231: Bad Boundaries?!

34:15I know. I'm so curious what you guys think. I will add some more context though for the wife. So looking at OP's account, there's no updates, no comments in regards to this post, but 10 days before this post, okay, which would have been like maybe eight days before their wedding, OP posted in r slash travel, lost passport. My partner is flying from Hong Kong to Indonesia. We have our wedding on Saturday. She is flying in 10 hours and currently can't find her passport. She is a Chinese citizen with no other passport. Can anyone help me go through any options that she might have to fly or get to Indonesia before Saturday?

34:57Hmm. It's giving... She's a little irresponsible. A little bit. Yeah. A little irresponsible. He is definitely given that question though. What would you want or, or expect Justin to do if this was your situation? I am fine with this. Like if this were me, I'm fine with this outcome. Like you were watching me. I was with other people. Like I'd rather have more eyes on me than maybe alone in a room. But if he was going to go to a room and then sit up there with me, like I wouldn't want to take away from his day. Like that's also his day. I just, I think this is just such a shitty position to put your partner in and so for me going forward There would be a boundary of like hey no shots like I had a bad experience where like I took shots and I blacked out and I I like just wasn't the best version of myself like and I really have not done shots since then like doing shots now Gives me anxiety.

35:52I don't want to black out. I'd rather have a nice glass of wine and just slow sip and like feel good and like not be hung over the next day like I just I really I've changed the way I drink and so I think you can have that conversation of like hey this is a boundary for me like that was not okay that wasn't fun it was dangerous I don't want to be around you if you're going to drink like that like honestly it's very concerning yeah it's and it's tough though too because it's like it it was their wedding day and there's kind of alcohol over the place so it's like that's why i was curious if this is a one-time thing i know no other context but op if you're out there let us know was there an overall consensus like what did people vote it so there's no voting bot on this one um too much conflicting a lot of people are addressing the alcohol and the safety yeah i live in wisconsin and that would be excessive even here i'm irish and even I find it excessive.

36:56I'm Australian and I've done it plenty of times. I'm in recovery now. Sorry. Like people are like only focused on the alcohol aspect. Like no one's even giving a vote on this. Yeah. Well, I mean, five shots in one go is like, it is dangerous. I was just like, what? Yeah. Five? Like, did I read that right? You're trying to take yourself out. Four has got to be the max. I'm kidding I'm just like I'm just so flabbergasted The only vote I see after scrolling Not the asshole You took her makeup off That's sweet Yeah I know that was sweet You continually checked on her for hours Also sweet Someone goes here and this comment has awards Checked on her Took her makeup off Presumably got her out of her wedding gown Made sure she had water All while drunk himself not complaining about her getting too drunk to party together on their wedding.

37:54Yeah. And not even once mentioning the wedding night, intentionally ambiguous. And people think he should have done it better. Log off and touch some grass, people. So. Yeah. I don't know. I don't have the answer. I'm not the asshole. Everyone sucks. But. I would be pissed if. I am seeing, I will just add, I am seeing a lot of not the assholes towards the bottom now. Yeah. I'm like if My husband left me on the beach all night And I woke up to the sunrise outside And he was in our That'd be a problem And I'd be pissed But I think that it seems like he did The best for the situation I mean yes he could have Watched her but I'd even think like if he brought her up to the hotel He'd probably just pass out And so then he's not even watching her I know For her safety That is true Cause like if he's also drunk and drinking Yeah and he brings her up and goes to sleep yeah that's almost more dangerous right keeping her open in an area where multiple people can keep an eye on her yeah that is very true I'm putting this one to you guys I don't really know I'm like it's very dangerous it's very bad but like overall I feel like I feel like he handled it the best he could yeah flying to Indonesia too like we don't know where he's coming from she's coming from Hong Kong like this is crazy but we're moving along Because number three, number three, you guys.

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40:41Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees. Okay, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, four days old, titled My 28 female cousin 22 female just told me she saw my fiance kiss my twin sister. Whoa. On accident? I, 28 female, need some advice. Oh. For some backstory, I'm engaged to my longtime partner, 30 male, and I'm in the process of planning our wedding. My fiance and I are at our family's lake house for a week-long family reunion. I've been super excited for this trip, to have a much-needed break from work and wedding planning, and also to have a chance to see all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

41:28etc. This morning, my cousin, 22 female, pulled me aside and told me something completely unexpected. She said she went upstairs to grab some clothes. And as she was walking down the hall, she saw my twin sister and fiance talking quietly in one of the bedrooms. Then she said she saw them share a quick kiss. I am in shock. My twin sister and I have always been so close. My first thought was that there's no way this happened. I've never seen or noticed any tension between my fiance and sister, and they also have very limited opportunity to be around one another. We live about an hour from one another and are busy with work.

42:12I cannot imagine that either of them would do this. I'm also wondering what to believe of what my cousin told me. I have no reason not to trust her, but I just want to believe that she saw something wrong. I don't know. a kiss is hard to mistake. So I am currently resting up as I have period cramps and don't feel well. I asked my cousin to keep this to herself at least as long as I can figure out what I want to do. We're all staying here together for the week until Sunday. If I confront them now, I know this would cause a huge scene. However, I don't know if I can wait until we get back home knowing I'm just festering inside with this knowledge.

42:54So I'm here turning to Reddit. I don't know if I need advice. I'm looking for support, a rant, et cetera. I suppose any advice or comments are appreciated. Oh my God. I just really, really, really want her to get like evidence. Like I want her to like set up a camera and bait them somehow because it's just, It's so frustrating that we just have like word of mouth, but we also don't know a quick kiss. Like, was it a kiss on the cheek? I know. Was it a whisper in the ear about something for a surprise for you? It's like, was it misinterpreted? Does cousin have like a habit of taking something out of context?

