247: That's a Wrap Ft. Scott Evans

26:59Stop. We live in a castle in Italy. A castle. Man, if you don't leave me alone about throwing this 75th birthday party, you have a castle. Okay? You got more castle to go throw your birthday party into. I'm sorry, go ahead. I skipped a hit. I just heard castle in Italy and it's like, yeah, of course we're throwing it at your house. It's a lot of work, but we now have staff, so we're not doing everything ourselves. My mother-in-law decided she wanted to throw her 75th birthday party here. She had a massive party here four years ago with 60 guests that I helped her plan every detail of. This time, I said fine, as long as I don't have to plan it.

27:35I passed her off to our event manager to handle all the logistics. As you do when you live in a castle. Fast forward to me seeing our booking calendar, and she booked the entire thing on my actual birthday. Not the weekend before. Not her own birthday, which is five days later. Nope. She chose my birthday. Which this year falls on a Tuesday. I knew you were going to say Tuesday. I knew you. This had Tuesday energy. This is a specific thing. A random weekday. Her birthday is on a Sunday. Why wouldn't she do it over the weekend on her own birthday? Because, girl, you know why she didn't. She invited 30-plus guests all flying in from another country who will be staying at my house for three nights.

28:21the big celebration, which will be a multi-course dinner, cake, and dance party, all scheduled on my actual birthday. She asked if I wanted to choose the cake flavor, quote, since it's technically your birthday. I told her, no, it's your birthday now, because I can't imagine going up with her to have her friends sing us happy birthday together. For months, I was delusional enough to think that this was some kind of elaborate surprise party for me. That's what I was thinking! Because who would do this otherwise? This is great! And I told her I was going to be out of town, and she said she would cry every day if I'm not there.

29:01This is a surprise. Then my husband said he hoped I would be there so the whole family could be together. But today, my husband picked up a literal busload of her friends, and the reality hit. Nope. This week is all about her. Oh, wait. So I'm stuck hosting a birthday bash for my mother-in-law on my own birthday, surrounded by her friends speaking a language I struggle with. I've never been a birthday zilla person, but a cozy morning with my family and a walk in the forest, then out to dinner in the city, has been the norm. However, that's no longer possible. Yesterday, I felt fine about it all and helped her make the gift bags for all of her guests, and I decorated inside the castle with a bunch of birthday things, but today, I feel awful and anxious.

29:46I'm probably thinking it will be worse than it actually will be. If it were a random client's event, I could just hide away and celebrate with my husband and kids. But now everyone will be focused on her. Is this as outrageous as it feels? Yes. Really? It is as outrageous as it feels. Okay. Because you live in a castle in Italy. I don't know. And I just feel like, also, here's what I'll say. Okay. It feels a little outrageous to me because if all you want to do is take a walk in the morning with the family. You could go do that. And go to dinner. You can still do that. You can still absolutely do that.

30:27And if you have a staff castle event planner, they can manage the party while you go have dinner with your husband. And then you arrive to the party a little tardy. fashionably late it's your birthday it's your birthday and y 'all's castle so the castle part is so insane it's sending me every time all i see is her like up in the what is it the the the tall yeah the tallest tower the tallest tower and she's like but it's my birthday oh she's too nice too nice she decorated the castle for her she didn't decorate no damn castle She said, I decorated the castle with a bunch of birthday things. Mariah Carey says she decorates the house too.

31:13She don't actually decorate the house. I don't know. These people seem like they bought like an old run down Italian castle for a dollar and then redid it themselves. And they just fell deeper in love during the process. It's giving inheritance to me. It's giving. I mean, maybe. What is it? Count. It's giving. What is it? My lord. My lord. Oh my gosh. I don't know. And I also feel like when I went to go pick up the friends, there's got to be a certain level of devastation when you think, oh wait, this is all just a ruse to get me, to surprise me. But like. I would have thought that too. I would have.

31:58But then. I'd have been like, y 'all are good. You pick up the friends and it just is like cemented. These aren't my friends. No. Do we have an update? Was it actually her party? We have no update. Okay. Did she die? Maybe. From the heartache? Yeah. Could have. Yeah, there's no other comments. I mean, top comment, which was my thought too. Celebrate your birthday on hers. Sleep in, go for a walk with the family, go to dinner. It's a Sunday, so you can have the entire day to yourselves. Birthday swap. I mean, pick your day. She stole your day. Saturday is a better day. I would throw a party at your castle on Saturday and say, fuck you.

32:35And it's also, it's not her birthday Saturday, so she can't be like, it's my birthday too. No, bitch, it's tomorrow. And it was Tuesday. So, no, it's not your birthday. Like, take over Saturday and make it all about you. Do people really have this kind of, like, these kind of battles with the in-laws? Yeah. Did you ever experience this, like, with exes or people that you were dating? Did you ever have this kind of tense, like, back and forth, this tense energy relationship with the in-laws? Yeah, I think especially when you're new, like there's kind of like, oh, well, who's going to get that time during, you know, the holidays or things like that.

33:13And you kind of have to like establish new norms. Yeah, of course. No, no, no. This is how we're doing it this year. And like, I mean, I feel like holidays always bring a little drama, but especially when you're trying to blend and like be the new girlfriend and come in and you're like stirring the pot. That would be my question also. I think that has a lot to do with some of the dynamic of this is whose castle? Yeah. Like, was this, did we go and buy this castle together? That is interesting. Is this my husband's castle or my husband's family's castle that we moved, that we were gifted at the wedding?

33:49And now? Does that make a difference? Like, because I do see like mom sounds like she's a little entitled to the castle. Correct. So does that make a difference in your head? It does make a difference in my head. Also, she had access to the event calendar for the castle and picked that day. Yeah. Who gave her access to, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't just get access to the event calendar. You should have said, here's the dates available. Here are the dates available. Baby. Well, now that you know you're working with a evil mother-in-law, like whatever. Monster-in-law. Yeah. Now that you know that you're dealing with monster-in-law, you can be on your toes a little bit more going forward, which sucks.

34:28It sucks having to like Jedi mind trick people and like think 10 steps ahead so they don't rain on your parade. Yeah. But you need to with her. But it could be 10 steps ahead so you don't rain on your parade. Or also we're just dealing with reality. Yeah. The reality is you will take advantage of the situation if I allow you to take advantage. Yeah. And so I'm going to create a better boundary here. And sorry, ma 'am. Ma 'am. Ma 'am. Ma 'am her back into place. You know, exactly. Exactly. Ma 'am, happy birthday. But you need to sit your ass down on a Tuesday. Just not on my actual birthday. Like, there's no good reasoning.

35:07Like, all of her friends flying in, flying in on a Monday and being there during the week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, that's harder than a weekend. You know what I'm gonna tell you? Come on. You know what I'm gonna tell you? Tell me. It's gonna really fuck them up. You know what she should have done? She should have planned a birthday party of her own on Tuesday in the castle. I would have. Bigger, louder. Yeah. Like, girl, no, go ahead. Have your birthday. Uh-huh. And I'll pop in. Yeah, me and my gang. When they sing happy birthday to you. Yeah. When your cake comes down. Yeah, when that moe is flowing.

35:36Then I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let me know. Let me know. And you want me to pick the cake? I have just the thing. Nope. Matter of fact, let it be a surprise. No cake. Shit cake. Bakery messed up. Oh. Oh, you're going that method. I was going to say laxatives. I'm just saying. But that felt a little dark. No, shit cake is, I mean, shit cake can be whatever you want it to be. open to interpretation I'm just saying don't piss Scott off okay hell no you'll get a shit cake in my castle oh yeah no yeah you're getting a shit cake hell no ma 'am happy birthday and your cake is gonna say happy birthday ma 'am ma 'am yeah you feel that 75 years ma 'am ma 'am someone does kind of say talk to your husband since he does not seem to get it spell it out for him clearly.

36:28And if I were you, I would sneak out for a couple of hours to do something on my own with the kids and husband. It can't rationally be all your mother-in-law, even now. So they're kind of being like, hubby's got some - Yes, clearly. Some little boundary issues. But you know what also happens in relationships? We say things we don't mean, hoping that the partner will just get it. So what, like when you say, no, it's fine, it's fine. Don't worry about me. Don't worry about me. What you're also saying is I want this to be a big deal for you so that I don't seem like a crazy person. Yeah. I want you to care a little bit more about this because you can clearly see I'm affected by it.

