Session 132: Role Model Strikes Back

24:21I want one. They're just so good. They're just so good I can't look at them and not eat them

24:33What were you saying? Make sure you eat it into the mic too

24:45I just ripped off his headphones I can't even imagine what you just went through That kills me Let me get comfortable That was tough That was not a cleanser How's the east side of Los Angeles? It's good I have a house now You have a house? I have a house So you do make money It's nothing like yours I've lived in the same house since you've known me I've seen yours I've lived in the same house since you've known me I know And it's always been impressive But you lived here with a lot of people And now you pretty much are about to live here alone I know What are we going to do? Which proves I don't know I don't know why you live out here I'm not gonna dox you but I don't know why you live where I live because you're such a social butterfly that I would think you'd want to be near what's your favorite memory with me since we last recorded um I enjoyed I remember you on my birthday last year so fun well I had a I don't love Celebrating my birthday so I just had a dinner With what was about It was going to be me and my four friends And then I remember you called me And you're like It's your birthday and I was like yeah I'm going to dinner And he was like I'm coming And then Jake showed up And it was actually like really fun And you got to meet like Kai And it was fun And I love Kai Yeah I love Kai You spend a lot of time with Kai I do.

26:19It's my bestie. Do you miss him right now? I do. I haven't seen him in... What, two days? No, I haven't seen him in like five days. I miss him. That's how I feel about my best friends too. They're in New York. Yeah, you know. I know. You know. Well, I got a place in New York. I found that out recently. Because anytime you'd FaceTime me, when you were in New York, Like, the background and stuff is what I imagine. Like, I just imagined you were staying with Tate McCray. That's yours. You can say it proudly. It's my apartment that I got after I did Broadway. Period. Well, where's your Birkin? I was going to bring it because we talked about I wanted to sell it to you.

27:08I don't. Can I be honest? I thought you were going to, like, midway through that episode be like, I have a surprise for you. Give it to you? Yeah. Well, funny story. I was going to do a music video that I'm not going to do anymore, but I had a music video, and my dream is to have Sexy Red in a music video. And I love her. I think she's amazing. And what I was going to do, my pitch, was I was going to give her the Birkin to just be in the music video. Yeah, you know, Neon gives Alabama Barker Birkins all the time. I don't know. That doesn't come across your desk? Neon the... Streamer. Oh. Thank you, SeatGeek, for sponsoring tonight's episode.

27:56It is so fitting that SeatGeek is sponsoring tonight's episode because Tucker is going on tour himself soon, and you can get tickets on the SeatGeek app. You can use code THERAPUS for 10 % off. If you click the link in the description and download the app, it automatically adds the code THERAPUS for 10 % off. And SeatGeek is the best place to get tickets because it rates your ticket on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not the best, 10 being the best. So you know if you're getting a good deal. And not only is Tucker going on tour, but Ariana Grande is on tour. Gracie Abrams is going on tour. Ryan Beatty is going on tour.

28:29Oh, my God. I'm so excited for that. There are so many incredible people going on tour. And in order to make all these incredible events, SeatGeek is the number one place to get tickets for them. You can also get tickets for the World Cup. You can get tickets for a comedy show. Any live event, you can get tickets for on SeatGeek. And you can use code THERAPUS for 10 % off your purchase. Thank you again, SeatGeek, for sponsoring tonight's episode. I don't know if you've heard, but I have a new workout series with the Aloe Wellness Club app called the Shake and Train with Jake Shane series. It is four 10-minute workout sessions, two are strength training, two are Pilates.

29:03And I have such an incredible time filming them in the south of France with Louis Chandler and Bianca. It was seriously one of the most fun days of my entire life. And that whole trip in general was just incredible. But if you listen to this podcast, you know that I've had a really important relationship with working out over these past three years. And that's all thanks to the Allo Wellness Club, both in Los Angeles and New York and all the trainers there. They've like really helped shift my mindset on working out, which has been like, honestly, consistently working out has been a struggle for me throughout my entire life.

29:35I finally feel like I'm out of place because of the Allo Wellness Club and these trainers. I'm really proud of my progress that I've made. Also travel a lot. When I travel, it's hard for me to consistently go to the gym if I don't have a routine. And the Allo Wellness Club app helps me have a routine. Because even if you don't like my series, which is so fine, there are 4 ,000 other classes that you can do from yoga, strength training, Pilates, mat, bar, like anything you need, The Allo Wellness Club app has and helps you stay on a good workout schedule even if you're just in your room or even if you only have 10 minutes.

30:11Like the classes are only – some of the classes are only 10 minutes. Classes I do, they're four classes. They're 10 minutes each. You can do only one of them and still have a great workout. Also, the great thing is I wanted to make the series feel like my podcast meets me working out in a way. So I feel, I hope that they make you laugh as hard as I laughed while filming them and working out. Because working out is also about having fun. Also, the best thing is it's free. You can just go to alowellnessclub.com slash Jake and download the app today to start working out with me. That's alowellnessclub.com slash Jake.

30:44Thank you again, Alo, for working with me. This has been such a dream. I hope this is only the beginning.

