245: That's Not Funny.. Ft. Hannah Berner

30:25But this is the thing. I thought she was going to be like, the mom is annoying me. Or like, I feel like we had a tiff or something. Yeah. This sounds racist. Yeah. This sounds like there's radicalization happening. This sounds oppressive. And the fact that he's 100 percent supporting and gaslighting her and supporting the family. I told myself, Hannah, when you come on this podcast last time, you told everyone to get a divorce. Let's let's think it before. Reel it in a little. Let's reel it in. I don't think you need to. I'm I'm divorcing. I think you divorce And then you hit everyone else with his car That's already fucked up Fuck it, take them all out I mean Cause also the She's also at the stage where It's like when your friend says should I break up with him Like she's going on Reddit Asking if she should, using the D word In the beginning I was like whoa that's where we're starting When I was starting with therapy or anything I think she's realizing that Him at his core Is not good and how this woman is going to do everything in her power to make her life miserable.

31:34I mean, this family, I don't, I honestly, like, I don't know how you would ever come back from this. Even if they woke up one day and magically started including you, how do you get past all this hurt? Yeah. And thinking in the back of your head, all the things they've done and said, I also think there is a world where you do an ultimatum with your man and you say like it's them or me but at this point um I feel like he's the problem too oh he's horrible he's horrible I think he's he is like them I know I I think he's bought into the family I think there's like definitely some as OP put it um inappropriate boundaries and a lack of boundaries and then there's not one mention here where he's ever gone to bat for her it's always like oh you're overreacting yeah you're too sensitive you're looking too much into it sorry my mom is like fucking out of her mind yeah and has some insane political beliefs and i can't control her but i can try to control us and navigate our relationship to protect you from her but also that's what that's like that's what you bare minimum need from a partner minimum also you babe i'm gonna say it because we're all thinking it you'll never love my son more than I love him we get it you want to fuck your son like I'm sick of these boy moms being so weird like your job is to raise your son to to be his own man not for you to want him to suck your teat still I know was that too graphic no I think the listeners will appreciate it it was important it is important I mean cut the umbilical cord buddy like I don't understand and I think you see it on like TikTok where like I saw this one video of this mom like making lasagna with her like three year old and she's like he'll always know my lasagna's better than your daughter's and it's like where's this made up competition you can't have him there's no competition you psychopath it's disgusting this is so gross I just I also wonder like How did he even fall into this relationship?

33:52Or was he, did he hide her from her? Did he hide his beliefs before he met her? But it seems like the wool is finally being whatever that quote is. It's off. It's off. Yeah, what is that? The eyes. The wool being pulled. The wool's off the eyes? I'm so, I mess up every single like idiom. Same. I can't get, but I just say a word and I'm like, you guys know what I was talking about. What is that one? The wool has been. The wool has been. to pull the wool over someone's eyes over someone's eyes yeah the wool has been pulled off the eyes i've made that up it means to deceive or trick them to hide the truth or to gain an advantage so he pulled the wool over our eyes in the beginning yes yeah yeah that came out of the vault that was a good one thanks but i also feel like i can't we cannot judge any of these people when it comes to love because it's like so easy to see what you want to see because you want to make love work and this guy probably has so many other qualities that she was like I want that in a husband but then um this woman is maybe we should be grateful that she's showing her true colors and you're not learning this like 10 years later once you have a family with him yeah I mean you're female 30 female 30s whatever it actually is like a literal child you're not in the grave yet there's still time you're a child bride I think so yeah as a 31 year old as a New Yorker That just got married.

35:14Yeah. Like I honestly, I could have waited. If I would have had one more year, I would have been so happy. Like it takes three years to plan a wedding in my world. I don't know how I did it in two, but like getting married as a 32 year old sounds ideal. Yeah. Sounds legit. She could have met this guy at 25. His brain wasn't fully formed. Now it is. Let's get out of there. That. Your brain's changed, babe. Yeah. Yeah. So someone does ask, I don't even know how you get to the point of marrying someone like this. And OP responds, we were long distance during the pandemic. We visited each other, but wouldn't often see extended family.

35:48Then we got married to be together. Okay, she fucked up. Girl, this on you. This is on you. Hannah's giving you a tough love. This is on you. Tough love time. Long distance is not real. And I don't mean it's not real, like it's not a real relationship, but as in you can't decide to marry someone based off a long distance relationship no it's very honeymoon phase as someone that did it for three years so honeymoon phase it's honeymoon phase whenever you see each other you want to hook up there yeah you miss them you're yearning for them you're making up in your head what they're like day to day you don't know they're a totally different person i've had so many relations i mean not so many but i've definitely had the long distance where i'm obsessed and then i finally I'm with them for like a year And you're like who is this guy That is not what I was expecting Because I'm creative so I like to fill in the blanks Well we all do that That's like you can't imagine The potential You have a cereal addiction Why do you have 40 bowls of cereal next to your bed Oh my god What type of mold and research Were they trying to conduct There's something going on but these are the things you cannot know Oh my god You could have never known until you were there.

37:01But yeah, she didn't know who this man was and now she does. Yeah. Apparently before marriage, his parents were very loving to her. The only incidents I had were with his dad and my husband would defend me. Hence me thinking it would be like that with everyone else. The only incident with my mother-in-law before marriage was her comment about loving him more than me, which was at the wedding. So yeah, I'm like, given that, I'm like, I guess OP also adds here after my father-in-law's death, the situations I've mentioned have dramatically increased. Yeah. So I think maybe like mom is now using son as like this emotional partner, this emotional surrogate.

37:45Yeah. And that does, I mean, that's so tough losing your husband and I can't even imagine. Yeah. And the guy losing his dad, he's definitely going through a trauma, but sometimes traumatizing times reveal like if you guys really want to make it work. Yeah. Like I feel like traumatizing times, not to bring up documentaries, but I watched a lot of missing children's cases. So dark. Yeah. Did you, were you trying to like hurt yourself that day? Like just stab yourself in the heart. Like those cases are, as someone that covers them on a true crime podcast now, they're brutal. Brutal. But sometimes the couple becomes closer, but then sometimes it immediately disintegrates the marriage.

38:29because they they can't handle that stress and sometimes they're like you're the only person that can get me through it so it's just so interesting how does certain relationships thrive during trauma and certain ones they're like this isn't you're not right for that it pulls them apart yeah no it is really interesting especially like with a sick kid or like yeah yes true like that also yeah because sometimes you're like this person now just reminds me of the sadness and I want to like leave this life kind of thing or be like you're the only one who understands the trauma I've gone through. Not that one's better or worse.

39:02It's different coping. But anyway, yeah, divorce him. Divorce. Especially divorce because he's refusing any type of therapy, both individuals or a couple, like does not want to work on things. There's a couple other comments from OP just like— But I also wonder if she's an immigrant and maybe she like needed a green card. I no mention I mean maybe because that that one line that she gives like we got married to be together got it like maybe honestly maybe that's why it was a little more rushed I honestly like immigration right now in this country is so hard like DACA I know like a lot of people that are DACA recipients and like her whole family got their green cards and she is like still a DACA recipient and like yeah constantly like can't leave the country like constantly kind of at risk in this in-between limbo yeah because i also don't want to put her in like a vulnerable place divorcing this man but you're also in this like emotionally difficult place that's like another really big thing to consider really big yeah well we do get an update we get an update from her i I love when you do this.

40:15You little sneaky. The update came a month and a half later. It is quite long. Okay. So I think we're getting a lot of tea. I haven't read it. I don't know what we're getting into. Okay. When I last posted, my husband was about to leave for his country for six months, his mother's house specifically, to heal. I thought distance might help us deal with this better and that I would wait to see him in person to address our divorce. But what happened before and after his trip made everything painfully clear One afternoon before he left my parents asked if we wanted to go out for lunch He had just taken a shower and when I asked if he wanted us to join them.