37:05Yeah. And I'm trying my very best. My feelings would be so hurt. Like, even if you're not a huge birthday person, it's still nice having one day out of the year that is just like solely about you. A little bit about you. Especially she's a mom. She's got kids. No other day is about her. Hello. Even her birthday is probably not about her. Clearly. It certainly isn't this year. so like fuck also imagine if it was like a big if it was a milestone birthday and you were like taken of that but also you gave the date I know I'm gonna just be honest you also gave the date I don't know I feel like I would just be like here's the calendar like here's what you're working with I would never assume she'd pick my birthday when it's your 75th fucking birthday throw the party on Saturday and go till midnight So at midnight, you light fucking shit off.

37:57And then you're with all of your people as you turn 75. You picked a Tuesday. Also. Dumb bitch. Yes. Fuck. I love when you get like this. I love when you get like this. Why is she so dumb? Like, what a dumb fuck. Also, what kind of birthday party really is a 75-year-old throwing? Like, that shit's going to be over at 6 o 'clock. No, I'm going to throw a rager. Yeah, but we're not talking about Kris Jenner. Do you know what I'm saying? Kris Jenner got her own castle. I think old people party harder than you think. I'm going to just tell you this. I was at a dinner yesterday at the Biltmore. Well, that sounds...

38:36And what came six o 'clock. In these orthopedic shoes, they were ready to get up out of there. Okay? That's all I'm saying. What beverages were provided? Alcoholic ones. You know, sugar spike. You know, people got compression socks on and all kinds of stuff. Underneath the gala gown and people got to go to bed. I'll tell you right now. My grandma's 83 and she parties. What do you mean parties? She parties. She parties. She gets that wine flowing. She'll do an impromptu speech here and there. But where does she live? Minnesota. Exactly. See what I'm saying? What? We're talking about somewhere with a castle.

39:21I don't know. My aunt that lives out here in L.A. She gets pretty hammered. She hires a little catering team for her house. Older. She wouldn't like me to say. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. The party probably ain't going to last that long anyway. Yeah. I mean, certainly not on a Tuesday. Right. Going up on a Tuesday. Club going up on a Tuesday. Well, they got that one. Wait, hold on a second. If old lady knows that, she might be in the— She might be. Yeah. She's been like yin-yang twins and she's going to have some Uncle Luke. I think old people in Europe also really know how to party. They know how to do it.

40:04They know how to do it. So I don't— Go have a good time, girl. Yeah. Go have a good time. Buy yourself something nice. Honestly, I'd get really drunk and make it about you. That's the one time where I think you could sabotage someone's party. What she should do is go buy herself a really beautiful necklace on her husband's credit card. Yes. As a birthday gift. Okay. And make that the focus of, look at what my husband got me for my birthday while she eats a shit cake. Done. I want the recipe. I'm like very scared. Done. Okay. Moving on to this next one. No problem. I'm ready. Now I'm primed. I'm ready now.

40:40Are you? Yeah. Locked in. Okay. Number three. This is coming from AITAH, 28 Days Old, titled, My Dad Died, My Significant Other is Mad He Has to Make Dinner. After moving to our home state nearly a year ago, after seven years of my significant other complaining how our new state sucked and he missed home, I've been working full-time in a demanding job I do really love. Unfortunately, significant other has been unemployed for over a year, applying to only about 15 jobs in that time. We both chose to move home to be near our parents, and that's been mostly positive. I lost my stepmother in August, requiring I drive to another state to take care of a gray gardens type situation.

41:30I thought that was the most traumatic things that I'd have to do this year. A few weeks later, however, my dad was hospitalized and I tried to be at the hospital as much as I could considering I was new at my job and had used all of my leave with my stepmother's house. My dad and she were still married, but he had moved back to our state for health reasons. She refused many times to leave him. The day after my dad was released from the hospital against my family's wishes, he passed. I came over to make him soup and I had found him. My significant other has largely been supportive, but he's repeatedly been irritated that he has to make dinner weeknights as I work full-time and try to address two people's estates.

42:15No wills, plus all the grief. When he recently made an insensitive comment about having to make dinner part of the week, I asked him to consider that this was insensitive considering all that was going on. Additionally, I made all dinners for our family while working full-time and being the primary caregiver for our son for 12 years. When I shared this, he immediately fell into a cycle where he shuts down, shuts me out, gets defensive, then reactive, then depressed. It's what always kept me from being honest with him. Long story short, I kept asking him to talk to me. For days, I acknowledged how he must be hurting too.

42:56I thanked him for everything he did around the house, I knew something was bothering him and asked him to talk to me. After a day of needing to report my dad's death to creditors and my son at dinner cutting me off when I suggested better ways of communicating about wanting rides, they both snapped at me and shut me out. I got up, put on a coat, and went for a walk, and I didn't take my phone. An hour later, I got home and sat with my son outside, and we talked and apologized and listened to each other. When I tried the same with my significant other, he was immediately cold and defensive. No matter what I said, he responded that what I said hasn't happened and that I was being mean.

43:36I asked him to then share something with me he felt I hadn't heard instead of just negating what I said. Correct. Quote, that's so fucked up to put pressure on me was the response. I pointed out I was crying and mourning and asked why he was so cold. He asked why I didn't care he had to make dinner. As with all conflicts, this is a simplified version. He is a good person, but we almost got divorced four years ago because of how his undealt with trauma meant that he didn't ever want to talk. Quote, why can't we just act like everything is fine and fell into reactive patterns? I'm in a hotel now.

44:14He is not someone to ever go after anyone. So it's not for drama. I'm an oldest daughter. I know what taking on a lot with little support means, but I'm completely least shocked by this. Yeah, big red flag. Being told that I'm selfish because when I cook on weekends, it's just pasta. In parentheses. Roasted butternut squash homemade sauce slow simmered. Am I insane? Am I a 40-year-old woman who has been checking on everyone and working full time the worst? Did I, today, finally yell that it would be cool if my significant other applied to more jobs and get a therapist per our agreement when we decided not to divorce and to not drink so much that he passes out on the couch every night because all I want to do is make the people I love feel loved but now I just feel insane and alone I keep trying to reach out to him to support him and his own frustration and grief but he shuts me out now I'm drinking wine in a plastic glass in a motel because of it he knows I'm barely functioning am I the asshole for saying he should leave when I get back?

45:24That's the only question is, are you the asshole? No. No. No. No is a full sentence. No. No. There's like a little parenthesis at the bottom too. RIP my dad, a badass, and my best friend. So that's also the thing that's happening, right? So your husband is never going to be your dad. He's never going to be your, he's never going to be the dude your dad was and like expecting that after your dad passed, he'd somehow turn it magically turn into the dude he's not always been in your entire relationship, but he's not going to also be the dude who was involved in your almost getting divorced four years ago.

46:02Like he's the same dude. He's always been. And it sounds like he's the same dude who going to stay the same dude, whether you get divorce now or in another 15 years right to me I am not a proponent of telling people to leave their marriages but I am a proponent of telling people of encouraging people to see the situation for what it actually is and love yourself yeah emphasis on love yourself because no one else is. Like, they certainly ain't going to do it if you don't do it. No. And I think, like, I think you can look at your kid. And granted, you know, he's 12, maybe. Like, I know you said, like, I took care of him for 12 years.

46:50So, like, I'm assuming he's around 12. I mean, look at how he's treating you. And that's probably being modeled by your husband. Correct. Who's not treating you well. But then when you had a scenario where you came back to your son and said, okay, now listen, we got to talk this thing out. That was super constructive. And you did and came to a better agreement and understanding of one another. That's modeling the kind of energy, the interaction that you want. Oh, that's so, yeah, that's really healthy. Do you know what I mean? No, that was great. If your significant other, though, is incapable and unwilling, this isn't a matter of like, oh, I don't know how.

47:30This dude is deciding not to. It's an avoidant kind of, have you read attached? Oh, like avoidant attachment? Yeah. Yeah. And then there's like conflict resolution styles. Yeah. Yeah. So like this feels to me like I don't want to deal with stuff. And I also don't want to do stuff. Yeah. He probably needs some medicine. Maybe some medicine. There's some good stuff out there that will help you regulate some of that until you can address some of those issues and start to heal. Yeah. But certainly, motherfucker, you can make a dinner. And if you ain't got a job, you can make a dinner five nights a week.

48:12Yep. I'm just going to say that. That should be your... Bare minimum. Bare minimum. Yeah. When y 'all get home, and it's going to be good. and if it was just pasta motherfucker did you just eat it? then get to cooking just pasta just pasta my ass go fuck yourself and don't eat my food ever again yeah yeah see see that in you as I feel it too hamburger helper got the directions on the box get in that kitchen and get something made there's no excuse so we can eat there's no fucking excuse what are you doing? what are you drinking? if you've applied to 15 jobs over the past year Baby, that's one a month.