30:53I think what we feel what I feel right now is like okay the first two were amazing and now it's like the third and it's like a lot has changed and it's like well what now let's talk about that because I there's a now I'm just gonna the internet's very predictable I'm sure you know that as well yes it's gonna be this is gonna be the fall off episode of us two you think I kind of had that feeling this morning I woke up and I was like are people is it gonna is this it? It's just predictable. They're going to be like, oh, I liked it better when they were strangers and they were like flirting with each other and it was like, yeah.

31:28And now they're going to be like, it's on Netflix. Right. They hang out. You think the Netflix has changed stuff? I'm excited to be on Netflix. I can say hi to Say hi to Netflix. My family. You're already on Netflix twice. You know that. I'm going to be on there for reals. Three times.

31:50I do miss you though. I never see you. I know. But we FaceTime. We're busy. You have to, it's. I always FaceTime you. You're always on a flight. You like flying? I hate flying. No, I hate traveling. I really hate traveling. Can I say, my new take that I'm realizing is like, I was just in Europe and it's beautiful. Especially like the shows there are very fun. And the crowds are like completely different. Yeah. There's no phones, which I don't care. You can have your phones out. But there's no phones. I mean, God willing or Sally wouldn't be a thing. And they like dance with each other. It's like communal.

32:32It's like amazing. But I will say as far as just like being out there and I'm just sitting in hotel rooms. And I will say I just I weirdly miss America. and then I get back here and you land in like an American airport and I see the McDonald's and I see the shitty little food things and it just like makes me happy and I like oh you like are happy when you land back here I think I like America and it's such a weird thing to say and I'll probably get in trouble for saying it but I think I've just come to the realization that I like well here's what I like about America more than Europe great hit me with it They have air conditioning here.

33:15Let's go down together. Let's talk about how much we love. They have air conditioning here. That? When you ask for a drink, they give you ice without even asking for the ice. I like that. I like that they put a lemon in the Coke thing automatically. Diet Coke or Coke? I don't even know that about it. Diet Coke. Right. They do Coke Zero, though. I know. But that doesn't make a difference. Do you think that makes a difference? It doesn't make a difference. I like that when you I don't like when you Postmates over there You just don't It's all unfamiliar I don't even try You could be like Ordering from the worst place on earth There could be rats in the box And you don't know Because you just judge it on pictures Like you're ordering Wait wait Do you understand what I'm saying?

34:02You're angry because you don't know about the reputation of a restaurant Because you don't live there I order off Postmates a lot when I'm overseas and the problem is I don't know any of these restaurants so like I could be ordering from a dinner from like a 7-Eleven and not knowing it. You know there's like Yelp. I don't know. You've never Yelped? No. I've truly never been on one of those. A food review site? Yeah. So whose fault is that for not? It's mine. I'm just saying, yes, I'm lazy but I like the comfort of knowing. I like the comfort. I think I like America. I get it. I get it I ain't saying it But I think I do LA or New York New York Really?

34:46Mmhmm But you live here Full time If I'm in album mode I'm working Monday through Friday For like month long lockouts So it's as I don't even It doesn't matter that I live here I'm not going outside So it's fine But then If I have too much downtime Then I need to leave And I go Home where I go to... Maine. I go to Maine or I go to New York, yeah. Maine. Maine. I'm going to go next week. Are you excited? I am. Are you going to get a lobster roll? It's my favorite place. I don't eat seafood. Did we cover that before? I'm sure. I just don't do it. Oh, you're not allergic. You just don't do it. I just don't do it.

35:27Do you eat meat? I've never had it and I just... It's one of those things where... You do eat meat. I eat meat. I've never had seafood and I just never want to have an idea I just don't like what? I don't like the idea of it of seafood? like what about the idea of it do you not like? I don't know most of it's the smell I also just like crustaceans it's like to me that's like an insect that you're cooking and then you're eating like I just like lobsters are insects they're bottom feeders fun fact they used to feed prisoners lobsters a long time ago. I'm just going to throw it out there. Early 1900s maybe.

36:13But they used to feed prisoners lobster dinners because it was their bottom feeders and so they were thought of as a shitty thing. But now lobster is the most expensive thing on the menu. But now it's like someone like you eats it. I've been working out. Oh my God. You have been working out. Oh, that's what I was going for. That's what you were... Yeah. That's what I was going for. Yeah. Except somebody online said I reverse body dysmorphia. No, you look healthy. It's not unhealthy. I look healthy? I'm saying you had a phase. You got very fit and muscular. Yes. And it's not a scary muscular. Okay, thank you.

37:03It's not like clabicular. No, you look like you work out. I don't know how else to put it. Thank you. You still like Poppy, I see? Yep. Is that the Pride one? No, it's the Love Island one. Pride Poppy. How are you celebrating Pride? Rolling out an album. And then just being there for you.

37:29I need it. I know, and I'm here for you. You know, I'm going to... Through the month. The month. I'm here for you all month. Good. I'm happy to do it. I called you gay in an interview recently. I am gay, so. I know. Were you nervous? No, it was really funny. I screenshotted the thing of you being like, you called me gay. Something, something. It really made me laugh out loud. It made my dad laugh, too. He called me about it. It really did make me laugh. You know Tucker and I do have We do have a bit What? Do you know what I'm talking about That we always do when we see each other? Come on Please I'm thinking Fucking rip your face off Bitch Of course Every time Every time we see each other Once a year Well now I saw you at the Dior show Oh yeah we said it And we said, I'm like, fucking Rupert Face All, bitch.

