Stuck in the Potty Training Start-Stop Loop? Here's What to Do Differently

0:04You did everything right. You stayed calm. You made it fun. You turned the potty into a spaceship. And your son sat on that cool potty, but then he stood up and peed on the floor. And he'd done the same thing an hour earlier. And now you're not just frustrated, you're questioning everything. Why won't he listen? What's wrong with my child? What's wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? You thought, maybe he isn't ready, so you just stopped potty training and decided you'd try again in a month or so. Now it's a few months later, you know you need to start again, but you really don't want to go through it again, and you're not sure what to do differently to avoid the same problem all over again.

0:46Dr Cathryn:Now if that's you, if you're stuck in this stop and start and stop and start loop, this episode is for you. Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. I'm Dr. Katherine, your host, and today we're talking about what's actually going on in these potty battles and how to get to a place where your child just goes pee on the potty without a fight. First, let's reframe what happened. Most parents quietly consider a first attempt a failure, but really it's just information. You learned that that approach you used, it just wasn't right for your child. And that's not a failure. that's the most useful thing you could know right now before doing a restart.

1:30Dr Cathryn:Now the child in this story didn't resist because he couldn't do it. He resisted because something about the process just didn't feel okay. And when kids feel pressure, they push back. Because you see, at this stage of development, they need to feel in control of something. Like let's say when your child refuses to eat vegetables, or in this case, refuses to sit and use the potty. Another consideration is that your child is still having trouble connecting the dots. For instance, let's say your child's playing and he pees in his pants. Well, many parents would think, oh, he's just being lazy or he didn't want to stop playing.

2:09Dr Cathryn:But another thing to consider is maybe your child hasn't figured out yet how much time he has from when he gets that feeling to when he needs to go sit on the potty. That takes some time. Those are one of the little nuances that we need to consider. So your child waited too long and ended up peeing in his pants. So let me show you a simple way to restart where potty battles are less likely to reoccur. I'm going to give you a true story about a little guy named Kyle who I knew from my office, and he was really stuck in the start-stop loop. His parents had started and stopped several times already now, and they really did not want to keep going in this loop.

2:51Dr Cathryn:They wanted a way out. So Kyle was interested in potty training. He showed an interest himself at age two, so his mom went with it. She gave him prompts every hour, potty toys, the cutest potty ever. She did the works. Well, he peed on the floor five times every day, and he cried each time, and he refused to sit when prompted, and this went on for days on end. So his parents finally decided he wasn't ready, and they stopped. Now, months later, they decided to try again, and the problem was the exact same thing happened all over again, and they stopped again. And this brings us up to the time now where Kyle is three years old.

3:30Dr Cathryn:His mom came to me really worried that she'd missed the window of opportunity. She put potty training on hold two times already, and she knows she didn't want to go through that again. I want to try again, she told me, but I'm scared I've already messed up. And I reassured her that potty training was absolutely doable, and I told her what I tell every parent in her position. Kyle wasn't being stubborn. The hourly prompts felt to him like he was being controlled. So he took control of the one thing that he had, and that is his body. His nature wasn't the problem. It wasn't that he was too stubborn or difficult or defiant.

4:10Dr Cathryn:The prompts were the problem. From a developmental perspective, kids this age, they need to feel some sense of control. And let's face it, nobody likes to be pushed. So we made one little change that had a huge impact. Instead of saying, go sit on the potty, she'd started saying, when you feel like you need to pee, the potty's right over there. And she'd say it when he squirmed or wiggled or had that blank stare. Or if she didn't notice any of those, she'd give him this little nudge every two hours. And she'd only say it once. She wouldn't repeat herself. When accidents happened, instead of saying, see, I told you you needed to go, she just played it cool.

4:52Dr Cathryn:Oops, that must be uncomfortable. let's go get some dry pants. No questions, no lectures or big reactions. Now within two weeks, Kyle started going on his own without any nudges or prompts and then came the underwear. Now notice this is a bit different. This mom didn't use underwear until Kyle was already dry. She really wanted to keep it low pressure. What changed wasn't Kyle, it was the method. With less pressure, now Kyle was motivated to try. So it felt like his accomplishment. So if you're ready to do a restart, here's where I would begin. Start with a simple reintroduction of the potty. Don't announce it.

5:35Dr Cathryn:Don't talk about it. Don't make a whole thing about it. Just let the potty exist again. And maybe even ask your child to sit on it fully clothed when you read a book to them. You're not really training yet. You're rebuilding safety around the potty first. Then, when the potty has no issue, your child will sit on it happily, dressed, then start potty training. And start with a little nudge, not that big prompt or pressure. So say something like, when you have that need-to-go feeling, the potty's right over there, and then point to where the potty is. And when accidents happen, stay neutral. Oops, that happens, and just move on.

6:14Dr Cathryn:Now, I know that's not easy, but I also know it's doable. As I say in the program, the goal here isn't just dry underwear. It's to make the process empowering and one that builds body awareness. This becomes an experience you don't feel guilty or sad about when you look back on it. Now, if you want help restarting without creating the old battles, come join my upcoming free workshop, Potty Without pushback and I'll walk you through it step by step. It's April 30th, 2026 at 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, and I'll leave a link in the show notes where you can sign up for it. Have a wonderful week and keep up the good work.

7:12Thank you.