Session 146: Troye Sivan

0:20And I'll see you next time.

0:42Hi Pussies, tonight we have on probably one of my favorite musicians in the entire world. His forthcoming album, She's the Best, is coming October 9th. Please give a warm welcome to the king, Troy Sivan. Thank you very much. Is that true? Yes. Really? Yes. I feel like I didn't know that about you. You know what I was listening to of yours the other day was Rage Teenager. Yeah. So good. Thank you. That was like my little COVID baby EP. I was about to say, what's it called on that EP? Is it Can't Stop Thinking About You? I Could Cry Just Thinking About You. Yeah. Yeah. I love that song. Thank you.

1:20That was like, I was so depressed. That was crazy. I was like going through a breakup and then COVID hit. and I like panicked and made that EP and I'm really happy with it but like it just is such a weird time in my life like when I think back about it I'm like whoa. Do you feel that way about other albums? Yes. Yeah like if I had to sum them up Blue Neighborhood is like I'm like young and gay and like figuring shit out and I have like no idea how to make music but that's like kind of charming. that's the first one second one i'm like so in love like amazing love vibes that ep depressed covid something to give each other was like covid was coming out and i was like going fucking mental and um like partying heaps and it was a really fun time in my life and now this one is like kind of back to depresso mode a little bit this one this one well i mean like it's weird because okay So the album basically is like, it kind of like starts in my head, like story wise on tour, like on sweat tour.

2:29Yeah. And so there's these like songs in the album that are like crazy and kind of like irreverent and whatever. And I'm like, you know, party and party and whatever. And like, um, like some of the songs I'm like, oh, I can't wait to play this live in a way where like, I've got the dances and da, da, da, da, da. But then also like the truth of my life at that time was that I was like, and there's still kind of, I'm in this place where I'm like, oh my God. I'm like actually really lonely. And so I was like, I'm not going to fight that. I'm going to write that as well. Cause both of these things are like true.

2:59And then, um, yeah. So now it's this sort of like, it kind of sums up like my whole life at the moment where it's like, yeah, things are awesome in a lot of respect. And I'm like loving my life in so many ways. But then there's this like deep, like longing, you know? When do you feel the most lonely? I think like travel days yeah like long flights and airports and like hotels um that's always like a huge one for me you have like a lot of songs about like long distance or like talking to someone and not being with them is that because of tour and like your lifestyle I think so yeah like I really like I mean I've done a lot of long distance but then also just like I think you know at a certain point it also kind of became a crutch where like i would be like well i can't really make myself like vulnerable to this person because i'm leaving in like a week you know i mean like i don't know how you feel about traveling with like dating and stuff but it's just hard because it's like well i'm going on a date with you and then i like you but now i'm leaving yeah so it's like but you find a lot of romance in the long distance like a lot of your long distance songs are very romantic to me yeah well also the weird thing about this album is that like a lot of it is written to this like boy like la boy for example on one of the songs on the album it's like this imaginary man that i don't know who he is and oh it's not based on anyone like not anyone specific you know what i mean it's like even a song like ff which is like this like undying love song or whatever it's kind of pathetic because i'm like writing it about this like guy i made up in my head when you start to date someone do you like envision your entire life with them and like make up this whole thing kind of yeah but I also think I I think that a problem for me has been um I think when you get too comfortable being single I think like when I first was going through my breakup I was like okay I promised myself I'm gonna be single for a year and in the beginning that felt difficult to like stay single and now I can't relate to that at all and I'm like oh maybe I've taken it too far where like now I'm really in my um like single bag in a way where I don't know how to like connect in that way anymore you know what I mean do you miss being in a relationship yeah well for those that don't know I took it too far last night I took it too far and I took it too far because when I saw you out yeah and you were drinking I was like well oh if Troy's drinking then it's fine I thought the exact same thing when I saw you I was like oh he's so chill about the podcast, I can be chill about the podcast.

5:39Yeah. I, too far. Did you go home after Peoples? I went home after Peoples. That was a good choice, I think. Yeah, see, that's what my choice should have been. Well, it was already like, by the time they, it was 2.30. And then you went out? I went, okay, so One Oak reopened for like one night only in New York. And I like, love the club. Like, the club is my favorite place in the entire world. So this, One Oak, I've never been. it's when I think of it I think of like a straight like kind of like Vegas-y club. It is. Okay. It is. And you love that? I don't know why I like I think I get so insecure in like gay environments that like I find peace being in like those straight environments which is which is horrible.

