258: From the Vault..

30:32This girl's a psychopathic person. See, but if you have someone that's truly a partner, then nothing can take you down. I'm obsessed with the it's not your side versus hers. It's our side versus you. That was good. That is something we should all remember. I think that's a really good point. Like when you are together, especially when you have kids. Yeah. It's our side. It's not mine. Right. It's not his. It's our side. We are a family unit. We're making decisions as a family. Yeah. That, mic drop. Mm-hmm. That's really good. He seems like a great husband. I cannot believe this woman. I don't know if we've.

31:21Out of her mind. I don't know if we've seen this level of like open vitriol towards another person. Like truly to go on your Facebook, she's hogging the frame. Oh, you enjoy being married to a fat woman. Like again and again and again, hammering that like her being fat is such a negative, bad thing. It's such a burn. She's using it against her in every possible way. And I just saw a clip of someone and they were like, the first insult to a woman is always calling her fat. You're fat or you're ugly. Like that's the biggest insult. And it's interesting that people think that's what hurts women the most.

32:06And that's what they jump to. Which is an interesting tidbit. But wow. I mean, I feel like no matter what, she saw her as getting in the way of her having this relationship with her baby. I hate that she says that. And it doesn't matter who that person is. It doesn't matter their weight, their appearance, anything about them. She would have found something to attack them with. I think so. So it's like if she was anyone, honestly, anybody else, she's this barrier in between that. There's going to be some sort of attack no matter. I mean, it could be anything, but I feel like you to find a reason.

32:53I just feel like mother-in-law would do it to to anyone in this sense. It's not simply because of her weight and her appearance. It's because she was this. She was the the barrier. And so whoever it is, I feel like it'd be the same story. Maybe different words and mean things said, but I don't, it's just crazy. I love where we ended up, but oh, it just gets you going. I know I'm pissed. I can't end on that note, but holy smokes. Ugh. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Do we end on that? I don't know. What do you guys think? I don't know. Like, do you have like maybe just like a little kicker? A little kicker?

33:47Yeah. I don't know. Does this sound like a little kicker? This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We love a hot take. We do not love a complicated decision. That's why State Farm makes bundling easy. With a personal price plan, you can choose the coverage you need and get a price that works for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

34:20This is coming from Relationships. Titled Girlfriend of Two Years Replaced All of My Old books with new copies. Angry doesn't begin to describe how I feel. Girlfriend is 28 female, OP 28 male. Okay. I had a collection of 200 books and 80 comic books or so from when I was a child till maybe around the age of 14 or 15. I love reading, so I'd get tons of books and save my pocket money to buy books. At this point, most of those books would be a decade and a half to 20 plus years old. Some of them were falling apart, but they were my copies and for the most part kept in decent condition for books that age.

35:04I had to go away for a month on back-to-back business trips. When I came home, my girlfriend told me that she had a surprise for me at my house. She showed me a brand new bookshelf with new copies of all of my old books and comic books. I asked her where the others were, and she told me that she had donated some to a few libraries, and the rest, she threw them out. I feel like time stopped when she said that. I asked her why she'd do that, and she said that most of them were old and beat up, so she replaced them with new copies that would last longer. I packed up the books and told her to take it back to her place, and I'd refund her all of the money for the books and the shelf.

35:49We argued. I yelled quite a lot. She cried. I'm not proud of it, but that was my collection. Gifts from friends and family members and things that I'd saved up for. It doesn't matter that they're new copies. I loved my old ones. She comes from a very rich family in my country. Growing up, the second something got a scratch or a tear, her parents would replace it immediately. Her car was damaged by some idiot in a parking lot who really shouldn't have had his license, and her parents bought her a new, very expensive car. Her old car was nowhere near the point of no return. Buying a new car was far more expensive than fixing the old one.

36:30It never bothered me before because how someone else chooses to spend their money isn't my concern. But now, the replacing a thing as soon as it's got a tiny dent mentality is affecting me. And what's worse is she literally doesn't seem to get why I'm mad. She is so used to just replacing things that she can't understand why I'm angry at the loss of my books. And I'm not sure whether it makes me angrier or feeling sorry for her. I'm so glad he addressed that being rich because I was like, that would have to be so expensive to do to replace every book on someone's shelf they're like twenty dollars each two hundred books 80 comic books oh my god i understand it must have come from a place of wanting to do something really special for op but like to to throw them all out or give them away instead of even just thinking okay like i'll put them in a box and then like if there are any that are meaningful you can get those ones back.

37:30Like that's so stupid. What if there were like inscriptions in like the cover or the page or whatever to be like from mom or grandma or people that like were gone? Like I know that's a big thing to do for kids. It's like, yeah, my grandma got us so many books and there's all the writing in there. It's just like, come on. Yeah. It's really entitled. It's not, I don't even know how this would ever be seen as a nice gesture because it's like you went in, took someone's property, a lifelong collection, and just threw it away. You also, you didn't donate all of it. You threw a lot of it away. Yeah.

38:05Like just trash. Yeah. And like, how much can it be falling apart? Like, I don't, I don't know. I mean, if someone did this to me, I probably wouldn't mind because I don't, I don't think I have any special books like that, but I'd be like, why didn't need to do that. Like that was sort of unnecessary. I'm very, very protective of my items. I kind of like just from like growing up with kind of a scarcity mindset, I now resource guard. I'm like a little dog like don't touch myself. I don't know. I get really weird with stuff sometimes. And so this would set me off, even if I wasn't sentimental about a lot of the books, just for the fact that you felt so willing to disrespect me and come in my space and take my things and throw my things away.

38:55It's not nice. Just keep your money. Get this shit away from me. You just really just demonstrated a lot. And it's like, well, she had good intentions. I don't know. Road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. I know. It's interesting because it almost feels like if it were something else, it would be a grand gesture of like, oh, what a deeply thought out thing to do. But then it's like not because this isn't what that person wanted and they care about their belongings. And these are things that they've collected and are proud of having been able to collect. So it's sort of like all of these things that you were proud to have been able to do, I can just replace like that.

39:39It's almost like, is it condescending in a way or what is that like? Just like, I mean, kind of. Like, oh, like it's hard. Like I could just replace them at the snap of my finger. Like it, I don't know, just leaves such a sour taste in your mouth. Like am I just your little doll? And like my little set wasn't good enough for you? I don't, it's just, it's super weird. I don't know. Unless they were just like really, really, really torn apart. But still, it's like, still that's up to me. I know. I know. I just don't like that she didn't give him the option of keeping the old ones. I have no words.

40:21We do have some comments from OP. Someone goes, the only point I can bring to you is that in my experience, truly well-off people can have a hard time understanding the non-dollar value of items when money allows them to replace any item with the slightest wear. They have to be taught this deliberately when they are kids. So see her actions as a flaw in her upbringing and not her intent. Yeah. And Opie goes, I do. I don't believe she did this out of some wicked intent. I know her better than that. Still, it's my book collection. So it's hard to go, oh, well, you didn't intend to hurt me. So it's all good.

40:56Yeah. And if that money is like nothing to her, then she can go back to all the places she donated, try to buy those back if she can maybe like I don't know I I don't think that this is like a horrible person I I do think this was like oh like so many of these books are messed up and like he really cares about his book collection I could get him like a brand new one of all of these and then he could have like like I I see like where this wasn't attempting to go yeah it's just the execution was just really and that's like I think part of the struggle of surprising people with gifts too and not having like any type of conversation about it leading up to it is you can miss the mark by so much because you were trying to keep it a surprise it's like if they had had one conversation where she asked oh like by the way if someone got you new versions of these would you like that like then she would know I know even like Sal like on Impractical Jokers I was like do you like some of the crazy punishments do you run it by people and he goes yeah we'll kind of like pose a hypothetical to someone and be like yeah you know what do you think if on an episode with justin what do you think if i put him in a dunk tank and like then i read him stories and if his take was wrong we dropped him in the love would love that then i'd be like okay i'm in michael said she thinks justin would love that so you know we'll test the waters a little bit yeah like she could have done something like that i just like again it's like why are you replacing these books newer doesn't equal better but in her head she just doesn't get it because otherwise i'd be like okay it's different if you were gonna find like he's got moby dick but it's a reprint and then you're gonna go like buy a vintage first or second edition moby dick yeah then it's like oh that has better value but there's like really no purpose here there's no purpose just they're a little shinier i mean yeah he did say they were falling apart some of them but how bad that's what I we don't know to not get accepted at a donation center they do have to be pretty pretty bad yeah because all that's sometimes where I do my book shopping is at like the libraries they'll have the friends of the library bookshop and they'll sell them for like a dollar each or something and a lot of them are really like scratched up and like I they'd have to be like missing pages and stuff I think yeah I just learned about book lice the other day you told me about this.

43:27That. Is there like a way that you could be making yourself more susceptible to getting book lice or is there nothing you can really do to prevent it? I don't know. Apparently you just have to put your books in the freezer when you get new books. Oh, right. It's like new books. Yeah. Especially old ones. Yeah. Old new books. There's someone here that says, I would have had a breakdown. Books are like old photographs. I don't want to get my whole family together today and retake those photos. They are a snapshot of a certain time in my life. I remember when I bought them and how I felt reading them.

44:01Some have inscriptions that aren't even for me, but I love them. I can't give you any advice here except to say, will you ever look at her again and not feel anger? Oh, wow. And OP responds, I have no idea. This was Tuesday night, which the post is coming from a couple days later. Okay. Wait, so this is like a week old? No. This post is quite vintage. Oh. It's back from 2018. Oh my gosh. So if I look at a calendar and I go back in time and I say 2018, April 27th. April 27th was a Friday. Okay. So Tuesday to Friday. Tuesday. So one, two, three-ish days. Okay. Yeah. Gosh. Pretty high off the anger still.

44:49Yeah. Yeah. This one's hard because I, even though I did get all of my books at different times and like, they all mean a lot to me in the sense of like, oh, I really love that book. The like, the physical version, I don't have any like special inscriptions or like specific vintages or like, so I probably, I wouldn't be like hurt about it happening to me, but i'm a different person which is why i'm struggling to like Fully see this as like evil or like really like awful To do but I understand that Like how op feels about it because it's like a different situation and different connections to those items Yeah, I also I went through something really similar.

45:36So my dad let my aunt Stay at our house when we were out of town and when we came back she had gotten rid of all of like my grandma's mickey mouse collection and it was stuff that i wanted it was sentimental it was heirlooms it was yeah that's collectibles and so she literally just got rid of it she's like oh i was doing you a favor i was cleaning yeah no that's awful what yeah someone let you stay at their house while they were out of town because you needed to be closer to like wherever like a hospital or something for some reason yeah and someone lets you stay at their house and you go through all of their stuff and throw away and donate and do it.