40:55He got angry See, I knew this would happen He insisted that if he showered then he wouldn't get out of the house. He has many rules like that he said it was very rude of me to ask because it meant i wanted to go and then he had to go it escalated into an argument about how i was cold and selfish i tried not to fuel any argument and that was also a problem he called me totally apathetic and said i didn't care anymore he's crashing out he's crashing out he's creating issues now he then made a comment that scared me something about not seeing the point of living anymore. It wasn't direct, but it left me shaken and upset because I've suggested therapy many times and he refused it.

41:43The next morning, he ignored my texts and the door when I knocked on the bathroom. When I opened it, he laughed and said, you probably thought something happened after what I said yesterday. And he laughed. That's when something in me broke. My worry, my care had become another tool for control. Did he love me or was he mistaking love with control? She's smart. Her therapist is good. She's on it. She's clocking him. Man, we had another talk about his family before his flight. I told him I felt uncomfortable when they crossed lines and that I needed him to stand up for me. His answer was, quote, of course I'll back you up.

42:23We'll just discuss it privately after it happens. That's when I confirmed one last time he wasn't planning to defend me at all, just to avoid upsetting them. When he left, he refused to let me drive him to the airport because it would make things harder. I stayed home, realizing the real goodbye had already happened days before. After arriving, he said his mom saw him at the airport looking tired and joked, From your wife? He told me that story like it was funny. It wasn't. But it summed up our marriage. During his first week in his country, we barely spoke. Then, out of nowhere, his mother, who hadn't texted me in years unless it was something about her son, messaged me.

43:05She wrote that she hoped I was doing well and that they were trying to move forward despite how bad things were and that she enjoyed having me there with her son. It caught me off guard. I knew she meant it to sound kind, but it felt performative, like she was trying to keep me emotionally connected to him through her. Or like a message saying, we're already going through a lot, so you better not make it worse. Oh. I didn't reply. It was the first time I realized how blurred the boundaries in that family really were. That night, he complained about me being cold and rude. I said I asked to speak to him that week, but he said he was busy so we could speak the next day since it was the weekend.

43:44He said no, it had to be now. I asked for him to respect me, wanting to speak the next day. Then he flooded me with texts and calls, saying, I respect your boundaries, followed by, I need you now. Pick up. I'd never do this to you. I won't sleep. The next day, when I asked for a divorce, it was a tough call. He was refusing, saying that he would change. I asked him to respect my decision, and the call ended abruptly. Then he sent me a long, emotional letter full of guilt and self-pity saying I'd treated him like trash, that I'd controlled everything, and that I hadn't given him a chance to even change.

44:24He then went to his country to change and be better, and I disposed of him. The next day, he said he understood and respected my decision, but that he wanted therapy to change, to rebuild things. He said that he would set boundaries with his family, be positive, support me. I wanted to believe him. For two days, I actually did. Then he told me his brother-in-law said, oh, so now we don't have to hate her anymore? after hearing we might try again. And of course, he justified it as just a joke, despite me telling him that it was not a funny thing to say and that again, he justified it. The following day, he started blaming my parents now, saying that for our marriage to work, I should stop working and seeing them that much, stop going to their city.

45:10We don't really go that often unless I have to go to work and that we should balance family events evenly between his and mine. His family lives on another continent. When I mentioned then we should start making friends in the city we live in, he said it wasn't necessary because we had each other. That's when I realized he didn't want balance. He wanted control. And with these rules, I would be even more isolated. So I asked for space, not to play games, but to stop the cycle of we divorce, we reconcile, we fight again. We were supposed to text every morning just to let each other know we were well.

45:45One day he stopped texting. So I gave him space too. Yesterday was our anniversary. He said nothing. No good morning, no message. I didn't reach out either. I wanted to respect the silence we both seemed to need. And to be fair, I didn't see anything to celebrate. Then today he sent a long message full of guilt, apologies, and emotional weight. And immediately after, he blocked me. And somehow, the silence feels like closure already. because I finally understand that love isn't enough when the relationship requires you to shrink just to keep the peace. It was not just his family. I've discovered through therapy, chats with friends, and self-reflecting that there were a lot of other things going on here.

46:29By the way, someone told me after I broke the news that they always felt something weird going on. A day before our wedding, this friend saw my mother-in-law crying and she asked if all was well. My mother-in-law said, it's just that my son is in love. And when this friend looked where mother-in-law was looking, she was watching us kiss. I felt very disgusted about this. I also discovered it was his mom that picked out my engagement ring. Anyways, I may not recover my books and things since he blocked me, but luckily I have a list of all of them and hopefully little by little I can recover them.

47:09It's better than what would have happened if I went there. In december i'll go with one of my best friends on the trip I had planned I'm, very excited for that. It's not the amicable ending. I wanted But I for sure have peace and time to know myself again. Thank you for your kind advice and words everyone I'm happy for her same. I'm so happy for her. Oh my gosh, like So good on you for getting out and realizing All of his tactics and manipulation Well, it's the classic what he's doing to you, he accuses you of. Saying you're trying to control me. And it's like you're just saying what you're doing.

47:47He's a character that one. He is crazy. He must have been hot. He's crazy. He must have been hot, tall. I don't know. People just flip a switch though sometimes. Have you ever dated someone like once they feel like you get a little bit more locked in, then they like are a totally different person? I do feel like sometimes they, you know, people will be like mean to the people they like love the most. So it's like they get comfortable with you and then they're like letting out all their worst sides to you. And you're kind of like, oh, you weren't like this before. But it's like this is how you show your love.

48:26Where'd this come from? Yeah. Yeah. So it's like them behind closed doors when they're alone with you is actually not as fun as when they're like in person with their friends. Showing off. Like putting on that show. Yes. Everything's so perfect. I'm so funny. I'm so nice. I'm so lovely. But they started the show with you and then I guess the show's over and you're stuck with them. Oh my gosh. I like recently, I don't know why I'm like having this epiphany, but I thought like I'd never really dealt with like insane love bombing. But like now that I'm like in hindsight, I'm like, oh no, like people definitely can flip a switch and change.

49:03Like one of my exes, I think it was like a month into like talking. He called me drunk one night and he's like, I'm so obsessed. Like, I think I love you. And I'm like, whoa, okay. and he's like yeah like I asked my dad if he would still love me if I converted to Judaism and you know I'm I'd do anything for you and I'm like the fuck and I'm like now in hindsight I'm like oh no that was definitely some weird love bombing by religiousness and I'm like I'm not even that religious but okay yeah I'm like but he was like super I don't know he was super Catholic so in his world that was his that was love yeah it's crazy i also think with technology it's so easy for people to effortlessly spend time on you and give attention to you and say really loving things to you whether it's facetime text and but really it's low effort on their part but it feels like they're obsessed with you and really like they could be doing that with a lot of people which is like scary to think but that's our technology nowadays terrifying well and i think that's probably how they became so close yeah because it was like pandemic yeah everyone was home everyone is like vulnerable vulnerable in a state of like chaos lonely and they were constantly like long distance and like able to reach out yeah so and also amplified there is something to be said that now that i'm older um i think when you're younger you're like i'm gonna find my soulmate there are so many people that you're compatible with in different ways and some people are so great for dating for three months some people are so great to live with but not to marry some people are great to date but not to live with like these are all just different compatibilities and i don't doubt that these two are compatible in some capacity but then once they got into the marriage situation because marriage as someone who's been married just a couple years longer Well, I got like a month.

51:03I'm only three years. You're qualified. I'm a literal baby. But marriage is a lot of just really dumb, logistic decision making. And even that fight over the shower is such a marriage fight where if you don't like each other, you can make anything personal and turn anything to a fight. So it's two people. Like, I don't care how hot your sex is or how funny the other one is or um how romantic you are are you guys making the same decisions about like where what movie you're gonna watch that night because that's what you deal with day-to-day yeah I know the day-to-day stuff and like are you showing up in your best way like I also know like I can sometimes be a hangry person like I'm truly that Snickers commercial like hey eat a Snickers like you're somebody else right now like that I'm I shut down I'm I shut down I'm crabby I'm short Like I get it.

