Session 89: Countess Luann

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0:40surprise pussies happy friday even louis vuitton makes mistakes sometimes and that is exactly what our guest today is here to teach us i present to you countess luann from the real housewives of new york city she's one of the greatest housewives of all time on the original real Hotos of New York. She is exactly who you would think she is. Just as charismatic, just as funny, just as incredible. Happy Friday. Enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. To submit Tell Me What's Wrongs, go to pastthepuss.com and click Tell Me What's Wrong. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. Love you, pussies.

1:17Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. And reminder, never count out the Countess. And today, we have the one and only Countess Luanne De La Cepse here with us. Hi. Hi, darling. I love the way it just rolled off your tongue. People have a hard time with De La Cepse, right? De La Cepse. Right? But it's just like De La Cepse. Let it roll off. It's like all the time. All the time. Well, welcome to Therapist. I am so elated to have you here. Thank you. How long have you been? You're on this tour. You're on Countess Cabaret. Countess Cabaret. This is my kind of greatest hits tour. Right. Last year I did Mary F.

1:54Kill and had a great time. And so, you know, every cabaret is different. Right. You know, like I played L.A. last year. Now I'm back at the Wiltern. But this is greatest hits. It's new music and new stories. And, you know, of course I'm going to talk a bit about the Love Hotel. Right. And how was filming the Love Hotel? You know, it was great. I had so much fun. And they called me up and they're like, hey, Lou, we're going to send you on vacation for three weeks. We're going to pay you, of course. And we're going to find you guys. I'm like, yeah, hobby B. I'm in. I am in. And so, because I've been single for quite a while now.

2:29So I feel like right now I know exactly what I'm looking for. So the timing was absolutely perfect for me. What are you looking for? Well, tall, handsome, funny, classy, rich. Yeah. As always. Exactly. I have been so excited. And kind. And kind. Kind is really first on the list. Right. A man who's not afraid to be vulnerable and show his real feelings. I like people who are in touch with themselves. I'm big on spirituality and people that are connected to their inner child. Have you always been connected to spirituality? You know, I found spirituality really after I divorced the Count. It was a rough spot for me.

3:19And so I went to Deepak Chopra. And I realized, oh my God, there's an actual being in here. Right. It's just, you know, because we all wear our masks, right? Like I was a TV personality, you know, back in the day when I lived in Milan. I was working for Italian television. You know, I was a model before that. So it's always been about, right, the face. Right. And so I discovered, you know, there's much more to me that lurks underneath the face. Right, 100%. When you were doing Love Hotel, did it remind you of your days on Real Housewives of New York, or was it a different experience? Oh, totally different.

3:55You know, in the housewives, it's all about, let's take her down, you know what I mean? Let's find a way to get under her skin. And, you know, Love Hotel was really, we were each other's wingmen. Right. And that was refreshing for me. And I, you know, I wouldn't, you know, for me, housewives, you know, unless we're going on an ultimate girls trip, you know, I did for 13 years. And God knows, you know, I had to deal with Bethany. Good luck with that. I mean, it's like walking on eggshells. And so, so it was really a refreshing show for me to do because, you know, we were there for each other. We were there to give each other advice, support each other.

4:32And really the drama lies with the guys. Right. Do you, so you don't talk to Bethany anymore or do you? No. Not really. Right. Not really. We were quoting that earlier today. I love that moment, which is, I think, better than even be cool, don't be like all uncool, is the, would you care if there was a naked guy in the bed next to you? I'm like, not really. I'd be taking selfies by now. Yeah. You know, look, there's a naked guy. Here I am. Yeah. That felt so, to me, unfair of Heather to get mad at everybody during that. It just felt like she was looking. Well, you know what people miss is that Ramona pulls the sheets over her head and goes, go and talk to Lou.

5:11Yeah, yeah. So she punts the ball to me, right? And it's actually her guy that's upstairs, not mine, because my guy left at 3 o 'clock in the morning. Because I said, you have to go because I have to film tomorrow. Right. So you've got to go. And he figured out how to get home. Right. Well, Ramona's guy, he wasn't that clever. Yeah. So, you know, Ramona probably said, just go and see, because Bethany left the night before. Right. And that situation was that Heather and Carol had a room next to Bethany, and it shared a bathroom. So when they went to the bathroom, they saw a naked man's ass staring at them.

