Session 88: Owen Thiele

23:46Could you? No, but I definitely have TMJ. What's your star sign? I'm a scary one. No, mine's worse. What's yours? I'm a Scorpio. I'm a Scorpio. What's your rising? Libra. Gemini. I love Geminis. Gemini moon. I love Geminis. My boyfriend's a Gemini. Is he really? Scorpio and Gemini. It's a power couple. Or it's gonna explode. Right, but you've been - Or it will implode. It's been 10 years, so you're - It's been 10 years, but you never know. How'd you guys meet? We met first week of, I went to NYU for a week. I dropped out after two weeks. But in those two weeks, he went to Parsons, and we met through a mutual friend.

24:21But he was straight. He was dating a girl. What? Who looked like a hot Gigi Hadid. Why can't I imagine Jared as straight? I know. It's kind of crazy. he's so gay like I just he's so out and happy I just can't imagine him as straight but maybe I just don't know him that well well also he has like gorgeous long hair that's blowing in the wind with his ponytail um no he was like a different person back then got it and then he so how'd you stay in touch after you dropped out I stayed in New York for a while okay but he said to me he was like dating this girl and then he said to me he's like I think I'm bi nothing to do with me he was just like I think I'm bi right and then I was like that's beautiful explore your options and my friends were like, oh, and he's like hinting at getting together.

25:03You should hook up. And I could feel myself like, I was like, I'm going to fall in love with this kid. I need him to do his thing. So I was like, you should hook up with guys. Like explore. And then he starts dating a guy for eight months. Literally eight. I was like, no, no, no. I met fuck someone once. I literally met a booty call. I didn't mean like go date someone. I didn't mean pick a ring out of K's. Were you upset? I was freaking out. I was freaking out. And then eight months later he came back. He was like, yeah, that wasn't for me. I think I should try something else. I was like, me. Please, me.

25:32And then it was you. And then it was me. And you've been together. But the first night we had sex, this is a crazy story. I want to hear it. It was Adele's 25. Yeah, 25. Was that? Yeah, 25. And I think there's a song on 25 called River Leah, isn't there? I think. And look this up, but I think, I think. And I needed to, I was, I'm so obsessed with Adele that I was like, I need to listen to this album. Right, of course. I was like this. So Jared was like, I want to have, it was moving into the progression. We were going to have sex. Right. But I was like, I'm so sorry. I need to put on Adele. It just came out.

26:04It was midnight. So I played it. And literally I was trying to listen. And Jared and I were having sex. And I had to look at Jared during sex and say, I'm so sorry. I need to look at the lyrics of this. And you went to look up the lyrics of Adele. Of course. River Leah, right? Honestly, I get it. Okay. So Coachella, this, I was like 15 years old. I went with my dad. I still go with my dad. My dad and I go to Coachella every year. I'm a family man. You really are. It's so amazing. I'm a pick me ultimately. So I'm going with my dad and my best friend came with us. And my best friend had this hairstylist, this older hairstylist that she was friends with.

26:36And the hairstylist gave her like an edible. Right. And she was 5 '2 and I was 6 '2. So she was like, I'm going to have a square of it. You eat the rest. So I ate the - She's trained for your downfall. Oh, 100%. I ate the entire edible. All of a sudden, I'm in the Sahara tent. I'm like, woo! And all of a sudden I'm looking around and everything is green, turning green. I'm literally in Wicked. Everyone's Elphaba. I'm literally, I'm defying gravity. I suddenly, I wake up on a stretcher. Suddenly, I wake up in the medical tent. Suddenly, I wake up in chains because I don't even realize this. My dad's like, stop yelling at them.

27:09I'm yelling at the nurses telling them they're trying to kill me. Me. I'm literally so like. What did they give you? Acid? It must have been something. Bath salts. It must have been bath salts. Do you remember the bath salts case of the guy that like bit the person in Miami? What? Oh, come on. Wait, I don't remember this. No. He bit someone? Yes. You don't recall? You don't recall? No. It was in Miami, and bath salts were all the rage. And this guy ate someone. Actually, I do remember that. Thank you. Actually, I do remember. Wait, I didn't bite anyone, I don't think, on this drug. Right. So whatever this drug, maybe it wasn't bath salts.

27:44Maybe it was PCP. I don't know what that is. I don't either. But I know that it's like scary weed. oh okay it could be pc i'm just gonna i'm just gonna lead with that well it was pcp so you see the coldplay concert did i with the of course with the ceo yeah how do you feel is it so horrible that i feel kind of bad for him for the whole situation i feel bad for the wife yeah same but i feel i just feel like awkward i i mean it's how did that even happen can we just i i don't know how that happened. Well, if it was so on lock private, why was their entire company standing there in the suite? Well, also, if it was so on lock private, why are they like at the railing with a camera in their face?

28:28Well, that's the thing is they could see, no? But I'm confused. Was the camera like, was it a Zoom camera that caught them? It must have been a Zoom. It must have been a Zoom. So it was like a kiss cam? Yeah. Oh, was it a kiss cam? Have you ever seen Coldplay Live? No. Neither have I. But I would die to. I'm desperate to. I love Coldplay. My roommate saw them the other day and said it was amazing. Where? Madison, Wisconsin. Wow. Yeah. They were playing The Sphere for a while, weren't they? Were they? I think so. I went to The Sphere. I went for 20 minutes. I lie a lot, clearly, on this podcast.

28:57You know what? They were in talks to headline The Sphere. They were? Yes. They were in talks. They were in talks. And they did it? Yeah. Have you ever been to Blastonbury? No. I'm dying to go. I'm dying. We should get a group and go. It just happened, right? They're taking a year off, and then they're going to do it again. I just went to Hyde Park. How was that? The Hyde Park concerts. to see Sabrina. The crowds in London are amazing. I did see that. I did see you there. It was so much fun. It was so fun. It was, I mean, I was in the crowd. I was ultimately like with the people, which is how we should be.

