Session 136: Kaia Gerber Returns

28:38There is so many music festivals. There's such little time left in summer and so many things to see. I just saw Meg Stalter and O'Mary. You can get tickets for that on SeatGeek. It was one of the best experiences of my entire life. She was so fantastic and I love live theater. It's one of my favorite things in the entire world. You can use my code THERAPUS for 10 % off and thank you SeatGeek for sponsoring tonight's episode. I'm so excited. She has a wonderful scream. Thank you so much. A wonderful scream. I think everyone gets a good scream in on the shards. It's important. When you do a Ryan Murphy show, like all you can hope for is that you end up screaming.

29:12Right. But I would do this thing before I had to go out to sing where I would like, sorry, hawk a loogie, like a boxer. I did that right before you came on the show. Really? I felt it in my throat. I was like. Sometimes you just have to like. And spit. Yeah. And I would do it every single night. It became also a superstition where I was like, if I don't hawk my loogie, it's not, the song's not going to come out. I get it. Are you superstitious? Yeah. Well, I think it's OCD more than superstition. Tell me. I have to say, I'm very happy about how much you talk about OCD. Thank you. Because there's a lot of misconceptions about it, I think.

29:46Yeah. And as a reminder, Kaya listens to every episode. She'll text me every day. I'm listening to this episode. Here's my complaint. Yes, she'll give me notes. Well, no, you do one a week. It's not enough. And then, Kaya, I can't. Because I have. No, it's more than enough for you. but I get annoyed because I want more and I've listened to all of them like four times and I just need I need even if you just want to record yourself talking by the way my TikTok algorithm is just like Jake Shane best moments. Lewis are you having fun? Oh also I would like to say what Lewis and I travel together at this point all the time.

30:24I know. We went to Austin together and then we went to Paris together and then we didn't see each other. You went to Austin together? Oh, for South by. Yes, for South by. Yeah. We flew. Did we fly there together, Lewis? We flew back together. I was following him around with a camera and he was drinking milk. Here's a question. This is what I say about Lewis. He's like milk fed. He loves milk. Milk fed boy. He was like, he's either always eating cereal or drinking a thing of milk. actually every time when we were in the when we were going to paris he got yogurt he loves his dairy that boy you do lewis he does he asked me this and also i am curious oh because after cabo you abandoned me and my entire family when we had to do an emergency well look here's the thing let me let me set the fucking scene we had to so we were on a flight and it and the lax was closed All of LAX was closed.

31:30There was smog. There was smog, so no plane could land in LAX. So we had to land in San Diego. Your parents were the first ones to be like, peace. Oh, if you think my mom and I didn't get into a massive fight. Wait, I watched it happen. Huge. You were like this, oh, you're leaving. I said, what about me? She was like, you're a grown up. I said, okay, Mrs. I called her Mrs. Caps for sale because she had like six. She had brought like six vacation hats and they were all... piled on her head. Do you remember that book, Caps for Sale? No. You don't. It was a children's book that was this guy that would wear like 400 caps on his head and be like, Caps for Sale, Caps for Sale.

32:08So I was like, okay, Caps for Sale. Yeah, they were in a big fight. Huge fight. And so her parents were the first to get in the Uber from San Diego to LA. Yeah. I was the second. And then Kyra was like, wait, so you're leaving my family trip without me. Oh yeah. And I said, well is your uber on the way she said no you no no you didn't say anything similarly to when you pooped your pants yes you got in the car without explanation which is totally fine and like you live your life but you got in the car and you just and you just drove right away and i was like what happened to mexico like didn't we have a nice time in mexico we had you know i think about mexico daily i can't describe to you i've never been on a vacation vacation before where i was like But I felt so seen by you.

32:57I got there. And Kaya's mom was like, so Kaya said you would probably want this room because you like a lot of alone time. You like to go back and forth between outside and inside. And I said you want a room where you can control the thermostat. Like have your own air conditioning because you like it very cold. And the room was very cold. And all we did every day, we would wake up. And we'd walk outside. And we'd lay out. They would read. And I would go on my phone. and listen to music and I would go swimming and I would tan and I would make my Instagram dumps. You would. Here's, I really, as I've gotten older, appreciate the way that my parents do vacation, which is like real vacation.

33:36There are no wake up at 8am to go swimming with the dolphin. Like they are like, this is what we're going to do. You can come or not. It's like actually meant to relax. There's no sightseeing. It's amazing. God, it was the best vacation. It was one of go back summer is too hot but we can go back any other time that you want let's go back in october for my birthday are your teeth ever itchy what what do you mean it's like my my teeth have been are itchy where in your gum or in your tooth all of it whole thing that's tingling it's your nerves what does that mean it's like do you have sinus pressure right now no i don't think so what do you mean it's tingling is it it's not tingling it's itchy they're they've been itchy for about a week like like i want to like itch them what does that mean this thought in my head right now Like I am actually about to like go down real psychosis.

34:28Well, imagine how I've felt all week when my teeth have been itching me. Cause you can't go, you can't go like this. So you're sort of like, sorry, sorry, sorry. I feel sick. We have to move on. What are you therapist about today? Because by the way, I tried to get away with not asking that question last time. And she said, I watched the show. Oh my God. My teeth are itchy. When you think about it, they're itchy. The teeth are itchy. I know. I'm like so uncomfortable. When did this start? And I started and I don't know, I think about a week ago and I've started now grinding them because I'm like, my teeth are so itchy.