46:10Yeah. You have no right. And that's the thing. Like, it doesn't matter if it's a good intention. Like, you just don't have the right. And people are just kind of asking more questions. Like, how is it that you lived together for two years and she didn't know how valuable your collection was? She has no respect for your things. That's just horrible. That shouldn't ask. Like, you should donate all of her clothes to Goodwill and then replace them with stuff from Target and tell her, surprise, I bought you all new clothes. Opie goes, so I recently moved into a new place. Before that, my collection was boxed up and never on display because the old place wasn't very big.

46:44So while she had heard about it a bit, it was never something she really got to see. And I guess it never sank in how much those books meant to me. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So they've been boxed up until now. Yeah. And like Opie has another comment here. She doesn't see why it's a big deal. She genuinely doesn't understand what it's like to have a connection with anything she owns. I'm explaining and she can hear the words but not understand the meaning behind them. At least that's what it feels like. Yeah, it's only been a couple of days, so I'm still very angry. I mean, that's a big part of the problem is that he is telling her that this was hurtful and she's still not getting it.

47:26Like, it's one thing to do something that you thought would be nice and then it accidentally actually hurt the person. But then like now this person's telling you this really sucks. Like I really cared about that collection. I'm sad that you did that. And then like they're still not like getting it and like sincerely apologizing. And like I just don't like even if you're if you're telling someone these are important. I'm really hurt. And they're still not getting it. Yeah. I really don't think you're a match. Like I think you have to look forward to the future. Like if you guys want kids, how are you raising your kids?

48:01is she ever going to be able to kind of grasp sentimental and like that whole thing or like oh your kid breaks a toy you might not get a new toy yeah you might lose that toy because you broke it and you didn't care for your toy you have to take care of your toys well and kids they care about their toys specific like oh my gosh if they broke a leg they would want to patch up that toy's leg and like because they have an emotional connection to those items i'm so sentimental with stuff. And it gets worse because OP does have in a comment here, but throwing someone's things away without asking is never a favor.

48:37Yeah. He could have had money stashed between the pages of an original signed copy or grandma's picture stuffed in there. And OP goes, that brings up another reason I didn't mention in the post. Some of the folks who gifted me books are now dead. Two of my grandparents, a couple uncles, my godmother. Ugh. Some of them had a nice birthday note and Christmas notes written inside. That's so sad. And like everyone's like, can you track them down? Can you go to the library where she donated them? Can she track them down? Like she should track them down. She should be making this right. And OP's just like, I don't know.

49:12Like they typically like disperse them pretty quick. They were thrown out about three weeks ago. So the ones in the trash for sure gone. But they went to like a literacy program and they're pretty efficient about sending stuff off and bad about keeping records so we don't have an update op did tell her about like the writing and inscriptions in the books and someone was like did you tell her about that if she doesn't understand why you're mad and you did tell her that that might be a lost cause yeah and op goes yeah i did tell her so no this is done that's yeah that's over. I would lose my mind if someone that that's like that's someone's most prized possession.

49:56If there's like any physical writing from someone that they love who's passed and that's gone now and you're not sorry and like still don't understand, there's no coming back from that. There's no coming back. Yeah. I see like something like this would cause me such like trauma. And I have people like trauma. It's about books. But like it's just about having your whole sense of peace and security in your home, like completely taken away from you. And it's like, I don't know if I could leave my house and trust my partner to be with my things. Yeah. Like I just, I would have such, my sense of peace would be totally gone.

50:33Or to like trust your partner to understand you and like what you really need and what you really want in life. It's like, ooh, like this is just a fundamental difference between us. Well, do we know if they broke up? No, I just went to OP's account. It does still exist. This post is now eight years old. Wow. So it is, I'm like, 2018, the math. Oh my God. We're getting up there, guys. Yeah, almost 2026. So yeah, I'm not seeing anything else. I basically read most of the comments. This sucks. I would like an update though. I'd just be curious if like any of the books ever got tracked down. God it just This makes me sad I know I can't believe she's not like Oh my god I can't believe I did that I'm so sorry I know That's just crazy Shitty really Yeah Really shitty But okay Moving on to this next one This is coming from r slash marriage It's two days old Titled Husband got another woman pregnant I know I am a villain because I promised my husband three kids, but after the first, I just didn't have it in me.

51:50Traumatic birth and depression did a number on me. My son is three, and we were in a kind of limbo because he was still bringing up a second child as soon as we had my son. But his frequency started to die down. Last time he talked about it, it was one year ago. We had a fight. He started his affair afterwards. His affair partner is pregnant. He admitted to not using protection with her, but claims that she was on birth control. She is keeping the child. She contacted me and said she didn't know he was married when they started dating, but she couldn't let him go after she found out six months ago.

52:25She said she is very sorry. She wants my husband to be involved and wants me to decide what I want to do with my marriage. If I want to leave my husband, then she would want to have a relationship with him and will only be involved with my son's life as much as I am comfortable with. What? Why? If she really didn't know that he was married, she wants to continue to have a relationship with it? Like, she found out he was married and like still was like, I want him enough. It's fine. If I want to stay with my husband, then she will end things with my husband for good. But she doesn't want her child to not have a father.

53:04So she understands that her child will stay with me and she wants me to grant her the same courtesy of only being involved with her child as much as she feels comfortable with. Either I lose my child half the time or I have to accept my husband's affair baby in my home. My husband doesn't show it in front of me, but he seems happy. He got his dream of two kids and I am in a nightmare. Oh my god. that's so messed up

53:38this is hell this is hell sorry can we go back again when did he start having the affair so he started having his affair about a year ago after they got into an argument about another kid so he started his affair how old was the first baby at the time did she mention that um about two at the time. Okay. Baby would have been about two. So, they got in this big fight a year ago. He started his affair afterwards. Affair partner's pregnant. She contacted me, said that she didn't know he was married right away when they started dating, but she couldn't let him go after she did find out he was married about six months ago.

54:21Now she's pregnant. Wow. I, I'd be done. But, oh, That's what's so hard about choosing who you want to have a baby with because it's like what she said, then she is losing her son half the time. Yeah. And that's a big thing I've seen a lot lately in discourse with people not wanting to get divorced, even though they have like a bad relationship or just don't love their partner anymore. Yeah. And they don't want to miss out on 50 % of their kid's life. Right. So they'd rather stick it out and be able to get all of those nights, all of that time, than split up. And I can totally get that. I totally get that too.

55:02And that's what's so... It just sucks. That's what's so awful. It's just, oh my gosh. Especially like if you didn't feel like you liked the way that your ex raised or handled problems, then like that would be really hard. Because I know I was actually just talking to someone today who her child's dad came into the picture a little bit later. And even that was like a hard adjustment because she was like, this is the way I do things. So get on my page, get on board. And and so I just can't imagine like just releasing control for, you know, people, especially people who have a hard time of releasing control in the situation when it comes to a child.

55:48yeah well this is also so messy too right because like yeah if you say you're done she doesn't care about him having a wife she doesn't care about being lied to she wants him she's gonna stay with him and your kid is gonna go spend half the time with her or you stay with your husband can you get more custody though because of the affair like i feel like she'd be able to fight for more custody with her child at least i've heard some weird stories um i don't know if that's what she'd Maybe she wants the child to have 50 % dad time. And like, you know, in an ideal world, if kids can have both parents and good relationships, like that is kind of ideal for a lot of people.

56:26But I was just talking with someone the other day and they've got a friend who has like a 12 year old daughter and the mom is like really bad, toxic, drops the little girl off and is like, I don't want to parent this month and like drops her off. And then now is fighting for full custody because she wants the child support. oh wow and it's just this really messy situation and she was like they're having a hard time because like in their state they typically side with the mom so I think it just depends I I just it's so complicated the family court system is just so complicated gosh yeah I can't that's why I'm saying like even just with a situation that isn't super messy it's it sounds really tough to me the whole like figuring out those dynamics but one like this I just don't even know I don't know how she's gonna proceed well and it's also up to the husband too because like this other woman is well yeah that's what's like what does the husband even what does he want who does he even want to be with like what is he yeah how does anyone want to be with him is my question I yeah that's that's something that's so interesting I I mean personally like I feel she she's got to leave him like he's he's clearly not a good guy like he's not and so I feel like she should but I totally understand the desire to stay to have 100 % your child in your life absolutely top comment on this one leave he broke his marriage vows and do not blame yourself because you didn't give him three kids it had nothing to do with kids he claimed he thought she was on birth control so it was all purely sexual not about children and that is like kind of sad about this post that first line i know i am the villain because i promised my husband three kids but after the first I just didn't have it in me like you're not the villain that's so crazy that she even thinks that because that's oh my gosh I had other people were just talking about this today how they feel like a lot of times guys like look at children as like a puppy or like a pet oh my god why has that been on my like radar too well but it's just it's just so they could never understand what it's like to go through that process I can't even understand yet I'm not there So, but it's like everyone experiences it so differently.

58:56And like for some people, it's like it is, it can be really, really hard on people. So to be in a relationship and say, let's try for kids and be on the same page and then continue to try for kids, like that makes sense. But like if you're in a relationship and have a child and then it, I just feel like it's crazy to expect that, you know, like to expect someone else to. like sacrifice so much for you not knowing what it's gonna be like or and life happens too yeah you could all of a sudden get sick have cancer can't have any more yeah is he gonna cheat then exactly like he's still cheated yeah like I mean you could have gone through your marriage without being able to have any kids like right exactly it's like that's you can have these goals and things you want, but life doesn't always work out that way.

59:51So when it doesn't work out exactly how you want it, does that automatically mean you leave and ditch your partner and cheat and go and like breed other people? Like, what are we doing here? No, you are saying this way better than I am. I'm having a hard time stringing together words today. I'm like, my brain is a little clusterfucked up there today, but no, that's exactly what I'm saying is that I, of course, when you're in a relationship with people and you make plans and things that you want. Yeah. I get I get that that's a thing but life happens and it's not it's not the same thing as if she always only wanted one but was like being secretive and just lying to him that she wanted three and then after one she told him no like it's like no she wanted three but then she didn't then she changed her mind and she's allowed to without getting cheated on and being put in the most hellish situation you absolute dickhead oh I know what is wrong like I just I need there to be like more good men representing men right now because I've been hearing so many stories where men are really getting on my last nerve there's some good ones out there I've been getting a lot of really really cute tiktoks and I need I need some more of those because I've been the past like few days I feel like I just keep hearing stories of like these assholes and I'm like what are the guys okay out there am I just being fed all this like negative info right now there's some good ones I'll I'll send you some of the TikTok videos I've been liking about like people's partners just doing like these really nice gestures like big small romantic things and just I've seen some really good ones okay well I'll help you yeah thank you I'm I'm not trying to I'm not trying to be mean or anything I'm just it's getting frustrated I mean there's there's some shitty ones out there for sure and it's might be a group effort of everyone on the planet to like hey let's be better guys like let's I think that any any of the guys listening to this I feel are good guys because if they're listening to these stories and then they're hearing us say that this guy is a psychopath, they probably wouldn't want to continue to listen if they thought the guy was in the right.

