234: Friendship Failures..

31:18Therefore you, you're not allowed to have this type of communication. And if you are going to do that, I need to meet this girl that you need to like sit this girl in front of you and like pick up on the vibes. You want to see them with each other, how they interact. I mean, right. Absolutely. If Justin had a friend that he wouldn't let me meet, I'd be so weirded out by that. Like everyone's intended to have their own friends. Like you don't need to like be friends as a couple all the time but when I literally can't meet her that would be weird especially given all the history of him previously cheating and them dating and why did they reconnect like what was the reason to reconnect it's not like they have a lot in common yeah he's married now baby why are they reconnecting it's not like his childhood best friend that he's just always been in his life.

32:11And if it was, you would meet this girl. Exactly. I definitely think he's, it's fishy. I think he's cheating. Sweetheart, you're not overreacting. You just not. And the fact that she questions that she is like, this is divorce worthy for a lot of people. This is, this is a boundary. I would say absolutely not. And you meet her. If she's so close with you, then she's going to be close with me. We're married. And if she doesn't want to be, I think that's also a red flag. Like if you're a guy out there and you've got girlfriends and you have a girlfriend, a fiance, wife, whatever, they should also be interested in your partner and vice versa.

32:48That goes for everyone. Like otherwise it's weird. Yeah. Like a hundred percent. I mean, my guy friends, every time they get a girlfriend, I'm like, I can't wait to meet her. Let's go to happy hour. You're like pumped for them because you're excited. Exactly. You want everyone to have some love, but you want to be able to be a part of that too. If they're such a big deal in your life. I know my, one of my really good guy friends from college Ryan Altman just got engaged somewhat recently and like I met her at Tanner's wedding another one of my guy friends yeah and like getting to know their fiance's and wife and soon-to-be wife like that has been so fun it's like you get another girlfriend you get a built-in girlfriend and you know she's gonna be good because your guy friend already loves her yeah so and they're like excited to introduce you to that that should be a thing this is super weird I think I would be really documenting things and consulting with a lawyer getting your ducks in a row as sad as that is because it's like you literally just had a baby create a strong boundary come up with that and stick to it and say you need to do x y and z in order for me to be okay with this if you don't do that then sorry I'm not comfortable in my relationship anymore the second you're starting to go through your phone bill and look at who your husband's texting when you're going to deliver your baby i mean you're in a spot where you're not very secure but that's not your fault really i mean he cheated on you already uh yeah i think hard hard boundary of i'm meeting her or we really don't have a future like that's where i would be at so this was five hours ago five hours old top comment i wouldn't be concerned about the texting but about the fact that he doesn't want you to meet her that sends alarm bells ringing i'm all for individual friendships but you at least meet occasionally for a meal or something if they regularly hang out op a writer does respond that's what i'm saying i'm gonna see if there's any other comments from op yeah i feel bad for her though.

34:55And you're going through a lot. You just have a baby. Your hormones are everywhere. Your emotions are everywhere. And then you think your husband's being sketchy. Like that's kind of the worst case scenario. I'm not really seeing anything else. That's like something to write home about. The hot takes community hasn't seen it yet. Five hours old. They're not there yet. OP is a part of the four year club has been on Reddit for four years. A lot of people are like, hey, what's up with your other posts? Apparently, there's some other kinky posts that OP has throughout their history. OP did also share this post to r slash ask men advice to get guys takes and be like, hey, like, what's up with this?

35:42A lot of guys are like, the fact you're not allowed to meet her is very suspicious. Next one, if I had a platonic friendship with a woman, I'd be thrilled for her to meet my wife. So it's off. It is off. Next one goes, it's not okay. The fact he has prior history of cheating only makes it more suspicious. Add in the fact you're not allowed to meet her. Oof. Oof. Oof is right. Oh, poor thing. I know. Honestly, I feel for you, girl. You've all been there. we certainly have we've all been there it's the worst feeling and she just had a kid you know i know we're here for you girl i know i found out something it was so wild i don't remember what it was but like the twins that we dated he was cheating on me and he would have the girl climbing through the window so like his mom that was mine was that your twin my twin okay i'm like why is this ringing a bell there was like leaves on the window so i was like that's what you found yes on the window sill and when you asked me you're like did you see anyone i was like no keep in mind these twins like used to share a bedroom and we would sleep all in a bedroom together like we were roommates before we were roommates it was stop it was honestly the weirdest situation ever especially when they went to college oh god a worse and still had the twin beds in a dorm why did we date them for so long we were not okay no we've all been there we've all been there take our advice and get out earlier than later I think I got out first then you stayed in and I was like no I think I got out first because then he said he started dating that other girl in like Ashland Wisconsin oh yeah and I drove up and I took back the tv I bought him oh that was so funny I like I threw the phone I bought him at the brick wall oh that was funny she drove to Ashland Wisconsin showed up took all of her shit it was so funny and I'm like sitting there and I'm like I think I told you about her too I know because it started to get really weird and then I like was driving there for a weekend and he called me and he's like don't come he's like I fucked up again and I'm like oh my god here we go again no I just had to get like five restraining orders later online too so it's really bad for us what are you thinking hey it gets better it does you know what that was like a decade and a half ago we're doing way better now.