29:29And it was amazing. It was, everyone was dancing. When Manchild came on, we were all doing the line dance. It was so much fun. Oh, that sounds so fun. It was so fun. We have to go. I want to go. We have to go to a Sabrina concert. I saw her, where was she? The Forum? Yeah. It was the Forum. Which, by the way, Bass concert venue in Los Angeles. When was that? On the Short and Sweet Tour. Did I go to that? No. Did I? I don't think so. Maybe you were filming adults. Whoa. No, I wasn't. Speaking of. Speaking of. It's out now. It's out now. It's on Hulu. I thought you were going to say something else.

30:02It's on Hulu. Out now. How crazy. How was that? Well, you guys filmed in Canada, right? It was amazing. First of all, Toronto, let's move. It feels like a movie set fake town. Respectfully to Toronto. No, I think this is the thing. Okay. Respectfully to Toronto. you hear it's like New York. So right, everyone's like, it's the New York of Canada. Lies. You get there and it's a lie. It's a lie. But once you accept Toronto for what it is, once you see it as Toronto, it's great. It's actually wonderful. I like Vancouver. Well, Vancouver's gorgeous. You go on the water. It's like a different thing.

30:34Toronto's a city, city, city with like an aquarium. Was it though? When we went to Toronto, it felt like I was on the set of Desperate Housewives. What? Yes. You're in a different part of Toronto. No, no, no. You're not like vintage. shopping every day, walking to the vintage stores. What? It was fun. Was the food good? Yeah, the food was good. How long were you guys filming for? We filmed for three months. Wow. But then I filmed overcompensating before that for, I was like in and out of Toronto for a few months. I live in Toronto now. I guess you do. You could establish residency. If any of them get a second season, let's hope, knock on wood.

31:07Let's knock on everything. This is fake wood, by the way. Yeah. Does everyone know that who watch your podcast? Or is that an Am I giving a... Is this fake wood? No, it's real wood, but it's a fake set. Oh, of course. But I'm freaking out, Jake. Oh, I know. You were pretty shocked when you came in. You guys, these rocks are not real. I was freaking out. Watch, because I watch your podcast religiously. I literally was like, gorgeous rocks. I thought I was walking into like a rustic home. I know. But it's just ultimately a gorgeous kind of modern house with a fake set. If you ever need help with your next season set, we have the people.

31:44I'm so down. They're called interwoven. Interwoven. Okay. I really think that I know everyone and then it's clear I don't. You do know everyone. No, I think I do and then I don't. You do. It's a sad thing. Which is also very adults because my character in adults is a friend slut, which is kind of what I think I am. Do you believe a friend to all is a friend to none? A friend to all is a friend to none. No. You don't believe that, right? because my other gay friend doesn't believe it either. No, I think you can be a friend to all. But I get what they're saying. Yeah, I get the saying. But no, I think you can be loyal to a lot of people.

32:19Right. Sorry. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I think you just need to know who you are. You need to know yourself deeply. And also you have to have boundaries with your friends and be like, sorry, I like this person. Do you have boundaries? No. So I'm not that example. Right. But yeah, I don't have any boundaries. Right. Yeah, no, I'm like. I have none. I'm like, come over whenever you want. You do? It's great. But you set clear boundaries from the beginning. Yeah. See, my problem is I'm like, my house is everyone's house. Like, come over. I'm like, call me at every hour. And then all of a sudden I'm six years in and my friend's calling me at 4 a.m.

32:52every night. And I'm like, I can't stop this now. And you can't just ignore it? I ignore calls all the time. I obviously ignore calls all the time too. But I just feel bad and then I call them back. It's just a whole thing. Yeah, I get anxious. I get anxious. Are you an anxious person? Of course. Me too. And my friend was talking to me. He's like, I am not an anxious person. I don't understand. Yeah. People who say that, serial killers. Right? What do you mean you're not anxious? No, you have to have a little bit of anxiety. Right? Like I wake up stressed. Of course. Every morning. Wait, totally.

33:20You know? I also think it's my new thing is like I can't breathe. That's my new thing. Oh, wow. Like my ribs are, I don't think I have ribs anymore. It's because you're so snatched. Well, okay. You said it, not me. No, no, not at all. It's because I think my ribs were somehow like removed. Really? Me completely like outing myself as taking my ribs out. Did you take your ribs out? No, but I just like said I did. Do people do that? Yeah, rib removal. I really think like, like I'm not taking deep enough breaths. That's my new thing. Like I'm not, I'm not getting enough air in my body. Do you have OCD?

33:51I think I probably do. I think you're developing it. Really? Sorry. Wait. No, that's an anxiety thing. Right? Really? But I'm also like, does air, this is my new thing also, does air go all the way through your body? Like, because it's not in my, it's not reaching my knees. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm always like, it's not reaching my calves. my hair like where's do you know what I mean like sometimes I look at my feet and I'm like they're swollen it's not reaching them but that's blood I guess that's not air well air goes into your blood right Jake we have to you and I have to become doctors what were you gonna be I was just gonna ask you that okay well I'll go after you okay what I was gonna be if I wasn't this yeah whatever this is don't you hate that um yeah I do podcasts I would classify you as an actor that's so nice Jake Like, that's so nice and not and many people wouldn't.

34:40I think people would say I'm an influencer who also acts. No, I would. I was introduced to you via acting. I could throw up and blow you at the same time. Oh, thank you. And thank you. I what? Yeah. So what would I be? I would be I would not be good at a lot of things. I got fired from an internship once. Tell me the story right now. She texted me in the moment. Like I heard you keep falling asleep at your desk and go into the pregnant women room. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, there was a room for pregnant people. That's beautiful. What a woke, beautiful office.

