257: Odd Layers.. Ft. The Basement Yard

19:36What I have is, uh, these three brushes that are next to my sink in order to use to clean dishes. But there's one brush in particular that is like separate from those that that is just for the dog bowls. So if we're cleaning the dog bowls It's gonna be that one Not the ones that we're using Yeah Obviously But like That's how it should be I would never I mean like I mean you know me too If I leave a plate out And like I forget to Put a plate in the dishwasher And then I'm away for the weekend And I come home I'm throwing the plate out Cause I'm like Too much time with this being out And maybe there's some mold And I just can't get over it I'm throwing the plate out He has

20:15Joe Santagato:We've talked about it a lot on our show He fully like I was there when it happened threw out a whole dishwasher's worth of I did cutlery and plates and bowls what? I made a peniala vodka and I like you know you kind of like wash the dishes before you put it in the dishwasher and I put it in and I closed it and I forgot to start it and then I was away so when I came back I saw that there was some mold I was like I'm throwing it all out well why didn't you give it a chance in the dishwasher it was already there you could have at least given it a pity wash The dishwasher was lucky I didn't throw him out.

20:50Because I threw out all the dishes and then I ran the dishwasher like four times with nothing in it. Just to get it super clean. So germs are a big deal for you? It's like they are and aren't. Like it's, I don't know why with dishes that's where I am. And also like toothbrushes, like I'm not into that. Yeah. If you dropped a Snickers on the floor, would you eat it? Hell no. Oh. See, I would. You would eat it? If it was a carpet. Like a five second rule.

21:13Joe Santagato:If it was my carpet in my house, I would eat it, obviously. It depends on how hungry I am. Yeah. For a Snickers? Or like a baguette. Like something good. A baguette? Where are you? Just walking around. Oh my God, we dropped our baguette. Pick it up. If it's on the street, the raw ground. No. No, not a sidewalk here for sure. But like in your own home. A sidewalk where? I don't know. Like a cleaner? Like a Vienna sidewalk? I'm like just thinking like if I bought a fresh croissant from like a little pastry place and it just falls out of my hand. It depends how it falls too. If it hits the ground and I can pick it up and be like, I'm just going to rip that part out.

21:57Then I might, I might go for it. It's going to be tough if it hits the sidewalk though.

22:01Joe Santagato:I'll be honest. No, I think sidewalk is like, you just got to get rid of it. You got to, you got to. But that's when if, you know, like that has happened to me and I'll go, I'll turn around and I'll be like, I dropped my croissant. And they're like, here's a new one. Whoa. That's very nice. That is very nice. You definitely don't have fear of rejection. Oh, I absolutely do. But I also have no shame, so. He's a Karen. Stop that. Don't do that. Excuse me. I dropped it for not your fault. Technically, I slipped on your sidewalk. I dropped it for not your fault. Oh my gosh. The top comment on this cat story.

22:42Why did you throw out the sponge? that is now the dedicated litter box cleaning sponge. Fair. That's fair. You could. You could. I think it was more of like an anger thing. Let me get this thing out of here. It's cursed. Also, throw out the guy. Get rid of him. We going that far?

22:57Joe Santagato:I mean, why not? Why not? Sure. Okay. No one will, this person will never hear this, so. Also, it's a scrub daddy. I don't really know what they retail for, but aren't those like. They're kind of bougie. Aren't they expensive? They're not, but they last forever. Not this one. I'm saying just to throw the thing out this is first of all I'm a huge advocate for Scrub Daddy which I know they need all the PR they can get oh they're$6 oh that's not too bad for a sponge for one sponge though well for one sponge they last forever sitting on a Spotify set like oh$6 for a sponge not bad I feel like with my baguette on the floor I mean I buy the off-brand magic erasers like those are bougie I've never owned a Scrub Daddy but I gotta get into that it's gonna change your life oh especially the one with the handle that you can like stick it in the mouth and see you had to go to that for it that's what I've seen the scrub daddy the scrub mommy the scrub babies what's the babies for?

23:53Joe Santagato:just like smaller things yeah they have different sides the mommy has two sides she does she's more useful she has an abrasive and a soft comforting side if you have glass surfaces there's an amazing little kit they sell with like the citrus paste the paste so good putty for what? to clean your glass forget him He doesn't know. He's not a scrub boy. He's clean boy. He likes clean. I like clean. He would love this. Yeah, but he's not on the scrub daddy train yet. Well, he's just, he can be included. He wants to exclude me. This is messed up. This is so messed up. Don't exclude your friend. I'm being bullied.

24:25Okay. Well, Catgirl, she was so embarrassed by it. She did delete the post. So I don't know if we'll get an update. I hope they can solve this issue. Why was she embarrassed? I don't know. She deleted it. Oh, she, so what were people saying? Were they on her side? Yeah. Oh, okay. I mean, we know why. Maybe the guy was like, yeah, you're throwing me under the bus here. Well, he's British. So he said that.

24:48Joe Santagato:Throw me under the double-deckled bus here. You throw me into a tube. That's the train. The train, yeah. Well, yeah. Technically, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know why she deleted it. A lot of people are like, congrats, you've been eating off the litter box this whole time. Oh, yeah, maybe that's why. That's fucking disgusting. He's going to need to buy a new sponge. this ladies and gentlemen is called weaponized incompetence that's right wow he was like he was just like all right you don't like daddy i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it my way that's how that's probably exactly how he said it can you explain exactly what that term means so it's come up recently a good example is a story i've had on the podcast before and so it's when people will purposefully do tasks wrong so that they stopped being asked to do them.

25:40Interesting. So this girl asked her boyfriend, hey, can you do the laundry? And he couldn't figure out how to wash anything. He'd combine everything. He'd throw bleach in with black. He was horrible at the laundry because he didn't want to do it. Why can't you do it, babe? So anytime he would try, he would mess it up. He bleached her little black dress and she tried to like fix it with a Sharpie. didn't work. And so in order to kind of punish him for his weaponized incompetence, she wore that black dress to one of his work dinners or something to embarrass him.

26:13Joe Santagato:He did that. Well, I don't know that that's the best course of action. Too petty for you? Yeah, it's a little, you know, I'm going to get you back by wearing this dress that makes me look a little crazy. So it's about the intent. Like, the intent, like, I am going to do this wrong on purpose. You've never heard that term? I have heard the term. I was just getting a clarification because I can understand from the context clues of the words, but an example would help me better understand that. That's why I was going back and forth with a guy being like, I've always just thrown the whites and colors together and I just kind of wash them like that.

26:48That's just incompetence. You know what I mean? But if you're purposefully doing it, that's the weaponization of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. That is an insane thing to do in any regard. It's happening a lot. Oh, yeah, I know. I've heard so many stories about how mentally unhealthy a lot of people are, especially in their relationships. Something like that is just, I am going to do it wrong. That doesn't serve anybody. It doesn't even serve you. It does not.

27:15Joe Santagato:It does not. I like to be petty in other ways. Not that. Not that. My dad did this to me for years. He would ruin my laundry all the time. And then he was like, well, you don't want to do it yourself. There's a lesson in there. And you learned, yeah. I did. I did learn yeah my dad stuck my clothes in the dryer once and I cried and he never washed my stuff again well I didn't even he wasn't doing my laundry it was in the wash and I was going to take it out and move it he thought he was helping me and then he shrunk all my shirts see that's nice that you think that because my dad would have thrown it in the dryer burnt it and it would have been my fault oh my god I do that to myself so I you know in order to learn about which materials shrink and which ones don't I eventually had to learn that the hard way and I bought, for some reason I was feeling myself and bought a cashmere sweater and then out of the dryer it could have fit Stuart Little You can stretch it back out, you know Wish I had known that I threw that out with my pots and pans So that one I was just like, well, okay let's just pretend it says mold on it What the hell?

28:23Would you eat a piece of bread that had a little piece of mold on it? Today? Morgan No. Five years ago, I would have torn the mold off and eaten it. During COVID? I was on a food stamp card. I was eating anything I could find. Oh, man. A baguette on the ground. She's doing poverty. A snicker on the street. She's weaponizing.

28:41Joe Santagato:Weaponization of poverty. Yeah, you're weaponizing poverty. Oh, my gosh. Don't you hate? I come from, because I definitely used to be the person that would be like, cut around it. Yeah. You know? But now I'm just, I saw one thing. I'm scared of food poisoning. I had norovirus once. Me too. Never want to go through that again. was going through it. I needed three IVs. Three? I got my first one because of it. Yeah, so good. And I was like, now I'm addicted. But you are. What are they putting in those IV drinks? Everything. I get the all-inclusive one. Sprinkle a little fentanyl in there. No! That's a little.

29:15That's bad. No, it's got all the good stuff. All the B vitamins. Yeah. Sometimes I put some. You get the yellow bag? Yeah. Yeah. Glutathione. What does that mean? I get some Zofran if I'm feeling a little nauseous. I get that.

29:30Joe Santagato:Well, I got that, I should say. I've never done one of these. You should. It feels luxurious. No. We could get IVs together. I've learned that if someone tells me to hang out and it has something to do with needles, say no. You don't like IVs? I don't mind IVs, but I almost got one before our MSG show. Becca hit me up and my wife was like, I want you to be in the best health possible, so I booked you an appointment to do an IV. It was sweet. Yeah. And then it was the day of, and I was like, I just don't want to do this. So I have a credit to do it, but I haven't done it yet. You'll really like it.

30:03Joe Santagato:I'm sure I will. You don't even feel the needle go in. See, but needles don't bother me at all. Oh. At all. I've been poked and prodded with enough. What's the issue? Yeah. What's the issue with the IVs? Yeah, like, why don't you like it? I overthink because I will be the type of person that's just like, okay, what is actually in that bag? Are they just telling me it's, you know, like all these vitamins, but it's actually like yellow Gatorade or something? No, it's legit. They'd get in big trouble. Yellow Gatorade. I mean, they would get in big trouble, but I can't. Think about, like, here's the thing.

30:31If you went and you got a bad IV with Gatorade in it, think about the money you could sue them for. That's true.