43:36Like, it just sucks when it's like this because I'm like, I just want this hardcore evidence. but I've said this before where a lot of times if somebody tells you that they saw people cheating it's because they're cheating yeah I know it is interesting because like in this in this scenario like the cousin doesn't really have any stake in the game right like I would assume that the cousin wouldn't make this up if there hasn't been a history of your cousin line but also at the same time I look at me in my life if my sister and Justin were off like talking in a bedroom and my cousin happened to see them like and came to me I'd be like well that's really weird but like I'm also closer with those people than I am with my cousin yeah but everyone's relationships are really different but OP is even saying like I'm extremely close with my twin sister yeah like what right like that is a very clear boundary you don't fuck your twins fiance say oh well you don't go there you don't kiss them tell belly that who you don't watch the summer i turn pretty oh i've read the books i know how it ends oh oh my god do not tell me i know how it ends girl don't you dare say a word i literally i got my hair done today and the uh my hair girl jamie and my new assistant dina who you guys will be meeting soon um we were all talking about it and they're like oh my god did you watch the episode i'm like do you guys not read the book okay I'm what team are you on oh my god always Conrad okay always and forever and but it's just like it's so funny I just saw this tiktok because Brian used to be like team Jeremiah the first uh season I think yeah and now this season he's also team Conrad who switched a little bit so I showed him this video because this girl literally throws her tv down the stairs whenever she sees Jeremiah like say like, hi, honey, I'm home.

45:31She throws her TV down the stairs. Gross. But anyway, so yeah, that's why I said belly does. But yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I'm honestly inclined to kind of believe the cousin. Like, but how do you test it? That's why like I'm trying to think like how she can get proof. I'd be so creepy. I'd just be like behind them in a bush. I'd be like the Homer Simpson just slowly backing up into bushes see this is why i don't think like looking through somebody's phone is like the worst thing so we do we do have an edit a lot of people had the same question you did are they identical do they look alike i thought the same thing i'm like maybe it was just a quick pass by the hall like hi babe like what what really happened right so op ads edit we are fraternal twins no chance we could be mistaken for one another totally two different looking people not identical twins top comment bring your cousin, sister and fiance all into a room and say that your cousin saw them kissing and is this true?

46:40someone is lying and seeing all their reactions at once should tell you who and lock the doors no one's getting out No one's getting it. I have the truth. Make them put all of their phones in a basket and then read through the phones while they watch you. I'm just kidding. But we were talking about this with like, was it on Father Knows episode? Ooh. About the phone. It was a Father Knows episode, I think. Yeah, because like we always get these episodes where people write in and be like, I'm feeling so guilty that I looked through my partner's phone and found out that he's cheating on me. And I'm like, why does everyone always have to like say that they feel guilty?

47:16Like you had a hunch and like you got trusted your gut. You trust your gut. You got the evidence like, yeah, it's not ideal. And if you feel like you need to look through their phone, then it's probably already a sign. But in this case, I'm like, I'm like, you need evidence. I know. Because like you don't want to end your marriage or you're like about to be married. I know. Like a cousin saying something when you're like, I could never even imagine that of the two of them. But like now you're always going to wonder like what the hell happened? I know. So someone does say you'll need proof before making an accusation.

47:48I don't know your cousin, but they could be lying Not saying they are just saying you didn't see it and they offered no proof And op goes that crossed my mind. The reason I haven't jumped to do anything is for this exact reason If they deny it then what yeah, exactly Like then you have nothing you have no proof and they can be sneakier I I have this like crazy situation that happened with one of my friends and I don't know if I want to like give all the detail but basically she hooked up with somebody who gave her a fake name and said he was completely single and she um actually like reverse image image searched his uh icon on like his phone oh my god in like the contact because she wanted to find his instagram yeah and follow him and found out that he's married and so she like asked him are you married and then he basically said not really and then they moved on from there wife looks through his phone because she had a hunch found the messages and texted my friend and then basically was like that they're indeed married and have kids and asked my friend if she would help with like a testimony oh wow yeah wow because of course like her husband's saying no that's not true oh man and she's like crazy and she's like and she's telling my friend she's like he's doubling down saying that like that never happened and like I can't imagine how crazy that would feel going through a person like talking to a person you don't know and trying to get verification that your husband's cheating and the person saying yes he is and then your your husband saying absolutely not swear on my life didn't do it like I don't that's just oh the mental yeah fuckery well that's why I'm like get your evidence before confronting them I know and a lot of people in the comments are pissed about the phone like people are like look through their phones and people are like that's a violation of privacy quit getting your advice from tv shows don't look through phones don't get your advice from lauren on a podcast but i'm not like advocating for it i'm just like don't feel guilty like if it and this is what i've always said about the phones yeah i think you should be able to trust your partner if your gut is telling you look through the phone and then your gut is right and you find something, you got to be done.

50:09You don't have trust. Yeah. It's going to be a really crazy uphill battle out of the Roach Motel. Yeah. If you want to get back to being in a good spot. But like, it's just really hard. Like, it's this fine line of like, do you trust them? Or where are you guys at? For sure. We do get an update on this one. Oh, let's hear it. We get an update. Update. Wait, to those of you who were requesting an update, here it goes. After going back and forth on whether I should try to snoop through my fiance's slash sister's phone or just sitting everyone and asking, I decided I would go through with the latter.

50:48My cousin actually came back later to my room to check on me and we had a brief conversation. She let me know she supported whatever my decision was and she would be there to back me up if I needed that. while sweet it kind of quashed any thought that my cousin could be manipulating the truth and honestly after that conversation with her I couldn't keep holding it in yeah I got the four of us together and laid it all out I told them that my cousin came across them talking in the upstairs bedroom and witnessed them kiss whoever told me to tell them what I knew and then zip my lips. Thank you. I didn't even have to ask questions, but I could see the guilt flood over my sister.