48:51That's pretty pathetic when your wife is seemingly carrying the weight of the world. Yeah. And her parents have died. Yeah. Bruh. You can't cook me one fucking meal. Get your ass in that kitchen. You have to. And I've never said that about a person's significant other. Because that sounds crazy. Out of context. Get your ass in that kitchen sounds crazy. But if you play this whole episode, that's nuts. And then it's unfair to put that pressure on me. What pressure? Ada. What pressure? She better than me. You told me I made just pasta. You go in there and make just pasta then. Go make it. There's no pressure.

49:31Boil some water, dump the noodles in, strain it, pour some sauce on it. Let's go. But you want to simmer that for a little bit. You want to make sure that the sauce gets into the noodle. You know what I mean? You want to make sure you want to heat up that sauce. If we're doing a little meat, some ground chicken, ground turkey, start putting it in the pan. Yeah, you want to season all of that. Also, you want to make sure you season the meat. You want to season the noodles. You want to make sure you got some butter, some salt, some pepper in those noodles. Leave a little bit of the pasta water in there.

49:57To thicken it up. It helps with the flavor. Yeah, you want to make sure that you got a good consistency for that just pasta. Something with the gluten or something. I don't know. But like what you're not going to do is illuminate your resistance. to an obligation to your family that you can easily share. Easily. This is such a joke. I always say, like— Do you ever feel like people are trolling you? This one, no. Because I'm like, I get these write-ins all the time. Like, I would be like, let me see a picture of him. There's some— He gotta be fine, right? He gotta be real—he gotta be—he gotta be fine.

50:37He could be the hottest person on the planet. I know, but like you can't be ugly and also act like that. And we stay together. Because like you got to be. Sometimes they are. No way. You got to be fine. It's just love. She's such a good person. I know, but he also really loves him. She probably does because he's also probably fine. Ugly ass. Ugly ass and heart. Ugly ass heart. He's just ugly all around. There's no way. Like he's got so much fucking audacity. Like. That's crazy. I just I can't. And I think there's like a good. To not talk to me for days because I was like, could you make dinner?

51:15Could you make dinner? Could you make dinner? Because if you, I mean, here's what I also say. I just hate him. I hate him. I'm with you. Here's what I'm also saying. If we're in a relationship and you're upset with me and I feel like you're upset with me because you don't get it. And you don't talk to me for days, but I make meals that you eat. Nope, you're not eating. we got a motherfucking problem because you're not eating my food you can't if you can't talk to me you can't eat no no no no no i'm the same yeah just pasta just pasta no and i know some people are gonna be like that's so toxic but no what he's doing is toxic you're stonewalling yes like that is so unhealthy add to stonewall hunger strike because that's also what you're on because your ass ain't eating from this kitchen well and who's paying for everything I know like their money is her money is their money right now but like who's paying for everything she's not holding any money over his head there's no financial abuse she's letting him apply for 15 jobs in one year and still supporting him and then ask just for a little bit in a moment of horrible grief and pain could you make dinner I wonder maybe was she like it'd be great if you fucking made dinner sometimes but even that but even that like you'd be you would be like you're right I should I mean I feel like she's being very balanced in this writing even like as with all conflicts this is a simplified version he is a good person like she's still like giving him some flowers in this I'm gonna tell you what made me what of all of those sentences made me understand that she was a rational, nice person.

52:59Yeah. Might I see your computer real quick? Yeah. I'm scared. This is the line where I was like, she not lying. Okay. Being told that I'm selfish because when I cook on the weekends, it's just pasta in parentheses. Here's what it was. Roasted butternut squash, homemade sauce, slow simmered. Crazy people don't cook like that for a kid and their man. No. Crazy people don't cook like that. No, that is so, so thoughtful. Something like, I feel like a lot of us have, like, things we'll ask ourselves before committing to someone. It got me hot. And hot and bothered. Oh my God. And I feel like a lot of people have these tests in their relationships where they're like, can we travel together?

53:43Can we decorate together? Yeah, can we grieve together? Can we grieve together is one that should be on there. And like someone, I don't know how this like came into my head, maybe a story over the years, but like, If you look at your partner and you can't go through the worst grief of your life with that person, you are not with the right person. Like, I hate to catastrophize. I hate thinking about my parents dying. But, like, I know without a doubt that the person I have next to me is going to get me through that. Yeah. Going to get me through those hard, horrible days. And you shouldn't settle for anything less.

54:16Because that is one of the worst days of your fucking life. Losing a parent. Yeah. And you get this. Both parents. Divorce. Her step parent. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Divorce. Give them the D. Go some Ds on it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. Like done. This is done. I also feel like I agree with you in that with the concept of the life's major hurdles, which is why I think the two years. Yeah. It's like you don't have enough time. No, you need some more hurdles. You need some more. You need to see some more, experience some more stuff. You need to see and feel and endure some things. I think, personally, myself, I'm not talking about other people's relationships.

54:58You're entitled to your hot take. You know what I mean? Yeah. My personal opinion. I just, this is, that's how my partner and I, like literally my father was passing away as we were beginning our friendship. Wow. And I was, I received the kind of love I didn't even know was possible. That's what I'm saying. And it convinced me against all of my childhood ideas or all of my developmental ideas about what my family would look like. Loving him changed or challenged all of that. But the way he loved on me informed so much about what love is and what you can experience in a life when your partner genuinely gives a fuck about you.

55:53Like what that actually feels. And it's life changing. It is life changing. It actually like it rewired my brain feeling that. Which one, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. This was 10 years ago. Like hearing, we are in hearing that it's like, you don't even realize like what love is until you have like really good, supportive, wholehearted, just love where someone like really sees you and cares about you and thinks about you before doing things. And it's just like to have that, you know, as a friendship, as you're getting out of that grief, it's like so powerful. Yeah, it was, it was intense.

56:29And I was like, uh-oh. Do I? hold up how many how long was it this is not what i was this does not compute i'm dealing with this but what's this i am confusion i am confusion um yeah it was it was intense well how long was it from like like going through all that like how long did it take you to realize and start dating um maybe i mean we were long distance wow okay for three years yeah which i think you also have in common um yeah i mean he was in north hollywood and i was in koreatown that's long distance girl yeah i know in la it is that's good i've done long distance before it's tough somebody had a passport somebody had a passport yeah that's what that's what i mean i'm pretty sure you talked about that before yeah like long distance thing is no joke it's really hard and it can also feel like you're constantly starting over which also you you have to rely on things and You have to rely on a connection and feeding that connection in a totally different way.

57:36Yeah. And so our friendship is super solid. And I want to say it was probably four, five months really after developing our friendship that I was like, huh. Something's here. Hmm. That was me. It snuck up on me. Yeah. And he like asked me to be his girlfriend. at first I was like no I'm not ready for a boyfriend right now and then it just like kept going on I'm like oh no I genuinely had really I love this person I was like oh shit yeah I was like didn't see that one coming no I was the same way meanwhile had prayed for not to see it coming for it to be so plain that it was like where did this come from and that's exactly how it happened oh my gosh I love it's been a wild wild ride And so when you experience people who are in partnerships or in relationships that don't exhibit that kind of thing, where one is like, one person is like, I am doing, trying my best.

58:43And another is really not. You're just like, I'm not saying leave, but I'm definitely saying wake the fuck up to the partner that's not doing shit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it sounds like, I think like hearing her - Granted, depression can also make a person feel like - It really can. They can't do anything. And I don't want to be insensitive to that because I do recognize that while it is not my thing, it is not an issue that I have. I want to be sensitive to the fact that like if he's dealing with this cycle of, I just can't seem to get out of my own way, then I think as a partner, you're trying to find ways to help you see that.

59:22And to be honest, making dinner, if that's the one thing you do today since you didn't apply to any jobs, that's the ask. That's a win. And that's also a win. Like if you're dealing with depression, that is a win. Yeah. So get your ass up. Even if you got to order it. I hate cooking. Yeah. If you got to order it and just zhuzh it up and put it on a plate for us so that it's ready when we get home and we're ready to eat. So that I don't have to come home and then also figure out that. grocery stores have so much good stuff like pre-made or the deli where all you got to do is heat it up and it's still really affordable like i got the best chicken chicken empanadas the other day and it was like two bucks for this big ass empanada i'm like how you can't you can buy 10 of those you couldn't make that for 20 bucks like go like go what we're doing do something i know well and besides get on my nerves i know i just like i want to just like shake him because It's like, dude, you have someone who's given you now four years of more chances.