30:36Joe Santagato:My family would be rich. You know? I do also, though, take the approach of, like, I'm not going to get into it because if I do get into it and I do like it, now we've got a big problem on our hands because I'm not going to want to stop. It's not affordable enough to be an addiction. That's how I am with, like, Pokemon cards. If I start, once you pop, you can't stop. like Pringles. Okay. Name every brand you can. Lunchables Pringles. I threw a soft C in there. Okay. Let's move on to this next one. Okay. This is coming from Relationship Advice. It's five days old titled, my boyfriend, 31 male, is mad at me, 28 female, because I let my cousin touch my old implants.

31:23Joe Santagato:Where were the implants? Were they still implanted or were they explanted? Suppanted? My cousin was over at my house, my first cousin, the closest I had to a brother growing up. He was sitting down and he looked across the living room and said, is that an implant? I said, yeah. And I let him see it. He was like, whoa, that's crazy. And then I said, want to see what the inside of one looks like? Because one was ruptured and the texture is super weird. He said, it's sticky like a glue trap. That was the whole interaction. So it was not in her body? No. No. My boyfriend was watching the security cameras in the living room.

32:04Uh-oh. First of all, spying on someone and their cousin?

32:10Joe Santagato:New level of insecurity. Yeah, now we're getting into black mirror level shit. This is weird. And he got pissed. He said that it was inappropriate and sexual and, quote, white people fuck their cousins. That they do. That they do. So I was feeling that. I was feeling the whiteness in the room. Yeah, there was a clear whiteness in this. There was white around. Only white cousins would be like, where are your old tits? Yeah, like, is that your old boob over there? You know what I mean? OP says, seriously? What the fuck? He said, you should have known that was disgusting letting your cousin touch your tits.

32:48And he said, I am disrespecting him by doing something sexual. I think he's going a little crazy with that. I don't think it's disgusting or disrespectful.

32:57Joe Santagato:I think it's a little strange. It is strange. However, it sounds like there are some bigger control issues at play here. Big fat ones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I never would have equated touching an implant outside of my body, especially a ruptured one was the same as touching my boob? I said I understand how that may have upset him, and I can respect his opinion, and I'm sorry it hurt him. It won't happen again. But he is still claiming I should have known better. This is something that doesn't feel like anyone would have expected or automatically known. I guess I just don't know what to do anymore. I know this isn't healthy.

33:32I'm just shocked he reacted this way and this badly. We've never been perfect, but this is a completely different level of anger. He's been an amazing man in the past. He's been super tense lately. And he's never gotten mad at something like this before. Partnet info, we have been together for almost four years. We have had fights in the past, but all couples do. He's Arabic. I'm white. We have security cameras because there have been several break-ins. And the police said until we get the guy on camera, they won't do anything, even though they have seen him on our property multiple times and running from the house after we caught him.

34:06I do think that this guy's a little nuts for sure. Cause I don't think that's like sexual. For me, it just like feels scientific. It's like a medical thing.

34:17Joe Santagato:Like scientific feels, but like, I mean, I've felt people's implants for like scientific reasons while they're in their body. Different. Scientific. Different. I would never felt one. And I was like, I was like, sounds like curiosity. You're not one of experiments. We are completely. I'm doing it for science, all right? I got a lab back home. Okay, every guy out there listening is going to be like, that's how I'm going to touch a boob again. Science. I'm actually a doctor. Oh, my God. Okay, I hear it now. I'm an expert. I was curious. I'd never felt an implant. No, of course. We're avoiding a huge part of this that is questionable.

34:54The security cameras.

34:54Joe Santagato:No, no, no. Because it sounds like they. it sounds like they, well, first of all, sounds like they, they added some context as to why the security cameras are there. Why her husband is watching it. Strange. Also, they're like, why? You know, like she's with the cousin too, but also like, why do you just have a ruptured implant just sitting out on your coffee table? Presumably that's where it was. If it was in like a bedroom and we're approaching a little strange, but like, I don't know that I would go out of my way to tell my, like to ask my cousin if I could touch an implant. But if I did, I think it's a giant stretch for people to be like, well, that's sexual.

35:34You're touching your cousin's tit. I'd be like, bro, first of all, where was it?

35:38Joe Santagato:This is the hospital. This doesn't even hurt. There's a lot of context we're missing. Like if this happened in like Alabama, I would be like, all right, maybe there's some room to understand that this is a little weird. But like elsewhere, not that bad. Yeah. A new level of insecurity. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's really insecure, really controlling and weird that he logged into the camera to like watch them. I'm with my cousin. What are you like scared of? He's insecure and scared that they're going to hook up. White people fuck their cousins. Yeah, no, that's first of all, wild generalization. That's a crazy generalization.

36:11All right. I do have an incest story in one of my tabs. Oh, we're going? We're going there? Maybe. A hard eye? We see where we go. We don't know. well that that defeats the purpose of my entire case here no no what i was just going to say is that one i think that's strange if that was me in that situation i'd be like you're spying on me and i'm with my cousin yeah that's the insecurity yeah that is kind of wild and you just blanket statement saying that white people fuck their cousins and that's why i'm watching as if that's

36:41Joe Santagato:an appropriate excuse for spying on me and then it's it also sounds like this person like there is a clear power dynamic and control dynamic here because she immediately when like he's been stressed lately like he's been going through and it's like how many times have you had to say that to other people that is a little I don't hope this person's okay yeah we do get a little bit of an update after some comments but OP does also share like he's super possessive he's never had an issue with my cousin before his previous statements were like quote you're mine you can wear what you want because at the end of the night you're coming home with me he was kind of possessive like that but that didn't scream red flags at me i would say this does though this is screaming red flags he equated touching the implants as like almost like it's just like letting your cousin play with your dildo that's insane is that something that happens that's uh yeah that is so different that is so different that's how he's comparing it it's like it's so inappropriate to let your cousin touch your old implant, you basically let him play with your dildo.

37:50No way in hell. This person's stretching. That is crazy. I mean, reaching is what I was looking for. I will say this. Had this been a dildo, short conversation. Yeah. Very weird. This is weird. That's very weird. Yeah. What's this? Yeah. Just like holding a dildo and being like, oh, I always wanted to see one. You're like, chill, dude. This is too crazy now. What were you playing with there? I was just going like this. with it. Sword fighting. Yeah, exactly. That's a little too crazy. But like an out and about former retired implant?

38:23Joe Santagato:Yeah. I think that's okay. It's like, you know, it's been taken out to pasture. You know what I mean? It's like the old police dogs that are like on their last legs. It's retired. Yeah. It's not even in the game anymore. Old police dogs? I just heard, I was like, whoa, what? Fido? Well, like I'm saying, like it's like the old police dogs that are on their last leg. It's like, they're not even in like they're not even working right now you know what i mean like it's over there like yeah op does have a comment where she's like it's basically like to me when you got a pacemaker out and someone wanted to see your old pacemaker like it's a medical device i would be that would be a little weird too saying that an implant is a medical device is also it could be it could be a medical device instead of you know curious but it's not medical feels like it though Would you call like, I'm just thinking of like a male equivalent, like a penis pump.

39:15That's a medical device. Well, that, see, now this is, I don't know, for some reason that feels different. Because if it had been reversed and it was like a woman was upset that a guy was letting his cousin play with his penis pump that he used to have. Yeah. That feels a little stranger.

39:33Joe Santagato:Also, for some reason, I think, haven't we like debunked penis pumps? No, it's a real thing. Oh, it's real? Yeah. They're real. They're not like snake oil? You have to squeeze the balls to pump them up. Yeah, you do. I don't know. It's a real device. I'm sure it's a real device, but like, whatever. That feels different for some reason. Yeah, it does feel different. This is just a circular bag. We do have a picture of the implant. Let's get a gander. What am I looking at? It looks like a Petri dish. It's an implant. How big? It's a top view. So it's like - That's a giant implant. Yeah, it looks like a lot of CCs.

40:04Joe Santagato:That looks like a - Maybe, is that like the - That's the rupture. That's like when people zoom in on germs under a microscope. It does look similar to a petri dish. Am I not getting the scale? I'm pretty sure. That looks massive. I mean, that's the arm of the sofa. So, I mean, it looks like it's maybe an eight-inch arm. It's like a softball? It's spluted. It's like splute on the arm of the sofa. Gotcha, gotcha. This is a top view. So when you pick it up, then maybe it would like... Yeah. Yeah, okay. Also, some people put their implants under the muscle, and the muscle holds shape. Like, there's multiple ways to do that.

40:39Yeah, I mean, even staring at that, like, there's nothing really overtly sexual about that. Yeah, it sounds like someone that was just insecure. It looks like one of those, like, everyone's got them these days, those little squishy things. They're like ice cubes or like fruit.

40:51Joe Santagato:Yeah. They like went super viral. Do I drop another brand here or just? I got a list of them. I got them ready, locked and loaded. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I think this guy's super controlling. Yeah, it sounds not good. But also the anger and just like letting it linger like that just feels strange. Very strange. OP said he got a new Mercedes and so maybe that's why he's so stressed. Yeah, you know, getting a new brand new Mercedes. Do you know how difficult it is to ride around in my Mercedes? A brand new one at that. A brand new one. You just don't get it. You want to talk about stress in a world like we're living in?

41:31Yeah. Try having a Mercedes. My gosh. Try driving one of those off the lot and finding out that your wife's at home letting her cousin play with her boobs.

41:40Joe Santagato:If you think the atrocities in the world hold a candle to the stress that it causes to drive a brand new sports car, you have no idea what you're talking about. Homeless guy came up to me, asked me for a couple bucks. I'm like, can't you see I'm driving a Mercedes? I'm going through it right now as well. Yeah, gosh. Jeez. You know how much?

42:01It's true. What were you going to say?

42:03Joe Santagato:I was just going to keep piggybacking off of what he said, but I saw that it was time to stop. I saw. I read the room. You read the room? I read the room. They told me right over there. I would have let you go on. There is an edit. We are done. Yeah, good. I'm just in shock at this point. I don't even know how we got to this point. And honestly, I'm really hurt that he just flipped into a completely different person. I'm glad, yeah. Is there another edit that she's now dating her cousin? Because that would be the cherry on top. That would be a double. That would be awesome. That would get us. I'll check their comments one more time, but I don't think so.