6:28Do you get like do you hit on people at all in that environment? I tried to last night at People's and then the second I feel like an ounce of rejection, I just pull away entirely and go the opposite direction. Right. Yeah. I'm realizing that going out is like the best way to meet people. It is. Which is like so not a groundbreaking statement, but it's crazy. Every single time I go out, I'm like, oh, there's this person. Like it feels like real life. I don't know. It's like so much more productive, I think. Do you ever find yourself to be like, do you feel like you're more introverted or more extroverted?

7:06Definitely more introverted. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can like turn it on for work. But like last night, Terry wanted to play Party on like the, he gave it to the DJ or whatever. And that is my actual nightmare. Hearing your own music out? Especially an unreleased song. Because I'm like, no one's going to know it. It's going to feel really, really uncomfortable. Like whatever. People are going to like feel like they have to like look at me and be like, ah, you know what I mean? It's just like everything about that experience sounds so nightmarish to me. Like it actually triggers my fight or flight.

7:37And last night I flew. The second that the song started playing, I like beeline and ran out the front door. And you just left? No, I stayed. I went to like the smoking area at the front and then poked my ear in. And when I could hear that the song was over, I went back inside. Yeah, I got that. It's like a nightmare experience, I think. Do you have anxiety, like bad anxiety? Yeah. Me too. I know. Yeah. No, yeah. Really, really bad. I don't think, that was like the meanest thing to say. I was going to say, I don't think mine is as bad as yours. It's not. Mine is atrocious. And I like right now I'm shaking with anxiety from last night.

8:12Oh, from. Because everyone's calling me this morning being like, Jake. And then they're like, no, but you were so fun. But Jake. And I'm like, I don't remember a damn thing. What are you, like, what's the worry in that scenario? Like, what's the worst thing you could have done? Thank you. That's how I feel. Okay. You just made me feel so much better. You want to know where else I feel so seen with you? Where? You have a deviated septum. I had. Yes. I had it fixed. Can you tell me everything about that? Have you had it fixed? No. And how long was the recovery? How did you know you had one? And what happened?

8:43So I didn't really talk about the surgery when I got it because I thought that people were going to think that I was just getting a nose job. Right. I really liked my nose. I actually preferred, it's like the most tiny change that they did because like they had to put in these like graft things so it's a little thicker now um but i i just would get sick like every two weeks like at least oh that was the issue my issue is like like i feel like blocked yeah but then doesn't that make you feel like shit yeah yes yeah so i would be like bedridden for like two days of every two weeks you know what i mean where i'm just like oh i feel so like that like head cold feeling yeah it was constant and then like it was affecting my singing like when i listen back to my old music I can fully hear that I was just recording with like a fully blocked nose and then I had the surgery and it was like the last thing I said before they put me to sleep was no physical change because I didn't want to wake up with like a little button nose like I had this irrational fear that they were going to like cosmetically fuck with my face and um I woke up it's pretty gnarly okay that's see that's what I was worried about and how long was the recovery process okay so for a week it felt like and this should not scare you off from doing it because i still think it was like the best thing i've ever done in my life but for a week it felt like someone had opened my face taken a brick put it under closed my face and sewed it up like it was so heavy and full and like it was really gnarly for like five days and then i think they leave shit in there and then they like take it out or something like that but then once it was better and you look kind of crazy because the swelling does take a long time to go down but within like three weeks i was back and now i get sinus infections maybe like twice a year i think i live with a year-long sinus infection you probably have chronic sinusitis i what chronic sinusitis what's sinusitis it's like i think what you have it's like an infection of the sinuses it's just like constantly so i don't know it's like so like i give myself like i go like this every single day to try to like move it around i used to neti pot oh yeah yeah but the crazy thing is that when you're that blocked the water gets trapped in your face yes i i remember when i was premiering my my my i went to this was when i was like still trying to do like radio stuff and i went to uh kiss fm in LA and they were like okay we're gonna do a Facebook live before we go live on the radio and I had such a bad sinus infection and I netty potted when I was at home went to the interview and they're like okay for the Facebook live duck down under the table like I was sitting across the table duck down under the table and then pop up for the live to like surprise and I felt really full in my face but I didn't like really think anything of it because I always felt full in my face and the second he was like okay three two duck down and i went like this and the second i like leaned forward it released on live on facebook live and i had like this watery like snot gush out of my nose and i went like this like so the first few seconds of the live i've never seen the live but i was doing this like getting all this like shit off my hands um horrible experience.