1:00:19Like you were at divorce four years ago. And if she's saying you were at divorce four years ago, she was already checked out then. Because women emotionally and mentally check out way before they ever pull. But then she wasn't. Because if it was four years ago and she didn't do it. Eight-year-old kid, you know, something's holding her back there. He's fine. He's fine. I know. He's got to be fine. I don't know. He has to be so good looking that every time she sees him, she's like. I want a picture so bad. So bad. because she's got to be like, he's still so hot. And like in this little town, there's no one hotter.

1:00:55It doesn't matter how hot he is. If someone's like acting like this, instant ick. You're dry. There's no sex regardless. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Once you get the ick too, you're just like. She's in a motel. You can't even force yourself to fuck it. I know. You can't. Like you got to get over that ick. Yeah. There's got to be some makeup involved to get me over that. Right. And if you can't do dinner, we still not made up. She's in a hotel room writing this, drinking, was it wine out of a plastic cup? Yeah. Hey, girl. And this, it don't have to be like this. When you get home, tell that man to go.

1:01:28Yeah. I mean, and a part of their deal was he would go and get therapy. That was a part of their agreement to not get divorced. It's always part of the deal. He's had four years. So no matter if he's dealing with depression, like mental health struggles are so real and so valid. But at the end of the day, you're responsible for them. So is responsibility. Yeah. And accountability. I know. And guess what? Our time has come. That's our time has come to what she was like. Oh, we go. Bye. To the end of the road. Top comment on this one. Quote, Oh, you work full time while juggling the grief from the loss of your dad.

1:02:02How could you expect me to cook dinner for us when I'm so busy being an unemployed man child? Yeah. I've got beers to drink. This, haha. You are grieving, handling estates, working full time, and being met with utter selfishness? He's unemployed, contributes little, and complains about making dinner while you bury your father? The audacity is staggering. you're not insane you're exhausted from carrying the mental load for everyone and then someone goes and he's an alcoholic which again like therapy like start doing something about it listen if you can't i can't do it for you i got enough on my plate i know and also not enough on my plate you know she's not being fed at all metaphorically literally girl run for your life Fuck.

1:02:51Like, you could go and get some Pellisberry Crescent rolls, a rotisserie chicken. I love a rotisserie chicken. Spread the little roll, put the chicken on it, maybe some tortillas rotisserie chicken. You get some easy tacos. And if it's so hard for you to do it by yourself, it sounds like you have a son. He's 12. Who can help. He can help. Make it a fun dad-son activity. Yeah, let's take care of mom for a while, shall we? Yeah. Someone goes, reread this and pretend it was someone you cared about asking. You know it's time to leave him. If not for you, for your son, he needs to know that his dad is not what a good partner looks like.

1:03:28OP responds. They see it. They go, damn. Damn. Damn, that's it. If that don't hit home for you? And then they respond to themselves and they go, and by that I mean true things being said. And then someone else responds to OP and goes, a good thing to hold on to is your son was receptive to speaking and learning. Hold on to that because there's still time to ensure he doesn't repeat his father's mistakes. I understand about aging parents and losing them. It sucks. It's completely heartbreaking and at times infuriating when the parent-to-child roles reverse. Show yourself grace. You're mourning two parents in quick succession.

1:04:08You deserve better. and OP goes, I may have told him, my husband, that as I walked out of the door, quote, at least your son is the kind of person who will go after someone he loves. Basically being like, I'm going to the hotel room and you're not following me. You're not making it better. He's not, how can he follow you? He drunk. He's in the kitchen waiting on somebody to feed him. How can he follow you? And also, So, to be honest. You don't want him to. How can, but I'm going to, this may be, don't at me. Okay. But how can you now start to require him to do something he's never shown you he was going to do in the first place?

1:04:52Yeah. Why would you assume that all of a sudden now he's going to do something he has never done? No. And like she even said, like, he's not the type to follow someone. He's not the type to chase. So, yeah, no. I think like someone kind of responded to that and was like, I was a little passive aggressive. That was aggressive aggressive. I mean, I think maybe it's like. And also don't use the kid as the weapon or your bargaining chip. No, that's. Yeah. No, that's a really good point. Let's call a spade a spade. Baby, you mad at him because he ain't shit. No. Or at least. No. Ain't shit right now.

1:05:31No. Ain't trying to be shit. You should make him a shit cake and write, I want a divorce on it. And say, here, I made you something. Made you something. Because you couldn't cook me dinner. Taste it. That's real, you know. Taste it. Taste it. I made this for you. Taste it. We have no updates on this one. Damn. No updates. So we're going to have to keep our eyes peeled. It's 28 days old. Seems to be coming from a very real account. The account is three years old. So usually like people will question like, oh, it's fake. It's fake. If it's a new account, if it's a throwaway. Right. But this person is posting this on a three-year-old account.

1:06:11And I mean, seems, seems legit. Shit. Well, there's hope for the kid. There's hope for her too. Get out of there and go. Don't let your ex-husband stop you from meeting the love of your life. Exactly. Starting with you. Get out there. Starting with you. like love yourself enough because also I think that the the some of this like right is about getting to a place where we love us enough that we can say okay I see the scenario for what this is and I respect you enough to know this is not you at your best and so I'm not going to take so personally you not being able to to be the partner that I I know you to be I believe you to be or wished you were, but here's an opportunity for us to set some guideline for ourselves, some runway for ourselves and this relationship.

1:07:08Because either we're going to be able to come together and really get back to or get to finally a real partnership, or we're going to have to move this thing on respectfully. I'm going to put a poll. How many of you out there think therapy and stay together? Or are you in my boat with me and we're just jumping to divorce? I want to put a poll on this one. Put a poll. And also, I'm going to ask for an addition to the poll. Okay. And how many people want to see a picture of him? Option C. Show me a picture. Show me a picture. I would actually really like to see a picture of him. Today, not 10 years ago, 20 years ago.

1:07:48Today. Drunk on the couch. because that would be enough, baby. No, no, no, no. I'm like, I want to see it, but I fear, I fear I would have to stage an intervention then and like literally show up at this lady's house. Do you ever feel that way? All the time. And like some of these stories, I've literally been like, hey, if you need help to move, like, let me know. Drop a pin. I'll roll up with a U-Haul. Let's go. Because I get it. I know how to drive big rigs. I can drive the U-Haul. I know that's right. I know that's right. I know a lot about me. Get you a friend. Get you a friend, Morgan, because she said, I will pull up.

1:08:29I will. Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Beep, motherfucking beep. Beep, beep, bitch. That's going to be my new thing. Beep, beep. Okay. Got a couple more for you here. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Okay, real talk. To-do lists are unhinged. and the stuff that actually gets done. Always the stuff you had help with. Flat pack furniture, meal prep, things that are just better with another person. Now, State Farm can't help with the sofa or Sunday cooking, but when it comes to helping find the right coverage for you, they're on it. You can talk to one of their 19 ,000 local agents in person over the phone through their easily accessible app or at statefarm.com.

1:09:12Whatever works for you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists. One minute, everyone's buckled in. The next, someone's dropped a snack, lost a shoe, or needs a bathroom break immediately. That's why the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica is built for real life. With thoughtful features like stow-and-go seating, hands-free sliding doors, and passenger seating up to eight, it helps keep everything moving. Because family life isn't about the perfect moments, is about making the most of any moment.

1:09:46Visit your local dealer or Chrysler.com to learn more and schedule a test drive today. Chrysler is a registered trademark of SCA US LLC. I'm going to give you a choice, okay? Okay. By the title, you're going to give me the title? Mm-hmm. Okay. Option number one. Okay. Me, with my boyfriend of two years, he destroyed the painting I made for him because it was a cheap gift. or option two. That one already pisses me off. I just found out my mom has been sending my girlfriend cruel messages for who knows how long. I don't know how to handle this. Okay. Can I ask for one piece of information from each?

1:10:31Do you just want both? Kinda. Okay. Okay, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. Okay. With the painting, Is it like one of those abstract, do we have a photo of the painting before it was destroyed? Because like, you know, sometimes painters are silly and they do things like they'll paint something white and then put a red dot on it and be like, happy birthday. I did this for you. No picture from what I'm seeing. Like was this a portrait? Was it a landscape? Was it? I'm sure we would find out some more details in the story. Okay. And then with the mom, does the girlfriend deserve it? Like, you know?

1:11:16I know. These are very valid questions. Let's do them both. Okay. So starting with the gifts. Okay. Me, 24 female with my boyfriend, 27 male of two years. He destroyed the painting I made for him because it was a cheap gift. My boyfriend, John, is extremely difficult to buy presents for. He came from an affluent family and has a great job and buys everything he wants whenever he wants it. I am lower income. I lost my job a few months ago and had to take on another one, which pays less. And I'm struggling to pay my part of the rent and pay off my student loans. It is difficult for him to understand this most of the time.