38:06We're thriving. I mean, you're doing better. I don't know if I am. You're finding yourself. So you're finding yourself. Yeah. If anyone is in New York and has a good, hot single friend for Sarah, you know, just saying, just saying, put it out, put it out there. Hide them. She's on the prowl. Hide them. Okay. Moving on to this next one. This episode is brought to you by Revolve. If you're looking at your closet right now thinking, no, none of this is working, just go to Revolve. I love that they have the brands I actually want. There's always something new and I can order a few options because the shipping is fast and the returns are easy.

38:45Go to revolve.com slash THT to shop my faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? sunscreen snacks a stapler the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com slash protection terms this is another one from r slash am i overreacting seven hours old this time, titled, Am I Overreacting?

39:33My 28 female boyfriend, 35 male, told me I need to maintain my body because he's a high value man. I recently moved into my boyfriend's apartment about two weeks ago, and since then I've been seeing a darker side of his personality. He has started telling me what clothes to wear, how I should style my hair, and he discourages me from going out on my own. He's also been pushing me to cut off some of my friends. Last night, he told me that I should stop eating dinner altogether because, in his words, quote, I'm a high-value man, so I can be picky with women. For context, he earns a decent salary, but he's far from being rich or a millionaire.

40:18Nothing about my weight or physique has changed since we met. I've always had an athletic build, just about 15 pounds over the ideal BMI, and he constantly used to call me sexy and beautiful. The shift feels sudden and confusing. He invited me to move in rent-free. I work and pay all of my own bills, so I don't depend on him financially. I've been with him for eight months, and this side of him didn't show up until I moved in. I feel conflicted and just need to hear other perspectives. I stopped eating dinner. Stop eating. Actually, you should stop eating. Put the fork down. I had like 30 chicken nuggets for dinner last week.

40:57That sounds incredible. I have not eaten much today. I've been like sleeping all day after a red eye to here. Yeah. So the only thing I've eaten is like a plantain bag of chips from Spotify here. I'd love a chicken nugget. That's an insecure man though. That's a him problem. She's not doing anything wrong. So insecure. Someone told me to put the fork down. I'll pick up too. I think I'd hurt. Yeah. Just a little, a little poke with that. I'd start eating in bed. Actually. Ice cream. Yep. Crumble cookies. That shit everywhere. Ben and Jerry's. they'll do whatever you want. Like that's horrible. No man should ever make you feel that way.

41:36And any guy that's calling themselves a high value man, that's kind of, that's a huge. I'm a high value man. What, what is a high value man? What does that mean? What does that mean? Yeah. Have you ever heard, Like, I've heard it before, but, like, what does it mean? Like, who would that be? Like, I can't even think of one, actually. Like, maybe Matthew McConaughey, obviously. That's a good one. Is she dating Matthew McConaughey? It doesn't seem like it because he's, yeah, he's long happily married. She would never do that to her. Okay, Google does not give me much. There's like 20 traits of a high-value man from Love Quest coaching, which seems very, I don't know, it seems a little scammy.

42:20He commits to himself and others. He loves putting forth effort for a woman. He makes plans and follows through. He calls and doesn't rely solely on text. He's a great conversationalist. He dresses and grooms himself impeccably. He smiles a lot and is positive. He doesn't chase. He attracts. He understands a woman of value can choose. His car and home are tidy. He's fun. This one feels too positive for what? No. Yeah. He knows how to seduce a woman. But like, that's what Google says. When you say that about yourself, it's like he's he means something else. We're not sure what that means, actually, when you talk about yourself that way.

43:03Well, it's starting to get like, I don't know, it's starting to get a little interesting like he locks down the next date before the current one ends when having cocktails he gets her water he shows the right amount of pda i don't know that's just called like a green flag but you don't call yourself a green flag like someone else could maybe like compliment you and say oh you're a green flag morgan but that obviously stuck with her when he said that because it's such a catching phrase it's almost like being like i'm an alpha i'm not a beta. I'm so big. I'm so strong. There is a something here.

43:41What is a high value men's salary? The mark of a true high value man is the ability to generate a six figure income consistently for at least three years in a row. You cannot be a high value man without money. And there is a low value man. So I don't know. This is a big, big thing. I just feel like when you say it about yourself though It just gives you the I mean obviously he gave her the She went straight to Reddit and was like Guys please give me A little bit more this was bad right It's bad I also think it's really really Concerning that this side Of him didn't show until she moved in Yeah it's progressing And it's like once he kind of had her like really Locked up then he's like okay I'm gonna let the mask slip a little bit I'll start controlling you a little bit.

44:33We'll see what I can get away with. Yeah. Because he's like testing her. Yeah. It's different when he like shows up harder, the more intimate you are, the longer you're dating, things like that, the more you fall in love with someone. But it looks like he's just becoming more controlling and it's kind of, I think it's a little bit insecure to label yourself like that. I think so. It seems like you're almost like compensating in a way. it's good to respect yourself and be like I have good qualities I feel like I could show up for someone like this but then you just do it you don't have to tell them you're doing it very very true you just are you just do it you don't need to state yeah it's like um just reminds me of like you see people in the comments they're like I'm leaving and it's like this is not an airport you don't need to announce your departure yeah and it's kind of that same thing it's like Like if you are those things, like demonstrate it.

