241: Impractical Reactions? Ft. Sal Vulcano

27:01Yeah. You know, and I have the stuff, the. Sam's. Yeah. I got a big guy over there. Just ready. And so I was fine. No. But I will wash my hands. Yeah. Well, I know you're like a, like you're kind of a germaphobe. It's not when I'm meeting someone like you one on one. We're about to sit down, have a conversation. Yeah. They'll approach me all day long and put out their hand. And if I shake 20, 30 hands a day, I'll get sick. Honestly, so here's a stat that might not make you want to shake any more hands. If you shake someone's hand or like just like touching doorknobs or whatever throughout your day, you're like on average touching 10 dicks a day.

27:35Yes. Because people don't wash their hands. If I touch one person's hand, it's 10 dicks? Or just like going about your day. Like if you touch a doorknob, like someone could have touched their dick. Doorknob definitely I could see 10 dicks. Yeah. But one person's hand, one dick. How about this? Depends on what they were up to. I wash my hands before I use the bathroom and then again right after. You're very tidy. Because I don't want to touch. I don't want my dick to touch 10 dicks. That's the thing. But no, but people wash after. I'm like, hello? Some people don't, though. You got to wash before and after.

28:04I literally have a family member and he is like, no, I don't wash my hand after. I just touched myself. Like, that's fine. And I'm like. Yeah, but you got to touch somebody else after that. Yeah, no, they don't get it. I love, by the way, that stuff. They don't get it. How do you, what's the scientific estimation for 10 dicks on the doorknob? I'm going to look it up. That's so funny to me. That's so funny. 10 is such a specific number. I think it was 10. It's so funny. And I want to know the formula. I want to know the formula that someone used to get that on average. There's a bunch of different things coming up that says it's actually more.

28:36It's actually, you come into contact with 15 penises. How do you estimate that? But I will tell you this too. Once I wash my hands, I take the paper towels and I open the door with that paper towel. And then I throw it away. Especially on planes. Of course. And I also make sure everyone sees me coming out doing that. No, same. I have a clumbine. I open it. I like open it all the way. I look and then I just like throw it in there and I hold it open my foot. Yeah. Because I want someone to extend the same courtesy. Like I want, you know. Yeah. I'm with you. I'm glad about that. Yeah. I'm glad you do that.

29:10I was a flight attendant for a while. And like the amount. Oh, wow. I could never ever I hate flying I know I'm terrified of flying and people are like Morgan how you were how were you a flight attendant I'm like I don't know I think it was like it's kind of like car anxiety I have really bad car anxiety but if I'm driving I'm fine it was kind of like that like I know I'm not flying the plane but you're just kind of like in more control but the amount of people that walk into those bathrooms on planes without shoes on it is atrocious and you guys know that's not water on the floor right that's piss yeah that's piss piss on the floor I don't even, when I go, I don't, first of all, I won't go unless it's an emergency situation.

29:47Really? And if I go to like a regular bathroom, like in a public, wherever a public space, you know, at the urinal, I don't know if you know this, but you look down, there's a puddle in front of every urinal. That's one, that's, that's, that's a, that's a concoction. That's a cacophant. That's just everyone's piss in a puddle. And I go, I put my legs apart further than shoulder width, my feet. So I am not in, I don't touch any of the piss if I can help it. Yeah. My shoes have never, ever, ever been on in my home, in my life. Yeah, no, that's good. And there's just piss everywhere. And I've seen this happen.

30:21I've seen people go in there and I almost convulse. Yeah. Who raised them? What are their concerns? How are they walking into a piss-riddled bathroom in their socks? And then those socks go in the shoe. And then those shoes, those inside of those shoes always have everyone's piss in them. And then you go home, you change socks, you put them back in. Those people's piss are with you for life. I'll never forget this girl. She had Uggs on, like the Uggs you slip your feet into. She took her Uggs off, walked into the bathroom, and then came back to her seat and put her feet back in her Uggs. Oh, my God.

31:00What the fuck? It's sickening. It's sickening. It's disgusting. As a flight attendant, I have two questions. Okay. And this is one I always wonder because I don't think it's real. I think it's fake, and I don't really believe that anyone's ever done it. Do you feel like someone has actually been in the mile high club? Yeah. How is it? They try it. But okay. So a couple of things. What is your responsibility if you think that's happening? And have you ever experienced anything like that? I didn't. I think you're like, you're supposed to knock on the door and get them out. Also like a flight attendant can open that locked bathroom door from the outside.

31:32You don't want to open it in that scenario. But like, how do they try? Like one person goes in and it's maybe like a late night flight. This is the only way I can think of it. Secret knock, yeah. And then another person goes up. I'll be in like 30, like one minute I'll go in. And then everyone's kind of, it's dark, everyone's sleeping. Then they both go in. But then it's so small in there. And then you both got to come out. And also if anybody recognizes, you have to sit the rest of the plane ride either being scolded or reprimanded or called out or people knowing you did that. I just can't see who would ever pull that off.

32:01And so they wouldn't get in any type of bigger trouble than just, excuse me, you have to get out. I feel like you could get banned from the airline. Right. I never encountered it. And honestly, have you ever, do you know a flight attendant that's encountered it? No. And it's not something we talked about. I feel like it's fake. We didn't talk about it in training, but I feel like there's like those airlines now that are coming out with like, like the crazy ones where it's like 20 ,000 a ticket and you get your own bed. And like a couch. Yeah, if I'm flying to Dubai and I have a shower, I think then it's like a suit.

32:30It's like a hotel room. Yeah. You know? So I think people are doing it in those for sure. I think that's a little different, even though it's still weird. People try it though. People like use autopilot and have sex driving their car. People are getting weird. I didn't know that either. I never thought of that. Yeah. And then what about like when just somebody blows up that bathroom and that's where you sit? Yeah, no, that's. You dealt with that. That has to be like every other flight, no? Yeah, because I was on the jump seat. We have spray. A lot of times it wouldn't help. So you try to like smell a coffee.

33:02Does everyone just look the other way? Is it like you don't even want to be It's just kind of a thing You just make believe Everybody just makes believe That they don't acknowledge Yeah like everyone poops So it's just kind of one of those things That you just gotta kind of get through That's something I think about all the time Have you never pooped on a plane? No not in my life ever Nor will I What? Nor will I I will never ever in my life What if you have a really long flight? It's gonna be Whatever I need to do To not go to that restroom ever. I won't do it. I won't be, I wouldn't think I'll be able to do it.

33:38I mean, I understand if an emergency situation, luckily I've never been in a thing where it's like, it's either in my seat right now or in there, I suppose in that scenario, but I would also try some, I don't know what I would do. I'd maybe say a rosary or something. I'm not even, I'm not particularly religious, but I don't know what I would do, but I can't even imagine sitting hovering. I can't imagine like people outside knowing that's what's going on in there. I don't want to be the person that walks out after that. I just, I wouldn't put my body, my, my skin anywhere near that area. It's just not going to happen.