1:02:11Oh, he's not that bad. Yeah, exactly. So we've got good guys here. So to the guys that are listening right now, go out there and advocate for being a great guy because there's some guys who really need to learn from you. Absolutely. There is another comment here that's interesting. so if you don't get divorced she wants you to raise her baby I highly doubt she would really end things with your husband if she just couldn't let him go six months ago she's not going to let him go now despite what she's claiming I also doubt she would want to pay child support for her child I also read that as like you'd be helping raise my child because you and your husband would still be together and he would have custody as well right exactly I didn't think it was like oh you're taking my kid 100 no i don't think so like that i don't i don't think this comment makes that much sense because like that's not how i interpreted it either but if anyone out there listening is like no like she fully is like shipping her kid off with no that's not no that's super weird no that's not the case it's definitely just like the 50 50 yeah i'm gonna see if there's any comments from op we do have a few can you imagine if you want to be with him you can have the child I'm growing right now.

1:03:23But if you don't, then yeah, I'm going to have I don't I don't think people make decisions like that. You know, that would be wild. A lot of people are commenting on custody. A lot of people are like, why don't you go for 100 percent? Like, why don't you get full custody? And OP has a few comments in relation to that. Wait, that would be amazing if she got 100 percent custody and then he ended up being with that other girl and the other girl didn't want to have another kid and then he was with one child again so op says for all his glaring faults he is a good father and he dotes on our son he will fight me to death for equal custody next comment is in response to someone being like he won't get custody like blah blah blah blah and i think they kind of mean like if you get divorced and it's because of infidelity like you could go for full i think that's what they're maybe trying to imply but op goes how does he not get custody and I don't want to lose custody by committing parental alienation.

1:04:21I didn't know that was a thing. I guess. That's what I'm saying about like family court systems. It's very complex. I mean, I definitely think that she could get much more custody than him because of what he did in court. Like I don't think they'd be like 100 % custody because of cheating, but I think given the situation, like she could definitely get more custody than him for sure. A lot of people are asking about his reactions. Like, what is he up to now? He is remorseful for hurting me, not for his actions themselves. He said he didn't think it would all affect me. Okay, asshole. He should have fined another way, but he was so resentful of me changing my mind that he didn't care.

1:05:10He is not begging to stay with me. he does want to stay but he knows how difficult that is for me so he has left the decision to me he doesn't want to stay someone who wants to stay I feel like would be making more of an amends and like putting in more willingness to make this situation better or change or I don't know like well I do want to stay but it's really tough so I'm leaving it up to you that's a cop-out because you don't want to end your marriage. Well, that's interesting because I also wonder if that has anything to do with custody. If he's the one who says I'm out because I'm leaving you for somebody else, if that maybe he's talking to someone already like a lawyer about custody rights and what could happen.

1:05:57Like maybe that's why he doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. Yeah, I don't know. It could be true. I don't know. But the other thing, too, is like he also probably doesn't want to continue to be in a relationship where he has to like make amends and has to he has to deal with the ramifications yeah and so there's gonna be a lot of trust to build back exactly so battle yeah I don't I think she should definitely leave there's there's no reason to say honestly no and last comment I'll read is this so someone says I'm

1:06:40And OP goes, What price? He got everything he wanted. I and my son will pay the price. Someone responds, O.P.

1:06:53goes, Next line down is the same person responding to O.P., the one who said he'll pay dearly in the divorce. They go I earn twice as much as my ex. I have my child two thirds of the time and he pays me child support I have a lawyer. He doesn't lawyer up and get ready You need to learn your rights and don't mope so hard that you just give up. Yeah Yeah Mm-hmm. I know it's like I don't know. She's just like no he He loves our son. He dotes on our son like doesn't matter let him be a good dad without you go find your person someone who loves you wants to be with you and isn't going to cheat on you yeah no i was referring to the fact that she was like so he'll fight me on it and it's just like let him i really i don't see this being able to be a 50 50 case given everything i don't i just i don't know how it works but i just i know maybe we have some i mean think about it he pulled the rug out from underneath her like to such a huge extent that It's like, how would they be in favor of him?

1:08:00I don't know. Infidelity is a big thing in a lot of courts. And it's not just infidelity. It's a whole nother life with somebody else, a family. Yeah. It's tough because you also then don't want to create this scenario where he's like, I'm tired of fighting. I've got this other kid. I'm going to start over. And then the little boy that he, you know, the first little kid is like kind of left in the dust and then grows up with this like abandonment issues. and this like I want to be with my dad. I want my dad to love me, but my dad doesn't want to spend any time with me. Like you just, it is such a slippery, slippery slope.

1:08:35I mean, if the dad actually loves him the way that the mom says, then like he's going to take whatever time he can get with him. And if he doesn't, then he's an absolute shit fucking dad and a shit person who the son doesn't need to have that asshole in his life anyway. like he can find other like male figures to look up to that aren't such pieces of shit I don't know I just I know I get that I get like I totally understand all of those thought process and that the concerns and it's just there's so much more involved than just a breakup but I really think at the end of the day like she's got to fight for what's right and the rest will fall into place yeah absolutely we don't have any update yet only two days old Oh, so I will subscribe to Opie's profile and see if we get anything.

1:09:28But nothing yet. OK, I would say this one is giving real. I always think when people post their issues in random little subs like our marriage, which is a smaller sub in comparison to like relationship advice or true off my chest and things like that. it does feel real op did also post this in r slash one and done which is a subreddit for parents who have decided or had the decision made for them to only have one child and so really just seeming like they just needed to get out there and like get some support so it does seem does seem really legit but okay keep our eyes peeled but moving along i want to no updates on that one.

1:10:20I do too. I really, really do. So actually make sure to let me know if you do and you decide to do an update with somebody else and not me. Yeah. I'll keep your post. I'll let you know. Okay. I'll let you know. Okay. And we're back. We're back. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Okay, real talk. To-do lists are unhinged and the stuff that actually gets done always the stuff you had help with. Flat pack furniture, meal prep, things that are just better with another person. Now, State Farm can't help with the sofa or Sunday cooking, but when it comes to helping find the right coverage for you, they're on it.

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1:12:10I feel like this is going to be an interesting palate cleanser. It's not necessarily a feel good, like super happy palate cleanser. Okay. But it's just kind of a different perspective that I don't think we usually get on a lot of our posts about cheating. Okay. So let's get into it. All right. It's coming from True Off My Chest and it's titled, I'm going to have to break my husband's mistress's heart and I don't want to do it. My husband is having an affair. I found out eight months ago when a text from Henry said, I love you, heart, heart, heart. I managed to sync his texts up to our iCloud and have been monitoring them ever since.

1:12:55Even worse, his mistress is also a victim in this. She has no idea that he's married. He told her that he's separated from me and we're going through the divorce process. To his credit, he doesn't badmouth me as the horrible ex-wife that makes him miserable. He doesn't talk about me at all. I also think that's because the evil ex-wife is a classic lie from a cheating husband, and she's smart enough to see through that. I know that usually the wife hates the mistress or at least resents her, but I can't hate her. I love her so much.

1:13:34She has no idea that my husband is a loser. And she's such a sweetheart who deserves the entire world. She sends pictures of the holiday cards that she makes for the people in the local nursing homes because the holidays can be such a lonely time for them. She texts him little love poems. When he says that he's stressed, she asks about his day. She's so smart too. Whenever she talks about something that she's interested in, it's like a YouTube deep dive, only in text instead. My husband loves The Deadliest Catch. She explained to him why the FV destination sank. It was fascinating. She's also said how happy she was that the tragedy was taken seriously enough to make stricter rules about safety regulations to keep fishermen safe.

1:14:26My loser of a husband doesn't deserve to even breathe in her direction. I know that I need to confront him and tell him that I want a divorce. I've been putting it off. He wouldn't be man enough to face her, so it would be up to me to break her heart for him by giving her the bad news. I don't want to be the one who makes her cry. I just hope that she knows that even though she lost a cheating boyfriend, she'll have a friend in me. Aww. I don't want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed for something that was done to her and not because of her. That's what I'm dreading the most about the upcoming shitstorm.

1:15:11Wow. Uh-huh. That's so cute. I love her. I'm like are you I think you're in love with her like why are you are you by like could this maybe work is she by you know what it probably was just the fact that like she started realizing that her husband was not the one for her she's probably started falling out of love with him by the time that she found the affair so she probably looked at it more like pragmatic and more objective than anything because otherwise like I don't know how somebody gets out of their own way enough to be able to be like, I love his mistress. I know. I'm blown away by like this level of composure and like self-awareness and insight.

1:15:55Like I would not be able to hold on to knowing about my husband's affair for eight months. I know that is a long amount of time. That's kind of crazy, actually. Well, that's where I'm like, are you holding on as long as you are because you actually feel like you have a relationship with her too through these messages wow like you say you love her you talk about how smart she is how she deserves so much more like you're putting this off because you almost have this parasocial relationship with her maybe and she she doesn't even know who you are when we look at it that way that feels kind of creepy i know this is what i'm like wait what i thought it was really cute but then when i thought about the time eight months that's a long time also you're letting them date like now they've been dating a year now it's getting like longer and more serious and her feelings are more intense where like hey if you would have nipped it in the bud eight months ago then you wouldn't have hurt her like you would have hurt her less you would have hurt her less like you're worried about now so it's just really interesting and you'd think at some point before the eight months maybe six months maybe four months maybe two months i don't know like why did it take eight months eight months huh i know isn't that a doozy what do we have any updates or anything oh no oh no no no no no i really thought you're gonna give me an update on this one nope the post has been deleted by the person who posted it.

1:17:28Top comment. Make sure you have proof that you two are still married and living together. She may go to denial first. Best of luck, O.P. Next comment. Exactly this. There's still a chance she may forgive him and stay with him. So it is worth being ready for that possibility as well. Next comment down. It isn't her job to prove anything to her. Nothing but I'm Bozo's wife and I just found out he has been seeing you. I'm not mad at you. I know he lied to you and said we weren't together anymore. Well, I'm about to file for divorce now, so if you still want him, he's all yours. But I thought you had a right to know what kind of man he is.