51:30It seemed like my fiance was trying to find a way to backtrack, but then my sister started profusely apologizing and crying. Wow. While she's crying, my fiance tells me it was a mistake and only one kiss. What? Lies. Liar, liar. Oh my God. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. What just one? No liar This is where I said I wanted them to show me their phones And if it was only one kiss, I shouldn't find anything perfect My fiance hesitated again But I told him we would be done if he didn't let me see it hundred percent from what I could find My sister started flirting with my fiance Starting off with compliments I don't know if she was just stroking his ego but their texts were very much so flirty in nature.

52:25Up to this point, I am pissed but unsure what this means for our relationship. Until I get to one of their last messages that was sent this morning from my fiance saying, quote, I know I should regret that, but I don't. I told them to pack up his shit and we would talk about this at home. I told my sister I was disgusted and she should leave me the fuck alone. So I haven't technically called off anything, but I'm going to take the next couple of days to really sit with things. I can't imagine being able to go back to him after all of this. I feel sick. I don't want to be anywhere near my sister, but I would rather be here to have space from my fiance.

53:09I think right now I haven't truly processed what this means as I'm seeing red. As mad as I am with my fiance, I feel so betrayed by my sister that has quite literally been with me through all of my ups and downs. Yeah, that's so messed up. What comes over someone to do something like that? Like, was her sister just secretly so jealous of her this entire time? This was like her last hurrah or something of like trying to make herself feel better than her sister? Like what the actual, what are you thinking? That's, I just don't like know what would come over someone to do that, especially like, like right before the wedding.

53:45yeah why like are you that deeply insecure do you have no confidence in yourself and your ability to find someone who loves you so you have to steal your twins happiness i'm so confused on the timing of it it's also like and the fact that she started it right he is an outsider like right i think in a lot of the stories we've seen it's usually the outsider of the family kind of provoking but this is a twin going after and I know we've had a lot of sisters going after their you know siblings husbands exes baby daddies whatever but like I don't know this one like they just they seem so normal and like and then like what and then there's also that part where it's like wow like it was really that easy for you like oh just somebody gave you a little attention and it was that easy for you to cheat on me like holy shit imagine if he's at work and he has a co-worker who gives him some attention you know it's gonna go back home with her like if it's just crazy to me that it was like just a few flirty messages and now you're gonna kiss her right before your wedding I know like you're that weak yeah you can't resist a little bit of temptation or someone stroking your ego and flirting with you a little bit yeah it's pathetic it is it's pathetic and then also just no boundaries yeah what is i don't know what's wrong with people that do stuff like this like right before the wedding right before the wedding yeah i'd go nuclear and i feel so bad for op i mean this is coming from our our very own two i take subreddit maybe a listener out there it's a really tough spot to be in like the love of your life you're getting married your twin sister's the one that it's probably a maid of honor like and some people on our sub were not very kind in the comments I actually just removed this one but someone essentially was just like you're super super dumb if you stay with him they said it in a way worse way okay this won't be his last time doing this if he was comfortable enough to do it with your sister i'm 99 certain he has done it before um people do clap back and say that was unnecessarily rude and harsh next comment what was the comment that i read oh oh god i got it being kind of mean op i removed it now so it's gone but someone goes not only was that unnecessarily harsh and rude she said she's done she just hasn't physically called everything off she needs time to process everything but it is over and that's like God give her a minute you don't need to find out the most devastating difficult news you've had so far in life and then notify everyone about it hey actually I'm logging in as Zola wedding's off just so you guys know fiance cheated like people sister people have a right to keep things private for a little bit yeah absolutely people have a right to grieve a hundred because this is a loss yeah like damn and even just like accepting that too because it's like I think it's very fair that when you're ready to plan the rest of your life with somebody and commit to them through thick and thin and I agree with you I think that everyone deserves that time and I don't know why anyone even in the comment would go crazy about that because Because...

57:24Like, people are being terrible. That's wild. I mean, just like reaming it kind of on her. Like, if you stay with him, you're an idiot. Did you tell your parents? Like, you're going to be an asshole and then expect to get information from this person? Don't be so dumb asleep, koala. Be fucking kind. Like, you're an idiot if you stay with him. You don't know what she's going to do. Just be like, hey. Like, I don't know. I'm just like, I'm getting really defensive of our little OP here. Yeah, of course. OP does respond. At this point, I don't know how I could. Thinking about living the rest of my life, knowing how insecure he made me feel, and with my sister, hard pass.

58:04And yes, I did tell my parents. Thankfully, they support me and are livid with my sister. I feel bad for ruining the rest of the trip, but I know I am not truly the one that ruined it. Not at all. And so someone goes, did your sister leave too? No, but it sounds like she's leaving in the morning. I want to know what sister had to say about that like what's your excuse I'm just curious what she is mustering up I'm trying to see if there's any comments to see if there's any explanation but luckily I do see that OP is getting a lot of support had a nice little FaceTime with a couple of their closest friends I just hate his last message what if they get together I mean at this point she's got nothing to lose sister is not going to talk to her anymore.

58:53OP does say that she's going to go no contact. So, I mean, what do you have to lose at that point? I could see it. It's not out of the realm of possibility in my head. You would hope that she would try to fix things with her sister. That would be the hope. I mean, even if it took a few years. Yeah, years. I mean, probably will yeah i mean you can never like fully heal from that i mean you can fully heal from that but you i don't know if you can like fully fully ever forget that you know what i mean like every time you see your sister and you're having a great time with her i feel like there's a little part of you that like remembers the pain that she caused that's just such a core memory of like pain yeah to to be able to forget it's really you'd have to go to a lot of like fucking family therapy together.