45:32Like the proof is in the pudding. Actions speak louder than words. You saying you're a high value man. What does that mean? What does that? What? I don't know. It's not like a household term. It's not at all. It's a red flag term. It's a huge red flag. I usually have a red flag. I should have brought it from LA. Spotify. We need a red flag in here. I know. This is not my set. Also, you guys were. I think we're on Amy Poehler's set today. Hey, Amy. What's up, girl? Hey, you can come join me sometime too. Yeah. So top comment on this one, not overreacting, get out of there. He is a manipulator who is just masking his real intentions.

46:17The more you become dependent on him, the more he will let the mask slip. He was love bombing you before. Now that you've moved in, he feels he can start to be a bit more demanding. His next step in progress is isolating you from your friends. He would probably also eventually encourage you to become financially dependent as well. Like you only need to work part time since you don't have to pay rent so that you would be unable to leave. Feeling entitled to control what you eat and how you dress and who you see is an extremely bad sign. And I forgot about the who you see. This person in the comments has definitely dated a man like this.

46:54Oh, very like hearing this story with some triggers and experience and is like, oh my God, my alarm bells are ringing for you. Yeah. And I kind of skipped over that line too. Like he's also pushing me to cut off some of my friends. Why? That's such an abuser tactic. Oh, like they're a bad influence on you. Because then that person's like more isolated. and doesn't have anywhere to turn. And they're probably trying to cut off the best influence they have, actually. Yeah. The person that would be like, red flag, sweetheart, get out. Yes. Whoever's in this comments, basically. Yeah, the person that literally threatens them and their control and their image the most.

47:36Yeah. Ooh. Oh, honey. This comment does go on to say, you hear this kind of thing happening with some couples where one person drops the act and becomes more harsh and demanding after they get married to knowing that their partner will feel like they've invested too much or feel too much social pressure to do something about it. It is good that he let the mask slip too early while you are still financially independent. Oh yeah. And also anyone using that high value manosphere nonsense is also a red flag. We called it. You were on it, Sarah. yeah i'm gonna see if there's any comments from op nothing yet so true though it's probably gonna progress at least she is financially stable she has her own stuff he's moving her in though oh you can't yeah you gotta move out you gotta break up we'll need an update i mean I personally like hearing all the things like cutting off from friends control all these these red flags I personally wouldn't give him another chance but I'm curious if like I don't know is there a way to work through this is there a way to like set a boundary and be like hey I don't appreciate you telling me what I can and can't eat that's a boundary for me like I don't see a way to work forward through this.

48:58I'm curious if anyone does. I mean, it's how you feel, right? If he's telling her that and that's how it makes her feel, she needs to listen to herself. Doesn't make her feel good. That's not what a partner is supposed to be doing. No. And that's not how they're supposed to be showing up for you at all. No. Moving along. Moving along to this next one. But we've got no comments or updates from OP. I would really, really like an update OP, especially making sure you are safe and got out okay. Because again, this one's only seven hours old. Yeah. Seven hours old. Okay. Up next. Okay. I'm going to give you a choice on this next one.

49:38Okay. Okay. Option one, am I the asshole for wanting a divorce after my husband gaslit me into believing him flirting with a coworker was okay because I was just hormonal? Or am I the asshole for going behind my wife's back and telling her pregnant sister that she's being cheated on? Second one. Second one? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I need to know more. Yeah. I've been married to my wife for three years. I'm 27 and she's 26. My sister-in-law is 30 and my piece of shit brother-in-law is 31. I've always had a close relationship with my sister-in-law. We are friends. Also had a decent connection between my brother-in-law.

50:23Not that close, but we often talk and get along. My wife and her sister didn't get along as much as you would expect from siblings. It wasn't just normal sibling rivalry, but constant fights and arguments. Anyways, three weeks ago, when I was having dinner with my friends, I saw my brother-in-law with another woman. They were just eating. I didn't think much of it. I wanted to go and greet him, but I kept talking to my friends. After a while, I saw that he gave a light kiss to this woman. I was so shocked. I decided to not confront him, and when I got back to my home, I told my wife everything.

51:00I told her that her sister is getting cheated on, and we need to tell her. My wife said we should talk to my brother-in-law instead of telling her sister, and we should not break their marriage because her sister is pregnant. I was like, what the fuck? So what if she's pregnant? Her husband is a cheat. I tried to convince my wife multiple times that we should tell her sister the truth. I told her that I know you guys don't get along, but she's still your sister and this isn't right. But she asked me to stay out of it. Not no. I tried my best to convince my wife, but she either ignored me or said we shouldn't break their marriage.

51:44I had enough of her and yesterday I told her that I'm coming clean to my sister-in-law. She and I have a great bond and I can't and won't betray her. My wife said if I tell her the truth, she will not talk to me. I replied, I won't talk to you either if you don't want to do what's right. Today, I told my sister-in-law the truth. I went to her place and told her everything. She was doubtful, and she asked me to leave. After a few hours, my sister-in-law called me, and she was crying and said what I said was the truth, and she shouldn't have doubted me, and kicked me out. She said she's leaving him.

