Kids Want to Help. Here’s Why You Should Let Them.

0:04Dr Cathryn:Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. I'm Dr Cathryn, your host, and today we're going to talk about the power of chores. Recently, a mom told me, every evening, my two-year-old Jackie puts an unfolded napkin on each dinner plate before we sit down. Now, most people would say a two-year-old is too young for that, but I believe it helps her feel valued and needed. And that really stuck with me because it reminded me of a note that's been hanging in my kitchen cupboard for the last 30 years. You see, we've lived in the same house since my kids were little, and if you walk into the kitchen and you open the left kitchen cupboard door, there's a napkin tacked to the inside.

0:49Dr Cathryn:My youngest wrote a note in grade one and tacked it up, and it's a list of things we owe her. Apparently I owe her$3. She staked a claim to the house for when she's older. And then there's also a list of chores she's planned to take on. We never assigned her any of these chores. She came up with them herself. And I smile every time I open that cupboard. Now she's a lawyer and she maintains that that list is legally binding. I think about that a lot because nobody told my youngest to contribute. She just wanted to. That's the thing about little kids. They're genuinely enthusiastic about helping.

1:27Dr Cathryn:Not in an I'll do it if you remind me 14 times way. They actually want to help. They want to be part of what you're doing. Now that desire isn't going to last forever, which is exactly why it's worth paying attention to right now. I've been listening to this audio book, Hunt, Gather, Parent by Micheline Duclef. I'm sorry, I'm sure I'm not saying the name right. And it really stayed with me. She's a doctor who spent time living with families in different communities around the world, and she brought her little three-year-old daughter along with her. One of the things she talks about is how Mayan parents in Mexico involve their kids in household tasks from the moment they can walk.

2:10Dr Cathryn:Not as a lesson, not as a structured activity, just as part of life. And the kids grow up assuming that participating is normal because it's always been that way. Now, when toddlers are included that way, something clicks. They start to feel like they matter to the family, that their effort means something. That feeling of being a real contributor builds something in kids that's hard to create in any other way. A few weeks ago, I was at a family birthday party for the two-year-old. And at one point, I noticed my teenage nephew quietly cleaning up toys that had spilled into the hallway. Nobody asked him to do that.

2:52He didn't make a thing of it. He just saw something that needed doing and did it. And I thought about his parents and the years they've spent building that exact instinct in him. That doesn't happen by accident. That sense of responsibility and belonging starts young. Now, I'm not saying your toddler needs a chore chart. In fact, I'm saying the opposite. I'm saying look for those teeny tiny small moments where they can contribute, like putting the napkins on the table, or let them carry something to the garbage can, water a plant, sort the socks with you, toss the salad, wipe something down alongside you.

3:34The task itself doesn't really matter that much. What matters is that your child feels a real part of the household. They feel valued and needed.

3:45Dr Cathryn:My almost three-year-old granddaughter Sloane is a good example. Every time she comes to visit, she walks in, she sits down on the front steps, she takes off her shoes or boots, and she lines them up next to everyone else's by the door. No one asks her to do it. She's not really even praised for it. She doesn't get any pats in the back. But you can see it on her face. she actually feels proud. And that's the power of chores. And you can tell from these examples that toddler chores, they need to be really tiny, small enough that a child can actually complete them successfully. Because that's what builds confidence.

4:24Dr Cathryn:It's not about the chore, it's about the feeling of I did that, or I helped my family, or I'm part of my family. Now, when I look back on raising my four wonderful now adult kids, introducing chores early was an important thing we did because they learned I can do hard things. I'm a part of this family. And once kids believe that, it shapes everything. So try not to think of chores in that traditional sense, especially when we're talking about young kids. It's not something dreaded or something that has to be nagged about. At this age, it's really just about finding ways to include your child in real life, real life work.

5:10Dr Cathryn:And you know, the funny thing is kids can do so much more than you think. So the next time your toddler tugs at your sleeve wanting to help, let them, even if it takes twice as long. Actually, especially if it takes twice as long. Now, you're not going to be able to have the time to do that all the time, but when you can. We spend so much of our parenting energy focused on fixing misbehavior. And here's a lovely reminder that big-hearted parenting also means recognizing our youngest kids as competent and capable and planting the seeds now for helping them become the best version of themselves.

5:51Dr Cathryn:Now, if big-hearted parenting resonates with you, take a look at our Toddler's Made Easy online course. Thank you for listening, and keep up the good work.

6:25Thank you.