1:18:04I believe you deserve better. It's the other woman's job to decide what to do with that information. There is zero reason to put any effort into proving anything. OP has enough on her plate right now. Yeah. OP, go see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before you tip your hand. yeah

1:18:24one comment goes she sounds like a lovely person that's sort of a catch-22 problem people see the world through their own filters she is a good person at heart and so thinks others are even your slimy soon-to-be ex I originally found this on an Instagram sub Reddit Instagram page oh my god Spooky Stars YT YouTube I don't know what it stands for YT, but that's the Instagram page. And on the comments on there, someone goes, cut the husband out of the equation and marry his mistress. There's another comment. Finally, a woman who blames the husband and not the other woman. Both women sound lovely and I hope they move on from this.

1:19:10What a badass the OP is. Amazing. Well, that was my initial thought before you talked about that. Don't let me influence you. Taint it. Don't let me. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I mean, you. Don't worry about it. You brought up the eight months and now it's hard to not wonder. But, you know, maybe she was saving money. Maybe she's a stay-at-home mom and needed to pool some resources and, you know, get her eggs in a basket. Maybe, you know, there's medical things and she needed his health insurance. Yeah. Because of work. We don't know. That's true. There's so many reasons. But it was just very impressive to me that she did wait eight months.

1:19:47because I would go crazy. I'm like, are you still romantic though? You would have to be. Otherwise he's going to be like, what's up? Or he doesn't notice because he's getting it elsewhere. And then he's just like, oh, well, we had a dead bedroom anyways. Yeah. I know. So interesting. Very interesting.

1:20:09Okay, up first. This is coming from True Off My Chest, 28 days old now. I've been sitting on it for a while because it's just so good. Money. It's titled, I'm watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me I'd become. And it's amazing. So I was a mistake. My mom and dad were dumb idiots. Mom mostly raised me because my dad tried blocking her. After a while, he was in my life and paid child support. He got married and had two more kids. The right way. and my stepmom Hildy never let it go how much better she was than me. How she and her kids had clothes from nice stores and not Walmart and how they just didn't have time to include me in the Christmas card picture.

1:20:59Plus, I wouldn't have had a nice enough outfit, so oh well. One of their kids, my brother, came out as trans a bit ago and Hildy seemed very supportive. Apparently not. She's been drinking a lot and gaining weight. She lost her job, and I found out because she called me ranting in the middle of the day and saying that she lost her daughter and, like, I should have transitioned instead of him? It was so bizarre, and I told my dad that he needed to deal with it. He tried telling me that he wanted her to get therapy, but honestly, I don't care. I don't want her to ruin my brother's lives. Apparently, she picked one of them up from school and smelled like wine.

1:21:44She has been so horrible to me my entire life that I've known her, most of it, and I don't care that she's unhappy. I have enjoyed watching her burn out. Yes, I feel bad for my brothers, but this woman treated a literal child like trash because she hated my mom. She came into my bridal shower wearing a white dress that she couldn't even zip up the whole way. When people mentioned it, I just shook my head and ignored it. Like she would do when people would point out that my jeans were too short that one time. And in front of everyone, she said that she refused to spend their family's money on clothes for me since my dad paid child support.

1:22:24Whatever, I don't care. She deserves her life, and my dad deserves his marriage, and I'm clearly not a good person for laughing at all of this. So I guess I retroactively deserve my childhood. The only victims are my brothers The end? The end I'm with you I don't think you retroactively deserved your childhood But man, this is satisfying I'm all for it I feel bad I want a front row seat Where's my ticket? I think it's just so different When you're awful to a child It's unforgivable So I'm with you It's not an adult making a decision to be like that towards another adult. No. It's like that towards a child.

1:23:13Kids are defenseless. Kids are trying to learn how to, you know, go about the world and who they're going to become. And it's like, you're so fragile and impressionable. So any of that stuff, that sticks with you for a lifetime. I remember some stuff that, I mean, it's more often other kids in a bullying way. I remember everything that's been said to me growing up. And I remember all the insecurities I had. And sure, you outgrow some of them. Some you carry forward for sure. And I just can't imagine getting that from an adult. So yeah, I agree. She deserves every bit of it. And I'd be there eating my popcorn, watching it go down.

1:23:57I don't have sympathy for that after the shit you did to me. No way. I know. But yes, for the brothers, of course. I feel bad for the brothers. I don't want them to be in that situation because if she fully crashes out, then that's going to affect them and it's only going to get taken out on them. And yes, we don't want that. I know because there's no mention even how old the brothers are. Yeah. No mention of age. And it's like, if they're young, like that's even harder, like to have your mom not support you as you are transitioning and doing all of that. I'm trying to look at OP's comments just to see if there's any more insight into this.

1:24:41Yeah. We do have a few comments from OP. There's a whole nother post I discovered that came out a couple months before this one. We're going to get into that now, briefly. But someone says to OP, your dad is a piece of shit for not standing up for you, not including you, not buying you a nice outfit for the pictures, and allowing her bullshit white dress at your wedding. Fuck your dad and fuck her. Yeah. OP says, no, my dad is a pillar of the community, according to what Hilde told my mother-in-law. Pillar of the deadbeat community, sure. Yeah, uh-huh. They're so insane. Like, they really do deserve each other.

1:25:21He is such a piece of shit. Anyone that's willing to throw their kid under the bus for the sake of a new partner and a new family and a do-over, fuck you. Rotten hell. You're a piece of shit. I think it's pathetic and all of this has clearly impacted op I mean the first line starts with so I was a mistake my mom and dad were dumb idiots they might have been dumb they might have been being irresponsible you might have been an oops baby an unplanned baby but you are not a mistake like I hate when people like associate themselves with that because like I really relate to that like I was a total oops baby very unplanned but like I remember just like that pain of just like the struggle with my bio dad.

1:26:04And so it's hard, but like you are still not a mistake. I just like, I feel bad for OP, but we do have a couple more comments. OP says the worst part is that she hates my mom so much. And my mom isn't perfect by any measure because of the whole child support thing. When I found out that Hildy had apparently asked my mom not to go for a CS increase because they were going to have a baby and things were tight. In retrospect, that was not my mom's problem. She only went for the increase when Hilde kicked me out of my room. She couldn't be a stay-at-home mom because of the child support apparently.

1:26:43All she had to do was treat me like a family member and it would have been fine. She's been stepping on rakes for decades. I love that saying. She's been stepping on rakes. I've never heard stepping on rakes before. It's like you are creating your own issues. And can't you just envision like the old cartoons of someone, they step their foot on a rake and it comes back and smacks them in the face? I mean, I've done it. I don't have to envision the cartoon. It's happened to me. With those rakes at the farm, those are the kind that do it. It's those sharp, twisted metal ones. Yeah, those old timey rakes.

1:27:19I mean, I think someone that makes all these comments and treats someone this way has always been deeply unhappy. and it's now just really coming to the surface. About like the Hildy, the stepmom? Yeah. Being like unhappy? Yeah, and I think the whole time with the comments she was making to OP and all of us, the way she treated her growing up, and then even her dad, I just can't see them being happy people and having a happy life together. I think it's all just pretend. and it's, oh, we're keeping it all together and we're perfect. We buy the nice clothes and you have shit clothes. When you start comparing yourself and making yourself trying to seem like you're better, I think it's because you're so deeply unsatisfied with your life and you're so unhappy because if you are a truly happy, content person, you would not even think that way.

1:28:15I mean, I guess there are some assholes out there that probably do, but in this story, I really don't think there's ever been true happiness there. No. It's been faulted from the beginning. Yeah, I mean, someone responds to that comment, the one that ends with she's been stepping on rakes for decades, and they go, how can she claim to not be trashy but does an incredibly trashy thing by asking to pay less child support? I feel like that is something someone from a low-class upbringing would think was appropriate. OP responds, she came from a pretty trashy family, to be honest. It was just projection.

1:28:49There you go. Someone goes, you are far better than that woman. It is okay to laugh. Things would not be better from holding back. Anyone treating a child like that because they think they are better than, jealous of past partner or whatever, deserves all bad things. Of course, it sucks for your siblings. Still happy she is struggling. Just got to support your brother because that is the mom. Awful, awful person. OP responds, it's bad because I don't feel super responsible for my brothers. Obviously, I'm there for them, but at least they have my dad and he should be the one looking out for them.

1:29:25My mom was kind of a mess and I didn't have a dad looking out for me. He was too busy with other stuff. They know they can always call me and I'll be there, but I'm not going to pry. Yeah. And I think that's totally fair, especially like your dad dropped the ball on you. You were kind of not an outlier, but you were like ostracized. you were pushed out he didn't have your back so yeah your brothers are innocent and all this and you can say like I'm here for you if you need it but you don't have to bend over backwards or light yourself on fire to keep them warm like your dad those are his kids and he made it clear that he has priorities to those children and not you so I get where OP's at with this it's really just a good off my chest, getting this out there, venting and feeling a little better.

1:30:15Yeah. The other post on OP's account that I can see is a post about their wedding. It is four months old titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Telling My Dad That He Wouldn't Be Walking Me Down the Aisle? and it's a pretty long post. Essentially, 25-ish years ago, two dumb 20-year-olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another, but for some reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full time. I love her, don't get me wrong, but she's pretty messy. I have six other half-siblings. Two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything, but I know there were times that she did, so we wouldn't.

1:31:02Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family. She's just pretty irresponsible. My dad, I'd say, more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hildy, also mid-40s, when I was six-ish, and they had my half-brothers Jesse, 16, and Kyle, 14, a few years later. They both have really good jobs and a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support, but their lives were very different from mine. I'd come over every other weekend, but after a while, they were too busy with the other two, so I would just wait for my dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a lot, so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college, and after, we'd talk every now and then, but mainly just see each other on the holidays.

1:31:47One of those holidays, Hildy got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me, my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents, grandma and grandpa, basically shamed him for being a deadbeat. and then he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21 and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad because I know she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she hates my mom because it was maybe petty, but when she had Jesse, they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and put my stuff in another one.

1:32:28So my mom filed and was awarded much more child support than she had been getting, and that affected them. It's fine, there's free therapy at college, and I'm actually doing great career and mental health-wise now. In fact, my fiancé and I make about as much as they do, granted less property. So I'm in a really good place. OP goes on to, like, talk about their fiancé, John, 25. They became friends freshman year, didn't start dating until years ago his family is amazing all amazing things yeah they've been good about setting up boundaries with mom so they're getting married soon it'll be in john's hometown and this is where drama starts coming up obviously because bio dad bio dad wants to know am i walking you down the aisle i just went through this oh his family and to be honest want a big wedding, but since we're just starting our careers out, his parents are paying for the whole thing.

1:33:24I'm paying for my dress though. And my mom and my younger siblings travel. I kind of just assumed my dad would walk me down the aisle. But a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hilde was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hilde was like, oh yeah, it looked really hard. We're glad that we started saving towards our son's college funds a long time ago. They have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurt so bad. College was a struggle. There were times all I had were multivitamins and PB &Js and only because my mom would send me$20 here and there.