5:40Yeah. I mean, so, and it wasn't even my guy's ass. Right. It was Ramona's guy's ass. Do you still talk to Ramona? Of course. Yes. Yes, Ramona. You know, Ramona's doing great. She has a boyfriend now. Oh, amazing. And so she's very happy, and she's living her best life over in Palm Beach. Do you still call her the singer-stinger? Well, no. Our relationship has changed so much. I mean, you know, I actually play a scene during my shows, which is the moment she tried to blackmail me. And we're in Central Park. I don't know if you remember that. Yes, of course. But look at my nails. Aren't my nails fabulous?

6:13And I'm looking at her like, are you crazy? You're blackmailing me. You want me to look at your nails? Yeah. You know, so, you know, but she's changed. She's, you know, she's happy now. Right. She's not, you know, because I think a lot of the problems were that there was a certain amount of trying to take down the countess. Right. Right. And I talk about this also in my show, which is they always gave me a hard time about that. What they didn't know is that the de Lesseps were responsible for the Suez Canal, the Panama Canal, and actually gave the Statue of Liberty to the United States of America for the French.

6:44Did they really? Yes, they did. Oh, my goodness. The Statue of Liberty, it's Ferdinand de Lesseps. Oh, wow. He presented it for the French. That's how important he was. So the title does not come from a Cracker Jack's box. It's real. You know what I mean? Yeah. And what I'm very proud of. You know, my children are born from this family, and my husband's father was the ambassador of Monaco for 40 years with Prince Renier, you know, and this was my life. Right. And they were always not happy about that. Yeah. They didn't like that I had this aristocratic background. I'm just a girl from Connecticut.

7:17Of course. Who ended up marrying into French aristocracy. Now, we married two weeks later. Right. So when he said, I'm a Count, I go, like, Count Dracula? How does that work? I mean, so, you know, whoopsie. I married a French aristocrat. Became a countess. Tiddy! Right. Like I say in the show. Who do you think out of all the rony girls were the most jealous of your countess title? Bethany. Really? Yeah, probably. Well, let's think back. When Bethany started the show, I'm married to a French aristocrat. I have two gorgeous children. I've got the house in the Hamptons with the swimming pool. But not like Alex and Simon with the blow-up pool, right?

7:59Right? And I've got everything that she wants. Right. Isn't it? Yeah. So who wanted to take me down the most? It was she, for sure. Right. It was her. Was it ever hard? Were you ever able to separate your relationships with the girls on screen versus off screen, or was it all just very real and very in it? Well, it was also very real, and I was in it. But, you know, like Jill would get an episode and go, oh, let's watch it. And I'm like, I want to sleep well tonight, okay? Right. I'll watch it in the morning, but I'm not going to see it before I go to bed. Because, you know, there's always something you wish you said or you wish you didn't say.

8:34Because, you know, you're flying by the seat of your pants. Right. So you better be fast, right? So, and I think that's what makes a good housewife, you know, is like, and for me, I separated my family from the show. You know, you won't see my kids a lot on the show. You won't see the count a lot on the show because, you know, it's really was our decision as a family to do the show. But you go ahead and you do you. Right. My kids are artists. They're not fame seekers or fame mongers. Otherwise, you would know more about them. Of course. But they are successful artists in their own right. And I respect that.

9:07And they respect me for what I do. But yeah, no, I always tried to keep my family separate. Like when we started filming, I mean, I literally said to production, you see that door? That's my master bedroom. Don't go near it. Yeah. And did they, did production ever? No. They never crossed that line. They respected you and all that? Amazing. You know, people think that they show up with cameras. No, it's produced and edited show, right, with the schedule. Right. So I would say, you know, no, you can't come at 10, you come at 11. And so, but we used to get away with a lot more of that. Like, for example, Scary Island.

9:39I didn't go on that trip, right? So it was Victoria's birthday. So I said to them, I'm sorry, it's my daughter's birthday. I am not going on that trip. And I didn't. And you know what? It's better I didn't because if I was there, Scary Island would not be the same. Right. Because I would have been there for Kelly. Oh, you would have been there. When they all bullied her to the point where she went off the deep end. Is that – that's what you think happened? A hundred percent. Okay, got it, got it. And do you still talk to Kelly? Yes, I do. She finally brought me to a Rangers game. Oh, amazing. Do you think that when they – did you understand the severity of Scary Island once they all got back or was it only until it aired?