34:59What do you think it's from? I have no idea. Have you asked? Who? A dentist? Why my teeth are itchy? They'll probably be like, send her away. Go to a psychiatrist. Like that's not, I don't think it's an actual physical. It's like a brain thing? They're itchy. It's the gum. And I'm brushing and I'm flossing and I'm doing. Oh, so maybe it's, maybe you're flossing too hard. Well, no, I flossed once last night. I never floss. Because they were itchy. Neither do I. It's so hard. Do you guys floss? You do. You look like you floss. Louise would floss. Oh, yeah. Louise can read everywhere. I know. She's just like you.

35:38It takes a certain kind of patience. I think I like it because it does drown out everything else when you're into the book. Speaking of, let's talk. Oh, yes, about this. Yes. Library Science, issue one. Yeah. Our first publication. And I was like, Kaya, like, well, so I know library science is a book club and I don't read. So I've never really been able to partake. But Kaya told me that this makes reading easy for people that really don't read. Well, in large part, you inspired it. Okay. Because I love reading, but I also understand that it's not super accessible to everyone. And like you went to college.

36:15I didn't go to college. You went to college. So you were assigned reading. You associate reading with school. It makes it so much worse that I don't read and I went to college. No, no. That's what I'm saying. People who went to college, I think sometimes have a bad, it's like people who grew up super religious and then they have to be like, I can't do that religion anymore. So you, that's how I feel about it. I didn't go to college. So I was like, I'm going to read everything on earth so that I don't feel dumb. And so I just started reading really kind of performatively so I could talk to people and seem smart.

36:47And then I actually kind of low-key started liking it. But then eventually, I think you sort of, sometimes you start things with not the purest of intentions, and then you kind of start licking it a little bit. Yes, that's how I always feel about, that's how I feel about movies. That's how I feel about movies. I'm a TV show guy. I've seen every TV show under the sun. Which is, TV shows are, at this point, they used to be like, movies were up here, TV was down here. Yeah. Isn't that crazy, by the way? Back in the day. You would never. You would never do TV. Never. You would never do TV. And you know who I actually think changed that?

37:27Was George Clooney. George Clooney. You are. It was. About my knowledge. Yeah, this is what I'm saying. Like, you are an encyclopedia for all things TV. TV used to not, well, it was George Clooney, and it was also The Sopranos. The Sopranos changed, neither have I. I know. Neither have I. But that changed the game for television. Like, no one wanted to be a television actor. until the Sopranos came out and HBO started putting out all these like like six feet under and like and it why should they be different it's the it's a very similar medium except you have a lot more time to tell a story and a lot more time I don't know it's like and also the actors get a lot more time to live with the characters especially something like Scandal which went on for so many seasons like like you suddenly have an incredible actress like Kerry Washington living with this character for almost a decade right how many seasons like home yeah it was It's like a decade.

38:20And so then it's so wonderful to have so much time with a character. Like when we were filming the Shards by the last episode, I was like, I know Susan so much more than I did during the pilot. What I love so much about the Shards was that it made me want to be in school. The best part about the Shards is we get up, me, Kai, and Louis, we get up, we finish watching it. I go, oh my God, I just love the 70s so much. Louis goes, it's the 80s, bud. the 80s but the whole thing was in the 80s and by the way it is so clearly the 80s by the way the voiceover the whole time is like the year was 1981 it's the 80s we're in 1981 video killed the radio star like music videos MTV in 1981 and Jake gets up and he's on a high and he goes oh I wish I was in the 70s and I was like I'm not gonna correct him I can't break this moment this was a beautiful moment and and then lewis said hey bud it's the 80s yeah and i said right but it's but it made me want to be in the 80s yeah but that's like you you get obsessed with these worlds of tv and then even when they're doing horrible things or bad things are happening you still kind of want to live in those worlds um back to literature which also the shards is an adaptation of a book so by brett easton ellis who's one of my favorite writers of all time he American Psycho as well.

39:41He writes about LA. He's born and raised in LA. I, I'm also born and raised in LA. I, I feel like there's another writer, Eve Babitz, who writes incredible. I know who Eve Babitz is. Why do I know who that is? Maybe because I talk about her all the time. I think you talk about her. I talk about her all the time because I'm always like, I feel like there's this trend now where people use hating on LA as a sort of sign of intellect. Like if I tell you how much I hate LA and why, then you'll think I'm really smart and cool. Yeah, but LA's back. LA's back. And we said this a year ago and then you moved to New York.

40:16Well, no, I've spent a lot of time in New York. And by the way, when Kaya's in New York, she's like, fuck, I love it here. I do love it. I loved it. I lived there. I loved every moment of it. I forgot that you did live there. I love it so much. But I also love LA. And I think growing up here, I was like, LA is so stupid and fucking lame. And no, I love it here. And Eve Babbitt and Brett Easton Ellis, they're Joan Didion. They're people that write about the West and about LA. Joan Didion. I know Joan Didion. And Brett Easton Ellis talks a lot about Joan Didion. He does in the episode of The Charge.