35:14It was like the mindfulness room for pregnant employees. This is great. That's great. I want to work there. And I would go and I would sleep there and then I would go on my phone. I'd fall asleep at my desk. I lasted two weeks. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm so sorry. But then I worked at a record label for three years. Right. And that went well. Great. I was going to do it for the rest of my life. I think I'd be an A &R. That's what I was training to be. I think I'd be that. I think I'd like go into spaces and be like, it sounds good. You got something. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. Me to Tate McRae.

35:40You got something. Tate McRae is amazing. We forgot about Tate McRae. She takes up a room when she walks into a room. Of course. Like she's a superstar. She's also like so hot. The hottest of all time. I know. And she always is in little cute outfits. Have you seen her live? So do you know my Tate McRae story? No. Okay. So four years ago, we're at a Friendsgiving. She was there. okay and she had the song out you broke me first or three years ago okay but that was her only song that was her big that was her that was her break yeah so and i of course i'm face i i don't recognize faces i'm like bad with all that so i didn't like realize it was her and so um we went to then after the friendsgiving we went to like delilah or some embarrassing club and i was like will you stay with me and i was like by the way i'm owen she was like i'm tate i was like you have the best energy and we just like got along in the car we're blasting music in the car and then i was like what do you do and she was like uh i'm a singer and i was like oh oh my god everyone is i was like yeah what's your song and she was like you broke me first i was like play it and then i was like literally in the car she was playing i was sobbing i was literally this song is gorgeous it became like my number one song ever it is the best song ever it's it's a perfect song i love her first album so much she is she is so goddamn talented and like the hardest working person ever.

36:57It's crazy to meet someone who's hardworking nowadays. Right? You just gotta get your ass up and work. Right? No, 100%. People, yeah, people I feel like, especially pop stars you think that they're like, they have a team around them and they don't like do it all, but they're like doing it all themselves. Well, because no one's singing or dancing but them. Well, and they're creative. Right. They have so, they're just kind of crazy. Have you seen her live? Tate? Yeah. No. Never. It will change your life. I need to. It will change your life. I mean, I've seen it on TikTok talk so many times it doesn't even do it justice no i know it is so exceptional in person it's amazing and she i i just saw this video where she dropped the mic the mic like she was dancing and the mic flew and then suddenly like she like ran down grabbed it and then like hit a move i was like i literally all was screaming on my phone i was like yes it was at her madison square garden i've ever been by the way me in bed screaming yes to tate mccray by the way with an a y-a-s-s-s This episode of Therapist is brought to you by Booking.com.

37:53Booking dot, yeah! So I just decided that I am going to go to New York in the fall to visit Peyton and Julia, and I have to use Booking.com to book my stay because it makes it so easy. And I know, I've said it a million times, but it really is so true. Like, you can put in exactly what you need at the hotel, what you want it near. If you want it walkable, which as you know I do because I don't drive and obviously we're in New York, You can put in everything that you need for a hotel room and what neighborhood you want to be in, and it will find the perfect stay for you. You can also, like, book cars.

38:26You can book vacation rentals. Like, you can literally book anything you need. And I'm usually so stressed about planning a trip, but, like, for this New York trip, I'm just like, it'll be fine. Like, I'll literally just go on booking.com, find a hotel, and book it. They find you exactly what you're looking for, like, really and truly. Like, they find you exactly what you put in what you want. They will find you a room that has it. and like as I've said like I used it all the time on tour because we'd pull up to a city there'd be nothing and then because we'd be like where are we staying Matt would be like I don't know and we'd be like you don't know but he would go on booking.com and find us a place and it would all be good so I it really took the stress away from traveling which was amazing and I am a very very very stressful traveler so like having this is just made life 10 times easier really and truly find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking.yeah Wait, okay, tell me things.

39:16I want to know things. Am I doing a good job? You're a perfect podcast host. Okay, cool. You're perfect. I was fishing. Yeah, and you know you are. You know what the best part is? Do you always want to be a podcast host? Nope. No. That seems like a random. But you always knew you were funny. I always felt funny. Oh my God, I remember your come up. Watching you blow up on TikTok was actually my happy place. I used to be so much funnier. Jake, I hate when you say that. It is so true. To me, I've never heard you say that, but I hate when you say that. I used to be a hoot and a motherfucking riot because I gave no, I didn't care.

39:51No, 100%. You know what? 100%. I didn't care. I feel that way too. I'm like, God damn. I watch old things, bad podcasts of myself and I'm like, God damn, I was funny. Right? Because it's like I didn't think anyone was watching. I was free. Yeah. No, I'm still free. I say whatever the fuck I want, which is not good, I don't think. You say whatever you want to. I used to do, I used to do these pranks on my friends. That's when I was at my funniest. I once called Peyton and I told her that Joseph Stalin wanted to take her out for a date. And what did she say? She said, who? I'm kind of obsessed with this bit.

40:21That was your bit. I watched you do that, but I think you should bring that back. You've been doing it a little recently. You sprinkle it in. I sprinkle it in. I do it a lot with my tour manager, Matt, who you would love. Well, you met him. Yeah, he's hot. I had a flirty vibe with him. Everybody does. He could not look. Everybody does. He didn't look at me once, but I had a flirty vibe with him. No, he looked at you. Can I be honest? He looked at me to be like, why is he looking at, why is Owen looking at me so much? Cause I literally was like this. Were you an eye chat kid? Huge. And you know what?