1:34:02Don't get me wrong, I'm also proud of myself. And I know the boys are both their kids while I'm just my dad's, so of course they'll give them more. But it really solidified to me who and what I was to them. So I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100 % support me. Hilde called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they'd need to be and when, and I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like, oh, well, how will your dad practice walking down the aisle? It was super awkward and I let her know Jake would be, but I was excited to see them.

1:34:38A few hours later, my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was. He said he's been dreaming of giving me away my whole life I was in a pretty good headspace luckily and I was just like, oh, I didn't know you'd want to and I didn't expect you to care Trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama He was aggressive though and wouldn't let it go Saying I was going to make him look like an idiot and if hildy hadn't asked he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle I asked him why he would assume that and he looked at me like I was stupid but I wanted to hear him say it and he finally said that any father would expect that.

1:35:15I was just like sure but any other father probably didn't ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life, have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids but not others. They probably did do things like take their daughters on vacations, attend a single father-daughter event, and help them out even though they were legally done. He got mad but honestly couldn't even argue with me and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that and the truth was that we just simply weren't important people to one another.

1:35:52He got really sad after that and left and even though John agrees with my decision, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his opinion, I also feel like he doesn't get it. his family loves him and would do anything for him and has while my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when i needed him i never assumed he would help me and he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding i know i'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle that's no debate but was i wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest and only a guest no i think you're meeting his communication style your whole life with the same energy.

1:36:36Yeah. And also, I can't believe that horrid woman's going to be there. That's what I would have set in stone long ago. The last thing I'd want to see is her sitting there. And she'll probably wear white. She did. She did wear white. Oh, that was to the wedding? It was the, I think OP, what did she say? Was it reception or rehearsal? We do get an update on this, actually. I thought that was like a bridal party or like a, I thought that was some, something else. But yeah, I'm not surprised. And just with the comment about the college thing, you don't think she's going to be doing all that shit that whole night to all your people?

1:37:17She will. She absolutely will. Like Hildy is a self-centered, I mean, to brag about your two kids and their college funds as like your stepdaughter's mother-in-law is like, aren't you so proud she paid for school on her own? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. We have so much fucking money. We, our two boys get to go to college and grad school. That's how much we have saved. and it's like whoa read the room read the room she can't because it's all about her she's a self-centered bitch yeah and then i think the way you played it with your dad is perfect i honestly i would have thought you had a like a script or notes written to do it that clear and that plane on the spot when it's so stressful especially when he's kind of pushing it and getting really, you know, aggressive as she says.

1:38:14I know. I think you did great. I know. And then it ended up getting through because when you make such a strong case and it's not like you were yelling, at least I didn't take it that way. And you just said exactly why. Here's why. And there's no response. Great job. Great job. And then the statement, we're just not important to each other i know it's like that's tough that's but it's it's hopefully a wake-up call for him why it's tough because he knows it's true oh absolutely 100 the whole time i think i still really feel bad for op like from the first post to this post it's just like the pain she's gone through and like honestly i feel like this is like another multiverse version of me in my life like my bio dad threw a fit about child support like my mom didn't get it a lot of times I kept getting it throughout college because he was so late on the payments from when I was under 18 and like It was so crazy like he would brag about like Not having any money And it was all like a front like he would get paid in cash He had a shit ton of money.

1:39:22He'd buy new trucks He'd buy new this buy new that and then wouldn't be able to pay my mom child support like I need brag about it to my face and it's like well Okay but I'm envious of OP like I think this was handled really really well should you have told him before yeah but like Hildy kind of took that away from you based on like Hildy getting involved and asking well and Hildy definitely was like you need to go over there right now and you need to get this set like she's puppeteering the whole thing I know but I'm glad for OP that it came out before because it did not come out before at our wedding like I wanted to talk about it with my bio dad at the rehearsal dinner.

1:40:05He didn't show up to the rehearsal dinner. So I didn't get that opportunity. And he RSVP'd yes to the rehearsal dinner. And then when I talked to him about it at the wedding, he was like, oh, I didn't know. I didn't know about it. And I'm like, you RSVP'd yes. And then my brother, Matt, who's our officiant, like my bio dad standing there, everyone's like standing there. And Matt is like, who's walking down the aisle and I look at my brother and I'm just like so I had both my bio dad and my dad Jerry walk me down the aisle and then they got halfway and then my mom we did a trade-off everyone thought it was beautiful like my I had some friends that came up to my mom after and were like I was crying it was so impactful but like it's not what I wanted and it that is an honor and like if you don't deserve that honor, you shouldn't get that honor.

1:40:54So I'm glad OP stuck to their guns, didn't have him walk her down the aisle. And it still stayed that way. Looking at the update, everything went okay at the wedding. Dad ended up writing an email. OP's like, I'm not going to post it because it's super lame. And it was just some old song of poor him. His life is so hard. He wasn't ready to be a dad. He did the best he could. He always loved me. Blah, blah, blah. No action items. No, probably false promises to change. Nothing new. No, he didn't offer any money for the wedding, but reiterated a lot that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle.

1:41:34Yet you're not pitching in, but you have so much money in these college funds. But yeah, second update did not come after the wedding. So we went from wedding post update, which like wasn't really an update just dad sent an email but still sticking with brother and then the stepmom becoming a loser post so no other posts yet um there are a lot of comments herm op like if you guys want to do a big deep dive on this account you totally can i mean it's really interesting it sounds like she's in a really good spot some of the comments are rude but very active on reddit i mean replying to a lot of other people's posts and accounts and things like that okay yeah but moving on this episode is brought to you by chrysler life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists one minute everyone's buckled in the next someone's dropped a snack lost a shoe or needs a bathroom break immediately that's why the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica is built for real life.

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1:44:00This next one, it's kind of a doozy of a first story. A lot of reading for me.

1:44:08So this first one is coming from our very own 2HotTakes subreddit. It's 10 days old now, and it's titled, My fiancé told me his ex was his emotional maid of honor. My fiancé, 31 male, and I, 29 female, are getting married next summer. I recently found out he's been keeping in touch with his ex, not cheating as far as I know, but texting her, quote, for emotional support. When I said that made me uncomfortable, he said, quote, you have your girls to vent to. She's mine. Then he actually said, she's kind of like my emotional maid of honor. I asked him if he'd be okay with me talking to my ex the same way.

1:44:55He said, quote, that's different. Men don't give emotional support like that. I told him if he needs a therapist, he can pay for one, not text his ex about our wedding stress. He said I was insecure. So now I'm the crazy jealous bride because I don't want his ex-girlfriend being his emotional maid of honor. Should I be worried that I'm marrying a man who thinks boundaries are optional? I'm just not understanding the emotional support? Is it like, yeah, you're making the right choice. You should marry her. You're doing great. You shouldn't have cold feet. What's the emotional support for? Because this is wedding related.

1:45:38We're not talking just general life. Or is it everything? Is it him venting to everything? There's a reason you even go down that path in the first place. There's a reason you open that door of communication. And I think when you start to vent about the person you're about to marry to your ex, that's very telling, you know, and that can very quickly get twisted into, you can be manipulated very easily in that way, or you can, you know, maybe manipulation is too strong, but from the ex's perspective, if there was something there or could be still that could easily be molded out of this situation.

1:46:26And you could easily convince him that maybe this isn't the right step. Maybe we should give it one more shot. I mean, it opens the door to so much mess. It does. I just, I just don't get what the thought is in his mind. Is it to keep the door open to have a backup option? Cause I think we had that in the first round of wedding stories in a way. Oh my gosh. Or what is the strategy here? And it's not, there isn't a comparison with the bridesmaids. No. And, and I think men can be very good emotional supporters. You just got to find the right ones. Like if you have the right friends, they will fulfill that role for you.

1:47:13Unless it's like every one of your friends is too, oh, we're too manly for that. We can't do that. I know. I think guys need to start opening up more. I mean, we talk about this male loneliness epidemic, but it's a problem that is literally created by men not opening up. So if you want to work on addressing that problem, take steps to do so. Like you can be your biggest advocate in progressing forward and finding emotional connection and doing that. Like there are people out there that want to do that and to be like, you talking to your ex is so different. Men don't provide that. That's a cop out.

1:47:53What about me? Why aren't you talking to me? Why aren't you talking to me about your wedding stress? Right. Your emotional maid of honor. Like what about me, your partner, someone you are supposed to be going through life with? Why do you need to reach out to your ex? why is your ex a better emotional support for you than me and that's where it's just like I think he wants to have his cake and eat it too I do think he's kind of slimy I do think something else is going on here and I don't think it's worth hanging on to like especially when you're telling him hey this makes me uncomfortable and he's like you're insecure he's flipping it around on you you're not being respected you're not being heard your feelings aren't being validated or received he's actually doing the opposite.

1:48:37And if he wants to keep talking to his ex, let him. But don't waste your money on a wedding because it likely will end up in divorce. Yeah, well, and I think it's not to say there aren't topics that you do talk about with your friends and that maybe you wouldn't necessarily bring to a partner like you were bringing up venting. I think a lot of people tend to try and talk about situations that involve their partner with other people around them to, you know, I think through a lot of these stories to see if they're crazy, to see if this is right or, you know, there's a variety of things. But even still, if there's something you will bring up to friends, that's a lot different than an ex for the reasons I mentioned before, of course, of what that opens up.

1:49:29But I do think if you have the right friends, male or female, they can be equally emotionally supportive if they are actually a good friend. We, like in my life, I've been the supporter for a lot of people who go through breakups or whatever may happen, especially in, even in the studio and music, people come in and they open up and it, sometimes there's, you know, tears and lots of emotions and you do kind of play that role for that day as an emotional support. And obviously you hope to do that through song as well, but it's just interesting because I think it very much is out there on the male and female side.

1:50:15I agree. And I don't think it's necessarily weird to like have a female friend or a girlfriend or a woman that's your friend if you're a guy. Like, I don't think that's necessarily odd. I've got a lot of guy friends, but I didn't date any of my guy friends. They weren't my ex. Like, we started our relationship as friends. There were lines that were never crossed. And I don't know. It just feels odd to me. And the comments thought it was odd, too. The top comment on this one says, emotional maid of honor is just backup girlfriend with extra steps. Next comment. Exactly. He basically rebranded emotional cheating into a wedding role.

1:51:00Dude's delusional if he think that's chill. Someone goes, yeah, emotional maid of honor is wild. That's not poetic. That's concerning. Man's trying to make cheating sound romantic. Yeah, I think that much involvement wedding or not with an ex is very interesting. I mean, And we see different sides of that. Jerry always is so, you know, loud about the fact that you can be friends with exes and it doesn't mean anything. There's nothing emotional. And, oh, we're all still very close. And my ex, you know, I married my ex to her new partner and like all this stuff. That kind of thing. Is that the way it was?