40:48Yes. And I just love people who can like celebrate LA and also celebrate it in all its complexities and all the things that are also wrong with it. And I was reading Black Swans, which is one of my favorite Eve Babbitt's books of all time. Short stories. You could definitely, I think you would love it. Is it about Black Swan? It's about - Or is Black Swan based on that? Absolutely nothing to do with it. Totally. Nothing to do with it. But you could see how I got from A to B. I absolutely can. And who's to say Darren Aronofsky wasn't inspired by Eve Babitz? But I think maybe I am to say that. Totally.

41:20Except for me. Back to Eve Babitz. Back to Eve Babitz. But she has this, she wrote this, I think it was in, it was like the 80s and 90s LA. And she talks about being at this restaurant in Rodeo. And she, on Rodeo, in Rodeo? On Rodeo. On Rodeo. Which I was today because I have a shopping problem. We have to also get into the spending addiction. But we'll get there. Yes, go, go. She's talking about it and this was written in the 80s and she's like, everyone here looks so crazy. Everyone looks insane. They're all getting surgery and lasers and facelifts. And I was like, oh my God, like in the 80s, E.

41:54Babbitts was noticing. And it made me feel comforted because I was like, this is not a new thing. Like she at that, this chair is beautifully configured. It's sort of boosted. Is that what that added? It is boosted because the first episode we did and I was sitting and I was so short and I was like this and I was like, Louise, like we have to fucking make this share higher. I'm chunking in. We could have a podcast. I don't have enough to say. You know what? Can I tell you a really sweet moment I had with my mom today? It was really cute. I have to talk about this book eventually. Okay, go, go.

42:29I'm going to go mom then book. Mom then book. And then spending addiction. Yeah. So I called my mom and I was like, I'm going on Jake's podcast. My parents love you. And I love them. Every night at dinner is a, you came, you came to, it was a Jewish holiday. It was, it was Passover. It wasn't Passover. It was Passover. It was Passover. It was Passover. It was. Because I made everyone do the Passover play. Yes. Which was so fun. Fun. And funny. And scary too. And ultimately gay. A little bit. A little bit. And you and my dad had a beautiful chemistry going on and everyone was doing voices. It was really fun.

43:11And my parents love you because every night is like a stand-up show that you do. But it's not put on. It's just you are such an entertaining person to watch and have dinner with. Making your dad laugh is my greatest addiction. Gratifying. By the way, I think that's why I have any sense of humor is I just strive to make my father laugh. His laugh is so enjoyable to listen to. that's how I feel about Alice. I like making them laugh. He has the best laugh. And he, wait, making them laugh is like, what, sorry. It's an addiction. It's like why I kept wanting to be like, every night at dinner, I'd be like, no, literally, I'm like, I am the court jester for them.

43:45And I remember specifically, my dad and I went to go see the Carole King musical. Beautiful. Oh, how was that? It was wonderful. I love Carole King. And I remember sitting there with him and like, the crowd was all middle-aged women. my dad is from long island and his his mother talks like this yeah and so i started doing an impression of his mother because i was like all these women look like his mother so i was like oh my god have you seen the carol king musical oh my god and i was making him laugh so hard that i just kept going and going and then i was like oh this is so fun it's so fun to make my dad laugh it is so fun and then my mom has a nasty nasty sense of humor so dirty so so so nasty it is I get a laugh out of her every now and then.

44:26And when I do, that shit's real. It's real. She's not giving them out for free. It's really gratifying also. But my mom's like dirty, dirty humor. But today I called her and I was like, I'm going on Jake's podcast. And I was like running things about her. I was like, is it bad to say this? Is it bad to say this? Everything. She's like, no, it's fine. And I was like, honestly, mom, like I really just want people to see me as human. And I feel like they don't. And she goes, Kaya, you are human. And I was like, I know. I understand that. but I also I want them to to get me I want them to humanized yeah I was like I want them to understand me like I seek so much validation I think that's why I'm an actor like I always tell directors like I'm not an actor because I have enough validation like please clap for me cheer for me tell me I did a good job even if you don't mean it like the play like I'm like just tell me I did a good job I need I like I finish a take and I'm immediately like always I'm like is that okay just like tell me I did a good job humans are constantly in our life seeking validation even even if you're not an actor, you're like, you're doing things constantly seeking validation.

45:25And I was like, I just want people to understand me. And she was like, I don't think you should be asking yourself whether they understand you. I think you should ask yourself whether they feel you. What do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? That's what she said. But what do you mean? So that's all I have. But doesn't that sort of hit? Yeah, but do you feel like the essence of who I am? You don't need to get what I'm, you don't need to understand what I'm saying, but like. Do you feel me? Do you feel me? Because like, I think a lot of people don't get Meg Salter. Right. But you feel her because she is so authentically herself.

46:02Right. So it's like not whether people fully, because everyone's going to decipher you in their own way. They're going to project onto you. But do they feel you? Actual you. I think you, us talking right now, this is how we talk in our private life as well. That's true. So I think people will feel you. Thank you. I do. thank you to this okay thank you for keeping and then my spending addiction I understand that like library science we cover a lot of very niche literature and it's not I mean we're trying to make niche literature accessible but I understand that not everyone's going to want to read like a book from a female Norwegian author so I was like let's make a publication that is short stories short fiction short non-fiction poetry there's text messages in there there is There is?