42:38Joe Santagato:Another edit. I'm in love with my cousin. Just let that be a lesson, though. You could be dating a guy for four years. As soon as you find out in a situation like that, they're like, whoa, what's going on? Just know that that's not a one-off. Also weird for the cousin. If he heard this and she told the cousin the story, he'd be like, do you like me or something? Yeah, like, what the hell are we talking about? Why was he so nervous? It's very weird. You reminded me of a story, and now I'm like, wait, I want to get your take on it. It wasn't on my agenda. But this? Yes. Okay. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping Lemon on top and lime in the shadows.

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44:01What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Wanting My Soon-To-Be Brother-In-Law at My Wedding? Oof, let's go. Hi, everybody. I'm a 26 female about to get married to my wonderful fiance, 28 male. He and I have been together for five years, and our wedding is set to take place this spring. So for some backstory, when I was 18, I was on a date with a guy who was 18 too.

44:39We went out to dinner, and I thought we had a really great time, and I really liked him. After our date, I texted him telling him I had a great time and would love to meet him again. He just responded with telling me thanks, that he enjoyed our date, but he did not find a connection with me and would not want to see me anymore as he felt it wouldn't be fair to me. I really liked this guy and I was heartbroken, but I moved on. Three years later, I met my now husband. When I met him, I had no idea as to who he was. We hit it off and clicked instantly and fell hard for each other. It was not until six months later when I was at dinner with his family and his brother was there.

45:18And that's when I realized that his brother was the guy I went on a date with. Yeah. I explained this to my husband. He was fine with it. I also messaged his brother, telling him I did not know that they were related in any way, but that I really liked his brother and would like it if he did not let our past together disturb my relationship. He responded by telling me that we were all good. However, he has continually flirted with me. No. When we meet for dinner, he always flirts, saying stuff like my dress looks nice, that I look great, or telling me that something specific on the menu looks like I might like it.

46:00He always does this in front of my husband, who has not said a word about this. He also tries to make me jealous all the time. Like when we are all out with his family, he sometimes brings a girl with him. and if they have been dating for some time, he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirts with her. I have kept my mouth shut about this as to not cause anything bad between him and my fiance, but with wedding planning and sending out invites, I just had to say something. I told him I don't want his brother there because his brother always flirts with me and tries to make me jealous.

46:37My fiance looked dumbfounded and asked when this happens, if his brother does this stuff when he is in the bathroom or is simply not looking. I told him no and brought up all the things that I did here in this post. My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking. I got angry at him, and I said that if he could not see how truly disgusting his brother's behavior is, then he is not who I thought he was. We have barely talked since then. I got a text from his brother saying that he was sorry if he ever made me feel uncomfortable and that he had no intention to make me feel that way.

47:15My fiance is still mad at me. Was I really the asshole for this? I just want my happiest day to be my happiest day. And it can't be that if I have to worry about his brother doing something. Okay, that was a doozy. I mean, asshole isn't the word narcissist feels broke. here. He's really flirting with me. He said, I look good? You would really like

47:45Joe Santagato:the steak. Yeah, he told me I'd really like the mozzarella sticks. What the hell's his issue? He kissed the girl he came with that he likes. What are you trying to make me jealous? What's going on, dude? Yeah, it's a little. First of all, didn't she say that she really liked the guy after one date? She was heartbroken. Heartbroken after one date. One of those? Immediate red flag. Yeah. You know, I mean... Did she not know that that was the brother? Who's to say? This feels like it wouldn't be outside. Yeah, this is also in today's day and age. Like, if this person is saying they're how old? They're 26.

48:22Joe Santagato:So, and they went on a date when they were 18. Eight years ago, social media still around. You know, I... 2018, yeah. Yeah, so I imagine that she was going on a date with this new guy who ended up being her partner. like husband, you gotta stalk. You gotta stalk. Do you think she stalked him? It sounds like she might have known. Do you feel like this is purposeful? Do people even date without stalking? I'm not going that far. Who wouldn't do that? But it's not called stalking anymore because that is a crime. Well, yeah, not the federal. It's called like looking around. Taking a peek. Taking a peek.

48:59Joe Santagato:A perusing. I love a peruse. I love a peruse. So what? You look at their whole social media history. It's out there. It's public information. As long as you're not sending them used socks and saying, I will kill you and your whole family, that's when it gets bad. Yeah. Has someone done that? Nothing I know of. I'm sure it's happened. I'm certain. I'm sure it's happened. It does. I don't know. Like what Joey said, I don't know if asshole is the right term. Okay. I think this person has some stuff that they need to work through with a mental health professional. I don't want to sit here and be the guy that's just like, don't believe her.

49:39Joe Santagato:Don't, you know, like clearly she's feeling something that is real, but what is causing it to feel that way might be something, you know, and there's history there. Is she trying to make, you know, a metaphorical square peg fit in a round hole? You know what I'm saying? I don't know. Yeah. I think that she probably enjoys the fantasy of there being this, like, both of these guys. And she wants the brother to really be interested in her. So she's creating these scenarios kind of in her head. Yeah. And just kind of overanalyzing everything. But he's just trying to be a normal guy. Because when you're reading that, I'm like, oh, no, I was going to start flirting.

50:21And then it's kind of like, oh, you look really nice. And like for you to take that as something because you were so attached to this person at one time, it feels like it's the calls coming from inside the house. I love that you said that.

50:36Joe Santagato:There's also a lot of context that we're missing here. You know, it's possible that like the foods he was saying she might really like, maybe they were like overly phallic foods. You know, maybe it was just like, oh, you would love the Wienerschnitzel. You know, like you would love the chorizo. like maybe maybe there's context that we're not getting that could help her side a little bit i'm just playing devil's ad be yeah no i i appreciate that i feel like overall i think she's just either really delusional maybe it's like just kind of off her rocker a bit or no one has ever been nice to her ever like to just be told like oh you look nice and think it's flirting are people usually really mean to you like what that would in a in a vacuum i think that that would make sense but the fact that you went on one date and then you were heartbroken like to me that kind of gets me to believe that there's a little bit of like narcissism involved like i think that certain people like that also will almost in a way pretend that they're heartbroken so that they can get some sort of attention from other people and like look at this thing that happened to me i was dating this guy and then he ghosted me and normal people are gonna be like it was one day who cares.

51:46You know, like even if you guys like talked for a bit, you met him for one time, one date, like how can you possibly care about that? But if I'm heartbroken, then I'm going to get sympathy. I'm going to get comforted. So that's why it makes me believe that this person is like trying to create a situation where now I need this again because something's happening to me and I want to exclude it and whatever. And in a weird way, that almost feels like she has the feelings for him. I was going to say, is this giving a little Summer I Turned Pretty? Never seen it, but yes. Oof, I did see a few episodes of it.

52:21I feel like you'd be really into it. I think my wife watched it. Is that, um... Conrad? Jeremiah? Yes, I watched some of that. What team are you on? What? What team are you on?

52:28Joe Santagato:Oh, I'm not that in that I have a say. We're still trying to figure out Team Edward or Team... Belly? Belly. Belly, yeah. Yeah. What do you mean Team Edward or Team Jacob? We're still trying to figure out that team Where we fall on there Edward Oh okay So you're just making the decision for us Well the other one's a wolf And he weirdly imprints on her daughter I feel like there's only one side to pick Okay Get him First of all don't get me Second of all you heard all that beautiful like therapy talk He I mean everything I wanted to say He just said it in a very nicer way I'm what You sound healed Like I really have I've been watching some stand up specials And I this person really talks about mental health Taylor Tomlinson and I realized I'm like I really need to go back to therapy because she seems to be like very self aware and healed and I'm yeah you you're giving healed as well oh I appreciate that I have been in therapy I also go out of my way to you know like read books and stuff to try and understand you read books loves books I love books what's your favorite book I have no idea there was I had an answer to this I don't know if it's still my answer but like Like during COVID, I read a book called The Psychopath Test by, I believe his name is John Ronson.

53:40But I read a couple of his books. That sounds really interesting. He passed the test. You're not a psychopath? Uh, no. Uh, when, but they, it, you know, it's a, it's a cool book, but he has a couple of books and I think they're all like pretty interesting, but that was like my answer for a bit. I don't know if it's still, you know. You got to read another book. I have been reading books. I just haven't like taken inventory of which one is my favorite or something. Do you have a Goodreads account? I do but I don't really like use it I feel like people would be really into that If I had a Goodreads account

54:11Joe Santagato:Oh maybe Definitely They go wild for his feet I'm sure if they like I'm sure if they could like see what his brain looked like Are you on that feet website I'm against my will yeah Don't google it Oh not foot finder or whatever Not that He is like a five star recipient on this foot website. Yeah. You do have five stars. Gorgeous feet. So yeah, if they could see what you're reading, they'd be like, literally from... You really put your feet out there for free a lot. Well, this was a thing that I did in the past before I knew this existed, and now I'm a little bit more, you know, on top. He's guarded.

54:50Why do you think I started using blankets? Well, I didn't know that there was an entire empire out there.

54:55Joe Santagato:Do you also normally just wear no shoes and socks? Look at this close-up of your foot they put on. Oh, that's an ugly one. That was on the... That was on the show. I put my foot up on the desk. I am proud of the hip mobility to be able to get up there. Yeah, if anything, that shows, you know, a real good range of motion. I just wanted people to know that at one point in my life I was an athlete, so I am able to do that. So that's all I wanted to do there. They have a lot of feet pics of you. Stop looking? Yeah, this seems like you're objectifying him. Yeah, you're like looking. In real time. This is basically like you're looking at my implant.

55:27Joe Santagato:This is getting. Can I touch it? Oh, my God. This will get cut. No. No, it won't. No. You have a really good score. That's great. Thank you. That's awesome. You should start monetizing it, honestly. I'm cool with not monetizing it as long as someone sends me a plaque. What do you want the plaque to say? Great feet? Great feet. Five star? I just want it to be like a glass foot. Like a glass foot and be like whatever. Why don't you take a mold of your foot? Sell that. I can't give myself to my guy sell a mold well how do you think they're gonna get you like if they want you know what I mean well I thought there would just be like a standard foot that they would send I should create that I feel like it should be yours what was my rating?