34:10My, um, husband over there now, so fucking weird to say he, I don't know if he's going to be mad at me for sharing this, but he just pooped. He's right there. You can clear it with him first, but you're choosing not to. I'll just call that out. He just pooped for the first time on a plane like a month ago. Okay. Okay. Was it horrifying or was it not bad. It was great. I'm a few times in now. No way. He's down. He likes it. It was great because of the relief. Because prior to that, you would suffer. Well, there was a little turbulence, so I felt like I was on a Disney ride at one point. My stomach kind of went up and felt like I was floating.

34:45Oh, my God. I was like, this is incredible. Also, the actual biological physical sensation was heightened. And now you're chasing that thigh. Now you're chasing it. It feels different at 30 ,000 fields. Yeah, like you're leaving for the airport. You're like, I'll wait till I get there. Wow. I prefer the plane. Okay, so if it was only recently, why did you abstain forever? Why did you abstain? Yeah, that's a good question. Because what are your reasons that you never did it? And now that you've seen the light, now that you've done it multiple times already now. So what were the reasons you didn't do it prior to only recent?

35:25I don't really know. Maybe some of the same concerns you had. So when you were walking in for this first one, did you feel like, you know, I have no choice. I'm going to do this for the first time. I don't know what to expect right now, but I feel vulnerable or I feel weird. And, you know, like, here we go. Well, to alleviate some of the concern, I did it on a plane where there were two dedicated bathrooms right across the aisle from each other. Or there was a plane with two aisles, a big plane. Okay. Yeah, because he didn't want someone to be waiting for him outside that door knowing that he broke.

35:58The Starbucks bathroom, the single bathroom thing, never. Especially when there's a line, can you imagine? Sure. No chance. You don't know what you're opening that door back up to, though. Three or four people could have congregated there. Well, and your clock starts to tick faster when you're inside a bathroom or you know people are waiting outside. It starts to speed up. You're like, oh, God, I've been in here for five minutes. Right. I've been in here for 10 minutes. 10 is an eternity. If someone's waiting, it's an eternity. He sits on the toilet way too long. I want to be honest. At home, I do too, though.

36:26That's where I get my reading done. Sometimes I sit on the toilet and don't go. You're going to get hernias. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell? I know, but 10 minutes, I mean, everyone knows what you did. Yeah, well, you probably didn't end up doing it because you're too in your head about everyone waiting. Yeah. But now you feel completely liberated now. You have no bones about it. You got to go. You're going right in. Probably 50-50. Okay, okay. I don't think anyone could be fully comfortable. I have a trick for you in this next story. Okay. They're introducing us to something that might help you poop on a plane.

36:59Okay. Oh. It's not going to happen, but all right. Okay. So this one is coming from Today I Fucked Up, 11 days old, titled Today I Fucked Up by mooing on the toilet and discovering it actually works. Mooing. Mooing. I know you know a thing about a cow because you have inseminated one. Oh, I delivered a baby. Oh, you delivered. Yeah, you were fully up there. Yeah, up to my shoulder I was in it. Yeah, so you know about a moo. Yeah. I, 36 female, had a hysterectomy last week and surgically is basically just finding out how many ways your body can betray you. Sneezing feels like being stabbed. Coughing is a crime against humanity and pooping.

37:40LOL, good luck. So I'm up late Googling tips because I'm desperate. And I find this random comment where someone goes, quote, Just moo like a cow. It relaxes your pelvic floor. I rolled my eyes so hard. You want to moo, don't you? I was lightly mooing. Let's hear it. Moo. Did you feel anything? Moo. I suppose. Okay. The next morning, I'm on the toilet, sweating, bargaining with the universe. Just clipped a moo. And thought. For the socials. Just three seconds. Moo. That's it. Two hot takes. And I thought, fine. let's moo and i did like a legit deep from the chest and it worked immediately like my body just went ah yes cow mode engaged anyways here's where i really fucked up my husband was literally walking past the bathroom as i was mid moo he opened the door we don't usually lock it and just caught me we made eye contact.

38:48I froze. He froze. And then I absolutely lost it laughing. Except laughing after abdominal surgery. Oh, God. Feels like being ripped open from the inside. So now I'm sitting there on the toilet, crying, clutching my stomach, half laughing, half mooing, while my poor husband is staying there like, what the actual hell did I just walk into? He didn't know whether to comfort me, call 911, or just back out slowly and pretend that none of it happened. So yeah, today I fucked up by mooing on the toilet and learning it actually works, but also permanently scarring my marriage in the process. That's, that's so funny.

39:25I've never heard, I've never heard that before at all. You're going to try it the next time though. I don't, well, I don't know if I'd feel like what she, cause it's not going to be necessarily alleviating anything. So I don't know if I have a, you know what I mean? Like a point of reference to understand that it's, it's working. You'd have to be like really backed up and that's like your last resort. And then if it works, than you know. That is, who even discovered that? I don't know. That's funny. But I like it. Top comment, girl, I'm dying. I couldn't help myself. I tried a deep moo and I could feel my pelvic floor relax.

39:56And my man, one room over yelled, why are you mooing? Oh, that's, I mean, I can't imagine not one of your listeners, every last person is going to moo next time they go now. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required.

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41:11Okay, real talk. To-do lists are unhinged, and the stuff that actually gets done, always the stuff you had help with. Flat pack furniture, meal prep, things that are just better with another person. Now, State Farm can't help with the sofa or Sunday cooking, but when it comes to helping find the right coverage for you, they're on it. You can talk to one of their 19 ,000 local agents in person over the phone through their easily accessible app or at statefarm.com. Whatever works for you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Okay, you ready to get into the tea of two hot takes? Let's do it.

41:47I've been like a little light on you. Hot goss? Yeah, a little bit. This next one is coming from our very own subreddit. So because of the show now, we have a place where we kind of take listener write-ins. Oh, okay. So this is from one of us. It is a day old titled, My Fiance Edits Me Out of Our Vacation Photos. I, 29 female, have been with my fiance, 31 male, for four years. We love traveling, taking photos, making memories. Recently, we went on a week-long trip to the mountains with some friends. When we got back, I started going through our photos. I noticed something weird. In a bunch of the group shots, I wasn't there.

42:27But I know I was. I asked him about it. He admitted that when he saw a picture where he didn't like how I looked, bad hair, tired face, etc., he used his phone's editor to crop me out or replace me with a view of the background. He said he did it so the trip looked cleaner, so the pics would look nice on social media without me standing there, off balance, etc. What? The pics would look cleaner and she wouldn't be sitting there off balance. Sorry to interrupt. Continue. I told him that hurt me, that I want authentic memories, even if I'm not glam in all of them. He said I'm too sensitive and that photos are just illusions anyways.