46:47Yes. I'm so excited. And I was like, someone asked Alyssa and I, who I do like, it's the two of us doing library science. And they were like, are you trying to print the internet? And I was like, no. Wait, but I love that. Yeah, but I was also like, the internet has a, it's perfectly capable of preserving itself. Like that, it does that for us. But I definitely am very cognizant of like, our generation has a very short attention span. And so I was like, yeah. So it's like if I can make a book that is sort of follows the attention span that something like Instagram or TikTok follows, then it can still stimulate people who are not used to reading for sustained periods of time.

47:26Like you could pick that up, read it for a minute, get through a whole story and then go back to your phone. Like you don't have to read the whole thing in one sitting. And that's really that was important to us. And then we were trying to choose. I was like, I think it should have a theme. And so we chose a theme. Do you remember Show Me To Me, Rachel? Of course. Louis loves Show Me To Me Rachel really? probably because I've talked about it for like three years he'll always say please show me to me and I that's the theme of the book because I was like I think it'd be funny to ask people like Will Arbery who wrote the play that I did to write something based on Show Me To Me it's the transcript the epilogue is the transcript to Show Me To Me and then it ends in the TikTok URL so it's Kaya this is brilliant honestly and then on the back it's all the authors Yeah, all the contributors.

48:13Great, great, great people. I want to write something. I think I was just going to say you should. I want to write something. Because it can be anything. We have notes app entries. I have notes app entries. Send us any of your notes app. And we intentionally choose. I'm so excited. This is so amazing. And it makes a great, great coffee table book as well. Thank you. Like, it's really well done. And can I nerd out? I spent so long on the binding because I wanted it to be able to lay flat when you're on the middle section. So there's this Japanese binding technique. Everyone just fell asleep, by the way.

48:45There's a Japanese binding technique where you can, like, open it. Hold on. So you can open it, and then it, like, still lays flat. Do you see the spine? Oh, wow. Well, that's attention to detail. Oh, my God. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you for getting one. I really think this is going to be it. It's so fun to publish. It's a great time financially to get into publishing. You make so much money. Really? Okay. You have a spending addiction. I do have a spending addiction. When did it start? Where I bought the Birkin. You bought a Birkin? Yeah, it's... You've seen the Birkin. You've seen the Birkin.

49:21Oh, it's brown. It's brown. Yeah. And I showed it to your mom. I said... And she said, cute. I have to say, my mom's so not into spending like that. Mm-mm. The most expensive thing I have ever bought was the Chanel bag. that's the first designer bag I've ever bought for myself. And it's beautiful and you have it with you right now. Yeah, it's such a true, it was literally, I bought it and I was like, I have made it. Yeah, that's how I felt too. It was post shards and I was like, I really feel, I understand, I think you, it rubbed off on me because like, you know, you can't take it with you when you're dead.

49:59Right. And you can leave it to your children and you should have some of it. That's what I say, I'll leave it to my gay son, Theo, who's going to be gay for sure. Maybe he won't be. I actually feel like he might not be. You are having gay children. And that's my hope and dream. Louise's as well. Million. Do you have the name picked out though? Like he does? Like it's psycho? No. Okay. You know what Will does that I now do is. You're by. You're by. God, Will's the best. Will's the connector of all beings. He connected us. He really did. He came to Mexico before you did. He did. And that's when this all started.

50:34It all goes back to fucking Mexico. I thought you were going to say it all goes back to Will, and I was like, by the way, I agree. But it all does go back to Will. It does. Honestly, one of the greatest, like, I feel so lucky that I found him in this life. I feel the same about you, too, but I'm just like. I really feel that about Will. What a miraculous person. Like, what an absolute, like, you shouldn't get someone like that. He could talk to a wall. I mean, we would wake up in Mexico. It'd be 11 a.m. We'd roll out of bed. Will would be dripping sweat from his 10th pickleball match of the day.

51:06Around golf. He knew every single person in the vicinity. He knew everybody. I've been going there since I was a baby and Will knew - Knew more people than you. Way more. More people than you. He was making plans. It was amazing. It was amazing. Anyways. What are you therapist about today? Because last time I tried not to ask because I always forget to ask. And I said, what did I say last time? I don't remember. I have one this time. Okay, what is it? I'm therapist. pissed you know you were there for the the beginning of this journey but I got a belly button ring oh my god and it's amazing it was the best day ever I almost got an ear piercing which you were encouraging me to get by the way well I was getting my belly button pierced I was like get your ear piercing who cares right Louise cared so I got a belly button piercing right when we wrapped the shards because I was like wow I'm crazy and no one can stop me and I've always wanted one so it wasn't like a crazy I've always wanted one I've always liked them got a belly button piercing what they don't tell you is that it's gonna be infected for longer than you can ever imagine they told you it wouldn't be infected i was there they said like you'll be fine it'll be fine you're gonna be fine you ask every question possible i did not listen to the professional who said that you should not pierce with a hoop you should pierce with the bar and i was like i want to hope and he was like it's gonna heal much slower i said what do you mean pierce with the Like have a bar down your belly button?

52:27So there's the bar, which is like what Britney Spears had with like the diamond up here and then the like hanging thing down there. Got it. And I was like, I'm not a pop star. Like I need a little ring. It looks so good. It's infected and - How good does it look? Thank you. I like it. I do like it. It's so conch. But here's the problem. You need to, I have a meticulous cleaning routine. Really? For it, which is, so you get a belly button ring because you're like, I'm going to be cool. There's nothing less cool than having a meticulous cleaning routine for your belly button, right? What is that?