1:11:54I love to paint. My boyfriend has said my paintings are very good and that he likes them a lot. Since my income is so low, I decided to paint my boyfriend a painting for his birthday, Saturday. I researched this for months beforehand. I decided to paint a scene from his favorite game, Bioshock, with him as a big daddy character. I know it sounds cheesy, but I honestly thought he would like it because he always said I was talented and he loves this game. I poured a ton of work into it. A week before his birthday, he had been hinting heavily at wanting a new iPhone. When I presented him with a painting, he asked me if this was his present and if I got him something else.

1:12:38I told him this was his present and that I had worked on it for months special for him. He got upset and told me a bunch of awful things, saying that it's a, quote, cheap and lazy gift and that I was cheap in general. I was trying to diffuse the situation and I told him that I was sorry he didn't like it, but I wasn't able to get him the iPhone he wanted. He took the painting and he didn't tear it, but he sort of bent and crinkled it, completely ruining the paint. He told me that I obviously didn't care about what he wanted and that I was bad at budgeting and all of this other ranting. It came out that he resented paying for groceries and utilities, even though he had agreed to this before.

1:13:24I told him that if he wanted to discuss, that we could, but that this wasn't a good reaction. He told me that I was just after him for his money and that he didn't want a shitty painting when he could apparently be in a committed relationship with another girl at his workplace who makes way more money. Then he told me, quote, but I love you, as though it was an excuse for what he said. Then he said that this girl had brought him a red velvet cake for his birthday, which is his favorite cake which I didn't care about. I'm sorry. That was the most gangster line I've ever heard which I didn't care about.

1:14:03I told him that I baked him a chocolate cake earlier in the week with cream cheese frosting and that is basically red velvet cake. He switched and said that she had gotten it from his favorite bakery and some random girl knows which bakery he likes over me. I just went to bed. This morning, he's gone, and so is the painting. He sent me a text saying he went out to an Easter birthday brunch with his parents, and he'll be back soon. I'm not sure if I want to end the relationship, which has a ton of commitment involved. He has never acted like this before about money, and I don't know what's up because he's still not telling me.

1:14:42I think he might be interested in this other girl, or at least jealous of how much money she makes compared to me. How am I even supposed to approach this? I am already feeling very hurt about the painting and I'm not sure that's a good place to start another argument. I definitely need to see the painting. I really... How many hours? How many hours are we talking? Like she said she's working on it for months. She said months. Yeah, but like how many hours have we actually been sitting in front of it? It's like five minutes a day. Yeah, like what does this painting look like? A couple days a week.

1:15:09Because this man is angry, okay? This painting, he must... Does she not get... Does he not look good in the... She painted him as a daddy? Is he more of like an otter or a bro? Like, I don't know. Did he look fat in the painting? You know, there's got to be like Bioshock. Nobody looks cute in Bioshock that I know of. I'm literally, so I had no idea what Bioshock was. Is this what you were envisioning? Yeah, that's what I was envisioning. And I don't know that that's exactly what I would want for my birthday gift. I would not want this for my birthday gift at all. But I can also tell you that like, he also may be lying about what he thinks about her art.

1:15:46Yeah. And wanting to just be encouraging to her. Like, yo, baby, your hobby is really nice. I'm glad that you have an outlet of creativity. That's what I'm gathering. I don't want this as gifts for me. No, that's what I'm gathering. I'm gathering someone like, just being like, yeah, I love that you have your passion and super supportive. But like, doesn't mean I want that for my birthday. But in the same breath, like your girlfriend is going through a really tough time financially. Yeah. She's not going to buy you a new iPhone. Do you know? It's unreal how expensive the new iPhones are getting.

1:16:15They are expensive. Like, I remember when the iPhone was like, what, 400, 500 bucks? Yeah. I mean, I was gonna say, but it can't be$29.99 a month on Klarna. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Put it on layaway. I know. Put it on layaway. But I mean, if it's that serious. I know. But also, I think that there's a real disconnect happening here between this dude and reality. If she's saying I'm struggling to contribute to rent and groceries, expecting her to have saved money to buy you a phone is kind of lunacy. Right. And clearly there's something going on with this girl at work. And he wants you to know.

1:16:54And now seems like the opportune time. I know. I mean. Because he didn't say nothing when she brought the cake. No. He waited until now to bring the cake up. Yeah. He didn't bring any cake home. Her comments here. I think he might be interested in this other girl or at least jealous of how much money She makes compared to me I'm, not sure if I want to end the relationship which has a ton of commitment involved Is the commitment that you live with him? Is that the commitment? Yeah, and I think because that is commitment I think so but based on the comments like I think it's more so like op says here like haha he's definitely not the best guy He says a lot of things in anger, but i'm definitely considering breaking up with him because of my financial situation and the lease this would be very difficult however so i'm wondering if there's any way this could be worked out so it's almost as if she's like biding time she's biding time or like i don't really want to break up because like i do have this great situation with like rent and he pays for groceries and utilities and whatever i want to eat and rightfully so things are expensive like that sucks if you're down on your luck and struggling but also maybe he feels that does he kind of made that comment.

1:17:59Does this dude feel like you're actually just kicking it so I'll take care of you in this time of your need? I mean, he kind of implied she's a gold digger. I mean, is she? I don't know. I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't know no gold diggers that can paint. I don't know. There's other skills. Yeah, she's still out there grinding. It's not like she's like, I quit my job to be an artist and her art is just like not sustaining her even. What I mean by that is that like, it don't necessarily to me sound like, this is, She doesn't give off the kind of, from this post, gold digger energy. But if his interpretation of her situation is, it feels like you are taking advantage of me, that is the conversation.

1:18:42This birthday gift is just another symptom of that. Because what it also, like if you read a little deeper, it also feels like he's like, you got iPhone money somewhere. You're just not spending it on me or on these groceries. I know. It's almost like he maybe is just kind of unaware of her financial situation, truly, because in his head, he's like, you're not really paying as much as you should for rent. I'm paying groceries. I'm paying utility. You didn't even give me the red velvet cake from my favorite bakery. Which, like, granted, men are simple in a lot of ways, silly, silly human beings.

1:19:21But based on what on this share, doesn't it also sound like there's some information about her financial situation that we don't know? For sure. Because, like, if you are broke and we live together, I know how broke you are. I know. Like, you think there'd be more transparency between them. Like, and if I know you can't pay rent, I'm not asking you to buy me an iPhone. And so like, if you're just not paying rent though, because you're like, you got it. And I'm like, well. I don't want to have it. You are. And you are making some money. You're getting some money from something. Yeah. You can contribute still.

1:19:58You can contribute. If that's not the conversation, then it comes to the head. I know. But I'll be honest with you. The most fascinating part of all of this is the girl at work with the red velvet cake. He's probably, he wants her. Definitely wants her. Have you ever bought, you ever gone to a specific bakery for a guy you're not fucking? Nope. For his birthday? To buy the cake that he loves? No. For a dude that you just work with? No, those bougie bakeries, those are expensive cakes. Probably a$40,$50 cake. Yeah, like we got to, we doing some stuff. But red velvet is a bougie ass cake. And chocolate is not the same as red velvet.

1:20:36I'm going to tell you right now, girl. It is similar. It is not the same. Not the same. We do have a little bit more context about him. OP shares a muffin incident in the comments. He thought I was making blueberry muffins and threw one across the room when he realized they were cranberry. He's a little brat. He's a brat. But here's what I'll tell you. She knows that. And she's okay with him being a brat. she's just got to figure out where she's going to live. And she's like, do I jeopardize my housing right now? Go move in with your girlfriends. Have fun. Live with your friends and date. Doesn't have a picture of the painting.

1:21:15Was hoping to get a scan of it before it was framed. Didn't do that. Okay, so here's what I'll also tell you. You work on something for months and you don't take one picture of it. Progress. I know. Start, finish. Him standing next to it when she unveils it. Nah. Let me tell you something. That painting wasn't no good. I mean, I didn't say it. If you're out there listening, I'm sure it was beautiful. I want to see. I'm not so sure. And I want to see. We do. I want to see something. If you painted this painting and you are listening to this, I am Scott Evans on social media. please DM me a photo of this painting and I will take it back.

1:22:04But it sounds like... You think it's ugly? I think it wasn't flattering and it wasn't good. Well, we don't know. I would like to know. But I will say this is a 10-year-old Reddit account. So again, it's giving real account, real story. Oh yeah, I'm definitely not getting falsity, falsehood. No, we do find out more info that I moved in with him because I love him. I signed a lease because I loved him. I pay half the rent every single month. It was him who opted to start paying the utilities. I pay all of my student loans, not him. I am worried because I will lose money on the lease that I do not have.