40:49Cheers to that. Cheers. Eyes. Wait, I was a huge eye. I was also like a, yeah, I was a, I was in love with a lot of hot men, like, like celebrity men. And I would. Did you ever watch HBO sex scenes as a kid? Of course. Okay. Wait, I would also. Me too. Oh my God. Maybe I shouldn't say this. No. But I would also like look up like hot guy actor balls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was obsessed. Oh my God, Matt's calling? No, I thought he was. He would never call me back. My heart just sunk. He would never. Now I feel like I can't breathe again. The breathing's back. The no breathing's back. He would never do something so kind.

41:23Wait, what are you a therapist about? That's such a good question. What am I a therapist about today? Oh, fuck, Jake. If anyone has a good answer for it, I know it's you. Okay, well, recently my car was impounded. Do you know about this? No. Okay. So it's a horrible story, actually, but I'll tell you it. And maybe it's too long for the podcast. But I was – Nothing's ever too long. Okay. So I'm a horrible driver. Horrible. Like one of the worst. Like if you're in my car, we'll probably get in an accident. Right. But it'll be fine. Like I'll exchange information. Like all is good. Right. So anyways, I left for three weeks.

42:03I went to France with my family. Cool. Humble brag. I went to France with my family and I came back and I was like, I want a Thai food. I was like, I'm craving Thai food. I've just been in France. And I'm like, from where? Sticky rice? The best Thai food in Los Angeles. The Silver Lake location. Yum. I'm diving into the egg rolls. It's the best Thai food in Los Angeles. What is it? I'm diving into the sticky rice. Mango sticky rice. I'm diving in. I like the, oh, so good. The Padgrapau is the best. Delish. Pad C.U. is also delish there. Delish. Okay. Oh, that Tom Cod, delish soup. That's Louise's like.

42:40That's my favorite food. Come on, I'm dying. I'm pouring it on myself. I'm literally pouring it on myself. I'm taking a shower. Louise would get, continue. Okay. So I go to, I was going to postmate it, but it's two blocks away from me. So I go, no, no, no. I have to drive, right? So I go to get in my car. I'm beeping the car horn. I'm like, hey, my car's nowhere to be found. Break out in tears. I'm breaking down. I'm sobbing on the side of the street. I'm like, where the fuck is my car? I'm beeping it. I look on my app because my car is an app. Okay. And it's ultimately on Victory Ave. and I'm like, where the hell is this?

43:11And then I think to myself, my car's been stolen. 100%. It's been stolen. It was parked outside for three weeks. I probably had some, I'm so bad with cars, so I probably left something in the back. Someone probably broke in and then stole the car. Right. Okay. So I'm thinking, okay, if it's stolen and I can see where it is, I'll just go get it. Which is so bad. You imagine me showing, I'm in a crop top. I'm in a Taylor Swift, literally TTPD. Where's the car? TDPD of crop top And I'm like fuck I have to go get this So I Uber I Uber comfort because I need to be comfortable Before I like yell at this man who stole my car What the fuck is an Uber comfort Jake it's the best But what's the difference between that And an UberX it's a little more comfortable It's a little more leg room Hey did you ever Uber pool back in the day No but all my friends did That was my shit Really wait my friends like hooked up with people In Uber pool is Matt calling is it true yeah why it is say hi to om matt do you remember me yeah i think so i actually i've never been more offended when did we meet i did his podcast you brought me there oh of course matt matt those few seconds that you didn't remember me.

44:34I'm not kidding. I almost took a gun. No, I want to kill myself. No, no, no. Also, I really felt we had a connection. No, we definitely did. That's why I'm so embarrassed. Matt, what kind of connection did we have? What are you guys doing? Ignores the question. We're doing his pod. I'm on therapist. Ah! Do you know Matt has a wife and children? What? Yep. Matt, I'm sorry that we almost had what we had. With your wife there. Okay, bye. That's beautiful. Okay, wait, can I finish the story? Yes. So I think, okay, I'm in Tortured Poets Department. TTPD. TTPD, the Tortured Poets Department. Crop top that I've cut, obviously.

45:16By the way, it was a crop top. I made it even shorter because I was like, okay, I need a little nipple to show. I'm going to this guy's house to get my car back. I get there and I see this lot that says impounded. What does that mean? Well, I read I'm pounded. So I was like, oh, it's sex. So it's gay sex and I'm going to have to intervene in this OnlyFans performance. This is horrible. It means your car was taken. Was taken by the government. So here's the deal. I don't believe in parking tickets. Peyton doesn't either. She calls it make your own spot. 100 % I'm with her. I don't believe in that shit.

45:54I think it is. I put the parking tickets in a drawer and I say that'll take care of itself. It will. Sorry. What are they going to do? Well, they impounded the car. So that's what they did. It was a disaster. I walked in. This man was talking to me. He was like, can I please see your ID? I pulled out my ID. My ID is expired because I've, and it's like eight months expired or six months or something bad. And after 90 days of being expired, you have to take the driver's test again. What? So by the way, I can't get my car back. Oh, so you don't have a car right now? No. Driving my boyfriends. Which, by the way, I shouldn't even be driving because my license is expired.

46:31I shouldn't be on the road. Take me off the road. I don't know how to drive. You actually don't know how to drive? Never. You drive. I've never. I've driven around a parking lot once. Wow. So I'm kind of pissed about. I'm like, the government has bigger fucking fish to fry than taking my car away. Like, leave my car. Oh, also, I didn't register my car. It's a whole thing. How have you had your car for as long as you've had it? I've had it for two years and I didn't register it. So how do you even get tickets? No, I guess it was registered, but it's like the registration right now. So how much did you have to pay in tickets?

47:08Because Peyton once had to pay$5 ,000. Yeah, I got 38 parking tickets. How much was that? And can I tell you something? Because I can't get the car back because they can't give you the car back with an expired license. Because of this, my car is sitting in the impound lot just racking up. Like it's like$200 a day. So now I'm like. Just tell them to keep the car. Wait, so now I'm like, take the fuck, keep the car. But it's a nice car. It's a lease. I'm like, this is a disaster. So that's kind of, I'm therapist about this. When's your birthday? November 4th. You're a November Scorpio. Dangerous or scary or good or hot?