56:11five stars

56:11Joe Santagato:oh yeah no I gotta make the thing I try to provide him with foolproof business ideas I do feel like if you made a mold of your foot and sold it on like our like our store our store what would a foot paperweight a paperweight or no like a silicone mold Imagine it right there on the stack of the books. That'd be really great. And you could put like, here we go. Now you got me going. He's cooking. I'm cooking right now. I think you need to. It'd be a foot mold, but the toes would be like lollipop candy. Oh, that's really, you're giving the fetish people what they want. What do you think people are going to do with them?

56:48Joe Santagato:You got to lean in. People are going to be doing that. But then eventually the toes will erode. And you got to buy a new one. Supply and demand. And I just want to say that the idea that he just gave, he's done this like a billion times. That honestly is probably like the best one. That's how bad the rest happened here. Yeah. Well, listen, magic happens. I will, you know, I'd support. Magic happens. I'll gift it to Spotify. A paperweight? Paperweight? Yeah, a paperweight right there. Okay. So top comment on this one. Ha ha ha ha ha. what the actual fuck. You're the asshole. He's being nice to you and trying to make you feel included in the family.

57:32And you think that's flirting? He has a date and kisses another girl and you think that is him trying to make you jealous? You had one date with him eight years ago and are still thinking about how much it wasn't a match. This is a level of delusion not often seen. This is some next level shit. You're the asshole and delusional.

57:52Joe Santagato:Yeah, 100%. Yeah, asshole is a, I don't know if it's the term I would use, but I mean too harsh. I would use it if I'm the brother-in-law but now you're being an asshole to me making me look like something. Why are you doing that? Do you think the husband is just like oh no what have I gotten myself into now? If I was the husband I'd be like dude. Yeah. This is weird. I'd feel like yo you have it out for him like you have an attraction to him and that's why you're doing this like negging thing. Absolutely. Yeah especially given the fact that like it's so bad in her head she doesn't want to invite his brother to his wedding.

58:27It's not just her wedding. It's their wedding. He's also there. A possible best man, even. I would say he probably is the best man. So. It's crazy. That's insane. That is crazy. It's crazy. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping Lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their Lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up, flip the sip. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need.

59:13From athletic stuff, like a full court pickup game, swish, to athletic stuff, like a half mile stroll. Get those steps in. And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace. It's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair. What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. This next one is also a bit crazy.

59:43Joe Santagato:A bit doozy. I think so. Okay. I'm excited to see what you guys think. This feels really wrong. Okay. It's coming from our very own 2HotTakes subreddit, three years old. It's titled, My, male 27, wife, female 28, showed her friends our sex tapes.

1:00:04My wife and I have been together for seven years, married for two. We have a healthy and active sex life. One thing we like to do is just record ourselves. Nothing fancy, just our phones in the moment. We have a shared iCloud server that we send it to. That way we can watch it on our phones and other devices without it being saved on our phones. We sometimes like watching them together or we both travel somewhat frequently for work and watch them then. My wife has a very active group of friends that she spends a lot of time just hanging out with, chatting, and drinking wine, a typical girls' night in.

1:00:39They usually meet at our house, so I usually just go downstairs to play games, or sometimes I go out with my friends. They tend to get loud when they get drunk, and whenever I don't have something playing in my headphones, I can hear them. A common topic is their sex lives. It made me feel weird at first to hear my wife and her friends talk about our sex life, but I remembered that I used to talk about my sex life with my friends when I was younger. However, the other night I heard whooping and cheering.

1:01:10Joe Santagato:Like it's an Avengers movie? Whooping. So I crept up the stairs to see the commotion. My wife was playing some of our sex tapes on the TV for all to see. I went back downstairs and stayed down there until they were ready for me to drive them home. Usually, there's some satirical cheers and such from her friends as I walk up the stairs and grab the keys. This time, a couple of them did wolf whistles. They've never done that before, and one even said, quote, way to go, stud. My wife shushed them and decided to come along when I dropped them off. There was a lot of drunk giggling in the car ride.

1:01:49After I got home, I wanted to talk to my wife about what I saw, but I thought she was too drunk to have a serious conversation with her then. We went to bed and she tried to engage but I told her I was too tired. The next afternoon when she was sober and less hungover, I asked her why she showed our videos to her friends. She got a deer in headlights look on her face. She then said they were just having a good time and she told them about our collection and they started to beg to see them. So she obliged. I told her those were private videos and she said we never said we couldn't show them to others And it's not like she sent them the files I think she could tell I didn't like that answer And she said that she'll make it up to me and then tried to engage again I backed up and said I was going for a drive I texted her that I was hanging out with some buddies for the day when I got home last night I set up camp on the couch and have been sleeping there the past couple of nights I don't think this is a call for divorce or anything.

1:02:49I'm just upset that she violated my trust like that, even though we never had an agreement. I thought it was just implied. I'm also upset since she didn't apologize until I started sleeping on the couch and that she originally tried to engage instead of apologizing when we first talked.

1:03:07Joe Santagato:Well, how do you, how do you, I need a machete to get through the weeds of that one. I mean, this feels pretty clear cut. I mean, that is wrong on so many levels. It's so violent. Is this from an Am I the Asshole thread? No, this is from the Too Hot Takes subreddit. So just kind of like writing in. Is this someone who like listens to the show? There's a chance. What the hell are you thinking? Look down the barrel of the gun right now and let them know. Yeah, like what are you thinking? Like I think that's, yeah, that's wild. I am also like you're married to someone. You seemingly trust them, whatever.

1:03:40I don't think you should be able to like show people that or also like I don't know man like and I don't think this person they're trying to find a middle ground be like well I used to talk about my sex life when I was younger yeah dude we all did but like now we're married adults and

1:03:55Joe Santagato:don't do that yeah when you're 18 years old it's a big difference well and I was like I went to go look at ages again I'm like is she a lot younger and maybe that's why there was that comment two years, right? She's 28. He's 27. Yeah. Way too old to be doing this. I know. If one of my friends tried to show me, I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? But also the hooting, the hooting and hollering that they're doing. They're watching the Super Bowl and they're just like, yeah! Way to go, stud. I would never be able to see those people ever again. I'm not saying that this is more appropriate, but a part that would bother me also is that you don't even respect me enough to like keep this a secret like you're doing it in my house and I'm there like it's not like you're like showing your best friend and like one of them being like uh and just like that I would find strange also but at least like keep it a secret from me but now you're kind of like outing me your friends are saying it to me like I definitely should not know that they know if anything you know like that to me is like another level of disrespect as well as like this is like a traumatic thing for this guy to now i come upstairs all your friends are watching me naked what it's super weird if roles like were reversed like flip genders like i feel like people would like have an easier time understanding this like would you like it if your husband showed all of his guy friends no yeah right like that would be insanely violent like come on yeah that's horrible i agree i wouldn't even want my friend like i don't want my friends to see me in action that's weird yeah very strange that's weird and then the fact that they were like making a joke yeah yeah like it was like they were making a joke out of it to the point like like if they had almost because like they didn't know at the time that he had heard or saw so like they're being like coy like trying to be like funny like way to go stud like uh it's kind of like rubbing dirt in the wound you know what i mean like yeah that's not that's not nice.

1:05:52Joe Santagato:It's also fucked up to leave your partner out to dry in the sense of you're on the outside of this. We all know this happened. You don't know what happened. I'm gonna let them make those comments that are maybe gonna confuse you if you have no idea what's going on. And you're like cool with that. Like that's not doing... Like there's so many laitages that are like wrong. I know. I think too like the fact she initially was like deer in headlights trying to come up with like a plausible excuse because I don't think she even put it in her head like oh he's gonna hear this but also like i know the part that is also kind of weird is like the then trying to like use sex as like a i'll make it up to you like this is like again i did say earlier that men are simple and most likely dumb creatures but like to be like this person's upset i'm just gonna like throw my body at it and then like everything will blow over and it'll be okay like that's a level of disrespect too like you're not valuing.

1:06:49Joe Santagato:That's a really good point. You're not valuing like the emotional damage that you did and you're just thinking that like the physicality of our relationship will completely fix that issue that I just caused. Yeah. That's a little crazy. It's not very thoughtful. And it's also like you're undermining my entire existence by thinking like you can't fuck your way out of this one, lady. Sorry. I'm gonna make it up to you. it's like no I don't want that that's what got us here I was just gonna say yeah I did it first so that is yeah I mean I know that this wasn't from an am I the asshole thread but I'll say it again kind of an asshole move oh she's an asshole who submitted this the female partner the guy I think also the you're not thinking of your husband when you're like I'm just gonna make this executive decision.

1:07:47You're not thinking of your husband when you're letting your friends make the jokes or do whatever. You're not thinking of your husband by doing this in the house that he's in currently. And you're also not thinking of your husband when you're like, I'll just fix this with sex. Like, cause then that's like, like I said, it's like you're undermining his existence and being like, well, this is not like actually a person I could just, you know, he'll forget about it if I just get naked. It's like, you have a crazy understanding of what a relationship is. yeah you know so it's hard to make jokes about this you would this is I I feel like you're not gonna you're not this is not gonna last like there's no way that lasts like I do come back

1:08:23Joe Santagato:how do you come back from that realization because like there is a sense of just like oh like you see these people again which I I presume this person is gonna see his wife's friends again like there is gonna be that internal like oh like they they've seen me in this very intimate situation so Like, how do you even allow that relationship to go anywhere outside of just like high and by? It would be really hard to get that trust back. When you said deer in the headlights also, I thought that this was going to turn into and not saying this is an excuse, but I thought this was going to turn into she was like, what?

1:08:58Blacked out. Like blacked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I can, I think that a part of me could possibly get past that if it was like a mistake and you're realizing how fucked up that is. Yeah. But if it's not that, and you're also not apologizing, like, that's the part that I think results in divorce for me. It's like, I'm telling you that I feel violated and you just, like, don't agree. Like, you don't get to not agree. No, like, these are my feelings. They're valid. And you're not even acknowledging them. You're just trying to fuck me again. Yeah, and it's like, that I'm not gonna be able to get past.