10:22um no i think it got picked up in the press before that oh really yeah because you know she traveled back earlier you know she had to leave because they were scary for her mental health rightly so because you know um so yeah i heard of course about it and you know jill wasn't there either so jill and i so i said to kelly don't go right because i knew she wouldn't be able to handle them, you know. But, you know, but she gave us Scary Island, so we will forever be grateful to you, Kelly. Yes, thank you, Kelly Ben Simone. Jill and Bethany's fallout, do you have any, like, who did you, did you think both of them were wrong, or did you think one side was leaning more correct?

11:03I don't even remember what the feud was about, to tell you the truth, do you? Bethany was, I think, gaining more traction and not calling Jill enough, and Jill got very upset. Yeah, so Bethany was there to build herself up, obviously. Jill also, she had Bobby. Jill's got money. Bethany had nothing, right? So she's climbing up that ladder, isn't she? And she doesn't care how many stairs she breaks on the ladder, does she? So Jill is kind-hearted and a good girl, a girl's girl. And I think Bethany came in and took what she could and it behooved her to get rid of Jill. Ooh. Do you have a favorite memory from the show or a favorite trip you ever went on?

11:51Oh, I have to say Marrakesh because... Iconic. That was really my trip. They were like third world country. I'm like, are you kidding me? This is Marrakesh. It's North Africa. Hell. Anyway, so... You know, that trip between... this is not the Plaza Hotel, Ramona, okay. Right. Almost getting killed on a camel, and seeing Jill in a fanny pack in the souk is just, I will never go out of my memory. And of course, that's where the Herman Munster shoes came along. Buffalo coming down the stairs. Even though it all makes mistakes. There's so many good things happening on that trip, including her interrupting our henna session.

12:34Yes, yes. And you don't talk to Alex anymore, do you? Well, she lives down under, so we don't get a chance. No, no, no. But I don't have anything against Alex. What was it like, though, filming with Simon? Because he always wanted to be involved with the girls, right? Yeah, he did. He was just another housewife. Simon, you know, he's actually an interesting guy in many ways. A little too into, you know, the show. Right. Right. and you know he's not my type you know kind of in terms of guys

13:14to be quite honest and but you know it was always odd because it's like why don't you stay home right I don't bring my husband everywhere you stay home and let your wife do her thing so he's always you know trying to get in on the scene and so you know it's like having an extra housewife along that you didn't quite invite Right, right. So you agreed with Ramona when she was like, I don't want him here. Right. Yeah. This is girl talk. You can't really talk about certain things when your husband's hanging around. Right. Right? Were you guys, as a cast, expecting the show to kind of blow up the way it did, or were you all pleasantly surprised?

13:56We were, you know, first of all, the first season we got paid$10 ,000 for the entire season. No. Yeah. Because it's a pilot. Right. It's a pilot. Well, 18 episodes later. Yeah. So, no, we were not expecting it to blow up the way it did. And, you know, I think it was the timing was right. You know, Sex and the City was over. Desperate Housewives was over. So we kind of filled the void, you know, in that space, which was kind of like Sex and the City. Right. And, by the way, Candace Bushnell is one of my best friends. I love Candace. Oh, wow. Yeah, I love her. Do you, was there ever a moment during, because you were on the show that entire run, was there ever a moment where you were like, I can't do this anymore, I'm done?

14:39Every season. Really? Am I going to do this again? Right. But, you know, listen, there's a lot of drama going on, there's a lot of, you know, positioning and all that stuff, but we really had a great time. You know, you get to go on vacation with your girlfriends and get paid, right? So the benefits outweighed the negative. Right, of course. For me. And do you feel as though the new Roni cast is doing it justice at all? They're not us. Let's just put it that way. You know, and I think a more diverse cast, yeah, maybe a little younger, but, you know, they're successful. They're beautiful women, you know, but they're just not us.

15:19It's not the same story because, you know, friendships are so important. You know, we were really friends. And I think that that is the problem that new casts have is like they're kind of thrown together and they don't have, you know, the, let's say, they don't know where the skeletons are buried. Like, we know where all the skeletons are buried. Right, right. And, you know, it's like, you better watch it because I've got, you know. Yeah. I remember, you know, we used to dig stuff up on each other. Like, oh, I'm going to put this in my back pocket. I'm going to use that for later. You know what I mean?