51:54And like I can tell, too, when I just like need some alone time, like I'm very introverted. I need to recharge because like Justin will leave a light on and I'm just like, can't you walk out of a room and just hit the switch? I'm just like just the little things. But it's like you then got to look at the big picture. Like, is he a good partner? Hands down. Like the other morning I had like a recording session early. I needed coffee and he wakes up earlier than me. He goes and works out and I woke up and he had sent me a text where he's like, your coffee's in the fridge and I put gas in your car.

52:28So you're all set. And I'm like, leave every light on. It's fine. I just saw a meme being like men used to go hunting and bring home like like a dead animal. That's his version. Him bringing coffee, a nice latte in the fridge. Exactly. That's men nowadays, which we'll take. That's the man I want. I'm like, I don't need a deer in my garage. It's true. I'm good. It's true. And also just remembering like you are going to disagree about logistical things and stuff like that. But it's about choosing your battles. Like is that what you want to snap at him for, the light? Or is it are you going to hold it in and snap at something else that's stupid?

53:08Because I get hangry too. And my husband knows, like, I'll say something kind of snippy and he'll be like, you hungry? And I'm like, yeah. And then it becomes like a joke where like if we weren't compatible, he could be like, don't fucking say that to me. And next thing you know, it's a huge fight. So it's literally it's not always you. It's who you're with. Yeah. Like you're allowed not to be perfect, but you need someone who who like sees the light in all of it and doesn't take everything personally like an attack. That is like the best way to put it because like I've really come to the conclusion like as women we're so our hormones are crazy.

53:43Like I feel like we're just bombs. We're just little bombs waiting to go off. We just need the right thing. And so when stuff sets us off, you need someone who's like the bomb squad. They can properly diffuse you. Also, we're observant. Like there's so many things going on that men are not aware of. And I'm like I'm stressed about all these things. Yeah. We have so many different things. And I feel like men are very, to stereotype, are very good at being present in the moment. Yeah. Where my husband is very good at being like, we're not catastrophizing about that right now. We're just here right now.

54:14We're here right now. And finding someone who balances. Yeah. I'm the catastrophizer. I'm so, yes, yes. We are in the same boat. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. I myself have fallen for a scam. Thought I was getting a really good deal on tickets and bam, I sent the money and I didn't get my tickets. There's so many common scams these days, and finding all the red flags can be hard. That is where Cash App comes in. Keeping your money safe from fraud deserves to be a priority, and Cash App treats it that way. With security lock, Cash App requires a successful face ID or biometric authentication to access your account.

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55:58Are you doing okay? Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything? Oh no, I'm good Okay I'm great I'm like I might have to pee after this one But we'll see If you have to pee, it's okay Oh my god Your drink's gone It's like a car ride You good? Do we need to stop? Pull over We have like five more miles Do we need the next rest area? Oh my god Do you need Chipotle? Chicken nuggets? Chipotle chicken tacos Have been like my Like spectrum food That I like only eat The season on the chicken is great The seasoning It used to mess me up, but I feel like it's changed lately. It was so good. Yep, they're really nailing it.

56:32Oh, my God. And I don't want a carnita. Throw in a carnita. Okay, this next one is coming from AITAH, six days old, titled, Am I the asshole for not finding my husband attractive after childbirth? Oh. Oh. Interesting. I know, a little wrench in that one. A little hormonal, maybe. Throw away since my husband is chronically on Reddit. it. This one is long, so TLDR at the bottom. Our little one is six weeks old, unplanned pregnancy, but throughout the whole thing, my husband was supportive. We went into this knowing I didn't have any close living family to help us out, and his are busy with their own lives.

57:10And his... That's so funny. We have no help, is what she said. She's like, and they hate me too. him. With that being said, his family is very opinionated. They keep pushing for him to get a better paying job. We aren't rich, but live comfortably enough to enjoy things like going out to eat, buying on Amazon and other more detailed stuff while saving for a down payment for a house, which we have. We're just adding to it at this point. I was very adamant that I wanted him home using the Family Medical Leave Act for at least a month. He got 12 weeks approved through his job. If he left his job, he would lose those benefits.

57:51Fast forward to little one being born. Husband was great the first week, changing diapers, interacting with him, and being supportive while I breastfed. Two weeks, and he enters a depression. His family visited, and the same conversation came up. Quote, you need to make more money or you're going to make your kids struggle. It irked me. I kept saying he's doing everything I and little one need right now, but it wasn't enough. He spent the next week finding a new job, which has required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position. He started that at two and a half weeks old, and it's been hell ever since.

58:33He's gone from 6 a.m. to 4.30 p.m. Monday through Friday without the promise of this new job. Once he gets home, he's doing homework and playing on his phone while I'm taking care of a newborn, doing overnight wake-ups, healing, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and going to appointments. We've gotten into arguments. I've cried begging for help. He has tried harder but doesn't understand unless I point to something and say, do it now, including picking up his own son. Even then, he throws the, I'm busy right now, excuse. He could hear the baby crying while I'm in the bathroom and doesn't even get up.

59:14Or he's on his phone over the weekend while I do everything I do during the weekday. The tipping point was over the weekend. I left the baby with him for an hour to do something for me. When I called, all you could hear is the baby screaming in the background. He has no connection to his son, and I fear he never will now that I just say fuck it and do it myself. I've tried helping him figure out the dad role, but a lot of times he gets frustrated, which leads to him asking if our newborn is normal. It kills me. Or he'll tell me I'm micromanaging. I can't even look at my husband anymore and see the man I love.

59:55All I see is another person to clean after and take care of. Kissing him is a chore, and I know he feels it. We've had basic conversations of me voicing that i'm doing it all He usually counters with if you need help just ask From which i've told him I do but I get blown off half the time and i'm not going to keep asking I've told him i'm spread thin exhausted and emotional But I always feel like the asshole when I think about why it's hard right now Am I the asshole for not being attracted to him when I know he's doing this to better our lives in the long run? not to throw you guys off, but I'm going to be positive on this one.

1:00:37I know. Keeping everyone on their toes. Well, first of all, the fact that he for that week was good means that he has potential. Potential is there. Potential is there. And it sounds like I got a little confused because I thought he had gotten like 12 weeks. And then I guess his family told him to get this different job. So he's kind of obsessed right now with getting his family's approval, which is ultimately to bring in more money for the family but he's missing he's missing the mark I feel like she isn't it's not over between them because I think if he can get in the right mindset again which is you're helping the family by being present right now and worry about the money later like money comes and goes I need you here she will then be attracted to him again I also think she's going through so much right now herself that yeah she's like going through a very particular time um and he's not helping but i people say a lot of marriages can end when you start just seeing him as like another child who you have to take care of that's not sexy no but i feel like i feel like they're in a really rough patch but i feel like he can get out of it but i i do whenever someone says to you, because I feel like I've said it to people like, oh, yeah, just let me know if you need help means you don't want you don't want to help them.

1:02:01If you want to help them, you do it. You know, just ask me. I know that I hate that. We're just like, you could have asked. It's like you saw me struggling. Yeah. Like you saw me struggling. Yeah. And you could have just as easily picked up the baby. I shouldn't have to then do the mental load as well, being like, hey, can you get the baby and then can you change their diaper or see if they need to be fed like yeah baby's crying get your ass up it's hard because he probably feels also like he's missed out and he doesn't know the right things to do and he like freezes maybe not i'm not what am i doing defensively i'm like the guy is trying his best no i want to believe that he can like change perspective yeah i know like because it's really hard here i i don't understand why he let his family pressure him or bully him.

1:02:49I don't understand why this wasn't a more mutual decision between the two of them. Like, why did your family come in? And then all of a sudden you're quitting your job, your job that you had 12 weeks to be with your baby and your family. And like FMLA, like maybe some of that time was even paid. Like, did you literally quit that job before you even exhausted all of that paid leave? And then this training that is unpaid, she said. It's so confusing Some kind of training He maybe has a position Like he has to do required training For eight weeks before maybe Even having a position So you just gambled What if you do all this training And then you don't even get the job The decision making was messed up on this one What are we doing?