59:44I just, I don't know. The sister really needs to address her issues because that is a really shitty thing to do. And it's, it's coming from a place of insecurity or somewhere. Like if we look at the little feeling wheel, like it's coming from somewhere, right? It's not right. It needs to be addressed. You just took out your sister and her fiance. He took out your relationship and it's also him too. Like he's scumbag too, but like you definitely set the first flame. Right. Well, I would. Yeah. I mean, if we didn't like hate sister, I would say thank you because you just saved her from marrying a piece of shit.

1:00:22True. Very true. Also, something about this just reminded me of something that Alejandra said once, which I think is like a phrase out there, but I just hadn't heard it from anyone besides her. She was talking about relationships as a plate. If you drop a plate and it shatters into pieces, she's like, you can still glue it back together and the plate still works my dad says this about a glass all the time all the time I think if you watch father knows like my dad says this is about a glass yeah constantly but you shatter a glass but you put it back together still cracks yeah you can still see the cracks but you can use it but you can still see the cracks and so that's what I kind of think like what if like her and her sister ever were to get together again like that's kind of cracks are gonna be pretty lards on that one yeah i agree i'm not seeing any reasoning from the sister um i just see op did tell him that he needs to get the stuff out of the house i'm mourning the relationship my sister and i once had before all of this ultimately though we do share some close friends not sure how this will impact those relationships hopefully they see your true colors i don't know how i could ever truly trust him together six years no other red flags like no red flags wow is what i'm seeing cousin's been a blessing in disguise she's been very sweet through it all she's gathering intel so opie doesn't have to interact with sister i just wonder like if he was doing other stuff or if that was his weird moment of kind of freaking out before the wedding like because i'm like no other red flags in six years.

1:02:02It's crazy. I'm like, was he being sneaky or was he just, did he have like a meltdown right before the wedding? I don't know. It's weird. It's weird, dude. It is so weird. Because you usually hear that there's like some other signs. Something, right? Something. Something. Ooh. That's tough, but we're moving along. OP, if you're out there, keep us posted. Yeah. I would love to know what the sister's reasoning is. Yeah, at least what she says to you. Who knows if it's even legit, if it's the truth. Yeah, for sure. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. I myself have fallen for a scam, thought I was getting a really good deal on tickets, and bam, I sent the money and I didn't get my tickets.

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1:03:20Download Cash App and spend with peace of mind today. Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Visit cashapp.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Okay, so this next one, also a little bit of a twin story, a little bit of a wedding story too. So it is coming from Am I the Asshole, one month old, titled, Am I the Asshole for not going to my twin's wedding? I, 24 male, have an identical twin. We're not close, but I thought we had basic mutual respect. That belief was tested.

1:03:57I grew up in a traditional southern town and only began coming out in college about five years ago. It's been slow, especially with family, but since moving to DC in 23 for school and work, I felt more comfortable living authentically. After moving, I met my boyfriend, 26 male, and we've been together two years. Over time, I've introduced him to friends and family when I felt safe. Cut to November of 24. I was home for the holidays and told my twin and his fiance about my boyfriend. They seemed happy for me. While staying with them, wedding details arose and they asked if I'd be bringing a date.

1:04:34I said, yeah, my boyfriend. My twin had gone to bed, but his fiance said, quote, while there are pros and cons, it's up to you if you want to bring him. That felt like a green light. My twin constantly deferred to her on decisions, so I didn't think I needed to double check. Five months passed. My boyfriend and I had spent$1 ,300 on travel, flights, hotels, etc. Three weeks before the wedding, I mentioned on a call with my brother that we were all set. His tone shifted. Quote, oh, is boyfriend actually coming? I reminded him of the convo with his fiancée. He said she never gave me permission and accused me of making it up.

1:05:22Wow. Then said, quote, we can't allow your boyfriend to come. We worry how dad's side will react. I offered to call my dad on the spot. He dodged, saying that he'd check with his fiancée, despite just saying it was his decision. An hour later, no change. I was still invited alone still expected to buy a groomsman matching suit no chance even though I wasn't in the wedding party and show up smiling that's when I snapped yeah I asked quote if I didn't invite your fiance to my wedding would you still come? he couldn't answer and ended the call after some harsh words trying to make things right I came out to my dad which I feared for years to explain the situation.

1:06:15He was surprisingly indifferent and even said uninviting my boyfriend was extreme. He offered to talk to extended family. I thought I was removing the main obstacle. Weeks later, my twin called again. He now claimed our friends would be weirded out. Oh my God. Get over yourself, you weirdo. So the excuse shifted. I said quote if my boyfriend's not invited I'm not coming yeah he didn't budge here's the kicker days later my dad told me the fiance admitted she did give me permission but changed her mind when she remembered quote who would be there she denied this to my twin also one of her bridesmaids is openly gay and brought her girlfriend, but according to the fiance, quote, she's not part of the family, so it's different.

1:07:10Oh my God. I hate these people. So I didn't go. I'm still wondering if I made the wrong call. No. My absence was noticed. Good. I got texts asking where I was. My mom had to explain it repeatedly. I hope she said the truth. So instead of avoiding attention, my absence became the story. Yay! Take that, loser! My relationship with my twin is dead. Good. And some family ties now feel fragile. A part of me wonders, should I have sucked it up and gone solo? No. Just to preserve bonds that shaped my early life? No. So, am I the asshole for skipping the wedding. Absolutely not. No. And I love, I love that the wedding was made about where are you?