52:57Twice a day, face wash on it, then rinsing it off, then saline spray. I'm spraying, spraying it. I'm moving it. I'm spraying it. It's so deeply uncool. So this thing that was supposed to make me look cooler has suddenly become like the dorkiest thing about me. Also, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a finger hooked into the ring, ripping it, ripping it in my dreams. I'm ripping. Why? I don't know. I don't know. I'm ripping and I wake up and I'm like, ah, and then there's blood. But it's, yeah, it'll heal eventually. But that's what I'm doing. I'm a therapist about it. It doesn't. Speaking of dreams, one of my favorite parts about Cabo was I was like, I need an Advil PM.

53:35I'm out. Louis, like, do you have an Advil PM? He takes like a quarter of an Advil PM. Shoes off a little crumb. A little crumb. A little crumb. And he gave me like half. And I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I need three. I need three to four. and he looked at me as if he, if I was his child and he was about to send me away. He was like. No, no, no. He's used to it because I need to, I have a big, I have a sleep problem. We both have sleep problems. How do we fix it? So what I've realized is you just watch TV with a sleep mask on and you put it on and then eventually your eyes start shutting as the TV show gets more boring and then you, you're out.

54:12That's not true. That's my, that's my go-to right now. What are you therapist about? What am I therapist about? honestly I have had the most amazing day really I finally was able to work out after my wrist mommy thumb mommy thumb mommy thumb I had a great workout session then I went home okay no I burped I know actually what I did oh my god I had the best day ever I worked out I was walking I walked air one and I passed St. Laurent and I said the spending addiction and I said I'm just gonna hop in there was a nylon orange windbreaker you didn't buy it of course right

55:00oh my god you're gonna hear it oh my god brace yourself

55:10so i walked in to saint laurent and i wait is it bad you guys i literally the entire sales associate was like i look like i'm like jake the sales this they're in sales their job is to sell wait so i'm wondering where i'm gonna wear this to

55:38Anywho You have to wear it Back to my amazing day So By the way While you were gone Louise was like He texted me today That like today was The worst day of his life No it was amazing I worked out And then I passed Saint Laurent I walked and I bought This lovely windbreaker And a vintage shirt Of the Pet Shop Boys Oh Do you know who The Pet Shop Boys are I do I didn't, but it looked cool. And so I bought that. But also, didn't you get a Tom Waits shirt? I did. That's under this. Yeah. And so basically, I bought that. I have to say, you do look very, very cute. Right? Yeah, yeah. It's not horrible.

56:13No, I don't think it's horrible. I just, I think the, I mean, you spent a lot of money on it. That's okay. But I can wear this. I'm like, oh my God, it's raining out. Like, well, I guess there's no hood. So basically, then I went to Air One in Santa Monica, and they had my keto pork. and I got my keto pork and then I went home and I took a psychiatrist appointment and I got prescribed new meds. And then I started watching Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Okay. And I took a nap. I woke up and you're here. And that was my day. That's a good day. It's a really nice day. I said I was having the worst day ever.

56:48Yeah, you said I was taking a nap. I'm so depressed. Oh, I was depressed. But that's just par for the course. And the new meds I got prescribed are for that. Are for depression. They're SSRIs. Yes, they're for is well butry and it's supposed to, you take it in the morning and it's supposed to like kind of, because I was saying to my psychiatrist, I was like, he was like, you have anxiety, but these feelings of like your hopelessness and your impending doom, like that is depression. So you should probably take this. Is it your first time on SSRIs? No, no, I've been on SSRIs forever. I don't know if, is Wellbutrin an SSRI?

57:22Okay, so, well, cheers. Cheers. Eyes. Should we do the Tell Me What's Wrongs? Yeah, I'm scared. This might, this has been, this has been really fun. A real joy. This has been really fun. A real joy. Oh, my God, Nolan. Look what he did. Nolan, look what he did. Nolan, look what he did. Adding to the decor. Also, Kai, I tried my gummies last night, and they were amazing. What are the, are they called the Jake Shane? No, they're called Sour Puss. The Sour Puss Cotches. Oh, my God, and this will be right before they come out. Can I, I had six of them. Yeah, they're amazing. It's, okay, it reminded me of when I would go through, I'd buy a huge bag of the gummy sour worms.

58:07Uh-huh. And you just pick out the red and blue ones. It's funny because I actually don't like those worms, but I like this. Well, the texture of these is... It's unmatched. I've always wanted to put hot lava in my mouth, even though I know it would be horrible. You know what? Does that make sense? No, it's an intrusive thought. I also feel that way. I always want to see a burrito hit in slow motion by a baseball bat. See, that you could do before you could put lava in your mouth. Totally. I can make this dream come true for you. In fact, maybe tonight. But all I want to do is have a Chipotle burrito thrown in the air, and I want someone to hit it with a baseball bat.

58:40When I tell you I think about this at least once a week, I thought about it last night. What part of our mental illness is that? Because I think about putting lava in my mouth, because I think about how the inside would be gooey, and the hard outer shell would sort of stick. Anyways, that's what it felt like to eat your cautious, but not. Great. In the way that, like, that's what I drew. Oh, so it was, like, comforting. It was amazing. But, yeah, if anyone out there can throw up a burrito and hit it with a baseball bat in slow motion, I want to see, like, it spill out. Like, I want to see the baseball bat slowly hit the burrito and the burrito go in.