1:03:35For sure You just had a baby The baby is six weeks old now So like couldn't you have just Gotten out of the trenches like the postpartum like anxiety depression phase that like mom could be at risk for and like couldn't we at least get past that and then like hey you want to make more money you want a different job do it but let me get out of the trenches I don't need to be in there fighting by myself buddy yeah I also I've heard that a lot of men don't feel as connected to the baby in the beginning because you know they weren't carrying it so like I do think what he's going through is normal but like this is a critical time for him to not keep getting farther and farther away absolutely from the family yeah and then maybe even making his own depression worse because he feels even more disconnected he feels more inept or has guilt or whatever it is like the good news is he's not in like some job that he's been in for 10 years and doesn't want to lose like he's in a place that he's moving and grooving um they need money though so it sucks that he left that job I thought that was going to give him leave.

1:04:42I know. Well, and it's like... Do you need more money? Yeah, I think for a lot of people like they're like, yeah, obviously, Morgan, like more money is always nice. Yeah. But at the same time, like you have a savings where you have enough in your savings for a down payment on the house. Yeah. And then some. Yeah. Take advantage of like this nice job that you've had. You know what you're expecting. Yes. You've got all this leave. Enjoy your newborn. Enjoy like bonding with the baby, which is a lot harder for guys typically, especially when mom is breastfeeding because baby doesn't really want that.

1:05:13Baby wants boobs. Baby's like, you don't give me anything. You got nothing for me. And at that point, all they do is eat, sleep, and shit. Yeah. Like, that's baby mode right now. But you can be helping mom. You can be cooking. You can be cleaning. Like, she's still healing. So it's just, like, it's frustrating that it's, like, you could have had your cake and eaten it too. Yeah. By just waiting a couple more weeks and then go job hunt. And it's not like the family is so crazy telling them to get a better job. but it's more they don't know what's actually going on in your family what you need yeah so it's like you're right it was a discussion they needed to have and so crazy i also she clearly didn't marry for money like that was never the issue like if she wanted a guy who had more money she would have good point she would have married a guy with more money so she's like can you just fucking like wake up when the baby's crying that's all she wants i'm just trying to take a shit the baby's crying please get the baby but it's so true and I feel like so many women who've had so many different guys they've dated and they're now like in their 30s that I talk to they're always just like I want a kind good man I just want a kind empathetic man who's dating is so hard right now like talking to all my friends that are still actively dating like so hard I have a friend like that just moved from LA to New York and like a part of that was because dating is so bad here but I'm also like I don't know I don't know over there girl we should have put you in Chicago somewhere in the middle the middle I wonder if it's because our algorithms are so different and we're consuming so much content on our phones that when we hang out with like a guy who hasn't been looking at the same stuff you're just like hey what are we doing what are we talking What are we talking about?

1:07:00What do you like to do? My name's Morgan. Hi. What's your favorite color? I like black. Literally, that's a first date. What do you do? Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin nowadays. Yeah. Like, I just, I can't, like, the thought of dating again. Yeah. Like, there's no, I can't, my brain, I'm like, I'm dying before I have to date again. Yeah. There's no way. Oh, 100%. I also feel like it's like you either meet someone through friends or like you just message a thousand people a day forever. That's depressing. It is. That was depressing. A little. Well, it's just like either like you go full technology and you're like do a numbers game or you go like I'm going to walk through a library and see if a handsome man asks me if I'm lost.

1:07:50The fact that some people actually do still have meet cutes is like. Yeah, like meeting their husband on a plane How? I'm like, are they making that up for a TikTok video? How? I literally just saw a video Of course it was TikTok Of this girl that was like My mom's best friend asked me to pick her up from the airport I did She texted me Get out of the car I met your husband Sure enough, standing next to her Is this hot guy that she sat next to on the plane And we're now all going out to dinner together Oh my god I'm like, how does this happen to people? I'm hoping it's a reverse effect where like everyone is so sick of all the online stuff that people start talking to each other however like apparently a lot of gen z's this is a probably made up stat but like some of the guys have never been rejected to their face before like guys aren't asking girls to their face to like which is like a very critical you need that social skills you need that socialization milestone get rejected to your face rejection therapy is like a real thing you need to do it You need to do it.

1:08:50Girl and guy, I think. Everyone. Everyone needs to do rejection therapy. To your face. Ask the questions. I hate making phone calls. I hate asking, like, questions. Customer service. Hate it. But you never know. There was, like, something the other day. I, like, bought something off Facebook Marketplace. And I was like, would you take, like, 500 for that instead of 1 ,000? She goes, sure. And I'm like, say less. I'll be there. Just ask. Just ask. Instead of just getting in your own head about everything. A lot of times they'll say no. I made an offer at a thrift store and I thought it was a reasonable offer, but she said no.

1:09:21And then you just walk away. It's fine. Nothing personal. You're not going to die. Sometimes I think I will, but you're not going to die. It's okay. Oh God. I could see you being a dating coach. Oh my God. I could like really see you being a dating coach. I love coaching in general. Like I love being a hype woman for people. Like I have like kind of an agent brain where I'll see someone And I'll be like, you got to do this. And you got to, I believe in you. You got to trust this. You got to go. But I feel like dating is very like just being your authentic self and the right people will find you.

1:09:54That's very hopeful. Is my, what I put out there for people. I appreciate that. Back to this gal. Oh yeah, back to the baby. Back to the baby. We left the baby crying. Are you the asshole for not being attracted to him? I don't think so. I think it's valid you're not attracted to him right now. but know that it's not like it's not necessarily permanent. I think in marriages there can be ups and downs where like, you know, when you're in a fight and you're like, obviously I don't want to have sex with him right now. He's pissing me off. Like I think it's one of those where she's turned off by him, but I don't think you're not attracted to him.

1:10:28I still have hope for you. I think there's hope. I think you're just really, really going through it right now. You're deeply unhappy, super unsatisfied, and you don't have a partner right now. Like that's kind of where you're at. He's making your life worse. He's making your life a lot worse, a lot harder. So, no, I feel like I would be shocked if you were attracted to him, to be honest. I do think, especially with women nowadays, we feel similar to men where your partner needs to bring value. And not to, like, and you date it. No. I'm not saying you have to be, I'm just saying, if you're not bringing anything to the relationship, why are you here?

1:11:05And if you're hurting the relationship, why are you here? Yeah. So when I say value, I don't mean the red pill value, but rather don't make my life harder. And I don't think like people realize that. Like I think because of what's online for men and the content and all the toxicity geared towards men, it's like not like high value. It's like you don't have to make a lot of money. No. Like it's not that alpha male stuff where it's like you have to make over 125K a year. When I say high value is like, do you make me feel seen? Value is effort. Understood. Yes. Communication. for, protected. Yeah.

1:11:39And it could be in various forms. It does not have to be like financial. And you can be imperfect. You can be poor. You can have your own issues that you're struggling with. You can have crazy in-laws. You can have crazy in-laws. It's how you show up. It's how you show up and you're ultimately on the same team together. This guy, he's left the team. He's on the bench right now. Yeah. And you need him on the court. And he benched himself. He benched himself. Like, what are you doing? What do you mean? Not to use sports analogies on this. No, he benched himself. We're Stephen A. Smithing this. Get in the game.

1:12:13Penalty box. I mean. Yeah. Yeah, shoot some threes. She's out here just running around. Full court defense. I know, dude. You're reminding me of like Steph Curry and all the drama that's been on TikTok about. Oh, his wife? Him and his wife. Oh, scary. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. You don't have a partner. You just have an employer to bang and clean up after. If that's harsh, don't get angry with me. He's the one treating you that way. Someone goes, yeah, she's basically doing shift work with a newborn and managing an emotionally checked out roommate. There's nothing sexy about having a parent your partner.