12:10Okay. I needed, so moral of the story is I need surgery. I think you do. And, okay, I'm going to do it in December, Luis, okay? Yep. Perfect. Okay, so you sang when you were a kid and then you flew out to Los Angeles and sang for, like, a Jewish event and you said that it did not go well. Yes. I, well, yeah, as a kid, I was like a boy soprano. Like, I used to sing, like, so high and whatever and I would fly around and sing at shawl. That was my whole gig when I was a kid. And I had a panic attack, I think. It was my first proper panic attack. Yeah, I think it was just something about being in America and whatever really freaked me out.

12:57I was like, oh my God, because it's what I always wanted. I always wanted to be in America. Yeah. Because that was where I knew that all the musicians lived. Yeah. So I was like, okay, I want to go to LA. um and like make music but then you it made you stop singing for like four years yes oh I know what you're talking about yes so this was right at the because I was a boy soprano my like entire identity was like I was like a boy with a high voice and then my voice started to break and change and I was so insecure about it because it was like my whole life and I didn't really know what to do with myself um so then I stopped singing I was like literally 12 years old and I said to my parents I was like I need to take a break like I took a year off um and weirdly that's when I started acting um and so that was cool but then and then I came back to music when I was like maybe 13 14 and when you came back to me it was because of the fault in our stars right well that was like the first original song that I released yeah but I remember I did like a Michael Boob like when I was still like figuring out my voice my new voice i did um a michael buble cover because i thought like oh i'm a man now like i'm gonna do like yeah you know and i like tried to and it's like a weird sort of like impersonation of him almost no that makes sense i was really trying to like figure out what my new vibe was gonna be and then i once my voice kind of like settled i yeah the first original song that i put out was the fault now stars which by the way they did not ask me to do Like I just like wrote it.

14:30It was like fan fiction. Like I like wrote the song because I liked the book. And then, um, yeah. I mean that book had a chokehold on society. It was crazy. Um, that was the same time as like perks of being a wallflower. Oh yeah. All those like yearning ish movies. Yeah. Do you like perks of being a wallflower? I haven't seen it. I don't think since it came out, but it's so good. Is it like it holds up? It holds up. Cool. This episode of Therapist is brought to you by Booking.com. Well, winter is coming, which means so is vacation. As the cold weather approaches, you might want to find you and your friends want to go somewhere warmer.

15:11Maybe Florida, maybe South Carolina, maybe California. Regardless of where, the best place to book said vacation is on Booking.com. Booking.com is the easiest place to book a vacation with your friends because you can add all your different preferences in. and I'm sure you and your friends each have, someone wants a tub, someone wants a shower, someone wants walkability. You put that all in and it finds you a hotel room, like literally anything you need to really fill out your vacation. And once you have that roof over your head, you are set. The vacation essentially will plan itself. I saw a video from Outer Banks the other day and it made me really want to go to South Carolina.

15:49And so now I'm trying to get all my friends to go to South Carolina and we are going to use booking.com to do that. So go on, book that trip. It's easy. Booking.com Booking.yeah I want to talk about your new music video for Party Okay And you've never seen Game of Thrones you said Yeah I like I find Game of Thrones It's one of those things Where sometimes when something is such a big thing I get so like intimidated by it That I'm like I don't know what my entry point is Yeah Into this thing Like the whole world already knows everything about this And I know nothing about this And then I'll just like Get really weirdly avoidant about it And like not ever watch it what do you watch i watch um besides the pit i i do watch the pit yeah i i watch like a lot of like educational like youtube videos like for example if you were to pull one up right now and unwind what would it be i mean i can literally get my youtube algorithm it'll be like something about um construction or like you know like there's these like youtube channels like there's one called the b1m that like just makes videos about like beautiful buildings or like wow maybe like something about history or i don't know you don't watch like television shows not really that much like when i get into a phase i'm like in a phase um and i'll like consume a lot but i find it's like a habit that i just don't really have like i need to like remind myself like oh i should watch tv right i mean i could give you a whole list of stuff Do you watch TV every day?