43:12Now I don't know if I trust memories with him. Is it weird to feel like I'm erased? I would file for divorce. There's no coming back. What a weird... It sounds like this person has issues. does he do that with him with his own photos no he just picks the one where he looks the best so he's worried of people judging his wife who's gonna do that or he's worried of people judging him for his wife removing her from photos because he wants to post on social media and thinks she doesn't look acceptable enough in the photo for the for the viewing public that's what that is there's a lot going on to unpack there there's a lot to unpack top comment has some thoughts okay top comment says he's single online like basically he's trying to look single online well if does he put does he do it with every photo he posts it sounds like he didn't do it every photo but it doesn't matter like that is problematic behavior that is very weird that's a person that is that i'm telling you that's a person that i mean that could be a serial killer that guy it's it's that's insane that is so highly insulting well and what he said too it's like i edit you out when you look like shit when your hair is bad your face is tired you could say to me hey and i want to post this cool and let her decide like yeah i don't care oh actually i don't like that don't post that one yeah you need to post the one where i don't look good so you need to edit me out and put more mountain in the background that's insulting and weird well and is he doing it to anyone else in the photos or is it only right his partner it sounds like it's only her which is like that's the craziest thing i've ever heard to like take it upon himself to deem when his wife looks presentable or not enough for whom why do you care and he didn't tell her also I know That's weird That he's been doing it for how long And then she had to approach him about it And then the reason he gives also is paper Is absurd I want it to look nice Meaning that it doesn't look nice If I'm in it and you don't like the way that I look If I look Did they say if I look What'd she say?

45:34If I look like Just bad Like bad hair, tired face Yeah, that's insulting He did it so the trip looked cleaner That's so stupid. What does that mean? How does the trip look cleaner if one person is removed for it because they look tired? That's so stupid. I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry right now. I just don't understand. I'm like, what is wrong with you? Well, and there's no way everyone looks good. How well does she know this? They're married for four years? Fiance, been together for four years. You're with someone for four years. And they're - About to get married. They're Photoshopping you out of photos when they think you look tired because they don't want that to be seen by other people and they're not telling you that that is a still time there's still time to get out of that i would get out of that i know i can't make an excuse for this person no i mean he's 31 he's old enough to 31 is i i believe me i would try to play devil's advocate here i got nothing for this guy i got nothing no i don't that is very strange behavior well to me i'm like he's trying to hide something like there's people that do that they like want to look better on social media but but then he's like like what did he say like social media is fake or something along those lines pictures are an illusion or something like that photos are just an illusion this person's full of shit well why not keep me in it then can't be trust yeah like right why not post only the solo what does that even mean it's an illusion what are you talking what shit are you talking that's coming just i mean what the fuck are you talking about i don't know that's weird look if she if he does if he doesn't put her up at all it's it's simple he's cheating on her he doesn't he wants people to know he's saying that's easy but it doesn't sound like it's all the time because she's she noticed that she was missing in some right yeah so this is like maybe someone who i i don't know to be if you're that ashamed of your wife that's that's crazy no and what happens i guess you go through life like what like what happens if they're together and they decide they want kids and she gains a little weight and like, oh.

47:40Are you Photoshopping yourself out of photos where everyone else looks good? And when you look tired, also that's still weird behavior. Like it's like, I can't, the female is writing in on this? Is there a follow-up here? You know what you're going to do? You're going to leave me with a nervous tick. I'm going to leave here and I'm never going to forget these situations. I need closure on these things. I don't have any comments yet. No update. It's only a day old. I need closure. And they don't say anything. We just know she's 29F. Nothing yet. Yeah. I'll let you know, though, if I get an update, I'll send it your way.

48:18Oh, but this was sent to you. It's on our subreddit. So this is something coming from a listener or a viewer. Very likely. And so they're going to see this. Okay. So there's a possibility for closure here. Please message Sal. Oh, so if you're looking, 29F, look at me. This is not normal behavior. You have to take this up with them and you have to get to the bottom of this and you should not stand for this. No. It's very, very weird. Now, I'm private, so I don't post my family online, but that's not what this is. No. It's not what this is. No, he's posting all of his friends. He's posting stuff from his personal life.

48:53Yeah. But editing out the one person who seemingly should matter most. Yeah. I mean, there's another comment here. there's no innocent explanation for editing your fiance out of photos that's not about aesthetic it's about hiding the relationship huge red flag yeah and then there's another one that says it would be a pity if they got married and she has a zit and was edited out of all the wedding photos after she's 30 or 40 and gets wrinkles is she banned from photos looks like the fiance needs an inflatable doll not a human i agree there's gonna be wedding photos of just him yeah if he doesn't like the way she looks in a certain photo.

49:31It is giving a little self-centered. I feel like with all of these things, I'm not giving any hot takes. You're just on point? I feel like a hot take, by definition, isn't a hot take like something that goes a little bit against the grain? I feel like I'm being the voice of reason. I feel like I'm giving an ice cold or a lukewarm take. You know, maybe this next one will throw a wrench in your brain. I don't think in any of these, I've been like, I'm on the side of the... I mean, you said you can't devil's advocate this one. Maybe the next one I've got, you can deal as advocate. Maybe it is just a joke.

50:03You ready for this next one? Okay. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Season is changing. Time to clean out that closet and maybe make some extra money in the process. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell your clothes you no longer wear and get more value out of your wardrobe. It's super simple to use and with no selling fees. So you keep what you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists.

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51:15It's got a not safe for work badge on it. Okay. Again, coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit, five days old. titled, My Boyfriend Cheated in Front of Me, but claims he was just joking. Jesus Christ. This podcast is making me feel better about myself. That's the goal. Okay. That's the goal here. I'm like, I'm a great person. Me, female 21, and my boyfriend, I'll call him Ryan, male 21. Why call him Ryan? That's so funny. She doesn't get her name? No. Me, F21, my boyfriend, Ryan. Ryan. Okay. We were at a college party together two nights ago. Just for context. How old is Ryan? 21. Okay.

52:00Just for context, me and Ryan have been dating for two months, and there were around 100 people at the party. I was having fun drinking and hanging out with my friends, but overdid it a little and felt dizzy. I asked Ryan to sit down with me on the couch while I drank some water. He said, sure. While we were sitting, Ryan's best friend, I'll call him Jake, came over and was talking to Ryan. I don't know how we got to the topic, but Jake dared Ryan to suck his dick. They both were laughing and looked at me for a reaction. I still didn't feel good, and I thought they were just goofing around, so I just sat there listening.

52:43It's not... I could have never imagined you were about to say that. Go ahead. Ryan then said, quote, okay, then I'll do it. Jake unzipped his pants and Ryan started sucking his dick. Are we being trolled in the subreddit? Like, let's see you read this one. I will investigate. No, I'm going to look at the account. Because there isn't enough. I'm almost about to explode on camera. I'm going to need so many details. I have so many questions that I'm not going to be able to be answered. I've seen a pattern and I'm going to leave here now. And I'm feeling better about myself, but I'm going to leave here.

53:18I'm going to leave here like also like with something boiling under my blood because I don't understand these people. It only lasted for a few seconds. They both laughed and high fived. And then Jake zipped his pants up and walked away. I was so stunned and disoriented in the moment. I didn't say or do anything. Soon afterwards, we went home and I immediately went to bed Yesterday, I woke up and remembered what happened And asked Ryan why he would do that He said it was just guys being guys and doing silly party dares It's just, it's so irrational Even that response back These are, let's play this conversation out Ask me, I'm Ryan, you're 21F Okay, it's the next day Yeah Approach me about it um why did you suck your friend's dick what do you mean i saw you you sucked his dick yeah but that's just guys doing guys guys being guys doing fun party things it sounds like you're gay who speaks like that who would be like it's just guys being guys doing fun party things that was that fun party things doing silly party silly party dares who speaks like that what do you what do you mean it's a silly party dare sal i'm gonna i'm gonna get through this story and then i'm gonna to ruin your life.