1:09:30Then it's like, no, it's a wrap now. No, top comment. You need to ask her if she thought it would be okay if you showed the sex tapes to your drunk friends. She violated your trust in the worst way. I'm not saying break up with her, but I damn sure wouldn't record any more videos.

1:09:45Joe Santagato:Yeah, I would do a sweep of that room like you're in the CIA. Make sure that there's no fucking listening or video devices anywhere. Also, the cloud? I would delete them. I think it's time to delete them. Yeah. Like, you clearly can't handle this privilege of having these, so bye-bye. You should also do, like, the classic, like, burn barrel behind the apartment. Just, like, throw it in and be, like, so dramatic about it. Doing this on the cloud, too, you're playing with fire. The cloud gets hacked. Oh, yeah. Like, I feel like there's been a lot of celebrities that have been held hostage over their nudes.

1:10:16Yeah, absolutely. It's so horrible. Yeah. Bye-bye, cloud. Delete. Delete, delete. Empty trash bin. Whatever you got to do. She's got some stuff going on. She has a weird relationship with her sexuality, I would say. Or just, like, needing approval from her friends. More of an insecurity thing. Yeah. Like, well, I guess I don't get the logic. sex like she's using it as a as a way to like get her way and then she's using it to get validation

1:10:41Joe Santagato:from these people like she's got I also don't get problems I also don't get the logic of like what are what are you showing like what is in there that you are showing like how did the conversation get to a point where it's just like well we do this and they're like no way and it's like let me show you that we do this yeah that's I mean like I've talked about a position in the past like on this podcast and I drew like stick figures to like explain it so I could imagine them having a conversation and like getting there but to then like show them the videos that's too far I also yeah I also think that like it's totally fine for I mean it really depends on the intention like I do think that people talking about their sexual experiences with their partners especially when you're married is like maybe a little like taboo but if it's like your best friends and you need someone to confide in so the intention is like you know like you're trying to get information you're trying to whatever if you're just trying to like flex and it's just something you talk about i think that's a little weird yeah yeah like i think that's strange to do yeah but if you're gonna do that i shouldn't know dude i don't want to know if your friend knows things about me a different girl's house like during another girl's night but like the The fact he's downstairs.

1:11:55Yeah. This is in your home.

1:11:57Joe Santagato:Do you think there was any part of her that like. Wanted him. Wanted him to find out to see like how far she can push the boundaries of it. I don't know. Like what was she hoping? Was she hoping it like then turned into him coming upstairs and something happening? Like. I think it was just a lack of thought. Like. Yeah. It's just I'm thinking about me in this moment. I'm not thinking about the guys. You know. Is there an update? No update. Damn. How long ago was this posted? Three years. Oh, they're done. They're done. Maybe. Complete. OP could be out there listening right now. We could get an update after this episode.

1:12:30Joe Santagato:We don't know. I don't know. Careful asking that because they might just like send an update with like an image file and you're just like, never mind. That would be weird. I don't get a lot of those. You guys must get some interesting. No. I don't get them, honestly. No. Not that I'm aware of. No, I just want an update from this username. It's got to come from this username too. I feel like I wouldn't believe it if it didn't come from this account. Of course, gotcha. Because then you're like, you just made a fake account. Yeah. To mess with us. But yeah, well. What was the username again? Throwaway Tapes.

1:13:05Joe Santagato:Well, I think. It sounds like they started an LLC. Yeah. It sounds like they were on track to go a certain route with this story. Well, that's kind of how Reddit, like if you don't want something tied to your main account, you're supposed to create a throwaway account. Like this is Reddit etiquette Okay, Reddit etiquette Come on, it's right there You're quicker than me I don't know The Lemonati has spent decades Keeping Lemon on top and lime in the shadows Their Lemon agenda Has infiltrated everything Even our music That hit song named after the color of lemons Not a coincidence Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years.

1:13:50Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up, flip the sip. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need, from athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, Good pace. It's a nighttime ghost choice from the camping chair. What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.

1:14:31Okay, moving on to this next one. Coming from r slash relationship advice. Nice. Titled, my 32 female, fiance, 37 male, is a homicide detective. and I'm starting to feel like he treats me more like a suspect than a partner.

1:14:50Joe Santagato:Before this gets bad and like we have to say that this is not good, this is funny. Like before it gets like scary, just being like, uh, do me a favor. Let me know where you were Saturday, 3 p.m., 15.01. What's your alibi? Yeah. My fiance and I have been together for almost four years. He's a homicide detective. my friends immediately started side-eyeing me. They said, don't date a cop. It's not worth it. They're all bad, et cetera. None of them have ever actually dated a cop, so I found their opinions more annoying than anything else. I just felt like they were basing their judgment off of a stereotype.

1:15:28My mom said similar things, but she dated a cop who was a former military guy with PTSD like 49 years ago and based everything off of that. Lately though, a few things have started to bother me. I don't know if it's just that these incidents seem to be more frequent or if I was just willfully blind to it before. I'm just bothered by these things now. He records our arguments. I've known about that for a while. He told me it was, quote, to make sure we remember things correctly and communicate better. And I believed him at first. I didn't like it, and I thought it was petty and stupid. I asked him if he saved the recordings, and he said he deletes them once the argument was resolved.

1:16:12I have since found a folder on his computer labeled with dates and times and their recordings of arguments or other conversations we've had going back over a year. He notices tiny changes in my behavior and asks questions in a way that feels more like an interrogation than concern. I also recently discovered he's done background checks on some of my friends and co-workers. Sometimes his phone buzzes and he steps out for hours without explanation, but he just says he's handling work stuff whenever I ask. He makes cryptic comments like, quote, you know I only trust what I can verify. Or, quote, I like to know everything that might matter when it comes to things just between us even, not strictly talking about work.

1:17:00And then he laughs it off, but the words stick. It's hard to tell when he's joking and when he's serious. I love him, but it's sometimes I feel like he's treating me like I'm some sort of suspect. He doesn't seem to trust anyone, including me. Every little disagreement feels like it could be evidence. Recently, he's made some comments related to having kids, about having a tracker on them at all times. He said he'll never let his kids spend the night at somebody else's house, and that he'll do background checks on every parent of our kids' friends and teachers. I feel like those sort of comments are becoming more frequent and it's just escalating.

1:17:38How do I handle this with him? How do I discuss this in a way that won't jump into a dumb argument that he inevitably records for no good reason? I honestly don't know how to bring this up to him. I've considered telling him he needs therapy because he cannot continue to live life so suspicious and paranoid about everything and everyone. I'm pretty sure he'll refuse that.

1:18:00Joe Santagato:Boy, what was that book you said that was your favorite book? Psychopathic? Yeah, this person sounds like they're more of the, you know, like the calls coming from inside the house type of thing. He's a homicide detective, but it sounds like he might have a little couple screws loose. Is he giving Dexter? No, Dexter, don't talk bad about Dexter. you know he has morals he's got a code he's got a code no this definitely sounds like there are parts of it that honestly like when it gets into the whole like I'm gonna track my kids they're not going to anyone's house like as a parent like I have said things like that and like just in today's society like there are forms of like tracking and apps for that stuff so like that part of it doesn't feel I'm kind of with it yeah like that doesn't feel wrong I know sleepovers I'm also Oh my God.

1:18:50Joe Santagato:Yeah. I mean, we've not, so far I could say as a parent, we've not done any sleepovers, but like the idea of like either my kid going somewhere else, I won't sleep or kids sleeping at my house that are not my kids. I got to be responsible for other kids, you know, but like that part of it doesn't sound that ridiculous, but like the whole like recording background checks on friends and, and coworkers though. Honestly, if I was a cop, I kind of think I would do that. Really? That's wild. You don't think so? No. It just feels like such an invasion. Like, background check, you get everything from, like, their debt.

1:19:22Like, you get a lot of stuff.

1:19:24Joe Santagato:I mean, but there are certain things like that. Like, they're looking like, like, you're going to tell me if your partner has a co-worker. And they're like, you know what? They're actually a little weird. Like, they kind of make, like, passing comments that are a little strange. Well, we don't have that context, though. I know. But I'm saying, though, like, this is a guy that is clearly very, like, because of his line of work, very paranoid. Yeah. I'm not justifying it, but in that regard, I don't think that's the issue, the background checks. I think the recording of the arguments, lying about keeping them afterward, like, that sounds a little strange because I can almost imagine this person in that argument is being very aggressive and like, I'm right, you're wrong.

1:20:02Joe Santagato:And it's like, why are you watching that back? Like, that's a weird power thing for me. It would really piss me off if I was like having a fight with my partner too. And he's like, actually, no, no, no, let's roll the tape. And he like backs it up and it's like, I didn't say you were a bitch. I said you were acting like a bitch. Like, you know, it's like schematics, but it's like, I'm going to prove to you exactly what I said. And it's like, but this is how I took it anyways. I'm kind of reading this in a different way. Like you guys use the word suspicious and paranoid. Like, I don't really see it as that.

1:20:32I see it as like narcissistic because if you are paranoid or suspicious, then these things, you can get answers for these things. Someone who is paranoid is constantly having a conversation with you about, you know, what do we got to do about it? You just doing things against people's will behind their back and saying it's for the greater good and the thing that we're supposed to do is a narcissistic thing to do. And I don't care that you're a homicide detective or whatever. Like if you know what's best or whatever, you're violating me by not including in me on these decisions and treating me like a child and think that like, why am I not part of the conversation where if you want to do a background check on someone that I know or someone that I'm spending time with, we should at least have a precursor conversation as to why you're suspicious.

1:21:23but if that's just how you're going to treat my relationships that's a little crazy to to be like I can't have friends now unless you approve unless they meet the criteria that you decide like you're not the end all be all in my life and you trying to take away my autonomy and before the kids are born you're like we're gonna put trackers on them we're gonna whatever like yeah and I get it like the sleepover thing like I get you know being like worried about that sort of thing but But even those things are like decisions you make as a unit. Together. It's not you making this. That's a really good point.