17:23I wake up, I watch TV. I watch TV during the day. I watch TV to go to bed. I've seen every show under the sun. Wow. Do you read? Mm-mm. Okay. Do you read? Yeah, but I read in spurts. I'll read five books in a month, and then I'll not read for four months. and then I'll, you know what I mean? I have a bad ADHD and really bad OCD. So like sometimes I'll have to like read and then reread sentences over. So it's just so exhausting that I just like can't do it. Do you do podcasts? Yes, I do. Well, I mean, I know you do a podcast, but like - I do like true crime. Okay. Those are the only podcasts I'll do.

18:09Like right now I'm listening to this NPR podcast about a missing journalist in Syria. Okay. Fascinating. Really? Yeah, fascinating. Yeah, that sounds like something I would definitely consume. I'll send it to you. Okay. It's amazing. My mom, like, and I get to, like, that's the stuff that I'll be like, okay, I'll call my mom and talk to my mom about because she, like, finds that stuff interesting. My mom, my mom is obsessed with TV and she'll watch so much TV. I remember there was this phase where she was watching this show on, I don't even know what platform it was on, but it was in, I want to say Russian and she was watching it with subtitles, but it's like kind of like a soap.

18:48Like there was like 50 episodes per season and like 11 seasons or something like that. And my mom like watched the entire thing and truly felt like she could, was starting to like learn Russian. That's how I felt when I watched my German TV show Dark. Okay. It is, I think you would love it. Did you start to like pick up on phrases and things? Yeah, like nine, like Jonas. Wait, what's that? The main character is named Jonas. Oh, okay. Jonas and Nein. That's all I ever picked up on. A name and no. That's awesome. Yeah. What is it? A name? Yeah. Yeah. Name and no. How do you say yes in German? Ja.

19:30Ja. Ja. Yeah. That's that. Ja, Nein, and Jonas. You're killing that. I think you would like Dark. Okay. What's the vibe? It's in a small German town. Love. And a little German boy named Mikael goes missing. Okay. And that's it. That's all you need to know. It's three seasons, 10 episodes each, and it is the most beautifully shot show I've ever seen in my entire life. Have you seen Broadchurch? I have been debating starting Broadchurch for years now. It's just like one of the only shows I've watched, and I really enjoyed it. What's the vibe? Dead body on a beach. Whodunit in a tiny town. I'm going to watch that tonight.

20:12Yeah, you'll love it. That sounds unbelievable. Yeah, it's really good. What do you love so much about The Pit? I'm really, really, really fascinated by that job. Like, I can't imagine. There's just some, that is, like, the most different job from the job that I have. And I can't believe that people do that. Like, doctors? Yeah, like, work in ERs. Yeah. It's so fucking insane to me. Do you want to know a crazy story? Yeah. It's fine, because he's alive. This is, like, genuinely traumatic. But, like, I don't know why I'm telling this story. It's not even a funny story. but so my dad occasionally will do like construction stuff and he was with his best friend and he was holding up a weather board to like the side of the house and his friend was doing a nail gun what's a weather board it's just like the paneling on the side of the house okay got it got it got it so he's holding the panel while his friend does the nail gun the nail gun misfired maybe i this long of a nail it was like a six centimeter nail went into my dad's brain what and then we get this call being like you have to go to the hospital like whatever you know something's happened and so this was my like er experience but um i went and then they the er was full and they like triaged us to the front or whatever and they were like okay so your dad has like a nail in his brain and i was like is he alive and they're like yes and i the weirdest part was he was awake the entire time he was so he like it shot him in the head and then he was like looking for the nail and then his friend was like i think it's in your head what yeah my dad was like there's no way because i would be dead and the guy was like no no i think it's in your head and then my dad went like this and he was like okay and he like waited a second because he thought he was gonna die and then he got in the car with his friend and then they drove to the hospital and then his friend like ran in and left him in the car to like tell them or whatever the person comes out and is like asking my dad's my dad questions which i now realize is like part of like the triaging they're like trying to see if he's like confused or whatever so they made him fill out his own forms he has a nail nail in his head they weren't just like let's go handle this they handed him a form and my dad's friend was like no like look and she was like okay come so then they take him in we get there they take us to this room we're like chilling they're like the neurologist is going to come see you i'm like what the fuck like what is going on the neurologist comes in and is like okay which one of you is troy which one of you is steel which one of you is my siblings names and i was like how do you know all of that and he's like i've been talking to your dad and i was like i'm not understanding what is going on because you're telling me that there's a six centimeter nail in his brain but you're talking to him and he's like yeah he's awake so we don't know what is going on like we don't actually it must have landed in a really good spot for you I mean, thank God.