59:16And then you see the burrito right before it breaks. I have a question. Are you thinking the burrito? So this is the burrito. Are you thinking the baseball bat hits it and it goes? Yes. Yes. a little bit and then it explodes but maybe it like also flies off like I don't know what's gonna happen like I don't know what the fuck is gonna happen by the way who's to say who is to say until we do it and I really want to do that we can do that whenever you want oh here got it and the windbreaker is growing on me yeah it's a cute color like let me just do a little moment in what situation would I wear this Well, okay.

59:55Do you ever like, okay, when you're trying on clothes for a night out, do you do a little pose ever in the mirror to be like, ha ha? Always. Every time. Every time. Okay. So what's the pose that you do? So they don't have pockets. There's a big pocket right there. Oh. But you'll see everything that's in it. I'm like a kangaroo pouch. Okay. So I would wear this to like, um, I would wear this to, so my issue is, is this also used to have shoulder pads. I had to take them out. I said I can't buy this one. Can you turn to the side? What does it look like in the back? Right. Turn to the side. You would not believe how much nylon can cost you.

1:00:38It is nylon. Take a seat. Okay. I realized I have terrible music taste. I heard a song the other day and I've been bumping it since. I just learned it was some AI slop song. I get it. I understand it just because I thought the San Juan song was a real song. What is that? First time in San Juan, mi hijo. Capital of Puerto Rico. Immediately I'm enchanted. Wait, actually, kind of you have perfect pitch. Thank you. You're welcome. Because it's AI. No, but you have perfect pitch. Oh, thank you. The whole plane clapped when we landed. I just learned it was some AI sloth song. like come on I'm not dumb how did I not notice this I genuinely liked it too so that's not good either what the fuck you know what you just gotta listen to music you gotta listen to real music you gotta listen to Spotify you know what's amazing what the Ryan Beattie album oh have you been listening yes how have we not talked about this what's your favorite song I'm between a few okay tell me um I love Sweet Fortune love isn't Claro on that too I think she is I think it's Claro yes um I love Dust me too is that the one I hate New York.

1:01:52I'm brave enough to say I go back and forth. I'm like, I get it. I get it. And by the way, me too. I'm like, I get that. My favorite is Virtuoso. Vertigo, I wasn't over. Gonna come out west. You know what? You like happier me. But he says in it, he says, you gotta learn to leave to remember why you stay. Letting go of what you hold holds you just the same. I got none of that. No, like letting go of what you hold. Like letting go, like you need to learn to leave to remember why what you had was important. And letting go of that, that feeling of letting go and trust falling into the universe holds you the same way.

1:02:39Oh, that holding on so tight does. That's wonderful. I like that. He's brilliant. Brilliant. You actually have turned me on to great music. You turned me on to Choosing Texas. She's from Texas, I can tell. By the way, she's too stepping around the room. It's the best song ever. I was in the car with Ky. I was like, please let me play this right fucking now. You played me that song and you were like, it's about cheating. And I listened and I was like, it is about cheating. It is about cheating. Because he's Choosing Texas. He's Choosing Texas, I can tell. Because he's too stepping around that fucking room.

1:03:16And by the way, because he was two-stepping around that fucking room. Uh-huh. And it doesn't take a crystal ball. To see. And then she's drinking Jack all by herself. Because he's choosing Texas, she can tell. Because he's quite literally choosing Texas and she can tell. And the truth about it is she can always tell. She can always tell because he's two-stepping around the room. And men, they are two-stepping around. When they're cheating, they are two-stepping around every room. Oh. And she can tell. Oh, my God. The tag is still in there. I thought you said O because I was like, I was really like spinning truth.

1:03:53Do you know that was named one of the best albums of this year so far? Ella Langley. She's amazing. Dan DeLion. You also turned me on to, oh, Mexico, honey, because you said it reminded you of me. I did. It does. It reminds me of you. Lining my lips. Like lining your lips and your short shorts in Mexico. Like, oh, you're her. I mean, I could never. Yes, you are. But I do love her. When I listen to Mexico, honey, I think of you in Mexico. Her voice is like velvet. It's like sweet, sweet velvet. I love her so much. That album is just to die for. She's amazing. You put me on to Crush Stripped. Are we supposed to be giving advice?

1:04:24Sorry. Oh, for music taste, you should listen to my playlist on Spotify 26. It is all the new and greatest of what I've been listening to. And it's on Spotify and it's 26 because I'm 26 years old. You're blackout drunk. I am a little drunk. I've gotten drunk. Cheers. Eyes.

1:04:50at this point, you know. So I was hooking up with my coworker for a couple of months. He told me from the start he didn't want a relationship because he had just got out of one a few months earlier. I continued to hook up with him here and there after I left my job. We hadn't talked in a month, and now I see he's making the moves on a girl that replaced me at work. Wow. I would be so mad. He took her on the exact same date he took me on to. How do you know that? Literally copy and paste. He's also telling her he wants a relationship with her. How also do you know that? I'm so heartbroken and upset.