1:51:39Yeah. Yeah. So you got to read between the lines. It's all contextual. I know. In this sense, you have someone that's building up towards a wedding. but it feels like they're still not emotionally checked out of the last one. And I'd be very curious to see what those conversations are. Absolutely. I mean, I'm really, really curious. We don't have any comments from OP highlighting what the comments between the two of them are. So we don't have that insight, but I guess like some people can be friends with their exes. My And he's also got exes that are heartbroken and hate his guts. Like, I think it just depends on where those people are.

1:52:20And again, like, can both of them be appropriate? Right. Like this to me, I think the more I saw emotional cheating in the comments, it does feel like emotional cheating. He's running to this other person for this emotional support. And it's like, why are you running to someone else when you have a person you're marrying? Right. Right. Yeah. So then it's just like, no, this does feel like emotional cheating. And that's probably a good word for it. But moving on to this next one. Now let's get into these ones. There's fuck ass people in this world. There's a lot of whack ass people. We're going to get in a couple of them.

1:52:56This is coming from r slash wedding shaming. Okay. Titled step mother-in-law announced my brother-in-law's secret wedding during my cocktail hour. Okay. My now husband Vind and I had an intimate 14-person wedding last year, just immediate family and a few close friends. It was sweet, relaxed, and exactly what we wanted. During cocktail hour, my stepmother-in-law decided it was the perfect moment to share some big news. She told me and my mother-in-law that my brother-in-law and his long-term fiancé had secretly gotten married a few weeks earlier and didn't want anyone to know. Both of our jaws hit the floor.

1:53:43Then my father-in-law, her husband, chimed in, saying brother-in-law and fiancé, quote, wanted to get married before us. Who announces the secret wedding of two guests at another wedding? I wasn't jealous. Honestly, I was happy for them to finally tie the knot. The part that got me was that my stepmother-in-law completely stole the opportunity for my mother-in-law to hear that news from her own son. But here's the kicker. Brother-in-law and sister-in-law weren't actually married. They started wearing matching rings as a sign of commitment, and stepmother-in-law and father-in-law assumed that meant that they had secretly married.

1:54:30wait wait so they it wasn't even her own wedding that she was announcing it was someone else's wedding that she was blowing the wait i also okay and they weren't even married also i think this happened on vanderpump rules did you ever watch vanderpump rules no okay if anyone has seen that show please like back me up in the comments because they're one of i i don't remember who I think it was, I don't know. Jax. Maybe. Kristen. No, there was a girl who got married. Lala, I think. Lala got married and it was like her reception. And then Sheena, like at the cocktail hour reception, like announced that she had gotten married to like the cast.

1:55:12And she was like, well, everyone's here. Well, everyone's here. And if I'm getting these people wrong, I'm so sorry for like lying on your name. But something like that exact thing happened on Vanderpump Rules, which is so crazy. But that's the thing. That's like, that's reality TV. That's drama. Yeah. People don't need drama at their intimate 14-person wedding. Which is like such an extra show of we just really wanted this to be about us and the people we love and like really focus in on this and not have like any extra noise. It's like here comes the extra noise from your own stepmother-in-law.

1:55:44Wait, that's so crazy. So they assumed. Yeah. Because they were wearing matching rings. which is so funny because it's like that would have been so obvious they really thought they were doing such detective work by being like huh they're wearing matching rings no one else has noticed this I bet they've got married a lot of people are like starting to get rings for both people right away after engagement like I think it's kind of a trend right now where like typically like cis hat relationships where like the girl gets her engagement ring and then the The boy doesn't get a ring until they get married.

1:56:20And so the girl has been like, that's not fair. He should get a ring too. And then they go out and now he has a little engagement ring. I like that actually because it's like. I love it. Why is only the woman going around looking claimed when the man gets to still be like, ooh, nothing on my fingers. Look at me. No, I completely agree. Yeah, this is crazy. I mean, this must have been embarrassing. This must have been very embarrassing for the stepmother and father. Yeah, I guess. Oh, yeah, because he chimed in. and said that they wanted to get married before us. So you just implied that there was some weird jealousy, but they didn't even get married.

1:56:55And did they ever even say that? Or are you assuming? It sounds like they're not even excited about it, but we're like trying to expose them in a way. I wonder, I really, like, I would love to know their intentions. They honestly, the two of them, stepmother-in-law and dad sound like deeply insecure. Very messy. very messy especially because stepmom almost it's almost like she wanted to one up his mom and be like i know something about your son that you don't know and i'm gonna break it to you because otherwise why tell these people why tell the bride on her wedding day why tell his mom you wanted to like assert like some dominance over them or something yeah i know something you don't know like we're the closer in-laws but then but yeah then it's extra weird to be like also assuming the reason they got secretly married is because they were trying to do it before all of you where did you pull that from yeah what magic hat so many assumptions i know they're taking i would go nuclear because now now everybody's mad at you now the people getting married are mad at you now the people who didn't get married are mad at you now all the other in-laws are mad because they would have wanted to hear that from their own children.

1:58:12Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, it's just pissed off the whole 14 people. Well, and it's like, how do you continue on from there? Like, as the bride, do you go up to your brother-in-law and, like, congratulate them? Do you, like, do you then make your day about them? Or do you ignore it and then hope no one else hears? But, like, your mother-in-law is going to be upset because her other son got married and didn't tell her, so she's gonna say something like yeah and now the days yeah like if this had been true it's like the day is ruined for her and now it's kind of ruined either way but if this had been true that probably would have been worse i know it's weird top comment announcing that at your wedding would normally be the height of rudeness but an inaccurate announcement of them getting married question mark question mark question mark question mark wild yeah because it's like you're not even spilling the tea you're just like causing drama for no actual reason the fact that mother-in-law also said like they got married but they don't want anyone to know then why are you telling me why are you telling me who did they tell did they tell everyone did they make an announcement or was it no one they didn't tell anyone anything because it wasn't real no who'd the stepmother-in-law tell I don't know.

1:59:34As far as I can see from the comments, only the bride and mother-in-law. That's so annoying because it's like a wedding, obviously, is such a special day. And if there's just like one thing that happens, it forever like taints a part of that day. It's like you don't just think of your wedding now. You think of like my wedding and when that thing happened, that kind of sucked. you know like it can be such a perfect day and there's no reason to add something like that to it this is crazy we do have some comments from op and i don't got some of them i can already tell we're going to be cringing so someone goes i love that it was just an assumption so now other than looking horrible for making that type of announcement at someone else's wedding she doubled down with a complete falsehood hopefully stepmother-in-law is a low contact person or you eat a lot of popcorn when she's around and op responds she's very low contact at best it's a couple of hours on christmas day at worst a couple of hours on christmas day and an awkward lunch out of the week before that actually i feel like adds context of like oh they're actually really not a part of these people's lives and that's maybe why she's trying so hard to like seem like she has this information that she doesn't because it would falsify a closeness uh-huh yeah oh that's such a good point that's such a thing too with people who like don't have secure attachments they'll like like try to make it seem like they're closer than they actually are yeah okay we have this comment from someone so someone comments on the post and says wait do we have the same mother-in-law?

2:01:22Mine used our wedding photos to announce her other son and daughter-in-law's pregnancy after she had already announced it at a private, intimate dinner with less than 10 people for my husband's birthday. And OP responded and goes, my mother-in-law posted our wedding photos to announce it on socials and spelled my name wrong. Are you kidding me? Her in-laws suck. Yeah. It's like, OK, you really actually hardly know these people. And it's crazy that they they should feel lucky to even gotten the invite to the 14 person intimate wedding. like this was your one chance to just be normal and act well and you could have been a part of this beautiful moment and maybe invited to the future things but you sort of just solidified that you're not going to be in the future yeah there's comments from op being like mother-in-law was already kind of low contact like apparently when this is a quote there's been a rule since before i was in the picture that you don't tell mother-in-law anything she doesn't need to know.

2:02:30She's notorious for manipulating and weaponizing it. That rule now applies to stepmother-in-law too. Luckily, we only talk to her once a year at Christmas. Wait, so both of their in-laws from completely different sides of the family are like this? So I think it's OP's writing in. It's her mother-in-law. So husband's bio mom and then husband's stepmom. Okay. Stepmother-in-law. So his dad has a type. Crazy. But something like that. I mean, both of them are just a little unhinged. But this comment is kind of interesting. And someone was like, how did your brother-in-law and sister-in-law react? And OP goes, they reacted somewhere between mortified and shocked.

2:03:17They're private people who didn't want the attention at all. Nor do I think they wanted to make a scene. That's probably why it took so long to find out they weren't actually married. They didn't set the record straight until a few weeks later at a family gathering. That's crazy, actually. I asked when is their official anniversary so I can put it on the calendar. Only then to be told stepmother-in-law was full of shit. Wait, that's weird. That's not okay. Why wouldn't they just be like, but I'm just confused that they wouldn't just be like, oh, that's not true. It feels like they were just like so in shock.

2:03:52They were like silent the whole time, I guess. I don't know. it feels weird that they wouldn't correct it in the moment and just be like be like even to the bride yeah like even to the bride and groom yeah like are you like that's so shy if they're not i don't know that doesn't feel like op doesn't seem like they're interpreting any negative like intentions from that yeah but just wouldn't you just so quickly correct that and be like oh no like I would this day isn't about us we actually didn't even get married these are just rings that we liked that easy shutting it down that's how easy it is yeah because because now this is like it kind of lets it balloon into a bigger thing because it looks real yeah oh they did get married yeah stepmother-in-law was telling the truth and then like all of the like parents were upset about it and like not being told and it's very confusing I do not like I'm so confused by this family.

2:04:47This family's weird. I actually, and now I'm even more confused that they would do an intimate 14 person wedding because it's like, I would want some normal people around the town. Literally. Literally, give me some other people that aren't my family members because they do not know how to act normal. We're my friends. I need my friends. I need some sanity here. Yeah, 14 people is literally just like immediate family. Yeah. Unless. With like siblings and stuff. Yeah. Really. unless you're like really, really small family. But I'm like our bachelorette trip had more than 14 people. Like we had 18 and we had people missing still.

2:05:26Yeah. And thank God for it. Damn. That's so crazy. Wow. Well, good luck, OP. We don't have an official update or anything, but yeah, that's wild. Not finding out until three weeks later that that was actually not even true to begin with. It's like you're almost to the point where you're done talking about this with your partner and then you get now bad news and it's like sort of starts up the conversation again of like, and it wasn't even true. It's so weird. I'm actually, I don't know what I'm more mad about. I actually think I'm more mad at them not correcting it in the moment. Yeah. Because what you said was perfect.