54:41I sucked my friend's dick because it was a silly party dare. It's guys being guys. You never heard of silly party dares? So Opie goes on to say, I mentioned that it felt like cheating in a way. And he said I was overreacting because it was just a joke. He seemed annoyed and shut down the conversation. Oh my God. Now he's taking this. I'm home now and I don't know how to feel. I'm not even mad. I'm just so confused about what to make of this. I haven't told my friends about this yet because I feel kind of embarrassed. Any advice would be helpful because I'm just not sure what to do. Okay. First of all, this is two months in abort.

55:17You're out of this one. And relationship. You're out of this one. If this is real, the only thing that I could surmise is that her boyfriend is maybe bisexual and is trying to look for an in way to let her know that maybe his best friend is more than his best friend. Yeah, that's what I'm getting. And this is like, all right, let's, when we're all feeling loosey goosey, let's, but wait a minute. There was a hundred people there. Sounds like a frat party. Like I was picturing frat party in college, like at some of the ones I went to. I'd like to know what the other 97 people, how they reacted. Like that's still not normal behavior.

55:57Even at a frat party, you're not like best friend, blow me, silly party games. I mean, they were definitely like hookup rooms in college at the parties. Yeah, but that's an offshoot. Yeah. These people are in the lobby here. They're in the main room. I was envisioning offshoot because she felt kind of dizzy. So I was envisioning she kind of was like, can we just go get some air? Can we do this? So the three of them went to an offshoot room. Yeah. It's just the three of them. That's what I'm envisioning. So how is that a silly party trick? Dare. How is it a silly party dare now when you're one-on-one with somebody?

56:31I don't know. It's not like the room's watching. I'm like, I'm going to, for the sake of this, I'm going to be this outrageous because I'm going to make this whole entire place go nuts. And it's crazy. No, you're in a room, an offshoot room. Yeah. And you're like, watch this silly party dare. Well, you're half in the bag, by the way. This is going to be a silly part. Who's silly? Who's daring? I'm going to be honest. Like, I don't understand it, but like, I know people are messed up. So this is pulling from the vault of the show. That is my brain. This is a story. Not this. There was a story I read a couple years ago now, and it was coming from the Ask Me Anything subreddit.

57:08And it was a post that was verified by the moderators of the sub. And it was a post that was titled, I've had a sexual relationship with my mom, ask me anything. And the kid, now guy. But how do they verify, verify what? How can they verify that's true? So the person was a part of a study by this psychologist. The moderators of Reddit got in touch with a psychologist and verified the story. Isn't there HIPAA though? If like the patient signs off on it. So I think like they connected with the mods, like either way it was verified. It's still up. Like Reddit has like strict guidelines about fake stuff typically.

57:48And they verified this. And this person basically tells a story of like when I was 16 or 17, I broke both arms. I was super frustrated and mean to my parents. So my mom started jacking me off. And there's stories like that that, like, are real. Probably, yeah. Oh, my God. So it's like there's stories like that. Wait, I'm sorry, but he broke both arms and was mean to his mom. He was mean. He was just, like, very sexually frustrated. Why did she start doing that to her son? I know. I'll send you the link if you want to read it. I don't know. I don't know if I want to. It seems like a leap though.

58:29Like what about making him some food? Putting his feet up? I mean. Blending him an ear? Like I wouldn't go to be. Wouldn't be my first thought. You're being real mean to me. I know you don't have both arms. Let me just do this. Her husband, dad was aware of it. No. And it progressed. It got further than just hand jobs. It was really bad. Oh, well then they're. Okay. So they're not a well family. No. Okay, so the explanation there is that they're all unwell. So, like, I mean, I find this, like, I know, you know, Reddit can obviously have fake stories, but, like, I genuinely, after seeing all I've seen over the past couple years.

59:05Nothing surprises you. No, I could see this happening. Yeah, but it's not just like a, they've done it before. Oh, yeah. You're not two best friends that are alone in an offshoot room and you're like, here's a silly little dare. No. Let me suck you off. And then, by the way, the friend to be like. yeah, I gotta do it. High five. It's like, no, you do this. Yeah. This is like how you were, this is how you were introducing it to her. And, uh. It feels like they were trying to test boundaries and be like, if she would have been into it, I feel like they would have been like threesome. You want to go to Paris?

59:38Right. Like, what are we, what are we talking about here? Right, right. Like, I feel like it was definitely a test. Was that an Eiffel Tower joke? Yeah. Wow, I can't believe I got that. Oh my God. What? That was a joke about the thing they just call an Eiffel Tower. Yeah. So like on the world, then you high five that thing. I only vaguely knew what that, I only kind of, you know, I heard that before and I can't believe I made the connection, but that was a real, was that an easy connection to make? Was that like an obvious joke? I don't. Is that something you said before? Want to go to, is that something that they say?

1:00:11Want to go to Paris? I feel like, I feel like this is kind of like a younger guy thing. I feel like a hip that I got there. Are you with it? Yeah, but I took a minute and I'm like, oh. No, you got it. I saw the wheels turning. Yeah. So I feel like this is just testing of boundaries. They want to be a throuple or something. Yeah, yeah. The way he reacted to being confronted with it is weird. Which makes me think he's like dealing with some feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so the question is, is she the, no, this doesn't ask me anything. No, what is this one? It was just like any advice would be helpful.

1:00:48I'm not sure what to do. I haven't talked to my friends because I feel kind of embarrassed. Someone in the comments mentioned what we just mentioned, that they were testing boundaries and the person is probably, you know, bisexual and wants to see if she's cool with that. Top comment. Not a silly dare and your boyfriend is not straight. LOL. Okay. Does she write back? Let's see if we have any comments from OP. OP? Original poster. Okay. That's what we call them on this side of things. Well, he was trying to see if she was down with OPP. We do have some comments. You know that song by Naughty by Nature, OPP?

1:01:25No, that one. Oh, okay. You down with OPP, yeah, you know me. No. You know the song, the group Naughty by Nature, a hip-hop group from the 90s? Okay. They had a hip-hop hooray, ho, ghetto bastard. That was their first big hit. And you down with OPP, yeah, you know me, stands for other people's property. Or other people's penis or pussy is what it was. It was dirty, but that was a clean version of it. And so OP, and so I just made a little, I made a fun little like a reference. Yeah, that was good. Now that I understand. I was throwing one back at you. I had to hear the Paris one. Yeah. So OP goes, we have talked about sexuality before.

1:02:03I'm bi. And he was very clear that he was straight and not interested in men. I guess that makes this feel confusing. I'm reading all the comments as they come in. I feel a little better hearing others say that this was cheating and I'm not overreacting. He really made me feel like I was being ridiculous. What I have to say to her is that two months in, my advice would be taking from the three of them, bye, bye, bye. I would end it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is confirmed that there was a frat party. Ryan and Jake are in the same fraternity. We all do marching band and they're in the music frat. I didn't know music frets were a thing.