38:33Are you a Marvel fan? No. Why? I was watching it to ease my anxiety last night. Which movie? Marvel is the... Avengers Infinity War into Endgame. Got it. Doesn't do it for you? Can't relate to it or nothing. That you're a superhero? You can't relate to them? No, I can't relate to it. You can't? I feel like their whole thing, though, is about like... What's your favorite part of it? My favorite part of Marvel? I like. He's over there. Go get him. That line. I love it when he says that. Who says that? The Hulk. Remember the Hulk is like, he's over there. Go get him. Are you like fucking with me?

39:12In what movie does he say that? That's what I'm saying. It's just a bullshit movie. My favorite part is anything with Wanda. Okay. I love Wanda. Okay. She's the most powerful being in the universe. I watched this documentary recently called Streetwise, and it's unbelievable. And I think you should watch it. It gets really sad, but it's about the homeless. It's like homeless teens, young teens in Seattle in the 80s. And it like follows them around. And it's like a documentary, but it feels like a movie because there's like arcs and there's like. Some of them meet each other and fall in love. And it's amazing.

40:04Is it a docu-series or a movie? It's a documentary. Okay. One. Yep. You watch a lot of documentaries? No. Nope. No. I liked that one. I just wanted to... In my head, I was like, make sure you do a movie rec. Yeah. In the podcast. Make sure you clear up the Nile Horn thing. Yeah, you were stressed about that. I could feel it. You never even texted me about it, though. And ask Jake how he feels about Sally ending. I was sad. I think you know when to end a bit, too, though. I do. You stop doing your impressions for a period, and then, like, you'll bring them back here and there. Just to remind people why I'm here.

40:46Where you came from. Yeah, just to remind people. I respect that. You watching any TV right now? Right.

40:54What am I watching? No, I'm not. Watching any movies right now? I just watch Backrooms. Oh! I watch that too. You know the guy who's making my show, his wife produced it. Very cool. Yeah. Not that you give a fuck. Can I make a small cameo? Tucker, I would be honored. Yeah. Just thought you'd be too busy for me now. I think it'd be fun. You want to make a small cameo in episode one? Maybe I could be like a janitor or something. and I go, and you're kind of like walking out of the school and I'm like, hey kid. And you turn around and I'm like, happy pride. And then like a song plays and it's like a beautiful moment.

41:41What song do you want to play of yours? Of mine? I don't know, I'm just saying like a song plays after I say happy pride. Like maybe it's, what would be a pride friendly song? Born This Way? hey kid happy pride and then born this way starts planning yeah yeah that'd be cool i think it'd yeah do you how's your love life horrible what's going on talk to me about it um okay well i mean i guess if we're just gonna i was seeing this guy he went on one date and then he was like never mind and then i listened to thank you next uh All the way through until the end of my car ride back from Boston with Louise.

42:26And Louise on a train ride to Boston. And we jump in the car. And I'm telling you, baby, this is the part where I run. It's the part where they run. That part. That missed. I know. What's next? Oh, yeah. We did American Idol one time on here. Do you want me to sing for you? Yeah. Let's bring it. I just bring back old bits. We need, but I don't even understand. He's nervous too. It's not just me. I'm not nervous. I'm just like, is this our final bow? This is our final bow. You think people are going to be, I like Tucker. I've been feeling that way lately. But I just, I do, I get annoyed when a mass army on Twitter all of a sudden pretends to care about something.

43:18Have you experienced that ever? I don't think so, but I think this is the album where I'm sure it's like the point. Oh, you think it's over? Post Sally, I think people are going to be like, let's take him down. I want to be in a music video.

43:36I keep thinking you're going to ask me, and you never do.

43:41It's my gaydar.

43:47I got to think about that. I don't know if we have I don't know if we have a role for you I think I hear that a lot Oh we could

44:00I'd be so good I know I dance Oh yeah show us You told me you've been working on your dance moves I never told you that And I was like I would love to see some of those That you've been working on No I never told you that Well, because you were saying that you've, like, the Pilates and stuff has helped you with dance, and so I'd like to see some of it. Really? This is what we're going to do? You're going to make me get up and dance for you? You said you've been working on it. Okay, well, sing a song then. Well, not yet. What song do you want to sing? You'll have to tell me so I can prep my dance moves.

44:39Maybe I sing something for Pride Month. Okay, what are you going to sing? It's original. Here we go. Stand up. Whoa, whoa, it's okay to be gay. Whoa, whoa, oh, it's okay to be gay.

45:00Can we just go back to the singing bit where I sing for you? Like, I don't like the dancing. That was the funniest thing I've seen you do, though. Really? That dance was, like, very cute. Dude, can we just do it one more time? Okay. Whoa, whoa Keep singing, I'm comfortable I wish I could get a camera to show your eyes when you do it You look at me You have like Whoa, whoa It's okay to be gay Whoa, whoa It's okay to be gay Whoa, whoa It's okay to be gay Whoa Whoa. Whoa.