52:24I asked her, where would you go? Do you have money? She said she does, but not that much. I wired her a bit and said she should call me if she needs help and she thanked me and she said she will only use the money I sent if it's necessary otherwise she will return it. My brother-in-law called my wife and well my wife lashed on to me and said I ruined her family and her sister's life. I said I thought the moment we got married your family is mine and my family is yours. Anyways why the fuck are you defending that piece of shit so much? What about your sister? She didn't reply to me and she's not talking to me either.

53:02I tried to talk to her and convince her that it was the right thing to do, but she wouldn't talk to me. So I said, fine, stay angry. And if you want a divorce, then go ahead. I think I have nuked my marriage. Do not know if I did what was truly right. Am I the asshole? Wow. I mean, loyalty obviously leads for this person, which there's something to respect about that. It's a big deal to do obviously what this person did but in good ways and in bad I mean it's just tough I feel horrible for this person because obviously had big emotions behind this and like how would she feel if this person was cheating on her wouldn't she want someone to tell you I mean I think she's just looking out for her sister because she's pregnant I know but like at the same time I don't know like even with pregnancy like it was kind of giving the vibe to me that like even after the baby was here that she still like wasn't gonna say anything because she's like I don't want to break up the marriage like we can't break up the marriage we can't ruin her marriage and it's like what marriage he doesn't care about the marriage he's kissing other girls in public restaurants that's sad and that's obviously progressed you would think I mean And you would think you start behind closed doors and then you go out in public.

54:26But yeah, it was meant to be that he obviously saw him doing it. Very brazen, actually, when you think about it. And the coincidence to like end up at that restaurant and like, I didn't go up and say hi right away. And good thing he didn't because they probably would have left. He never would have saw the kiss. I respect it, though. Honestly, I probably would do it. Tell. Yeah, I would, too. I just don't think I could help myself. And then also what family dynamic if you just feel like you're keeping secrets from each other all the time. There's no family bond there then? Like there's no family loyalty?

55:02Like your family is supposed to have your back? Yeah. And it's so interesting to me that like the wife kind of has the brother-in-law's back more. So funny. And like the brother-in-law called her and was like, your husband, blah, blah, blah. It's like, why do you feel comfortable enough to call her? I'm like then then here's where my head goes down the rabbit hole and I'm like they've they've hooked up I'm like they've hooked up I'm like they have to right like why is she defending him so hard yeah they're they're cheating too she's hooked up with him I'm spiraling family orgy I'm spiraling I mean I honestly did you say family orgy family orgy oh my god I mean that's tough though I I just can't help myself.

55:50I feel any friend or anyone I've had that their significant other was cheating. I always tell them. Yeah, I always I can't hold back. I mean, when marriage is involved, someone's pregnant, it's tough. But I tell I just I can't help it. I'm the same way. I, I like have a really big, like justice like thing. Yes. It's like, it's like, I just like really value justice. Yeah. And I think that's why I like, I get so upset with a lot of these stories where I'm just like the injustice of it all. I do the right thing. Well, and I also realized something about myself with like true crime podcast and having another podcast now, like doing true crime.

56:30Yeah. The reason I'm so interested in it is because I want to see justice get served yes i didn't realize like what it was that drew me to true crime but it's like it is that justice factor of it yes absolutely so i get it i mean we've had plenty of friends that have i mean we've our boyfriends have cheated on us and not justin justin's a good one uh but we always told each other you know we always told each other and it's kind of like i I just, I mean, and when it's a marriage, they really should know. She should, especially pregnant because if he gets something, like if he gets an STD and then is still sleeping with her while she's pregnant, that is not good for the baby.

57:14No. We talked about it on a past episode and like a bunch of nurses chimed in and like, we're like, oh my God, the baby can get this, this and this. And I'm like, oh my God. That's such a good point. Like she needs to know. Yes. Because even more so because she's pregnant. I love how they just hop on the internet. They're like, I feel like I nuked my marriage. Like, what does the internet think? I mean, it's just so crazy. It's like, don't you want to like ensure your sister's good? And I get like, you fought with her. You haven't been as close, but like to prioritize this brother-in-law and you're picking brother-in-law over your husband.

57:49And not even wanting to know more. If he came to me and said that I'd be like, okay, You need to do some investigating and figure out if this, you know, if it's serious or how far along, you know, if it's just like a one time meet up peck. I mean, it doesn't justify it either way, but I would do so much investigating. I'd have like a notebook on it and be like, we know every detail and then we're going to go to her. I'm so curious what the wife found. Because initially when she didn't believe him and like kicked him out and then called him back and was like, you were right. I wonder what she found.

58:20It's a phone bill. Those phone bills. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. Your wife's stance regarding cheating is worrisome. Also, why did the piece of shit call your wife? A normal reaction would have been to confront you directly. Next comment down. I wonder if his wife knew about it and kept it a secret because her sister is pregnant and that's why her brother-in-law called her instead of OP. That's a good point. Other comment. Me thinks the wife is protesting too much. she either knows about it or is one of the side pieces. I'm clocking it, y 'all. Or is one of the side pieces. Why?