1:12:50And also, yeah, he is tired, like 6 a.m. to 4.30. He's definitely tired when he gets home. But it's like, OK, we need to fix this because it's not working. No. I'm going to see if there's any comments from OP at this point. we do have a few comments because it's six days old now yeah so someone has like a really long comment to op why is he doing this new job right now i can understand slightly from his perspective about being tired coming home and just wanting to be on his phone but he has a child he should be taken care of before other things i think he is the asshole for not helping but i do see what has happened family pressured him maybe he felt like he wasn't doing enough tries to do more in the wrong way, making more money rather than helping you, is now tired because of his hours, became stuck in a habit of not helping, I think men forget what actually makes us love them.

1:13:38It's not the fact that they're making money. It's that they're being a part of the family and your life. Period. Hannah. That's what we said. We didn't even need the comments. I am the comment. Hannah is comment. Hannah is stop comment. I will comment. And OP responds, I think that is perfectly put. It's not all about money and it could have waited. He didn't jump into it without consulting me. But at that point, he was severely depressed thinking he wasn't doing enough. And I told him to do what he needed. I warned him it would be hard. But in my head, I didn't see he'd be so focused on the new job that he would forget about us.

1:14:16Yeah. I saw my husband who used to come home from work and help me. I feel like he didn't know what he needed or what he wanted. And he thought this job was going to bring him something and she thought well I want my husband to be happy but she didn't realize that he's now just like put his depression and energy into something else yeah well and I don't think it would have mattered if she would have been like not right now like if she would have said no that could have caused even more depression more resentment and then it could have been her fault so it's like it was kind of a catch-22 in a sense where it's no one's winning yeah like they're both really losing yeah it also we're two people who haven't had kids yet yeah that would know of nobody unless someone stole an egg i'd be crazy so we don't know about this like time but i i hear so many like celebs or like moms talk about like oh back when I did have my kid it was the hardest time so traumatizing and a lot of women do it just kind of in silence like you don't even know how difficult it is so she probably feels really alone but I just want to say I don't think you're alone I feel like a lot of women are going through this so many I mean I've heard of women their husband is showing up and they're like I'm not a try he did this to me I hate him right now like there's so many women in that like oh my god he sneezed and woke the baby up I hate his guts like yeah when you're in that new baby postpartum stage yeah even when you're in pregnancy I mean this whole this being pregnant having kids it's a feat yes it's Olympic medal worthy yeah so I think you get a you get a pass yeah you get a pretty big pass I always try to think too like sometimes with the household it doesn't naturally flow and you like have to have some systems in place like a job um for example like my husband and I are both messy so like we've been trying to get more systems in place where it's like okay you are the dishwasher person like I will handle the laundry okay because it's like at least try to put something down because it's not working in our like willy-nilly figure it out.

1:16:34That's me. So maybe there's a method of like you do the diapers after 5 p.m. You're on diaper patrol. I'm telling you this is it because you can't. That's really smart. Like maybe there's a simpler system so that when he doesn't do it, it's very clear to be like. That's so smart. You're a diaper guy. That's really smart. Delegate. Like here's the clear your tasks after 5 p.m. we're 50 50 on the job it's not me 100 and even saying 50 50 I don't think it's clear enough no no I like your task like you're on diaper duty you're on bottle washing duty yeah whatever it is here's your task these you come home you do all the dishes yep and then tonight it's you and actually I my I do a family that has newborns and they have their own systems that work for them like she'll be like he does you know Tuesdays and Wednesdays because he's lighter on work those days.

1:17:27So he stays up those nights. Smart. I hate to say turn it into like a military operation, but that might be what this guy needs. You might need that in the early days. Hey, I said you're in the trenches. Yeah. Bring out the military. Let's bring him. Let's do some pushups. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. Mic drop. Don't grow boss so close to the sun right now, Bradley. Mic drop. I love my makeup names for all the guys. That's Bradley. It helps. It helps set the scene for us. Yeah. Brad. I think that is the way to handle it. I feel like this is, it's hard because it's like if it's his dream job. Wait a couple, wait till you're done with the FML.

1:18:07I know. Wait till the FML to be over. I do see like the draw though. It's like he's got his family medical leave. Job is still there. So if he does hate this one and it doesn't work out, there's the safety net. Yeah. And he doesn't want to, he likes being able to do the training so that he can work. But actually, I've heard this before where men will get family medical leave and at first they're helpful, but then they kind of take it to like do some other stuff, like start some new hobbies and like they have all this free time. Yeah. So like this is a thing that I've heard. I'm not going to name names, but some men have done.

1:18:42Some men have done to my friend, but then they worked it out. Okay. Yeah. Because basically guys are like, what do you need me here? I guess I'll like I'll take a class and learn something during this leave yeah just be still just be just be there just be there be present you sometimes I think men are very like again mass stereotyping but they're like how can I solve this problem right now which she is telling you yeah what she needs you do but sometimes it's just like that you're there just in case yeah that you're ready and you're you're here for the family yeah people have backup pictures you know Dodgers just won World Series like there's backups for a reason there's this new commercial I forget what this insurance thing is for but it's like the professional backups come in like this dude can't order at a drive-thru window and the professional backup comes in and like orders everything really well like the parents are trying to give like a talk to a kid and they're botching it and this backup comes in and it's like when two people fall in love and it's like the backup explains it's like just like just be a backup There's nothing wrong with it Yeah Yeah cause you won't be the one breastfeeding But that doesn't mean you don't have a critical role Emotional support Hold my hand Tell me I look good There's another Or start selling pics on OnlyFans Sell some dirty socks Sell some foot pics Sell something Yeah I also think a little Meeting with the whole family could be good I think that would be good So we do get a couple more comments that do provide some insight.

1:20:24So there is a comment here. I know why he decided to do what he did. Both of his parents died while he was relatively young and he had to work for what he has. The family in his ear are his uncle and brother. Oh. With that being said, I make double what he makes. This has never caused fights. But when he looks at our income, he sees his. He thinks he's doing it all with his own money, and that has caused arguments when I have to remind him he's not. He has done therapy before, and I'm sure if I ask, he will again. I think the issue now is that he is so blinded by money and making more money, more than ever before, in fear that he can't provide for a baby, that he's missing out on everything else when we will never have an issue providing together.

1:21:12This is a plot twist. she's like mama's got you okay said bread winner sugar mama got you so stop stressing about your pennies i know and if you want to provide for this family do it emotionally yeah this is like just a real miscommunication of what we were talking about earlier what is value yeah what is value what is value and clearly she's like i got you on the money front i just like i think that's something guys need to get more comfortable with as we like progress forward it's okay if you have an imbalance in breadwinner or like if your wife is making more than you and you're in that traditional relationship because I think this isn't so much an issue for gay couples or other couples like it's it's those straight couples but even even in a gay couple if one of them starts doing really well it could be great for the other one to be like oh maybe I'll I'll I'll be more at home for this and it kind of can flip back and forth yeah i just think like people that are in the lgbtq plus community have like those conversations easier yeah there's not so much insecurity as where you see in like well yeah they don't feel like i'm the one that should be this yes because they're not heteronormative toxic masculinity of it where it's like i need to make more money than my what yeah no you're fine but also like you got she married you she's good i literally just saw a tiktok this morning of a guy being like what would you do if your wife made over $300 ,000 a year and it just shows the guy like throwing in laundry like burping the baby and he's cleaning and he's like loving it and like partying at home which by the way it's very difficult to keep a home I wouldn't know because I'm horrible at it so I don't know I was there talking to my grandma who got married when she was 18 and I'm like what would you do during the day clean and she's like you wake up you're doing laundry you're cleaning you're cooking you have three kids and i'm not meant for that holy shit nana yeah your grandma's so cute she's the cutest you guys nana still got it on instagram if you want to follow her she's very active oh my god like she just went i think i saw you guys go to like some premiere and her fit i'm like damn nana's popping up nana is a fashion icon at 84 i mean unreal unreal but yeah different times.