1:08:02Yeah. Like, take that. Oh, he wasn't invited because his boyfriend was excluded. No, he wasn't invited because, he wasn't invited. No, no, no, that's not it. No, he wasn't invited because he's gay. Well, yeah, yeah. But I'm saying like, the main thing is, but that's like, she's homophobic and the brother's not supportive slash by not being supportive and is there for kind of roped into the homophobic category on the Venn diagram. Yeah. I just I if I was the mom, I would have just said it like that because that's exactly what it is. And it's absolutely ridiculous. And that's why I'm like, oh, you shouldn't question the ties that are fragile or shaky now, because what happened was ridiculous.

1:08:45That was awful. And you shouldn't have to deal with that or people that will treat you that way or people that are OK with that treatment. That's not that's not how no, it's not how you want to live your life. So I don't think you did anything wrong. No, I don't either. I mean, this is insane. This is such a fair boundary to have. You're not going to let me bring my partner. Yeah, you're not supporting me. They're together. They've been together for years. Yeah, like they are being very homophobic and discriminatory. Yeah, towards their brother whose family. And they even say that where it's like for the bride.

1:09:20to have a bridesmaid that's gay bringing her girlfriend it's different she's not a part of the family yeah oh so it'll be you'll be friends with a gay person but you don't want one in your family what what how does that make any fucking sense and like i hope that that friend knows what the bride is like because that's not someone i'd want to be friends with yeah absolutely fair boundary you should not regret not going you are not the asshole they kind of created this day and like yeah it is odd that the groom's twin isn't there like I don't know how they didn't put two and two together that like if you exclude him that's gonna be a bigger story yeah exactly that's why I'm just like those are such good consequences it like made its way all the way around like you were trying to claim that you just didn't want the attention not to be on you guys.

1:10:12And then that's what happened by you trying to control the situation. Yeah. Very true. Yeah. Top comment on this one with 34 ,000 upvotes. Oh, wow. You came out to your dad, got gaslit by your twin, got lied to by the fiance and still tried to make peace. Yeah. You did more than enough. They chose drama, not you. That's the other thing. about this whole story. Fiance gave him permission. Bring boyfriend. It's your choice. Yep. Pros and cons either way. Then lied to the brother. Bullshit. I never said that. Ridiculous. So she's manipulative. You just, brother, you just found out she lied to you.

1:10:57What's going on here? Yeah. I don't like it. Especially because they literally asked, do you have a plus one? And the fact that they were like, you need to wear a suit that matches the groomsmen, but you're not in the wedding party. then why do I have to wear a matching suit exactly no no wear what you want dude weird but on a positive note I really really like that the dad was not acting like an asshole yeah seems like he was not as OP expected him to respond like I it was hard to kind of gauge what his reaction was but it seemed more on the positive side than on the negative side I agree like very surprising for OP even to be like he was kind of indifferent or whatever the word was like yeah that is in my head a positive thing yeah versus like I'm never talking to you again there are quite a few comments from OP but nothing that adds like any new context for us just kind of like clarifying with people like I did clear this with her my brother really wasn't in charge of planning the wedding so I really ran everything by her and then it got to my brother like I do think that's a little bit of a thing like you probably should have had them both in the conversations because it is your brother and clearly she's an unreliable narrator and historian but I think this kind of worked itself out the best it could given the unfortunate family and keep doing you like you don't deserve that and it is a fair boundary to put down Mm-hmm.

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1:13:11Grab a Billy razor in your favorite color in store or at mybilly.com. Okay, so this next one coming from True Off My Chest, three days old, titled, I hate my wife's dead friend. Whoa. My wife is grieving the loss of her best friend. We'll call her Sally. She was one of her closest friends who she had known since elementary school. I know she's devastated, really hurting, but I hated the lady since the moment I met her. Oh my God. Sally was always jealous of my wife, embarrassed that her career wasn't as big as hers. She got married and had kids young, but then got divorced young. She was constantly belittling my wife, making her the butt of the joke in every situation.

1:14:01My wife is chubbier, but still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Sally would act like she's Jabba the Hutt. She was clearly envious of the fact I treat my wife better than any man had treated her, and she acts like my wife should be punished for it. She was not a good person at all, and frankly, good riddance to her. I'm upset that my wife is hurting so deeply and is left with a lot of mess to clean up. Sally has family, but they don't know her as well as my wife, so she's helping pick up whatever slack she can. She was always so gracious with Sally. I don't know how she does it, because she typically has a very low tolerance for passive aggressiveness.

1:14:42I know Sally has affected her self-image and the things she says get to her. Now she's left with this heavy grief on top of that. I'm doing the best I can to support her. I love her with everything I've got. I just had to get this off my chest because I don't want my personal frustrations to interfere with being there for my wife. All this is just a reminder that she is a better person than I am and I'm lucky to have her. I did not see it going there like I really thought you thought OP was gonna be kind of an asshole yeah wow I know I mean I feel like for him he's definitely gonna kind of have to set a boundary for himself where like his feelings for Sally and how terrible she was don't affect him supporting his wife which it seems like he's doing and he recognizes he needs to so hopefully he can keep having that boundary it's hard because like they didn't just have like a falling out because she wasn't a good friend and a good person right like she just died and so it's just like damn well you can't be like she's a bad person cut her off now you just have to support her through this grief and you can't really say anything because it would just make it 10 times worse right no exactly and then I'm sure that she's gonna continue to talk about her even more because there's a lot of things that remind her of her and the anniversary so yeah I think that um OP is gonna just have to learn how to accept that and be able to support her because what like what else is there to do no I know just kind of a crazy one top comment on it what a beautiful sentiment you are safe to rant here and your wife sounds like an amazing woman oh and that is like all the positive in this like that last line all of this is just a reminder that she's a better person than I am and I'm lucky to have her that's so sweet like yeah good for him for setting that boundary between his feelings and like letting it out so he can better support her yeah definitely that's just that's really sweet in the darkness of this story but okay feels like we're done with this one.