45:49Your eyes, I've never seen your eyes light up the way they did. I love to dance. So maybe you, yeah. And I love you. I love you. What are you therapist about today?

46:03I'm constipated.

46:14And I know the people online are going to clip that and be like, what the fuck is the show even about? Because they do that all the time. They're predictable. And it's just me. But I'm constipated. And it really sucks. And that's what I'm pissed about. I woke up thinking about it. I'm thinking about it right now. My friend goes through that. Right, because you don't poop. I don't. I know. That's what I just said. Except when you shit in the river in Maine. That was made up. I made that up to get clicks. Okay. I personally have never. Never? It's okay. I'm a singer. Uh-huh. I play guitar and I sing and I write music.

46:57And I go on romantic dates and stuff. I'm not, I wonder if I have time to be so disgusting. I guess you don't. I guess I have all the time in the world. I would never. So what are you pissed about? Nothing? Today I just, I don't like being on my phone. I hate my phone going off. I know we've talked a lot, and we talk a lot about how I don't have anxiety. The only thing that really fucking gets my heart rate up is my phone. I think you're a tad more anxious. I'm not. I get overwhelmed very easily. So what do you do when you get overwhelmed? Well, now I have a new hobby. and now I fish which you faced on me one night when I was fishing I said I wanted to fish with you I know I said how funny would that be if we went fishing for episode 3 I just said we're back here that is amazing fishing?

47:54it's the best it's quiet dead quiet and you're by yourself and you have to be focused and you don't think of anything else my mind all of a sudden kind of goes blank and I love that do you listen to music while you fish? no what I just said It's dead quiet. You hear the birds. You're outside. The river. Does no one listen to music while they fish? Because it's hears the fishes? But I'm just saying that would defeat the purpose for me. Have you ever raw dogged a flight? I don't know if we talked about this, but I've fainted on flights many times. Because you're diabetic? No. Oh. It's connected, though.

48:29I used to smoke weed a lot. I still do. I'm back on the wagon. It's okay. It's all right. You look amazing. It's okay. Okay. Okay. But I used to smoke weed a lot. And then I kind of stopped smoking and I just was doing edibles. And I would fly and I would take edibles. And sometimes I'd be okay. And then sometimes I would have the most insane panic attack where my music, my heart rate would start going. I would start, my whole body would break out into a sweat, like a crazy cold sweat. I hate a cold sweat. And then the music I'm listening to would, like, start to distort into, like, dark, like, demonic, like, scary horror sounds.

49:20And then I would get in my head and be like, oh, my God, I'm about to have a seizure. I think my blood sugar is low because it's, like, a similar feeling. Is that what happens when your blood sugar gets too low? You have seizures? You start, like, shaking and you get, like, a cold sweat sometimes and, like, you feel it's... To me, feeling like too high felt similar to having like a really low blood sugar. Oh, how interesting. I would get a panic attack and I would pass out on the plane. And then I'd wake up and the flight attendant would be like. Are you okay? Yeah. And you'd be like, oh my God.

49:52But how embarrassing would that be now? Imagine. Why? Because you're famous? Getting recognized and you're like. Faint. You faint running to the bathroom. Oh my God. You fainted on your way to the bathroom. Yeah. It happened multiple times. And now someone would be like, I saw a role model faint on a plane. Oh, my God. I know. Be good for the album. I was about to say. Well, congrats. You just debuted on Billboard. Yeah. I know. It's all right.

50:23Jakey, hungies. I am hungry. No. I'm not hungry. It's because I ate too much. You want to phone a friend? Do you still. Call people? Do you still do the thing where you, was it people called you or left voicemail? No, I would call people. I haven't done it in a while. So you don't do it no more? Do you remember the Jolloween girls? They used to eat up time. Remember you brought up an idea a long time ago of us doing like a travel show? Yes, I want to do that. I was thinking, because I remember you first brought it up to me and I was like, no. and then I was thinking about it the other day and I do think it would be funny.

51:10Do you ever feel like if all goes wrong at least we have each other? Whoa, whoa It's okay to be gay Whoa, whoa It's okay to be gay Whoa, whoa Do you sample anything on the new album? No. All originals? It's all originals. So who's the hourglass? Who? Who's the hourglass? It's not a who. It's just a what? Time? Chuck Timely and Time. Chuck Timely and the Time. Yeah. Yeah. I hope. What are you listening to? Nothing you like. What do you think about my Strokes era? That surprised me that you knew every word to a Strokes song. That took me by surprise. That was very cool. Yeah. I felt cool. That was, yeah.

52:11Cool points for that. Oh, Mike says I'm lacking in depth. Hey, welcome. What? Welcome. Do you want to just give us your name, where you're from, and a little bit about yourself? I'm Jake. I'm from Kansas City, Missouri. Nice. Nice. And I've always had dreams of being a singer. Nice. It says here that you actually walked here to raise money. My bike broke. Oh. It says you walked here to raise money for a foundation for Pride Month. No, I walked here to audition for American Idol. Oh, okay. So are you ready for me to sing? Yeah. Give us whenever you're ready. Okay.

53:01Do you have a song suggestion for me? You're just supposed to bring one in, but whenever you're ready, take your time. Please, please, please don't prove I'm right.