1:02:46Yeah. Well, they're marching to their own drumsticks. We get an update. You have one? Yeah. Oh, finally. If you're watching and you're a fan of the show, do us a favor, please. We need closure on these things. So always send an update. Even if it's not what we want to hear or it's not the last update, continually update. Yeah. Because it's only fair. You know, we're putting this out there. We're all listening. We're all consuming this. And we'd like a beginning, a middle and end to these things. I mean, I don't know if I'm speaking out of turn. No. I'm just trying to do this for your own audience.

1:03:24People love an update. I actually just did a whole episode that basically all had updates. So next time you're on, I will make sure that every single story has an update. Just to, you know, deliver. I'm not trying to give you extra work. No, it's easy. It's easy. So update. I broke up with Ryan. He was really annoyed at me and doubled down that he is just a funny guy who goofs around with his friends like that. I didn't want to argue too much, just insisted that we're done dating. Thanks to everyone who left helpful comments. I was so shocked and in my head about the situation. I guess I wasn't thinking big picture.

1:03:59I don't want to even try working things out with a cheater. Also, I have an appointment this week to get STI tested. I'm strict about using protection, and this story is the only evidence I have of cheating, but I want to be really safe just in case. Thank you to everyone who posted a funny comment. I'll admit some of you made me laugh. Some of my friends are on their way over for a boxed girls' wine night. After I debrief them on the breakup, I'll have to show them this post and some of the comments. It's better to laugh than cry, lol. She was well-adjusted. STI is, what is that? A sexually transmitted infection.

1:04:34Oh, okay. STD, STI. Well, STD, I know. Yeah, they - And I knew what she was getting at, but I never heard STI. They've updated the term. Oh, yeah, because disease is - Yeah. Disease is a little bit, yeah, like an STI, yeah, that should be what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Come in. I agree with that change. Come in with the times. Yeah. Okay. Before you see more Tonka Johari, I mean, Sal, we're giving you guys a little bonus story. So an extra story, thanks to Ollie Wellness. We've been talking about women's health and wellness a little bit more. And something I want to touch a little bit more on is libido, which is why I've got Justin here, my hubby.

1:05:12Hubby? I don't know. We haven't tried that yet. Yeah, we haven't tried that yet. But I feel like something that you can get a little lost in the sauce on is like you can slip into roommate mode. Or you're just not lining up when like I want it, you're falling asleep. And when you're ready, I'm not in the mood. I'm just not feeling it as much. So that is where Ollie's Love and Libido comes in. It's formulated with traditional ingredients like ashwagandha to help boost desire, enhance arousal, and even support satisfaction. So we're going to get into this story and see how intimacy can be a little touch and go sometimes, but a little effort can go a long way.

1:05:48And I'm really going to need your inputs and hacks to you guys. I saw them for the period towel time convo, and it was so good. You guys had such good tips and recommendations. So I'm going to need a lot of input on this one too. Okay. So this is coming from relationship advice, eight months old titled, I 28 female want so badly for my libido to increase for my boyfriend, 29 male. What can I do? Okay. What it says in the title, I would love to have such a high libido because I enjoy having sex so much when we have it, but the thought of having it when we're not in the physical act. I just cannot be bothered.

1:06:28I am super attracted to him and I love him more than anything. So the relationship is not to blame. It's literally just me. What can I do to increase, please? Supplements, reading spicy books. If so, what ones? I'm open to anything. I want to have sex with him all the time. Please help. you're like sitting there you're just smiling at me what are your thoughts i don't know i can i just feel like i can relate to both sides oh my gosh yeah it would certainly be frustrating that when you want to you just can't mentally get there or just feels like oh it sounds really great but man i have to do so much to get there and it's a lot of work You gotta check in.

1:07:17I'm tired. I'm hungry. I have to do this. It's like you can almost work against yourself in that way. Yeah. Well, and I think like for me, we just ran into this the other night and I told you you needed to amp up the razzle dazzle. I don't know where this came from, you guys. I was like, you know, a little razzle dazzle, Justin. A little this, a little that. Because you almost need like a little bit of initiation sometimes from your partner to like get you in the mood. Like I feel like you need to just like get a little butt squeeze or a little come up behind and feel me up. And I like I need that to almost be like, oh, OK, get out of your head, get into the mood, get in that mindset.

1:07:57And like, obviously, that's not going to work every time. But I think sometimes you can just like get so like comfortable with like just kind of this like norm. Roommate mode is easy to fall into, especially us. Like we got so busy with wedding planning and then getting back and cleaning and getting life together. It's like it can be easy to slip into that and just like not even tune into yourself, your body, your desires and like what you want. It's like this person wants it. She's just like, but like my libido, which is where something like Ollie love and libido could come in. I've been trying it here and there for the past week just to see what the deal is.

1:08:39and I don't know if Ollie's gonna like me using this word but like at least for me like I've felt like a bit hornier and they're Ollie I'm so sorry what hornier is that a word hornier yeah okay I will say you guys I tried to find a synonym and the other synonyms synonyms that come up are aroused and randy so I think randy my choice was better what are you doing randy what are you doing Randy. But I just think it's something that is worth a shot. No one wants to feel disconnected from their partner and like intimacy can be a big part of people's relationships. We do have some really good comments on this one as well.

1:09:24And I know you guys are going to show up and add more. This person goes, I used to struggle with pretty much non-existent libido. And here's what works for me. Less stress. Generally speaking, women need to be relaxed to want sex while men can relaxed through sex lessening my workload helped preach right like literally right there i'm like when i get out of my own head and i stop like the mental checklist of like stress and anxiety and things i have to do yeah then i'm like okay no i'm i'm like tuned back in uh female pleasure centric erotica is their next recommendation sensual exercise dancing or anything that can help you feel more focused on your sexuality and make you horny.

1:10:07There's that word again. Next one goes, have you tried getting yourself in the mood? Obviously, we love intimacy. I think we all do. Everyone loves a good cuddle, a good shag, a good this, a good that, whatever you're into. But wanting it and experiencing it don't always go hand in hand. Ollie gets that, whether it's love and libido so you can get yours or period hero for pms support i'm in desperate need of that right now ollie is wellness that shows up for women you can find ollie supplements at retailers nationwide or at ollie.com o-l-l-y.com these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease can't wait to see your comments and let's get back to sell thanks ollie okay moving on to this next one you've got um some really really good tattoos oh I have some bad tattoos you've got really good tattoos I mean bad tattoos you've got Jaden Smith on your leg yeah thigh yeah two do you have two Jaden tattoos two how do you do you still like do you want to cover up you still you like them it wasn't the spirit of how I receive them okay the joke was that it's funny because they're permanent.