1:22:42And I cannot afford to lose money right now. Right. Let him break the lease. Straight up. Let him pay his way out. I'm with that. OP does also share that he isn't like the most attractive. All the more reason, I don't know, to maybe not stick around with someone who breaks your painting. Even if he didn't like the gift, his reaction is diabolical. Crazy. You didn't get me an iPhone. Snaps the painting. And also the muffin. The muffin. Bro, we got some issues. We got some anger issues. We got to resolve. We got to. It's time to grow up. Put it back on the counter. I know you were looking forward to blueberry, but cranberry is still pretty good.

1:23:26And if you don't want it, put it back on the counter to throw it. Also, she seems like the kind of lady who, you know, if you wanted a blueberry muffin, go get the blueberries. I'll make the muffin. I'll make you a blueberry muffin if that's what you wanted. Yeah. But the thing is, I told you yesterday I was going to make cranberry muffins. You forgot and thought it was a blueberry or weren't listening to me. Yeah. We get an update. we got an update we got an update oh hell yeah update i have an update when john didn't return after a couple of hours i read your comments got a little pissy and invited over a couple of girlfriends for drinks and complaining i did a lot of complaining and they basically said what you guys said john did not return home after his easter brunch so i ate a tray of lemon bars

1:24:15when I got home from work today he had the painting and he had put it in a cheap dollar store frame it was wrinkled flaked and ruined beyond repair he told me that he was sorry that he had gotten so upset and that he was just expecting a different gift I asked him where he was and he said he stayed with his parents for the night and borrowed work clothes from his dad Was he wearing his daddy's clothes? OP goes, yeah, right. I directly asked him why he was so upset when I gave him a painting that I worked so hard on. He said that he pays for everything and gets rightfully upset when I don't use all of my extra cash to be thoughtful.

1:24:55I pay for half the rent on this expensive apartment, all of my student loans. I have no extra cash. He buys the most expensive part of the groceries, like a pound of pine nuts a week, and expensive gelato always in the freezer and cranks up the AC and heat and leave the lights on. We would have countless arguments since I would be paying half of a huge bill that I contributed 10 % to. He started paying for utilities and groceries at his insistence after it started to take a toll on our relationship. I told him that if he was so upset, we could split the utilities evenly again, but I was mad that he took out his temper on me and destroyed all of my hard work.

1:25:32He started saying things like, quote, quote, you never loved me. You just knew I was a prized pig, etc. Our degrees are the same. This is how we met. But his dad hired him right out of school, and I was left to find work for myself. I don't resent him for this, but I wasn't even aware of this economic status while we were initially dating. And by the time I learned, I was already invested into the relationship. Trust me when I say he's never been this aggressive before in our entire relationship. So I knew something was up. Yeah. I was super pissed and I outright asked him if he was fucking red velvet.

1:26:12That's literally the words. As you were reading them, I was like, is he fucking red velvet? His work friend. He said that a while ago they went out for drinks after work with a whole group and ended up kissing afterwards. Of course. I asked him if that was all that happened. Then what? And he said yes. Lies. I kept asking him what his problem is, why he has to compare me to other girls, why he tore up the painting, why he is aggressive now when he hasn't been before. I know I was probably being annoying, but I was so mad. He kept repeating the money thing over and over. What, that you don't make any money?

1:26:49That's what he kept saying? I guess. I pay for everything? You're broke. So I can do whatever I want? You're broke. Oh my god Could you imagine being in a In a disagreement with your significant other And they're just like you're but you're a brokey You're broke You're like but you're broke all the time You're just a gold digging hoe Hoe and like you're just using me For my money I'm a prized pig I am a prized pig Oink Bitch Beep beep God What What? Finally, he broke and told me that it wasn't just a kiss. He said that he and Red Velvet had started going on little dates during work hours. Duh.

1:27:35They did not have sex, but they are basically in a relationship. He said he was falling for her and felt as though she was better for him and wanted me to break up with him. Clear. Part of the painting thing was his resentment towards me financially, and part was him wanting to hurt me enough that I'd break up with him. I guess that the fight about the painting was when it got real for him and he wanted to fix it and break it off with red velvet. He and I had signed a one-year lease and we still have three months left, but I told him to get out of the apartment and that we're breaking up and he did leave with some clothes.

1:28:09I'm not sure if he's coming back. Maybe he's staying with red velvet. I don't care. Not anymore. This is the ending that we all lunted. Yeah. There's more? Edit to add I do not have a picture of the painting But I do have one of my pencil sketches uploaded And I will send the link to people who request it Request the fucking link I'm sending her a message Send her a message Starting chat now

1:28:42Oh, it better be the best fucking sketch I've ever seen You can't be mean if she sends it What? I won't be mean. I mean, I'm not going to break the sketch. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Okay, I sent her a chat. We'll see if we get anything back by the time this episode comes out. Oh, please. I'll send it to you. Yes, and if I'm not here, I will film something of the genuine first reaction and send it to you. I know. Last comment we have from OP is, he is quite chubby. Ha ha, good riddance. he'll have himself a nice slice of red velvet cake. Wait, do we have a picture of him? No, no picture of him.

1:29:25How do they know he's chubby? Also, I'm just realizing... Uh-oh. This post is 11 years old. I don't know if we're going to get that. We're not going to get a picture? I don't know if we're going to get that. So the reason it's recircling is because one of our friends, DirectCaterpillar77, just posted this on the Best of Redditor updates 18 days ago. Okay, here's what I'll say. Okay. If someone else has ever seen. Yes. That please send it to us. We must see the sketch. Okay. I feel like someone out there has definitely seen this. I think someone could send it to us. I have faith. I'm also going to say that if he destroyed it and then put it in a frame, that's just new art.

1:30:13And don't call it happy birthday. Call it happy breakup. Hmm. There you go. Somebody heartbroken will buy that. Somebody rich will be like, I want that heartache. I want to buy that. Yeah. I want to collect that. Art basil, basil, whatever that fancy thing is called. Yeah. I mean, people literally buy trash. Yeah. Bananas stuck to a wall. It's crazy. So crazy. It's so much fun, though. It's so much fun. I've never been. Oh, God. It's just passed. It's so much fun. It's a good time. I've never been to Miami. What? No. do you always just go back to minnesota yeah either there or france yeah you see what i did there that was the fucking yeah you're trying to troll me with minnesota no that was the fucking baddest that was the bad that was the fucking the the best possible response you could that was badass i have my moments where my brain thinks fast yeah that or france i know i was gonna say can, but I didn't want to, you know, No, that was even better.

1:31:16That's even better. South of France? Are you kidding me? This episode is brought to you by Nintendo. Everyone's version of Me Time is a little different. That's why the Nintendo Switch 2 system is so fun. With exclusive and Nintendo Switch compatible games like Mario Kart World, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Nintendo Switch 2 Edition, Tamodachi Life, Live in the Dream, or Yoshi in the mysterious book, there's something for every vibe. And with upgraded hardware, play at home or on the go whenever the mood hits. Learn more at Nintendo.com slash Nintendo Switch 2. Games and systems sold separately.

1:31:54Some Nintendo Switch games may not be supported or fully compatible with Nintendo Switch 2. Games rated E for everyone. This episode is brought to you by Revolve. My summer has been jam-packed with moments where I just want to look cute. And the best way to do it is to find a good fit, an outfit that makes you feel confident, that feels on trend or reflects your unique style. And Revolve is my go-to place to find those fits. I just went to Europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from Revolve. And I've never, never been complimented more. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a summer trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve always has it.

1:32:36Go to revolve.com slash to shop our faves and use code THT for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That's revolve.com slash THT. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer available for a limited time, so don't miss out. There we go. That's it. Okay, there's one last one before I release you. You know, holding you hostage. No, it's okay. It's been quite nice. Listen, I'm cozy. It's quite nice having you here. Yeah. Those last couple did make me a little hot, though. I was all under the blanket and everything. Not anymore.

1:33:16Mm-mm. Mm-mm. This last one coming from r slash relationship advice, 17 days old, titled, I just found out my mom has been sending my girlfriend cruel messages for who knows how long. I don't know how to handle this. Male, 36. Girlfriend, female, 32. Generally, not much rattles me. My friends call me a stoic, emotionally constipated idiot, and they're not wrong, which is why we're all still a little stunned that the love of my life is basically my opposite. I've been with my girlfriend for eight years, known her for 10. She's quiet, gentle, brilliant, an actual whole-ass professor, and genuinely one of the kindest people I've ever met.