53:16Please, please, please don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup. up so not well i i'm sorry i actually thought the first part sounded quite good yeah that was awesome it's uh it's jake right yeah i think that's awesome i think you gave up on that song pretty easy okay could you give us just a little bit more of something okay and really feel that because you have this rasp in your voice that i really like and i want to hear she's raspy today You ever seen that? You ever seen that? I can make your face out. Bitch! You ever seen the JoJo Siwa thing where she's like, whoa! They're like, ooh, she's raspy today.

54:03Have you seen the JoJo Siwa cruise? Yes, yes, yes. Have you seen the JoJo Siwa cruise? No. That hasn't come across your desk? Mm-mm. She provides us so much entertainment. What do you think about Hantavirus? I don't know what happened to that or something. I mean, listen. Let me tell you something. I am an expert in pandemics. I know how to, because I used to play the pandemic play game on my phone, and I've seen Contagion five times. I just watched Contagion two nights ago. The best movie of all time. I know, but it really freaks me out because then I stopped touching things. See, I feel like I'm giving you stuff.

54:41No? I'm giving you Hantavirus. I'm singing. I'm dancing. I'm doing a lot for you right now. what do you want to, should we do the tell me what's wrongs? Tell me what's wrongs? Tucker, don't even fucking play dumb with me right now. I don't even, please. That's what I was asking. Do they still do that? Yes. Okay, let's do that. Let's do that. Oh my God. Oh my God. Whoa, whoa. You're a handful. It's okay. Be gay. Whoa, whoa. I'm a kiss and teller. Like sharing every detail with anyone in my life who will listen. I know I probably need to stop or just slow down, but it already caught back up to me.

55:20I saw this guy I hooked up with at the bar and went over to him to say hi, and he was being super weird. I asked him, what's up? And he told me that because I started yapping at everyone, it got back around to his girlfriend. Right. Now it's so messy because, like, we are also good friends. I just need prescriptions. No advice, please. I'm obsessed with her. She's like, I don't want any advice. I know. What does prescriptions mean? Hooker, please. Like what she needs, but she doesn't want to have bites. Go watch Marvel from start to finish. It takes up a lot of time. And I've done it. You got Captain America.

56:00You got Iron Man. He dies. You got, who else? Spider-Man. Ant-Man. Wonder Woman. No, that's DC. Oh, okay. Guardians of the Galaxy. If you were in a Marvel movie, who... Who would I be? Yeah, I'm trying to think. I'd be Wanda's friends in WandaVision that are, like, in psychosis. Like Housewives? Like a housewife? No. Do you watch Housewives? No. You haven't seen any Housewives? No, I'm just... I was asking if her friends are, like... No, she, like... You've never seen WandaVision? No. Well, I can't spoil it. It's, like, literally one of the best shows I've ever made. For sure. for me again. Okay, so basically what happened, you're not going to get it because you don't understand vision.

56:49All right, forget it, forget it, forget it. I was just trying to spark a conversation and say, hey, what would your superpower be? Oh, what would my... Motherfucker. My superpower would be telekinesis. I always wanted... You'd be fucking talking. Yep, yep, yep. That's what you fucking do too. I wanted... I've always wanted... Hyper speed talking. I want to control stuff with my hands. Fuck off. Like, that's what I always wanted to do as a kid. I would always try it. I was going like... You know what I mean? I'd kill myself. I want telekinesis. Telekinesis. Yeah. Watch Marvel. Help. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged.

57:24I'm so happy. I love him so much. But we strongly disagree on one thing. The ring. He is from a small town and believes that they are a waste of money and wanting a nice expensive ring is vain. IDKY, but having a nice ring has always been something I've dreamed of. For context, he works at a very good job, so it's not like affording it would be a problem. Am I being shallow and materialistic, or is a ring something worth splurging on? Team ring. What are your thoughts on marriage? Do you want to get married? Yeah. You do? Mm-hmm. Well, I haven't had a boyfriend yet, still. That's something that hasn't changed.

57:59I know you're struggling with relationships currently, but do you have dreams of getting married? I want children. I want two babies. Do you want to be married? I don't know, but I know I want babies. You know you want babies. Theodore, Theo for short, and Annabelle, and a B for short. Do you want babies? My dream has always been to be a single father and to have a daughter and to raise a daughter by myself would be really fun. Her name is Winnie. You want to be a single father? I want a daughter that's ideally mine, and then I thank whoever had it for me. maybe I give them like a surrogate? maybe a Venmo yeah a pay Venmo surrogate I shake their hand thank you you can see her in a couple every once a year if you want maybe that'd be destructive for the kid but it would I just want to raise a child by myself because then you can kind of just like mold them into your best it's like your best friend and you and it's like you you know okay I just think that'd be really fun three two one wall three two one bookstore three two one bestseller three two one crime three two one us three two one murder

59:40Fuck I genuinely believe I am meant to be famous I have no trained talents No passion for any celebrity careers And I hate the internet But I still have this weird feeling I was meant for something more Is this just narcissism or a calling? A calling So once again I'm going to use this to make it about us Do you like being famous? More than, yeah Probably more than anything I've ever liked ever in my entire life Yeah, I know. It's probably my favorite thing to ever happen to me. I feel that. Yeah. From you. Do you? I think there's parts of it that I like, but I don't ever want to not be able to do things because I'm famous.