59:00Why else act like this? Why are you going to pick his side? And just like immediately shut it down too. Be like, nope. No, it's fine. Nope. Let him cheat. Can't say a word. Let him keep having sex with other people. That's not my sister. Break up the family. Because that means she's also breaking up with him too. Oh my God. Yeah, she wants to keep her person close maybe. Yeah. I mean, if that's what you're doing, you probably would. Uh-huh. OP does respond to some of the comments. Someone goes, sounds like your wife supports cheaters and that should be worrying to you, not the asshole. OP goes, I thought about it and I am concerned about it, but I somewhat think she just wanted me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant and it will cause more stress.

59:42That's just what I think. But the truth is, if I hide it and support my wife, I'm in the wrong. If I tell her the truth after she gives birth, then I'm still in the wrong. Someone goes, not the asshole. If I were you, I would sleep with one eye open. Your wife has no moral standards. And OP goes, I truly have been thinking about this, that she just might be dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Like 10 dots. But I love and trust my wife. And I was thinking she wanted me to not tell her because my sister-in-law is pregnant and women knows how stressful pregnancy and after pregnancy is and she might have thought that she needs support from her husband.

1:00:21I don't know. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. There was nothing for me to suspect her of cheating on me. He's going there. He's going there. He's going there. I would too. Well, we get an update. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms.

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1:01:34We get an update. It's been a few days since I told my wife's sister that her husband is a cheat. just to clarify to all the weirdos. No, I am not in love with my sister-in-law. I don't have any inappropriate relation or feelings for her. I respect her and she's my family. In any case, yesterday I asked my wife why she is pissed and wanted me to not reveal the truth to her sister. I know you guys hate each other, but you guys are siblings. My wife said it's not our place to interfere. I asked, are you okay with your sister being cheated on? She said she isn't, but it will and has ruined their marriage because of my stupidity.

1:02:10She's pregnant and the child needs his father and so does the wife. I was so shocked when she said this. Like, what the fuck? I asked her, if I were to cheat on you, would you forgive me? She said yes. I also asked her, if she ever cheats on me, would she hide it from me? She also said yes to that. Wow. Wow. So, I mean, that would tell me everything I need to know. I would be like, you're kidding me. She probably has then, basically. Yeah. Who just... Who says that? Who says that? Yeah. I would lie to you. Yeah, I'd hide it. And that's your wife. You can't trust her at all. What is going on with this woman?

1:02:54I'm like, did she get a concussion? Like, what is... Yeah, what is going on? Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's scary. That's really scary. She has. She absolutely... There's no doubt in my mind. something's up. I was so shocked I asked her if she knows what she's saying. She said yes and she's confident. Just because you had sex with someone else doesn't mean everyone else has to suffer and break the family. I had no words to say. I told her that I also sent my sister-in-law money. She started screaming at me and said I shouldn't have helped her despite knowing she doesn't like her sister. I said if that's what she thinks then it's better if we just divorce.

1:03:31she got angry and screamed fine and started packing her bag. I tried my best to stop her from leaving. I told her that I love her and I just did what I felt was right. Nobody has to suffer betrayal like this. She said it wasn't the right time. I asked her, so when should we tell her the truth? After she gives birth? Because it will worsen her PPD or years after she gives birth. She will still just blame us. She said we should have kept quiet and left it alone. I tried so hard to stop her, but she didn't listen to me and left. I tried to contact her and her parents, her friends, but they don't know where she is, and instead started interrogating me and saying I am her husband and I should have taken care of her and I should know where she is.

1:04:10I even visited my brother-in-law to confirm my suspicions, but I didn't see her or her belongings anywhere. Wow. Wow. So he had the same thought. That's insane. i mean i'm just shocked like what is going on with his family he has good intuition obviously but like yeah i'm just shocked that this is the first conversation he had with his wife that makes him realize wow she's she has different moral values than me like yeah i would just lie to you i'd cheat on you not tell you not a big sense of integrity is that the first convo they had about this though. I mean, I'm very curious. That is quite the red flag.

1:04:58Oh my God. Oh, OP does end the update. Now I'm at my parents and my sister-in-law is in our home. Maybe I was being petty, but I hate that my wife gave up on me and left without a second thought. I don't know whether she's cheating or cheated, or she would truly cheat on me and her own blood sister with a family relative over feuds. One thing is for sure, though, I cannot trust my wife anymore. She hurt me. Yeah. Send yourself. Seriously. You cannot trust her. If my husband was like, you know, would you lie to me if you cheated on me? I'd probably say I would never cheat on you. I would never cheat on you.

1:05:39Not just. Yeah, I would lie to you. That's the craziest thing. There's big. Yeah. And what about it? yeah I would lie for sure I would I feel like even people that cheat lie about cheating yes like you know what I mean like in if a if a cheater was having that same conversation a normal cheater would be like no I'd never I'd no babe like I wouldn't cheat like yeah I've if something happened of course I'd tell you I would never lie to you like they would just gaslight you and say no I would never cheat on you I'm like yeah I would tell you as they're like cheating on you probably not that i'm hoping for gaslighting here but i mean we're just going down a rabbit hole right now but also i'm so surprised that she didn't given that she like clearly is so emotionally disconnected anyways she's just saying whatever oh oh my god dang this is crazy this is some crazy family drama i know it also sounds like their relationship is kind of rocky with how they're like communicating and like I want a divorce.