47:43More intense than October Scorpios. Really? Yeah. I feel that in myself. Yeah. You're an October, when's your birthday? October 27th. Great birthday. Right. Five days before Halloween. It's a good, and it's a sexy 27. like it's a sexy birthday. That's, that's hot, right? That's a hot day. November 4th is ultimately election day. A lot of years. Oh my God. So your birthday sucked this year. It was tough. Yeah. It was very tough. It's been tough before and it was very tough this year. Do you cry on your birthday? Always. I never not cry. What are you going to do? Something fun for your birthday this year?

48:16No, I'm going to sob, but I might, if we, if, if I have to knock, is this real wood? If we get another season of adults, knock on wood, um, I'll be shooting during my birthday. I was shooting last year for my birthday. Oh, that's awesome. But I sobbed because – why did I sob my birth? Oh, my birth. I just sobbed. I forget. Oh, because Trump won. Right. So I was sobbing. That was kind of the vibe. Yeah, that's the vibe. What are you therapists about? What am I therapists about? I love therapists. I'm having really bad scaries from the weekend, and it's just – it all would have been better if I just stayed home.

48:47And that is always the theme. Totally. And – Are you scared about our dinner? No. I've moved past that. Great. Okay, so what else happened this weekend? I blacked out. But I'll tell you what I'm Thera pleased about is I'm about to be on the final season of my show, Mr. Robot, which is supposed to be the best season of Mr. Robot. I am obsessed with that. And I found a song from Mr. Robot because they like synced it and it was the best sync ever. Wait, what was the song? Tell you right now. Tell me this right now. Okay, it's called In Time by Robbie Robb. By Robbie Robb? Robbie Robb. Robbie Robb?

49:20And if you're like, wow, what does Robbie Robb sing besides that? Nothing. But you gotta watch Mr. Robot. I know. I have to lock in. I have to lock into a lot. I haven't finished Love Island. What's the... You don't need to do that. Really? Are you kidding? I feel like I do. Hood is everywhere. Do you know who won? Yeah. Amaya. Papaya. Yeah. So then what's the point in watching? Well, I need to see what happened. Like, I'm... Nothing happens. Really? It's like the worst season ever, apparently. Really? That's what everyone said. No, I was feeling... The beginning is tough. This Cosmo, Taylor. I have to have a shrine.

49:53Well, of course. um wow hot right the bangs blowing in the wind the hair and you know what I can tell you exactly what album she was promoting red ah V you can tell yeah wait how can you tell because but you really can tell I actually agree okay so uh debut curly well of course fearless curly but lighter curly speak now curly but wavy red long hair bangs 1989 pixie guys Of course. Reputation, Bob. Folklore, Bings and Bob. Oh, my God. Reputation tour when she's belting and walking and strutting. You know that video? Yeah, I never got to see. I have chills thinking about it. Did you go to the restaurant?

50:40You can't see, but I have chills. Did I? Yes. Oh, my God. Wait, did I? Yes, yes, yes, I did. Did you go to Eras? Of course. Three times. Not four, though. You went four. I'm so upset. I almost went five once in Vancouver, and I couldn't make it. I went to Toronto when I was shooting adults. Was it awesome? It was amazing. Darcy Carden. Do you know her? Yes, I was with her the other night. I'm obsessed with her. She's really funny. She was in The Good Place. She was in Broad City. She's so, so brilliant. She's so fucking funny. And she's now in Handmaid's Tale. Right. She's amazing. So anyways, she was shooting Handmaid's Tale.

51:10I was shooting adults. She was like, hey, do you want to come to this concert with me? I was like, oh, which one? She was like, Eras. I was like, hey, I'm outside. I'm outside your door. And then we went together and it was the most fun ever. What were your surprise songs? And by the way, I've never done Era's tour like VIP. I was VIP because Darcy was VIP. It's electric. Oh my God. It was thrilling. I only did that once and it was like the most electric night of my life. It was unbelievable. Standing in a – Taylor's mom and dad walked in. I was literally like my mouth agape. Agape. Agape, my love.

51:40You were in a Taylor Swift music video. Two. Which one? The man. You need to calm down. You need to calm down, obviously. And the man. The man. The man. I handed her papers in the very beginning of the man. That's my claim to fame. You didn't know this. That is my claim. No, no, no. That's my claim. I'm not kidding. Adults is great. Overcompensating is great. Watch them both. Seriously. But also, watch the Taylor Swift music videos. I'm in it for a second, but when you see me, you see me. What's she like on set? She's a pro. Yeah. She was directing. But like, do you hear the song or is it like in ears?

52:11You need to come down. Didn't hear one stitch of it. Are you serious? I didn't know what it was. Imagine I'm laying on a chaise lounge. I have no clue what this is. I go, this song is going to be good. And she's so humble and normal and perfect. And she's like unbelievable. She's an, how can a pop star that famous and that successful be so grounded and normal? Cause that's Taylor Swift. And that's on Swifty. And that's Taylor Swift. So I'm going to do a cop attack. Wait, maybe if something caught in there. Oh my God. I saw a video of a spider going down the throat. She texted me asking if I wanted to be in the new, you need to calm down video.

52:48how'd you say do you still have the text of course of course i have the text i've i'm like framing that shit it's it's it was the coolest experience of my life it seriously was and by the way it's the most professional set you walk in you you walk in she's like they the uh her stylist has outfits for you you like try them on you like make sure you feel comfortable everything great i was like comfortable i was like this is the hottest it ever looks i feel so good then suddenly you're like on a set on set with taylor swift it's like insane it was it was really really cool i'm i'm very jealous of you and also she's like by the way i don't know i'm she's lovely but i'm a nobody and she's thanking me for me in this video i'm like nola you don't have to thank me i'm like it's okay she's like no thank you owen i'm like ah you know my name Like it's that vibe.