23:01Yeah. So then I go in to see my dad and he's like, obviously it was like a super intense, like emotional moment or whatever, but he was like awake and like making jokes and stuff like that. And I was like, okay, fuck. Like, let's go. And they take him off to surgery and they pulled it out and they put a little like metal plate in his head and he's like completely fine. When was this? This was just before sweat tour. And this happened in Australia? It happened in Australia. and I thank God I was like in Australia so I could like be with my family. But it's insane. Like I'll show you the x-ray because it's not gruesome.

23:37It's just like, but you see exactly what you imagine, like a brain with a nail like that deep into it. And they said like, if it was a millimeter this way, he would have died. If it was a millimeter that way, he would have been like paralyzed or whatever. And they were like, you need to buy like lottery tickets because you are like the luckiest man in the world. But they also said that apparently a nail is like of all the things to get shot into your brain. it's kind of like it's like the best one yeah because it's designed to go cleanly in to a wall and like not crack and fuck shit up around the nail so he had this like really clean incision or whatever like of where it went in and then I think the craziest part was like so then that night we're like in the waiting room with him after the surgery and I'm like chatting with him and he's like I'm hungry and so I'm like okay I'm gonna go get you a burger so I go while the nail was in his head no the nail is out now Okay, okay, okay.

24:28But I go to get him a burger. And keep in mind that this entire thing happened, like, in an afternoon. Like, we got the call probably at noon, got to the hospital. The whole surgery only took, like, an hour. And they, like, rushed him to surgery. So it's now, like, 8 p.m. And the whole thing is, like, already over. But it's, like, it was such a significant, humongous, like, life event that I was, like, in complete shock. And so I go get him a burger. And I don't know what to do. I feel this like unbelievable like wave of joy that my dad's like alive because I had spent like a few hours of that day thinking that he was going to die.

25:05And so I'm like at this random burger place near the hospital. And I'm like to the guy, I'm like the burger that you just made is going to be eaten by a man who was shot in the head with a nail today by like a nail gun by his best friend. And he's alive and he's fine. And the guy's like, all right. And like handed me the bag. but it was just such a crazy experience. It was like the wildest thing that's ever happened in my life. And then I think it took ages for us to like accept that it was fine. Cause like he had like a nail shot into his head and then it came out and now he's fine. And yeah, like that sounds so unbelievable that I was like, I don't know.

25:43I was sort of like waiting. I'm like, Oh, well surely something's going to like happen or something. Like he's totally fine. What did the recovery time on that one look like? well so the weirdest part was they sent him home from the hospital like two days after like it like happened there was the next day and then he went home the next day and then i'm like at home with him and he's staying at my house because it was closer to a hospital like just in case and then i get a call on my phone from the hospital and they were like can you bring your dad back and i'm like okay fuck like here we go like here's the complications or something that i've been like not waiting for but like anticipating you know what i mean or like dreading and basically I don't know what happened and watching the pit like made me like realize this but something went very wrong with them like discharging him so soon after like imagine you're doing the rounds in the morning and you're like where's the guy with the nail yeah in his brain and they're like oh we sent him home and they're like what the fuck why right you know so then he went back to the hospital and stayed there for another like three or four days um but he was like fine it was crazy so he's not a hypochondriac at all it seems no not at all like he i feel like he's like had his like his like finger kind of chopped off when he was a kid and they like sewed it back on his left like he's kind of been through the wars a little bit but this was definitely like the craziest thing that's ever happened to him that's yeah yeah he doesn't seem to worry about it or like much do you get health anxiety at all um not really health anxiety no like that's not one that i i get my like biggest thing is um being like feeling nauseous in an environment where i'm trapped so like the gym the gym uh well no if i'm by myself it's fine because i know that i can deal with the situation like if i need to leave i can leave or if I need to like go wash my face and with cold water, I can do it or whatever.