1:34:01She's silly, shy, goofy in the best ways and loves to poke fun. I love all of it. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone ever in this lifetime. But last night, something happened that I can't let go of. My phone was charging, so I was scrolling Instagram reels on hers like I usually do. One of her friends DM'd her. Normally, I'd send back some dumb reaction photos so they know it's me, just a thing in our circle. But it wasn't a joke. It was screenshots my girlfriend had sent her friend, and the friend was trying to comfort her.

1:34:40I hesitated and then opened the screenshots to read better, and I'm glad I did. I didn't even regret it anymore because what I saw were multiple messages from my mother. Cruel ones. And the timestamps weren't all from the same day. So I don't know how long this has been happening. A week? Longer? No idea. Some of the messages my mom sent. Oh, they include the messages? Quote, Maybe he hasn't proposed because you haven't given him a child. Men don't marry placeholders. That was the most recent one. This one makes me see red. I can't even imagine how my baby felt. Next one, quote, if you stopped dressing like a teenage boy and put on some makeup, maybe he would see you as a wife instead of one of his little friends.

1:35:30Quote, you're keeping him from his family. He used to visit. For clarity, I'm the one who pulled back because of her behavior towards one of my sisters. That's a whole other issue. So nothing to do with my girlfriend. Quote, you think you're special? You're lucky he even brought you home. Girls like you don't get commitment from men like him. What the hell is this? Next one, quote, You're not good enough for the life he deserves. Reading them made my stomach drop. They were hateful and completely false. There's even more, but these were the ones seared into my brain. And my girlfriend didn't even tell me about any of them.

1:36:09She's just been carrying this alone, smiling, laughing with me, all while this garbage was sitting in the back of her mind. My girlfriend avoids conflict. She hates upsetting anyone. I get it It's easier to talk to a friend first and my mom can be dot dot dot dot intense She probably didn't want to put me in a position where it looked like choosing sides But i've chosen and it's not her i'm angry with I'm furious at my mother. I'm exhausted by this. She knows how much my girlfriend means to me She hears me talk about her constantly. I really thought she might actually be happy for me At the same time, I don't want to make this harder on my girlfriend or make her feel exposed.

1:36:51So here's where I need advice. I was, okay, because I was like, bruh, it sounds like we already, we're on, why are you on Reddit and not on the phone with your mama? We're like this. Do I tell my girlfriend gently that I saw the messages, that I'm on her side, and that she doesn't need to shield me from my own mother? Or do I handle my mother privately and not bring it up unless my girlfriend does? I just want her to feel safe and supported and it makes me feel sick that she's been dealing with this alone I mean actually sick I'm just watching her make breakfast and I just dot dot dot dot dot What's the best approach that prioritizes her well-being first?

1:37:31Well, I love him What do you, right, first of all I love him If it doesn't work out with them, call me Well, wait, actually, never mind because your mom's not like she's going crazy Yeah, I know. You might be sounding like it. But I'm not his girlfriend. So try me. Send me one of them text messages. I can't wait. You know what I mean? Could you imagine? Could you imagine if you would stop dressing like a little boy and put some... I can also hear. I can hear the voice. Stop dressing like a little boy and put some makeup. He wouldn't look at you like one of his little friends. I have family that talks like that.

1:38:04So I'm going to say that. We'd be fighting. They would never talk to a significant other like that. But like this feels very familiar to me, if you know what I'm saying. You're not. This one, though. You're not good enough for the life he deserves. I'm going to tell you, I've heard that. I have heard that statement said. I have heard that statement. Did you clock him immediately? No, no, no, no. It wasn't said to me about someone that I was dating. But I have heard a family member say this. That is crazy. It is. You might think that shit in your head, but you never say it out loud. sometimes you gotta know.

1:38:43And in this particular case, this particular case, I wouldn't even say that they were wrong. I'm just gonna say that. Totally kidding, mostly. Mostly. But it is, if the idea is to be, what do you think, honestly? I would wanna know. If you were the girlfriend? Yeah, I'd like, it feels so, so, so fucking good if my boyfriend came to me and was like, hey, you know, I was on reels like I usually do and a message popped up and I saw what my mom's been saying to you and, like, that is beyond fucked up. I wish you would have told me. I get why you didn't. You didn't want to choose or make me choose or whatever, but it's not okay.

1:39:29And just so you know, like, I'm going to address it. I have already addressed it. Oh, so that's what you think. You want him to go to mom first. Hey, source. What's up? Yeah. With screenshots. What? I guess what do you do if mom's like, oh, she told you? We're not there yet. This is how you feel? To mom. This is how you feel, ma? This is the woman that, this is who you are? I'm just looking out for you. I just want what's best for you. You know I love you. This isn't indicative of love. This is control. I'm just trying my best. Yeah, I wish you were. And what it feels like you're trying your best at is to make this woman feel like trash.

1:40:18Because if you cared about me and you see how happy I am with her, if you felt this way, you'd come to me. And I'd be able to tell you that the things that you're concerned about aren't my concern. Or we'd be able to have that conversation. That you wouldn't be berating this woman. through text. Berating. And don't you have other stuff to do, ma? Go start your needle point or something. You got water aerobics at three. You got Miss Jan's birthday party at the castle in Italy. She's turning 75 on Tuesday. Go bake some sourdough. Come on. Yeah, like what are we doing? And I get that you love me.

1:41:02Yeah. And I love how intensely you love me. but this is too far this is too far it's too much it's way too much and I need you to apologize oh yeah I need you to apologize to her that's the bare minimum and from this I need you to apologize to her point forward we're going low low low low contact if not no contact like I just don't know how you like could trust her going forward and like I think opening the door between your girlfriend too is gonna help like hey no like you gotta tell me if my mom's saying this crazy shit it's crazy Like, this is not okay. Like, unless his mom is like, I was hacked.

1:41:41Like, I think that this is a, this is a, they hacked my phone. I didn't even know. Honestly, old people do get hacked quite a bit. Quite a bit. But usually it's like. Plot twist. Hey, send me some money. Go buy these gift cards. Yeah, go buy the gift cards. My grandpa. My grandfather also. Literally got hit so hard from that. He almost did. He told me he was in the grocery store getting ready to buy the cards because he said he felt like he knew it was a scam, but he wanted to see how it was going to end. Yeah. Oh, my God. And there was a woman in the checkout lane behind him. That told him. Seeing the difficulty he was having with trying to pay for the card and the person on the phone with the person scamming him and trying to buy the card at the same time.

1:42:31And the guy was like, no, no, just buy the card. just do this, do this. And he was like, do what? Do what? And he was kind of like fucking with the scammer. The lady behind him said, sir, are you buying these cards for yourself? And he was like, oh no, I'm buying them for the person that's on the phone. Oh, what a hero. I'm buying them for the person that's on the phone so they can erase the viruses on my computer. And she goes, sir, hang up the phone now. You're being scammed. And before my granddad could be like, is that right? the guy on the phone hung up. Isn't that crazy? What a little hero.

1:43:08See, I think like all the people selling gift cards these days should like ask people, especially seniors. Well, now there's a limit. You can only buy like two or three gift cards at a time. Good. Yeah, at grocery stores and stuff. I think my, I forget how much my grandpa lost, but I'm pretty sure it was like at least five digits. Damn, they got him. Yeah. Yeah, and he literally got scammed shortly after again too. And I'm like, someone just like take his bank card away. Yeah. You got to get in one of them play phones. We only call it two numbers. Yeah. It's like a walkie talkie. I know. I know.

1:43:43Damn. Well, I just, I feel like in this case, 100 % we're going to my independent of girlfriend. Yeah. And we're also going to girlfriend and we're reiterating that we are in this together. Yes. How much, whatever it is you're dealing with, whatever it is you are navigating, we're navigating it together. Together. Don't ever feel like you, especially with my mama. Yeah. It's my mama. I know. It's my mama. And I love your tomboy, you know what I'm saying, fresh face. I mean, you see me, I've been wearing rugby polos nonstop. I almost wore one today and I'm like, that would be like three episodes in a row in a rugby polo.

1:44:20And I can't do that. But I literally, like, I feel like when people meet me in the wild, like, they have no idea what my sexuality is. I dress very rugged.

1:44:32You don't know. And I use the word partner a lot. I dress very rugged. I dress rugged. I wear like a barber barn jacket with like Hunter Wellies. Like, who am I? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And neither do you. I love a mixed wardrobe. I'm into it. But that doesn't mean that no one will love you or commit to you. No. You know what I mean? Like, you don't get to say that to me because I'm comfy. No, I dress like that and I got rings. We're fine. We're good. Thank you. You know what I'm saying? Where would you fucking want to wear? Where would you want to wear? People are so weird about clothes.