1:11:26And I commit to jokes. Yeah. It wasn't my joke, but I understand it was funny. And so I choose at least thus far to keep them. Do you have like, I've always wondered this when watching the show. Do you guys have like ground rules for your punishments or is it truly just a free for all? It's a little of both. I think it's truly a free for all. Okay. I think that we are good at understanding what the line is. Okay. you know we go right to it yeah and if we don't know we have techniques so for example we wanted to put leeches on on murray oh my god and um and we didn't know if his take on it and what we don't want to do is move forward with an idea and find a location and put and write for it and get there and god forbid you know he's like no because not every punishment is a surprise but a lot are and so we have to we have to you know take a liberty thinking like you know well they're gonna go through with it yeah well they can go through it there's been times I one or two times I physically was unable to do it even though I really would have wanted to do it okay and then that is problematic because you can't lose a that's budget that budget is out the window yeah you've got the whole crew there and so someone else has to take that punishment you know what I mean and we don't want that to happen because that's not really fair so what we'll do is we'll go to we'll go to james and i'll say to him hey we have an idea we want to put leeches on q and i'll get his temperature for what it is for q and so if he's like oh that's hysterical do it i'm like you just made your own bed you put yourself in that yeah but if he's like oh that's i would i would talk to him about that because that's like that's a tough one and he might not like that and then you know like all right we probably can't do it to him okay yeah so there's like little ways to do it if we don't know what the line is but we know each other so well i'm doing the show so long that I think we are a good judge of if like what we can do, what we can't do.

1:13:25Do you feel that anyone gets the worst punishments? We all feel we, I will say everyone has bad punishments. Yeah. We all feel like, you know, we'll compete. Well, I'll argue. I know what, like I was electrocuted a lot of times or shocked, I should say. Oh my God. With like large animal collars all over my body. and I learned after this because they did it in one bit and then next season they did it again and then we had a live show where they did it to me for a little bit too and I only recently learned that I might have taken a couple of decades off my life by doing that. Yeah, what if you had a heart condition?

1:14:03The jury is still out as to how damaging this was to me but I will say that historically cumulatively I think probably James Murray has gotten it the worst Yeah, that was my pick. The nipple piercing was - Oh, that's nothing. That was pretty bad. Oh, come on. I mean, on a scale, that's a one to me. Oh, see, I'm like, that one was bad. Watching him skydive - Crydive. That was like, you could just feel his anxiety. Like, you felt so bad for him. I did feel bad on that. But then again, you got put in a room with a tiger, and you're like really scared of cats. I mean, that just had nothing to do with cats.

1:14:45I was like, that was, I didn't think that would make the movie because I just didn't think it was funny. It was sheer terror. And I couldn't even speak. The bear cage was kind of another one. They really like to fuck with you with animals. Yeah. The bear cage, I get. I'm behind a steel cage. They were right here in front of my face, grizzlies. And they could reach in a little bit. But I do feel like I was tucked away enough that they wouldn't. They did get into a fight right in front of me, the two bears. And that's unbelievable. but the tiger was on one little chain that was tied to the shower pole pole and like there wasn't a hand was there a handler there was a handler in that room i didn't know that i didn't know it at the time yeah but also what are they going to be able to do what are they going to do it was a tiger not knocking her but it was like an older lady and she was like fragile she was like you know she wasn't like a brick shithouse she was like a little bit frail you know what i'm saying well Look what happened to that one guy in Vegas.

1:15:40Yeah. With the tiger. Roy? Yeah. I mean, he has a name, Morton. He's not that one guy. The man is a headliner in Vegas for like decades. Wait. Yeah. I know. Roy raised tigers in the thing. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if the thing lunged with me, it's going to rip out the tile and get me. And I don't know what the handle is going to do. Nothing. My first thing I asked was, and I think it stayed in the movie, was like, how did we get insurance for this? I was dead serious. And then I almost couldn't even move. I started to think they sense my fear. So even me not speaking, just whatever pheromones are coming off of me right now, if that's the right word, this thing senses the fear.

1:16:17I didn't understand how, you got to understand, my mind is blown in that scenario. They shoved me into a roadside motel room. I was talking to them and I shoved me in there and closed the door and then there was no knob to get out. And I didn't know, and I just heard a growl and I literally, I just glued myself to the corner and this thing just nonchalantly a white 600 pound tiger just nonchalantly walks out and i just was like the the level of irresponsibility here like i i don't care what someone told you there is a percentage that i will die from a tiger right now like there is you cannot tell me no that it was risky you can't tell me 100 percent foolproof that i that something might not go wrong.

1:17:05It's always, and I'm like, how in the world can you take this liberty with me? Yeah, the chance is never zero. And I was actually as angry as I was terrified in that moment, but like I couldn't move or speak. I was, I, I, it was, it was a feeling I've only had two or three times in my entire life of that. One time I thought I was going to drown. And one time I misplaced my daughter. So those were like the three most fearful moments I've had in my life. Did you like just place her in a shopping cart and like. We got her. She's fine. Okay. No, it was. I just told us on a pod, but like she just, we were just loading up the car on vacation.

1:17:42She was standing right next to us. We had extended family all over the place. And I put, and then I looked down and she wasn't there and called her name. Didn't hear, ran to the street, ran both ways, ran back into the yard, looked in the pool all the time. I had a heart beating out of my chest. Oh God. Now everyone's, everyone's screaming her name. And as a parent, what you feel in that moment, it blows away the tiger. Yeah. I was about to have a full-blown heart attack. I was about to, I mean, I'm break down the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my life. I don't wish it on anyone. No. And everyone's screaming her name and everyone's dispersed.

1:18:15And this all unfolded within 30 seconds. Oh, my God. Not seeing her, screaming her name, looking both ways, going down, running down the block, running down the other block, looking in driveways, knowing that a car passed. Did someone take her? is she in someone's yard or where is she did she go in the back is she in the pool did she go into the pool god forbid she's young and then my wife found her sitting in the suv that we rented so she just got in and she heard everyone screaming and didn't say anything so she was sitting in there yeah the second i found out that she was in there my body collapsed i took a knee on the ground i had shooting stomach pains and i just started just crying because yeah well it's something else.

1:18:55It's a real, it's a crazy visceral, it's, it's, it's, it's something that you like, you just can't even explain. It's innately biological that's happening. And, uh, oh my God. And I'm like, I don't, I don't wish that on my worst enemy. No, really scary. But back, back to the tattoo. Yeah. This is coming from r slash tattoo advice and it's titled advice on my grandma's tattoo. Second pick is the layout inspo. Hashtag bad tattoo. What do we do? I'm sorry. I don't understand what second pick is the layout inspo meaning. So they included pictures for this one. Oh, so I'm going to show you the picture of what the inspiration was supposed to be for the tattoo.