1:05:23How do I get back at him? I mean, I don't know if there is a get back. The best revenge. Is joy. Is joy. He is going to be doing the same thing forever and ever. Here's the thing. This man, I don't know this man. I don't know the situation. I don't know how she knows all this information either. That's what I'm confused about. I respect her. I respect her. She must have a source at work. She's got a source at work and cool. Great. Or maybe the other woman's reporting back, but I doubt that. My teeth itch, by the way, and it's all I can think about. It's all I can think about. Welcome to my fucking hell that I live in every day.

1:05:57It's miserable. I'm miserable. Every day. All I can think about is my teeth itch. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I think the best revenge. The problem with this man is he's sort of, I think he's in his own world. And so any sort of signifier that she gives, that she cares, he'll take as like, she still likes me. Sometimes it's best to just act indifferent. Even if you're not, even if you're still in pain, just don't get back at it. Because getting back at him, he'll be like, she cares. Right. There's a song, Indifference, by Megan Maroney. Sing it. Just indifferent.

1:06:34That's it, right? You're unreal. Don't even care what he's thinking. Yeah, indifferent. Let's do Indifferent by Megan Maroney. The thing is, like we talked about, you started watching movies to seem cool. I started reading books to seem smart. And now I watch movies, and now you have a book collection. And so if she starts pretending to be indifferent, one day she'll wake up and she actually will be. I need to get an ear piercing. That's what I just took from that. I have to get an ear piercing. How do I tell my friend that I can't spend$1 ,500 and three days of pay time off on her bachelorette trip, even though I know she's going to explode and call me a bad friend?

1:07:15It's just not in the cards for me. Please, what do I do? You know what? I'm actually going to take this out of us and give this one to Louise because she goes to a lot of weddings. I think the answer here is so clear. And it's that if you can't have this conversation with your friend and if your friend is mad at you for this, that's a major red flag. Not a friend. Not your friend. Louise has a wedding every week. Yeah, I do. Anyways. I went to a concert last night and my boyfriend projectile vomited all over the girl standing in front of us. He was too cross and couldn't have prevented it, but now I'm icked out and don't know what to think about the situation.

1:07:47I apologized to the girls and helped him feel better, but I'm torn because I can't get the image of him throwing up out of my mind. That's not your person. Yeah, if you really love someone, they could vomit all over you, your mother, your father, your family, the people you love, and you would still love them. I kind of agree. Like I'm, you know, I'm like ick queen. You are. You have a list. I have a list. It's a hundred strong. It's still going. And we did say that you would read some of them the next time you would come back on here. Yeah, we can do it at the end. I have a lot. I mean, we don't have time.

1:08:16Kaya has an ick list. Yes. Yes. And it's shared. And I've added to it. You've added. It's an amalgamation. Stop wearing them. Okay. But here's the thing. when you're madly, truly, deeply in love, they can double strap a backpack. They can vomit at a concert. They can wait in line with an empty plate at the buffet. And you still - Oh my God, I didn't even think about that. I know. That's the beauty of your ick list. They're all over the place, but you still love them. So I think an ick, as we've talked about, is just you, there's something else going on. Right. Because at the end of the day, like if that's your person like you will never get it out.

1:08:56No. No. I can't control my mood. It will be the best mood and then one small thing just throws me off and ruins my like week. I ruminate on very small things and don't know how to stop. Please my OCD king help me out. So basically what I've been doing is journaling. Do you have a mood disorder? Yes. Yes. I think I do. No I just was asking you haven't been diagnosed. No I've never been diagnosed but I've been diagnosed with depression depression, OCD, and anxiety. Yeah. So I think all those like combined are a mood disorder. Yeah. I think you can put them all together. And you know what? And you know what?

1:09:33Yes, I can. And yes, I can. And by the way, I just did. And I just did. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. That is a mood disorder. Anxiety, depression, and OCD and ADD, I have a mood disorder. You have a hard time regulating your moods. Yes. Disorder. It's disorganized. You know, yesterday I got not in trouble, but everyone was like, you're so fucking stupid. Because I thought interview, I was so high, I thought interview meant internalized view of the person. But it actually comes from the French word intra.

1:10:08So basically I would go on meds. Wait. That's the journal and go on meds. Is that bad advice? No, that's what you would do. That's the only. I've been on meds they didn't work for me not that they actually worked in a way that I didn't like because I couldn't feel sad or I couldn't feel happy it's not like it just like adult for me I think they work for other people but like I it took my deep deep depression away but it also took my like extreme happiness away right then I became a very extreme person because I was just trying to feel something so they didn't work the way that I wanted them to but I also know so many people that have been saved by them.

1:10:49Me. So I'm not anti-meds, but I think like you can try meds, see if they work. You can try journaling. There are other kinds of therapy or I think there's so many different. Charlie Raps. Charlie Raps. And it honestly for him is very therapeutic. Yeah. And there's so many different types of therapy. I write fan fiction. It's so fun to write something even if you don't put it like I write fan fiction. I don't put it anywhere. I just like it. What are you writing about? You know what? And that's the point of it's therapy. It's not, you know what I'll say? Not a human. Right. There you go. Next question.