53:39I'm a fan. I love that fucking album too. A what lover? Lover. It's amazing. Love that fucking album. I know. I know. Do you watch The Summer I Turn Pretty? No I have to. I have to. Do you watch it? Do you watch it? Julie and Peyton are like sick for it. A lot of people are. Honestly my cousin's obsessed. But she's obsessed. Everyone's obsessed. Do you want to get into the Tell Me What's Wrongs? Please. I feel like you're going to be really good at them. I'm absolutely. I'm leaving marks on your couch from my cycler. No it happens. No, it's going to look like I'm sweating through the couch. I can't get over my boat shoe.

54:11I don't know if they're good. You love it? Jake hates them. I feel sick. My mom hates what? My boat shoes. Just read. No, I like your boat shoes. No, Jake. I was just confused about. Jake, every single time you look at them, you can't make eye contact with me. That's not true. You can't meet my eyes. You look down and you cannot meet my eyes. They're objectively really cute. Okay, come on. My mom met my situation ship and said, I thought you said he was hot. Like so loudly and he heard it. I'm so embarrassed. Sometimes the problems that we're given I don't know how to help I also He's Then he's not hot Right How old were you when you came out?

54:46To my parents I must have been 10 or 11 That's so young Jake I know That's really young That's beautiful Right? That's like You were That's amazing You knew yourself I know I really did I pretended to be straight for a second For how long? No No no not long I just I had a girlfriend named Eden Shout out Love you girl And I kissed her at a bat mitzvah. And then the next day I went around saying I kissed you at a bat mitzvah. And she said it never happened. So did it happen? It happened. I really think it happened. Now I'm doubting myself. It happened. Bat mitzvah season was, did you have a bat mitzvah?

55:21No, I dropped out of Hebrew school. Okay. I didn't have a bat mitzvah because my mom told me all the kids in my grade were renting out like nightclubs. And my mom told me I could go and have it at the rec center. By the way, totally. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to bat mitzvah then. Totally. Or bar mitzvah. Yeah, bar mitzvah. Yeah, that's kind of what happened to me. Did you, how many bar mitzvahs did you go to? I don't. Thousands. Yeah. No, like maybe millions. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, I think I went to, more bat mitzvahs. I know more people who have been bar bat mitzvahed than anyone knows.

55:55And which was the best one? And who had the best merch? Okay. Do you want to know the most insane thing? Yeah. So my cousin is 16 now and she, or no, when are you? Oh, she's 14, 13. When are you bar mitzvahed? 12, 13. So she's that age and just sent out invites to their son's bar mitzvah. And it's a briefcase. And you open it and a video pops up. What? Okay. James Bond themed. So suddenly it's like him being like, you got the passcode. It's this. Like in full bond. He's like, the name's Bond. James Bond. and then the thing goes down and it's an invite. How insane is that? And then you have to go on a website and do the, it's like a whole thing.

56:36Do they live in LA? I want to crash. No, I need to go. I need to go. I want to have a bar mitzvah. I do too. Should we do it? You want to do a joint? I would do a joint. B 'nai? Yeah. Isn't that what it's called? B 'nai mitzvah? Yeah, I think it's called B 'nai. Okay, but we can't do the service part because I can't speak Hebrew. I'm really bad at it. I don't even know a single word besides schvitz. I don't even think that's a word. Do you want to hear what my Christmas song is called? Go. Santa, would you pay for me? I forgot my card. And it's just about going out to dinner with Santa and forgetting your card.

57:04I'm sorry. That's genius. Let's get Kelly Clarkson on that. Right? And Ariana. It's Santa, will you hear me? But it's yours. Yes. Wait, I'm freaking out. Ariana has a modern Christmas classic on Santa, tell me. I mean, come on. I'd die for her. Also, Sabrina's Christmas album? I never heard it. I feel sick. I know, and everyone loves it. I'm doing the Christmas special with Meg Stalter. Yeah, I was. But her album is un-fucking-lievable. It's called, like, Fruitcake, right? It's called Fruitcake. Yeah. It's amazing. I need to listen to it. Oh, my God. By the way, I listen all year round. It's bangers.

57:38It's bangers. I'm excited for Christmas season again. So am I. I love Christmas. And I think I want to spend some time in New York during Christmas. No, I don't. Sorry. Just be honest with yourself. Stop lying. Because I wanted to go to the Christmas market, but my whole life is here. No, but why don't you just take a trip? You go, I need to ultimately move there to go to the Christmas market. Have you been to the Christmas market? Never. No, something's happening. I'm telling you. I gave you the I can't breathe disease that you have. I think I have it. You have it. You've never been to the Union Square Christmas market?

58:10No one will take me. I could go alone. Okay, fine. I'm an independent man. They have like food, hot chocolate. Wait, obsessed. Sounds great. Sounds like a restaurant. Yeah, it's awesome. Speaking of. It's outside. Have you been to Eataly ever? Jake. Talk about a conglomerate. You don't like it? I love it, but it's everywhere. It's the best. You walk in. Okay, it smells delish. Then you walk up to one station, you're getting gelato. One station, you're getting pizza. You're in Italy. You're in Italy. Oh my God. Where was the first Italy? I'm not kidding. That just clicked for me. What? Italy. Why did you think it was called that?