1:45:10Why are clothes so gendered? Just wear the fucking fabric you want to wear. In the cut you want to wear it in. I'm going to also just like, but parents be Karen. And parents be. They're fucking weird. Parents are like, they have an idea. of what the life they want for their kids. And they have been maybe preparing their kid for that life, right? Entitling themselves to experience that life also. And when people come into their kids' lives that don't fit that, it's hard to adjust. So like, ma gets some grace, but like, hey, it's time to change behavior. Oh, yeah. Hardcore. Yeah, we're doing a full 180 on your behavior or you're gone.

1:45:58You got to. Well, she's mama. She can't be gone. Oh, she's going to be gone from my life. I know. You might as well be dead because you're dead to me. You are fiery today. We're the toss toss. Okay. Top comment. As an older guy who's cut out his mom, you need to do the same. First, you need to sit down and tell your girlfriend. Let her know it was an accident that you saw it. But you are glad you did. Let her know you're on her side. Tell her you plan on putting some space between you and your mom. Also, block your mom on her phone so she no longer has to put up with your mom's toxicity. Second, you need to lay into your mom for her shit behavior.

1:46:37Put some boundaries on how you and your girlfriend will be as far as contact goes from this point forward. This might not be a popular opinion, but your first priority is to your girlfriend. Family doesn't mean shit when they treat your partner like shit. family it's not that family doesn't mean shit but again we got to look at what we are in reality we're dealing with reality not the dream or the fantasy not the potential we're dealing with where we are and like ma not okay not okay and as a result like we got to work at getting back to a place of hanging out you know and being around because now it's just really uncomfortable We do get an update.

1:47:19I just found it accidentally. I thought it was game over, but I do. We have more. Why do you keep doing this to me? I don't know. But luckily it's the end. Like, what a good note to end on. Is it a good note? Maybe. I haven't read it because I just found it. What if it's not a good note? I don't know. I see a lot of heartbreak emojis, so. She left him. I talked to my girlfriend the same night I made the original post. We're working through everything together right now, and things are headed in a, all caps, good direction. Oh, great. I'm not ready to write the full update yet since there's a lot to sort out privately before I come back with all of the details.

1:47:56But I did want to say something to the people who reached out when I was clearly not in the best headspace. For transparency, I told my girlfriend exactly what happened, that I panicked, had what I'm pretty sure was some kind of anxiety attack, and ended up here on big, beautiful Reddit asking a question that, in hindsight, had a pretty obvious answer. Correct. Not my finest hour, considering I'm usually, you know, the calm one between us. I guess I was bound to pop at some point. Was this popping? Reddit was popping? I guess. That was like very tame and controlled to myself. Because I'm going to say this right now.

1:48:27Brother, if this is you popping, if this does not work out with this girl, please call me. You're engaged. Couple to thruple streaming on Peacock. Okay. Oh, there you go. Opie goes on to say, I even ugly cried on the side of the road. Dot, dot, dot. Jesus Christ I love him Like So emotionally In tune And like self aware I love him Ugh I also showed her This account So see like his mom Did a good job Fuck You're right His mom did a good job She's like My son Is a fucking prize Then why She's so fucked In the head Because she's like She's like Hey Step your weight up Put on some Fucking clean clothes Don't you come here Defending mom I'm just saying, now shit just got real.

1:49:16He's crying on the side of the road. I know. He pulls over. He pulled over? To be safe? To be safe. So he could cry? It's hard to cry. And not hurt anybody? It gets blurry. I've driven through it. He's safe. He's such a little angel. He is a good dude. She did a great job. Or? And she is trying to protect. Or he went to therapy and unpacked a lot of trauma and developed into this really healthy, well-balanced adult on his own. Yeah, maybe. But I'm thinking probably for the sake of this conversation, I'm thinking probably mama did a pretty good job and mama has a hard time releasing now. We got to let go.

1:50:01There might be something here. Okay. Okay. So he goes on to say, I also showed my girlfriend this account. And she like looked at me, then the comments and upvotes and hit me with, quote, bet you wish your actual account got this much engagement, huh? Destroyed me in seconds, but so very accurate. Broken heart, broken heart, broken heart. Oh, that's the broken hearts. Okay, okay. A lot has happened since and some of it was very eye-opening. Turns out my mom has a pattern of this behavior. After my girlfriend and I talked, I reached out to my siblings and my younger brother opened up and told me that she did the same thing to his now wife years ago.

1:50:38He just didn't tell anyone. They both moved far away and kept their distance because of it. That was a hard thing to hear, but it explains so much. Also, my girlfriend is super close with my siblings, so she knows she knows. She knows she knows. Yeah. Anyways, to sum it up real quick, my girlfriend and I are solid. We're talking, we're being honest, and we're on the same team. I'm taking care of the rest. I just wanted people to know things are okay And we're moving forward and I appreciate a lot of you I'm too anxious to open up any of the comments on the original post Some of y 'all are brutal But real My girlfriend has been peaking for me though Happy holidays everyone Stay safe I'm in love with him That is Excellent communicator This is what like Quality storyteller This is what women want Men want This is what everyone wants Everybody wants that Everybody wants that If whoever wants a man wants that.

1:51:34That's good. That's real good. That's really good. And if he cute, she it. No, he sounds cute just by this. He does. Someone that shows up for you, has your back, 10 out of 10 every time. I see like soft brown curly hair. Ooh. You know? Honestly, you know who I'm envisioning? Who? David Corn Sweat? New Superman? New Superman. Man, I could see that. I was thinking more like Regé-Jean Page. Ooh. Also. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. You know who's really doing it? And I just heard a rumor, maybe a future Bond. Callum Turner. I have heard Callum Turner. I have heard. Jolipa's hobby, fiance.

1:52:23Fiance, I think. I don't know. I feel like they got secretly married. I'm not upset about that. that's a good sitch she's cutie I like that's weird I like them together I like the the two finger thing was kind of weird I like them together I mean the two finger thing wasn't weird because you weren't doing a different mode it was right it wasn't like a donut hole yeah yeah yeah but this also considering this is also strange yeah because that's giving like tip to tip right yeah a little and now I can't stop doing it I know you're just like ever at home it's gonna be like bummed pumping their fingers together.

1:52:59It feels good. It feels good. It feels good. So I, I, wait, you heard, I also heard that maybe, um, Dampson Idris, new bond. Who? Dampson Idris. People, people's poll. People's poll. Who is this? Brad Pitt. He was the other driver in forming an F1. I never saw it. He's, yeah, he could do it too. Right? Mm-hmm. And has the accent. I know. Oh, it's British. They have famously said, or the assumption is that there will never be a black bond. But we did get a black woman 007. That is true. So, I mean, I don't think that that's entirely impossible. Just saying. I mean, times are changing. And changing right on back, apparently.

1:53:48It was supposed to be Jean-Regé, whatever you just said. Regé Jumpage? Yeah, sure was. That's why he quit Bridgerton. That was the rumor. And mistakes were made You shouldn't have left Bridgerton Jonathan Bailey can do it all Come on sir I love when you get spicy like this I love it It's my favorite My favorite is having you on Open invite Literally I'm down the street Anytime I love this Where can people find you Where can people listen to your podcast So exciting We just dropped our house party episode holiday house party episode for the podcast. It's like an hour of the best, most chaotic family holiday party you've ever seen.

1:54:35Niecy Nash and surprise guests. We had a pretty big surprise for her and apparently became a very big surprise for her husband, Jessica Betts, as well. Didn't see that one coming. And a major, major, major announcement for house guests. So really very excited. We are taking this show on the road. Houseguest is going on tour. Are you so excited? I am so excited. I'm going to be picking your brain about this life on the road. We love a live show. You know what I'm saying? We love a live show in this house. Yeah. And so we're going to be taking the show on the road and really bringing the experience of houseguest to our neighbors across the country.

1:55:16And so come eat with us, come drink with us, come play games with us. I'm there. and a celeb guest. It's going to be a really good time. This is so good. I can't wait. Scott, you've been an absolute gem. You are. Crushed all these. I tried. Thank you, Spotify, for making us be friends and bringing us together. You know what I'm saying? Our little family. The duo you did and now you need it. I know. So, so, so good. But all of Scott's links will be in the description. Super easy to find. I am Scott Evans everywhere. You have no excuse. But other than that, Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye.

1:56:23matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them and liver problems may occur.

1:56:59Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit TremphayaRadio.com. This episode is brought to you by Chat. ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

1:57:42Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.