The Hardest Moments After Bringing Home a New Baby... and How to Help Your Toddler Through Them

0:04Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. I'm Dr Cathryn, your host. Today I'd like to begin with a story that a mother shared with me because I really think it captures what so many families experience after bringing home a new baby. She said, I'll never forget the moment we brought our new baby home from the hospital. I climbed the front steps, opened the front door, and there stood my 18-month-old Jackie. Just a day earlier, she had looked so little, but now with a tiny newborn swaddled in an organic cotton blanket in my arms, she suddenly looked enormous. Her legs seemed so long. Her hands looked so big.

0:47and I remember thinking, when did you get so grown up? It was one of the strangest feelings, and then almost as quickly, Jackie started acting like a baby. She wanted to be carried everywhere. She wanted to sit in my lap whenever I fed the baby. She needed me the moment I settled into nurse. The independent little toddler I'd left at home suddenly seemed to disappear overnight, replaced by a child who suddenly needed me for everything. Feeding time was especially hard. The moment I sat down with the baby, Jackie would climb into my lap, wrap herself around my neck, and ask me to read a book or suddenly need something right now.

1:31It wasn't just during nursing. The same thing happened whenever I pumped. At first, I thought she simply had terrible timing, But eventually, I realized it wasn't about timing at all. Every time I sat down to feed or pump, my attention shifted away from Jackie, and to her those moments felt like being left out. They were moments when my attention was elsewhere. She wasn't really trying to make feeding harder. She was trying to figure out where she fit in this new version of our family. And then came the potty accidents. She'd yell, Mommy, I need to pee. and I'd point to the potty. I felt so relieved she was going on her own and she'd sit down.

2:13I'd finally relax and then she'd stand up and pee on the floor. Now at the time, I was exhausted and overwhelmed and I honestly thought everything was falling apart. And what made things even harder was that pumping sessions were uncomfortable and they were lengthy. Now I've heard some version of this story from so many moms over the years. And looking back now, after caring for thousands of families as a pediatrician, here's what I've come to understand. Jackie wasn't trying to be difficult. She was trying to answer one very important question.

2:48Dr Cathryn:Do I still matter? Now that made really good sense, given that she was suddenly forced to share her parents' time and attention, and her life was more chaotic with a new baby's unpredictable schedule. And that's the question so many toddlers are struggling with after a new baby arrives. Not with words, but with their behavior. When toddlers suddenly feel displaced because the baby needs to be fed or changed or sued or settled, they often respond in the only way they know how. They interrupt. They cling. They regress. Not because they're being difficult, because they're looking for reassurance.

3:28Dr Cathryn:So one of the first things that helped this family was making feeding time feel more predictable and special for Jackie. Her mom started feeding the baby in Jackie's room, so she was surrounded by her favorite toys. She put together a special basket that only came out during feeding time. They'd read books, sing songs, or Jackie would just choose a story while her mom nursed. The goal wasn't to distract Jackie. It was to help her feel included during a moment that was suddenly one of separation. And there's something else I've learned too, both from parents and from my own experience. Pumping is often assumed to offer flexibility, the promise that if someone else can feed the baby once in a while, you'll have more time freed up.

4:15But here's what I've seen in years of practice. The number one reason mums quit pumping isn't lack of willpower. It's that a traditional pump can be time-consuming and frustrating. Babies deliver warmth and rhythmic sucking when they nurse, and that's what stimulates letdown. A pump that only offers suction at room temperature is missing both. And that's one of the reasons I agreed to partner with today's sponsor, Eufy Baby. Their UV breast pump S2 Pro is built around restoring those two missing pieces. Vibra Pump is a built-in vibration massage designed to mimic the rhythm of a baby's natural suckling, the mechanical trigger for a fuller, faster letdown.

5:02And there's also Heat Flow 2.0 wraps real adjustable warmth around the breast, the way a nursing baby's body naturally does, which helps the milk ducts relax and open. Now, put those two together and many moms find pumping becomes faster and more productive.

5:20Dr Cathryn:In testing, Eufy found up to 35 % more output. When pumping works, it's a lot easier to keep showing up for the next one. And I also really appreciate their companion app. It tracks output and patterns over time, so you're not just guessing. And on the logistics side, a wireless charging case that holds up to seven days on one charge means a dead battery doesn't have to be the thing that derails your day. It's what the brand calls effortless. Less on your body, less on your mind. As someone who's spent a lifetime helping families, I think that's exactly the kind of support parents need during those exhausting early weeks.

6:00Dr Cathryn:And while making pumping easier and more effective is one big goal, we still need to help kids adjust to changes. So let's dig in there a little deeper. First, realistically, expect some regression. Your potty-trained child may suddenly have accidents. They may ask to be carried. They may start baby talk. They may want a bottle, diaper, or a pacifier again, which I'm not suggesting you give them. These behaviors are incredibly common, and thankfully, they're usually temporary. Most regressions last somewhere around two, maybe six weeks, two to six weeks. What children need most during this time is reassurance that they still belong and they still matter.

6:45Dr Cathryn:Second, create predictable moments of connection. One of the easiest ways to reassure your toddler is by sprinkling little moments of connection throughout the day. I call them love sprinkles. I love you. I'm so lucky to be your mommy. I was just thinking about you. These tiny moments take only a few seconds, but they help fill your child's emotional tank. Then, once life settles into a bit of a rhythm, try to spend, you know, around five minutes each day giving your toddler your complete undivided attention. Put your phone away. Let them choose the activity and simply enjoy being together. Third, avoid pushing your toddler into the big kid role.

7:29Try not to say things like, you're a big girl now, or big kids don't do that, or you give that to the baby, you're too big for it. Instead, acknowledge what they may be feeling. I know it's hard when the baby needs me. Or sometimes I'd even lean into it a little and say something like, oh, it really does feel good to be a baby sometimes, doesn't it? You don't have to give them a bottle or a diaper. You just have to let them know you understand. and feeling understood is much more reassuring than being reminded to grow up.

8:04Dr Cathryn:Fourth, use strategic attention. Notice the behaviors you want to encourage. I love how gently you're touching the baby. Thank you for bringing me that book. I noticed you made it to the potty. Children repeat the behaviors that consistently earn your attention. Finally, Stay calm when regressions show up. Potty accidents are one of the most common regressions I see after a new baby arrives. As difficult as they can be, try to respond calmly. Oops, accidents happen. Let's get some dry clothes on and then just move on. The less attention you attach to accidents and the more attention you give to successful potty trips, the more quickly most children regain their confidence.

8:51Dr Cathryn:The day Jackie's mom thought she looked so grown up was the very day Jackie needed her to remember that no matter how big she looked, she was still her baby. And that's what I'd like you to remember too. And one final thought. We spent today's episode talking about helping toddlers adjust after a new baby arrives, but supporting you matters too. And if you'd like to learn more about the Eufy Breast Pump S2 Pro, I'll put a link in the show notes. And you can use the code TME, Tothers Made Easy, so T-M-E-U-F-Y. That's T-M-E-U-F-Y at checkout for an extra 15 % off discount. Keep up the good work.

9:38Congratulations on the new baby. And I'll see you next week.

9:47Thank you.

10:14Thank you.