1:00:26I don't want to not be able to go places or do things. You have to find other things that bring you joy. My friends. Maybe you could get into fishing. I don't want to fish. friends that's true i like to cook that's good okay she's giving me a look i have cooked in the past yeah have do you cook yeah you cook like meat and potatoes and rice i'd like i want to see what you are like on dates i'm so curious or it's horrible maybe let's maybe we role play okay that's fine a date let's do that ready so maybe i'm already at the restaurant Okay. Sit up for it. Oh, hey. Hi, I'm so sorry I'm late. Hi. Hi.

1:01:13Hi. Hi. Sorry, I'm just a fucking mess. Jake, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. You spilled my water when you... Oh, my God. Have you been here before? No, this is my first time. It's nice, though. They made me tape my camera on my phone. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, they do that with people that aren't members. are you a member at the well yeah yep did you get a drink are you drinking I definitely need one I'm like nervous actually okay so what do you do I'm in finance so I just my god it's gonna go so above my head but like explain it try to explain it to me so people will bring me numbers and I will pretty much sort through those and make sure that everything is adding up correctly.

1:02:04It's boring. I feel stupid. I should probably not even talk about it right now. No, continue. I think it's charming. I don't know. It makes good money, and I live off it, so it's fine. Do you feel fulfilled?

1:02:22I, yeah, I guess so. I don't know. This is now you ask what I do.

1:02:30so what do you do you're a member here you must like make a million dollars

1:02:37I'm an artist you're an artist oh like painting yeah paint I do a lot of like modernist art expressionism I kind of just like whack onto the canvas it sells so cool I feel like everyone's like digital artists now and so it's cool that you like I think digital art is definitely cool. I wouldn't rag on digital art. No, I wasn't. Sorry. No, it's okay. It's okay. I wish I could start over. I'm like. We can start over. I feel like I'm saying the dumbest shit. No, not on the fucking date. Dumbass. All right. I'm changing. Hey. Sorry, I'm so late. Are you Jake? Yeah, I'm Jake. Yeah, I'm sorry. Nice to meet you.

1:03:21Oh, you spilled my. You're soda water. Yeah, sorry. Do you drink? No, I do. I was just waiting for you. I didn't order yet, but do you drink? Such a gentleman. Yeah, I do drink. What is your drink? I mean, like, if I wasn't trying to impress you, I'd get a Red Bull vodka, but because we're on a date, I'll get a dirty martini with vodka. Here comes the waiter right now. Oh, hi. Hello. Hello, what can I get you guys? You first. Shoot. Okay, I did not look at the drinks. Do you want to just go really quick? Can I get an extra dirty martini with Grey Goose vodka, please? Of course. And he'll do the same.

1:03:57Yeah, that's fine. Come on right up. Thank you. Do you drink vodka? Yeah, I do. I drink anything, really. Oh, okay. I'm not. You work in finance. You can tell. Yeah, I love it. I feel stupid. No, don't feel stupid. I think it's interesting. My job is so creative. Yeah, what do you do? Sorry. Oh, I'm an artist. Well, not an artist. I sell art. I'm a galleriest. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I like open galleries and I sell art and yeah, it's super fulfilling and interesting and I love it. One day I tried to be an artist in my own right and it didn't really work out and I kind of just love being able to share other people's stories through art.

1:04:44That's really cool. I wouldn't have taken you for an artist, but then you do have like paint all over you. I know. I was just, I came from the studio. That's cool. Yeah. Our drinks are taking forever. Diabetes? No. Oh. It's a nicotine patch. Oh, okay. I need it like straight to my blood. Oh, okay. What's your favorite painting of all time? Favorite painting? Jeez, I'm like a numbers guy, so I don't even, the Mona Lisa. I feel stupid. Mine's the Mona Lisa too. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's really cool. One, two, three, the Louvre. Oh.

1:05:27One, two, three, Van Gogh. Mona Lisa.

1:05:33Let's continue with the date because we didn't really get. I want to like see. Okay, so ask me a question. Okay, so like. Well, also our drinks never came. I thought maybe we were going to get like poppies or something. I thought props. Oh my God. Props team were going to have. The drink is here. Cheers. Can I have the poppy? Of course you can. Just so I can have. something. Ooh, I've never tried this one. This is awesome. Cool. Well, cheers. Oh, yeah, cheers. Eyes. Or bats. Come on. No, I'm really OCD. Come on. Eyes. I'm just messing around. I'm like a funny guy. Okay, well, eyes. I'm so silly on dates.

1:06:11Oh, you didn't even cheers me. No, but I was going to ask, like, are you, do you, like, go on dates a lot? I feel like I haven't been. I try to. Yeah. I kind of have a busy schedule, so it's like I'm here, and then I'm there, and then I'm here, and then I'm there, and then I'm there, and now I'm here. Yeah. What about you? I really liked talking to you for the past week, and I thought we really connected on a cool level. Sorry, I'm nervous, and it's cool. I just wanted to say I'm really happy we finally got to get drinks. I know you're busy and stuff. we just sat down no no I'm not oh you're just thinking oh I'm yeah I thought you were sorry no it's okay I don't know I feel stupid let's go to the next question shall we so what what do you think of our date it's good I wanted to like really kind of see okay so we can continue on the date I'm just like you're thanking me for my presence you're not asking me anything about myself I wanted to see how you would react to someone being honest to you and being like hey thank you for making time for this I really enjoyed talking to you and I'm glad we're here.