27:41It's, it becomes a form of social anxiety where I'm like, Oh, I'm with, let's say we were working out together and I started to feel nauseous. Sorry. If we were together and we were working out together and I started to feel nauseous, I'm like, fuck, Oh my God. Okay. I'm starting to feel sick. And what am I going to do? Am I going to tell Jake? Am I not going to tell Jake? Like, what is my plan? And then is he going to think that it's like weird that I'm leaving or, you know, like, or the worst is like if you're in a car with people and you're like stuck in traffic and you start to feel nauseous uh-huh you're like what if i just threw up right now right here and we're all stuck with my throw up that's so embarrassing yeah like my mind goes a million miles a minute and then it like exacerbates the physical symptoms and then i'll like kind of have a panic attack but it's gotten better over the years do you have panic attacks often i haven't had one in probably like three years and what do they look like for you when you have them just like kind of classic full-blown like um feel like i can't get a full breath and like clammy hands sweaty nervous like like in out in out in out like i'm gonna throw up yeah that's what mine look like i'm like i'm gonna throw up right now do you know what helped me was um like iphone games really if i'm having a panic attack or if i feel I'm going to have a panic attack.

28:57I feel like it's like enough mental stimulation to, that you can't be thinking about the fact that you're panicking, which is obviously like the cycle that, you know what I mean? So if you can, if I can break that by doing something, like YouTube doesn't work because I'm still thinking, like watching TV doesn't work because I'm still thinking. But if I need to like be doing something, it like snaps me out of it kind of thing. When I have panic attacks, I try to reach onto something really cold. and like it like shocks like whatever part of my body is touching it and I focus on like how cold it is and that's what calms me down do you get them a lot I get them in the gym a lot when I overwork myself and then I'm like oh I feel sick and nauseous and I'm at a gym and what if I throw up in front of everyone right now on the floor like it's gonna ruin everything everyone's rest of the day and I'm panicking because I can't throw up and I feel like I'm going to throw up and everything's hot.

29:56And so I have to like literally take ice and pour it all over my face and like lay down and just like, do you like tell someone like, Oh, I'm feeling weird. I say, I say, I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to, I think I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up. And they're like, Oh, you're being dramatic. I said, no, I think I'm going to throw up and I have to lay down and pour ice. Whoa. It's interesting though. Cause hearing you talk about it makes me feel better about it. because I'm like, if we were together at the gym and you started to experience that, I would think it was really chill.

30:26Like I would worry for you. I would be like, oh, that sucks that he's not feeling well. But I'm not going to be like, this is going to ruin my day, my day that you're feeling sick. That makes me feel so much better. Yeah, right? Yeah. Like even if you threw up, I would be like, whoa, crazy. And then we would like move on with our day. Throw up is just like so gross. Like when someone throws up, I'm like, oh, ew. But it's also an irrational fear for me because I haven't vomited in years. Oh, lucky. You're like, I vomited this morning. No, no, no, I actually didn't, but I know it's coming. You're going to vomit today?

30:56Probably at some point. Probably at some point. Do you make that happen or is that going to be an involuntary thing that's going to happen? What time is it now? June 40. Yeah. So at around 4 p.m. No. At around 4 p.m., I'll be like, oh, that was so fun. Troy was so fun. I feel a little sick I feel a little sick it's not going away and my head is hurting wow yeah crazy crazy do you watch industry? I I have watched I want to say like either the entire first season or like half of the first season that is my like that is my type of show I love that shit it only gets better really? but see this is what I mean TV is a habitual thing it's a habit that I don't have I can be loving a show and then I'll forget to watch TV.

31:49I'm like, oh, I should go home and watch Industry now because I remembered about it. It's just not a part of my daily life. What does a day-to-day life look like for you? I don't know. If I have any spare time, I'm like, it's just not, I'm not going to TV. I'm like going to my YouTube videos. And watching educational YouTube videos. Yeah. So did you watch? I think there's some stuff, I'll send you some YouTube videos that I think you'll like. Okay. Yeah. If you had to recommend me one right now, what would you put me on to? I really like watching this lady who cooks for her family of four. She'll feed the family.

32:28She kind of sets herself challenges where she'll feed the family for like 50 bucks for the whole week for like four people. Oh, that's interesting. Right? Yeah. And so I love watching her recipes or how she does it and stuff like that. And when she goes to the grocery store and she's like finding the, you know, like best deals and whatever. and like that's fun. Did you ever watch that show? What was it? Coupon? Oh, no, but what is that show? What was it called? Extreme Couponing. Extreme Couponing. I would watch that. Like I would love that. I used to, that was like Food Network vibes. Did you ever watch the Food Network?