15:50We were very, you know, we go way back. Right. Like, so, you know, we just go way back. And so I think it's really hard to duplicate that kind of relationship. Who do you feel was the one in the group that was the most out of place during your filming? Like the one that wasn't really a part of the friend group and didn't really fit in? Carol. I mean, Carol, you know, I know because of her association with the Kennedys. But Carol's not a housewife. Carol's, you know, single living in a small flat downtown, right? Right. Right. So there was always, you know, but Carol, you know, Bethany embraced her until she didn't embrace her.

16:30Right. Why do you think she stopped embracing her? Because? Well, I think that, I don't want to get into it, but Aviva was not wrong. Got it. Understood. So we don't like, you know, I don't like people that are not honest. Right. Ooh, okay. Was there anybody in the cast that would leak stuff to the press a lot? Bethany really oh yeah and how did you guys find out well when my name is on page six I know it's Bethany who called her wow and was it Sonia too really oh Sonia Rita would she own it I love my Sonia Rita but would Sonia she's friends with everybody at page six would she own it though would she be like yeah I did that probably not right okay or would Bethany right right and who, when Aviva threw her leg.

17:30Did you see me? I'm cracking up. You know why? Because the woman's leg is on the table and I'm like, her dirty shoe is next to my silverware. That's what I'm thinking. And I'm laughing about myself, really, and how ridiculous the whole situation is. What about her leg on the table? Like, was that, was everyone like, well, that scene is just epic. I actually use that scene when I talk about the housewives in the show. And my reaction, you know, the audience is laughing their asses off because I am like sitting there with my turquoise necklace on, like giggling, like. Yeah. I think, you know, it was just once you throw your leg on the table, what's left?

18:14Right. Right. Who is the worst? Who is the worst person to film with? and who was your favorite to film with on the flip side, so both. Okay. Well, I love filming with Sonia Rita because, you know, those scenes where I'm staying in her townhouse, I'm in between boys, in between homes. And so, yeah, Sonia Rita and, gosh, the worst. Hmm. You know, I don't have a worst, really. Right. I enjoy all the girls for their personalities. You know what I mean? Tinsley I had fun with. I had fun with all the girls, really. I was always the one trying to navigate the negative energy coming my way. Like, where are the truffle fries?

19:05I'm like, admiring my poster in Miami. Yeah. And they want truffle fries. And they're mad because I went swimming. Really? Right. You know what I mean? So I'm always trying to defend myself most of the time. I'm not the gaslighter of the group. Yeah, you were never really the instigator. No. You were always... Trying to defend myself. Yes, exactly. Sure. Do you think in that scene where Bethany didn't call you the Countess before you guys entered the car, do you think she did that on purpose? No, no, no. It wasn't. It was Mrs. Deliseps. It wasn't Countess. It was... Because, listen, I lived in Europe for a long time.

19:42Right. Right? So I was not used to first name basis with any... You know what I mean? Somebody I don't know. Right? So, it was just a kind of a carryover from the lifestyle that I lived. Right. Right? So, yeah, I'm Mrs. Della Seps. Hey, Joe, this is Lou. I mean, no. Yeah. Sorry. I know it looked like, you know, oh, God, she's such a snob. But that's not who I am. I mean, in Europe, I'm Countess Della Seps. Right. Not Mrs. Della Seps. I'm Countess Della Seps. so you know what I mean I was not used to this familiarity um just coming back to the states you know which is basically what happened and you spoke about obviously not including your family in the show but was um the count and your children like were they so supportive of all everything you were doing they were they were I mean you know Noel did his little break dance number yes of course um which he still regrets today um you know we got Aston our dog on the show you know So, yeah, the kids have always been, you know, they played along.

20:49Right. But I didn't put them in harm's way. Of course. And the count was like, if he showed up, it's like a miracle. Right, right. So, and, you know, I didn't want them to be on the show really because, you know, it was really about our relationships, you know, with the women. Right. And who – Well, my relationship with the women, I should say. Of course. And so you guys were all a friend group before filming started or did – was any of them added? Like how did that – the dynamics work? So how the show started is that I was at a party. Actually, it was the movie premiere of Sicko, Michael Moore's movie, and I was with Tommy Hilfiger, who's a friend of mine because he married a girlfriend of mine who's from Monaco.