1:23:31I mean, I don't know how to keep a home either. I will definitely need a lot of help when I have a kid because you don't see my floor very often. Like my editor, Jenna, sitting here with us now. And I cleaned my house when we had people over for Halloween to pass out candy. And I don't know if it was Jenna or someone else, but they walked in. They're like, this is the first time I've seen your floor. Wow. This looks great here. And I'm like creative. You're an expressive creator i just it's hard and it's already piled back up i'm like what the fuck it was clean for a day also it is hard to tell a man like look i make more than you deal with it i think it's more of change the perspective of like long term i'd love your career to flourish yeah now is not the training time for you to build on that because also there are a ton of people who don't find what they love or like find the right work situation until later in life.

1:24:25Yeah. You know, like he can find a job that he ends up like really ascending and and finding a community for himself and making more money in that could happen when he turns 40. Like, yeah, there's this isn't set in stone. It's not. And the last comment I'll read his employer of his old job is aware of all of this. So not at risk. Apparently they've been family friends since childhood. This was an opportunity he has been waiting on for a while. He just jumped into it very quickly instead of waiting for the next run of trainings in early 2026. So there is like such a perfect world here where he talks to whoever is doing the training and says, hey, I bit off a little bit more than I can chew right now with a new baby at home.

1:25:10I'd love to do the trainings in 2026. I will not let you down blah blah blah blah blah he kind of has an idea what trainings look like yeah and then he can be present for baby and you know what this is why i believe in this couple because i think they're gonna be okay his heart's in the right place it is he's just he's fucking up and that's okay you're allowed to make mistakes but his heart is there his mom's not trying to like get her deported or whatever the other mom was trying to do yeah so this is good this is really good This is logistical problems which we all deal with Yeah they just gotta need to Communicate get on the same page again Yeah but I love that she's speaking up For what she needs cause there's a lot of People that could be like he's Going through it I don't want to make it worse for him I'll take on all the load Instead she's like something's wrong I'm unattracted to him how do we fix this She's on it and she went to Reddit And then she's here And she's here and we solve That crime and thank god she's here cause otherwise I'd be out of a job.

1:26:12Yep. Be out of a job. Thank God this next one's here too, because this one, this is also keeping me employed. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Nintendo. Everyone's version of Me Time is a little different. That's why the Nintendo Switch 2 system is so fun. With exclusive and Nintendo Switch compatible games like Mario Kart World, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Nintendo Switch 2 Edition, Tomodachi Life, Live in the Dream, or Yoshi and the Mysterious Book, there's something for every vibe. And with upgraded hardware, play at home or on the go, whenever the mood hits. Learn more at Nintendo.com slash Nintendo Switch 2.

1:26:52Games and systems sold separately. Some Nintendo Switch games may not be supported or fully compatible with Nintendo Switch 2. Games rated E for everyone. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Life with Kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists. One minute, everyone's buckled in. The next, someone's dropped a snack, lost a shoe, or needs a bathroom break immediately. That's why the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica is built for real life. With thoughtful features like stow-and-go seating, hands-free sliding doors, and passenger seating up to eight, it helps keep everything moving.

1:27:25Because family life isn't about the perfect moments, it's about making the most of any moment. Visit your local dealer or Chrysler.com to learn more and schedule a test drive today. Chrysler is a registered trademark of SCA US LLC. So this is coming from r slash relationship advice titled I 28 female commented on a post of my boyfriend 29 male on a are we dating the same guy page and he found out. What are my next steps? Wait. Have you seen these pages? So she commented like she said, is anyone dating this guy? No, she someone else said, are you dating this guy? And it's her boyfriend. And it's her boyfriend.

1:28:12And he knows that she knows. OK. I, 28 female, recently found a post of my boyfriend, 29 male, on a local are we dating the same guy page. We've been together for five years. There were several comments on there of girls stating that they texted him and went out with him, and I couldn't tell if this had happened recently or if it could have been from a long time ago. So I commented on it anonymously, asking if anyone has talked or hooked up with him recently, and a girl responded saying that she did, and asked if I did as well, and if I had any tea on him. I probably should have said I was his girlfriend, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't and worried I wouldn't get any information, so I just said he told me not to talk or sleep with anyone else, and he wouldn't either, but that we never hooked up.

1:29:07She responded back claiming he said the exact same thing to her. I then asked when they last hooked up, and she never responded back. My boyfriend then comes home and is furious. slamming doors, giving me dirty looks, but won't say anything to me. I know he knows that I was the one who anonymously posted because I had suspicions that he had been cheating on me and have recently been asking him, and he denied doing so. I then go back to the post, and all of her responses are deleted. So I know she told him and I'm sure he told her to delete them, but he's pissed at me for it. Anyways, what are my next steps?

1:29:59Do I confront him about it or just wait and see if he says anything? Also, we rent an apartment together and are on the same lease. So that makes things even more complicated well you guys know what i'm gonna say you know i'm gonna say i think um this is when you just blame your friend and you go so my friend saw a photo of you what's up my friend saw a photo of you and this girl was saying you the hook you guys you hooked up my thing is like yeah it's awkward but it's like well let's get to the the crux of it yeah what's the real issue don't let the fight become where are you being nosy be like that was my friend.

1:30:38She sent me a screenshot. She sent it to me. What are you talking about? Sorry my friend knows who you are and saw you. She saw you. She's single. She's dating. Sorry she's looking out for me. This is what girls do. It's not my fault. She likes to comment on pages. Hashtag community. Hashtag if you see something say something. In the wise words of TSA. Come on. Which you know is a very well-run organization that never has delays. So hey they've been unpaid. I true pay tsa they've been unpaid pay tsa um i hate this man i've had a day i can't with this man slamming doors sir grow up grow up and you don't even have the balls to tell me why you're mad grow up i'm fighting him you slam the door in my house not in my house not in my house no i'll get a parrot to yell at you oh i would borrow a parrot for revenge that's actually a great idea i also think there's the girls who like you have a sense your boyfriend's cheating which a lot of girls are witches so like that is totally valid yeah but this is another level this is literally like this is more than like whether smoke there's fire like there's people talking about it yeah I think she knows he's cheating I think she does I mean it was in her gut she went on that page for a reason that's the thing like I think if you're gonna cheat don't like just break up because women are witches they will find out like oh it's just a matter of time it's not if it's when they find out yeah like your affair partner is going to become jealous they'll tell them eventually like yeah and five years is a long time the there's no way the post the post was definitely within that time five years oh my god so uh top comment you break up with him duh how much time is left on your lease op responds oh i am i'm just wondering if i should even say anything about it or just let it be a little over five months that's a long time on the lease um next one down leave him why do you need a confession from him you already know what's going on i guess i want some kind of closure yeah although i don't think him admitting to it will give me that anyways plus he'll probably lie so just my own delusions wanting him to realize he's wrong it's definitely over between us yeah how do you feel about closure do you find it overrated or underrated oh my god good question I feel I feel like closure can just be within you that's what closure is like I've definitely have situations where maybe like things weren't said but it's like I found the closure and I feel like also closure is where they don't affect you anymore yeah that's my closure where it's like I'm not I'm not rooting against them.

1:33:24I'm not rooting for them. Like I actually just feel nothing for them. That's my closure. That's where I get with people. I'm just like, I'm just neutral. Like you're oatmeal to me. Yes. Take it or leave it. Yeah. Like if someone talks shit about them to me, I'm kind of like, I actually don't care to pile on this. I don't care. I don't want to be involved at this point. I genuinely like, and the, with the way people twist things, it's like, I'm not even, I'm not even saying a word. Like, it's just like, it's not worth it to even have the ability to have something twisted that's not even true yeah and you don't need a guy to tell you he cheated for you to feel over him like you're over him babe um but I do think I don't mind like a conversation at least being like hey I don't I just don't feel like safe in this relationship I don't feel good about myself there's something wrong um you don't have to be accusatory and just be like I don't I'm not happy that's it and if he wants to confess cool and if not it's like sorry It's I love that.

