting it'll get you closer to you because then you'll see what you are yeah kind of fun honestly no i know psychology is like interesting yeah all of my interesting all of my friends are going abroad next semester except for me none of them told me they were signing up for it and they made a separate group chat to talk about plenty and everything oh my god girl yeah wow it's not like i could afford it anyways but i'm going to be living alone and all my roommates and friends are going to be living together in rome just realize that they're not your people and that they're treating you disrespectfully and you don't allow yourself to be treated with disrespect And then you just part ways.

1:02:37I was supposed to go abroad and then COVID happened. And I'm so grateful that. Abroad to work? No, like in the States when people like go to like when people go to college in the States, there's this thing like junior year. A lot of people will take a semester and go to Europe abroad. And I was supposed to go to London and then COVID happened. And I'm so great. I'm not grateful that COVID happened, but I'm grateful that it led me to not going abroad because then I had an incredible job that led me to meet Louise, that led me here to talk to you now. So you really, like, have been doing this five years?

1:03:13I've been doing this for three years. I would say, like, almost three on the dot. I'm like, what, do you just jump in? I know, it's crazy, but it feels so long. You're on a fucking Broadway. I know, I know, I know. I really need to, but back to Happy and Sad by Casey and Musgraves, sometimes when I feel, Casey, what did I just say? sometimes i feel like if i recognize the good the bad will come so like sometimes that's gonna come i don't want it to but but by by by denying the good doesn't mean that it's gonna then the bad's not gonna come you can still enjoy the good just don't attach yourself to the good i can't i can't I can't you can't are you on meds no wow good for you I've been though I keep getting you have I have been which ones I'm not telling you okay that's okay that's okay that's okay I keep getting nauseous every time I hook up with my girlfriend like it feels like I'm carsick every time we're intimate we've been together for three months and it's never not happened okay is this a girl I don't know I'm good at hiding it but what does this mean is it a sex thing or her thing or do I play for a different team if you know what I mean yeah if it's a guy saying this then maybe honestly if it's a guy saying this and he's watching your show and writing into your show I think he might be gay which is fine oh that was fucking funny oh you should go into comedy next okay I caught my brother watching gay porn he is super homophobic I know exactly what this means And he didn't know I saw him I don't want to out him and bring it up in an uncomfortable way But I can't stay silent when he says nasty shit all the time How do I be the bigger person handling this?

1:05:04You go to him privately And you say Yeah, I know what you do You say You're gay And that's okay And that's okay Do you know that reference? No You're bi You are gay No, you've never seen your bi? No Oh my god What is it? The best video. It's only the best video of all time. Can you feel it? Oh, I want to see it. You've all seen Your Bye, right? Alex, have you seen Your Bye? It's like the What Would You Do shows. Oh, I love those shows. And somebody's like, you're gay. And he's like, but I like guys and girls. And this woman taps him on the shoulder and goes, You're Bye. And it's just like. Perfect.

1:05:46It's just like one. Sometimes if I. Look, look, look, look.

1:05:56you're by

1:06:01sometimes if I need to cry I'll watch what we do videos and watch people like sticking up for each other that makes me cry the most is watching strangers sticking up and helping other strangers when's the last time you cried last night oh really I'm sorry no it's good I wish I could cry It's good I wish I could cry I love like I'm like accessing tears These days What made you cry If you feel comfortable sharing That's okay My relationship is just A total double standard These days And I'm getting sick of it I asked my boyfriend About his celebrity crush And he told me His current was Josh O 'Connor Who looks nothing like me And so I responded With my celebrity crush And he got so immediately jealous And genuinely upset For the rest of the day That like just happened But stuff like this Happens every other day At first it was cute But honestly is this toxic behavior Yes But like I've been there I've been there brother It's the worst thing And it's just insecurity Okay That's all it is Okay And so I don't know if you can Get through it together But I think if he's being honest There's hope To get through it You know But is he being honest In the fact that he recognizes It's a double standard The most My number one pet peeve Is when someone like Can't realize how hypocritical They're being I think Yeah no That's just insecurity I've been there I actually have been there A bunch of times And it's the worst It's like the worst feeling Because you're also like Hate it But it's like some weird Abandonment Yeah Thing It's like a threat To your like existence So I think that's Yeah it's sad Okay last one Are you ready?