21:27And so anyway, so I'm with Dee, and then I see a guy buying shots, and I brought my niece with me. She's like 23 at the time. He's buying a shot for my niece. So I go over there. I go, you're buying a shot for her? You have to buy one for me then. yeah so uh and his name was bobby zarin and then he said then i see a redhead coming my way hi i'm jill zarin and that's where i meet jill yeah right and so jill and i hung out like the whole time i was fascinated by her because i'd never met anybody like that in my life right first of all she's not just jill she's jill zarin from long island and i just i was like whoa she's incredible and I just loved her personality she's bubbly full of life she doesn't stop talking and so not me but I like people that are authentic and Jill is authentic right so she then after we part I had a card because I was like working on trying to build my television career in the states I was doing some specials for like CBS morning shows and things like that I did the Royal Windows at Bernie's with Simon Doonan And so I did some spots for CBS, and I was trying to get my way back into television because I used to work for Italian television years ago.

22:44And so I give her my card, and Jill reaches out, and she says, I've got a TV show I think you're going to be perfect for me. Come, come. So I meet the producers, and that's how I got on The Housewives. Oh, wow. So it came to me, really. It just happened. So Jill kind of had her hand in forming the OG cast? Yeah. But I knew Ramona kind of socially a little bit. I would see her here and there. Bethany was brought in by Jill. Got it. Okay. She found a way in. Bethany. Alex and Simon, I think they found online.

23:21It's true. That is true. Right? Kind of your wannabe couple. Yeah. Right? And then they rented that shitty house and the Hamdas, remember? Yes, and do you remember, of course you remember, when they were doing the... Trying to keep up with the Joneses. Well, it didn't work out so great. Do you remember they... Remember, and then they go into the opera or whatever they go to, and they're waiting for the photographers, and nobody's there. Nobody cares. It's just too funny. And who else am I thinking? Who else are we missing? I think it was... Sonia. Sonia took three years for her to get home. She was terrified.

24:03Oh, but she was asked initially. No. No. Sonia, well, maybe she was asked, but she didn't want to come on because she was scared. And she saw how well it was going for us, and she jumped in in season three. Right. That's where Sonia Rita came along. And do you remember Alex and Simon's house that was under construction, and they kept having people over, and it was like a literal construction hazard zone? Right? It's like, this is why we go to restaurants in New York, you know? What's your favorite restaurant in New York? You know, it's really around the corner for me because I love Italian food because I used to live in Milana and it's like the closest thing to Italy.

24:39It's called Bella Blue. I love Avra. I like Bill Bouquet. There's, you know, I've got my little circle of restaurants that I love. Of course. Okay, you wrote a book on etiquette in 2009. If you had to rewrite that book again today, what would be different and what would be the same? I think everything would be the same. I would add a chapter for dating at this point in my life. Okay, amazing. Right? So, and I'm working on an audio book. Can you believe there's no audio book for a class with the countess? No. It's shameful. Yeah. We're working on it. Are you excited? I'm excited about that, and I'm going to add a little chapter, which is about dating at this point in life.

25:18Do you feel like all the rules still hold up? Absolutely. Which one do you think is the most important? Money can't buy you class. Cheers to that. Cheers. She has eyes. Eyes. You know, eyes. Eyes. He knows when you toast. You have to look someone. Yes. If I said, teach me how to have proper etiquette, what would be the first thing you would teach me? Hmm. Well, you know, etiquette really is about respect for others, right? Right. And I think the most important thing is being comfortable in your own skin. Right? Because if you're not comfortable, other people are going to feel your uncomfort. Right.

26:04You know what I'm saying? And that's, you know, when you walk into the room, you know, have a smile on your face and be comfortable with who you are. 100%. I think it really starts with you, right? And being comfortable. And so other people are comfortable. Right. Right. When you get to somebody's house, they're not, you know, everything's everywhere. They're not prepared. you know what I'm saying? They're discombobulated and whatever so you know, that's not comfortable right? So a good host they're ready for you, to give you time, respect your time right? Which is to have a glass of champagne in your hands and you know and the music going because music sets the whole tone of my life.

26:49Right. That's for me I love music. It makes me happy. Did you always know that you wanted to go into music or did it just come to you? You know, I've always been, like, I recorded some cover songs years ago when I was even in Switzerland, married to the Count, and kids were young. So I was always, like, recording music, wanted to do stuff with music. In fact, when I did Money Can't Buy You class, I went to a producer I was introduced to, and he goes, what do you want to sing about? I said, I don't know, but I just wrote a book. He goes, can I see it? So I hand him the book, and if you know my book, there's takeout lines everywhere.