1:17:01Moving along. I've got this one from Am I the Asshole, four hours old at the time I found it, titled, Am I the Asshole for not inviting a friend to my significant other's birthday trip? Hi, I'm a 35 female and my significant other is 36 male. I planned a birthday cottage trip for him and invited all the people he wanted on it, mostly his friends and a few of mine that he adores. He particularly asked for one of my friends to not be invited because he does not like her energy and is of the opinion she is envious. Multiple times she has tried to buy clothes, jewelry, bags, shoes after seeing them on me.

1:17:43Exactly the same things. I hang out with her in a group setting only since a couple of years ago. She found out through someone who mentioned it in passing that they are looking forward to the cottage trip. She reached out to me and asked me why I am trying to kick her out of the friend group, and she is always left alone. How do I respond? Am I the asshole? See, I don't, I feel like I don't have enough evidence of this friend. Like, does he really, like, what does she do besides buy the same things? Like, maybe she just thinks they're cute I feel like all of us are always sharing links to clothes or shoes that we like so I don't really have enough context because I'm like if she was continuously bringing down the group and there was always a drama because of it then I think that's super fair but I'm like I don't know I guess like if they all hang out in group settings all the time and you just like exclude one person that is hurtful so yeah I'd feel I'd feel snubbed I'd feel sad about it yeah so that's why I'm like is she we're not getting enough like contacts like so OP does clarify okay in a comment wanted to clarify a couple things firstly though I appreciate your candor secondly I should have elaborated more I was trying to give a small example of envy where it has been noticed that a lot of things that I owned were later on bought by her after seeing them on me.

1:19:10I agree. It is very complimentary if it happens in passing or a few times here and there, but this has happened countless times. To provide more examples, in the past, they tried to date one of my exes, which I didn't think that much into before because it was 10 years ago, but now I am. If I start learning a new skill, pick up a new hobby, she has joined the exact same. The frequency of these occurrences have increased in the recent past. Hope this provides more context. Lastly, wanted to clarify, we did not invite everyone but her. On my side of friends, my significant other invited only a couple of friends that he has one-on-one relationships with.

1:19:52Does that help your judgment on this one? Yeah, I guess and that's what you say back to her. I mean, do you not want to be friends with her anymore? Like, maybe you should have a conversation too. I know. Honestly, though, it kind of sounds like a scary conversation to have given like, well, it's giving like a little bit of like, she's kind of like stalking. Yeah. Is that too far to date your ex, to copy everything you buy and wear, to learn all the new skills you're learning and join these classes? Like, like you, you want to be me. You want to be me yeah you want to be me like it's it's a little scary yeah I've seen too many true crime things though lately I'm in a dark place but that's where I jump I'm like something's a little fishy here but if you told her what would you say I mean I don't that's a good point like what'd you say I don't want to be friends with you anymore No not like that but just kind of Maybe That's a good question I don't know what do you say I know what do you say It's easier to do the slow fade And just like not include her in stuff Right but what do you respond back to her When she's asking I mean you can just Tell her it's not everybody Just the people that he has a One on one relationship with She's going to try to have a one on one relationship with him then I know Well, and that's what opie said like to clarify again.

1:21:20It's not just her that's excluded So I think you could say that I just say like, oh my god. No, like Not trying to do that at all. Like This is just who my fiance is My significant other is really close with Yeah, like that's all there is to it. Yeah, i'm just wondering like how much relationship is there because maybe it's worth being like Hey, I feel kind of weird that you always copy me but don't mention anything thing like if you if you like my stuff that's great but it almost feels it just feels a little bit off yeah and then kind of like open up the door and like see if she actually is saying or not you know yeah I think that would be a good way to do it just be like but like do you need to address it now no because I kind of like say go and have a fun trip but like maybe in the future I'm like if they have a one-on-one relationship then like maybe that's worth it but it's like they're only hanging out in groups.

1:22:17I do really like the top response. Okay, let's hear it. Not the asshole. Quote, this is partner's birthday trip. He invited his closest friends. Yeah. Fair enough. Next one down says not the asshole. Just say there were limited spots and because it's for his birthday, he selected them. Then move on to the next topic. It's hard because like I wish it was that easy, but knowing this person's vibe, like I feel like they're not going to make it that easy to move on but like you can't say you didn't try and then if you have to address other things like the copying then you can get into that i could be on board for that yeah okay how old are they again 35 female and 36 male they're old enough to not have this drama yeah no i think you're you definitely have a right to just go on a trip and invite who you want to like it would just be weird no matter what age though if it was like everyone from the group setting besides one then it's pretty it stands out so it's like you almost kind of have to like address it somehow but like if it's not everyone from the whole group and just people who he has a one-on-one relationship with then no problem at all yeah yeah i'm with you this episode is brought to you by revolve if you're looking at your closet right now thinking no none of this is working Just go to Revolve.

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1:24:20So you keep what you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees. Okay, one last one for us here. Lauren found it. I'm going in. I got no idea. I she teased the title as we were sitting here off camera trying to pick the last story and All of the titles were so good A lot of them will probably be going to patreon We got to do a boundaries theme over there. I think this one i'm going to tease it to you guys And I don't know why name issues is coming up a lot But it's would I be the asshole for refusing to name my child after my wife's deceased dog?