1:07:36Yeah I'm tired of feeling like I could constantly do better No matter what the case is School, boys, family etc I have this thing in my head That tells me I can always do more I don't know if this is relatable but if you or amazing guest

1:07:55I just need five seconds. I need to restart actually. I missed that. It's okay. Just don't worry about it. I'm tired of feeling like I could constantly do better no matter what the case is. School, boys, family, etc. I have this thing in my head that tells me I can always do more. I don't know if this is relatable but if you or amazing guest ever feel like this how do you guys navigate it and remind yourself to slow down? my mom actually bought me a gratitude journal okay do you do that i do i haven't been doing it the last few weeks just with everything with paradise coming out so i've been distracted but

1:08:33well it is the best show on television and i meant i mean that it is good in it no it i didn't want to leave to i wanted to keep watching because i have the screeners and i'm like all i can think about and the reason I'm in such a half the reason I'm in such a good mood is because I'm so fucking pumped to go home and watch paradise it just gives me I've never I've never felt I haven't felt this way about a show in so long like I'm just gonna plug it for five seconds like really and truly like I literally think it is one of the it is so hard to have a show be not soapy but have those soapy plot twists and still be so grounded in these like incredible themes and like I think it does such a good job of doing that like oh my god in the last episode episode four when she when Shailene Woodley and Sterling are walking down the road and she's like do not look at those people and do not say hi but he has that hope and that faith in humanity so he says hi and then he's able to go back later and have them help her give birth and like have that like hope oh my I just think it's so moving I think it is like really and truly the best show on television.

1:09:43I'm so, like, so happy you're in it. I'm so happy for you. I think it is seriously the best show on TV. Aw, thank you, boss. It is so good. Thank you, man. Yeah. Anyway, back to this girl. What was the fucking, what was the question? How do you remind yourself to slow down? That was it. So my mom actually bought me a little stocking filler. My mom still gives me stocking. Oh, that's cute. You're so Scottish. Yeah. And she put a little book and three things. So at the start of the day, I'll meditate and then I'll read this. How do you meditate? It's called transcendental meditation. Okay, and what is that?

1:10:17You have a mantra, and you just sit down, and you do the mantra for 20 minutes. Okay, can we try to do it for like two minutes? Yeah. Okay, so let's say the mantra is owing. Okay. Okay. And so you just sit. Okay. You sit here, and this is all in my brain. Okay. So I don't say it out loud. I'll say it out loud, but this is happening in your brain. You go owing, owing.

1:10:49and then you'll find like some silence and it will maybe be like half a second and then your brain will set up again and then you just keep going back to this mantra and like sometimes i'll be sitting there for 20 minutes and my brain's just going mental but you just go back to the mantra every time so you're not forcing anything you're all You're also trying not to achieve a certain state. You're just trying to be honest with where you are. Okay. And when it's like the truth of where you are, then you can move from the knowing. But if you try and superficially develop a state, you then deny. Because I always feel like negative emotions are always trying to tell you something.

1:11:31And so if you try and get away from them, you're never going to learn what you need to learn. Okay. Well, then that is what we prescribe. Well, Thomas. Hey. Oh, my God. Are you having the best time ever? Yeah, I feel like we're just warming up. We kind of did that. We kind of did that. How amazing was that? Like, genuinely fabulous. That was so awesome. Thomas, what did we learn today? What did we learn today? What did you learn today? I learned. You know what? You want to know what my real takeaway from this was? I need to stop being scared, like letting the idea that bad things are going to happen, stop me from being happy because they are going to happen.

1:12:11And I need, I, I need to find peace in the fact that they are going to happen. And I need to be able to allow myself to experience joy in some capacity. That is what I took away from this. Yeah. And also to add to that, the more that you ruminate on something bad happening, the likelihood it's going to happen. No, I know. It literally, wait, I can't. So, like, if you're, like, constantly thinking, that's what you're generating energetically. And so you're attracting that. I know, I know, I know, I know. What did you learn today? I learned that, I guess I kind of reaffirmed a lot of things, like, reminding myself.

1:12:49It's so nice being able to, like, speak with you. and just yeah reaffirmed it and it's a journey you know I'm not sitting from any place of I guess that's what I learned I'm speaking as if I've like made it but you never do and I'm very much in a process as well and people are just at different stages in their process but I feel like you're not speaking from like oh I made it professionally you're speaking of like I feel like I'm at a good place in my life personally and mentally Because then everything else takes care of itself You don't even have to think about It's almost like a cheat sheet You fall in love with who you are You accept the good and the bad Of who you are And you can stand with that Everything else will just take care of itself Instead of individually trying to fix everything I love that I love you And I love you I love you That was so funny Will you give a little bye pussies Bye, Pucsies.

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