1:07:21I'd love to go on a second date with you. You would? Yeah. But I just wanted to say, I don't really like, I'm not just trying to hook up. Oh. I probably wouldn't want to do that until maybe like our fourth date. Are you okay with that? Yeah. Let's get to know each other before we hook up. Be real. What? Be real. What do you mean? What would you do if I said that? I'd be like, really? Am I that ugly that they don't want to kiss me until the fourth date? They're just making shit up at this point. Okay. That's what I would think. I'd be like, oh my God, he didn't even want to kiss me. Maybe you should be more open.

1:08:00Maybe you should be more open on your dates, and maybe that's why you haven't found fucking love yet. Okay? Tucker. Be more open to that. Maybe someone just wants to get to know you before they start. Start what?

1:08:18You missed it. It was really funny. You had to be there. You had to see it. You'll see it in the cut. Do you want to play pretend in another situation? Should we play improv? Ooh, yeah. Let's do some improv games. Okay, shout out a place. Erwin. So. I'll have the sushi. I just took the last one. Why did I say that? I'm so sorry. You could have it if you want. It's just I'm allergic to literally everything else. I can only have rice and then like uncooked seafood. seafood so I just it's fine though it's fine maybe the improv needs to just come to us naturally

1:08:58maybe the improv is the friends we made along the way I was seeing Obsession and the theater was packed I swear to god no one would shut the fuck up I didn't want to make a scene so I left and told the manager that's why I don't go to movies I'm team her She then came into the theater and stopped the movie. But this bitch walked in, like, right after me. And obviously everyone saw I complained and they booed me. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Why were you still in the theater? I know. Just leave. Just leave. I was with her until she went back to the theater. But I don't understand. Or whatever.

1:09:35I watch movies on my phone. What? I watch every movie on my phone. You don't go to, like, a movie theater ever? No, I don't have a TV. Still? I don't have a TV, and I have an iPad that's been in a box for a year and a half. So I just watch all my movies. Well, you would be very comfortable. But let me tell you, have you ever watched Interstellar on your iPhone? Because it's amazing. No. The sound is perfect. Okay. Well, I... Do you know that everyone had a bit of a scare because they thought iPic was closing? It just rebranded. The cinemas. Ooh. I love iPic. I don't know it. What? I don't know it.

1:10:15You know what an iPick is? I don't know. It's a luxury movie theater. Me personally, I'll be watching that on my phone with the rest of us. I mean, I feel like people have televisions. I mean, I'm a people's person, so I'm just going to check it out on my phone. I'm a people's person, too. I'm going to watch Dune 2 on my phone. Have you ever seen Dune 1? Yeah, I saw Dune 1. I love Dune 2. I heard Dune 2 is amazing. It's great. I like it when he gets mean. He's going to be really bad on the third one. Timmy? Mm-hmm. He's going to be a bad guy. Really? Ooh, I'm interested. He's the bad guy? Shaves his head.

1:10:49What? Shaved his head. He did? For the role? Yeah. He worked so much. How did you like being on a movie set? I was very, very nervous on my first day. Like, haven't been that nervous in years. and then after the first day it was like Tucker Pillsbury call time 6.30am my bag hair and makeup hey just me again shooting a movie you go through your sides I know but like at that point I was like I didn't know him but the first day was like so scary and then it was really fun One last time I need to be The one who takes you home One more time I promise after that I'll let you go Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart All I really care is you wake up in my arms One more time Oops, I need to be the one.

1:12:10That live tonight, like, my fucking hole is going to split open. Oh, my God. Like, my hole is literally going to evaporate. Oh, my word. Like, you know it's true, too. I'm so excited. I'm, like, sweating for it. Oh, my God. The next one. You know how long it took me to understand what Knicks in five meant? Do you want me to explain it to you? No, I know now. So what does it mean? Because I ask people, they're in game five? No. It's best of seven. So if the Knicks won, so that's why people were like Knicks in four. Because if they won the first four, they won four out of the seven games and they win the championships.

1:13:00But because they lost the third, then it became Knicks in five. But then people were saying Knicks in six. So, but it became Knicks and Five once they won the fourth game that I was at. It's like, I can't. I didn't know what it meant for a long time, and it was just, it was also so weird to see so many people all of a sudden, like you, caring about sports. I'm from New York. All of a sudden. Where are you from in New York? Washington Heights. I think that's valid. I think that's hometown pride, but I just, it was like it was just so weird all of a sudden everyone cared about basketball it was so strange to me cause it's summer oh yeah

1:13:47and like it's community yeah yeah I just it's like oh my god that's all cheer and dance it's like we're at a concert but they're playing sports there's no dancing there's dancing I'd probably be into it yeah no there is I post Nixon 5 on my story like everyone you did? No, I said I would if there was dancing. I said, like, my Panera commercial ran during the next commercial I screamed. I know. I told you I've heard good things, but I haven't seen it. Have you ever had friendlies? Yeah, I used to go there for my birthday as a kid. That's where I wanted to go every single time. You know that's one of my favorite restaurants in the entire world.