1:34:20And also it's like so loving yourself, like you're choosing to love yourself. He's not loving you the way you want to be loved. So you're basically just saying, hey, your love kind of isn't doing it for me. And I think I deserve better. They always say, like, the person you're with is a reflection of how much you love yourself. And she's loving herself. Oh, OK, great. OK, Mel Robbins. Wow. You are a healed, very put together woman over there. okay this is me and my dating coach era I'm telling you now I'm like fully I'm like okay we have to start this dating I've literally wanted to do like a THT speed dating round and then we could collaborate on it in New York the city that needs some love and so many singles and then literally we'll just pop table to table and like fucking like be awkward and weird with them make out you won't do it kiss kiss kiss start a grind line I see this in our future.

1:35:19I see this. We could easily get someone to sponsor this. Hinge. Tinder. You want to have a fun event? Let's go. Well, we do get an update. Okay. Okay. This is coming 10 days later. And they say this. First off, I want to thank everyone for all of your helpful advice on my original post. He did admit that the girl sent him a screenshot of the post And he was just upset because he didn't like a bunch of random people knowing his business Wait, what? But I also found out that he brought that same girl to our apartment when I was out of town a week prior And they had sex in our bed Never apologized for it But simply stated that if I came home when I said I was I went to my mom's because we were in a fight and hadn't spoken in days and I decided to stay two days longer, then it wouldn't have happened.

1:36:16Oh, he's a monster. Oh, he's an evil man. Sorry I slept with someone else in our bed. It's because actually you didn't come home. He is sinister. We are absolutely over. And although he had begged for me to forgive him for a couple of days, he finally got mad enough at me because I wouldn't have sex with him that he left me alone. Ew. Okay, this is horrible. Please tell me he's letting her stay in the apartment. It's too expensive for me to break the lease, but we live in a two-bedroom apartment, so I am able to have my own space. Yeah, but I don't want him fucking knocking on your door with a half chub.

1:36:53Or so I thought. I woke up yesterday at three in the morning, wondering where my dog was as he sleeps with me. I get up and I can't find him. But my ex's door is shut, so I open it because I can hear my dog sniffing under the door to get out. there he is sitting on the bed with my phone in his hand going through it. After we had established that we were not together I take it and look at the screen time information and he spent over 30 minutes in my saved passwords. So now I'm actually concerned and very weirded out and may just ask my mom for a loan to break the lease because he literally creeped in my room when I was sleeping and took my phone to go through it.

1:37:35Anyways, thank you to everyone for the comments and concerns and advice. Although I feel like I wasted many years with him, it was a growing experience and I will absolutely do better in the future. Edit. I did also get STD tested as well. Just waiting to hear the results back from it. Oh, ma 'am. Also, saved passwords. Is he in your Chase account, babe? I'm like, what is he doing? He's like, he's just diabolical. Yeah. Like you were cheating and you think you're going to go through her shit? But that is very what cheaters do, I feel like. Like they're paranoid you're cheating because they're so paranoid about getting caught.

1:38:12But the save password makes me very, very weirded out. Yeah, what is he? Yeah, like is he trying to get into her bank accounts? Is he trying to get into like her emails? It's just like private stuff. So change your password. Change. Which is so annoying. I'm so sorry. The admin of that is going to ruin your life. I'm like locked out of my personal TikTok right now And it's like the worst thing Like having a forgotten password Having to go through Apple ID I used to have my university password And then obviously university email expired Couldn't get it It's a nightmare Oh my god Rue my life for like a decade I literally just called my old school like a couple weeks ago Being like did you guys finally shut down my email Type B girls And they go you've been an alumni for 10 years We don't keep them forever And I'm like Well now I can't get into anything I can't get into anything.

1:39:01I had to like go to the Apple store. Anyway, I digress. Yeah, this guy's insane. I don't like that he was trying to hook up with her after. I don't like that the dog was, leave my dog alone, leave my phone alone. Why'd you take the dog? Why'd you take the dog? We need, no. He's legally blonding her. No, it's not okay. He's trying to steal the dog. Not okay. But I hate that. Yeah, I don't know what she's going to do. But at least she knows. And she is 100 % right. She learned a lot. I know. She grew. She learned she's more interesting and she's probably funnier From dealing with all this I know and did she mention age?

1:39:35No And she's only 28 A baby Literal baby Crime of your life Now you're getting out and you see things clearly Now that the rain is gone I say clearly now Yeah See back to singing Yeah I think we're going to find new lessons I think you can really sing I think you can I think this is in your future

1:40:03That's gonna be you That was good With your opera mom That was me You can do duets A little traveling duo I don't podcast anymore I just go on and do operatic solos Did you whip out any singing During your Carnegie Hall show? No I mean you're at I wasn't gonna disrespect Carnegie Hall Carnegie Hall I wasn't gonna flame the place See I would've just like A couple little bars Just to say you did it I sang in Carnegie Hall. I can't even I can't play the piano. Music was not my I didn't have the bug or the talent. It's OK. I'm a yapper. I sing through through my words on podcasts. How poetic is that?

1:40:42OK, moving on to this next one. This episode is brought to you by Revolve. My summer has been jam packed with moments where I just want to look cute. And the best way to do it is to find a good fit, an outfit that makes you feel confident, that feels on trend or reflects your unique style. And Revolve is my go-to place to find those fits. I just went to Europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from Revolve. And I've never, never been complimented more. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a summer trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve always has it.

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1:42:09Shop at Macy's.com. I think I'm going to give you a choice. Okay. Do you like a choice or do you hate a choice? I don't mind a choice. Okay. You have three choices. Which door? Choice number one, am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? Option two, my girlfriend told me she befriends less attractive girls on purpose. Or option three, how can my husband, 61 male, and I, 60 female, help our son, 32 male, move past his high school girlfriend. They're all winners. Those are all really good. Let's do the second one because I feel like we haven't done one about looks. Oh, and from potentially a boy's perspective too?

1:43:14Okay. Okay. So again, this one is titled, My Girlfriend Told Me She Befriends Less Attractive Girls on Purpose. There is a trigger warning here for ED slash self-image. Okay. Yeah. My girlfriend was telling me about how her friend is trying to find a boyfriend, so she's using dating apps. She said she's not having any luck. I told her, that sucks. She said her friend might have to lose some weight to find a guy. I was like, yeah, maybe. Then out of nowhere, she started talking about how she loves having overweight friends How she looks better by comparison I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

1:43:54She was like, we're more comfortable with each other so she can say this We've been together a month She went on to say that her overweight friends make her look like a model And that she will never get friends that are on the same level as her because she loves when guys come up to her at the club and ignore her friends. She said it makes her feel powerful and desired. She said it makes her feel like a high-value woman. Oh! I was just like, all right, that's cool, I guess. I don't know. I feel like she's showing her true colors, but I feel like a lot of girls do this, so I can't fault her. Weird.

1:44:38Do a lot of girls do this? This is crazy. I don't think a lot of girls do this. Well, I know girls who like having uglier boyfriends. They like being the reward. No, literally. I actually know a lot of girls like this who they want to be the one that's always wanted more and the hotter one. Oh, my gosh. And they'll joke like, oh, it's because I'm insecure. I want an ugly guy that fawns over me. Okay. But then I say I'm insecure. I want a hot guy so people think I'm cooler because I'm with a hot guy. So it's like two different ways of going about it. You know, this is so like I'm like doing the mental gymnastics trying to figure this out.