1:06:43Well, fine, you can have it. And then it's like they're throwing divorce around. Yeah. She's storming out. It's like they're... Throwing out the D-word. Throwing out the D-word. Yeah. So this is... This family was probably meant to break apart. I don't know if this was the most secure family unit we've gone across. This is crazy dysfunctional. We do get one last update. Let's hear it. latest update came one month after the last update so the original post was from november 3rd 2023 and the last update we have a lot of updates this episode wow guys do we like when you guys get a lot of updates or do you like getting more stories like would you rather have more i'm like so invested same i'm loving i love an update but Like, I know some people are like, no, get through more stories.

1:07:41So I'm checking your pulse. Check your pulse. Tell me what you guys like in the comments. So the last update we have, December 26th, day after Christmas. I've made a couple posts prior to this one, and I know nobody wants to go through all of that, but I never thought celebrating Christmas with my sister-in-law would cause this much drama. So I'll drop a too long didn't read. I found out that my brother-in-law was cheating on my sister-in-law, my soon-to-be ex-wife's sister when I told my then wife she told me to stay quiet I didn't I went ahead and I told my sister-in-law my wife's reasoning was that we shouldn't interfere in their marriage as it doesn't concern us I was angry and she said she would defend cheating when I asked her she would forgive me if I cheated she said she would because it's just sex after a huge fight she left and disappeared for a week when she came back I told her that I am filing and we are currently going through the divorce process.

1:08:35Where did she go for that week? Disappeared? What does that mean? Nobody knew where she went. Sketchy. Gone for a week. That's weird. For me and my soon-to-be ex and going through legal proceedings, and we are going to get divorced 100 % because I can't trust someone who defends cheaters, especially someone who defends a cheater who cheats on her own sister. Yeah, their sister relationship was fucked, but still it's wrong for me and for my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law is going through divorce process as well, and she's aggressively seeking child support and alimony. Okay, good. So on Christmas, I invited my sister-in-law to celebrate with me.

1:09:11I had already been supporting her financially, and we got closer and became friends because we both were betrayed by our partners. We would talk, we would vent and get so angry so much at both of us.

1:09:27They're getting a little too close. You're ordering financials? Like, what does that mean? You're, yeah. That's kind of crossing an interesting line. I see where this is going. Family orgy, I told you. You might have called it. I told you. My sister-in-law and I celebrated Christmas with children from both of our family, like nephew and nieces, and even their friends joined us for a while and we kind of went overboard and showered them with gifts. My soon-to-be ex got to know about it and she told everyone in my family and her family that it's us that were cheating and now I'm trying to get married to her sister, which is why I am divorcing her.

1:10:07This twisted motherfucker. Most of our families didn't believe her except some of hers and mine. They said I am a cheat and I shouldn't be celebrating with my sister-in-law because she's my ex-sister-in-law because I am divorcing my wife and I should be spending time with my wife instead of divorcing her. She did not wrong me. I tried to tell them that her defending cheaters is so stupid and I and my ex-sister-in-law are friends and we celebrated with children and she herself is pregnant and I was just supporting her and she also supports me because we are going through so much. But they kept saying that I should take my wife back and do good by her and spending time with my soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law is not good and we are and we're cheating.

1:10:49So am I the asshole for celebrating Christmas with her and children from our family? They didn't stay for a long time, but after they left, me and my sister-in-law did spend a long time together, but it was just us drinking and talking about the future and what we should do about our partners. We just vent to each other wow that was a heater this is just fishy all around it just stinks of trout just fishy it's just it's fishy oh this i'm i gotta give this one a noodle i don't know give it a beat yeah i mean it's all weird everything about it i mean this is a very dramatic family this should be like a lifetime movie it should be it's giving very traditional and conservative like maybe divorce isn't really a thing yeah with how they're like make it right take your wife back fix it it's that's what i'm envisioning it's it's feeling really conservative but didn't she leave for a week and disappear i know she's the one and what's the excuse for that i don't know yeah she never contacted me after she left and her family didn't know where she was like still like that was the last comment on one of the updates that's really weird where was she i would be like yeah i'm gonna leave like this is weird that to me i'm like she was probably with her affair partner at a resort for a week for sure she's at sandals oh doesn't that sound nice yeah sounds nice.

1:12:29I've never been to his sandals. No, but we should go. I'm down. We should go. I went to a breathless. We used to go to Panama City Beach together. We could run it back. Multiple times. We could run it back. Not even as much drama in Panama City Beach. No, way less. I don't know. I guess, you know, it's going to be what it's going to be. I do think it's, it's, it's nice of OP to be helping Sister-in-Law so much, but I do think it's a little weird that he's supporting her financially. Yeah. Granted, you know, if she's eight months pregnant, she probably can't go out and get a job. Maybe husband has cut her off.

1:13:05She was a stay-at-home wife, soon to be stay-at-home mom. And so she's trying to get child support and alimony, but like legal stuff takes a while. This all happened very fast. Oh my God. Spiraling. Really fast. I mean, she's still pregnant during this. Yeah, exactly. Wow. I know. so the last update we have eight months old we've got nothing since then okay so op if you're out there i'd love an update baby has definitely been born by this point yeah like it had to have been yeah even if she was like right pregnant when the first story came out whose house is this kid staying at did they get together yeah what happened to the wife is the wife with the old brother-in-law the custody some couples do do swaps like that yeah i know but if it's like your child and your niece it's like you're my child but you're also my niece and that's also your aunt but it's also your mom we went to um we went to school with someone i was like really good friends with him for a while and his parents did a swap like that they like both both boys played on the same hockey team.