1:21:55This dude to me is just, you know, he needs to be the one in control. Doesn't really respect this woman clearly, in my opinion. Because it's like, I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want. And I'm going to record whatever. And we're going to go back to it. Also, thought it was interesting when you were like, he deletes them once they're resolved. So you decide when they're resolved. Yeah, exactly.

1:22:12Joe Santagato:Yeah. Once you believe they're good, then you get rid of them. But he's also lying because he's not deleting all of them if he's got a folder that has stuff for the past year. So if he has and he feels I can use it, then he can use it. Oh, you know what? Let me hold on to that one. So he's almost banking on it coming back up. I bet he deletes the ones that he comes out looking wrong. Like if he looks wrong, I bet those get deleted. Exactly. The ones where he's probably – exactly. It's a power dynamic. Why are you watching those back? The ones where he is like controlling it, I was right. He's keeping those to reference those.

1:22:43Joe Santagato:But the ones where he, and I'm not saying that this person is like that stubborn. I can almost imagine that that's what is going on. But like if they are like retroactively proven wrong or something like that, he'll delete those. You know, this is like not a joke here. Concerning behavior. Yeah. Like this is scarily concerning. Yeah. And I don't want to do like the blanket like don't date cops because I'm sure. No. Like, we know people that are cops that, to my knowledge, don't do this. But, like, there's some other stuff there. Yeah. I think that's what we're noticing with all these stories. There's other stuff there.

1:23:19Joe Santagato:Layers. Like an onion. Oh. And that's why we're here to peel back each layer. That's exactly why I called you in. I need a backup. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This does sound slightly psychopathic, too. Yeah. Yeah. Top comment. This is how you want to live the rest of your life? Question mark? Yeah. Like, that's it. Like, literally. there's another comment that says so he's controlling and suspicious which are precursors for coercive control and abuse and OP responds and says I wouldn't say he's controlling but his actions are he's giving controlling it's not like a direct control he's giving control he's giving to everyone it's funny like you know how some people when people are in abusive relationships a lot of people were like, why don't you just leave?

1:24:09It's very obvious or whatever. Because of stuff like this, where it doesn't take form in a way where it's so direct. And it sounds like controlling people tell you things you can't wear, when you can go out. It doesn't only exist in that way. So this is more of like a subtle way, even though it doesn't really come across as subtle to us, but it's more of a subtle way, I guess, when you're in that relationship to realize, I am being controlled. Like this guy is saying that his word and his decisions are always right and the standard. And if I'm not meeting those, then because he's a cop or because he's a homicide detective or whatever, then he knows everything.

1:24:45And that's just not what it is, especially in a relationship. It's more of like a collaborative effort. And if you're going to violate that part of it, then you don't have a relationship. Like, I am your child then, in your eyes. Yeah. And you're making every decision for me. Like, it's not really a relationship. No. No.

1:25:01Joe Santagato:You see why I say he's been to therapy. I know. I was like, in my head, I was like, holy shit. This is so just in tune and healed. And like, you're just picking up such subtleties. He's giving healed. It's so good. This guy's giving psycho. I'm giving healed. It's so good. I mean, I think you're on it too when you say like, it's not always easy to identify control. Because I think the examples you gave, like you're not wearing that. Everyone would be like, you're not going to tell me what to do. Right. But this is control in another font. And a lot of people pick up on it. But OP, not picking up on it.

1:25:38Like, someone goes, holy shit, why would you want to stay with this unhinged person? And OP responds, unhinged? I mean, maybe if he worked in a completely different kind of work. I kind of feel like I understand where most of it comes from, though, at least.

1:25:53Joe Santagato:That's not really an excuse, though. Yeah. Seems like she's doing the work to, like, defend him when... Continuously defending him. She's been successfully gaslit into thinking... Like if someone is a homicide detective and you just say like, okay, so whatever you say about this thing is what it is. And all your suspicions and all your whatever, like I have to just submit to that because you're a homicide detective. No matter what for anybody out there in a relationship or even not in a relationship, your gut and your intuition still counts for something. Of course. Especially in a relationship because it's like we're in a thing together.

1:26:30Yeah. So you can have your suspicions and those can be based in like your experience and your job. But that doesn't mean that my intuition counts for nothing. And she's relinquishing that completely because it's like, well, he's a cop. I know where it's coming from. We can know where it's coming from. That doesn't mean that that's how it should be. I know. And she just keeps going to bat like for him again and again, like almost like against her gut. And it's like, you're the one that wrote this in. You're the one that said. You see this a lot on TikTok too. Like when we'll post videos of their husband being weird and doing some things.

1:27:00Oh, but he's actually like, he's the ba-ba-ba. And it's like TikTok goes both ways with these things where sometimes a woman will post like a very, in my opinion, like a non-issue, you know? And like, just like a funny thing. And the comments would be like, you need to leave him. He doesn't care about it. Yeah, this is a sign of a bigger thing. You're going nuts now. Yeah. And it's one video, but there are very clear videos where a guy has done something and it's like, you know, like I was giving birth and he was playing video games and then he fell asleep and I was trying to, you know, whatever.

1:27:31And like, you know, you hear those stories all the time, but when it comes to another level and it becomes like no apology, no empathy, no whatever, and a woman is displaying that about her husband, you can't really fault the comments for being like, hey, I realize this is one video so we don't have all the context, but like these are bad.

1:27:49Joe Santagato:Yeah. And you wouldn't, I also don't understand why you would post that anyway. Like, did you see the pumpkin patch one? No. this lady was like pumpkin i love pumpkins i know it was like such a wholesome activity to go with it for your kids and i'm like forgetting the exact video but she was just like i don't understand why he just like can't go to the pumpkin patch and be happy one day and it's literally her the kids in the car and he like literally just starts screaming like i don't want to go to the fucking pumpkin patch she posted it and it's like yeah what those are people that are that are that are looking for help but don't want to like outwardly admit that they're looking for help in that regard that's what I think at least like because the comments will be you know like listen you need to you need to and then like they're like trying to defend it but like it's it's kind of almost a cry for help from my perspective but yeah or it's just like in their gut they think oh yeah this isn't right and they post it like trying to like have people come forward and like reassure them I'm like, oh yeah, I know that's fucked up, but then why defend them in the comments?

1:28:54The defending in the comments is crazy to me because it's like, what did you expect? I think that, I mean, personally, I believe that like people who post stuff like that, or some of them rather, are not realizing what the end result is actually going to be. Like, I think in the moment, a lot of people are very quick to post about their personal life and their relationship, especially when there's kids involved and, you know, the dynamic there. and I think immediately it's like I want pity. I want to be validated in that I think this is a little crazy. But then you don't want it to go too far where people are going to be like, hey, this is actually like horrible.

1:29:30Like I don't want you to put up a mirror and show me what my life is. I just want you to tell me that I'm validated and being upset about this. But then once it becomes like, no, there's bigger issues at play here.

1:29:40Joe Santagato:It's like, all right. No, no, there is it. I have a handle on it. I think people try to do the whole like, this is relatable. This will be funny. and then people are just like, whoa, like this is something bigger. And then they have to get defensive of all that. I also think a good rule of thumb for people out there that are in relationships and married with kids and stuff, the notion of women are emotional and men don't really give a shit about activities like the pumpkin patch and whatever is corny. Like that to me is so corny. and I realize that it exists in the world. But like to me, like I would not want to like associate with someone who's like, oh, my, my, you know how wives are.

1:30:26The fucking, they're all bitches. And you're like, this is corny. Yeah. So posting that online and like perpetuating that even as a joke, because also a lot of that content is fucking fake. So like perpetuating that to me is like ultra corny. I'm like, oh, it's the guy. He doesn't care. And the woman, she cares so much about the little things. And I'm, and I'm the guy who doesn't do the dishes. like to me that's just corny shit. It's like not accurate. My husband is way, way more thoughtful and like those little details and like he's way better than me about that. Yeah. Like it's not, it's super, it's so stupid.

1:31:00The Costco video really pissed me off. Which one was that?

1:31:03Joe Santagato:Which one was the Costco video? This dude going around asking all these men, how much fun do you have at Costco with your wife? And all these guys were like, negative 10. Yeah, yeah. One. So that's like corny. Zero. It's so stupid. When we were in actually, last year, when we were, well, two years ago, we were in LA. Do you remember this story? The guy that came up to me? Oh, yeah. We were walking down the street in LA and some guy comes up to me and he goes, hey, I recognize you. Do you want to, I do this show. I like interview people on the street. Do you want to do it? And I was like, sure.

1:31:33Joe Santagato:What do you want to ask about? And he's like, well, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. It'll be super quick. It will take five minutes of your time. And I'm like, all right, what are you going to ask? I'm scared. And the first question he goes, well, I'm going to ask, you know what do you think is a better investment crypto or gold and i was like dude i don't know that and i'm not going to answer that because i'm not going to give advice and i was like what's next he goes all right my second question is why do you think women don't respect men and i was like get the fuck out of here i was like dude get out of here because there is like why do you think there's a there's a sect of the internet now that is like gravitating toward that side where it's just like these hyper masculine, you know, guys that are just like, yeah, you know what?

1:32:13Joe Santagato:Absolutely. So when shit like that, you know, they post shit like that. It has the effect of like reeling people into that side of the argument. And like, it is corny. I think like that's the best way to describe it is like, it's just corny and stupid and like. Very immature. I haven't heard the word corny in a while and I really like it. Dude, growing up in New York, if you were called a herb or corny, it was like the worst things because it's such an under. You've never heard that one? Like someone that does something that's just like, like it's like overly corny. It's like you're a herb. Like you're not a real person.

1:32:53Joe Santagato:You're doing something just for reactions or like just to get attention on you. Like to me, like the Costco video, for instance, right? Like you're walking around and, you know, this is why I find it so corny is because if someone comes up to you at Costco and they have a camera and they're asking you, like, how much fun do you have with your wife at Costco? You have a decision to make because, you know, you know what he's asking. It's a loaded question. So, you know, what is, you know, what he's looking for. Yeah, exactly. And to me, you're corny if you're not going to be yourself. like if you're just gonna say the thing that is going to satisfy the other incels that are watching this like that's corny like why is that the crowd that you want to impress and then the other end of it is they've also taken like the people that are just like no i love hanging out with my wife i have so much fun and there's like have another video loser and it's like completely edited out yeah like what are you like i know it's so it's it is i think that's the best way to describe it It's corny, it's stupid, and it is the worst parts of the internet.