58:45I was confused. I literally was confused. I was like, oh, it's like Eater. Like, you know the website Eater? Eater and why? I sound so dumb. Eataly. Genius. Wow, who thought of that? I want Eataly now Same we'll get after Okay cool Okay read more I found out my boyfriend's Ex-girlfriend is prettier than me And now I spiral every time He smiles at me I need my confidence back Did you ever feel that way About someone Jared's been with before? Wait Jared was with Literally Gigi Hadid Like not that actually But like A hot Gigi Hadid lookalike Imagine how I feel I feel ugly every single day I look at Jared He was with Imagine walking into a room Knowing that somebody's been With a Gigi Hadid lookalike Of course I feel that person's pain and guess what?

59:26You have to find confidence within yourself. You have to look in the mirror. Actually, maybe don't look in the mirror. I hate looking in the mirror. Maybe block out your mirrors. Yeah. I did that for a day. It's really healthy. What? Putting things over your mirror. What's it like? I actually didn't leave the house because I was too embarrassed because once you can't look in the mirror, it's like, what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't even know who I am. Yeah. Yeah. I lost complete sense of self. How do you think mirrors were invented? Narcissus. I don't know who that is. Me. Totally. Okay, keep going.

59:58I ghosted a guy and then I saw him working the door at a bar. He let everyone in except for me. I ghosted a guy. Wait, I ghosted a guy? Yes, she's ghosted a guy. She saw him working the door at a bar and then he let everyone in but her. Which is like I would do the same thing. Do you ghost people? Uh-huh. So I used to believe in ghosting. Now I'm like, ugh. I do and I feel so bad about it. But I feel more awkward like Louise says. It's like sending an anti-ghost ghost text. what is that it's like like i'm about to ghost you so i'm just letting you know now oh that's funny it's actually good but i i'm about to like cut this off but you don't want to because i hear all my girlfriends being like this guy texted me this whole paragraph about how we can't talk anymore and it's like it was never even that serious so it's like totally you know what i mean it's like where's the line well i just don't believe i'm scared of ghosting because i'm like then you see them at a bar it's happened to me and then you can't get into the bar like that's It's horrible.

1:00:55It's happened to me so many times. Just like, I'm all about like sending a weird emoji that ends the conversation forever. Like a kite emoji. Have you ever seen my emojis? What are you, what? My butthole emoji? No, what's that? I'll send it to you later. Wait, it's a Jake Shane emoji? No, it's all my friends use and it's an emoji spreading his butthole. What? Yeah. Wait, is it a, wait, how do you get that? I don't know. Someone found it. I'm upset. Send that to me right now. Then I have another emoji. You have a hacked phone, love. No, it's called necessary emojis. Okay. Okay, keep going. I've been going on dates with this amazing guy, smart, kind, and successful, but he's bald and I cannot get over it.

1:01:35And our moms are best friends. How do I let him down? I have to tell you something. Yeah? There's a man out there, I'm not going to name his name, who I am so madly in love with and he's bald. Guess what? What? Hot. Right? I look at him, I say, hot? You're an adult. I get it. Finally I'm dating an adult I get it By the way he's my age By the way guess what I'm going gray Where? I'm not kidding Don't look closely I'm actually going gray I'm fully going gray How old are you 27? 28 I'm going gray So now I should be with a bald man I should actually be with a bald man Cause I'm getting I'm aging rapidly Why Is it normal that we're all going gray this early?

1:02:16No I think it's anxiety And what I think it's the mics I literally think it's holding this mic every week I think it's making us gray Do you smoke weed? No, I can't. Want me to ruin your day? Yeah. Mercury's in retrograde. Is it? Yeah. By the way, I knew it. Yeah. I absolutely knew it. I feel it too. I woke up today. Okay. I have, I'm doing this adult thing. Now I'm an adult. All of a sudden I'm an adult, so I have to be an adult. I have a carafe, glass carafe next to my bed. Okay. Like you pour, put water in. I put lemon and cucumbers last night in it and made it for myself. And I was like drinking it all night.

1:02:48And I was like, I'm an adult. and then this morning I went to go take a sip of it shattered the carafe the other the glass shattered everywhere I couldn't get out of bed because now the glass is all around me so who helped you Jared? no I was like you like so I just took my comforter and put it on the glass and then slowly walked on it and guess what it's still there have to deal with that when I get home love after a therapist what am I going to do clean it? no I had to run to get glam One time I cleaned up broken glass in a guy's dorm in college so I could get invited to a party. 100%. He was the hottest guy in the fucking dorms.

1:03:26And he said, like, you want to come tonight? My mirror broke. Wait, his mirror broke? Yeah, I don't know how. Seven years of bad luck. You're doing fine, though. How's he? That's what happens when your mirror breaks? Yeah, seven years of bad luck. I mean, I'm super superstitious. I'm the most. You might have OCD. I think I do. Like, I'm, like, really superstitious. Yeah. I like have favorite underwear Oh Okay well I get it I don't like re-wear I have favorite socks Right there you go I have favorite underwear too I used to have this underwear That had a hole in the crotch Wait same And I would refuse to throw it out And I would wear it Wait we're the same And it would like And I would walk out sometimes And my whole area Would just be out No no same Same I'm obsessed with wear Re-wear Yeah I mean not re - Yeah I have I used to have a tank top That I used to wear all the time And it was like shredded to pieces But it was my lucky tank top I get it and then I was ultimately shirtless at school because it was like shredded.

1:04:20Did you have a dress code at your school? No. Neither did we. We could wear whatever the fuck we wanted. We could go naked. Tell me to tell me what's wrong. That was just about burping. Wait, I love that. Read that. It just says, help, I keep burping every 10 seconds. By the way, that's you. I know. Wait, you wrote that. I know. My love, you wrote that. I know. Even in silent situations, the doctor says it's from acidic food. That's definitely what it is for me. But I cut that out already. I've been burping for two months straight. I'm so embarrassed. You just have to take a Tums now. I hate Tums.