1:24:59I you should have teased the other one that other one. I'm like really curious about Am I the asshole for telling my youngest daughter she may not post a video of me having a hot flash? I'm curious. I'm very curious about that one. Okay. Well, here we go with Lauren's because I, you guys are going to hear the title. You'd be like, good choice, guys. Good choice. So this is coming from Am I the asshole, five years old, titled, am I the asshole for demanding my fiancee tell his co-workers that he will not be renewing his vows with his work wife when they return to the office? Brutal. Hell no. My fiancee Mark works closely with a woman, Megan.

1:25:42They both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. I've never had a problem with this. They don't really interact outside of work. We've been working from home the last several weeks. I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly Zoom meeting. During that meeting, people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiance and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as work wife and work husband. Then someone suggested that my fiance and Megan should renew their vows when everyone is back in office.

1:26:24Yeah. Mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at Office Depot. I left the living room in tears while he continued oblivious to how I was feeling. I confronted him after the call and said I felt humiliated. Our wedding was supposed to be in September, but we've had to postpone it and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule. And here he is talking about renewing his vows to someone from work. Wild. Mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal. He tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around about how teleworking is ruining work-wife relationships.

1:27:05Good. I said the term work-wife itself is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife. I demanded that at his next meeting, he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them that he will not be renewing his vows with Megan because he is engaged to marry someone else. I said he also - Writes it out on a piece of paper and makes him recite it. I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses. He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues. I said, quote, oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed?

1:27:48I would never know what that's like. He called me an asshole. Now that I've cooled down a little bit, I need to figure out if I overreacted. Am I the asshole? No. No, but I will say going back on to a work call and announcing, I will not be renewing. No, that's a little too much. But what I do think the part that's very valid is to say to your coworkers like, hey, guys, I really don't find it appropriate. The work wife term. So if you guys could refrain from saying that, please. Yeah, that's super fair, especially going forward. Like, hey, I'm getting married soon. You know, I got a missus at home now.

1:28:28Yeah. Got to set some boundaries at work here. you know can't have two wives ha ha you don't have to get serious with it at all you can make it a whole joke and just it being like i'm a married man now i'm off the market at work yeah make it funny yeah i don't know i mean just i i definitely think that's like super valid to ask for you know what i also would just like to know is like why do people do that when they know that somebody's in a relationship like I get that people like to use the term playfully and that there's a lot of people who don't actually mean anything romantic by it just people who work together a lot okay fine but at the same time I'm just it's so common that people cheat on people with people they're working with I know that it's almost like why is everyone around you almost seemingly encouraging it.

1:29:21Yeah. I don't, I just, it feels a little odd to me. Yeah. Even if it's playful. It's one of those fires I don't like to stir. Yeah. I just think it's not worth it. Like be buddy, buddy. It's not funny enough to be worth it. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I don't know, like why not, why not brother and sister? Why does it automatically resort to wife and husband? Yes. Why can't it be siblings? It's my work, bro. That's so fair. Like that's so fair. You can have as many siblings as you want. Justin, you'd go from only child to siblings. Yeah. But like if he came back and was like, yeah, I got a new work wife.

1:29:57I'd be like, the fuck you don't. Yeah. No, for real. It's so silly to some people. But to me, it's just a sign of like basic respect. Like, yeah, it would piss me off. And I think with wife, there's almost this implied flirting, a crossing of boundaries, a little too casual. Maybe the professionalism of a work colleague has been lost because oh we're wife and husband like yeah I don't know I feel like it's a slippery slope yeah you don't need to be a little penguin like you stay up on the rocks you you don't go out on that iceberg I've never heard that that's funny I don't even know I don't know I'm just like I sound like a penguin oh my god that was horrific no I like that whole thing that you just did I liked it all you know when I was coming out of anesthesia no for my surgery what happened the only thing i can't remember if i talked about it on an episode or patreon the only thing that was in my head me well it was your birthday the next day nice and i actually was panicked that i would be too messed up and i'd forget it but i it was good but no i kept rapping happy feet the penguin song oh you know how you've seen the movie happy feet about penguins yeah but i don't tap damon's and penguin can you sing it for me don't push me because i'm close to the edge and i'm trying not to lose my head wow it doesn't even ring a bell that's really good maybe it's the way that it's the way yeah 100 it's the way top comment on this one just kidding everyone sucks here which i will agree with now that i've had a second to sit with it i was gonna say not the asshole, but then I had to really think about how she was like, you're getting back on that Zoom call.

1:31:43That's a little overboard. Okay, so top comment. Everyone sucks here. I think the whole work wife thing is disrespectful and silly, but you did overreact to what was obviously a joke. He's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone or registering at Office Depot, and forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him and making work spouses is going to make a mountain out of a molehill and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person just ask him to stop joking around I don't I think it's really fair like if if my boyfriend was like oh yeah everyone calls the girl I work with my work wife I'd be like tell them to stop yeah here's my thing but like the way that she went about it like going and announcing like Like, guys, that's not gonna happen.

1:32:31Town hall. Need everyone here. Next. Yeah. Next office meeting. Get it in the minutes. It's in the minutes. Yep. Calling off the wedding. Divorced, bitch. We're done. Like, that's just so, so aggressive. And also just like, it could be really like awkward and interfering with like the whole company morale. So I just think that I agree. I think that there's a good way to say like, hey, guys, like, let's stop using that term. Yeah. OP does respond to that top comment. No, they were actually planning on how to do it. Like where in the office to hold the ceremony and reception, etc. Oh my God. My fiance was fully on board planning.