1:45:23But I'm also the same with friends. Like I like my friends being well, I actually don't think about attractiveness a lot with my friends. I think it I like being with like strong, powerful, confident women. women and if they happen to be gorgeous it's like oh my god look my gorgeous friends but I also equally love my friends who are like extremely funny or like extremely smart yeah but I just I like being with people who I feel like challenge me and people who love themselves basically yeah I feel like you like knowing your friends and the type of person you are I feel like you just gravitate towards good people and I feel like the people in your life also happen to be like insanely driven or like super talented and like this and that we definitely like motivate each other yeah I like being around those kind of people that's what you want from your friends you want friends that lift you up and motivate you and challenge you but like aren't also your biggest hater like if someone told me yeah Morgan I became friends with you because you were bigger than me I'd be like that's the sole reason you became my friend what about like I'm nice I'd be a good emergency contact I also sometimes like to get fast food also saying you hang out with girls who are bigger than you so guys come up to you at the club basically you're saying you hate yourself and you want a guy to choose you because of your weight you have to hang out with people who you deem unlovable for you to be loved so you're insecure but it's funny she's like owning it like for her opening her crazy up this early in a relationship is funny it's giving pick me pick me choose me I guess she's kind of like thinks she's smart with it like she like figured a system or something or she like wants to be like the queen bee she does she does think she's smart with it because otherwise you wouldn't admit it yeah she thinks it's like a strategy that just like happens to work she thinks it's a win But that's diabolical.

1:47:31Also, like, I'm just like, I'm so perplexed by this because like, I don't know. Like, don't you want someone to like pick you for you? Not because like, I just, I just. Not because you look good against some made up thing that you've put in your head. But also, you can't have good friends in your life if you're picking them based on their weight. like if you're solely picking people based on attractiveness and that's what you pick people because you actually get along with them because you like them because you love them you want to be around them they're a good time like yeah I'm just I'm so absolutely flabbergasted by this and I've had another story recently it might have been on patreon I'm not I don't remember what episode but it was someone who was basically like I called out my friend or my sister because she picked only ugly bridesmaids she didn't even pick the girls that are actually her best friends the people she asked to be her bridesmaids are people she's like loosely friends with but like she considers them ugly oh jesus and it's like whoa whoa you're that insecure bitch you're gonna be in all white everyone's gonna be looking at you you're the bride come on it's an insecurity thing i also do know that some girls who are like incredibly beautiful may have trouble not to not To be like, oh, their life is so hard.

1:48:54But some people might judge them immediately and think they think they're better than them. Or people might not want to be friends with them because they don't feel good about themselves. Yeah. But maybe I'm like talking about like beyond gorgeous women that are it's freaky looking at them maybe. That you're like, your eyes are so blue. I can't look into them. But this girl's definitely mentally dealing with some things. Yeah. And kudos to him for seeing a red flag. because that is a red flag it is and like i think too just kind of his responses where he's just like i was like what the fuck like it does seem like this could be something a guy would just brush off like for sure especially if she's like super hot she looks the way he wants her to look yeah so i'm like and maybe she's being like jokey with it where it's kind of like locker room talk but yeah it's just not hitting it it's it's sickly and also she doesn't care about her friends and that's like sad it's very sad like it's you're using people it's just lonely super lonely lonely super lonely top comment man of few words or woman someone of few words very shallow which it is i mean next one down says very true also if the guys are only approaching her with the intention of just sleeping with her i don't personally know how she could feel of high value also I wonder what happens when a guy comes up to the group and hits it off with one of her friends who she deems ugly she must fucking spiral lose her mind to be like wait the world isn't so black and white that I'm hot and everyone else is ugly in my friend group she's ugly she's ugly on the inside and that's where it counts but I'd love to know what trauma happened at at a young age or who hurt her to make her think that that was the only way she was high value.

1:50:51I know. I want him to break up with her. Also, the fact she's telling them this after just like a month of being together. Yeah. That's something you take to your grave. Like if you're that delusional and like that big of a bitch, like that's something you take to your grave. But you have to say, this is full-time hot people problems. This is a hot person who is surrounding herself with people who never told her, that's fucking crazy. She needs to get clocked. She needs to get clocked. she needs someone to read her to filth but because she just surrounds herself with people that she sounds like she bosses around and runs chanel chanel number one two three four five no i feel like you need friends who call you out you do and like just this is so unmatched but i really hope op breaks up with her and says also it's it's because you're so ugly like it's because you're just not kind like yeah you admitting that is actually crazy and you really need to work on yourself like i hope on the way out he really like slams the door into her and i don't know a lot about the whole high value stuff it's not in my algorithm wait what is that i know about high vibrations and what she's doing is low vibrations it's very low vibrational to just talk about people's weight i like this vibration i want to get into this They say like high vibrational people Like you feel them Like there's depth Just good energy Good energy And like she's low vibrational I like that Apparently a high value woman Is a popular self concept In self improvement And relationship discussions A woman who possesses A strong sense of self worth She doesn't Confidence Independence Nope And emotional intelligence No Oh she did that to herself None the focus is typically on intrinsic personal qualities rather than external factors it's funny because i do feel like there's also the side of like you could be insecure and only want to hang out with hot girls to feel like you're hot like it's like wanting to hang out with the cool crew to be like i'm cool see i'm with the cool girls so it's just so interesting how people express their insecurities but yeah she she doesn't know what high value means she's like the opposite of high value she's pond scum pond scum but that is actually i like that let's be high value women which is women who are confident in themselves and emotionally intelligent there's yes yeah like you shouldn't be friends with people you don't even like you shouldn't be friends with your haters like if you feel like your friend doesn't like you drop them they're not worth it you are wasting time and energy on that friend that doesn't even like you or value you where you could be making new friends that appreciate you and love you.

1:53:34And like, it's the same thing. You can't have two doors open at once. Like all your energy is going into this asshole. Yep. Where can you give any other time? You only got 24 hours a day. Yeah. And not to be, I've been in LA for three days talking about vibrations, but people can lower your vibration. I fully believe that. I mean, there's some people that like I've had in a room, I've been in a room with them for like an hour and a half or two hours or three or whatever. a night a dinner and I like I call them energy vampires where you just leave their presence and all you want to do is just like go in a dark room and not talk like you are so drained yeah so drained and it's like the people that like are combative with you and you're like oh I think I think you look really nice I love that dress this dress I hate this dress this dress makes me look fat fine fuck sorry I said something like it's just exhausting and life is too short to be drained all the time so divorce him give him the d there's two types of d's and you go two different ways well the opposite of an energy vampire is hannah burner oh my god i feel the same way about you a gem every time i see you i just i feel a little lighter this is our coffee catch up it is come to town i know do some hot takes so good feel reconnected i don't know how you're doing it you must have like a solar battery hooked up to you or something a lot of napping hannah's on tour right now yes you need to catch a show come you guys i'm gonna be in la actually i want you to come the will turn oh in january let's go i'm gonna i'm there i'll hook it up i know someone um coming to san francisco coming to chicago i'm coming everywhere check out my website yeah and you're filming a special at one of them yes in toronto so i mean like if you guys want to be on the special it's happening at a bar.com shows um thank you for supporting me no of course all of hannah's links will be in the description but catch a show i mean your first special on netflix was amazing it was like how long was it in the top 10 i feel like i just saw on my little list.

1:55:45Of course, I watched. It's crazy to see it in the top 10. Like that was wild. Because I'm like, are other people seeing this? Is this just mine? Is this just my mom watching this a lot? Did they hack into my account to put it there to make me feel? Is that what they did? Like trying to make me feel special? No, it's amazing. So check her out. She's also got a podcast. Two podcasts. Giggly Squad and Burner Phone. Burner Phone, yeah. With Hubby. Yes. Not someone that's divorce worthy. He actually, you know, picks up his fair share. so check it all out. We're working on it. Hey, you know, you're busy, busy girl.

1:56:18Like, you know, it's all good. It's all good. Yeah. But that's all I got. And until next time, guys. Bye. Bye. If you loved this episode and want even more content, head over to Patreon. There are now three bonus episodes each and every month. And right now, you can try your first month for 50 % off with code HOLIDAY50. Come in. you get all the content, even if you stay for just a month. So you can make it a challenge for yourself, see how much you could binge. And if you know you're going to love it, you can even buy an annual membership for 25 % off. If we're doing girl math, that's basically three whole months out of your year free.

1:57:02I mean, last month was super fun. We had a wedding theme. We had an episode with Michaela that was two hours. We had an episode with Lauren that was two hours. We're just having so much fun over there. So come on over and join us. You got to survive the holidays somehow. See you soon, guys. Bye.

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