1:14:15And I don't know if this was a thing for like their team or if it's common, but like when they would go to hockey tournaments, like they would start swinging, I guess. Was this in high school? Yeah. Do I know who they are? I think so. And their parents started swinging and like, I think they ended up liking the swap so much that their parents, like everyone got divorced and they recoupled. And so in college, both, both of them ended up at the same college playing for the same hockey team and like they were cordial but like you could tell it was like still like very weird like no that wouldn't be awkward at all yeah i know so some people do do this that's juicy okay i think i have one last one for you one last one to wrap up your time on two hot takes you definitely have to you have to come back though i think i think the internet shoves me off Be nice.

1:16:00www.coach.com okay this last one coming from r slash wedding drama i'm like teeing up i'm teeing up i've had some wedding drama it's been like very unexpected really from a culprit i did not think it was going to come from my dad jerry yeah he called me a bridezilla even secretly on father knows he would do that so there's some tea if you want to go over there we might have been on patreon father knows though yeah i have to give jerry a call for this you might have to my dad used to call me when I lived in Europe and just call me and say hi. He's just he loves you. I talked to him on the phone for like now.

1:16:40I'm like, what's up, Jerry? How are you? He literally a lot of listeners that come to live shows will meet him and he'll he'll give them his personal number. He'll call you too. And so like we've got listeners out there that are now like kind of friends with my dad and text him and catch up all the time. Like he's everyone's dad though. He really is. He really is. That's why we actually kind of started his own podcast. Yeah. Which you'll have to go on that with him too. Well, next time you come out to LA. Literally, I haven't seen Jerry in a decade and he's still calling me. How are you, sweetheart?

1:17:10Do you take care of yourself? That's bad. Yeah, but I always answer. I know. We need to get you out to LA. That's on the list. I know. That's on the list. Okay. R slash wedding drama, four days old, titled, my future mother-in-law secretly sent out her own wedding invitations with a different dress code and start time. Do you have any mother-in-law stuff? Actually, no, she's good. She was actually an angel. Look at that. I know. You really, yeah, you do good in the mother-in-law department. Yeah, I really loved her. She's actually great. Thank God. This is honestly the weirdest thing I've ever had to deal with, and I still don't know how to process it.

1:17:48I'm getting married in October. My fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, but his parents generously offered to cover the rehearsal dinner and help with flowers. His mom has always had strong opinions, but she's mostly polite until now. A few days ago, one of his cousins messaged me on Instagram asking what she should actually wear to the wedding. I was confused because we included the dress code semi-formal on the official invites months ago. When I asked what she meant, she sent me a photo of a different invitation with our names on it. Except the time was changed an hour earlier, the venue details were shortened, and the dress code said formal black tie.

1:18:29At first, I thought it was a mistake or maybe some kind of outdated mock-up, but nope. Turns out my future mother-in-law had taken it upon herself to create and send out her own version of our wedding invitation to her side of the family, as she later told us because she thought ours was too casual and would make her family feel underdressed. I confronted my fiancé, and he was just as shocked as I was. He had no idea she had done this. When we called her, she didn't even try to deny it. She said she was just protecting the family's image and didn't think we'd mind since she kept the same date and names.

1:19:06I asked why she changed the time, and she casually said, well, I thought your timeline was a bit rushed, and some of our relatives like to arrive early. I was livid. Not only is this incredibly disrespectful, but it's going to cause chaos on the day. People are going to show up dressed up for a completely different event and early. I explained as calmly as I could that this was not okay, and she got defensive, saying that I was overreacting and not being inclusive of her family's preferences. Now, I don't know what to do. Do I send a second clarification invite to her side to fix this mess? Do I let it play out and deal with the awkwardness on the day?

1:19:50My fiance is fully on my side and wants to have a serious talk with her, but I'm nervous that any more confrontation is just going to make her double down and cause more drama. I never imagined something like this would happen. How do you even come back from something this passive-aggressive? is there a way to fix this without the whole thing turning into a total disaster any advice would be appreciated I'm stressed and tired and this feels like a problem I shouldn't even have to be dealing with right now to be honest if my mother-in-law would have done that I probably would have just been like okay like I probably would have just been like sounds good I don't know I mean because it will cause drama if she's that assertive to go behind her back and create a new invitation all that stuff i understand what she's saying though because a lot of it's word of mouth you'll send out an invitation and people will still ask you hey morgan were we supposed to wear your wedding again cowboy boots cowboy boots i have mine but people will still ask yeah and so it's confusing when there's an invitation that says one thing and everyone else is verbalizing something else for sure i oh this is tough because it's like, I don't think you should have to send out another invitation because then like, what if mother-in-law sent out another invitation?