1:33:12What? Meanwhile, I have to nag him to constantly help me reschedule our actual wedding plans. These are red flags. I don't know if Megan's the biggest problem. someone goes in that case not an asshole for asking that he don't go through with it but it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone maybe ask him to talk to megan separately and tell her it's only a joke and won't be doing a ceremony is she sure that they were gonna do a ceremony that's like weird it's i mean she was crying like she heard the whole conversation but like but did she verify that with her partner or is she just overheard it on the call yeah but they might have just been sarcastic like you really think that they were gonna like walk down the aisle and stop I have a really hard time judging sarcasm I'm super gullible so for me if I was overhearing this on a call even if it's jokey I'd be like oh it's a bit but they're gonna stick to it yeah hearing this I would have assumed oh they're doing it I just they're gonna get a cake they're gonna like make a veil out of like toilet paper from the bathroom.

1:34:25I just think that would be such a weird thing. Exactly. That's why it's like hard for me to believe like that anybody in an office setting would set that up. Like I know where are the where's management like HR are they agreeing to this? Like yeah. Is that in the budget? Oh my god. It's not fiscally responsible. Yeah. So someone responds have you considered looking into their relationship? Usually the whole work wife thing doesn't come about unless both participants are flirting and hanging out a lot at work. I'd be more worried about that than being embarrassed of it. Strange priorities. True.

1:34:58Well, OP responds. Okay. Oh, believe me. I want to find out more now. It got downvoted 218 times. OP did? Mm-hmm. Why? People are like, girl, you need to focus on your relationship with your father. and why he's balking at your wedding planning and stop focusing on the work wife thing. If you keep traveling down the path of accusing something going on with his coworker, you're going to breed resentment between both of you. Give awkward vibes to his work. Instead, if you focus on why you feel so insecure to begin with and tackle that problem together as a team, I promise that you will feel like any work relationship he has is not a threat on your super insecure relationship.

1:35:42But as of right now, your angle for the other woman is not very flattering on you and is very hard to empathize and sympathize with. This, that feels a little harsh. I think it's fair for someone to be uncomfortable by the work wife thing. I mean, based on this conversation that we were just told, as it's being told to us, obviously we might need the other side. It would make me really unhappy. I wouldn't love it. But I do think there's a point where it's like, you guys, like, you're saying he's not helping with your wedding. You're saying. Yeah, no, you do have some issues to address. Right. But I feel like.

1:36:22That might have been. That comment was just like saying that she's. Super insecure. Yeah, and going to lose him and all this other stuff. And it's just like, wait, I thought we were looking into, is he even there with you? Like, are you guys on the same page? Do you guys both want the same things? I thought that's what we were looking at. Not this like, get it together and don't be insecure because it's not a good look on you. What? Like call judging based on the only context we have. I read all the comments from OP. That's all we got. There's no update on the account. It is five years old. It's crazy to think about that.

1:36:59This was during COVID times. Feels like a lifetime ago, but yet yesterday at the same time. 100%. It's so weird. If OP is out there and you hear this, I'd love an update. Would love that. Did you guys get married? Did he renew his vows with Megan? Was Megan at your wedding? Like how did this all go down? I'd love to know Maybe they converted Megan from work wife to best man And then maybe the two of them went to a cabin together And then slept in the woods Shit That just happened on the Patreon episode I did with Michaela One of the guy friends was the best man of honor Man of honor for the bride Okay got it And on the bachelorette trip, he was invited.

1:37:45Oh, no. No. It's crazy. No. Wait, did they sleep with their clothes on? I'm gonna... We had one of those, too. Did I tell you my high school ex-boyfriend told me that when he was breaking up with me? No. Oh, my God. He went to his buddy's cabin. And this girl that was, like, always kind of mean to me, they shared a bed. But they kept their clothes on, so they didn't do anything. Find out later. They did? They did stuff. Oh, that's so... I was really hoping to believe him. Because, you know, like, back in that time, you would share, like... Yeah. Like, tight spaces. Yeah. I was really hoping he would come through.

1:38:27I know. God damn it. My first love. I dated him freshman year. That's just so mean. Tough, tough, tough L. Especially because she was mean to you. That makes me mad. I know. That was the hardest part. I'm like, why did it have to be her? See, that's what, like, I think that... anyone else who what was that what was op's megan no no no the other one that said that he didn't like her friend who who passed away sally see that's what i want like when i'm dating someone like i want him to be like if he sees someone being mean to me like he's protective over me like he has my best interests and so whenever i hear stories of like a guy cheating on his partner with the girl that was mean to her, I'm like, that is low.

1:39:12That is so low. Pick anyone else. Not my bully. Not my bully. That's all I got for you guys. Woo! Woo! Woo! Morgan's so happy that she gets to go home and go to bed. Yeah, one step closer to bed. Also, I'm looking at this. This is the last episode of August, which means the next time you hear from me, It'll be my wedding month I know I have so much homework I still have to get going on my prenup It's just a whole thing I got a lot on my to-do list I need to buy my flight It was so cheap the other day It was literally like$200 round trip What are you doing? Why are you procrastinating? I was waiting to get the thumbs up That I could work from home And be gone for two weekends Did you get approved?

1:40:04yeah so I'm gotta get on kayak I know now I just need to figure out like where I'm gonna stay for part of that you got it you can come up to Duluth it's gonna be a good time yeah I'll figure something out yeah yeah yeah yeah thank you guys so much for being here head over to patreon if you want more stuff Lauren's on two bonus episodes this month one is with Justin it's a trio that one was really good that was like one of my favorite episodes we've done in a while it was like very deep divey and the stories were crazy and the other one getting which stories they were I always like blink after no it was the one where um she wrote in she was like my husband accused me of killing his sister oh that was a crazy episode it was nuts yeah and then the one I recorded tonight with Michaela was like my boyfriend is the man of honor am I overreacting and it just was so head over there but other than that love you all and until next time until next time bye guys.

1:41:02Bye.

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