33:01Yeah, I love. Cupcake Wars? Oh my God, yeah. Also just cooking videos in general. Uh-huh. Love. Like the BuzzFeed Tasty videos? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then I bumped into, there's this YouTube chef. Did you ever watch Back to Back Chef? Mm-hmm. On, okay. It was a really fun show on YouTube. And I bumped into her on the street and I was like completely starstruck. The chef. Did you feel like parasocial? Completely. I was like, Carla. Yeah. And she, we had a nice conversation. But I'm like, I feel like she's my friend. Like I want to have like a dinner party with her. What's the most starstruck you've ever been?

33:37I think like the immediate one that came to mind is Rihanna. I mean. It's like. it's Rihanna yeah that I feel like is just one that I'll never get over I don't know like I don't think I've only ever seen her I think I've seen her maybe twice in like real life at things from afar and oh no and then one time at the Met we like quickly spoke because she when I was wearing my dress to the Met I wore a dress to the Met one year I remember and then I went to the bathroom and I was peeing at the urinal and I like hiked up the dress to pee and then i'm like peeing and i hear the door slams open and like a bunch of people come in or whatever and i hear a woman's voice and she's like someone's gonna take a picture of that and i turned around and it was rihanna and i was like oh my god fuck cool obviously like your dress is hiked up yeah um put everything away and then i asked someone to take a picture and then I post it on my Instagram and I'm like, okay, that's sick to me that Brianna told me to take that pic.

34:45And that, is that photo still here? It's still on Instagram, yeah. I know everyone talks about spring cleaning, but I actually think the better thing to do is an end of summer clean to set your school year up right. And there's no better place to sell your clothing than on Depop. It is the best place to buy and sell secondhand clothing. I've been in my like vintage era. Like I love finding old merch tees, like old cool stuff that you wouldn't find anywhere else. And Depop is like the best place to find all the secondhand clothing. I could literally sit on the app and scroll for hours and hours and hours.

35:26And it's also like you have such a connection with the seller because it's like you guys speak directly that it feels so personal. And also Depop takes no selling fees. So if you are doing an end of summer clean out and you need to sell your clothes, number one depop makes it so easy but number two they don't take any selling fees if you don't know depop is a fashion resale marketplace where personal taste has real value there's already someone out there today looking for your style and it only takes a few minutes to list your first item so start selling and buying today download the depop app to start selling today thank you depop for sponsoring tonight's episode you love long dinners yeah don't you Is that an anxiety trap for you?

36:06When I tell you dinner should be no longer than 50 minutes. Wow. What don't you like? I get so uncomfortable in my body after I eat that I'm like, we got to go. We got to get up. We got to go. Got it. And you can just sit there forever. What if the food takes a long time? Is that a nice thing? Oh, no. It's like, where the fuck is the food? It's taking so long. We just had our appetizers. It's been 30 minutes. I need to leave. Like I get terrible. I think it's an anxiety about being stuck. Yeah. If no, well last night I went to dinner and we were in a booth and I went, I'll sit in like, there was one chair.

36:41I'll take that because I don't want to get stuck. Yeah. So I get it. But I think for me with a dinner party, the thing that I'm like always striving for is like, have you ever had one that was long that you did like, like where you're like, that was so nice. And everyone was like, the conversation was like chatty. Like everyone's kind of contributing. Maybe we're going around the table telling funny stories and things like that. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe once. Where you loved it? Yeah, my thing is I'm the worst casual drinker. If I'm drinking, I'm blacking out. Got it. Which is the worst.

37:15That's why last night, my night last night shifted. I could have gone home after Peoples. I saw you drinking a beer at Peoples. And I was like, if he can do it, I can do anything. Yeah. And that's why I'm like And at that point I felt like Drinking makes me tired I don't really like drinking Neither do I Yeah Do you do it a lot? Yeah Like every week But I don't enjoy it Do you not enjoy Like do you like Feeling kind of tipsy Or no? I like like taking shrooms Or like stuff like that Like stuff that'll like Like I'll like be dancing And like Cause I like to like dance And like drinking Doesn't make me want to dance Right Drinking makes me want to like lay down and go to bed gotta yeah i i don't love the way alcohol like as in i i my dream is going to a dinner with an empty tummy having a dirty martini oh i love a dirty martini and then having a beer during the dinner that is like my perfect level of like tipsy that was alcohol is like doing exactly what I wanted to do, whatever.