1:19:38Okay. It is a like paw print. If love could have seen you, you would have lived forever. uh charlie love okay and what is that like a a framed kind of piece of picture or whatever looks like a frame um so you see like this cute little golden retrievers picture in the paw print a quote if love could have saved you you would have lived forever charlie's collar with his little dog tag on it i can't wait for this and then we get a picture of grandma's tattoo i can't wait for this okay grandma too huh grandma really loved love charlie um so this is the tattoo oh gosh can i take this yeah tell tell everyone what you're seeing wait oh my oh oh my god what does it say oh no it's it's it's not good it's not good artistically at all does that look like a golden retriever oh i was i thought it was a different type of dog it was a golden retriever golden retriever this you would name every single breed of dog before you said golden retriever for this dog it looks like a maltese it looks like a maltese yeah it does it looks identical to a waltese there's nothing on here not one thing on here that looks like a good not one trait nothing at all nothing everything else is bad too the lettering is bad it's really bad but the kicker here and by the way even the letters are crooked and i don't mean like crooked going the wrong way like like they're miss the spacing is off on the letters and like one letter will be this way and One letter is a little this way.

1:21:26It's very wabi-sabi. Yeah. It says, yeah, it's like, it's imperfect. Yeah. It's perfect in its imperfection. So I'm, wabi-sabi would be a good thing. If love could have saved you, you would, you would have lived forever. They doubled it. So the person wrote you would twice in a row. And then there's a massive space in between would have, and then no space in between lived. and then there's a heart it looks like that looks like a period after lived even though the word forever comes after it and then there's also one two three different fonts and then there's another heart after love that actually just looks like a birthmark or like a pine cone and the shading is horrific as well it's really bad and i wonder do people like can people get lawsuits i always wonder that.

1:22:23Also, you would, the first you, first of all, it says, if love could have saved you, you would, you would. So the word you is three times out of four words. So, but the first you and the second you preceding it immediately are different fonts. It's pretty bad. Yeah. But so also like, where is the head of the tattoo artist in the, If you wrote you would like, you're not good. It's not like you're jotting it quickly down. No, don't they like map it out on like a piece of paper and then like stick it to you. And then that ink transfers. But this is screaming. Like, you know, when you're trying to make a sign in school and you don't leave enough space.

1:23:06And at the end, it's like the one word has like seven letters in this much. This screams that. It's giving free hand. It's giving. Oh, it's free hand without a doubt. But like, how do you not realize that you've, it's not even just you. It's not like you would, would. It's you would, you would. you start by the way you start on the second you you're already now you're adding a second you right where it shouldn't be you don't notice about the second would even you would you have they must have been on drugs yeah like something i i do wonder if because i because i follow an instagram page with bad tattoos oh the cover-ups are crazy and um i do wonder if people can get have a lawsuit but i guess what how much are you gonna sue for because it's like It's not just the price of the tattoo, though.

1:23:51You're permanently embarrassed or what have you. Apparently, you can sue a tattoo artist for certain types of harm, such as infection from unsanitary practices, an allergic reaction, or if the final tattoo is demonstrably different from what was agreed upon. There you got it right there. So I'd say yeah. So yeah. I mean, or stupidity. Stupidity should be in there. It should be. Well, that's demonstrably different. It's not, it's extra words. It's not even the same dog. Yeah, that's crazy. But it's like, you think Granny? What do you sue this person for, though? I don't know. I can't, I can't, that person, I don't think they have much to give.

1:24:32I don't, I don't think so. And it's like, I think Grandma, like, oh, this is really dark. But like, Granny, does Granny want to go through a cover up or just like deal with this for the rest of her days? Yeah. You know? I don't know. Oh, man. It's pretty bad. That is bad. Pretty bad. And the person wants to know what they should do? Yeah. And so like. That's their grandma or this is the grandma writing? This is their grandma. So they're like, maybe the grandma's not online. Is the inference that the grandmother hasn't noticed? No, I think grandma's noticed and is upset. Okay. And just basically people are just like, yeah, it's understandable why she would be very upset.

1:25:10And the next comment, yeah, that's a shit tattoo. but if she's not agreeing with it and if you or she can't pay to cover it keep it to yourself for the most part and tell her to find a different artist by the way it's on the grandmother's entire arm from her shoulder to her elbow it is a massive tattoo yeah massive which is which is wild in the first place to get a tattoo that big and then just when she throw it just a just hit throw a rock and whoever it hit she's like tattoo me probably this person cannot have worked at as an establishment. This screams out of my basement. Oh, that sucks. As a tattoo artist, I wonder if they have like, they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, like, because that's a mental error.

1:25:53Do you think the bad ones care? Or do you think like they're so like, I did good work today. I'm so good. Yeah, I'm saying even like a tattoo artist worth their salt. I wonder if that's like a common theme. Like they wake up like, oh my God. Like I accidentally doubled up a word or something like that. I probably would have that. I mean, I would. I had like server nightmares like where you're like, Even still, you're like, oh my God, I forgot the water for that table. In your dreams, you're just like, ugh. I used to bartend. I've had dreams where I work a full, full, nothing. You know when you're like a dream, you're like, how was that your house?

1:26:28But it wasn't your house. And then Matthew McConaughey was there. Yeah. And then we rode a bicycle. I had dreams where I clock in for a bartending shift and I work an eight-hour shift and then wake up. It feels like I worked an eight hour shift. Yeah, you've done feel rested. And I'm literally like filling up the ice, wiping down the thing. I felt it in real time. Do you ever wonder if you're living in another reality? All the time, yeah. There's people that get sucked into their dreams for months. That's a real thing. Oh, wow. Where they go to sleep for one night. That's what they feel like? I've never heard that.

1:27:01And in their dream, they live for like two months in their dreams. And they have a boyfriend, a different apartment. They've got like sometimes kids in those other like dream worlds. Like they get locked in. I've never heard that. That's fascinating. Yeah. I have to look that up. It's a big thing. Oh my gosh. I know. This episode is brought to you by Revolve. My summer has been jam-packed with moments where I just want to look cute. And the best way to do it is to find a good fit, an outfit that makes you feel confident, that feels on trend or reflects your unique style. And Revolve is my go-to place to find those fits.

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1:28:17Breathe in. Now breathe out. You feel that? That's the calm of having Intuit Credit Karma in your corner. If you're trying to get your life together in this crazy world, Credit Karma is a great place to start with the money stuff. Your credit score isn't just a number. It can unlock better rates, more options, and real savings. So whether you're moving, leasing a car, or upgrading your cards, it feels good knowing your credit is working for you. When you start to feel like there's too much on your plate, you can count on Credit Karma for less craziness and more credit. Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this last one I have for you.

1:28:52Option number one, am I the asshole for making a joke after my fiance got a speeding ticket? or option two, which I have read at one of our live shows, walked in on my mom eating my dad's ass and I want to die.

1:29:14Oh my God. I don't know if I'm equipped for the second one. You gotta go second one. I mean, give the people what they want. Okay, so this is coming. If I would have chose the first one, you would have just heard the yelling, come on. Screaming. in your ear. Oh, God. I'll still read the first one for you guys on a different episode. You'll still get it. It's almost like I'm punishing myself here. You are. This is crazy talk. This is crazy. Oh, God. All right. I'm bracing for this. I thought we wouldn't. I mean, I thought we heard it all. No. Let's go. This is coming from r slash true of my chest.