1:33:59Well, it's like, who are you saying it for? Exactly. Because it doesn't make your wife feel good, someone you seemingly care about enough to spend the rest of your life with her or them or whatever. But, like, who are you doing it for? Are you doing it for the guys in the video that are watching?

1:34:14Joe Santagato:Because you think that there's this, like, underlying culture of just, like, boys have to hate their wives, you know, like, ugh. And it's like, you're not doing this for any reason other than just like trying to be cool to people that like don't give a fuck about you. They wouldn't know if you died tomorrow. Exactly. So like, be cool in your own home. I know. I'm with you. OP kind of just defends him in the comments. A lot of people are like, you want to deal with this the rest of your life. He's controlling, blah, blah, blah, blah. OP does share that she basically had to give him an ultimatum regarding their relationship and getting engaged.

1:34:49so she kind of like gave him an ultimatum to propose and so she says so he didn't seem desperate to ensnare me first of all ensnare is bananas

1:35:00Joe Santagato:I've been watching Harry Potter like what ensnare ensnare she's like wild game like a rabbit running through the forest ensnare I mean if she had to give I feel like if you have to give someone an ultimatum it's already over like you're basically just like clinging to life at that time so I think there's a difference between like a conversation or like a line and like, are we on the same timeline? Like, what are we thinking versus a true like, if you don't propose to me today, we're done. And I think some people even look at the conversation and just like kind of having boundaries and like timeline being on the same page.

1:35:37They look at that as an ultimatum even. And it's like, I think you got to clear up what an ultimatum really is. When it comes to that, I think an ultimatum is only like a short term thing, because like you said, as the woman, traditionally you are being proposed to. So speak from the perspective of women, Doug. You what I'm saying is as the woman, you have an expectation of like this person is going to propose to me. So I'm kind of waiting around for that. However, you have your own timeline. So there is this ultimatum, if we're being dramatic of like, hey, you know, if we've been dating for this many years, if we don't get engaged.

1:36:13within the next year and a half or something, then I'm going to move on with my life because it feels like this isn't going to go anywhere. That, to me, doesn't feel like an actual ultimatum. It's more of like I have to stick up for myself here. But if it's like, you know, if we don't get engaged by Q1, then it's like, all right, I got to rush and do all the things.

1:36:35Joe Santagato:Because then if you're asking, then it's like, you're going to have on the back end, you're just going to have the opinion of like the only reason it's happening now is because I gave them this pressure. Yeah. And like, if that's okay and you want to live with that, that's your thing. But - I know, what is that? A sympathy ring or what's that term? Well, I think people like that are not really interested in the emotional aspect of it at all anyway. Yeah, exactly. It's more of just like for show. Like I need to, I need you to propose to me so that I don't look crazy now. Like people are going to expect me to be proposed and now people can be like, you've been with me for this long, you don't have a ring?

1:37:05Like what's the deal with that? I just don't have to answer for that and I don't have to deal with the actual like emotional reason why I'm still with you. So just give me the ring so I could like pretend. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7 Up. Flip the Sip. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need.

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1:38:16Joe Santagato:Oh, boy. I mean, we've been getting updates the whole time. How much worse can it get? It can get worse, right? He killed her. Don't do that. I think a good starting point would be for me to admit that I do believe my fiancé is a good man. He's not cruel, he's not aggressive or violent, and he believes with all of his heart that he's right most of the time. Of course, I realize a lot of people were pretty negative in their comments towards me in response to my original post, And a part of me wants to thank you all for your concern. But another part of me wonders if part of this negative response is simply because of the nature of his job.

1:38:51After sitting on all of this for a few days, I decided I couldn't put off this conversation anymore. I told him that we have to talk and this isn't about winning an argument. I began with the recordings. I told him I knew he had been stockpiling arguments with our friends going all the way back a year ago and how it makes me feel violated and threatened. He did not deny this. He explained to me why he holds them, in case things ever get twisted and for protecting himself. To hear my fiancé speak of our relationship in a way that implies he considers our life a potential lawsuit threatened me. When I mentioned this style of questioning me and observing small shifts in my behavior, he explained that this is simply how his brain works and that given all he's observed in his work, he simply can't shut it off.

1:39:39He explained to me that pointing out details doesn't mean that he believes I'm doing anything incorrect. It's simply that he likes to verify rather than assume. He told me most detectives' girlfriends simply get used to it, leaving me to wonder if this is a common fact or simply a defense people make when they're in fact engaging in poor behavior. The background checks on my friends and colleagues escalated into a bigger problem. He confessed to doing them and stated, definitely he would do the same on people in relation to our future kids. He did not think it was an invasion of privacy, but rather just being informed.

1:40:14The talk of children was most sobering. He doubled down on trackers, no sleepovers, and careful screening of every adult in their life. When I called this controlling, he said, healthy doesn't matter if they're safe. That phrase stuck in my head since. I asked him if he trusted me. He paused for a very long time before answering me. He finally said that he trusts me as much as he trusts anyone else. I think he did not realize how unnerving that answer was. I just want to know where his limits are. I asked him what would happen if we broke up. He said he would never do anything illegal, but that he thinks a man must take care of himself all the time.

1:40:51What's that supposed to even mean? I've asked for some space and I'm currently staying with family. He didn't appear angry and I really thought he would get an attitude about it and accuse me of being dramatic. He acted very coldly and matter-of-fact about it.

1:41:20I think that this is, uh, I think that this happens a lot in relationships too, that this guy clearly doesn't respect her. Like, it's just a lack of respect. Like, if you, if you, these are like not little things. These are big things. You know, this is the way that we're going to raise our children. This is the way that our relationship is going. And you're not even really understanding me from an emotional standpoint. You're just looking at everything very, very like black and white and linear and just kind of like, yeah, I understand. And, you know, like there's not really even an understanding.

1:41:53It's yes, I did that. I think that this is the right course of action and whatever. But that's just not what a relationship in life looks like. It's not a lawsuit. It isn't black and white. No. It is emotional. I know. And I would be really offended if my husband, even boyfriend at the time, engaged partner, whatever, like any level. If he looked at me and said, yeah, I trust you about the same level as everyone else. Yeah. Don't you trust me more? He doesn't respect her.

1:42:21Joe Santagato:I also think that this person clearly thinks that they're the center of the universe. And like they have an issue relinquishing, you know, control to any capacity. So it's like they are like in the state of like, I'm going to control it all. I'm going to do it all. They clearly have a warped mentality of like what masculinity is. Like a man should always take care of himself first. And it's like. Again, what does that mean? Yeah, I mean, there's certain people like you come across people in your life that you're like, no matter what you do, you can't do anything to change them. They're just, unfortunately, every ass has a seat.

1:42:54Joe Santagato:there will be someone that will, you know, be more open to this person's lifestyle. It just sounds like this Reddit OP, got the term. It's just not, it's just not that person. And you're clearly for lack of better terms, excuse the pun, you're dodging a bullet here because if the control, if you think that at any point, if, and when you were to have a family and children and like incorporate that aspect of life into your relationship, if you think that like they're going to then relinquish control, you are severely mistaken. I, you know, I don't, I know you don't have, I don't know if you, this person has friends or family in their life that has children, but like, that's a part of life when like, you need to be a team, you need to be a unit, you need to be making decisions.

1:43:40Joe Santagato:And also you need, I can't understand the mentality of just like, I have it all figured out, but they're, they have things figured out about a part of life that they have no experience with. So like, unfortunately for OP, like it is only going to get worse if they continue life because there are so many aspects of like that they haven't even challenges they haven't hurtled yet or even approached that it doesn't seem like everything they've learned about this person that they're going to be able to do it as a unit. He's, he is going to try to do it himself and then fall back on the whole, like, well, it's because I know best it's, it's someone who's probably like violently insecure, can't relinquish control.

1:44:19Joe Santagato:And this person is better off with someone like the next person that comes around, if they decide to like break the engagement off is going to be like, so the opposite end of the spectrum. And then hindsight will be 2020 and they'll see like, oh shit, like I, that was really bad. Yeah. Yeah. If you're in a relationship like this, you're going to spend the rest of your life, you know, trying to just win your partner's approval, which is not how a relationship should be. And then he'll never be wrong. He's never trying to win your approval. He doesn't care. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't trust you, clearly.

1:44:49He doesn't need your approval.

1:44:51Joe Santagato:She's doing the work for the relationship. I don't know if I said it about this one or another one. This sounds like a cry for help. She's doing the one where she's like, no, defending him, blah, blah, blah. She's the one that's trying to make it all work and he's just like, no. I will stand by. I think that the whole thing about like being extra careful about who your kids are bringing around. I, as a parent, like I get it to a degree. This guy has access to a lot more resources. So like, I'm not going to sit there and say like, I'm a hundred percent on his side, but your mind does get a little barbaric and crazy when you have children because there's some good points.

1:45:29Joe Santagato:And like, that is like, there is a sense of like, the world is scary. like when you have kids you want to keep them close because the outside world is what's scary so like absolutely there are points where you've probably thought as a parent some crazy things you know but you also don't have the resources to do those things you know and and if this is someone that is this I don't want to use the term unhinged lightly but like just a little nuts then I agree I mean I I think there's some blinders on right now and like some of his points completely valid but again just a little too far and that is kind of the resources but it's like what's this there's like a quote it's like the power quote it's maybe it's from like spider-man or something where it's like please don't quote spider-man unless you're gonna have me do it correctly but like you know the one with the power it's like with great power comes great responsibility well close yes close close is that iron man what's it from oh spider-man see i'm gonna scream into the microphone what is it say it please it's with great power must also come great responsibility Uncle Ben, Spider-Man.

1:46:30Okay, I knew where it came from, though. That's crazy.