1:11:26Okay. My boyfriend keeps farting in his sleep every night. We just moved in together and it's getting progressively worse. Every time I bring it up, he just denies it. Well, how can he deny it? He's asleep. He's literally asleep. Is this just a superficial problem or do I need to take a look at our relationship as a whole because I'm scared that in the future he will deny more things? No, you're, oh. I mean, obviously he's asleep. He's not going to be like, yeah, I farted. Yeah, you know what? You can't - That's way overanalyzing. I understand as, you know, being like, is this person going to not take my word for it?

1:11:58That's scary to be with someone that you think doesn't take your word for it. Like, I think the person that you are meant to be with will take your word for it no matter what. They won't question it. However, farting's embarrassing. Oh my God. What? Should we talk about how I fell down the stairs at your event in silence the other night? You guys, I had a wrist brace on at her uni event. Which, by the way, he showed up in his wrist brace, and I was like, you're so annoying. I had to. I had mommy thumb. And I'm walking up the stairs to get the Wi-Fi code because I don't drive, so I didn't drive there.

1:12:33And I had to leave because my mommy thumb hurt so bad, and I had to go home, and I had to sleep. And I fell down the stairs and broke a glass, and I just walked away. and sent a photo of the broken glass, and I said, did anyone see that? No one responded. That is it for the Tell Me What's Wrongs. Oh, that's actually not that bad. Yeah, that's like a killer app. It'll get. Yeah.

1:13:11Well, Kaya, what did we learn today? Um, I learned... I forgot cameras were here, which is the best side of the episode. I did too, which is a little concerning, but great. I learned that this is coming out when the Shards comes out, which is really exciting. And you have to watch the Shards. you have like I finished the first two episodes last night and I was like I need the rest of them I I actually and I hate watching myself and things despite how it may look but I hate it and like I want more because everyone other than me I'm gonna I'm gonna take myself out of it everyone's so good in it and it's such a sexy world and even though bad things are happening you want to be you want to be in that world it's sexy it's scary it's gay it's funny it's and it's self-aware like when he's sitting in the theater and that opening shot and he's like I sat there waiting for the movie to start without a phone to distract myself.

1:13:59Right. We don't do that anymore. But he's talking about it. He's addressing it. He's addressing that there was no phone. There were no phones. But it is really amazing. Like, I'm so excited. I feel like it's about to take you on, like, the most magical whirlwind. Thanks. And I also shout out cigarette acting the best. Wait, I was about to say, were you not smoking real cigarettes? No, they give you fake herbal cigarettes. They looked real. You guys were doing a great job. They're kind of grosser than real cigarettes. I mean, I would imagine so. But I'm sort of always like, what do I do with my hands?

1:14:33No, you crush it. When you have a cigarette, you don't have to ask that question because you just, you're, oh, I'm having a pensive moment. It's amazing. You crush it. It was amazing. I'm smoking in every scene of that show because I would get to send it. I'd be like, I think Susan would probably have a cigarette right now, right? And you would. And you would. And you know what? I feel so special having gotten to spend time with you and the cast while you were filming that and hearing all your stories. Is there a performance, this is not including me, that is, you feel like the most different or the most surprising because you do know everyone in that show.

1:15:03Graham. Because it's the most different. I was just like, wait, what? Like I was like, because I know Graham in person and it was just so different. Yeah. Kind of same with Igby. Yes. And Hayes. So all of them. Everyone. Everyone. All of you. Homer. Homer. All of you. Actually, all of you. It's funny because you're doing the scenes with them and I'm like, I'm watching my friends act and then I'm watching the show and I'm like, my friends are really good actors. You're all really good actors and it's an incredible show and I feel like it's about to take you on this magical journey that like you finished the first part of the magical journey and now it's the second part of the magical journey and I'm so excited.

1:15:40I want to do it again. I want to smoke more herbal cigarettes. I do. I want it. Ryan Murphy, please. Ryan Murphy. Please. Please. And we're Glee heads, both of us. We are Glee heads. And it's kind of like Glee if Glee had murder. And yeah. You know what? Ryan described the difference between camp and Baroque to me, which I didn't know. What's Baroque? I know that it's an art. So camp is like something that takes itself seriously, but then we end up making fun of like, oh, that's camp. Baroque knows what it's doing. It's in on the joke. It's kind of the thing you talk about with the banana peel.

1:16:23It's the Hannah Horvath. By the way, I feel like I'm either Hannah or Marnie and you're Elijah. I am Elijah. Your dad is gay. I feel like I'm, you think I'm Hannah? You think I'm Elijah? I feel like I'm Hannah. Maybe I'm Elijah and you're Hannah. I think maybe because Elijah is very self-assured and like knows what he wants and gets it. The truth is that you're Hannah and I'm Marnie, but I don't want to talk about that. Okay, that's fine. Okay. I don't think you're Marnie.

1:16:52I don't think you're Marnie. You are not Marnie. You are not Marnie. We learned that you're not Marnie. I love you. I love you. Kaya, I love you. I love you so much. Well, we're best friends. And by the way, talk about something that, remember when we were saying, like, you just have to say you're doing it and then it happens? And then it happens for real. We would say we were best friends before we were best friends. I know. And now we're actually best friends. and I really love you so much. I love you so much. I think you're the funniest person that has ever walked the earth. I think you are the most talented, most beautiful, and the best thing to ever happen to me.

1:17:29Stop. I mean it. And Louis, I love you too. Yes. You know what to do. Bye, pussies.

1:17:47You