2:06:04It was so like, it was two, three sentences, short, sweet, to the point. Let's have a good time. Yeah. Like what? I know. And like, this is your family. It's like, I don't know. I'm like, I'm really perplexed, like really, really perplexed. Is there anyone out there who would also like let us know if you out there would be like, yeah, I also wouldn't say anything because it just doesn't feel like that helped at all because it felt like this being a revelation is what caused the drama. This episode is brought to you by Nintendo. Everyone's version of me time is a little different. That's why the Nintendo Switch 2 system is so fun.

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2:07:21That's the calm of having Intuit Credit Karma in your corner. If you're trying to get your life together in this crazy world, Credit Karma is a great place to start with the money stuff. Your credit score isn't just a number. It can unlock better rates, more options, and real savings. So whether you're moving, leasing a car or upgrading your cards, it feels good knowing your credit is working for you. When you start to feel like there's too much on your plate, you can count on credit karma for less craziness and more credit. Love it. Yeah, I think so. I'm like sitting here just like stewing. I'm like very, very confused.

2:07:59Okay, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is titled, my 30 female husband, 33 male, accused me of murder out of the blue. How do I salvage this? Well, that is a big jump from the last story. This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My 30 female husband, Luke, 33 male, had a sister, Laura, 29 female. We were all close and saw each other two to three times a month along with their parents. Almost six months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident. There's a window on the half landing and she hit her head on the sill. I was the last person to see her.

2:08:46I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pajamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink and I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more. My husband and I have only been married for a year, but we've been together for four and have known each other for 20 plus. When Laura's parents found her, they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family. And the days after, Luke started quizzing me exactly what we had talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing, etc.

2:09:23It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information on tiny details he was deliberately misunderstanding and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pajamas she was wearing. This escalated quickly but lasted for less than a week as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as grief. His behavior was generally that of a normal grieving person. Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her in front of his parents. Out of the blue, we were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death.

2:10:12He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it. He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura. I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about. I've never looked at his phone and that I went over to confront her and things, quote, got out of hand and I pushed her downstairs. By the end, he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear. Laura and I had a great relationship. We all did. I have no idea where this has come from other than these messages I haven't seen.

2:10:53And even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous. Well, he thinks it's an accidental murder. Like heat of the moment? Yeah, like he thinks that things got out of control, like they were fighting and like they pushed on accident, like not like she meant to murder. I think that's what he's getting at. Like, I wonder what he said about her because clearly he said some crazy stuff that would make him allude to that. I want to know what's in those messages. Yeah. He's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all.

2:11:30And I've had some contact with his mom, but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either. I'm still completely stunned, and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him, always, and I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways, but a part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer, and I don't know how we could possibly work through this. I also really don't want to be thought of in this way, and I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't.

2:12:06A brain tumor or psychotic break has crossed my mind, and I suggested it to his mother, and she just said that she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously, he's been grieving, but he seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad. Does anyone have any advice at all yeah this is a little bit of a unique one i feel like he said something so awful to laura that that that's what made sense to him especially since it was like a brief interaction like she was like oh i just stopped by for coffee or whatever she said i feel like he said some nasty things in the messages maybe laura did too i don't or unless there's something else like a psychotic break going on but if he's within his right mind as right as you can be while you're going through grief um then i think that he feels like he said something really i don't know there's something there yeah there is something there or you don't jump to that conclusion yeah and i'm like what could it have been well and that's why it's in his mind he's jumping there because he's fabricating it from that worry of oh she saw this and then that's the next logical thing, which those thoughts aren't paired well with what he's going through.

2:13:31I mean, you have these things definitely building upon one another into a vicious cycle. It's actually just kind of a nightmare from OP's perspective, because being accused of a serious crime that you, you know, obviously, as far as we're reading here, you know, given the context of everything, we're assuming obviously that you didn't in that sense it's an absolute nightmare and i almost go into self-protect mode where i'm like oh hell no i i had nothing to do with this i'm getting all my ducks in a row i'm figuring out if like i don't know not if there's cameras but i'm i'm getting i'm getting all of my legal stuff together because he's getting to a point of where he wants to go to the police he's threatening this it sounds like uk inquest or something it could turn so serious so quickly he's gonna go report it i know but and imagine end up then like we are so deep into the true crime space right now oh my god how many people are wrongly questioning and and pressured to ultimately yeah like they get brainwashed into admitting to crimes they had nothing like it goes down such a dark spiral okay you guys so i actually had a case it's known as the staircase essentially this woman died and apparently it looked initially like she had fallen down the stairs and died by falling down the stairs and then they start looking at like the husband and like all of the evidence for the case kind of like was suspicious and like she had been bleeding for hours and like was it was this whole thing I'm gonna link the episode if you guys want to watch it but essentially the husband gets convicted of her murder and I think a big part of it was because he was also looking really suspicious because a friend of his had died years prior interesting by also falling down the stairs and so people were like to have one but two people die by falling down the stairs and he had adopted her daughters he had been seen leaving her house late that night running away from her house and so people were like there's no way he didn't murder his wife like this is weird his defense team ends up finding evidence though and they find owl feathers in the wounds on her head and pine needles and so people conclude that as she was walking into the house from where they were drinking wine outside that an owl had attacked her and he sat outside for hours after looking at the stars drinking the rest of the wine and so he didn't discover her so she bled out and so which do you believe where does the evidence point but he was convicted there's a documentary about it now i think literally called the staircase and it's the craziest so what happened well i don't want to give the spoilers but um i'll link the episode for those that want to know wow makes you want to wear just a body cam 24 7 literally honestly no i've actually a constant alibi you guys keep on saying things like that i've been thinking of like literally either like today or like the day before but like they're not like they don't fully make loosely connected yeah but like i was literally just thinking that today like everyone records everything and everyone it's like almost to the point where if somebody says something these days and they don't have evidence then I don't believe it because everyone has evidence or like it's not that I like think they're a liar I'm just kind of like yeah like sure yeah and like turned ourselves into like this surveillance like state with how much we record and it's like who can record quicker how can you make the camera footage look and then you hear the other side and you're like holy shit that's crazy I think about that too and like that's where I think we're police officers like if I was an officer I'd want to wear my body cam on at all times right i don't want someone to be like oh this shitty cop like i can't really want to wear my body cam sorry i i just i totally i just can't believe they act the way that they do sometimes with the body cam i don't know it's crazy that's why we need more good cops we need more good cops in the world some of them are goofy yeah some people some people in life are goofy and it's not it's not any job specifically maybe but like i'm just like oh my god people just fucking get it together like where are we at in the world why are we still doing what we're doing all over the world like why do we have a fucking like genocide going on i'm like why why yeah we were talking about this with like all 102 there's not like there's not like one profession or one religion or one like country that is good or bad like it is really it's like an people are people and there's good people and then there's bad people or if you want to say people who do bad things whatever but like you're getting fancy with that language but i just i think that we all just get so like hung up on looking and thinking yeah sides and thinking all these people are bad and pointing fingers and that's why like creating in groups and out groups are so powerful for control for sure and that's why you see that in the history of a lot of people who have been dictators or want to be dictators where am i going with this let's move on yeah okay um so top comment on this one Mm-hmm.

2:18:57Fuck no. You don't salvage this. You get a lawyer and get the fuck out. Best case scenario, he has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be, and they're all bad. How did the parents react when he did this? Someone responds back to that. and it is his guilt slash fear of discovery of whatever is in those messages that is causing him to make these accusations using anger as a defense mechanism someone responds back to the first comment like about the messages yeah what do you think the messages entailed someone responds incest question mark question mark question mark god i don't know i can't think of a single other thing it could be the two of them insulting her wouldn't be enough honestly them being incestuous kind of explains everything yeah or that would actually make so yeah no mine didn't mine didn't i'm surprised we didn't because i we've had a lot of incest stories in the past and like i i didn't even consider that either i thought it would be like him like them just talking shit and laura being like, you should divorce her.

2:20:15I hate her actually. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. See, I kind of gaslit myself out of that, I guess. Because I was like, for a second, I was like, they're sleeping together. And I was like, no, get that thought out of there. That's not it. But is he this afraid that the messages come out in some investigation about her death? Because otherwise, why mention it in the first place? Why even put that out there? Because if he is trying to convict her of murder to hide whatever's in those messages, why even make that such a focal point? Because the second we all heard that, we're like, oh my God, the messages, that's the key to everything.

2:20:54And the messages would come out in court. Her defense team would subpoena those messages, they would come out in court. Yes. So it's like, yeah, that's a really good point because it's like, if you don't want those messages to come out, but you think your wife killed your sister over the messages and you're gonna go accuse her and have the inquiry overturned, You just made a surefire way to get the messages out there. You don't actually think she killed her. But let's say that he is just in love with his sister, so he's not thinking smart about this. He's thinking emotionally. Is that true? Passionately.

2:21:28Passionately. Yeah. If he was in love with his sister, then knee-jerk reaction. He's just going to be full of anger and hate that she's now gone, and he thinks that his wife took her from him. Yeah. Okay. I'm just like I'm sitting here I'm just like holy shit I'm reeling we do have a couple comments I see from OP in this thread OP has since deleted their account post still stands but like there is an edit here that I wasn't going to read but like it's not really context but it is it has come to my attention that I accidentally used Laura's real name once in this post can I kindly ask that anyone who commented who is blank real name delete their comment as I really don't want this to bleed in my real life for obvious reasons.

2:22:11But OP responds to the top comment that kind of asks, like, how did his parents respond? When he first laid out the accusation at his parents' house, both his mother and I just kept asking him about the messages. And all he would say was that I know exactly what messages he was talking about. Oh my God. She was as stunned as me. And his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about. He's a man of few words, but there was plenty of head shaking. The whole thing was surreal. no one knew how to react. I honestly don't know what kind of lawyer I would even speak to about this. From what I'm aware, the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death.

2:22:50I don't think I'm quite ready for divorce. We haven't spoken since his accusation and I walked out about five minutes after he threw it out and I have no idea what his frame of mind is. And someone goes, you want to live with a person that thinks you're a murderer? There's not really coming back from that, especially when he thinks he has this evidence. This isn't some kind of accident or grief. Even if tomorrow he says, quote, sorry, you're not a murderer. There's no going back. The trust is gone. You need to worry about yourself. Speak to a divorce lawyer. You don't need to sign yet, but you should start planning an exit strategy.