1:04:49Ugh, I hate Tums. Really? More than anything in the world. Love. I think they taste disgusting. Love. In my car, eating them for fun. Are you serious? Oh my God. Ricolas and Tums, downing. What's a Ricola? Like a arugula? Sort of. No, it's a cough drop. Oh, okay. I like cough drops. I'm chewing. I'm not even sucking. I'm chewing, swallowing, another chewing, swallowing, chewing. Then I'll suck a little. Then I'll swallow. Right. I at least do eight When I'm driving Tums Cause I need to No Cough drops But then all the tums My stomach always hurts Always Always I just got my boobs done And didn't tell most of my roommates Or college friends I'm nervous to go back to campus And face all the questions During recruitment I think as you grow older You realize that nobody cares I think also Yeah It was your decision Go for it It's hot I'm so happy you got your boobs done Yeah I'm so happy How big I'm wondering too I wonder if it was bigger Or smaller Do you ever wish you had huge boobs Uh no Cause I've had that Wait what You want to see a photo of me?

1:05:47Show me a pic. When I had big boobs? Yeah. I want huge knockers. That'd be fun. Me walking into a gas station being like, hey, do you sell Trident with huge knockers? Come on! No, it sounds awesome until you actually have them. Okay, show me. God, I need to find it. I can't find it anywhere. But I had really big tits. Wow, that was so fun for you. What did you do with them? Like I would walk around and they would shake as I walked. And like they, I would jump and they would like ricochet down. That's beautiful. They were huge. Peyton would be like, your tits are bigger than mine. I used to cup them and shake them.

1:06:25Oh my God, fun. I can still kind of do it. I know, I can too a little. I want that. Do you see this? Jake, that's muscle. Jake, I was, oh my God, you guys. So Jake came on my podcast and I confronted you because you go to Allo and no one invites me. Oh, do you want to come with me this week? I was invited for the first time by the Aloe team. I'm not getting tears. Are you going to go? I think it's too scary for me to go. I just wanted the invite. Now I'm like, I can't go to that. It's way too scary. Everyone's hot and doing Pilates. Tate McRae and Glenn Powell and Jake Shade all doing Pilates together.

1:07:00No, I can't go to that. But it's not even... It's not scary. I'll go and film the entire thing. Just so people know what it's like. I want I'm like I want to be the outsider that goes but you're not an outsider and this is and this is nice that you're saying this it's you're not an outsider and this is kind but can you imagine I think it was because of your podcast that I got invited yeah because I said I really want to be invited and then all of a sudden they invited me I think they watched it's really nice the gym it is yeah and it's free I have to tell you something yeah do you see this water yeah yuzu in it I'm obsessed with the sparkling what's yuzu yuzu juice Like lemon?

1:07:42It's like, well, it's Yuzu. So what's that? Like lemon. I literally don't know what you, I think Yuzu's a type of lemon. I've been having Ultimas. Have you ever had an Ultima? Yeah, they're amazing. That's, I have one every day. I'm like, I drink, I'm drinking juice. Do you know what Yoli is? No. Okay. It's all. I'll put you on Yoli. Oh, tell me what you think of this. Yeah. Because your show's in my dreams. I want to start a sleep brand. Wait, done. What do you mean? I want to start a sleep brand. Will you come on and promote it? Yes. Done. blankets and pillows and eye masks. Wait, I love that.

1:08:15I know. And you create your own custom dreamland. Oh my, I have chills. I've gotten chills so many times. And so did I. And I told Louise and Louise was like, well, think about how many brands sell blankets. No, you just said, what's the differentiator? You just said, I want to sell blankets. What's the differentiator? Let's talk about it. What is the differentiator? It's from me. By the way, totally. And period. It's from me. I love that. That's the statement. That's the mission statement. Dot, dot, dot. It's for me. Like the blankets will be fucking soft. Great. What's your favorite kind of blanket?

1:08:46Guess what? I went to HomeGoods the other day. Rachel Zoe has a brand. I bought this blanket from Rachel Zoe's brand. I think it's better than like the cashmere, whatever that fuck. What's that? Barefoot Dreams. So I'm about to rock your world. Okay, what? Lola blankets. What's that? You know what? You know what, Owen? I have one for you. Well, I knew you fucking did. I have one for you. Wait, tell me about them. They sent me all the blankets. I have one for you. Oh, my God. No, you're going to freak the fuck out. Wait, so what would your eye mask say? Nothing. It's chic to not say anything on the eye mask.

1:09:25Of course. It'd be nothing, but it would be weighted silk. Wait, and then I'll do a collab with you for In Your Dreams. Yes. Wait, I'm freaking out. I need to do a sleep brand. Done. I think everyone would love that. I know. You're always in bed. Yeah. Right. We have that in common. Yeah. Well, Owen, what did we learn today? We learned that, um, we learned a lot actually. I learned your car was impounded. We learned that my car was impounded. We also learned that you can date bald men. Yeah. Of course you can. Sorry. That's kind of my mission statement of the day. You can date bald men. Love that.

1:10:01I actually think that's hot. I think so too. Who's a bald celebrity who we know and love? Let's just name one. The Rock The Rock Vin Diesel Vin Diesel These are hot men Who else is bald And that's about that And that's that Well Owen I love you I love you Did you have fun I want to say all day Okay good Because I had a great time I feel like we like Could keep going for Hours and hours But now we need to talk Can I tell you something You're a wonderful podcast host Really Wonderful It's just talking Thank you Sorry Sorry that we're just chatting And we just came up with a genius brand that I want 10 % of.

1:10:36And there's three cameras staring at us in the face. I love it. Yeah. I feel at home. We'll give a little. Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies.

1:10:53Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy. 30 minutes of scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs premieres Wednesday on ABC. And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. Hello, Superman.