1:21:08Like, where does it, where does it stop? Yeah. I feel like you should have your fiance just call everyone on that side. Like you have your RSVP list. You know who's coming. Give them a call, send them a text and be like, Hey, it's been brought to my attention that my mom sent out an additional invite. That is not what is happening. please arrive at this time it is still semi-formal as our first invitation stated i think it's kind of his circus to control yeah given it's his mom yeah and i feel like and you have to control it because it's so embarrassing if you show up overdressed somewhere or underdressed i mean it's you're just yeah it's awkward semi-formal versus black tie formal is very different very different that's like full tux with a cumber cumberbund you know that little cumberbund thing holds a little belly in yeah i mean that's true though it's very different it's so different and i also just think it could set a standard with the mom that's scary that's true actually though i mean you kind of need to set your boundaries a little bit i think so i because you're in this position we're doing it yeah like if my mother-in-law did this and was like actually you guys rehearsal dinner is here and you need to show up wearing this like I know it would feel awkward trying to be like Chris Chris no what no Chris yeah but Chris has been great she's been so helpful with the wedding accepting all my packages I shipped to Minnesota so she's been great with all the help but I do get how it'd be awkward but you probably should say something because first it's the wedding yeah next it's a baby shower then it's you know whatever else a birthday party so true the kid or your husband or whoever like she's gonna keep oh what's that big word meddling yeah she's gonna keep meddling i mean yeah you have to set the standard right away and be like no this kind of we have to communicate about this if we're gonna be a family this has to go through all of us especially when all of us are involved and my family feel underdressed like you're not respecting their preferences they're rushing so what did uncle joe call you and say feel underdressed and rushed it's weird no this is a her thing it is i um try to go look and see op has had any comments or anything of the sort i think op got a little nervous that mother-in-law or someone might find it unless my reddit's just not working um they deleted the post yeah post is deleted and this is a real reddit account seemingly they have a verified email so like they actually verified their email which hey fake accounts could do too but like a lot of people that make throwaways don't yeah but top comment your fiance should be handling this because it's his mother and his side he can send a mass text that says you may have gotten a wedding invite.

1:24:11I did not read this, you guys. I'm in it today. He can send a mass text that says, you got a second wedding invite from my mom, which included incorrect details regarding our big day. The start time of the event is X. The dress code is X. Please note that the venue will not be equipped for early arrivals. Can't wait to see you all. Oh, OP did respond to that comment. Absolutely. That's exactly what we're planning. Cool. I just wanted to make sure we're handling it tactfully so it doesn't turn into more drama. He'll send out a clear message to everyone so there's no confusion. And I think that should settle things without escalating the situation.

1:24:48Thanks for the suggestion. I agree. And you don't want to be like, oh, my mother-in-law and like make it this big deal and never do anything about it. And then there's going to be drama anyway. Yeah. Because you're clearly venting about your mother-in-law up until your wedding day. you gotta though like you gotta just like get after this and like someone gives her another idea also i would password protect anything and everything having to do with your wedding let your vendors know your future mother-in-law sounds a bit unhinged and also have a bridesmaid on standby with a glass of red wine ready to accidentally spill on mother-in-law's dress just in case she sews up in white or pisses you off the day of that girl's in a wedding party somewhere.

1:25:32Uh-huh. Yeah. She knows what to do. The passwords thing is genius. That's so true. Because I feel like I've had a story in the past where the mom or mother-in-law called the florist and tried to change everything, tried to like cancel some stuff and change others. Like, so they set up a password system. Yeah. So if you have anyone that's a little. It's smart though. Yeah. That's. It's just awkward sometimes if the mother-in-law and the family's paying for it or something they feel like they have to have control it gets a little messy yeah I think that's something too if you're getting married and this is something that like I feel like Justin and I really did like we're basically paying for everything on our own just the two of us except his parents are gonna help contribute to the rehearsal dinner and the train and my mom has like bought so much stuff for the farm and like has put in months worth of manual labor so like that helps me more than financial contributions anyways.

1:26:29Yeah. So like everyone is helping, but that's something we made very clear is like, if you're helping, we don't want any like strings attached. Like you can't hold it over our head and say, well, you need to do this because of so-and-so. Like, no, this is my wedding and I'm planning it. Yeah. Sorry. It's hard though. Like I've had a little bit of drama here and there and I've had to like give invitations that I otherwise wouldn't have wanted to. Yeah. Just to keep a little bit of peace. But hey, I won't really interact with them anyways. It's my day. I'm going to be walking around. Oh, you're going to have a great time.

1:27:06Drinking with friends. I'll hold the glass of red wine to spill on literally anyone. Sarah's got a job. You heard it here, folks. Heard it here. Someone shows up in white. Sarah's got her job. Invite me to your wedding if you need something. Especially if it's here in New York. Yeah. I mean, I'll go anywhere with a glass of red. Trust me. Speaking of a glass of red, we should go get one. We are right now. We're going to have probably five because we needed this. A bottle. Yes. Let's go. Thank you guys for being here. Another episode. This was magical. I hope you enjoyed getting to know Sarah. I'm sure she will be back on one of my other New York trips or actually we're just going to get her to LA.

1:27:40Yeah. Let's do it. Come visit. I got a guest room these days. I got a guest room. We're so grown up. But that's all I got. Head over to Patreon if you want more content. There's three bonus episodes a month these days. some really good trio apps with Lauren, Justin and I, and Michaela, Justin and I. Really good. So head over there. But thank you guys for being here. Until next time. Bye.

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