1:29:53Again, titled, walked in on my mom, 56 female, eating my dad's 58 male ass. That's such a funny way to type it out. It's like a police report. It's like a police report. You sound like an officer. I know. And I want to die. It's so funny, too. I don't know if the parents' ages are necessarily relevant there. But it makes it worse. Yeah, it does. You're right. It makes it worse. It is. Yeah. I'm still shaken up about it. It was 56F and what? 58 male. 56F, 58M. All right. I'm still shaken up about it, and I haven't been home since. It happened last night when I was scrolling on my phone. I noticed my battery was low, and remember that I lent my charger to my mom earlier that day.

1:30:41So I went to my parents' bedroom, and I didn't hear anything strange before entering. How are you eating your spouse's ass when other family is home? that's got that's that's like you got to wait till they go to work you got to wait till they go on maybe on maybe on a walkabout i would wait until my daughter's like you know what i want to find myself in amsterdam i'll be back in six months then i eat the ass you can't be eating ass when someone's downstairs you're playing with fire this is insane they deserve what they got but nothing could have prepared me for what the sight i saw was i don't want to get into detail because I'm still pretty scarred, but basically my mom was eating my dad's ass.

1:31:23I was so fucking traumatized that I closed their door immediately and ran back to my room. I don't know what to make of that imagery. At times, it felt like I was going to have a full-blown panic attack, but I eventually calmed down after a little while, and luckily enough, I found my old charger in my drawer.

1:31:45So the story has a happy ending. I love that she let us know she found the charger at the end of it. Oh my God. I've been at my friend's house since this morning. So it could have been worse. She could have seen it and then not found the other charger. Not been able to go on TikTok. I've been at my friend's house since this morning and I have no idea how I'm going to come home. My parents called me a few times, but I don't think I can call them back for the time being. Even in anonymity, it takes balls to type this into this. because you're putting it out. You're legitimizing it. I know. You're typing it, and now we've taken it, and now we're talking about it, and it just makes it more real.

1:32:23I would almost start to make myself believe it was an illusion. You know what I mean? It was a bad dream. I had a gummy. Yeah. It didn't happen. What? Yeah. No, no. Now, so, okay, this is something I need to know. Was this like a, and the parents didn't know, or did the parents know that she saw it? We don't have any mention of that. I should not give that detail. God damn it. Top comment. That's why we got to knock on doors before entering, comrade. Yeah. Yeah. Comrade. Oh, Russian replied. Yeah. That's their vibe. That's tough, man. You take that to the grave. Apparently, like, I'm trying to find the original sub because this was pulled from a screenshot I have.

1:33:10and this does happen quite often to people you can't find your charger and you see ass eating a lot of people walk in and see people eating each other's asses um this one is five months old i could i mean it's the specificity is like i walked in on i'm having sex yeah but it's like no it's eating ass by the way this wasn't a problem even over 10 years ago maybe even five This is a new trend I'm hearing now that's like - Ass eating? I mean, if you got F58 and M-56 and M-58's doing it. But honestly, good for them. This was never what it was. I don't even think - Good for them. I don't even think it occurred to anybody prior to 2016.

1:33:54Ass eating? Yeah. I had a college roommate that broke up with a guy because he asked her to give him a rim job. And that was back in like 2013. This is what I'm saying. It was unheard of. Yeah. He was really putting himself out there back then. If he would have waited about three, four years, it would have been a discussion. It would have been fine. Yeah. It would have been fine. I don't know what to do because that person now, till the day she leaves, even when she doesn't want to, not that she ever wants to, but like that's going to be an intrusive thought that can pop into our head at any given moment in time.

1:34:26Just every time you look at your parents. And it's going to be quite some time in the immediate that she can look her parents even in the eyes and not think of that. Imagine if mom tries to give her or him like a little kiss. Love you, babe. yeah love you sweetie don't come near me with that mouth mom yeah what i would have to do what i would have to do first of all thank god my parents divorced when i was four what i would have to do is i would have to soul search i have to sit down and say you know what i'd have to make it so that i could say good for them you know what i mean good for them you know who am i to judge i mean like come on here we're all we're all got our things.

1:35:06Yeah, everyone's got their kinks. And they're their own people. And this is going on everywhere right now. And so be it. Good for them. I don't know how I get there mentally. Also, in order to get there mentally, you gotta think about it. So you're gonna really be banging that around in your head in order to get there. And if you don't get there, then you're just really digging a hole deeper. But that's tough, man. That is tough. The way you come to terms with it. That was the closer. It was the closer. It was good. If you want to feel a little bit better you go on the subreddit dead bedrooms which is all these people that have no intimacy anymore haven't had sex in like five years they're still together and then you look at it and you're like well at least my parents are still having fun this is the thing dead bedrooms i'm not on reddit so i don't really know that one's the whole world out there it is a rabbit hole so what is her what has come of this you just you just let us know that's it she just she had to let us know that that's it that's all i got wow it was just a true off my chest just had to get had to share with someone because if i have to live with it other people need i guess i get that because it would never occur to me to see that or any of these experiences you said then run and like be like i mean you're not going to tell your real life friends they'll judge you forever you tell the internet where it's you know anonymous right i am the one thing i would love to know if the if the parents knew that this person saw but um i'm hoping it was quick and she was you know mom's head was, you know, buried deep and dad maybe was down and doggy.

1:36:35Well, we don't know what the angle is. I mean, uh, if I'm just going over to my head, there could have been various different ways it could have happened. Let's hope that dad was not all for us facing the door. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Sal, thank you so, so much for coming on. You are on tour right now. Yes, I am on tour. Um, you can get tickets at my website, salvolcanocomedy.com. It's the Everything's Fine Tour. It's the Everything's Fine Tour. So if you saw my special Terrify, which is streaming on HBO Max, this is 100 % new material. I got like 30 or 40 cities up now, but I'm touring all the way through 2027.

1:37:11I've been touring this since 2024. Whoa. So yeah. So if you don't see your city, I'm getting to every single city. Just check back. Eventually it'll happen. But I have some bigger shows coming up. November 14th, I'm at the Chicago Theater. And November 15th in Appleton, Wisconsin. Okay. December 27th at the Beacon Theater in New York City. so notable ones the Ryman Theater in Nashville April 12th I'm in Austin February 1st Atlantic City February 28th and so on and so forth any Minnesota stops Minnesota I was there I was there recently already I am going to Rochester, Minnesota okay and there might be there might be another but I was in many but I'm also I have a new talk show coming out called Minouche yeah and that'll be out on YouTube on my channel and on where you get podcasts late fall early winter this is a fun one It's short for Minutia.

1:37:59It's a really like absurd tongue-in-cheek interview show. It's like really, really big guests, really, really small talk. Okay. And it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy. I love that. I'm working on that. I'm shooting it in 10 episode seasons. I'm shooting the first season now. That's amazing. And yeah, what else? And Joker season 12 is airing on TBS. I love it. Yeah. All of Sal's links will be in the description. Check everything out. Go get a ticket to one of his shows. Yes. Funny guy. Thank you. This was so much fun. Okay, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I would love to come back.

1:38:27I'll have you back and I will only give you updates That's on you, I don't want to put that on you No, it's easy But I won't get mad if you did that Okay, I would do that for you Until next time guys, bye

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