1:14:24Where are they now? They're gone. All of them? No, there's some left. We should go to one. I used to love it. They have the crazy ice cream sundaes. Yeah, with the face? With the face. Yeah. The milk, the mint, chocolate one? Yeah. Please call me with Tucker. I have nothing to look forward in life besides this. That's it? Yeah. Oh, call. Oh, we got a phone number. How do I talk? Hello? Hey, this is Jake Shane's assistant. Real quick, I'll be right back. Oh. Interesting. We saw that you submitted to call when Tucker was on the show. Oh, yeah. So we just wanted to give you a ring because we have Tucker on the show now.

1:15:14Shut the fuck up. Are you lying? Yeah. Do you want to talk to him? Are you him? I'm not lying. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I'm him. Oh, my God. Hi. Hi. Is this fake or is this real? FaceTime her. It's hi. I didn't know I was supposed to FaceTime you. Do I do that? Oh, you can if you want, but I mean I'm uncomfortable, I don't know That's okay Oh my god, wait, this is crazy I feel like I submitted that years ago So you keep them on hand? I don't know, Nolan pulled them out Hi! Jake's here Oh my god, is that Jake? Yes! Hi! Oh my god, I'm gonna cry I mean, you too, Tucker But oh my god What's your name? My name's Mandy Mandy, it's so nice to meet you So nice to meet you.

1:15:59Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. This is crazy. I'm so happy. You're so happy. I'm so happy. Oh, my God. This is... Oh, my God. I don't even know what to say. Well, how's your day going? It's good. I literally was just telling my friend that I was manifesting going to meet you in New York City. Oh, my God. Wait. Are you from New York? No, I'm from Minnesota. But, like, I'm going to New York to see Harry Styles in September. So, I was like, I'm going to manifest to see Jake. Like, well, now I feel really bad because Tucker called. He's upset. But, like, this is crazy, though. I mean, like, how was his Bonnaroo set?

1:16:34Was that amazing? Oh, my God. See, she's locked in, Tucker. I don't even want to talk to her now. Tucker, stop. Okay, he's being a diva, but that's okay. No, we've had nothing to talk about this entire time. It's been dead silent. Oh, my God, really? Oh, my God, that's so funny. Wait, this is so crazy. This, like, just made my entire life. Oh, my God. this is insane I wasn't gonna answer because I thought it was spam because everything's spam nowadays everything is spam nowadays like literally it's insane it's insane probably spam you get a call did this say probably spam no it didn't but like right because it's Nolan maybe it's like I thought it was like my insurance agent calling to give me a quote but like it wasn't so this is even better

1:17:22oh my god Tucker tell her you go ahead sorry no you go ahead what were you saying no nothing i mean like i'm just in shock i'm in disbelief do you want facetime i mean like i look like a bald eagle but sure

1:17:41hi tucker it's so nice to meet you even though you don't look that happy Tucker Perk up a bit Seriously Why did you react to him The way you did And not me Okay I was gonna say Because it's Jake Shane But like Also it's Tucker Wait You want Can I send you some cotches Yes wait yeah I'll send you some cotches That's my girl I'm excited. If ever you want to come back to me, I will. I love you, Mandy. I love you. Is it okay with my screenshot? Is that fine? Yeah, say smile, Tucker. Okay. Okay, smile. Okay, thank you so much for calling. This was insane. Oh, my God, I'm so happy. Maybe we'll run into each other when you go see Harry Styles in New York.

1:18:35Yes, that'd be amazing. Do you want to give a little... Well, thank you so much. Chances are not. Do you want to give a little... Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. Oh my God, this is crazy. Love you. Love you. Bye.

1:18:50I love her. Oh my God, I got so excited I dropped my cards. God, I missed that. God, I should start calling people more.

1:19:03How much time have we done? What are you thinking about? Three, two, one, FaceTime. 3, 2, 1, Kindle. 3, 2, 1, iPad. Thank you guys so much. My album comes out August 7th. Chuck Timely in the Hourglass. I'm going on tour and hitting the road right after. I'll see you there. Wait, what did we learn today? I think people will use my name to get to you. I mean, Mandy came to my Minneapolis show. I think it's shallow. though. She's never even been to my show. No, she said how was your Bonnaroo show? Yeah, she didn't see it. She wasn't there. She was asking how it was. Well, not everybody can get to Bonnaroo.

1:19:51If I could get to Bonnaroo, I'd go to Bonnaroo. Not everyone can get to a Jake Shane show, but she could. Well, because I stop in every city. So do I. Really? Yeah, when I'm on tour. Okay, I'm sure you do. I'm just saying. Don't trust everyone. I don't trust her. Don't trust everyone. That's what I learned. My girl. And you were way too into that, too. I was excited I know but I saw you you got hard from like what what the excitement like did something to your body I'm gay half of this episode was about how I'm gay full body chills you had like an adrenaline rush and your face was I've never seen someone put their mouth so close to a fucking camera that poor girl saw your fucking tonsils I love you Jake I love you give me a big hug and thank you so much wait you have to say bye pussies Bye pussies