1:46:32Joe Santagato:Good job. But that's, you know, he's got to reel it in and have, you know, the responsibility side of it. Yeah. I also don't want to just start, like, loosely throwing around the term of, like, abuse. But, like, someone that has a little more understanding of that world might be able to look at this under a different scope and say, like, this is potentially dangerous. Because, again, she's doing the work to be like, no, no, no, no, no. Everything's okay. and then yeah I mean it's absolutely abuse like it's I mean it's very clearly abuse I'm not a professional well neither am I we'll let them chime in we'll see we'll wait for them in the comments do you think they'll see it or your listeners our listeners yeah we've got a lot of psychologists LMFTs like a lot of therapists so on some of the stories we'll get like their takes I love when like our lawyers chime in on legal stories like we have a good community that comments but this post is the update is from December 15th 2025 25 so just a few weeks ago oh my so i could see us getting another update eventually gotta get some internet salutes to like check exactly some homicide detectives in the country exactly let's see who maybe we can find him and like yeah maybe don't open that

1:47:46one last one to just like send us off on a good foot in a good mood okay love and foot What? What did you say?

1:47:54Joe Santagato:Did you say I love a foot? I was going to say love going off on a good note, but like I said love foot. He loves feet. Bigfoot guy. No, don't start that. Let's make that very clear. You're the one that wants to make a foot statue. It's true. A candy foot. I'm trying to give him business advice, which is a very sought after commodity. You're going to be the first customer. You want to try it. No, ew. Don't do that. This one is titled, Me, 19 Female, with a guy I'm seeing, 20 male, three dates. He only wears the same shirt. Hold on. Is that it? No. Oh, okay. I'll let you finish. Hey Reddit, so I've been seeing this guy.

1:48:35We met through a work friend. So we weren't friends before anything like that. He's really great, attractive, has a nice job. He's funny, considerate, A+. I really like him. We texted a little bit before our first date. I said that I'd really like a casual date. When I get to the restaurant, he's wearing a where's the beef shirt. Fire. Stop. I thought it was hilarious. I loved it. Second date, we go bowling. It was adorable. I'm terrible at it, but I do love bowling. He's terrible too, so we used the bumpers. Kids were making fun of us, but it was really great. He's wearing the same shirt again.

1:49:11I assumed it was because I thought it was so funny on the first date. Third date. He's making me dinner at his place. I get there. It's the same shirt. Two weeks has gone by since the first date. I ask him if it's a running joke or if it was just a coincidence. He shows me his closet. Every single shirt. Every single one that read, where's the beef? He opens a drawer. Even more of them. Exactly the same. He says the ones in the drawer are a size bigger for around the house and sleeping in. He has a lot of them. Probably about 20, but I'm not sure. 20? Okay. I asked why. And he said he just really likes that shirt.

1:49:58Yeah. I was really weirded out, but we had dinner and then I left. I called my friends who introduced us. He said, oh yeah, he always wears that shirt. I thought I told you that. No, you did fucking not. Reddit, what do I do? I really like this guy, but I don't know if I want to start something with a guy that dresses like a cartoon character. What would you do? Help.

1:50:20Joe Santagato:See, this is tough. I think there's two routes to go, obviously. The not being into it and saying like, listen, no thank you. I just want to see other people. You don't necessarily need to give a reason why. Or triple down, show up to his place with a boombox outside of his window wearing a what's the beef shirt and just be, you know, there you go. There you go. You know, a sign of romance. So then you're just fully in now. Fully in on the beef. Where's the beef family? Oh, man. This is, you know what's funny is I feel like we know someone that would do something like this where they just have the same shirt over and over and over again.

1:51:03I don't even know who you're thinking of.

1:51:04Joe Santagato:This is such a college-coded thing where like their whole personality is just like quippy graphic tees and stuff like that, which as a reformed graphic t-shirt wearer, reformed, I feel like I can understand that.

1:51:24Joe Santagato:I didn't know what was going on. She's going to get a gun. She's going to get it. Stop. Wait, is this the shirt? First of all The fact that it's yellow Makes this a hundred times worse Well isn't it from a Wendy's commercial From like the 80's Is that what it is? I believe it was like The commercial was like An old woman Or was it Wendy's or First of all If you're a fast food company And you have to Have a thing that says Where's the beef? Problem Should be right there in your commercial You shouldn't have to look hard To find the beef Yeah This is incredible And why don't you guys Have something nice to remember our time.

1:52:02Thank you. And I swear to God, I feel like if you walk into someone's house and they have 30 shirts. 30 of those. Where's the beef? Yellow shirts in general. So I think in this story, there's some context that it's red with yellow writing. Not much better. Not much better. It is better, but not much. I think that like if you actually wanted to date this guy, I'd be like, dude, you're not going to let this go? Like it's time. Yeah. Is it a bet? Were you bullied as a kid? Well. Someone comments that. There's something. There's something there. So someone goes, what if he was traumatized as a child by a different shirt?

1:52:41We just don't know.

1:52:43Joe Santagato:Yeah. I mean, we don't. Do we have information on why? Like if he just says like, yeah, I just like them. There's clearly like his like fraternity like made a bet. Like, listen, dude, wear the shirt until she realizes it. And then when she does, you have the amount of dates you have to drink that many bushlights and just absolutely rage hard at the next formal. Dude, 20 shirts of the same shirt. That's not even necessary. Also, can I? It's a month for a sec. He doesn't want to run out. You know, he's conservative with laundry. For a second, okay? Okay. I think that one of the things that could be taken from this, what was the Reddit thread on this?

1:53:23Joe Santagato:Is it a listener? Do we know? It is coming from r slash relationships. Okay. It's 10 years old now. 10 years old. First of all, this was prime, like people doing things just to get, be quirky on the internet, which I guess still happens. Two, if nothing else, this shows that this person is committed. They're loyal. Oh. Where that loyalty is. Maybe today it's placed in where's the beef t-shirts. Maybe tomorrow it's placed in the relationship. And then how beautiful. Let me do this. let me go I haven't said a word pull in tight please if you could just like play some like you know like sappy music there's no idea you know one day there will come a time where he finally takes that where's the beef shirt off it'll be a moment a stepping stone in that relationship OP if you're listening do you want to be that moment do you want to be the person that he takes off the where's the beef shirt for do you want to take that t-shirt off rip it off He probably wouldn't like that He probably wouldn't like that at all He's got 19 more It's okay Yeah I mean You can get a little wild with one I don't And I feel like there's You could donate these to him Yeah So then he's got 22 I'm not going to enable He doesn't need more 20 shirts is like How can that even be possible?

1:54:47Like that's one for 20 days You can wear the same shirt And not do laundry

1:54:50Joe Santagato:I kind of respect it honestly There's a level of dedication here That I am almost envious of like they can just commit to one shirt. If anything, it makes going out and, you know, figuring out what to wear so much easier. I panic every time I have to get dressed. What if you know, like, I'm going out, where's the beef? I'm on an island here. I'm going out, where's the beef? Also, how is this appropriate in, like, every setting? You know what I mean? What was he worried about wedding? He's got a where's the beef under the tux? Probably. He works in IT, so he gets away with it for his job. very casual they're very casual everyday is where's the beef I feel like you know I understand why people can look at this and say like ew what I think this is a man that just wants to be loved for his t-shirt collection and yet something is getting in the way of that it's all there is to it it's ironic something is getting in the way of this love that you seek and it's the beef how can you look at this and not be in love with somebody you gotta love someone inside and out from the tip of their head tip of their head?

1:56:02Joe Santagato:where is the tip of your head? some people have pointy heads yes they do I guess technically the tip of a head would be a chin no that's a chin that's not how that works I feel like the tip is the top but the tip does not need to be the top that's the tippy top would you say the tip of a needle is the top of the needle? no it's the bottom of the needle what are we talking about needle tip it's not the bottom that's a plunger the tip of the needle is where you put it into people no because then they turn it upside down in order to use it properly you just said it turn it upside down well they hold it in a specific manner that for appropriate proper usage which means technically when it is used properly it is the bottom I feel like you're doing a lot of gymnastics to make that work for you Oh, yeah.

1:56:51Joe Santagato:Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know. How would you even react if you, like, went to a dude's house and you just had, like, the same? You know what that reminds me of? Remember in the movie Dodgeball where he goes to her house and she's got all unicorns? And she seemingly otherwise is, like, normal. And you get, it's like, what is going on here? I mean, I would have asked on the third date. I'm very curious. So I'd have been like, what's the story? You got 20. I would have asked on the first. What's the story? Well, you didn't know about, like. No, because people wear quirky things. Date number two. You could have asked.

1:57:19Yeah, but I'd be like, where's the beef?

1:57:22Joe Santagato:people have quirks. You guys are missing the full picture here. This person is if they are loyal to their shirt, they are going to be loyal. Maybe they keep it on when things get a little more intimate. I am certain of that. And then there's an answer to where's the beef. You know what I'm saying? It fits every part of life. And here it is. Where's the beef? And here it is. I'm excited for you to share in that glory with him. Who am I sharing with what? You wear your shirt. Yeah. Oh, I mean, I will tell you this. I'm going to go home and my wife is going to be like, first question I have. Where'd you get that?

1:57:59Joe Santagato:Why the shirt? Yeah. Thank you for this. This was really kind. I know how, I'm going to give it a go. Should we wear it out of here? Come on. Come on. No, I'm just going to commit to just in my apartment at first just to try it out. Okay. And see if the beast takes over me. It can also just be like a sleep shirt or literally a donation shirt that you just then feel really good about. See, I am big on gifts. They're yelling at us. We got to go. I know. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's not. This will be forever in my home. This will get passed down to my grandchildren. Holy shit. Where can people listen to you first?

1:58:34Like, thanks for coming on.

1:58:35Joe Santagato:Thank you for having us. Yes. Thank you so much. I'm so excited. Where can people find you? You can find us at the Basement Yard, YouTube and Spotify and wherever you find podcasts. All over the place. Everywhere. Yeah. All of their links will be in the description. Super easy to find. Amazing podcast. Quirky. Fun. There. You guys are quirky. We're quirky. Not the shirt. Like 2009 Zooey Deschanel? I don't know if we're that quirked. Yeah, probably not. Okay. But we're quirky. Thank you both. Thank you. Until next time, guys. Bye.

1:59:18Thank you.

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