2:23:28OP responds, unfortunately, I think that's where I am. For the past week, I've been telling myself I'm going to get a call saying he's been detained for mental health reasons, but nothing is happening and my patience is wearing thin with the silence. There would have to be an extremely good reason for me to stay after this, to the point that I'm even quietly hoping for a brain tumor over a mental break because that comes with solid proof that these aren't his own thoughts and feelings. I am clutching at straws. I have a really hot take. let's go. And this is probably because I just finished a murder mystery series, um, that I talked about on father knows and, um, and blamed Morgan for all of my stuff becoming more murder mystery because of starting clues.

2:24:22Wouldn't it be crazy if OP did find the messages they were having an affair and op did kill the sister but she wrote this reddit post and accidentally mentioned the sister's real name in the post and then said i don't want this to get back to me for obvious reasons as a cover-up and she actually did it okay so do you want to know what op's username is because someone does respond to one more comment i'm going to read from op okay but someone does respond and the username before op deleted their account it was username slash throwaway not a killer if i was gonna pick a throwaway name for a post like this it wouldn't be that i mean was like butterflies and ladybugs like just something so irrelevant but like to be like throwaway not a killer like girl that's that's just it feels aggressive when you're trying to prove your it not that she has her innocence to prove but i'm like god damn like okay okay is the sister's bedroom downstairs did she physically have to go downstairs to like go to bed at this time i was envisioning is there a reason to go downstairs i guess downstairs would make sense if there was a windowsill above like i'm just saying does it does it make sense to go downstairs that's one thought and be regardless of who did this who's innocent whatever whatever it would haunt me forever if I was a person in this situation or honestly hearing it right now what are the damn messages yeah I know OP does have a comment here I'm absolutely desperate to see these messages because I'm right there with you on the sheer wackiness of what they have to contain it hadn't occurred to me that they might still exist I've never known him to lie but I do think mental health issues a real possibility his relationship with his sister didn't seem odd and I've never been interested in his phone, but he's never been defensive about it either.

2:26:21So I think you might be right. If it had such incriminating messages, I'd probably be worried about them before now. And someone goes, does he have an old iPad that was linked to his phone? Just thinking that if he did, you might be able to find out whether or not there are any messages. OP goes, you're a genius. It's not signed in his messages. I was so excited. OP goes, I have his iCloud password. It has a backup from yesterday. I have no idea how to turn this into something I can actually use. It doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone, which I don't want to do.

2:26:55Does anyone know how to actually get these messages from this? Sorry to throw a tech support request in. I can't believe I didn't think of this. Huge thanks to the person who suggested it. Someone goes, whatever you do, do it quickly and quietly. Be aware that his device will likely get a notification about a new device signing in using his credentials. Someone goes, you should be able to erase the contents of the ipad and then put it in his iCloud password to restore it from backup yesterday then just click on the messages and it should have whatever was backed up opi goes thank you whoa not seeing any responses that's it holy crap also just to be clear because this is somebody's real life and i do think that this is like honestly i'm all i'm getting is real from this if it's too crazy no I and that my point is is like I'm OP like if you are listening I do not think that you murdered your husband's sister this is just kind of crazy like Morgan doesn't normally give me stories like this and I literally just finished like a murder mystery series yesterday it's all like being like really like on the nose for you right now yeah well and it's just one of those things where the entire time I was watching the series I'm like who did it and then like part of me was like is it the person who seems the least likely like is it you know what I mean so um that's like why I said that I don't actually think that if you are listening just so you know I mean you can't prove one way or the other really no it's true I don't know you but your writing sounds like you're innocent I know and like there's one last comment I thought that was gonna be the last one I read but like this is actually the last one because I'm not seeing as I scroll I'm not seeing other like comments from op because username's deleted but you still see deleted op after it with some sometimes reddit doesn't and sometimes reddit doesn't it's so weird but there's one other one that's just like basically her saying i'm really scared of the prospect of him telling other people about this and i feel like as time passes the chances increase for sure i don't know whether i should get ahead of it or even how i'd approach that he's intelligent successful and has plenty of friends i've never known him to lie about anything and I feel like this accusation could follow me around my entire life.

2:29:02I've asked his mother for an update and she hasn't gotten back to me. She left my last message for two days too and was quite dismissive when I tried to broach the issue of a psychotic break. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I genuinely think based on that, his parents do believe him. Damn. Like if the mom's cutting you off and there's no mention of mental health, there's no mention of anything like I, unless the family's like tight-lipped, we don't want to embarrass him. Mental health is not talked about. We're going to hide this. Then maybe, but also at the same time, like this is her husband.

2:29:39They're married. Like this is extremely odd. My mom would be, my mom would just not want to get the word out. No, not even that. I just think my mom would respond the same way, not because she thinks that that person's guilty or believes her son, but just because she's just trying to deal with what's right in front of her. The kid gloves too. Yeah. I don't know how to handle this. I'm not going to say anything. So it's like almost like the partner that's, your son is spiraling over is like the last of your, not the last of your worries. She just lost a child. I mean, like. Well, that too. Yeah.

2:30:14And then you have like your son accusing his wife of killing her. It's like, where the, where, what? Yeah. That's probably the last of our worries to get back to MP. That's so true. Yeah. that's so true this is insane yeah OP has since deleted the account I mean people are in the comments like please update us we want to make sure you're safe people are worried that he's going to turn around and kill her based on like all of his behavior like people are very very scared but yeah we don't have an update and I don't know obviously OP can't undelete the account so it would have to be coming from a new account just being like I wrote this post and hopefully then someday we would happen to come across it.

2:30:54And you just have to hope that that person's not faking it. Well, that's unsettling. That is unsettling. I really wish we had a little more closure. I feel very unresolved. I'm more so unresolved because it seems like she was able to get into iCloud stuff. And then it's like, after that, we have no comments. So I'm like, fuck. Like, what's in the box? iCloud. Thank you. Okay. Okay, so again, the title was my 30 female husband, 33 male accused me of murder out of the blue. How do I salvage this? And this was on August 2nd bonus episode for the month. And basically, this guy accused his wife of murdering his sister, went kind of off the walls and was like, I know you did it.

2:31:43You saw our text messages. OP ended up getting into the iCloud. And that's where the updates ended for us. All we knew is she got into the iCloud, but like we didn't know what she found. Yeah, it was maddening. And then there's another update. None of the Boru accounts like that I had, like the write-ups on it had it. Someone on Patreon sent it to me. So here we go. Firstly, thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's iCloud backups through an old iPad. I wasn't expecting much from Reddit, but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked, and I appreciate it. There were no crazy or even suspicious messages.

2:32:23I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years. I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting, but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats. Nothing to suggest he was cheating. absolutely nothing to suggest incest. I repeat, no incest. No weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit. Just siblings making plans, sending memes, and gossiping. They said unexpectedly horrible stuff about a few people, but not me. It was sort of a relief, but it raised more questions than it answered. I sought legal advice, also from Reddit, after posting here.

2:33:12Turns out my options are divorce him or sit down. I contacted my community mental health team who said they'd reach out but made it clear it wasn't urgent. I then called his mom and said if I didn't hear from him by this weekend, I would get a solicitor and ask for a mental health assessment as a part of the divorce. In response, he made a ridiculous post to Facebook which neither of us have used in years and everything blew up. I'm going to try to keep this succinct. On Friday night, he made a long accusation on Facebook with new information. He said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support and I found the messages and murdered her.

2:33:55The coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops talking about it. It was well written and seemed vaguely plausible. He messaged people links so it got some attention. We live in our hometown and have a large circle of friends because we've lived here all our lives. People I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me asking me what the fuck was going on. It was madness. In response, I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura, also to Facebook, when I finally got back in. I linked the chat along with a post explaining my side and noting that I had changed my ex's iCloud and Apple passwords and that if he wanted them back, he should comment on my post and update his own, admitting that he was lying.

2:34:46He eventually did. When I started getting messages about his post, I panicked and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access. When I spoke to him the next morning, it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all, but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie. As soon as he was outed, he called me, clearly drunk, begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post. I hung up and told him to call back the next day. He did, after many missed calls and texts, and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health again until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation.

2:35:28It's hard to describe, but it seemed fake. It was too well rehearsed, and then this morning, when it was clear he was getting nowhere, he blocked me. Begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders that doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling. The question of why he did all of this remains unanswered, and he will not be getting his passwords until it is. The legal advice subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal, but it's beneath a court to take action. So I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time, and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him.

2:36:11I'm desperate, and it's all I've got. So there we are. The relationship I have believed was pure destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty, convoluted, and vindictive bullshit played out on social media for reasons still unknown. My hope for a brain tumor is fading, and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this. I am mortified. I have no idea whether some people might believe him, and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place. Sorry I don't have a happier update and thanks once again to everyone who offered advice. I just wish there was more of an update on that one because now it's almost makes it even more of a cliffhanger and more confusing now that she's starting to rule out it being like a mental break.

2:37:03I started thinking was was he there arguing with his sister about her and then she fell when they were arguing and then And he started deciding that it was her fault because he was arguing about her. Like, where did he get this from? If he's not having a mental break, then where did he get this from? So, top comment on the update. I cannot think of a larger monster than a man willing to accuse someone of murdering his sister publicly, might I add, to feign justification in a divorce. I'm so sorry this happened to you and that you do not know this person. You have many blessings from me. Next comment down.

2:37:46The fact that he went nuclear with the Facebook allegation immediately after she mentioned divorce would support the theory that he wanted a divorce, but without the fault being on him. Imagine being so callous and stupid to do something like that. Not only to accuse someone of murder, but to use your sister's death to your advantage? This is insane. Poor OP. I haven't even understood it since we first went through it. Yeah. It's not even like a what's in the box. Where you're just dying to know. It's just gotten so confusing that I don't even know what to think. I don't necessarily need another update.

2:38:30I mean, it'd be great, but it's just like if we keep going down this same path, It's just going to get more confusing. And just the motive, there is none. I don't even know how you have a trial on this. It'd be such a crazy mess. I know. But I just, yeah, I can't think of, I can't wrap my head around any part of it. And it's scary because just simply getting, and this is what we talked about, just simply getting accused. I mean, think how many people wrongfully are out there serving sentences that didn't do anything. I know. And that, what, I mean, honestly, what's scarier than that? Getting convicted of a murder that you had nothing to do with and somehow you get framed?

2:39:19I mean, I think it's just like that's super scary, but it's also like having your partner, someone you're married to, are in love with, have been with for years, you think you know them, all of a sudden wakes up, accuses you of murder, doesn't talk to you, goes crazy on Facebook. Like, is he maybe having an affair and he saw this as an easy way out? Dude, you can't be that big of a coward. That isn't the easy way out, though. It puts such a big spotlight on everything. Yeah, I know. That's why it doesn't make sense. Any way that we spin it, it just doesn't quite add up. Okay, if you want more of that, I'll see you over on Patreon.

2:39:59Other than that, until next time, bye!

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